Welcome back to the Black Girl Experience. I'm your host, Jasmine Dang.
Yeah. What's up, y'all? What's up? I miss y'all so much.
Ear hooks to all of my listeners, to all my followers, to
all my supporters. I miss y'allum, and I'm happy to be here.
Like, I didn't even think that I was gonna come on here and here
record today at all. I had no idea that I was gonna come on
here and record an episode. It's the middle of the evening or it's damn
near nighttime, miss eight o'clock, but something in me just made me want
to hop on here. So I was actually on my phone and I was
looking at the Anchor app, which is not even Anchor anymore. They updated
the Anchor app and you know that like partner with Spotify, so not an
app just say podcasters. But I don't use Anchor anymore because I record on
a different platform. Um but anyway, I was on an Anchor app and
I was just scrolling through just looking at like, um my my numbers,
you know, my overall plays and just the episodes on there. Just just
a little moment of nostalgia and um, I came across when I posted the
video, like the YouTube video that I recorded when I was in California,
and I clicked on it and I ain't watched the whole video. First of
all, it was just kind of like uh, because I was looking at
myself and and this, this is this is the the harsh critic in me.
I looked at the video. I was like I was, I was,
I'm smaller now, But to me on the video, I was like
I was big as fuck, Like bitch was looking a little blue up face
was looking swallow, titties was popping off THEMN shirt. Um, it's all
funny how you can see the difference, like when you see like old pictures
or videos of yourself, Like yeah, I mean, I'm still not where
I want to be now, but I wasn't at that, Like damn,
baby girl was a little swallowed. It was giving unbigio back now. But
yeah, but I liked I loved that video though, Like first of all,
I loved where I shot it at, where I recorded it at,
like, um, it was just very high quality. Um, they were
super professional, Like I like that, and that that's what That's what made
me hop on here. That's what gave me the inspiration to even come on
here because I really want to get back in my content bag. I want
to get back in my content creation bag. I really need to. I've
never really been super consistent on YouTube. Like I've had my moments where I've
recorded my little videos and I post them and then I delete them either like
the videos when I used to be at the crept. And that's the thing.
I'm an old Chris Brown asking, you know Chris Brown been deleting his
Twitter and all that. That's me. I always be deleting the shit.
And I just think about, imagine if I would have kept all the videos
that I ever recorded on YouTube. But I'm talking about the home videos,
the videos when I used to be in the studio recording them, the video
from then, Like you know what I'm saying, just to look at the
progress and just to also take me back to that mindspace and be able to
fuel that creativity in me. But you know, I always be deleting shit.
But it's cool whatever. Like I have I still have ideas in a
vision for where I want to go with the ship, but just kind of
clicking on that and watching it for that high second kind of just like fuel
to fire in me. It kind of inspired me, and it just made
me think, like one thing that I do want to do. First of
all, I do want to go back to Cali fucking asap. And I
do want to link up with my fave y'all already know, And we had
planned to do this even when I was living there. Me and Panda wanted
to record a podcast episode, and we just need to record an episode,
period, because like me and her would be a dope collaboration together, just
like on a friendship podcast or whatever. But like me and her really be
having some really great conversations, Like I damn near talk to her every fucking
day and I'm not gonna lie. She really pulled me up out of a
funk maybe like two days ago for real, like and I even said this
to somebody. I think it was yesterday, and I was like, I
ain't gonna lie. I feel like I'm depressed, like not like a I
don't know, And I hate saying that. I don't know why. I
don't know. I don't know why I have the shame around saying that,
but because I don't be wanting people to think that I'm not okay. But
again that's that strong black woman always got to keep it together, you know
up front that we put up for the world. But I just I just
don't be wanting people to think like I'm, you know, at my wits
end and I'm gonna off myself or some shit like that, Like I don't
want to like because I'm gonna be okay, Like you know, I'm gonna
be okay. But I was telling somebody, I was like, yeah,
like I feel like I'm a high functioning depressed person, you know what I'm
saying, Like I've really been in a funk. I've really been in this
like just low vibration, this low space and you know. And I had
another conversation with somebody else and it was like, yo, chakras are blocked.
And they told me, like, your root chakra is blocked, heart
chakra is overactive. And I had an attitude when they was telling me this,
but only because I knew that it was true. They was like,
baby girl, you don't even you ain't even pass the throat, like you
you're not even really passed the heart real talk, don't even act like you
at the crown. And I was like, Wow, this person is really
reading me for fiilth right now, and um, I did. I had
an attitude about it and it was it also, Um it just really made
me realize that the truth does hurt. The truth does hurt, you know
what I'm saying. I did have an attitude, but I wasn't telling that
person like no, it ain't. You know what I'm saying, Like I
agree, And I told him, I'm like, you're right, you know
what I'm saying. And it just it don't It don't feel good. The
truth don't feel good. I ain't gonna lie to truth hurt, you know
what I'm saying. And it's it makes you self reflected, makes you take
accountability, It makes you want to sit down and be like, hey,
I really got to pull it together. And I've been having a lot of
conversations these past couple of days where where I was just self reflecting, like
damn, I really gotta get my shit together. I really gotta get a
plan. I know why I feel stagnant. I know why the energy in
my life feels stagnant. I know why I feel stagnant. I know why
I feel stuck. I know why I feel like I'm in a rut.
I know why I feel like I'm in this low energy, this low vibration,
and like you know what I'm saying, I do. I have a
lot going on. And another thing is I really really have a bad problem
of internalizing my problems and my emotions and my thoughts. Last night, I
was having a panic attack. I felt like I was gonna die. And
that's something that I was experiencing back when when I had my when I fainted
and shit like that, and I was just not feeling very well. I
was, I was going through the motions and that ship that I was experiencing
was panic attacks, and I was feeling like that last night. And it's
because that's how and that's how you know how powerful the fucking mind is,
because whatever you think about you are going to expound on. You know what
I'm saying. Whatever you focus on, you put all of your energy into
that and you create more of that and manifesting your life. So with me
thinking all of this negative shit and all this what if and what if,
and like you know, I have a lot going on, and I'm trying
to figure a lot of shit out and I'm more one thing that I've always
known about myself, and I think this is something that was subconsciously programmed in
my mind. I will never forget this. When I was in middle school,
my dad, I don't even know who bought it for us. At
the time, my dad was married and I had a step sister who was
two years older than me. Somebody bought us like these gifts, maybe for
Christmas. And it was like our name and it was it was this ship
that got framed. It was our name, our zodiac sign and like the
characteristics of our zodiac sign and all of that. And I remember it said
all this shit about pisces, and pisces are pessimists. They are we can
be, we are, we are pessimists, we are the victim, we
are all of that. You know what I'm saying, You know, the
unhealthy trace of the Pisces. And I remember that back in the day,
back then, it said that that I was very pessimistic. And I remember
back then, I didn't know what pessimistic meant. I didn't know what it
meant. And I don't know if that was something that was subconsciously programmed in
me because I read it. And then you know, as time goes on,
you grew up and you learn what the fucking mean. But I am
a pessimist. I am a person that sees the glasses half empty and not
half full. I've always been that way. I've always been that way,
you know what I'm saying. And I'm not gonna lie. I tend to
focus more on the negative than the positive. And that's something that I'm actively
trying to change and that I recognize in myself. And so last night,
again, like I said, I've just been I've been going through a lot.
I've been thinking about a lot, and you know, I'm just gathering
my my thoughts and my ideas and my plans for myself, and I'm trying
to figure out what where am I putting my eggs? Am I putting these
bitches in one basket? Am I getting a bunch of baskets and putting my
eggs in there? Am I just going fucking take a run for it?
Like, I have a lot going on, and it's it's a lot weighing
on me. It's a lot to consider, it's a lot to think about.
You know, I got real big life shit going on, and I'm
just trying to figure out how I want to go about it. Another thing
is I'm thinking about what the world is gonna say, what the world is
gonna think, which when in actuality of that shit fucking matters. It doesn't
matter, but it does matter to me. You know what I'm saying,
and I feel like, honestly, I feel like it matters to everybody.
You are lying, ass motherfucker if you think or if you say that you
don't care about what people say or what people think, because niggas do people?
Do you care? You know what I'm saying, You fucking care,
don't lie? And me, I'm a career period, I'm a carreer.
I'm a care bearer. Nigga, I care period. I'm emotional as fuck.
I'm a pisces. Like I care, I feel you know what I'm
saying, So I do care. I mean, I don't care, but
I do care in the same breath. So and I'm just trying to get
over there, like niggas is gonna talk regardless, people are gonna judge you
people. You know what I'm saying, Who gives a fuck? And my
thing is, niggas shouldn't even care about what the fuck I'm doing or what
I got going on. You should be focused on your own fucking life.
You know what I'm saying. And as much as people claim that they don't
care about me and what I got going on, why the fuck, Why
the fuck would you even comment or care to comment or you know what I'm
saying. And you know, but that comes with life, It comes with
the territory. It's gonna come with the path that I'm on. That niggas
is gonna have shit to say. And that's why you gotta be secure within
yourself. You have to be rooted, you have to be grounded, you
have to know who you are. You can't give a fuck what nigga's got
to say about you, because they're gonna talk regardless. Nigga's gonna talk if
you're doing good, they're gonna talk if you're doing bad. So just do
you period. So Yeah, I've been having a lot of conversations this week,
and I've been noticing, like I really just don't want no bullshit in
my fucking life. I don't want to bullshit in my life. I don't
want to bullshit ass people in my life. I don't want to know fake
people in my life. I don't want know phony people in my life.
I just I don't I damn near don't even really want to share what the
fuck I got going on in my personal life with people, you know what
I'm saying, because number one, I don't want to be judged and I
just don't want to hear. I just don't give a fuck about Nigga's opinions
because I'm moving how I want to move, and I'm doing what I want
to do and however I feel, it's what the fuck I'm going with.
And one thing that I will say is that you gotta have people around you
that support you and are going to be there for you, to have your
back and be honest with you, but not enable you. You know what
I'm saying. I don't want nobody that's gonna be with the fuck shit like,
oh, you know, just letting me do whatever. But one thing
that I do respect about my homegirl Panda, is that she'd like, girl,
I'm with you regardless, you know what I'm saying, and I'm not
gonna judge you on whatever you want to do. And one thing that I've
been doing myself is like really trying not to judge other people, especially in
their romantic relationships, because that's your fucking relationship that's your situation. You're gonna
do what you want to do, nigga, because I'm gonna do what I
want to do in mind, you know what I'm saying. And I don't
have the cookie cutter, picture perfect relationship, you know what I'm saying,
So nigga, don't judge me. And that's another another reason why I'm just
not oversharing with people because my shit is not regular at all. You know
what I'm saying. The way that me and my man is game together,
it is not regular. Our situation not regular. The shit that we want
to do in life is not regular. So it's it's gonna be judged,
it's gonna be talked about, and at the end of the day, I
can't care about that. But I just know how I want to move in
my situation. What else, what else? What else? But what I
was saying, what I was saying was that, yeah, I do want
to go back to Cali because me and Panda do need to collab and do
an episode, like I really want to do an episode with her, but
just period, I want to get back into my content creation. Shout out
to Organically Authentic um. His juices are bombs. Fuck he make like I
don't don't let me get to line, but I think I right. One
of his juices that he made it was like a strawberry hibiscus lemonade some like
all natural type shit. It was very very good. I need to get
some more from him. But um, he also is into podcasting. It
has his own podcasts and he like filmed his ship. He's been going crazy
with the editing on his own ship. And that's really what I need because
I don't got time, Like I'm really a record and drop ask nigga.
You know what I'm saying. If I record something, especially video, like,
I don't know how to do video editing or nothing like that, and
that might be something that I really need to learn how to do, especially
with the lane that or you know where I'm going with my show. I
don't know if my nigga know how to do like I don't know if he
for real know how to edit videos. But that's that's gonna be a thing.
But I need to link with organically authentic self a show and start getting
some YouTube videos off of the podcast in the end. That's another thing.
The other day I was thinking about, I'm like, you know, I'll
be making, um, I'll be making little yoga reels or whatever on Instagram.
But I need to do like a full flow and start making YouTube yoga
videos and posting a bitches. So I just really got to get in my
bag. But again, I just I think one thing that holds me back
is that I'm not in the space that I want to be in right now.
I'm not in the space where I, you know, where I really
want to record a video. Like, I got a vision that I see
for myself, and I got a certain way that I want shit to be
done. But Nikki, you gotta do what you can with where you are.
So that's the thing. What else was I about to say? I
had actually came on here and recorded an episode. It was a few days
ago, and I had recorded maybe about thirty forty minutes of an episode,
and I stopped it because I just I wasn't really feeling it. Like everything
that I was saying was some real as shit, but I just I didn't
want to post it. And when I was talking about it, I was
kind of talking in circles and kind of going around, you know, just
kind of beating around a bush about a certain thing. Because I didn't really
want to share everything that I was talking about, and I hadn't talked to
the person that I had the issue with about it, and I'm like,
I just I don't know, I just didn't want to upload it. And
then I end up having a conversation with the person and you know, it
blew up for a second, but then it blew over, you know,
as always, but it was just whatever. But whatever. Here I am
today recording, so you know, yeah, I just have a lot that
I I need to do and I want to do. But yeah, oh
that was what I was saying. I don't know if I finished talking about
that when I talked to Panda the other day, Like she just put me
in a really good space, in a good headspace, Like we just had
a really good conversation. And oh, that's one thing I was thinking before
I came on here, like I ain't gonna lie. I'll be having to
give my people they flowers for real, like for real, And you need
to do that in your life, whoever you need to get your flowers to
give them to them, to do today. Call your friends, call your
homies, whoever, tell them you love them, you appreciate them. I'm
talking about your real ass friends, not them fake. I don't know.
I hope y'all niggas don't got fake friends. But a lot of people got
fake ass friends out here that you know, Oh, we just go party,
or we go on trips, or we just do this, or we
just take pictures for the GRAM or niggas that's not really their friends. You
got to really have people that are there for you, that support you,
that uplift you, that pour into you, that you know that can be
there for you mentally, spiritually, emotionally, financially, whatever. You know
what I'm saying, Like, people that's really there for you, people that
really see you for who you truly are and are supportive of that. You
know what I'm saying, because I feel like, um, you know,
i'd be feeling like a lot of people. You might you might have people
in your life or feel like you got friends, and them niggas don't even
really see you or know you for who you truly are. You know what
I'm saying, And it's how I know. Um example, So with Panda
like she brought this up recently. I don't know why we brought this up.
Oh, I think maybe we were talking about how like I haven't really
been recording and stuff like that, and we had a conversation about like the
whole job thing with me. She was like, anytime that you like,
you know, like I'm not like I'm not feeling like myself, or I
get in those weird places I don't be recording or you know what I'm saying,
or if I'm working a job that I hate or whatever I get in,
I get in those spaces and I'm just not me. I'm not creative,
I'm not creating. I'm not you know what I'm saying. But you
could tell when I'm in my bag and when I'm on my ship and when
I'm doing something that I love because I flourish and I thrive. And so
that's what I mean, Like she knows that about me. You know what
I'm saying. She sees me for who I am. It's people in my
life that don't see me for who I am. Don't support this, and
not that you have to support the podcast or anything like that, but just
don't know me as a person. You know what I'm saying. My own
family members that want me to live a certain type of lifestyle or just work
a regular job and just don't even understand the unhappiness or the depression or you
know, the ship that comes behind that, because that's not who I am,
you know what I'm saying again, just not seeing me for who I
am. So it's very important to have people that see you for who you
are. And another thing that I was thinking about before I came on here
was between her and my man. It's like, you know, they say
that you shouldn't be the smartest person in the room, or you shouldn't be
whatever. You shouldn't be the you know, the best person out of all
your friends, the smartest, the most paid, whatever. It is like
you you need to be in a different room, or you need to you
know what I'm saying, or you need to find you a new group of
friends. Between her and my man, that's how I feel like. I
feel like I'll be feeling like they both are light years ahead of me,
like just with the wisdom and spiritually and that Like I love that because they'd
be putting me onto some shit and they really be talking that ship to me,
and I'd be like, I'm so grateful to have people like that around
me because a lot of times I feel like, you know, when I
have people around me, I'll be feeling like I gotta bring them up to
my level or you know what I'm saying. I don't want to necessarily say
with friends, but definitely with niggas. I've always felt like I got to
bring niggas up to my level. But with those two, I just really
feel like they really teach me a lot and really, you know, and
like I said, i'd just be feeling like they light years ahead of me.
So I really to appreciate that about them and a presence in my life.
M You know another thing that I was told other day, like I
need to be reading more. And somebody was telling me like, you got
all these books and you don't even be a you don't even be applying and
stuff to your life. I just I gave somebody. I bought somebody a
book and they like, man, you don't when the last time you read
this book, because you're you don't you don't apply this to your life,
you do? You know what I'm saying. They'd be telling me shit about
the book every day and I'm like, I do need to read it.
But that's something that I said on here before I got a fucking I got
tubs of fucking books untouched, unread, you know what I'm saying, just
skimmed through. Like, but then I'll be sitting around all day and be
like, oh, well, I was just chilling today. It was a
chill day. Like, nigga, you ain't even pick up a fucking book.
You ain't read a fucking page, you know what I'm saying. So
it just be shit like that. But again, um, it's also okay
to just be. It's okay to just sit in solitude. It's okay to
not do nothing. It's okay to you know, sit in silence and maybe
your answers are gonna come to you like that. It's okay to just rest.
It's okay to just take a moment, you know what I'm saying.
Like, and that's another issue that I have. I always feel like I
have to be doing something. You know, It's always something, you know
how as we feel like I gotta do something, and it's like, no,
nigga, you could. You probably just need to be you know what
I'm saying, And you probably need to relax because again, I have a
lot of thoughts, I have a lot of emotions that I don't really be
processing. I just internalize that shit and let that shit just bottle the fuck
up, because I'll be out in this bitch being a therapist to every fucking
body else but myself. And that's why i really want to go to therapy,
because I'm like, nigga, this is years and years of trauma,
years and years of emotional distress, years and years of fucking you know what
I'm saying, just stress and just life, Nigga, that I'm never ever
really processed for real, you know what I'm saying. The most of I've
processed is on the motherfucking podcast, talking amongst myself, talking to my friends
or and that, and even that is very minimal because I've always been a
person like I don't want to be a burden to nobody else. I don't
want to be laying my problems out on the table for number one, for
niggas to judge me, or number two, just you know what I'm saying,
And again, everybody always fucking comes to me. And again, taking
it back to last night, that's probably why I was having a fucking panic
attack because all of that shit inside when you think about that ship, all
of the shit that you got going on in your fucking mind, all of
the emotions you got trapped in your body. That's why yoga is also very
important. It's a great way to release emotional trauma. It's a great way
to you know, move your body and get get all that shit moving,
you know what I'm saying, to release things, because emotions be trapped in
our body. You know what I'm saying, All those feelings, all those
all those feelings, all of that Say you got a blockthroat chocker, Say
you don't speak up for yourself, say you don't speak your mind. All
of that shit just holding it in with nowhere to go, nowhere to be
released, you know what I'm saying, Just building up over time. So
last night I was having a fucking panic attack, and it was like I
got up and I start trying to stretch and breathe, and I was like,
if you've never had a panic attack, it literally feels like you're about
to fucking die. That shit as scary as hell. And it's like imagine
trying to stretch and breathe and calm down and tell yourself like that it's okay.
You like, and I'm still just anxiety just through the fucking roof.
I had on meditation music and that shit was nothing was helping. I was
feeling like I was about to die. And then I don't know, somehow
I isn't fall in the fuck asleep. But it's just like, bro,
like you know what I'm saying, The helper needs help, the healer needs
to be healed, the therapist needs therapy, the you know what I'm saying,
like for real, for real, it's just it's so much. It's
so much. And then and then I sit up here and I put on
that strong black woman motherfucking mask and shield, like but I don't want your
niggas to think that I'm not okay, you know what I'm saying, But
it is half a half. It's like I don't want to try to think
that I'm not okay. But also it's like, yeah, I ain't gonna
lie. I'd be going through shit, um and I ain't gonna lie.
A bitch make it look fucking easy. And I understand that's why a lot
of people hate me. I understand that's why a lot of people be jealous
in me. I understand why niggas be like, fuck this bitch thing sheet,
you know, what I'm saying, because I make the shit look fucking
easy. You know what I'm saying. I'm still walking around want a smile
on. I'm still walking around with my with my mental sanity because I make
this shit look fucking easy, and it's not imagine really being in misery or
being unhappy. And it's like, god, damn, this's been still cool
though. She's still she's still cool. She's still cool. Like yeah,
So it's just a lot going on, and like I said, major moves
and plays being put on the flow, and I ain't gonna lie. I'm
scared to death, but I gotta do it. You know what I'm saying.
I gotta do it. I gotta do it. Everything is just a
fucking learning experience. Like this yoga journey been so crazy, this whole like
becoming a yoga teacher, looking back at yoga teacher training and how far I've
come so far, and again like what month is this? This is this
is now June, So in four more months, it'd be a year that
I've been doing fucking yoga. And even with that, like a lot of
times I'll be feeling like I overworked myself with that, I'll be yoga every
damn day, yoga every damn day, Yoga every damn day, Yoga every
damn day, Yoga every damn day, Yoga every damn day. And now,
um, you know I'm teaching it, but I feel like I ain't
really Um, I feel like I ain't really done, like a class one
the last time I did a class, M what was the last class on
too? I mean I have been doing classes, but not how I was
before, you know what I'm saying. And for me personally, I like
to when I'm teaching my classes, I do like to teach and all that,
but I kind of like to participate as well. I don't know if
I said this on here before, but I think just for my style of
yoga and what I do in my personal class, like I don't have to
do the whole class fool out with niggas, but there are certain things that
I do with people, and I think by people watching me do certain parts,
like when I get to the balance opposes, I do that with niggas
because it's gonna challenge them and it's gonna motivate them to do it, to
stick it out, you know what I'm saying. Because if not niggas that
just fall out. I'm like, Okay, you know what I'm saying.
But if you got the teacher in front of you holding that bitch and it's
like, damn, hold on, let me, let me try to hold
this too, let me. You know what I'm saying, It like it
puts that competitive spirit in there, but I feel like in a in a
more motivation no way. And also I'm never I don't think that I make
people make it feel like it's a competition because I'm encouraging you, like,
hey, if you if you fall out, hot back in, you got
it type. You know what I'm saying. I'm talking to Nigga's walk,
So I don't know, it's just a different vibe with me. If you
don't know, you have to come take a class with me and just the
whole process with that, Like becoming a yoga teacher, Nigga, I knew
that I wasn't gonna be a millionaire the day that I graduated a yoga teacher
training. I knew that it was gonna be a struggle. I knew.
You know what I'm saying, These are things that I knew. These are
literally things that I told myself like Jasmine, you ain't gonna be making x
amountama, you know what I'm saying, Like I already know that it's a
process and all of that, and you know, I think about the goals
and the the plans that I have for myself and yoga and creating my own
yoga brand. It's so much like you know what I'm saying, A nigga
ain't even just doing. I haven't even fulfilled just my everyday shit that I'm
trying to do for myself, just basic shit, you know what I'm saying.
In my own home life as a mother and like having a stable foundation
myself, I haven't even got that together. So imagine thinking about like,
oh, I want to open a yoga studio one day, I want to
do this. I want to create a brand. You know what I'm saying.
I still ain't even really got podcast it off the ground. I don't
have a fucking merch line yet. It's it's so many things that I haven't
you know what I'm saying, It's so fucking much. It's so fucking much.
If somebody threw me a million dollars, I can start getting this shit
on the fucking you know what, I'm saying, I had I would be
dropping shit like crazy. But it's it's a lot. It's an motherfucking process,
you know what I'm saying. The other day, I follow Laundrille on
Instagram. I love Laundrille. I love his fucking music, I love his
vibe everything. I love everything about him. So he was on Live.
He gets on Live on Tuesday mornings at ten o'clock and he does like a
meditation and then he does a question and answers, and so he was doing
the meditation. I ain't gonna lie. I fell asleep during the meditation and
I woke back up, and as soon as I woke up, baby,
he was speaking to me. He was talking about like understanding that abundance is
our birthright. Basically, he was talking about the lack of mindseting. He
was talking about trying to escape yourself or escape where you are. Somebody had
asked a question about like, you know, I really want to start my
business or I'm feeling caught to start my business and go somewhere else, but
I don't know whatever, and he was basically just saying, like, don't
try to escape yourself. You know what I'm saying, you got, and
you got to understand that. It's a fucking mindset. He like, at
the end of the day, your business is where you are, you know
what I'm saying. Of course, it's great to go somewhere else and whatever
or relocate or whatever, but you have to be okay with what you have
and you have to work with what you have and where you are in this
moment. You know what I'm saying. Abundance is not something that you can
chase or go get. It's always within you, you know what I'm saying,
So you have to seek it within yourself. And like it was just
a message for me because y'all know, like I don't want to be in
Detroit. I've said there's a million times on here. Y'all know how to
made moves before to get the fuck up out of here and had to come
back. And it's like, I just don't see my life being here,
you know what I'm saying. I don't feel like the calling over my life
and the things that I want to do and the things that I see myself
doing, like I don't see it being here. And and although I don't
see it being here, I'm still not again, but again, being in
this like funk or being in this in this space mentally, I haven't been
created. So it's like, yeah, you don't even want to be here,
but you're not even you know what I'm saying, You're not even creating.
You're not even doing what you're supposed to be doing while you're here.
So it's just a lot. But that message was like really for me for
sure. And you know, like I said, I've just been kind of
looking at the relationships and the people around me and just being very selective about
the energy that I want around me and the conversations that I want to have
and all of that, and you know, it's just I just this is
it's a lot of observation going on within myself and with my life, and
you know, just self reflecting and understanding that there's a lot more that I
can do, saying prove, but it also having that grace with myself and
being gentle with myself because I feel like I am very hardsh I feel like
I am all a critical of myself. I think I do go super hard
on myself, and you know, and also just trying to really nourish and
pour into myself because you know, I do overgive. I do like to
be everything to everybody else and not be that for myself. Another thing was
when Motherfucker's cut into me and said, my harsh chakra is overactive again overgiving,
being a people pleaser. But you know what I'm saying, going over
and beyond for people, and like, you know what I'm saying, And
that says a lot about the childhood trauma and me. It says a lot
about the little girl in me, and like I guess, like wanting to
be validated or wanting to feel needed, or you know what I'm saying.
I think what it is with me is just that it's certain things that I
didn't get and it's like I want to be that to other people. You
know what I'm saying, Like, Okay, well little little Jasmine didn't get
that treatment, so let me give that to you, because I know that's
what she would want. But when But in reality, what it is is
that I'm supposed to be giving that to myself. If you know that little
if you know that little Jasmine didn't get a certain type of love or attention
or affection or emotional support or whatever, or just support period. It's so
many things that I feel like I didn't get. So that's why I'm such
an overgiver to other people, especially in romantic relationships. It's like, you
do all of this for other people, why don't you just give it back
to yourself and make yourself feel fool and make yourself feel whole because you overgive,
you know what I'm saying. First of all, you already have a
little bit together. I mean, I have a lot to give, but
it's really what I need. It's what I need. So the little that
I do have, which is actually a lot, I'm giving it out to
everybody else, and of course motherfucker's gonna soak that shit up. Motherfucker's take
it, and then they'd be like, Okay, on to the next or
whatever. But it's like, dang, I gave all of that away when
really the little bit that I had, which was really a lot, I
could have gave it to myself and made myself feel whole, made myself feel
full, made myself shine, made you know what I'm saying, And then
I wouldn't be having to go around and searching for it in other people or
wanting to get it back, you know what I'm saying. And That's another
thing that I that I'm Another lesson that I'm kind of like really focusing on
in life is like the things that you do give to people, like and
I don't feel like I ever was not on this, but just being very
clear on myself about it, Like whatever you give to somebody, whatever you
do to somebody or do for somebody, it got to be out of the
gine genuineness side of your heart, you know what I'm saying. They got
to be out of the kindness of your heart. You can't be doing shit
for people expecting shit back. You cannot throw that in their face when you
catch your attitude or get mad or you know what I'm saying, Like,
well, I did X y Z for you. You should have been doing
that because that's what you truly wanted to do. If you don't, and
that's the thing, if you do something for somebody or whatever, it shouldn't
even have to come back up. If that's something that you truly wanted to
do, do it and be done with it. Don't ever bring it back
up. Don't ever bring it back up. It better be because that's what
you wanted to do, you know what I'm saying. And if you are
going to do something for somebody, you can't be feeling bad about it,
you know what I'm saying, because that's what you chose to do. And
that's another thing, another thing that I'm just like really being clear with myself
about it is like choosing to be somewhere, choosing to do something, choosing
to be a part of something, choosing to put yourself into something. You
know what I'm saying, Like, take accountability, because yeah, there are
just the thing, there are certain aspects of situations like Okay, say that
you put yourself in a situation. Right, if you're in a relationship with
somebody, Say you're in a relationship with somebody number one, you're choosing to
be there. You have to take accountability for that. You're choosing to be
there. Now, whatever this person does and whatever happens in this relationship,
it's going to have an effect on you. Whatever they do, it's going
to have an effect on you. Okay, And of course that's that has
to be considered that whatever you do to me, whatever energy you bring,
whatever problems you bring, it's going to have an effect on me, you
know what I'm saying, And you have to take accountability and responsibility for the
role that you play and what you bring into my life. Right cool.
We know that that affects me, We know that you play a part,
We know that you know what I'm saying. Of course, we factor in
the fact that whatever you do, whatever, that plays a part. But
at the end of the day, you chose to be there. You chose
to be there. You chose to place yourself in that situation. So no
matter what that person does, no matter what they do that affects you,
no matter what energy problems they bring whatever. Oh this is affecting me.
You know what you did affecting me? No, no, not like that
place. But it does play a part. But at the end of the
day, you chose to be there. You chose to be in the situation.
You know what I'm saying. So I'm not I'm not taking away from
the fact that that plays a part, that that person plays a part.
I understand that. And to a certain extent, you can blame that person,
you could blame whatever, you know what I'm saying, But at the
end of the day, if you want to be there, then that's on
you because if not, you could walk away, you could take yourself out
of the situation and not be affected by anything. You know. So of
course, everybody, everybody, everybody take their bit of the pie. Everybody
take their bit of the blame, you know what I'm saying. But at
the end of the day, at the end of the day, where's the
self accountability period? So you know, another thing is like you just gotta
live this life. You cannot be afraid to live your life. I think
a lot of people are afraid to live their lives. I think a lot
of people are afraid to live their lives. And that's the thing when you
live your life, and that's why you gotta be able to just be in
a judgment free zone and living a judgment free life. And again going back
to how I say, you know, I'm gonna be worried about what people
gotta say or whatever. Like when you live in your life, you can't
even think about none of that ship for real good like I said, it's
gonna come with the territory, you know, but that that can't mean and
shit to you. You can't let that affect you. You got to live
your life. And a part of living your life is making mistakes. It's
falling down it's bumping your head, it's getting back up, it's learning lessons,
it's experiencing shit, is feeling shit, is going through shit. That's
what living your life is about. If niggas wanted to live a perfect life,
that shit would be lame as fuck. It would be boring as hell.
You know what I'm saying, the real talk. The excitement comes from
living your life and going through shit. The excitement comes from the motherfucking struggle.
It comes from the hard times. It comes from you know what I'm
saying. Because everybody, everybody, everybody wants everybody wants the American dream,
or so you think, until you get that shit, and it's like,
all right, damn, damn, I need a little bit of a problem.
Let me feel like I can't pay the way in one month. Let
me let me burd excitement, let me feel, let me feel you know
what I'm saying, Look, Dad, can you throw Can you throw a
monkey? Rich in the plane? Can I slip on them but down the
peel? Can it be a problem in my relationship? Can't it beat it?
Like? You know what I'm saying. I like, man, sunshine
wouldn't be what it is without the rain. Joy wouldn't feel good if it
wasn't for pain, you know, so and that's nothing whether fuck the climate
control all this shit going on, and I should have known it was something
wrong because I'm a nigga that don't get sick for real. Obviously, I
had the windows open, you know. First of all, I ain't gonna
lie that ninety degrees last week had me in a choke hold. I'm like,
bitch, put it back, take the put bring the tip back down.
Like it was hot as hell. I ain't gonna lie I was dying.
But the other day when I woke up, you know, I had
the windows open. When I woke up, I was congested as fuck.
I couldn't breathe. I'm like, what the fuck. I'm like, bro,
I don't be getting sick. And then you it was it was like
the weather ain't being crazy, so why am I? Like? Why I
can't breathe? And then I ended up looking at the weather it was talking
about Detroit had like very unhealthy air quality, one of like one of the
top places in the world with the worst air quality. I'm like, what
the fuck is going on? Like is that why I couldn't breathe? And
shit when I woke up and now y'all got all this shit going on right
now. I talk about the wildfires in Canada, they're talking about the sky
is fucking orange, and New York and New Jersey, them niggas wearing masks
is super smoky over there. I'm like, these niggas playing with the weather.
They're about to drop Project blue Beam, Mini minuted um. That's all
type. And that's the thing like when And I hate that because when you
be thinking about y'all old, your little old life, you're a little old
regular stressed out, depressed as dysfunctional ass life. You got all that shit
going on on top of bills and having to survive in the world, and
then you got ship like this's going on, like all right, government about
to drop COVID ten point zero, y'all niggas fucking with the web, like
if you're like, damn, nigga, do we ever get a right?
But then again, American dream perfect life. You know what I'm saying,
What you want, what you want, what you want. Life was not
meant to be easy. This shit was not meant to be no smooth selling
journey, like this ship was meant to be crazy. You know what I'm
saying, We're going down to history for show. I can't even believe that.
Like I mean, but every every era, every generation was a part
of history. Everybody had their part, Nigga says, slavery. And Nigga
said, you know what I'm saying, everybody has something. But that's crazy.
It's for that We're gonna be history like. And that's why, you
know, I'm glad this little platform is here because because this is my legacy,
this is my experience. Nig y'all ain't erasing me from the history.
Unless y'all just banished this whole ship from whatever, from the internet, from
you know whatever. Nigga's gonna hear my story. And that's why I got
to get back the posting my videos and my YouTube, like my legacy and
all the shit I'm trying to leave behind. My man said he want to
be immortal in the yoga world. He said he wants his face and the
yoga books. He wants his name and the yoga books. And that's real.
I feel that me too. Um so yeah, um, you know,
and maybe one day soon we'll do an introduction to the number one Black
yoga couple of the world and dropped the dropped the name on y'all and all
of that. You know, one one day in due time soon to come.
Um, and that's funny. His sister asked me today. She was
like, have you recorded a podcast? And I'm wondering why. I wonder
if she asked me that just because she wanted to know her if somebody said
something to her. I don't know. I don't know why why she asked
me that, but that was interesting. But UM, I'm not gonna lie
I. And I know I'm you know, I'll be speaking in cold on
these episodes sometimes, so you know, maybe the last couple of episodes of
like, dang, did she fall out with somebody? Did something happened?
Whatever, the niggas be back on here and be good. And that's what
I'm saying. You can't judge this relationships. You cannot judge niggas. But
no, I'm not gonna lie I. I truly wholeheartedly believe that I met
my person for real, Like I believe that I met my person. I
believe that he challenges me in a very good way. Um, And I'm
able to I'm able to be patient in the relationship and in our situation.
I'm able to be patient, I'm able, but I'm already a very like
uh, I feel like I'm a very calm person. I feel like I'm
a very uh what do I want to say? A very um? Oh
wow? Am I am? I still going? First of all, my
recording stopped because a call came through and it was the person. It was
the person that I was talking about, so and first of all, this
is that that really just threw me for a loop because we were just having
a real wild, nasty conversation. So to come back and this was just
recording like this is very wild. But anyway, I was saying, now,
um, I'm for the most part, I'm a very calm person.
And what was I trying to say, like a very just like a very
cool, calm, collective person, Like I feel like very level headed.
I feel like I'm a very level headed person. And I feel like he
is teaching me to be patient in a relationship and not to just dive off
the deep end or throw the towel in, especially when you notice you want
to be there. And I don't know, I just like it's it's a
different it's a different feeling. It's a very different type of feeling. And
just you know, I'm a very spiritual person. I feel like everything is
a sign, and you know, it was just so many things and so
many synchronicities like when we first connected that I will share with y'all at a
later time, at a later day, like I can't wait for us to
do an episode or really a video together. Well, we're gonna do a
lot of videos together because we're gonna be doing younger videos together, but we
don't have some real good content. But yeah, it's a lot to share
about that. But honestly, I from the bottom of my heart, from
the depths of my soul, like on some real shit, Like I've never
felt like this about a person before, and I've never really felt a connection
like this, And just the way that shit happened, the way that we
came together, it really made me feel like it was fate, you know
what I'm saying, because it was like I could be with anybody in the
world. I could have found any nigga in Detroit, I could have found,
you know what I'm saying. So and I found him, you know
what I'm saying. I found him, So it wasn't even like a Nigga
slid on me, was like, what up, my you know what I'm
saying? So like that that really just like makes it even more real for
me. And then you know the love that he has for my son and
he hasn't even met him yet, and like the way that he speaks about
him and about us as a unit, and like the plans that he has
for us, and it like we are so many plans and ideas together for
like our life, our family, a yoga business and all of that.
Like y'all know, that's really what I want. I always be talking about.
I want companionship, I want a partner, I want like I want,
I want a family. I want to create a legacy, so you
know, and then to have somebody that loves God and loves yoga and loves
me like and understands me. But I ain't gonna lie. The nigga is
a motherfucking headache. The nigga is a motherfucking headache. But and he was
just telling me this too on the pall, like you are a headache.
And you know, he laid out X Y and Z that he always talked
about that he don't like about me or a shit that I do. But
he like, I weighed the pros and cons and I'm gonna anybody that I'm
gonna be with is gonna be a headache in some type of way. But
he was like, I think about all the other things that I could be
going through with another woman, and it's like that ain't worth It ain't worth
it because you don't really come with too much. You you a headache in
certain ways, but I much rather deal with you, didn't deal with these
little whole ass city girl ass just want to fuck with a nigga for the
bag, just you know, all of like, it really ain't shit out
here. It's pissing the end the dating pool. So like, if you
find somebody real and you find somebody that's on the same page with you mentally,
spiritually, emotionally, whatever, like you got a round with that for
real, because it ain't shit out here. And uh, I wrote this
down to like the other day that, um, what did I say?
I said? Uh? For all the funk I said. Damn, I
don't know what the fuck did I say? I said something? Um,
I don't know what the fuck I said, but um, let me see.
Can I look and see what I said? Oh? I said that,
Um, you know, I've been single for shit like ten years since
like twenty thirteen or twenty fourteen. I think it was twenty thirteen, And
it's just so clear to me why I refused to settle, because the love
that I truly desired was always out there and with my name written all over
it. And I feel like it was meant for me and him to align
once we were an energetic match for each other. Like I really feel like
this like my twin flame, my soul mate, my best friend. Like
I've never experienced a love that I feel so connected mentally, spiritually, and
emotionally. Our birthdays are seven days apart. We're both Pisces, Like I
definitely made my match with this one, and I ain't never fused with a
nigga that was a Pisces. But he's a motherfucking handful of I ain't gonna
lot. But he's also a very intuitive person as well, Like I can't
get ship at him. He's a good reader of energy. Well I actually
I don't know. In some ways he's not, but for the most part,
he's a very good reader of energy and just of bullshit and of people
period. Like I said, It's funny that I say that because with certain
people know he's not. But for the most part or I don't know,
maybe I feel like, deep down side he is. But you know,
sometimes you don't be wanting to see shit in people or whatever, so maybe
that might be the case. But yes, and he was actually happy that
I was recording episode today. So yeah, so that's I had to come
on here and share that with y'all. I hope that y'all enjoyed this episode.
Make sure that you follow me on all platforms that hell are my homies.
Subscribe to the podcast right if I started to review on my little BlackGirl
experience. That's all I have for y'all. I'm out.