1 00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:17,399 There are so many. There are so many responsibilities that me as a man 2 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:24,480 that I eric have been ignoring for a long time. And um, I 3 00:00:24,519 --> 00:00:29,440 mean most Americans do it. I mean the American debt shows us just how 4 00:00:29,559 --> 00:00:39,640 much shit is fucked up. If if I have, if I have what 5 00:00:39,679 --> 00:00:45,799 the American debt means correctly, student loans, credit card debt, like all 6 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:49,079 of our debt is into the it's in that debt. It's not just the 7 00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:53,200 debt that the presidents are making up, it's all of It's an accumulation of 8 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:57,920 everybody shit, and it's and it's a representation of how everybody is living. 9 00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:00,320 I don't have credit card debt. I have student loaned that, but that 10 00:01:00,359 --> 00:01:06,000 shit hunts me like fuck. I don't know, would not be able to 11 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,799 pay that back. It just seems like a lot. It seems it seems 12 00:01:08,799 --> 00:01:12,159 like a whole lot. And then I have children who would probably want to 13 00:01:12,159 --> 00:01:22,959 go to school because America is a country that feeds kids lies um, and 14 00:01:23,319 --> 00:01:27,319 America is also a country that keeps the parents too busy to just to dispel 15 00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:33,840 those lives from those kids. So when I smoke, a lot of those 16 00:01:33,879 --> 00:01:38,519 responsibilities are just come and fucking smack me in the fucking face, and it 17 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:45,599 used to make me very very very anxious. Nigga, I'm talking like nigga 18 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:49,239 I thought. I thought at one point, nigga Kiki was gonna attack me 19 00:01:49,319 --> 00:01:52,400 bro, like I got so high. I thought. Kiki was like, 20 00:01:52,719 --> 00:01:55,519 bitch ass, nigga, this's for not taking me out on our like on 21 00:01:55,599 --> 00:01:59,599 something. I'm not plot Bro. I was like Bro. I was like, 22 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:01,680 man, I told Sierra. I said, man, because me and 23 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:07,680 Sierra took an edible and we did not want to think about edibles, like 24 00:02:07,719 --> 00:02:10,080 you just don't know how much to take and it takes forever to kick in. 25 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:13,719 When that shit kicked in, we was praying a god that we made 26 00:02:13,719 --> 00:02:17,439 it back down safely. I said, Man, if this motherfucking dog decided 27 00:02:17,479 --> 00:02:24,439 to go crazy right now we all did what this fast, little fucking rodent 28 00:02:24,599 --> 00:02:30,800 with teeth that we have shampooed and fed the best fucking food for ten years, 29 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:36,159 What if it just got shitty and was like, you bitch ass just 30 00:02:36,159 --> 00:02:39,280 want crackles, no, not even ankles. I'm thinking, like, motherfucking 31 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:44,879 what's that the last log logan when the little bitch was jumping off the walls 32 00:02:44,879 --> 00:02:53,719 with the claws and just I'm thinking about Kiki jumping out the walls. Bro. 33 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,599 I took a shower. I was so high one time. Then I 34 00:02:55,639 --> 00:03:00,120 took a shower with the door locked and the shower curtain opened dawn, thinking 35 00:03:01,039 --> 00:03:06,360 well, thinking that's year's I'm coming there and kill me. This is this 36 00:03:06,479 --> 00:03:10,759 is years ago. I've got an but on on the complete flip of that. 37 00:03:12,719 --> 00:03:16,639 When we came home with those twins, I was so so anxious. 38 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:23,520 I was extremely anxious, Bro, and I smoked weed and a voice said, 39 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:29,319 just listen to whatever Siyara tells you to do, and all that the 40 00:03:29,439 --> 00:03:32,000 anxiety went away. Nigga, all of it. Bro. We got during 41 00:03:32,479 --> 00:03:38,800 hyper ass running around ready to come home, and we got two babies. 42 00:03:40,039 --> 00:03:46,919 Nigga begging for milk. My wife stomach staple stitched up. She can't even 43 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:52,120 walk up and down the stairs properly. I got a feed her. What's 44 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:53,719 going on? Everybody? My name is Eric Dizzey, and I am in 45 00:03:53,919 --> 00:04:00,639 here with an episode of whatever the fuck. I don't know what this is, 46 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:04,759 but I am finally recording with my baby brother. Yo, yo, 47 00:04:06,319 --> 00:04:12,759 my baby brother. Um. I'm getting away from nicknames because I don't like 48 00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:18,439 nicknames now that I'm almost forty, because I want my kids like when Dorian, 49 00:04:18,639 --> 00:04:23,079 when Dorian want my attention, he'll say daddy, Daddy. Eric. 50 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:26,319 He just screaming my name and I'm like, yes, sir. He'd be 51 00:04:26,319 --> 00:04:30,360 like, come here. And I want him to feel comfortable saying my name. 52 00:04:30,759 --> 00:04:32,439 I'm not I'm not comfortable with saying my mama's name. I'm not comfortable 53 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:36,000 saying mama's name. I'm not comfortable with saying Tanya. You know what I'm 54 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:44,439 saying. It sounds queer coming out, but I want my son and my 55 00:04:44,519 --> 00:04:47,040 kids to be very comfortable with saying Eric and Sierra. I want them to 56 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:50,279 know who their parents are, and I want them to identify. I don't 57 00:04:50,319 --> 00:04:53,720 want them calling me pooh bear. I don't want them calling me your mookie. 58 00:04:53,759 --> 00:04:56,879 I don't want them calling Griggs think. I don't want them calling it 59 00:04:57,160 --> 00:05:00,040 well t is t because Jantra is just you know what I mean, but 60 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:08,360 we haven't recorded before. I don't know why it sucks, but just because 61 00:05:08,399 --> 00:05:11,519 that don't come down here that much no more. Yeah, you're dip. 62 00:05:12,639 --> 00:05:15,879 My brother left here. Whenn't you leave here and you're nothing? I think 63 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:21,399 two thousand and no two thousand and six. No, you're twenty and sixteen. 64 00:05:21,519 --> 00:05:26,279 Sorry I left here two thousand and sixte Yeah, you had to get 65 00:05:26,319 --> 00:05:30,439 away. I was living with you. That was awful. That was a 66 00:05:30,519 --> 00:05:34,800 dark time. It was that was a dark time. Man. I had 67 00:05:34,839 --> 00:05:39,319 this thought earlier. I was thinking about that time. I was thinking about 68 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:46,079 that time, and I was I saw an Instagram post about people saying friends 69 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:49,800 is used to us too loosely. So I had to think about what a 70 00:05:49,839 --> 00:05:55,120 friend was and what a family member was. And a lot of the times 71 00:05:55,120 --> 00:06:00,199 I don't believe that people are friends because they've never seen them at the bottom. 72 00:06:00,639 --> 00:06:03,720 And sometimes you have to embrace your friends. The only people that will 73 00:06:03,759 --> 00:06:08,680 embrace you at the bottom are your friends. Yeah, the only people that 74 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:11,800 will embrace you at the bottom are your friends. The people that embrace you 75 00:06:12,319 --> 00:06:17,079 and see you and understand you and try to help you are your friends. 76 00:06:17,519 --> 00:06:23,720 The people who see you at the bottom and get scared and run are bitch 77 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:28,639 ass niggas, and you should not talk to them any longer because if I'm 78 00:06:28,639 --> 00:06:31,959 only if you're only my friend when it's when it's up, I do not 79 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:35,199 want to be a friend. It's not always gonna be up. I've been 80 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:39,759 down enough to know that it's not always going to be like this. And 81 00:06:40,199 --> 00:06:46,079 I'm thankful for my boy Carlos uh dj Ai. I'm really, I'm really 82 00:06:46,079 --> 00:06:47,920 thankful for him. I'm thankful for my wife. I'm thankful for you. 83 00:06:48,439 --> 00:06:50,879 But at that time, man, I knew you was going through I knew 84 00:06:50,879 --> 00:06:55,879 you was going through something. And as an older brother, it's kind of 85 00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:59,600 like a father, you kind of like want to shake. I kind of 86 00:06:59,639 --> 00:07:03,639 want to shake, shake, shake some life into you. But I had 87 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:08,279 to realize that we are on our own separate paths and I can't live life 88 00:07:08,279 --> 00:07:14,120 for you. Yeah, and I'm just thankful that I didn't lose you. 89 00:07:15,839 --> 00:07:18,720 I'm not saying that it was ever a threat, but just saying I'm happy 90 00:07:18,759 --> 00:07:21,639 that I didn't lose you while you was trying to find yourself. And and 91 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:28,800 I'm I'm very I'm very emotional just this recording because dj A, I lost 92 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:32,439 his son twenty years old, just moved out as his parents' house two months 93 00:07:32,439 --> 00:07:38,959 ago. Yeah, I got shot on the East Side and I've never had 94 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:43,839 I've never had a friend that lost the kid, so I never I didn't 95 00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:46,839 know how to I didn't know how to um, I didn't know how to 96 00:07:46,839 --> 00:07:53,439 be there for my boy. And the funeral was like he got cremated, 97 00:07:53,959 --> 00:07:58,600 but the memorial service was on Sunday. I'm just looking at all the pictures 98 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:01,680 because all the pictures of high school piture. So Nigga just graduated Gate. 99 00:08:01,199 --> 00:08:09,000 You just graduated, so you know his sports pictures and his mom is I 100 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:11,279 just hugged and I was like, I'm so sorry, so like I just 101 00:08:11,319 --> 00:08:16,480 didn't know what to say. But that's a that's a very that's a huge 102 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:20,480 possibility for black boys, for us to get fucking smoked and for no reason. 103 00:08:20,519 --> 00:08:24,839 That that too. Bro. You could be at a party and shot. 104 00:08:24,959 --> 00:08:28,920 You could be at a gas station you get shot. You can anything, 105 00:08:28,959 --> 00:08:31,839 bro, yeah bro, And that's the like to said, the scary 106 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:33,840 part two is you can be you can just do anything. And it's just 107 00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:37,639 like do you do you stop living life? Like do you? Like I 108 00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:41,559 don't want to go do anything now because you can be at the wrong place 109 00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:46,600 like yesterday, Like yesterday I was going to ki Roys and Mama was trying 110 00:08:46,639 --> 00:08:48,759 her best not to have me go to Kirois and she was just like, 111 00:08:48,759 --> 00:08:52,799 it's dangerous out there and I was just like I could get it. But 112 00:08:54,279 --> 00:08:58,639 I think, well, my mom is under the impression that violence is everywhere, 113 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:03,879 and sometimes I have to let her know that Indianapolis is split up into 114 00:09:03,919 --> 00:09:11,559 parts, and the places I'm going, I feel like I don't have to 115 00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:13,360 worry about it. An yeah, but I'm also positive of the people that 116 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:18,840 die in certain places. Also felt that way. Exactly. I try to 117 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:22,080 go to places in the daytime. I don't go to places the dark, 118 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:24,120 yeah, right, because it's I need to see all of that and not 119 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:28,279 even that even in the dark, just people just feel like they can do 120 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:31,679 whatever. It feels like that. It's just like it's when that sun go 121 00:09:31,759 --> 00:09:35,360 down, I'm a whole different human. It's just like why, Bro's like 122 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:37,639 you still live the same life when it's dark. But it's just crazy, 123 00:09:37,759 --> 00:09:43,480 Like it's just as as you get older as an older black boy, and 124 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:48,039 so I feel like an older black boy, older black man. Now I 125 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:52,240 have to worry about blood pressure, diabetes, health, I have to worry 126 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:56,480 about nigga mobility I have to worry about and I still have to worry about 127 00:09:56,559 --> 00:10:01,960 cops, and I still have to worry about nigga shooting and not only am 128 00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:07,320 I worried about Nigga shooting bro, I don't. There's a Mayer by my 129 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:11,080 house and then there's a Kroker a little bit farther from my house and opposite 130 00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:16,600 directions. Yeah, Mayer, I feel a safe fan. For some strange 131 00:10:16,639 --> 00:10:20,879 reason, every time I walk into the Kroger that's by my house, I 132 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:24,080 always think it's gonna be an active shooter in there. Every single time. 133 00:10:24,399 --> 00:10:30,919 It just feels like tonight on Fox fifty nine, active shooters at the Kroger 134 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:37,720 Off. It feels like that to me, And I hate having to worry 135 00:10:37,759 --> 00:10:41,639 about so many things all at the same time. But us as human beings, 136 00:10:41,799 --> 00:10:45,720 what we are, I feel like us as human beings, what we're 137 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:52,799 good at is masking our concerned about certain things like trapped, like driving in 138 00:10:52,879 --> 00:10:56,840 the car when I got I got high one time and I was just driving. 139 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:03,559 I said, Nigga, this is the most terrifying thing a motherfucker could 140 00:11:03,559 --> 00:11:07,279 do. Period. Motherfucker was fu fu fue. I had to look at 141 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:09,799 the predominant like, Nigga, are you driving? I was like, Bro, 142 00:11:09,879 --> 00:11:16,639 I'm doing the speed because I drive with the cruise control. Okay, 143 00:11:16,639 --> 00:11:20,000 so I get right while I supposed to go cruise control, I'm not even 144 00:11:20,039 --> 00:11:22,559 about to put my foot on the gas. I don't want the cops coming 145 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:24,639 behind me. You're not how fashion? What's going? Yes? Actually I 146 00:11:24,639 --> 00:11:28,879 do. Cruise control is set on sixty. Yes, right here, fifty 147 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:33,159 fifty five. It's right, it's right. But it dawned on me, 148 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:39,639 like even with even my wife is a teacher. Oh yeah, Bro, 149 00:11:39,759 --> 00:11:46,120 I'm like, nigga, it could be some deranged ass white boy or white 150 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:54,279 girl with anger issues can just go into my wife's job and just you know 151 00:11:54,399 --> 00:12:03,440 this. Man, that's I'm telling you, bro, And these are things 152 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:05,960 that I have to think about even during going a daycare. I'm like, 153 00:12:07,039 --> 00:12:09,799 bro, it's it's been. It's been women that have been shot outside of 154 00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:16,399 the daycare by their baby daddies or their boyfriends or something. So I'm like, 155 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:22,720 bro, every everywhere I turn, it's a possible. It's a possibility 156 00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:31,559 of danger. The only place that's not dangerous it's in my study. I'm 157 00:12:31,799 --> 00:12:35,039 as bro. I'm just that's where I am right now. Like I'm I'm 158 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:39,759 like, man, I gotta get I gotta get my I gotta I have 159 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:43,039 to get a grip on this ship. I have to get a grip on 160 00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:46,720 this ship, and and and in order to get a grip on this ship, 161 00:12:46,759 --> 00:12:48,000 I have to be a man. I have to stand up and I 162 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:52,799 gotta leave this ship. Yeah. I think that's I'm starting to get to 163 00:12:52,879 --> 00:12:58,679 that point in my life now, because before it was all just bullshit and 164 00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:03,159 I got time. I got time. I can do this. But now 165 00:13:03,279 --> 00:13:09,799 it's kind of like i'd be thirty in August. Yeah. My career right 166 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:13,960 now, it's it's going good, but it can be better. I don't 167 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:16,240 have any kids. I want kids, so it's just like I feel like, 168 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:20,559 once all that starts to happen, it's just like, is it. 169 00:13:20,879 --> 00:13:24,799 I can't say too late? But did I wait too long for? What? 170 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:31,559 Did you have? Shooter? Yeah? Brodrian's three, I'm thirty six, 171 00:13:31,919 --> 00:13:35,120 that's true. Don't let motherfuckers make you feel like that. That was 172 00:13:35,159 --> 00:13:41,279 another thing too. Sire looked at me and said, hey, nigga, 173 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:48,799 I'm not getting no younger. Say last, skate, say last, you're 174 00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:52,679 my nigga, were rocking, We're good. I couldn't have picked the perfect 175 00:13:52,679 --> 00:13:56,639 I couldn't have picked the better person to have a kid with. I couldn't 176 00:13:56,639 --> 00:14:00,720 have picked the perfect I couldn't have picked the better person if as a man, 177 00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:05,080 as a man to I'll be on Instagram. Man, I'm addicted to 178 00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:09,399 Instagram. I need to delete the app. I need to delete the app. 179 00:14:09,399 --> 00:14:13,279 I don't want to just scrolling me too. I'm always seeing videos about 180 00:14:13,399 --> 00:14:18,960 motherfucker's talking about a wife. There's a husband and relationship, this, this, 181 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:22,879 this, this, and I'd be like, bro, what the fuck 182 00:14:22,919 --> 00:14:26,200 are y'all even talking about? And all of them single what are y'all talking 183 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:30,600 about? Even the merry ones. I'm like, bro, your situation is 184 00:14:30,639 --> 00:14:35,279 so unique. You cannot project this as the creme della creme of how a 185 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:39,120 relationship supposed to go, or how kids supposed to be raised, or this 186 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:41,799 this and that. Whatever works for you and the person you decided to have 187 00:14:41,879 --> 00:14:48,159 a kid with, is that's your playbook for me? For Sierra and I 188 00:14:48,159 --> 00:14:52,519 I knew that she was the one when the bitch didn't get on my nerves. 189 00:14:54,679 --> 00:14:56,879 I swear to bro, we will be sitting in the same house all 190 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:01,759 day and I do not get irritator with her. That does not happen with 191 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:07,480 anybody in my life. You not excluded my mama, not excluded, Tia 192 00:15:07,559 --> 00:15:11,120 not excluded. If y'all sit in my presence too long, you know, 193 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:16,039 well, I feel like I had to entertain you. But Mom will start. 194 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:20,399 I'm like, all right, you gotta go home now because you're trying 195 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:24,399 to project your household rules into my house. This is not happening till you 196 00:15:24,559 --> 00:15:26,480 be like, let's go do something. She'll be trying. She moves too 197 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:31,320 much. Ye sit down, Shut the fuck up. You're gonna watch her 198 00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:37,200 psych. She gonna watch She's gonna watch Psych. She's gonna watch Abbott Elementary. 199 00:15:37,399 --> 00:15:41,320 I'mna be in a studio. We just move in unison and sink like. 200 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:43,919 And it could be because we've been together for so long, but it'd 201 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:48,679 be like we'll move without even speaking. She'll be cooking, I'm cleaning up 202 00:15:48,679 --> 00:15:50,799 the job, doing a folding the laundry up. Then she'll take the basket 203 00:15:50,879 --> 00:15:54,080 up the stairs. I'm taking the plates that she just It's like we're moving 204 00:15:54,159 --> 00:16:00,519 like a machine. And if you find somebody that you can do that with, 205 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:03,240 that doesn't get on your fucking nerves, that doesn't make you feel less 206 00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:07,159 of a man for the decision that you make, then you stick your penis 207 00:16:07,159 --> 00:16:11,000 in her and you have a baby with That's where I'm at now with my 208 00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:15,559 girl that I that I'm with now. I we had a little rough patch 209 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:21,480 and all that shit that happened, but now it's like we we had a 210 00:16:21,519 --> 00:16:23,759 point to where it's it's like everything is going good. Like when I say 211 00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:30,720 everything is going good, We're happy, We're taking trips, um like doing 212 00:16:30,759 --> 00:16:34,120 more things with her kids. It's just like everything now. However, yeah, 213 00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:37,360 if it was like a unit and we're more of a team now, 214 00:16:37,399 --> 00:16:41,480 because before it was more of like you know, I was some days I 215 00:16:41,519 --> 00:16:45,960 wouldn't like I wouldn't help do shit around the house, should just be all 216 00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:52,360 her because I like yeah, and I honestly like I felt it was kind 217 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:55,960 of stupid and boys show my part. But I was just like she had 218 00:16:56,279 --> 00:16:59,519 she got kids and me being over there, I'm like, why am I 219 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:02,519 cleaning up up after it? Like this house dirty because your kids not me? 220 00:17:02,919 --> 00:17:07,039 Like, so why am I cleaning up this? But then I she 221 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:10,640 told me, she was just like, yo, I get that these aren't 222 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,559 your kids, but I can't. I don't want to clean up every day. 223 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:15,799 Sometimes it would be good to have help sometimes, like and I started 224 00:17:15,839 --> 00:17:19,839 to do that, and it's just like it's more of a team work now, 225 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:25,039 like when the kids, when I watched the kids and she at work 226 00:17:25,039 --> 00:17:27,359 and I'm off. House is clean, living room clean, thish is done. 227 00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:33,000 Cook. But before one like that, she would have to come home 228 00:17:33,039 --> 00:17:36,559 after she got after she get home at ten o'clock, she would have to 229 00:17:36,599 --> 00:17:38,759 iron the kids clothes, she had to clean up the living room after the 230 00:17:38,839 --> 00:17:41,599 kids, And then she would be mad at me because she's just like, 231 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,720 damn, I just got off working. You've been here all day and you 232 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:48,240 ain't doing shit. Was trash, Yeah I was, but now it's just 233 00:17:48,279 --> 00:17:51,599 like I'm not. I'm getting it to where it's just like, man, 234 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:53,519 that's crazy to hear you say that because we are brothers. And although we 235 00:17:53,559 --> 00:17:56,480 are brothers, we were raised in two different households because you live with your 236 00:17:56,480 --> 00:18:02,880 father and I live with mom. And on the flip of that, it 237 00:18:03,039 --> 00:18:06,359 used to be to where Nigga I would be terrified of Syre was about to 238 00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:10,000 get off work and the house wasn't cleaning, because I would because I have 239 00:18:10,279 --> 00:18:14,759 Mama. Yes, I would be bro if I'll be. But when we 240 00:18:14,799 --> 00:18:18,440 first got together, I was still making music heavy. I look up I'll 241 00:18:18,519 --> 00:18:22,000 look up am I watching it be like schools at two forty five. Nigga's 242 00:18:22,079 --> 00:18:26,839 three teen. The kitchen, nigg Bro, I'm running to the kitchen, 243 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:29,200 nigga, trying to clean up real quick. I'm vacuum. I looked like 244 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:34,960 one of those the car, the cartoon the vacuum on one leg. I'm 245 00:18:36,039 --> 00:18:38,119 looking like that nigga. I was terrified. And then one day she was 246 00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:41,680 like, you know, you don't got to do that, right. I 247 00:18:41,799 --> 00:18:45,039 was like what She's like, you don't You don't have to do the dishes 248 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:48,119 like they'll get done. I said, oh, this is a trap. 249 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:55,799 Trap man you trying to Oh no, definitely not nigga. That's why, 250 00:18:56,039 --> 00:18:57,920 like earlier it was, I couldn't even eat breakfast because I had I was 251 00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:04,480 cleaning up the kitchen. I was raised by Donna and Latagna, and I've 252 00:19:04,519 --> 00:19:08,880 been I've been beat out of my sleep for now, washing dishes, two 253 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:15,039 spoons, straw and the sink, a plastic straw in the sink. Nigga 254 00:19:15,079 --> 00:19:19,799 to coming in, Nigga, nigga, pause on your nigga, get up. 255 00:19:21,519 --> 00:19:25,000 And now that I'm an adult, I understand why they were so angry 256 00:19:25,119 --> 00:19:27,440 because nigga, you ain't got no job. I'm taking care of you. 257 00:19:27,559 --> 00:19:30,839 I'm feeding you, I'm making sure you got a roof of your head. 258 00:19:30,039 --> 00:19:34,079 And I asked you to do one fucking thing, which was to make sure 259 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:38,440 I get it now. I definitely get it now. I definitely get it 260 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:42,400 now. I hope you'll enjoying the episode. We'll be right back after this 261 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:53,839 commercial break. As a married man, I understand the importance of teamwork, 262 00:19:53,839 --> 00:19:57,359 and I understand the important importance of friendship, and I understand the importance of 263 00:19:57,440 --> 00:20:02,160 accepting people. People that I say I love, I have to accept them 264 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,200 for who they are and not for who I want them to be and their 265 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:10,960 friendship thing like I've lost. I've lost people who I thought were friends right 266 00:20:11,039 --> 00:20:14,640 before this upswing of my life, and now that I'm on the upswing, 267 00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:21,200 I can't say that I lost anybody that makes any sense. Yeah, we 268 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:26,839 had the time that we had that was that so long. It's just like 269 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:30,039 when you kids and you like like when people say you didn't know it was 270 00:20:30,039 --> 00:20:33,480 your last time I was doing Yeah, Yeah, it's just like it's it's 271 00:20:33,519 --> 00:20:37,799 almost like that growing up. It's just like he ain't Yeah, he didn't 272 00:20:37,799 --> 00:20:40,680 know this was my last time going to the hanging out at the bar with 273 00:20:40,759 --> 00:20:45,359 you. I didn't know this is our last shot together. But I think 274 00:20:47,559 --> 00:20:49,559 my dad said it. And my dad said it in a way where I 275 00:20:49,599 --> 00:20:53,039 thought that he was trying to be funny. But he told me that I 276 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:57,480 might be hypersensitive. And I'm gonna look up with that word means I don't 277 00:20:57,519 --> 00:21:03,200 have my phone, my phone charger, look up what hypersensitive mean talking to 278 00:21:03,279 --> 00:21:11,400 them, like, hypersensitive means abnormally or excessively sensitive, either psychologically or in 279 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:19,759 physical response. Yes, in Nigga terms, I felt everything. I feel 280 00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:23,519 everything, and it makes me not want to do things. It makes me 281 00:21:23,599 --> 00:21:30,359 think about things in a certain kind of way. And I had to realize 282 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:33,319 that recently. I mean when I would say recently, I mean like a 283 00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:40,039 couple of days ago, Like just because I felt so passionately about certain things 284 00:21:40,839 --> 00:21:44,920 don't mean other people felt so passionately about other things. So I look up, 285 00:21:45,079 --> 00:21:48,680 I look online. I'm looking up telling me about the friend that I 286 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:52,920 the girl that I looked up. Yeah, Facebook, I got to burn 287 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:57,119 a page in case I want to look and see how people doing. But 288 00:21:57,559 --> 00:22:07,799 I looked her up. The um I didn't know that she had her black 289 00:22:07,799 --> 00:22:12,279 wide because one thing that I didn't realize is that I'm looking up people, 290 00:22:15,319 --> 00:22:18,920 but people can also look me up to Yeah, they can look me up 291 00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:25,960 on LinkedIn, they can look me up on ship whatever sight, but they're 292 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:30,240 not. And I has realized that because I was like, man, I 293 00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:33,640 think you should listening to some of the stuff that I've been creating. Man, 294 00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:34,400 I'm really proud of the stuff that I've been creating. And she was 295 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,400 like, oh, I used to listen to Blackwood all the time. Listen 296 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:40,119 to what I used to listen to it at work all the time. But 297 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:41,799 she never reached out to me, like on instagrams, never sent me a 298 00:22:41,839 --> 00:22:45,960 message on Facebook or not, like she never even And it dawned i'man like, 299 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:52,000 here it is, you play such a pivotal role in my life emotion 300 00:22:52,079 --> 00:22:56,920 wise, and you didn't even think to even reach out to say, Man, 301 00:22:56,960 --> 00:23:02,839 I'm proud of you for doing this. Fuck you didn't, bitch? 302 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:06,000 Do you think she knew that you that she was an important part? Though? 303 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:11,559 Do Do I think that she knew that she played a pivotal part? 304 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:17,960 Yeah? Uh no? And that was that's the thing too, that's the 305 00:23:18,039 --> 00:23:22,519 thing, Like, how would anybody know? How would anybody know? Because 306 00:23:22,559 --> 00:23:26,359 everybody's just going through life. People might not be sensitive like I used to. 307 00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:29,160 I used to feel a certain kind of way if I would try to 308 00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:33,519 have a conversation with somebody and it wouldn't go as deep as I wanted it. 309 00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:36,960 Like when when you and I talk, we'll talk about music, we 310 00:23:37,039 --> 00:23:42,880 talk about sports. I asked you about your relationship and in mental health and 311 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:45,480 how you doing, And I have to and I have to take it for 312 00:23:45,559 --> 00:23:51,519 face value that you're being truthful and honest. Yeah, but with my father, 313 00:23:51,799 --> 00:23:53,680 I don't know how my father is doing. My father had a whole 314 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:59,319 major surgery and didn't didn't call until after the nigga was out of the hospital. 315 00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:02,720 After I was like, yo, so I'm frantic. They was like, 316 00:24:02,759 --> 00:24:03,960 oh, well he's home now. I said, wait, this nigga 317 00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:08,920 passed out at work. They had to rush into the hospital have emergency emergency 318 00:24:10,559 --> 00:24:14,400 surgery. Uh that all of this type of ship and y'all didn't think to 319 00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:17,519 text, to call or nothing. I didn't find out until I until I 320 00:24:17,559 --> 00:24:18,759 called, and I was like, yo, why ain't he askering the phone? 321 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:23,920 Yeah? And it dawned. I mean, like, I can't. 322 00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:33,519 I can't say that they don't love me because they are not overly sensitive about 323 00:24:33,519 --> 00:24:37,680 certain things, if not all things, like my whole father side of the 324 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,599 family. Like I'm like, man, I ain't talk to none of them, 325 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:41,799 ain't it ain't reach out to me that blah blah blah blah. And 326 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:45,079 I was like, man, maybe they don't maybe don't get down like that. 327 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:51,400 Maybe they just don't reach out. Not even that. Maybe they just 328 00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:56,440 don't fucking talk like that. Not everybody talks like me. Not everybody can 329 00:24:56,480 --> 00:25:00,799 just talk. So I don't know. I had to realize that, man. 330 00:25:02,079 --> 00:25:04,559 And I think. I think even now with the recent news of you 331 00:25:04,559 --> 00:25:08,640 know, me going out to LA, I thought it would. I thought 332 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:12,960 me telling certain people would make me feel a certain way. But I still 333 00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:18,160 don't feel no kind of way. Like nothing's changed, even though it's the 334 00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:22,960 person that I wanted to work with ye for years. Nothing in my life 335 00:25:22,039 --> 00:25:26,880 has changed other than a financial situation that's going to improve the living the living 336 00:25:27,039 --> 00:25:30,480 situation of me and my family, which is the only thing that I care 337 00:25:30,519 --> 00:25:34,559 about at this point. But the ship don't come with nothing bro yet it 338 00:25:34,599 --> 00:25:40,160 could like when you actually get down in LA and it don't come with anything, 339 00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:44,559 nothing, It don't come with nothing. You meet these people, you're 340 00:25:44,559 --> 00:25:47,000 gonna talk to these people, might have a drink with these people, might 341 00:25:47,039 --> 00:25:48,720 have a stake or something with these people. You're gonna take pictures with these 342 00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:52,599 people. And then these people are gonna go home. And that's that. 343 00:25:52,079 --> 00:25:55,200 And now you have a job to do, and as soon as you don't 344 00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:59,680 do that job, they're gonna replace you. It's not no hard feelings. 345 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,559 This show must go on. So as long as you do what you're supposed 346 00:26:02,559 --> 00:26:04,279 to do, they're gonna do what they're supposed to do. And that's and 347 00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:07,680 that's that. But me my back in the day out of and like man, 348 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:10,960 we cool, We're tight. These are my niggas. I got the 349 00:26:11,079 --> 00:26:14,799 number of stadium texting them like we know it ain't it ain't that. I've 350 00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:18,480 learned my lesson on trying to be like that. I've learned if they want 351 00:26:18,519 --> 00:26:22,200 to initiate that relationship after they meet me, and then you know what I'm 352 00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:23,559 saying, they're like yo, if they hit me up, like man, 353 00:26:23,559 --> 00:26:27,039 I really I really enjoyed spending time with you. Just that that's the extra 354 00:26:27,039 --> 00:26:30,839 ship. You know what I'm saying that it's the extract. I really enjoyed 355 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:34,880 spending time with you. Man, hit me up anytime I talk about anything, 356 00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:38,559 and I really, I really fuck with you. That's that's the only 357 00:26:41,039 --> 00:26:47,359 that's the only thing that needs to that's the that's the only that's that's the 358 00:26:47,599 --> 00:26:51,200 that's the thing that needs to happen in order for me to feel like anything 359 00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:52,599 else coming with it. But bro, I only want to take care of 360 00:26:52,599 --> 00:26:56,960 my family. So when you get a promotion at your job, nothing came 361 00:26:56,960 --> 00:27:02,599 with that, yeah, right, didn't Nothing to come with that but to 362 00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:07,279 pay increase and a little bit of more work. Yeah, man, more 363 00:27:07,319 --> 00:27:10,880 work, you know what I'm saying. And now you get to take your 364 00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:14,200 gril on these trips. Now you get to be it now you It's crazy 365 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:18,400 how money, just money does not make the man. But kind of yeah, 366 00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:22,759 I did it because like what like you feel? How do you feel 367 00:27:22,839 --> 00:27:30,799 now that you make more money than you did last year? I feel good, 368 00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:34,119 but it needs to be more. It's always more. M hm. 369 00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:40,759 I feel like it's I feel good that I actually how much how much money 370 00:27:40,799 --> 00:27:44,839 you think you need to make a year to be straight? How much money 371 00:27:44,839 --> 00:27:48,279 do you want to make to be straight? At least ninety a year? 372 00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:55,839 At least ninety's it cost of living in Florida higher you wouldn't been here, 373 00:27:56,039 --> 00:28:00,839 Yeah, yes, yeah, a lot more yea. But even if I 374 00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:04,480 was living here, I still say ninety. I just feel like that's a 375 00:28:04,599 --> 00:28:10,880 good range tool where I can pay my bills, not live in extravagant life 376 00:28:11,039 --> 00:28:15,240 and be able to do like go out on trips or do this or do 377 00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:22,359 that, like like making I think now, I think this is the highest 378 00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:26,519 that I've made. Last year was the highest that I've made working period, 379 00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:33,720 in any job. And I was just like, yo, like it was 380 00:28:33,799 --> 00:28:37,720 more. It was like comfortable because I was still able to pay my bills. 381 00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:40,559 I was, and I had more money in my pocket. But I 382 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:42,640 was just like yo, like I need to get used to this. I 383 00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:48,160 just having just money because like you said, money it makes a person. 384 00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:53,160 I don't like money makes a person. And like I don't really care what 385 00:28:53,279 --> 00:29:00,240 you say, because somebody cannot have no money, lame goofy all of that, 386 00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:03,440 and that's what he is. But as soon as he get that money, 387 00:29:03,519 --> 00:29:07,400 he's not that no more. He's he's a person that everybody want to 388 00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:12,200 be around. He still might be lame. Yeah, but it's tolerable now. 389 00:29:14,039 --> 00:29:15,920 It's tolerable now because you have money. Most people, more people are 390 00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:22,759 put up put up with it. I see what you're saying. I find 391 00:29:22,839 --> 00:29:26,720 that the less money I have, the more irritable I am. The less 392 00:29:26,839 --> 00:29:32,359 the less the less, I am very unpleasant. I'm extremely unpleasant. And 393 00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:41,240 I realized that, and I think that I think that, to circle it 394 00:29:41,279 --> 00:29:45,440 back to what we were even talking about when we first started, I think 395 00:29:45,519 --> 00:29:53,599 that stress was hidden because it stress just piles on you, like and but 396 00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:59,720 it doesn't. You don't. It's not like clothes follow me. I'm free 397 00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:04,000 staff. Stress piles up on you, but it doesn't feel like you're putting 398 00:30:04,119 --> 00:30:11,960 on sixteen sweaters. You can't physically well you, I guess you. It 399 00:30:12,039 --> 00:30:15,839 doesn't everything about to say. I was about to say, it doesn't make 400 00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:18,640 you physically, It doesn't change you physically, but it does. I was 401 00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:19,960 about to say, it doesn't make you hotter, But yes, it does 402 00:30:22,319 --> 00:30:25,680 all of these things that we make excuses of, like high blood pressure, 403 00:30:26,519 --> 00:30:30,799 high blood pressure, and I'm and I'm listeners. I know that it's more 404 00:30:30,839 --> 00:30:37,640 than this. But this is a very elementary way of explaining it. High 405 00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:44,000 blood pressure. Blood pressure is the rate in which your blood is flowing through 406 00:30:44,039 --> 00:30:52,519 your body. The food you eat helps or restricts the blood flowing from your 407 00:30:52,559 --> 00:31:00,839 body. You not moving keeps your blood flow from rushing, which creates these 408 00:31:02,079 --> 00:31:04,920 passageways through your body that the blood can flow through. So when you when 409 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:10,240 your heart is racing and your blood is flowing, it's opening up your vessels 410 00:31:10,279 --> 00:31:15,079 to where the blood can go in. Now what stress does is stress causes 411 00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:19,559 you to not eat right. So now you're either under eating or you're overeating, 412 00:31:19,599 --> 00:31:26,000 and you're usually overeating bullshit, which is things that restrict your blood from 413 00:31:26,039 --> 00:31:30,160 flowing through. Dad you're not working out, so your blood is not gushing 414 00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:33,279 through, and so now your ship just sitting like paste and it takes so 415 00:31:33,720 --> 00:31:40,720 much force to push your blood through your body. When you explain blood pressure 416 00:31:40,799 --> 00:31:45,599 to a person, it's like, oh, that's it. I need to 417 00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:48,400 eat more greens, I need to drink more water, I need to move 418 00:31:48,519 --> 00:31:51,559 more. But you don't want to do that when you're stressed. Yeah, 419 00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:55,480 the world is heavy when you're stressed, And when the world is heavy when 420 00:31:55,519 --> 00:31:59,920 you're stressed, niggas, then niggas started drinking, which is awful, starts 421 00:32:00,039 --> 00:32:02,799 smoking more, which is awful. God forbid. They start smoking nicotine, 422 00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:08,599 which is awful. Blacks cigarettes awful, God forbid. They started doing coke 423 00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:16,079 off, Like so many different things start to interfere with the psychological mindset of 424 00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:21,039 a person when stress is there. It's world is stressful, bro. I 425 00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:25,799 think that's why it's just so messed up now because everything is stressful. Everybody. 426 00:32:27,039 --> 00:32:31,839 Yes, and the imagine having nobody in your corner, like, imagine 427 00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:43,119 being single during COVID Nigga, no nigga, no nigga, nigga the world. 428 00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:50,319 Nigga. We were so terrified. March February, March April May. 429 00:32:50,839 --> 00:32:57,039 Those were the scariest times I've ever experienced other than nine to eleven, Other 430 00:32:57,119 --> 00:33:00,559 than I was scared as fuck at nine eleven, Like what the fuck about 431 00:33:00,559 --> 00:33:07,359 to happen? But nigga March April, May June, Nigga. We was 432 00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:10,920 terrified to touch door knobs. Niggas was terrified to get gas. Niggas we 433 00:33:12,119 --> 00:33:15,240 and we were just handling it. Yeah, I remember I was saying, 434 00:33:15,279 --> 00:33:20,079 like we just handled it. We were just handling it, handling it once 435 00:33:20,359 --> 00:33:22,519 once the world opened up, and niggas was able to go back outside, 436 00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:27,039 mask or no mask, whatever condom on your face, no condom on your 437 00:33:27,079 --> 00:33:31,279 face, whatever, however niggas wanted to give it up. I started to 438 00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:36,480 see that it was harder for people to hide that stress, people with the 439 00:33:36,559 --> 00:33:39,039 bags under people's eyes, the weight that people had picked up, the the 440 00:33:39,359 --> 00:33:45,519 just the just the overall appearance of certain people. I know people who put 441 00:33:45,599 --> 00:33:49,920 on seventy ish. I'm like, yo, yo, yeah, yo, 442 00:33:51,359 --> 00:33:54,839 And I can't judge them because I don't know how that stresses are impacting them. 443 00:33:55,599 --> 00:33:59,640 I bought a three pound jump rope and I was on the motherfucking patio 444 00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:02,759 going racing. I was going crazy. I had the motherfucker neighbor like, 445 00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:08,679 yo, you jumping at six yo? Way to nine. I'm like, 446 00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:15,719 my bad, nothing else to do. Who you think you is? You 447 00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:20,360 said you think you Gargins or so whatever the nigga name means, you're thinking 448 00:34:20,559 --> 00:34:23,639 him. I was like, bro, I was, but I look in 449 00:34:23,679 --> 00:34:28,119 the mirror and I have and I've hit rock bottom before like that. When 450 00:34:28,119 --> 00:34:31,039 I graduated college, I hit I hit rock bottom before. I don't have 451 00:34:31,199 --> 00:34:35,840 nothing, I had nothing, no connections, nigga, no job, nigga, 452 00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:42,400 no car, nigga, no nothing, no nothing. And I had 453 00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:44,760 to slowly climb up from that, and I still didn't learn my lesson, 454 00:34:45,119 --> 00:34:47,920 and then I had, and then I had, and then I felt like 455 00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:52,960 I hit a rock bottom again. And that's why I say, if people 456 00:34:53,039 --> 00:34:58,239 can see you, if people can see who you are in the dark and 457 00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:01,280 accept you and not judge you and not bring it up and not throw it 458 00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:06,800 in your face and not make you feel small, you ain't shoot you, 459 00:35:07,039 --> 00:35:10,920 so you ain't got nothing better. People people get mad or remind you people 460 00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:15,679 are getting mad and started spewing things out at you and make you feel every 461 00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:20,039 bit of small. I feel like a lot of people deal with that, 462 00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:22,480 and I feel like a lot of people don't know how to love and trust 463 00:35:22,719 --> 00:35:28,519 because they've experienced people spewing things out at them to make them feel small. 464 00:35:29,159 --> 00:35:32,679 And some people believe that they are small, so they will never even try 465 00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:36,760 no more. Who am I to? Who am I to? Bro? 466 00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:37,920 When I got that call, when I got that email, and like, 467 00:35:38,039 --> 00:35:44,119 yo, I want you to come work on the Eastern team. The old 468 00:35:44,199 --> 00:35:47,760 me would have made an excuse as to why I don't deserve that this can't 469 00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:52,599 be happening to me. You know what I'm saying. First thing I said 470 00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:58,840 about time, about time, the things is going up for your boy, 471 00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:02,039 about time, Like I'm I'm I'm I'm thinking, I'm praying, I'm thinking 472 00:36:02,119 --> 00:36:07,719 of I'm thinking. God, nigga, I'm what because I remember, I 473 00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:15,360 remember the things that I've said to myself, the hurtful things that I've said 474 00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:20,400 to myself, like You're a dumb fuck, like just just like just being 475 00:36:20,519 --> 00:36:23,320 mean to myself, not giving myself any grace and not giving myself you know 476 00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:30,280 what I'm saying, Like it's I don't know, man, but when you 477 00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:32,079 was going through your dark phase, I just was I just wanted to shake 478 00:36:32,159 --> 00:36:37,920 you out of that. But it's the No amount of shaking can help you 479 00:36:37,079 --> 00:36:43,119 experience the things that you needed to experience, the things that the the when 480 00:36:43,159 --> 00:36:46,239 you bump your head and you heal from it, you grow from it, 481 00:36:47,119 --> 00:36:52,599 but you cannot grow until you bump your head, you know what I'm saying. 482 00:36:52,960 --> 00:37:00,519 And we've lost too many brothers from less since, we lost too many 483 00:37:00,559 --> 00:37:05,000 brothers who bumped their head and died. Because you could bump your head and 484 00:37:05,039 --> 00:37:10,920 die. That that bump on their head. That motherucker is it's a doozy. 485 00:37:13,119 --> 00:37:23,400 It's a doozy. We'll be right back after this commercial break. There 486 00:37:23,519 --> 00:37:28,519 was two moments in my life where I felt happy to be I felt seen 487 00:37:28,599 --> 00:37:34,920 as a big brother. One time I called T. I called T my 488 00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:43,719 sister and uh, she an't answer, and before I hung up, her 489 00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:47,320 voicemail came on and it was my voice. It was one of my songs, 490 00:37:50,119 --> 00:37:55,039 and I felt the happiest I ever felt at that moment. I was 491 00:37:55,119 --> 00:37:59,440 like, Oh my God. And then the other one is when you was 492 00:38:00,039 --> 00:38:05,840 happening to come up. Bro. That made I cried like a baby watching 493 00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:12,559 that video because I wrote that at a very very very dark time in my 494 00:38:12,639 --> 00:38:15,760 life. Bro, I'm about to cry thinking about it. I wrote that 495 00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:21,599 at a very very dark time in my life. And to hear you wrap 496 00:38:21,719 --> 00:38:27,880 the words that I wrote at a very uncertain time in my life, it 497 00:38:28,039 --> 00:38:37,599 touched me in a way that I don't think that anybody could ever um to 498 00:38:37,679 --> 00:38:42,599 the top. Watch me rise, kat, These guys me high shinky, 499 00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:46,519 bad boy like the Ya no puffy in the family. That hatters get sick 500 00:38:46,719 --> 00:38:51,519 when they see me at the Grammy sit to me small had my back against 501 00:38:51,519 --> 00:38:54,840 the wall, little fingers all other hand on my balls like fucked y'all. 502 00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:59,519 Sitting in my room watching the box, hoping that my select words would get 503 00:38:59,559 --> 00:39:02,639 me yeat this box and fuck school. Only went for the free lunch and 504 00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:07,119 to shut my mama up. Look how the time passed off the moms to 505 00:39:07,239 --> 00:39:09,320 get mad because I reminded of my dad. Had to get up off my 506 00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:15,079 aspect fast and get cash. Was told that all great things will never last 507 00:39:15,159 --> 00:39:17,639 and the man will go man sitting dwelling on the path, so I focus 508 00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:22,760 on my cute. Sure I had a wake up call Without the root stuff 509 00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:25,559 you whacked. Little niggas need a booster. Could it be the way that 510 00:39:25,639 --> 00:39:30,400 I'm flowing you now used to I don't mean to lose you. I'm climbing 511 00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:34,880 the ladders to success and flowing no sense to relieve the daily stress. My 512 00:39:35,039 --> 00:39:37,760 mind stayed raised in with no finish line. No matter what life though, 513 00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:42,840 what me gotta stay on my grind. A hustler's ambishing suffer from tun no 514 00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:45,119 vision. Once I set my eyes on something, I gotta get it. 515 00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:49,360 My eyes on the prize. If the think gang gonna get it, he's 516 00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:52,400 a mom for the lie. Your boy got drive should be a taxi. 517 00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:55,119 How he's fucked us trying to hop on for the ride out. I been 518 00:39:55,159 --> 00:39:59,880 through Helen Black, but no scars don't fine like the dust off of my 519 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,800 I showed us getting my whole bone, big timing on your ass getting my 520 00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:07,559 role loan holdne be quiet as haters whisper. Fuck what they saying, the 521 00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:12,840 thing saying, I'm that nigga bollshit go fixed that. That's what they're good 522 00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:20,960 for, good for nothing fastest I was writing that fit in the fucking walls 523 00:40:21,199 --> 00:40:24,920 around me with caving in on fire, running gonna lie to that. I 524 00:40:25,119 --> 00:40:32,119 think that that mixtape is the best mixtape that that was a dark time man, 525 00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:36,559 Pink noticed. I mean I I only wrote music. I only made 526 00:40:36,639 --> 00:40:38,440 mixtapes at dark times. It's like an outlet. But I and now that 527 00:40:38,519 --> 00:40:40,320 I look back, it's like, Bro, you should have been working, 528 00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:47,079 but I couldn't find a job. Bro, Like that was bro. I 529 00:40:47,159 --> 00:40:51,039 hate feeling our applications, bro. I hate feeling our applications, bro, 530 00:40:51,079 --> 00:40:52,480 because it takes me right back to two thousand and seven, eight, nine, 531 00:40:52,639 --> 00:40:57,239 ten eleven when I couldn't fucking get a job. I had to take 532 00:40:57,920 --> 00:41:01,519 any and everything. Bro, working at Wallmart fucking goodwill, whole fool like, 533 00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:06,519 and you're working at these jobs, and these people are at these jobs 534 00:41:06,559 --> 00:41:09,960 and they just as unhappy as you. Everybody got their own ship. Walmart 535 00:41:10,079 --> 00:41:14,840 was a fucking cluster fuck of motherfucker's. Like, Bro, you think the 536 00:41:15,039 --> 00:41:17,719 story is trash, just how it ran, Nigga. The employees are going 537 00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:22,599 through. Bro, It's like it's like the application is asking you do you 538 00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:27,599 have any bullshit in life going on? Yes or no? And if you 539 00:41:27,679 --> 00:41:31,239 answer no, you are not getting that motherfucker. I was going Bro, 540 00:41:31,559 --> 00:41:37,239 I was going through so much and then felt like nobody gave a fuck. 541 00:41:37,519 --> 00:41:42,079 Nobody, not mama, not my daddy, not nobody. It felt like 542 00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:46,760 nobody gave a fuck. And every chance that somebody got to remind me that 543 00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:51,599 they don't give a fuck, they took it. That's why I feel like 544 00:41:52,559 --> 00:41:55,400 fuck y'all sitting in my room and watching like That's why I feel the way 545 00:41:55,440 --> 00:42:02,079 that I feel. Every chance somebody had to everybody, every time somebody had 546 00:42:02,079 --> 00:42:06,800 an opportunity to remind me that I am small, that I am nothing, 547 00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:13,360 they took it. Everybody excluding nobody, So now, when I talk the 548 00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:15,079 way that I do to Mama, to my dad, to anybody, nigga, 549 00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:21,400 what now I feel it? What? Because I had to I had 550 00:42:21,440 --> 00:42:22,960 to climb about this motherfucker. Man. I had to climb. I had 551 00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:29,079 to climb up out this motherfucker. And I'm not even flexing as hard as 552 00:42:29,119 --> 00:42:31,320 I really want to. So don't let me go to La and they fucking 553 00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:38,039 love me. I'm about to be Drake dumb. Bro. When I watched 554 00:42:38,119 --> 00:42:43,840 that Kanye West documentary, y'all understood every fucking emotion that that. I cried 555 00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:46,719 so many times watching that documentary. Yeah, watching the documentary too, y'all. 556 00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:52,480 Niggas tried to shoot on me every chance y'all got. Literally they tried 557 00:42:52,079 --> 00:42:57,960 every single chance. Fuck y'all talking about nigga sucking my dick. Nigga, 558 00:42:58,519 --> 00:43:00,760 bitch, That's how I feel. And I can't make music like that because 559 00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:06,559 I don't. I feel like I would say hurtful things, Bro. Dating 560 00:43:06,679 --> 00:43:09,079 was dating was awful. I feel like I met Siera at the perfect time. 561 00:43:09,199 --> 00:43:16,360 I feel like I feel like I got a question real quick. When 562 00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:20,679 you was in Hawaii, was you stressed like? Was that a stressful time 563 00:43:20,719 --> 00:43:23,079 for you? Like when you came back from Hawaii to Indiana and be like 564 00:43:23,199 --> 00:43:29,800 before you had met Sierra, was you stressed out? And was you still 565 00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:32,920 climbing up from being in the line and know that, Oh, I was 566 00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:37,719 over Atlanta by then. Hawaii was the perfect trip to get rid of all 567 00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:40,239 of that shit. Now, if you ever, hey listeners, if you 568 00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:45,679 ever want to get away from the world, go to Hawaii for seven months 569 00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:51,920 your whole PERSPECTI because it's too the time, the time difference, it's like 570 00:43:52,039 --> 00:43:54,039 six hours, six or seven hours, something like that. So I couldn't 571 00:43:54,039 --> 00:43:58,719 talk to anybody, So I couldn't keep up any relationship at all. And 572 00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:02,519 Sierra tried, Oh she did, Yeah, what what? I hit up 573 00:44:02,559 --> 00:44:07,079 her sister Camille on Instagram? I said, Yo, where the fuck is 574 00:44:07,119 --> 00:44:10,000 your sister, bro, I've been looking for your sister forever. She ain't 575 00:44:10,039 --> 00:44:14,639 on those social media, she said, huh. Finally finally gave me an 576 00:44:14,679 --> 00:44:17,679 Instagram nigga. Gave me then Instagram nigga sleeping them d ms, Yo, 577 00:44:19,079 --> 00:44:22,039 I've been looking for you for forever. I want to holler at you. 578 00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:30,760 D gave me the number and we talked. We talked at we talked before 579 00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:35,719 she would go to school because it was like eleven my time, and then 580 00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:44,000 we would talk when she got out of school because it was like whatever whatever. 581 00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:45,800 Whenever I went before I went to sleep and when I woke up, 582 00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:49,719 that's when we talked because it was the time. Different was the perfect. 583 00:44:49,760 --> 00:44:57,159 But yeah, and Hawaii was Hawaii was just another way for me to experience 584 00:44:57,480 --> 00:45:00,119 something that I was not familiar with. Like I was out there, I 585 00:45:00,199 --> 00:45:04,159 was the only nigga out there. It's niggas out it's black people out there, 586 00:45:04,199 --> 00:45:07,320 it's niggas in the military. But I was the only nigga everywhere I 587 00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:13,159 went because the military niggas was not going where the locals went. I was 588 00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:15,440 where all the locals was because I was with a local. I was the 589 00:45:15,480 --> 00:45:19,599 only nigga there. I was only nigga. I was in the club dancing, 590 00:45:20,199 --> 00:45:24,039 nigga dancing, dug in every I was dancing, took a molly. 591 00:45:24,119 --> 00:45:28,440 I'm sweating, I'm dancing, and they looking at me like this is a 592 00:45:28,599 --> 00:45:31,760 nigga and I'm with and I'm with one of the cool locals, like I'm 593 00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:36,039 with a well known local. So they was really they was really receptive of 594 00:45:36,159 --> 00:45:39,239 me. And when you when you go somewhere. When I first got there, 595 00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:43,400 the nigga I played, I played kume my beats. The nigga was 596 00:45:43,400 --> 00:45:45,360 like, man, this shit sucked. Damn, he said, though all 597 00:45:45,440 --> 00:45:50,480 this away. I said, damn. He said, y'all all these away. 598 00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:52,760 But the raps you can wrap. You can wrap your ass off. 599 00:45:53,599 --> 00:45:57,519 He was like, but these beats up. And then that's when I started 600 00:45:57,519 --> 00:46:00,440 studying more and started studying what engineering like. I really, I really was 601 00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:04,280 like, Okay, let me figure out what this EDM shit is and how 602 00:46:04,320 --> 00:46:07,599 they're making these beats so loud. And and that's when I came back home 603 00:46:07,639 --> 00:46:09,480 and I made rock Chain. That's why all my shit started to sound bigger 604 00:46:09,519 --> 00:46:15,199 and better. And then I started podcasting because I wanted I didn't. I 605 00:46:16,199 --> 00:46:20,719 didn't feel how I felt when I made Pink Notice. I didn't feel how 606 00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:22,679 I felt when I made this Ziana. I no longer felt how I felt 607 00:46:22,679 --> 00:46:28,559 when I made none of the comfort zones, none of the things and things 608 00:46:28,599 --> 00:46:31,320 that I'm referencing this music that I made in college job. But I didn't 609 00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:35,079 feel like that no more. I wanted to now. I wanted to talk 610 00:46:35,119 --> 00:46:37,599 about how I felt. And that's why philosophy came, so it was like 611 00:46:38,039 --> 00:46:44,639 it was like A stumbled into it. But now I just feel like I 612 00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:47,800 only want to talk to people that I love. So that's why these episodes 613 00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:53,599 come far in between, because I'm talking. I'm talking to my I'm talking 614 00:46:53,679 --> 00:46:59,480 to people that I actually have good conversation with, opposed to people who I 615 00:46:59,599 --> 00:47:01,760 made no no, no slaps to them. I don't talk to Dynasty. 616 00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:04,920 I don't talk to Kenyan, I don't talk to Boogie. I don't have 617 00:47:05,039 --> 00:47:07,679 conversations with these people. I don't just call them every day. I talked 618 00:47:07,719 --> 00:47:10,800 to you, I call you. I talked to them people that I talked 619 00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:15,840 to in text. And that's why I want to record with now. Yeah, 620 00:47:15,960 --> 00:47:21,639 but bro, I was down, man, and I was down recently 621 00:47:21,719 --> 00:47:23,239 too. I was bro, I don't, I don't. I was scared 622 00:47:23,239 --> 00:47:28,039 of being a father. Man. It's scary. It's scary. Man. 623 00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:30,760 Those kids in there, they loved me, but I was scared that they 624 00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:35,960 might not. I was like, I don't know why, but I just 625 00:47:36,159 --> 00:47:38,400 was like, man, it must be hard to be a father because so 626 00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:43,119 many of y'all suck at it. It must be hard. It must be 627 00:47:43,239 --> 00:47:49,159 hard, it must must it must be hard to be a father because y'all 628 00:47:49,159 --> 00:47:52,880 are not around like that. Damn, it's hard to love your kids. 629 00:47:52,360 --> 00:47:57,920 Got to be. It has to be. It has to be hard. 630 00:47:58,440 --> 00:48:00,119 It has to be hard for a relationship to work, because it doesn't. 631 00:48:00,280 --> 00:48:04,880 None of these seem to be working. It has to be hard to have 632 00:48:05,039 --> 00:48:08,920 to have half the marriages that happen in It has to be hard, but 633 00:48:09,039 --> 00:48:14,199 it's not. It's none of this is hard. All of this is is. 634 00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:17,480 I love you, I'm gonna be patient with you. All I need 635 00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:21,480 you to do is communicate with me. That's it. And I'm talking to 636 00:48:21,519 --> 00:48:24,320 you, I'm talking to anybody that I love. Just be patient with me, 637 00:48:25,039 --> 00:48:29,079 tell me you need help, and then allow me the time to figure 638 00:48:29,119 --> 00:48:30,840 out how to help you. You know what I'm saying. Like a lot 639 00:48:30,920 --> 00:48:36,199 of the times niggas would be screaming for help and don't even allow the person 640 00:48:36,920 --> 00:48:38,760 the time to learn how to help them, because you got to learn how 641 00:48:38,760 --> 00:48:42,320 to communicate with a person that even help them. Yeah, you know what 642 00:48:42,360 --> 00:48:45,599 I'm saying. So like your girl saying, hey man, hey you bumm. 643 00:48:46,280 --> 00:48:49,960 When I'm at work, I don't want to come home and do this. 644 00:48:50,639 --> 00:48:53,840 And before she said that you had you had an opinion about how you 645 00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:57,440 thought it should go, and she said, regardless of how you think it 646 00:48:57,440 --> 00:49:02,519 should go, if you want your dicks up when you put it like that, 647 00:49:04,199 --> 00:49:07,960 all right, because Yer tells me all the time. She was like, 648 00:49:08,079 --> 00:49:12,199 man, you it was a time where I couldn't tell you anything, 649 00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:16,079 and it was I was stressed COVID, had COVID and having kids it affected 650 00:49:16,119 --> 00:49:20,639 me different, man, and being stressed about bills because black Wood I wasn't 651 00:49:20,639 --> 00:49:22,559 working the way I thought it was supposed to work. Like it was just 652 00:49:22,639 --> 00:49:27,679 a bunch of shit. Man. I feel like going off of subject, 653 00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:30,800 but I feel like people don't talk about COVID enough, Like I feel like 654 00:49:31,320 --> 00:49:36,920 it was one of those dark times, like it was two years out of 655 00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:38,599 our lives. Damn, there are two years out of our lives where it 656 00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:44,079 was. Yeah, and nobody like ever like talk like everybody was so happy 657 00:49:44,159 --> 00:49:47,519 to get it over with, but nobody talks about like damn, like we 658 00:49:47,639 --> 00:49:53,360 were just terrified. Yeah, you're right, Like, because I I go 659 00:49:53,559 --> 00:49:59,639 back like I have, like for the rest of my life, Tootsie slot 660 00:49:59,719 --> 00:50:05,039 By will always remind me of the pandemic for real, always Bro just so 661 00:50:05,159 --> 00:50:07,679 the simple fact because that was like one of the damn near one of the 662 00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:14,719 first dances that came out like that left foot, Yeah, like when that 663 00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:19,480 came and then he was showed his house and then in the beginning of it, 664 00:50:19,559 --> 00:50:22,239 it was all the empty streets of Canada and New York. Like I 665 00:50:22,400 --> 00:50:25,559 was just like, bro, like that's don't you want that dance with me? 666 00:50:27,039 --> 00:50:32,239 Yea And they gave him so much shit about that song they gave him 667 00:50:32,360 --> 00:50:36,719 that was I liked that song. I do do one of the one of 668 00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:39,199 the only show that I've watched, and I don't watch a lot of shows, 669 00:50:39,280 --> 00:50:43,159 but I feel like Grey's Anatomy might have touched on this, but I 670 00:50:43,199 --> 00:50:46,239 don't watch Gray's Anatomy. The only show that I watched that made me feel 671 00:50:46,440 --> 00:50:52,280 exactly how I felt during COVID was the morning show Apple TV with Jennifer Aniston 672 00:50:52,320 --> 00:50:55,440 and oh yeah, Grey's Anatomy though it was like that, but the Morning 673 00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:59,039 show. Yeah, but the Morning Show was like that, bro, when 674 00:50:59,119 --> 00:51:02,000 she called OVID yes, and then they showed the streets and they showed how 675 00:51:02,039 --> 00:51:06,960 the news people had to That's a really great TV show. Yeah, but 676 00:51:07,119 --> 00:51:13,119 Grayson Natomy did that too. Because the uh I forgot the main chick Ellen 677 00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:19,280 Ellen popinot, the one that plays uh yeah Meredith. Yeah she Meredith called 678 00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:22,960 COVID and she damned or died from COVID. So like they they had all 679 00:51:23,000 --> 00:51:27,280 of that to where like going into the hospitals, like it was just the 680 00:51:27,440 --> 00:51:32,800 shields and yeah, bro, that shit was scary even even I saw I 681 00:51:32,960 --> 00:51:36,360 know somebody person, I don't know him personally, I don't know. I'm 682 00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:37,880 not gonna say that I know somebody. I went to high school with it. 683 00:51:37,920 --> 00:51:46,079 I almost died from COVID and the motherucker's still fat. That's crazy, 684 00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:54,000 bro. I don't think you'll even understand what I'm even trying to say right 685 00:51:54,039 --> 00:51:59,039 now. You almost lost your life. You almost was taken away from your 686 00:51:59,079 --> 00:52:04,880 wife and your kids, from your unhealthy eating habits, and you still ain't 687 00:52:04,960 --> 00:52:07,760 change them. Hey, some beatles just I feel like some people were just 688 00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:12,719 stubborn. Link. I talked to my neighbor. She's fifty. Yeah, 689 00:52:13,800 --> 00:52:16,960 beautiful white woman, Oh my god, beautiful eyes. She was saying to 690 00:52:17,079 --> 00:52:22,039 her husband had a heart attack and didn't want to wake her up, and 691 00:52:22,239 --> 00:52:25,679 she's a cardiovascular nurse. He didn't want to wake her up and I asked 692 00:52:25,719 --> 00:52:30,519 her, I said, how did you feel knowing that you're a cardiovascular nurse, 693 00:52:31,119 --> 00:52:37,079 which is the nurse for the heart, and your husband had a heart 694 00:52:37,119 --> 00:52:40,960 attack and didn't want to wake you up. He part of his heart died 695 00:52:42,079 --> 00:52:45,880 because he didn't wake her up in time. He could have woke her up 696 00:52:45,920 --> 00:52:50,440 and saved part of his heart. And before he had the heart attack, 697 00:52:50,480 --> 00:52:53,480 he wasn't changing his diet all that like stressed. Man, I'm telling you, 698 00:52:53,760 --> 00:52:55,920 eating habits, food, all this shit, I'm telling you. But 699 00:52:57,000 --> 00:53:04,280 when you have when you almost die from it and you don't change, it's 700 00:53:04,320 --> 00:53:07,400 really like, Okay, Now that's a problem because I love my kids, 701 00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:12,320 man, bro, I love those little fuckers a lot, a lot, 702 00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:16,440 a lot, so much so that I'm trying to kill off the old version 703 00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:23,079 of myself. I don't want no I don't want anybody to recognize me come 704 00:53:23,679 --> 00:53:25,519 middle of the summer, end of the year, I don't want nobody to 705 00:53:25,559 --> 00:53:29,639 recognize I don't want nobody to recognize me. I want I want to move 706 00:53:29,679 --> 00:53:32,239 a lighter, I want to feel lighter. I want to be preyed up. 707 00:53:32,280 --> 00:53:37,880 I want to nigga. I want to be different. And that's just 708 00:53:37,119 --> 00:53:45,639 having kids. I didn't almost die when I'm man, my boy losing his 709 00:53:45,800 --> 00:53:50,599 kid. Bro, I've never seen my man cry before ever. When I 710 00:53:50,719 --> 00:53:55,320 pulled up to that motherfucking memorial with my son because I had to take Dora 711 00:53:55,400 --> 00:54:00,440 into a party afterwards with my son, and I'm like, I don't know 712 00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:01,719 what to say. I'm sorry, and he was like, man, I 713 00:54:01,840 --> 00:54:06,840 tried my best. And I was like, oh fuck, fuck, damn 714 00:54:07,039 --> 00:54:12,679 ship my heart, damn man. He was like, Bro, I tried 715 00:54:12,760 --> 00:54:15,800 my best to and I was like, Bro, I know, just cry 716 00:54:15,920 --> 00:54:23,360 man, man and life as a black man, Bro's it's so much. 717 00:54:23,519 --> 00:54:27,400 Bro, it's so much. And I know it's a lot for black women 718 00:54:27,440 --> 00:54:29,679 too. I know it's a lot. And I can't imagine them being a 719 00:54:29,760 --> 00:54:32,800 black woman and not being able to find a nigga like me that's hypersensitive and 720 00:54:32,960 --> 00:54:38,320 overly conscious about how she feels. Bro, can you imagine being a black 721 00:54:38,400 --> 00:54:42,840 woman and when you are already stressed and you're a nigga, you're a nigga, 722 00:54:42,960 --> 00:54:46,880 You already stressed, Put a pussy between your legs, some TV's on 723 00:54:46,960 --> 00:54:51,519 your chest, and now you gotta fight for a quality of work. You 724 00:54:51,599 --> 00:54:53,880 gotta fight for pay at work. You gotta fight for nigga. It's nigga 725 00:54:53,920 --> 00:54:59,559 sexually harassing you everywhere. Bro, I do not want to add the stress 726 00:54:59,599 --> 00:55:07,239 that already. Yeah, dicks in my inbox, bullshit dates, motherfucker's I 727 00:55:07,320 --> 00:55:14,519 don't want to even deal with that. Bro. That's luck bro, terrifying. 728 00:55:15,880 --> 00:55:17,920 I ain't scratch the surface, nigga. I know women who can't have 729 00:55:19,159 --> 00:55:22,639 kids. I know women who are thirty six years old want kids. Can't 730 00:55:22,679 --> 00:55:24,800 find the nigga to have kids. They already got motherfucking fire boys on their 731 00:55:24,880 --> 00:55:32,039 motherfucking us uters walls. Bro. I'm telling you, it's so much going 732 00:55:32,119 --> 00:55:37,800 on, bro, and everybody is handling it the way that they're handling it. 733 00:55:37,960 --> 00:55:40,239 And I can't go to the club because I feel like I'm watching people 734 00:55:40,360 --> 00:55:44,920 handle things in a very toxic way. That's what I feel like. I 735 00:55:45,000 --> 00:55:49,440 feel like when I go out, I'm witnessing people try to drink their problems 736 00:55:49,480 --> 00:55:52,360 away. Now some people might be in there, fuck it, I ain't 737 00:55:52,360 --> 00:55:55,519 gonna even lie. There's no reason for any happy person to go to the 738 00:55:55,599 --> 00:56:00,079 club. In my opinion, like on what I say. What I mean 739 00:56:00,159 --> 00:56:02,599 by that is when I was when I was working out heavy and I was 740 00:56:02,679 --> 00:56:06,119 watching what I ate. I wasn't trying to go to the club because I 741 00:56:06,159 --> 00:56:07,960 was tired as fuck. My muscles hurt. Nigga, I'm tired. I 742 00:56:07,960 --> 00:56:09,760 got to wake up at six in the morning to go to the gym. 743 00:56:10,119 --> 00:56:14,000 I can't eat what's in this club. It's only French fries and chicken and 744 00:56:14,079 --> 00:56:16,480 alcohol. I don't want to be in here because it's not healthy for me 745 00:56:16,559 --> 00:56:19,760 to be in here. This is not where I want to be. Most 746 00:56:19,880 --> 00:56:25,039 people who are on that regiment, that that get that that that that path, 747 00:56:25,119 --> 00:56:28,280 that track, the path of getting their life together, they're not in 748 00:56:28,360 --> 00:56:30,000 that. They're not in that environment, you know what I'm saying. So 749 00:56:31,760 --> 00:56:37,119 nothing good, nigga. I might be I might just be spewing off. 750 00:56:37,239 --> 00:56:42,079 I haven't potted in weeks, but nigga, No, I just feel bad 751 00:56:42,159 --> 00:56:45,719 for like women who can't find men. As a black man, yeah, 752 00:56:46,039 --> 00:56:49,920 as a black man, because a lot of us are dead or in jail. 753 00:56:50,960 --> 00:56:52,679 A lot of us are dead. Yeah, a lot of us are 754 00:56:52,760 --> 00:56:57,440 in jail a lot. I'm like, man, what so and so that 755 00:56:57,639 --> 00:57:00,920 that nigga been locked up since nigga? Yeah? Bro, just why bro? 756 00:57:01,119 --> 00:57:06,079 Just in my high school class, Bro, I didn't. It's at 757 00:57:06,199 --> 00:57:08,800 least thirty. Mean no, I'll probably say twenty that I know of since 758 00:57:08,840 --> 00:57:14,079 I've graduated that that didn't die to win to jail. Yeah, that that's 759 00:57:14,119 --> 00:57:16,519 just me that I know of. Yeah, and it could be more that 760 00:57:16,679 --> 00:57:19,880 I just haven't. They haven't posted. But it's just like, bro, 761 00:57:20,159 --> 00:57:25,119 like, it's just crazy. It's it's crazy everywhere. Man. I hate 762 00:57:25,159 --> 00:57:27,920 when people. I hate when people are thinking to be like, oh, 763 00:57:27,960 --> 00:57:30,320 I gotta get out of Indiana because it's safe. No, they gotta live 764 00:57:30,360 --> 00:57:35,079 in Florida and it's dangerous there too. You still get your ship split there 765 00:57:35,159 --> 00:57:37,239 too. It don't matter where you wait. You just die in the tropical 766 00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:43,360 place. They don't really, it's palm trees above you. When you die, 767 00:57:44,320 --> 00:57:47,639 you still die. Or getting robbed. You just got robbed in the 768 00:57:47,719 --> 00:57:52,840 sunny They don't really, it don't. It don't change and seventy five degree 769 00:57:52,920 --> 00:58:00,239 weather. It's crazy, crazy getting robbed with a motherfucker. Yeah right, 770 00:58:00,519 --> 00:58:07,639 crazy, it's crazy. That is crazy. I'm nothing. I'm nothing, 771 00:58:07,760 --> 00:58:12,400 Bro. You remember that time we almost got robbed in Atlanta? Yes, 772 00:58:13,639 --> 00:58:17,920 tut t turnes Trenese Trenese Trenisha Trenese, Trenisia, whatever her name is. 773 00:58:19,320 --> 00:58:22,000 Shout out to her. The nigga tried to get us for that camera. 774 00:58:22,159 --> 00:58:25,119 They did, Bro, Bro pulled out the tooling everything trying to get a 775 00:58:25,199 --> 00:58:30,199 camera. I was just like, Bro, I'm just so unfazed by those 776 00:58:30,280 --> 00:58:35,800 things. I'm I'm not, I'm not I'm not I'm not some mancho guy. 777 00:58:35,960 --> 00:58:39,000 But I was just severely unfazed at that point. Whatever y'all was gonna 778 00:58:39,039 --> 00:58:43,400 do, y'all was gonna do right, whatever y'all was gonna do. And 779 00:58:43,519 --> 00:58:49,599 if we gotta fight, Bro, just just be prepared to die because I'm 780 00:58:49,639 --> 00:58:52,599 not about I don't want to be embarrassed. Yeah, I don't want to 781 00:58:52,599 --> 00:58:54,800 be embarrassed, So you're not about to embarrass me in front of these girls, 782 00:58:54,880 --> 00:59:01,960 Sonna go hand Bro, Yeah, yeah for sure. All of that 783 00:59:02,039 --> 00:59:05,719 stuff, man, All all the rap videos I made at that time when 784 00:59:05,719 --> 00:59:07,920 you came down to Atlanta, remember those days. I remember I missed those. 785 00:59:08,000 --> 00:59:13,280 I played um, I played you the Boss form. One of the 786 00:59:13,360 --> 00:59:15,480 actors that came over, she's like, this is really good. I was 787 00:59:15,519 --> 00:59:16,639 like, yeah, really, I said. I wrote this on receipt paper 788 00:59:16,719 --> 00:59:22,440 at Walmart. I was at Walmart and fucking a girl walked by and I 789 00:59:22,519 --> 00:59:28,880 was like, Bro, you are fine. Bro, I just I wrote 790 00:59:28,920 --> 00:59:30,480 a whole song about I don't even know who she was nothing, she was 791 00:59:30,559 --> 00:59:35,360 just fine. Man, God damn I remember that. Man, this is 792 00:59:35,400 --> 00:59:40,119 all subject, but it's the only subject. I've listened to fuck Faces by 793 00:59:40,199 --> 00:59:45,079 Scarface recently, and that song comes on. He said, Man, I 794 00:59:45,159 --> 00:59:47,880 made a bitch so fine, so Bashi made me sick. Sometime. I 795 00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:54,960 just had to fuck this bitch one time. I felt him. I felt 796 00:59:55,039 --> 01:00:02,639 him. I felt that so bad. She made me six Sometime I just 797 01:00:02,760 --> 01:00:09,559 had to pitch one time Bryan gives or some guy that she make from, 798 01:00:09,679 --> 01:00:13,719 some guy that she dates. Still trying, but yeah, man, being 799 01:00:13,760 --> 01:00:16,119 a father is awesome. And thank you for recording with me. We've been 800 01:00:16,320 --> 01:00:20,320 We've been talking for two hours. Damn, you don't even feel like it. 801 01:00:21,360 --> 01:00:25,239 But yeah. The biggest thing about being a good partner for me, 802 01:00:27,320 --> 01:00:30,639 I think, while my wife loves me so much, is that I'm just 803 01:00:30,760 --> 01:00:34,519 overly conscious about how she feel about things. I'm always I'm always are you 804 01:00:34,639 --> 01:00:37,599 okay, I'm always thinking about how she might be feeling. Because one day 805 01:00:37,599 --> 01:00:40,199 I did mushrooms and I was like, man, you know how much of 806 01:00:40,519 --> 01:00:45,119 your your partner's life. You have no idea how she experiences it. And 807 01:00:45,239 --> 01:00:50,360 then I got mad, like my wife got to go to work and she 808 01:00:50,440 --> 01:00:53,360 got to deal with people, and I can't save her. Oh, you 809 01:00:53,440 --> 01:00:57,199 can't go to work. I need to work to work. You didn't gotta 810 01:00:57,199 --> 01:00:59,880 go to work, because if you come home and tell me that it's a 811 01:01:00,239 --> 01:01:04,239 bothering at your job, how I'm I handle that. I don't want to 812 01:01:04,239 --> 01:01:07,480 handle that. I don't want to deal with that. I don't want to 813 01:01:07,519 --> 01:01:08,239 deal with that. No, I don't want to deal with that. No, 814 01:01:08,400 --> 01:01:13,280 So I'm gonna have to work my ass off is and we're gonna have 815 01:01:13,320 --> 01:01:15,599 to move to a place where we got no rent, which is gonna move 816 01:01:15,599 --> 01:01:17,679 to their parents' house. Yeah. I already got already got this. I 817 01:01:17,760 --> 01:01:23,400 already got this mapped out. Yeah, because now and with kids, you 818 01:01:23,480 --> 01:01:30,079 start to realize, like where our parents might have went wrong, like that 819 01:01:30,320 --> 01:01:34,920 rat race, Like I said that American dream type shit that everybody have a 820 01:01:35,039 --> 01:01:37,039 job and everybody do this and that and that and that and that, but 821 01:01:37,159 --> 01:01:40,239 no one's at home watching the kids. My wife is great with the kids. 822 01:01:40,880 --> 01:01:45,119 She's the most loving her mom is one of the most loving people ever. 823 01:01:45,280 --> 01:01:46,679 So I want my wife to be home with the kids, and I 824 01:01:46,760 --> 01:01:51,760 want my wife to be home relaxing, painting, playing the piano. I'll 825 01:01:51,800 --> 01:01:54,360 be the workhorse. I love what I do. I could do this shit 826 01:01:54,400 --> 01:01:57,480 all day, every single day. I love it. I love what I 827 01:01:57,559 --> 01:02:00,559 do. I love what I do, and I don't got to do. 828 01:02:00,840 --> 01:02:06,760 I can deal with people. But I want my kids to know that love. 829 01:02:06,920 --> 01:02:09,639 I want my kids to feel that love. I want my kids to 830 01:02:09,760 --> 01:02:15,280 grow up knowing that their parents loved them, no doubts, no, no 831 01:02:15,679 --> 01:02:17,800 nothing. I want their health to be good because we're cooking for them every 832 01:02:17,880 --> 01:02:22,159 night. Nigga, we're both working. Nigga, she too tired to cook. 833 01:02:22,199 --> 01:02:23,480 I'm too tired to cook. Nigga, we dore dash and we might 834 01:02:23,840 --> 01:02:29,960 chicken nugets and fried like we we are already. We teeter tied between really 835 01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:34,880 great diet and really shitty diet, really great sleep sleeping habits, really shitty 836 01:02:34,880 --> 01:02:37,599 sleeping habits, Like we're trying to We're trying to stay on a routine, 837 01:02:37,639 --> 01:02:39,639 the schedule. But it's it's hard, man, it's hard. I mean, 838 01:02:39,719 --> 01:02:44,079 you know you got you got step children. Yeah, how is it 839 01:02:44,159 --> 01:02:51,599 being a stepfather? Bro? You're a strong nigga. Yeah, because because 840 01:02:51,599 --> 01:02:55,119 they ain't not you. Um, it was tough at first, and I'm 841 01:02:55,159 --> 01:02:58,440 not gonna lie. It was the only the only reason why it was tough 842 01:02:58,480 --> 01:03:04,480 because they were so young. How long I've been together? Uh since officially 843 01:03:04,559 --> 01:03:08,519 probably since like twenty eighteen, okay, but we've been talking since down there 844 01:03:08,639 --> 01:03:13,840 a year, A couple of months after I got there, and um, 845 01:03:14,039 --> 01:03:19,760 yeah I worked together something. Yeah, we did. And she actually it's 846 01:03:19,800 --> 01:03:23,960 kind of crazy because it was going down to Tea's wedding and she had me 847 01:03:24,159 --> 01:03:29,119 coming back. I had to ask somebody to cover my shift and I had 848 01:03:29,159 --> 01:03:31,599 asked for her number and I got her number and that's how we hit it 849 01:03:31,679 --> 01:03:37,400 up. But anyway, her kids was so young, she had a I 850 01:03:37,480 --> 01:03:40,760 want to say it the youngest, her youngest was like five months six months 851 01:03:42,719 --> 01:03:45,920 nigga. Yeah, that was so it was just like it was hard, 852 01:03:45,079 --> 01:03:52,400 just so the simple fact that you know, I everything. If we really 853 01:03:52,480 --> 01:03:54,320 couldn't go out anywhere, we couldn't go on dates, we couldn't do this 854 01:03:54,400 --> 01:04:00,440 because it was like and then her it didn't help that her her baby daddy's 855 01:04:00,719 --> 01:04:03,400 day't shit. None of them were ship bro, Like, none of them 856 01:04:04,199 --> 01:04:09,039 or anything like when I say, like, it's just crazy because these kids 857 01:04:09,119 --> 01:04:12,559 think they daddy is so yeah, bro, and it's just like this nigga 858 01:04:12,760 --> 01:04:17,239 is a bum. Mean he's he's a bum. But yeah, but just 859 01:04:17,400 --> 01:04:23,159 being a step dad, it was hard. But now them being a little 860 01:04:23,199 --> 01:04:27,719 older and we being able to do shit together, that shit is honestly lit, 861 01:04:27,840 --> 01:04:30,880 bro, Like it's lit because I'd be I'd be in the room with 862 01:04:31,079 --> 01:04:34,920 her, with the eight year old, and we'd be he at that age 863 01:04:34,960 --> 01:04:39,480 now to where he played video even the uh even the youngest when he's seven. 864 01:04:39,559 --> 01:04:42,880 Now we're about to be seven this year, bro, we'll be playing 865 01:04:42,920 --> 01:04:46,119 Madden Fortnite. He'd be like a different shit like that. We just got 866 01:04:46,199 --> 01:04:50,800 him in the oldest one in football. So it's just like now I'm looking 867 01:04:50,840 --> 01:04:54,679 at until it's just like all right, well I'm here now. So it's 868 01:04:54,719 --> 01:04:58,800 just like I love you. Kids ain't going nowhere, so fuck it. 869 01:04:59,000 --> 01:05:03,599 Like and then I also looked at it too into where it's just like if 870 01:05:03,639 --> 01:05:06,079 I really got a connection with this chick, yeah, she got keys, 871 01:05:06,159 --> 01:05:14,559 I'm not finna like not be with her, just of the of the kids 872 01:05:14,599 --> 01:05:17,639 because mama had three kids, and it's just like that would have been like 873 01:05:17,760 --> 01:05:21,960 for somebody for her if she had us and nobody said, hey, nigga, 874 01:05:21,960 --> 01:05:28,119 you had three kids. But by different, I'm not gonna deal with 875 01:05:28,239 --> 01:05:30,679 you. I'm not gonna do that. It's the same thing with Heather, 876 01:05:30,119 --> 01:05:32,480 Like Heather, she didn't have to be with my dad when he had me. 877 01:05:32,559 --> 01:05:34,760 He was just like So I kind of looked at it like that, 878 01:05:34,840 --> 01:05:38,559 and it's just like, it's not all that, it's not bad because they 879 01:05:38,639 --> 01:05:42,880 got kids. You just gotta do a little bit more. It's very mature 880 01:05:42,920 --> 01:05:45,239 of you. Yeah. So I just I've been doing a little bit more. 881 01:05:45,320 --> 01:05:47,760 I've been hanging out with him, got the oldest one in football, 882 01:05:47,880 --> 01:05:50,440 trying to get the daughter now and the cheerleading. So it's just like, 883 01:05:51,000 --> 01:05:56,480 now, look at it to where I can't even say I'm I'm competing with 884 01:05:56,639 --> 01:05:59,880 her dad because I already blown him out the water. But now I make 885 01:06:00,159 --> 01:06:02,079 it to work because they're like I keep trying to tell their mom, I'm 886 01:06:02,159 --> 01:06:04,800 like, yo, They're they're getting to that age now to where they're gonna 887 01:06:04,800 --> 01:06:09,719 see their daddy and ship, Yeah, they're gonna see that Hey, this 888 01:06:09,880 --> 01:06:13,039 nigga ain't nothing. So it's just like now, it's just like I'm doing 889 01:06:13,079 --> 01:06:15,199 everything that I can to be like all right, well, yeah my daddy 890 01:06:15,239 --> 01:06:18,119 went ship, but this nigga aint here. Like even if I was to 891 01:06:18,239 --> 01:06:23,159 leave, I can guarantee those kids would be like, damn, where's Carlos? 892 01:06:23,280 --> 01:06:26,199 I miss this nigga. Yeah, I wanted to say, I want 893 01:06:26,239 --> 01:06:28,880 to put this bug in here, and you might not act on it right 894 01:06:28,960 --> 01:06:32,960 now. And it's fine. Therapy for the kids. Therapy for the kids. 895 01:06:33,159 --> 01:06:38,840 Because the reason why I say this is because Denni's rest in peace. 896 01:06:38,880 --> 01:06:44,239 Carlos, my friend, Carlos's son, he kept wanting his dad to like 897 01:06:44,480 --> 01:06:48,800 be shit and he wasn't. He kept on him to be like this superhero 898 01:06:48,960 --> 01:06:56,480 and he wasn't. And it and it prevented Dennis from loving Carlos as much 899 01:06:56,719 --> 01:07:00,400 as he's as he was supposed to. It was preventing him from listening to 900 01:07:00,559 --> 01:07:02,400 him as much as he was a poster and he was there from since he 901 01:07:02,519 --> 01:07:09,880 was like six. So it and it doesn't it doesn't matter, like I 902 01:07:09,920 --> 01:07:13,519 don't think it mattered like I think I think. I don't think it matters. 903 01:07:13,559 --> 01:07:15,599 How long you've been with the kid, because they still gonna want their 904 01:07:15,639 --> 01:07:18,159 father to be around. That's just that's just that's just a natural instinct. 905 01:07:18,360 --> 01:07:25,360 Yes, but they're gonna have to have some kind of I've seen, not 906 01:07:25,559 --> 01:07:30,800 just even with just Dennis me. I wish I had therapy just to understand 907 01:07:30,840 --> 01:07:34,159 the emotion that I had about my father not being there, um, because 908 01:07:34,559 --> 01:07:39,360 I think I think it did prevent me from actually loving and listening to men 909 01:07:39,679 --> 01:07:42,000 because I was like, well, fuck y'all, nigga, I always had 910 01:07:42,039 --> 01:07:45,159 to I always had the mentality, and I wish I didn't because I think 911 01:07:45,239 --> 01:07:47,360 I yeah, I think it didn't. But you are you are you? 912 01:07:47,559 --> 01:07:54,719 You live for um being a good stepfather. Man. I mean shit, 913 01:07:54,800 --> 01:07:59,039 they gotta. Like I said, it just sucks because, like he was 914 01:07:59,119 --> 01:08:02,239 saying, women already got to deal with so much bullishit. Black women already 915 01:08:02,280 --> 01:08:05,480 gotta deal with bullshit. So you thinking that this nigga that you just laid 916 01:08:05,519 --> 01:08:10,559 down with, you find to be a partner with this nigga, not even 917 01:08:11,119 --> 01:08:14,679 he don't do nothing, and it's just like bro, like what, Yeah, 918 01:08:14,719 --> 01:08:18,520 I was thinking about that. Um, I was thinking about just how 919 01:08:18,680 --> 01:08:21,640 my how my daughters are gonna be different because of how much I love on 920 01:08:21,720 --> 01:08:25,880 them, how much I talk to him, how much i'm I'm with them 921 01:08:25,960 --> 01:08:30,119 every day. I've seen my kids probably more than some of my friends have 922 01:08:30,239 --> 01:08:32,800 seen their kids already. Yeah, I see I see them every day all 923 01:08:32,920 --> 01:08:38,439 day. Um just you know, I think about how different their life will 924 01:08:38,520 --> 01:08:42,359 be just because I'm here. I'm they got a hypersense of the vast dad 925 01:08:42,640 --> 01:08:45,720 who's always emotional about everything. So I'm always talking to him, talking telling 926 01:08:45,760 --> 01:08:48,520 them I love them, kissing on them, hugging on them, and walking 927 01:08:48,560 --> 01:08:51,920 with and playing. I'm always doing something. They might be up now, 928 01:08:53,960 --> 01:08:58,920 but I'm always I'm always daddy moote. And when they get older, I'm 929 01:08:58,960 --> 01:09:01,399 gonna always be there for them as much as I possibly can. So I 930 01:09:01,439 --> 01:09:05,239 can't imagine what it's like for me not to be here. Yeah. And 931 01:09:05,319 --> 01:09:09,119 she's gonna be lit for them when they get older. Yeah, So I'll 932 01:09:09,119 --> 01:09:12,800 be thinking about women who grew up. My wife fortunately had both of our 933 01:09:12,840 --> 01:09:15,239 parents, so I don't have to deal with you know, some of the 934 01:09:15,600 --> 01:09:27,159 um be the the unfortunate circumstances and on the emotions that you know, women 935 01:09:27,239 --> 01:09:30,920 daddy issues, daddy issues, mama issues because It's not just the daddy issues, 936 01:09:30,920 --> 01:09:34,920 it's also the mama issues. Like women grow up and they don't really 937 01:09:34,960 --> 01:09:39,319 be having the best relationship with their mom, and they don't got any relationship 938 01:09:39,359 --> 01:09:42,920 with their dad, you know, so they their their their view on love 939 01:09:43,239 --> 01:09:46,439 is different, which is what leads them to have kids with three different guys, 940 01:09:46,479 --> 01:09:49,479 you know what I'm saying, Like it leads them to go. I 941 01:09:49,600 --> 01:09:54,199 just feel for my black sisters man too. I feel for them man and 942 01:09:54,560 --> 01:09:56,960 I and I, and I think that's why I always create for them. 943 01:09:58,720 --> 01:10:00,880 I've always I think I've always felt this way about black women, Like I 944 01:10:01,039 --> 01:10:06,920 just be I'd be hated now too with like uh like with black women, 945 01:10:08,039 --> 01:10:15,279 especially like in UM like for example, at a at an ESPN, I 946 01:10:15,439 --> 01:10:20,560 feel like they're given some black women like, hey, you're black, so 947 01:10:21,079 --> 01:10:26,359 we're going to follow the wave now and hire you on instead of like, 948 01:10:27,000 --> 01:10:30,239 hey you actually work really good, I'm going to hire you. Because they 949 01:10:30,319 --> 01:10:32,279 got this rule in the NFL called the Rooney rule. I don't know if 950 01:10:32,319 --> 01:10:38,279 you've ever heard of it, but pretty much the Rooney rule is the owners 951 01:10:38,439 --> 01:10:42,720 have to interview a black candidate. They have to, they don't have to 952 01:10:42,800 --> 01:10:45,680 hire them. They just have to interview. And I feel like that rule 953 01:10:45,840 --> 01:10:49,039 right there is I feel like one of the most dumbest rules because it's like, 954 01:10:49,199 --> 01:10:53,640 yeah, you bringing in somebody to interview, but then I ain't getting 955 01:10:53,640 --> 01:10:56,439 a job. You ain't getting a job. Yeah, that's like the dumbest 956 01:10:56,479 --> 01:10:58,560 thing. So it's just like, now I don't want it to be like 957 01:10:58,640 --> 01:11:00,640 because a lot of black women are getting they flowers, but I wanted like, 958 01:11:01,000 --> 01:11:05,640 I'm I'm wondering it is it like genuine are they real flowers? Because 959 01:11:05,680 --> 01:11:09,520 are you just doing this because like it's the quota and it's cool now, 960 01:11:09,720 --> 01:11:14,079 yeah to have a black woman in charge, not saying that they don't deserve 961 01:11:14,119 --> 01:11:17,319 it, because they do because black women are smart as fuck, But yeah, 962 01:11:17,680 --> 01:11:21,279 is it like is it really like, hey, here's your flowers. 963 01:11:21,560 --> 01:11:27,840 You deserve this, rather than just giving it to Susie over here and she 964 01:11:27,960 --> 01:11:31,399 don't deserve it because they had they was doing that this chick named Maria Taylor. 965 01:11:31,760 --> 01:11:35,640 It was this chick name of Rachel Nichols, and they had a phone 966 01:11:35,680 --> 01:11:41,560 recording and she was pretty much saying like, uh, I praise Maria Taylor, 967 01:11:42,039 --> 01:11:44,960 I fuck with her and all this, but she can't have my job 968 01:11:45,079 --> 01:11:47,600 just because she's black, and motherfucker's like they she got fired for saying it, 969 01:11:48,000 --> 01:11:50,119 like they fired her and it's just like, I don't want you to 970 01:11:50,159 --> 01:11:53,359 take my job just because you're black. Yeah, I want you to take 971 01:11:53,399 --> 01:11:56,680 my motherfucking job because you're good at it. And they and it's just like 972 01:11:56,800 --> 01:12:00,960 and then they gave the spot that Rachel Nichols was to Maria Taylor. Yeah, 973 01:12:01,119 --> 01:12:05,399 and it's just like she was damned she was that happened anyway. Yeah, 974 01:12:05,439 --> 01:12:08,399 it's just like, what was you gonna what? You gonna give this 975 01:12:08,439 --> 01:12:13,720 ship to her already yeah or not? But now that this gut them recording 976 01:12:13,760 --> 01:12:18,800 came out, it's just like, oh, what you gotta go? Hey 977 01:12:18,840 --> 01:12:21,199 man, Then nigga better stop talking on the phone. Bro. I ain't 978 01:12:21,239 --> 01:12:25,560 talking to nobody. Bro. I'm not talking nobody on the phone. Bro, 979 01:12:25,720 --> 01:12:29,520 nobody, Bro, nobody, not texting nobody, and I'm only talking 980 01:12:29,560 --> 01:12:32,520 to my wife. Yeah. Bro, they'd be leaguing emails and I'd be 981 01:12:32,600 --> 01:12:38,479 like, niggas are sending way to any email. Yeah, niggas a lot 982 01:12:38,560 --> 01:12:40,920 of email. I'm like, bro, I don't even talk to my email 983 01:12:40,960 --> 01:12:43,439 like that. Bro. Y'all gotta y'all smoking dicks. I'm not doing none 984 01:12:43,479 --> 01:12:48,239 of that. I'm not bro and I don't know. I don't be. 985 01:12:48,359 --> 01:12:51,520 I don't have many lifetimes, bro, I don't have many lifetimes, many 986 01:12:51,600 --> 01:12:56,560 toxic lifetimes, bro. And I'm nope, I've already experienced that. I'm 987 01:12:56,720 --> 01:12:59,560 nothing on that. I'm not doing that. Uh. And y'all, that 988 01:12:59,760 --> 01:13:06,800 was very great recording. We have utilized all of the children's naptime. You 989 01:13:06,880 --> 01:13:10,960 gotta change some diapers. Brother. I love you so much, man. 990 01:13:11,159 --> 01:13:14,279 I love you too. Man. I'm very happy and proud of the guy 991 01:13:14,359 --> 01:13:17,000 you've become. And I just can't wait to see who you be. I 992 01:13:17,079 --> 01:13:25,439 just can't wait to see how your relationship with your girlfriend transpires and your career 993 01:13:25,560 --> 01:13:29,359 transpires and turns you who it turns you into. As a black man, 994 01:13:29,479 --> 01:13:31,159 we gotta stay on top of our health. We gotta stay on top of 995 01:13:31,239 --> 01:13:36,000 our mental health, physical health, and everything else will fall into place. 996 01:13:36,039 --> 01:13:40,199 I feel like if you are I feel like if you make the time to 997 01:13:40,319 --> 01:13:45,920 work out or make the time to You're talking if you make the time to 998 01:13:45,039 --> 01:13:48,600 take care of yourself, they mean you're taking the time to love yourself. 999 01:13:49,319 --> 01:13:53,319 And he's taking the time to love yourself. I feel like other people will 1000 01:13:53,600 --> 01:13:56,720 will be forced to love you too, or or they can hate you. 1001 01:13:56,920 --> 01:14:01,399 But I'm really happy. Say hi. I'm just talking it up a store 1002 01:14:01,399 --> 01:14:08,399 and say hi. I got a job with radio starting in June, so 1003 01:14:08,520 --> 01:14:13,079 I'll be flying to LA to meet the team Easter Race podcast team to work 1004 01:14:13,199 --> 01:14:15,039 with them on a twenty four week project. And then after that I'll be 1005 01:14:15,119 --> 01:14:20,840 working on a project with Sony for six months. So I don't know when 1006 01:14:20,840 --> 01:14:27,760 I'll be recording again. Y'all, Just know that today's yesterday's prices ain't today's 1007 01:14:27,760 --> 01:14:31,159 prices. Define not, oh define not. But I never I never wanted 1008 01:14:31,239 --> 01:14:33,479 y'all to pay me anywhere because I don't want I don't want to work with 1009 01:14:33,520 --> 01:14:40,840 anybody. What are you doing? Say hi? Okay, all right, 1010 01:14:40,960 --> 01:16:00,880 y'all. Peace and love ass