Hi, everyone, Welcome back to the podcast episode. My name is Alicia
Gogin, the host of the Globe Secrets podcast, where I help you expand
your mind and become more self aware so that you can glow up into the
best version of yourself. Guys, I am back in my office. How
are we doing. I'm so glad to be back. And I know if
you're listening on Spotify or Apple then you won't know. But I am inside
my office and listen. I told you guys when I left, we're gonna
be working on this corner here. We're going to be doing that. We're
gonna be putting that on the list to work towards something, to get something.
I don't know during August, okay, but I am super happy to
be back. If you guys did not know, I was in Calgary,
I went to the Calgary Stampede. Had an amazing time. I stayed probably
like technically almost two weeks after the Stampede, or like a week and a
half. It was great. I did get sick though, basically in the
middle of the Stampede week me and all my friends did so unfortunately, and
then it just I literally am only now just getting better I haven't been sick
for that long. But I understand why I was sick because honestly, like
I was out of my routine. I wasn't sleeping the best I had party,
Like, I can't even be mad at my body for not being well.
But with that, I wasn't able to do as much as I kind
of wanted to. I was there with somebody who's very special in my life,
but we didn't even get to do as much as I wanted to because
I wasn't feeling good. And you know, he had his own things that
he was doing because he actually lives in Calgary. So yeah, I just
I still had a great time though, Like I did try to go to
coffee shops. I did try and walk around a lot. I wanted to
go see the mountains. I wanted to do a lot more things. But
you know what, we can go back. Okay, we can totally go
back. I went to a football game, which was really fun. I
haven't actually been I don't think I've ever been to a football game. We'll
actually know that to lie. My dad used to play football a long time
ago viously when he was alive, when I was like really really young,
and I would go and watch. But I've never really been to football game
like this, so it was really fun. I'm super happy that I had
my Coastal calgro summer. And now, guys, I have a new listen.
I have a new phase right now that I'm going through, and it
is the Summer I Turn Pretty Summer. Okay, I have been watching,
well, I watched all of season one of The Summer I Turn Pretty,
and I'm a season two. A lot of you guys have asked me to
talk about it and maybe like do a review. It's not going to be
in this episode because I want to finish season two, but I have lots
of thoughts and one thing I will say about the Summer I Turn Pretty is
I didn't realize how much I resonated with the actual title of the Summer I
Turned Pretty. There was a moment in time in my life where I basically
turned a pretty. I basically became the girl that I was trying to work
towards for so long. And some of the first episodes of this season,
when people start recognizing her beauty and being like, Wow, she's so beautiful,
or her parents are realizing how the girl she's growing up and just like
all of these things and all the attentions that you start to get when you
kind of grow into your own I really experienced that, and it was interesting
to kind of like see that and be like, WHOA, that was a
phase in my life that happened to me. And I think that I've talked
about this before. Actually I made a YouTube video a long time ago,
and I was talking about how to stop seeking external validation. And I remember
the time when I used to be on Instagram and I would post photos and
I just wanted guys to like my photos and I just wanted attention. And
you know, like I started really becoming a very pretty girl, and I
started getting a lot of attention from guys who never really gave me attention when
I wasn't let's say, super pretty. I think I actually was always pretty,
but I just didn't believe it. And then I just, you know,
you have that weird phase that you go through. And it's interesting because
I think when you're younger, all you want is to be pretty and hot
and everyone like you. And then when I got that, I really lies
that the attention that I was getting from the people who were giving me that
praise half the time, or majority of the time, it wasn't even the
right attention. Of course, I get people who say that I'm pretty now,
but even they used to say that I was pretty when I was younger,
and there was no ill intention, but I just realized that I was
chasing the want and need to be pretty and perfect and hot and all these
things from people who just like weren't even healthy for me anyways, And so
it just brought me back into a time of graduating high school, like into
college. College. I would say the college is when the Summer I turned
pretty type of vibe I went through. But anyways, that is as total
side note, but I just love the aesthetic. This is another thing I
guess I want to go on a rant. Guys. Sorry by the way,
if you guys don't like rants, but you know it's the podcast.
But the Summer I Turned Pretty esthetic really just vibes with me because I remember
when I used to be super obsessed with Tumbler. I was a tumbler girly,
okay, And the type of blog I had when I was younger and
on Tumbler was all about the beach, like the beach life, like living
in a bikini, like going to the water, like long hair, tan
skin, all that kind of stuff. And although the Summer I turned Pretty
Aesthetic is not necessarily just about the beach, but it's like a beach house,
like everything happens in summer, like summer vibes. I was always so
obsessed with summer when I was younger in high school, I always worked towards
having like a bikini body, which is also not a good thing, by
the way, but I'm just saying like I was super obsessed with wanting to
just be like super pretty and hot and fun and summer and just in general,
summer is always so like super fun. So I just remember having a
Tumbler page and I was just so obsessed with summer, and so the summer
I turned Pretty Aesthetic just reminds me again of like how I used to be
super obsessed with summer back in the day, and I'm loving it, and
I'll go on Pinterest and I'll just scroll and just like look at all those
photos and it just just like, partly it's nostalgic, but partly like it
wasn't healthy the way that I was super obsessed with summer, because it was
a lot of I had a lot of like low self worth and confident issues
around that. I didn't really actually experience having a good summer back then,
because I only felt like I was ready for summer if I had a summer
body, or if I was confident, or if I was pretty, and
I never felt like I did. And honestly, guys, my book that
will probably be coming out in January twenty twenty four, I start my book
talking about my tumbler, my low self worth, trying to constantly change myself
for summer, Like this is going to be heavily in my book, by
the way. But I really love the esthetic and because it's always just been
a part of me, Like I've always really love summer. So I feel
like now that we've graduated from the coastal Calgo summer, we are done with
that for now. We might go back to it, because you guys know,
I really like I like low key want to be like a Texan,
like I want to be like this western like housewife. I don't know it's
an issue, but it's not really. I feel like now I'm just gonna
have a summer I turn pretty summer, meaning I want to be reading more,
I want to go to the beach more. I want to really just
enjoy summer more. I think one thing that I kind of am realizing was
it's not that I haven't been grateful for the things that I have in my
life, but I think when I was working towards booking my trip to Calgary
and like focusing on the Stampede and coastal Calgary on this that I kind of
fell back on my love for my place that I have here now and living
in Toronto and just all of the great things that I have in my life.
And I feel like now that I'm back, I just really want to
soak up summer and just like what I have right now, and like,
I am super grateful and blessed. I've worked hard for what I have right
now. I live very close to the water, and I have so much
freedom to be able to go and like read and by the water in journal
and do all of these fun summer return pretty things, So like why am
I not doing that? And so That's where I'm at right now. So
I'm going to have a summer return pretty summer, which I think I've said
that probably eight thousand million times. I do recommend the show. They also
obviously have a book. I have not read the book, but I don't
know. I got a kindle, guys, I have been obsessed with book
tube, Okay, recently I have been watching her name is Sarah Corrielle or
Cornell. I actually don't know, and I don't really want to pull up
my phone right now, but I've been really liking her book tube videos and
all the other girlies in that category. I had asked you guys on Instagram
who your favorite book tube or like book TikTokers are, and you guys give
me loads of people, so I still need to go. Look. That
is something I fell into a deep dark hole while I was in Calgary and
I was in bed basically very sick. So now I've been influenced to get
a kindle. Actually I really did think about getting a kindle before I even
left, but I did get one. I got the Kindle paper white Kindle.
I don't know. I will have it linked in my Amazon And I've
already been starting to read a book. It's about anxious attachment styles. But
I do want to get like other books outside, just like self development.
But I just started reading that today because I just wanted to read something and
it was on my Kindle Limited and it's amazing. I'm already obsessed with it.
I already love the fact that it's just like a small little thing and
it's like one little screen and the lighting and you just don't have to hold
a physical book and you have to flit the pages and if you want to
move, I don't know. It's great, So I would recommend and I
feel like that is going to help the plot of my summer. I turn
pretty summer because like having a kindle, like why not? So yeah,
we love that. Also, if you're watching on YouTube, this shirt is
definitely my favorite shirt from the summer. It is. It's from Urban Outfitters.
It is the most comfortable shirt I've ever had, like I've ever had,
I swear. I will have that on my light to know it as
well. If you guys are ever interested in anything that I wear, any
makeup products like my favorite makeup products, any like book recommendations and stuff,
I will have everything on my Life to know at page which is always linked
in my descriptions and everywhere you can find anything. And my book recommendations are
on Amazon, which I'll also have as well. So anyways, that was
some updates. I have probably a million more. But while I was in
Calgary, I was thinking, what should I have next week's podcast episode be
about. We finished the summer glow Up series if You're New Year. We
did a seven part series. You can go back and watch and listen and
do all the things. It was great and inspired me to do a lot
more series coming in the future. But I was scrolling on Pinterest, and
I love Pinterest because it just really sparks simple ideas for me. I see
like one quote and I'm like, oh my gosh, this is connected to
this and this and this is what I'm going through, and oh my gosh,
let me make a script and this is a podcast episode. By the
way, if you guys ever asked, or if you ever wonder how I
come up with podcast episodes from so many things, like things that are going
on in my life, something that somebody said and it just clicked in my
head and it just made my brain go like haywire and I'm like, oh
my gosh, I canna make a whole episode about this. I get so
many ideas from you guys when you guys ask questions. But like I said,
while I was in Calgary, there was definitely things that I was experiencing
like it wasn't. This is what happens to me a little bit of a
tangent, but not really because it connects to this. I don't just experience
life in the moment and in the present, which is an amazing thing to
do, and I need to actually learn how to do more of it.
I've always been the person that's always been in my head. I don't just
experience life, though, I learn from life. So I'm experiencing life and
I'm in the moment, but I'm always learning a lesson. I'm always observing
things. I'm always finding wisdom out of things, whether it's in the moment
or not. There's always lessons that I'm learning. Sometimes I literally hate it,
like sometimes, like I even told my friend this while I was in
Calgary. I was like, I just want to be done learning lessons sometimes
and I just want to have what I want to have. But that's a
whole tangent, and it's a victim mentality and like a lemiting belief, da
da da, But whatever, I learned a lot of things, and I
compiled a little bit of a list. I think there's like four or five
things which I'll probably have in the title, but there are things that I've
realized that I needed to let go. And I just think like some of
the questions that you guys have been asking me and just things that I've been
seeing online and just like in my reality, I think that this would be
really good advice for you guys and even for me to hear always, and
I think that we need to talk about it. So I came up with
a list of things that you need to let go of today, and I
think that you can come back to this list whenever you are feeling down,
or whenever you feel like you're spiraling, or whenever you feel like life is
not going your way. So the first thing that I think that you need
to let go of today is the rejection state. So when you perceive something
to not work out in your favor and highlighting the word perceive because it's really
your perception. But when things don't work out in your life, you tend
to move into a lower state of being, of being in an energy state,
a feeling state, whatever, and that is usually a state of unworthiness,
of self doubt, of fear. And the more that you feel like
this, of course you're going to continue to manifest more things from this state
of being. And it's so understandable that when something doesn't work out in your
life or you know something that you really want, you just see it's like
slipping away or just whatever that you go into this state of feeling like crap
about yourself or you're you know, you're in the fear of like am I
ever going to get what I want? But honestly, being in this lowest
state, being in this rejection state is a choice. And it's really hard
for us to not feel like we are unworthy, or to doubt yourself,
or to be afraid when you perceive something to not be going in your way.
But I want you to start reframing the way that you look at rejection.
And I know it can be really hard, but this is something that
really really helps me. And I've gotten so much better at this. Like
I remember the times when people would be like, rejection is redirection, this
down the third and then you're like, no, no, it's not like
I want this thing so badly. I want this thing so badly. But
honestly, the more you hold on to things that aren't going well in your
life, the more going to stay in that energy state. And the only
way you really are going to get what you want in your life is to
stop focusing on the thing that you don't have right now. And so when
you feel like you are dropping low into that rejection state, you have to
look at rejection as this is getting me closer to what I want in my
life. This is the only thing that is happening right now. Rejection doesn't
mean anything, an emphasis on the anything. It doesn't mean anything other than
I am going to get closer to what I want in my life. And
honestly, think about it. Think about this in relationships. Right when a
relationship seems like it's not working out and it's like slipping out of your hands
and like you know, somebody's walking away from you, or things are not
working out the way that you want, this state of your relationship right now,
guarantee you is not how it first started, right because if it was,
then this wouldn't even be an issue. So there's probably like maybe there's
arguments, or somebody's not showing up the way that you want, or you
know, you're feeling like crap about yourself, or you know this person's mistreating
you or whatever the situation is. So for you to look at let's say
somebody walking away or a breakup or something that's happening that's undesirable as a bad
thing is really the wrong way to look at it, because really you should
be having the opposite of what's happening right now. You should be having a
positive experience with this person. You should be having love and happiness and whatever,
and you're not. So if that means that this needs to be a
breakup, or this needs to be a walking away thing, or like whatever
it is, that is only going to get you what you actually want in
your life, because you staying in this crappy situation right now isn't going to
get you there. If you stay in a relationship with somebody who's not treating
you right, you are never going to actually have the relationship that you really
want. So sometimes it takes the rejection, Sometimes it takes the breakup.
Sometimes it takes something not working out for you in order for you to get
what you actually want. And what I usually find is if it was actually
meant for you right now, meaning you were in your self worth enough that
you were getting exactly what you deserve in your life, there wouldn't be any
rejection, there wouldn't be any loss. So it's in my belief that if
there is loss, if there is rejection, it only just means somewhere,
some way you were keeping small, Somewhere, some way you aren't getting your
needs met. But this is the key when it comes to thinking this way
of thinking, rejection is basically redirection, and rejection really just means that you're
going to get what you want in your life. You're really only going to
get what you want in your life, so like a better relationship or somebody
to show up better in your life, or for you to get that opportunity
or whatever it is that you're really wanting. If you think like this,
if you don't think like this, if you don't look at something not working
out as redirection as a positive outcome, you're not going to get a positive
outcome because you're just going to think, oh no, see I don't get
what I want, and you're going to stay in that low self worth.
You're going to stay in the self doubt. You're going to be sad,
you're gonna be depressed, you're gonna be whatever, and then you're not going
to manifest things from that state, You're not going to be moving from that
energy state of being like things are going to be working out for me,
things are going to change. This that in the third So again to sum
this up, you have the choice to not be in this rejection state.
Being in the rejection state is a choice. At first, Yes, does
it hurt, Yeah, for sure, you can be sad for a bit,
But at the end of the day, you need to do your absolute
best to mentally shift yourself out of this rejection state so that you can get
what you want. And what helps me is when things don't go out in
my life, I simply only literally only tell myself one thing, and that
one thing is I'm going to get what I want. I am only this
much closer to getting what I want. This does not mean I'm not getting
to get what I want, and in fact, I'm actually going to get
what I want out of even higher, better scale because obvious what I was
accepting or what was going on right now wasn't even exactly what I wanted,
because if it was, I wouldn't have lost it. Now. This leads
into the next thing that you need to let go of, which is fixed
thinking. You have to understand that everything is subject to change. And this
is so hard for us to even think about because when we see something happening
in our reality, let's say somebody is saying no to us, somebody is
breaking up with us, somebody's saying they don't want us, somebody is saying
like, you can't have that. Whatever it is. Whatever we see in
our immediate three D reality, we take on as truth, which is understandable,
but there are so many freaking things that play a role into why things
happen or why people do certain things that you can't possibly look at everything and
say it is fixed and nothing's ever going to change. You have to have
a more optimistic mindset when it comes to people, places, and things in
your life, honestly, because if not, then you're going to be back
in that rejection state and you're going to feel like you could never get anything
in your life and you're just gonna limit yourself. This is something I really
really had to change about the way that I looked at the world as well,
because when you look at something and it's a forever no, okay,
well guess what, then you're never going to have what you want in your
life. And we don't want to look at life like that. Understand that
people change, Understand that opportunities change. Understand that literally, there are so
many things happening in the background that you cannot even imagine that are going on
right now that would make it so the universe could bring you what you want.
And I think what can help you with moving from a fixed mindset to
a more optimistic mindset is trying to show yourself ways that you have seen in
your life that things have changed, even when you thought that they weren't going
to change, when somebody said no to you but then they decided to say
yes. When you thought something that wasn't going to work out but then ended
up working out, when you thought that you wanted something and then you realize,
no, actually I want this thing. I think a lot of us
have a very unhealthy relationship with change because we've experienced it so poorly in childhood,
especially if you have anxious attachment styles. And the best thing that I
have done for myself is constantly trying to soothe myself in times of change and
trying to remind myself that, let's say something did change and it wasn't necessarily
in my favor, telling myself in that moment that things are going to be
okay and something is going to change and bringing it back to the rejection state.
This just means that I am going to get something better in my life,
even if it does not feel like that right now, which it won't
right It won't when you naturally when something changes that you thought that you wanted,
or you think that you really want, or you still want right maybe
you still really want that thing and it doesn't seem like it's working out right
there. It feels like the world is falling apart. But it's going to
be up to you to be your own best friend in that moment and remind
yourself like you are still safe even when things seem like it's very chaotic or
you can't understand why something is happening. Being emotionally regulated and you having an
optimistic mindset about something that might not be working out for you right now is
going to help you not only through this time. Because you become your own
best friend and you emotionally regulate yourself and you're there for yourself, you will
start to take action from a very healthy place even when things aren't working out
the best in your life. And what you're really doing in this moment is
you are becoming the change. And when you become the change, the outside
world has nothing else that they can do other than conform to what you are.
But what we usually do is something crappy happens, and we're so sad,
and we wait for the things outside of us to make us feel good
or outside of us to change before we can feel good. But what really
need to do is focus on feeling good first, even when things are tough,
which I know can be hard, but you have to reframe your mind
about what is even happening in the first place. And when you take action
from that place, that is when you become a match to the things that
you really want. And usually when you take action, you take action from
a very high standpoint, and then your standards are raised. You get better
things in your life. You get better relationships, more money, more opportunities,
more clarity of where you're even going in your life. But when you
stay in this rejection state, when you stay in this fixed mindset, you're
really just creating more suffering for yourself. And this leads into the third thing,
which is letting your inner child run the show. So obviously, this
just means we need to let go of letting our inner child run the show.
So when something undesirable happens in your life, what really happens is you
have a part of you that feels abandoned, that feels alone, that feels
sad. You have a part of you that is experienced this feeling in childhood.
And that is why I call it your inner child. It could be
a million different parts whatever, you can call it whatever you want, but
I call it the inner child. And so let's say, let's bring you
back to a breakup because it's kind of really easy because I feel like everyone's
gone through it and they can kind of like resonate with this. You tend
to go an emotional roller coaster when things don't work out in your life or
like something is happening, or let's say you're going through a breakup, like
maybe you're stable for a bit and then all of a sudden, you have
these thoughts and feelings come up of just sadness and abandonment or heartbroken, you
know, all of those crappy feelings that you feel when you're going through something
that is undesirable, And there's usually a big story around it, and you
feel like your life is never going to get better, and you know again
everything that you've had is lost and it's never going to come back again.
That is really your what I like to call your inner child running the show.
It wants to take control and it wants to bring some of the feelings
that it might have felt sometime in childhood or even in your adulthood life.
Like your inner child is always with you, right but your inner child is
the one that's really feeling like she's not good enough, or she's left,
or she's wrong, or she's bad, or she did something. Whatever,
she's looking at, whatever is happening right now in her life, the rejected
thing that's happened, or the negative outcome, she is taking it personally,
and then she again is making you feel abandoned, low self worth, not
worthy enough, whatever it is. And it can be hard, but this
is really about emotionally regulating. And so what I like to do sometimes,
and I've talked about this before, is like you want to kind of take
your inner child's hand and take it off of the roller coaster. When you
go through something that is undesirable, your inner child just wants to go on
this emotional roller coaster wants to go all the way up into all the crazy
emotions, and I wanted to drop back down and up and down again.
Well, you, when you recognize that your inner child is constantly just coming
in your mind and like infiltrating your mind, you want to be like,
listen, little whatever, a little Alicia. I know you feel like this.
I know you feel abandoned right now, but you're not actually abandoned right
now. And quite frankly, what's happening right now just me as you're going
to get what you really want in your life, which is more than what
you got right now from this relationship or this circumstance or whatever it is.
But you need to be the one, the adult self to take your inner
child off that emotional roller coaster. It's not to say that your inner child
can't express how she's feeling like you expressing how you're feeling and feeling sad,
whatever. But at the end of the day, again coming back to what
we really want in our life is to feel happy and whole and fulfilled.
We want to have all of these great outcomes in our lives. We're not
going to get that from being in this emotional state, taking everything so personally,
truly telling ourselves that this is what we are going to get and we're
not going to get anything else. It's not good. We don't need to
be there. And so what I like to really tell myself is when my
inner child is, you know, coming online, wanting to go on that
emotional roller coaster, I just really recognize that this is a very young part
of me that honestly just wants to keep me safe, right, just wants
to remind me, like, hey, let's stay in this low self worth
because this is where we were taught to be and we want to always be
right about what we believe about ourselves. So let's just reinforce this feeling.
Because see, like, of course we don't want to let ourselves down again
by saying that we're actually great, We're really going to get told that we're
not. We're really going to get hurt again, so we might as well
just stay in this low state. I really just try to remind myself that,
listen, this is my young self coming up right now. It is
an old belief, it's a limiting belief. It is not the full picture.
I did not come here on earth to feel this sad and to feel
like I'm not pigged, and to feel like I'm not gonna win and love
or have money or have these opportunities. It just doesn't make sense. And
really, again, this is all coming from a place of you once in
your life not getting what you had deserved, most likely in childhood. But
you didn't deserve it then and you don't deserve it now. But it's going
to be up to you to be able to be like, no, we
are not going there. And when we're talking about inner child work, you
have to understand that it's literally like an inn, like a little child within
you. Okay, So if you've ever been around a child, you understand
that you don't just tell the child once that things are going to be okay
and they stop crying, okay, Especially when they're little babies. They cry
and they cry again, and they cry again, and they cry again.
And when you tell them something, they don't even understand what you're saying because
they don't have that logical part of their So you have to really put in
that effort to make that baby feel comfortable and loved. So you need to
constantly be doing that with yourself, and it's weird, right because we look
at ourselves like we're this adult self, or even if you're a teenager watching
this, whatever it is, you still have that part within you. So
you need to address yourself from a very loving and compassionate way. Be there
with yourself, let yourself cry if you need to, but again really being
that adult figure and being that person that you probably once needed when you were
younger, and to be like, listen, this rejection right now is actually
not a bad thing. It's an amazing thing right now. It just means
we're going to get what we want. We need to focus on that.
So again, this is going to be important for you to curate your environment,
Curate the conversations that you're having with people, Curate the things that you're
putting in your brain when you're going online. Like literally like do a whole
intervention for yourself when you are going through something that is very tough right now,
because you're gonna get triggered all the time. But it's going to be
up to you to keep yourself sane. The next thing that you need to
let go of today is prioritizing other people over yourself and furthermore, being upset
when others start to slowly not prioritize you. Everyone is really a reflection of
the way that you treat yourself and what you believe about yourself, and what
you think you can and what you think you cannot have in life. Is
it one hundred percent No, But a lot of the times, in my
personal opinion, everyone's really just reflecting to you what you believe about yourself,
and everyone is really conforming to you based off of how you show up in
your life in relationships. And this has always been so true to me.
When I start to realize that people are not prioritizing me, it's always because
realistically, I've put that spotlight on them. I've actually deprioritized myself. I've
put them all the way up here and I've put myself down here. And
the only reason why I'm feeling like no one is prioritizing me, and I
can feel it in front of my face and I can see it so much,
is because I haven't been prioritizing myself. Because realistically, the only reason
that you are witnessing somebody pulling away so heavily or treating you like crafts so
much, it's because you are hyper focused on them. You do not have
the focus on yourself anymore. You need to bring your tension and your time
and your focus back onto yourself. I don't care if somebody is showing up
or is not right now in your life. Usually it's always when somebody's not
showing up, when somebody's not prioritizing you, or like something is just not
happening in your life. That doesn't have to even be with like other people.
But this can also be if you are in like let's say we're just
gonna bring back relationships, somebody is prioritizing you right now, remind yourself and
ground yourself and realize you don't need to lose yourself and listen. And we
always kind of lose yourselves in relationships a little bit. We obsess about that
personally, we like them a little bit too much, the spotlights on them.
This that in the third, but always bringing that attention back to yourself
and prioritize yourself for two reasons. Now, one of the reasons is not
as important as the other one that we're going to talk about, and one
of them is honestly, because it's my belief that like, the more you
focus on yourself, the more you'll be magnetizing and you'll get what you want
in your life. And you don't need to trace people, and you don't
need to tell people how to show up for you or treat you or whatever.
And so this is more of an external thing. You don't want to
prioritize yourself and love yourself and focus on yourself simply to get other people to
do it for you, because then realistically you're not actually prioritizing yourself. But
I will just say that that's how it works, at least that's my personal
belief, and that's how I see it always work out for me and always
work out for people. But on the flip side, in general, prioritize
yourself for yourself because you're the most important person in your life. You're the
one that you will always be living with, be going to sleep with,
even if you lay with someone else, You're always going to be in your
own head. And listen, do you not want to enjoy your time on
earth? Do you not want to for the most part, be emotionally stable,
insane and happy in your life? If you are not prioritizing yourself and
taking care of yourself and understanding who you are and what you want to be
and what you like to do in this life. You are going to be
miserable and that is going to reflect in your relationships. Okay, and when
that happens, you're gonna be even more miserable. And then you're gonna keep
creating these cycles, and then you're gonna, unfortunately sometimes blame everything else,
and then you're gonna lose your power. You're gonna literally feel disempowered because you
are going to literally create a world where you literally feel like it's everyone else
but yourself. But listen, girly, I love you, but it's you,
it's not them, And I know that can be really hard. And
I'm not saying it's always not somebody else. I'm not trying to deny that
people do show up shitty. But why is somebody's showing up shitty in your
life? Probably because you didn't have expectations or certain boundaries, or simply the
focus was too much on them. And listen, maybe if you continue to
prioritizitize yourself and you love yourself and you're grounded whatever, that person might still
show up shitty. But guess what, because you prioritize yourself, that person
is not going to rock you. That person is not going to shake you.
That person is going to be quite irrelevant. Because if you were standing
in your worth and you were prioritizing yourself so much, this it really like
that person wouldn't even really be that much of an effect. Like, okay,
maybe that would suck when you realize this person is not you know,
on your level or whatever it is, But end of the day, it
wouldn't really be a big deal. Or even when an opportunity like falls through,
it wouldn't really be the end of the deal because you know your worth
and your value and you know there's going to be another opportunity. And you
know, when you have that mindset about rejection is redirection, and you don't
have such a fixed mindset, you're going to be good as freaking gold.
So prioritize yourself always in everything, especially when it comes to relationships, but
honestly, like anything in general, become the main character. And you know,
this is definitely super important for people who are anxiously attached, because when
you're anxiously attached, you do prioritize everyone else and your focus is on everyone
else and not yourself, And it's actually very hard for you to feel safe
and focusing on yourself because you feel like if you do focus on yourself,
then everyone will leave you, and or yeah, basically everyone will leave you,
or like you know, you just don't trust that things are going to
stay in place because you don't have a secure attachment. I would really suggest
you understand deeper about attached with cells if you don't know a lot about them.
I will have links to books down below if you need them. I've
also I have a lot of episodes on just like how to have healthier relationships,
and I think focusing on your nervous system in distressing as well is a
very good start because when you're anxiously attached, your stress like that's just what
it really is too, So I would I'll link an episode if you have
not already listened about how to distress and heal your nervous system and all that
good stuff. But it is going to be the most important work that you
ever do for yourself, especially if you are somebody who is anxiously attached and
you find that you usually are always the one that's putting the spotlight and everyone
else and you're putting other people on a pedestal and you're always worrying and overthinking.
That can't be your state of being. You're not going to get what
you want in your life. And listen, when it comes to relationships,
the worst part about this is, no matter what that person does, even
if they are showing up consistently in your life, if you don't prioritize yourself,
no matter what they do to make you feel safe, you won't actually
feel safe because you aren't healthy in a way. You have this really unhealthy
relationship towards others and yourself, and so the most important work that you can
do in general life is to prioritize and work on yourself. So having your
routines, finding out what works for you, finding out what you really love
to do in this life, taking time for yourself, allowing people to go
if they need to go, being okay with the unknown, being okay,
and changing that relationship you have towards change by redirecting your mindset when it comes
to change and realizing that it's okay that things change and it doesn't always mean
that it's a bad thing, even if it looks like it's a bad thing
right now. Understand there's so many things being in the background that you will
never be able to see. But things will move the way you need them
to move, but you have to have that mindset first. You have to
be that change if you want to see it reflected in your world. The
last thing that you need to let go of today is dwelling in the past
and having regret for the things that you didn't know how to do, or
maybe you did know but you made a mistake, or things that were done
or said you didn't mess up anything. You did not mess up anything.
You need to understand that if you continue to anchor yourself down and the things
that you cannot change anymore, how is it that you are going to get
what it is that you've always wanted? Anyways, I want you to think
about that for a second. It's simple, it's logical, but for some
reason we can't get on board. We're thinking about that. How is it
that you're going to get love, happiness, money, abundance, whatever it
is that you want when you are anchoring yourself down to the past, Understand
the lessons that you need to learn from what it is that happen in the
past and do better. And that is simply it. Forgive yourself for whatever
you did in survival mode. Listen, you might there's going to be different
tiers of you healing from certain things in the past. Of course, So
like obviously you need to decide what work you need to do by going to
therapy or like you know, journaling out things or forgiving or letting go or
whatever it is that you need to do. But at the end of the
day, you can't keep anchoring yourself and things that you cannot change. And
at the end of the day, you are not a perfect human being,
and neither are other people understand that, especially when it comes to relationships.
We always put that person on a pedestal, and we just think that we
made all the mistakes or if I just did this, or if I just
said that, or oh my gosh, if I just was just said dada.
This person is also imperfect as well. This person also has limiting beliefs
as well. People in general are not perfect, okay, And you don't
even know the full picture. And it's quite cute that you want to just
be the one that takes the brunt of the work, and you know,
you want to blame everything on yourself because you're just such a You're honestly a
great person. I love you for that, but you can't do that to
yourself. And in general, it's okay to make mistakes. It's okay to
make mistakes, just learn from them and move on. The more you dwell
and the more you don't just learn the lesson that is when you create more
suffering for yourself. And no one is doing that but yourself. And listen,
for all the things that I've said today, there's a lot of I
don't even want to say, blame on you, right, but I'm sure
you can hear through my words that it's a lot of personal accountability. And
you guys know them about that, and I'm about that because that is the
thing that allows you to be able to change your circumstance in life, because
if not, you will feel like everything is happening to you. And when
you feel like life is happening to you and you have no control over any
outcome in your life, you stay in a very low state. And I
don't want that for you, guys. And I used to live my life
like that and it wasn't a fun place to live, and I created so
many unhealthy circumstances, mindsets, behaviors, relationships, everything out of that until
I realize, no, you know what, I have one life, and
I'm going to believe that I have a lot more control than I think.
And this is how I live my life and I've completely transformed it. And
you guys know, so I hope that some of these things to let go
of today have helped you in some capacity. I know we're all going through
certain things, whether that be relationship issues or you know, opportunities not working
out, or just things in life just feeling like you're stuck alone, not
happy, whatever it is. I hope, even if you are doing great
right now, that this can just kind of reset your mind. I know,
I have to really remind myself of these things and prioritizing myself and you
know, not letting things bring me down even when things are great in my
life, and that is something to be aware of when things are going good
in your life as well. You really do want to maintain these things.
So I'm really excited to continue to bring you guys lots more episodes. I
did ask you guys on the podcast Instagram what you guys wanted to hear from
me moving forward for the next like second half of the summer. I guess
cannot believe it's already August. Okay, wait, by the way, guys,
wait yeah, if you're still listening, I guess we'll quickly talk about
a few other things that I did to Calgary. I saw kid Leroy,
which I love, I love him, And I saw Jack Harlow. Why
did I not open by saying that obviously my crush kind of fell down a
little bit, probably because I have a crush on somebody else. But we
still love Jack Harlow. But listen, do you guys remember you are an
og if you remember, I used to be obsessed with Central C. I
still am obsessed with Central C, I am, but I just, you
know, I just realized that I don't need to be with a hoodman.
Okay, but I still love him. Of course I listen to so much
of his music. I work out to his music all the time. It
is like the music that I listened to when I'm doing my leg days,
which I cannot get cannot wait to go back into the gym. But he's
going to Veld, So I'm going to be at Veld on August fourth.
I don't fourth, sorry, I don't know if I'm gonna go on the
fifth in the sixth I used to be a festival GIRLI where I do three
days or the two days that they had it. I don't know if I
can do all that anymore. But I'm also like downtown whatever We'll see.
Either way, I'm going to He's gonna be performing. Obviously other people are
gonna be performing too at Veld, but a lot of UK rappers are gonna
be performing that day, so I am going to be there. I am
gonna go in saying I literally can't wait. I'm gonna know probably every song.
If you see me, say hi to me. Lots of content,
so make sure to follow me on Instagram. But yeah, lots of content
to come. Thank you so much for letting me know how you liked the
podcast episodes on Spotify. Please let me know. You will see a question
that I pose and you can answer on spot if I like I said.
When it comes to the responses on Instagram, you guys told me will you
guys gave me a lot of different ideas for the podcast episodes. All of
you guys said you wanted more episodes as well. I was considering doing I
don't know though this might be more of a fall to winter thing because the
summer right now, I have so much going on, but doing like a
short episode and then a longer one. A short episode maybe more of a
chit chatty like updates, just chilling type of one, and then maybe one
that's longer that is a more detailed topic. I don't know, we'll see
let me know. I hope you guys enjoyed today's episode and I will see
you guys in the next one. By