WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.680 --> 00:00:04.480 This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI AM six forty the Doctor 2 00:00:04.480 --> 00:00:09.679 Wendy Walsh Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app. This is the time of 3 00:00:09.720 --> 00:00:13.199 the show where I go to my social media, I look at the dms 4 00:00:13.279 --> 00:00:18.000 you send me, and I do my best to answer your relationship questions. 5 00:00:18.480 --> 00:00:21.879 A lot of it is my life wisdom. Some of it is reading the 6 00:00:21.920 --> 00:00:27.120 science of relationships. Reminder, I'm a psychology professor, not a therapist, 7 00:00:27.600 --> 00:00:31.120 but I have a whole lot of opinions on your love life, hardly because 8 00:00:31.160 --> 00:00:34.359 I've had quite a checkered past myself, so I've been in for pretty much 9 00:00:34.359 --> 00:00:38.320 every situation myself. If you'd like to DM me, the handle everywhere is 10 00:00:38.399 --> 00:00:42.320 at doctor Wendy Walsh at Dr Wendy Walsh. Okay, let's go to the 11 00:00:42.320 --> 00:00:48.159 first one. Dear Doctor Wendy, I separated from my husband after twenty four 12 00:00:48.240 --> 00:00:54.439 years of marriage because he was a cheater and a narcissist. Wait a minute, 13 00:00:54.920 --> 00:00:58.240 a cheater and a narciss you're diagnosing him or did a therapist diagnose him? 14 00:00:58.240 --> 00:01:02.719 Because that's a diagnosis. I mean he the cheater thing. Yeah, 15 00:01:02.759 --> 00:01:06.319 you probably knew, but the narcissist. Okay. Now I'm in a long 16 00:01:06.359 --> 00:01:11.439 distance relationship with a super honest and great guy. His only problem is he's 17 00:01:12.040 --> 00:01:22.319 insecure. Should this be a deal breaker? H? Before I answer that 18 00:01:22.359 --> 00:01:25.319 question, I just want to say, somebody on the control room has their 19 00:01:25.359 --> 00:01:27.000 mike. Ope, And because I'm hearing me back in my there we go. 20 00:01:27.040 --> 00:01:34.359 It's gone. Now Okay, his only probably is insecure. So I'm 21 00:01:34.359 --> 00:01:38.159 going to put this into context. If you were attracted to and spend twenty 22 00:01:38.200 --> 00:01:42.519 four years with somebody who you think is a narcissist, you might meet an 23 00:01:42.640 --> 00:01:49.400 actual, kind, caring person and accidentally call that insecure because the thing is 24 00:01:49.480 --> 00:01:53.599 okay, I used to say this. I would meet all those playboys who 25 00:01:53.640 --> 00:01:57.239 are emotionally avoidant and too cool for words and whatever, and then I would 26 00:01:57.280 --> 00:02:01.959 meet a genuinely kind, empathetic and I would find myself saying, why is 27 00:02:02.000 --> 00:02:07.879 he so nice? He must be insecure, he must be less value than 28 00:02:07.959 --> 00:02:13.199 me, low value mate. Or I'd say he's too nice. If you 29 00:02:13.319 --> 00:02:19.800 find yourself thinking that way, it may be because this person is actually secure, 30 00:02:20.120 --> 00:02:23.759 secure enough to give to you and be kind to you, and you're 31 00:02:23.759 --> 00:02:25.800 just not used to it. On the other hand, I'm looking at your 32 00:02:25.840 --> 00:02:32.280 whole DM here. The long disness relationship thing is my issue. Relationships have 33 00:02:32.319 --> 00:02:36.680 to go somewhere. Have you made a plan for when it's going to happen 34 00:02:36.759 --> 00:02:40.400 in the same city, Because a long disness relationship is like a bunch of 35 00:02:40.479 --> 00:02:45.319 series of honeymoons, it's not really You have to get into the day to 36 00:02:45.439 --> 00:02:49.479 day of problem solving and stuff that comes up in life. All right, 37 00:02:50.599 --> 00:02:55.159 Uh okay, let's move on, Dear Doctor Wendy. My girlfriend posts the 38 00:02:55.199 --> 00:03:00.199 most amazing pictures on her social media, especially in the summertime, and she 39 00:03:00.280 --> 00:03:05.080 looks great. However, she gets a lot of male attention and it makes 40 00:03:05.080 --> 00:03:07.479 me so jealous. I want her to save the good stuff for me. 41 00:03:07.800 --> 00:03:13.000 How can I suggest this without being controlling? Well, you can't because it 42 00:03:13.039 --> 00:03:16.159 sounds really controlling. She gets to post whatever she wants. So here's the 43 00:03:16.240 --> 00:03:22.400 deal. Yes, social media is now an advertisement for Hey, look how 44 00:03:22.400 --> 00:03:23.319 hot I am? If you want to date me, I'm out here, 45 00:03:23.520 --> 00:03:31.199 right, So I would be less concerned that she's posting sexy shots to get 46 00:03:31.680 --> 00:03:36.000 backup mates, right guys who are dming her? Hey, you single? 47 00:03:36.639 --> 00:03:39.680 And I would be more concerned about how often she posts about you guys as 48 00:03:39.680 --> 00:03:44.520 a couple, because if it's clear in her social media that she's in a 49 00:03:44.560 --> 00:03:47.520 relationship, then the other dudes are just going to be like, oh man, 50 00:03:47.840 --> 00:03:53.039 she's taken. What a bummer? Right? So I think the barometer 51 00:03:53.120 --> 00:03:58.400 shouldn't be how much sexy picture she's posting of herself. But is she posting 52 00:03:58.400 --> 00:04:01.240 and are you posting that show the world that you are in a couple. 53 00:04:01.759 --> 00:04:08.680 That's what matters. Dear doctor Wendy, I hate it when a guy will 54 00:04:08.719 --> 00:04:13.319 not use a condom, Well you should hate it, or complains about having 55 00:04:13.319 --> 00:04:15.360 to use one. It's a deal breaker for me. I feel like it 56 00:04:15.399 --> 00:04:19.519 shows a lack of respect for me. Is that what it's a sign of? 57 00:04:19.759 --> 00:04:26.560 Or am I just being dramatic. First of all, my favorite billboard 58 00:04:26.600 --> 00:04:29.879 that used to be on Librea Avenue right after you left the ten and you're 59 00:04:29.920 --> 00:04:32.879 heading north to the nightclubs in Hollywood. I actually have a picture of that 60 00:04:32.920 --> 00:04:39.439 billboard and I use it in my Psychology of health counseling class to show my 61 00:04:39.519 --> 00:04:45.639 students that this is a gain framed advertisement. You get something if you do 62 00:04:45.680 --> 00:04:48.720 this behavior, and what it is is a picture of a condom and it 63 00:04:48.879 --> 00:04:55.839 just says love the one you're with. I love that billboard because it says 64 00:04:55.879 --> 00:04:58.800 you got to use a condom, and it's a nice thing to do because 65 00:04:58.800 --> 00:05:00.759 you're loving them, you're a good person, you're going to care about them. 66 00:05:01.160 --> 00:05:03.800 But it also says love the one you're with, meaning, hey, 67 00:05:03.800 --> 00:05:08.240 it might be a hookup, might be just something fun, but be a 68 00:05:08.240 --> 00:05:12.439 good person and use a condom. So, if you are single, if 69 00:05:12.480 --> 00:05:16.439 you are having multiple partners, if you're not in a monogamous relationship, everybody 70 00:05:16.439 --> 00:05:20.879 should be using a condom. Not for birth control. I mean maybe for 71 00:05:20.920 --> 00:05:28.360 birth control too, but for to prevent the transmission of STIs. So. 72 00:05:28.839 --> 00:05:31.519 Yes, it is a lack of respect for you, and you are not 73 00:05:31.680 --> 00:05:36.399 being dramatic. If he will not use a condom, you simply say goodbye. 74 00:05:36.959 --> 00:05:43.519 That's a boundary. It's okay to have boundaries. Deal breaker boundary. 75 00:05:43.600 --> 00:05:48.800 Yep. This is an interesting friendship one I've been I read this on the 76 00:05:48.839 --> 00:05:54.199 break actually, and I was thinking it over in my head. Listen to 77 00:05:54.199 --> 00:05:57.879 this, Dear doctor Wendy, I found out that my best friend of twenty 78 00:05:58.000 --> 00:06:00.480 years secretly hates me. I am so hurt. She told me she never 79 00:06:00.600 --> 00:06:04.120 liked me and is actually jealous of everything I have. I had no idea, 80 00:06:04.680 --> 00:06:08.600 and now I'm scared the rest of my friends might feel this way. 81 00:06:08.839 --> 00:06:12.519 How can you tell if somebody secretly hates you? So, I just want 82 00:06:12.600 --> 00:06:15.600 to say, your best friend, as you refer to her, does not 83 00:06:16.079 --> 00:06:23.720 secretly hate you. I don't know what happened and transpired in your friendship for 84 00:06:23.800 --> 00:06:28.519 her to suddenly say this, right or did she say it? No? 85 00:06:28.680 --> 00:06:30.639 Is this? She told me she never liked me and is actually jealous of 86 00:06:30.680 --> 00:06:35.480 everything I have. She's going through something. She's having an insecure moment. 87 00:06:36.360 --> 00:06:40.199 And at that time when she said to you, you know, never actually 88 00:06:40.279 --> 00:06:44.000 liked you. I'm jealous of everything you have. That will be a time 89 00:06:44.040 --> 00:06:46.519 to revisit the good times, to say, well, really, because you 90 00:06:46.560 --> 00:06:49.399 know, when we went on that vacation together five years ago, it felt 91 00:06:49.439 --> 00:06:55.240 like we were whatever I mean. For her words to turn you into oh 92 00:06:55.279 --> 00:07:00.600 my god, maybe everybody hates me means that you're being insecure. She's actually 93 00:07:00.600 --> 00:07:03.959 going through something, and this is a time to say, hey, what's 94 00:07:04.040 --> 00:07:08.920 up? Am I being insensitive about something? Are you having a hard time 95 00:07:08.959 --> 00:07:12.759 in your life? Come on, you guys invested twenty years in each other. 96 00:07:12.800 --> 00:07:16.480 If you can't have these conversations, then it was a light social relationship. 97 00:07:16.720 --> 00:07:21.920 But you called her your best friend. That tells me you had regular 98 00:07:21.959 --> 00:07:28.639 conversations, right. I think she needs another chance. I think you need 99 00:07:28.680 --> 00:07:31.600 a lot more discussion about this, and I don't think it's over. And 100 00:07:31.639 --> 00:07:35.360 stop worrying about if everybody else seems to hate you, nobody hates you. 101 00:07:35.680 --> 00:07:39.000 Okay, you're a good person. Be a good person, Be a good 102 00:07:39.000 --> 00:07:42.519 friend. Right, how much time do I have? Should I go to 103 00:07:42.600 --> 00:07:46.120 one one more? Or do we have to run a rake? Op? 104 00:07:46.319 --> 00:07:48.639 Ear piece? Is not happening? All right? Let me go to the 105 00:07:48.639 --> 00:07:54.399 next one. Dear doctor Rendy, Oh my gosh, I can't believe what 106 00:07:54.399 --> 00:08:00.160 I'm reading right now. How people can these sentences? So I was stalking 107 00:08:00.319 --> 00:08:05.720 my boyfriend's ex girlfriend. That's what they said. I was stalking my boyfriend's 108 00:08:05.800 --> 00:08:11.079 ex girlfriend. Don't normalize that behavior. That is weird. Anyway. I 109 00:08:11.160 --> 00:08:16.600 watched her Instagram story anonymously. Anonymously What does that mean? You set up 110 00:08:16.600 --> 00:08:20.560 a fake profile to be somebody else so you could go and look at his 111 00:08:20.720 --> 00:08:26.360 ex girlfriend, okay, and saw that she was in his apartment last weekend. 112 00:08:28.199 --> 00:08:31.160 We've been dating a month, and I don't want him to think I'm 113 00:08:31.240 --> 00:08:35.440 crazy. How do I confront him without telling him my secret? Okay, 114 00:08:35.440 --> 00:08:43.519 there's so much to unpack right here. Let's start with why are you stalking 115 00:08:43.720 --> 00:08:48.320 the guy you're dating's ex girlfriend? Secondly, why are you referring to him 116 00:08:48.480 --> 00:08:52.879 as a boyfriend when you've only been seeing him for a number of weeks. 117 00:08:54.759 --> 00:08:58.720 I think you guys need to get my book The Boyfriend Test, which is 118 00:08:58.799 --> 00:09:03.399 a ninety day probation period for a guy. Nobody gets that title girlfriend or 119 00:09:03.440 --> 00:09:09.039 boyfriend until at least ninety days of good behavior. So you're already too far 120 00:09:09.240 --> 00:09:15.600 in, You're already investing too much, and if you are tweaked by potential 121 00:09:15.679 --> 00:09:20.440 jealousy. First of all, people overlap relationships. News flash to everybody out 122 00:09:20.480 --> 00:09:24.519 there, me, everybody else in the world. They start dating, they're 123 00:09:24.600 --> 00:09:28.759 starting to wind up something they're not really sure. I mean, in a 124 00:09:28.759 --> 00:09:31.960 perfect world, wouldn't it be great if everybody had the emotional maturity to go, 125 00:09:33.639 --> 00:09:35.480 Hey, So it's not really working out, but between us and I'd 126 00:09:35.559 --> 00:09:37.960 like to call it quits, and if I meet somebody in the future that 127 00:09:37.960 --> 00:09:41.240 would be great. But I'm just gonna be single for a while, and 128 00:09:41.320 --> 00:09:45.600 then a few weeks later they meet the next person. No, what guys 129 00:09:45.679 --> 00:09:50.399 do, especially because they're so afraid of confrontation they hate female anger. Is 130 00:09:50.440 --> 00:09:52.320 they wean the girl. I'll just call her last caller unless she'll get the 131 00:09:52.360 --> 00:09:56.519 message. No, women do that too. With men, you'll get the 132 00:09:56.559 --> 00:10:01.240 message. So the person is scrambling, they don't know where they stand, 133 00:10:01.559 --> 00:10:03.720 and they're hearing from them less often, and then they meet somebody else. 134 00:10:05.519 --> 00:10:11.440 And so this so called ex girlfriend in her mind might still be the girlfriend, 135 00:10:13.200 --> 00:10:16.879 and he's just weaning her off. And you have no right to tell 136 00:10:16.960 --> 00:10:20.240 him who to see or what to see if you've only been dating a month. 137 00:10:20.799 --> 00:10:26.399 Think about it. Everybody overlaps everybody. Okay, not one hundred percent 138 00:10:26.440 --> 00:10:31.399 everybody, but most people do. Now your question, let me get to 139 00:10:31.440 --> 00:10:37.039 your question. How do I confront him without telling my secret? You do 140 00:10:37.120 --> 00:10:41.320 not confront him. You erase all your fake profiles, You stop letting your 141 00:10:41.360 --> 00:10:48.440 insecurity stalk his ex girlfriends or current girlfriends or whatever, and you hold on 142 00:10:48.559 --> 00:10:54.840 to uncertainty. Uncertainty you quell your anxiety, and you wait and see. 143 00:10:56.679 --> 00:11:00.519 At the beginning of a relationship. You're watching to see how they set sacrifice 144 00:11:00.519 --> 00:11:03.600 for you, how they treat you. You wait and see. You can 145 00:11:03.600 --> 00:11:07.440 do this, but stop the stocking. It's creepy. All right. When 146 00:11:07.480 --> 00:11:09.279 we come back, I got a few more questions. If you'd like to 147 00:11:09.279 --> 00:11:13.159 send a DM to my social media, it is at Dr Wendy Walsh. 148 00:11:13.240 --> 00:11:16.519 You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on KFI AM six forty. We're 149 00:11:16.519 --> 00:11:24.600 live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand 150 00:11:24.799 --> 00:11:30.000 from KFI AM six forty. You know, we change around a few things. 151 00:11:30.039 --> 00:11:31.960 Sometimes we change the gender, we change the name. We want to 152 00:11:33.000 --> 00:11:37.840 protect people as much as possible. But you are welcome to write to me 153 00:11:37.919 --> 00:11:39.840 rebinder. I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor. But I'm a 154 00:11:39.879 --> 00:11:45.840 woman of a certain age who's had all kinds of relationship experience. Think of 155 00:11:46.200 --> 00:11:50.720 me as your wise old auntie. All right, here we go into the 156 00:11:50.799 --> 00:11:56.120 dms. Dear Doctor Wendy, when a man is into you, how often 157 00:11:56.120 --> 00:12:00.000 should he want to see you. I'm dating a man with one full time 158 00:12:00.039 --> 00:12:03.240 time job and no kids. I assume you mean him and I only see 159 00:12:03.320 --> 00:12:07.519 him once a month? Is that normal? Okay? So, first of 160 00:12:07.559 --> 00:12:11.960 all, I have problems with the word normal, because there's no one right 161 00:12:11.080 --> 00:12:15.440 way to have a healthy relationship. But the fact that you are writing to 162 00:12:15.480 --> 00:12:20.600 me and asking me if this is okay tells me that you don't have an 163 00:12:20.679 --> 00:12:26.840 internal, healthy working model for love, meaning you're like, well, if 164 00:12:26.159 --> 00:12:30.799 the world says he should he should call every day, then that's what should 165 00:12:30.799 --> 00:12:33.639 happen, right Or if the world says once a month, to be okay 166 00:12:33.639 --> 00:12:39.440 with that? Right? Only thing that matters is what you need and what 167 00:12:39.480 --> 00:12:45.960 he needs. There's no one right way to have a relationship. The fact 168 00:12:46.000 --> 00:12:48.919 that you're writing to me tells me that once a month is not enough for 169 00:12:48.960 --> 00:12:52.840 you, and I will say for most people, once a month is not 170 00:12:52.039 --> 00:12:56.559 enough, especially if all it is is meeting for dinner and sex and you're 171 00:12:56.559 --> 00:13:01.159 not getting any closer, You're not overlapping your lives, you're not meeting each 172 00:13:01.159 --> 00:13:03.320 other's friends and pam, you're only seeing once a month, how are you 173 00:13:03.399 --> 00:13:07.919 like meeting the tribe and checking him out? So, although I don't like 174 00:13:09.000 --> 00:13:13.159 the word normal, I will say it is not very common. The less 175 00:13:13.159 --> 00:13:16.519 important of how common it is is how do you feel about it? What 176 00:13:16.720 --> 00:13:20.919 is this like for you? And if you don't feel good about it, 177 00:13:20.159 --> 00:13:24.279 bring it up. Things don't change, move along. You see, we 178 00:13:24.320 --> 00:13:28.720 can't change other people. Got to remember that everybody. We cannot change other 179 00:13:28.759 --> 00:13:33.399 people. We can change our reaction to them, and we can choose to 180 00:13:33.440 --> 00:13:37.159 stay or not. That's all we can do. On the same sense, 181 00:13:37.360 --> 00:13:41.840 listen to the next one. I'm dating a guy in med school. He's 182 00:13:41.840 --> 00:13:43.759 putting so much of his time into school, he barely has time for me. 183 00:13:45.559 --> 00:13:48.720 I can't tell if he's really busy or just not interested, or could 184 00:13:48.759 --> 00:13:52.720 it be that I need to change something within myself and become more patient. 185 00:13:54.320 --> 00:13:58.360 These are all really good questions, right, And these are questions for you 186 00:14:00.120 --> 00:14:03.559 to ask him. Right. You can't be feeling around in the dark second 187 00:14:03.559 --> 00:14:07.480 guessing and wondering what's happened. You started by saying, he's putting so much 188 00:14:07.639 --> 00:14:11.879 time into a school, he barely has time for me. So I assume 189 00:14:11.919 --> 00:14:15.559 he's telling you that he's, you know, got all the school work. 190 00:14:15.879 --> 00:14:20.120 Medical school is no joke, folks, and we should be very thankful that 191 00:14:20.200 --> 00:14:22.919 our doctors put in the time that that you need to put in to get 192 00:14:22.919 --> 00:14:26.960 through medical school. So I think the two of you need to have a 193 00:14:26.960 --> 00:14:31.200 conversation about you saying, you know, I'd like to see you more often. 194 00:14:31.559 --> 00:14:33.720 Is it really just a school or you're not as interested in the relationship. 195 00:14:35.279 --> 00:14:37.000 And also, I'm going to work harder to be more patient if that's 196 00:14:37.039 --> 00:14:39.679 what you need. But maybe we can find a happy medium. These are 197 00:14:39.720 --> 00:14:43.879 conversations you need to have together. You will have so much more information when 198 00:14:43.919 --> 00:14:48.960 you meet with him and talk about it. Okay, moving on, dear 199 00:14:48.000 --> 00:14:52.600 doctor Wendy. I am a giver and whenever I have a crush, I 200 00:14:52.720 --> 00:14:58.120 want to shower them with gifts. I realize this pushes men away for some 201 00:14:58.279 --> 00:15:01.639 reason. And by the way, this is a woman writing how early is 202 00:15:01.879 --> 00:15:09.159 too early to give a gift? All right? First of all, ah, 203 00:15:09.440 --> 00:15:15.519 ladies, stop buying him things, especially at the beginning. All humans 204 00:15:16.360 --> 00:15:20.399 want to work for a mate. We value a mate that we have to 205 00:15:20.519 --> 00:15:28.840 sacrifice for. How do men sacrifice? They generally sacrifice financially, they pay 206 00:15:28.879 --> 00:15:33.960 for dates. How do women sacrifice? They sacrifice by getting beautiful, spending 207 00:15:35.000 --> 00:15:37.840 all that money on makeup and getting their hair done and going to the gym 208 00:15:37.879 --> 00:15:43.120 and all that stuff. But if you at the very beginning of a relationship. 209 00:15:43.600 --> 00:15:48.279 Are a female in a heterosexual relationship and you're buying a dude presence, 210 00:15:48.919 --> 00:15:52.039 He's gonna be like, I got her, I don't need to work for 211 00:15:52.080 --> 00:15:54.639 it. So one of two things is gonna happen. He's gonna lose interest 212 00:15:54.679 --> 00:16:00.639 because he doesn't get to do the work to value you. Going to keep 213 00:16:00.679 --> 00:16:02.919 you for a booty call, that's what he will do. He will just 214 00:16:03.000 --> 00:16:07.600 keep you and hook up every once in a while. So no, when 215 00:16:07.679 --> 00:16:14.759 is it too early? It's too early until you're like a defined relationship, 216 00:16:14.919 --> 00:16:18.480 or you know, maybe his birthday comes and you've only been dating sixty days. 217 00:16:18.480 --> 00:16:22.440 Okay, a little nondescript, a consumable birthday present, not one that 218 00:16:22.480 --> 00:16:25.279 he has to sit on his mantle for the rest of his life. You 219 00:16:25.320 --> 00:16:27.960 guys, slow down. Everybody needs to slow down a little bit, all 220 00:16:29.039 --> 00:16:30.440 right. I think we have time for one more. Dear doctor, Wendy, 221 00:16:30.639 --> 00:16:34.360 My boyfriend has a female best friend and I feel like she might be 222 00:16:34.440 --> 00:16:38.080 his true soulmate. He says they're just friends, but their connection seems so 223 00:16:38.159 --> 00:16:44.080 much stronger than ours makes me feel uncomfortable. Is this something worth bringing up 224 00:16:44.120 --> 00:16:47.639 to him or should I just let it go? Yes, if it bothers 225 00:16:47.679 --> 00:16:51.000 you, it is something worth bringing up to him. Of course it is. 226 00:16:51.480 --> 00:16:55.519 If you think that she's really a backup mate, if you think that 227 00:16:56.200 --> 00:17:00.639 he's not emotionally as connected to you, then you need to say, hey, 228 00:17:00.799 --> 00:17:04.480 this is what I'm feeling. Can you help me understand what's going on 229 00:17:04.640 --> 00:17:07.480 better? And also, if he does have a woman best friend, I 230 00:17:07.480 --> 00:17:11.359 hope you're socializing with her as well. Right If he's keeping her on a 231 00:17:11.400 --> 00:17:14.839 side pocket somewhere and just telling you about, oh, I had lunch with 232 00:17:14.880 --> 00:17:18.000 some and so today, that's a red flag, right, he's having a 233 00:17:18.079 --> 00:17:26.000 separate relationship with her. So yeah, if you're uncomfortable, bring it up. 234 00:17:26.720 --> 00:17:29.720 All of you guys, you need to talk about your relationships more. 235 00:17:30.559 --> 00:17:32.880 Hey, when we come back, you know, I am also a professor 236 00:17:32.920 --> 00:17:37.720 of health psychology, and when you teach how psychology, you teach about how 237 00:17:37.759 --> 00:17:44.599 our relationships can impact our health. I have got an alternative medicine doctor who 238 00:17:44.680 --> 00:17:51.160 helps people with their relationships. Yeah, through her version of medicine. When 239 00:17:51.160 --> 00:17:53.599 we come back, you are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI 240 00:17:53.880 --> 00:17:59.440 AM six forty. We live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to 241 00:18:00.240 --> 00:18:06.319 Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM six forty. Well, if you've been 242 00:18:06.359 --> 00:18:10.839 listening to me for the last decade, you certainly know that I'm obsessed with 243 00:18:10.920 --> 00:18:14.640 the science of love, both the biological, psychological, and social piece. 244 00:18:15.240 --> 00:18:19.440 But I'm also a professor of health psychology. And guess what health is not 245 00:18:19.599 --> 00:18:25.640 just about our biology. It's how our relationships impact our health, how our 246 00:18:25.759 --> 00:18:32.599 social world impacts our health, how health behaviors are highly contagious within social circles. 247 00:18:33.279 --> 00:18:34.920 And so I want to tell you this funny story. I was at 248 00:18:34.920 --> 00:18:41.039 a social event last night and one woman mentioned that she had found a new 249 00:18:41.839 --> 00:18:47.920 Ayurvedic doctor. The other one, who was a practitioner in Western medicine, 250 00:18:48.319 --> 00:18:52.119 immediately frowned and the two of them got into a mini little social tit for 251 00:18:52.200 --> 00:18:56.440 tat. I almost felt like I was talking to a Trump supporter and a 252 00:18:56.440 --> 00:18:59.599 Biden supporter for a second there, and I was kind of like, Okay, 253 00:19:00.119 --> 00:19:03.400 we need to open our minds, everybody, because one of the things 254 00:19:03.559 --> 00:19:08.119 I know after earning my PhD in psychology is that the brain is doing a 255 00:19:08.119 --> 00:19:14.200 whole lot of things that we don't understand every neurotransmitter. We don't understand everything 256 00:19:14.240 --> 00:19:18.640 it's doing. So in the same sense, we don't understand all the ways 257 00:19:19.240 --> 00:19:25.400 to heal the body or prevent illness. So that's why I wanted to invite 258 00:19:25.440 --> 00:19:27.839 on my own how you'r Vedic? Doctor? Did I say it right? 259 00:19:29.000 --> 00:19:33.480 Needy Pandia? Oh my god? Absolutely, you win, you win. 260 00:19:33.640 --> 00:19:37.559 You talk to Hendy. It is the hardest word to say, how you're 261 00:19:37.599 --> 00:19:40.720 Vedic? How you're Vedic? It is right, it's candy, but but 262 00:19:40.759 --> 00:19:41.920 you've nailed it. I feel like I'm saying, are you a medic? 263 00:19:42.119 --> 00:19:47.119 How your Vedic? You know it is? That's a really good one because 264 00:19:47.119 --> 00:19:48.720 it's like are you a Veviic? Because it comes from the Vedic science. 265 00:19:48.759 --> 00:19:53.799 But that's amazing. Oh that's perfect. So my guest is Needy Pandia, 266 00:19:55.279 --> 00:19:59.480 and she is based in New York City, and I want to talk about 267 00:19:59.480 --> 00:20:03.880 this little argument last night. Now, I teach health psychologists mostly Western medicine, 268 00:20:03.880 --> 00:20:11.319 but we do do a section on alternative treatments. Tell me how well, 269 00:20:11.359 --> 00:20:15.200 first of all, let's define what how Rvedic is, and then let's 270 00:20:15.240 --> 00:20:21.160 talk about how it's being integrated into Western medicine that sounds perfect so Irovedic, 271 00:20:21.480 --> 00:20:27.880 so the word Ayrveda literally translates into the science of life. It's often referred 272 00:20:27.920 --> 00:20:32.440 to as a sister science of yoga, and that's easy because everybody knows yoga. 273 00:20:32.559 --> 00:20:36.839 However, being the science of life, its scope is vast. It 274 00:20:37.000 --> 00:20:44.759 covers everything including treatment and prevention of diseases, nutrition, lifestyle, mindset, 275 00:20:44.920 --> 00:20:48.839 sleep. What's amazing about Ariveda is that it does not treat, it heals. 276 00:20:49.079 --> 00:20:53.839 It works on the entire system, the entire person. It also identifies 277 00:20:55.720 --> 00:21:02.160 individual emotions and can predict what that emotion, what condition in the body that 278 00:21:02.160 --> 00:21:06.000 that emotion might cause, So it doesn't label the whole mind body connection as 279 00:21:06.039 --> 00:21:11.279 a general connection. It can identify single emotions and see where the trajectory goes. 280 00:21:11.839 --> 00:21:14.319 Also, the one more thing that I want to mention is that a 281 00:21:14.400 --> 00:21:18.759 lot of current day trends originate in aiaretta, whether it's intermittent fasting, bullet 282 00:21:18.799 --> 00:21:23.680 coffee, turmeric ashwagandha dry scrubbing, oil pulling. It is a science that 283 00:21:23.720 --> 00:21:27.920 has been around for five thousand years and it has been used successfully in many 284 00:21:27.960 --> 00:21:33.000 parts of India and now around the world, and as well, it introduced 285 00:21:33.079 --> 00:21:36.680 us to the word namastay. So there we got we're like fixed. So 286 00:21:36.799 --> 00:21:41.880 let's about what the treatments are. If someone were to go to see an 287 00:21:41.920 --> 00:21:47.920 aerovetic doctor, they wouldn't be given a prescription for a pharmaceutical, But what 288 00:21:48.160 --> 00:21:52.079 kinds of prescriptions would you give? Right? And I do want to say 289 00:21:52.240 --> 00:21:56.559 the aeratic practice has become more and more academic. So what I would like 290 00:21:56.599 --> 00:22:00.599 to say that if you go to the if you go to a t additional 291 00:22:00.640 --> 00:22:03.079 doctor who practices the right way, which I'm going to say is how my 292 00:22:03.119 --> 00:22:07.400 grandfather practice. For example, they would identify you know, it's called a 293 00:22:07.519 --> 00:22:10.759 doo shop. But the way I like to say it, it's your body's 294 00:22:10.799 --> 00:22:15.480 climate. Everybody's bodies have a climate. It's a bioindividuality and it can be 295 00:22:15.599 --> 00:22:19.720 made to understand very very intuitively. So they would understand your body's climate based 296 00:22:19.720 --> 00:22:25.400 on your climate, they would understand your moods, probably what foods are causing 297 00:22:25.440 --> 00:22:30.960 disturbances. They could also predict your hormonal cycles. They will of course prescribe 298 00:22:30.599 --> 00:22:36.039 certain herbs right and of course there's limitations because there's less of herbs available, 299 00:22:36.039 --> 00:22:40.200 but they will still prescribe certain herbs. They will change and reconfigure what you 300 00:22:40.279 --> 00:22:42.960 eat and how you eat it. They may even make recommendations to your mindset, 301 00:22:44.000 --> 00:22:48.599 to your lifestyle to know how you sleep when you sleep. I personally 302 00:22:48.680 --> 00:22:52.119 in my practice go as far as telling my clients to what kind of music 303 00:22:52.160 --> 00:22:55.480 to listen to, what kind of books to read. So it's really like 304 00:22:55.559 --> 00:23:00.880 you reorganize, you reconfigure your entire life to suit what your body inner climate 305 00:23:00.039 --> 00:23:06.599 is. So you are not against Western medicine. You are a compliment to 306 00:23:06.640 --> 00:23:11.839 Western medicine. So you can work either ways. Right Like I would say 307 00:23:11.839 --> 00:23:15.799 that there are some conditions. So now AAVEDA identifies that the disease before it 308 00:23:15.880 --> 00:23:18.400 manifests, it comes on to your vitals or your blood reports. There's six 309 00:23:18.440 --> 00:23:22.759 stages of disease. What the advantage of working with an Iramada practitioner is that 310 00:23:22.960 --> 00:23:26.799 they can spot the disease at that first level, at the root cause, 311 00:23:26.839 --> 00:23:30.680 before it actually manifests. Now that being said, I work with plenty of 312 00:23:32.119 --> 00:23:37.240 clients and I integrate it into their existing Western medical treatment. So you can 313 00:23:37.279 --> 00:23:38.920 work anyhow you can. It can work in tandem. It doesn't have to 314 00:23:38.920 --> 00:23:42.440 be isolated. But you can also work depending on the condition and the stage 315 00:23:42.440 --> 00:23:48.799 of the disease. You can also work with just arveeta independently. Right, 316 00:23:48.920 --> 00:23:52.200 And I also want to throw this in there, not to say that you 317 00:23:52.240 --> 00:23:56.200 don't do great work that is therapeutic in all kinds of ways. I mean, 318 00:23:56.440 --> 00:24:00.440 I'm thinking of doctor Andrew wheel in his book about put fresh flat and 319 00:24:00.440 --> 00:24:03.319 stop listening to the news so much, and make sure you not look at 320 00:24:03.359 --> 00:24:07.759 iPhones before you go to sleep, and all those really good lifestyle things that 321 00:24:07.799 --> 00:24:11.920 we should be practicing. But in addition, while it's you know, many 322 00:24:11.960 --> 00:24:18.640 of these herbs that you talk about can have amazing biological effects, we also 323 00:24:18.799 --> 00:24:23.440 know that the placebo effect can be as high as thirty percent in double blind 324 00:24:23.440 --> 00:24:26.480 control studies. So for those listening who don't know what that is. So 325 00:24:26.519 --> 00:24:30.000 they take two pills, two groups of people. One group gets a sugar 326 00:24:30.000 --> 00:24:34.400 pill and the other pill gets the other group gets the actual medication. But 327 00:24:34.480 --> 00:24:40.440 yet thirty percent of those who just got the sugar pill get better too. 328 00:24:40.680 --> 00:24:47.200 So we know the mind and body are so connected and unity pandiat let me 329 00:24:47.240 --> 00:24:52.680 say this. The research on placebo effect finds that it's all about the relationship 330 00:24:53.160 --> 00:24:59.960 that the patient has with the practitioner. If they trust their doctor, then 331 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.960 and they're more likely to get better. How do you work on your relationship 332 00:25:03.039 --> 00:25:07.359 with your patients? You call them patients first of all, or clients, 333 00:25:07.240 --> 00:25:11.319 you know, I call them what they prefer to be called, to be 334 00:25:11.359 --> 00:25:15.519 honest with you, but usually I would look at them as clients because if 335 00:25:15.519 --> 00:25:17.720 I call that patients, I feel like I put them in a box, 336 00:25:17.759 --> 00:25:19.480 you know, like that becomes their identity, that they're sick. So I 337 00:25:19.599 --> 00:25:23.279 like to call them clients personally. And I just want to add to what 338 00:25:23.359 --> 00:25:26.640 you say, right, Like, when you have a relationship with anybody that 339 00:25:26.759 --> 00:25:32.000 you trust, automatically your body feels safe, it goes into the parasympathetic mode. 340 00:25:32.119 --> 00:25:34.559 Your body begins to heal before you take that herb and put it into 341 00:25:34.599 --> 00:25:37.680 your mouth. That's half the magic. And I actually say that to my 342 00:25:37.720 --> 00:25:41.000 clients. I'm like, if you can do it with your mind, if 343 00:25:41.039 --> 00:25:42.960 you can change the state of your mind, you don't even need to work 344 00:25:42.960 --> 00:25:47.319 with your food or your herbs. So that's absolutely true, and I would, 345 00:25:47.440 --> 00:25:49.039 you know, let's talk about how I work on my relationship with clients. 346 00:25:49.079 --> 00:25:52.559 I personally work with people for a period of six months or I work, 347 00:25:52.640 --> 00:25:56.400 you know, coaching women in a small intimate group setting, and yes, 348 00:25:56.559 --> 00:26:02.039 building trust, safety, vulnerability is the most important, you know, 349 00:26:02.079 --> 00:26:04.400 one of the most important things about my practices. I will meet you where 350 00:26:04.440 --> 00:26:07.200 you're at. You aren't ready to give up your black coffee. I want 351 00:26:07.200 --> 00:26:10.640 to ask you to give it up. You know, Exercising in the morning 352 00:26:10.799 --> 00:26:12.000 is hard for you. Exercising in the morning, you know, which is 353 00:26:12.000 --> 00:26:15.680 actually the problem with a lot of idea wading doctors out there, that the 354 00:26:15.359 --> 00:26:18.799 system has become very rigid. But I do understand that you have to meet 355 00:26:18.839 --> 00:26:23.279 people where they're at, and I think that has greatly helped me to build 356 00:26:23.519 --> 00:26:27.720 relationships with my clients where they want to make change because they want to be 357 00:26:27.799 --> 00:26:33.720 understood. Also, because I work mainly with women, and women in our 358 00:26:33.839 --> 00:26:37.680 system get burnt out, they lose. They're always nurturing, but they don't 359 00:26:37.720 --> 00:26:41.759 feel nurtured. So for anybody who's listening out there, if you find a 360 00:26:41.799 --> 00:26:48.079 practitioner, a doctor who's nurturing, it's like being reparented again, and part 361 00:26:48.079 --> 00:26:51.200 of that healing begins right there. You know what, we have to go 362 00:26:51.240 --> 00:26:52.559 to a break, but when we come back, I'm going to tell you 363 00:26:52.640 --> 00:27:00.480 a little story about an Indian doctor who said, one sentence, help me 364 00:27:00.920 --> 00:27:06.920 get better. Also, let's talk more about how our intimate romantic relationships impact 365 00:27:06.960 --> 00:27:11.960 our health. My guest is doctor Needy Pandia. She's an Alrvedic doctor. 366 00:27:11.400 --> 00:27:15.279 And we've got more on the other side. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy 367 00:27:15.279 --> 00:27:18.920 wall Show on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're 368 00:27:18.960 --> 00:27:26.319 listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM six forty. My guest 369 00:27:26.720 --> 00:27:30.039 Needy Pandia. How your Vedic doctor? Did I say it right? How 370 00:27:30.079 --> 00:27:33.839 your Vedic that is ka? I got it right. I have to tell 371 00:27:33.880 --> 00:27:38.200 you a funny story. Actually happens to be an Indian doctor, not an 372 00:27:38.200 --> 00:27:42.000 aw your Vedic doctor, Western medicine, but Indian doctor. I went to 373 00:27:42.039 --> 00:27:47.000 her for chronic bladder infections and I told her my whole life history. I 374 00:27:47.079 --> 00:27:49.519 told her everything that's happened and all the treatments that have always been done. 375 00:27:49.920 --> 00:27:56.000 And you know what she said to me one sentence. She said, it 376 00:27:56.160 --> 00:28:02.960 sounds like everybody you've been to has tried to treat you. Will you do 377 00:28:03.079 --> 00:28:08.640 me the honor of trying to heal you whoa that one centre is the difference 378 00:28:08.680 --> 00:28:15.759 between treatment and healing. Did a shift in my head and I barely had 379 00:28:15.799 --> 00:28:22.079 a bladder infection after that. I hear you. So you deal mostly with 380 00:28:22.160 --> 00:28:29.000 female clients. We know that women one third of American women suffer some kind 381 00:28:29.039 --> 00:28:33.880 of abuse in their childhood, whether it is sexual, emotional, or physical. 382 00:28:33.640 --> 00:28:41.000 They drag this trauma into their adult romantic lives. Eventually their body speaks 383 00:28:41.039 --> 00:28:45.519 for them and they often become ill. How do you heal these women? 384 00:28:45.519 --> 00:28:51.359 See I didn't say treat heal these women? Right? So my work actually 385 00:28:51.400 --> 00:28:55.240 first starts with a little bit of shadow work, you know, before we 386 00:28:55.319 --> 00:29:00.319 even get to any shift in lifestyle, food and the first forties that work 387 00:29:00.359 --> 00:29:03.799 with people, they systematically go through a process where they look at what parts 388 00:29:03.799 --> 00:29:07.920 of their childhood are they still carrying into their adulthood and then that kind of 389 00:29:07.920 --> 00:29:12.160 shows up in their parenting and then generational trauma goes on. So even before 390 00:29:12.200 --> 00:29:15.920 we do that, we work on healing. And you know you've said it 391 00:29:15.000 --> 00:29:19.200 right, doctor Wendy, because the amount of breakthroughs that come just from that 392 00:29:19.440 --> 00:29:23.519 work. Suddenly people look back at their lives and say everything that I'm going 393 00:29:23.559 --> 00:29:27.680 through in my body and mind makes sense. And then the work we do 394 00:29:27.839 --> 00:29:33.119 right after that, right which is before I even think about giving herbs. 395 00:29:33.279 --> 00:29:37.200 We just reconfigure their lives in a more gentle manner, recognizing the paths of 396 00:29:37.240 --> 00:29:41.440 their childhood that they're still caring, that still need to be seen, heard, 397 00:29:42.079 --> 00:29:47.279 and processed. And let me tell you, I think the amount of 398 00:29:47.359 --> 00:29:52.119 healing that brings it would be hard for me to do that with any other 399 00:29:52.200 --> 00:29:56.920 tools. And this is one of the reasons I have become so fascinated with 400 00:29:57.519 --> 00:30:04.359 licensed therapists who work with patients and trauma, because for many women especially, 401 00:30:04.960 --> 00:30:11.480 they either have repressed the memory or they've dismissed it in some way, and 402 00:30:11.519 --> 00:30:15.039 then their bodies start to get sick because their bodies speaking for them. Their 403 00:30:15.079 --> 00:30:19.279 body is saying I need care, help help me. And it seems more 404 00:30:19.480 --> 00:30:26.119 socially acceptable to go to a medical doctor and say I have this pain than 405 00:30:26.160 --> 00:30:30.960 to cry in a therapist's office. And but you also deal like a therapist. 406 00:30:32.000 --> 00:30:34.720 But you're also holistically talking about you know, how much sleep are you 407 00:30:34.720 --> 00:30:38.720 get, and how much news are you watching, how how much exercise are 408 00:30:38.720 --> 00:30:42.240 you doing. You look at the whole system. But you also talk to 409 00:30:42.279 --> 00:30:47.039 them about their trauma, don't you? Absolutely? And you know, basically, 410 00:30:47.119 --> 00:30:49.359 I think everybody knows. You know, somebody who's staying out watching Netflix 411 00:30:49.400 --> 00:30:53.440 at two am knows that their body needs sleep. But there is a reason, 412 00:30:57.079 --> 00:31:00.960 no, but be told, there is a reason why there's thinking that 413 00:31:02.000 --> 00:31:06.440 there's something in their life they're procrastinating, right, and then they bring shame 414 00:31:06.480 --> 00:31:10.440 and it further perpetuates the problem. And I see this pattern all the time. 415 00:31:10.759 --> 00:31:17.240 So I tell everybody right that firstly, every trigger is a little is 416 00:31:17.279 --> 00:31:19.319 telling of a trauma. Every trigger is selling of a trauma. And the 417 00:31:19.400 --> 00:31:22.079 trigger could be in your body, in your foods, the trigger could be 418 00:31:22.079 --> 00:31:26.240 in your mind, So that is a hint. Also, every time, 419 00:31:26.400 --> 00:31:30.039 right, your beliefs and your actions are not matching. So you promise yourself, 420 00:31:30.079 --> 00:31:32.160 I'm going to sleep, I'm going to go to bed by ten o'clock. 421 00:31:32.359 --> 00:31:33.920 And let's say you're not doing it. So that means your beliefs are 422 00:31:33.960 --> 00:31:38.880 not matching with your actions. That distance, again is telling into something that 423 00:31:38.920 --> 00:31:44.039 needs to be undone. Because most people, when they're in that healthy emotional 424 00:31:44.079 --> 00:31:45.880 state, they will sleep well, they will eat well. So I do 425 00:31:45.960 --> 00:31:48.920 realize that if I just write down from my clients, hey sleep at this 426 00:31:49.000 --> 00:31:52.640 hour. They may do it for a few days, but it's going to 427 00:31:52.640 --> 00:31:56.400 create rigidity, It's going to create stress. What I'd rather do is the 428 00:31:56.519 --> 00:32:00.759 undoing of the baggage that they are carrying so that their natural body wants to 429 00:32:00.839 --> 00:32:04.799 live, thrive, so that it wants to do all of these things. 430 00:32:05.000 --> 00:32:08.480 But I want you to arrive to that place rather than me prescribing it for 431 00:32:08.519 --> 00:32:13.400 you, because I know that may not be as sustainable, that may not 432 00:32:13.480 --> 00:32:19.160 put you in slow. To live your best life means to identify your triggers 433 00:32:19.480 --> 00:32:25.200 and work backwards, and that is the work that all of us must do 434 00:32:25.480 --> 00:32:29.400 in our lifetime. We only have a little bit of time left. But 435 00:32:29.440 --> 00:32:31.720 I want to ask a question. You know, one area you work in 436 00:32:31.960 --> 00:32:37.640 is infertility. You know, I have always said that our biology doesn't match 437 00:32:37.680 --> 00:32:40.480 our culture. Right now, the height of female fertility is the age of 438 00:32:40.519 --> 00:32:45.960 twenty and now, as Western society is becoming more matriarchal, we are seeing 439 00:32:46.000 --> 00:32:52.559 women having to use a decade of their fertility window in education and career building, 440 00:32:52.839 --> 00:32:55.920 and then they get around to having kids in their thirties. So we're 441 00:32:55.960 --> 00:33:01.480 seeing a much higher amount of infertility. Are there any other influences besides the 442 00:33:01.519 --> 00:33:06.440 old fashioned biological clock that are causing this? Yeah, and you know, 443 00:33:06.480 --> 00:33:08.880 I mean like in according to the aerobatic science, we believe that you know, 444 00:33:08.960 --> 00:33:13.400 bodies, bodies can dry out. You know, a young teenager. 445 00:33:13.440 --> 00:33:15.079 If you look at the face of a young teenager, there's oliation on their 446 00:33:15.119 --> 00:33:19.319 skin. Everything is very taut, there is a moisture in their eyes. 447 00:33:19.920 --> 00:33:22.680 As we get worked out and burned out, that moisture from our body dries 448 00:33:22.720 --> 00:33:27.680 out. That basic lubrication. If you look at arabat as four factors to 449 00:33:27.720 --> 00:33:30.640 fertility, that basic lubrication is extremely important. So what are the things that 450 00:33:30.720 --> 00:33:36.920 dry us out really quickly? Stress, over productivity, overworking, caffeine, 451 00:33:37.119 --> 00:33:40.160 alcohol. We know for all of these things to be very dehydrating. We 452 00:33:40.240 --> 00:33:45.440 know our body, the sperm cannot swim unless the environment inside is moist. 453 00:33:45.759 --> 00:33:50.559 The sperm cannot even live in a meal's you know, hot and dry body. 454 00:33:50.599 --> 00:33:54.839 Because men have this testimonal changes that cause you know, dryness, I 455 00:33:54.839 --> 00:33:59.839 mean absolutely absolutely as you age, right, so it's a very natural process. 456 00:34:00.000 --> 00:34:00.839 I mean, on the other side of your thirty five year body is 457 00:34:00.920 --> 00:34:05.559 naturally going to start drawing up, but at the same time that journey can 458 00:34:05.599 --> 00:34:08.239 be expedited, like there's an irobatic product on. My sister gave birth last 459 00:34:08.280 --> 00:34:13.599 year at forty and natural birth, no high risk, the vaginal delivery, 460 00:34:13.639 --> 00:34:15.559 all of that right. And one of the things that she did, because 461 00:34:15.559 --> 00:34:17.920 she knew she was going to do this much later in life, is she 462 00:34:19.000 --> 00:34:22.800 preserved her lubrication. So the amount she sledt to the amount of caffeine she 463 00:34:22.920 --> 00:34:25.239 consumed, the moisture that she kept into her life, what we call the 464 00:34:25.320 --> 00:34:29.679 lunar elements, she kept those intact. We get her, you know, 465 00:34:29.719 --> 00:34:32.880 her hormonal tests a year after year. Her doctors, you know, they 466 00:34:32.880 --> 00:34:37.719 were remarkable because her doctors were surprised at how much her reports looked like somebody 467 00:34:37.719 --> 00:34:43.239 who was five years younger than who she actually was. Wow. And I've 468 00:34:43.239 --> 00:34:45.920 seen this time and again. I'll see a twenty seven year old girl who's 469 00:34:45.960 --> 00:34:50.320 completely burnt out with her life over the the consumption of caffeine, staying up 470 00:34:50.360 --> 00:34:53.679 really like a menopausal woman. It's going to act like a forty year old. 471 00:34:53.719 --> 00:34:58.000 Absolutely, So, I personally, in my practice have seen this too 472 00:34:58.039 --> 00:35:00.719 many times. And I think one of the things that everybody is that if 473 00:35:00.719 --> 00:35:05.159 you want to have children, do not dry out because sometimes people don't find 474 00:35:05.159 --> 00:35:07.079 the right partner. Sometimes people don't find the right partner. Even if you 475 00:35:07.199 --> 00:35:12.039 want to date, don't try out. Yes, basically you want a happy 476 00:35:12.119 --> 00:35:15.480 day, keep it warm, give it, keep it mice. Thank you 477 00:35:15.840 --> 00:35:20.760 very much for joining us, Needy Pandia, How'd I do it? How 478 00:35:20.800 --> 00:35:22.960 you're veric doctor? Thank you so much. Producer Kayla is going to post 479 00:35:23.159 --> 00:35:27.880 your info on the Doctor Wendy Walsh KFI website so people can find you. 480 00:35:27.920 --> 00:35:31.039 But thank you for being appreciate today, and thank you for listening to the 481 00:35:31.079 --> 00:35:36.199 Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on KFI Am six forty. Remember if you miss any 482 00:35:36.199 --> 00:35:39.639 part of the show. We are live always on the iHeartRadio app. I'm 483 00:35:39.679 --> 00:35:44.559 here for you every Sunday from seven to nine pm and you can follow me 484 00:35:44.599 --> 00:35:47.079 on my social media at doctor Wendy Walsh. We'll see you next week. 485 00:35:50.480 --> 00:35:52.320 You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh, you can always hear us live on 486 00:35:52.400 --> 00:35:58.199 KFI AM six forty from seven to nine pm on Sunday and anytime on demand 487 00:35:58.480 --> 00:35:59.840 on the iHeartRadio app.