Hi everyone, Michael Deangel is here on behalf of the porch Room. Pete,
John Paige and I are hard at work planning out season five. But
while you wait for further adventures of Skipping Company, we thought you might enjoy
something new. Oops All Bards is an actual play tabletop comedy adventure created by
Mission Rejected's July Ivy and featuring some very familiar voices in the cast. Join
this unlikely team of heroes, each with a unique twist on the Bardic arts
as they embark on it epiquest That's anything but Ordinary. With songs, spells
and a dash of slapstick, our Bards prove that sometimes the best way to
save the day is with a well timed ballot and a little bit of luck.
So grab your lute, settle in, and prepare for a symphony of
laughter, drama, and unforgettable tales as the porch Room presents Oops, All
Bards. You wanted monsters, all slain by their ain't seen nothing like arts
and letters. Look who has answered the cry of distress? Oops, it's
all Bards. Oh what a mess. You think we're a joke, But
in truth we're all in. We fight like we learned it in books,
because we did. We all survived college with charisma. Impressive. Oops,
it's all Bards, and yes it's excessive. If you're still confused, we'll
explain to you. Thus, there's nobody left, so that's why they call
us. We'll fight or we'll otherwise roll for successes. Oops, it's all
birds. We hope that addresses all that you have to know to enjoy listening
to our all Bard party sent off on a mission. How'll it goes?
Well, We're sure you can guess. Oops, it's all bards. Oh
Andrew Carrol, Hold, you're a Halt Bello Sonamio, Flatwie Hall Colonian Stumps,
Salu Bear College Clarie sour Claud's Palmadge Hall Ruckus doc go Bananas. Hello
everyone, and welcome to the first episode of Oops All Bards, the actual
play D and D podcast that does what it says on the box, which
is to say, yes, you are about to hear a campaign with an
all Bard party. If you're already a D and D player, it's either
your wildest dream or your worst nightmare. I apologize either way. If you're
not already a D and D player, I can only tell you don't try
this at home. I am your host and game master, Jillian Ashley Blair
IVY, but you're going to hear all of the fine folks around the table
refer to me as Jill and I've been playing D and D for I think
about six years now, largely with the folks who are in this party.
I got really into it though during the pandemic. I've run several one shots,
but because I am nothing if not ambitious, this is actually my first
time being a GM for a full campaign. And with that said, I'd
like to introduce you to the cast who decided to join me for this wild
ride. So let's start with Chris Hi. I'm Chris Kleinecki, I use
him his pronouns, and I'm playing Pouchtin Ruckus. That's last name, first
name, so he goes by Rucus, a dog folk graduating from the College
of Stixon Stones, which is a repaint of the Bardick College of Swords.
I've been playing D and D for six years, not including a first foray
back in high school, and have been dming a continuous homebrew campaign since early
twenty nineteen. But this is my first time playing a bard as a player.
Hi I'm Anne Coleman. I use sheaher pronouns. I'll be playing Clarice
Souer Cloud, who is a halfling Bard graduating from Talmich Hall, which is
based loosely on the College of Whispers. I've been playing D and D since
January of twenty nineteen. Hi, everyone, name Miss Ashley Banks pronounced she
heard hers. I am playing bell Sernamio, who is an Asimar Bard graduating
from Flatley Hall, which is a recoloring of the College of Dance. I've
been playing D and D for over a decade and very excited to expose the
larger world to all of my antics. I am Russ Curry he Him.
I'm playing Andrew harrol Hold also he Him Andreck is a Hobgoblin graduating from Jurad
Hall. The build is based on the College of Tragedy Bard from the Taldore
Reborn campaign setting, and I've been playing D and D since the Halcyon Days
of second Edition for about twenty five years. I'm Bob Killian. I am
playing Keilonian Stumps, a total Bard from the College of Slouvere Slouver focuses on
medicine, and I've been playing D and d since college sort of off and
on. I've run a few games, I've played a few games Ames and
Ross. You mentioned version two. I don't go quite that far back,
but I go back to version three point five and we all skipped fourth edition.
Yes, that's correct. And then also joining us at our table is
our producer, Nate Runkle. You're not going to hear from Nate a lot,
except that you are actually going to hear from Nate a whole lot,
because everything that you listen to will be touched by Nate's work. And now
that we have all that squared away, I invite you to sit back,
relax, and let this absolutely ridiculous adventure begin. It's a beautiful morning in
Shallow Mirror. The lakeside capital city of Uva is bustling. Today is a
big day. It's graduation day at the shallowmir University of the Magical and Martial
Arts aka Mage and Marshall, the country's national university. This is where some
of the most notable figures of Uvada's long history spent four or more formative years
attending lectures by some of the country's pre eminent scholars. Wandering the long hallway
spending sunny Saturdays and the botanical gardens and rainy Tuesdays and the beautiful wood paneled
libraries where fairies flit about, capturing and sometimes consuming the insects that threatened the
ancient homes. But today it's not just Maje and Marshal's commencements that's being celebrated.
Thirty years ago to this day, the university was the location of the
official end of the cruel regime of Phineas Malvaux, the autocrat who held Uvra
in his grip for half a century. The people's victory was made official here
on the steps of the Monument to Knowledge, this grand roofless colonnade, overlooking
Lake Tannin on the edge of the Maje and Marshall campus. Because of its
location in the capital, Maje and Marshall's graduation is always attended by some of
the country's most powerful figures, but with the anniversary of the revolution that ended
in this place happening concurrently, the campus is especially full of notable and influential
uvenants. Among these is Edia Tsunamil, the mayor of the fortified town of
Jubilantia in the western part of uva Edia is not just here to celebrate Uveda's
independence or to perform in an official capacity at graduation. However, she is
here celebrating her great granddaughter's eminent graduation with brunch in the grand dining room at
Flatley Hall. The lush, red and gold draperies that cover every wall of
the Flatley Hall Dining Room help to dampen the sound of the hundreds of people
dining here. The high ceilings are also draped in rich textiles, not only
muffling the celebrations happening below, but giving the entire room the feeling of a
decadent tent soon to be grad sit surrounded by their proud families at round and
rectangular tables and excitedly discuss their post graduation plans. Eddie's Tterrenomia is seated at
the very center table, beaming at her granddaughter Ashley. Please introduce your character.
Bell is an assam art, but you wouldn't know that she's not human
at first glance. Like maybe her ears are slightly more pointed than you'd expect.
That could be just like regular genetic variation in anyway, Most of the
time her hair is covering it but you know, it's not like she has
big wings sprouting from her back or a halo perpetually floating overhead. Her angelic
nature doesn't show in such obvious ways, but instead it's found in the sweetness
of her smile, the grace with which she moves her body, the thick
luster of her hair, and the fact that she like never gets a blemish
on her skin. She is of average height. She carries herself with a
poise that implies that she is both a a dancer and b has never ever
ever been told to know by anybody who matters. In her entire life.
Everything about her is soft, so she has soft curves all over her body,
soft curves in her hair, soft dusting of metallic colored freckles across her
face. Her hair is like I said, thick waves. It tumbles around
her head, coming to a swishy stop just above her shoulders. Her skin
is a light brown and her hair is like a dark brown, but there
are chunky blonde highlights just sort of mixed throughout. There is a pink streak
in the back of her hair, and it's clear that she did try to
sort of cover it up for the sake of the special occasion and it wasn't
going well, so she just fully gave up. So she's owning it.
She's owning it. She's like yes and a pink streak. So we know
that Belle is here with Eddie, with her great grandmother. Who else is
she with? Who else isn't she with? So her entire family has come.
She's the first child to have been born since the fall of the autocracy,
so this is a big deal. So her parents are here, her
great grandmother is here, uncle's cousins, you know, anybody who is related
to her in some capacity has definitely shown up in style. They're ready,
they're ready to celebrate. But most importantly is of course great Grandma, who
she just calls grandma, because who has time for greats? Grandma? You
know, you're great. And then of course her mom Rita and her dad
Mint and so yeah, they just like fully took over a massive table in
the dining hall. There's a lot of talking over each other. There's big
hand gestures. There is glitter everywhere. It's where is the glitter coming from?
Maybe? You know, some people they breathe and outcomes carbon dioxide,
and some people they breathe and outcomes sparkles. It's normal, don't question it.
So I assume you're you're sitting closer to great Grandma and your mom and
your dad. Yes, So generally the family has like everybody's important kind of
vibe. So it's not like, oh, great Grandma's always at the head
of the table, right, But in this instance, like it's Bells special
day and great Grandma is great Grandma, so she gets to pick where she's
sitting. And she's sitting next to Belle. Okay, so great Grandma is
going to look over you and just like stroke your hand. My darling,
girl, you are so beautiful. Oh thanks, Grandma. I just I'm
I am just so proud of you. Tell me, darling, what did
you get up to last night? Oh my god, Grandma? Okay,
so you know how we have the sponsor from fairy Powder. Plus well the
new shipman just came in last night, so me and the girls we went
out. We had an amazing time. We danced all night long. I
don't actually remember any of it, but I know that we had a great
time. My girl. If if you don't remember what happened last night,
how are your friends doing today? Oh? Well, okay, so like
I'm fine because you know angelic, but I used mom's hangover cure and like
made it in a big batch, passed it out first thing this morning.
Everybody, totally fine. Your Your mom on hearing this, beams at you
because she's she's very proud of that hangover cure that she taught you when you
were very young, probably alarmingly probably alarmingly on and she she just that's that's
my girl. I'm I'm so partying like your mother. I just couldn't be
happier. Tell me, did you did you remember to make sure to include
the the cayenne pepper and that hangover cure? Reroll a history check to see
if you remember your mother's recipe. Sure, let's check it out. That
is a sixteen. Yeah, okay, you remember your mom's recipe. Chok
you It may have chicken you a couple of minutes, but but you remembered
it. Yeah. I'm just I'm so And the cayenne is just it's it's
just such an important part of the recipe. Oh no, I I mom,
I totally remember the cayenne pepper. I remembered all the steps. I
remember to like spin it three times in one direction. And the fourth time
in the other direction, and just to make sure everybody's breath was extra fresh,
I added a little bit of parsley. Parsley. Yeah, you know
that parsley causes bloating in this recipe? I yeah, of course I knew
that it brought me a deception check sure, okay, yeah at seventeen plus
four twenty one twenty one will definitely get it. Your mom, your mom
believes that you know the Parsley causes bloating. Yeah, a mom, of
course I know that. But just in case I didn't know that, what
remind what was the you know, not that I would ever make the mistake,
but what was the the solution for that for bloating? Yeah, with
the with parsley specifically, it's water. It's just water, you know this,
Yeah, you know, just all the pixie powder. Yeah, definitely
knew that. Yes, great, Yeah, So, like I gave it
to them and then I was like, drink lots of water, and Belle
is going to take out like a piece like a napkin, and she's just
going to write. I don't know where she pulled it from, but she
has like one of these pink glitter gel pens. With like the big feather
on it, and she's gonna write in super bubbly handwriting like water now,
and it's gonna be like the cutest, sparkliest handwriting. And it's just the
now is underline, underline, underline, exclamation mark, exclamation mark, exclamation
mark. And I assume that like there's there's servers, but also just wherever
Grandma is, there's unseen servants just like around. So Belle's just gonna be
like, give this to Brittany right now, please, thank you. So
the slip of paper is going to leave your hand and justkind of like float
across the room. Yeah, and do you do you also need to be
drinking water for this? I think I think no, because I have like
the angelic. I probably didn't need the hangover cure. That's my but you
know what, yeah, I think no, now that you say it,
Belle definitely took the cure just to be extra safe because like the big performance
was today, and then she's like, and now to be extra extra extra
safe, I'm going to be so hydrated. So you're you're you're drinking some
water and your little note is floated away. Meanwhile, your your father mint,
your dad Mint. Yes, Mint, Mint is sitting at the table
on the other side of you, and you've all ordered, but because you
have such a large party and because the dining room is so very busy,
your food hasn't arrived yet, and your dad is looking around the room and
he's just like checking out what everybody else in the room is eating and doing
that thing. We're like, oh, I could have ordered that. Plate
envy, clearly, yeah, big plate envy. But also just like hungry
your dad is. He's not a big guy. He just has a really
fast metabolism. He is you. You don't remember very many times in your
life where he didn't have like a snack in his pocket. He's got like
a little ice box under his desk where he can keep his snacks and stuff.
So like when she was growing up, like Mint always had treats for
her, and she was like, oh my god, this is the best.
And then she got older and realized that the treats were not they were
just always around exactly. So he's looking around and his eyes land on a
plate of grapes, which are one of his favorite foods, and he's going
to point at the dish across the room and wait until the people at that
table seem distracted, and then he's just going to have a cluster of grapes
kind of levitate across the room and land on his plate. Have you seen
your dad do things like this before? Oh? Yeah, this is very
normal. And she's probably gonna be like dad and he's gonna shove a handful
of grapes in his mouth, like is it okay? Nobody saw me?
Right? Nobody nobody saw me? Yeah, I guess, And she's gonna
reach over and like take a grape because like he already stole them, right,
So, and he's gonna like wink at you while you do that.
So tell me about all are the plans for the festival going. Oh,
they're going super good. So I don't know if you got the confirmation last
week, but Third Mice Blind is confirmed they're going to be performing. I
do remember seeing something about that he's like just shoving grapes in his mouth,
But I don't I'm not really familiar with that band. Could you could you
tell me a little bit what they're like so we can figure out where to
put them on the lineup. Oh my god, they're so good. They're
like three Mousefolk right, and they come out and they like come on stage
and they're like, oh, we can't see anything. Where are our instruments?
But then they're like, whaw, we know exactly where instruments are.
And then they start playing like the keyboards with their tails and they have like
this whole bit. It's amazing. My friends love them. Everybody's gonna love
them. They're great. Certainly sounds interesting. Hold on one second, and
he's just going to like pull his napkin up over his plate and kind of
wave his hand and then what had been an almost entirely bare stem of grapes
now is full of grapes. Again, he shoves another hand full of grapes
in his mouth. His grapes have multiplied. And after that, So I
know that booking the whole festival is not on you, But you did say
that you wanted to like have a big part in this this year. So
who else have you lined up? Okay? So I don't know yet if
she's gonna be able to come for the first week or the second week,
but we're gonna have Lizard Lizard, who, oh my god, Lizard.
You have to know Lizard. Okay, she's the one who just came out
with the clothing line. That's like for all body types, right, Mom,
come on mom, Yeah, of course, Darling. You know she's
the one who toorks and plays tambourine. Yes, yes, she does all
of it, wall singing. It's super intense. It sounds fascinating. Anybody
else what I should know about. I mean like a whole bunch. I
mean, hold on, we have fun, and then we have like the
third stage, and then there's the I keep trying to get one of my
classmates to perform, but he's like, oh, I don't know if it's
time for me to take the platform when the platform should be peace or whatever.
But all together, and she starts like adding up on her fingers,
but then she runs out of fingers, and she like has this moment where
she doesn't know what to do, and then she just reaches to were left
where like some random aunt her uncle is and just like picks up their hand
and starts counting on their fingers. They don't seem to mind, and then
she's like, yeah, I think we have like twenty five so far.
That's that's really impressive. That's like just shoving grapes in his mouth. That's
not almost half of what you need for the first weekend. Yeah. Thanks,
So, I mean, and tell me if you want me to take
this one over, because I'm more than happy too. But I know you
said you were gonna you're gonna try to reach out to fall mccartfrey his people.
How's that going? Oh my god, Dad, we met like over
spring break and he is so cute, like really sweet. So retro retro,
yeah, like like good retro, you know, like like when you
have a thing that's not new anymore, but like good red, like you
know that, like like your old gramophone, like it's not new, but
everyone loves it. I mean, I still struggle to think that the youth
of my the music of my youth is is that retro? But I mean
I guess I am. And he starts to do the same thing you were
doing, where he's like counting on his fingers and runs out of fingers.
It's like, you know what, never mind, I have another grape,
Dad, great idea, And he's just not a grape, but like another
handful of grapes that just keep replenishing themselves on his plate, shoves another handful
of grapes in his mouth. Is I'm very proud of your bell or you
are a very impression of young woman. Thank you, oh dad. So
you're gonna kind of like do the little side hug lean over to him,
and as you're doing that, your food is arriving. What did order?
Okay, so after everybody knows, after a long night of partying, you
need carbs. So she has a whole stack of waffles. There is more
syrup on it than waffles, and she's like adding more syrup as she goes.
She also has ordered a lot of leafy greens with like an absurd amount
of nuts and berries and like every trendy superfood that you can imagine all combined
into just like this nightmare salad on top of the waffles. And then just
to make sure it goes down easy, there's definitely powdered sugar on top of
all of it. So, stack of waffles, yeah, stack of leafy
greens, yeap, nuts, berries, seeds, et cetera, all the
superfoods, powdered sugar. Yeah. So that sounds horrific. Mm hm.
And at the same time, your grandmother looks at your plate, picks up
a fork and just like puts a fork right in the middle of your plate.
Yes, yes, Grandma, Yes, your mother and father are aghast
at this. As much as your father loves food, this, this is
taking all the things he loves and making it in an abomination. So Grandma
takes it. She's like, Grandma probably introduced you to this style of eating,
but mom and dad are just aghast actually in a real me a perception
check, that is that one? Oh God, getting getting the bad roles
out early? Okay, so that one in the game, right, first
first, not one of the campaign. Yeah yeah, nobody else has had
a chance to roll one yet you're you were first. So so what you
don't notice is that the room is starting to empty and it's getting quieter.
Instead, you just keep like digging in to your your plate of food.
Oh yeah, Dad, you really need to try those. It's so wrong.
Dad looks at you like, you know what, I don't know?
Good. It's like the first time you've ever heard your father turn down food.
Belle takes up personally, She's like, she stops, she's wrong,
No, Dad, she SIPs some water. I mean it, like,
have I ever steered you wrong? No, I've not try some I think
that's gonna require a persuasion check. All right, that is seventeen plus five,
so twenty two. Yeah, that's definitely gonna be enough. Yeah,
eat it, eat it. So Dad is going to tentatively kind of reach
his fork out onto your plate, and he's gonna like stare at it as
it's coming toward his mouth, like you can't believe that he's going to do
this, Like this is a man who loves food, and this seems to
be stick himself up. This is this is anathem out of everything he believes
in, Like he loves food so much, and this is this is a
travesty, but still, like he said he would try it, and he's
gonna pitch his nose shut and put the fork in his mouth and like give
it a couple of chews and like unpinch his nose, because when you have
your nose pinched shut, it affect like how things taste. So he's gonna
unpinch it to be like, is that actually as good as what I think
I'm tasting? He's gonna unpitch his nose, haw, what what's actually delicious?
I have to imagine that both Bell and her grandmother are like leaning forward
in there. So he's like, ah ah, you're right, Bell,
Yes, and instead of reaching on it, likes to take another fork fall
off of your plate again, He's just going to like magic some of the
food off of your plate and onto his. Yeah, so the room has
completely emptied out. The servers aren't even like coming around to check on you
to bring more food. Not that we even notice, because my dad just
keeps refilling. He just keeps refilling the food. At some point, a
check floats onto the table with that nat one. You don't notice the check
the table. We're all just we're eating, we're talking, we're gesticulating,
we're glittering. So so after check has been on the table for several minutes
now, and the doors fly open, and Brittany is going to come just
racing and we're running very very late. What are you? What are you
doing? We're supposed to be dancing on the stage and graduation in four and
a half minutes. Ah what dancing graduation four and a half minutes? Okay,
Okay, sure, And she's just gonna like finish the like mouth like
the forkfold that she hasn't think. I'm gonna mom, dad, Grandma,
everybody else. I love you. I gotta go bye, And as you
start to stand up, your grandmother is going to reach up for your arms.
Wait, but bell, where where are we supposed to sit today?
She just like swallows and she's like, I don't know. I like,
you're fancy person, so probably near the front, Like I don't know,
they're gonna put your names on the chairs or something. What happens if there
aren't enough seats for all of us, then you go to the other seats
for all the regular people. Or I guess you're you're fine, You're fine,
You're fine. I gotta go. I love you, I love you,
I love you. Bye An. Then your father is going to reach
up and hold you by there's like wait, when you talk to val mcartfridge
people, did they tell you about I have to go? Yeah, I
love you, I'm very proud of you. We'll show you back here for
dinner after graduat cause he chats by eye, She's like, like, do
you mean air kisses? She does, like turns around and as she's like
air kissing, she's backing away so that people can stop grabbing her arm.
And then she turns around and sprints out of the room across the cobblestone square
from Flatley Hall. Things are unusually quiet and Enchanted Grounds the normally bustling coffee
shop known for its strong, bruised and weekly open mic nights. Enchanted Grounds
occupies an Oligarchy era building, impressively square, clad in slabs of gray stone
on the outside and white brick on the inside. To soften the severity of
the space, the owners of Enchanted Grounds have filled it with color and texture
over stuff. Velvet sofas in bright jewel tones and nest like chairs are clustered
around tables built to be the perfect height for the seats surrounding them. The
walls are hung with both vintage chapestries and new art by Major and Marshall students,
and a wood burning stove in the corner has been enchanted to keep the
room at the perfect temperature, no matter this season. Behind an ornately carved
wooden counter standing on several overturned milk rates, a young woman is scribbling in
a journal. Anne, can you please introduce your character? So Clarice is
quite small, under three feet tall, petite in a sort of other species.
She would be seen as a child by her size, maybe sixty pounds,
wet She has very dark features, eyes that are technically brown but look
shiny black. Her hair is just as dark, pined, straight, aggressively
straight. She couldn't get it to curl if she tried. It's at a
sharp angle to cut bob, and each of her features seems to be fighting
to look sharper, competing to have a more sharpened edge than the next pointed
chin. Anything that's soft, she seems to add a bright color to or
a dark color, so her lips are often covered in dark lipliner and things
to sort of harshen her features. She wants to look fierce even with all
this effort. She's somebody who can easily blend into a crowd. She's a
bit of a social chameleon. She likes reading the room and watching from afar.
But she also could have easily been a child pickpocket had she been born
into a different life. She is very sarcastic. Her voice is clearly an
intentional affect, not how she was raised to speak, nor is it how
she would talk in her sleep. She is feminine in her body, but
enjoys contrasts, just as the colors and angles of her intentional appearance show off
and so She likes to be a little tougher than is necessary, a little
bit harsher with her jokes than the situation calls for. She doesn't say much
when she first encounters people, but she does like to play a little game
with herself when folks enter the coffee shop of trying to guess their order before
they make it. So because the coffee shop is so empty, there's nobody
in there right now, and Clarice is writing in her journal is what is
she writing? Clarice is in the middle of a pro and con list about
whether or not she should continue with her plans to join the party that she's
been planning to join. Crise has a lot of thoughts and very little feeling
when it comes to what her next steps are. She's sort of lost track
of her gut because she's had so many conversations and so many people trying to
influence and change her thinking. Right now, her plan is to go adventuring
for a couple of years, to get to Noah Orvara, and to live
as her own person, not under the shadow of her parents. But as
she writes these pro and con lists, you can see she's organized it into
four columns. One for each of the political parties of the nation, and
one for a completely different path forging a new future. The enchanted grounds owner,
who is a Cobald named Strung brew Chaser, comes out from the back
of the coffee shop. She is tall only by the standards of Clarice.
She is loud and boisterous and has been a very kind boss to Clarice and
often tries to get Clarice to open up to her, but Clarice has not
yet really revealed much of who she is too strong. Strung stops as she
walks into the front part of the coffee shop and almost seems startled to see
Clarice there. Oh, Clarie, I forgot that you were here today.
Yeah, I mean I really appreciate your offering double overtime, so I'm in
well, yes, I mean, nobody ever wants to work on graduation.
I was very surprised to learn that you wanted to work on graduation, seeing
it is it's your graduation here. Yeah, I mean, it's no big
deal. I'm happy to be here and like it's so nice when it's quiet
in here and you can just think, you know, I mean, I
don't really like what it's quiet in here because it's my business and I need
the business to be doing well. But if you like the quiet, that's
fine. Are you quite sure that you're okay with missing out on your graduation?
Oh yeah, I mean my parents aren't even there, like I told
them not to come. It's fine, And obviously, like I want to
make that money, yeah, because I do. I do pay you quite
generously here. You're the best, aren't you. Aren't you concerned about missing
out on this memory? I mean, what are they going to have like
five politicians giving pompous speeches up there? We've heard it all. It's not
like they're going to say something new. What about your friends? What about
just celebrating your last four years? This is quite an accomplishment. Oh oh,
you're so sweet. No it's not. It's not an accomplishment, but
it really is. I thanks. I think yes, that is the appropriate
response. Here. You're welcome. If you don't need me for anything,
I'm going to head a graduation myself. My niece is graduating today. I'm
just gonna grab my purse in the back and I'll look out the back door.
So enjoy the quiet. I guess, thank you. It's the best.
But like if anybody comes in, I promise I'll like upsells the pastry.
Okay, thank you, Clarice. You have a nice day. Into
so strung turns and walks out. You hear her footsteps, receding, pausing
while she grabs her things from the back, and then continuing out the back
door. Once you're sure she's gone, you notice that there was a letter
that she put on the counter, addressed to you, delivered to the coffee
shop, not delivered to your dormitory. Do you open the letter? Yes,
but I first get a little bit of water bubbly heat up just in
the tea kettle, and I'm gonna steam it open, just in case I
need to reseal it. Okay, why don't you roll a let's call that
a performance check. That is fourteen. You get it about three quarters of
the way steamed open, and then just as you're getting to that last couple
of inches, your finger slips and you damn it the corner. Whatever.
It's funny, all right. So you have this letter, You open it
and you recognize your mother's handwriting. I begin to read, sighing deeply.
That's I go, dear Clarice, We're sorry. We couldn't be there for
you today, but not really because you told us not to come and to
take a vacation instead. We were unsure about whether to surprise you at your
commencement anyway, but things have been so stressful in Platysma and our preparations for
the upcoming election, so we decided to take you at your word that you
wouldn't be upset with us for not being in shallowmere seabright, really is so
lovely this time of year, And besides, you know how your father and
I generally shook formal ceremonies. I understand that gideonstorm Collar is the commencement speaker
this year. He called on your father last time he was in Platycima,
and he really is a lovely man, even if I don't see eye to
eye with him on well most things. Really. Your father says to tell
him hello if you have the opportunity, but I don't suppose you will,
seeing as you're probably shirking the graduation for seedings yourself, like parents, like
daughter, I suppose. And on that note, Darling, your father and
I were wondering whether you had yet decided whether you were clerking with me for
the greens or with your father for the violets. When you return to Platycima
and start clerking at the bus Ro group. We don't want to put any
pressure on you at all, and as you know, we're quite open to
you starting a third branch if you're more interested in working with the corals.
But of course we would need to bring someone in as your supervisor, because
as much as we love and trust you, we don't think you're ready to
assume operations for an entire new division. In any case, we want to
know where to set up your desk and which clients to assign to you,
or whether we need to start looking for a supervisor for you. After all,
you do start next week. I hear your father calling me from the
other room. I think it's time for our spa appointment. So that's all
for now. Do right back and let me know your thoughts when you have
a moment. Ah, my love, MJ. Bussborough esquire And then that
bottom part the signature is scratched out and the words your mother are written over
the scribble, followed by a PostScript, sorry darling, have it see you
next week. Classic clarice. Upon reading this takes a deep breath, rips
a piece of paper out of her journal, and begins drafting a reply.
She gets to you mom in Dear Mom and scribbles it out MJ No.
She scribbles it out again. As she's staring at this piece of paper before
her, she hears the bells of the front door open, and a tall,
elderly half well wearing academic robes walks toward the counter. Do you recognize
this person? Roll an intelligence check fourteen, so you know that this is
doctor Sink. Doctor Sink is the dean at Broxton College. You don't really
know much about Broxton College. You've really kept to yourself for the last few
years. But although doctor Sink is a frequent visitor of enchanted Grounds, you
find yourself unable to remember his order. Hi us it is it? Remind
me what can I get for you, darling girl. That is so kind
of you to ask. I'm running quite late, but I was hoping.
I know, I know, I know that it's springtime and this is this
is perhaps a tollloader. And again I am running quite late. So tell
me if this is not possible, and we'll figure something else out. But
I would like to have a Mage's Wintry Mix. Are you are you familiar?
Do you do? You know that one? It's an eighteen eighteen,
So you remember that this is a cocktail, a coffee cocktail, because that's
that's how it's positioned at the at the what of the morning? It's five
o'clock somewhere, right it is. It's a little bit before ten in the
morning, doctor, you know parents, So it comes kind of flooding back
to you, like, oh right, that's that's why I see this man
frequently because he always has a little something extra that he puts into his coffee
in the mornings on his way to class. But it's actually something different every
time because he's worried that like he's going to perhaps be called out on it.
So the Major's Wintry Mix is a quadruple espresso with a shot of caramel
and a raspberry essenced liqueur. This is not something that you ever have available
in the spring, because who wants a caramel cocktail coffee cocktail at ten o'clock
in the morning when it's a beautiful, sunny, warm day outside. So
you know that you're going to have to go out to the back to get
these ingredients. Clarice is going to start brewing some espresso loose pack. She
knows that the best espresso isn't incorrectly tightly packed, and she's quite proud of
this. So loosely packs the espresso, loads the machine, and then turns
to him again and says, now, traditionally I would put some raspberry liqueur
in there, but I'm wondering how you would feel if I just got a
little bit of my boss's cordial from her office instead real persuasion. That was
a natural twenty with my modifier of six first of the campaign. So we've
failed and hidden NAT twenty. All right, nothing else to do. Bye,
everyone. Doctor Sank leans over the counter very conspiratorially to you and says,
what kind of cordial? Give me just a second. Clarice is gonna
put one eye on the cash register and make sure it's firmly closed, and
then duck behind what I imagine is like a bead curtain something like that,
just around the corner. Okay, roll an investigation check for me. That's
a thirteen. So for with a thirteen, you head back. Strung's office
is just kind of off to the side. It's not straight back. There's
like the storage area and the little kitchen, and then you've You've got Strung's
office behind another door, so this involves you having to move a little bit
more off to the side. When you get in there, you start to
fish around looking for that hidden bottle of cordial that you know Strung normally keeps
in a drawer in her desk. You don't see it there. You walk
out of the office thinking maybe you will just have to find that raspberry cordial.
But you can still get away with telling doctor Sink that it's the special
cordial. It's just not that just raspberry liqueur that's so generic. And as
you start to walk back, rub me another investigation check. That's of nine.
Okay, with a nine. You grab that bottle of raspberry liqueur,
you put a hand over the label. You begin to walk back into the
coffee shop, and we're going to stop there. Across the alleyway from the
back door of Enchanted Grounds is a steep set of stone stairs. This is
the entrance to your rode Hall, one of the oldest and the most storied
colleges at Maje and Marshall. Up the stairs, across a portico and up
another flight of stairs is the Eurote Hall Reading room. The room is large
and the wood paneling makes it feel dark, but it is still filled with
a filtered light. A southern facing stained glass window casts violet and silver shapes
across the room's flat surfaces, and at the far end of the room,
colorless flames rage in the enormous fireplace known as the ever Hearth, but they
give off no heat. A soul figure sits at a table at the far
end of the room. Ross who are we meeting? Sitting over the desk
is a red skinned young man with pointed ears, reddish brown hair. His
most noticeable feature is his yellow eyes. Andrew Carrol Hold is a Hobgoblin.
He's the youngest of his siblings, but he's and he's the most like his
father in appearance, but the least like him in temperament. On the desk
you see three coffee cups. Two of them are completely consumed, one of
them is a work in progress and a completely uneaten croissant. He looks over
at the gramophone and the harps chord. Music that's coming from there stops for
a moment, and then you see the record levitate, flip over and presume
on the other side. The room smells of a little bit of nightshade.
And Andrew pours over a stack of parchment and on the top he is writing
over and over again, Honus rest and he's he just keeps looking at this
tone, trying to make sense of it all. What is the tone?
It is is part of the archive from the entire university library about the alumnus,
the alumni. Because he has a duty to do, and he wants
to make sure he does it right. But something is frustrating him about it.
What is frustrating? We came to this place, if not remarkable on
our own, then to do remarkable things when we leave. And what he's
reading, he's seeing a lot of stuff that is not remarkable about the alumni.
You'll never meet a greater adversary than your own potential. It's your graduation
day. Why are you sitting in the reading room going over this? He
constantly looked over the everhearth. He looks to the long sword that hangs there,
and you know, it's an honor and a privilege to do what to
read the role of remembrance, and he wants to do right by these names,
but is frustrated or disappointed that this is a storied university and yet there
are He's looking for the heroes and there aren't any in this list. You
hear a knock on the door. Without waiting for a response, it opens.
There is a tall Tobaxi catlike person humanoid standing there. If we lived
in this world that we the players are in, she would look like a
black panther, tall and sleek and so black that when she stands in the
shadows, you don't see that she's there except for her glowing green eyes.
She's wearing academic robes with a sash the color of the Eurote Hall. This
ashly the colors of Eurrote Hall, violet and silver, violet and silver.
She's got a sash that is violet and silver. This is Doctor Burning Fire,
which you've always thought was an interesting name, given that one of her
duties is to be the keeper of the ever heearth. May I come in
always? You need not ask, professor always, I do, hope,
I'm not interrupting, not at all. Will me a deception check deception?
You said, yep, fifteen. She accepts what you said, that nothing
is really bothering you, and she crosses the room toward you to where the
fireplace is and kind of pushes an armchair over toward the fireplace. Could you
give me a hand with this, of course, professor. So she holds
out her hand for you to support her, and she steps up on the
armchair and you kind of feel the weight of hers. She sinks the armchair
is softer than she realized, but she's pretty tall and she doesn't need too
much support to reach up over the fireplace and take down the sword that hangs
there. Have you seen the sword before? I've seen it every day for
the last four years. Have you seen it up close before? Once?
When was that? When I was initiated? What was the initiation process?
We came into this very room and Professor Shuldrake held the sword and each of
us ran our finger across it and gave a drop of blood. Looking at
it up close again, how do you feel nervous? It's a weird mix
of pride and anxiety for what my role is about to be. As doctor
burning Fire steps down from the armrest, using your hand for support. She's
quite close to your face and she just kind of tilts a head to one
side, and you see those intense glowing eyes. You seem apprehensive. I
thought we were here to do or become remarkable. My boy, I would
argue, you are remarkable, professor, I believe that, But no,
I don't. I've been reviewing the biographies from the archives for the role of
remembrance, and there's a tailor and under Minister of finance from the autocracy.
There's several who have passed completely after they left for lack of a better word,
anonymously. What are we supposed to become remarkable? I don't see it
in the archive that these people are not remarkable andrek. The thing that you
must learn, the thing that you should have learned over these four years,
is there are many ways to be remarkable. Perhaps the page is the problem.
How do you mean these people had lives? Right? Of course,
the words on the page don't convey that there are those whose stories are to
be told and there are those who are to be anonymous. That does not
mean that all were not remarkable. Peels off, just like a little piece
of the end of the croissant from the desk and pops the moon's mouth,
chows and looks at the from where she removed the sword, looks at the
coat of arms, that's there. Describe it. It is a shield gray
field with a tone. There's a skull on it with vines and flowers growing
out of the eye socket, and the crest is a blazing sun with a
crescent moon eclipsing it. Doctor Burning Fire gives you a moment, and then
she says, are you ready for today? As ready as I'm going to
be, and he will take the sword from her. She lets him have
the sword and also reaches into the pocket of her gown and hands you the
official role of remembrance. What you've been preparing with is a copy. This
one has been written by scribes. It's prepared especially for the graduation ceremony every
year. It you notice that she looks up to the coat of arms also
Andrek, I do believe you will be remarkable. But first I need to
know that you're going to take extremely good care of this sword. It'll be
an hour and then it will be back above the hearth. The sword has
been carried by the marshals of Urade Hall for centuries. I expect you to
bring it back to me straight away. Of course, take very very good
care of it. I will thank you you, professor. She reaches out
and gives you a little pat on the shoulder and walks out of the room.
Ceremonies are beginning soon, and then she leaves. What do you do?
You have the sword and the scroll. Now I pick up the long
duster jacket that is draped over the chair at that reading desk and throw the
duster jacket on, tuck the scroll into the inside pocket of it. And
then the sheath has a leather strap on it, and I throw it over
one shoulder, tighten it and just take a deep breath, look again at
the coat of arms, and leave the room. Roll me in perception,
check on your way on the door. Garbage, not even specified, just
garbage. Uh, that's that's a total of a seven. Yeah, no,
that's that's not gonna be enough, all right. So you start to
walk out of the room. On your way out, the graduation robes of
all of the Eurody Hall students are are hanging from their doors. And you
get to the end of the hall where your room is. What do you
do? Give a quick knock at my own room, Nothing happens. I
grab my robe and I throw it over my should over my shoulder, because
I'm like trying to figure out how with now, with the jacket and the
sword, I'm supposed to do this. We're gonna pause there and you can
figure that out on your way to graduation. Got it, Andrek exits quickly
down the stairs and across the portico. Below the portico is a courtyard built
around a large round lawn, in the center of which it's an enchanted apple
tree that bears fruit all year long. If you keep looking across the courtyard
past the tree, you'll see a short, squat building that seems on first
appearance as if it might collapse at any moment. But in truth, this
building has stood longer than many of the others around it, and it was
designed to outlast them all. This is Youngham College, but most of the
students at Mage and Marshall College, the College of Sticks and Stones just inside
the front door alone soon to be graduate sits in the Youngham College foyer.
Chris, who are we meeting? I'm playing pooched in Ruckus. That's last
name, first name, so he goes by Rucus. Rucas is a dogfolk,
which is a homebrew race just part beast and part humanoid. If you've
ever seen a Tibetan mastiff. You'll have a good idea of what he looks
like, only bigger. He's about five feet tall when on all fours,
and about eight feet tall if he gets up on his hind legs. There's
very large dog folk who plays on Mage and Marshall's bug ball team. He's
got darker brown fur on the flank, with a beige bordering on off white
tummy and a respectably medium length poof brown tail that usually curls back up his
spine. Ruckus's fur is extra long and shaggy around his shoulders, neck,
and his head. It's almost like a mane. It covers his floppy ears,
and sometimes it gets in his eyes, or at least it gets in
the one eye that isn't covered with an eye patch that he wears all the
times since he was a kid. He's very jowy, with snow white fangs
and a large pink tongue that's frequently blepping out of his mouth, especially when
he's sleeping. Dogfolk don't usually wear clothes, but in addition to the eye
patch that Ruckus wears, he's also taken to wearing bugball pants, which are
this eye catching forest green sheen, and they have a brilliant orange stripe down
one leg, and there's also a dark olive green bycocket hat that he wears
the large oriel feather tucked gently to one side. And he's also rarely seen
without trusty sky blue stinky old gem sneakers that he's been wearing for years,
but not since he got to Major Marshall. He started wearing those when he
got there. One more important thing I should mention about Ruckus is that while
he understands the common tongue, dogfolk, mouths are not built for common speed.
So instead, while he's been a Major Marshall, Ruckus has begun learning
how to use bark buttons, which he wears on a sash across his one
shoulder to help communicate with non dog folk. For example, Hello Ruckus,
you question Mark, and how is Rucus's day going? I'd say it's been
good. Rock. He's been hanging out alone on the sitting room's long wooden
bench for the last few minutes, even though he knows it will be covered
by his graduation attire. He's currently decked right now in his bug ball uniform
and he's bent over carefully leasing up his trusty, very smelly old sneakers.
He's a bit anxious, but not just because he's about to graduate, also
because he'll be the first dog folk in generations to graduate from Major Marshall.
So he's feeling a lot of pressure to be the best boy he can be.
But it's been a pretty good morning. He's been up since before dawn,
starting the day with his usual morning calisthenics. Okay, I have to
ask, what do his calisthenics look like? Oh, it's mostly running around
his dorm room in tight circles chasing his tail. And after that he went
outside to enjoy the morning missed and have a pre breakfast butterfly chase in the
nearby field. And what does Recus like to have for breakfast? His favorite
thing to have is a whole bunch of bananas. And now that he's eaten
his bananas, now that he's gotten dressed, and now that he's gingerly nodded
the tip of his wooden spear to ensure that it is as sharp as can
be, He's going to open Youngham's wrought iron doors and step outside. Wow,
Hi everyone, Michael again, I hope you're enjoying Oops. All Bards.
If comedic spins on actual play podcasts are in your wheelhouse, that I
think you'll also like Quest Friends. Quest Friends is an improvised supernatural comedy podcast
where five best friends explore everyday life in the afterlife, from trash possum Pokemon
to over dramatic more mysteries to the honestly pitiful skeleton of Grigory Resputant. Listen
as these friends play through absurd adventures inspired by cartoons like The Owlhouse and Gravity
Falls, a personal favorite of mine. The characters are over top, the
comedy is good spirited, and the puns never never end, which is exactly
what it's like spending an afternoon with Chris and Paige Klineki. Anyway. You
can find more information about Quest Friends at questfriendspodcast dot com, or you can
start listening right away by searching for Quest Friends with an exclamation point on your
favorite podcasting app. And now back to Oops All Bards. Wow Real a
perception check. Fourteen. You hear a clock chime in the distance. You
know that there was a certain there had been a certain number of chimes you
were supposed to listen for to tell you that it was time to go to
graduation, But you're not entirely sure if this is the right number of chimes?
Roll me another perception check ten. Normally, you're very attuned to all
of the small critters that can be found on the Major and Marshall campus.
The squirrels, the birds, the butterflies, butterflies, the clugs. Yes,
so you're very surprised when a squirrel starts to dart across your path,
but you didn't smell it coming. How's surprising, Chris? What do you
do once the squirrel runs across your path? Are school super is going on?
New perception? Jack? Oh? Nineteen? Where's it going? It's
it's heading in the direction away from the stadium where the graduation ceremony. Which
way should I go? It's graduation? But squirrel? Right? Yes,
so which way do you go? What's intelligence? Not? So? Two?
Yeah? You start running after the square. The squirrel has quite a
head start on you. I'm gonna get down on all fours and start.
When I go down on all fours, I can run a little bit faster
than I'm not. Just my two legs right, Okay, so the squirrel
is already about fifty feet past you. It's rule lost. Yeah, maybe
about six turns to catch up to. Well, since we're not an initiative,
we don't need to worry so much about that. But would you roll
me an athletics check please? Oh? Happily ten. The squirrel is still
pretty far ahead of you. The squirrel starts to double back, and it
runs towards that enchanted apple tree in the center of which my favorite apple tree.
All right, rolled me another athletics check. Oh, that's twenty five.
Just as the squirrel is getting to the first branch of the apple tree,
Ruckus leaps up off that bruanh Ruckus. We're gonna get canceled so fast.
He's just gonna skin its tail. He's gonna, okay, catch it
and not know what to do with it. No, yeah, so,
recke's what happens when you when you wind up on the branch next to the
squirrel. Well, I want to I want to do speak to animals,
maybe maybe burns first level spots before this thing gets gone. You see what
he's thinking? Sure? Great, okay, so I'll do an intelligent saving
throw to see if I remember to save my spell slots earlier. Okay,
that sounds smart. Great. Oh, fifteen saving throw. Okay, so
with the fifteen savings throw, you you second guess yourself. Maybe you shouldn't
speak with a squirrel, but you you, you do notice that the squirrel
is kind of like gotten up on its hind legs with its back against the
tree trunk and is looking very fearfully at you. Maybe maybe it's just surprised,
as eye was to see the squirrel starts to do that thing where they
like they chatter, And I'm gonna push my little button and say how well.
The squirrel like leaves because he's not used to hearing that noise coming from
Like. The squirrel has seen you around campus before. It knows who you
are. You are the only dog folk around campus, Chase. It has
been chased by you in the past. This is the first time it has
heard you speak. I'm gonna push the button again. Hello, I'm gonna
push the button, Rocke, I gestured to myself. The squirrel very tentatively
starts to walk toward you and sniffs your hand an animal handling check. You
may all right, let's eat. No sorry. It sniffs your hand and
then jumps back toward the tree trunk. And I'm going to say goodbye,
but I can't say that, so I'm going to say no hello a little
way far than rolly. An acrobatics check. Okay, seven, you are
going to not stick to landing the brush. Well, the branch is not
very strong, so as you start to jump down, you like hear the
branch beginning to crack, and instead of jumping down and landing on all fours,
which is what you were expecting to do, you do that thing where
like when a dog is playing and it jumps up in the air and it
lands on its back instead with the legs up in the air, and you're
going to take I wind it on my wooden shield. Eight points of falling
damage. You need to go to the infirmary frask first damage drill of the
campaign, and it's from falling out of a tree. Roll me another perception
check. As he's fallen, he's fallen. Perspective laying on, Yeah,
so because you're playing your back, Yeah, you're lying on. You're you're
lower than you're used to being, which means the sense that you're catching are
lower to the ground than what you're used to And you smell a fresh waffle
cone and ice cream being consumed somewhere near you. What what do you do?
I'm gonna see you get up and then go see what that is?
Perception check to follow this follow my nose, I think with with the with
the perception check that you rolled across the courtyard. You know the courtyard is
round, so this would be like the western end of the courtyard. You
see a small goblin child who is eating this enormous ice cream cone. It
looks so tasty. I hope. What what do you do as you approach
the goblin child? I'm gonna go in and say hello. So I'm gonna
walk up to it. Uh gonna ye, walk up the and I will
say hello. The goblin child starts to giggle at a point of myself,
and I'm gonna push the button on the sad rucous rack ive rucous. Yes,
whoa hi? Rack? If hello you christ mark me? Yes,
I'm not I don't know if I'm supposed to talk the strangers. Understand You
see that that she She looks really disappointed because she wants to pet the big
fluffy dog, but her mom told her not to talk to strangers. Dogs.
Stranger get down on like a dog that talks is a stranger. Yes,
you can roll a bear. Yes, okay, let's do a persua.
Let's make sure I don't what a lot of ers before. If you're
particularly persuasive, can you do that little like chirpy wine noise that dogs make
when they really want I think I get to go on my four paws with
like my my and the little girl giggles again. I'm dazy, Hello,
hi you dog? The question mark what no understand? Question mark? Can
I pet you? Yes? Yes? All right. So she's she's going
to kind of like toddle over to you. She's holding the ice cream red
deck check, just straight up dexterity. So some some ice cream starts to
drip out of her ice cream cone, but it lands just far enough away
that you can't lick it up while she's petting you. Watch pretty good,
but does it all pretty good? And so she like starts to pet you,
and she's like one hand here, one hand holding the ice cream,
and a trickle of ice cream actually drips into your eye, the one that
doesn't have the ie patch on, the one that doesn't have the eye patch
on. Okay, I'm gonna try to I guess blink it out would be
like a sleight of eye check. Yeah, I think I think you're gonna
try to off. Yeah, let's make that tongue. I think, yeah,
I think sleight of hand for this. Yeahright, cool seventeen you get
it. I'll taste it's delicious. I'm gonna roll for her. As you
do that, she throws a leg over you. It starts to like she
wants to ride, like like you're a little pony pony. She's gonna do
persuasion or an animal handling. I am part piecet parking. I'll let you
choose. We're gonna do persuasion. Check. Let me pull up the child's
that block because I had it, and would you have me roll against this
to see who's like, what's up? Yeah, yeah, yours. It's
going to be an intelligence check. Great, she's probably gonna win intelligent saving
throw against her. Great, she's probably gonna win negative water. She only
rolled up five. Where are we going? We're off to the races.
She she swings a leg over you and like forgets the ice cream cone just
like throws the ice cream cone on the ground, buries her hands and your
your fluff and and I say, go qustume Mark Well there to forget there.
She just just dropped the ice cream cone in front of you, so
know you have a decision to make. Can I actually yes, can I
point at it and say give rocus qustume Mark? And it's like on the
ground, like it's just like melting in the sun. Right, so like
grand is fair game? She she giggles, but doesn't actually respond. I'm
gonna totively go over to it and then oh, okay, great, I'm
gonna yeah, I devour it and like two bites and I'm gonna say many
good. Okay, this whole thing has been asture. Mark. Okay,
so I'm gonna run straight. Where are we going? You're gonna start running
in circles around and let's do boy a lot of strict to see she gets
tired. She is not dizzy. She is having fun. This is not
how I played on. This guy was reminding me of those rodeo events at
the Texas Rodeo where the little kids ride the sheep as long as they can.
That's what a lot of the side, That's what I was thinking,
except that she just rolled at seventeen to stay on for her, we have
already broken the area, like welcome to actual play in D and D.
We're actually playing D and D. We sure are Rock is really a perception
check? Please? Twenty two. You hear the sound of horses clothes coming
across the courtyard. What do you do. I'm gonna have to make an
intelligence check. Yes, I think you are. Let's say, actually would
be intelligence. I think that's more wisdom wisdom? Yeah, yeah, alright,
five. So it doesn't matter if it's intelligence, Sure doesn't. I'm
willing. I'm willing to see if she stays on your back for this.
Yeah. No, you take off running in the direction of the hooves and
she is still holding on. Oh, I'm gonna make so many friends today.
Did the ice cream kill me for any points? No? No,
it's just ice cream? Well pretty good, just like a video game,
literally anything. It's eight fifty potatoes for five points, right, like tag
Man, it's just ice cream. So you have Daisy riding on your back
and she she's a little scared at this point because you are running it a
full gallop towards these very large cart horses. Great, I'm gonna as I'm
running, I'm gonna reach up to my one pod and go on. Three
legs and golfing a little bit slower, and I'm gonna look up at her.
I'm gonna say you help, question Mark, help help. I'm gonna
say no, go, and I'm going to stop slowly. Okay. She
is going to very cautiously climb off of your back and give you like a
little pet on your head, and then stumble back toward where she was standing,
very shaky on her feet. You good, question Mark by no Hello,
I wave goodbye. Across the courtyard. You see her. You see
her toddling across the courtyard to her mother, or presumably blame her mother an
older goblin roll me o wisdom check here twelve. The goblin to whom she
is running her presumed mother you recognized as a professor from the university. Meanwhile,
the horses are getting closer. Well, I could get in trouble or
I go hang out with some horses. I wonder what we're doing. Everything
is your favorite, I know, Robby Wisdom check seventeen. You notice the
horses starting to come up toward you, two large card horses pulling a cart
of fireworks. Oh maybe we can race, maybe you but you realize that
if you keep going toward or following the horses. You are probably going to
be late for your graduation ceremony, which, oh, I have to be
a very good boy. And so you start to go in the direction from
once the horses came. Oh well, well, we'll lurish next time.
So exiting the courtyard, you wind up near the athletic fields. Okay,
cool, I'll go back on my hind legs for now. Okay, So
you're you're strolling through the along the athletic fields, will me a perception check
twenty one? You see a group of students playing football. Oh, bug
ball, which my favorite. Chris, what are the rules of bug ball?
Have you ever played Calvin ball? Nobody has ever played Calvin ball.
Oh, well, you're really missing out. So it is essentially a retooled
version of Calvin ball, which is of course credits do great Bill Waters and
Calvin and Hobbs admitted this sport. There are a couple of base rules.
Typically it's teams of four on four. There are two sort of large holes
on either side of a large pitch. That pitch is about one hundred and
twenty feet long or so, usually playing grass, but you can play anywhere.
It's just like this has become a professional sport. They've regulated in the
field. But the rules are the first team to get the ball in their
team's respective hole to score four times wins the game. But on your turn,
instead of doing you know, an action trying to like throw the ball
or run it down the field, you can also choose to make a new
rule with your with your turn. The rule that you make it can be
any rule that you want that changes how the game is played, with a
couple of exceptions. You can't say the rule is that we win. You
can't say the rule is anything other than the first person first team to four
points wins. But everything else is fair game. Am I remembering correctly that
you can't repeat rules in calvinball? Yeah? Why would you? Yeah?
Okay, r bugball use that same conceit also, sure, great? Okay.
So you see on the field eight people playing. That's a full game
of bug ball, and another five or six people kind of standing along the
side. Roll me a wisdom check. Seven. You don't recognize any of
them, but they wearing the green and orange ripe pants. They're not They're
just dressed in like street street clothes. It's a pick up game to pick
up. It picks you up when you play it. So so in this
pick me up game, you notice that one of the players on the field
is just like everybody is just running around this player. They're just like being
so outclassed by everybody else. Perhaps they're just new. Perhaps depending on how
you roll, you want to go help them. Let's say, what's it
going to be? That is going to be a wisdom nine. Oh yeah,
you want to go help them. Let's go help the I'm very curious
to see how rackus make rules with the twenty word limit. Well, we're
not we're not really going to find out because Rucus has gone off to the
bug ball field. Rucus, it's very late for graduation. Actually a D
ten Yeah, okay, ten D ten, a D Twenty's this one?
How many hours later? Time? Ten hours late, minutes minutes you're going
to be playing bug ball for ten minutes. You are going to be well,
that's a big game of bug ball. Usually they're over in like,
you know, fifty seconds or so. It might be it might be more
than one game. Maybe one of the rules that they invented. Yeah,
yeah, so you're you're going to spend your next ten minutes playing bug ball
instead of going to do I'm so happy, all right, so we're going
to leave you there. The green of Major and Marshall's Athletic fields eventually give
way to the green of the university's botanical gardens, and in a far corner
of the botanical gardens is where you'll find mage in Marshall's Medicinal Garden. This
belongs to Slouvere College, a low slung stone structure tucked behind the gardens,
designed to blend in with its surroundings, although a glamour helps with the camouflage.
The Medicinal Garden is not the draw for visitors that some of the botanical
gardens or nate topiaries and blooming flower fields are, but it is the source
of all the herbs and roots and berries used by the aspiring healer mages at
Mage and Marshall. Despite its cross university utilization, the Medicinal Garden is specifically
maintained by the Sloverdians, as it has been for centuries past. The kamameal
and lavender flowers and the shoots breaking ground above the ginger and garlic and turmeric.
There's a small cluster of ginkgo trees behind them. The strumming of a
guitar is just audible, Bob who's playing that guitar. To describe Klan Stumps,
you can you can start describing, or you can start with the song
and then do your description. Well, Kilonian is a Kilonian. Stumps is
a turtle, and a turtle is a large turtle. Person would be the
best way to by turtle, Yes, exactly. Kilonian himself is uh not
too tall average height. Uh, he is five' six. He has
muddy brownish green skin, and he's he's a bit scrawny for a turtle,
not very for a turtle. For a turtle, thank you, thank you.
Quite large for a turtle. I'll do that. Yeah, I'll do
that a lot probably. And so he he's strumming his guitar in the courtyard,
he's sitting down. He You notice his claws. He has uh what
would normally be like sort of long claws on his fingers, but these have
looked like we have have been filed down a little bit and they're a little
dull being used to strum his guitar. And on his back is his shell
which is rather large and has a few leather sort of backpacks almost like saddle
packs put on his shell, and sitting next to him is a little chicken
coop that also has some straps on it that looks like it would go on
his shell. And wondering around him is a little chicken that is pucking pecking
at the bugs in the garden. Is it like a white chicken with a
little red yep? Wonderful? Ya straight at elegentive Zelda, Yeah, perfect,
And so he's just strumming away, looks looking like he's having a great
time. He's got a straw hat that's a wide brimmed that's keeping the sun
out of his eyes as he's strumming, and he looks like he's just trying
to like sort of fire you're out a song or like put a song together?
What is what is he trying to figure out about the song? Oh?
Well, he's always writing a song. And at this particular time,
you notice by the way that his guitar on the body of the guitar is
painted in a sort of scribbly script peacemaker on his guitar, And right now
he's trying to figure out a way to sing about the peacefulness of nature because
he's sitting in this garden and it's very peaceful, and he's trying to figure
out the best way to describe the peacefulness of this garden. Strength will hear?
Real nice green, there's no ice, and I want to sit here
all day, but it's graduation days. I gotta go soon. What do
you think about that? Angel? Because that sounds good. Angel is the
chick, Angel is the chicken. Why don't you roll an animal handling check
to see how Angel feels about that'll be twenty one. Angel kind of sidles
up to you and like rubs her head on your elbow while you're playing.
Oh you like it, Angel? Great? Your approval metas not too?
I asked the songs liver or Died by the chickens. She's a headmaker.
The producer roll me a perception check. I taken a deep breath and it's
at fifteen in the distance. You hear the chime of the bell tower at
the school that tells you that it is about graduation time, and so if
you're going to graduation, then it should be time to start packing up your
things. What do you do? See? All right? Angel, I
think it's a bad time when we get over to graduation. Now, stands
up in a very totally fashioned, very slow, a little creaky in a
shell. How old is he? Because that's old for turtles. I checked
on this the other day. Turtles reach maturity at like fourteen, So I
think unless unless he is like a non traditional student, he went back to
school, he would be a little non traditional Keilonian has spent a lot of
time wandering. Okay, because because they reached adulthood at fifteen, So you
are you are a middle aged tortal. Okay, right, I forget the
gap year. That's a twenty four years young. They lived about sixty okay,
yeah, yeah, so okay, so you are you are a middle
aged turtle superseding. So yeah, we all knew that guy, all right,
So anyway, your your joints. Nobody can see this, but producer
Nate just pointed to himself. So yeah, so you you stand up kind
of creaky, pat the top of the chicken coop. Angel there, did
you go handling? Chick handling check twenty three. She hops right into the
chicken coop and then looks up at you like okay, I'm ready, picks
up the chicken coop, straps it onto his shell, picks up his guitar
still holds it out in front of him, plays a little bit as he's
walking out of the garden. I love this. So you're you're a strolling
a troubadour. Pretty empty campus at this point, because everybody is heading to
graduation. If they're not, they're already. You are walking across this campus
where you spent the last four years, first through the botanical gardens and then
back across the fields. I'm going to roll this one for you so you
don't have to stop playing. What is your modifier for perception? It's five.
So you notice as you're walking across the field, this this large dog
like being who you you recognize, You're friendly with him. This is Ruckus.
Yes, So so do you do you do anything when you see Ruckus
as you're walking across? I play a nice it's g cord for Rucas non
natural twenty perception, and so Rucus Rucas drops the ball for a moment and
notices you Hello, Hello, and the ball just goes flying past Ruggus.
You continue walking, Ruggis, so do you interrupt a game? I'm gonna
say hello and wave goodbye. So Ruggus, you've been again graduation Ruggus doesn't
hear that last bit because he's back to playing. So you're you're continuing.
You spell past the athletic fields, you go across the courtyard around which most
of the college, the colleges, the dorms are are built, and you
walk past enchanted grounds. What was your plus five on perception? That's right.
You look in the glass and you see that the coffee shop is pretty
empty except for a small woman standing behind the counter furiously scribbling in her journal.
Do you stop in say hello or do you keep going? Of course
I step in and say hello. That's my that's my pal, Clarice.
Okay, counter interaction. Let's go black coffee on mug. Oh you know
me so well, Chlorise. But I'm on my way to graduation. Well,
before you go, I've got a few crumbs for Angel. Just get
turned around and all submit there. He like sort of lifts the lid of
the coop on his back and leans like her back, and Clarice climbs onto
the actual bar the coffee counter in order to reach the height that is needed
to drop some bread crumbs in for Angel the chicken. Okay, Angel loves
it. I assume check twelve. She gladly accepts the crumbs, but doesn't
really interact with you there. Okay, she had a lot of bugs this
morning in the garden, but I'm sure she appreciates them. It comes as
she always does. How are you doing to day, cluise? Everything is
awful? Thank you? Oh that's my cluise. You go rock that graduation
man? Oh you bet? You do? You leave? I leave?
Okay, so long, Luise. You see there by black coffee on mug?
Do you keep? You keep walking toward Memorial Stadium. When you get
to the door through which the graduates are being are being funneled, you see
somebody who knows you from from the college, from uh some classes that you've
taken. It's another fellow Slavertian, small little gnome. It has always been
just kind of present, not really super interactive with anybody, but looks really
pumped to be there today. What I'm like, Hey, yeah, hey,
you stomps, it's a graduation day. Hey there, roll an intelligence
chick to remember your name? Ooh hey there nine intelligence chick. Hey there
friend, Yeah hey there roller persuasion check to think that I remember your name?
Twenty not a natural, not a natural one. Oh hey, there,
you will tell me to see you stumps graduation such a big you know
where your ropes. Oh well, I'm glad to be here as well,
but I'm gonna be staying right here. And he takes his takes the chicken
coop off of his back and sets it down right at a spot that is
visible to everyone going inside, but not in the way. Okay, uh
unknown gnome that that would be a good band name for It's like, okay,
well bye. He just starts to go still lone and Julie the ceremony.
All right, so you are now setting up our first misconnection. What
are you setting up for? Well, I've sit I set myself down,
and I pull out a little sign that says make love not War and puts
it in front, puts it in front of his His guitar case is leather,
leather, sort of more of a leather guitar satchel that a guitar fits
into. He puts it inside and he just sits on down by the sidewalk
and starts playing a little song. Bring a speaker who speaks peace, ten
your ear tenure, ear tenure here, Bring a speaker who speaks peace?
Ten your ear tenure ere tenure hear old time your ear, turn your heart
with the words that you hear. Bring a speaker who speaks peace. Ten
your ear tenure ear tenure ear Probably a performance check. I worked on that
one. Under the Ginkgo Trees fourteen. A couple of students kind of pause
as they're coming into graduation and notice you. One person tries to give you
money, but notices that you don't have a hat or your guitar case or
anything set up, and just kind of of like shrugs, Yes, can
they give it to the chicken. Let's see if it's even then yes.
If it's odd, then it's odd. So no, they do not give
them money to the chicken. That's fine. I'm out here. It's been
in love. So so nobody actually like pauses to really engage with you.
And they're all, I feel like I'm having a conversation with Bob Dylan right
now. So they're they all like, they look at you, they notice.
Some of them might give you a nod or something on the way in,
but they're all going in, why are you protesting? I'm protesting because
they've chosen at this wonderful occasion, to bring in Gideon storm Caller Overa's acting
Secretary of War as the commencement speaker. Now, I know we're not at
war right now, but I think it's really important on a momentous occasion such
as today to know that there's other paths to take besides war. And you
know, people deserve right to speak, deserve to hear what you got to
say. But you know, sometimes at an occasion like this, some voices
don't get to be heard. And I want the voice of peace loud and
clear. Do you do you say any of that out loud? I do?
In between verses perfect the songs breakdown. Yeah. So coming across the
yard that it poses as the entrance to Memorial Stadium, you see a familiar
figure Andrik you are running late? You have have you finally got your robes
on? At least? Yeah? Andrick has he's he had to take off
the sword, take off his duster, put the robe on, strapped the
sword around and is carrying his duster in his arms. Where's the scroll?
Uh? He tucked it actually, like in his back pocket. Okay,
do you roll me a perception check? That's gonna be a twenty two.
So as soon as you enter the vicinity, you you hear this guitar playing,
and you look across and you see your old friend Kilonian Stumps. Do
you approach him? Yes, okay, who could resist? I've been all
those students. I don't know what the neil is. So none of us
have any ability to stay on task, is what I'm getting, except for
except for Chris, who is not trying to stay on task. Okay,
not today's Stumps. Why today? Come on? You should celebrate with the
rest andreck. You of all people, a man of remembrance to know that
today is the best day. Why are you doing this? Well, let
me tell you. I mentioned it a moment ago, which you weren't here.
So do you just repeat the whole storm collar storm collar piece and you
realize that secretary storm collar is one of the reasons you're able to do what
you're doing right now. Of course I know that, but you know other
people standing around might not. Why don't you tell him? Yes, wisdom
chat for me. Actually, wisdom savings throw wisdom saving, wisdom saving throw
garbage. You gotta get more of this dice. Oh boy, you're killing
it. It's almost as if you've been so distracted by preparing to be the
Marshal today, that you have forgotten why you're actually here. By that,
I assume that you mean because the because the end of the war thirty years
ago. Pacifism is a luxury. He turns and continues into the ceremony grounds.
Passifism is a gift, a gift. Ten you, ten you.
We just broke our producer. When you hear Stumps responding to you, what
do you do? I look back, I reach under the robe and like
just kind of like roll, like run my fingers over the scroll that I'm
holding. Do you turn or go back to Stumps or do you continue on?
No? I I I hear, I hear Stumps, but I do
not turn an acknowledge. I'm I'm going I have a job to do.
Stumps roll me a persuasion check eighteen andreck rull me an insight check also eighteen
M. Even the match you are, you are very evenly matched, best
of three. So I'm gonna say with that tie, it's gonna go to
two stumps here. So you pause as Stumps is playing this, just long
enough to really think about what he's saying, and then you hear from inside
the stadium with all speakers and presenters. Please report to the day as immediately
the commencement is about to begin. Hendrick, here's that strides up his eyes
just kind of scanning, just seeing who from his family is around, if
anyone. So, you have not quite entered the stadium yet. You're at
you're near the door where all of the graduates are meant to enter. But
because you're on you're going to be presenting from the stage, you are actually
meant to go around to the other to another door that's closer to the stage.
Run me a wisdom check. Nine. You don't remember that you're supposed
to go through a separate entrance. You're going to have to go through the
entire graduated class to get up to the dais where you're supposed to be.
I do think realizing that, I think it would actually scoot around the side,
like is this where, like you know, is there an island a
center island? Yeah, he would do with the scoot around the side,
and then like, okay, so you wanted to see if you if you
see anybody from your family there. So families and friends are going to be
seated up in the stands. Roll me a perception check with disadvantage. Because
there are a lot of people there, you do not find yourself really able
to make out any faces in the crowd. You start to make your way
to the stage. As you begin to ascend the stairs, you know that
Belle is standing just off the side of the stage with some of the other
students from from her dance. True, do you acknowledge Belle or any of
the other dancers? Could I interrupt and just say that Belle is and all
that the dancers are just passing around water bottles between them, Okay, all
right? Are the are the water bottles perhaps branded for either Flatley Hall or
for your your dance group, probably a mix, and also for their Jubilation
festival. Like it's just they all were like, we will get any container
of water and we can get our hands on. So we're just we're just
trying to keep from bloating so we don't fart during the dance. Performance is
a very athletic performance and the costumes are not very forgiven. Andrew, when
you see just like how many people are are you with, I'm going to
say like a total of twelve. Okay, So when you when you see
the dozen dancers all like passing around water like their lives depend on it.
How do you react? I don't think I do it all. I think
head down, not your problem. So you you begin to ascend the stage.
The stage there except for like a quick glance when he sees that Monahan
is among them. Who's moving on hand? Says the audience, and also
the just the other camera is also here, is among the dancers? Yes,
okay, but you don't you don't acknowledge that was rough? Okay?
All right? Just does Monahan see you don't know? Does he? I
don't, I don't have I don't know who Monihan is. You've just introduced
a new character to me. So welcome to D and D. Monahand sees
you. Lots of eyes with you as you're sending the stairs, like a
lot of eyes with you, walt chugging water around the glass like there there's
just a look and a and okay, would Jane Austen call it a cut
direct? Yeah? All right, there's some tension there of energy. I
love it. I love it. As you send the stairs, you hear
the Mage and Marshall band begin to play the College song. And that's where
we are going to finish. Episode one, Oops All Bards is created,
GMed, and directed by Gillian Ashley Blair Ivy. This episode was produced,
edited, and sound designed by Nate Runkle. Oops All Bards stars Ashley Banks
as Bell Cernamo and Coleman as Clarice Sauerkloud, Ross Curry as Andrek Harrowhold,
Chris Klinecki as Poochedin Ruckus, Bob Killian as Kilonian Stumps, featuring Paige Klinecki
as the voice of the bark Buttons. The Oops all Bard's theme song is
by Bob Killian with additional lyrics by Jillian Ashley Blair Ivy. Oops All Bards
is executive produced by the porch Room. We are part of the Portroom network
on spreaker Prime. For more information, visit oopsalbards dot com. Thanks and
be sure to subscribe to oops All Bards on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or
your podcatcher of choice. We'll see you next time. Wow. Hi,
everyone, Michael won last Time Mission Rejected has just been nominated for the Audio
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