WEBVTT

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Are rolling, You're good to go. Let's start rolling where the blunt said,

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where the ash tred. It's like, oh my gosh, first,

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I love coming on here. I
love doing this. First of all,

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as soon as the camera starts rolling, my mind is like what you say

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first? Like all of my thoughts
are always fighting on, like let me

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what are we gonna talk about first? Where we gonna go with this?

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What direction are I never know?
And I've had so much anxiety leading up

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into this point. And I don't
know why I do that, because every

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time I just always go with the
flow and it just comes off perfect every

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time. So just so much.
It was a lot of anxiety getting here.

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I don't even know where to start. I told you, all of

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my thoughts are like, let me
talk, let me talk, because I

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never get to fucking talk. People
don't never let me talk. So you

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have a lot to say. Geez, I don't even know where to start.

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Let's okay, let's start here.
It's Friday, November seventeenth. I

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don't even know if I'm gonna go
live. I was gonna try to have

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people call in and all of that, but I feel like them, I

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got a lot to say and I
was worried that I wasn't gonna have anything

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to say at all. But anyway, let's start with today. So today

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it's Friday, It's payday, okay, And depending on how you want to

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look at that, you know,
that's gonna tell what kind of day it

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is, because you could get paid
and be like, damn, all my

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money going. I had to pay
all my bills, I ain't got no

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money. Or you could be like, hey, I just got paid,

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It's up. You know what I'm
saying, I'm grateful to have money.

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I'm grateful to have money to pay
my bills, to do what I need

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to do. I have the money
to invest in myself, you know what

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I'm saying. So like cause there
were times when I did it. So

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it just depends on how you look
at it. I feel like mindset is

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always a thing that I've been working
on, like changing my mindset, being

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a more positive person, seeing the
results that you garner when you move in

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a positive manner. When you have
a positive mindset, you see more opportunities,

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you see the silver lining in every
situation. You know what I'm saying.

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I hate being around people that are
negative. I hate people that say

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the B word. I'm broke.
I'm broke, like I hate when people

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just talk negative about them, Like
I don't hear that. I don't know,

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but I'm just saying I'm not really
bro I don't care. Don't say

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it around me. I don't.
I don't even want that word around me.

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It's abundant. Don't it just look
abundant over here? Don't Don't it

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look full and rich, radiant,
vibrant. Don't it just like bro That's

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the energy I'm giving off. That
was another we're talking about today, right,

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So anyway, when I woke up
this morning, I've been very mindful

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about expressing gratitude every day, Thanking
God for waking up for another chance another

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day, Thanking God to be in
a safe space, have a place to

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lay my head, you know what
I'm saying. Thanking God for a job

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and for money to take care even
if I got to take care of some

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bullshit, even when a motherfucking monkey
wrench coming to plan, You got the

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money to pay for it. Be
grateful for that, you know what I'm

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saying. So when I was getting
ready for work, I put on my

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little affirmations and morning motivation, and
when I tell y'all, first of all,

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this is something that I do daily. I do this every day,

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but today was different. Like I
put that shit on and my energy was

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so fucking high. At work,
the vibe was just through the fucking roof

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and somebody had came over into my
space, just negative as hell, talking

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about like I woke up later,
I didn't go to sleeper and it was

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just going and I was over here
like hey, relax, like trying to

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talk to they wasn't even listening because
they were just going. They was so

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mady. The energy was so heavy, and they walked away. I was

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like, you don't have to take
that on. That's not your energy,

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you know what I'm saying. And
I still gotta have my great energy to

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give off to the people that I'm
speaking to, you know what I'm so

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I could do my job. So
it was just crazy, But I was

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really just assessing people's energy today.
But my shit was so high, and

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shout out to the motherfucking affirmations and
morning motivation because that shit, like it

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had me lifted. But I also
knew that today was gonna be a great

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day. First of all, I
looked good, hair done, browse on

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flee lash. Look, look looking
gorgeous. Okay, So that's just that's

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another plus. The energy is baby, the energy just speaks to you,

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So that's another plus. Today it
was just a good day. I knew

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I was coming to record to even
though I had anxiety building up these past

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three weeks. That's that's another thing. So that last video I recorded that

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three weeks ago. I don't know
how to feel about that, not because,

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first of all, three weeks is
a long time for a person that

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went five years of recording like five
days a week, three weeks is different.

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But to me, I'm looking at
it like that was three weeks ago.

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Three weeks ago is a long time
ago. It's like, damn,

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three weeks past. That's crazy.
But then it's also like dan and that

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was only three weeks ago. Like
I'm looking at it in both ways.

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But what I will say is thank
you to everybody that watched that video.

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That video did so fucking good.
The views are up. The impact was

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there. It was such an outpour
after I posted, Like, first of

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all, I was already in my
head and in my heart about making that

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video and even speaking about the experience
and everything that I went through. I'm

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like, I don't even know if
I really want to talk about this forreer,

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I don't even know if I want
to put this out there. And

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baby, when I tell you,
the response was so overwheomen, so many

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women DM me and just expressed gratitude
for even sharing my story, for being

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brave enough, for being courageous enough
to speak up and speak out to inspire

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other people to get out of that
type of situation, to be a voice

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for people that are in that type
of situation. And then the women that

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came to me and said that that
they weren't in those types of relationships.

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They was in a narcissistic, abusive
relationship just got out of it. And

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again, these are people that I
follow on the ground on the regular,

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you know what I'm saying, and
would have never known. But that's another

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thing too. I remember somebody said
to me like, uh, we were

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talking about it on TikTok shout out
to my fresh roots fam. Uh.

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I was talking to them on TikTok
on ay Live, and it's like,

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we would have never known that you
was going through that, Like you just

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be smiling you and Dallas would like, yeah, you y'all don't be knowing

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what be going on behind closed doors
with people. Of course, people post

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a highlight reel on the ground.
Of course, it's good every day on

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the ground. They trying to keep
up with the Jones on It's gonna be

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good every day on the ground.
What's really going on at home? Though,

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you know what I'm saying. So, but I was very happy with

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the turnout of the video. A
lot of my friends is like, it's

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given documentary, it's given what it
like? I don't know, but I

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think I think it just really opened
the door for a lot of stuff.

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And it's so funny because when I
opened up my TikTok feed, was it

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last night yesterday? And I don't
even like to get into like celebrity gossip

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and all that type of stuff.
But this just further confirms what I said.

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It further confirms the video. This
whole situation with Diddy and Cassie bro

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what that's big. That's very big
for her to come forward and tell her

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story. Baby. Everything that was
listed on I don't even know what it

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was. The lawsuit, everything,
a thirty million dollar lawsuit of allegations until

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you know, until he's charted whatever. We don't know. I can't say

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what a person did or didn't do, but I know a person's character.

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I know a person's character. You
could see through a lot of bullshit.

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I have made a video yesterday.
Let me see what I said. Somebody

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just text me talking about not me
grocery shop and listening to the podcast act

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for real? This is I love
it. I love it. I love

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my life. But no, let
me see what I said. Exactly?

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Is they head they thoughts about?
Look at how they thin can treat as

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artists, Look at how you treat
as women. See, I believe Cassie

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ain't. Nobody goes in a relationship
with somebody for ten years that they hold

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fun. That's what I'm saying.
Like they dated for like ten plus years.

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Nobody has the energy to sit there
and make up all of these things

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about you, especially if I was
in a relationship with you. Why would

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I lie? Why would I make
these Why would I make up all of

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this trauma? I mean some people
do lie about stuff, but no,

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no, So justice for Cassie.
We stand for Cassie. Did he need

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to pay his artists? Period?
You leve a lot of people down bad.

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He like I will never forgive him
for Daddy King Day twenty six.

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May it goes back to the nineties
Mace total Like, no, no,

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Biggie kim Porter, we need answers
for all of this. This is like

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twenty years of abuse, twenty years
of moving foul. Like that's what I'm

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saying. You have to look at
a person's character. What did I say

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on the last episode? I was
like, I hate to throw men under

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the bus, but when you have
a lot of power, authority, status,

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money, that shit gets swept under
the rug. So shout out to

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her for speaking her truth, for
coming forward, Like that's very hard.

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What did I just say? It
was a very brave thing to do.

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It's a very courageous thing to do. People be victim sham and blaming,

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Well, why did it takes all
lot? People don't usually come to the

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forefront about sexual assaults, sex being
sex trafficked, being abused mentally, emotionally,

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physically, Like that's not something you're
running to the treetops to tell people

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about. Like it's a lot.
And then ten plus years of abuse.

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She probably just processed that shit.
She probably just wrapped her mind around that

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shit. It's one thing to go
through something, you know, how when

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they say it's from the outside looking
in, it's easy as fun to see

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inside the glass, not when you
in it. So it's it's a lot.

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But yes, I was just very
surprised by the outpour and the response

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of the video that I did.
This is not alcohol, It is a

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red cup, and it's not even
my drink of choice. First of all.

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That's another thing. So I was
late getting here, and that's not

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me. Let me tell you this. I told you all my mind is

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all over the place and I just
lost my train and thought of where I

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was about to go with the other
things. But whatever, we're moving on

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now. So getting here today.
So, like I said to that was

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a really great day at work for
me. I have fun with my colleagues.

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I laughed a joke, I did
work. I have some motherfucking guess

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that was a pain in the fucking
ass. A lot of times you just

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really want to roll your eyes and
be like how motherfuckers just be asking the

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craziest shit. I had somebody have
a real fucking I had somebody have a

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real fucking attitude with me today because
they wanted a receipt from their stay at

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the hotel. Okay, what's your
last name so I can look it up?

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Oh, that's not coming up in
the system. Do you have a

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confirmation number or something from your stay? No? And then they was what

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did he say? He said something
about uh oh he I don't know what.

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He couldn't get the receipt because he
didn't have proof of being here.

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So how am I supposed to get
my receipt? I was there, Well,

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what do you want me to look
it up with? Your name is

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not coming up? You don't have
a confirmation number, there's nothing you You

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mad at me and I'm trying to
help you. Is there anything? Do

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you have an email saying that you
You know what I'm saying? Oh,

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get ready for your stay so I
can look your shit. Bro, I

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don't even know where I'm going with
anyway. Today was a good day at

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work. Oh I posted this yesterday
too? What did I say? Let

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me see what did I say?
So yesterday? Wow? Oh, maybe

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it's not on there anymore. But
yesterday the hotel manager extended an opportunity to

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me. And first of all,
not even just extended an opportunity to me,

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created an opportunity for me. It
gave me my own little title wellness

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champion. Shout out to me created
an opportunity for me as the wellness champion

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at my job to hope the wellness
events, the yoga events at my job.

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Shout out to yo girl, Shout
out to the coworkers that was able

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to see what I'm doing, like
just a cool dude at my job that

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I just meant it, you know
what I'm saying, Like different walks of

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life, different ethnicities whatever. He
was still able to point that out today,

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like, dang you like you know
what I'm saying, you got a

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job within the job. Okay,
that's goals. That's goals because I'm trying

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to put myself on when I be
telling people I don't like working a nine

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to five. Baby, it's a
plan underneath here. It's a plan underneath

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here, and it's to put myself
on. Yes, I have to use

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the job to get me to where
I need to go, but it's a

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plan underneath here. So that oh
let me tell you so. Yeah,

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I was saying I'm all off for
the place this. I was late because

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cause, first of all, traffic
in Texas is like California traffic. That

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shit is so crazy. Luckily I
don't have a car right now, I

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just be lifting around. I do
hate when the lifts get on the freeway

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though, cause it's like, damn, y'all, y'all don't know alternate route.

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I gotta take the streets, and
I need to learn the streets.

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But traffic was crazy. But also
another thing was I really pushed it when

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I was leaving work today, but
I stuck behind because I ended up having

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a meeting about what I'm doing with
this opportunity that was just created for me.

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So in a sense, it's like, you know what I'm saying,

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I really wanted to hurryup and get
out of there. I'm like, I

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got something I gotta do, you
know, creatively for myself, for my

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purpose, for that, but also
this is a part of that as well,

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and so it was a good thing. So I was running a little

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late. I couldn't even stop getting
no water, no kombucha, no nothing.

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I'm like, dang, But I
was already late. So I got

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here thirsty as fuck, mouth,
dry as fuck cotton mouth. But they

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00:17:07.720 --> 00:17:10.960
gave me some cherry coke. So
and y'all know, I don't like I

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don't drink pop. I barely drink
juice. I really just try to drink

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water. I like to drink stuff
with just a little bit of flavor,

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Like I don't need all the sugar, all the sugar. Just give me

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a little bit of fun. I
like vitamin water, the pomegranate vitamin water.

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Like I'll do like a lemonade,
you know what I'm saying, just

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00:17:26.799 --> 00:17:30.039
something with just a little I don't
need. I don't need the lean and

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I don't need all the sugar.
And this is a lot, but I'm

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00:17:38.720 --> 00:17:41.279
grateful because I didn't have nothing to
drink and I'm like, dang, I

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need to quitch. But so that
happened. But overall it was a good

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day. But my anxiety was,
you know, a little crazy getting here

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the lift driver. This experience was
different this guy today. Remember last time

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I had the like a whole like
spiritual moment with the last live driver when

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I came here the first time.
Today, he was acting like he had

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somewhere to be. He was acting
how I should have been acting in the

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back seats like damn, hurry up
again, Like I'm like, does he

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have somewhere to be? The leg
was twitching, he was mad. Kept

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I'm like, I'm the one that
gotta be somewhere, but it was just

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00:18:21.079 --> 00:18:26.519
so funny. But I'm here Nothingtheless, I did jie down a lot of

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00:18:26.559 --> 00:18:30.400
notes. I didn't even know where
I really wanted to start with this.

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We're gonna see where we're gonna se
So Yes, the last video was awesome,

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fucking sauce. I think it's almost
at three hundred videos, at three

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hundred views. I bet niggas didn't
think it was gonna go up like that.

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I bet niggas didn't think it was
gonna happen like this. But you

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00:18:57.359 --> 00:19:03.559
know that's neither here nor there.
Oh, but best believe, baby,

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00:19:03.599 --> 00:19:07.039
that it was the day that I
posted it. The day that I posted

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that bit. You best believe your
girl got harassed. I was like,

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damn like clockwork, the day of
just so happened. Motherfuckers get wind of

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00:19:26.559 --> 00:19:36.799
shit, or maybe didn't even get
it. Wasn't even got wind it being

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00:19:36.880 --> 00:19:41.880
a nuisance and stumbling across something,
you know what I mean. But anyway,

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00:19:41.319 --> 00:19:45.599
I got harassed after that, not
every day, every other day,

243
00:19:45.640 --> 00:19:51.759
every other week, bi weekly,
on a nigga paycheck, on a nigga

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00:19:51.799 --> 00:19:56.519
paycheck, let me harass somebody bi
weekly. But best believe I got harassed,

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and not once did I respond,
because I feel like I really,

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once I remove myself or remove my
energy from a situation, you're never gonna

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00:20:26.359 --> 00:20:36.480
get it again. The only energy
of me that you can't get is on

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the podcast. So you can come, you can come some part, you

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00:20:38.160 --> 00:20:44.039
can come. Listen to this.
I'm not giving my energy else nobody,

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00:20:44.079 --> 00:20:48.440
no more like that. Shit is
dead. It's it's I don't even know

251
00:20:48.440 --> 00:20:51.960
where to start. Bro. It's
so I have so much stuff written down

252
00:20:52.000 --> 00:20:57.119
here too. But yeah, best
believe I got harassed. It's five fifty

253
00:20:57.119 --> 00:21:03.559
five. Best believe. I don't
know if that is confirmation that is true.

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00:21:03.599 --> 00:21:07.599
I'm not lying to y'all. I
don't know, but whatever, best

255
00:21:07.599 --> 00:21:19.440
believe I got harassed and I got
show love and the odd thing about the

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situation. And I don't know if
I said this on the last episode or

257
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not, but it's just it's very
weird to me for a person to like

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00:21:36.039 --> 00:21:41.480
egg you on or encourage you to, you know, separate yourself detached from

259
00:21:41.480 --> 00:21:47.240
the situation, get the fuck up
whatever you want to say, for you

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00:21:47.319 --> 00:21:53.279
to have that energy, and then
when I give you that energy, it's

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00:21:53.319 --> 00:21:57.559
a problem. This is what you
wanted. This is what you asked for,

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00:22:00.640 --> 00:22:03.000
and so you gonna try any way
to finagle your way back, which

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00:22:03.039 --> 00:22:10.680
is and it's weird because it's like
you got the people that's gonna love by

264
00:22:10.880 --> 00:22:14.359
you and try to be nice to
come back. No, I'm just gonna

265
00:22:14.400 --> 00:22:18.559
attack you and insult you and like
to get a response. No, I'm

266
00:22:18.559 --> 00:22:23.400
not gonna respond to that either.
That. First of all, you might

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00:22:23.480 --> 00:22:26.799
respond to a motherfucker trying to be
nice and get you back. You might,

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00:22:26.839 --> 00:22:30.880
you know, you might fall for
it. They might treat you might

269
00:22:30.920 --> 00:22:37.160
respond. Why would I respond to
insults and attacks and like, but oh

270
00:22:37.359 --> 00:22:41.960
cause that that's an easy way to
get you off, or that's an easy

271
00:22:41.960 --> 00:22:45.519
way to get some people off.
You know. Again, y'all gotta understand

272
00:22:45.519 --> 00:22:52.039
this shit is energy. Motherfuckers be
one your energy at any cost, anything

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00:22:52.079 --> 00:22:55.319
that they can do to get it. I'm gonna say the lowest meanness,

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00:22:55.400 --> 00:22:59.759
most degrading, belittling shit to you, so you could fucking respond me,

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00:23:00.200 --> 00:23:06.480
And then you don't. And they
just sitting there with autumn blue with autumn

276
00:23:06.480 --> 00:23:11.559
blue bubbles and they text message thread
and it's like this person really not responded

277
00:23:11.680 --> 00:23:22.880
to me. This person really moved
the fuck on. This person never really

278
00:23:22.920 --> 00:23:33.440
needed me. Yeah, it's it's
It's a crazy realization, ain't it.

279
00:23:33.440 --> 00:23:41.160
It's a crazy realization, ain't it? And then I get attacked for being

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00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:47.519
on my Cassie, for speaking my
truth. This is the thing too.

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00:23:47.599 --> 00:23:55.119
This is the thing too, when
people get upset about you being honest about

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00:23:55.160 --> 00:24:00.960
your own life, about your own
experience, about your own story. If

283
00:24:02.000 --> 00:24:03.720
you didn't do X, Y and
Z, I wouldn't have to talk about

284
00:24:03.759 --> 00:24:08.200
it, if you didn't harass me, I wouldn't have to talk about it.

285
00:24:10.519 --> 00:24:17.359
But I'm gonna talk about my experience
because what podcast is this? What

286
00:24:17.440 --> 00:24:22.519
podcast is this? Black girl experience? Exactly exactly? And I was just

287
00:24:22.559 --> 00:24:27.359
on the phone with somebody today when
I was leaving work. They had said

288
00:24:27.400 --> 00:24:33.920
they saw a news article saying that
a lot of Californians are moving to Texas,

289
00:24:33.920 --> 00:24:37.440
and they was like, I want
to come to Texas, Like because

290
00:24:37.480 --> 00:24:38.720
they wanted to move to California too. You know, I've been there,

291
00:24:38.799 --> 00:24:44.359
I'd done that. I still felt
like, dang, maybe he's somewhere deep

292
00:24:44.400 --> 00:24:47.319
down to my heart that's where I
want to be. But that's not where

293
00:24:47.319 --> 00:24:48.400
I'm at right now, you know, what I'm saying, I'm making this

294
00:24:48.440 --> 00:24:51.960
shit happen here. But they were
just telling me like, man, I

295
00:24:52.000 --> 00:24:57.200
am so proud of you because you
always keep fucking going no matter what happens.

296
00:24:57.960 --> 00:25:02.519
You don't let shit stop you.
And baby, shit is trying to

297
00:25:02.519 --> 00:25:07.680
stop me. When I tell y'all, the motherfucking spiritual attacks on my life

298
00:25:07.759 --> 00:25:15.039
are heavy, from every direction,
from every aspect, from every person,

299
00:25:15.200 --> 00:25:22.319
from every environment. It's like,
God, damn, But that's how I

300
00:25:22.400 --> 00:25:26.599
know. That's how the fuck I
know that this blessing is going to be

301
00:25:26.839 --> 00:25:37.200
so big. The magnitude of my
blessings are tremendous, colossal, can't even

302
00:25:37.319 --> 00:25:47.960
imagine because the attacks on me right
now are so crazy. I don't know

303
00:25:48.000 --> 00:25:52.079
if y'all ever broke before. I
ain't ever broke. It feel like I'm

304
00:25:52.119 --> 00:25:57.119
about to. I'll be feeling like
I'm at my wits end. Baby,

305
00:25:57.200 --> 00:26:00.559
I'm like, this is not even
bout, Like yah, hold on,

306
00:26:00.599 --> 00:26:03.200
way talk time out. Wait,
we gotta can we step out the game

307
00:26:03.240 --> 00:26:06.680
real quick because I want to just
talk to you one on one like this

308
00:26:06.759 --> 00:26:11.200
is not even real, bro.
But again, I ain't ever been broken,

309
00:26:11.359 --> 00:26:18.480
not all well, I don't know
I'd have been at the bottom.

310
00:26:18.519 --> 00:26:22.039
But what do they say about that? The only way you can go from

311
00:26:22.079 --> 00:26:26.079
here is up? At the bottom? Bucket, rock bottom, I'm at

312
00:26:26.079 --> 00:26:36.319
the I'm at the table, baby, I'm at the bottom. The only

313
00:26:36.359 --> 00:26:45.400
way I can go from here is
up. That's what people don't That's what

314
00:26:45.440 --> 00:26:49.480
people do not want to see.
And I'm not talking about one person.

315
00:26:51.440 --> 00:26:56.400
I'm talking about a lot of people
in my life do not want to see

316
00:26:56.440 --> 00:27:02.359
me go up. And it's clear. It's clear. For a long time

317
00:27:02.440 --> 00:27:07.200
I used to be in denial.
You know. A part of it was

318
00:27:07.240 --> 00:27:10.759
me, I take accountability. A
part of it was me. A lot

319
00:27:10.759 --> 00:27:18.759
of things were crutches for me.
Shit was a crutch. Realizing that some

320
00:27:18.799 --> 00:27:22.599
of the shit some of the people
in my life were a hindrance. That's

321
00:27:22.599 --> 00:27:29.279
why you can't drink pop. That
shit make you hurt. But a lot

322
00:27:29.319 --> 00:27:33.039
of shit was another thing that I
realized and I had to be honest with

323
00:27:33.119 --> 00:27:40.119
myself about. And again, not
one person is getting the nobody's getting the

324
00:27:40.119 --> 00:27:41.880
credit for this. But motherfucker's gonna
feel like, Oh, you talk about

325
00:27:41.880 --> 00:27:45.400
me, you talk about me.
No, I'm talking about everybody. I

326
00:27:45.440 --> 00:27:52.799
had realized that a lot of people
think that I need them, And I

327
00:27:52.880 --> 00:27:57.240
was like, but Jasmine, that's
because you make them feel like you need

328
00:27:57.279 --> 00:28:03.960
them. So when I really show
motherfuckers that I don't need you, they

329
00:28:03.079 --> 00:28:10.680
be like, wait, this bitch
don't need me. And I'm literally I'm

330
00:28:10.680 --> 00:28:12.240
talking about so many different people in
my life. I was just looking at

331
00:28:12.240 --> 00:28:15.759
all these different situations. I'm like, Wow, these people really think that

332
00:28:15.799 --> 00:28:19.599
I need them. But also I
think a part of me would make myself

333
00:28:19.680 --> 00:28:25.119
feel like I needed them, And
that's why I was always in the situation

334
00:28:25.200 --> 00:28:27.759
that I was in, feeling like
I couldn't move forward, feeling like I

335
00:28:27.759 --> 00:28:33.440
couldn't progress. You know what I'm
saying, because I was on that crutch.

336
00:28:33.799 --> 00:28:37.400
It's comfortable here, you know what
I'm saying. I'm with my family

337
00:28:37.480 --> 00:28:41.599
here. You know what I'm saying. It's a crutch, but it's cool.

338
00:28:41.359 --> 00:28:42.960
You know what I'm saying. You
as them to hold on to,

339
00:28:44.119 --> 00:28:48.200
but it's also a hindrance. It's
also holding you back. So you have

340
00:28:48.319 --> 00:28:52.079
to be honest with yourself about those
things. And there's a lot that I

341
00:28:52.119 --> 00:28:56.720
have. That's the thing. If
you really want to grow and evolve in

342
00:28:56.759 --> 00:29:03.799
life, you have to be honest
with yourself. You have to be honest

343
00:29:03.160 --> 00:29:12.000
with yourself, and baby, it
gets ugly. Okay, take the makeup

344
00:29:12.039 --> 00:29:17.480
off, take the filter off,
take the clothes off, go stand in

345
00:29:17.960 --> 00:29:22.640
the mirror neckd and look at yourself
flaws and awe, not just physically,

346
00:29:22.720 --> 00:29:30.759
not just on the outside, but
look inside of yourself and be completely honest

347
00:29:30.960 --> 00:29:40.880
with yourself. That shit is hard, that shit is ugly. But if

348
00:29:40.920 --> 00:29:45.240
you wanna be better, if you
wanna boss up, if you wanna evolve,

349
00:29:45.319 --> 00:29:49.880
if you want to elevate, if
you want to grow, you have

350
00:29:51.000 --> 00:29:59.519
to be honest with yourself. Stop
playing the blame glink, the blame game.

351
00:30:00.240 --> 00:30:03.640
You gotta throw your victim card away
and I ain't gonna lie. I

352
00:30:03.680 --> 00:30:07.200
keep that bitch in my back pocket. I keep the victim. I can't

353
00:30:07.240 --> 00:30:10.759
wait to be a victlim. Like, No, you have to for real.

354
00:30:10.839 --> 00:30:15.559
You gotta be honest with yourself.
So it's a lot, like I

355
00:30:15.599 --> 00:30:18.720
said, it's something I told you
like this looked like the last episode.

356
00:30:18.759 --> 00:30:22.200
This is just shit that I don't
even know. I don't even know where

357
00:30:22.200 --> 00:30:26.680
this is going. But so yeah, the last video did very fucking well.

358
00:30:26.960 --> 00:30:47.200
I think where am I at today, finding peace within? I think

359
00:30:47.200 --> 00:30:52.000
that's a daily thing. A lot
of people feel like peace is something that

360
00:30:53.400 --> 00:30:56.880
is outside of themselves, and it's
not. And that's what you gotta that's

361
00:30:56.920 --> 00:31:03.039
what you gotta understand. Like people
be thinking like pieces of vacation spot pieces

362
00:31:03.079 --> 00:31:07.759
with your boyfriend or your girlfriend or
you telling them motherfuckers to be your piece,

363
00:31:07.759 --> 00:31:12.839
and you're the one with the demons
or you think whatever. People think

364
00:31:12.880 --> 00:31:19.039
that piece is outside of themselves and
it's not. A lot of people always

365
00:31:19.079 --> 00:31:22.720
ask me, like, dang,
how are you good with all of this

366
00:31:22.839 --> 00:31:26.559
going on around you? Like how
are you able to just walk through life?

367
00:31:26.640 --> 00:31:32.599
And just you know what I'm saying, have like a peaceful energy about

368
00:31:32.640 --> 00:31:33.839
yourself. You know what I'm saying. Why are you so cool? Why

369
00:31:33.880 --> 00:31:37.400
you so calm? Why you're so
collective? Why are you smiling? Why

370
00:31:37.400 --> 00:31:41.359
are you like bro? Because the
world is going to be on fire around

371
00:31:41.400 --> 00:31:48.119
you, and you still gotta maintain
your sanity in your head. That's why

372
00:31:48.160 --> 00:31:56.440
I'm at peace. That's why I'm
finding peace within because I gotta be okay

373
00:31:56.680 --> 00:32:04.519
the whole world. Look at the
state of the world right now, Look

374
00:32:04.559 --> 00:32:07.200
what's going on. And that's the
thing you have to look at what's going

375
00:32:07.240 --> 00:32:10.200
on in the world and understand that. Dang, I gotta exist and show

376
00:32:10.319 --> 00:32:14.599
up in this But I also just
got to exist and show up in my

377
00:32:14.720 --> 00:32:20.119
own fucking personal life. So the
world is on fire, let me try

378
00:32:20.160 --> 00:32:24.759
to find some sense of peace within
myself. I can't control the motherfucker's around

379
00:32:24.839 --> 00:32:30.279
me, and some of them motherfuckers
is in my life. You know,

380
00:32:30.359 --> 00:32:35.680
your family is in your life,
the person that you had a kid with

381
00:32:35.799 --> 00:32:37.279
in your life. You know what
I'm saying. It's some shit I can't

382
00:32:37.319 --> 00:32:44.039
get rid of. So that's why
I never understood why people want to be

383
00:32:44.160 --> 00:32:46.240
in toxic situations. Why do you
want to be with your baby mama,

384
00:32:46.279 --> 00:32:49.960
Why do you want to be with
your baby daddy? Why do you want

385
00:32:50.000 --> 00:32:53.599
to have problems in your everyday life? I told y'all, one of the

386
00:32:53.640 --> 00:32:59.119
worst job interview questions a motherfucker could
ever ask me is tell me about the

387
00:32:59.119 --> 00:33:01.200
time that you had compick with a
coworker. Bitch. Never, this is

388
00:33:01.359 --> 00:33:06.640
we gang. This supposed to be
the family. I'm with these motherfuckers ninety

389
00:33:06.759 --> 00:33:09.160
nine point nine percent of the time. Why would I be in this bitch

390
00:33:09.200 --> 00:33:16.599
having conflict with people? So this
is really how I live my life.

391
00:33:16.799 --> 00:33:22.039
I try to be at peace with
the motherfuckers around me, But most importantly,

392
00:33:22.079 --> 00:33:27.960
I'm trying to be at peace with
myself. I gotta go home and

393
00:33:28.039 --> 00:33:31.160
lay my head down on my pillow
at night and be okay with the person

394
00:33:31.200 --> 00:33:35.960
that I am, with the way
that I move in the world, with

395
00:33:36.039 --> 00:33:37.839
the way that I treat people.
You know what I'm saying, Like,

396
00:33:38.559 --> 00:33:45.880
I like to have a clear conscience. I like to do good deeds.

397
00:33:45.000 --> 00:33:50.480
I like to sow my seeds so
I can reap what I sow, so

398
00:33:50.599 --> 00:33:53.079
I can get back the good benefits, so I can receive my baby.

399
00:33:54.000 --> 00:34:00.839
If Karma had a bank account.
Bitch, I'm a motherfucking's millionaire in this

400
00:34:00.960 --> 00:34:06.720
bitch. My the good deep baby, That's what I'm saying. The magnitude

401
00:34:06.880 --> 00:34:12.000
of the blessings and the favor over
my fucking life is gonna be so fucking

402
00:34:12.079 --> 00:34:22.559
abundant, so bro, it's going
to be I don't know, astronomical,

403
00:34:22.599 --> 00:34:30.519
it's gonna it's gonna be out of
this world because of the person that I

404
00:34:30.559 --> 00:34:40.800
am. And that's another thing you
cannot like. Defamation of character is real

405
00:34:43.440 --> 00:34:50.400
smear campaigns and any type of narcissistic, abusive relationship and trust me. There

406
00:34:50.400 --> 00:34:55.800
have been many in my life.
There have been many in my life.

407
00:34:55.840 --> 00:35:02.599
So don't none of you motherfuckers think
that y'all are the start. Please you

408
00:35:02.920 --> 00:35:08.360
to me. You can't talk down
on the reality. You can't. You

409
00:35:08.360 --> 00:35:12.639
know what I'm saying. You could
say whatever you wanna say about me.

410
00:35:12.800 --> 00:35:15.840
But at the end of the day, check my track record, bro,

411
00:35:15.360 --> 00:35:20.440
as a human fucking being. I
want I want that to be a thing.

412
00:35:20.880 --> 00:35:24.119
Let people be letting all of this
material shit go to they head,

413
00:35:24.760 --> 00:35:30.920
all of the fucking accomplishments and titles
and the shit that they got, and

414
00:35:31.280 --> 00:35:38.320
like people think that shit really mean
something and it doesn't. Wanna I wanna

415
00:35:38.400 --> 00:35:46.159
check your track record of being a
human being? What is your moral compass?

416
00:35:46.239 --> 00:35:52.199
Like, do you have integrity?
Are you a good person? Do

417
00:35:52.280 --> 00:35:54.039
you have a good heart? Are
you genuine? Are you loyal? Are

418
00:35:54.039 --> 00:36:01.199
you honest? Are you trustworthy?
Do you have values? Do you have

419
00:36:01.320 --> 00:36:06.760
morals? Do you understand the principle
of a situation? A lot of people

420
00:36:06.840 --> 00:36:10.719
don't get this shit, bro.
This shit is very far and few between.

421
00:36:10.880 --> 00:36:15.079
Like, this is not this is
not like a universal thing. Everybody

422
00:36:15.079 --> 00:36:22.599
don't move like this. Everybody don't
move like this. You think motherfuckers move

423
00:36:22.719 --> 00:36:30.360
like this, but they don't.
They cappen. It's giving very much hat

424
00:36:30.400 --> 00:36:39.880
on the head. It's cap So
you could say whatever you want to say

425
00:36:39.880 --> 00:36:47.119
about me, but check my track
record as a human being. I would

426
00:36:47.159 --> 00:36:52.599
like niggas to go into a confessional, just everybody around me. I would

427
00:36:52.719 --> 00:36:54.639
like y'all to go to a confessional. I gotta get this shit recorded,

428
00:36:54.880 --> 00:37:00.800
and I want to see what people
say about me. What are people gonna

429
00:37:00.840 --> 00:37:19.639
say about Jasmine as a human being? And anybody with bad reviews? See,

430
00:37:19.679 --> 00:37:23.119
I wish I could get this bitch
zero stars. Let's read the review.

431
00:37:24.719 --> 00:37:30.039
Let's really assess the review. What
are you mad at? What's the

432
00:37:30.119 --> 00:37:37.360
issue? What's the problem? What
does she do? Because after all the

433
00:37:37.440 --> 00:37:39.519
rye Ryan, you really start to
read between the lines, You like,

434
00:37:40.400 --> 00:37:46.480
she ain't do nothing. What's the
problem, what's the real issue? What's

435
00:37:46.519 --> 00:37:52.280
the real beef? And that's the
thing. It's been so many times in

436
00:37:52.320 --> 00:38:00.880
my life where I've tried to make
sense of an invisible problem, because number

437
00:38:00.880 --> 00:38:05.559
one, I don't be having I
mean, I do have problems with people,

438
00:38:05.559 --> 00:38:08.480
but it's only after you make some
shit a problem with me. You

439
00:38:08.519 --> 00:38:13.960
know what, I'm saying, I
don't just have problems with people unless you

440
00:38:14.000 --> 00:38:15.559
do something to me or you know
what I'm saying, or you or you

441
00:38:15.639 --> 00:38:20.280
mistreat me or yeah, now I
got a fucking problem. But then people

442
00:38:20.280 --> 00:38:23.480
don't never want to take accountability for
that. People don't ever want to shine

443
00:38:23.480 --> 00:38:28.599
the light on what they did to
make you have a problem. And then

444
00:38:28.599 --> 00:38:31.159
it's a problem that I got a
problem with you because you did some file

445
00:38:31.199 --> 00:38:37.960
lass shit to me. What type
of shit is that? What part of

446
00:38:37.000 --> 00:38:44.639
the game is that people move fiul
and then act weird? That shit is

447
00:38:44.679 --> 00:38:51.320
weird? So can we can we
let's start doing review man, imagine if

448
00:38:51.320 --> 00:38:54.559
you did review if they have reviews
on motherfuckers that you date, become friends

449
00:38:54.599 --> 00:39:02.519
with, whatever, like, let
me check the reviews on this. Okay,

450
00:39:04.880 --> 00:39:12.639
so yeah, but it's it's really
been a lot going on, Like

451
00:39:12.679 --> 00:39:15.199
I said, just trying to find
peace within myself and where I'm at now,

452
00:39:16.599 --> 00:39:19.719
that is what I said. I
said, Where am I at now?

453
00:39:20.559 --> 00:39:25.440
I'm really good. I'm I'm good, but I'm not I'm good like

454
00:39:25.480 --> 00:39:30.920
for the most part, I'm good, but I'm not gonna lie this this

455
00:39:30.000 --> 00:39:34.599
little phase that I've been going through. Even these pasts like I'll say,

456
00:39:36.320 --> 00:39:39.079
like six to eight weeks, like
it's it's been hella changes. It's a

457
00:39:39.119 --> 00:39:44.800
lot of transitions. Again, the
spiritual attacks are coming from every which way,

458
00:39:45.360 --> 00:39:49.079
and it's like, bro, it's
a lot. It's a lot.

459
00:39:49.480 --> 00:39:52.320
I want to call God like a
for twenty twenty four? Can you take

460
00:39:52.360 --> 00:39:58.719
your girl off the Strongest Soldier's List? Like I can you enlist somebody else?

461
00:39:58.760 --> 00:40:00.320
I done did this shit for like
a twenty year run. I think

462
00:40:00.360 --> 00:40:02.960
I'm good, Like I didn't built
up a lot of strength, like I'm

463
00:40:04.000 --> 00:40:07.280
good. Like, No, you're
still on there and I'm number one on

464
00:40:07.360 --> 00:40:10.519
the list. Like, but I
mean that's when you're the chosen one.

465
00:40:12.239 --> 00:40:22.559
When you're the chosen it requires a
lot. It requires a lot to whom

466
00:40:22.679 --> 00:40:27.280
much is given, it requires a
lot. So but I'm equipped. I'm

467
00:40:27.320 --> 00:40:32.039
equipped. You have everything that you
need within you. You have everything that

468
00:40:32.079 --> 00:40:36.360
you need within you. So again, just like with the piece, you

469
00:40:36.440 --> 00:40:38.880
think that piece is something outside of
you, know you already come equipped with

470
00:40:39.000 --> 00:40:52.079
you don't. There's nothing outside of
yourself. You were equipped period. I

471
00:40:52.119 --> 00:40:58.159
will say, Ever since I walked
away from my last situation, like I've

472
00:40:58.880 --> 00:41:04.559
again finding peace, like this is
probably the most peaceful sleep that I've ever

473
00:41:04.599 --> 00:41:08.760
gotten. Like, that's one thing
that I really realized when I walked away

474
00:41:08.760 --> 00:41:14.960
from that situation, I was able
to get like peaceful sleep and just being

475
00:41:15.039 --> 00:41:17.760
in my own energy, in my
own space again, like so many people,

476
00:41:19.360 --> 00:41:22.679
a lot of guys not gonna lie. A lot of guys have been

477
00:41:22.719 --> 00:41:25.719
telling me, like, it's something
different about your energy, your glow,

478
00:41:25.880 --> 00:41:30.519
like you just like and I'm like, you know what, it is,

479
00:41:30.559 --> 00:41:35.599
something different, It is something different, And I'm glad that I could just

480
00:41:35.639 --> 00:41:39.920
get back to being myself, Like, look at me, it's there,

481
00:41:40.280 --> 00:41:52.280
it's there, you can see it. So loving on myself, pouring into

482
00:41:52.320 --> 00:42:04.760
myself, because when you don't choose
yourself, you're choosing something else. Like

483
00:42:04.800 --> 00:42:06.880
you know what I'm saying, why
would you choose something else over you?

484
00:42:07.440 --> 00:42:12.920
Why would you choose something else over
you? Cause at the end of the

485
00:42:13.000 --> 00:42:16.599
day, let's keep it real,
everybody's gonna choose themselves. And that's not

486
00:42:16.639 --> 00:42:21.199
a bad thing. You know what
I'm saying. You're a very smart person

487
00:42:21.199 --> 00:42:25.760
to choose yourself, because when you
don't choose yourself, what happens. You're

488
00:42:25.800 --> 00:42:30.280
completely drained, you're depleted, You're
back to square one. Then you're mad

489
00:42:30.320 --> 00:42:34.719
at everybody. I didnet gave everything. Nobody told you to give everything away

490
00:42:34.719 --> 00:42:40.199
to everybody else. You know what
I'm saying. There has to be a

491
00:42:40.239 --> 00:42:46.119
healthy amount of love for other people, but there has to be a healthy

492
00:42:46.119 --> 00:42:52.559
amount of love for yourself, period. And I think that for me,

493
00:42:53.000 --> 00:42:55.840
you know, I am a people
pleaser. That's something that I learned about

494
00:42:55.840 --> 00:43:02.000
myself. Probably like ten years ago
is when I first learned that that I

495
00:43:02.039 --> 00:43:09.519
was a people pleaser. And but
I guess it didn't I mean, I

496
00:43:10.280 --> 00:43:15.159
learned that, but it didn't really
I guess I didn't really take heed to

497
00:43:15.239 --> 00:43:17.159
it, you know what I'm saying. I was just aware, but I

498
00:43:17.239 --> 00:43:22.000
wasn't like, Okay, we have
to do something about this because you're gonna

499
00:43:22.000 --> 00:43:24.559
continuously pour into others, into everything
else around, you know what I'm saying.

500
00:43:24.559 --> 00:43:28.320
And again, I always felt like
that was the reason why my situation

501
00:43:28.440 --> 00:43:30.599
was always the way that it was, because I never took the time to

502
00:43:30.719 --> 00:43:36.719
really pour into myself, take care
of myself, love myself. I was

503
00:43:36.719 --> 00:43:39.400
listening to cater to you the other
day. You know, that's your jam,

504
00:43:39.519 --> 00:43:43.000
and you know, especially when you
singing it about a nigga. It's

505
00:43:43.000 --> 00:43:45.880
like, ohn't let me care.
Like I was singing the lyrics and I'm

506
00:43:45.960 --> 00:43:52.840
like, imagine singing cater to you, to yourself. I want to cater

507
00:43:52.039 --> 00:43:54.519
to you, because baby, this
is shit that. First of all,

508
00:43:54.480 --> 00:44:00.760
I want to cater I want to
cater to myself self care day, cause

509
00:44:00.760 --> 00:44:09.440
baby, this is your day.
Okay, this is your day. Okay,

510
00:44:10.000 --> 00:44:14.639
this is your day. Do anything
whatever, Do anything for yourself.

511
00:44:17.280 --> 00:44:23.360
She was cooking, drawing, bath
water, all of that. Go do

512
00:44:23.440 --> 00:44:27.960
that for yourself tonight on this Friday
evening. Have a self care day for

513
00:44:28.000 --> 00:44:35.239
yourself. Cater to yourself, especially
if somebody else is not doing it.

514
00:44:35.400 --> 00:44:38.159
You know what I'm saying. And
again that's that's the tone that says the

515
00:44:38.239 --> 00:44:44.840
standard and why not pouring to yourself? I asked them about one day I

516
00:44:44.840 --> 00:44:47.000
got picked up in a lift and
I had win got some food after work,

517
00:44:47.039 --> 00:44:49.599
and the dude that picked me up
was like, oh, you was

518
00:44:49.599 --> 00:44:52.880
in there eating by yourself. I
was like, yeah, who else i'm'na

519
00:44:52.880 --> 00:44:58.199
eat with? I just can't eat
by myself, maybe some McDonald's or something.

520
00:44:58.199 --> 00:45:00.559
First of all, Number one is
the fact that you said you was

521
00:45:00.599 --> 00:45:04.840
gonna eat McDonald's by yourself. But
cool, I'm not judging. I fuck

522
00:45:04.880 --> 00:45:07.719
with the fry sometimes, but no. But first of all, nobody's going

523
00:45:07.760 --> 00:45:12.679
into McDonald's to eat by theirself.
Yes, I'm gonna go sit down at

524
00:45:12.679 --> 00:45:15.639
a restaurant and eat by myself.
What's wrong with that? But people are

525
00:45:15.639 --> 00:45:21.119
not okay with them? S again, y'all looking for peace, y'all looking

526
00:45:21.119 --> 00:45:25.639
for happiness outside of yourselves. You
can't sit down at a restaurant by yourself

527
00:45:25.679 --> 00:45:31.320
and enjoy your own company. Baby, One of the best things in my

528
00:45:31.400 --> 00:45:38.039
life is motherfucking silence. I love
sitting in silence. I'm at the age

529
00:45:38.760 --> 00:45:44.760
in stage in my life driving in
the car. I don't even gotta cut

530
00:45:44.760 --> 00:45:50.000
the radio on. I will drive
in like that. Shit is so pea

531
00:45:50.119 --> 00:45:54.239
were talking about finding peace. Piece
is not chaotic, piece is not noise.

532
00:45:54.360 --> 00:46:00.480
Piece is not the club. Piece
is not fireworks, pea piece And

533
00:46:00.519 --> 00:46:07.320
what's the same peace and quiet?
Right? Baby? Ain't nothing likes some

534
00:46:07.440 --> 00:46:10.840
silence? And if you got kids, when you finally get away, get

535
00:46:10.880 --> 00:46:16.880
a break, you ain't gotta hear
your loud ass kids screaming talking mommy,

536
00:46:17.000 --> 00:46:23.079
mommy, mommy. Like bro,
what what what's the same silence is what

537
00:46:23.599 --> 00:46:34.440
golden silence is. Golden put me
in the peaceful corner. Thank you put

538
00:46:34.480 --> 00:46:37.679
me in the peaceful corner. That's
another thing. So aside from the fact

539
00:46:37.679 --> 00:46:43.000
that I got extended, this wonderful
created opportunity for me at my job.

540
00:46:43.039 --> 00:46:49.039
And that's another thing sidebar. One
of my favorite books is Charlottagne, the

541
00:46:49.079 --> 00:46:53.880
God's Book Black Privilege. Opportunity comes
to those who created. Again, an

542
00:46:53.880 --> 00:47:00.559
opportunity was created for me at my
job. Create hated a whole title from

543
00:47:00.599 --> 00:47:08.599
a wellness champion. And that's another
thing. I'll always just be diving off

544
00:47:08.599 --> 00:47:12.360
into others. I'm losing the main
topic, but whatever, we're gonna keep

545
00:47:12.400 --> 00:47:20.320
going. Another thing that I thought
about today, like one of my biggest

546
00:47:21.800 --> 00:47:27.239
issues within my life is that I
feel like I've never had support and I

547
00:47:27.559 --> 00:47:30.079
want to I don't like to say
that because I know it's gonna be taken

548
00:47:30.119 --> 00:47:35.519
and of that's not gonna be taken
well from a lot of people like family,

549
00:47:35.559 --> 00:47:40.400
And she's like that, you ain't
never had no support, like in

550
00:47:40.480 --> 00:47:43.920
the grand scheme of things, you
know what I'm saying, Like, of

551
00:47:43.960 --> 00:47:46.320
course I had support from y'all,
but let's get down to the nitty gritty,

552
00:47:46.639 --> 00:47:51.280
I don't ever feel like I've been
supported by my family. Like I'm

553
00:47:51.320 --> 00:47:58.679
talking mentally, emotionally, spiritually,
financially too, but you know that's not

554
00:47:58.719 --> 00:48:01.920
a big thing for me, but
just never feeling that support, never feeling

555
00:48:01.960 --> 00:48:06.079
like somebody has my back, and
not feeling like people are loyal to me,

556
00:48:06.159 --> 00:48:08.639
you know what I'm saying. And
again, I really came to this

557
00:48:08.719 --> 00:48:15.400
realization again over these past couple of
weeks because I am going through one of

558
00:48:15.480 --> 00:48:22.480
the toughest times in my life right
now, Like I'm in the rain,

559
00:48:22.760 --> 00:48:29.639
bitch with life and life got hands. Life is life in and I don't

560
00:48:29.679 --> 00:48:34.119
have any support. And to me, that's just a reflection of all the

561
00:48:34.159 --> 00:48:37.360
other times in my life where I
just feel like I didn't have any support.

562
00:48:37.400 --> 00:48:39.840
In the last episode when I was
talking about, like niggas see that

563
00:48:39.880 --> 00:48:50.119
I'm drowning, I don't have support, y'all. Not even throwing the motherfucking

564
00:48:50.239 --> 00:48:55.519
life jacket out, y'all just watching
a bitch drown. So cool, I'm

565
00:48:55.519 --> 00:49:00.280
going to go create my own opportunities. That's fine, you know what I'm

566
00:49:00.280 --> 00:49:02.119
saying. And I'm not asking for
But again, what did I say earlier.

567
00:49:05.719 --> 00:49:07.920
People be shocked when they see that
I don't need them. But again,

568
00:49:08.039 --> 00:49:10.480
a part of that is my fault
because I make people feel like I

569
00:49:10.519 --> 00:49:15.880
need them and I don't. But
it would be nice to have support though.

570
00:49:15.920 --> 00:49:22.119
It would be lovely to have some
familial support. But again, in

571
00:49:22.159 --> 00:49:28.760
my life, over these the years
of my life, I never felt like

572
00:49:28.800 --> 00:49:32.760
I had support from my family.
So at the toughest season in my life

573
00:49:32.880 --> 00:49:38.079
and a baby, when I tell
y'all, I'm literally I'm praying every day.

574
00:49:38.800 --> 00:49:42.719
When I tell y'all, I'm waking
up and I'm expressing gratitude. I

575
00:49:42.800 --> 00:49:47.000
need God to know like I'm grateful
even though I'm going through it. I'm

576
00:49:47.000 --> 00:49:52.000
grateful for everything that you're giving me
right now. I'm grateful that you're helping

577
00:49:52.000 --> 00:49:59.480
me making it through. You're helping
me make it through this tough season because

578
00:49:59.519 --> 00:50:05.440
I don't have have any support.
Pause, I take that back. The

579
00:50:05.480 --> 00:50:10.360
only support that I have is the
podcast. So shout out to y'all that

580
00:50:10.440 --> 00:50:14.639
are watching this video right now.
Shout out to the people that have been

581
00:50:14.679 --> 00:50:19.719
listening to this podcast for five years. Those are the people that fuck with

582
00:50:19.760 --> 00:50:23.880
me. Those are the people that
show love without a problem. Without hesitation.

583
00:50:24.800 --> 00:50:29.559
You know what I'm saying. These
are the people that really fuck with

584
00:50:29.599 --> 00:50:32.159
me, that really see me for
who I am, that really support the

585
00:50:32.199 --> 00:50:36.800
person that I am, support what
I do, believe in me, are

586
00:50:36.840 --> 00:50:43.320
motivated by me or inspired by me. That's my support system. And those

587
00:50:43.320 --> 00:50:49.480
people are not my family. It's
crazy to me that I'm in a foreign

588
00:50:49.519 --> 00:50:55.920
place and all of the people around
me right now are those are my biggest

589
00:50:55.920 --> 00:51:00.880
supporters, people that I just met. I don't know these people for real,

590
00:51:01.840 --> 00:51:12.400
my big that's this is the most
support I've ever felt. So I

591
00:51:12.440 --> 00:51:15.079
do have support. You gotta you
gotta go where you support it though,

592
00:51:15.480 --> 00:51:23.360
you know what I'm saying, You
gotta go where you support it. Hmm.

593
00:51:28.360 --> 00:51:35.280
I'm in a space where I'm just
trying to achieve balance, you know

594
00:51:35.440 --> 00:51:43.320
that too much of anything, it
is not, so just trying to find

595
00:51:43.440 --> 00:51:49.679
that balance in my life with everything. And so oh that was that is

596
00:51:49.679 --> 00:51:57.239
what I was gonna bring up.
So we know that I have a job.

597
00:52:00.199 --> 00:52:02.199
I used to feel like I loved
my job. Now I just feel

598
00:52:02.239 --> 00:52:05.360
like I want to say I like
my job. So that's how I'm feeling

599
00:52:05.400 --> 00:52:12.920
today. I'm gonna say I like
my job. But my job gives the

600
00:52:13.039 --> 00:52:15.239
hustle and bustle energy. You know
what I'm saying, which is cool.

601
00:52:15.440 --> 00:52:20.119
It's cool. You gotta hustle,
you got a grind. And also where

602
00:52:20.119 --> 00:52:22.920
my job is located, it's in
the heart of the hustle and bustle.

603
00:52:23.000 --> 00:52:30.559
It's that's where my job is located. So the energy of that is cool.

604
00:52:30.880 --> 00:52:32.599
I need that energy in my life. I need to use that energy.

605
00:52:32.639 --> 00:52:37.280
That energy is what fuels this.
Cause this shit is a grustle,

606
00:52:37.599 --> 00:52:39.679
a grustle, This shit is a
hustle. This shit is a grind.

607
00:52:39.719 --> 00:52:43.840
It's a grustle. It's a grind
and a hustle together. This shit is

608
00:52:43.840 --> 00:52:51.280
a grustle, So that fuels that. But also, you know again,

609
00:52:51.519 --> 00:52:58.159
I'm a person that is really about
their peace, Like I'm about my piece

610
00:52:59.199 --> 00:53:02.760
piece over everything. I gotta be
in the cut like this, I gotta

611
00:53:02.800 --> 00:53:08.000
be in my zen. I gotta
be like I gotta be on my notics

612
00:53:08.039 --> 00:53:12.280
day for real, like for real, for real, like I got like,

613
00:53:12.840 --> 00:53:15.840
I don't like to be around a
lot of energy for real. I

614
00:53:15.840 --> 00:53:19.400
don't go to the club and shit
like that. You know what I'm saying.

615
00:53:19.440 --> 00:53:22.360
I don't like to It's too much, and you gotta protect your piece,

616
00:53:22.400 --> 00:53:27.760
you gotta protect your energy. So
again being my job, I like

617
00:53:27.760 --> 00:53:30.400
I said, I like my job
and again there are a lot of opportunities

618
00:53:30.400 --> 00:53:34.559
there. And I love my job
for the opportunities that I can create within

619
00:53:34.639 --> 00:53:37.119
it. I love it for the
networking purposes, I love it for the

620
00:53:37.159 --> 00:53:39.360
perks. I love it because it's
a good job to have. So you

621
00:53:39.360 --> 00:53:43.519
know, I couldn't have been blessed
with anything, with anything better, Thank

622
00:53:43.559 --> 00:53:46.559
you God, you know. But
again, I'm a very peaceful person,

623
00:53:46.639 --> 00:53:51.360
so you know, don't want to
speak too soon, but I got something

624
00:53:51.360 --> 00:53:54.719
else up my sleeve in my life
that is just going to add on to

625
00:53:54.800 --> 00:53:59.719
what I'm doing. It's going to
be able to contribute more, but it's

626
00:53:59.760 --> 00:54:05.920
more alignment with me. So I
could still have the grustle over here,

627
00:54:06.320 --> 00:54:10.320
but I still gotta have that other, that other side, you know what

628
00:54:10.320 --> 00:54:15.159
I'm saying. And y'all know that
I'm a very like, purposeful and intentional

629
00:54:15.239 --> 00:54:20.360
person. So that's a big part
of my life's work as well, like

630
00:54:20.400 --> 00:54:22.320
anything that I do, work,
anywhere that I work, or anything like

631
00:54:22.360 --> 00:54:29.679
that, Like it gotta have meaning
to it, you know what I'm saying.

632
00:54:30.679 --> 00:54:31.880
It has to have meaning to it, and it has to bring that

633
00:54:32.639 --> 00:54:37.440
sense of peace. And so I
found something else that, you know,

634
00:54:37.519 --> 00:54:40.719
I got off my sleeve. And
it's just it's so me. It's so

635
00:54:40.920 --> 00:54:45.320
me, and I'm really excited because
I feel like I got it in the

636
00:54:45.360 --> 00:54:47.360
bag, you know what I'm saying, Because it's just it's so me.

637
00:54:47.840 --> 00:54:53.360
I mess with it, the way
that it came about, the way it

638
00:54:53.360 --> 00:54:59.440
fell in my lap, and the
way that I don't feel like I have

639
00:54:59.519 --> 00:55:01.320
to chase it. I feel like
I attracted it and it wants me,

640
00:55:01.840 --> 00:55:22.360
you know, so seeking shall find
Let's see. I was listening to SO

641
00:55:22.440 --> 00:55:30.159
at night. I also listened to
a lot of different things guided meditations,

642
00:55:31.679 --> 00:55:36.639
affirmations, anything motivational. I always
listen to that type of shit again to

643
00:55:36.760 --> 00:55:43.480
really calm my mind, especially before
bed. Sometimes our journal or write out

644
00:55:44.000 --> 00:55:50.719
manifestations and shit like that really programmed
the subconscious mind. And also, you

645
00:55:50.719 --> 00:55:55.480
know again, it's also like a
it's like a it's like a goal,

646
00:55:55.639 --> 00:55:58.559
it's like a vision board, you
know what I'm saying. It is like

647
00:55:58.599 --> 00:56:01.440
you gotta keep that, you gotta
keep at the forefront of your mind so

648
00:56:01.480 --> 00:56:05.760
that you can go get it.
But I was listening to like this little

649
00:56:05.800 --> 00:56:12.159
meditation shit or whatever, and I
wrote down some of the questions, what

650
00:56:12.199 --> 00:56:25.239
do I want? What is my
deepest desire? My deepest desire is loving

651
00:56:25.280 --> 00:56:30.760
happiness. Shout out to al Green, but for real, loving happiness like

652
00:56:32.920 --> 00:56:37.920
the longest in my hair. Right
now, I'm over here seeing the beginning

653
00:56:37.960 --> 00:56:42.599
of loving basketball. Doom Doom,
Doom, Doom Doom. That's my movie

654
00:56:42.679 --> 00:56:46.440
too. But no, I would
say my deepest desire is loving happiness,

655
00:56:49.840 --> 00:56:54.920
and not like just romantic love,
but just loving what I do, loving

656
00:56:54.920 --> 00:57:00.559
where I am, loving myself,
loving the journey, you know what I'm

657
00:57:00.559 --> 00:57:06.480
saying, being happy with those things. Like I'm a very simplistic person.

658
00:57:07.199 --> 00:57:08.880
I like to think of myself as
a plain Jane. Like I don't like

659
00:57:08.920 --> 00:57:12.119
to do too much. I don't
like the extras. This shit is a

660
00:57:12.159 --> 00:57:15.000
movie, but I don't need the
extras, okay, Like I got everything

661
00:57:15.000 --> 00:57:22.320
that I need on set, period. But my deepest desire is to be

662
00:57:22.400 --> 00:57:29.760
aligned with my passion and my purpose. Like that's when I feel best.

663
00:57:29.800 --> 00:57:35.599
The fact that I had that meeting
after work today. I'm gonna get to

664
00:57:35.639 --> 00:57:37.440
that one day. I'm gonna get
to it and that's another thing. I

665
00:57:37.559 --> 00:57:43.639
baby, I be smiling. I
be smiling, and I love good energy.

666
00:57:43.719 --> 00:57:47.480
But being aligned with my passion and
my purpose and just continuously evolving and

667
00:57:47.519 --> 00:57:52.960
growing, like that's my deepest desire. What is my purpose? I feel

668
00:57:53.039 --> 00:57:58.239
like my purpose is to be a
voice, to be a vessel, to

669
00:57:58.320 --> 00:58:01.840
be a light, to empower women, to empower people, to get on

670
00:58:02.519 --> 00:58:08.880
your path, whatever that may be, to spirituality, to yourself, get

671
00:58:08.920 --> 00:58:12.400
back on the path to yourself,
because we didn't veer it off and went

672
00:58:12.480 --> 00:58:15.760
so fucking far, like get into
your apartment. I was talking to this

673
00:58:15.840 --> 00:58:21.719
dude the other day at work.
He said he was thirty years old,

674
00:58:22.360 --> 00:58:25.880
and I guess he was in town
for business or whatever. And he fucked

675
00:58:25.960 --> 00:58:31.400
up. He fucked up. He
came and was drinking, oversleeping, had

676
00:58:31.519 --> 00:58:37.360
business meetings and just they told him, like, don't even fucking come so

677
00:58:38.400 --> 00:58:43.280
you just drinking. Well, I
was already drinking. I might as well.

678
00:58:43.360 --> 00:58:46.400
Just no, you might as well
not. And why like and even

679
00:58:46.400 --> 00:58:50.599
if you was gonna do that and
fuck off a little bit, do it

680
00:58:50.760 --> 00:58:52.639
after work, do it when the
shit is done? You doing it today?

681
00:58:52.679 --> 00:58:58.960
You get here trying to go sight
seeing, lay it like and just

682
00:58:59.000 --> 00:59:00.920
the more and more that I talk
to him, and I, you know,

683
00:59:00.800 --> 00:59:04.559
trying to understand him but also trying
to enlighten him. And I was

684
00:59:04.599 --> 00:59:07.360
asking him like, okay, well
you really hate your fucking job, and

685
00:59:07.400 --> 00:59:09.239
you like, well, fucking if
I live, they fired me. I

686
00:59:09.280 --> 00:59:12.320
just get another job, Just get
another job. And I'm like, at

687
00:59:12.320 --> 00:59:16.440
what point do you stop and be
like, Okay, this ain't it.

688
00:59:20.000 --> 00:59:22.679
I have a problem. I need
to take accountability. He told me he

689
00:59:22.719 --> 00:59:24.039
called his mom and his mom was
like, oh, well it's okay.

690
00:59:24.119 --> 00:59:28.159
I'm like, I'm mama saying this
is okay. Yeah, She's just like,

691
00:59:28.280 --> 00:59:32.440
yeah, that's the motherfucking problem.
That's the motherfucking problem. But my

692
00:59:32.519 --> 00:59:35.960
thing is so I started talking to
him about purpose and about passion. I

693
00:59:35.960 --> 00:59:37.880
said, well, what did you
like to do as a kid, Like

694
00:59:37.880 --> 00:59:40.760
what were you into? He said
he had went to the fucking army for

695
00:59:40.840 --> 00:59:45.239
like four years. He like did
a little bit of everything, but at

696
00:59:45.280 --> 00:59:50.320
the end of the day, there
was no accountability. He didn't want to

697
00:59:50.320 --> 00:59:54.239
take accountability for shit, and he
just didn't want He just he don't want

698
00:59:54.239 --> 00:59:57.760
to do nothing. And that,
you know, I feel like a lot

699
00:59:57.760 --> 01:00:01.320
of people that was a lot of
people's perception of me, like I was

700
01:00:01.360 --> 01:00:04.920
just lazier, that I didn't want
to do anything, or that I didn't

701
01:00:04.920 --> 01:00:07.239
want to work. Like no,
baby, I got goals, I got

702
01:00:07.320 --> 01:00:09.920
ambitions, and I got drive.
But it gotta be for what I want

703
01:00:09.920 --> 01:00:15.400
to do. It gotta be for
my purpose. I'm on fire for my

704
01:00:15.480 --> 01:00:20.920
purpose. I'm not on fire for
this other shit. I'm not on fire

705
01:00:21.000 --> 01:00:22.719
for a job. I'm not you
know what I'm saying. Like again,

706
01:00:22.840 --> 01:00:27.760
so you know, people be liking
to throw shots at me and for what

707
01:00:27.840 --> 01:00:32.760
I do and all of that.
Baby, it's an art to being a

708
01:00:32.840 --> 01:00:40.119
creative. It's an art to being
able to create opportunities for yourself. That's

709
01:00:40.119 --> 01:00:45.639
gonna turn into the big dollars.
That's gonna turn into abundance, that's gonna

710
01:00:45.639 --> 01:00:52.159
turn into willth that's going to be
a legacy Black girl experience. So you

711
01:00:52.199 --> 01:00:58.440
know, let's see what else I
have on here. And this is funny

712
01:00:58.440 --> 01:01:00.719
because I and Dah I said,
all get on live and stuff. But

713
01:01:01.440 --> 01:01:21.679
hm hmm what else? Mmm?
I said, stop fighting people with your

714
01:01:21.719 --> 01:01:23.840
words and fight them with your actions. I told you all people not getting

715
01:01:23.840 --> 01:01:32.639
my energy. It's a lot of
people that I'm not responding to a lot

716
01:01:32.679 --> 01:01:37.440
of people that is doing a lot
of wow and crazy shit. That's probably

717
01:01:37.519 --> 01:01:46.239
like this bitch gonna say something to
me. My name ain't popped across your

718
01:01:46.280 --> 01:01:55.320
screen like that. Like, stop
fighting people with your words because from a

719
01:01:55.360 --> 01:02:00.159
distance, you know what they say
about food mose, people can't tell whoso

720
01:02:04.360 --> 01:02:10.440
But also fighting somebody with your words
is giving them your energy. It's they're

721
01:02:10.480 --> 01:02:15.079
getting a rise out of you and
your emotions and all. You know what

722
01:02:15.159 --> 01:02:21.039
I'm saying people the fact that people
really that, but people that feed off

723
01:02:21.039 --> 01:02:24.800
of that type of stuff cannot create. They can't create their own peace,

724
01:02:24.800 --> 01:02:29.239
they can't create their own happiness.
They can't, so they have to feed

725
01:02:29.280 --> 01:02:39.480
off other people. What generational curse
are you breaking at a moment with myself,

726
01:02:39.800 --> 01:02:46.000
baby, Because I feel like people
always talk about generational curses. I

727
01:02:46.039 --> 01:02:49.320
feel like we talk about that a
lot. I feel like we talk about

728
01:02:49.360 --> 01:02:51.920
that a lot, But I don't
feel like people ever talk about what generational

729
01:02:52.199 --> 01:02:55.840
curses in your family? What generational
curse are you breaking? Like? What

730
01:02:55.960 --> 01:03:00.440
are the generational curses? We know? Generational wealth? We know? We

731
01:03:00.519 --> 01:03:07.280
know? Yeah, whatever, because
I don't know not one millionaire, I

732
01:03:07.760 --> 01:03:10.840
don't. Personally, there's nobody that
I can call on the phone like,

733
01:03:10.920 --> 01:03:15.440
Oh, this motherfucker is a millionaire. They got a millionaire. I don't

734
01:03:15.519 --> 01:03:19.760
know any minion, so let's set
that aside for a moment. But actually,

735
01:03:19.800 --> 01:03:22.400
I do know one. I do
know one in. The check is

736
01:03:22.480 --> 01:03:25.880
on the way, the check is
on the way, the check is coming.

737
01:03:25.920 --> 01:03:30.440
I do know a million I'm the
millionaire. I'm the first millionaire in

738
01:03:30.480 --> 01:03:37.400
my family. Period. But what
generational curse are you breaking? Man?

739
01:03:37.719 --> 01:03:49.960
I I'm breaking the parenthood curse.
How many of y'all can look at your

740
01:03:50.199 --> 01:03:55.199
current situation and say, this is
the exact same thing that my parents went

741
01:03:55.239 --> 01:04:02.519
through. I'm breaking the parenthood curse. And I do really love this generation.

742
01:04:02.880 --> 01:04:05.880
I love I love our generation.
I love our era. Shout out

743
01:04:05.920 --> 01:04:15.239
to all the nineties babies nineteen nine, three, three, ninety, because

744
01:04:15.320 --> 01:04:19.679
we're we are the ones that are
breaking generational curses. We are definitely changing

745
01:04:23.719 --> 01:04:27.559
the narrative for parenting. Like I, I definitely give it to us.

746
01:04:27.599 --> 01:04:30.719
We're probably the best parents that a
generation has ever seen. My generation,

747
01:04:30.920 --> 01:04:36.280
we were parenting the fuck out of
these kids. Were changing. We're changing

748
01:04:36.280 --> 01:04:42.880
the narrative. We're creating opportunities for
our kids, looking like the just the

749
01:04:42.960 --> 01:04:46.440
social media? How how many of
our parents behaving on it? You're an

750
01:04:46.480 --> 01:04:51.480
influencer, you're at that, You're
on social media. Motherfucker's getting to the

751
01:04:51.480 --> 01:04:55.480
bag on social media. I don't
know what you're talking You still you still

752
01:04:55.519 --> 01:05:00.320
at work, You you still working, and you still live in paycheck to

753
01:05:00.320 --> 01:05:03.800
paycheck, but you worried about it. A social media influencer that's getting to

754
01:05:03.840 --> 01:05:12.559
the bag. Sound like you could
take it, take a page out of

755
01:05:12.559 --> 01:05:17.039
my book. So but for me, I feel like I'm breaking the parenthood

756
01:05:17.039 --> 01:05:24.400
curse. I look at my current
situation. I look at my parenthood life,

757
01:05:24.440 --> 01:05:27.119
I look at my life as a
mother, and it's the same.

758
01:05:27.840 --> 01:05:31.800
It's not identical to the situation that
I was in when I was growing up,

759
01:05:33.079 --> 01:05:39.639
but it's damn near the same thing. That shit as wild as fuck

760
01:05:39.719 --> 01:05:45.199
to me. But again, and
this is why I really need to take

761
01:05:45.239 --> 01:05:50.679
time to unpack my situation, like
and actually go to therapy. Like I

762
01:05:50.719 --> 01:05:54.519
really want to go to therapy because
I don't have to be a motherfucker therapist

763
01:05:54.559 --> 01:05:59.159
for everybody else in my fucking life. Since I was however, old giving

764
01:05:59.239 --> 01:06:02.920
niggas advice into being a great listener
and all, like I need to unpack

765
01:06:02.960 --> 01:06:11.719
my shit. But as I really
start to just evaluate the way that I

766
01:06:11.760 --> 01:06:18.760
was raised and the dynamics between my
parents and their relationship and how everything played

767
01:06:18.800 --> 01:06:23.519
out, I look at my situation
and like I said, it's not identical,

768
01:06:24.559 --> 01:06:29.280
but there are a hell of a
lot of similarities. And it even

769
01:06:29.400 --> 01:06:34.039
just it everything is so innerweave,
like it's not even just the it's not

770
01:06:34.079 --> 01:06:39.840
even just the situation. It's just
like the behaviors, the learned behaviors,

771
01:06:39.960 --> 01:06:45.519
the the thought pattern behind stuff being
a woman, like what type of man

772
01:06:45.679 --> 01:06:47.519
you with? Like all of that, all of that stuff is just like

773
01:06:47.719 --> 01:06:54.800
damn, this is the same fucking
thing. But again it's gonna be a

774
01:06:55.800 --> 01:06:59.679
learned behavior because it's what I saw. It's not exactly the same thing,

775
01:06:59.760 --> 01:07:03.079
but this is what I saw.
This is how I interpret love, This

776
01:07:03.119 --> 01:07:06.920
is how I interpret parenthood, this
is how I interpret it being raped,

777
01:07:06.960 --> 01:07:11.679
you know what I'm saying. Like, so it's so crazy to see it

778
01:07:11.719 --> 01:07:21.760
play out. It's very crazy to
see it play out. I've never really

779
01:07:21.880 --> 01:07:32.639
understood my situation, Like I can't
make sense of it, but probably because

780
01:07:32.679 --> 01:07:39.239
I'm the sameest person in this bitch. Okay, that's probably why everybody else

781
01:07:39.360 --> 01:07:48.039
is crazy. But I've never been
able to understand my situation because I'm the

782
01:07:48.039 --> 01:07:58.679
most unproblematic baby mama. You know, please name a problem, Name a

783
01:07:58.760 --> 01:08:05.039
problem. Tell me something I did
that was a problem, besides trying to

784
01:08:05.079 --> 01:08:15.960
get my life together, besides and
that's crazy to me. When I'm able

785
01:08:15.000 --> 01:08:20.399
to be putting that box where you
can see me, I can't move and

786
01:08:20.479 --> 01:08:24.680
I can't you know what I'm saying. Let's put Jasmine in a box.

787
01:08:26.079 --> 01:08:29.800
We cool with that, cause we
can see her, we can monitor her.

788
01:08:30.479 --> 01:08:31.239
You know what I'm saying. She
ain't going nowhere, she's in the

789
01:08:31.359 --> 01:08:38.399
box. But once Jasmine gets off
the box, it's a problem. Again,

790
01:08:39.479 --> 01:08:44.920
there is no problem. What did
I say earlier? I don't never

791
01:08:44.960 --> 01:08:47.000
have a problem with people unless they
have a problem with me or they make

792
01:08:47.039 --> 01:08:51.319
a problem. At the end of
the day, there is no problem.

793
01:08:53.680 --> 01:08:59.479
There have always been problems created out
of thin air, out of nothing,

794
01:09:00.000 --> 01:09:01.880
you know what I'm saying. Going
back to earlier when I was talking about

795
01:09:02.039 --> 01:09:06.319
the review, Let's write the reviews
on people. Show me my review,

796
01:09:06.479 --> 01:09:14.600
show me what the problem is,
because there isn't one. So the real

797
01:09:14.680 --> 01:09:23.640
question is I gotta pose the question, what's the problem. I'm not sure

798
01:09:23.840 --> 01:09:34.439
why somebody would want to make my
life hard because my life is already hard.

799
01:09:34.520 --> 01:09:36.560
What you want to make it harder
for? You know what I'm saying.

800
01:09:38.920 --> 01:09:45.119
And my thing is again I said, I use the example that I'm

801
01:09:45.199 --> 01:09:50.760
drowning. Niggas won't even throw me
a life jacket if you won't land,

802
01:09:50.840 --> 01:09:55.800
if you good, you could throw
me a life and you can help me.

803
01:09:55.920 --> 01:09:58.960
You could support me, you could
you know what I'm saying, But

804
01:09:59.079 --> 01:10:08.199
I don't. I don't get that
from people. So again, I feel

805
01:10:08.279 --> 01:10:13.039
like people be wanting to make my
life hard. People want to keep Jasmine

806
01:10:13.039 --> 01:10:16.520
in a box. So when Jasmine
is like, fuck y'all, I'm not

807
01:10:16.600 --> 01:10:23.239
staying in no box, nigga,
then it's a problem. But and okay,

808
01:10:23.279 --> 01:10:25.880
so let's look at what I'm doing, though, and even if I

809
01:10:26.039 --> 01:10:28.880
was doing whatever the fuck I wanted
to do, which I am doing,

810
01:10:28.920 --> 01:10:31.000
but I mean in that way,
if I was doing whatever the fuck I

811
01:10:31.000 --> 01:10:35.640
wanted to do, just living a
crazy life, like on a fucking bench

812
01:10:35.920 --> 01:10:42.920
or what just I don't know,
or on fucking Hollywood Boulevard, and with

813
01:10:43.039 --> 01:10:45.600
paparazzi, just not taking care of
my rosism whatever. Even if I was

814
01:10:45.640 --> 01:10:48.880
doing that, it doesn't matter what
I'm doing right. But the point is

815
01:10:48.960 --> 01:10:54.960
I'm not doing that right. I'm
trying to get my shit together. I'm

816
01:10:54.960 --> 01:10:58.199
trying to get myself in a good
space for me and my son. That

817
01:10:58.239 --> 01:11:00.560
has always been the go. But
again, coming from a place where I

818
01:11:00.640 --> 01:11:04.119
have no support, I'm drowning in
the water. You won't throw me a

819
01:11:04.159 --> 01:11:11.239
life jacket. So, like I
said, I go and do my own

820
01:11:11.279 --> 01:11:15.760
things to get myself together. And
for you to make it a problem,

821
01:11:17.199 --> 01:11:26.000
it's crazy to me. Another thing
with with parenthood and like co parenting and

822
01:11:26.039 --> 01:11:29.359
shit, it's like, okay,
So if it is a problem or whatever,

823
01:11:29.359 --> 01:11:30.359
I don't, I don't whatever.
I don't even know. Again,

824
01:11:30.399 --> 01:11:32.319
I don't know what it is,
y'all. I don't know. I've been

825
01:11:32.359 --> 01:11:35.720
trying to figure this shit out for
years. It shouldn't be a problem.

826
01:11:35.760 --> 01:11:39.680
There is no problem, right,
But my thing is okay, So why

827
01:11:39.760 --> 01:11:43.159
do you want to tear me down? Why do you want to make the

828
01:11:43.239 --> 01:11:45.960
relationship with my son bad? Why
do you want to make our relationship hard?

829
01:11:46.000 --> 01:11:49.560
Why do you want to make this
a bad thing, Like why can't

830
01:11:49.600 --> 01:11:56.840
we just work together? Why can't
she be amicable? Why can't why can't

831
01:11:56.880 --> 01:12:00.640
there be conversations? Why can't we
be copaesthetic? Why should can't be cool?

832
01:12:00.760 --> 01:12:08.239
Why can't be cordial? Why we
can't be friends? It's weird to

833
01:12:08.239 --> 01:12:12.680
me when people want to beef with
the person that they got a copering with.

834
01:12:13.159 --> 01:12:15.439
Why do you want to make shit
hard? You know what I'm saying.

835
01:12:15.439 --> 01:12:18.439
Why do you want to argue?
Why do you want to Why do

836
01:12:18.520 --> 01:12:23.880
you want to drag shit down to
the mud and just get dirty and take

837
01:12:23.920 --> 01:12:28.319
your clothes? Now we're getting back
to where we started, like you know,

838
01:12:28.479 --> 01:12:31.560
but no, like why do you
want to get down and dirty and

839
01:12:31.640 --> 01:12:34.760
fight? And like why do you
want to do all of this? Because

840
01:12:34.760 --> 01:12:41.079
at the end of the day,
there's not a problem. So again I'm

841
01:12:41.159 --> 01:12:45.840
trying to pull this imaginary problem out
of the hat, and I'm not coming

842
01:12:45.920 --> 01:12:57.520
up with anything. What's the problem? Why do you want to create a

843
01:12:57.680 --> 01:13:06.640
negative situation or create negative energy between
me and my child? Because at the

844
01:13:06.760 --> 01:13:14.159
end of the day, everything that
we've ever been through, every argument we've

845
01:13:14.199 --> 01:13:18.920
ever had, every debate, every
whatever, every way that you feel about

846
01:13:18.960 --> 01:13:30.239
me is not able to be set
aside. It's not. Clearly it's not.

847
01:13:34.560 --> 01:13:42.760
It's not about the kid. It's
not about my kid. And the

848
01:13:42.920 --> 01:13:48.279
part that really sucks is like,
again, if you know me in real

849
01:13:48.319 --> 01:13:50.960
life, if you know you know
again, like I'm not this is not

850
01:13:51.000 --> 01:13:54.840
a role I'm playing, Like,
Oh, I'm such a peaceful person,

851
01:13:55.479 --> 01:14:00.439
dude, Like, no, I
really am the coolest bitch that you ever

852
01:14:00.520 --> 01:14:03.640
fucking meet. So to want to
have a problem with me is just really

853
01:14:03.680 --> 01:14:15.439
weird. It's like sticking a pit
bull on a rabbit, like why are

854
01:14:15.439 --> 01:14:19.159
you? Like, why are you
doing this? But no, like,

855
01:14:19.239 --> 01:14:25.000
the only the only person that has
suffered through all of this is my son,

856
01:14:26.000 --> 01:14:33.680
and I just he is such a
pure spirit. He's such a good

857
01:14:33.840 --> 01:14:38.840
kid. He's such a genuine person, Like he has a really great heart.

858
01:14:39.600 --> 01:14:45.640
So like, and I take accountability. I haven't always been the best

859
01:14:45.640 --> 01:14:53.479
in my co parenting situation. You
know what I'm saying, I don't.

860
01:14:53.479 --> 01:14:55.600
I don't, I don't, I
don't pushed back, I don't you know,

861
01:14:55.680 --> 01:14:57.600
when against the grain, I don't. You know what I'm saying,

862
01:14:57.640 --> 01:15:00.439
I didn't whatever. But for the
mo the most part, I sit back

863
01:15:00.479 --> 01:15:05.680
and I look at my son,
and I'm like, this young child is

864
01:15:05.840 --> 01:15:26.479
suffering mentally, emotionally, spiritually because
of his parents. I think it is

865
01:15:26.560 --> 01:15:31.279
so sick that And like he will
answer the phone when he's with the other

866
01:15:31.319 --> 01:15:35.000
parent or whatever, but he don't
like to He don't like to talk on

867
01:15:35.039 --> 01:15:40.479
the phone if both of his parents
is in the room. That's how bad

868
01:15:40.560 --> 01:15:45.680
the tension is. Because and it's
not even like we'll be in the background.

869
01:15:45.840 --> 01:15:48.199
Are you are cussing each other out. It's just the tension. It's

870
01:15:48.199 --> 01:15:54.000
the natural tension. And he gotta
walk on He's he's always had to walk

871
01:15:54.000 --> 01:16:04.119
on eggshells because of that. And
I don't even want to down his dad

872
01:16:04.239 --> 01:16:10.600
or you know what I'm saying,
Like, I honestly want for us to

873
01:16:10.640 --> 01:16:13.039
be cool. I want for us
to be friends. I want for a

874
01:16:13.079 --> 01:16:15.359
shit to be amicable. I want
to be able to work together because at

875
01:16:15.399 --> 01:16:23.479
the end of the day, my
son needs love from both of his parents.

876
01:16:24.880 --> 01:16:28.039
He needs to be in a good
environment with both of his parents.

877
01:16:29.640 --> 01:16:32.439
He needs to see both of his
parents shine. He needs to see both

878
01:16:32.479 --> 01:16:41.159
of his parents be successful, you
know what I'm saying. And again it

879
01:16:41.239 --> 01:16:47.760
goes back to that niggas act like
they support you. I'm happy for you.

880
01:16:48.279 --> 01:16:54.920
No, you're not, because all
of your actions contradict that. All

881
01:16:55.000 --> 01:17:02.920
of your actions contradict that. Never
sent the life jacket. You ain't gotta

882
01:17:03.000 --> 01:17:09.079
jump in the water and come save
me, Nigga, I could swim,

883
01:17:09.119 --> 01:17:12.880
but I'm in the ocean, bitch, throw me a life jacket. What

884
01:17:12.920 --> 01:17:21.840
the fuck? The water is deep? This shit get deep. But I'm

885
01:17:21.840 --> 01:17:25.479
a fine my way and that's cool. But at the end of the day,

886
01:17:26.119 --> 01:17:30.720
my son has to suffer. And
like I said, at this point

887
01:17:30.760 --> 01:17:34.560
in my life, I'm going through
one of the toughest seasons of my life.

888
01:17:34.680 --> 01:17:40.119
I never saw it coming, but
uh I never saw it coming,

889
01:17:40.119 --> 01:17:43.520
but I did. I always knew
that it was inevitable. I knew that

890
01:17:43.560 --> 01:17:45.680
the situation that I'm in right now, I knew that it was inevitable.

891
01:17:53.960 --> 01:18:09.199
And I'm cool with where I am
today because I knew that I had to

892
01:18:09.199 --> 01:18:15.119
get on this path to go to
where I'm going. I have to have

893
01:18:15.199 --> 01:18:19.479
this time for myself. I have
to pour into myself. I gotta work

894
01:18:19.479 --> 01:18:30.319
on myself. I gotta love myself. I gotta get myself together. That

895
01:18:30.319 --> 01:18:39.079
doesn't mean that I'm leaving my son
behind. I gotta make a sacrifice so

896
01:18:39.119 --> 01:18:45.960
that I can the vision that I
have in my head, the abundance,

897
01:18:45.119 --> 01:18:50.439
the success, the legacy, the
all of that, the shit that I

898
01:18:50.479 --> 01:18:59.880
am creating for myself and for my
son. I gotta do it alone.

899
01:19:00.520 --> 01:19:04.239
I gotta do it on my own. I gotta do it without that support

900
01:19:04.439 --> 01:19:08.800
that I never had. You know
what I'm saying, you never had it,

901
01:19:08.840 --> 01:19:12.239
So what are you really fucking missing, Jasmine? You never really had

902
01:19:12.279 --> 01:19:15.680
it and you don't need it.
I had to have that real conversation with

903
01:19:15.720 --> 01:19:18.520
myself. I'm like, dang,
motherfuckers be thinking I need them? And

904
01:19:18.600 --> 01:19:24.920
I was like, Jasmine, you
be making people think that you need them.

905
01:19:25.640 --> 01:19:30.880
You be making yourself think that you
need them. Yeah. Back to

906
01:19:30.920 --> 01:19:36.720
the toughest season in my life.
I Dodne cried. I didn't been mad,

907
01:19:38.159 --> 01:19:42.720
But I love how like everything is
an outer body experience for me,

908
01:19:42.800 --> 01:19:45.119
Like I'm able to step outside of
myself. Like even on the days that

909
01:19:45.159 --> 01:19:48.640
I cry, or I'm mad,
or I'm frustrated or whatever, I'm like,

910
01:19:48.800 --> 01:19:53.039
Jasmine, this is supposed to be
happening. You know what I'm saying.

911
01:19:53.039 --> 01:19:56.039
It's supposed to be happening. You
gotta see it. For what it

912
01:19:56.199 --> 01:20:00.399
is, don't. I told y'all
I love to have a victim. Throw

913
01:20:00.439 --> 01:20:03.319
that victim card away. It's a
reason why this is happening. It's a

914
01:20:03.359 --> 01:20:09.359
reason why you knew that it was
inevitable. If I wouldn't never, if

915
01:20:09.399 --> 01:20:13.479
I would have never came here,
if I would have never did what I

916
01:20:13.520 --> 01:20:18.119
did, and even though I went
through a fucked up situation, I would

917
01:20:18.119 --> 01:20:20.840
have never been in this moment.
I would have never you know what I'm

918
01:20:20.840 --> 01:20:25.399
saying, I would not be walking
into the opportunities that I'm walking in right

919
01:20:25.439 --> 01:20:35.880
now. So I needed all of
that to happen. I am afraid of

920
01:20:36.000 --> 01:20:41.880
change sometimes. And another thing is
I didn't even read none of new even

921
01:20:41.920 --> 01:20:44.079
notes that I wrote down, and
I didn't even get on line talking about

922
01:20:44.079 --> 01:20:50.359
a stream go live with me.
All of that. The storm aligns you

923
01:20:50.560 --> 01:21:00.319
with the destination period. But it
was something else that I was gonna say.

924
01:21:01.680 --> 01:21:10.680
I forgot where I was going with
it, but I was saying,

925
01:21:10.720 --> 01:21:23.640
I I'm afraid of change. Yeah, I was gonna be in the same

926
01:21:23.680 --> 01:21:45.119
situation if I would have never just
made the move. Whoa, whoa,

927
01:21:46.760 --> 01:22:01.199
whoa. Oh oh oh that really
threw me. But wow, yeah,

928
01:22:01.800 --> 01:22:04.000
whatever I don't even I don't even
know where I was going with it,

929
01:22:04.079 --> 01:22:11.520
but like I was saying, it
was inevitable, I really just had to

930
01:22:11.560 --> 01:22:14.239
surrender. I was talking about,
like, yeah, I'd be going through

931
01:22:14.239 --> 01:22:16.960
the emotions, I'd be going through
all emotions with my situation. But I

932
01:22:17.079 --> 01:22:21.439
keep telling y'all, I'm at the
most prayerful point in my fucking life.

933
01:22:21.479 --> 01:22:28.279
Like really just been praying, you
gotta let go on that guy. And

934
01:22:28.319 --> 01:22:31.319
that reminds me too. Like I
remember when I went rock climbing right before

935
01:22:31.680 --> 01:22:36.760
uh, like I left Detroit,
and it was a very amazing experience,

936
01:22:39.720 --> 01:22:45.079
great workout, but also a great
workout for the mind, a great workout

937
01:22:45.119 --> 01:22:49.640
for your mental and I just remember
it every time that I was climbing,

938
01:22:49.680 --> 01:22:53.479
I got up to the top of
that bitch. I got to the top,

939
01:22:54.239 --> 01:22:58.560
and I was so afraid to let
go. And that is such a

940
01:22:58.600 --> 01:23:02.159
reflection of my real I wrote that
down to it, and like I said,

941
01:23:02.199 --> 01:23:03.840
it's so much stuff that I wrote
on here, I can't even read

942
01:23:03.880 --> 01:23:06.600
it all. But I was so
afraid to let go. And that's another

943
01:23:06.600 --> 01:23:11.199
thing that I just realized recently,
Like every time that I get to a

944
01:23:11.199 --> 01:23:14.920
transitional period in my life. I'm
so afraid to let go. I am

945
01:23:15.039 --> 01:23:18.079
so afraid to let go, and
I don't know wise because I'm afraid of

946
01:23:18.199 --> 01:23:24.479
change. This is how you have
to talk yourself through your problems, bro.

947
01:23:24.600 --> 01:23:28.720
You gotta say it out loud.
So every time I get to a

948
01:23:28.720 --> 01:23:34.680
transitional point in my life, I'm
so afraid to let go. But when

949
01:23:34.720 --> 01:23:41.239
I went rock climbing, what I
realized and again I was so afraid to

950
01:23:41.279 --> 01:23:47.159
the point that I would not let
go. My body had to my arms

951
01:23:47.239 --> 01:23:51.399
and my legs had to give out, like my heart was beating fast.

952
01:23:51.520 --> 01:23:56.279
The anxiety had started building up,
like I damn near had tears about to

953
01:23:56.279 --> 01:23:58.600
come out of my eyes because I
was so afraid to let go. I'm

954
01:23:58.840 --> 01:24:01.199
a harness is holding me though,
but I was so afraid to let go.

955
01:24:01.359 --> 01:24:04.199
My body had to give out.
And as soon as you let go,

956
01:24:04.840 --> 01:24:10.479
come down so easy, so gracefully, when you just let go.

957
01:24:11.920 --> 01:24:16.439
So I keep reminding myself of these
moments in my life, like Jasmine,

958
01:24:16.640 --> 01:24:23.840
it's time to pivot. You gotta
let go, and then it's like you

959
01:24:23.880 --> 01:24:27.479
know again, you just gotta keep
going deeper and deeper. You just gotta

960
01:24:27.520 --> 01:24:30.479
keep asking yourself the questions. Okay, why am I afraid to let go?

961
01:24:31.880 --> 01:24:35.399
And then if you want to take
your little handy daddy notebook out and

962
01:24:35.439 --> 01:24:41.720
write down where are you letting go
of? Maybe you got your pros and

963
01:24:41.760 --> 01:24:45.960
your cons. Listen, it ain't
no pros. I guess the only pro

964
01:24:45.880 --> 01:24:48.520
is that I'm here, that I
went somewhere, and you know what I'm

965
01:24:48.520 --> 01:24:55.880
saying. And again, all of
this is happening, but well he's saying,

966
01:24:55.880 --> 01:24:58.760
it is beauty in the struggle,
ugliness and the success. It's you

967
01:24:58.840 --> 01:25:01.000
know what I'm saying, It's beauty
and the struggle. It's beauty in the

968
01:25:01.079 --> 01:25:05.199
bad times. And again I told
you all. Somebody called me today and

969
01:25:05.279 --> 01:25:10.840
was like, I'm so proud of
you for always going, for always going.

970
01:25:11.319 --> 01:25:15.279
Baby, I mighta took a hiatus
on the podcast for a second,

971
01:25:15.800 --> 01:25:19.319
but I had to go through some
shit and I came back with the experience.

972
01:25:19.359 --> 01:25:21.439
She told me to that. She
was like, girl, who cares?

973
01:25:21.479 --> 01:25:25.239
You're literally living a black girl experience. That's literally, That's what I'm

974
01:25:25.279 --> 01:25:29.640
saying, Like, this is literally
my life. This is I couldn't have

975
01:25:29.720 --> 01:25:36.279
thought, baby, it's the black
girl experience. Okay. Shout out to

976
01:25:36.359 --> 01:25:41.000
Tattoo come to Dallas, come get
me together because I want a tattoo on

977
01:25:41.039 --> 01:25:49.439
life. But no, like this
is really my life. It's the transparency

978
01:25:49.479 --> 01:26:00.399
and authenticity for me. It's the
real life experience for me. It's the

979
01:26:00.479 --> 01:26:05.600
black girl experience for me. So
I mean, I could wrap this up,

980
01:26:05.600 --> 01:26:08.239
he said, I could have won
a couple of minutes over. But

981
01:26:08.279 --> 01:26:10.720
this actually went very well. And
it's so crazy because, like I said,

982
01:26:10.800 --> 01:26:15.960
I had all of this shit written
down and didn't damn near didn't say

983
01:26:15.960 --> 01:26:17.800
none of this shit. I mean, but it's all really good shit.

984
01:26:17.840 --> 01:26:20.279
But I didn't really think it was
gonna flow like this for real. Like

985
01:26:20.640 --> 01:26:25.039
I told you, I had so
much anxiety, like three weeks of anxiety,

986
01:26:25.079 --> 01:26:27.239
anxiety, like, oh my god, am I gonna be able to

987
01:26:27.279 --> 01:26:30.039
talk for two hours? Like it's
already Like I didn't did the podcast for

988
01:26:30.119 --> 01:26:33.199
five years, and baby, it
was days on there when I talked for

989
01:26:33.279 --> 01:26:36.680
an hour straight by myself, And
it's like, that's a lot. It's

990
01:26:36.720 --> 01:26:41.039
a lot to keep a conversation going
with yourself. It's a lot. And

991
01:26:41.079 --> 01:26:43.279
you know, and that's how you
know I'm the goat of this shit.

992
01:26:43.520 --> 01:26:46.920
That's because I don't know a lot
of single man podcasts. I don't know

993
01:26:46.960 --> 01:26:49.439
a lot of single woman pod you
know what I'm saying, where people are

994
01:26:49.479 --> 01:26:54.159
literally just going by themselves, like
it's a it's a lot to talk by

995
01:26:54.199 --> 01:26:59.279
yourself. It's easy to feed off
the energy and have motherfuckers shooting you a

996
01:26:59.359 --> 01:27:02.600
question let me readbut that like that
shit is easy. It's easy to ping

997
01:27:02.800 --> 01:27:12.800
pong back and forth. But baby, when you're by yourself. So yeah,

998
01:27:12.840 --> 01:27:15.159
I mean this went great, this
one great. I'll be back hopefully

999
01:27:15.199 --> 01:27:20.279
when I come back, like I'll
have the details on my first work inside

1000
01:27:20.279 --> 01:27:24.840
of work event. You know what
I'm saying, Like, I'm so hyped.

1001
01:27:24.920 --> 01:27:28.960
I'm so lit for that because again, our opportunity comes to those who

1002
01:27:29.079 --> 01:27:32.720
create it. So I hope that
y'all love this. I love how like

1003
01:27:32.800 --> 01:27:35.439
I feel like I give just enough
away, you know what I'm saying,

1004
01:27:36.239 --> 01:27:42.680
but still got my sanity, still
got my you know, I still got

1005
01:27:42.720 --> 01:27:48.600
my business. I feel like I
give me it's just enough. So yes,

1006
01:27:48.680 --> 01:27:50.800
that is all that I have for
y'all. Make sure I know y'all

1007
01:27:50.840 --> 01:27:54.359
gonna be like, damn, you
ain't getting on no Instagram, you ain't

1008
01:27:54.359 --> 01:27:57.239
get on lie, we ain't call
in. We ain't stream maybe next time,

1009
01:27:57.399 --> 01:28:00.560
maybe next time, thirty times a
time, but you could follow me

1010
01:28:00.600 --> 01:28:05.560
on all platforms and heal in my
homies black girl experience on TikTok. Yeah

1011
01:28:05.600 --> 01:28:10.159
that's it, y'all. Make this
one go up too. I'm out.