This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI AM six forty, the
Doctor Wendy wallsh Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app I Am six forty.
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy wall Show.
Sit back because I am going to help you make sense of your love
life. Well, actually I'm going to help you make sense of Resa Tisa's
love life. And if you don't know who that is, hang on.
If you're new to my show. I have a PhD in clinical psychology.
I'm a psychology professor and I'm obsessed with the science of love. I've written
three books on relationships, which, by the way, producer, Kayla,
you here, follies, I just got the rights to my book, The
Thirty Day Love Detoks back from whatever publisher it was, and I'm going to
make an audiobook. Congratiulations and you have a beautiful voice. Let's let's get
the studio book. And you know what Julio said on the way to work
here tonight. I said, oh, I got a book, Kayla.
I got to figure out how to record it and get it up on audible.
And he said, you're going to use your voice or a reader.
Of course I would use my voice. Holy is what I do for a
living. Everyone loves your voice. And I wrote it in first person,
so who can read it better than you? I mean Michelle Obama read her
own book on audible. If we could get Michelle Obama, we should go
with her. Yes, she might be better. You're so. On tonight's
show, I do want to talk about Resa Tisa. If you don't know
who she is, don't worry. I'm going to bring you up to speed.
And also the Peacock Networks show Couple to Thropple how it's really nothing like
real life poly couples and I will be taking your calls. And later in
the show, I got a great author. He was a score Caleb.
Thank you for getting him, Doctor Christopher Ryan, author of Sex at Dawn.
If you have not read this book, it is going to be an
eye opener. The subtitle is How We Mate, Why we Stray, and
what it means for modern relationships. It's an eye opener. It's definitely an
eye opener. Okay, So that's commonly first Resa Tisas. So I went
this weekend to visit Julio's mom in Florida. It was such a delight because
you know, my mom died when I was young. I don't know why.
She just's such an idiot. I don't know why. She just got
a breast cancer and just left. I don't know anyway, so I'm trying
to be funny. It was painful, but I raised my kids with no
grandma's and so when I go hang out in Florida with grandma's, my whole
my heart is just swelling up. I'm just so in love with everybody.
And we had the best time for a few days. So but I had
two long plane rides and through Dallas and everything and layovers and whatever. And
Kayla's been saying, you gotta watch Resa Tisa on TikTok. You gotta watch
Resa Tisa on TikTok. And you know when Kayla's nagan need to do something,
you know it's important. So this young woman started telling a story in
a series of ten minute long TikTok videos. They're now fifty of them,
part one all the way to part fifty, and she's telling a story about
meeting a guy right before the pandemic quarantining with him, getting married to him,
having a miscarriage with him and starting to find out that his story is
really not matching matching who he is, and she became quite a sleuth and
a detective and found out that she was living with somebody with a major personality
disorder. Funny Julio brought up today. He goes, I said something about,
well, you know, she seems really compassionate and she seems to understand
that he has mental health issues. And he goes, yeah, but would
you call that mental health issues? And I'm like, well, I don't
know what his diagnosis is, whether it's you know, borderline or sociopath or
what have you, but or just plain old, run of the mill narcissist.
But all these are diagnoses, you know, so I call it under
the whole umbrella of mental health. Doesn't mean you have to hang with them.
By the way, so her videos now have three hundred million views.
My take on it is that she had so much cognitive dissonance. Big words,
they're cognitive dissonance. That's when you have two separate feelings at the same
time in your head and you can't make sense to them what's right, what's
wrong, And it's hard to hold two separate opinions or two separate feelings.
I mean the feelings where she loved the guy and she was in love with
hope and he said all the right things to make it be great. But
then she's like, huh, he has two different social Security numbers. Ah,
a little more research. He said he had an ex wife. Wait,
two ex wives. Wait, he said his sisters. Wait, no
sisters exist? Wait, who is the person on his mother's obituary? He
didn't even mention that? And then she did a deep dive. Can you
imagine she found out things like he was talking to family members all day long
on the phone who didn't exist, Like he was literally talking to himself.
All right. The reason why I want you to know about this is because
Resa Tisa is about to go mainstream, because she's moved from the TikTok world
into mainstream media. Gale King had her on the CBS Early Show. So
here's a quick little rundown of what the story is. If you want to
catch up, you can watch from one to fifty one by one. Resa
Tisa not her real name on TikTok, or you can. It's very casual.
She's, you know, sometimes doing her hair or makeup or just driving
in her car. And so she met a guy who she calls Legion in
March of twenty twenty, right before lockdown. She fell hard for him.
And here's what he did. He very quickly, like their first date.
She happened to get a flat tire on the way to meet him. She
called him and said, sor, I'm going to be late. He shows
up, changes the tire for her, takes her around the corner to a
tire store, buys her a whole new tire, then takes her out to
dinner her favorite restaurant, the Cheesecake Factory. It's filled with details about her
life too, and they talk until midnight, and he talks about how he
just wants to get married and have kids and playing right into it. So
they also moved very fast. He moves they had to figure out to quarantine
and they were all la la in love because they just met. So he
moves into her place and he starts paying the rent and the utilities. So
you see, it's not like he's crazy from the beginning, right, But
what he did is he tested her with lies. He kept saying he had
this money in an offshore account and he was going to pay all cash for
a house for her, and they would have to hire realtors. Set He
ordered a car for her that never showed up. None of the house things
worked out. By the time she filed for divorce, Kayla was like a
year later. Were they married like a year? Yeah? Not even the
relationship maybe, but the marriage was only a couple months. Oh okay,
but the relationship was like a year. She learned that he'd never lived in
California, that he'd been divorced at least twice before marrying her. Through all
these government records, she found that he had lied profusely to everybody, including
his family, pretending to have siblings he didn't have. He lied about his
money, his job. He said he was a VP at a big company.
He was actually a forklift operator, not a real manager or vice president.
The details keep coming. In an interview with talk show host tamer Hall,
she refers to him this time legion as David, where's that sound?
The one thing that I did not put in there. I hit on it,
but I did not go in depth. The part for me that I
don't talk about because I don't want to. I guess I don't want to
be that vulnerable. I don't want someone to make fun of it. Is
the fact that once I discovered that no, he's not a regional manager,
he's not a VP of production or operations. He was just a regular employee,
the domino started falling. And one of those dominoes was the realization that
you did not have a business meeting. When I had to go to the
hospital, you simply were not there. So when I was texting you and
I was terrified, I'm texting you that I'm in pre op at Northside Hospital
and I'm so scared because I just don't know what's going to happen, and
David text me back. There came a moment where once I discovered all the
lies, that I realized you really left me hanging when I needed you the
most. Resa Tisa's interview will air on Tamer and Hall tomorrow Da Da Da
Da at two pm Eastern. What's that eleven here? Or is it she
two here? As well? She airs on local cable affiliates depending on what
location we're in to look up tamer Hall because she scored the big, lengthy
interview with Resa Tisa, so when we come back. Resa Tisa had certain
personality traits that made her vulnerable to a sociopath. Not necessarily bad personality traits,
some good ones. So when we come back, let's talk about what
are these kinds of personality traits that women may have that make them a target
to people like Leja. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on
KFI AM six forty were live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to
Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM six FORTYFI Am six forty. You
have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Dr Wendy Walsh Show.
I would like to welcome my TikTok audience. If you want to come on
in the studio and see what we're doing over here, you welcome the log
Onto TikTok. The handle is at Doctor Wendy Walsh. At the end of
this segment, actually we have a couple of sigmas away. I will be
taking your relationship calls. I'll give out the phone number. But right now,
I still want to talk about Resa Tisa and the particular kinds of personality
traits that she has, in my opinion, that many women have that make
them particularly vulnerable to men who are manipulative, who may have narcissistic personality disorder,
who may be some kind of sociopath, who believes the rules don't fall
for them, don't apply to them. So many women keed in to what
Reesa Tisa went through because they're all like, you know, there but for
the grace of God, go I, oh my god, this could totally
happen to anybody at any time. And it's true, it could. About
roughly one in twenty five people is considered a sociopath. This according to Harvard
psychologist doctor Martha Stout, who wrote the book The Sociopath next Door, And
she says that sociopaths make up about twenty five percent of the prison population and
they commit over twice as many aggressive acts as other criminals. But here's the
thing. Not all sociopaths are in prison, and in fact, most sociopaths
sail through life completely undiagnosed. Here's why, as long as they're functional enough
to hold down some kind of job and basically support themselves. You know,
something is only considered a mental health problem when you have you know, chronic
relationship problems where you can't keep contact with can keep friends, family, et
cetera. And this Legion guy had problems there for sure, but he always
managed to find another woman to target. Or if you can't hold down a
job and you can't support yourself, right, So there are plenty of people
who I would call every day sociopaths walking around the world just manipulating people.
They use three main tricks which are and Legion used these with Resa Tisa love
bombing, crumb dropping, and testing them. So love bombing is the beginning,
you know, when everything is great. Remember on the way to their
very first date, she got a flat tire. He shows up, he
changes the tire. She's all turned on by this, it's so manly.
Then he insists she can't ride on this spare tire. They've got to go
around corner to a tire store and he buys her a new tire, right,
and then pays for dinner. You know, all this love bombing.
When he moves in with her, he starts paying the rent and the utilities.
This is all a form of grooming. And what they do is they
start then crumb dropping right, hope, making her hope for more, giving
just a little bit to keep her strung along. He showed her some bank
balances. He pulled them up on his iPhone and they were substantial. I
can't remember, but one of them had like ninety four hundred dollars and one
had four thousand or something. I mean, we're not talking about poor poor
man. But he said there's more coming because I have these offshore accounts I
can't show you, but enough to buy you a house. Right, that's
the bread crumbs. I'll show you a little bit of these crumbs. Come
on, little girl, come on into my place. It's going to get
wild. And then the testing, where there are little mistakes that happen,
and for some reason it says that my life, by the way on TikTok
just ended. I don't know why, but it's not going through as well
as it should. Must be our connection here. Testing is when they do
little things to see if you will protest. Right, if you've been following
my TikTok for many years, you know that. I Look, I didn't
come to this place just by reading textbooks. I came to this place because
I have suffered everything financial abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse. It was
only did I go to the textbooks to try to make sense of love in
my thirties because I was in so much pain and so many dysfunctional relationships.
So one guy I was with for way too long tested me at the beginning.
I had to go on a business trip, and he said, oh,
well, I'll buy a ticket and join you. And it was actually
had a nice resort, so that's fun, right, And so we went
on this trip and as I was checking out of the hotel, because it
was paid for by my you know, the people that you know, the
company I was working for, I had to leave my own credit card on
for incidentals. And as I was checking out, they hand me the credit
card bill and there's a fee for two shirts like polo shirts bought at the
pro shop. And I said, I didn't buy two shirts, and they
said, well, let's pull up the receipt. They pull up the receipt
and turns out there's his signature. Right now, we're in the throes of
just meeting madly in love. Everything great, and all of a sudden,
what do I do? Go break it up? He's standing out at the
waiting for the shuttle to go to the airport. I'll get the bags,
honey, he'll take them out and I'll get him on the shuttle. You
can meet me over there. He's being all sweet. Do I storm out
there and go, hey, you owe me the money for those two shirts
you signed the hotel room. No? I didn't. Then later, when
we were living together, my assistant at the time said to me, you
know your FedEx bills are really high. I think he's using your FedEx number
when he's sending stuff. Again, Do I go make a big cause.
No, it's the little things that turn into the big things. I won't
tell you how much money he stole from me years later. So why is
it that there are certain kinds of women who are particularly vulnerable to being really
targeted by these kinds of narcissists and those sociopaths. I'll tell you the first
thing. They tend to be very moral women. They have a very clear
sense of right and wrong. Now you would think that if they see something
a little bit wrong, they're going to jump all over the person, But
they also have trouble imagining that somebody else can be so immoral. That's the
first thing. Narcissists love to target really moral women. When we come back,
I've got a few more personality traits for you. So that you can
keep yourself safe if you turn out to be one of these women or sometimes
men. There are narcissistic women that target men, but it's far more often
more sociopaths are men. Sorry to say, it's just the data. We
love you, the good guys, We really do. When we come back,
let me talk about more ways that personality types that reesa TISA might hold,
that many of us hold that could make us vulnerable to a narcissist or
a sociopath. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Well's Show on KFI AM six
forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy
Walsh on demand from KFI AM six forty. KFI AM six forty you have
Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Wells Show. Like
to welcome my Instagram audience. Hey, everybody good to see. If you
want to come in the studio, you can come on to Instagram at Dr
Wendy Walsh is the handle. By the way. After this, I'm going
to be taking your calls. I'll give out the number now and i'll give
it out at the end of the segment one eight hundred and five two zero
one KFI. That's one eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
But let me continue. We're talking about Resa Tisa, the brave young woman
who had eight hours of discourse on TikTok, talking about her nearly one year
relationship of marriage and divorce and pregnancy and miscarriage with a guy who didn't turn
out to be anybody that he said he was. It was filled with lies.
Now, there's a certain kind of personality or personality traits that some women
possess that make them more vulnerable, make them targets of men like this,
whether they're narcissists, sociopaths, whatever I mentioned earlier. Women with high morals,
women with high morals, of a very sense for themselves of what's right
and what's wrong, are easy targets for narcissists. You know why, because
high moral women can't imagine that their partner could be so immoral. They're not
being so suspicious. They trust the good in all and women are socialized to
give the benefit of the doubt. You know, when I was a kid,
terrible story we were saying in a hotel we were about to move out
of town. So we were staying in a hotel while our furniture left,
and I was in the lobby with my little brother. I was nine,
he was seven. We're talking with these two men in the lobby and then
one of them left and came back and pulled up with a red convertible car.
His other friend said, hey, kids, you want to go for
a ride in a convertible car? And I said no because my inner gut
said this is not a safe thing. Of course, my little brother's like,
yeah, let's do it. I'm like no, no, no.
We ran back to the hotel room where my mom was putting on lipstick,
getting ready for dinner or something, and I told her mom, we almost
got kidnapped. Two men tried to get us into their car, and you
know what she said, Now, don't always think the worst in people,
honey, They could have been very nice people. I know. This is
how we socialize, is particularly girls, to not listen to their sixth sense.
Okay, not only moral women are easy targets for narcissists, but also
faith based women. You know why, because they've been taught to thrive on
hope. In order to have a belief in God, you need to imagine
and truly believe things that are unbelievable. That's what faith is all about.
So if you can have faith in God, you can have faith in your
man and his lies. And sociopaths exploit this also when things are getting really
rough, whence narcissists start treating women badly. If they're faith based, they
come from a place of it's okay, if they're suffering in this life,
then everything will be better later, so they're really in love with hope and
the future. The other thing is that women who are very compassionate and empathetic
are actually big targets because they fall easily for the victim thing. If you
follow the Resa Tisa thing. Eventually he had this knee or injury. We
don't even know if it's true anymore, and he was in bed disabled.
I mean, it was like the movie Misery, except you put in self
there and he's in her house and now she's paying for everything, and so
she of course is going to put his needs above hers. And of course
predators gravitate towards smart, successful woman women. This woman had a career job,
she was thirty five years old, she had a car, she had
a town house, she you know, these are the kind of guys.
I'm like, if you're gonna manipulate somebody, you're gonna pick somebody where there's
some goods to get right. And it's so true that women are taught not
to listen to their inner voice that says something's not right. This is never
to blame Resa Tisa. There's a bit of Resa Tisa in all of us.
That's why we all watched, That's why we found it amazing. So
what are the solutions. How do you prevent being targeted by somebody who could
deeply hurt you? Move slowly. These people are faced with the pandemic.
So so Resa Tisa and Legion moved in together. They had to decide where
to quarantine. So he moved right into her house. Meet their people.
She should have gone to his work to see what he really did. She
should have met his And I'm not blaming her, not blaming her, just
saying, go and meet the people. I know it was quarantine. There
were no people to meet at the time. It's a very specific situation.
Meet their people and pay attention to the small stuff. I remember going on
a date with a guy one time and he said, oh, we're going
to go at this bar. We're going to run into some people I work
with, and I noticed that there were small little things like they didn't like
him. I could tell they just didn't like him that much, and they
had good social graces. But I was like, something's off here, right.
Also, have them meet your people, because when you're not deluded with
the neural cocktail of wonderful neural hormones of love and lust, other people can
make better decisions for you. So have them meet your friends and family and
question promises. Don't fall in love with hope. Look for real actions,
not words. Look behind the words. Okay, when we come back,
psychology professor, not a therapist, but I do love to weigh in on
your love lives. Give me a call. The numbers one eight hundred five
to zero one KFI. That's one eight hundred five two zero one five three
four. Producer Kayla's going to answer the phone soon. You are listening to
the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show live on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere
on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty KFI am six forty. You have doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show, and I'm taking your calls.
Just a reminder, I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor and I'm
a woman of experience. I have some doctor Wendy wisdom that I would love
to lay on you. So if you have a relationship question, allow me
to weigh in the numbers. One eight hundred five to zero one kfi.
That's one eight hundred five two zero one five three four. Okay, Producer
Kayla, who do we have? First? We have Bree with the question
free. Hi Brie, it's Dr Wendy. Hi, Doctor Wendy, thank
you for taking my I listen to you every week. Oh thank you.
I'm glad you're a regular listener. Makes me feel good. So what's your
question? Love, I'm thirty two, and I always pick the wrong guy,
like you got a bad picker? Yeah, And my mom passed away
a few years ago, and so and my dad passed away too, So
I don't really have family to introduce guys to you anymore. And so I've
just kind of been by myself, and I don't trust myself to pick the
wrong to pick the right guy exactly. I attempted to go home like one
day and then it was just awful, and I really thought that he was
a nice guy. So obviously I'm doing something wrong. Okay, So,
Brie, when you say one date, I got to tell you this,
it's a numbers game. I want you to go out on lots and lots
of dates with lots and lots of people, so you have something to compare
it with. That's the first thing. So you can play around with your
picker. Move very slowly. You don't need to kiss anybody, you don't
need to have sex with anybody. And I'm hoping you have friends and social
support and you can invite these people to group dates or events that you get
invited to. That's how you do it, and do it after like the
third date, just like, Hey, friends of mine are getting together at
so and so you want to come, you know, and keep it real
casual. I also highly suggest if you are finding that you're picking the same
kind of bad person, wrong person, inappropriate person over and over they just
have different clothes and drive a different car, then I really encourage you to
have a wingman in the form of a licensed therapist. You know, if
you go to therapy, you can find out why it is that you got
to that point of picking people who will hurt you instead of people who will
love you, and then you can provide feedback. You can go to the
next week to therapy and say, Okay, so I had a date with
this guy in hair's how this went right? And it's like having a parent
with you on your dates in your head. So I highly suggest that Brienna,
I know how hard it is, but I also know that you are
lovable and love it in the cards for everybody. Relationships are about skill,
not luck, and you can gain those skills. Thank you for calling.
All right, producer Kayla, who do we have next? We have Luyne
Lunne. Hi, Luenne. It's doctor Wendy. Hi, doctor Wendy.
I'm a big fan. Oh thank you. I'm I'm a lady of a
certain age too, like you've made too. I'm remarried to what I think
is a really nice guy for two years. Oh good well. I noticed
every four, four or five months he has these temper outbursts. He'll go
from zero to sixty in like three seconds. And today he threw a phone,
and he threw his keys and he shoved me. It's over. He
like gently shoved me, and it's over. Nothing, Okay, nothing,
So Luyne, this is really important. I want you to listen very carefully.
The statistics show that if people break things, if people throw things when
they have unmanageable anger, if they have temper tantrums as you're describing that come
out of nowhere, and now if he physically pushed you, we are into
the realm of domestic violence. I want you to reach out to the National
Domestic Violence Hotline. You can find them online, call the phone number.
They have literally well trained people standing by to help guide you through this,
because Luanne, there's a chance this is going to get worse, and I
don't want to see you hurt. I am speaking as a survivor of domestic
violence. I am somebody who understands the confusion when you love somebody, when
you know you're so excited at this age to finally meet the love of your
life, and all your friends are supportive, but you've got to put all
that aside and think about your safety because this sounds very dangerous. So please,
Luan, reach out to the National Domestic Violence hotline. They will give
you resources, places to call in your zip code so that you can get
the help and support you need. I'm so sorry this happened, but take
this seriously. Oh yeah, yeah, it breaks my heart. Breaks my
heart. Okay, producer, Kayla, who do we have next? We
have Monica with a question. Monica. Hi, Monica, it's doctor Wendy.
Hi. I have a question for you. So I met this amazing
man online and we've been dating for about a year and a half. And
my family, my friends love him the adorance. But I haven't met anybody
in his family. Oh no, right, that's a giant red flag.
Now do they all live somewhere far away? No? Not really. I
mean we try. We travel so it's accessible. It's not something that's too
far out of reach. But I've met a couple of his friends and we
get along really well. That Yeah, I just don't know what to do
with this. I'm a little insecure that you should be a lot insecure about
it. This is a giant red flag. You know. We've been talking
earlier about Reesa Tisa, and she says in her videos, there were so
many red flags in my relationship that you would think I was colorblind. So
I'm going to tell you, Monica right now, if you go out with
somebody for a year and a half and he's met all your family of friends
and you've met none of his, he's hiding something. He's hiding something that
you need to see. So I think it's okay. See and the women
are afraid to be, like, well, you need to show me,
and I need to be because they're afraid, oh, he'll disappear. If
your fear of abandonment is bigger, then you know your willingness to demand,
to insist that you meet his family, then you run the risk of being
really deeply mistreated and targeted by a dangerous person. So Monica, be strong,
be serious. You go tell him, doctor Wendy says. Doctor Wendy
says, this isn't normal. That's what I want to say. Doctor Wendy
says, this isn't normal. I need to be meeting your friends and family,
and he's gonna believe me. He's gonna tell you millions. You don't
want to meet them anyway. I haven't even talked to him in years because
there's you're gonna hear all the stories. But if he gives you a reason
why you can't meet them. It's because he's hiding something. I guarantee he's
hiding something, Monica, I want you to be strong with him. Oh
my gosh, I'm like the old Auntie going you need to be strong.
Hey, if you want to call it the numbers one eight hundred five to
zero one k five. That's one eight hundred five two zero one five three
four. You can also go to my social media and leave a DM for
me. Do I have time to go to social for a bit? Okay,
okay, great? All right, hey, doctor Wendy writes this person.
I've been dating a guy for a month and it's been amazing. Well,
of course it always is in the first month. Right, things are
moving nicely and we're definitely on the path to a relationship. I've been so
smitten with him, so many positive things about him and about us. The
one issue here we go, dah da da da. The one issue is
his best friend is a beautiful girl. He told me he tried to hook
up with her last year a couple of times and she said no. He
talks about her NonStop. They hang out daily, daily, and to me,
it feels like he's in love with her. She's generally nice to me.
He's going to continue to be your best friend. What do I do?
Look, I'm gonna tell you a story. So one time I dated
this guy for a very short time and he had a bunch of female friends,
which is fine, you can have female friends. But he was calling
them every day and hanging out with them more than he would seeing me.
In a way, and although I was his primary woman, because I was
a woman he was having sex with, right, it bothered me that he
had this harem. And here's why it wasn't that I was threatened. Now
in your case, he told you that he wants to have sex with her,
but he's been rejected by her, So there you go. She actually
is a sexual threat to the relationship. In this case, this guy didn't
have He wasn't having sex with any of these women. They weren't past girlfriends
or whatever. But he had emotional intimacy with them and he wasn't about to
change that, and he said he never would change that. So, in
other words, he would keep his romantic woman in one little pocket of his
life. But then he watered down the milk by having his emotional support all
these other women anyway, I dumped him. I let him go. So
this is gonna be a tough one for you. You might want to dump
him too. I mean, if he's talking about her non stop every day
and he's seeing her every day and he says he wants to sleep with her
but she rejected him, that's bothering me. I think you should dump them.
I'm sorry, I can I can say that. I'm like an old
auntie. I can just say it. Dump them. What a day?
All right, let's go to the phones. Who do we have? We
have Lisa with a question. Lisa. Hi, Lisa, it's doctor Wendy.
Hi. So I have a question about long distance stating, long distance
dating. Yeah, I've read lots of research on that and I've lived it.
What's your question? Thank goodness, because it's my first time, and
so we live in different states and we met on an app. But I
went and saw him for a weekend and we really hit it off and it
was great. But now you know, I came back home and it's how
often do you see them? And then how do you go about having these?
Because I didn't bring up the serious conversations because it was the first date
which ended up being a weekend. Right, But when you talk about core
values or what are your you know, and without making it seem like an
interview, but you only see each other maybe twice a month. Yeah,
so you don't talk about the core values as an interview, as a bunch
of questions. You do it by sharing your values and seeing if they reciprocate.
The research on long distance dating is that it tends to work only if
the couple become very emotionally intimate, in that they are facetiming and calling every
day and sometimes a few times a day, and they're sharing all the intimate
details of their life. If only if all they're doing is living between you
know, one trip and another trip where where it's a little compartment where it's
just a little honeymoon, like a wild weekend, and then you go back
to your busy life just dreaming about another wild weekend. Then you're not growing
anything, right, And so in order for a relationship to go somewhere,
you have to continue to build intimacy. And so that means sharing really personal
things about yourself and seeing if they reciprocate. I mean obviously having boundaries at
the beginning, start small and see if they reciprocate, see if they're also
opening up and if they're not, this is what it is. There are
plenty of people out there on dating apps. I hate to scare you,
Lisa, who are juggling a whole bunch of women and they fly them in
every weekend, a different one and they never get intimate or close with any
of them. And so I would work on the intimacy thing and also think
about the logical things like are you going to really move there? Are you
ready to move there? Is he ready to move there? I mean,
because what will happen is people get into a long distance relationship. They fall
madly in love with each other, they see each other regularly, but when
push comes to shove, nobody's really going to change their life for each other.
So I'm not necessarily a big fan as you're hearing of long distance love,
but you're welcome to try it. The research says, just stay intimate
is what it is. All right, Thanks for calling, Lisa, I
appreciate it. Let me jump back to social media and see what I got.
Dear doctor Wendy says, this person on Instagram. Can chemistry be a
trap? I feel the chemistry is so strong that I'm throwing all my standards
and boundaries out the window. Uh, it's called that drug called lust.
I feel like I'm headed into a storm of unmet needs and insecurities, but
the chemistry is so strong it feels dangerous. Okay. So my boyfriend Julio
used to his nickname for me is Ceo. He used to tell me that
I'm not romantic. But I'm not because when I allowed chemistry to lead me
into relationships, it led me into hell. So I'm telling you right now
that no one should ever fall in love. We should step forward into love
with our eyes open, our ears open, we should with great intention,
make a clear choice about what is right for us. And that means sometimes
when the chemistry is so much, walking away from it, going this I
can tell you even told me. You said throwing all your standards and boundaries
out the window. You said, walking into a storm of unmet needs and
insecurities. Yeah, it's happening to you. Already, turn a walk away,
step back from this person. This is not good for you. Okay.
When we come back, I'm going to continue to take your calls and
your social media questions. The numbers one eight hundred five two zero one KFI.
That's one eight hundred five two zero one five three four. You are
listening to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six forty one live everywhere
on the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Waalce. You can
always hear us live on KFI AM six forty from seven to nine pm on
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