WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.760 --> 00:00:13.960 Molly, will you come out and play you Smile Day? And this is 2 00:00:14.000 --> 00:00:23.600 Molly may boas pod another nice stuff with me, Molly take me Yeah, 3 00:00:23.800 --> 00:00:32.159 I hate it, chibb, it's me. I'm I'm Molly may I physically 4 00:00:32.200 --> 00:00:36.280 do this thing when we start the pod when Twilight counts me in, and 5 00:00:36.359 --> 00:00:42.759 I didn't think that it would transfer to when we started recording in our own 6 00:00:42.799 --> 00:00:48.880 homes, but I do. Um, It's like I can't help it. 7 00:00:49.000 --> 00:00:56.560 My arms come up and it's like this stigma to fucking crucifixion pose and I 8 00:00:56.640 --> 00:01:03.159 can't it literally can't start the pose without like my wings completely outstretched. I 9 00:01:03.200 --> 00:01:07.840 don't. I think it's a nervous thing. I don't know, but that's 10 00:01:07.599 --> 00:01:12.040 I want you to know. That's how every episode starts. You can't like 11 00:01:12.159 --> 00:01:18.280 a they like slowly rise up as well as like okay ready it's yeah anyway. 12 00:01:18.879 --> 00:01:25.079 Uh, today's episode is um. It's come to my attention that people 13 00:01:25.159 --> 00:01:29.599 don't know that I know that I'm fat, or that I have a problem 14 00:01:30.359 --> 00:01:34.959 or don't have a problem with the word fat. Um I did. I 15 00:01:34.480 --> 00:01:40.840 used to. So that's that's today's episode. But starting today's A Bit of 16 00:01:40.920 --> 00:01:47.719 Joy is from Instagram handle is joy by Joe. UM. I know it's 17 00:01:47.719 --> 00:01:53.480 too perfect. Uh, my joy is joy by Joe UM. Joe sent 18 00:01:53.560 --> 00:01:59.519 me a message today and said, Hi, I'm wearing a real outfit and 19 00:01:59.680 --> 00:02:04.640 some makeup today and my bell is showing and I love you for liberating me. 20 00:02:05.359 --> 00:02:13.159 And I screamed, I did. I positively screamed, Joe. I'm 21 00:02:13.159 --> 00:02:19.719 proud of you. This is fucking joy. Our bodies are joyful, our 22 00:02:19.840 --> 00:02:25.199 bells are joyful. Thank you for this moment, on this fucking moment, 23 00:02:27.400 --> 00:02:34.479 especially because, like God, guy's getting dressed in this time is tricky. 24 00:02:34.800 --> 00:02:39.039 I used to say that I I used to have the opinion of no one 25 00:02:39.080 --> 00:02:46.800 can have a good day wearing sweatpants. But we're deep into stay at Homeland 26 00:02:46.919 --> 00:02:53.680 now and I want you to know that that opinion has changed. It has 27 00:02:53.719 --> 00:03:01.639 been absolutely changed. So to get that message today that she got dressed to 28 00:03:01.840 --> 00:03:06.719 feel good and is honoring her body in that way, it is fucking awesome. 29 00:03:07.439 --> 00:03:13.080 Today's song of the week is Adore You by the fucking sweetest face in 30 00:03:13.120 --> 00:03:19.159 the whole world of Harry Styles. This sweet angel baby is having all the 31 00:03:19.240 --> 00:03:25.560 moments, and we owe the younger generation. Thank you of being the first 32 00:03:25.599 --> 00:03:36.520 obsessors of this perfect specimen as he was in one Direction. I remember my 33 00:03:36.599 --> 00:03:43.719 cousin had a Barbie doll of Nile and that's how that's how I know one 34 00:03:43.759 --> 00:03:47.960 direction existed. And because of her Anna, thank you, we get to 35 00:03:49.080 --> 00:03:54.800 enjoy Harry Styles now because of their fandom as girls. Thank you. So 36 00:03:54.879 --> 00:04:00.360 let's talk about what I can't take off this week. Is my fat Bitch 37 00:04:00.719 --> 00:04:06.360 T shirt. UM. It's made by Carissa and a King at the handle 38 00:04:06.479 --> 00:04:15.040 Fat Girl Flow and the shirt is the perfect fat Pride celebration T shirt. 39 00:04:15.720 --> 00:04:21.480 UM. I got it a cake plus size resale in Minneapolis, and it 40 00:04:21.600 --> 00:04:27.720 feels so good to wear the shirt and own my body in this way and 41 00:04:27.800 --> 00:04:32.040 to celebrate it. I'll post it on my instat But it's just like I 42 00:04:32.199 --> 00:04:35.959 am a fat bitch. That's fucking awesome, and it's just like it's a 43 00:04:35.959 --> 00:04:44.279 white T shirt with red heart just says a big, bold, fucking fat 44 00:04:44.279 --> 00:04:48.680 bitch in the middle. It's very good, and it's especially good paired with 45 00:04:48.720 --> 00:04:55.240 a high waisted mustard pant to fear into that color story. But anyway, 46 00:04:55.360 --> 00:05:03.120 I'm diving in UM has that I half I have something to declare and like 47 00:05:03.120 --> 00:05:12.600 when Michael Scott is like, I declare bankruptcy, but I'm not. I'm 48 00:05:12.639 --> 00:05:19.680 not declaring bankruptcy. I am declaring that I'm fat. I'm Molly May and 49 00:05:19.920 --> 00:05:30.079 I'm fat, simply put. And I've never felt the need to come out 50 00:05:30.120 --> 00:05:34.120 as fat before. I've called myself plus size or that I'm a big girl, 51 00:05:34.639 --> 00:05:40.680 but I've never blankly said I'm Molly May and I'm fat. And there's 52 00:05:40.720 --> 00:05:49.199 a lot to this. In this journey of self love and body positivity and 53 00:05:49.360 --> 00:05:58.879 body confidence, I've been learning a lot about loving myself and falling in love 54 00:05:59.680 --> 00:06:05.079 with the feeling of falling in love with myself, if that makes sense. 55 00:06:05.920 --> 00:06:13.480 But I've never used the word fat, and I've never used the word fat 56 00:06:13.959 --> 00:06:25.720 because I'm so absolutely wholly ingrained with straight size mentality, and that's that's the 57 00:06:25.959 --> 00:06:32.800 societal norm that fin is in and that finn is healthy, and that fat 58 00:06:33.160 --> 00:06:40.920 is bad and fat is deadly. All of this entire body positivity, fat 59 00:06:40.959 --> 00:06:46.560 liberation movement that everyone is listening too right now is on. If you're listening 60 00:06:46.600 --> 00:06:51.199 to this, you are a part of this. I'm gonna charge you with 61 00:06:51.240 --> 00:06:57.680 the with the ask to help, because I've learned a lot, and I've 62 00:06:57.720 --> 00:07:00.959 rewired a lot of thinking about my body, being fat and what it means 63 00:07:01.000 --> 00:07:06.959 to be fat in a skinny world to speak up for myself. And I'm 64 00:07:06.959 --> 00:07:11.879 still learning and I'm still rewiring. But what I am here to do today, 65 00:07:12.040 --> 00:07:15.079 right here, right now, is to tell you that I'm fat and 66 00:07:15.240 --> 00:07:25.040 I'm happy and I'm not actively trying to change my fatness. That's going to 67 00:07:25.120 --> 00:07:31.000 be fucking shocking to people. I am not existing to change my body. 68 00:07:31.120 --> 00:07:36.319 I am fat and I am not changing. What sparked all of us to 69 00:07:36.399 --> 00:07:44.000 me in the need to say this, in declaring my fatness and my acceptance 70 00:07:44.160 --> 00:07:50.160 of my fatness, is a comment that I received on Instagram, just like 71 00:07:50.279 --> 00:08:01.720 one little quip the really fucking spoke volumes and open my eye, uh to 72 00:08:01.839 --> 00:08:05.360 some bullshit because I you know, I've talked about it before, how I've 73 00:08:05.439 --> 00:08:13.959 created this sweet little bubble on Instagram that's so so focused around celebrating fat fashion, 74 00:08:16.519 --> 00:08:22.399 and this little comment slid in there and just like shook me a little 75 00:08:22.399 --> 00:08:28.040 bit and kind of reminded me of the real world U saw on this post. 76 00:08:28.040 --> 00:08:31.879 It's a photo of me in a swimsuit after being a fucking swimsuit model. 77 00:08:33.559 --> 00:08:39.000 Like what, Okay, that's the story for another day. But I 78 00:08:39.039 --> 00:08:48.440 was fucking psyched, and as I do often is is share the moment of 79 00:08:48.799 --> 00:08:56.120 joy, the moment that I'm that I'm feeling it um and I love sharing 80 00:08:56.120 --> 00:09:01.360 moments of joy. That's what this fucking podcast is, and I think I 81 00:09:01.399 --> 00:09:07.639 think it's my sole reason for existing. Quite honestly, pretty good at clowning 82 00:09:07.639 --> 00:09:13.240 around. And in this post, it was the it was the first time 83 00:09:13.799 --> 00:09:20.559 on my Instagram page that I had called myself fat and I when I posted 84 00:09:20.600 --> 00:09:24.159 it, I right, I mean, it's still there, but the caption 85 00:09:24.320 --> 00:09:33.840 is last night me a fat girl was a swimsuit model. I was just 86 00:09:33.879 --> 00:09:37.600 like, never in a million years would I ever think that I could ever 87 00:09:39.080 --> 00:09:43.240 string those words together in a cohesive sentence. But it happened, and it 88 00:09:43.320 --> 00:09:50.039 was fucking incredible. And then I went on about it and what it felt 89 00:09:50.080 --> 00:10:00.159 like and how cool that was and for a myriad of reasons, and you 90 00:10:00.200 --> 00:10:03.480 know, fat girls are never fucking celebrated as swimsuit models. So I was 91 00:10:03.559 --> 00:10:11.440 going to give this moment to myself and to every other body that wears a 92 00:10:11.480 --> 00:10:18.559 swimsuit because we all remember how how brave, that is, to wear a 93 00:10:18.600 --> 00:10:24.879 swimsuit. Go back and listen to that episode. There's a moment in season 94 00:10:24.919 --> 00:10:28.799 one where I talk about a woman calls one of my friends brave for wearing 95 00:10:28.799 --> 00:10:35.759 a swimsuit. Anyway, Anyway, the comments were lovely, and as they 96 00:10:35.799 --> 00:10:39.799 often do, there was one that cut me to the core, and a 97 00:10:39.799 --> 00:10:48.360 comment from a woman that simply read you a pretty girl dot dot dot. 98 00:10:48.080 --> 00:10:54.840 And that comment said a lot. That comment undermined my authority over my body. 99 00:10:56.960 --> 00:11:03.480 That comment undermined my my my beauty in my body, and it undermined 100 00:11:03.600 --> 00:11:11.879 the beauty in any fat body. It wasn't just me, she was very 101 00:11:11.879 --> 00:11:18.039 clearly saying fat is not beautiful. And it was the first time that I 102 00:11:18.240 --> 00:11:24.480 called myself a fat girl on the internet. And I was shamed and I 103 00:11:24.519 --> 00:11:31.080 wasn't ready for that feeling. So that's why I'm here right now telling this 104 00:11:31.200 --> 00:11:35.440 story. Um, And the comment said a lot. It said that I 105 00:11:35.480 --> 00:11:41.320 can either be pretty or I can be fat, that I that I can't 106 00:11:41.320 --> 00:11:48.720 be both, and the comment says that I am pretty despite being fat, 107 00:11:48.080 --> 00:11:54.720 or that this woman thinks I'm pretty despite being fat. I deleted the comment, 108 00:11:54.840 --> 00:11:56.120 by the way, so I don't try to be all fucking sneaky and 109 00:11:56.120 --> 00:11:58.720 go find that shit, because I don't care to live with that kind of 110 00:12:00.080 --> 00:12:03.159 shit under my bed. Maybe when I'm rich and famous, I'll have someone 111 00:12:03.679 --> 00:12:07.080 filter my shit to keep me happy and nice. But for today, for 112 00:12:07.279 --> 00:12:16.080 my own personal owning my shit and celebrating oh cool ass accomplishment for fat girls 113 00:12:16.120 --> 00:12:20.039 everywhere, I wasn't gonna let that exist, so I took it down. 114 00:12:22.679 --> 00:12:26.320 I wasn't gonna let her tear me down, because there's a lot of fat 115 00:12:26.399 --> 00:12:31.799 bitch right here to try to tear down. I've spent a long fucking time 116 00:12:31.960 --> 00:12:39.279 building myself up for one out of touch comment to take effect on me, 117 00:12:41.080 --> 00:12:43.360 and I did. I did let it take effect on me, and it 118 00:12:43.399 --> 00:12:48.000 was a little bit of me taking that power back and deleting it. So 119 00:12:48.039 --> 00:12:52.879 it's gone. But I'm not and I'm here and I'm fat. After this 120 00:12:52.960 --> 00:13:01.559 happened, I was on the beach with two very dear friends who are also 121 00:13:01.639 --> 00:13:07.320 plus sized, and I asked them if they if they've ever felt the need 122 00:13:07.360 --> 00:13:11.000 to come out as fat, or if they've come out as fat, and 123 00:13:11.279 --> 00:13:16.840 if that's a thing just fucking look doing. They're like, no, No, 124 00:13:18.200 --> 00:13:24.879 It was a no from two of my greatest inspirations in my relationship with 125 00:13:24.919 --> 00:13:33.000 my body and a beacon of celebration of love, and the conversation naturally changed 126 00:13:33.159 --> 00:13:41.279 subjects quickly, because as as lovers and celebrants of our bodies, we don't 127 00:13:41.360 --> 00:13:48.919 sit and talk about our bodies. We talk about how good American makes a 128 00:13:50.000 --> 00:13:58.440 great boyfriend, Gane and denim that fits us. We talk about our favorite 129 00:13:58.480 --> 00:14:05.120 meditation apps and which one makes our brain feel the best. We talk about 130 00:14:05.440 --> 00:14:15.039 fucking anything other than feeling shitty inside of our bodies because we don't. We're 131 00:14:15.399 --> 00:14:22.200 fat and we're happy. I'm fat and I don't feel shitty, and I 132 00:14:24.559 --> 00:14:31.879 wanted to share that today because I am here right now in this microphone, 133 00:14:33.200 --> 00:14:37.480 because I am fat, and I realize that that will make a lot of 134 00:14:37.519 --> 00:14:43.360 people uncomfortable. That it does make a lot of people uncomfortable, But that's 135 00:14:43.679 --> 00:14:48.720 not my fat's fault. My body has nothing to do with your comfort level. 136 00:14:50.559 --> 00:14:56.240 Try squeezing into a booth at a restaurant that was basically made for a 137 00:14:56.399 --> 00:15:01.679 fucking squirrel and there's no other seating option in a restaurant, and tell me 138 00:15:03.320 --> 00:15:13.159 about what's comfortable your fat friend on Insta it's at why our fat friend isn't 139 00:15:13.200 --> 00:15:24.200 as a brilliant anonymous sistum that duh talks about being fat, and she's shed 140 00:15:24.200 --> 00:15:31.240 so much light of the politics around my body and the policing and the secret 141 00:15:31.320 --> 00:15:39.399 shaming that I've done so much to try to get over. And they've given 142 00:15:39.519 --> 00:15:45.279 me definitions of things that I didn't that I didn't have in my tool belt 143 00:15:45.279 --> 00:15:50.440 before, and I've learned that I don't need to get over anything. I've 144 00:15:50.480 --> 00:15:56.639 done a lot of the work for myself as a fat woman and continue to 145 00:15:56.720 --> 00:16:00.799 do it. It's the woman who said that I was pretty as a correction 146 00:16:02.000 --> 00:16:07.320 to my fatness that needs to get over it. And honestly, this happened 147 00:16:07.360 --> 00:16:15.159 at a time where I didn't necessarily have the language or the confidence in my 148 00:16:15.279 --> 00:16:21.480 voice to properly have this conversation with her. So I just I did. 149 00:16:21.519 --> 00:16:25.960 I deleted it, and so I'm here now to tell you, like I 150 00:16:26.000 --> 00:16:30.159 did when I started this season, that I'll use my voice. I'll use 151 00:16:30.200 --> 00:16:33.440 my voice better than I have in the past because I didn't stick up for 152 00:16:33.440 --> 00:16:37.679 myself in that moment. But I want to share an excerpt from one of 153 00:16:37.759 --> 00:16:45.360 your fat friend's essays. Because she is, she'd more eloquent than I could 154 00:16:45.360 --> 00:16:52.080 ever be, and is a perfect punctuation to my declaration of fat. The 155 00:16:52.240 --> 00:16:57.840 essay goes. Your discomfort with the word fat doesn't entitle you to correct fat 156 00:16:57.879 --> 00:17:04.240 people when we're describing our own bodies. Fat people, like anyone, need 157 00:17:04.279 --> 00:17:10.720 to be able to name and claim our own bodies using the language that's clearest 158 00:17:11.559 --> 00:17:15.640 and most affirming to us. You're not sparing my feelings when you correct me 159 00:17:15.680 --> 00:17:21.279 and tell me I'm fluffy, curvy, or big. You're insisting your comfort 160 00:17:21.319 --> 00:17:26.799 takes precedence. When you correct me for calling myself fat, it tells me 161 00:17:26.880 --> 00:17:30.880 that you associate my body type with something to be ashamed of or to be 162 00:17:32.000 --> 00:17:37.240 silenced. When you correct me for calling myself fat, it tells me that 163 00:17:37.319 --> 00:17:41.640 you're more comfortable with my body than I am. Uncomfortable I can't read. 164 00:17:41.880 --> 00:17:48.200 Sorry, I don't think fat is a bad thing to call myself because I 165 00:17:48.240 --> 00:17:52.640 don't think fat is a bad thing to be. I know your intentions are 166 00:17:52.680 --> 00:17:57.720 good, that you think you're sparing us, but you're projecting your assumptions onto 167 00:17:57.759 --> 00:18:07.440 fat people in the process, So please, please please stop correcting how fat 168 00:18:07.480 --> 00:18:17.119 people describe ourselves allow us that much. End quote, I'm Molly May and 169 00:18:17.279 --> 00:18:22.759 I'm fat and if you got this far in the pod, I'm impressed this 170 00:18:22.920 --> 00:18:26.000 book. I'm really grateful to have you listening. If you want to know 171 00:18:26.039 --> 00:18:30.240 more information about me or the show, check out the show page on Matriarch 172 00:18:30.519 --> 00:18:33.920 dm dot com, where we host all of the what I Can't Take off, 173 00:18:34.079 --> 00:18:40.039 our progressive Spotify playlist from the songs of the week, and obviously the 174 00:18:40.160 --> 00:18:42.119 reminder of who to follow for the week, all in a nice little fucking 175 00:18:42.319 --> 00:18:48.640 Matriarch Digital Media Bow. Theme song is Molly May by Ben Karen. I'll 176 00:18:48.720 --> 00:18:52.440 never get over saying that it's so good, right, thanks for listening. 177 00:18:52.440 --> 00:18:53.759 You're so cute.