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Welcome to round three of the Parenting
Roundabout podcast for the week of July third.

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I'm Terry Morrow, and I'm here
with Nicole Radics Hello, and cathayin

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Hole Echo. Hello. We're moms
of teens and young adults, and when

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it comes to parenting, we've been
there, done that, bought the T

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shirt. But we're still waiting for
that day when we'll reach the finish line

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and have no further need to lay
down in a dark room with a wet

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rag over our eyes worrying about something
or other. Wednesday's complaint day here on

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Parenting Roundabout, and today we are
complaining about whether it's okay to clean our

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kids room? And also who asked
you? So this came from TikTok.

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I am not a TikTok or so
other than the TikTok's that wind up on

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Instagram and Facebook which I then watch
COMPOSI assume we found this our TikTok correspondent

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Nicolas telling us about this video.
I did. I did. So.

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Apparently a mom went in and you
know, cleaned the child's room, which

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was quite a mess. And of
course that's yes, yes, a teen

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yes. But then, of course, as always people have something to say

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about it, you know, in
terms of respecting boundaries and um uh,

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you know, having the child developed
some responsibility, et cetera, et cetera.

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So I thought, well, okay, I am actually guilty of that.

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But I think, well, when
I think back, as my kids

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got older, I would expect them
to do it, and for the most

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part, they did. But then
there were times when either I got super

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frustrated and just went and did a
circus clean or and this is what I'll

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still do now if they are tired
or exhausted, or they've just you know,

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written to nine hour exams. I'm
thinking to my son, I'll,

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you know, not like I would
go in and tidy up just to help

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them, but I would ask them
if that was okay. So, yeah,

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I have clean my kid's roads.
I'm guilty of that. I think

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that the question is like, should
you feel guilty about that? Like,

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I don't know, I mean,
that sounds totally reasonable to me. What

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you're describing. You know, You're
not You're not swooping in and completely redecorating.

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You're just like I know, I
mean, this happens with my son's

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laundry a lot, like he is
supposed to do his own laundry, and

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he does, but a lot of
times he's like, oh, my gosh,

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i have no clean clothes, and
you know, I'm about to go

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into tech Week for a show or
whatever it is. You know, where

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can you please help me? And
he'll ask, and then I'll do it.

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But then it'll sit by the dryer, you know, because where I

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where I won't do it is bring
bring the clean stuff back to his room.

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And that's where we have to standoff. Where sits the room sit sense,

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its sense, it's but you know, it doesn't it doesn't seem unreasonable

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to me to I mean, you've
lived in this house too, you know,

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like yeah, you I don't know. I mean, definitely my kid's

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rooms could use more cleaning than they
get. Um, But I also don't

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think it's a big deal to go
in from time to time and like pick

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up a few towels or plates or
whatever. It is. So right,

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Well, in my daughter's room is
at the top of the stairs, like

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you literally you walk up the stairs
and her room is right there. So

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that one probably gets more scrutiny than
anything. And right because it's like,

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oh gosh, I'm looking at that
and I can close the door, but

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I know what's going on the door
piling up. So yeah, but I

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mean I try to. I don't
know. I'm a mixed bag with it.

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I think I try to be respectful. They might say otherwise, But

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I've never gone in and like redecorated
or anything. That wouldn't because that was

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part of that TikTok too. Yeah, yeah, exactly, Yeah, no,

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no, I wouldn't go and do
a whole overhaul, all right.

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How many times did she asked the
girl to clean her room before she went

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in and did it. That's an
important piece of information, right, because

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at a certain point, if you
don't do it, then I think the

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parent is you know, well,
I gave you a chance and you didn't

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do it right, right, But
I don't know did you catch that?

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Anybody catch that? I don't think
that was mentioned. Okay, But if

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it's just I gotta wait for her
to go to school so I can go

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in and cleaning her, then you
have a problem, mom, right right,

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just not an issue really in my
house, because it assumes that the

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house in general has a certain degree
of cleanliness and neatness. That and that

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the kids are the greatest source of
mess in the home, and not Oh

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I don't know, say the mom. So I have like no leg to

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stand on in this. My room
is not clean, nor is it neat.

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Probably the neatest bedroom in the house
is my dog. It's a little

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cluttered, but the clutter is carefully
I think, arranged to her liking so

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and periodically she just fills a trash
bag with stuff and throws it out.

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She's learned now not to let me
see it when she does this, because

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oh my gosh, she'll just like
quietly clear decks, ben she'll vacuum her

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room. Sometimes, she keeps it
neat, she makes her bed. She's

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been doing her a laundry for a
very long time, and she brings it

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back up and she puts it away, and I have absolutely nothing to do

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with it. And it's nice.
My husband actually does the laundry for the

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for everybody else. And yes,
my son has his dad does his laundry

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for him and puts it away and
he has nothing to do with it.

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And his room is awful but mostly
just dusty. We have a duty problem.

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His room is very dusty. And
if I propose going in and doing

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something about that, he's basically don't
touch my items. So every now and

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then it just gets too ridiculous and
we have to take everything out and dust

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it and put it back in.
But um, it does not bother him,

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and really it doesn't bother me because
I don't want to go. I

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don't want to touch anything there.
If I touch anything, there a whole

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cloud of dust. We just leave
it. So, yeah, I would

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not be that mom. I don't
think, at least not now. Maybe

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when the kids were younger, I
took more responsibility for it. When they

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were younger and I had they had
less agency and I had more energy,

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but that's a very long time ago. Now, Yeah, I hobbles.

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I feel like, you know,
people getting on their high horse and saying

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like you should always make your child
be responsible for their own room and their

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own stuff, Like yeah, go
ahead and say that, Like how many

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times does that really really happen?
Yeah? You know, right, yeah

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that too. You know, if
there's something that's really important, maybe you

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need to get involved. If there's
something that's not that just bugs you person,

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and only then just leave it,
right, you know, if it

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doesn't bother right, But um,
I don't know. We're kind of a

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live and let live sort of household, at least for that. There are

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other things maybe not, but I
don't go in their rooms that much anymore.

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So, I mean, I'm already
kind of looking forward to when my

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son goes to college getting in there
and actually like vacuuming because there's just too

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much stuff on the floor. It
never gets it never gets vacuumed. And

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I think that's fair once he's once
he's moved to college, I think,

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and he's kind of becoming like a
clothes horse. I mean, he it's

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all from it's quite stylish, and
it's all from goodwill, you know,

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I mean, it's it's all from
thrift shops. It's not he's not out

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there spending a lot of money on
stuff, but you know, just not

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at a certain point, there's no
room for it, especially because if you

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recall early days of the pandemic,
he turned the closet that is attached to

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his room into his like hideout office
space. And so when we did that,

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we put a hanging clothes bar in
the corner of his room. So

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it's because he didn't have like hardly
any hanging clothes at that time, so

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now he does so that's part of
the issue too, Like stuff gets washed

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and then it sits because there's no
there's no good place to put it.

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So right, well, I'm probably
more like I what the way I was

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raised is that your bed had to
get made every day, things had to

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be up off the floor, like
your room had to be tidy twenty four

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seven, and and it was you
know, checked to make sure that that

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occurred. So um, I think
I still have a little bit of that

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ingrained in me, but I've tried
to be over the years not as focused

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on But now I see, like
you know, I guess has that impact

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of my kids, I don't know. I'm my son, no, he

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pretty much just things are everywhere,
and then my daughter she'll go for you

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know, a week or two and
then she'll do a big cleanup and kind

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of straighten things out and get organized. So well, and as we heard

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what she had a new roommate coming, she cleaned. Yeah. Yeah,

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she cleaned the entire apartment, like
the fridge, the cupboards, everything.

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So yeah, she went to town
with that. So yeah, so she's

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still I guess as necessary, which
I guess is what you know, it's

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a good compromise, right in my
world. Yes, yeah, so well

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I think that's a good place to
leave it. Yeah yeah, and say

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that's it for today's Round three.
Tune in tomorrow when we'll obsess about learning

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new things, and then on Friday
to see what we've come up with for

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our Roundabout round up picks this week. Find all our episodes at parenting roundabout

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dot com and talk back in the
comments there, on our Facebook page or

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on Twitter, where you'll find us
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