WEBVTT

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If you're listening to the podcast on
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leave a comment below. Also,
don't forget to follow us on Instagram at

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Let's Talk to Things Now, Grab
your tea, coffee, or a glass

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of wine and let's talk to things. Hello everyone, and welcome to another

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episode of Let's Talk the Things.
It is Christmas, it is your birthday

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because I have your favorite guests backed
by popular demands, Donald and Matthew.

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Hi, guys, what's up?
What's up? What's up? Hey?

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Hey? Wait Donna? Wait wait, I didn't know she already kind of

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pitied us against each other. Now
favorite Between that and did you hear the

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radio voice stream? Yeah, I
was like, hold on, I was

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like, I need to get mine, I need to work online a little

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bit. Um excuse me, You
guys know this is reporting live from TVJ.

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You have to switch up the voice. Man. Look, I gotta

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work on that for the next one. So, honey tea, did you

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guys know that it is officially Caribbean
American Heritage Month? Sorry sorry, that's

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a that's a bad habit. Well, man, I'm trying to team it.

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You can't take Jemmy Couns anywhere.
I'm trying to take it out.

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You got to take us everywhere?
Do it? So? Um, for

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those of you listening that don't quite
understand, boop really means yes or um.

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I heard from the affirmative right right, I can, I can concur.

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I'm agreeable with that statement. Oh
I really concur? Right? Okay,

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Okay, I don't know concur.
But yes. So it is Caribbian

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American Heritage Month. So we are
going to talk some growing up Caribbean things,

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in our case, growing up Jamaican
in America and what that was like.

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And we're going to talk about just
all kinds of things. You guys

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know. I like to catch you
by surprise, um, but this week

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you guys missed it. We are
bringing back drum roll please, where's my

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dad when you needed killing me?
Come on a drum roll? Thank you,

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thank you. You're supposed to act
like you're almost beaten up the desk.

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I didn't have none to beat.
I was looking around. I got

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a suitcase in my bedroom, you
know. So, yes, we are

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bringing back that not so and see
if and I promise it's a good one.

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All right. So I will start
with Donald, What was your experience

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like when you first came to America
as a Caribbean immigrant. That was a

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long time ago. Um. Let's
see. So we first landed in Atlanta,

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Georgia. Um, and so I
got here when I was I was

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six turning seven believe or maybe five
turning six, one of those two.

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I'm old now, so saw fuzzy. But um, it's just a different

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environment. Um. You you know, I'm young, I get here and

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this is I can't even remember so
much from five or six, but all

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right, it was colder. I
vividly remember that it was because we landed

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and it was it wasn't hot like
Jamaica and Atlanta doesn't get that cold.

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But it still was much cooler than
I expected or that I was used to.

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Um, you know, we were
there for a while, and then

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we moved to even colder Connecticut because
you know, opportunities just presented themselves there.

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So, you know, getting here
first impressions just you know, it's

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a there's a new space. I'm
not old enough to really make a whole

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lot of it, but you know, you know there's differences because you have

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sense when you're that aide, so
you know certain things that then there's the

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challenge of school. So I don't
know how far you are me to go

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into this, but I can.
I can leave it there if you want,

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or if the school thing, so
you bring up school, right.

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So one thing I know that a
lot of us struggled with when moving to

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this country is the whole assimilation factor, right, because depending on what neighborhood

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you move to, that's kind of
how you assimilated, right, And especially

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those of us that came here and
appear racially ambiguous, ambiguous because of you

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know, the alt of many one
people. It's kind of like I've heard

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some persons that are white Jamaicans,
for example, they don't really know where

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they fit because it's the first time
they really realized, like, wait,

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I don't look like how I feel. Maybe you know what I mean,

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Like nobody's seeing me as Jamaica.
They're seeing me as white and imagine imagine

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Chinese Jamaicans. I remember people today
still are blown mind blown about her.

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Yeah. I remember one of my
cousin's friend um friends went to a nail

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salon and they were fully trying to
speak to her in Chinese and she was

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like, yeah, I don't know
what you're saying, Like they were shocked.

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He's like, why would you be
talking to me like that? Why

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would you think? Yeah? And
then they I think they thought maybe oh

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she's not Chinese, maybe she's Vietnamese, and she's like, no, I'm

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noanes like and they, you know, like they could not believe. So

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that's I would really love to know
that. Like your experience, as you

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know, coming in, all you
know is your Jamaican you know what I

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mean, Like, did you feel
like you ever had issues or had to

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fit in with you know, black
Americans or you know that type of thing.

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Yes, So I can jump in
and talk to that because I think

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and I don't know how how old
you were when you came here, ash,

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but again I've been here my whole
life, so um getting here and

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the starting school and right, you
don't sound like everybody else, right,

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you know you're you're culturally different.
You know you're learning a new culture there.

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There are huge differences between American culture
and Jamaican culture. You're in a

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Jamaican household, right, so you're
at home and you're a certain way and

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then the world around you is a
different way. So you know, trying

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to navigate that and figure out how
can I fit in, Um, how

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do I fit in without losing my
culture? You know the language thing that

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I still had an accent when I
first came here, right, so I

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had to figure out how's that gonna
go. Um, clearly I kind of

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took the route of fully assimilating,
and you know, you know, that

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was a thing that you had to
consider. You know, your friends,

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people are going to treat you differently, so you I know, my first

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friends here were family members, like
my cousins. I had to just because

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I didn't know how to really the
kids didn't want to understand me when I

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was talking to them, so it
was just all right, well here's my

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little you know, crew of family. And then you start to expand out,

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you start to make friends. But
it was definitely a huge adjustment m

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specifically with that. And then the
other thing that was kind of unique to

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my case is I started in the
South, so start in Atlanta, so

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they couldn't understand me, and I
sure couldn't understand them because of that heavy

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accent. And then we moved to
Connecticut, which you know, kind of

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even though a little bit because Connecticut
Hartford is like little Maker, so you

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feel very comfortable in that aspect of
your culture, and then you just start

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to figure out how to you know, blend the two and then and kind

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of how it's going to work for
you. Let me ask you this,

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know that you're older and you have, you know, children of your own,

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and no, I would venture to
say, and I will wrote Matthew

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in and a little while that the
children that are coming here, No,

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I think have it easier in the
sense of, like it's cool now to

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be from the Caribbean, particularly to
be Jamaican. Right, So, like,

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yeah, I'm sure there's still children
in school getting made fun of for

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the accent and all that, but
I think it's just a different factor than

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in the early nineties, you know
what I mean. Absolutely, So,

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yeah, there are a few differences
now. One, like you said it's

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cool to be Jamaican, so nobody's
really teasing you about, you know,

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marking. So it was you were
loud colors and different brands and you say

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things a certain a certain way.
Now it's cool. People are more exposed

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to Jamaican culture. People are more
you know, they love Jamaica. They've

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they've they've been to Jamaica, so
they can identify with it. Are different

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a little differently, so it's easier
in that sense. And then even the

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folks that are coming here that aren't
little little kids, but you know,

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maybe teenage or early teen, you
have social media, so you already know

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what to expect. True, so
we didn't know what to expect. Mother,

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my mother took a trip to New
York one time, came back and

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then decided we're gonna move to America. And we actually didn't move to New

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York, which is the funniest part. But but so you have these expectations

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that you necessary necessarily weren't met.
So I personally didn't have any expectations because

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again I was only five or six, so okay, But even as a

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child, though, did you have
like, because you know, imagination,

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Like, did you have an idea
of what you thought America was? Yeah?

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You you you do have an idea
because you do hear about it.

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You know what Jamaicans love talking about
feign, Yes, so, um,

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you hear what you hear those things. And I guess said I was a

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smarter kid, so I did understand, and I guess have some expectation,

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but um, yeah, it's it's
just again. Now, now, kids,

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are you know what to expect what
you see. You see America on

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the news. You have way more
access to information. You social media,

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You're interacting from people from all with
people from all over the place. So

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yeah, you definitely have an easier
route in a sense. Yeah, I

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can think of some things that may
be more difficult, but that's more around

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like this privacy and you know,
yeah, no, that that makes perfect

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sense. And I guess what I
was getting at her. What I would

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love to ask you is again that
you have children of your own. No,

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that you're older, Um, you
know, and know that you've been

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here so long that I'm sure you
feel completely different than when you were six,

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you know, as far as confidence
in who you are and where you

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come from. Do you regret losing
your accent at all? No? Not,

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not necessarily no, because right any
any other Caribbean person that hears me

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talk knows that I'm not American,
right, Yeah, Yeah, I can,

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I you know, code switch and
do all the things. I think.

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The way it turned out for me
it makes me more versatile in different

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spaces, so I can operate in
the corporate America space that I live in

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for a period of time. And
I sound like you know, Jim.

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Yeah, you know, like and
then when when I'm around you guys or

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family, I'm I'm into our culture, right, but when I'm around a

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different set of people, you know, yeah, it allows me to be

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a bit of a chameleon in the
sense that, you know, I don't

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have a strong accent, but you
kind of can hear something or you can

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kind of not hear something, so
right, you're able to kind of finagle

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your way between both. Yeah,
and I think that has had its advantages,

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you know, be a good thing, and it's had its advantages for

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me growing up in the time that
we did. You know, I became

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quote unquote cooler when I wasn't like
the different kid, you know, the

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little Jamaican kid, right start playing
football, I kind of starts, you

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know, sounding a little bit more
like people you know or that were around

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me, And yeah, that made
things a little bit easier. M that's

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interesting. So did you ever have
any moments where you kind of felt because,

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like you said, you're going home
to Jamaica home, so even though

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you're assimilating at school, you know, like, did you have to turn

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that off when you got home?
It wasn't more of a turn it off.

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I think it just in time,
just kind of blended or faded.

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Right. So I'm sure for a
while, probably for the first you know,

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six seven years I was here,
it was probably a turn on and

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off type thing. And then there
came a point where you couldn't really turn

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it on and off. You just
sound like how you sound? Right?

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Yeah? Yeah, if I if
I try to talk straight, pot,

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I probably sound ridiculous. But yeah, when I need to pronounce certain a

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certain way or just be able to
you know, um, just relate to

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something else I can. And you
know what's funny, it makes me think

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of I forgot what episode this was
on, but talking about like the music

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business, right as it relates to
reggae, dance hall, whatever the case.

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Maybe and that one year I think
it was with Uncle Sly that some

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band I think maybe they were a
white American band or European band they won

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for Best Reggae Album and people were
very upset, right, And it made

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me think, well, if Jamaicans
come to America, right, and I'm

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sure this is any Caribbean country,
but obviously we know where we're from.

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If they come to America or even
have the concept that it's cooler to be

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American or have an American accent.
Right, So therefore, maybe newer artists

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come to America and don't really stick
to the reggae or dance hall zone because

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they want to make it you know, international or crossover. Right, then,

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don't you think there's a higher chance
that it's going to happen that someone's

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going to hear our soone appreciate our
son and say, oh, I'm going

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to do that because I think it's
cool. So I think it's interesting.

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How like other cultures think being Jamaican
talking you know, maybe not talking with

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an accent, but like singing or
music. They tried that a lot,

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right, right? Or how many
movies I said this with kim Um,

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my friend who I had on here, that that's an actress. How many

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movies do we see and we're like, excuse me, like you're supposed to

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be what now? From where?
Listen? I just I didn't get to

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see The Little Mermaid, but I
heard through the grape vine that listen Sebastian.

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We all know where he's supposed to
be from, but Dutch, I

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don't know what Caribbean island. Yeah, so yeah, man, but I

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get that you know the general point
that you're making. It makes sense,

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and I think people don't consider that
at time. Right, we come here

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a lot of I don't know one
Jamaican person, well maybe a couple that

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don't come here and towing oh right, don't even gets so it would be

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in my mind. While I don't
love the like non Jamaican reggae, I

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understand where they coming from. Right, they see something that they appreciate it

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and they want to doesn't sound good
to me, No, personally, it's

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just my thing. I don't.
I got the okay dop when I moved

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to California when I saw a reggae
advertisers going a flyer and I showed up

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and a bunch of white guys with
dreads. You know again, some people

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00:16:48.320 --> 00:16:52.440
love it wasn't my thing, but
I get it. Yeah, and especially

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00:16:52.519 --> 00:16:56.519
California, they do a lot more
like SKA, you know what I mean.

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So, and even that's the thing. I appreciate any band. I

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00:17:02.120 --> 00:17:04.440
mean, you have like if you're
going way back the police, you have

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like more our generation, sublime,
slightly stupid. That's all California area,

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you know what I mean. And
I think they sound amazing. But my

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00:17:14.079 --> 00:17:18.920
point is, I don't think as
a community we have the right to get

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00:17:18.039 --> 00:17:23.160
upset if when we come into the
you know, American or whatever a popular

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00:17:23.279 --> 00:17:30.759
scene, we are maybe socialized.
I don't know that it's really a conscious

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00:17:30.839 --> 00:17:33.960
choice to like sound more American,
you know what I mean. So you

219
00:17:34.000 --> 00:17:38.200
know, they say Sean Paul has
had so much success at the Grammys or

220
00:17:38.240 --> 00:17:42.880
internationally because yes, he sings in
Patua, but it's not it's Patua.

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00:17:42.960 --> 00:17:47.799
You can understand, quote unquote,
you know what I mean. So that's

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00:17:47.839 --> 00:17:51.200
what I'm just saying it to say, like, I feel like we have

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mixed messages and on how we're socialized
as Jamaicans, because on one hand,

224
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we're very proud, like we're very
proud people. Someone will even say we're

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too old, right, But on
the other hand, like you said,

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nine out of ten Jamaicans, I'm
sure it's a statistic, but I'm making

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this one up. Nine out of
ten Jamaicans come here on twenty twin yeah,

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and we can't have that. I
would be the first person to correct

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anybody that says I'm American, even
though I've been here majority of my life.

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So yes, I'm a very,
very very proud Jamaican. Yeah,

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00:18:23.240 --> 00:18:27.640
um and to the point you know
you're making with the Deshaun Paul references ironic.

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I just watched an episode of The
Shop Um the the it's like a

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00:18:34.160 --> 00:18:41.079
podcast style show that Lebron James and
Maverick Carter they produced. Oh okay,

234
00:18:41.160 --> 00:18:44.200
okay, Charisse was on here and
she was talking about that. Yeah yeah,

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00:18:44.240 --> 00:18:48.880
yeah, yeah, so shouldn't say
it was on it the last episode

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00:18:48.480 --> 00:18:56.359
and they asked a question around her
catching a lot of flak for um the

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way she sounds and interviews, and
she was like, you have to kind

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00:19:02.960 --> 00:19:06.359
of do this. She's like,
I do this because it's people are people

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00:19:06.400 --> 00:19:11.519
can more easily understand what I'm saying. It's not that I'm trying to hide

240
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my Jamaican hetag accent, but I
have a I have a diverse audience,

241
00:19:18.599 --> 00:19:22.960
and this is the way I need
to communicate in order to make sure that

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00:19:22.079 --> 00:19:26.400
my message is reaching this diverse audience. She said, you know, in

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00:19:26.720 --> 00:19:30.599
her own way, but paraphrasing that
essentially what how she answered the question.

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And I mean, I think that
that goes without saying that. You know,

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that is something that can be beneficial
if you you know it. It

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sometimes just makes things easier. And
it's if you're you know, if you're

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00:19:45.960 --> 00:19:49.359
you're trying. Not necessarily. There's
nothing wrong with our beautiful accent, you

248
00:19:49.400 --> 00:19:56.559
know. But no, and I
know that socialized thing is. I don't

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think it's something. Well, I
can't speak for everybody, because you know,

250
00:19:59.519 --> 00:20:06.039
you do have some Jamaicans unfortunately that's
just yeah, anyway, we won't

251
00:20:06.079 --> 00:20:08.400
talk about that. But anyways,
I think Shancia I'm glad you brought her

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00:20:08.440 --> 00:20:12.920
up, is a great example because
I know that she gets. I don't

253
00:20:12.920 --> 00:20:17.599
know if she still gets, but
I know maybe a couple of years ago,

254
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I remember seeing articles about how people
thought she was selling out because she

255
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was doing not like hardcore dance hall
and things like that, and so I

256
00:20:27.279 --> 00:20:33.200
remember when she first came out.
She was very clear when she said,

257
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I love all genres of music,
and yes I started with dance hall,

258
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but eventually I want to be an
international superstar. So to your point,

259
00:20:44.680 --> 00:20:48.000
in order to be an international superstar, you people have to be able to

260
00:20:48.119 --> 00:20:52.759
understand you right, like to connect
with your music. And let's be honest,

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00:20:52.799 --> 00:20:56.160
people can connect with music of different
languages because look how much Japan loves

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00:20:56.200 --> 00:21:00.920
reggae and I'm sure everybody in that
audience doesn't speak fluent English, you know

263
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what I mean, but they connect
with it. However, I just think

264
00:21:06.559 --> 00:21:10.359
she gets a lot of flak because
even though she came in with hard down

265
00:21:10.400 --> 00:21:14.240
taller, you know, however you
view it, she said from the beginning

266
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that she listens to all genres.
But it's like people want to put her

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in a box, or I should
say, keep her in a box,

268
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you know. And I think this
is the time she's young. You know,

269
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you should experiment. But I guess
saying all that to say, I

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just I just think it goes back
to that whole assimilation thing, right,

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Like where is the line between staying
true to who I am but knowing I'm

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in a different environment and assimilating because
we all have to do it. I

273
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mean we don't. We don't live
in Jamaica, you know what I mean?

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Like we live here. So I've
always had a pastor point I've always

275
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had I've always had a struggle and
kind of conflict with the whole assimilation,

276
00:21:56.039 --> 00:22:06.799
like the term itself and how to
use because I think oftentimes it's overused and

277
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or used without context. So like
you said, we everyone assimilates to something.

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I don't care who you are,
you assimilate in some way, shape

279
00:22:18.720 --> 00:22:23.079
or form in your life every single
day, right that that's just the world

280
00:22:23.079 --> 00:22:26.680
we live in. That's the world
we've we've lived in for a while,

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so you do. And I think
people that I don't know, I wish

282
00:22:32.160 --> 00:22:34.559
there were a different term to describe, you know, like you're saying,

283
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like the just the blending of of
you know, your culture and your environment

284
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and how you know what the result
of that is, right, It's yeah,

285
00:22:48.839 --> 00:22:51.480
I don't. I hate that.
It's like, oh, assimilated to

286
00:22:51.839 --> 00:22:55.119
you want to be like the Americans. No, but I'm in America,

287
00:22:55.400 --> 00:23:00.839
and for me it's easier to sound
like this, and for me personally,

288
00:23:00.920 --> 00:23:04.960
anybody else can can you know?
However you roll, you roll, no

289
00:23:06.000 --> 00:23:08.119
problem. Basically argue with your auntie, Yeah, right, that's cool.

290
00:23:08.160 --> 00:23:15.160
It's for you. With me,
it has worked out to be worked out

291
00:23:15.200 --> 00:23:21.640
in my favor in many different ways, to just be a certain way,

292
00:23:21.839 --> 00:23:25.319
right, I'm not I'm not turning
my back on my culture. I'm not

293
00:23:25.559 --> 00:23:30.839
talking down on my culture, right, Like, it's just this works and

294
00:23:30.440 --> 00:23:37.559
we all have to to make sacrifices
and decisions based on what we're trying to

295
00:23:37.559 --> 00:23:44.720
accomplish. Yep, absolutely, And
I think that idea is really more about

296
00:23:44.839 --> 00:23:51.720
survival, right, yeah, more
so than to me like twanging or saying

297
00:23:51.880 --> 00:23:55.680
Jamaicans, I don't like those Jamaicans. Then you're like, excuse me,

298
00:23:55.759 --> 00:23:59.559
what? Like, sir, sir? Like you, I know you've been

299
00:23:59.559 --> 00:24:03.039
here from maybe twenty years, but
like that's still where to me, that

300
00:24:03.240 --> 00:24:07.119
is you having kind of a self
loathing, you know what I mean,

301
00:24:07.200 --> 00:24:11.359
Or it's self deprecating attitude towards your
culture. But like you said, adjusting,

302
00:24:11.400 --> 00:24:15.599
you have to adjust. I mean, it's just something you have to

303
00:24:15.599 --> 00:24:18.640
do. And everybody has different ways, but and everyone does it. So

304
00:24:18.720 --> 00:24:23.559
like the way I talked to my
friends when I'm in a different circle is

305
00:24:23.599 --> 00:24:29.240
not the way I talk to my
coworkers. So am I gonna am I

306
00:24:29.240 --> 00:24:33.680
assimilated? Because I'm not. I'm
not using ebonics or I'm not using right,

307
00:24:33.759 --> 00:24:37.720
I'm serious, Like I don't if
Yeah, when I'm at work,

308
00:24:37.759 --> 00:24:41.440
I can't talk like I'm on the
block. I can't. Yeah, I

309
00:24:41.440 --> 00:24:44.400
mean I can probably try, but
it's finely gonna get me very far.

310
00:24:48.440 --> 00:24:53.200
Okay, So Matthew, I'm going
to ask you the same thing, assimilation.

311
00:24:53.799 --> 00:24:57.400
Now your story is a little bit
different, right because you weren't born

312
00:24:57.480 --> 00:25:03.759
in Jamaica. You were born here, however you lived or still live.

313
00:25:03.880 --> 00:25:07.359
But when you were born younger in
New York, which is basically Jamaica,

314
00:25:08.400 --> 00:25:12.680
and you still go back frequently,
you know, spent summers there, all

315
00:25:12.759 --> 00:25:18.680
of that, So I guess I
would almost ask you the reverse, like,

316
00:25:18.799 --> 00:25:21.799
did you feel any different when you
went back and you have all these

317
00:25:21.799 --> 00:25:25.599
cousins and you're like the cool American
cousin, you know what I mean?

318
00:25:25.680 --> 00:25:27.079
But then when you came back,
did you like, did you feel like

319
00:25:27.119 --> 00:25:30.039
you had to do a little double
It's a good question, and you know

320
00:25:30.079 --> 00:25:33.640
what I did feel. I didn't
realize I was doing a double Dutch,

321
00:25:33.920 --> 00:25:40.039
And maybe even now having this conversation, I'm realizing that I probably was having

322
00:25:40.079 --> 00:25:42.000
to do someone I was younger.
But for those of you who may not

323
00:25:42.599 --> 00:25:47.559
have listened to the first podcast where
I talked about it, like Ashley said,

324
00:25:48.640 --> 00:25:52.480
I grew up in New York and
specifically in an area where it's heavily

325
00:25:53.000 --> 00:26:00.559
populated by Jamaicans, like not Caribbean
people, specifically Jamaican. So what I

326
00:26:00.599 --> 00:26:03.640
tell people now where I'm from.
They're like, oh, you're Jamaican because

327
00:26:03.640 --> 00:26:10.559
they just know. So I think
that for granted, because you know,

328
00:26:10.640 --> 00:26:15.920
everyone that I knew, for the
most part, understood culturally my life.

329
00:26:15.400 --> 00:26:21.039
And again this was at a young
age. People. I didn't even say

330
00:26:21.039 --> 00:26:25.000
it out loud until maybe within the
last few years. But I didn't actually

331
00:26:25.039 --> 00:26:32.079
know any white people until I was
in high school, and my teachers at

332
00:26:32.119 --> 00:26:36.559
white teachers, but like, no
peers, nobody in my age. Anybody

333
00:26:36.599 --> 00:26:40.400
that was a white person that was
my age was the ops. They were

334
00:26:40.400 --> 00:26:45.880
on the other teams of every sport, like they were always adversary. We

335
00:26:45.920 --> 00:26:49.359
don't ever reach that part yet exactly, but I say that to say I

336
00:26:49.400 --> 00:26:53.920
took for granted growing up in an
enclave where everybody was like me to a

337
00:26:53.960 --> 00:26:57.920
degree or at least had some kind
of understanding of I didn't have to explain

338
00:26:59.039 --> 00:27:02.519
Jamaican culture. I didn't. You
know, there's a every other corner,

339
00:27:02.599 --> 00:27:07.440
there was a church, like in
Jamaica, every other every other corner,

340
00:27:07.440 --> 00:27:11.240
there was some kind of Caribbean restaurant. You know, everyone did the same

341
00:27:11.240 --> 00:27:14.880
things. So with that said,
when I did frequently, I went back

342
00:27:14.880 --> 00:27:19.160
to Jamaica every single summer and my
cousin's there. It was always they were

343
00:27:19.160 --> 00:27:22.640
always excited to see me because you
know, not to come back from firing,

344
00:27:23.720 --> 00:27:29.200
bring me from firing. And looking
back, they just used to think

345
00:27:29.200 --> 00:27:32.960
I was rich. And I realized
that that was the thing, and I

346
00:27:33.119 --> 00:27:37.799
was like, little did they though? Right? But like it wasn't that

347
00:27:37.880 --> 00:27:41.839
they looked at me as different.
They looked at me as wohymcha boy see

348
00:27:42.400 --> 00:27:48.240
look. And the thing I vividly
remember, vividly remember this my cousin,

349
00:27:48.319 --> 00:27:52.240
THEO. Shout out to THEO,
that's my dog. But THEO and I

350
00:27:52.279 --> 00:27:56.160
are a couple months apart, and
in our family it's heavily, heavily,

351
00:27:56.240 --> 00:28:02.240
heavily the ratios women to men,
like especially with my cousin's way more girl

352
00:28:02.359 --> 00:28:07.000
cousins. So the and I were
like the same age, and obviously boys

353
00:28:07.200 --> 00:28:11.880
and so boys of like six and
seven, you know, hanging out doing

354
00:28:11.920 --> 00:28:15.400
things that boys did at that time. Yeah, I remember, though vividly,

355
00:28:15.480 --> 00:28:18.960
when it was time for me to
come back, and I remember had

356
00:28:19.039 --> 00:28:23.839
this this flying jersey and I don't
know if it was like a Yankee jersey,

357
00:28:23.839 --> 00:28:26.039
but it was like a Yankee inspired
jersey. I don't know, if

358
00:28:26.079 --> 00:28:30.680
we had money for like real Yankee
jersey back. Yeah, exactly, it

359
00:28:30.720 --> 00:28:33.319
couldn't even you know what, no, I it was a foolbu It was

360
00:28:33.359 --> 00:28:40.960
foolbus the fool week. I got
one of them jerseys in my closet right

361
00:28:40.960 --> 00:28:42.680
now, you know what I'm talking
about. So at the time, you

362
00:28:42.680 --> 00:28:48.359
know it's the hot I remember when
I was leaving Jamaica, my my family

363
00:28:48.400 --> 00:28:56.279
said that I had to yo ladies
and gentlemen. You can't see this right

364
00:28:56.319 --> 00:29:02.480
now, but Donald just pulled out
the classic fooboo jersey. We are floored.

365
00:29:03.039 --> 00:29:10.400
Was not planning. I don't know. I can tell this is why

366
00:29:10.440 --> 00:29:15.359
I had to get these two together, because I already knew I was.

367
00:29:15.640 --> 00:29:21.759
I had. I was going to
a two nineties and two thousand party late

368
00:29:21.839 --> 00:29:26.759
last summer, and I actually got
the jersey at Forever twenty one and they

369
00:29:26.799 --> 00:29:29.599
had like a bunch of foods,
so I got like the jersey. I

370
00:29:29.680 --> 00:29:33.799
got a Lord Fooboo Jackie, all
this stuff in the class I don't want.

371
00:29:33.839 --> 00:29:36.640
It's gonna come back and standing because
they brought back baby fat. So

372
00:29:36.720 --> 00:29:40.160
you stayed there, sure, but
you know it's crazy about that. It

373
00:29:40.240 --> 00:29:42.039
was like this man didn't have to
move. It was like it was sitting

374
00:29:42.079 --> 00:29:47.519
with the arm that's you need this, like, oh you need this,

375
00:29:47.519 --> 00:29:55.480
hold on right back, I'm still
you said, Oh my god. But

376
00:29:55.559 --> 00:30:00.799
with that said, oh my god, that's why my stuff it. Yeah.

377
00:30:00.799 --> 00:30:03.640
So that jersey, right, which
at the time that was a big

378
00:30:03.720 --> 00:30:07.799
deal. Yeah, absolutely, yes, yes, just picture look a boys

379
00:30:07.880 --> 00:30:12.240
am to come down to Jamaica with
the with the food ball jersey and mind

380
00:30:12.319 --> 00:30:17.640
you, times were different. But
this is Spanish sone, you know what

381
00:30:17.640 --> 00:30:19.759
I mean, This is tom Spanish
song wasn't like what it is now where

382
00:30:19.759 --> 00:30:22.920
it's like crazy crazy crazy, or
maybe I was oblivious, but it was

383
00:30:22.960 --> 00:30:27.039
not as bad it was. I
mean, it was like my grand We

384
00:30:27.079 --> 00:30:30.640
literally lived with my grandmother and everybody
that I knew was like older people.

385
00:30:30.759 --> 00:30:34.400
It was not like, yeah,
wild and reckless, right wait, your

386
00:30:34.400 --> 00:30:40.720
grandma lived in Spanish tone she currently
lives in Spanish down same place. Big

387
00:30:40.839 --> 00:30:42.759
up the people that it was.
But with that said, you know,

388
00:30:42.759 --> 00:30:45.400
it wasn't like I had to worry
that somebody was gonna steal my jersey and

389
00:30:45.480 --> 00:30:48.359
nothing like that. You know what
I'm saying. It wasn't like that.

390
00:30:48.720 --> 00:30:52.759
So anyway, point of the story
is that they said that I had to

391
00:30:52.880 --> 00:30:57.599
leave, or they suggested Charlotte that
I leave my sneakers with Tia, leave

392
00:30:57.720 --> 00:31:03.279
my jersey with Tia, because you
know, they treated it as if I

393
00:31:03.359 --> 00:31:04.720
was rich and I could just go
get another one when I go back to

394
00:31:04.759 --> 00:31:10.119
Feign and I was heartbroken. I
remember this vividly. That was like a

395
00:31:10.160 --> 00:31:12.680
pivotal moment in my life because here
I am thinking that we were all the

396
00:31:12.799 --> 00:31:17.599
same this whole time, And that
was the moment when it clicked for me

397
00:31:17.599 --> 00:31:21.079
where I was like, no,
man, like you're going to to foreign

398
00:31:21.519 --> 00:31:26.640
Like, yeah, you guys different, You're not them. So hopefully that

399
00:31:26.720 --> 00:31:30.480
answered your question. But like that
was for me the moment where though I

400
00:31:30.519 --> 00:31:33.119
was always there, I had the
same friends, we would go to the

401
00:31:33.160 --> 00:31:37.279
same ball field. That was that
moment where I was like, oh,

402
00:31:37.319 --> 00:31:44.000
wow, like I'm not like them, I'm a foreigner. Actually maybe I'm

403
00:31:44.079 --> 00:31:47.519
rich. I think I think I
I think I'm I think I'm a prince.

404
00:31:47.640 --> 00:31:56.319
I'm the fresh prince. Is where
you got your name exactly right?

405
00:32:00.359 --> 00:32:05.640
So let me ask you both.
This um our motto is out of many

406
00:32:05.680 --> 00:32:10.799
one people, as you know,
do you think that that is true?

407
00:32:12.039 --> 00:32:19.279
In how all of us as Jamaican's
experience Jamaica, and anyone can go first.

408
00:32:21.599 --> 00:32:25.079
So out of many one people.
Obviously it's purported to mean, you

409
00:32:25.119 --> 00:32:30.680
know, out of many, we're
one race. But do you think it's

410
00:32:30.359 --> 00:32:32.720
I shouldn't say that, not out
of many, one race, but out

411
00:32:32.759 --> 00:32:38.480
of many, like we're one Jamaican
culture, because everybody's a different race or

412
00:32:38.519 --> 00:32:44.640
ethnicity. I should say, but
do you think that that holds true in

413
00:32:45.400 --> 00:32:51.680
you know how all of us that
are different races, although we're all Jamaican

414
00:32:52.799 --> 00:32:58.920
experience Jamaica. No, okay,
And I'm going to take the opposite.

415
00:32:58.960 --> 00:33:05.319
I want Donald to explain and I'm
gonna tak that's fair. So again,

416
00:33:05.359 --> 00:33:08.880
so like Matthew, So, I
didn't go back every every summer, but

417
00:33:08.960 --> 00:33:13.960
I went back for high school.
So, um, I was a little

418
00:33:13.960 --> 00:33:19.720
older and I could kind of just
view the world differently. Um, Jamaica's

419
00:33:20.519 --> 00:33:24.240
it's just like any other country,
right, you have a melting pot of

420
00:33:24.279 --> 00:33:30.160
people, and people are a certain
demographic, a certain look, a certain

421
00:33:30.200 --> 00:33:38.599
background. Definitely experienced Jamaica differently than
you know others. Right. I think

422
00:33:39.720 --> 00:33:46.640
the distribution of wealth might be a
little bit I won't say more even,

423
00:33:46.920 --> 00:33:51.200
but it's it's a little bit more
even hit than than you would see here

424
00:33:51.240 --> 00:33:53.920
in the US, because you do
have a ton of you know, black

425
00:33:54.039 --> 00:34:00.960
Jamaicans that have money. But then
if you look at the just structure of

426
00:34:00.799 --> 00:34:07.799
the island itself, and who's typically
associated with a better experience and a more

427
00:34:07.480 --> 00:34:13.639
better in a sense of more prosperous
experience, it's usually white Jamaicans, coolie

428
00:34:13.719 --> 00:34:20.719
Jamaicans, Chinese Jamaicans. You have
black Jamaicans that again there's a ton of

429
00:34:20.760 --> 00:34:24.480
them that have money and can't have
that experience. But I would say it's

430
00:34:24.639 --> 00:34:30.440
it's very similar in a lot of
ways to how it is here. If

431
00:34:30.480 --> 00:34:35.440
you the more you have, the
different you know, the different your experiences

432
00:34:35.760 --> 00:34:40.280
from the others that don't have.
And a lot of that concentration of money

433
00:34:42.679 --> 00:34:45.880
is kind of in the same place
as it is here in the US in

434
00:34:45.880 --> 00:34:52.679
a lot of ways. Where it's
people of it's not people of color.

435
00:34:52.760 --> 00:34:58.639
And I use that term loosely because
again I don't know what you consider coolie

436
00:34:58.679 --> 00:35:01.119
Jamaicans. I would put I would
consider them people of color as well.

437
00:35:01.159 --> 00:35:07.199
But anyway, um, white folks, white people, Chinese drinkings, cool

438
00:35:07.599 --> 00:35:09.760
that's typically where all the money is
where most of the money is sitting in

439
00:35:09.840 --> 00:35:14.320
Jamaica, So the experience is different
than than than a lot of people you

440
00:35:14.400 --> 00:35:20.880
see, you know down in the
lower you know, parts of the communities.

441
00:35:21.519 --> 00:35:30.320
M hm. So essentially want to
want getty. I haven't heard nobody

442
00:35:30.400 --> 00:35:37.199
say that in the via macael.
You know what one people person you know

443
00:35:37.280 --> 00:35:43.199
last time it was brought up seat
and is always good for those man,

444
00:35:44.239 --> 00:35:49.599
I'm not brought up sea. Yeah, that's the that's the up town speak.

445
00:35:50.599 --> 00:36:02.960
Spoke first of all, A right, yeah, and just let me

446
00:36:04.000 --> 00:36:09.760
have okay, yes, all right, So Donna, very very eloquently that

447
00:36:09.840 --> 00:36:14.320
was a very good bring back to
my speech and debate days. He made

448
00:36:14.320 --> 00:36:19.760
a response, No, my guy, my guy. He made a very

449
00:36:20.880 --> 00:36:30.199
very provocative point in terms of yes, culturally bigger man umm mad brought up

450
00:36:30.400 --> 00:36:36.559
over but it all seriously, No, it is true, I mean and

451
00:36:36.679 --> 00:36:39.920
for those who are not as familiar
with with the many different cultures, the

452
00:36:39.960 --> 00:36:47.159
way that Donna laid it out is
very true. Unfortunately, the fairer skin

453
00:36:47.400 --> 00:36:54.719
because Jamaica definitely definitely more than anything
dominated by um the cast system from a

454
00:36:54.719 --> 00:37:00.440
complexion standpoint. But then a lot
of those lines then also tend to bleed

455
00:37:00.480 --> 00:37:05.880
into subcultures, which is the coolie, which is the you know, Chinese.

456
00:37:07.000 --> 00:37:10.639
And I think even that is why
I do believe with all that said,

457
00:37:12.159 --> 00:37:15.679
I do think the United culture I
think when it said one people,

458
00:37:16.880 --> 00:37:22.519
in my opinion, I could also
make an argument that despite all of those

459
00:37:22.559 --> 00:37:29.679
differences that maybe financially separate us the
culture that we're all united by. Jamaican

460
00:37:29.719 --> 00:37:34.840
people are proud Jamaicans regardless of all
of that. And I see how that

461
00:37:34.960 --> 00:37:40.679
is just took me down. Look
at that, Hey, you gotta pull

462
00:37:40.840 --> 00:37:45.119
back out, you pull you pulled
the debate team all. But you know,

463
00:37:45.679 --> 00:37:50.119
and that's just a kind of argument
because I do think in certain moments,

464
00:37:50.880 --> 00:37:53.320
you know, the deeper you get
in in the culture. Even for

465
00:37:53.360 --> 00:37:57.679
example, I was actually having an
interesting conversation the other day with my cousin's

466
00:37:57.719 --> 00:38:04.280
about um about roster faring culture.
And it's not even specifically roster culture people

467
00:38:04.280 --> 00:38:08.599
who are actually rosters. It's wearing
locks. And as we know as Jamaicans,

468
00:38:08.880 --> 00:38:13.880
that is that's almost like a scarlet
letter, or it was a scarlet

469
00:38:13.920 --> 00:38:17.239
letter, yes, and still is
you know what I mean. I obviously

470
00:38:17.239 --> 00:38:21.800
it wasn't raised there so I can't
speak to the nuances of it even now.

471
00:38:21.920 --> 00:38:25.800
But people here now we're full locks
and all these things. But we

472
00:38:25.800 --> 00:38:30.639
were having a conversation about how my
cousin has grown out these little locks,

473
00:38:30.199 --> 00:38:35.440
and his mother was like, no, people are not gonna respect you,

474
00:38:35.559 --> 00:38:38.320
and blah blah blah blah. And
she was like, I would never hire

475
00:38:38.440 --> 00:38:44.559
somebody who had lots, who was
who had locks, not even someone who

476
00:38:45.400 --> 00:38:49.880
is Roster. And it was just
so interesting to have that conversation in twenty

477
00:38:49.920 --> 00:38:52.679
twenty three because of the connotation of
it. So I say all that to

478
00:38:52.760 --> 00:38:58.960
say, just understanding the different culture, of differences within the one culture,

479
00:38:59.199 --> 00:39:04.599
it's so interesting. But we treat
it as if you know, that's our

480
00:39:04.639 --> 00:39:07.480
home, in the same way that
people parents always said, you know,

481
00:39:07.559 --> 00:39:12.119
you don't bring our business outside.
People don't gotta know what's going on to

482
00:39:12.199 --> 00:39:15.400
the outside. If anybody say anything
bad about a Jamaican or Jamaica or our

483
00:39:15.480 --> 00:39:22.519
CoA. We're there together, downtown
Roster. Everybody gonna be together, united

484
00:39:22.559 --> 00:39:27.960
for the Yeah, yeah, I
agree, I agree, And I think

485
00:39:28.000 --> 00:39:32.599
you both made very valid points.
I think, um, I don't remember,

486
00:39:32.840 --> 00:39:37.480
Matthew, if this was the first
episode or second episode we did,

487
00:39:37.519 --> 00:39:42.280
but we talked about tessan Chin and
when she won the voice, you know,

488
00:39:42.440 --> 00:39:45.519
and I remember they did an interview
with her. I don't remember if

489
00:39:45.519 --> 00:39:51.239
it was Jamaica media or American media, but they talked about, you know,

490
00:39:51.880 --> 00:39:54.480
the whole up tone down tone thing, like asking where she's from,

491
00:39:54.519 --> 00:39:59.039
and she said something like I'm from
every tone. And I thought that was

492
00:39:59.079 --> 00:40:04.039
so beautiful that she said that,
because it makes it again we would still

493
00:40:04.079 --> 00:40:08.719
be cheering for her. But for
everybody, like in any socioeconomic status on

494
00:40:08.760 --> 00:40:14.280
the island, it made them feel
like they won, you know what I

495
00:40:14.320 --> 00:40:16.960
mean, Like it made them feel
like she wasn't looking down on anybody,

496
00:40:16.960 --> 00:40:21.519
and I mean that's not her personality
anyway. But because it was such a

497
00:40:21.559 --> 00:40:24.199
big stage, I thought, like, whoa, you know the Olympics,

498
00:40:24.559 --> 00:40:29.079
when anyone is running, we're all
they're screaming, cheering, like you would

499
00:40:29.119 --> 00:40:37.119
think we're getting something. Absolutely those
nine seconds, people are literally in tears,

500
00:40:37.239 --> 00:40:39.840
like back and forth. You would
think this is our cousin or something.

501
00:40:39.920 --> 00:40:44.519
And it's something that I think and
I see it all the time.

502
00:40:45.559 --> 00:40:51.440
Being Jamaican, being Caribbean is really
an experience, like I don't think it's

503
00:40:51.519 --> 00:40:54.679
something that you can explain. I
think there's a lot of people that may

504
00:40:54.800 --> 00:40:59.639
want to be We were talking about
that as well, but I think to

505
00:41:00.039 --> 00:41:02.639
really be of that culture, you
know what I mean, whether you were

506
00:41:02.679 --> 00:41:07.239
born there, whether you were you
know, raised by Jamaican parents, first

507
00:41:07.280 --> 00:41:09.880
generation American, you know, living
in somewhere like New York, like Matthew

508
00:41:09.880 --> 00:41:15.880
said, that's basically pockets of little
Jamaica, you know, or Hartford,

509
00:41:15.960 --> 00:41:20.000
Like you said, Donald, that's
little Jamaica. It's just something that like

510
00:41:20.960 --> 00:41:23.880
you just have to experience. And
Matthew, we talked about Dale Um,

511
00:41:24.639 --> 00:41:29.519
I think Donald, we talked about
like Julie Mango and it's so funny how

512
00:41:29.559 --> 00:41:32.599
thousands of people are watching these videos
and we all feel like we had the

513
00:41:32.679 --> 00:41:37.280
same upbringing, you know, Like
that's crazy, but it's also beautiful.

514
00:41:37.519 --> 00:41:45.159
Yeah, it is is definitely a
and you see it across like you see

515
00:41:45.159 --> 00:41:51.079
it in the culture where like I
would agree with what Matthew said around like

516
00:41:51.199 --> 00:41:57.000
culturally, yeah, we every household, it's just it's rooted in a specific

517
00:41:57.079 --> 00:42:01.159
thing, right. We definitely have
an experience from that perspective, because yeah,

518
00:42:01.239 --> 00:42:07.159
we nothing you unite us more than
just our culture. And our country

519
00:42:07.159 --> 00:42:15.599
and love of country. So changing
lanes a little bit um, not to

520
00:42:15.920 --> 00:42:17.960
bring it down, but don't worry, We're gonna go back up. Um.

521
00:42:21.000 --> 00:42:24.880
A lot of times we talk about, maybe not on the podcast,

522
00:42:24.920 --> 00:42:31.000
but just in our conversations, the
violence that goes on in Jamaica and Donald,

523
00:42:31.599 --> 00:42:36.320
you were definitely someone that I talked
to a lot about when I was

524
00:42:36.400 --> 00:42:42.440
doing that project in school. And
the other day, I think it was

525
00:42:42.639 --> 00:42:45.039
maybe even yesterday, I can't remember. The days are running together these days,

526
00:42:45.119 --> 00:42:53.280
but an eight year old had her
neck, yeah, sliced and I

527
00:42:53.360 --> 00:42:58.320
was left for dead and ended up
dying. Yea thrown out of a car

528
00:42:58.559 --> 00:43:07.440
eight year old girl. That's just
the most recent actually that okay, because

529
00:43:07.440 --> 00:43:12.239
I was like this story, yeah, so no, But Matthew, the

530
00:43:12.280 --> 00:43:15.679
one we were talking about that was
different. That was a sixteen year old

531
00:43:15.800 --> 00:43:19.880
that it was like the neighbor.
No, she wasn't sixteen, I'm sorry.

532
00:43:20.159 --> 00:43:23.039
She was in her early twenties and
the neighbor was like a family friend

533
00:43:23.039 --> 00:43:25.519
and was offering to take her to
work. I think she worked at the

534
00:43:25.559 --> 00:43:30.519
bank or something and ended up raping
and killing her. Your point, do

535
00:43:30.679 --> 00:43:32.159
you know what it was? Me
and my mother just talked because I feel

536
00:43:32.159 --> 00:43:37.920
like I just spoke about I was
like, who talk point topics are so

537
00:43:38.039 --> 00:43:43.159
pervasive that it's like we could have
just been talking about another one and then

538
00:43:43.199 --> 00:43:47.239
another one happened, right, So
I bring that up to say, we

539
00:43:47.400 --> 00:43:51.920
just spoke about how much we love
Jamaica, we love our culture, we

540
00:43:52.000 --> 00:43:57.400
get together, we do this.
What do you think we can do about

541
00:43:57.440 --> 00:44:05.199
the violence against women and girls?
Because it is just becoming like frightening,

542
00:44:06.039 --> 00:44:12.199
you know what I mean, like
especially for these young girls. I mean

543
00:44:12.880 --> 00:44:15.800
what type of persons are able to
do? I mean do it period?

544
00:44:15.920 --> 00:44:23.800
Doing it period is wrong and sick. But I always hear elders talk about

545
00:44:24.000 --> 00:44:29.679
children, and the elders used to
be safe and know it just seems like

546
00:44:29.800 --> 00:44:34.920
nobody cares. I just wanted to
kind of get your quick insights on just

547
00:44:35.000 --> 00:44:38.280
like how do you feel when you
see things like that? Like what do

548
00:44:38.280 --> 00:44:44.199
you think can be done? If
anything? You want to go firsts Who're

549
00:44:44.199 --> 00:44:47.960
gonna go first? I'll go first. I'll go first because I don't know

550
00:44:49.000 --> 00:44:51.920
if it's a hot take, but
I don't know where I struggle with this

551
00:44:51.960 --> 00:44:57.599
one is that it's happening unfortunately on
a global scale, and I do think

552
00:44:57.639 --> 00:45:00.639
that unfortunate a lot of these,
a woman, especially the most recent one,

553
00:45:00.639 --> 00:45:04.159
which is why I think that one's
top of my mind. If I

554
00:45:04.239 --> 00:45:06.880
understand correctly, or at least the
way my mom explained it to me,

555
00:45:07.840 --> 00:45:12.360
that young girl was unfortunately used as
collateral. Yeah, where she was.

556
00:45:13.000 --> 00:45:15.000
She wasn't even the target. Like
she was she was the target, but

557
00:45:15.079 --> 00:45:21.239
she wasn't the cause. It was
done to hurt, to hurt somebody,

558
00:45:21.440 --> 00:45:30.360
the father exactly exactly. And that
is what I think is that I don't

559
00:45:30.400 --> 00:45:36.159
think I know the whole thing,
so the thought behind it, and the

560
00:45:36.239 --> 00:45:42.119
police aren't saying it's a direct connection, but from what they've said, it

561
00:45:42.159 --> 00:45:49.039
looks like somebody that's involved with the
father, a woman took the little girl

562
00:45:49.159 --> 00:45:55.880
from school and orchestrated or did this
act right, and it was to hurt

563
00:45:55.920 --> 00:46:02.639
the father. Now they haven't directly
said the relationship between the woman and the

564
00:46:02.719 --> 00:46:07.239
father, but I think we clearly
right everybody right right by his side,

565
00:46:07.280 --> 00:46:15.960
chick right, um. And because
they're saying, like the little girl went

566
00:46:15.079 --> 00:46:19.159
with whoever it was that took her, so it wasn't it had to be

567
00:46:19.199 --> 00:46:23.840
someone familiar person. Yeah, So
um, it sounds like it's a you

568
00:46:23.880 --> 00:46:29.199
know, I'm gonna hurt you,
and and sadly that not to go off

569
00:46:29.239 --> 00:46:37.119
on a tangent that happened so much, that is I can specifically talk about

570
00:46:37.239 --> 00:46:42.440
there, right it happens, Oh
I can't catch you, I'm gonna catch

571
00:46:42.480 --> 00:46:45.719
your grandmother. I'm gonna catch I'm
gonna catch whoever. It's gonna whoever's death

572
00:46:45.920 --> 00:46:50.760
is going to affect you the most. Right, So, so when you

573
00:46:50.800 --> 00:46:57.599
ask the question about like how to
protect women and girls, I would venture

574
00:46:57.599 --> 00:47:04.400
to say, in our culture specifically, it's beyond it's gone past gender and

575
00:47:04.960 --> 00:47:07.440
it's whoever, whoever I can get
at it hurt you the most. That's

576
00:47:07.480 --> 00:47:12.960
what I'm going to get at.
Right If it's everybody knows your mother's near

577
00:47:13.000 --> 00:47:15.239
and dear, your child is near
and dear to your heart, your grandparents,

578
00:47:15.480 --> 00:47:19.719
grandmothers, the women are near and
dear to your heart. So I'm

579
00:47:19.760 --> 00:47:24.360
gonna hurt you for whatever you did
to me or whatever I perceived you did

580
00:47:24.360 --> 00:47:29.679
to me by going after this person
that's that's closest to you, or even

581
00:47:29.679 --> 00:47:35.239
just to let you know of let
you know how serious I would take it

582
00:47:36.039 --> 00:47:40.719
absolutely like I've I've even I was
watching this this the recent um Cleansman,

583
00:47:42.360 --> 00:47:45.559
uh not Cleansmen, the one or
the trial, but they had the big,

584
00:47:45.800 --> 00:47:47.400
the big. They round up a
bunch of people and one of the

585
00:47:47.639 --> 00:47:53.079
one of the substories is that one
of the members that I got guests,

586
00:47:53.119 --> 00:47:58.679
got let out early. They tried
to kill his mother to stop any like

587
00:47:58.800 --> 00:48:05.000
testifying to happen. So like they're
just what is what's happening is? It's

588
00:48:05.039 --> 00:48:08.119
I'm gonna get at you through your
people if I can't get at you directly,

589
00:48:08.199 --> 00:48:12.400
or like Matthew said, I'm going
to send you this warning so you

590
00:48:12.519 --> 00:48:15.719
understand where what I'm capable of,
So you do what I need you to

591
00:48:15.760 --> 00:48:21.760
do. Yep. And I'm gonna
use a word that I have never heard

592
00:48:21.840 --> 00:48:25.159
anyone but Jamaicans use it, and
it's it underpins what you're saying, the

593
00:48:25.199 --> 00:48:32.960
word overstand someone overstands by action.
And that is exactly what I equate that

594
00:48:34.039 --> 00:48:37.000
too, because I do think I
don't even have anything to add to what

595
00:48:37.079 --> 00:48:38.599
Donald said, because that's exactly the
point I was gonna make of, Like

596
00:48:39.000 --> 00:48:44.480
I do think, yes, unfortunately, crimes against women, crimes against young

597
00:48:44.519 --> 00:48:47.679
girls, unfortunately is happening a way
to an alarming rate. But I do

598
00:48:47.800 --> 00:48:54.360
think it also speaks to the fact
that they are used, maybe at scale,

599
00:48:55.039 --> 00:48:59.760
as collateral more than anything else,
to be able to hurt people to

600
00:49:00.239 --> 00:49:02.000
other people. Well, let me
ask you. Let me ask you this

601
00:49:02.079 --> 00:49:07.320
not to cut you to both of
your points nine times out of ten,

602
00:49:07.519 --> 00:49:15.960
because we don't know obviously all cases
that collateral stems from a man, whether

603
00:49:15.039 --> 00:49:20.920
it's a drug deal or you know, like you said, woman scorned or

604
00:49:20.960 --> 00:49:24.519
anything like that. So do you
think that, if anything can be done,

605
00:49:24.679 --> 00:49:30.960
that men could play a significant role, meaning you know, maybe don't

606
00:49:30.000 --> 00:49:35.880
have ten side chicks. We absolutely
do you think that would make any type

607
00:49:35.880 --> 00:49:38.719
of a difference. It's like,
it's like the racism conversation, right,

608
00:49:39.440 --> 00:49:44.679
the only people that can fix racism
white people because they're the ones that own

609
00:49:44.760 --> 00:49:46.840
it. Right, in the sense
of this case, Yeah, a lot

610
00:49:46.880 --> 00:49:51.000
of the stems from men. It's
a lot of it stems from the male

611
00:49:51.079 --> 00:49:57.920
ego and all those things surround us
and our pride and what have you.

612
00:49:58.599 --> 00:50:05.039
So, yeah, we the problem
can't get solved without men being a part

613
00:50:05.039 --> 00:50:08.639
of it, and if not,
if not a part the driving force behind

614
00:50:08.679 --> 00:50:13.920
the change. Yeah, I agree, I agree, too. It's and

615
00:50:13.960 --> 00:50:17.679
it's unfortunate because, like I would, I really can't think of any logical

616
00:50:17.960 --> 00:50:22.280
or eloquent way of saying we can
get to a root of it, because

617
00:50:22.360 --> 00:50:24.960
I don't even like, it's so
deep rooted where you'd have to solve something

618
00:50:25.000 --> 00:50:30.280
that's at the core to even be
able to have a downstream effect on it.

619
00:50:30.519 --> 00:50:32.599
I don't even know how to get
fined. You got to find the

620
00:50:32.639 --> 00:50:37.559
core, right, Yeah, Because
it's it's such a complex issue because like

621
00:50:37.599 --> 00:50:42.360
you said, it's so deep rooted
in many cultures. Right. We talked

622
00:50:42.400 --> 00:50:49.159
specifically about hours because you know that's
that's the target of the conversation. But

623
00:50:49.280 --> 00:50:53.280
it is, it's so ingrained.
There's so many things that's wrong with it

624
00:50:53.559 --> 00:51:00.000
that it's hard to pinport. Like
where do I start, right, Yeah,

625
00:51:00.079 --> 00:51:04.199
it's hard. I mean, it's
like racism, it's not going anywhere,

626
00:51:04.800 --> 00:51:07.199
because racism is all over the world, or a form of it.

627
00:51:07.440 --> 00:51:12.159
You know, it's in India,
it's in parts of Africa, it's in

628
00:51:12.199 --> 00:51:15.280
Europe. So it's kind of like
unfortunately, because like you said, and

629
00:51:15.480 --> 00:51:20.199
both of you said it just in
different ways, Jamaica is not the only

630
00:51:20.239 --> 00:51:23.400
place that deals with violence against women
and girls, right, But it's just

631
00:51:23.960 --> 00:51:31.079
I feel like more recently it's been
happening at an alarming rate and or we're

632
00:51:31.119 --> 00:51:36.079
now being notified more so. Again, it's hard to tell when it comes

633
00:51:36.119 --> 00:51:38.760
to crime reporting, it's hard to
tell weight is this happening more or is

634
00:51:38.800 --> 00:51:44.079
it media now just letting us know
when it's happening, Because I mean people,

635
00:51:44.119 --> 00:51:49.039
I'm sure people die in Tivoli every
day, but do we necessarily know

636
00:51:49.159 --> 00:51:51.679
that, you know what I mean? Like, are we told that that's

637
00:51:51.719 --> 00:51:55.480
happening more now than we were maybe
six years? I do think media and

638
00:51:55.559 --> 00:52:05.639
specifically what's that specifically what's that has
because I do think you know, our

639
00:52:05.719 --> 00:52:08.960
poor mothers and grandmothers and aunties because
they know they are in touch with they

640
00:52:08.960 --> 00:52:13.440
can tell you who got shot and
Tivily yesterday because of what'sapp you know what

641
00:52:13.440 --> 00:52:15.480
I mean, they're more connected than
ever, which is a good thing,

642
00:52:15.519 --> 00:52:21.960
but it's bad because unfortunately, the
same way that jokes get shared with everybody

643
00:52:21.960 --> 00:52:28.639
on what'sapp for everyone jokes two negative
stories and so that then you're hearing more

644
00:52:28.639 --> 00:52:34.719
and more I think, like volume
of negative stories than you would have heard,

645
00:52:34.719 --> 00:52:37.119
where yes, maybe people have been
getting killed in Tivily. But people

646
00:52:37.119 --> 00:52:40.800
can just make a sweeping statement.
Now, they could tell you exactly how

647
00:52:40.840 --> 00:52:44.400
the person got killed. They could
tell you everything, and they're sitting in

648
00:52:44.480 --> 00:52:47.000
their house in Connecticut or in Florida, you know what I mean. Yeah,

649
00:52:47.960 --> 00:52:55.239
I do think women and children are
being killed more in Jamaica now than

650
00:52:55.280 --> 00:52:59.880
in the past, just just based
on the history that I know. So,

651
00:53:00.039 --> 00:53:04.079
like my mom used to work for
Ministry of Housing. She worked in

652
00:53:04.199 --> 00:53:10.480
all the worst areas of Drinka,
like Tivily, like um Dunkirk, all

653
00:53:10.519 --> 00:53:14.679
these all these horrible areas, and
my grandmother was the same way. She

654
00:53:14.760 --> 00:53:17.079
worked for they my grandmother was there, and then my mother kind of took

655
00:53:17.159 --> 00:53:24.760
over the people, right, all
the depressed areas like she used to she

656
00:53:25.360 --> 00:53:30.800
liked to call them the depressed areas
of Jamaica. And she's seen a lot,

657
00:53:30.000 --> 00:53:35.920
right. She was there for the
nineteen eighty election where where we're killing.

658
00:53:36.320 --> 00:53:39.360
That's when the shootings, a lot
of stuff really started to explode.

659
00:53:39.519 --> 00:53:44.880
And she always says she was like, there was a time when women and

660
00:53:45.039 --> 00:53:47.920
children were safe. There was a
time in Jamaica where they were not.

661
00:53:49.159 --> 00:53:52.519
It was written, it was it
was venture to say rare to hear it

662
00:53:52.559 --> 00:53:59.679
happening now, they don't care.
Anybody can get it, and it's sad

663
00:53:59.719 --> 00:54:02.559
to see. And I don't know. Again, I don't have to answer

664
00:54:02.559 --> 00:54:06.679
because I'm just a lot, you
know, I'm not the guy to give.

665
00:54:07.320 --> 00:54:12.199
But yeah, and also it's just
a lot. I feel like sometimes

666
00:54:12.239 --> 00:54:15.440
it's overwhelming to see. But at
the end of the day, I think

667
00:54:15.480 --> 00:54:19.599
all we can do is just do
our part, whatever that is, and

668
00:54:20.039 --> 00:54:23.920
just continue to pray for Jamaica because
it's somewhere that we all love going back

669
00:54:23.960 --> 00:54:29.519
to. It's somewhere that we have
family, we have friends, and nobody

670
00:54:29.599 --> 00:54:32.559
wants to hear, you know,
something happened to their family member. Donald,

671
00:54:32.639 --> 00:54:37.559
I know, your cousin just got
killed. And that was insane.

672
00:54:38.440 --> 00:54:43.360
You know that was crazy, and
it's it was violence, you know what

673
00:54:43.480 --> 00:54:45.960
I mean. So even though it's
not a woman and it's not a child,

674
00:54:46.119 --> 00:54:52.559
it's still a person that was living
his life. My name's business not

675
00:54:52.239 --> 00:54:58.119
troubling anybody, you know what I
mean. And so I just I guess

676
00:54:58.159 --> 00:55:00.639
all we can do at this point
is just prey and hope for the best,

677
00:55:00.679 --> 00:55:04.559
hope that it gets better, Hope
that the people that can maybe do

678
00:55:04.679 --> 00:55:10.840
something or make some changes or you
know, maybe increase uh consequences or accountability

679
00:55:10.880 --> 00:55:15.280
that they do make those decisions,
you know at the end of the day.

680
00:55:16.320 --> 00:55:24.440
Okay, So it's that time for
our favorite segment that no sound safe?

681
00:55:25.880 --> 00:55:32.079
I mean, how how how perfect
for you to lead up violence?

682
00:55:35.679 --> 00:55:43.880
This has brought to you by it. I just I didn't want to like

683
00:55:44.079 --> 00:55:52.880
end on something sad, so I
had to pick it up. Hey,

684
00:55:52.360 --> 00:55:58.719
it's Jemmy can opera style? Know
me? All right? So there's gonna

685
00:55:58.760 --> 00:56:02.000
be two separate segments months a trick
to no for that now sounds safe.

686
00:56:02.960 --> 00:56:12.119
The first segment is called red flags
you later regretted ignoring. So I have

687
00:56:12.480 --> 00:56:16.960
two in hair that were red flags
I later regretted ignoring. And I have

688
00:56:19.039 --> 00:56:25.480
three that were red flags that I
phoned that other people hated ignoring. Right,

689
00:56:25.559 --> 00:56:29.679
So I'm going to read them.
And while I read them, I

690
00:56:29.800 --> 00:56:34.320
want you guys to think of how
many ever you can your red flags that

691
00:56:34.400 --> 00:56:37.360
you later regretted ignoring. Now,
this could be from a woman of the

692
00:56:37.360 --> 00:56:42.079
opposite sex that you may be dated. It could be from a friend,

693
00:56:42.159 --> 00:56:47.519
a family member, a coworker,
or anything. All right. So the

694
00:56:47.639 --> 00:56:55.760
first one, unfortunately, this is
my story babysham him eating a medium pizza

695
00:56:57.159 --> 00:57:04.599
after quote unquote returning from a gym
that I did you really go, Jim,

696
00:57:04.639 --> 00:57:10.159
because you came back from the gym
and you're eating a medium pizza.

697
00:57:12.920 --> 00:57:15.639
He just he just worked, He
just work out so he can eat.

698
00:57:15.000 --> 00:57:19.159
It's the calorie, yo, he
could be. Um, what's it called

699
00:57:19.360 --> 00:57:22.880
harp stacking? Is that what it's
called? Keto? Exactly as I said,

700
00:57:28.239 --> 00:57:35.840
this safety sounds relative, all right. Next one a man who used

701
00:57:36.119 --> 00:57:40.960
three in one body wash, Sir, three in one a shampoo, a

702
00:57:42.039 --> 00:57:47.079
body wash, and a conditioner.
Efficiency, no stops. All of them

703
00:57:47.119 --> 00:57:51.000
can do the same thing. They
can't clean your hair your body. And

704
00:57:51.159 --> 00:57:54.639
you know white people swear by that
though, by the way they use that

705
00:57:54.679 --> 00:58:00.840
word, it's efficient. As I
said, yea, if somebody some part

706
00:58:01.039 --> 00:58:08.239
is dry. Okay, Two more. I thought it was three, but

707
00:58:08.320 --> 00:58:14.800
I realized I had it written out
in two sentences. So two more and

708
00:58:14.920 --> 00:58:17.000
only one of these happened to me. And the other one is one that

709
00:58:17.159 --> 00:58:21.800
I saw online, and I want
you guys to guess which one. The

710
00:58:21.880 --> 00:58:27.920
next one is most of his followers
being women, a red flag that I

711
00:58:28.000 --> 00:58:32.599
later regretted, ignoring because there's an
idea that if most of his followers are

712
00:58:32.639 --> 00:58:37.440
women, that not so, and
see if he only fans or something.

713
00:58:38.920 --> 00:58:44.360
I don't know, because that's not
the one that was me. I'm trying

714
00:58:44.360 --> 00:58:46.880
to logically think of how this happened. Yeah, you don't got no friends

715
00:58:47.639 --> 00:58:52.559
male friends. Okay, no,
it said most of So what I'm imagining

716
00:58:52.840 --> 00:58:59.880
is like, let's say a guy
friend requested me on Instagram, right,

717
00:59:00.000 --> 00:59:01.599
and I'm single, and I'm like, oh, the guy's cute, and

718
00:59:01.599 --> 00:59:07.960
I go to his followers and most
of his followers are women who he follows

719
00:59:07.039 --> 00:59:13.159
maybe men or whatever. But this
person said followers and later regretted. So

720
00:59:13.239 --> 00:59:17.119
I'm kind of making the assumption that
maybe it was one of those things where

721
00:59:17.119 --> 00:59:20.480
the guy's like, oh, yeah, that's my sister, that's my siss.

722
00:59:21.239 --> 00:59:23.760
And it's not like, oh weird
we say that. It's more like,

723
00:59:23.880 --> 00:59:27.519
oh, you're siss. You guys
know what I'm talking about. So

724
00:59:27.559 --> 00:59:31.400
she just didn't know he was only, you know, right, stranger.

725
00:59:31.599 --> 00:59:37.760
I don't know. I don't know, because these women are willfully all sided

726
00:59:37.840 --> 00:59:42.960
up for something that you don't think
right, But that's why I said that

727
00:59:43.119 --> 00:59:49.239
not so on Siff that's a definite
SI. All right, so you guys

728
00:59:49.280 --> 00:59:52.719
guessed it. So the last one, which is coming from me, when

729
00:59:52.719 --> 01:00:02.480
he randomly begins screaming alt A ViBe's
Cartel song while I'm mid sentence, so

730
01:00:02.559 --> 01:00:07.159
like I'm talking like, yeah,
so today, you know, I saw

731
01:00:07.199 --> 01:00:10.880
in the news where this and this
happened, and then he just starts screaming

732
01:00:10.920 --> 01:00:16.280
a Cartel song just in public.
But it depends with some you know,

733
01:00:16.440 --> 01:00:24.639
because if we're talking about like bicycles, can't I can't. That's what I'm

734
01:00:24.679 --> 01:00:37.760
saying. So if we are here
talking about the news, you know what

735
01:00:37.920 --> 01:00:44.920
I give up? All right,
So Donald, I'll start with you.

736
01:00:45.920 --> 01:00:52.840
What is a red flag? You
later regretted, ignoring that's a tough one.

737
01:00:52.840 --> 01:01:01.800
Um Man, I was hoping he
was gonna start because sitting here laughing

738
01:01:01.840 --> 01:01:06.760
and not thinking about this. Um
And like I said, it could be

739
01:01:06.840 --> 01:01:10.280
anyone, anything, something someone told
you just you know, just say that.

740
01:01:10.360 --> 01:01:17.880
But I would say this happened to
me. Um this, this this

741
01:01:17.960 --> 01:01:27.000
girl I dated, she just refused
to just put on decent matching, not

742
01:01:27.599 --> 01:01:35.440
wrinkled clothes. When we would leave
the house. We weren't like always going

743
01:01:35.519 --> 01:01:38.559
somewhere, but like I remember one
time she asked me, like why you

744
01:01:38.599 --> 01:01:45.239
always got a match and like where
like these clean shoes and everything when we

745
01:01:45.280 --> 01:01:51.159
go when we just going to Walmart? Fancy and but but I'm not like

746
01:01:51.239 --> 01:01:54.880
it's just some chucks, right,
but like they just weren't scuffed up and

747
01:01:55.000 --> 01:02:02.000
crazy and I I should have known. Ye that what Cat Williams says she

748
01:02:02.039 --> 01:02:12.400
had a wedding dress and soccer shoes. That sounds like my mom didn't have

749
01:02:12.480 --> 01:02:17.000
a lot of brought up. See
listen, I would like that out say

750
01:02:17.039 --> 01:02:27.880
that. Well we can officially say
then that that never sounded set all right,

751
01:02:28.159 --> 01:02:32.440
Matthew, your turn. Okay,
okay, Now this one may not

752
01:02:32.639 --> 01:02:38.280
or may have happened to me,
you allegedly, allegedly allegedly you know,

753
01:02:39.239 --> 01:02:45.280
you know, speculation. But far
in the past, a young lady,

754
01:02:45.400 --> 01:02:51.800
you know, she was always down
the hang, would would always be good

755
01:02:51.840 --> 01:02:57.400
to um, stay over, had
no issues always staying over. And then

756
01:02:57.440 --> 01:03:00.360
you know, after a few times
it's not an issue. You're like,

757
01:03:00.360 --> 01:03:04.639
all right, this is cool.
Yeah, And then after a while you

758
01:03:04.719 --> 01:03:07.920
realize that that person is you're never
going to where they are or never had

759
01:03:07.920 --> 01:03:13.840
a conversation about where they live.
And then maybe a little while you realize

760
01:03:13.920 --> 01:03:20.320
that she's actually homeless, she don't
live. Did you miss the red flag?

761
01:03:20.920 --> 01:03:24.960
Me? Man, it might be
all you that know. So see

762
01:03:25.000 --> 01:03:30.119
if you always had somewhere to be
but never had a specific place to be.

763
01:03:30.360 --> 01:03:35.800
Wow, Matthew, I didn't say
this happened to me. I just

764
01:03:35.840 --> 01:03:38.159
heard a crazy story, is all
I'm saying. But Matthew said, Shaggy,

765
01:03:38.280 --> 01:03:43.440
it was not me. It was
me, but you hypothetically alleged,

766
01:03:43.519 --> 01:03:53.920
allegedly allegedly man, possibly crazy,
that's wild. Yeah, the club,

767
01:03:59.039 --> 01:04:06.760
Yeah, oh you come home with
me tonight? Yeah. He who will

768
01:04:06.800 --> 01:04:14.079
not be named should have seen how
easily she was down to come back and

769
01:04:14.280 --> 01:04:17.480
see me. That is you,
guys is problem as men, not any

770
01:04:17.480 --> 01:04:25.159
of you guys of course allegedly,
But that's the problem because separation apart from

771
01:04:25.159 --> 01:04:30.239
that, I wasn't prepared for this. But here come back as why would

772
01:04:30.280 --> 01:04:41.280
you, allegedly you meaning any man, why would you think that somebody to

773
01:04:41.360 --> 01:04:45.559
your point that would come with you
that easy? Or maybe I should say,

774
01:04:45.119 --> 01:04:48.199
why would that not be a red
flag? Is it like the moment

775
01:04:48.440 --> 01:04:54.719
like yeah, yeah, I'm not
like I'm like, oh cool, I'm

776
01:04:54.760 --> 01:04:58.599
the man, right, I got
she gonna come on me like that?

777
01:04:58.920 --> 01:05:01.480
Cool, Like in the moment,
you're like, wait, it's shorty homeless,

778
01:05:01.519 --> 01:05:04.480
why whatever? Yeah, like no
one thinking that. I'm like,

779
01:05:05.320 --> 01:05:12.159
I think about what's gonna happen when
we get home? Potentially alleged right possibly

780
01:05:14.800 --> 01:05:18.639
now she walked, it was like
all these sheets are soft? Man,

781
01:05:19.119 --> 01:05:25.719
Wait what if you got what if
she got to your host and was like,

782
01:05:25.800 --> 01:05:28.000
oh, Matthew, can you get
my bag out of the back,

783
01:05:28.119 --> 01:05:34.039
and oh my god. See that
would be I'm now you go ahead and

784
01:05:34.039 --> 01:05:38.920
get it and then nah, soon
come, soon coming. Yeah, that

785
01:05:38.920 --> 01:05:44.480
would be a parade of red flags
for sure. All right, So now

786
01:05:44.519 --> 01:05:49.760
back to our traditional BuzzFeed article.
No. This one is titled thirty one

787
01:05:49.840 --> 01:05:57.119
things people were taught to believe or
value by their parents that they can't get

788
01:05:57.159 --> 01:06:00.199
behind as adults. So I'm going
to read a few of them, and

789
01:06:00.559 --> 01:06:08.239
you each tell me if you think
like you can kind of understand or that

790
01:06:08.400 --> 01:06:13.199
no sounds safe? Okay before you
start, Yes, mom, I'm sorry.

791
01:06:13.760 --> 01:06:15.440
I didn't want to do it.
Actually actually made me do this.

792
01:06:16.079 --> 01:06:20.639
It's all I actually for nothing,
just I gotta get it out of the

793
01:06:20.639 --> 01:06:28.360
way, just that she don't like
Auntie. I just want you to know

794
01:06:28.519 --> 01:06:32.199
that anything that Donald says is of
his own fruition. I'm still your favorite,

795
01:06:32.599 --> 01:06:35.320
so I know I'm not going to
be blamed anyway. Thank you very

796
01:06:35.400 --> 01:06:40.400
much. And that goes for both
aunties. Thank you very much. All

797
01:06:40.480 --> 01:06:44.840
right. So the first one says, my mom always told me to put

798
01:06:44.960 --> 01:06:48.559
others first and always give them the
best. I still believe in this ton

799
01:06:48.679 --> 01:06:55.920
extent, but early in my adulthood
I realize that I can only put others

800
01:06:55.960 --> 01:06:59.960
first and give them the best when
I have already taken care of my own

801
01:07:00.079 --> 01:07:03.280
needs. I can't be giving to
the point where I leave myself at a

802
01:07:03.360 --> 01:07:08.880
deficit beyond my own basic needs.
I am happy to give what I can,

803
01:07:09.119 --> 01:07:14.000
but never more giving more of myself
than I am really capable of.

804
01:07:14.400 --> 01:07:21.159
Doesn't do anybody any good? What
do you think? No, Taco them

805
01:07:21.199 --> 01:07:26.559
can't hear you. My mother definitely
didn't teach me that to that expct.

806
01:07:27.519 --> 01:07:34.920
No, So wait do you think
do you think that? But even though

807
01:07:35.199 --> 01:07:40.599
your mom might not have taught you
that, do you think it's understood what

808
01:07:40.639 --> 01:07:44.159
she's saying? It's true like something
you should adapt as as an adult.

809
01:07:44.239 --> 01:07:45.679
If you were told that, or
do you think, like, no,

810
01:07:45.719 --> 01:07:50.400
that's not going to get you anywhere, Like that's not so unsafe. I

811
01:07:50.480 --> 01:07:56.159
mean now, and I shouldn't say
now, like a good bulk of my

812
01:07:56.199 --> 01:08:00.440
life. Yeah, I tend to
try to put others first, but never

813
01:08:00.480 --> 01:08:06.079
to the extreme disadvantage of like what
I leave. So I think it's a

814
01:08:06.119 --> 01:08:12.199
balance. Right. You can't be
selfish, but you can't over commit to

815
01:08:12.239 --> 01:08:16.000
the point where it's hurting you,
because then nobody's like you're not You're not

816
01:08:16.039 --> 01:08:20.359
winning in that takes. It's not
good for you long term. I can't

817
01:08:20.399 --> 01:08:26.439
sustain it. Ye. And that's
so interesting because I always say to people

818
01:08:26.600 --> 01:08:30.199
something I learned as I got older. There's a difference between being nice and

819
01:08:30.439 --> 01:08:38.039
kind. Right. Being nice is
I have ten dollars and Donald and Matthew

820
01:08:38.079 --> 01:08:41.319
are like, oh my gosh,
actually really need something to eat, And

821
01:08:41.399 --> 01:08:44.119
I say, okay, here's my
ten dollars, and knowing I'm going to

822
01:08:44.199 --> 01:08:46.399
starve because that's all I have.
Right, But being kind is saying,

823
01:08:46.439 --> 01:08:50.439
all right, here's two fifty.
Here's two fifty, you guys get a

824
01:08:50.439 --> 01:08:54.399
snack or something. I have to
eat. I haven't eaten all day,

825
01:08:54.439 --> 01:08:59.079
but I'm kind enough to share.
So instead of me getting a ten dollars

826
01:08:59.159 --> 01:09:02.399
meal, I'm not getting a lesser
meal that's lesser in price because I'm sharing,

827
01:09:02.479 --> 01:09:05.119
you know what I mean. Like, I think it is important to

828
01:09:05.159 --> 01:09:11.079
know that because when you grow up, especially as a woman, and you're

829
01:09:11.159 --> 01:09:15.039
kind of socialized, oh be kind, be nice, you know, show

830
01:09:15.119 --> 01:09:18.199
up for everybody. You can kind
of put yourself in a detriment, you

831
01:09:18.199 --> 01:09:23.000
know what I mean, where you're
no over extending yourself and then people have

832
01:09:23.119 --> 01:09:26.800
these expectations of you, you know
what I mean, and your in situations

833
01:09:26.800 --> 01:09:30.880
where you're just overextending. It might
not even be monetarily, but just your

834
01:09:30.920 --> 01:09:34.680
time and your effort. So I
do agree with what she said, like

835
01:09:34.840 --> 01:09:39.960
to an extent, there needs to
be a balance. Yeah, I agree,

836
01:09:40.119 --> 01:09:44.359
Matthew. Anything not the same.
I mean, my mother always definitely

837
01:09:44.359 --> 01:09:46.079
preached the golden rule, you treat
others how you want to be treated.

838
01:09:46.199 --> 01:09:53.439
But she was definitely one for not
wanting people to walk all over you and

839
01:09:53.479 --> 01:09:58.920
being able to be wise enough to
spot when that point is that it shifts

840
01:09:58.920 --> 01:10:04.119
from the I'm needing you or you
helping someone in need to them using you.

841
01:10:04.960 --> 01:10:14.880
Yeah for sure. Okay, next
one, blood is thicker than water,

842
01:10:15.439 --> 01:10:19.720
and familiar love is unconditional. That
was usually in the context of how

843
01:10:19.800 --> 01:10:25.560
I was still obliged to love my
father even after he beat and berated me.

844
01:10:26.359 --> 01:10:30.800
I no longer believe in blood bonds
or unconditional love. Love and respect

845
01:10:30.920 --> 01:10:35.439
have to be mutual. I refuse
to love someone who intentionally hurts me to

846
01:10:35.560 --> 01:10:43.000
make themselves feel bigger. What do
you think understand or that if no,

847
01:10:43.159 --> 01:10:47.199
that sounds safe, because and my
mother would definitely tell me that would do.

848
01:10:47.399 --> 01:10:53.399
Because I think family. I heard
someone say, and maybe I'm late,

849
01:10:53.439 --> 01:10:58.840
but someone said friends are the family
that you choose, but family is

850
01:10:58.880 --> 01:11:02.319
the one that you use to love. And I was like, wow,

851
01:11:02.359 --> 01:11:08.199
I get that, because there's some
family members that will will suck you dry

852
01:11:08.359 --> 01:11:12.319
because oh, you're you're my friend, you're my cousin, you're my uncle,

853
01:11:12.399 --> 01:11:16.520
my this my dad, and sometimes
I've heard Fortunately I haven't experienced it

854
01:11:16.560 --> 01:11:20.680
myself, but I've heard of some
crazy situations that family members have put other

855
01:11:20.680 --> 01:11:29.000
family members through. And the bond
of the fact that I am your family

856
01:11:29.039 --> 01:11:34.039
member, and I think being able
to also understand the boundary, maybe you

857
01:11:34.119 --> 01:11:39.039
gotta a longer leash with family but
there has to be a boundary for sure,

858
01:11:40.359 --> 01:11:45.479
right Donald the a'll degree, Um, I am not of the belief

859
01:11:46.119 --> 01:11:51.840
belief that blood is sticking in the
water. I don't, um because you

860
01:11:55.119 --> 01:11:59.279
people or people right, whether they're
your family or not, they're gonna be

861
01:11:59.359 --> 01:12:01.239
capable of doing the same things that
anyone outside of your family. Like you

862
01:12:01.279 --> 01:12:05.720
said, you might get a longer
leash and or you may give a longer

863
01:12:05.800 --> 01:12:10.439
leash. But at the end of
the day, we are all people and

864
01:12:10.920 --> 01:12:15.439
all the same things that influence the
way I am as a person. You

865
01:12:15.479 --> 01:12:18.159
know, everyone else has things that
influence who they are who they are as

866
01:12:18.199 --> 01:12:24.079
people. So not everybody's good and
true, that's true. Yeah, I'm

867
01:12:24.079 --> 01:12:29.479
definitely I love my family, I
absolutely do. But there's some some family

868
01:12:29.479 --> 01:12:32.039
I don't walk with. That's fine, and that's fine. That is definitely

869
01:12:32.720 --> 01:12:38.920
have to protect your peace, absolutely
for sure. Okay. Next one,

870
01:12:39.600 --> 01:12:44.640
hard work pays off and you can
do anything you put your mind to.

871
01:12:44.880 --> 01:12:48.399
That's in quotations, So I'm assuming
that's what their parents said. Working hard

872
01:12:48.439 --> 01:12:54.119
will kill you and have you being
a pack mule. For billionaires, life

873
01:12:54.159 --> 01:13:00.159
is about working smarter and being efficient, but not doing all this. It's

874
01:13:00.279 --> 01:13:03.720
grueling work and getting bloody knuckles and
having nothing to show for it. What

875
01:13:03.760 --> 01:13:13.159
do you think that is has been
scarred? That sounds like all right,

876
01:13:13.159 --> 01:13:24.479
they're like, I gave you all
my life and this is not right.

877
01:13:25.399 --> 01:13:30.600
They that is a battered human and
that's a slippery slope though, especially if

878
01:13:30.600 --> 01:13:34.800
you if you raise a child with
that type of a mindset, then you're

879
01:13:34.800 --> 01:13:39.960
gonna have whatever jaded mentality you have, They're gonna look at the world do

880
01:13:40.039 --> 01:13:43.039
a cynical lens of thinking. People
are either always trying to get over on

881
01:13:43.079 --> 01:13:46.840
them or there's no reason for optimism
because if you pour into something too much,

882
01:13:47.199 --> 01:13:51.199
you're inevitably gonna gonna end up in
a negative position. So that's that's

883
01:13:51.239 --> 01:13:57.199
a tough one. Oh yeah,
I agree. Oh yeah, it's it's

884
01:13:57.199 --> 01:14:01.560
a balanced, right, balance hard
mark official. And I think that's been

885
01:14:01.600 --> 01:14:04.720
like a theme. I feel like
we've said balance a few times in this

886
01:14:04.800 --> 01:14:09.079
episode. So yeah, for sure. All right, So final three,

887
01:14:10.239 --> 01:14:14.399
kill them with kindness? Why be
kind to someone who's cruel to you?

888
01:14:14.880 --> 01:14:18.239
I was a doormat for far too
long because of this, You agree or

889
01:14:18.520 --> 01:14:23.680
that Nasson Seefe, I could go
either way with that. I I wanted

890
01:14:23.680 --> 01:14:31.039
to see what that was because okay, that's I could go first. Okay,

891
01:14:32.520 --> 01:14:39.119
so kill them with kindness. It
depends, right, Um, in

892
01:14:39.239 --> 01:14:45.880
most cases, in most situations,
I would say, if you can,

893
01:14:46.199 --> 01:14:53.720
you can take that approach. It
absolutely is good for your peace and energy,

894
01:14:53.920 --> 01:15:02.119
and and oftentimes killing with someone with
kindness is actually or rewarding, um

895
01:15:02.199 --> 01:15:09.520
than the opposite. However, there
are absolutely situations where you gotta get into

896
01:15:09.560 --> 01:15:13.479
it, and we don't go high
when they go low. Sometimes you gotta

897
01:15:13.520 --> 01:15:16.600
get in it. So um,
it just for me, it would depend

898
01:15:16.640 --> 01:15:20.399
on the situation. A lot of
times, I'm of to kill you with

899
01:15:20.479 --> 01:15:25.399
kindness because you're gonna see me flex
and you're gonna be mad at me flexing,

900
01:15:26.399 --> 01:15:30.720
right, it's gonna hurt you more. Yeah, like that's that.

901
01:15:31.039 --> 01:15:33.880
I don't I don't need to get
in it with you. But sometimes,

902
01:15:34.720 --> 01:15:38.359
you know, you stop a bully
by punching a bully in the face,

903
01:15:38.520 --> 01:15:43.560
right, So sometimes you gotta be
with it. I agree. I agree

904
01:15:43.560 --> 01:15:46.359
and understand, Donna, because I'm
from the school of thought, where,

905
01:15:47.119 --> 01:15:51.279
um, I don't like to be
I don't like bullies, I don't like

906
01:15:51.520 --> 01:15:57.199
and I'm from the school of respect, so I think in a situation killing

907
01:15:57.239 --> 01:16:02.199
them with kindness, yes, usually
follow that, but in a moment of

908
01:16:02.239 --> 01:16:05.520
like shared disrespect. To your point, sometimes you gotta get punched in the

909
01:16:05.560 --> 01:16:10.800
face to know that there's only soul
so far you got to go. And

910
01:16:11.000 --> 01:16:13.600
we're in a different generation though,
because not to go on a tangent,

911
01:16:13.680 --> 01:16:17.000
but I do think, you know, it's interesting how maybe our parents might

912
01:16:17.039 --> 01:16:21.840
have taught us how you handle maybe
a bullying situation or how you defend yourself

913
01:16:21.920 --> 01:16:26.520
growing up, and we're in different
times now where you know, do I

914
01:16:26.520 --> 01:16:30.239
don't know how you raise your kids
on that topic, but even just I

915
01:16:30.279 --> 01:16:33.680
don't have kids yet, but in
just hearing how situations happened with myne with

916
01:16:33.800 --> 01:16:39.960
my nephews or my godsons, and
the way that I want to give the

917
01:16:39.960 --> 01:16:43.720
advice, I'm like, wait a
minute, this kid is either gonna end

918
01:16:43.800 --> 01:16:48.479
up getting in trouble or getting harmed
because they're just not built to that type

919
01:16:48.520 --> 01:16:51.359
of creed where I'm like, well, well, did you push them back?

920
01:16:51.600 --> 01:16:54.159
I was like, well, no, I didn't push him back.

921
01:16:54.159 --> 01:16:56.680
I was say, wait a minute, that's why this has happened. I

922
01:16:56.720 --> 01:16:58.560
was like, yeah, but we
can't do that, and it's like,

923
01:16:58.560 --> 01:17:00.920
wait, what do you mean we
can't do that? Man, Listen,

924
01:17:01.520 --> 01:17:08.159
I'm going through this right now in
daycare, right right, right now.

925
01:17:08.319 --> 01:17:13.880
So my four year old is in
daycare and we've had incidents with little kids

926
01:17:13.920 --> 01:17:17.159
can't keep their hands to themselves.
And I mean, the world is some

927
01:17:17.199 --> 01:17:20.239
people will agree, some people who
disagree, you know, figure out what

928
01:17:20.319 --> 01:17:25.760
Jesus. But um, I tell
my kid. I tell my daughter,

929
01:17:25.800 --> 01:17:29.960
if somebody hits you, hit them
back. Like I've literally said the words

930
01:17:30.000 --> 01:17:32.840
to my four year old the way
you stop a bully is to punch them

931
01:17:32.840 --> 01:17:36.399
in the face. And she's like, but Daddy, you know they say

932
01:17:36.560 --> 01:17:39.960
you're supposed to say no, thank
you, thank you. I was like,

933
01:17:41.960 --> 01:17:45.199
but like a kid, A kid
like kicked her in the stomach one

934
01:17:45.279 --> 01:17:46.319
day, and I was like,
what are you gonna say no thank you?

935
01:17:46.319 --> 01:17:50.560
Just got kicked in the stomach.
Right, So so you know,

936
01:17:50.640 --> 01:17:54.800
one day when she and I tell
the teachers, I'm I swear, I'm

937
01:17:54.840 --> 01:17:57.880
just like my mom. I went
to school and I said, listen,

938
01:17:58.600 --> 01:18:02.039
I told my daughter that if someone
put their hands on her that she is

939
01:18:02.079 --> 01:18:08.600
to defend herself because you're we're not
gonna have one of those situations, you

940
01:18:08.680 --> 01:18:12.319
bullied my kids, or I'm gonna
have to show up at the parents house

941
01:18:12.439 --> 01:18:15.640
and we're gonna have to deal with
it. Right, So you either deal

942
01:18:15.680 --> 01:18:19.920
with your kids or am I am
I frozen again? Oh that's why?

943
01:18:20.119 --> 01:18:25.199
Yeah? Why? Yeah? Like
I can hear you, but your sounds

944
01:18:25.239 --> 01:18:29.239
safe. I think I'm back on
it. Man. Why did this happening

945
01:18:29.319 --> 01:18:34.399
during the ATNT was just in front
of my house giving off flyers and I

946
01:18:34.399 --> 01:18:36.920
was like, yeall got y'all service. I'm gonna have to go talk to

947
01:18:36.960 --> 01:18:45.079
them about that. Um. Sorry, was the last thing I start from.

948
01:18:47.640 --> 01:18:50.520
You spoke to the teacher. I
think, Oh yeah, so I

949
01:18:50.560 --> 01:18:54.159
want did you press the teach in
the face or did it? Did that

950
01:18:54.159 --> 01:19:05.560
fin story? Nah? I told
the teacher. I told the teachers said,

951
01:19:06.159 --> 01:19:10.880
um either, I was like,
I told my daughter that if someone

952
01:19:10.960 --> 01:19:14.840
put their hands on her and their
hands on her, she is to defend

953
01:19:14.880 --> 01:19:17.760
herself. And um, I said, if you guys can't get this under

954
01:19:17.800 --> 01:19:21.319
control, then me and being the
parents are gonna have to get under control.

955
01:19:21.720 --> 01:19:25.159
Like I was like, I have
no problem. I'm just pulling up

956
01:19:25.159 --> 01:19:28.800
at somebody house with my kid.
So I said, you know, to

957
01:19:28.840 --> 01:19:31.199
not let it go to that point. You know, this is what I've

958
01:19:31.199 --> 01:19:34.520
told her, and this is what
you guys need to do. UM.

959
01:19:34.560 --> 01:19:38.640
I don't when it comes to bullying
and things like that. I'm not of

960
01:19:38.720 --> 01:19:43.560
the turn the other, turn the
other chief group like I think you should

961
01:19:43.640 --> 01:19:49.600
match energy with energy and and that's
the way you resolve things, UM good

962
01:19:49.680 --> 01:19:53.960
or bad. I know some people
say walk away. I grew up in

963
01:19:54.000 --> 01:19:55.720
the hood. You walk away,
you get punched in the back of the

964
01:19:55.720 --> 01:20:02.520
head. So you know, and
you know, it's interesting because whether or

965
01:20:02.600 --> 01:20:09.640
not persons that have daughters, especially
listening to this, agree with what you

966
01:20:09.720 --> 01:20:15.760
chose to tell you know, your
daughter. I think just the idea that

967
01:20:15.800 --> 01:20:19.560
you're teaching your daughter don't let anyone
put their hands on you, is not

968
01:20:19.680 --> 01:20:24.439
just punching, right, because that's
going to stick with her. No,

969
01:20:24.960 --> 01:20:28.720
right, because a lot of little
girls are raised are not raised with that,

970
01:20:29.000 --> 01:20:32.359
and sometimes you know they're thinking,
well, maybe this is okay,

971
01:20:32.479 --> 01:20:35.800
or like this is kind of weird. I know it doesn't feel right,

972
01:20:35.960 --> 01:20:40.840
but you know, I never had
this conversation with my dad, you know

973
01:20:40.840 --> 01:20:44.000
what I mean, because that's something
that's usually told to boys. Yeah,

974
01:20:44.279 --> 01:20:46.960
So I think whatever side of the
coin you fall on, Like you said,

975
01:20:47.239 --> 01:20:50.319
to each his own, Whether people
listening agree with that or not.

976
01:20:51.000 --> 01:20:57.279
One thing I think that you just
can't disagree with is at least giving your

977
01:20:57.359 --> 01:21:01.359
daughter that idea in her head from
no, don't let anybody put their hands

978
01:21:01.359 --> 01:21:04.600
on you, you know what I
mean? Like she'll always have that to

979
01:21:04.720 --> 01:21:11.279
reference in her head. Yeah.
Absolutely, Um, I don't. Yeah,

980
01:21:11.279 --> 01:21:16.000
when it comes to her and that
topic, I definitely don't like get

981
01:21:16.000 --> 01:21:20.840
into the gender quote unquote gender rules
and norms of it. I'm like,

982
01:21:20.920 --> 01:21:26.239
listen, this is how you handle
this situation. In my opinion, when

983
01:21:26.319 --> 01:21:29.800
you when you know better, you
can do differently. Yeah, definitely,

984
01:21:29.960 --> 01:21:40.600
definitely what if the person treats somebody
differently when nobody's watching, or they think

985
01:21:40.640 --> 01:21:45.319
nobody's watching, because you do have
people that are performative right that no people

986
01:21:45.359 --> 01:21:47.239
are watching, or you know,
we have this social media thing, so

987
01:21:47.279 --> 01:21:53.359
they put out these quotes and they're
so woke and they're just about unity.

988
01:21:53.720 --> 01:21:57.760
But then you've seen them at a
distance and they're kind of a jerk to

989
01:21:57.880 --> 01:22:00.840
people. Or it's a lot easier
to be those kind of people today.

990
01:22:00.000 --> 01:22:04.439
You can hide behind the persona now
more than ever. Um true, true,

991
01:22:04.920 --> 01:22:08.479
Yeah, I don't know. I
don't like it, but I do

992
01:22:08.560 --> 01:22:13.880
think being able to look for those
types of red flags because it's it's harder

993
01:22:14.000 --> 01:22:17.960
to be able to spot because we're
a lot of people's personas are more digital.

994
01:22:19.600 --> 01:22:24.880
But I do think. I think
a big thing for me is I

995
01:22:24.920 --> 01:22:28.199
go off energy. I think Donald
said earlier, you know match energy,

996
01:22:28.479 --> 01:22:32.520
and I'm that person. Um,
you know, whatever energy you give me,

997
01:22:32.840 --> 01:22:35.960
I don't necessarily have to reciprocate it, but I'm gonna see the type

998
01:22:35.960 --> 01:22:41.439
of energy year on and I know
how to move based off of that real

999
01:22:41.560 --> 01:22:49.239
gee's moving silence like lasagna. Yeah, yes, exactly, word for word.

1000
01:22:51.439 --> 01:22:56.760
Now I would I would agree.
Um, I think getting back to

1001
01:22:56.840 --> 01:23:00.960
the like the original question about friends, I'm like math. Like my friends,

1002
01:23:00.960 --> 01:23:03.600
we keep each other accountable. Um, if you're not doing that,

1003
01:23:03.640 --> 01:23:08.199
then you're in the wrong circles,
Like you can't be right all the time.

1004
01:23:08.800 --> 01:23:14.159
Right, So that's a word.
I My friends will absolutely check me

1005
01:23:14.199 --> 01:23:17.079
if if I don't check myself.
So, um, you know, get

1006
01:23:17.119 --> 01:23:24.600
you some better friends, That's what
I'll say. Okay, So, last,

1007
01:23:24.600 --> 01:23:31.479
but not least rapid fire, Matthew, what is your favorite part of

1008
01:23:31.560 --> 01:23:40.720
the Oliver Airport episode quick, Oh
my god, Um about the luggage,

1009
01:23:40.960 --> 01:23:42.479
he said, no, no,
no, no, no, no no

1010
01:23:42.479 --> 01:23:45.439
no. That's my second favorite part. Second part is where he said,

1011
01:23:45.560 --> 01:23:50.199
um, way, name Darius,
regret I didn't have. I called him

1012
01:23:50.319 --> 01:23:57.119
Darius. That's my favorite to this
day. I've never forgotten that since I

1013
01:23:57.159 --> 01:24:01.239
was a kid. I still say
to be like, ask you your anti

1014
01:24:01.279 --> 01:24:08.720
call alright, favor, what's yours? So it's been a long time since

1015
01:24:08.720 --> 01:24:13.159
I watched the episode, so I
can't quote um, but just him,

1016
01:24:13.239 --> 01:24:15.920
him and the back and forth to
him at the counter. I just,

1017
01:24:16.439 --> 01:24:23.279
oh, yes, this the whole
his outfit, the way he cussed the

1018
01:24:23.359 --> 01:24:27.680
lady off. I just it's just
one of the funniest things to me.

1019
01:24:27.880 --> 01:24:35.520
I'm like picturing the air and a
muffins. Well, my favorite part is

1020
01:24:35.560 --> 01:24:40.880
when the woman tells him he can
put his stuff in a box, and

1021
01:24:41.079 --> 01:24:49.000
he's like, box box Middle if
you think you're fftiness friend me, you

1022
01:24:49.039 --> 01:24:55.439
know she don't know that anyhow,
She jump on that escape scale all next

1023
01:24:55.479 --> 01:25:04.359
week the negler stops. Oh my
god, man os and greatest man and

1024
01:25:04.520 --> 01:25:10.359
ladies and gentlemen. That's why it
is an experience to be a Caribbean American

1025
01:25:10.439 --> 01:25:15.039
because we can directly quote these things
on planned that came out must be what

1026
01:25:15.279 --> 01:25:19.159
twenty odd years ago now, and
I feel like, yeah, I feel

1027
01:25:19.159 --> 01:25:25.119
like each generation knows something about Oliver
right, depending on what you were exposed

1028
01:25:25.119 --> 01:25:29.720
to. And now we have YouTube. But guys as usual, thank you

1029
01:25:29.800 --> 01:25:32.159
so much for coming. This has
been so fun. I feel like we

1030
01:25:32.279 --> 01:25:35.760
have to do it again. I
have a strong feeling, like both of

1031
01:25:35.800 --> 01:25:41.159
your episodes separately, this is going
to be one of our top episodes.

1032
01:25:41.840 --> 01:25:45.600
Um so yeah, thank you for
coming and talking to things with me.

1033
01:25:45.359 --> 01:25:49.680
All right, Thanks for having us. It's always funding. Let me meet

1034
01:25:49.720 --> 01:25:59.079
you whenever we're in the same place. Thank you. This is fun.