Are rolling, You're good to go. Let's start rolling where the blunt said,
where the ash tred. It's like, oh my gosh, first,
I love coming on here. I love doing this. First of all,
as soon as the camera starts rolling, my mind is like what you say
first? Like all of my thoughts are always fighting on, like let me
what are we gonna talk about first? Where we gonna go with this?
What direction are I never know? And I've had so much anxiety leading up
into this point. And I don't know why I do that, because every
time I just always go with the flow and it just comes off perfect every
time. So just so much. It was a lot of anxiety getting here.
I don't even know where to start. I told you, all of
my thoughts are like, let me talk, let me talk, because I
never get to fucking talk. People don't never let me talk. So you
have a lot to say. Geez, I don't even know where to start.
Let's okay, let's start here. It's Friday, November seventeenth. I
don't even know if I'm gonna go live. I was gonna try to have
people call in and all of that, but I feel like them, I
got a lot to say and I was worried that I wasn't gonna have anything
to say at all. But anyway, let's start with today. So today
it's Friday, It's payday, okay, And depending on how you want to
look at that, you know, that's gonna tell what kind of day it
is, because you could get paid and be like, damn, all my
money going. I had to pay all my bills, I ain't got no
money. Or you could be like, hey, I just got paid,
It's up. You know what I'm saying, I'm grateful to have money.
I'm grateful to have money to pay my bills, to do what I need
to do. I have the money to invest in myself, you know what
I'm saying. So like cause there were times when I did it. So
it just depends on how you look at it. I feel like mindset is
always a thing that I've been working on, like changing my mindset, being
a more positive person, seeing the results that you garner when you move in
a positive manner. When you have a positive mindset, you see more opportunities,
you see the silver lining in every situation. You know what I'm saying.
I hate being around people that are negative. I hate people that say
the B word. I'm broke. I'm broke, like I hate when people
just talk negative about them, Like I don't hear that. I don't know,
but I'm just saying I'm not really bro I don't care. Don't say
it around me. I don't. I don't even want that word around me.
It's abundant. Don't it just look abundant over here? Don't Don't it
look full and rich, radiant, vibrant. Don't it just like bro That's
the energy I'm giving off. That was another we're talking about today, right,
So anyway, when I woke up this morning, I've been very mindful
about expressing gratitude every day, Thanking God for waking up for another chance another
day, Thanking God to be in a safe space, have a place to
lay my head, you know what I'm saying. Thanking God for a job
and for money to take care even if I got to take care of some
bullshit, even when a motherfucking monkey wrench coming to plan, You got the
money to pay for it. Be grateful for that, you know what I'm
saying. So when I was getting ready for work, I put on my
little affirmations and morning motivation, and when I tell y'all, first of all,
this is something that I do daily. I do this every day,
but today was different. Like I put that shit on and my energy was
so fucking high. At work, the vibe was just through the fucking roof
and somebody had came over into my space, just negative as hell, talking
about like I woke up later, I didn't go to sleeper and it was
just going and I was over here like hey, relax, like trying to
talk to they wasn't even listening because they were just going. They was so
mady. The energy was so heavy, and they walked away. I was
like, you don't have to take that on. That's not your energy,
you know what I'm saying. And I still gotta have my great energy to
give off to the people that I'm speaking to, you know what I'm so
I could do my job. So it was just crazy, But I was
really just assessing people's energy today. But my shit was so high, and
shout out to the motherfucking affirmations and morning motivation because that shit, like it
had me lifted. But I also knew that today was gonna be a great
day. First of all, I looked good, hair done, browse on
flee lash. Look, look looking gorgeous. Okay, So that's just that's
another plus. The energy is baby, the energy just speaks to you,
So that's another plus. Today it was just a good day. I knew
I was coming to record to even though I had anxiety building up these past
three weeks. That's that's another thing. So that last video I recorded that
three weeks ago. I don't know how to feel about that, not because,
first of all, three weeks is a long time for a person that
went five years of recording like five days a week, three weeks is different.
But to me, I'm looking at it like that was three weeks ago.
Three weeks ago is a long time ago. It's like, damn,
three weeks past. That's crazy. But then it's also like dan and that
was only three weeks ago. Like I'm looking at it in both ways.
But what I will say is thank you to everybody that watched that video.
That video did so fucking good. The views are up. The impact was
there. It was such an outpour after I posted, Like, first of
all, I was already in my head and in my heart about making that
video and even speaking about the experience and everything that I went through. I'm
like, I don't even know if I really want to talk about this forreer,
I don't even know if I want to put this out there. And
baby, when I tell you, the response was so overwheomen, so many
women DM me and just expressed gratitude for even sharing my story, for being
brave enough, for being courageous enough to speak up and speak out to inspire
other people to get out of that type of situation, to be a voice
for people that are in that type of situation. And then the women that
came to me and said that that they weren't in those types of relationships.
They was in a narcissistic, abusive relationship just got out of it. And
again, these are people that I follow on the ground on the regular,
you know what I'm saying, and would have never known. But that's another
thing too. I remember somebody said to me like, uh, we were
talking about it on TikTok shout out to my fresh roots fam. Uh.
I was talking to them on TikTok on ay Live, and it's like,
we would have never known that you was going through that, Like you just
be smiling you and Dallas would like, yeah, you y'all don't be knowing
what be going on behind closed doors with people. Of course, people post
a highlight reel on the ground. Of course, it's good every day on
the ground. They trying to keep up with the Jones on It's gonna be
good every day on the ground. What's really going on at home? Though,
you know what I'm saying. So, but I was very happy with
the turnout of the video. A lot of my friends is like, it's
given documentary, it's given what it like? I don't know, but I
think I think it just really opened the door for a lot of stuff.
And it's so funny because when I opened up my TikTok feed, was it
last night yesterday? And I don't even like to get into like celebrity gossip
and all that type of stuff. But this just further confirms what I said.
It further confirms the video. This whole situation with Diddy and Cassie bro
what that's big. That's very big for her to come forward and tell her
story. Baby. Everything that was listed on I don't even know what it
was. The lawsuit, everything, a thirty million dollar lawsuit of allegations until
you know, until he's charted whatever. We don't know. I can't say
what a person did or didn't do, but I know a person's character.
I know a person's character. You could see through a lot of bullshit.
I have made a video yesterday. Let me see what I said. Somebody
just text me talking about not me grocery shop and listening to the podcast act
for real? This is I love it. I love it. I love
my life. But no, let me see what I said. Exactly?
Is they head they thoughts about? Look at how they thin can treat as
artists, Look at how you treat as women. See, I believe Cassie
ain't. Nobody goes in a relationship with somebody for ten years that they hold
fun. That's what I'm saying. Like they dated for like ten plus years.
Nobody has the energy to sit there and make up all of these things
about you, especially if I was in a relationship with you. Why would
I lie? Why would I make these Why would I make up all of
this trauma? I mean some people do lie about stuff, but no,
no, So justice for Cassie. We stand for Cassie. Did he need
to pay his artists? Period? You leve a lot of people down bad.
He like I will never forgive him for Daddy King Day twenty six.
May it goes back to the nineties Mace total Like, no, no,
Biggie kim Porter, we need answers for all of this. This is like
twenty years of abuse, twenty years of moving foul. Like that's what I'm
saying. You have to look at a person's character. What did I say
on the last episode? I was like, I hate to throw men under
the bus, but when you have a lot of power, authority, status,
money, that shit gets swept under the rug. So shout out to
her for speaking her truth, for coming forward, Like that's very hard.
What did I just say? It was a very brave thing to do.
It's a very courageous thing to do. People be victim sham and blaming,
Well, why did it takes all lot? People don't usually come to the
forefront about sexual assaults, sex being sex trafficked, being abused mentally, emotionally,
physically, Like that's not something you're running to the treetops to tell people
about. Like it's a lot. And then ten plus years of abuse.
She probably just processed that shit. She probably just wrapped her mind around that
shit. It's one thing to go through something, you know, how when
they say it's from the outside looking in, it's easy as fun to see
inside the glass, not when you in it. So it's it's a lot.
But yes, I was just very surprised by the outpour and the response
of the video that I did. This is not alcohol, It is a
red cup, and it's not even my drink of choice. First of all.
That's another thing. So I was late getting here, and that's not
me. Let me tell you this. I told you all my mind is
all over the place and I just lost my train and thought of where I
was about to go with the other things. But whatever, we're moving on
now. So getting here today. So, like I said to that was
a really great day at work for me. I have fun with my colleagues.
I laughed a joke, I did work. I have some motherfucking guess
that was a pain in the fucking ass. A lot of times you just
really want to roll your eyes and be like how motherfuckers just be asking the
craziest shit. I had somebody have a real fucking I had somebody have a
real fucking attitude with me today because they wanted a receipt from their stay at
the hotel. Okay, what's your last name so I can look it up?
Oh, that's not coming up in the system. Do you have a
confirmation number or something from your stay? No? And then they was what
did he say? He said something about uh oh he I don't know what.
He couldn't get the receipt because he didn't have proof of being here.
So how am I supposed to get my receipt? I was there, Well,
what do you want me to look it up with? Your name is
not coming up? You don't have a confirmation number, there's nothing you You
mad at me and I'm trying to help you. Is there anything? Do
you have an email saying that you You know what I'm saying? Oh,
get ready for your stay so I can look your shit. Bro, I
don't even know where I'm going with anyway. Today was a good day at
work. Oh I posted this yesterday too? What did I say? Let
me see what did I say? So yesterday? Wow? Oh, maybe
it's not on there anymore. But yesterday the hotel manager extended an opportunity to
me. And first of all, not even just extended an opportunity to me,
created an opportunity for me. It gave me my own little title wellness
champion. Shout out to me created an opportunity for me as the wellness champion
at my job to hope the wellness events, the yoga events at my job.
Shout out to yo girl, Shout out to the coworkers that was able
to see what I'm doing, like just a cool dude at my job that
I just meant it, you know what I'm saying, Like different walks of
life, different ethnicities whatever. He was still able to point that out today,
like, dang you like you know what I'm saying, you got a
job within the job. Okay, that's goals. That's goals because I'm trying
to put myself on when I be telling people I don't like working a nine
to five. Baby, it's a plan underneath here. It's a plan underneath
here, and it's to put myself on. Yes, I have to use
the job to get me to where I need to go, but it's a
plan underneath here. So that oh let me tell you so. Yeah,
I was saying I'm all off for the place this. I was late because
cause, first of all, traffic in Texas is like California traffic. That
shit is so crazy. Luckily I don't have a car right now, I
just be lifting around. I do hate when the lifts get on the freeway
though, cause it's like, damn, y'all, y'all don't know alternate route.
I gotta take the streets, and I need to learn the streets.
But traffic was crazy. But also another thing was I really pushed it when
I was leaving work today, but I stuck behind because I ended up having
a meeting about what I'm doing with this opportunity that was just created for me.
So in a sense, it's like, you know what I'm saying,
I really wanted to hurryup and get out of there. I'm like, I
got something I gotta do, you know, creatively for myself, for my
purpose, for that, but also this is a part of that as well,
and so it was a good thing. So I was running a little
late. I couldn't even stop getting no water, no kombucha, no nothing.
I'm like, dang, But I was already late. So I got
here thirsty as fuck, mouth, dry as fuck cotton mouth. But they
gave me some cherry coke. So and y'all know, I don't like I
don't drink pop. I barely drink juice. I really just try to drink
water. I like to drink stuff with just a little bit of flavor,
Like I don't need all the sugar, all the sugar. Just give me
a little bit of fun. I like vitamin water, the pomegranate vitamin water.
Like I'll do like a lemonade, you know what I'm saying, just
something with just a little I don't need. I don't need the lean and
I don't need all the sugar. And this is a lot, but I'm
grateful because I didn't have nothing to drink and I'm like, dang, I
need to quitch. But so that happened. But overall it was a good
day. But my anxiety was, you know, a little crazy getting here
the lift driver. This experience was different this guy today. Remember last time
I had the like a whole like spiritual moment with the last live driver when
I came here the first time. Today, he was acting like he had
somewhere to be. He was acting how I should have been acting in the
back seats like damn, hurry up again, Like I'm like, does he
have somewhere to be? The leg was twitching, he was mad. Kept
I'm like, I'm the one that gotta be somewhere, but it was just
so funny. But I'm here Nothingtheless, I did jie down a lot of
notes. I didn't even know where I really wanted to start with this.
We're gonna see where we're gonna se So Yes, the last video was awesome,
fucking sauce. I think it's almost at three hundred videos, at three
hundred views. I bet niggas didn't think it was gonna go up like that.
I bet niggas didn't think it was gonna happen like this. But you
know that's neither here nor there. Oh, but best believe, baby,
that it was the day that I posted it. The day that I posted
that bit. You best believe your girl got harassed. I was like,
damn like clockwork, the day of just so happened. Motherfuckers get wind of
shit, or maybe didn't even get it. Wasn't even got wind it being
a nuisance and stumbling across something, you know what I mean. But anyway,
I got harassed after that, not every day, every other day,
every other week, bi weekly, on a nigga paycheck, on a nigga
paycheck, let me harass somebody bi weekly. But best believe I got harassed,
and not once did I respond, because I feel like I really,
once I remove myself or remove my energy from a situation, you're never gonna
get it again. The only energy of me that you can't get is on
the podcast. So you can come, you can come some part, you
can come. Listen to this. I'm not giving my energy else nobody,
no more like that. Shit is dead. It's it's I don't even know
where to start. Bro. It's so I have so much stuff written down
here too. But yeah, best believe I got harassed. It's five fifty
five. Best believe. I don't know if that is confirmation that is true.
I'm not lying to y'all. I don't know, but whatever, best
believe I got harassed and I got show love and the odd thing about the
situation. And I don't know if I said this on the last episode or
not, but it's just it's very weird to me for a person to like
egg you on or encourage you to, you know, separate yourself detached from
the situation, get the fuck up whatever you want to say, for you
to have that energy, and then when I give you that energy, it's
a problem. This is what you wanted. This is what you asked for,
and so you gonna try any way to finagle your way back, which
is and it's weird because it's like you got the people that's gonna love by
you and try to be nice to come back. No, I'm just gonna
attack you and insult you and like to get a response. No, I'm
not gonna respond to that either. That. First of all, you might
respond to a motherfucker trying to be nice and get you back. You might,
you know, you might fall for it. They might treat you might
respond. Why would I respond to insults and attacks and like, but oh
cause that that's an easy way to get you off, or that's an easy
way to get some people off. You know. Again, y'all gotta understand
this shit is energy. Motherfuckers be one your energy at any cost, anything
that they can do to get it. I'm gonna say the lowest meanness,
most degrading, belittling shit to you, so you could fucking respond me,
And then you don't. And they just sitting there with autumn blue with autumn
blue bubbles and they text message thread and it's like this person really not responded
to me. This person really moved the fuck on. This person never really
needed me. Yeah, it's it's It's a crazy realization, ain't it.
It's a crazy realization, ain't it? And then I get attacked for being
on my Cassie, for speaking my truth. This is the thing too.
This is the thing too, when people get upset about you being honest about
your own life, about your own experience, about your own story. If
you didn't do X, Y and Z, I wouldn't have to talk about
it, if you didn't harass me, I wouldn't have to talk about it.
But I'm gonna talk about my experience because what podcast is this? What
podcast is this? Black girl experience? Exactly exactly? And I was just
on the phone with somebody today when I was leaving work. They had said
they saw a news article saying that a lot of Californians are moving to Texas,
and they was like, I want to come to Texas, Like because
they wanted to move to California too. You know, I've been there,
I'd done that. I still felt like, dang, maybe he's somewhere deep
down to my heart that's where I want to be. But that's not where
I'm at right now, you know, what I'm saying, I'm making this
shit happen here. But they were just telling me like, man, I
am so proud of you because you always keep fucking going no matter what happens.
You don't let shit stop you. And baby, shit is trying to
stop me. When I tell y'all, the motherfucking spiritual attacks on my life
are heavy, from every direction, from every aspect, from every person,
from every environment. It's like, God, damn, But that's how I
know. That's how the fuck I know that this blessing is going to be
so big. The magnitude of my blessings are tremendous, colossal, can't even
imagine because the attacks on me right now are so crazy. I don't know
if y'all ever broke before. I ain't ever broke. It feel like I'm
about to. I'll be feeling like I'm at my wits end. Baby,
I'm like, this is not even bout, Like yah, hold on,
way talk time out. Wait, we gotta can we step out the game
real quick because I want to just talk to you one on one like this
is not even real, bro. But again, I ain't ever been broken,
not all well, I don't know I'd have been at the bottom.
But what do they say about that? The only way you can go from
here is up? At the bottom? Bucket, rock bottom, I'm at
the I'm at the table, baby, I'm at the bottom. The only
way I can go from here is up. That's what people don't That's what
people do not want to see. And I'm not talking about one person.
I'm talking about a lot of people in my life do not want to see
me go up. And it's clear. It's clear. For a long time
I used to be in denial. You know. A part of it was
me, I take accountability. A part of it was me. A lot
of things were crutches for me. Shit was a crutch. Realizing that some
of the shit some of the people in my life were a hindrance. That's
why you can't drink pop. That shit make you hurt. But a lot
of shit was another thing that I realized and I had to be honest with
myself about. And again, not one person is getting the nobody's getting the
credit for this. But motherfucker's gonna feel like, Oh, you talk about
me, you talk about me. No, I'm talking about everybody. I
had realized that a lot of people think that I need them, And I
was like, but Jasmine, that's because you make them feel like you need
them. So when I really show motherfuckers that I don't need you, they
be like, wait, this bitch don't need me. And I'm literally I'm
talking about so many different people in my life. I was just looking at
all these different situations. I'm like, Wow, these people really think that
I need them. But also I think a part of me would make myself
feel like I needed them, And that's why I was always in the situation
that I was in, feeling like I couldn't move forward, feeling like I
couldn't progress. You know what I'm saying, because I was on that crutch.
It's comfortable here, you know what I'm saying. I'm with my family
here. You know what I'm saying. It's a crutch, but it's cool.
You know what I'm saying. You as them to hold on to,
but it's also a hindrance. It's also holding you back. So you have
to be honest with yourself about those things. And there's a lot that I
have. That's the thing. If you really want to grow and evolve in
life, you have to be honest with yourself. You have to be honest
with yourself, and baby, it gets ugly. Okay, take the makeup
off, take the filter off, take the clothes off, go stand in
the mirror neckd and look at yourself flaws and awe, not just physically,
not just on the outside, but look inside of yourself and be completely honest
with yourself. That shit is hard, that shit is ugly. But if
you wanna be better, if you wanna boss up, if you wanna evolve,
if you want to elevate, if you want to grow, you have
to be honest with yourself. Stop playing the blame glink, the blame game.
You gotta throw your victim card away and I ain't gonna lie. I
keep that bitch in my back pocket. I keep the victim. I can't
wait to be a victlim. Like, No, you have to for real.
You gotta be honest with yourself. So it's a lot, like I
said, it's something I told you like this looked like the last episode.
This is just shit that I don't even know. I don't even know where
this is going. But so yeah, the last video did very fucking well.
I think where am I at today, finding peace within? I think
that's a daily thing. A lot of people feel like peace is something that
is outside of themselves, and it's not. And that's what you gotta that's
what you gotta understand. Like people be thinking like pieces of vacation spot pieces
with your boyfriend or your girlfriend or you telling them motherfuckers to be your piece,
and you're the one with the demons or you think whatever. People think
that piece is outside of themselves and it's not. A lot of people always
ask me, like, dang, how are you good with all of this
going on around you? Like how are you able to just walk through life?
And just you know what I'm saying, have like a peaceful energy about
yourself. You know what I'm saying. Why are you so cool? Why
you so calm? Why you're so collective? Why are you smiling? Why
are you like bro? Because the world is going to be on fire around
you, and you still gotta maintain your sanity in your head. That's why
I'm at peace. That's why I'm finding peace within because I gotta be okay
the whole world. Look at the state of the world right now, Look
what's going on. And that's the thing you have to look at what's going
on in the world and understand that. Dang, I gotta exist and show
up in this But I also just got to exist and show up in my
own fucking personal life. So the world is on fire, let me try
to find some sense of peace within myself. I can't control the motherfucker's around
me, and some of them motherfuckers is in my life. You know,
your family is in your life, the person that you had a kid with
in your life. You know what I'm saying. It's some shit I can't
get rid of. So that's why I never understood why people want to be
in toxic situations. Why do you want to be with your baby mama,
Why do you want to be with your baby daddy? Why do you want
to have problems in your everyday life? I told y'all, one of the
worst job interview questions a motherfucker could ever ask me is tell me about the
time that you had compick with a coworker. Bitch. Never, this is
we gang. This supposed to be the family. I'm with these motherfuckers ninety
nine point nine percent of the time. Why would I be in this bitch
having conflict with people? So this is really how I live my life.
I try to be at peace with the motherfuckers around me, But most importantly,
I'm trying to be at peace with myself. I gotta go home and
lay my head down on my pillow at night and be okay with the person
that I am, with the way that I move in the world, with
the way that I treat people. You know what I'm saying, Like,
I like to have a clear conscience. I like to do good deeds.
I like to sow my seeds so I can reap what I sow, so
I can get back the good benefits, so I can receive my baby.
If Karma had a bank account. Bitch, I'm a motherfucking's millionaire in this
bitch. My the good deep baby, That's what I'm saying. The magnitude
of the blessings and the favor over my fucking life is gonna be so fucking
abundant, so bro, it's going to be I don't know, astronomical,
it's gonna it's gonna be out of this world because of the person that I
am. And that's another thing you cannot like. Defamation of character is real
smear campaigns and any type of narcissistic, abusive relationship and trust me. There
have been many in my life. There have been many in my life.
So don't none of you motherfuckers think that y'all are the start. Please you
to me. You can't talk down on the reality. You can't. You
know what I'm saying. You could say whatever you wanna say about me.
But at the end of the day, check my track record, bro,
as a human fucking being. I want I want that to be a thing.
Let people be letting all of this material shit go to they head,
all of the fucking accomplishments and titles and the shit that they got, and
like people think that shit really mean something and it doesn't. Wanna I wanna
check your track record of being a human being? What is your moral compass?
Like, do you have integrity? Are you a good person? Do
you have a good heart? Are you genuine? Are you loyal? Are
you honest? Are you trustworthy? Do you have values? Do you have
morals? Do you understand the principle of a situation? A lot of people
don't get this shit, bro. This shit is very far and few between.
Like, this is not this is not like a universal thing. Everybody
don't move like this. Everybody don't move like this. You think motherfuckers move
like this, but they don't. They cappen. It's giving very much hat
on the head. It's cap So you could say whatever you want to say
about me, but check my track record as a human being. I would
like niggas to go into a confessional, just everybody around me. I would
like y'all to go to a confessional. I gotta get this shit recorded,
and I want to see what people say about me. What are people gonna
say about Jasmine as a human being? And anybody with bad reviews? See,
I wish I could get this bitch zero stars. Let's read the review.
Let's really assess the review. What are you mad at? What's the
issue? What's the problem? What does she do? Because after all the
rye Ryan, you really start to read between the lines, You like,
she ain't do nothing. What's the problem, what's the real issue? What's
the real beef? And that's the thing. It's been so many times in
my life where I've tried to make sense of an invisible problem, because number
one, I don't be having I mean, I do have problems with people,
but it's only after you make some shit a problem with me. You
know what, I'm saying, I don't just have problems with people unless you
do something to me or you know what I'm saying, or you or you
mistreat me or yeah, now I got a fucking problem. But then people
don't never want to take accountability for that. People don't ever want to shine
the light on what they did to make you have a problem. And then
it's a problem that I got a problem with you because you did some file
lass shit to me. What type of shit is that? What part of
the game is that people move fiul and then act weird? That shit is
weird? So can we can we let's start doing review man, imagine if
you did review if they have reviews on motherfuckers that you date, become friends
with, whatever, like, let me check the reviews on this. Okay,
so yeah, but it's it's really been a lot going on, Like
I said, just trying to find peace within myself and where I'm at now,
that is what I said. I said, Where am I at now?
I'm really good. I'm I'm good, but I'm not I'm good like
for the most part, I'm good, but I'm not gonna lie this this
little phase that I've been going through. Even these pasts like I'll say,
like six to eight weeks, like it's it's been hella changes. It's a
lot of transitions. Again, the spiritual attacks are coming from every which way,
and it's like, bro, it's a lot. It's a lot.
I want to call God like a for twenty twenty four? Can you take
your girl off the Strongest Soldier's List? Like I can you enlist somebody else?
I done did this shit for like a twenty year run. I think
I'm good, Like I didn't built up a lot of strength, like I'm
good. Like, No, you're still on there and I'm number one on
the list. Like, but I mean that's when you're the chosen one.
When you're the chosen it requires a lot. It requires a lot to whom
much is given, it requires a lot. So but I'm equipped. I'm
equipped. You have everything that you need within you. You have everything that
you need within you. So again, just like with the piece, you
think that piece is something outside of you, know you already come equipped with
you don't. There's nothing outside of yourself. You were equipped period. I
will say, Ever since I walked away from my last situation, like I've
again finding peace, like this is probably the most peaceful sleep that I've ever
gotten. Like, that's one thing that I really realized when I walked away
from that situation, I was able to get like peaceful sleep and just being
in my own energy, in my own space again, like so many people,
a lot of guys not gonna lie. A lot of guys have been
telling me, like, it's something different about your energy, your glow,
like you just like and I'm like, you know what, it is,
something different, It is something different, And I'm glad that I could just
get back to being myself, Like, look at me, it's there,
it's there, you can see it. So loving on myself, pouring into
myself, because when you don't choose yourself, you're choosing something else. Like
you know what I'm saying, why would you choose something else over you?
Why would you choose something else over you? Cause at the end of the
day, let's keep it real, everybody's gonna choose themselves. And that's not
a bad thing. You know what I'm saying. You're a very smart person
to choose yourself, because when you don't choose yourself, what happens. You're
completely drained, you're depleted, You're back to square one. Then you're mad
at everybody. I didnet gave everything. Nobody told you to give everything away
to everybody else. You know what I'm saying. There has to be a
healthy amount of love for other people, but there has to be a healthy
amount of love for yourself, period. And I think that for me,
you know, I am a people pleaser. That's something that I learned about
myself. Probably like ten years ago is when I first learned that that I
was a people pleaser. And but I guess it didn't I mean, I
learned that, but it didn't really I guess I didn't really take heed to
it, you know what I'm saying. I was just aware, but I
wasn't like, Okay, we have to do something about this because you're gonna
continuously pour into others, into everything else around, you know what I'm saying.
And again, I always felt like that was the reason why my situation
was always the way that it was, because I never took the time to
really pour into myself, take care of myself, love myself. I was
listening to cater to you the other day. You know, that's your jam,
and you know, especially when you singing it about a nigga. It's
like, ohn't let me care. Like I was singing the lyrics and I'm
like, imagine singing cater to you, to yourself. I want to cater
to you, because baby, this is shit that. First of all,
I want to cater I want to cater to myself self care day, cause
baby, this is your day. Okay, this is your day. Okay,
this is your day. Do anything whatever, Do anything for yourself.
She was cooking, drawing, bath water, all of that. Go do
that for yourself tonight on this Friday evening. Have a self care day for
yourself. Cater to yourself, especially if somebody else is not doing it.
You know what I'm saying. And again that's that's the tone that says the
standard and why not pouring to yourself? I asked them about one day I
got picked up in a lift and I had win got some food after work,
and the dude that picked me up was like, oh, you was
in there eating by yourself. I was like, yeah, who else i'm'na
eat with? I just can't eat by myself, maybe some McDonald's or something.
First of all, Number one is the fact that you said you was
gonna eat McDonald's by yourself. But cool, I'm not judging. I fuck
with the fry sometimes, but no. But first of all, nobody's going
into McDonald's to eat by theirself. Yes, I'm gonna go sit down at
a restaurant and eat by myself. What's wrong with that? But people are
not okay with them? S again, y'all looking for peace, y'all looking
for happiness outside of yourselves. You can't sit down at a restaurant by yourself
and enjoy your own company. Baby, One of the best things in my
life is motherfucking silence. I love sitting in silence. I'm at the age
in stage in my life driving in the car. I don't even gotta cut
the radio on. I will drive in like that. Shit is so pea
were talking about finding peace. Piece is not chaotic, piece is not noise.
Piece is not the club. Piece is not fireworks, pea piece And
what's the same peace and quiet? Right? Baby? Ain't nothing likes some
silence? And if you got kids, when you finally get away, get
a break, you ain't gotta hear your loud ass kids screaming talking mommy,
mommy, mommy. Like bro, what what what's the same silence is what
golden silence is. Golden put me in the peaceful corner. Thank you put
me in the peaceful corner. That's another thing. So aside from the fact
that I got extended, this wonderful created opportunity for me at my job.
And that's another thing sidebar. One of my favorite books is Charlottagne, the
God's Book Black Privilege. Opportunity comes to those who created. Again, an
opportunity was created for me at my job. Create hated a whole title from
a wellness champion. And that's another thing. I'll always just be diving off
into others. I'm losing the main topic, but whatever, we're gonna keep
going. Another thing that I thought about today, like one of my biggest
issues within my life is that I feel like I've never had support and I
want to I don't like to say that because I know it's gonna be taken
and of that's not gonna be taken well from a lot of people like family,
And she's like that, you ain't never had no support, like in
the grand scheme of things, you know what I'm saying, Like, of
course I had support from y'all, but let's get down to the nitty gritty,
I don't ever feel like I've been supported by my family. Like I'm
talking mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially too, but you know that's not
a big thing for me, but just never feeling that support, never feeling
like somebody has my back, and not feeling like people are loyal to me,
you know what I'm saying. And again, I really came to this
realization again over these past couple of weeks because I am going through one of
the toughest times in my life right now, Like I'm in the rain,
bitch with life and life got hands. Life is life in and I don't
have any support. And to me, that's just a reflection of all the
other times in my life where I just feel like I didn't have any support.
In the last episode when I was talking about, like niggas see that
I'm drowning, I don't have support, y'all. Not even throwing the motherfucking
life jacket out, y'all just watching a bitch drown. So cool, I'm
going to go create my own opportunities. That's fine, you know what I'm
saying. And I'm not asking for But again, what did I say earlier.
People be shocked when they see that I don't need them. But again,
a part of that is my fault because I make people feel like I
need them and I don't. But it would be nice to have support though.
It would be lovely to have some familial support. But again, in
my life, over these the years of my life, I never felt like
I had support from my family. So at the toughest season in my life
and a baby, when I tell y'all, I'm literally I'm praying every day.
When I tell y'all, I'm waking up and I'm expressing gratitude. I
need God to know like I'm grateful even though I'm going through it. I'm
grateful for everything that you're giving me right now. I'm grateful that you're helping
me making it through. You're helping me make it through this tough season because
I don't have have any support. Pause, I take that back. The
only support that I have is the podcast. So shout out to y'all that
are watching this video right now. Shout out to the people that have been
listening to this podcast for five years. Those are the people that fuck with
me. Those are the people that show love without a problem. Without hesitation.
You know what I'm saying. These are the people that really fuck with
me, that really see me for who I am, that really support the
person that I am, support what I do, believe in me, are
motivated by me or inspired by me. That's my support system. And those
people are not my family. It's crazy to me that I'm in a foreign
place and all of the people around me right now are those are my biggest
supporters, people that I just met. I don't know these people for real,
my big that's this is the most support I've ever felt. So I
do have support. You gotta you gotta go where you support it though,
you know what I'm saying, You gotta go where you support it. Hmm.
I'm in a space where I'm just trying to achieve balance, you know
that too much of anything, it is not, so just trying to find
that balance in my life with everything. And so oh that was that is
what I was gonna bring up. So we know that I have a job.
I used to feel like I loved my job. Now I just feel
like I want to say I like my job. So that's how I'm feeling
today. I'm gonna say I like my job. But my job gives the
hustle and bustle energy. You know what I'm saying, which is cool.
It's cool. You gotta hustle, you got a grind. And also where
my job is located, it's in the heart of the hustle and bustle.
It's that's where my job is located. So the energy of that is cool.
I need that energy in my life. I need to use that energy.
That energy is what fuels this. Cause this shit is a grustle,
a grustle, This shit is a hustle. This shit is a grind.
It's a grustle. It's a grind and a hustle together. This shit is
a grustle, So that fuels that. But also, you know again,
I'm a person that is really about their peace, Like I'm about my piece
piece over everything. I gotta be in the cut like this, I gotta
be in my zen. I gotta be like I gotta be on my notics
day for real, like for real, for real, like I got like,
I don't like to be around a lot of energy for real. I
don't go to the club and shit like that. You know what I'm saying.
I don't like to It's too much, and you gotta protect your piece,
you gotta protect your energy. So again being my job, I like
I said, I like my job and again there are a lot of opportunities
there. And I love my job for the opportunities that I can create within
it. I love it for the networking purposes, I love it for the
perks. I love it because it's a good job to have. So you
know, I couldn't have been blessed with anything, with anything better, Thank
you God, you know. But again, I'm a very peaceful person,
so you know, don't want to speak too soon, but I got something
else up my sleeve in my life that is just going to add on to
what I'm doing. It's going to be able to contribute more, but it's
more alignment with me. So I could still have the grustle over here,
but I still gotta have that other, that other side, you know what
I'm saying. And y'all know that I'm a very like, purposeful and intentional
person. So that's a big part of my life's work as well, like
anything that I do, work, anywhere that I work, or anything like
that, Like it gotta have meaning to it, you know what I'm saying.
It has to have meaning to it, and it has to bring that
sense of peace. And so I found something else that, you know,
I got off my sleeve. And it's just it's so me. It's so
me, and I'm really excited because I feel like I got it in the
bag, you know what I'm saying, Because it's just it's so me.
I mess with it, the way that it came about, the way it
fell in my lap, and the way that I don't feel like I have
to chase it. I feel like I attracted it and it wants me,
you know, so seeking shall find Let's see. I was listening to SO
at night. I also listened to a lot of different things guided meditations,
affirmations, anything motivational. I always listen to that type of shit again to
really calm my mind, especially before bed. Sometimes our journal or write out
manifestations and shit like that really programmed the subconscious mind. And also, you
know again, it's also like a it's like a it's like a goal,
it's like a vision board, you know what I'm saying. It is like
you gotta keep that, you gotta keep at the forefront of your mind so
that you can go get it. But I was listening to like this little
meditation shit or whatever, and I wrote down some of the questions, what
do I want? What is my deepest desire? My deepest desire is loving
happiness. Shout out to al Green, but for real, loving happiness like
the longest in my hair. Right now, I'm over here seeing the beginning
of loving basketball. Doom Doom, Doom, Doom Doom. That's my movie
too. But no, I would say my deepest desire is loving happiness,
and not like just romantic love, but just loving what I do, loving
where I am, loving myself, loving the journey, you know what I'm
saying, being happy with those things. Like I'm a very simplistic person.
I like to think of myself as a plain Jane. Like I don't like
to do too much. I don't like the extras. This shit is a
movie, but I don't need the extras, okay, Like I got everything
that I need on set, period. But my deepest desire is to be
aligned with my passion and my purpose. Like that's when I feel best.
The fact that I had that meeting after work today. I'm gonna get to
that one day. I'm gonna get to it and that's another thing. I
baby, I be smiling. I be smiling, and I love good energy.
But being aligned with my passion and my purpose and just continuously evolving and
growing, like that's my deepest desire. What is my purpose? I feel
like my purpose is to be a voice, to be a vessel, to
be a light, to empower women, to empower people, to get on
your path, whatever that may be, to spirituality, to yourself, get
back on the path to yourself, because we didn't veer it off and went
so fucking far, like get into your apartment. I was talking to this
dude the other day at work. He said he was thirty years old,
and I guess he was in town for business or whatever. And he fucked
up. He fucked up. He came and was drinking, oversleeping, had
business meetings and just they told him, like, don't even fucking come so
you just drinking. Well, I was already drinking. I might as well.
Just no, you might as well not. And why like and even
if you was gonna do that and fuck off a little bit, do it
after work, do it when the shit is done? You doing it today?
You get here trying to go sight seeing, lay it like and just
the more and more that I talk to him, and I, you know,
trying to understand him but also trying to enlighten him. And I was
asking him like, okay, well you really hate your fucking job, and
you like, well, fucking if I live, they fired me. I
just get another job, Just get another job. And I'm like, at
what point do you stop and be like, Okay, this ain't it.
I have a problem. I need to take accountability. He told me he
called his mom and his mom was like, oh, well it's okay.
I'm like, I'm mama saying this is okay. Yeah, She's just like,
yeah, that's the motherfucking problem. That's the motherfucking problem. But my
thing is so I started talking to him about purpose and about passion. I
said, well, what did you like to do as a kid, Like
what were you into? He said he had went to the fucking army for
like four years. He like did a little bit of everything, but at
the end of the day, there was no accountability. He didn't want to
take accountability for shit, and he just didn't want He just he don't want
to do nothing. And that, you know, I feel like a lot
of people that was a lot of people's perception of me, like I was
just lazier, that I didn't want to do anything, or that I didn't
want to work. Like no, baby, I got goals, I got
ambitions, and I got drive. But it gotta be for what I want
to do. It gotta be for my purpose. I'm on fire for my
purpose. I'm not on fire for this other shit. I'm not on fire
for a job. I'm not you know what I'm saying. Like again,
so you know, people be liking to throw shots at me and for what
I do and all of that. Baby, it's an art to being a
creative. It's an art to being able to create opportunities for yourself. That's
gonna turn into the big dollars. That's gonna turn into abundance, that's gonna
turn into willth that's going to be a legacy Black girl experience. So you
know, let's see what else I have on here. And this is funny
because I and Dah I said, all get on live and stuff. But
hm hmm what else? Mmm? I said, stop fighting people with your
words and fight them with your actions. I told you all people not getting
my energy. It's a lot of people that I'm not responding to a lot
of people that is doing a lot of wow and crazy shit. That's probably
like this bitch gonna say something to me. My name ain't popped across your
screen like that. Like, stop fighting people with your words because from a
distance, you know what they say about food mose, people can't tell whoso
But also fighting somebody with your words is giving them your energy. It's they're
getting a rise out of you and your emotions and all. You know what
I'm saying people the fact that people really that, but people that feed off
of that type of stuff cannot create. They can't create their own peace,
they can't create their own happiness. They can't, so they have to feed
off other people. What generational curse are you breaking at a moment with myself,
baby, Because I feel like people always talk about generational curses. I
feel like we talk about that a lot. I feel like we talk about
that a lot, But I don't feel like people ever talk about what generational
curses in your family? What generational curse are you breaking? Like? What
are the generational curses? We know? Generational wealth? We know? We
know? Yeah, whatever, because I don't know not one millionaire, I
don't. Personally, there's nobody that I can call on the phone like,
Oh, this motherfucker is a millionaire. They got a millionaire. I don't
know any minion, so let's set that aside for a moment. But actually,
I do know one. I do know one in. The check is
on the way, the check is on the way, the check is coming.
I do know a million I'm the millionaire. I'm the first millionaire in
my family. Period. But what generational curse are you breaking? Man?
I I'm breaking the parenthood curse. How many of y'all can look at your
current situation and say, this is the exact same thing that my parents went
through. I'm breaking the parenthood curse. And I do really love this generation.
I love I love our generation. I love our era. Shout out
to all the nineties babies nineteen nine, three, three, ninety, because
we're we are the ones that are breaking generational curses. We are definitely changing
the narrative for parenting. Like I, I definitely give it to us.
We're probably the best parents that a generation has ever seen. My generation,
we were parenting the fuck out of these kids. Were changing. We're changing
the narrative. We're creating opportunities for our kids, looking like the just the
social media? How how many of our parents behaving on it? You're an
influencer, you're at that, You're on social media. Motherfucker's getting to the
bag on social media. I don't know what you're talking You still you still
at work, You you still working, and you still live in paycheck to
paycheck, but you worried about it. A social media influencer that's getting to
the bag. Sound like you could take it, take a page out of
my book. So but for me, I feel like I'm breaking the parenthood
curse. I look at my current situation. I look at my parenthood life,
I look at my life as a mother, and it's the same.
It's not identical to the situation that I was in when I was growing up,
but it's damn near the same thing. That shit as wild as fuck
to me. But again, and this is why I really need to take
time to unpack my situation, like and actually go to therapy. Like I
really want to go to therapy because I don't have to be a motherfucker therapist
for everybody else in my fucking life. Since I was however, old giving
niggas advice into being a great listener and all, like I need to unpack
my shit. But as I really start to just evaluate the way that I
was raised and the dynamics between my parents and their relationship and how everything played
out, I look at my situation and like I said, it's not identical,
but there are a hell of a lot of similarities. And it even
just it everything is so innerweave, like it's not even just the it's not
even just the situation. It's just like the behaviors, the learned behaviors,
the the thought pattern behind stuff being a woman, like what type of man
you with? Like all of that, all of that stuff is just like
damn, this is the same fucking thing. But again it's gonna be a
learned behavior because it's what I saw. It's not exactly the same thing,
but this is what I saw. This is how I interpret love, This
is how I interpret parenthood, this is how I interpret it being raped,
you know what I'm saying. Like, so it's so crazy to see it
play out. It's very crazy to see it play out. I've never really
understood my situation, Like I can't make sense of it, but probably because
I'm the sameest person in this bitch. Okay, that's probably why everybody else
is crazy. But I've never been able to understand my situation because I'm the
most unproblematic baby mama. You know, please name a problem, Name a
problem. Tell me something I did that was a problem, besides trying to
get my life together, besides and that's crazy to me. When I'm able
to be putting that box where you can see me, I can't move and
I can't you know what I'm saying. Let's put Jasmine in a box.
We cool with that, cause we can see her, we can monitor her.
You know what I'm saying. She ain't going nowhere, she's in the
box. But once Jasmine gets off the box, it's a problem. Again,
there is no problem. What did I say earlier? I don't never
have a problem with people unless they have a problem with me or they make
a problem. At the end of the day, there is no problem.
There have always been problems created out of thin air, out of nothing,
you know what I'm saying. Going back to earlier when I was talking about
the review, Let's write the reviews on people. Show me my review,
show me what the problem is, because there isn't one. So the real
question is I gotta pose the question, what's the problem. I'm not sure
why somebody would want to make my life hard because my life is already hard.
What you want to make it harder for? You know what I'm saying.
And my thing is again I said, I use the example that I'm
drowning. Niggas won't even throw me a life jacket if you won't land,
if you good, you could throw me a life and you can help me.
You could support me, you could you know what I'm saying, But
I don't. I don't get that from people. So again, I feel
like people be wanting to make my life hard. People want to keep Jasmine
in a box. So when Jasmine is like, fuck y'all, I'm not
staying in no box, nigga, then it's a problem. But and okay,
so let's look at what I'm doing, though, and even if I
was doing whatever the fuck I wanted to do, which I am doing,
but I mean in that way, if I was doing whatever the fuck I
wanted to do, just living a crazy life, like on a fucking bench
or what just I don't know, or on fucking Hollywood Boulevard, and with
paparazzi, just not taking care of my rosism whatever. Even if I was
doing that, it doesn't matter what I'm doing right. But the point is
I'm not doing that right. I'm trying to get my shit together. I'm
trying to get myself in a good space for me and my son. That
has always been the go. But again, coming from a place where I
have no support, I'm drowning in the water. You won't throw me a
life jacket. So, like I said, I go and do my own
things to get myself together. And for you to make it a problem,
it's crazy to me. Another thing with with parenthood and like co parenting and
shit, it's like, okay, So if it is a problem or whatever,
I don't, I don't whatever. I don't even know. Again,
I don't know what it is, y'all. I don't know. I've been
trying to figure this shit out for years. It shouldn't be a problem.
There is no problem, right, But my thing is okay, So why
do you want to tear me down? Why do you want to make the
relationship with my son bad? Why do you want to make our relationship hard?
Why do you want to make this a bad thing, Like why can't
we just work together? Why can't she be amicable? Why can't why can't
there be conversations? Why can't we be copaesthetic? Why should can't be cool?
Why can't be cordial? Why we can't be friends? It's weird to
me when people want to beef with the person that they got a copering with.
Why do you want to make shit hard? You know what I'm saying.
Why do you want to argue? Why do you want to Why do
you want to drag shit down to the mud and just get dirty and take
your clothes? Now we're getting back to where we started, like you know,
but no, like why do you want to get down and dirty and
fight? And like why do you want to do all of this? Because
at the end of the day, there's not a problem. So again I'm
trying to pull this imaginary problem out of the hat, and I'm not coming
up with anything. What's the problem? Why do you want to create a
negative situation or create negative energy between me and my child? Because at the
end of the day, everything that we've ever been through, every argument we've
ever had, every debate, every whatever, every way that you feel about
me is not able to be set aside. It's not. Clearly it's not.
It's not about the kid. It's not about my kid. And the
part that really sucks is like, again, if you know me in real
life, if you know you know again, like I'm not this is not
a role I'm playing, Like, Oh, I'm such a peaceful person,
dude, Like, no, I really am the coolest bitch that you ever
fucking meet. So to want to have a problem with me is just really
weird. It's like sticking a pit bull on a rabbit, like why are
you? Like, why are you doing this? But no, like,
the only the only person that has suffered through all of this is my son,
and I just he is such a pure spirit. He's such a good
kid. He's such a genuine person, Like he has a really great heart.
So like, and I take accountability. I haven't always been the best
in my co parenting situation. You know what I'm saying, I don't.
I don't, I don't, I don't pushed back, I don't you know,
when against the grain, I don't. You know what I'm saying,
I didn't whatever. But for the mo the most part, I sit back
and I look at my son, and I'm like, this young child is
suffering mentally, emotionally, spiritually because of his parents. I think it is
so sick that And like he will answer the phone when he's with the other
parent or whatever, but he don't like to He don't like to talk on
the phone if both of his parents is in the room. That's how bad
the tension is. Because and it's not even like we'll be in the background.
Are you are cussing each other out. It's just the tension. It's
the natural tension. And he gotta walk on He's he's always had to walk
on eggshells because of that. And I don't even want to down his dad
or you know what I'm saying, Like, I honestly want for us to
be cool. I want for us to be friends. I want for a
shit to be amicable. I want to be able to work together because at
the end of the day, my son needs love from both of his parents.
He needs to be in a good environment with both of his parents.
He needs to see both of his parents shine. He needs to see both
of his parents be successful, you know what I'm saying. And again it
goes back to that niggas act like they support you. I'm happy for you.
No, you're not, because all of your actions contradict that. All
of your actions contradict that. Never sent the life jacket. You ain't gotta
jump in the water and come save me, Nigga, I could swim,
but I'm in the ocean, bitch, throw me a life jacket. What
the fuck? The water is deep? This shit get deep. But I'm
a fine my way and that's cool. But at the end of the day,
my son has to suffer. And like I said, at this point
in my life, I'm going through one of the toughest seasons of my life.
I never saw it coming, but uh I never saw it coming,
but I did. I always knew that it was inevitable. I knew that
the situation that I'm in right now, I knew that it was inevitable.
And I'm cool with where I am today because I knew that I had to
get on this path to go to where I'm going. I have to have
this time for myself. I have to pour into myself. I gotta work
on myself. I gotta love myself. I gotta get myself together. That
doesn't mean that I'm leaving my son behind. I gotta make a sacrifice so
that I can the vision that I have in my head, the abundance,
the success, the legacy, the all of that, the shit that I
am creating for myself and for my son. I gotta do it alone.
I gotta do it on my own. I gotta do it without that support
that I never had. You know what I'm saying, you never had it,
So what are you really fucking missing, Jasmine? You never really had
it and you don't need it. I had to have that real conversation with
myself. I'm like, dang, motherfuckers be thinking I need them? And
I was like, Jasmine, you be making people think that you need them.
You be making yourself think that you need them. Yeah. Back to
the toughest season in my life. I Dodne cried. I didn't been mad,
But I love how like everything is an outer body experience for me,
Like I'm able to step outside of myself. Like even on the days that
I cry, or I'm mad, or I'm frustrated or whatever, I'm like,
Jasmine, this is supposed to be happening. You know what I'm saying.
It's supposed to be happening. You gotta see it. For what it
is, don't. I told y'all I love to have a victim. Throw
that victim card away. It's a reason why this is happening. It's a
reason why you knew that it was inevitable. If I wouldn't never, if
I would have never came here, if I would have never did what I
did, and even though I went through a fucked up situation, I would
have never been in this moment. I would have never you know what I'm
saying, I would not be walking into the opportunities that I'm walking in right
now. So I needed all of that to happen. I am afraid of
change sometimes. And another thing is I didn't even read none of new even
notes that I wrote down, and I didn't even get on line talking about
a stream go live with me. All of that. The storm aligns you
with the destination period. But it was something else that I was gonna say.
I forgot where I was going with it, but I was saying,
I I'm afraid of change. Yeah, I was gonna be in the same
situation if I would have never just made the move. Whoa, whoa,
whoa. Oh oh oh that really threw me. But wow, yeah,
whatever I don't even I don't even know where I was going with it,
but like I was saying, it was inevitable, I really just had to
surrender. I was talking about, like, yeah, I'd be going through
the emotions, I'd be going through all emotions with my situation. But I
keep telling y'all, I'm at the most prayerful point in my fucking life.
Like really just been praying, you gotta let go on that guy. And
that reminds me too. Like I remember when I went rock climbing right before
uh, like I left Detroit, and it was a very amazing experience,
great workout, but also a great workout for the mind, a great workout
for your mental and I just remember it every time that I was climbing,
I got up to the top of that bitch. I got to the top,
and I was so afraid to let go. And that is such a
reflection of my real I wrote that down to it, and like I said,
it's so much stuff that I wrote on here, I can't even read
it all. But I was so afraid to let go. And that's another
thing that I just realized recently, Like every time that I get to a
transitional period in my life. I'm so afraid to let go. I am
so afraid to let go, and I don't know wise because I'm afraid of
change. This is how you have to talk yourself through your problems, bro.
You gotta say it out loud. So every time I get to a
transitional point in my life, I'm so afraid to let go. But when
I went rock climbing, what I realized and again I was so afraid to
the point that I would not let go. My body had to my arms
and my legs had to give out, like my heart was beating fast.
The anxiety had started building up, like I damn near had tears about to
come out of my eyes because I was so afraid to let go. I'm
a harness is holding me though, but I was so afraid to let go.
My body had to give out. And as soon as you let go,
come down so easy, so gracefully, when you just let go.
So I keep reminding myself of these moments in my life, like Jasmine,
it's time to pivot. You gotta let go, and then it's like you
know again, you just gotta keep going deeper and deeper. You just gotta
keep asking yourself the questions. Okay, why am I afraid to let go?
And then if you want to take your little handy daddy notebook out and
write down where are you letting go of? Maybe you got your pros and
your cons. Listen, it ain't no pros. I guess the only pro
is that I'm here, that I went somewhere, and you know what I'm
saying. And again, all of this is happening, but well he's saying,
it is beauty in the struggle, ugliness and the success. It's you
know what I'm saying, It's beauty and the struggle. It's beauty in the
bad times. And again I told you all. Somebody called me today and
was like, I'm so proud of you for always going, for always going.
Baby, I mighta took a hiatus on the podcast for a second,
but I had to go through some shit and I came back with the experience.
She told me to that. She was like, girl, who cares?
You're literally living a black girl experience. That's literally, That's what I'm
saying, Like, this is literally my life. This is I couldn't have
thought, baby, it's the black girl experience. Okay. Shout out to
Tattoo come to Dallas, come get me together because I want a tattoo on
life. But no, like this is really my life. It's the transparency
and authenticity for me. It's the real life experience for me. It's the
black girl experience for me. So I mean, I could wrap this up,
he said, I could have won a couple of minutes over. But
this actually went very well. And it's so crazy because, like I said,
I had all of this shit written down and didn't damn near didn't say
none of this shit. I mean, but it's all really good shit.
But I didn't really think it was gonna flow like this for real. Like
I told you, I had so much anxiety, like three weeks of anxiety,
anxiety, like, oh my god, am I gonna be able to
talk for two hours? Like it's already Like I didn't did the podcast for
five years, and baby, it was days on there when I talked for
an hour straight by myself, And it's like, that's a lot. It's
a lot to keep a conversation going with yourself. It's a lot. And
you know, and that's how you know I'm the goat of this shit.
That's because I don't know a lot of single man podcasts. I don't know
a lot of single woman pod you know what I'm saying, where people are
literally just going by themselves, like it's a it's a lot to talk by
yourself. It's easy to feed off the energy and have motherfuckers shooting you a
question let me readbut that like that shit is easy. It's easy to ping
pong back and forth. But baby, when you're by yourself. So yeah,
I mean this went great, this one great. I'll be back hopefully
when I come back, like I'll have the details on my first work inside
of work event. You know what I'm saying, Like, I'm so hyped.
I'm so lit for that because again, our opportunity comes to those who
create it. So I hope that y'all love this. I love how like
I feel like I give just enough away, you know what I'm saying,
but still got my sanity, still got my you know, I still got
my business. I feel like I give me it's just enough. So yes,
that is all that I have for y'all. Make sure I know y'all
gonna be like, damn, you ain't getting on no Instagram, you ain't
get on lie, we ain't call in. We ain't stream maybe next time,
maybe next time, thirty times a time, but you could follow me
on all platforms and heal in my homies black girl experience on TikTok. Yeah
that's it, y'all. Make this one go up too. I'm out.