WEBVTT 1 00:00:12.039 --> 00:00:16.120 Hell creeps. It's me John Cassier, the voice of the Crypt Keeper, 2 00:00:16.640 --> 00:00:33.479 and you're listening to Chronicle from the Crypt. Hello there, I'm Casualty Chris 3 00:00:33.520 --> 00:00:36.960 and this is Father Alone and we're the hosts of Chronicles from the Crypt, 4 00:00:36.960 --> 00:00:40.079 a twice a month look at the whore anthology series Tales from the Crypt that 5 00:00:40.240 --> 00:00:43.920 aired on HBO from nineteen eighty nine to nineteen ninety five. That's it, 6 00:00:43.960 --> 00:00:51.799 folks, good night after the last episode. It's not our fault that we're 7 00:00:51.840 --> 00:00:57.399 really not we're not looking forward to these last couple episodes because unless something changes 8 00:00:58.719 --> 00:01:02.679 the ship, the show is on the road and it's all over the UK, 9 00:01:02.960 --> 00:01:06.480 just stinking up the place. Yeah. Man, it's a self fulfilling 10 00:01:06.480 --> 00:01:11.519 prophecy where they didn't care and now they've they've sort of deadened by enthusiasm for 11 00:01:11.560 --> 00:01:15.359 the show as well. Yep. So on this episode, we're gonna be 12 00:01:15.359 --> 00:01:19.719 talking about episode seven and eight of season seven, the Kidnapper and Report from 13 00:01:19.719 --> 00:01:26.280 the Grave. Are you blind that ball was on the line? How Oh 14 00:01:26.359 --> 00:01:30.239 hello, kiddies. I was just warming up for the Wimbletomb tennis tournament. 15 00:01:32.159 --> 00:01:36.799 Normally I love a bit of stiff competition, but this guy is driving me 16 00:01:37.000 --> 00:01:42.239 nuts. Still, the match isn't over yet. We're playing beast two out 17 00:01:42.280 --> 00:01:49.480 of three, which brings to mind the man in tonight's tale. He's about 18 00:01:49.480 --> 00:01:53.319 to play a little die breaker of his own in a sickening haxhibition. I 19 00:01:53.560 --> 00:02:00.280 call the Kidnapper, So the Kidnapper. Aired June seventh, ninety six. 20 00:02:00.359 --> 00:02:04.519 It is directed by James H. Spencer, with Robin Bexter uncredited. It 21 00:02:04.599 --> 00:02:07.520 is written by John Harrison once again, and it stars, of all people, 22 00:02:08.080 --> 00:02:15.759 Steve fucking Coogan, Yeah, as a as a weird man who falls 23 00:02:15.759 --> 00:02:19.759 in love with a woman who doesn't love him back, so he has her 24 00:02:19.759 --> 00:02:24.960 baby kidnapped. Boy, isn't that tails from the crypt It's very very and 25 00:02:25.199 --> 00:02:30.280 speaking to that, of course, this is a It's based on a Shock 26 00:02:30.400 --> 00:02:37.360 Suspense Stories Shock Suspense Number twelve, written by Bill Gaines and Alfeldstein, art 27 00:02:37.360 --> 00:02:42.759 by Reed Crandell. The story is similar. The twist is definitely the same 28 00:02:42.800 --> 00:02:50.000 twist in the comic. But what they did when I thought was everything right 29 00:02:50.039 --> 00:02:54.400 in the comic in that this is a newlywed couple in love. When they 30 00:02:54.439 --> 00:03:00.599 have the baby, she no longer cares about the husband at all. And 31 00:03:02.080 --> 00:03:07.719 but in the comic he doesn't. He doesn't enact the the the kidnapping. 32 00:03:08.319 --> 00:03:13.159 It happens, and he's happy that it happened, until he realizes his wife 33 00:03:13.199 --> 00:03:16.360 is losing her mind, at which point he tries to steal a baby for 34 00:03:16.599 --> 00:03:24.159 her and discovers that it's his baby, which is like a little more like 35 00:03:24.280 --> 00:03:30.159 the layered and interesting to me because I hadn't read the comic before I watched 36 00:03:30.199 --> 00:03:34.360 the episode, and while watching it, like the whole set up with him 37 00:03:34.400 --> 00:03:38.759 working at a pawn shop and she's a homeless woman who's pregnant and he needs 38 00:03:38.800 --> 00:03:42.199 a friend and she's you know, she tells him straight out she's not going 39 00:03:42.240 --> 00:03:44.520 to fall in love with him and they're only ever going to be friends. 40 00:03:45.000 --> 00:03:46.919 Like that just felt like such a waste of time. I kept thinking, 41 00:03:47.159 --> 00:03:51.479 why didn't they just make this about a couple who are already married and we 42 00:03:51.560 --> 00:03:55.039 go from there and like not waste the entire first act and having them do 43 00:03:55.080 --> 00:04:00.560 this like anti meat cute kind of thing, And as it turns out that 44 00:04:00.560 --> 00:04:03.879 that's exactly what they did in the comic, but clearly not at this point 45 00:04:03.919 --> 00:04:09.759 because this has probably written like three or four seasons ago. You know, 46 00:04:10.159 --> 00:04:14.439 people weren't content to let a thing just be itself. They had to like 47 00:04:14.800 --> 00:04:19.160 graft a new plot line on top of it, whether it be warranted or 48 00:04:19.160 --> 00:04:21.480 not. And that's certainly the case here. I mean, I'm not going 49 00:04:21.519 --> 00:04:26.000 to complain about the acting in the episode. I thought Steve Coogan was good. 50 00:04:26.120 --> 00:04:30.800 I think with Julia Sawala another This is the second episode in a row 51 00:04:30.839 --> 00:04:36.680 with a absolutely fabulous cast member in it, and there's some stuff I did 52 00:04:36.759 --> 00:04:45.240 like actually, but overall, oh boy. Also, it's weird that it's 53 00:04:45.279 --> 00:04:48.839 called the Kidnapper by the crypt Keeper and all the reading material you can find 54 00:04:48.839 --> 00:04:51.600 out it's called the Kidnapper, but in the episode itself the title is just 55 00:04:51.759 --> 00:05:00.600 Kidnapper. I thought that was a little weird, what about you. It's 56 00:05:00.600 --> 00:05:04.519 also weird that they thought that this story was worth telling, because once again, 57 00:05:04.759 --> 00:05:11.399 I genuinely do not understand what in the actual fuck they were thinking adapting 58 00:05:11.519 --> 00:05:16.120 this, of all stories. Yeah, I mean, you know, I 59 00:05:16.120 --> 00:05:18.720 don't know. I think there was stuff that could have been mined out of 60 00:05:18.720 --> 00:05:28.079 this as I mean, sure, but in more adept hands people who weren't 61 00:05:28.120 --> 00:05:34.000 just trying to knock out a twenty two minute yelp, yarn. But yeah, 62 00:05:34.000 --> 00:05:38.120 you know, like I said, the comic I thought was like a 63 00:05:38.120 --> 00:05:44.480 little more intellectually stimulating in that it's about, you know, this sort of 64 00:05:45.040 --> 00:05:49.079 relationship thing that I'm sure does happen where you know, the husband becomes jealous 65 00:05:49.120 --> 00:05:54.839 of the child or vice versa, you know, or I think that's a 66 00:05:54.920 --> 00:06:00.360 dynamic worth mining. But they weren't interested in that here, and they were 67 00:06:00.360 --> 00:06:05.160 just interested in a twist which was already on the page. So I don't 68 00:06:05.199 --> 00:06:12.399 know what can be said. Well, and that's and that's the thing about 69 00:06:12.399 --> 00:06:18.399 this episode that really I genuinely do not understand is it is all about the 70 00:06:18.439 --> 00:06:21.920 twist, and that's it. There's nothing else. There's nothing else to this 71 00:06:21.959 --> 00:06:29.480 episode. All it is is a twist about a like we've said already, 72 00:06:29.560 --> 00:06:34.079 a man who is jealous of his not girlfriend girlfriend and her baby that's not 73 00:06:34.240 --> 00:06:40.759 his, and so he schemes to have the child kidnapped and then readopted and 74 00:06:40.800 --> 00:06:43.720 then he realizes, like you said, she goes crazy, Like that's that's 75 00:06:46.680 --> 00:06:53.839 yeah, yeah, and let the fuck here's my question. The mimes. 76 00:06:54.600 --> 00:06:58.839 Were they on the payroll of this organization that steals babies? Like they were 77 00:06:58.839 --> 00:07:01.639 the discuss. The answer is yes. The answer is a stupid yes. 78 00:07:02.319 --> 00:07:08.480 It was a moronic yes, dumb like like items like it was written by 79 00:07:08.480 --> 00:07:12.079 Scott never Fro. Yeah, but it wasn't this time, um, I 80 00:07:12.160 --> 00:07:16.639 know. And the injection of the injection of useless comedies seems to be a 81 00:07:16.720 --> 00:07:20.879 Scott nimmer froism. Oh my god, And like, is this a tried 82 00:07:20.920 --> 00:07:26.600 and true method of distraction where mimes will start yelling at each other and then 83 00:07:26.839 --> 00:07:30.839 leave the view, thus tempting someone to come and yell at them that they're 84 00:07:30.839 --> 00:07:34.600 gonna call the police, Like it's just so unheard of, Like no, 85 00:07:35.480 --> 00:07:40.040 what but this was the method? Like in the comic they wake up in 86 00:07:40.040 --> 00:07:42.120 the morning and go check on the baby. The baby's gone, and there's 87 00:07:42.120 --> 00:07:46.839 like a window open with the drapes blowing like that that made sense. This 88 00:07:46.959 --> 00:07:49.800 is just like why was that not good enough? Ye? Why was that 89 00:07:49.879 --> 00:07:54.720 not good enough? I've got a thing about mimes that I've gotten the trunk. 90 00:07:54.839 --> 00:07:57.920 I'll just pull that out and put it into this episode. I think 91 00:07:57.959 --> 00:08:03.000 mime's talking and yelling at each other is funny. Yeah, and pretending to 92 00:08:03.040 --> 00:08:05.319 beat the shit out of each other, Like what what are you? What? 93 00:08:05.399 --> 00:08:09.560 Are you going for what is the purpose of introducing, you know, 94 00:08:09.959 --> 00:08:13.959 some levity to the situation. I mean, it's not an inherently funny episode. 95 00:08:15.720 --> 00:08:18.399 No, And it's that's like the whole second act, right, it's 96 00:08:18.480 --> 00:08:22.959 like the theft of the child. And again, like what a timewister, 97 00:08:24.120 --> 00:08:26.319 like, if you wanted to do this episode, then you should do the 98 00:08:26.319 --> 00:08:31.240 episode. Do it about the father who like resents the child so much that 99 00:08:31.320 --> 00:08:37.320 he would want somebody to take it away like that maybe, and then you 100 00:08:37.360 --> 00:08:39.440 know, he gets the shit kicked out of him at the end and you 101 00:08:39.480 --> 00:08:43.679 know, discovers the baby he's trying to steal is his own. That to 102 00:08:43.720 --> 00:08:46.639 me is a little bit interesting, or it could have been, but they 103 00:08:46.679 --> 00:08:50.240 weren't interested in giving us that. They were just like, oh, we'll 104 00:08:50.240 --> 00:08:54.240 put this twist on with this character who's despicable from the get go, and 105 00:08:54.120 --> 00:08:58.039 you know, like give us a first act where we like this guy. 106 00:08:58.600 --> 00:09:01.600 Yeah, that's it. The other weird thing, I mean, there is 107 00:09:01.639 --> 00:09:05.480 there's no reason to root for Steve Coogan's character. He's a creep from the 108 00:09:05.480 --> 00:09:09.399 get go. Yeah. I mean it's just desserts, I guess, and 109 00:09:09.559 --> 00:09:13.799 in the fine easy tradition, but you know, but like, get it. 110 00:09:13.799 --> 00:09:16.919 It's unrequited love. It's it's unrequited love. Don't you get it? 111 00:09:16.960 --> 00:09:18.320 Like, don't you get it? Isn't that weird? Isn't that funny? 112 00:09:18.399 --> 00:09:22.039 Ha ha? He gets the shipped out of him and he dies dies at 113 00:09:22.039 --> 00:09:24.720 the end. I have something like that. I mean that that that shot 114 00:09:24.720 --> 00:09:28.360 where it's the sort of point of view shot and they're like punching him and 115 00:09:28.360 --> 00:09:31.399 then the screen like splatters with blood. Like I thought that was a nice 116 00:09:31.480 --> 00:09:35.200 shot. But like that's but like we being actually led to believe that they're 117 00:09:35.200 --> 00:09:41.240 going to murder this man in the park. I think that's I mean, 118 00:09:41.840 --> 00:09:48.080 those people would therefore then be worse than he is, Like if you you 119 00:09:48.080 --> 00:09:54.159 you can't just murder someone with wanton abandoned and he's are like and like one 120 00:09:54.200 --> 00:09:58.080 of them is the kidnapper, right, but uh, like the other people 121 00:09:58.080 --> 00:10:01.759 are just sort of random straight angers who are like, you know, delightfully 122 00:10:03.080 --> 00:10:07.279 kicking the shit out of him until his death. Yeah. I was, 123 00:10:07.360 --> 00:10:13.679 I was so very very lost as to why in God's name that's what they 124 00:10:13.679 --> 00:10:16.559 were going with, Like, okay, so he's gonna get straight up murdered. 125 00:10:16.879 --> 00:10:20.799 I do like the addition of Serena Gordon, who plays the woman at 126 00:10:20.799 --> 00:10:22.879 the beginning of Golden Eye in the car with Pierce Brosen who supposed to be 127 00:10:22.960 --> 00:10:28.240 his like therapist or something, because that was outside of Steve Coogan and Julia 128 00:10:28.399 --> 00:10:33.080 Sawaha. That's that's it for notable actors in the episode. And it turns 129 00:10:33.080 --> 00:10:39.480 out that her character is technically as scummy as Steve Coogan's. Yeah, this 130 00:10:39.600 --> 00:10:43.039 is just an episode of horrible people doing horrible things, which you know, 131 00:10:43.559 --> 00:10:48.440 no good. You know, you can you can make a taxi driver out 132 00:10:48.440 --> 00:10:52.919 of that, but um jesus, this ain't taxi driver. No, and 133 00:10:54.159 --> 00:10:58.320 you know the twist that it's actually you know, his not girlfriend girlfriend's kid 134 00:10:58.360 --> 00:11:05.200 at the end, Yeah, no, shit, Yeah. They also what 135 00:11:05.360 --> 00:11:11.879 are the odds like the size of this like uh like discoloration on the child's 136 00:11:11.919 --> 00:11:13.440 back, which seemed to be in the shape of England, which I thought 137 00:11:13.440 --> 00:11:16.840 was really weird, but they like, you know, as soon as they 138 00:11:16.879 --> 00:11:18.039 showed a close up of it, I'm like, okay, so that'll be 139 00:11:18.080 --> 00:11:22.960 the final thing in the in the episode, and sure enough it's it's her 140 00:11:24.080 --> 00:11:28.600 kids. The last thing Steve Coogan sees before he's wantonly murdered in the middle 141 00:11:28.600 --> 00:11:35.159 of the park is his baby's ass? Okay, yeah, what I'm like. 142 00:11:35.240 --> 00:11:37.879 Look, I mean, Steve Coogan's character in this episode is kind of 143 00:11:37.879 --> 00:11:41.720 a deplorable piece of shit. But at the same time, why are you 144 00:11:41.720 --> 00:11:46.519 gonna Why are you gonna give us this moment? What is the point? 145 00:11:48.000 --> 00:11:50.879 By the way, though, this is the lowest rated episode of the entire 146 00:11:50.919 --> 00:11:54.519 series on IMDb, So well, uh, geez, you know what, 147 00:11:54.759 --> 00:11:58.639 Like, there are worse Um, yeah, I think we're about to talk 148 00:11:58.639 --> 00:12:03.399 about one. Oh you think so? I think so. Let's talk about 149 00:12:03.559 --> 00:12:09.120 Report from the Grave, Breton's Hackgriculture fans, I'll be with you in a 150 00:12:09.200 --> 00:12:15.879 moment. I've just got to finish with the arty chokes. Come on already, 151 00:12:16.279 --> 00:12:26.919 I already. Nah a little water and some feartalizer, and before you 152 00:12:26.000 --> 00:12:31.919 know it, I'll be horrivesting my own little field of screams. You didn't 153 00:12:33.000 --> 00:12:37.679 know your pal the crook keeper had a green thumb, did you? Well? 154 00:12:37.720 --> 00:12:41.360 I do. And the rest of me is pretty damned moldy too, 155 00:12:43.440 --> 00:12:48.639 which brings to mind Tonight's tale. It's about a scientist who's a bit of 156 00:12:48.639 --> 00:12:56.799 a scare crobber himself. I call this one report from the Grave. So 157 00:12:56.919 --> 00:13:01.440 Report from the Grave is me Report from the Grave air June fourteenth, nineteen 158 00:13:01.519 --> 00:13:05.679 ninety six. It is written and directed by William Malone, not Father Malone, 159 00:13:07.120 --> 00:13:11.120 and it stars James Frain Sibah Yeah, thank God for you. Stars 160 00:13:11.200 --> 00:13:18.200 James Frain and Sibahan fil Jesus Christ Sibahan Flynn. She was a couple. 161 00:13:18.200 --> 00:13:20.879 You know what. You know what I was gonna say it. I don't 162 00:13:20.919 --> 00:13:24.120 even want to talk about this episode. This episode a piece of shit. 163 00:13:24.559 --> 00:13:31.320 This is This is worse than the lat than Cold War, This is worse 164 00:13:31.799 --> 00:13:35.879 than the Kidnapper. This is worse than Horror in the Night. This is 165 00:13:35.919 --> 00:13:39.480 the worst episode of the show period. There's no way they think it'd be 166 00:13:39.519 --> 00:13:41.639 worse than this. Yeah, I didn't even understand what the point of the 167 00:13:41.679 --> 00:13:46.039 story was. They tell it in these really obtuse, bizarre, roundabout ways 168 00:13:46.039 --> 00:13:48.399 of getting to the point, and then at the end of the episode, 169 00:13:48.519 --> 00:13:54.120 shockingly, there is no fucking point. Does seem that way? I don't. 170 00:13:54.159 --> 00:14:03.639 And the perform and the performances are the performances are so forgettable that it 171 00:14:03.360 --> 00:14:07.679 is it is the worst episode of this show that I have seen. And 172 00:14:07.720 --> 00:14:11.279 that is a saying a lot. I'm not gonna say it's surprising it's in 173 00:14:11.320 --> 00:14:16.240 the seventh season, but I had no idea what this episode was going for, 174 00:14:16.360 --> 00:14:22.879 and frankly, I don't think it did either. Yeah, and it 175 00:14:22.919 --> 00:14:26.480 seemed to me the first episode where they did this particular thing which became a 176 00:14:26.639 --> 00:14:33.720 thing because of this director who directed the House on Haunted Hill, the still 177 00:14:33.919 --> 00:14:39.039 body but like the twitchety head kind of thing that the sort of like dominated 178 00:14:39.080 --> 00:14:46.799 early two thousands horror where suddenly twitching things or terrifying in some way. I 179 00:14:46.840 --> 00:14:50.039 hated that. I like James Fraine, the lead on it. He's on 180 00:14:50.960 --> 00:14:54.960 he was on Gotham for a couple of seasons and he's now on Star Trek 181 00:14:54.000 --> 00:15:01.399 Discovery as Sarek Spock's dad. He's really good in those not I mean, 182 00:15:01.720 --> 00:15:03.759 you know, he did a good job in the episode for what he was 183 00:15:03.799 --> 00:15:07.639 given that but like what was given though, that's the question. Yeah, 184 00:15:07.679 --> 00:15:13.960 what was he not? Not much like it's a serial killer, but he 185 00:15:13.399 --> 00:15:20.320 is a cult leader and he's saving all of these bodies for some reason. 186 00:15:20.759 --> 00:15:26.279 And in this guy just so happened my favorite thing, Like, you know, 187 00:15:26.480 --> 00:15:28.799 he creates this device that you can like converse with the dead, and 188 00:15:28.879 --> 00:15:35.279 his first instinct is to seek out a fucking serial killer like experience his thoughts 189 00:15:35.279 --> 00:15:37.559 and memories. That's always oh, and then also give it to his girlfriends. 190 00:15:37.879 --> 00:15:43.279 Yeah yeah, exactly, Like she sort of puts the helmet on and 191 00:15:43.320 --> 00:15:46.120 he doses her with the serial killer and then we get a bunch of ghostly 192 00:15:46.320 --> 00:15:50.120 goings on. I mean it reminds me of the Horror in the Night episode 193 00:15:50.120 --> 00:15:56.279 we just talked about, um, where it's just sort of like a random 194 00:15:56.320 --> 00:16:02.279 assortment of images that are supposed to be disturbing and none of them like land 195 00:16:02.559 --> 00:16:04.840 at all, like, which is hard to do. Like you gotta figure 196 00:16:04.960 --> 00:16:11.320 this gotta be something they could do to make something either shocking or frightening or 197 00:16:11.320 --> 00:16:15.799 disturbing in some way. But um, yeah, not a lot hangs together. 198 00:16:15.840 --> 00:16:19.960 I mean I found this more watchable than some of the recent episodes we've 199 00:16:21.000 --> 00:16:26.399 been um seeing, But that in and of itself is surprising to me. 200 00:16:26.480 --> 00:16:29.919 I really thought you would have been coming down hard on this one. Oh 201 00:16:29.919 --> 00:16:34.200 look, it's so sca it's so scattershot, it's practically unintelligible, and like 202 00:16:34.399 --> 00:16:38.120 that is that is saying something for a show where the last couple episodes have 203 00:16:38.200 --> 00:16:45.720 been complete wheelspinners. This is the ultimate wheelspinner. Like, tell me what 204 00:16:45.759 --> 00:16:51.039 the conclusion of this episode is other than he kills himself for whatever reason? 205 00:16:51.600 --> 00:16:56.879 For whatever what reason? No? I like, Yeah, characters, characters 206 00:16:56.919 --> 00:17:00.960 in Characters in fiction have to have an internal logic. Otherwise, without an 207 00:17:02.000 --> 00:17:04.440 internal logic, characters can float through the air, jump up and down, 208 00:17:04.440 --> 00:17:08.000 and hit the ceiling no gravity. They can stretch their arms thirty feet. 209 00:17:08.000 --> 00:17:11.640 There has to be a logic that dictates how stories and characters play out. 210 00:17:11.880 --> 00:17:17.359 And this episode shirks any of that and says, you like a straightforward story, 211 00:17:17.440 --> 00:17:18.960 We're not going to give it to you. Like character motivation, You're 212 00:17:19.000 --> 00:17:22.160 not going to know what it is. You like a villain, Well, 213 00:17:22.240 --> 00:17:26.160 he's there, but he's not there, And you like a conclusion that makes 214 00:17:26.200 --> 00:17:29.279 sense while there isn't one. It's like the episode is going out of its 215 00:17:29.279 --> 00:17:34.759 way to do everything it can to upend typical storytelling conventions. Yeah. I 216 00:17:34.759 --> 00:17:38.799 mean, like you just said, that's that you need all of those things 217 00:17:38.839 --> 00:17:45.519 just for any story. It's like an afterschool special needs to adhere to those 218 00:17:45.799 --> 00:17:49.640 But when you start dabbling in the supernatural. Then there becomes a whole other 219 00:17:49.680 --> 00:17:56.640 subset of rules that need to be adhered to and given to us in a 220 00:17:56.720 --> 00:18:00.240 concrete way, so we know what the parameters are. And this and this 221 00:18:00.279 --> 00:18:06.559 whole season, anytime they've dipped their toe into the supernatural pool, it's just 222 00:18:06.640 --> 00:18:11.960 been a grab bag of random like weirdness for weirdness sake. It's like the 223 00:18:11.079 --> 00:18:15.640 entire run of American horror story like you ever seen that, You ever seen 224 00:18:15.680 --> 00:18:19.119 those You ever seen those gifts of people online where they're jumping onto a frozen 225 00:18:19.200 --> 00:18:23.000 lake and they don't realize it's frozen or they just don't care. That's this 226 00:18:23.079 --> 00:18:26.240 season of the show. It is a fucking face plant on a frozen like 227 00:18:26.359 --> 00:18:30.559 you say, dip your toe in the supernatural aspect of the season, they 228 00:18:30.559 --> 00:18:34.759 are face planting repeatedly on frozen ice because they have no idea what they're doing, 229 00:18:36.359 --> 00:18:41.079 none the supernatural stuff. How many supernatural episodes have we had this season? 230 00:18:41.640 --> 00:18:44.359 Two? Three? You could make the case that Horror in the Night 231 00:18:44.440 --> 00:18:48.440 is one last respect I guess four if you consider last respects. But again, 232 00:18:49.119 --> 00:18:53.599 you know, so far it's been report from the grave, Cold War 233 00:18:55.000 --> 00:18:57.880 Horror in the Night and last respects. That's four episodes, where eight episodes 234 00:18:57.920 --> 00:19:02.880 in and that's half of the season, and those episodes have been worse than 235 00:19:02.960 --> 00:19:04.880 even the ones that were bad on their own, the ones that were just 236 00:19:04.920 --> 00:19:08.640 bad in spite of in spite of the lack of supernatural. Yeah, I 237 00:19:08.640 --> 00:19:14.039 mean, my main complaint last season was that they had strayed so far from 238 00:19:14.039 --> 00:19:18.640 the supernatural elements. As as a fan of that type of story, I 239 00:19:18.680 --> 00:19:21.880 felt like I was getting short shriffed. But if this is the kind of 240 00:19:21.880 --> 00:19:23.640 supernatural they want a traffic in from now on, then you know what, 241 00:19:23.759 --> 00:19:30.799 just do all shock suspense stories and have criminals by all means, stay away 242 00:19:30.799 --> 00:19:34.079 from the supernatural. Yeah, I mean, don't definitely don't do this now. 243 00:19:36.519 --> 00:19:38.759 This was This was not based on tailsmocause this is a vaultive horror Vultive 244 00:19:38.759 --> 00:19:44.000 Horror fifteen written by Al Feldstein and drawn by Jack Caman. You want to 245 00:19:44.000 --> 00:19:48.799 talk about a liberal adaptation. The comic book story was a group of old 246 00:19:48.839 --> 00:19:52.599 men who get together to tell ghost stories to each other. One of their 247 00:19:52.640 --> 00:19:56.279 members has died and they're going to initiate a new member who's been on the 248 00:19:56.319 --> 00:20:00.839 waiting list. I guess you can only get in when somebody died. But 249 00:20:00.200 --> 00:20:04.880 in order to fulfill his obligation to them, he has to do something they 250 00:20:04.920 --> 00:20:11.119 set him as a task, which is to go dig up the former member 251 00:20:11.400 --> 00:20:15.319 and bring something like a watch or something. Actually it is his wristwatch, 252 00:20:15.359 --> 00:20:21.640 because his wrist watch was very particular, and one member objects vehemently to this 253 00:20:21.839 --> 00:20:23.559 as a task. Nevertheless, the guy goes and does it and returns and 254 00:20:23.599 --> 00:20:29.319 says there's nothing in that coffin. So they all go to investigate the cemetery 255 00:20:29.599 --> 00:20:34.240 and the guy has dug in the wrong spot. But it turns out that 256 00:20:34.480 --> 00:20:38.440 one member of their group, the one who objected, was having an affair 257 00:20:38.440 --> 00:20:42.480 with the guy's wife and poisoned him. And the twist as it not really 258 00:20:42.480 --> 00:20:45.960 a twist at all, But what happens is the grave of that of the 259 00:20:47.000 --> 00:20:51.279 guy who was buried is there, except he was buried without a coffin, 260 00:20:51.680 --> 00:20:56.880 and the ground above it breaks open as these guys are there, as if 261 00:20:56.920 --> 00:20:59.799 he's coming back to life. But it was, and it was gases from 262 00:20:59.839 --> 00:21:03.960 his body like forcing their way out of the earth, and like that supernatural 263 00:21:03.119 --> 00:21:07.160 supposed element makes the guy who committed the crime confess to it. So it 264 00:21:07.200 --> 00:21:10.920 turned out there was no There was not a whiff of supernatural in it at 265 00:21:10.960 --> 00:21:12.880 all, and they really should have stuck to that or I mean, I 266 00:21:12.880 --> 00:21:15.400 don't think they should have done that story because it was dumb as well. 267 00:21:15.720 --> 00:21:19.759 But this is what they came up with instead. And you know what, 268 00:21:19.920 --> 00:21:25.200 honestly, there's probably an interesting story in here. This idea of like talking 269 00:21:25.200 --> 00:21:29.359 with the dead, like could have been mine for something really good. Unfortunately 270 00:21:29.880 --> 00:21:33.839 it's just a grab bag of nonsense. And again it has absolutely no conclusion. 271 00:21:33.880 --> 00:21:37.920 The conclusion that a character kills themselves is a conclusion if there are stakes, 272 00:21:37.200 --> 00:21:40.480 right, there aren't any. No, there were no stakes at all. 273 00:21:40.559 --> 00:21:45.319 It's barely it was barely intelligible storytelling to begin with. And you know, 274 00:21:45.440 --> 00:21:47.839 the other thing I want to point out is that I didn't notice till 275 00:21:47.839 --> 00:21:49.759 I sort of looked up the credits on it. But the serial kill, 276 00:21:49.839 --> 00:21:56.119 the dense serial killer, is named Valdemar, And this is very similar to 277 00:21:56.400 --> 00:22:00.039 a Edgar Allan post short story about called the Fact in the Case of m 278 00:22:00.119 --> 00:22:07.480 Valdemar, where a man is hypnotized before right before death, and then he's 279 00:22:07.680 --> 00:22:12.880 unable to go to the next world or remain living in hours. He's just 280 00:22:12.880 --> 00:22:17.880 sort of trapped there, which was adapted and should point out just a couple 281 00:22:17.920 --> 00:22:22.039 of years before this episode by George Romero for a movie called Two Evil Eyes, 282 00:22:22.400 --> 00:22:25.319 where I thought he did a really good job with it. So it's 283 00:22:25.400 --> 00:22:30.960 not even like William Malone read this short story or read the comic book and 284 00:22:30.960 --> 00:22:32.640 said, well, I don't want to do that. I have this idea 285 00:22:33.079 --> 00:22:36.400 for this other thing. It's I read the comic, I don't like it, 286 00:22:36.440 --> 00:22:40.000 and I'm just going to rip off something else, and not in any 287 00:22:40.240 --> 00:22:45.960 intelligible way possible because the Romero adaptation of it, the rules are obviously set 288 00:22:45.000 --> 00:22:51.200 and it's structured and it doesn't deviate, and the scares come because of it. 289 00:22:51.480 --> 00:22:53.640 In here, it's just like, oh, well, my visual storytelling 290 00:22:53.680 --> 00:22:59.480 of freaky images will be enough. They weren't enough watch House on Haunted Hill 291 00:22:59.480 --> 00:23:03.519 if you doubt it. Yeah, but like she came back for him, 292 00:23:03.640 --> 00:23:07.240 Yeah, this this season is exhausting. That's not the word I would use. 293 00:23:08.880 --> 00:23:14.039 The word I would use his utter disappointment. Yeah, I mean, 294 00:23:15.279 --> 00:23:19.160 I understand, I agree that it is exhausting, but I go one further 295 00:23:19.200 --> 00:23:23.519 and this is just it's it's nightmarish. I mean this this season is just 296 00:23:23.799 --> 00:23:29.640 nightmarish. It is. You know what the scary thing about this season is 297 00:23:29.640 --> 00:23:33.200 how fucking bad it is. And that's that's it. Yeah, I uh 298 00:23:34.519 --> 00:23:41.279 math how many more we got? Five? That hurts? There's gotta be 299 00:23:41.319 --> 00:23:44.079 something good, right, Yeah? Am I am? I a sucker for 300 00:23:44.240 --> 00:23:47.000 always holding out hope that we're going to get a good one. Well that's 301 00:23:47.039 --> 00:23:49.359 the thing, you know, There's gotta be one. There has to be 302 00:23:49.400 --> 00:23:55.119 one. I would hope to God that there's one. Please please Lord snoo 303 00:23:55.160 --> 00:23:59.200 SNeW please crypt keeper, give us one, just one, just one, 304 00:23:59.480 --> 00:24:03.720 Like that's that's all I'm asking for out of thirteen episodes. Yeah, I 305 00:24:03.799 --> 00:24:07.279 just want to tell our audience once Hey, by the way, this episode's 306 00:24:07.279 --> 00:24:11.400 worth listening or this episode's worth watching. That's all I want. Is that 307 00:24:11.400 --> 00:24:17.559 that hard? I hate that they've put us into the position of decimating this 308 00:24:17.599 --> 00:24:21.640 show week after week. Yeah I do too, because again, I you 309 00:24:21.680 --> 00:24:23.240 know, I really liked this show. This is you know, this is 310 00:24:23.240 --> 00:24:32.839 a show that I returned to regularly for reasons that you know, aren't aren't 311 00:24:32.880 --> 00:24:34.920 some sort of like mystery. This show has a lot of really good, 312 00:24:36.559 --> 00:24:40.759 fun episodes that deserve to be rewatched, like The Man Who Was Death, 313 00:24:40.799 --> 00:24:44.440 like cutting cards, like so many episodes of this show, and then you 314 00:24:44.480 --> 00:24:47.839 get to a season where it completely shits the bed. Yeah, and you 315 00:24:47.880 --> 00:24:49.319 know, we talked about this in the last episode. We've been talking about 316 00:24:49.319 --> 00:24:55.240 it all season. But like, you know, the English can do short 317 00:24:55.319 --> 00:25:00.440 horror fiction really, really well. You know, there's an entire subgenre of 318 00:25:00.640 --> 00:25:06.039 anthology films from the nineteen seventies where, you know, not they're not all 319 00:25:06.160 --> 00:25:10.039 gold, but a lot of the stories are really good. And it feels 320 00:25:10.319 --> 00:25:15.599 especially disingenuous this season where they make the move to England, but then they 321 00:25:15.680 --> 00:25:18.759 keep all the writing. They're sort of in house writers, like they didn't 322 00:25:18.759 --> 00:25:22.400 want to pay anyone to come up with a new thing. They just wanted 323 00:25:22.400 --> 00:25:26.319 to those episodes to be made over there with their with their people, And 324 00:25:26.480 --> 00:25:30.960 I think maybe that injection of new blood could have been Interestingly, there were 325 00:25:30.000 --> 00:25:36.279 lots of um up and coming filmmakers in England in the in the nineties that 326 00:25:36.680 --> 00:25:40.200 I'm sure would have jumped at the chance and given us something of interest. 327 00:25:40.319 --> 00:25:44.200 At least from an English point of view, these do feel like they're just 328 00:25:44.279 --> 00:25:49.039 sort of America The bad American ones cloaked in you know England, or is 329 00:25:49.079 --> 00:25:55.240 Danny Boyle, where are any where are any British directors of note? I 330 00:25:55.279 --> 00:25:59.720 mean, it's not like the original seasons of the show didn't get directors of 331 00:26:00.000 --> 00:26:03.160 out for the episodes. I mean, you know, they had well known 332 00:26:03.160 --> 00:26:04.640 the well known actors directing, and then all of a sudden, it's just 333 00:26:04.680 --> 00:26:07.920 nope, we're just we're just giving up, just completely. Yeah, I 334 00:26:07.960 --> 00:26:11.240 mean, you know, I don't know for certain, but I'm sure if 335 00:26:11.400 --> 00:26:14.799 they if they even offered it to Danny Ball, he'd be like, well, 336 00:26:14.839 --> 00:26:18.400 this script is garbage, you know, and like, I've got a 337 00:26:18.440 --> 00:26:19.759 I've got a career I'm working on here. Yeah, I don't want to 338 00:26:19.759 --> 00:26:25.039 be lumped in with episodes like Cold War and other nightmarish pieces of garbage that 339 00:26:25.119 --> 00:26:29.480 don't deserve to be called Tales from the Crypt. I mean, that's that's 340 00:26:29.480 --> 00:26:32.759 the other thing, right, I mean, it's it's really hard to even 341 00:26:34.000 --> 00:26:37.920 consider these episodes tales from the Crypt episodes there, it's almost like we're watching 342 00:26:37.960 --> 00:26:41.480 another show. Yeah, if if you had given me this season and said 343 00:26:41.559 --> 00:26:45.400 this is a series called The Damned, it's a British anthology horror show. 344 00:26:45.480 --> 00:26:49.240 I'd be like, okay, and I would have no ankling that it was. 345 00:26:51.000 --> 00:26:53.720 And we have mentioned this before too, but it's it goes right down 346 00:26:53.720 --> 00:27:00.880 to the crypt Keeper introductions and outros, like they they have absolutely nothing to 347 00:27:02.039 --> 00:27:06.519 do with the story, Like I rewatched h and All through the House last 348 00:27:06.599 --> 00:27:11.319 night, and like the crypt Keeper comes in and he's dressed as Santa Claus 349 00:27:11.400 --> 00:27:14.599 and he's making Christmas puns, and then we get a Christmas episode and then 350 00:27:14.599 --> 00:27:17.839 he makes more puns about Christmas at the end. It's all part and parcel 351 00:27:18.240 --> 00:27:22.000 here. A couple episodes ago, we had one where they the crypt Keeper 352 00:27:22.119 --> 00:27:26.759 was an astronaut for an episode that is about a ghostly hotel, Like what 353 00:27:26.799 --> 00:27:30.880 the what the fuck is going on? What? Were like, But it's 354 00:27:30.880 --> 00:27:37.000 funny, geez man, self fulfilling because he's doing weird He's doing weird things. 355 00:27:37.119 --> 00:27:41.680 Isn't that funny? And then like let's make the most tenuous connection here 356 00:27:41.720 --> 00:27:44.799 at the end that's kind of like a guy in this story. He also 357 00:27:45.039 --> 00:27:48.279 is out of this world, Like what what? No? Yeah, but 358 00:27:48.359 --> 00:27:51.160 like you're missing the point though, Like it's funny, you know what? 359 00:27:51.440 --> 00:27:55.480 And I would overlook it if it were actually funny. Yeah, I know 360 00:27:56.039 --> 00:27:57.559 that's I mean, that's the thing, Like, you know, ultimately, 361 00:27:57.559 --> 00:28:02.559 at the end of the day, you you can really really, really really 362 00:28:02.559 --> 00:28:07.160 really overlook a lot if it seems like you're trying, if it seems like 363 00:28:07.200 --> 00:28:10.440 you're putting your best foot forward. I love all kinds of things that are 364 00:28:10.480 --> 00:28:14.000 not quote unquote good. I love a lot of things as do you, 365 00:28:14.480 --> 00:28:18.960 that you know are failures, but they're at least trying. It's a successful 366 00:28:19.000 --> 00:28:22.640 failure. You know, they did something different, they tried. If you 367 00:28:22.839 --> 00:28:26.440 entertain me, then I can overlook a lot. But yeah, if you're 368 00:28:26.559 --> 00:28:33.400 unwilling to like at least make a move in that direction and expect me to 369 00:28:33.599 --> 00:28:37.279 overlook all of the other bullshit that you've decided it doesn't matter. Get the 370 00:28:37.319 --> 00:28:42.519 fuck out of here. It's it's a shame. Skip and skip. It's 371 00:28:42.519 --> 00:28:48.119 a shame. It's a disappointment. And I I I yearn for the days 372 00:28:48.240 --> 00:28:52.680 of the man who is death. Well, I think we were yearning for 373 00:28:52.720 --> 00:28:59.720 those days throughout every season. But what a nail in the coffin. This 374 00:28:59.839 --> 00:29:06.759 is is a we're not even gonna attempt to think about trying to give you 375 00:29:06.839 --> 00:29:10.359 that level of quality we're just giving you whatever the fuck it comes into my 376 00:29:10.440 --> 00:29:14.119 head and you'll like it because you're a fan of the show. Well, 377 00:29:14.119 --> 00:29:17.000 and that's the other thing, right, it's this. It just feels like 378 00:29:17.319 --> 00:29:21.599 they are okay with giving up. Yeah, right, like they they they 379 00:29:21.640 --> 00:29:25.079 know that they've given up. They want you to know that that they've given 380 00:29:25.160 --> 00:29:26.799 up, and that's it, and you should give up to, I guess 381 00:29:27.000 --> 00:29:34.359 is the message I'm I'm getting from them. Even though it feels like worse 382 00:29:34.519 --> 00:29:37.200 than you should give up to. It doesn't feel like you should give up 383 00:29:37.200 --> 00:29:42.240 to. It's you'll take what you're given, right, because if they expected 384 00:29:42.319 --> 00:29:45.079 us to give up too, they probably never would have done what they did, 385 00:29:45.079 --> 00:29:48.119 would just make another season of the show to waste everyone's time. Yeah, 386 00:29:48.160 --> 00:29:51.720 I mean, I hope everyone. I hope everyone got a got a 387 00:29:51.720 --> 00:29:53.119 bunch of paychecks out of this, and you know, we're able to enjoy 388 00:29:53.160 --> 00:29:56.759 their lives a little because that's the only benefit I can see from this season 389 00:29:56.759 --> 00:30:02.000 coming, I mean, the from this season in general. But yeah, 390 00:30:02.000 --> 00:30:06.039 skip skip hard, skip both these episodes. Skip basically this entire season so 391 00:30:06.079 --> 00:30:11.440 far. So on the second to last season based episode of Chronicles from the 392 00:30:11.440 --> 00:30:17.039 Crypt, we're gonna be talking about episodes nine and ten Smoke Rings and about 393 00:30:17.119 --> 00:30:19.079 Face, and I'm pretty sure correct me if I'm wrong, Father Malone. 394 00:30:19.440 --> 00:30:26.039 Smoke Rings has none other than Daniel Craig. Oh well, let's see how 395 00:30:26.079 --> 00:30:30.839 he how they waste his talent. I've not seen either of these episodes. 396 00:30:32.200 --> 00:30:34.680 We're guaranteed to find out, and like I said, just like a sucker, 397 00:30:34.759 --> 00:30:38.000 I'm holding out hope there's gonna be a good one. That's gonna be 398 00:30:38.039 --> 00:30:42.039 a gem. And what's crazy is it doesn't even have to be a gem. 399 00:30:42.160 --> 00:30:45.200 It just has to be competent at this point, and I will give 400 00:30:45.240 --> 00:30:52.559 it a pass or a watch. I I you know, we went into 401 00:30:52.599 --> 00:30:56.079 this season with this again, this idea, this statement, this notion that 402 00:30:56.200 --> 00:31:00.400 so many fans of the show really do not like this season and that this 403 00:31:00.480 --> 00:31:03.359 season is not good. And I think the both you know, the both 404 00:31:03.359 --> 00:31:08.160 of us were really hoping definitely not praying, but hoping. Yeah, we 405 00:31:08.160 --> 00:31:14.720 were hoping that that was maybe an overblown maybe that's not reality, and then 406 00:31:15.119 --> 00:31:18.759 no, that is reality truly. So where can people find you, Father 407 00:31:18.799 --> 00:31:22.359 Malone? When you're not here? Find me. I'm going to spend most 408 00:31:22.359 --> 00:31:26.799 of my time over at Father Malone dot com. You can check out my 409 00:31:26.359 --> 00:31:33.279 radio drama podcast called Dark Destinations, where we investigate towns that don't exist, 410 00:31:33.799 --> 00:31:36.799 and you can also hear me over on Dreams for Sale. The twilight Zone 411 00:31:36.839 --> 00:31:40.920 eighty five podcast that Chris and I do with the Projection Booths Mike White, 412 00:31:41.000 --> 00:31:45.319 where we look at the nineteen eighties reboot of The Twilight Zone, which is, 413 00:31:45.960 --> 00:31:48.400 oh man, so much better than this. I was about to say, 414 00:31:48.440 --> 00:31:51.759 literally, anything is better than this. As for me, you can 415 00:31:51.799 --> 00:31:56.160 find me on Twitter at Casualty Underscore Chris. You can find the podcast on 416 00:31:56.200 --> 00:32:00.960 Twitter at Chronicles FTC and on the Internet at chronic Us from the crypt dot 417 00:32:01.680 --> 00:32:05.599 com. We do not know what we are doing past the end of the 418 00:32:05.680 --> 00:32:10.039 season of the show, so if you have any ideas, keep them to 419 00:32:10.119 --> 00:32:14.880 yourself, saying tweet at one of us. You know, I mean, 420 00:32:14.960 --> 00:32:16.720 I know that there are fans of the show, and I have seen them 421 00:32:16.720 --> 00:32:21.319 on Facebook and they listen to our podcasts. So if there's something that you 422 00:32:21.359 --> 00:32:24.119 guys want us to cover, give us some ideas, because we are quickly 423 00:32:24.599 --> 00:32:30.559 approaching the terminus of this show and we don't know what we're doing if anything, 424 00:32:30.680 --> 00:32:32.920 So make a case for us to stick around, and if you don't, 425 00:32:34.240 --> 00:32:37.920 we're still going to anyways. Tough shit and it's always big Thanks to 426 00:32:37.079 --> 00:32:39.880 John Cassir for the intro to the podcast, and we'll catch you on the 427 00:32:39.960 --> 00:32:44.920 next episode.