There are so many. There are so many responsibilities that me as a man
that I eric have been ignoring for a long time. And um, I
mean most Americans do it. I mean the American debt shows us just how
much shit is fucked up. If if I have, if I have what
the American debt means correctly, student loans, credit card debt, like all
of our debt is into the it's in that debt. It's not just the
debt that the presidents are making up, it's all of It's an accumulation of
everybody shit, and it's and it's a representation of how everybody is living.
I don't have credit card debt. I have student loaned that, but that
shit hunts me like fuck. I don't know, would not be able to
pay that back. It just seems like a lot. It seems it seems
like a whole lot. And then I have children who would probably want to
go to school because America is a country that feeds kids lies um, and
America is also a country that keeps the parents too busy to just to dispel
those lives from those kids. So when I smoke, a lot of those
responsibilities are just come and fucking smack me in the fucking face, and it
used to make me very very very anxious. Nigga, I'm talking like nigga
I thought. I thought at one point, nigga Kiki was gonna attack me
bro, like I got so high. I thought. Kiki was like,
bitch ass, nigga, this's for not taking me out on our like on
something. I'm not plot Bro. I was like Bro. I was like,
man, I told Sierra. I said, man, because me and
Sierra took an edible and we did not want to think about edibles, like
you just don't know how much to take and it takes forever to kick in.
When that shit kicked in, we was praying a god that we made
it back down safely. I said, Man, if this motherfucking dog decided
to go crazy right now we all did what this fast, little fucking rodent
with teeth that we have shampooed and fed the best fucking food for ten years,
What if it just got shitty and was like, you bitch ass just
want crackles, no, not even ankles. I'm thinking, like, motherfucking
what's that the last log logan when the little bitch was jumping off the walls
with the claws and just I'm thinking about Kiki jumping out the walls. Bro.
I took a shower. I was so high one time. Then I
took a shower with the door locked and the shower curtain opened dawn, thinking
well, thinking that's year's I'm coming there and kill me. This is this
is years ago. I've got an but on on the complete flip of that.
When we came home with those twins, I was so so anxious.
I was extremely anxious, Bro, and I smoked weed and a voice said,
just listen to whatever Siyara tells you to do, and all that the
anxiety went away. Nigga, all of it. Bro. We got during
hyper ass running around ready to come home, and we got two babies.
Nigga begging for milk. My wife stomach staple stitched up. She can't even
walk up and down the stairs properly. I got a feed her. What's
going on? Everybody? My name is Eric Dizzey, and I am in
here with an episode of whatever the fuck. I don't know what this is,
but I am finally recording with my baby brother. Yo, yo,
my baby brother. Um. I'm getting away from nicknames because I don't like
nicknames now that I'm almost forty, because I want my kids like when Dorian,
when Dorian want my attention, he'll say daddy, Daddy. Eric.
He just screaming my name and I'm like, yes, sir. He'd be
like, come here. And I want him to feel comfortable saying my name.
I'm not I'm not comfortable with saying my mama's name. I'm not comfortable
saying mama's name. I'm not comfortable with saying Tanya. You know what I'm
saying. It sounds queer coming out, but I want my son and my
kids to be very comfortable with saying Eric and Sierra. I want them to
know who their parents are, and I want them to identify. I don't
want them calling me pooh bear. I don't want them calling me your mookie.
I don't want them calling Griggs think. I don't want them calling it
well t is t because Jantra is just you know what I mean, but
we haven't recorded before. I don't know why it sucks, but just because
that don't come down here that much no more. Yeah, you're dip.
My brother left here. Whenn't you leave here and you're nothing? I think
two thousand and no two thousand and six. No, you're twenty and sixteen.
Sorry I left here two thousand and sixte Yeah, you had to get
away. I was living with you. That was awful. That was a
dark time. It was that was a dark time. Man. I had
this thought earlier. I was thinking about that time. I was thinking about
that time, and I was I saw an Instagram post about people saying friends
is used to us too loosely. So I had to think about what a
friend was and what a family member was. And a lot of the times
I don't believe that people are friends because they've never seen them at the bottom.
And sometimes you have to embrace your friends. The only people that will
embrace you at the bottom are your friends. Yeah, the only people that
will embrace you at the bottom are your friends. The people that embrace you
and see you and understand you and try to help you are your friends.
The people who see you at the bottom and get scared and run are bitch
ass niggas, and you should not talk to them any longer because if I'm
only if you're only my friend when it's when it's up, I do not
want to be a friend. It's not always gonna be up. I've been
down enough to know that it's not always going to be like this. And
I'm thankful for my boy Carlos uh dj Ai. I'm really, I'm really
thankful for him. I'm thankful for my wife. I'm thankful for you.
But at that time, man, I knew you was going through I knew
you was going through something. And as an older brother, it's kind of
like a father, you kind of like want to shake. I kind of
want to shake, shake, shake some life into you. But I had
to realize that we are on our own separate paths and I can't live life
for you. Yeah, and I'm just thankful that I didn't lose you.
I'm not saying that it was ever a threat, but just saying I'm happy
that I didn't lose you while you was trying to find yourself. And and
I'm I'm very I'm very emotional just this recording because dj A, I lost
his son twenty years old, just moved out as his parents' house two months
ago. Yeah, I got shot on the East Side and I've never had
I've never had a friend that lost the kid, so I never I didn't
know how to I didn't know how to um, I didn't know how to
be there for my boy. And the funeral was like he got cremated,
but the memorial service was on Sunday. I'm just looking at all the pictures
because all the pictures of high school piture. So Nigga just graduated Gate.
You just graduated, so you know his sports pictures and his mom is I
just hugged and I was like, I'm so sorry, so like I just
didn't know what to say. But that's a that's a very that's a huge
possibility for black boys, for us to get fucking smoked and for no reason.
That that too. Bro. You could be at a party and shot.
You could be at a gas station you get shot. You can anything,
bro, yeah bro, And that's the like to said, the scary
part two is you can be you can just do anything. And it's just
like do you do you stop living life? Like do you? Like I
don't want to go do anything now because you can be at the wrong place
like yesterday, Like yesterday I was going to ki Roys and Mama was trying
her best not to have me go to Kirois and she was just like,
it's dangerous out there and I was just like I could get it. But
I think, well, my mom is under the impression that violence is everywhere,
and sometimes I have to let her know that Indianapolis is split up into
parts, and the places I'm going, I feel like I don't have to
worry about it. An yeah, but I'm also positive of the people that
die in certain places. Also felt that way. Exactly. I try to
go to places in the daytime. I don't go to places the dark,
yeah, right, because it's I need to see all of that and not
even that even in the dark, just people just feel like they can do
whatever. It feels like that. It's just like it's when that sun go
down, I'm a whole different human. It's just like why, Bro's like
you still live the same life when it's dark. But it's just crazy,
Like it's just as as you get older as an older black boy, and
so I feel like an older black boy, older black man. Now I
have to worry about blood pressure, diabetes, health, I have to worry
about nigga mobility I have to worry about and I still have to worry about
cops, and I still have to worry about nigga shooting and not only am
I worried about Nigga shooting bro, I don't. There's a Mayer by my
house and then there's a Kroker a little bit farther from my house and opposite
directions. Yeah, Mayer, I feel a safe fan. For some strange
reason, every time I walk into the Kroger that's by my house, I
always think it's gonna be an active shooter in there. Every single time.
It just feels like tonight on Fox fifty nine, active shooters at the Kroger
Off. It feels like that to me, And I hate having to worry
about so many things all at the same time. But us as human beings,
what we are, I feel like us as human beings, what we're
good at is masking our concerned about certain things like trapped, like driving in
the car when I got I got high one time and I was just driving.
I said, Nigga, this is the most terrifying thing a motherfucker could
do. Period. Motherfucker was fu fu fue. I had to look at
the predominant like, Nigga, are you driving? I was like, Bro,
I'm doing the speed because I drive with the cruise control. Okay,
so I get right while I supposed to go cruise control, I'm not even
about to put my foot on the gas. I don't want the cops coming
behind me. You're not how fashion? What's going? Yes? Actually I
do. Cruise control is set on sixty. Yes, right here, fifty
fifty five. It's right, it's right. But it dawned on me,
like even with even my wife is a teacher. Oh yeah, Bro,
I'm like, nigga, it could be some deranged ass white boy or white
girl with anger issues can just go into my wife's job and just you know
this. Man, that's I'm telling you, bro, And these are things
that I have to think about even during going a daycare. I'm like,
bro, it's it's been. It's been women that have been shot outside of
the daycare by their baby daddies or their boyfriends or something. So I'm like,
bro, every everywhere I turn, it's a possible. It's a possibility
of danger. The only place that's not dangerous it's in my study. I'm
as bro. I'm just that's where I am right now. Like I'm I'm
like, man, I gotta get I gotta get my I gotta I have
to get a grip on this ship. I have to get a grip on
this ship, and and and in order to get a grip on this ship,
I have to be a man. I have to stand up and I
gotta leave this ship. Yeah. I think that's I'm starting to get to
that point in my life now, because before it was all just bullshit and
I got time. I got time. I can do this. But now
it's kind of like i'd be thirty in August. Yeah. My career right
now, it's it's going good, but it can be better. I don't
have any kids. I want kids, so it's just like I feel like,
once all that starts to happen, it's just like, is it.
I can't say too late? But did I wait too long for? What?
Did you have? Shooter? Yeah? Brodrian's three, I'm thirty six,
that's true. Don't let motherfuckers make you feel like that. That was
another thing too. Sire looked at me and said, hey, nigga,
I'm not getting no younger. Say last, skate, say last, you're
my nigga, were rocking, We're good. I couldn't have picked the perfect
I couldn't have picked the better person to have a kid with. I couldn't
have picked the perfect I couldn't have picked the better person if as a man,
as a man to I'll be on Instagram. Man, I'm addicted to
Instagram. I need to delete the app. I need to delete the app.
I don't want to just scrolling me too. I'm always seeing videos about
motherfucker's talking about a wife. There's a husband and relationship, this, this,
this, this, and I'd be like, bro, what the fuck
are y'all even talking about? And all of them single what are y'all talking
about? Even the merry ones. I'm like, bro, your situation is
so unique. You cannot project this as the creme della creme of how a
relationship supposed to go, or how kids supposed to be raised, or this
this and that. Whatever works for you and the person you decided to have
a kid with, is that's your playbook for me? For Sierra and I
I knew that she was the one when the bitch didn't get on my nerves.
I swear to bro, we will be sitting in the same house all
day and I do not get irritator with her. That does not happen with
anybody in my life. You not excluded my mama, not excluded, Tia
not excluded. If y'all sit in my presence too long, you know,
well, I feel like I had to entertain you. But Mom will start.
I'm like, all right, you gotta go home now because you're trying
to project your household rules into my house. This is not happening till you
be like, let's go do something. She'll be trying. She moves too
much. Ye sit down, Shut the fuck up. You're gonna watch her
psych. She gonna watch She's gonna watch Psych. She's gonna watch Abbott Elementary.
I'mna be in a studio. We just move in unison and sink like.
And it could be because we've been together for so long, but it'd
be like we'll move without even speaking. She'll be cooking, I'm cleaning up
the job, doing a folding the laundry up. Then she'll take the basket
up the stairs. I'm taking the plates that she just It's like we're moving
like a machine. And if you find somebody that you can do that with,
that doesn't get on your fucking nerves, that doesn't make you feel less
of a man for the decision that you make, then you stick your penis
in her and you have a baby with That's where I'm at now with my
girl that I that I'm with now. I we had a little rough patch
and all that shit that happened, but now it's like we we had a
point to where it's it's like everything is going good. Like when I say
everything is going good, We're happy, We're taking trips, um like doing
more things with her kids. It's just like everything now. However, yeah,
if it was like a unit and we're more of a team now,
because before it was more of like you know, I was some days I
wouldn't like I wouldn't help do shit around the house, should just be all
her because I like yeah, and I honestly like I felt it was kind
of stupid and boys show my part. But I was just like she had
she got kids and me being over there, I'm like, why am I
cleaning up up after it? Like this house dirty because your kids not me?
Like, so why am I cleaning up this? But then I she
told me, she was just like, yo, I get that these aren't
your kids, but I can't. I don't want to clean up every day.
Sometimes it would be good to have help sometimes, like and I started
to do that, and it's just like it's more of a team work now,
like when the kids, when I watched the kids and she at work
and I'm off. House is clean, living room clean, thish is done.
Cook. But before one like that, she would have to come home
after she got after she get home at ten o'clock, she would have to
iron the kids clothes, she had to clean up the living room after the
kids, And then she would be mad at me because she's just like,
damn, I just got off working. You've been here all day and you
ain't doing shit. Was trash, Yeah I was, but now it's just
like I'm not. I'm getting it to where it's just like, man,
that's crazy to hear you say that because we are brothers. And although we
are brothers, we were raised in two different households because you live with your
father and I live with mom. And on the flip of that, it
used to be to where Nigga I would be terrified of Syre was about to
get off work and the house wasn't cleaning, because I would because I have
Mama. Yes, I would be bro if I'll be. But when we
first got together, I was still making music heavy. I look up I'll
look up am I watching it be like schools at two forty five. Nigga's
three teen. The kitchen, nigg Bro, I'm running to the kitchen,
nigga, trying to clean up real quick. I'm vacuum. I looked like
one of those the car, the cartoon the vacuum on one leg. I'm
looking like that nigga. I was terrified. And then one day she was
like, you know, you don't got to do that, right. I
was like what She's like, you don't You don't have to do the dishes
like they'll get done. I said, oh, this is a trap.
Trap man you trying to Oh no, definitely not nigga. That's why,
like earlier it was, I couldn't even eat breakfast because I had I was
cleaning up the kitchen. I was raised by Donna and Latagna, and I've
been I've been beat out of my sleep for now, washing dishes, two
spoons, straw and the sink, a plastic straw in the sink. Nigga
to coming in, Nigga, nigga, pause on your nigga, get up.
And now that I'm an adult, I understand why they were so angry
because nigga, you ain't got no job. I'm taking care of you.
I'm feeding you, I'm making sure you got a roof of your head.
And I asked you to do one fucking thing, which was to make sure
I get it now. I definitely get it now. I definitely get it
now. I hope you'll enjoying the episode. We'll be right back after this
commercial break. As a married man, I understand the importance of teamwork,
and I understand the important importance of friendship, and I understand the importance of
accepting people. People that I say I love, I have to accept them
for who they are and not for who I want them to be and their
friendship thing like I've lost. I've lost people who I thought were friends right
before this upswing of my life, and now that I'm on the upswing,
I can't say that I lost anybody that makes any sense. Yeah, we
had the time that we had that was that so long. It's just like
when you kids and you like like when people say you didn't know it was
your last time I was doing Yeah, Yeah, it's just like it's it's
almost like that growing up. It's just like he ain't Yeah, he didn't
know this was my last time going to the hanging out at the bar with
you. I didn't know this is our last shot together. But I think
my dad said it. And my dad said it in a way where I
thought that he was trying to be funny. But he told me that I
might be hypersensitive. And I'm gonna look up with that word means I don't
have my phone, my phone charger, look up what hypersensitive mean talking to
them, like, hypersensitive means abnormally or excessively sensitive, either psychologically or in
physical response. Yes, in Nigga terms, I felt everything. I feel
everything, and it makes me not want to do things. It makes me
think about things in a certain kind of way. And I had to realize
that recently. I mean when I would say recently, I mean like a
couple of days ago, Like just because I felt so passionately about certain things
don't mean other people felt so passionately about other things. So I look up,
I look online. I'm looking up telling me about the friend that I
the girl that I looked up. Yeah, Facebook, I got to burn
a page in case I want to look and see how people doing. But
I looked her up. The um I didn't know that she had her black
wide because one thing that I didn't realize is that I'm looking up people,
but people can also look me up to Yeah, they can look me up
on LinkedIn, they can look me up on ship whatever sight, but they're
not. And I has realized that because I was like, man, I
think you should listening to some of the stuff that I've been creating. Man,
I'm really proud of the stuff that I've been creating. And she was
like, oh, I used to listen to Blackwood all the time. Listen
to what I used to listen to it at work all the time. But
she never reached out to me, like on instagrams, never sent me a
message on Facebook or not, like she never even And it dawned i'man like,
here it is, you play such a pivotal role in my life emotion
wise, and you didn't even think to even reach out to say, Man,
I'm proud of you for doing this. Fuck you didn't, bitch?
Do you think she knew that you that she was an important part? Though?
Do Do I think that she knew that she played a pivotal part?
Yeah? Uh no? And that was that's the thing too, that's the
thing, Like, how would anybody know? How would anybody know? Because
everybody's just going through life. People might not be sensitive like I used to.
I used to feel a certain kind of way if I would try to
have a conversation with somebody and it wouldn't go as deep as I wanted it.
Like when when you and I talk, we'll talk about music, we
talk about sports. I asked you about your relationship and in mental health and
how you doing, And I have to and I have to take it for
face value that you're being truthful and honest. Yeah, but with my father,
I don't know how my father is doing. My father had a whole
major surgery and didn't didn't call until after the nigga was out of the hospital.
After I was like, yo, so I'm frantic. They was like,
oh, well he's home now. I said, wait, this nigga
passed out at work. They had to rush into the hospital have emergency emergency
surgery. Uh that all of this type of ship and y'all didn't think to
text, to call or nothing. I didn't find out until I until I
called, and I was like, yo, why ain't he askering the phone?
Yeah? And it dawned. I mean, like, I can't.
I can't say that they don't love me because they are not overly sensitive about
certain things, if not all things, like my whole father side of the
family. Like I'm like, man, I ain't talk to none of them,
ain't it ain't reach out to me that blah blah blah blah. And
I was like, man, maybe they don't maybe don't get down like that.
Maybe they just don't reach out. Not even that. Maybe they just
don't fucking talk like that. Not everybody talks like me. Not everybody can
just talk. So I don't know. I had to realize that, man.
And I think. I think even now with the recent news of you
know, me going out to LA, I thought it would. I thought
me telling certain people would make me feel a certain way. But I still
don't feel no kind of way. Like nothing's changed, even though it's the
person that I wanted to work with ye for years. Nothing in my life
has changed other than a financial situation that's going to improve the living the living
situation of me and my family, which is the only thing that I care
about at this point. But the ship don't come with nothing bro yet it
could like when you actually get down in LA and it don't come with anything,
nothing, It don't come with nothing. You meet these people, you're
gonna talk to these people, might have a drink with these people, might
have a stake or something with these people. You're gonna take pictures with these
people. And then these people are gonna go home. And that's that.
And now you have a job to do, and as soon as you don't
do that job, they're gonna replace you. It's not no hard feelings.
This show must go on. So as long as you do what you're supposed
to do, they're gonna do what they're supposed to do. And that's and
that's that. But me my back in the day out of and like man,
we cool, We're tight. These are my niggas. I got the
number of stadium texting them like we know it ain't it ain't that. I've
learned my lesson on trying to be like that. I've learned if they want
to initiate that relationship after they meet me, and then you know what I'm
saying, they're like yo, if they hit me up, like man,
I really I really enjoyed spending time with you. Just that that's the extra
ship. You know what I'm saying that it's the extract. I really enjoyed
spending time with you. Man, hit me up anytime I talk about anything,
and I really, I really fuck with you. That's that's the only
that's the only thing that needs to that's the that's the only that's that's the
that's the thing that needs to happen in order for me to feel like anything
else coming with it. But bro, I only want to take care of
my family. So when you get a promotion at your job, nothing came
with that, yeah, right, didn't Nothing to come with that but to
pay increase and a little bit of more work. Yeah, man, more
work, you know what I'm saying. And now you get to take your
gril on these trips. Now you get to be it now you It's crazy
how money, just money does not make the man. But kind of yeah,
I did it because like what like you feel? How do you feel
now that you make more money than you did last year? I feel good,
but it needs to be more. It's always more. M hm.
I feel like it's I feel good that I actually how much how much money
you think you need to make a year to be straight? How much money
do you want to make to be straight? At least ninety a year?
At least ninety's it cost of living in Florida higher you wouldn't been here,
Yeah, yes, yeah, a lot more yea. But even if I
was living here, I still say ninety. I just feel like that's a
good range tool where I can pay my bills, not live in extravagant life
and be able to do like go out on trips or do this or do
that, like like making I think now, I think this is the highest
that I've made. Last year was the highest that I've made working period,
in any job. And I was just like, yo, like it was
more. It was like comfortable because I was still able to pay my bills.
I was, and I had more money in my pocket. But I
was just like yo, like I need to get used to this. I
just having just money because like you said, money it makes a person.
I don't like money makes a person. And like I don't really care what
you say, because somebody cannot have no money, lame goofy all of that,
and that's what he is. But as soon as he get that money,
he's not that no more. He's he's a person that everybody want to
be around. He still might be lame. Yeah, but it's tolerable now.
It's tolerable now because you have money. Most people, more people are
put up put up with it. I see what you're saying. I find
that the less money I have, the more irritable I am. The less
the less the less, I am very unpleasant. I'm extremely unpleasant. And
I realized that, and I think that I think that, to circle it
back to what we were even talking about when we first started, I think
that stress was hidden because it stress just piles on you, like and but
it doesn't. You don't. It's not like clothes follow me. I'm free
staff. Stress piles up on you, but it doesn't feel like you're putting
on sixteen sweaters. You can't physically well you, I guess you. It
doesn't everything about to say. I was about to say, it doesn't make
you physically, It doesn't change you physically, but it does. I was
about to say, it doesn't make you hotter, But yes, it does
all of these things that we make excuses of, like high blood pressure,
high blood pressure, and I'm and I'm listeners. I know that it's more
than this. But this is a very elementary way of explaining it. High
blood pressure. Blood pressure is the rate in which your blood is flowing through
your body. The food you eat helps or restricts the blood flowing from your
body. You not moving keeps your blood flow from rushing, which creates these
passageways through your body that the blood can flow through. So when you when
your heart is racing and your blood is flowing, it's opening up your vessels
to where the blood can go in. Now what stress does is stress causes
you to not eat right. So now you're either under eating or you're overeating,
and you're usually overeating bullshit, which is things that restrict your blood from
flowing through. Dad you're not working out, so your blood is not gushing
through, and so now your ship just sitting like paste and it takes so
much force to push your blood through your body. When you explain blood pressure
to a person, it's like, oh, that's it. I need to
eat more greens, I need to drink more water, I need to move
more. But you don't want to do that when you're stressed. Yeah,
the world is heavy when you're stressed, And when the world is heavy when
you're stressed, niggas, then niggas started drinking, which is awful, starts
smoking more, which is awful. God forbid. They start smoking nicotine,
which is awful. Blacks cigarettes awful, God forbid. They started doing coke
off, Like so many different things start to interfere with the psychological mindset of
a person when stress is there. It's world is stressful, bro. I
think that's why it's just so messed up now because everything is stressful. Everybody.
Yes, and the imagine having nobody in your corner, like, imagine
being single during COVID Nigga, no nigga, no nigga, nigga the world.
Nigga. We were so terrified. March February, March April May.
Those were the scariest times I've ever experienced other than nine to eleven, Other
than I was scared as fuck at nine eleven, Like what the fuck about
to happen? But nigga March April, May June, Nigga. We was
terrified to touch door knobs. Niggas was terrified to get gas. Niggas we
and we were just handling it. Yeah, I remember I was saying,
like we just handled it. We were just handling it, handling it once
once the world opened up, and niggas was able to go back outside,
mask or no mask, whatever condom on your face, no condom on your
face, whatever, however niggas wanted to give it up. I started to
see that it was harder for people to hide that stress, people with the
bags under people's eyes, the weight that people had picked up, the the
just the just the overall appearance of certain people. I know people who put
on seventy ish. I'm like, yo, yo, yeah, yo,
And I can't judge them because I don't know how that stresses are impacting them.
I bought a three pound jump rope and I was on the motherfucking patio
going racing. I was going crazy. I had the motherfucker neighbor like,
yo, you jumping at six yo? Way to nine. I'm like,
my bad, nothing else to do. Who you think you is? You
said you think you Gargins or so whatever the nigga name means, you're thinking
him. I was like, bro, I was, but I look in
the mirror and I have and I've hit rock bottom before like that. When
I graduated college, I hit I hit rock bottom before. I don't have
nothing, I had nothing, no connections, nigga, no job, nigga,
no car, nigga, no nothing, no nothing. And I had
to slowly climb up from that, and I still didn't learn my lesson,
and then I had, and then I had, and then I felt like
I hit a rock bottom again. And that's why I say, if people
can see you, if people can see who you are in the dark and
accept you and not judge you and not bring it up and not throw it
in your face and not make you feel small, you ain't shoot you,
so you ain't got nothing better. People people get mad or remind you people
are getting mad and started spewing things out at you and make you feel every
bit of small. I feel like a lot of people deal with that,
and I feel like a lot of people don't know how to love and trust
because they've experienced people spewing things out at them to make them feel small.
And some people believe that they are small, so they will never even try
no more. Who am I to? Who am I to? Bro?
When I got that call, when I got that email, and like,
yo, I want you to come work on the Eastern team. The old
me would have made an excuse as to why I don't deserve that this can't
be happening to me. You know what I'm saying. First thing I said
about time, about time, the things is going up for your boy,
about time, Like I'm I'm I'm I'm thinking, I'm praying, I'm thinking
of I'm thinking. God, nigga, I'm what because I remember, I
remember the things that I've said to myself, the hurtful things that I've said
to myself, like You're a dumb fuck, like just just like just being
mean to myself, not giving myself any grace and not giving myself you know
what I'm saying, Like it's I don't know, man, but when you
was going through your dark phase, I just was I just wanted to shake
you out of that. But it's the No amount of shaking can help you
experience the things that you needed to experience, the things that the the when
you bump your head and you heal from it, you grow from it,
but you cannot grow until you bump your head, you know what I'm saying.
And we've lost too many brothers from less since, we lost too many
brothers who bumped their head and died. Because you could bump your head and
die. That that bump on their head. That motherucker is it's a doozy.
It's a doozy. We'll be right back after this commercial break. There
was two moments in my life where I felt happy to be I felt seen
as a big brother. One time I called T. I called T my
sister and uh, she an't answer, and before I hung up, her
voicemail came on and it was my voice. It was one of my songs,
and I felt the happiest I ever felt at that moment. I was
like, Oh my God. And then the other one is when you was
happening to come up. Bro. That made I cried like a baby watching
that video because I wrote that at a very very very dark time in my
life. Bro, I'm about to cry thinking about it. I wrote that
at a very very dark time in my life. And to hear you wrap
the words that I wrote at a very uncertain time in my life, it
touched me in a way that I don't think that anybody could ever um to
the top. Watch me rise, kat, These guys me high shinky,
bad boy like the Ya no puffy in the family. That hatters get sick
when they see me at the Grammy sit to me small had my back against
the wall, little fingers all other hand on my balls like fucked y'all.
Sitting in my room watching the box, hoping that my select words would get
me yeat this box and fuck school. Only went for the free lunch and
to shut my mama up. Look how the time passed off the moms to
get mad because I reminded of my dad. Had to get up off my
aspect fast and get cash. Was told that all great things will never last
and the man will go man sitting dwelling on the path, so I focus
on my cute. Sure I had a wake up call Without the root stuff
you whacked. Little niggas need a booster. Could it be the way that
I'm flowing you now used to I don't mean to lose you. I'm climbing
the ladders to success and flowing no sense to relieve the daily stress. My
mind stayed raised in with no finish line. No matter what life though,
what me gotta stay on my grind. A hustler's ambishing suffer from tun no
vision. Once I set my eyes on something, I gotta get it.
My eyes on the prize. If the think gang gonna get it, he's
a mom for the lie. Your boy got drive should be a taxi.
How he's fucked us trying to hop on for the ride out. I been
through Helen Black, but no scars don't fine like the dust off of my
I showed us getting my whole bone, big timing on your ass getting my
role loan holdne be quiet as haters whisper. Fuck what they saying, the
thing saying, I'm that nigga bollshit go fixed that. That's what they're good
for, good for nothing fastest I was writing that fit in the fucking walls
around me with caving in on fire, running gonna lie to that. I
think that that mixtape is the best mixtape that that was a dark time man,
Pink noticed. I mean I I only wrote music. I only made
mixtapes at dark times. It's like an outlet. But I and now that
I look back, it's like, Bro, you should have been working,
but I couldn't find a job. Bro, Like that was bro. I
hate feeling our applications, bro. I hate feeling our applications, bro,
because it takes me right back to two thousand and seven, eight, nine,
ten eleven when I couldn't fucking get a job. I had to take
any and everything. Bro, working at Wallmart fucking goodwill, whole fool like,
and you're working at these jobs, and these people are at these jobs
and they just as unhappy as you. Everybody got their own ship. Walmart
was a fucking cluster fuck of motherfucker's. Like, Bro, you think the
story is trash, just how it ran, Nigga. The employees are going
through. Bro, It's like it's like the application is asking you do you
have any bullshit in life going on? Yes or no? And if you
answer no, you are not getting that motherfucker. I was going Bro,
I was going through so much and then felt like nobody gave a fuck.
Nobody, not mama, not my daddy, not nobody. It felt like
nobody gave a fuck. And every chance that somebody got to remind me that
they don't give a fuck, they took it. That's why I feel like
fuck y'all sitting in my room and watching like That's why I feel the way
that I feel. Every chance somebody had to everybody, every time somebody had
an opportunity to remind me that I am small, that I am nothing,
they took it. Everybody excluding nobody, So now, when I talk the
way that I do to Mama, to my dad, to anybody, nigga,
what now I feel it? What? Because I had to I had
to climb about this motherfucker. Man. I had to climb. I had
to climb up out this motherfucker. And I'm not even flexing as hard as
I really want to. So don't let me go to La and they fucking
love me. I'm about to be Drake dumb. Bro. When I watched
that Kanye West documentary, y'all understood every fucking emotion that that. I cried
so many times watching that documentary. Yeah, watching the documentary too, y'all.
Niggas tried to shoot on me every chance y'all got. Literally they tried
every single chance. Fuck y'all talking about nigga sucking my dick. Nigga,
bitch, That's how I feel. And I can't make music like that because
I don't. I feel like I would say hurtful things, Bro. Dating
was dating was awful. I feel like I met Siera at the perfect time.
I feel like I feel like I got a question real quick. When
you was in Hawaii, was you stressed like? Was that a stressful time
for you? Like when you came back from Hawaii to Indiana and be like
before you had met Sierra, was you stressed out? And was you still
climbing up from being in the line and know that, Oh, I was
over Atlanta by then. Hawaii was the perfect trip to get rid of all
of that shit. Now, if you ever, hey listeners, if you
ever want to get away from the world, go to Hawaii for seven months
your whole PERSPECTI because it's too the time, the time difference, it's like
six hours, six or seven hours, something like that. So I couldn't
talk to anybody, So I couldn't keep up any relationship at all. And
Sierra tried, Oh she did, Yeah, what what? I hit up
her sister Camille on Instagram? I said, Yo, where the fuck is
your sister, bro, I've been looking for your sister forever. She ain't
on those social media, she said, huh. Finally finally gave me an
Instagram nigga. Gave me then Instagram nigga sleeping them d ms, Yo,
I've been looking for you for forever. I want to holler at you.
D gave me the number and we talked. We talked at we talked before
she would go to school because it was like eleven my time, and then
we would talk when she got out of school because it was like whatever whatever.
Whenever I went before I went to sleep and when I woke up,
that's when we talked because it was the time. Different was the perfect.
But yeah, and Hawaii was Hawaii was just another way for me to experience
something that I was not familiar with. Like I was out there, I
was the only nigga out there. It's niggas out it's black people out there,
it's niggas in the military. But I was the only nigga everywhere I
went because the military niggas was not going where the locals went. I was
where all the locals was because I was with a local. I was the
only nigga there. I was only nigga. I was in the club dancing,
nigga dancing, dug in every I was dancing, took a molly.
I'm sweating, I'm dancing, and they looking at me like this is a
nigga and I'm with and I'm with one of the cool locals, like I'm
with a well known local. So they was really they was really receptive of
me. And when you when you go somewhere. When I first got there,
the nigga I played, I played kume my beats. The nigga was
like, man, this shit sucked. Damn, he said, though all
this away. I said, damn. He said, y'all all these away.
But the raps you can wrap. You can wrap your ass off.
He was like, but these beats up. And then that's when I started
studying more and started studying what engineering like. I really, I really was
like, Okay, let me figure out what this EDM shit is and how
they're making these beats so loud. And and that's when I came back home
and I made rock Chain. That's why all my shit started to sound bigger
and better. And then I started podcasting because I wanted I didn't. I
didn't feel how I felt when I made Pink Notice. I didn't feel how
I felt when I made this Ziana. I no longer felt how I felt
when I made none of the comfort zones, none of the things and things
that I'm referencing this music that I made in college job. But I didn't
feel like that no more. I wanted to now. I wanted to talk
about how I felt. And that's why philosophy came, so it was like
it was like A stumbled into it. But now I just feel like I
only want to talk to people that I love. So that's why these episodes
come far in between, because I'm talking. I'm talking to my I'm talking
to people that I actually have good conversation with, opposed to people who I
made no no, no slaps to them. I don't talk to Dynasty.
I don't talk to Kenyan, I don't talk to Boogie. I don't have
conversations with these people. I don't just call them every day. I talked
to you, I call you. I talked to them people that I talked
to in text. And that's why I want to record with now. Yeah,
but bro, I was down, man, and I was down recently
too. I was bro, I don't, I don't. I was scared
of being a father. Man. It's scary. It's scary. Man.
Those kids in there, they loved me, but I was scared that they
might not. I was like, I don't know why, but I just
was like, man, it must be hard to be a father because so
many of y'all suck at it. It must be hard. It must be
hard, it must must it must be hard to be a father because y'all
are not around like that. Damn, it's hard to love your kids.
Got to be. It has to be. It has to be hard.
It has to be hard for a relationship to work, because it doesn't.
None of these seem to be working. It has to be hard to have
to have half the marriages that happen in It has to be hard, but
it's not. It's none of this is hard. All of this is is.
I love you, I'm gonna be patient with you. All I need
you to do is communicate with me. That's it. And I'm talking to
you, I'm talking to anybody that I love. Just be patient with me,
tell me you need help, and then allow me the time to figure
out how to help you. You know what I'm saying. Like a lot
of the times niggas would be screaming for help and don't even allow the person
the time to learn how to help them, because you got to learn how
to communicate with a person that even help them. Yeah, you know what
I'm saying. So like your girl saying, hey man, hey you bumm.
When I'm at work, I don't want to come home and do this.
And before she said that you had you had an opinion about how you
thought it should go, and she said, regardless of how you think it
should go, if you want your dicks up when you put it like that,
all right, because Yer tells me all the time. She was like,
man, you it was a time where I couldn't tell you anything,
and it was I was stressed COVID, had COVID and having kids it affected
me different, man, and being stressed about bills because black Wood I wasn't
working the way I thought it was supposed to work. Like it was just
a bunch of shit. Man. I feel like going off of subject,
but I feel like people don't talk about COVID enough, Like I feel like
it was one of those dark times, like it was two years out of
our lives. Damn, there are two years out of our lives where it
was. Yeah, and nobody like ever like talk like everybody was so happy
to get it over with, but nobody talks about like damn, like we
were just terrified. Yeah, you're right, Like, because I I go
back like I have, like for the rest of my life, Tootsie slot
By will always remind me of the pandemic for real, always Bro just so
the simple fact because that was like one of the damn near one of the
first dances that came out like that left foot, Yeah, like when that
came and then he was showed his house and then in the beginning of it,
it was all the empty streets of Canada and New York. Like I
was just like, bro, like that's don't you want that dance with me?
Yea And they gave him so much shit about that song they gave him
that was I liked that song. I do do one of the one of
the only show that I've watched, and I don't watch a lot of shows,
but I feel like Grey's Anatomy might have touched on this, but I
don't watch Gray's Anatomy. The only show that I watched that made me feel
exactly how I felt during COVID was the morning show Apple TV with Jennifer Aniston
and oh yeah, Grey's Anatomy though it was like that, but the Morning
show. Yeah, but the Morning Show was like that, bro, when
she called OVID yes, and then they showed the streets and they showed how
the news people had to That's a really great TV show. Yeah, but
Grayson Natomy did that too. Because the uh I forgot the main chick Ellen
Ellen popinot, the one that plays uh yeah Meredith. Yeah she Meredith called
COVID and she damned or died from COVID. So like they they had all
of that to where like going into the hospitals, like it was just the
shields and yeah, bro, that shit was scary even even I saw I
know somebody person, I don't know him personally, I don't know. I'm
not gonna say that I know somebody. I went to high school with it.
I almost died from COVID and the motherucker's still fat. That's crazy,
bro. I don't think you'll even understand what I'm even trying to say right
now. You almost lost your life. You almost was taken away from your
wife and your kids, from your unhealthy eating habits, and you still ain't
change them. Hey, some beatles just I feel like some people were just
stubborn. Link. I talked to my neighbor. She's fifty. Yeah,
beautiful white woman, Oh my god, beautiful eyes. She was saying to
her husband had a heart attack and didn't want to wake her up, and
she's a cardiovascular nurse. He didn't want to wake her up and I asked
her, I said, how did you feel knowing that you're a cardiovascular nurse,
which is the nurse for the heart, and your husband had a heart
attack and didn't want to wake you up. He part of his heart died
because he didn't wake her up in time. He could have woke her up
and saved part of his heart. And before he had the heart attack,
he wasn't changing his diet all that like stressed. Man, I'm telling you,
eating habits, food, all this shit, I'm telling you. But
when you have when you almost die from it and you don't change, it's
really like, Okay, Now that's a problem because I love my kids,
man, bro, I love those little fuckers a lot, a lot,
a lot, so much so that I'm trying to kill off the old version
of myself. I don't want no I don't want anybody to recognize me come
middle of the summer, end of the year, I don't want nobody to
recognize I don't want nobody to recognize me. I want I want to move
a lighter, I want to feel lighter. I want to be preyed up.
I want to nigga. I want to be different. And that's just
having kids. I didn't almost die when I'm man, my boy losing his
kid. Bro, I've never seen my man cry before ever. When I
pulled up to that motherfucking memorial with my son because I had to take Dora
into a party afterwards with my son, and I'm like, I don't know
what to say. I'm sorry, and he was like, man, I
tried my best. And I was like, oh fuck, fuck, damn
ship my heart, damn man. He was like, Bro, I tried
my best to and I was like, Bro, I know, just cry
man, man and life as a black man, Bro's it's so much.
Bro, it's so much. And I know it's a lot for black women
too. I know it's a lot. And I can't imagine them being a
black woman and not being able to find a nigga like me that's hypersensitive and
overly conscious about how she feels. Bro, can you imagine being a black
woman and when you are already stressed and you're a nigga, you're a nigga,
You already stressed, Put a pussy between your legs, some TV's on
your chest, and now you gotta fight for a quality of work. You
gotta fight for pay at work. You gotta fight for nigga. It's nigga
sexually harassing you everywhere. Bro, I do not want to add the stress
that already. Yeah, dicks in my inbox, bullshit dates, motherfucker's I
don't want to even deal with that. Bro. That's luck bro, terrifying.
I ain't scratch the surface, nigga. I know women who can't have
kids. I know women who are thirty six years old want kids. Can't
find the nigga to have kids. They already got motherfucking fire boys on their
motherfucking us uters walls. Bro. I'm telling you, it's so much going
on, bro, and everybody is handling it the way that they're handling it.
And I can't go to the club because I feel like I'm watching people
handle things in a very toxic way. That's what I feel like. I
feel like when I go out, I'm witnessing people try to drink their problems
away. Now some people might be in there, fuck it, I ain't
gonna even lie. There's no reason for any happy person to go to the
club. In my opinion, like on what I say. What I mean
by that is when I was when I was working out heavy and I was
watching what I ate. I wasn't trying to go to the club because I
was tired as fuck. My muscles hurt. Nigga, I'm tired. I
got to wake up at six in the morning to go to the gym.
I can't eat what's in this club. It's only French fries and chicken and
alcohol. I don't want to be in here because it's not healthy for me
to be in here. This is not where I want to be. Most
people who are on that regiment, that that get that that that that path,
that track, the path of getting their life together, they're not in
that. They're not in that environment, you know what I'm saying. So
nothing good, nigga. I might be I might just be spewing off.
I haven't potted in weeks, but nigga, No, I just feel bad
for like women who can't find men. As a black man, yeah,
as a black man, because a lot of us are dead or in jail.
A lot of us are dead. Yeah, a lot of us are
in jail a lot. I'm like, man, what so and so that
that nigga been locked up since nigga? Yeah? Bro, just why bro?
Just in my high school class, Bro, I didn't. It's at
least thirty. Mean no, I'll probably say twenty that I know of since
I've graduated that that didn't die to win to jail. Yeah, that that's
just me that I know of. Yeah, and it could be more that
I just haven't. They haven't posted. But it's just like, bro,
like, it's just crazy. It's it's crazy everywhere. Man. I hate
when people. I hate when people are thinking to be like, oh,
I gotta get out of Indiana because it's safe. No, they gotta live
in Florida and it's dangerous there too. You still get your ship split there
too. It don't matter where you wait. You just die in the tropical
place. They don't really, it's palm trees above you. When you die,
you still die. Or getting robbed. You just got robbed in the
sunny They don't really, it don't. It don't change and seventy five degree
weather. It's crazy, crazy getting robbed with a motherfucker. Yeah right,
crazy, it's crazy. That is crazy. I'm nothing. I'm nothing,
Bro. You remember that time we almost got robbed in Atlanta? Yes,
tut t turnes Trenese Trenese Trenisha Trenese, Trenisia, whatever her name is.
Shout out to her. The nigga tried to get us for that camera.
They did, Bro, Bro pulled out the tooling everything trying to get a
camera. I was just like, Bro, I'm just so unfazed by those
things. I'm I'm not, I'm not I'm not I'm not some mancho guy.
But I was just severely unfazed at that point. Whatever y'all was gonna
do, y'all was gonna do right, whatever y'all was gonna do. And
if we gotta fight, Bro, just just be prepared to die because I'm
not about I don't want to be embarrassed. Yeah, I don't want to
be embarrassed, So you're not about to embarrass me in front of these girls,
Sonna go hand Bro, Yeah, yeah for sure. All of that
stuff, man, All all the rap videos I made at that time when
you came down to Atlanta, remember those days. I remember I missed those.
I played um, I played you the Boss form. One of the
actors that came over, she's like, this is really good. I was
like, yeah, really, I said. I wrote this on receipt paper
at Walmart. I was at Walmart and fucking a girl walked by and I
was like, Bro, you are fine. Bro, I just I wrote
a whole song about I don't even know who she was nothing, she was
just fine. Man, God damn I remember that. Man, this is
all subject, but it's the only subject. I've listened to fuck Faces by
Scarface recently, and that song comes on. He said, Man, I
made a bitch so fine, so Bashi made me sick. Sometime. I
just had to fuck this bitch one time. I felt him. I felt
him. I felt that so bad. She made me six Sometime I just
had to pitch one time Bryan gives or some guy that she make from,
some guy that she dates. Still trying, but yeah, man, being
a father is awesome. And thank you for recording with me. We've been
We've been talking for two hours. Damn, you don't even feel like it.
But yeah. The biggest thing about being a good partner for me,
I think, while my wife loves me so much, is that I'm just
overly conscious about how she feel about things. I'm always I'm always are you
okay, I'm always thinking about how she might be feeling. Because one day
I did mushrooms and I was like, man, you know how much of
your your partner's life. You have no idea how she experiences it. And
then I got mad, like my wife got to go to work and she
got to deal with people, and I can't save her. Oh, you
can't go to work. I need to work to work. You didn't gotta
go to work, because if you come home and tell me that it's a
bothering at your job, how I'm I handle that. I don't want to
handle that. I don't want to deal with that. I don't want to
deal with that. No, I don't want to deal with that. No,
So I'm gonna have to work my ass off is and we're gonna have
to move to a place where we got no rent, which is gonna move
to their parents' house. Yeah. I already got already got this. I
already got this mapped out. Yeah, because now and with kids, you
start to realize, like where our parents might have went wrong, like that
rat race, Like I said that American dream type shit that everybody have a
job and everybody do this and that and that and that and that, but
no one's at home watching the kids. My wife is great with the kids.
She's the most loving her mom is one of the most loving people ever.
So I want my wife to be home with the kids, and I
want my wife to be home relaxing, painting, playing the piano. I'll
be the workhorse. I love what I do. I could do this shit
all day, every single day. I love it. I love what I
do. I love what I do, and I don't got to do.
I can deal with people. But I want my kids to know that love.
I want my kids to feel that love. I want my kids to
grow up knowing that their parents loved them, no doubts, no, no
nothing. I want their health to be good because we're cooking for them every
night. Nigga, we're both working. Nigga, she too tired to cook.
I'm too tired to cook. Nigga, we dore dash and we might
chicken nugets and fried like we we are already. We teeter tied between really
great diet and really shitty diet, really great sleep sleeping habits, really shitty
sleeping habits, Like we're trying to We're trying to stay on a routine,
the schedule. But it's it's hard, man, it's hard. I mean,
you know you got you got step children. Yeah, how is it
being a stepfather? Bro? You're a strong nigga. Yeah, because because
they ain't not you. Um, it was tough at first, and I'm
not gonna lie. It was the only the only reason why it was tough
because they were so young. How long I've been together? Uh since officially
probably since like twenty eighteen, okay, but we've been talking since down there
a year, A couple of months after I got there, and um,
yeah I worked together something. Yeah, we did. And she actually it's
kind of crazy because it was going down to Tea's wedding and she had me
coming back. I had to ask somebody to cover my shift and I had
asked for her number and I got her number and that's how we hit it
up. But anyway, her kids was so young, she had a I
want to say it the youngest, her youngest was like five months six months
nigga. Yeah, that was so it was just like it was hard,
just so the simple fact that you know, I everything. If we really
couldn't go out anywhere, we couldn't go on dates, we couldn't do this
because it was like and then her it didn't help that her her baby daddy's
day't shit. None of them were ship bro, Like, none of them
or anything like when I say, like, it's just crazy because these kids
think they daddy is so yeah, bro, and it's just like this nigga
is a bum. Mean he's he's a bum. But yeah, but just
being a step dad, it was hard. But now them being a little
older and we being able to do shit together, that shit is honestly lit,
bro, Like it's lit because I'd be I'd be in the room with
her, with the eight year old, and we'd be he at that age
now to where he played video even the uh even the youngest when he's seven.
Now we're about to be seven this year, bro, we'll be playing
Madden Fortnite. He'd be like a different shit like that. We just got
him in the oldest one in football. So it's just like now I'm looking
at until it's just like all right, well I'm here now. So it's
just like I love you. Kids ain't going nowhere, so fuck it.
Like and then I also looked at it too into where it's just like if
I really got a connection with this chick, yeah, she got keys,
I'm not finna like not be with her, just of the of the kids
because mama had three kids, and it's just like that would have been like
for somebody for her if she had us and nobody said, hey, nigga,
you had three kids. But by different, I'm not gonna deal with
you. I'm not gonna do that. It's the same thing with Heather,
Like Heather, she didn't have to be with my dad when he had me.
He was just like So I kind of looked at it like that,
and it's just like, it's not all that, it's not bad because they
got kids. You just gotta do a little bit more. It's very mature
of you. Yeah. So I just I've been doing a little bit more.
I've been hanging out with him, got the oldest one in football,
trying to get the daughter now and the cheerleading. So it's just like,
now, look at it to where I can't even say I'm I'm competing with
her dad because I already blown him out the water. But now I make
it to work because they're like I keep trying to tell their mom, I'm
like, yo, They're they're getting to that age now to where they're gonna
see their daddy and ship, Yeah, they're gonna see that Hey, this
nigga ain't nothing. So it's just like now, it's just like I'm doing
everything that I can to be like all right, well, yeah my daddy
went ship, but this nigga aint here. Like even if I was to
leave, I can guarantee those kids would be like, damn, where's Carlos?
I miss this nigga. Yeah, I wanted to say, I want
to put this bug in here, and you might not act on it right
now. And it's fine. Therapy for the kids. Therapy for the kids.
Because the reason why I say this is because Denni's rest in peace.
Carlos, my friend, Carlos's son, he kept wanting his dad to like
be shit and he wasn't. He kept on him to be like this superhero
and he wasn't. And it and it prevented Dennis from loving Carlos as much
as he's as he was supposed to. It was preventing him from listening to
him as much as he was a poster and he was there from since he
was like six. So it and it doesn't it doesn't matter, like I
don't think it mattered like I think I think. I don't think it matters.
How long you've been with the kid, because they still gonna want their
father to be around. That's just that's just that's just a natural instinct.
Yes, but they're gonna have to have some kind of I've seen, not
just even with just Dennis me. I wish I had therapy just to understand
the emotion that I had about my father not being there, um, because
I think I think it did prevent me from actually loving and listening to men
because I was like, well, fuck y'all, nigga, I always had
to I always had the mentality, and I wish I didn't because I think
I yeah, I think it didn't. But you are you are you?
You live for um being a good stepfather. Man. I mean shit,
they gotta. Like I said, it just sucks because, like he was
saying, women already got to deal with so much bullishit. Black women already
gotta deal with bullshit. So you thinking that this nigga that you just laid
down with, you find to be a partner with this nigga, not even
he don't do nothing, and it's just like bro, like what, Yeah,
I was thinking about that. Um, I was thinking about just how
my how my daughters are gonna be different because of how much I love on
them, how much I talk to him, how much i'm I'm with them
every day. I've seen my kids probably more than some of my friends have
seen their kids already. Yeah, I see I see them every day all
day. Um just you know, I think about how different their life will
be just because I'm here. I'm they got a hypersense of the vast dad
who's always emotional about everything. So I'm always talking to him, talking telling
them I love them, kissing on them, hugging on them, and walking
with and playing. I'm always doing something. They might be up now,
but I'm always I'm always daddy moote. And when they get older, I'm
gonna always be there for them as much as I possibly can. So I
can't imagine what it's like for me not to be here. Yeah. And
she's gonna be lit for them when they get older. Yeah, So I'll
be thinking about women who grew up. My wife fortunately had both of our
parents, so I don't have to deal with you know, some of the
um be the the unfortunate circumstances and on the emotions that you know, women
daddy issues, daddy issues, mama issues because It's not just the daddy issues,
it's also the mama issues. Like women grow up and they don't really
be having the best relationship with their mom, and they don't got any relationship
with their dad, you know, so they their their their view on love
is different, which is what leads them to have kids with three different guys,
you know what I'm saying, Like it leads them to go. I
just feel for my black sisters man too. I feel for them man and
I and I, and I think that's why I always create for them.
I've always I think I've always felt this way about black women, Like I
just be I'd be hated now too with like uh like with black women,
especially like in UM like for example, at a at an ESPN, I
feel like they're given some black women like, hey, you're black, so
we're going to follow the wave now and hire you on instead of like,
hey you actually work really good, I'm going to hire you. Because they
got this rule in the NFL called the Rooney rule. I don't know if
you've ever heard of it, but pretty much the Rooney rule is the owners
have to interview a black candidate. They have to, they don't have to
hire them. They just have to interview. And I feel like that rule
right there is I feel like one of the most dumbest rules because it's like,
yeah, you bringing in somebody to interview, but then I ain't getting
a job. You ain't getting a job. Yeah, that's like the dumbest
thing. So it's just like, now I don't want it to be like
because a lot of black women are getting they flowers, but I wanted like,
I'm I'm wondering it is it like genuine are they real flowers? Because
are you just doing this because like it's the quota and it's cool now,
yeah to have a black woman in charge, not saying that they don't deserve
it, because they do because black women are smart as fuck, But yeah,
is it like is it really like, hey, here's your flowers.
You deserve this, rather than just giving it to Susie over here and she
don't deserve it because they had they was doing that this chick named Maria Taylor.
It was this chick name of Rachel Nichols, and they had a phone
recording and she was pretty much saying like, uh, I praise Maria Taylor,
I fuck with her and all this, but she can't have my job
just because she's black, and motherfucker's like they she got fired for saying it,
like they fired her and it's just like, I don't want you to
take my job just because you're black. Yeah, I want you to take
my motherfucking job because you're good at it. And they and it's just like
and then they gave the spot that Rachel Nichols was to Maria Taylor. Yeah,
and it's just like she was damned she was that happened anyway. Yeah,
it's just like, what was you gonna what? You gonna give this
ship to her already yeah or not? But now that this gut them recording
came out, it's just like, oh, what you gotta go? Hey
man, Then nigga better stop talking on the phone. Bro. I ain't
talking to nobody. Bro. I'm not talking nobody on the phone. Bro,
nobody, Bro, nobody, not texting nobody, and I'm only talking
to my wife. Yeah. Bro, they'd be leaguing emails and I'd be
like, niggas are sending way to any email. Yeah, niggas a lot
of email. I'm like, bro, I don't even talk to my email
like that. Bro. Y'all gotta y'all smoking dicks. I'm not doing none
of that. I'm not bro and I don't know. I don't be.
I don't have many lifetimes, bro, I don't have many lifetimes, many
toxic lifetimes, bro. And I'm nope, I've already experienced that. I'm
nothing on that. I'm not doing that. Uh. And y'all, that
was very great recording. We have utilized all of the children's naptime. You
gotta change some diapers. Brother. I love you so much, man.
I love you too. Man. I'm very happy and proud of the guy
you've become. And I just can't wait to see who you be. I
just can't wait to see how your relationship with your girlfriend transpires and your career
transpires and turns you who it turns you into. As a black man,
we gotta stay on top of our health. We gotta stay on top of
our mental health, physical health, and everything else will fall into place.
I feel like if you are I feel like if you make the time to
work out or make the time to You're talking if you make the time to
take care of yourself, they mean you're taking the time to love yourself.
And he's taking the time to love yourself. I feel like other people will
will be forced to love you too, or or they can hate you.
But I'm really happy. Say hi. I'm just talking it up a store
and say hi. I got a job with radio starting in June, so
I'll be flying to LA to meet the team Easter Race podcast team to work
with them on a twenty four week project. And then after that I'll be
working on a project with Sony for six months. So I don't know when
I'll be recording again. Y'all, Just know that today's yesterday's prices ain't today's
prices. Define not, oh define not. But I never I never wanted
y'all to pay me anywhere because I don't want I don't want to work with
anybody. What are you doing? Say hi? Okay, all right,
y'all. Peace and love ass