WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.680 --> 00:00:04.160 This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI AM six forty, the 2 00:00:04.200 --> 00:00:09.279 Doctor Wendy wallsh Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app I Am six forty. 3 00:00:09.320 --> 00:00:13.240 You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy wall Show. 4 00:00:13.359 --> 00:00:19.320 Sit back because I am going to help you make sense of your love 5 00:00:19.359 --> 00:00:24.120 life. Well, actually I'm going to help you make sense of Resa Tisa's 6 00:00:24.199 --> 00:00:26.199 love life. And if you don't know who that is, hang on. 7 00:00:27.039 --> 00:00:29.839 If you're new to my show. I have a PhD in clinical psychology. 8 00:00:30.039 --> 00:00:34.159 I'm a psychology professor and I'm obsessed with the science of love. I've written 9 00:00:34.200 --> 00:00:37.600 three books on relationships, which, by the way, producer, Kayla, 10 00:00:37.640 --> 00:00:41.159 you here, follies, I just got the rights to my book, The 11 00:00:41.200 --> 00:00:44.359 Thirty Day Love Detoks back from whatever publisher it was, and I'm going to 12 00:00:44.399 --> 00:00:48.240 make an audiobook. Congratiulations and you have a beautiful voice. Let's let's get 13 00:00:48.240 --> 00:00:50.600 the studio book. And you know what Julio said on the way to work 14 00:00:50.640 --> 00:00:53.399 here tonight. I said, oh, I got a book, Kayla. 15 00:00:53.439 --> 00:00:56.439 I got to figure out how to record it and get it up on audible. 16 00:00:56.920 --> 00:00:59.920 And he said, you're going to use your voice or a reader. 17 00:01:00.119 --> 00:01:03.400 Of course I would use my voice. Holy is what I do for a 18 00:01:03.400 --> 00:01:07.359 living. Everyone loves your voice. And I wrote it in first person, 19 00:01:07.719 --> 00:01:11.519 so who can read it better than you? I mean Michelle Obama read her 20 00:01:11.599 --> 00:01:14.200 own book on audible. If we could get Michelle Obama, we should go 21 00:01:14.200 --> 00:01:19.319 with her. Yes, she might be better. You're so. On tonight's 22 00:01:19.319 --> 00:01:21.879 show, I do want to talk about Resa Tisa. If you don't know 23 00:01:21.920 --> 00:01:23.519 who she is, don't worry. I'm going to bring you up to speed. 24 00:01:25.239 --> 00:01:30.680 And also the Peacock Networks show Couple to Thropple how it's really nothing like 25 00:01:30.879 --> 00:01:34.359 real life poly couples and I will be taking your calls. And later in 26 00:01:34.359 --> 00:01:38.599 the show, I got a great author. He was a score Caleb. 27 00:01:38.640 --> 00:01:42.480 Thank you for getting him, Doctor Christopher Ryan, author of Sex at Dawn. 28 00:01:42.959 --> 00:01:46.280 If you have not read this book, it is going to be an 29 00:01:46.319 --> 00:01:49.599 eye opener. The subtitle is How We Mate, Why we Stray, and 30 00:01:49.640 --> 00:01:56.239 what it means for modern relationships. It's an eye opener. It's definitely an 31 00:01:56.239 --> 00:02:00.719 eye opener. Okay, So that's commonly first Resa Tisas. So I went 32 00:02:00.799 --> 00:02:05.000 this weekend to visit Julio's mom in Florida. It was such a delight because 33 00:02:05.000 --> 00:02:07.920 you know, my mom died when I was young. I don't know why. 34 00:02:07.000 --> 00:02:09.280 She just's such an idiot. I don't know why. She just got 35 00:02:09.280 --> 00:02:14.639 a breast cancer and just left. I don't know anyway, so I'm trying 36 00:02:14.639 --> 00:02:17.719 to be funny. It was painful, but I raised my kids with no 37 00:02:17.759 --> 00:02:22.599 grandma's and so when I go hang out in Florida with grandma's, my whole 38 00:02:23.479 --> 00:02:25.439 my heart is just swelling up. I'm just so in love with everybody. 39 00:02:25.520 --> 00:02:30.120 And we had the best time for a few days. So but I had 40 00:02:30.159 --> 00:02:35.120 two long plane rides and through Dallas and everything and layovers and whatever. And 41 00:02:35.199 --> 00:02:38.680 Kayla's been saying, you gotta watch Resa Tisa on TikTok. You gotta watch 42 00:02:38.759 --> 00:02:40.719 Resa Tisa on TikTok. And you know when Kayla's nagan need to do something, 43 00:02:40.759 --> 00:02:47.240 you know it's important. So this young woman started telling a story in 44 00:02:47.280 --> 00:02:53.280 a series of ten minute long TikTok videos. They're now fifty of them, 45 00:02:53.639 --> 00:02:57.960 part one all the way to part fifty, and she's telling a story about 46 00:02:58.840 --> 00:03:04.080 meeting a guy right before the pandemic quarantining with him, getting married to him, 47 00:03:04.639 --> 00:03:07.479 having a miscarriage with him and starting to find out that his story is 48 00:03:07.599 --> 00:03:12.639 really not matching matching who he is, and she became quite a sleuth and 49 00:03:12.680 --> 00:03:16.000 a detective and found out that she was living with somebody with a major personality 50 00:03:16.039 --> 00:03:20.520 disorder. Funny Julio brought up today. He goes, I said something about, 51 00:03:20.560 --> 00:03:23.199 well, you know, she seems really compassionate and she seems to understand 52 00:03:23.199 --> 00:03:24.240 that he has mental health issues. And he goes, yeah, but would 53 00:03:24.240 --> 00:03:28.159 you call that mental health issues? And I'm like, well, I don't 54 00:03:28.159 --> 00:03:32.599 know what his diagnosis is, whether it's you know, borderline or sociopath or 55 00:03:32.840 --> 00:03:37.159 what have you, but or just plain old, run of the mill narcissist. 56 00:03:38.000 --> 00:03:40.120 But all these are diagnoses, you know, so I call it under 57 00:03:40.120 --> 00:03:44.240 the whole umbrella of mental health. Doesn't mean you have to hang with them. 58 00:03:44.319 --> 00:03:50.800 By the way, so her videos now have three hundred million views. 59 00:03:51.120 --> 00:03:55.960 My take on it is that she had so much cognitive dissonance. Big words, 60 00:03:55.960 --> 00:04:01.199 they're cognitive dissonance. That's when you have two separate feelings at the same 61 00:04:01.240 --> 00:04:03.319 time in your head and you can't make sense to them what's right, what's 62 00:04:03.319 --> 00:04:08.879 wrong, And it's hard to hold two separate opinions or two separate feelings. 63 00:04:09.000 --> 00:04:12.599 I mean the feelings where she loved the guy and she was in love with 64 00:04:12.680 --> 00:04:15.600 hope and he said all the right things to make it be great. But 65 00:04:15.639 --> 00:04:19.600 then she's like, huh, he has two different social Security numbers. Ah, 66 00:04:19.879 --> 00:04:24.319 a little more research. He said he had an ex wife. Wait, 67 00:04:24.519 --> 00:04:27.199 two ex wives. Wait, he said his sisters. Wait, no 68 00:04:27.279 --> 00:04:30.639 sisters exist? Wait, who is the person on his mother's obituary? He 69 00:04:30.680 --> 00:04:35.199 didn't even mention that? And then she did a deep dive. Can you 70 00:04:35.240 --> 00:04:41.560 imagine she found out things like he was talking to family members all day long 71 00:04:41.680 --> 00:04:46.680 on the phone who didn't exist, Like he was literally talking to himself. 72 00:04:46.240 --> 00:04:49.759 All right. The reason why I want you to know about this is because 73 00:04:50.480 --> 00:04:58.480 Resa Tisa is about to go mainstream, because she's moved from the TikTok world 74 00:04:58.560 --> 00:05:01.879 into mainstream media. Gale King had her on the CBS Early Show. So 75 00:05:02.040 --> 00:05:06.360 here's a quick little rundown of what the story is. If you want to 76 00:05:06.360 --> 00:05:10.720 catch up, you can watch from one to fifty one by one. Resa 77 00:05:10.839 --> 00:05:15.120 Tisa not her real name on TikTok, or you can. It's very casual. 78 00:05:15.199 --> 00:05:16.720 She's, you know, sometimes doing her hair or makeup or just driving 79 00:05:16.759 --> 00:05:23.240 in her car. And so she met a guy who she calls Legion in 80 00:05:23.279 --> 00:05:27.319 March of twenty twenty, right before lockdown. She fell hard for him. 81 00:05:27.639 --> 00:05:30.319 And here's what he did. He very quickly, like their first date. 82 00:05:30.360 --> 00:05:33.360 She happened to get a flat tire on the way to meet him. She 83 00:05:33.399 --> 00:05:36.040 called him and said, sor, I'm going to be late. He shows 84 00:05:36.279 --> 00:05:41.720 up, changes the tire for her, takes her around the corner to a 85 00:05:41.759 --> 00:05:45.199 tire store, buys her a whole new tire, then takes her out to 86 00:05:45.240 --> 00:05:48.000 dinner her favorite restaurant, the Cheesecake Factory. It's filled with details about her 87 00:05:48.000 --> 00:05:51.680 life too, and they talk until midnight, and he talks about how he 88 00:05:51.720 --> 00:05:56.560 just wants to get married and have kids and playing right into it. So 89 00:05:57.240 --> 00:06:00.839 they also moved very fast. He moves they had to figure out to quarantine 90 00:06:00.879 --> 00:06:02.560 and they were all la la in love because they just met. So he 91 00:06:02.600 --> 00:06:06.439 moves into her place and he starts paying the rent and the utilities. So 92 00:06:06.480 --> 00:06:11.720 you see, it's not like he's crazy from the beginning, right, But 93 00:06:11.800 --> 00:06:15.319 what he did is he tested her with lies. He kept saying he had 94 00:06:15.319 --> 00:06:18.439 this money in an offshore account and he was going to pay all cash for 95 00:06:18.480 --> 00:06:24.240 a house for her, and they would have to hire realtors. Set He 96 00:06:24.319 --> 00:06:28.519 ordered a car for her that never showed up. None of the house things 97 00:06:28.600 --> 00:06:31.240 worked out. By the time she filed for divorce, Kayla was like a 98 00:06:31.319 --> 00:06:33.800 year later. Were they married like a year? Yeah? Not even the 99 00:06:33.839 --> 00:06:36.879 relationship maybe, but the marriage was only a couple months. Oh okay, 100 00:06:36.879 --> 00:06:41.360 but the relationship was like a year. She learned that he'd never lived in 101 00:06:41.360 --> 00:06:44.800 California, that he'd been divorced at least twice before marrying her. Through all 102 00:06:44.800 --> 00:06:48.319 these government records, she found that he had lied profusely to everybody, including 103 00:06:48.360 --> 00:06:53.079 his family, pretending to have siblings he didn't have. He lied about his 104 00:06:53.120 --> 00:06:56.959 money, his job. He said he was a VP at a big company. 105 00:06:57.000 --> 00:07:00.720 He was actually a forklift operator, not a real manager or vice president. 106 00:07:01.160 --> 00:07:05.759 The details keep coming. In an interview with talk show host tamer Hall, 107 00:07:06.079 --> 00:07:14.000 she refers to him this time legion as David, where's that sound? 108 00:07:14.399 --> 00:07:17.680 The one thing that I did not put in there. I hit on it, 109 00:07:17.720 --> 00:07:21.519 but I did not go in depth. The part for me that I 110 00:07:21.560 --> 00:07:27.240 don't talk about because I don't want to. I guess I don't want to 111 00:07:27.279 --> 00:07:29.480 be that vulnerable. I don't want someone to make fun of it. Is 112 00:07:29.519 --> 00:07:34.199 the fact that once I discovered that no, he's not a regional manager, 113 00:07:34.439 --> 00:07:39.720 he's not a VP of production or operations. He was just a regular employee, 114 00:07:40.160 --> 00:07:44.480 the domino started falling. And one of those dominoes was the realization that 115 00:07:45.240 --> 00:07:46.720 you did not have a business meeting. When I had to go to the 116 00:07:46.759 --> 00:07:54.480 hospital, you simply were not there. So when I was texting you and 117 00:07:54.680 --> 00:07:59.399 I was terrified, I'm texting you that I'm in pre op at Northside Hospital 118 00:07:59.399 --> 00:08:03.680 and I'm so scared because I just don't know what's going to happen, and 119 00:08:03.240 --> 00:08:07.360 David text me back. There came a moment where once I discovered all the 120 00:08:07.399 --> 00:08:13.959 lies, that I realized you really left me hanging when I needed you the 121 00:08:13.000 --> 00:08:20.120 most. Resa Tisa's interview will air on Tamer and Hall tomorrow Da Da Da 122 00:08:20.199 --> 00:08:24.120 Da at two pm Eastern. What's that eleven here? Or is it she 123 00:08:24.240 --> 00:08:28.959 two here? As well? She airs on local cable affiliates depending on what 124 00:08:30.040 --> 00:08:33.000 location we're in to look up tamer Hall because she scored the big, lengthy 125 00:08:33.120 --> 00:08:39.559 interview with Resa Tisa, so when we come back. Resa Tisa had certain 126 00:08:39.639 --> 00:08:46.679 personality traits that made her vulnerable to a sociopath. Not necessarily bad personality traits, 127 00:08:46.840 --> 00:08:50.360 some good ones. So when we come back, let's talk about what 128 00:08:50.480 --> 00:08:58.159 are these kinds of personality traits that women may have that make them a target 129 00:08:58.600 --> 00:09:01.440 to people like Leja. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on 130 00:09:01.559 --> 00:09:07.279 KFI AM six forty were live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to 131 00:09:07.559 --> 00:09:16.240 Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM six FORTYFI Am six forty. You 132 00:09:16.240 --> 00:09:18.639 have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Dr Wendy Walsh Show. 133 00:09:18.759 --> 00:09:22.120 I would like to welcome my TikTok audience. If you want to come on 134 00:09:22.159 --> 00:09:24.600 in the studio and see what we're doing over here, you welcome the log 135 00:09:24.639 --> 00:09:28.440 Onto TikTok. The handle is at Doctor Wendy Walsh. At the end of 136 00:09:28.480 --> 00:09:31.799 this segment, actually we have a couple of sigmas away. I will be 137 00:09:31.840 --> 00:09:35.159 taking your relationship calls. I'll give out the phone number. But right now, 138 00:09:35.159 --> 00:09:41.399 I still want to talk about Resa Tisa and the particular kinds of personality 139 00:09:41.440 --> 00:09:48.200 traits that she has, in my opinion, that many women have that make 140 00:09:48.279 --> 00:09:56.200 them particularly vulnerable to men who are manipulative, who may have narcissistic personality disorder, 141 00:09:56.399 --> 00:10:00.200 who may be some kind of sociopath, who believes the rules don't fall 142 00:10:00.240 --> 00:10:05.279 for them, don't apply to them. So many women keed in to what 143 00:10:05.440 --> 00:10:11.000 Reesa Tisa went through because they're all like, you know, there but for 144 00:10:11.039 --> 00:10:13.480 the grace of God, go I, oh my god, this could totally 145 00:10:13.519 --> 00:10:18.080 happen to anybody at any time. And it's true, it could. About 146 00:10:18.600 --> 00:10:24.840 roughly one in twenty five people is considered a sociopath. This according to Harvard 147 00:10:24.879 --> 00:10:31.440 psychologist doctor Martha Stout, who wrote the book The Sociopath next Door, And 148 00:10:33.039 --> 00:10:37.720 she says that sociopaths make up about twenty five percent of the prison population and 149 00:10:37.759 --> 00:10:43.799 they commit over twice as many aggressive acts as other criminals. But here's the 150 00:10:43.840 --> 00:10:50.600 thing. Not all sociopaths are in prison, and in fact, most sociopaths 151 00:10:52.039 --> 00:10:58.720 sail through life completely undiagnosed. Here's why, as long as they're functional enough 152 00:10:58.120 --> 00:11:01.840 to hold down some kind of job and basically support themselves. You know, 153 00:11:03.080 --> 00:11:09.240 something is only considered a mental health problem when you have you know, chronic 154 00:11:09.320 --> 00:11:13.360 relationship problems where you can't keep contact with can keep friends, family, et 155 00:11:13.360 --> 00:11:16.360 cetera. And this Legion guy had problems there for sure, but he always 156 00:11:16.440 --> 00:11:20.279 managed to find another woman to target. Or if you can't hold down a 157 00:11:20.360 --> 00:11:26.759 job and you can't support yourself, right, So there are plenty of people 158 00:11:26.759 --> 00:11:31.519 who I would call every day sociopaths walking around the world just manipulating people. 159 00:11:33.360 --> 00:11:39.480 They use three main tricks which are and Legion used these with Resa Tisa love 160 00:11:39.559 --> 00:11:46.360 bombing, crumb dropping, and testing them. So love bombing is the beginning, 161 00:11:46.519 --> 00:11:48.399 you know, when everything is great. Remember on the way to their 162 00:11:48.519 --> 00:11:52.799 very first date, she got a flat tire. He shows up, he 163 00:11:52.000 --> 00:11:56.039 changes the tire. She's all turned on by this, it's so manly. 164 00:11:56.360 --> 00:11:58.679 Then he insists she can't ride on this spare tire. They've got to go 165 00:11:58.720 --> 00:12:03.720 around corner to a tire store and he buys her a new tire, right, 166 00:12:03.159 --> 00:12:05.960 and then pays for dinner. You know, all this love bombing. 167 00:12:05.960 --> 00:12:09.720 When he moves in with her, he starts paying the rent and the utilities. 168 00:12:09.240 --> 00:12:15.919 This is all a form of grooming. And what they do is they 169 00:12:15.960 --> 00:12:22.519 start then crumb dropping right, hope, making her hope for more, giving 170 00:12:22.679 --> 00:12:26.639 just a little bit to keep her strung along. He showed her some bank 171 00:12:26.720 --> 00:12:30.720 balances. He pulled them up on his iPhone and they were substantial. I 172 00:12:30.720 --> 00:12:33.440 can't remember, but one of them had like ninety four hundred dollars and one 173 00:12:33.440 --> 00:12:37.320 had four thousand or something. I mean, we're not talking about poor poor 174 00:12:37.360 --> 00:12:41.519 man. But he said there's more coming because I have these offshore accounts I 175 00:12:41.519 --> 00:12:45.080 can't show you, but enough to buy you a house. Right, that's 176 00:12:45.159 --> 00:12:48.320 the bread crumbs. I'll show you a little bit of these crumbs. Come 177 00:12:48.320 --> 00:12:50.720 on, little girl, come on into my place. It's going to get 178 00:12:50.720 --> 00:12:58.480 wild. And then the testing, where there are little mistakes that happen, 179 00:12:58.159 --> 00:13:01.799 and for some reason it says that my life, by the way on TikTok 180 00:13:01.879 --> 00:13:05.759 just ended. I don't know why, but it's not going through as well 181 00:13:05.799 --> 00:13:11.120 as it should. Must be our connection here. Testing is when they do 182 00:13:11.159 --> 00:13:16.960 little things to see if you will protest. Right, if you've been following 183 00:13:16.000 --> 00:13:20.720 my TikTok for many years, you know that. I Look, I didn't 184 00:13:20.720 --> 00:13:24.320 come to this place just by reading textbooks. I came to this place because 185 00:13:24.440 --> 00:13:28.679 I have suffered everything financial abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse. It was 186 00:13:28.759 --> 00:13:33.000 only did I go to the textbooks to try to make sense of love in 187 00:13:33.039 --> 00:13:37.200 my thirties because I was in so much pain and so many dysfunctional relationships. 188 00:13:37.639 --> 00:13:41.919 So one guy I was with for way too long tested me at the beginning. 189 00:13:41.879 --> 00:13:43.840 I had to go on a business trip, and he said, oh, 190 00:13:43.840 --> 00:13:46.799 well, I'll buy a ticket and join you. And it was actually 191 00:13:46.840 --> 00:13:50.639 had a nice resort, so that's fun, right, And so we went 192 00:13:50.759 --> 00:13:54.919 on this trip and as I was checking out of the hotel, because it 193 00:13:54.960 --> 00:13:58.919 was paid for by my you know, the people that you know, the 194 00:14:00.000 --> 00:14:03.080 company I was working for, I had to leave my own credit card on 195 00:14:03.159 --> 00:14:05.799 for incidentals. And as I was checking out, they hand me the credit 196 00:14:05.799 --> 00:14:11.440 card bill and there's a fee for two shirts like polo shirts bought at the 197 00:14:11.519 --> 00:14:15.200 pro shop. And I said, I didn't buy two shirts, and they 198 00:14:15.240 --> 00:14:16.960 said, well, let's pull up the receipt. They pull up the receipt 199 00:14:18.559 --> 00:14:24.879 and turns out there's his signature. Right now, we're in the throes of 200 00:14:24.960 --> 00:14:28.320 just meeting madly in love. Everything great, and all of a sudden, 201 00:14:30.000 --> 00:14:31.840 what do I do? Go break it up? He's standing out at the 202 00:14:33.159 --> 00:14:35.039 waiting for the shuttle to go to the airport. I'll get the bags, 203 00:14:35.080 --> 00:14:35.720 honey, he'll take them out and I'll get him on the shuttle. You 204 00:14:35.720 --> 00:14:39.559 can meet me over there. He's being all sweet. Do I storm out 205 00:14:39.559 --> 00:14:41.200 there and go, hey, you owe me the money for those two shirts 206 00:14:41.200 --> 00:14:46.679 you signed the hotel room. No? I didn't. Then later, when 207 00:14:46.759 --> 00:14:50.600 we were living together, my assistant at the time said to me, you 208 00:14:50.600 --> 00:14:54.559 know your FedEx bills are really high. I think he's using your FedEx number 209 00:14:54.559 --> 00:14:58.840 when he's sending stuff. Again, Do I go make a big cause. 210 00:15:00.840 --> 00:15:05.120 No, it's the little things that turn into the big things. I won't 211 00:15:05.120 --> 00:15:09.559 tell you how much money he stole from me years later. So why is 212 00:15:09.639 --> 00:15:18.360 it that there are certain kinds of women who are particularly vulnerable to being really 213 00:15:18.519 --> 00:15:22.759 targeted by these kinds of narcissists and those sociopaths. I'll tell you the first 214 00:15:22.759 --> 00:15:28.320 thing. They tend to be very moral women. They have a very clear 215 00:15:28.480 --> 00:15:33.200 sense of right and wrong. Now you would think that if they see something 216 00:15:33.240 --> 00:15:35.080 a little bit wrong, they're going to jump all over the person, But 217 00:15:35.159 --> 00:15:43.120 they also have trouble imagining that somebody else can be so immoral. That's the 218 00:15:43.120 --> 00:15:48.039 first thing. Narcissists love to target really moral women. When we come back, 219 00:15:48.080 --> 00:15:52.799 I've got a few more personality traits for you. So that you can 220 00:15:52.879 --> 00:15:56.120 keep yourself safe if you turn out to be one of these women or sometimes 221 00:15:56.159 --> 00:15:58.759 men. There are narcissistic women that target men, but it's far more often 222 00:15:58.759 --> 00:16:02.399 more sociopaths are men. Sorry to say, it's just the data. We 223 00:16:02.480 --> 00:16:04.159 love you, the good guys, We really do. When we come back, 224 00:16:04.200 --> 00:16:10.639 let me talk about more ways that personality types that reesa TISA might hold, 225 00:16:10.639 --> 00:16:12.879 that many of us hold that could make us vulnerable to a narcissist or 226 00:16:12.879 --> 00:16:17.919 a sociopath. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Well's Show on KFI AM six 227 00:16:18.080 --> 00:16:22.519 forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy 228 00:16:22.559 --> 00:16:30.360 Walsh on demand from KFI AM six forty. KFI AM six forty you have 229 00:16:30.399 --> 00:16:33.320 Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Wells Show. Like 230 00:16:33.360 --> 00:16:34.919 to welcome my Instagram audience. Hey, everybody good to see. If you 231 00:16:34.919 --> 00:16:40.279 want to come in the studio, you can come on to Instagram at Dr 232 00:16:40.320 --> 00:16:42.720 Wendy Walsh is the handle. By the way. After this, I'm going 233 00:16:42.759 --> 00:16:45.279 to be taking your calls. I'll give out the number now and i'll give 234 00:16:45.279 --> 00:16:48.879 it out at the end of the segment one eight hundred and five two zero 235 00:16:48.039 --> 00:16:52.879 one KFI. That's one eight hundred five two zero one five three four. 236 00:16:52.919 --> 00:16:56.279 But let me continue. We're talking about Resa Tisa, the brave young woman 237 00:16:56.519 --> 00:17:00.919 who had eight hours of discourse on TikTok, talking about her nearly one year 238 00:17:02.000 --> 00:17:07.119 relationship of marriage and divorce and pregnancy and miscarriage with a guy who didn't turn 239 00:17:07.160 --> 00:17:11.920 out to be anybody that he said he was. It was filled with lies. 240 00:17:11.200 --> 00:17:17.759 Now, there's a certain kind of personality or personality traits that some women 241 00:17:17.880 --> 00:17:22.440 possess that make them more vulnerable, make them targets of men like this, 242 00:17:22.559 --> 00:17:27.960 whether they're narcissists, sociopaths, whatever I mentioned earlier. Women with high morals, 243 00:17:29.640 --> 00:17:33.559 women with high morals, of a very sense for themselves of what's right 244 00:17:33.640 --> 00:17:38.319 and what's wrong, are easy targets for narcissists. You know why, because 245 00:17:38.440 --> 00:17:44.720 high moral women can't imagine that their partner could be so immoral. They're not 246 00:17:44.880 --> 00:17:52.319 being so suspicious. They trust the good in all and women are socialized to 247 00:17:52.480 --> 00:17:56.319 give the benefit of the doubt. You know, when I was a kid, 248 00:17:57.519 --> 00:18:00.559 terrible story we were saying in a hotel we were about to move out 249 00:18:00.559 --> 00:18:03.920 of town. So we were staying in a hotel while our furniture left, 250 00:18:03.960 --> 00:18:07.519 and I was in the lobby with my little brother. I was nine, 251 00:18:07.599 --> 00:18:10.960 he was seven. We're talking with these two men in the lobby and then 252 00:18:11.000 --> 00:18:15.240 one of them left and came back and pulled up with a red convertible car. 253 00:18:15.799 --> 00:18:17.880 His other friend said, hey, kids, you want to go for 254 00:18:17.920 --> 00:18:23.200 a ride in a convertible car? And I said no because my inner gut 255 00:18:23.400 --> 00:18:26.599 said this is not a safe thing. Of course, my little brother's like, 256 00:18:26.680 --> 00:18:27.359 yeah, let's do it. I'm like no, no, no. 257 00:18:27.920 --> 00:18:30.559 We ran back to the hotel room where my mom was putting on lipstick, 258 00:18:30.559 --> 00:18:33.880 getting ready for dinner or something, and I told her mom, we almost 259 00:18:33.880 --> 00:18:37.920 got kidnapped. Two men tried to get us into their car, and you 260 00:18:37.960 --> 00:18:41.240 know what she said, Now, don't always think the worst in people, 261 00:18:41.240 --> 00:18:45.279 honey, They could have been very nice people. I know. This is 262 00:18:45.400 --> 00:18:52.039 how we socialize, is particularly girls, to not listen to their sixth sense. 263 00:18:52.400 --> 00:18:56.200 Okay, not only moral women are easy targets for narcissists, but also 264 00:18:56.559 --> 00:19:02.000 faith based women. You know why, because they've been taught to thrive on 265 00:19:02.119 --> 00:19:06.000 hope. In order to have a belief in God, you need to imagine 266 00:19:06.240 --> 00:19:11.400 and truly believe things that are unbelievable. That's what faith is all about. 267 00:19:11.759 --> 00:19:12.920 So if you can have faith in God, you can have faith in your 268 00:19:12.920 --> 00:19:21.880 man and his lies. And sociopaths exploit this also when things are getting really 269 00:19:21.960 --> 00:19:26.720 rough, whence narcissists start treating women badly. If they're faith based, they 270 00:19:26.720 --> 00:19:30.119 come from a place of it's okay, if they're suffering in this life, 271 00:19:30.599 --> 00:19:33.480 then everything will be better later, so they're really in love with hope and 272 00:19:33.519 --> 00:19:42.200 the future. The other thing is that women who are very compassionate and empathetic 273 00:19:42.640 --> 00:19:48.079 are actually big targets because they fall easily for the victim thing. If you 274 00:19:48.200 --> 00:19:53.039 follow the Resa Tisa thing. Eventually he had this knee or injury. We 275 00:19:53.039 --> 00:19:56.640 don't even know if it's true anymore, and he was in bed disabled. 276 00:19:56.960 --> 00:20:00.279 I mean, it was like the movie Misery, except you put in self 277 00:20:00.319 --> 00:20:03.799 there and he's in her house and now she's paying for everything, and so 278 00:20:03.960 --> 00:20:10.160 she of course is going to put his needs above hers. And of course 279 00:20:10.880 --> 00:20:17.039 predators gravitate towards smart, successful woman women. This woman had a career job, 280 00:20:17.119 --> 00:20:18.079 she was thirty five years old, she had a car, she had 281 00:20:18.079 --> 00:20:21.319 a town house, she you know, these are the kind of guys. 282 00:20:21.359 --> 00:20:25.440 I'm like, if you're gonna manipulate somebody, you're gonna pick somebody where there's 283 00:20:25.440 --> 00:20:30.039 some goods to get right. And it's so true that women are taught not 284 00:20:30.359 --> 00:20:36.440 to listen to their inner voice that says something's not right. This is never 285 00:20:36.920 --> 00:20:40.839 to blame Resa Tisa. There's a bit of Resa Tisa in all of us. 286 00:20:41.160 --> 00:20:44.759 That's why we all watched, That's why we found it amazing. So 287 00:20:44.839 --> 00:20:49.039 what are the solutions. How do you prevent being targeted by somebody who could 288 00:20:49.079 --> 00:20:53.319 deeply hurt you? Move slowly. These people are faced with the pandemic. 289 00:20:53.440 --> 00:20:56.640 So so Resa Tisa and Legion moved in together. They had to decide where 290 00:20:56.680 --> 00:21:02.160 to quarantine. So he moved right into her house. Meet their people. 291 00:21:02.720 --> 00:21:04.640 She should have gone to his work to see what he really did. She 292 00:21:04.680 --> 00:21:07.240 should have met his And I'm not blaming her, not blaming her, just 293 00:21:07.279 --> 00:21:11.400 saying, go and meet the people. I know it was quarantine. There 294 00:21:11.400 --> 00:21:14.359 were no people to meet at the time. It's a very specific situation. 295 00:21:15.480 --> 00:21:18.880 Meet their people and pay attention to the small stuff. I remember going on 296 00:21:18.920 --> 00:21:19.920 a date with a guy one time and he said, oh, we're going 297 00:21:19.960 --> 00:21:22.920 to go at this bar. We're going to run into some people I work 298 00:21:22.000 --> 00:21:26.240 with, and I noticed that there were small little things like they didn't like 299 00:21:26.319 --> 00:21:30.240 him. I could tell they just didn't like him that much, and they 300 00:21:30.279 --> 00:21:33.960 had good social graces. But I was like, something's off here, right. 301 00:21:33.720 --> 00:21:40.039 Also, have them meet your people, because when you're not deluded with 302 00:21:40.119 --> 00:21:44.200 the neural cocktail of wonderful neural hormones of love and lust, other people can 303 00:21:44.240 --> 00:21:48.240 make better decisions for you. So have them meet your friends and family and 304 00:21:48.039 --> 00:21:53.759 question promises. Don't fall in love with hope. Look for real actions, 305 00:21:55.359 --> 00:21:59.480 not words. Look behind the words. Okay, when we come back, 306 00:22:00.039 --> 00:22:03.000 psychology professor, not a therapist, but I do love to weigh in on 307 00:22:03.039 --> 00:22:04.880 your love lives. Give me a call. The numbers one eight hundred five 308 00:22:04.960 --> 00:22:10.160 to zero one KFI. That's one eight hundred five two zero one five three 309 00:22:10.279 --> 00:22:14.920 four. Producer Kayla's going to answer the phone soon. You are listening to 310 00:22:14.960 --> 00:22:18.440 the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show live on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere 311 00:22:18.559 --> 00:22:25.400 on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 312 00:22:25.480 --> 00:22:29.200 AM six forty KFI am six forty. You have doctor Wendy Walsh with you. 313 00:22:29.279 --> 00:22:30.759 This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show, and I'm taking your calls. 314 00:22:30.880 --> 00:22:34.279 Just a reminder, I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor and I'm 315 00:22:34.319 --> 00:22:40.240 a woman of experience. I have some doctor Wendy wisdom that I would love 316 00:22:40.279 --> 00:22:42.519 to lay on you. So if you have a relationship question, allow me 317 00:22:42.880 --> 00:22:47.720 to weigh in the numbers. One eight hundred five to zero one kfi. 318 00:22:48.079 --> 00:22:51.799 That's one eight hundred five two zero one five three four. Okay, Producer 319 00:22:51.839 --> 00:22:53.200 Kayla, who do we have? First? We have Bree with the question 320 00:22:53.359 --> 00:22:59.079 free. Hi Brie, it's Dr Wendy. Hi, Doctor Wendy, thank 321 00:22:59.119 --> 00:23:03.400 you for taking my I listen to you every week. Oh thank you. 322 00:23:03.440 --> 00:23:06.200 I'm glad you're a regular listener. Makes me feel good. So what's your 323 00:23:06.240 --> 00:23:12.480 question? Love, I'm thirty two, and I always pick the wrong guy, 324 00:23:12.720 --> 00:23:18.960 like you got a bad picker? Yeah, And my mom passed away 325 00:23:18.039 --> 00:23:22.119 a few years ago, and so and my dad passed away too, So 326 00:23:22.119 --> 00:23:27.400 I don't really have family to introduce guys to you anymore. And so I've 327 00:23:27.440 --> 00:23:33.640 just kind of been by myself, and I don't trust myself to pick the 328 00:23:33.720 --> 00:23:37.759 wrong to pick the right guy exactly. I attempted to go home like one 329 00:23:37.839 --> 00:23:41.279 day and then it was just awful, and I really thought that he was 330 00:23:41.279 --> 00:23:45.839 a nice guy. So obviously I'm doing something wrong. Okay, So, 331 00:23:45.920 --> 00:23:47.960 Brie, when you say one date, I got to tell you this, 332 00:23:48.079 --> 00:23:49.839 it's a numbers game. I want you to go out on lots and lots 333 00:23:49.880 --> 00:23:52.480 of dates with lots and lots of people, so you have something to compare 334 00:23:52.519 --> 00:23:55.599 it with. That's the first thing. So you can play around with your 335 00:23:55.599 --> 00:23:57.920 picker. Move very slowly. You don't need to kiss anybody, you don't 336 00:23:57.920 --> 00:24:03.400 need to have sex with anybody. And I'm hoping you have friends and social 337 00:24:03.480 --> 00:24:07.440 support and you can invite these people to group dates or events that you get 338 00:24:07.440 --> 00:24:11.039 invited to. That's how you do it, and do it after like the 339 00:24:11.079 --> 00:24:12.440 third date, just like, Hey, friends of mine are getting together at 340 00:24:12.440 --> 00:24:15.599 so and so you want to come, you know, and keep it real 341 00:24:15.680 --> 00:24:21.000 casual. I also highly suggest if you are finding that you're picking the same 342 00:24:21.119 --> 00:24:25.400 kind of bad person, wrong person, inappropriate person over and over they just 343 00:24:25.720 --> 00:24:30.559 have different clothes and drive a different car, then I really encourage you to 344 00:24:30.599 --> 00:24:33.880 have a wingman in the form of a licensed therapist. You know, if 345 00:24:33.880 --> 00:24:36.839 you go to therapy, you can find out why it is that you got 346 00:24:36.880 --> 00:24:41.160 to that point of picking people who will hurt you instead of people who will 347 00:24:41.200 --> 00:24:44.799 love you, and then you can provide feedback. You can go to the 348 00:24:44.839 --> 00:24:45.880 next week to therapy and say, Okay, so I had a date with 349 00:24:45.880 --> 00:24:49.759 this guy in hair's how this went right? And it's like having a parent 350 00:24:51.200 --> 00:24:53.720 with you on your dates in your head. So I highly suggest that Brienna, 351 00:24:55.039 --> 00:24:57.799 I know how hard it is, but I also know that you are 352 00:24:57.880 --> 00:25:03.319 lovable and love it in the cards for everybody. Relationships are about skill, 353 00:25:03.640 --> 00:25:06.799 not luck, and you can gain those skills. Thank you for calling. 354 00:25:07.279 --> 00:25:10.039 All right, producer Kayla, who do we have next? We have Luyne 355 00:25:10.599 --> 00:25:15.079 Lunne. Hi, Luenne. It's doctor Wendy. Hi, doctor Wendy. 356 00:25:15.079 --> 00:25:19.160 I'm a big fan. Oh thank you. I'm I'm a lady of a 357 00:25:19.200 --> 00:25:26.440 certain age too, like you've made too. I'm remarried to what I think 358 00:25:26.599 --> 00:25:32.839 is a really nice guy for two years. Oh good well. I noticed 359 00:25:33.079 --> 00:25:38.319 every four, four or five months he has these temper outbursts. He'll go 360 00:25:38.359 --> 00:25:45.000 from zero to sixty in like three seconds. And today he threw a phone, 361 00:25:45.119 --> 00:25:52.640 and he threw his keys and he shoved me. It's over. He 362 00:25:52.319 --> 00:25:57.319 like gently shoved me, and it's over. Nothing, Okay, nothing, 363 00:25:57.480 --> 00:26:02.839 So Luyne, this is really important. I want you to listen very carefully. 364 00:26:03.640 --> 00:26:10.640 The statistics show that if people break things, if people throw things when 365 00:26:10.680 --> 00:26:15.839 they have unmanageable anger, if they have temper tantrums as you're describing that come 366 00:26:15.880 --> 00:26:19.680 out of nowhere, and now if he physically pushed you, we are into 367 00:26:19.680 --> 00:26:25.319 the realm of domestic violence. I want you to reach out to the National 368 00:26:25.359 --> 00:26:30.440 Domestic Violence Hotline. You can find them online, call the phone number. 369 00:26:30.480 --> 00:26:34.359 They have literally well trained people standing by to help guide you through this, 370 00:26:34.799 --> 00:26:40.039 because Luanne, there's a chance this is going to get worse, and I 371 00:26:40.079 --> 00:26:45.000 don't want to see you hurt. I am speaking as a survivor of domestic 372 00:26:45.079 --> 00:26:51.680 violence. I am somebody who understands the confusion when you love somebody, when 373 00:26:51.960 --> 00:26:55.720 you know you're so excited at this age to finally meet the love of your 374 00:26:55.759 --> 00:26:59.480 life, and all your friends are supportive, but you've got to put all 375 00:26:59.519 --> 00:27:04.079 that aside and think about your safety because this sounds very dangerous. So please, 376 00:27:04.160 --> 00:27:08.559 Luan, reach out to the National Domestic Violence hotline. They will give 377 00:27:08.640 --> 00:27:15.079 you resources, places to call in your zip code so that you can get 378 00:27:15.079 --> 00:27:18.640 the help and support you need. I'm so sorry this happened, but take 379 00:27:18.119 --> 00:27:23.400 this seriously. Oh yeah, yeah, it breaks my heart. Breaks my 380 00:27:23.480 --> 00:27:26.039 heart. Okay, producer, Kayla, who do we have next? We 381 00:27:26.119 --> 00:27:30.359 have Monica with a question. Monica. Hi, Monica, it's doctor Wendy. 382 00:27:32.480 --> 00:27:36.839 Hi. I have a question for you. So I met this amazing 383 00:27:37.000 --> 00:27:41.640 man online and we've been dating for about a year and a half. And 384 00:27:44.400 --> 00:27:48.559 my family, my friends love him the adorance. But I haven't met anybody 385 00:27:48.599 --> 00:27:53.000 in his family. Oh no, right, that's a giant red flag. 386 00:27:53.279 --> 00:27:59.160 Now do they all live somewhere far away? No? Not really. I 387 00:27:59.160 --> 00:28:03.160 mean we try. We travel so it's accessible. It's not something that's too 388 00:28:03.200 --> 00:28:07.599 far out of reach. But I've met a couple of his friends and we 389 00:28:07.720 --> 00:28:11.039 get along really well. That Yeah, I just don't know what to do 390 00:28:11.119 --> 00:28:15.000 with this. I'm a little insecure that you should be a lot insecure about 391 00:28:15.000 --> 00:28:18.400 it. This is a giant red flag. You know. We've been talking 392 00:28:18.440 --> 00:28:22.839 earlier about Reesa Tisa, and she says in her videos, there were so 393 00:28:22.920 --> 00:28:26.799 many red flags in my relationship that you would think I was colorblind. So 394 00:28:26.880 --> 00:28:29.680 I'm going to tell you, Monica right now, if you go out with 395 00:28:29.720 --> 00:28:32.920 somebody for a year and a half and he's met all your family of friends 396 00:28:33.000 --> 00:28:38.599 and you've met none of his, he's hiding something. He's hiding something that 397 00:28:38.680 --> 00:28:42.960 you need to see. So I think it's okay. See and the women 398 00:28:44.000 --> 00:28:45.200 are afraid to be, like, well, you need to show me, 399 00:28:45.240 --> 00:28:48.680 and I need to be because they're afraid, oh, he'll disappear. If 400 00:28:48.759 --> 00:28:56.680 your fear of abandonment is bigger, then you know your willingness to demand, 401 00:28:57.119 --> 00:29:03.680 to insist that you meet his family, then you run the risk of being 402 00:29:04.079 --> 00:29:11.799 really deeply mistreated and targeted by a dangerous person. So Monica, be strong, 403 00:29:11.079 --> 00:29:15.839 be serious. You go tell him, doctor Wendy says. Doctor Wendy 404 00:29:15.880 --> 00:29:18.599 says, this isn't normal. That's what I want to say. Doctor Wendy 405 00:29:18.599 --> 00:29:22.799 says, this isn't normal. I need to be meeting your friends and family, 406 00:29:22.079 --> 00:29:26.039 and he's gonna believe me. He's gonna tell you millions. You don't 407 00:29:26.039 --> 00:29:27.359 want to meet them anyway. I haven't even talked to him in years because 408 00:29:27.359 --> 00:29:33.680 there's you're gonna hear all the stories. But if he gives you a reason 409 00:29:33.119 --> 00:29:40.519 why you can't meet them. It's because he's hiding something. I guarantee he's 410 00:29:40.640 --> 00:29:45.799 hiding something, Monica, I want you to be strong with him. Oh 411 00:29:45.880 --> 00:29:48.839 my gosh, I'm like the old Auntie going you need to be strong. 412 00:29:49.319 --> 00:29:52.759 Hey, if you want to call it the numbers one eight hundred five to 413 00:29:52.960 --> 00:29:56.000 zero one k five. That's one eight hundred five two zero one five three 414 00:29:56.079 --> 00:30:00.920 four. You can also go to my social media and leave a DM for 415 00:30:00.039 --> 00:30:03.640 me. Do I have time to go to social for a bit? Okay, 416 00:30:03.640 --> 00:30:07.519 okay, great? All right, hey, doctor Wendy writes this person. 417 00:30:08.359 --> 00:30:11.960 I've been dating a guy for a month and it's been amazing. Well, 418 00:30:11.960 --> 00:30:15.000 of course it always is in the first month. Right, things are 419 00:30:15.000 --> 00:30:18.279 moving nicely and we're definitely on the path to a relationship. I've been so 420 00:30:18.640 --> 00:30:22.240 smitten with him, so many positive things about him and about us. The 421 00:30:22.279 --> 00:30:26.359 one issue here we go, dah da da da. The one issue is 422 00:30:26.440 --> 00:30:32.680 his best friend is a beautiful girl. He told me he tried to hook 423 00:30:32.759 --> 00:30:37.839 up with her last year a couple of times and she said no. He 424 00:30:37.920 --> 00:30:41.480 talks about her NonStop. They hang out daily, daily, and to me, 425 00:30:41.559 --> 00:30:45.440 it feels like he's in love with her. She's generally nice to me. 426 00:30:47.599 --> 00:30:49.359 He's going to continue to be your best friend. What do I do? 427 00:30:49.880 --> 00:30:52.920 Look, I'm gonna tell you a story. So one time I dated 428 00:30:52.920 --> 00:30:56.319 this guy for a very short time and he had a bunch of female friends, 429 00:30:56.359 --> 00:31:00.440 which is fine, you can have female friends. But he was calling 430 00:31:00.480 --> 00:31:03.680 them every day and hanging out with them more than he would seeing me. 431 00:31:03.720 --> 00:31:07.440 In a way, and although I was his primary woman, because I was 432 00:31:07.480 --> 00:31:11.880 a woman he was having sex with, right, it bothered me that he 433 00:31:11.960 --> 00:31:15.079 had this harem. And here's why it wasn't that I was threatened. Now 434 00:31:15.119 --> 00:31:18.720 in your case, he told you that he wants to have sex with her, 435 00:31:18.960 --> 00:31:22.319 but he's been rejected by her, So there you go. She actually 436 00:31:22.519 --> 00:31:26.000 is a sexual threat to the relationship. In this case, this guy didn't 437 00:31:26.079 --> 00:31:30.640 have He wasn't having sex with any of these women. They weren't past girlfriends 438 00:31:30.720 --> 00:31:36.440 or whatever. But he had emotional intimacy with them and he wasn't about to 439 00:31:36.559 --> 00:31:38.920 change that, and he said he never would change that. So, in 440 00:31:38.960 --> 00:31:42.519 other words, he would keep his romantic woman in one little pocket of his 441 00:31:42.559 --> 00:31:48.039 life. But then he watered down the milk by having his emotional support all 442 00:31:48.079 --> 00:31:52.119 these other women anyway, I dumped him. I let him go. So 443 00:31:53.480 --> 00:31:56.160 this is gonna be a tough one for you. You might want to dump 444 00:31:56.240 --> 00:32:00.000 him too. I mean, if he's talking about her non stop every day 445 00:32:00.039 --> 00:32:02.079 and he's seeing her every day and he says he wants to sleep with her 446 00:32:02.079 --> 00:32:06.799 but she rejected him, that's bothering me. I think you should dump them. 447 00:32:06.799 --> 00:32:07.920 I'm sorry, I can I can say that. I'm like an old 448 00:32:07.960 --> 00:32:10.839 auntie. I can just say it. Dump them. What a day? 449 00:32:12.039 --> 00:32:13.759 All right, let's go to the phones. Who do we have? We 450 00:32:13.799 --> 00:32:16.119 have Lisa with a question. Lisa. Hi, Lisa, it's doctor Wendy. 451 00:32:17.440 --> 00:32:22.319 Hi. So I have a question about long distance stating, long distance 452 00:32:22.440 --> 00:32:25.480 dating. Yeah, I've read lots of research on that and I've lived it. 453 00:32:25.519 --> 00:32:29.680 What's your question? Thank goodness, because it's my first time, and 454 00:32:29.759 --> 00:32:35.440 so we live in different states and we met on an app. But I 455 00:32:35.559 --> 00:32:38.480 went and saw him for a weekend and we really hit it off and it 456 00:32:38.599 --> 00:32:44.680 was great. But now you know, I came back home and it's how 457 00:32:44.720 --> 00:32:47.079 often do you see them? And then how do you go about having these? 458 00:32:47.119 --> 00:32:51.559 Because I didn't bring up the serious conversations because it was the first date 459 00:32:51.559 --> 00:32:53.880 which ended up being a weekend. Right, But when you talk about core 460 00:32:53.960 --> 00:32:58.440 values or what are your you know, and without making it seem like an 461 00:32:58.440 --> 00:33:01.960 interview, but you only see each other maybe twice a month. Yeah, 462 00:33:01.960 --> 00:33:06.200 so you don't talk about the core values as an interview, as a bunch 463 00:33:06.240 --> 00:33:09.559 of questions. You do it by sharing your values and seeing if they reciprocate. 464 00:33:10.279 --> 00:33:15.319 The research on long distance dating is that it tends to work only if 465 00:33:15.359 --> 00:33:21.400 the couple become very emotionally intimate, in that they are facetiming and calling every 466 00:33:21.480 --> 00:33:24.279 day and sometimes a few times a day, and they're sharing all the intimate 467 00:33:24.319 --> 00:33:30.400 details of their life. If only if all they're doing is living between you 468 00:33:30.440 --> 00:33:35.920 know, one trip and another trip where where it's a little compartment where it's 469 00:33:35.920 --> 00:33:38.880 just a little honeymoon, like a wild weekend, and then you go back 470 00:33:38.880 --> 00:33:44.200 to your busy life just dreaming about another wild weekend. Then you're not growing 471 00:33:44.240 --> 00:33:47.279 anything, right, And so in order for a relationship to go somewhere, 472 00:33:47.599 --> 00:33:54.240 you have to continue to build intimacy. And so that means sharing really personal 473 00:33:54.279 --> 00:33:58.920 things about yourself and seeing if they reciprocate. I mean obviously having boundaries at 474 00:33:58.920 --> 00:34:02.599 the beginning, start small and see if they reciprocate, see if they're also 475 00:34:02.759 --> 00:34:07.440 opening up and if they're not, this is what it is. There are 476 00:34:07.519 --> 00:34:09.639 plenty of people out there on dating apps. I hate to scare you, 477 00:34:09.719 --> 00:34:15.719 Lisa, who are juggling a whole bunch of women and they fly them in 478 00:34:15.800 --> 00:34:20.559 every weekend, a different one and they never get intimate or close with any 479 00:34:20.599 --> 00:34:23.119 of them. And so I would work on the intimacy thing and also think 480 00:34:23.119 --> 00:34:28.679 about the logical things like are you going to really move there? Are you 481 00:34:28.719 --> 00:34:30.199 ready to move there? Is he ready to move there? I mean, 482 00:34:30.199 --> 00:34:35.639 because what will happen is people get into a long distance relationship. They fall 483 00:34:35.679 --> 00:34:37.400 madly in love with each other, they see each other regularly, but when 484 00:34:37.440 --> 00:34:42.880 push comes to shove, nobody's really going to change their life for each other. 485 00:34:43.199 --> 00:34:45.920 So I'm not necessarily a big fan as you're hearing of long distance love, 486 00:34:47.280 --> 00:34:51.920 but you're welcome to try it. The research says, just stay intimate 487 00:34:52.159 --> 00:34:54.360 is what it is. All right, Thanks for calling, Lisa, I 488 00:34:54.360 --> 00:34:57.880 appreciate it. Let me jump back to social media and see what I got. 489 00:34:58.800 --> 00:35:04.280 Dear doctor Wendy says, this person on Instagram. Can chemistry be a 490 00:35:04.320 --> 00:35:08.480 trap? I feel the chemistry is so strong that I'm throwing all my standards 491 00:35:08.519 --> 00:35:14.960 and boundaries out the window. Uh, it's called that drug called lust. 492 00:35:15.519 --> 00:35:21.320 I feel like I'm headed into a storm of unmet needs and insecurities, but 493 00:35:21.360 --> 00:35:28.559 the chemistry is so strong it feels dangerous. Okay. So my boyfriend Julio 494 00:35:28.639 --> 00:35:31.119 used to his nickname for me is Ceo. He used to tell me that 495 00:35:31.199 --> 00:35:37.639 I'm not romantic. But I'm not because when I allowed chemistry to lead me 496 00:35:38.000 --> 00:35:43.960 into relationships, it led me into hell. So I'm telling you right now 497 00:35:44.440 --> 00:35:52.119 that no one should ever fall in love. We should step forward into love 498 00:35:52.559 --> 00:35:59.480 with our eyes open, our ears open, we should with great intention, 499 00:36:00.199 --> 00:36:06.880 make a clear choice about what is right for us. And that means sometimes 500 00:36:06.880 --> 00:36:10.920 when the chemistry is so much, walking away from it, going this I 501 00:36:10.960 --> 00:36:16.440 can tell you even told me. You said throwing all your standards and boundaries 502 00:36:16.480 --> 00:36:22.039 out the window. You said, walking into a storm of unmet needs and 503 00:36:22.119 --> 00:36:25.599 insecurities. Yeah, it's happening to you. Already, turn a walk away, 504 00:36:27.519 --> 00:36:31.559 step back from this person. This is not good for you. Okay. 505 00:36:31.559 --> 00:36:34.639 When we come back, I'm going to continue to take your calls and 506 00:36:34.639 --> 00:36:38.719 your social media questions. The numbers one eight hundred five two zero one KFI. 507 00:36:39.039 --> 00:36:44.119 That's one eight hundred five two zero one five three four. You are 508 00:36:44.159 --> 00:36:47.320 listening to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six forty one live everywhere 509 00:36:47.519 --> 00:36:52.320 on the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Waalce. You can 510 00:36:52.320 --> 00:36:55.000 always hear us live on KFI AM six forty from seven to nine pm on 511 00:36:55.119 --> 00:36:59.760 Sunday and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app