What's the best way to keep your bills down? Use a paperweight? Correct?
Play that man eight dollars. What is a pedestrian a married man who
owns a car? Correct play that man nine dollars. Because it pays to
be ignorant, amated and yelling while it's here again that quiz program. That's
the cause for so many schools opening early this year. We have a quarterbacks
verts who are so dumb when they hit their crazy bones, they ache all
over. First, we have to celebrate out of mister hig mcgarden, who
is just with the book entitled How I Pooled My draft Board or Seeing the
World through a cell window. But here he is, mister Harleigarten. I
have a poem, mister har I imagine Mary had a little lamb, some
sellars and dessert, and then she gave her wrong address. The digital flirt.
A woman, a woman who was ho big. When she crosses the
George Washington Bridge, she has to pay toll here she is best roller.
Mcconnaugh No, no dollars. How has sound to Verne Nixon today? Vera
Nixon? Yeah, all she got was to talk about her husband, well,
how sweet and kind he was Maha, how tender she said he was
tender? Yeah, well, no wonder he's tender, No God, but
she keeps him in hot water all the time. Again she burns me up,
all right, never mind, lest we have a man who never fails
to see has done his plice the year once for his tooth. A man,
a man who was so dopey, A man who was so dopey when
he takes gas, the gas goes to sleep. He never is the war
man fifts and Pattim and mister George Shaffer in a car. I got a
phone call from a prig of mine up on the palm today. You did.
They's joined the hurricane last night. He was out the barn milking the
cow during the hurricane. Yeah, and it blew soap, It blew the
barn right away. Imagine better blew the cow away. Yeah, and there
he was left holding the back. Mister Shallon, why don't you go out
and have your head examined? Okay, I'll be back in a minute.
Never mind, that's that's good way, you wife. It wouldn't take a
minute. Well, there they are both there. They are both a few
folks at home or putting the children to bed. Go right ahead, because
you're not going to missile three. Here is the first question. But mister
Howard, you didn't introduce our guests. What our guest? What guest?
Well, don't you remember last week you said you were bringing someone up here
that would be sure and answer the question. Well, here she is that
Pitt Pong, expert actress and beauty editor of the Hobo News. Men,
Y, thank you, thank you kind people. Hey, this is really
a pleasure. I've always wanted to visit the museum. I'm away us a
minute at Miss Kelly. This is not a museum. It isn't What are
all these porol money doing here? Wait a minute, way, why are
you mean old? Why only last summer I was chosen Miss America. Yeah,
Miss McCall you look like Miss America. Yes, I'm half a calendar.
Two never mind, never mind, Now, don't start anything. This
is a quiz program, Miss Kelly, and don't forget you're here to answer
some question. All right, but I tell you I'm innocent. Wait a
minute, we haven't accused you of anything. You seem to know, Miss
McConnell. Have you met mister mccaughton. Oh, how do you do?
Hey? I know your faith so well, but I can't seem to place
it. Uh, you better leave it where it is, Miss Kellyeders.
Is George Shlton? Wow? Hi you Johny? How do you find yourself?
Oh? I wake up in the morning and there I am? There
are Do you have to wake up? Comical? Lessen? Now let's come
to order. I'll take a sharp beer. Yeah, may find the same.
I gotta like this. Okay, I'll jud a minute. That's all.
Relax. Looks like we're gonna have a rough night here tonight. There
is the first question I'll pay attention, dud. I want you to try
and answer one question. What does a candy salesman sell? What problem?
The questions about sales? Traving sales in the talic, Well, it could
be a travel sales Where where is he traving to the house? That's the
material? Oh? Are you working that comet? Yeah? Im material?
Picture bred in. The questions you ask are down right, sully, I
trank a silly. The most important question is how old is this traving salesman?
Does he know any good story? Say Kelly, yeah, did you
hear that new one about the traveling salesman? Come on, my kind let's
kill you. Wait, please, let's play attention to the programs. The
matter with that man? Never mind? The question is what product is a
candy? Salesman? Self? Hey McConnell, laugh, Do you know I
have no one law about the tarling sales? Yes, Kelly, yeah,
day last study word? Listen man o mouth? Well you can't squire Kelly.
Will you please give me a little attention. I'm giving you as little
as possible. What happened to the sales? The question is about salesman?
Well, you know I used to be a salesman. I remember the boys
there shout out. I got two orders, two orders? Yeay, get
out and Staley. I have the salesman too. I used to be a
Daughter Dolls salesman, but he was too tough, too tough. Did you
have a prize setting a door to a door? Listen? Next door?
Please? If you had a forehead, I'm sure it would go up in
the point. Thank you. Hey McConnell, what was the one about the
traveling fild? Now, miss I'm sad, Holly, I'm not going to
speak to you again. Allow very Lee. Look, will some of you
try and answer the question what product is a candy? Salesman self. Oh
candy. You know I love a the piza candy. My boyfriend bought me
about the teanut brutal the other day. He not brutal, you mean brittle
but her kees, it's brutal. Funny McConnell's very funny. I'm backing all
for still. You know, I try to get a job as a salesman
and a butcher shop. Once Cafolla offered me twenty five dollars a week.
Twenty five dollars a week. Yeah, Then he asked me if I could
dress a chicken there is What did you tell me? I said, did
you ever try dressing a chicken on twenty five dollars a week? With malice
in my heart? I bring you doctor Novi Kens August at the beginning?
Do we have to look it up? I don't know what that is.
Thank you. Now we will hear something from our contestants. We have invited
two members of the studio audience up here in the stage. They can ask
the experts a question. If they get an intelligent answer, we give them
the output of the Philadelphia Mint for one day. If if they don't,
we give them Patty Kelly, who is our who is our first contestant,
mister Roberts, Well, mister Howard, our first and testing tonight is private
first class Bob Ensworth of the United States. Their car. How do you
do, Private Endsworth? And welcome to our program. How do you feel?
Sir? He look all right to me. I'm not asking you,
Hey three, are you sending your elect from checks to anyone? Passay?
I'm talking I him, not you. Hey, Miss Kelly. Are not
supposed to make passes at the contestants? All I got him make passes than
me? Are a better? Yeah? Me too? Listen please, yeah
the gestion less than you? Two worn out girdles. Look, we haven't
dressed I as they know, they tend to them. Private Endsworth, could
I asked you a question? Where's your hometown? Would your carry to talent?
Now Britain Connecticut? Now Breton, Connecticut? Well, no, Britain,
World, my children, I don't have well strike me out and call
me a dodge. And I imagine now you know I used to work in
them. I used to work in that trible you wustle back firing the tailor
and a lawyer's office. You are you? You were a tailor and a
lawyer's office. Now you should press so terrible. You know you know?
Private ends worth? I I was in the LAUS four yes, and well
do I remember one day we were going to attack and the captain said six
payments, but I didn't pay any attention to him. You didn't say why,
well, there wasn't anything wrong with mine? There was I get it
on your note. Hi have a mind this MacNaughton. You abused the privilege
of being stupid. Do you understand? I'm sorry for the interruption, Private,
How long you been the service? Sixteen months? Oh? Sixteen month?
Congratulations? What did you do before you entered the service? I wrote
for the Hartford Current, Hartford, Connecticut. Oh, you were a writer,
a feature writer, reporter. Why you didn't write gag for radio comedians?
Did you know I did? Well, we're glad to know that.
Anyhow. What's your first name? Honey? Bob black, Bob, Bob,
Bob. Oh, that's your name? You? That's just you?
For hold well you can you you can just tell me Flower? I'm why
are you flower? Yourself? Soft and flock? Yeah? Yeah, and
you've been through the mill. That's think of the tadare is a nice looking
soldier Yeah, he reminds me of my boyfriend. He reminds you of Yeah,
he reminds you of your boy Yeah. He took me for ride on
Satin Island ferry. But I don't think he likes me anymore. Well,
what they should say that pussy? Well, there was something in the way
he pushed me over the rail. Would you that's very good? You know,
never mind the buck. Would you please reach into the dunge, captain
pick out a question for us, and would you be kind enough to read
the question? If you will just take your time? What do you put
between two bookings? And? Very good? Why do you keep? Why
do you keep between two bookns? Have you got the question, mister McGough,
Yes, I hadn't. What about it? That's what I say,
What about it? I think that's a chilly question. If I may say
so, you may say so thank you. I think that's a chilly question.
I think this whole thing is silly. If I may say so,
you may say so thank you. This whole thing is a play. What
do you keep between two book in? This is the heart in the first
place. This no such thing as two book ins? And why not?
Because the book has only one end, one beginning and one end, and
play not make He was so stupid. I study night. I yeah,
I'm reading a swell book. Now he ended is terrific. Yeah, how
do you like the beginning? Oh I haven't come to that yet. You
must read backwards. Oh, I be glad to who are? What do
I have to do with? Get an answer around here? Bleed. I
don't think you can know. Hey, you almost the heart. I'm writing
a book. Now, wait a minute, you're writing a book. It's
called flat Feet and Shamnia and Asthma. I'll say, what an odd title
for a book. Roll The publisher told me to put everything I had into
it. Well, speaking of books that have you read Way down East by
William Shakespeare? Way down East by William Shakespeare didn't write Way down East.
I don't care where he wrote. It's a good story. I say,
Harry all the stuff as soon as it comes out. Thank you. And
now, ladies and gentlemen, comes the only sour note in my program.
Dtr Novic and his August The Ladies Gallup poll was voted that not Novac's Auficer
had the most was the most likely to get ahead. They all need one
here he is doctor Novic and his perry boat Philharmonic five playing under or over
the waves rather dot com buich o, doctor, I get work. No
year day have been over here. Yeah, well, here's the next questions
about ping pong. Incidentally, did I understand mister Roberts wife when I introduced
miss Kelly to say that she was somewhat of a ping kong play? Oh?
Yes, mister Howard, that's my game. And you came back from
a ping pong tournament in Chicago. Now did you win? No? I
was disqualified. They caught me pinging when I should have been ponging. And
that's one to take, you know. Oh, thank you. A bit
of an er, Yeah, a bit of an error, all right,
please joy go. Well, here is the question playing the game of ping
pong. Why do you use the picture's glove, a monkey wrench or a
paddle a monkey wrench? Huh? You use a monkey wrench to play ping
pod? I always use the monkey wrench. You mean you hit the ball
with a monkey wrench. No, I tightened the nut front to the table
night. Why don't you have your brain recap? I tried, but the
ration board. Try me down this, Kelly suppose you explained the game of
ping pong. Oh you don't know anything about it either, not a thing.
Oh good, then I can tell Cralan. I imagine I was playing
just last night with a sister of mine. What's your sister's name? And
ned Kelly lovely girl? And that a lovely name, mame lovely girl.
Well, I mean to get back to the game. To play ping pong,
you got to have a table, a ball, a paddle, and
a met. You gotta have a net. Certainly, you can't play without
a net. I suppose that that doesn't feel like playing. You don't feel
like playing. You've got to have a net on the table wherever? Supposing
that? Look it up on the pad. Yeah, Philly, we put
a net on the table. Why those a net have to be on the
table? Mats? Look, do you guys know what a net is?
She's crazy if she gets on the table. Wait a minute, look,
you got the ball over a net. Well, is she now on the
floor? Yeah? Wait a man, what you mean on the floor.
There is no net on the floor. We have a net tied to the
table. You gotta tie it to the table. Yeah, sure, say
Look, a net is a long strip, and that is a long trip.
Yeah, the fireways. Talk about your sister. Now, wait a
minute, I told you, and that is a strip of gorzelike material.
I put him. It was a sister. She is. Wait a minute,
she is, but Annette is something else again? You mean she's too
faint, she's Wait a minute, Kelly, it's not talking about her,
says your name, Joba, that have the name? Ya, Get me
out of it. Thank you, every another. Guests, they're not a
contestant, mister Roberts. Oh yes we have, mister Howard. Now i'd
like to present to you seem in the first class Jackie Bell of the wave.
Oh good, he's in, miss Bell, and welcome to a pace
thing. We're very very happy to have you with it. Oh lovely girls,
Miss Kelly, Yeah she's too but what she got that I couldn't have
thicked? Yes, miss Bell, I want to warn you don't let these
booby traps annoy you say. You know, miss Belle, you're remind me
of a girl. A girl, Yeah, decided. Your girl is a
decided blocked bloom. Yeah she decided last week. All right, all right,
joy that it's a nice switch, a nice witch. That's what she
died. I never mind. I hope you're not annoying you, miss Bell.
What is your hometown? Would you care to tell it? Tom Springs,
California, Tom Springs, California. You too, woman in a beauty
power, a strong woman in beauty po Yeah, you still have tonight?
Yeah? Something? What did you do as well before you went to the
service? Would you mind telling I was a buyer at a gift shop there
in Palm Spring or a buyer the gift shop? That's a very nice position.
Hello. How long have you been in the service? Almost a year?
Well? Congratulations? Have you been in New York? Law, Yes,
sir, the whole time? Oh? Have you been in New York
before the stript? No? I drank it very much. Well you like
New York? Have you met any of the boys? I didn't compare the
boys new York with the boys in Palm Springs. Are you married? No?
Well you can answer that you well, Uh, I'm praid I might
be a little prejudiced. Well, you don't have to take a chin out
if you don't want to notice. How I used to go up with the
young ladies from Palm Springs. You did? Coincidence? Yeah? The window
dresser. Yeah, if you never pulled down her shade. We're rob and
glad to have you with us, I must say. And you look quite
cute in your uniform. Man, it's sure deal, honey, you look
so I'll just got the boys. The mana just crazy, mate, come
to my part. I'm forgetting man, Miss McConnell, you're forgetting, man.
Yes, I'm forgetting as many as I can get you forgotten. All
right, let's get on here. Would you mind vision of the dune captain's
bell and taking out a question for us? Would you mind reading the question?
Please? What is longitudal stability? What is longitudinal stability? Young lady?
I'm afraid you're on the wrong program. Certainly, it's not just a
very easy question. What's an easy question? Antitudinal stability is very simple?
You mean you can answer that question, miss Kelly? Are you kidding?
My longitudinal stability is stability with influences the servances in the plain of symmetry.
I was affected by the stabilized the elevator combination. Very simple. The easiest
question to have heard, is that correct? Mister Robins, that's correct?
Why, miss Kelly, you're wonderful, Hi, You're just saying that because
it's true. I see, I'm hardly with the twenty five bucks. Why
are the miss Kelly tell me something? How did you know? That was
the answer? It was written here. I was I as bad, and
I don't how to get back to our forr baffoon, mister Howard popped me
a moment. According to mister Webster, a baffoon is a musical instrument.
Oh no, mister McNaughton, you're thinking of a basoon. I'll tell it.
A baton is the sort of a monkey. Wait, a man,
that's baboon or no, your own, mister hort, a bad boone or
something you go flying. No, that's balloon, a great big bag of
pot air with a shape like an elephant. Now we're back to miss McConnell
again. We mean when we say it pays too big girl to be danced,
to be dumb, to be ignorant, It pays to be ignorant,
just like me. Each week I earned six dollars. My brain is terribly
lacked. But when there ain't no income, why there ain't no income?
Tacky to be ignorant, to be dumb, to be danced, to be
ignorant. It pays to be ignorant, just like me. I took my
girl to dinner. We had a wonderful fee, but they had to get
my girl a check because I couldn't read. So you see, it pays
to be This is the Armed Forces Radio Service.