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Let's Talk to Things Now, Grab your tea, coffee, or a glass
of wine and let's talk to things. Hello everyone, and welcome to another
episode of Let's Talk the Things. It is Christmas, it is your birthday
because I have your favorite guests backed by popular demands, Donald and Matthew.
Hi, guys, what's up? What's up? What's up? Hey?
Hey? Wait Donna? Wait wait, I didn't know she already kind of
pitied us against each other. Now favorite Between that and did you hear the
radio voice stream? Yeah, I was like, hold on, I was
like, I need to get mine, I need to work online a little
bit. Um excuse me, You guys know this is reporting live from TVJ.
You have to switch up the voice. Man. Look, I gotta
work on that for the next one. So, honey tea, did you
guys know that it is officially Caribbean American Heritage Month? Sorry sorry, that's
a that's a bad habit. Well, man, I'm trying to team it.
You can't take Jemmy Couns anywhere. I'm trying to take it out.
You got to take us everywhere? Do it? So? Um, for
those of you listening that don't quite understand, boop really means yes or um.
I heard from the affirmative right right, I can, I can concur.
I'm agreeable with that statement. Oh I really concur? Right? Okay,
Okay, I don't know concur. But yes. So it is Caribbian
American Heritage Month. So we are going to talk some growing up Caribbean things,
in our case, growing up Jamaican in America and what that was like.
And we're going to talk about just all kinds of things. You guys
know. I like to catch you by surprise, um, but this week
you guys missed it. We are bringing back drum roll please, where's my
dad when you needed killing me? Come on a drum roll? Thank you,
thank you. You're supposed to act like you're almost beaten up the desk.
I didn't have none to beat. I was looking around. I got
a suitcase in my bedroom, you know. So, yes, we are
bringing back that not so and see if and I promise it's a good one.
All right. So I will start with Donald, What was your experience
like when you first came to America as a Caribbean immigrant. That was a
long time ago. Um. Let's see. So we first landed in Atlanta,
Georgia. Um, and so I got here when I was I was
six turning seven believe or maybe five turning six, one of those two.
I'm old now, so saw fuzzy. But um, it's just a different
environment. Um. You you know, I'm young, I get here and
this is I can't even remember so much from five or six, but all
right, it was colder. I vividly remember that it was because we landed
and it was it wasn't hot like Jamaica and Atlanta doesn't get that cold.
But it still was much cooler than I expected or that I was used to.
Um, you know, we were there for a while, and then
we moved to even colder Connecticut because you know, opportunities just presented themselves there.
So, you know, getting here first impressions just you know, it's
a there's a new space. I'm not old enough to really make a whole
lot of it, but you know, you know there's differences because you have
sense when you're that aide, so you know certain things that then there's the
challenge of school. So I don't know how far you are me to go
into this, but I can. I can leave it there if you want,
or if the school thing, so you bring up school, right.
So one thing I know that a lot of us struggled with when moving to
this country is the whole assimilation factor, right, because depending on what neighborhood
you move to, that's kind of how you assimilated, right, And especially
those of us that came here and appear racially ambiguous, ambiguous because of you
know, the alt of many one people. It's kind of like I've heard
some persons that are white Jamaicans, for example, they don't really know where
they fit because it's the first time they really realized, like, wait,
I don't look like how I feel. Maybe you know what I mean,
Like nobody's seeing me as Jamaica. They're seeing me as white and imagine imagine
Chinese Jamaicans. I remember people today still are blown mind blown about her.
Yeah. I remember one of my cousin's friend um friends went to a nail
salon and they were fully trying to speak to her in Chinese and she was
like, yeah, I don't know what you're saying, Like they were shocked.
He's like, why would you be talking to me like that? Why
would you think? Yeah? And then they I think they thought maybe oh
she's not Chinese, maybe she's Vietnamese, and she's like, no, I'm
noanes like and they, you know, like they could not believe. So
that's I would really love to know that. Like your experience, as you
know, coming in, all you know is your Jamaican you know what I
mean, Like, did you feel like you ever had issues or had to
fit in with you know, black Americans or you know that type of thing.
Yes, So I can jump in and talk to that because I think
and I don't know how how old you were when you came here, ash,
but again I've been here my whole life, so um getting here and
the starting school and right, you don't sound like everybody else, right,
you know you're you're culturally different. You know you're learning a new culture there.
There are huge differences between American culture and Jamaican culture. You're in a
Jamaican household, right, so you're at home and you're a certain way and
then the world around you is a different way. So you know, trying
to navigate that and figure out how can I fit in, Um, how
do I fit in without losing my culture? You know the language thing that
I still had an accent when I first came here, right, so I
had to figure out how's that gonna go. Um, clearly I kind of
took the route of fully assimilating, and you know, you know, that
was a thing that you had to consider. You know, your friends,
people are going to treat you differently, so you I know, my first
friends here were family members, like my cousins. I had to just because
I didn't know how to really the kids didn't want to understand me when I
was talking to them, so it was just all right, well here's my
little you know, crew of family. And then you start to expand out,
you start to make friends. But it was definitely a huge adjustment m
specifically with that. And then the other thing that was kind of unique to
my case is I started in the South, so start in Atlanta, so
they couldn't understand me, and I sure couldn't understand them because of that heavy
accent. And then we moved to Connecticut, which you know, kind of
even though a little bit because Connecticut Hartford is like little Maker, so you
feel very comfortable in that aspect of your culture, and then you just start
to figure out how to you know, blend the two and then and kind
of how it's going to work for you. Let me ask you this,
know that you're older and you have, you know, children of your own,
and no, I would venture to say, and I will wrote Matthew
in and a little while that the children that are coming here, No,
I think have it easier in the sense of, like it's cool now to
be from the Caribbean, particularly to be Jamaican. Right, So, like,
yeah, I'm sure there's still children in school getting made fun of for
the accent and all that, but I think it's just a different factor than
in the early nineties, you know what I mean. Absolutely, So,
yeah, there are a few differences now. One, like you said it's
cool to be Jamaican, so nobody's really teasing you about, you know,
marking. So it was you were loud colors and different brands and you say
things a certain a certain way. Now it's cool. People are more exposed
to Jamaican culture. People are more you know, they love Jamaica. They've
they've they've been to Jamaica, so they can identify with it. Are different
a little differently, so it's easier in that sense. And then even the
folks that are coming here that aren't little little kids, but you know,
maybe teenage or early teen, you have social media, so you already know
what to expect. True, so we didn't know what to expect. Mother,
my mother took a trip to New York one time, came back and
then decided we're gonna move to America. And we actually didn't move to New
York, which is the funniest part. But but so you have these expectations
that you necessary necessarily weren't met. So I personally didn't have any expectations because
again I was only five or six, so okay, But even as a
child, though, did you have like, because you know, imagination,
Like, did you have an idea of what you thought America was? Yeah?
You you you do have an idea because you do hear about it.
You know what Jamaicans love talking about feign, Yes, so, um,
you hear what you hear those things. And I guess said I was a
smarter kid, so I did understand, and I guess have some expectation,
but um, yeah, it's it's just again. Now, now, kids,
are you know what to expect what you see. You see America on
the news. You have way more access to information. You social media,
You're interacting from people from all with people from all over the place. So
yeah, you definitely have an easier route in a sense. Yeah, I
can think of some things that may be more difficult, but that's more around
like this privacy and you know, yeah, no, that that makes perfect
sense. And I guess what I was getting at her. What I would
love to ask you is again that you have children of your own. No,
that you're older, Um, you know, and know that you've been
here so long that I'm sure you feel completely different than when you were six,
you know, as far as confidence in who you are and where you
come from. Do you regret losing your accent at all? No? Not,
not necessarily no, because right any any other Caribbean person that hears me
talk knows that I'm not American, right, Yeah, Yeah, I can,
I you know, code switch and do all the things. I think.
The way it turned out for me it makes me more versatile in different
spaces, so I can operate in the corporate America space that I live in
for a period of time. And I sound like you know, Jim.
Yeah, you know, like and then when when I'm around you guys or
family, I'm I'm into our culture, right, but when I'm around a
different set of people, you know, yeah, it allows me to be
a bit of a chameleon in the sense that, you know, I don't
have a strong accent, but you kind of can hear something or you can
kind of not hear something, so right, you're able to kind of finagle
your way between both. Yeah, and I think that has had its advantages,
you know, be a good thing, and it's had its advantages for
me growing up in the time that we did. You know, I became
quote unquote cooler when I wasn't like the different kid, you know, the
little Jamaican kid, right start playing football, I kind of starts, you
know, sounding a little bit more like people you know or that were around
me, And yeah, that made things a little bit easier. M that's
interesting. So did you ever have any moments where you kind of felt because,
like you said, you're going home to Jamaica home, so even though
you're assimilating at school, you know, like, did you have to turn
that off when you got home? It wasn't more of a turn it off.
I think it just in time, just kind of blended or faded.
Right. So I'm sure for a while, probably for the first you know,
six seven years I was here, it was probably a turn on and
off type thing. And then there came a point where you couldn't really turn
it on and off. You just sound like how you sound? Right?
Yeah? Yeah, if I if I try to talk straight, pot,
I probably sound ridiculous. But yeah, when I need to pronounce certain a
certain way or just be able to you know, um, just relate to
something else I can. And you know what's funny, it makes me think
of I forgot what episode this was on, but talking about like the music
business, right as it relates to reggae, dance hall, whatever the case.
Maybe and that one year I think it was with Uncle Sly that some
band I think maybe they were a white American band or European band they won
for Best Reggae Album and people were very upset, right, And it made
me think, well, if Jamaicans come to America, right, and I'm
sure this is any Caribbean country, but obviously we know where we're from.
If they come to America or even have the concept that it's cooler to be
American or have an American accent. Right, So therefore, maybe newer artists
come to America and don't really stick to the reggae or dance hall zone because
they want to make it you know, international or crossover. Right, then,
don't you think there's a higher chance that it's going to happen that someone's
going to hear our soone appreciate our son and say, oh, I'm going
to do that because I think it's cool. So I think it's interesting.
How like other cultures think being Jamaican talking you know, maybe not talking with
an accent, but like singing or music. They tried that a lot,
right, right? Or how many movies I said this with kim Um,
my friend who I had on here, that that's an actress. How many
movies do we see and we're like, excuse me, like you're supposed to
be what now? From where? Listen? I just I didn't get to
see The Little Mermaid, but I heard through the grape vine that listen Sebastian.
We all know where he's supposed to be from, but Dutch, I
don't know what Caribbean island. Yeah, so yeah, man, but I
get that you know the general point that you're making. It makes sense,
and I think people don't consider that at time. Right, we come here
a lot of I don't know one Jamaican person, well maybe a couple that
don't come here and towing oh right, don't even gets so it would be
in my mind. While I don't love the like non Jamaican reggae, I
understand where they coming from. Right, they see something that they appreciate it
and they want to doesn't sound good to me, No, personally, it's
just my thing. I don't. I got the okay dop when I moved
to California when I saw a reggae advertisers going a flyer and I showed up
and a bunch of white guys with dreads. You know again, some people
love it wasn't my thing, but I get it. Yeah, and especially
California, they do a lot more like SKA, you know what I mean.
So, and even that's the thing. I appreciate any band. I
mean, you have like if you're going way back the police, you have
like more our generation, sublime, slightly stupid. That's all California area,
you know what I mean. And I think they sound amazing. But my
point is, I don't think as a community we have the right to get
upset if when we come into the you know, American or whatever a popular
scene, we are maybe socialized. I don't know that it's really a conscious
choice to like sound more American, you know what I mean. So you
know, they say Sean Paul has had so much success at the Grammys or
internationally because yes, he sings in Patua, but it's not it's Patua.
You can understand, quote unquote, you know what I mean. So that's
what I'm just saying it to say, like, I feel like we have
mixed messages and on how we're socialized as Jamaicans, because on one hand,
we're very proud, like we're very proud people. Someone will even say we're
too old, right, But on the other hand, like you said,
nine out of ten Jamaicans, I'm sure it's a statistic, but I'm making
this one up. Nine out of ten Jamaicans come here on twenty twin yeah,
and we can't have that. I would be the first person to correct
anybody that says I'm American, even though I've been here majority of my life.
So yes, I'm a very, very very proud Jamaican. Yeah,
um and to the point you know you're making with the Deshaun Paul references ironic.
I just watched an episode of The Shop Um the the it's like a
podcast style show that Lebron James and Maverick Carter they produced. Oh okay,
okay, Charisse was on here and she was talking about that. Yeah yeah,
yeah, yeah, so shouldn't say it was on it the last episode
and they asked a question around her catching a lot of flak for um the
way she sounds and interviews, and she was like, you have to kind
of do this. She's like, I do this because it's people are people
can more easily understand what I'm saying. It's not that I'm trying to hide
my Jamaican hetag accent, but I have a I have a diverse audience,
and this is the way I need to communicate in order to make sure that
my message is reaching this diverse audience. She said, you know, in
her own way, but paraphrasing that essentially what how she answered the question.
And I mean, I think that that goes without saying that. You know,
that is something that can be beneficial if you you know it. It
sometimes just makes things easier. And it's if you're you know, if you're
you're trying. Not necessarily. There's nothing wrong with our beautiful accent, you
know. But no, and I know that socialized thing is. I don't
think it's something. Well, I can't speak for everybody, because you know,
you do have some Jamaicans unfortunately that's just yeah, anyway, we won't
talk about that. But anyways, I think Shancia I'm glad you brought her
up, is a great example because I know that she gets. I don't
know if she still gets, but I know maybe a couple of years ago,
I remember seeing articles about how people thought she was selling out because she
was doing not like hardcore dance hall and things like that, and so I
remember when she first came out. She was very clear when she said,
I love all genres of music, and yes I started with dance hall,
but eventually I want to be an international superstar. So to your point,
in order to be an international superstar, you people have to be able to
understand you right, like to connect with your music. And let's be honest,
people can connect with music of different languages because look how much Japan loves
reggae and I'm sure everybody in that audience doesn't speak fluent English, you know
what I mean, but they connect with it. However, I just think
she gets a lot of flak because even though she came in with hard down
taller, you know, however you view it, she said from the beginning
that she listens to all genres. But it's like people want to put her
in a box, or I should say, keep her in a box,
you know. And I think this is the time she's young. You know,
you should experiment. But I guess saying all that to say, I
just I just think it goes back to that whole assimilation thing, right,
Like where is the line between staying true to who I am but knowing I'm
in a different environment and assimilating because we all have to do it. I
mean we don't. We don't live in Jamaica, you know what I mean?
Like we live here. So I've always had a pastor point I've always
had I've always had a struggle and kind of conflict with the whole assimilation,
like the term itself and how to use because I think oftentimes it's overused and
or used without context. So like you said, we everyone assimilates to something.
I don't care who you are, you assimilate in some way, shape
or form in your life every single day, right that that's just the world
we live in. That's the world we've we've lived in for a while,
so you do. And I think people that I don't know, I wish
there were a different term to describe, you know, like you're saying,
like the just the blending of of you know, your culture and your environment
and how you know what the result of that is, right, It's yeah,
I don't. I hate that. It's like, oh, assimilated to
you want to be like the Americans. No, but I'm in America,
and for me it's easier to sound like this, and for me personally,
anybody else can can you know? However you roll, you roll, no
problem. Basically argue with your auntie, Yeah, right, that's cool.
It's for you. With me, it has worked out to be worked out
in my favor in many different ways, to just be a certain way,
right, I'm not I'm not turning my back on my culture. I'm not
talking down on my culture, right, Like, it's just this works and
we all have to to make sacrifices and decisions based on what we're trying to
accomplish. Yep, absolutely, And I think that idea is really more about
survival, right, yeah, more so than to me like twanging or saying
Jamaicans, I don't like those Jamaicans. Then you're like, excuse me,
what? Like, sir, sir? Like you, I know you've been
here from maybe twenty years, but like that's still where to me, that
is you having kind of a self loathing, you know what I mean,
Or it's self deprecating attitude towards your culture. But like you said, adjusting,
you have to adjust. I mean, it's just something you have to
do. And everybody has different ways, but and everyone does it. So
like the way I talked to my friends when I'm in a different circle is
not the way I talk to my coworkers. So am I gonna am I
assimilated? Because I'm not. I'm not using ebonics or I'm not using right,
I'm serious, Like I don't if Yeah, when I'm at work,
I can't talk like I'm on the block. I can't. Yeah, I
mean I can probably try, but it's finely gonna get me very far.
Okay, So Matthew, I'm going to ask you the same thing, assimilation.
Now your story is a little bit different, right because you weren't born
in Jamaica. You were born here, however you lived or still live.
But when you were born younger in New York, which is basically Jamaica,
and you still go back frequently, you know, spent summers there, all
of that, So I guess I would almost ask you the reverse, like,
did you feel any different when you went back and you have all these
cousins and you're like the cool American cousin, you know what I mean?
But then when you came back, did you like, did you feel like
you had to do a little double It's a good question, and you know
what I did feel. I didn't realize I was doing a double Dutch,
And maybe even now having this conversation, I'm realizing that I probably was having
to do someone I was younger. But for those of you who may not
have listened to the first podcast where I talked about it, like Ashley said,
I grew up in New York and specifically in an area where it's heavily
populated by Jamaicans, like not Caribbean people, specifically Jamaican. So what I
tell people now where I'm from. They're like, oh, you're Jamaican because
they just know. So I think that for granted, because you know,
everyone that I knew, for the most part, understood culturally my life.
And again this was at a young age. People. I didn't even say
it out loud until maybe within the last few years. But I didn't actually
know any white people until I was in high school, and my teachers at
white teachers, but like, no peers, nobody in my age. Anybody
that was a white person that was my age was the ops. They were
on the other teams of every sport, like they were always adversary. We
don't ever reach that part yet exactly, but I say that to say I
took for granted growing up in an enclave where everybody was like me to a
degree or at least had some kind of understanding of I didn't have to explain
Jamaican culture. I didn't. You know, there's a every other corner,
there was a church, like in Jamaica, every other every other corner,
there was some kind of Caribbean restaurant. You know, everyone did the same
things. So with that said, when I did frequently, I went back
to Jamaica every single summer and my cousin's there. It was always they were
always excited to see me because you know, not to come back from firing,
bring me from firing. And looking back, they just used to think
I was rich. And I realized that that was the thing, and I
was like, little did they though? Right? But like it wasn't that
they looked at me as different. They looked at me as wohymcha boy see
look. And the thing I vividly remember, vividly remember this my cousin,
THEO. Shout out to THEO, that's my dog. But THEO and I
are a couple months apart, and in our family it's heavily, heavily,
heavily the ratios women to men, like especially with my cousin's way more girl
cousins. So the and I were like the same age, and obviously boys
and so boys of like six and seven, you know, hanging out doing
things that boys did at that time. Yeah, I remember, though vividly,
when it was time for me to come back, and I remember had
this this flying jersey and I don't know if it was like a Yankee jersey,
but it was like a Yankee inspired jersey. I don't know, if
we had money for like real Yankee jersey back. Yeah, exactly, it
couldn't even you know what, no, I it was a foolbu It was
foolbus the fool week. I got one of them jerseys in my closet right
now, you know what I'm talking about. So at the time, you
know it's the hot I remember when I was leaving Jamaica, my my family
said that I had to yo ladies and gentlemen. You can't see this right
now, but Donald just pulled out the classic fooboo jersey. We are floored.
Was not planning. I don't know. I can tell this is why
I had to get these two together, because I already knew I was.
I had. I was going to a two nineties and two thousand party late
last summer, and I actually got the jersey at Forever twenty one and they
had like a bunch of foods, so I got like the jersey. I
got a Lord Fooboo Jackie, all this stuff in the class I don't want.
It's gonna come back and standing because they brought back baby fat. So
you stayed there, sure, but you know it's crazy about that. It
was like this man didn't have to move. It was like it was sitting
with the arm that's you need this, like, oh you need this,
hold on right back, I'm still you said, Oh my god. But
with that said, oh my god, that's why my stuff it. Yeah.
So that jersey, right, which at the time that was a big
deal. Yeah, absolutely, yes, yes, just picture look a boys
am to come down to Jamaica with the with the food ball jersey and mind
you, times were different. But this is Spanish sone, you know what
I mean, This is tom Spanish song wasn't like what it is now where
it's like crazy crazy crazy, or maybe I was oblivious, but it was
not as bad it was. I mean, it was like my grand We
literally lived with my grandmother and everybody that I knew was like older people.
It was not like, yeah, wild and reckless, right wait, your
grandma lived in Spanish tone she currently lives in Spanish down same place. Big
up the people that it was. But with that said, you know,
it wasn't like I had to worry that somebody was gonna steal my jersey and
nothing like that. You know what I'm saying. It wasn't like that.
So anyway, point of the story is that they said that I had to
leave, or they suggested Charlotte that I leave my sneakers with Tia, leave
my jersey with Tia, because you know, they treated it as if I
was rich and I could just go get another one when I go back to
Feign and I was heartbroken. I remember this vividly. That was like a
pivotal moment in my life because here I am thinking that we were all the
same this whole time, And that was the moment when it clicked for me
where I was like, no, man, like you're going to to foreign
Like, yeah, you guys different, You're not them. So hopefully that
answered your question. But like that was for me the moment where though I
was always there, I had the same friends, we would go to the
same ball field. That was that moment where I was like, oh,
wow, like I'm not like them, I'm a foreigner. Actually maybe I'm
rich. I think I think I I think I'm I think I'm a prince.
I'm the fresh prince. Is where you got your name exactly right?
So let me ask you both. This um our motto is out of many
one people, as you know, do you think that that is true?
In how all of us as Jamaican's experience Jamaica, and anyone can go first.
So out of many one people. Obviously it's purported to mean, you
know, out of many, we're one race. But do you think it's
I shouldn't say that, not out of many, one race, but out
of many, like we're one Jamaican culture, because everybody's a different race or
ethnicity. I should say, but do you think that that holds true in
you know how all of us that are different races, although we're all Jamaican
experience Jamaica. No, okay, And I'm going to take the opposite.
I want Donald to explain and I'm gonna tak that's fair. So again,
so like Matthew, So, I didn't go back every every summer, but
I went back for high school. So, um, I was a little
older and I could kind of just view the world differently. Um, Jamaica's
it's just like any other country, right, you have a melting pot of
people, and people are a certain demographic, a certain look, a certain
background. Definitely experienced Jamaica differently than you know others. Right. I think
the distribution of wealth might be a little bit I won't say more even,
but it's it's a little bit more even hit than than you would see here
in the US, because you do have a ton of you know, black
Jamaicans that have money. But then if you look at the just structure of
the island itself, and who's typically associated with a better experience and a more
better in a sense of more prosperous experience, it's usually white Jamaicans, coolie
Jamaicans, Chinese Jamaicans. You have black Jamaicans that again there's a ton of
them that have money and can't have that experience. But I would say it's
it's very similar in a lot of ways to how it is here. If
you the more you have, the different you know, the different your experiences
from the others that don't have. And a lot of that concentration of money
is kind of in the same place as it is here in the US in
a lot of ways. Where it's people of it's not people of color.
And I use that term loosely because again I don't know what you consider coolie
Jamaicans. I would put I would consider them people of color as well.
But anyway, um, white folks, white people, Chinese drinkings, cool
that's typically where all the money is where most of the money is sitting in
Jamaica, So the experience is different than than than a lot of people you
see, you know down in the lower you know, parts of the communities.
M hm. So essentially want to want getty. I haven't heard nobody
say that in the via macael. You know what one people person you know
last time it was brought up seat and is always good for those man,
I'm not brought up sea. Yeah, that's the that's the up town speak.
Spoke first of all, A right, yeah, and just let me
have okay, yes, all right, So Donna, very very eloquently that
was a very good bring back to my speech and debate days. He made
a response, No, my guy, my guy. He made a very
very provocative point in terms of yes, culturally bigger man umm mad brought up
over but it all seriously, No, it is true, I mean and
for those who are not as familiar with with the many different cultures, the
way that Donna laid it out is very true. Unfortunately, the fairer skin
because Jamaica definitely definitely more than anything dominated by um the cast system from a
complexion standpoint. But then a lot of those lines then also tend to bleed
into subcultures, which is the coolie, which is the you know, Chinese.
And I think even that is why I do believe with all that said,
I do think the United culture I think when it said one people,
in my opinion, I could also make an argument that despite all of those
differences that maybe financially separate us the culture that we're all united by. Jamaican
people are proud Jamaicans regardless of all of that. And I see how that
is just took me down. Look at that, Hey, you gotta pull
back out, you pull you pulled the debate team all. But you know,
and that's just a kind of argument because I do think in certain moments,
you know, the deeper you get in in the culture. Even for
example, I was actually having an interesting conversation the other day with my cousin's
about um about roster faring culture. And it's not even specifically roster culture people
who are actually rosters. It's wearing locks. And as we know as Jamaicans,
that is that's almost like a scarlet letter, or it was a scarlet
letter, yes, and still is you know what I mean. I obviously
it wasn't raised there so I can't speak to the nuances of it even now.
But people here now we're full locks and all these things. But we
were having a conversation about how my cousin has grown out these little locks,
and his mother was like, no, people are not gonna respect you,
and blah blah blah blah. And she was like, I would never hire
somebody who had lots, who was who had locks, not even someone who
is Roster. And it was just so interesting to have that conversation in twenty
twenty three because of the connotation of it. So I say all that to
say, just understanding the different culture, of differences within the one culture,
it's so interesting. But we treat it as if you know, that's our
home, in the same way that people parents always said, you know,
you don't bring our business outside. People don't gotta know what's going on to
the outside. If anybody say anything bad about a Jamaican or Jamaica or our
CoA. We're there together, downtown Roster. Everybody gonna be together, united
for the Yeah, yeah, I agree, I agree, And I think
you both made very valid points. I think, um, I don't remember,
Matthew, if this was the first episode or second episode we did,
but we talked about tessan Chin and when she won the voice, you know,
and I remember they did an interview with her. I don't remember if
it was Jamaica media or American media, but they talked about, you know,
the whole up tone down tone thing, like asking where she's from,
and she said something like I'm from every tone. And I thought that was
so beautiful that she said that, because it makes it again we would still
be cheering for her. But for everybody, like in any socioeconomic status on
the island, it made them feel like they won, you know what I
mean, Like it made them feel like she wasn't looking down on anybody,
and I mean that's not her personality anyway. But because it was such a
big stage, I thought, like, whoa, you know the Olympics,
when anyone is running, we're all they're screaming, cheering, like you would
think we're getting something. Absolutely those nine seconds, people are literally in tears,
like back and forth. You would think this is our cousin or something.
And it's something that I think and I see it all the time.
Being Jamaican, being Caribbean is really an experience, like I don't think it's
something that you can explain. I think there's a lot of people that may
want to be We were talking about that as well, but I think to
really be of that culture, you know what I mean, whether you were
born there, whether you were you know, raised by Jamaican parents, first
generation American, you know, living in somewhere like New York, like Matthew
said, that's basically pockets of little Jamaica, you know, or Hartford,
Like you said, Donald, that's little Jamaica. It's just something that like
you just have to experience. And Matthew, we talked about Dale Um,
I think Donald, we talked about like Julie Mango and it's so funny how
thousands of people are watching these videos and we all feel like we had the
same upbringing, you know, Like that's crazy, but it's also beautiful.
Yeah, it is is definitely a and you see it across like you see
it in the culture where like I would agree with what Matthew said around like
culturally, yeah, we every household, it's just it's rooted in a specific
thing, right. We definitely have an experience from that perspective, because yeah,
we nothing you unite us more than just our culture. And our country
and love of country. So changing lanes a little bit um, not to
bring it down, but don't worry, We're gonna go back up. Um.
A lot of times we talk about, maybe not on the podcast,
but just in our conversations, the violence that goes on in Jamaica and Donald,
you were definitely someone that I talked to a lot about when I was
doing that project in school. And the other day, I think it was
maybe even yesterday, I can't remember. The days are running together these days,
but an eight year old had her neck, yeah, sliced and I
was left for dead and ended up dying. Yea thrown out of a car
eight year old girl. That's just the most recent actually that okay, because
I was like this story, yeah, so no, But Matthew, the
one we were talking about that was different. That was a sixteen year old
that it was like the neighbor. No, she wasn't sixteen, I'm sorry.
She was in her early twenties and the neighbor was like a family friend
and was offering to take her to work. I think she worked at the
bank or something and ended up raping and killing her. Your point, do
you know what it was? Me and my mother just talked because I feel
like I just spoke about I was like, who talk point topics are so
pervasive that it's like we could have just been talking about another one and then
another one happened, right, So I bring that up to say, we
just spoke about how much we love Jamaica, we love our culture, we
get together, we do this. What do you think we can do about
the violence against women and girls? Because it is just becoming like frightening,
you know what I mean, like especially for these young girls. I mean
what type of persons are able to do? I mean do it period?
Doing it period is wrong and sick. But I always hear elders talk about
children, and the elders used to be safe and know it just seems like
nobody cares. I just wanted to kind of get your quick insights on just
like how do you feel when you see things like that? Like what do
you think can be done? If anything? You want to go firsts Who're
gonna go first? I'll go first. I'll go first because I don't know
if it's a hot take, but I don't know where I struggle with this
one is that it's happening unfortunately on a global scale, and I do think
that unfortunate a lot of these, a woman, especially the most recent one,
which is why I think that one's top of my mind. If I
understand correctly, or at least the way my mom explained it to me,
that young girl was unfortunately used as collateral. Yeah, where she was.
She wasn't even the target. Like she was she was the target, but
she wasn't the cause. It was done to hurt, to hurt somebody,
the father exactly exactly. And that is what I think is that I don't
think I know the whole thing, so the thought behind it, and the
police aren't saying it's a direct connection, but from what they've said, it
looks like somebody that's involved with the father, a woman took the little girl
from school and orchestrated or did this act right, and it was to hurt
the father. Now they haven't directly said the relationship between the woman and the
father, but I think we clearly right everybody right right by his side,
chick right, um. And because they're saying, like the little girl went
with whoever it was that took her, so it wasn't it had to be
someone familiar person. Yeah, So um, it sounds like it's a you
know, I'm gonna hurt you, and and sadly that not to go off
on a tangent that happened so much, that is I can specifically talk about
there, right it happens, Oh I can't catch you, I'm gonna catch
your grandmother. I'm gonna catch I'm gonna catch whoever. It's gonna whoever's death
is going to affect you the most. Right, So, so when you
ask the question about like how to protect women and girls, I would venture
to say, in our culture specifically, it's beyond it's gone past gender and
it's whoever, whoever I can get at it hurt you the most. That's
what I'm going to get at. Right If it's everybody knows your mother's near
and dear, your child is near and dear to your heart, your grandparents,
grandmothers, the women are near and dear to your heart. So I'm
gonna hurt you for whatever you did to me or whatever I perceived you did
to me by going after this person that's that's closest to you, or even
just to let you know of let you know how serious I would take it
absolutely like I've I've even I was watching this this the recent um Cleansman,
uh not Cleansmen, the one or the trial, but they had the big,
the big. They round up a bunch of people and one of the
one of the substories is that one of the members that I got guests,
got let out early. They tried to kill his mother to stop any like
testifying to happen. So like they're just what is what's happening is? It's
I'm gonna get at you through your people if I can't get at you directly,
or like Matthew said, I'm going to send you this warning so you
understand where what I'm capable of, So you do what I need you to
do. Yep. And I'm gonna use a word that I have never heard
anyone but Jamaicans use it, and it's it underpins what you're saying, the
word overstand someone overstands by action. And that is exactly what I equate that
too, because I do think I don't even have anything to add to what
Donald said, because that's exactly the point I was gonna make of, Like
I do think, yes, unfortunately, crimes against women, crimes against young
girls, unfortunately is happening a way to an alarming rate. But I do
think it also speaks to the fact that they are used, maybe at scale,
as collateral more than anything else, to be able to hurt people to
other people. Well, let me ask you. Let me ask you this
not to cut you to both of your points nine times out of ten,
because we don't know obviously all cases that collateral stems from a man, whether
it's a drug deal or you know, like you said, woman scorned or
anything like that. So do you think that, if anything can be done,
that men could play a significant role, meaning you know, maybe don't
have ten side chicks. We absolutely do you think that would make any type
of a difference. It's like, it's like the racism conversation, right,
the only people that can fix racism white people because they're the ones that own
it. Right, in the sense of this case, Yeah, a lot
of the stems from men. It's a lot of it stems from the male
ego and all those things surround us and our pride and what have you.
So, yeah, we the problem can't get solved without men being a part
of it, and if not, if not a part the driving force behind
the change. Yeah, I agree, I agree, too. It's and
it's unfortunate because, like I would, I really can't think of any logical
or eloquent way of saying we can get to a root of it, because
I don't even like, it's so deep rooted where you'd have to solve something
that's at the core to even be able to have a downstream effect on it.
I don't even know how to get fined. You got to find the
core, right, Yeah, Because it's it's such a complex issue because like
you said, it's so deep rooted in many cultures. Right. We talked
specifically about hours because you know that's that's the target of the conversation. But
it is, it's so ingrained. There's so many things that's wrong with it
that it's hard to pinport. Like where do I start, right, Yeah,
it's hard. I mean, it's like racism, it's not going anywhere,
because racism is all over the world, or a form of it.
You know, it's in India, it's in parts of Africa, it's in
Europe. So it's kind of like unfortunately, because like you said, and
both of you said it just in different ways, Jamaica is not the only
place that deals with violence against women and girls, right, But it's just
I feel like more recently it's been happening at an alarming rate and or we're
now being notified more so. Again, it's hard to tell when it comes
to crime reporting, it's hard to tell weight is this happening more or is
it media now just letting us know when it's happening, Because I mean people,
I'm sure people die in Tivoli every day, but do we necessarily know
that, you know what I mean? Like, are we told that that's
happening more now than we were maybe six years? I do think media and
specifically what's that specifically what's that has because I do think you know, our
poor mothers and grandmothers and aunties because they know they are in touch with they
can tell you who got shot and Tivily yesterday because of what'sapp you know what
I mean, they're more connected than ever, which is a good thing,
but it's bad because unfortunately, the same way that jokes get shared with everybody
on what'sapp for everyone jokes two negative stories and so that then you're hearing more
and more I think, like volume of negative stories than you would have heard,
where yes, maybe people have been getting killed in Tivily. But people
can just make a sweeping statement. Now, they could tell you exactly how
the person got killed. They could tell you everything, and they're sitting in
their house in Connecticut or in Florida, you know what I mean. Yeah,
I do think women and children are being killed more in Jamaica now than
in the past, just just based on the history that I know. So,
like my mom used to work for Ministry of Housing. She worked in
all the worst areas of Drinka, like Tivily, like um Dunkirk, all
these all these horrible areas, and my grandmother was the same way. She
worked for they my grandmother was there, and then my mother kind of took
over the people, right, all the depressed areas like she used to she
liked to call them the depressed areas of Jamaica. And she's seen a lot,
right. She was there for the nineteen eighty election where where we're killing.
That's when the shootings, a lot of stuff really started to explode.
And she always says she was like, there was a time when women and
children were safe. There was a time in Jamaica where they were not.
It was written, it was it was venture to say rare to hear it
happening now, they don't care. Anybody can get it, and it's sad
to see. And I don't know. Again, I don't have to answer
because I'm just a lot, you know, I'm not the guy to give.
But yeah, and also it's just a lot. I feel like sometimes
it's overwhelming to see. But at the end of the day, I think
all we can do is just do our part, whatever that is, and
just continue to pray for Jamaica because it's somewhere that we all love going back
to. It's somewhere that we have family, we have friends, and nobody
wants to hear, you know, something happened to their family member. Donald,
I know, your cousin just got killed. And that was insane.
You know that was crazy, and it's it was violence, you know what
I mean. So even though it's not a woman and it's not a child,
it's still a person that was living his life. My name's business not
troubling anybody, you know what I mean. And so I just I guess
all we can do at this point is just prey and hope for the best,
hope that it gets better, Hope that the people that can maybe do
something or make some changes or you know, maybe increase uh consequences or accountability
that they do make those decisions, you know at the end of the day.
Okay, So it's that time for our favorite segment that no sound safe?
I mean, how how how perfect for you to lead up violence?
This has brought to you by it. I just I didn't want to like
end on something sad, so I had to pick it up. Hey,
it's Jemmy can opera style? Know me? All right? So there's gonna
be two separate segments months a trick to no for that now sounds safe.
The first segment is called red flags you later regretted ignoring. So I have
two in hair that were red flags I later regretted ignoring. And I have
three that were red flags that I phoned that other people hated ignoring. Right,
So I'm going to read them. And while I read them, I
want you guys to think of how many ever you can your red flags that
you later regretted ignoring. Now, this could be from a woman of the
opposite sex that you may be dated. It could be from a friend,
a family member, a coworker, or anything. All right. So the
first one, unfortunately, this is my story babysham him eating a medium pizza
after quote unquote returning from a gym that I did you really go, Jim,
because you came back from the gym and you're eating a medium pizza.
He just he just worked, He just work out so he can eat.
It's the calorie, yo, he could be. Um, what's it called
harp stacking? Is that what it's called? Keto? Exactly as I said,
this safety sounds relative, all right. Next one a man who used
three in one body wash, Sir, three in one a shampoo, a
body wash, and a conditioner. Efficiency, no stops. All of them
can do the same thing. They can't clean your hair your body. And
you know white people swear by that though, by the way they use that
word, it's efficient. As I said, yea, if somebody some part
is dry. Okay, Two more. I thought it was three, but
I realized I had it written out in two sentences. So two more and
only one of these happened to me. And the other one is one that
I saw online, and I want you guys to guess which one. The
next one is most of his followers being women, a red flag that I
later regretted, ignoring because there's an idea that if most of his followers are
women, that not so, and see if he only fans or something.
I don't know, because that's not the one that was me. I'm trying
to logically think of how this happened. Yeah, you don't got no friends
male friends. Okay, no, it said most of So what I'm imagining
is like, let's say a guy friend requested me on Instagram, right,
and I'm single, and I'm like, oh, the guy's cute, and
I go to his followers and most of his followers are women who he follows
maybe men or whatever. But this person said followers and later regretted. So
I'm kind of making the assumption that maybe it was one of those things where
the guy's like, oh, yeah, that's my sister, that's my siss.
And it's not like, oh weird we say that. It's more like,
oh, you're siss. You guys know what I'm talking about. So
she just didn't know he was only, you know, right, stranger.
I don't know. I don't know, because these women are willfully all sided
up for something that you don't think right, But that's why I said that
not so on Siff that's a definite SI. All right, so you guys
guessed it. So the last one, which is coming from me, when
he randomly begins screaming alt A ViBe's Cartel song while I'm mid sentence, so
like I'm talking like, yeah, so today, you know, I saw
in the news where this and this happened, and then he just starts screaming
a Cartel song just in public. But it depends with some you know,
because if we're talking about like bicycles, can't I can't. That's what I'm
saying. So if we are here talking about the news, you know what
I give up? All right, So Donald, I'll start with you.
What is a red flag? You later regretted, ignoring that's a tough one.
Um Man, I was hoping he was gonna start because sitting here laughing
and not thinking about this. Um And like I said, it could be
anyone, anything, something someone told you just you know, just say that.
But I would say this happened to me. Um this, this this
girl I dated, she just refused to just put on decent matching, not
wrinkled clothes. When we would leave the house. We weren't like always going
somewhere, but like I remember one time she asked me, like why you
always got a match and like where like these clean shoes and everything when we
go when we just going to Walmart? Fancy and but but I'm not like
it's just some chucks, right, but like they just weren't scuffed up and
crazy and I I should have known. Ye that what Cat Williams says she
had a wedding dress and soccer shoes. That sounds like my mom didn't have
a lot of brought up. See listen, I would like that out say
that. Well we can officially say then that that never sounded set all right,
Matthew, your turn. Okay, okay, Now this one may not
or may have happened to me, you allegedly, allegedly allegedly you know,
you know, speculation. But far in the past, a young lady,
you know, she was always down the hang, would would always be good
to um, stay over, had no issues always staying over. And then
you know, after a few times it's not an issue. You're like,
all right, this is cool. Yeah, And then after a while you
realize that that person is you're never going to where they are or never had
a conversation about where they live. And then maybe a little while you realize
that she's actually homeless, she don't live. Did you miss the red flag?
Me? Man, it might be all you that know. So see
if you always had somewhere to be but never had a specific place to be.
Wow, Matthew, I didn't say this happened to me. I just
heard a crazy story, is all I'm saying. But Matthew said, Shaggy,
it was not me. It was me, but you hypothetically alleged,
allegedly allegedly man, possibly crazy, that's wild. Yeah, the club,
Yeah, oh you come home with me tonight? Yeah. He who will
not be named should have seen how easily she was down to come back and
see me. That is you, guys is problem as men, not any
of you guys of course allegedly, But that's the problem because separation apart from
that, I wasn't prepared for this. But here come back as why would
you, allegedly you meaning any man, why would you think that somebody to
your point that would come with you that easy? Or maybe I should say,
why would that not be a red flag? Is it like the moment
like yeah, yeah, I'm not like I'm like, oh cool, I'm
the man, right, I got she gonna come on me like that?
Cool, Like in the moment, you're like, wait, it's shorty homeless,
why whatever? Yeah, like no one thinking that. I'm like,
I think about what's gonna happen when we get home? Potentially alleged right possibly
now she walked, it was like all these sheets are soft? Man,
Wait what if you got what if she got to your host and was like,
oh, Matthew, can you get my bag out of the back,
and oh my god. See that would be I'm now you go ahead and
get it and then nah, soon come, soon coming. Yeah, that
would be a parade of red flags for sure. All right, So now
back to our traditional BuzzFeed article. No. This one is titled thirty one
things people were taught to believe or value by their parents that they can't get
behind as adults. So I'm going to read a few of them, and
you each tell me if you think like you can kind of understand or that
no sounds safe? Okay before you start, Yes, mom, I'm sorry.
I didn't want to do it. Actually actually made me do this.
It's all I actually for nothing, just I gotta get it out of the
way, just that she don't like Auntie. I just want you to know
that anything that Donald says is of his own fruition. I'm still your favorite,
so I know I'm not going to be blamed anyway. Thank you very
much. And that goes for both aunties. Thank you very much. All
right. So the first one says, my mom always told me to put
others first and always give them the best. I still believe in this ton
extent, but early in my adulthood I realize that I can only put others
first and give them the best when I have already taken care of my own
needs. I can't be giving to the point where I leave myself at a
deficit beyond my own basic needs. I am happy to give what I can,
but never more giving more of myself than I am really capable of.
Doesn't do anybody any good? What do you think? No, Taco them
can't hear you. My mother definitely didn't teach me that to that expct.
No, So wait do you think do you think that? But even though
your mom might not have taught you that, do you think it's understood what
she's saying? It's true like something you should adapt as as an adult.
If you were told that, or do you think, like, no,
that's not going to get you anywhere, Like that's not so unsafe. I
mean now, and I shouldn't say now, like a good bulk of my
life. Yeah, I tend to try to put others first, but never
to the extreme disadvantage of like what I leave. So I think it's a
balance. Right. You can't be selfish, but you can't over commit to
the point where it's hurting you, because then nobody's like you're not You're not
winning in that takes. It's not good for you long term. I can't
sustain it. Ye. And that's so interesting because I always say to people
something I learned as I got older. There's a difference between being nice and
kind. Right. Being nice is I have ten dollars and Donald and Matthew
are like, oh my gosh, actually really need something to eat, And
I say, okay, here's my ten dollars, and knowing I'm going to
starve because that's all I have. Right, But being kind is saying,
all right, here's two fifty. Here's two fifty, you guys get a
snack or something. I have to eat. I haven't eaten all day,
but I'm kind enough to share. So instead of me getting a ten dollars
meal, I'm not getting a lesser meal that's lesser in price because I'm sharing,
you know what I mean. Like, I think it is important to
know that because when you grow up, especially as a woman, and you're
kind of socialized, oh be kind, be nice, you know, show
up for everybody. You can kind of put yourself in a detriment, you
know what I mean, where you're no over extending yourself and then people have
these expectations of you, you know what I mean, and your in situations
where you're just overextending. It might not even be monetarily, but just your
time and your effort. So I do agree with what she said, like
to an extent, there needs to be a balance. Yeah, I agree,
Matthew. Anything not the same. I mean, my mother always definitely
preached the golden rule, you treat others how you want to be treated.
But she was definitely one for not wanting people to walk all over you and
being able to be wise enough to spot when that point is that it shifts
from the I'm needing you or you helping someone in need to them using you.
Yeah for sure. Okay, next one, blood is thicker than water,
and familiar love is unconditional. That was usually in the context of how
I was still obliged to love my father even after he beat and berated me.
I no longer believe in blood bonds or unconditional love. Love and respect
have to be mutual. I refuse to love someone who intentionally hurts me to
make themselves feel bigger. What do you think understand or that if no,
that sounds safe, because and my mother would definitely tell me that would do.
Because I think family. I heard someone say, and maybe I'm late,
but someone said friends are the family that you choose, but family is
the one that you use to love. And I was like, wow,
I get that, because there's some family members that will will suck you dry
because oh, you're you're my friend, you're my cousin, you're my uncle,
my this my dad, and sometimes I've heard Fortunately I haven't experienced it
myself, but I've heard of some crazy situations that family members have put other
family members through. And the bond of the fact that I am your family
member, and I think being able to also understand the boundary, maybe you
gotta a longer leash with family but there has to be a boundary for sure,
right Donald the a'll degree, Um, I am not of the belief
belief that blood is sticking in the water. I don't, um because you
people or people right, whether they're your family or not, they're gonna be
capable of doing the same things that anyone outside of your family. Like you
said, you might get a longer leash and or you may give a longer
leash. But at the end of the day, we are all people and
all the same things that influence the way I am as a person. You
know, everyone else has things that influence who they are who they are as
people. So not everybody's good and true, that's true. Yeah, I'm
definitely I love my family, I absolutely do. But there's some some family
I don't walk with. That's fine, and that's fine. That is definitely
have to protect your peace, absolutely for sure. Okay. Next one,
hard work pays off and you can do anything you put your mind to.
That's in quotations, So I'm assuming that's what their parents said. Working hard
will kill you and have you being a pack mule. For billionaires, life
is about working smarter and being efficient, but not doing all this. It's
grueling work and getting bloody knuckles and having nothing to show for it. What
do you think that is has been scarred? That sounds like all right,
they're like, I gave you all my life and this is not right.
They that is a battered human and that's a slippery slope though, especially if
you if you raise a child with that type of a mindset, then you're
gonna have whatever jaded mentality you have, They're gonna look at the world do
a cynical lens of thinking. People are either always trying to get over on
them or there's no reason for optimism because if you pour into something too much,
you're inevitably gonna gonna end up in a negative position. So that's that's
a tough one. Oh yeah, I agree. Oh yeah, it's it's
a balanced, right, balance hard mark official. And I think that's been
like a theme. I feel like we've said balance a few times in this
episode. So yeah, for sure. All right, So final three,
kill them with kindness? Why be kind to someone who's cruel to you?
I was a doormat for far too long because of this, You agree or
that Nasson Seefe, I could go either way with that. I I wanted
to see what that was because okay, that's I could go first. Okay,
so kill them with kindness. It depends, right, Um, in
most cases, in most situations, I would say, if you can,
you can take that approach. It absolutely is good for your peace and energy,
and and oftentimes killing with someone with kindness is actually or rewarding, um
than the opposite. However, there are absolutely situations where you gotta get into
it, and we don't go high when they go low. Sometimes you gotta
get in it. So um, it just for me, it would depend
on the situation. A lot of times, I'm of to kill you with
kindness because you're gonna see me flex and you're gonna be mad at me flexing,
right, it's gonna hurt you more. Yeah, like that's that.
I don't I don't need to get in it with you. But sometimes,
you know, you stop a bully by punching a bully in the face,
right, So sometimes you gotta be with it. I agree. I agree
and understand, Donna, because I'm from the school of thought, where,
um, I don't like to be I don't like bullies, I don't like
and I'm from the school of respect, so I think in a situation killing
them with kindness, yes, usually follow that, but in a moment of
like shared disrespect. To your point, sometimes you gotta get punched in the
face to know that there's only soul so far you got to go. And
we're in a different generation though, because not to go on a tangent,
but I do think, you know, it's interesting how maybe our parents might
have taught us how you handle maybe a bullying situation or how you defend yourself
growing up, and we're in different times now where you know, do I
don't know how you raise your kids on that topic, but even just I
don't have kids yet, but in just hearing how situations happened with myne with
my nephews or my godsons, and the way that I want to give the
advice, I'm like, wait a minute, this kid is either gonna end
up getting in trouble or getting harmed because they're just not built to that type
of creed where I'm like, well, well, did you push them back?
I was like, well, no, I didn't push him back.
I was say, wait a minute, that's why this has happened. I
was like, yeah, but we can't do that, and it's like,
wait, what do you mean we can't do that? Man, Listen,
I'm going through this right now in daycare, right right, right now.
So my four year old is in daycare and we've had incidents with little kids
can't keep their hands to themselves. And I mean, the world is some
people will agree, some people who disagree, you know, figure out what
Jesus. But um, I tell my kid. I tell my daughter,
if somebody hits you, hit them back. Like I've literally said the words
to my four year old the way you stop a bully is to punch them
in the face. And she's like, but Daddy, you know they say
you're supposed to say no, thank you, thank you. I was like,
but like a kid, A kid like kicked her in the stomach one
day, and I was like, what are you gonna say no thank you?
Just got kicked in the stomach. Right, So so you know,
one day when she and I tell the teachers, I'm I swear, I'm
just like my mom. I went to school and I said, listen,
I told my daughter that if someone put their hands on her that she is
to defend herself because you're we're not gonna have one of those situations, you
bullied my kids, or I'm gonna have to show up at the parents house
and we're gonna have to deal with it. Right, So you either deal
with your kids or am I am I frozen again? Oh that's why?
Yeah? Why? Yeah? Like I can hear you, but your sounds
safe. I think I'm back on it. Man. Why did this happening
during the ATNT was just in front of my house giving off flyers and I
was like, yeall got y'all service. I'm gonna have to go talk to
them about that. Um. Sorry, was the last thing I start from.
You spoke to the teacher. I think, Oh yeah, so I
want did you press the teach in the face or did it? Did that
fin story? Nah? I told the teacher. I told the teachers said,
um either, I was like, I told my daughter that if someone
put their hands on her and their hands on her, she is to defend
herself. And um, I said, if you guys can't get this under
control, then me and being the parents are gonna have to get under control.
Like I was like, I have no problem. I'm just pulling up
at somebody house with my kid. So I said, you know, to
not let it go to that point. You know, this is what I've
told her, and this is what you guys need to do. UM.
I don't when it comes to bullying and things like that. I'm not of
the turn the other, turn the other chief group like I think you should
match energy with energy and and that's the way you resolve things, UM good
or bad. I know some people say walk away. I grew up in
the hood. You walk away, you get punched in the back of the
head. So you know, and you know, it's interesting because whether or
not persons that have daughters, especially listening to this, agree with what you
chose to tell you know, your daughter. I think just the idea that
you're teaching your daughter don't let anyone put their hands on you, is not
just punching, right, because that's going to stick with her. No,
right, because a lot of little girls are raised are not raised with that,
and sometimes you know they're thinking, well, maybe this is okay,
or like this is kind of weird. I know it doesn't feel right,
but you know, I never had this conversation with my dad, you know
what I mean, because that's something that's usually told to boys. Yeah,
So I think whatever side of the coin you fall on, Like you said,
to each his own, Whether people listening agree with that or not.
One thing I think that you just can't disagree with is at least giving your
daughter that idea in her head from no, don't let anybody put their hands
on you, you know what I mean? Like she'll always have that to
reference in her head. Yeah. Absolutely, Um, I don't. Yeah,
when it comes to her and that topic, I definitely don't like get
into the gender quote unquote gender rules and norms of it. I'm like,
listen, this is how you handle this situation. In my opinion, when
you when you know better, you can do differently. Yeah, definitely,
definitely what if the person treats somebody differently when nobody's watching, or they think
nobody's watching, because you do have people that are performative right that no people
are watching, or you know, we have this social media thing, so
they put out these quotes and they're so woke and they're just about unity.
But then you've seen them at a distance and they're kind of a jerk to
people. Or it's a lot easier to be those kind of people today.
You can hide behind the persona now more than ever. Um true, true,
Yeah, I don't know. I don't like it, but I do
think being able to look for those types of red flags because it's it's harder
to be able to spot because we're a lot of people's personas are more digital.
But I do think. I think a big thing for me is I
go off energy. I think Donald said earlier, you know match energy,
and I'm that person. Um, you know, whatever energy you give me,
I don't necessarily have to reciprocate it, but I'm gonna see the type
of energy year on and I know how to move based off of that real
gee's moving silence like lasagna. Yeah, yes, exactly, word for word.
Now I would I would agree. Um, I think getting back to
the like the original question about friends, I'm like math. Like my friends,
we keep each other accountable. Um, if you're not doing that,
then you're in the wrong circles, Like you can't be right all the time.
Right, So that's a word. I My friends will absolutely check me
if if I don't check myself. So, um, you know, get
you some better friends, That's what I'll say. Okay, So, last,
but not least rapid fire, Matthew, what is your favorite part of
the Oliver Airport episode quick, Oh my god, Um about the luggage,
he said, no, no, no, no, no, no no
no. That's my second favorite part. Second part is where he said,
um, way, name Darius, regret I didn't have. I called him
Darius. That's my favorite to this day. I've never forgotten that since I
was a kid. I still say to be like, ask you your anti
call alright, favor, what's yours? So it's been a long time since
I watched the episode, so I can't quote um, but just him,
him and the back and forth to him at the counter. I just,
oh, yes, this the whole his outfit, the way he cussed the
lady off. I just it's just one of the funniest things to me.
I'm like picturing the air and a muffins. Well, my favorite part is
when the woman tells him he can put his stuff in a box, and
he's like, box box Middle if you think you're fftiness friend me, you
know she don't know that anyhow, She jump on that escape scale all next
week the negler stops. Oh my god, man os and greatest man and
ladies and gentlemen. That's why it is an experience to be a Caribbean American
because we can directly quote these things on planned that came out must be what
twenty odd years ago now, and I feel like, yeah, I feel
like each generation knows something about Oliver right, depending on what you were exposed
to. And now we have YouTube. But guys as usual, thank you
so much for coming. This has been so fun. I feel like we
have to do it again. I have a strong feeling, like both of
your episodes separately, this is going to be one of our top episodes.
Um so yeah, thank you for coming and talking to things with me.
All right, Thanks for having us. It's always funding. Let me meet
you whenever we're in the same place. Thank you. This is fun.