I don't know. You were more of a ladies man back in the day,
so maybe Luke's behavior doesn't trigger you as much as it doesn't know,
I'm not gonna use the word trigger. Yeah, but I won't use it
either because it's like, way over, it's pretty gross. I mean,
this didn't work in my day either. You can't just tell a woman you
know, uh, would you like suck my deck? Well? Yeah,
that was fucking unbelievably disgusting. But also he keeps doing this thing where he's
talking to Margot and he's like, Si, what she drank? She's like
tequila, and he's like perfect, Everything's lining up, isn't it. It's
like, oh god, dude, yeah, Hey, what's up? High
there? Welcome for another brand spanking new episode of another Below Deck podcast.
Danda, do you want to do that in concert? Moving forward? Or
I don't know what's wrong with you? Poopy pants? Not poopy pants,
nothing's wrong with me. I'm excited to get into the episode. Kaylen,
how are you done? I'm good? How are you I'm fine? M
um man. Did we just have a fun time? Oh? We had
a great time. Yeah? Can I tell him what we did? We
did a lot of listening. Yeah, we did. Yeah, And that's
what you do when you're having a conversation. You gotta be a good listener.
One mouth, two ears. All right, here's with Dylan and Kay
have you heard that aff? You have two ears and one mouth, so
you should listen more. Oh, any talk makes sense too against one,
you know? Yeah, have you ever heard that? This is the first
time I'm hearing it makes sense? Isn't that beautiful? It makes sense?
But I don't know how it enhances my life in any way. What do
you mean? It's a it's a message, it's a piece of wisdom understood.
Are you saying you already know it so that it doesn't help you?
No, I wasn't aware of it. But you know, there's better what
do you call euphanisms out there? You know? Yeah, you know,
beyond treat others like you'd like to be treated, things like that. Let's
get into the episode, all right. First off, we just had an
amazing interview with Carmen, the primary of this chatter, also known as Karma
also known as Crystal, and oh how dare you? Okay? It's an
amazing interview. We're gonna drop it tomorrow. So if you're hearing this on
Tuesday, it drops Wednesday, and if you want to see on YouTube,
And the one way you can support us and really help us out is go
subscribe to bad TV podcast on YouTube. Is that how you say it,
Dylan, and you'll get to see our little interview in all the video.
Carmen looks pretty hot on the video she did. Yeah, it looked like
a snack. Huh Is that too gross? No? No, no,
I really how you're doing? Hey good? Should we get some plugs out
of the way before we start the show down? Well, I think we
got one out of the way. What's the next Let's get the next one.
Okay. Our audience for below deck is enormous, and I would like
just a fraction of this audience to go listen to us recap other content on
our other podcast called bad TV. So right now, why don't you just
type in bad TV and subscribe to that? And here Dylan and I and
Ruby recap Flavor of Love and ninety day Fiance before the ninety day and a
whole bunch of control. Oh my daughter, Yeah, yeah, she's a
lunatic, dude. She's losing it in there. Well, you know,
what's going on. Well, the problem is it's one hundred degrees out,
so she's trapped inside a house all day. Yeah. Yeah, she run
around like a lunatic. Yeah, I mean Lupete has completely lost the rain.
Wow, she's probably worn and lupetea down quite Yeah, my god.
So we got a great episode for you, and I'll look out for that
interview with Carmen. I'll just give you a little tease. Uh. Within
the first thirty seconds, she first Crystal as a demon. Oh can I
give it to use? Sure? Within the last thirty seconds you call her
by her sworn enemies. Then Dylan, I said Crystal forty times during the
interview. Because of the interview, the content was two years one mouth.
You know what I mean? Kaylen, how you doing? I'm good?
Dan? How are you? I'm doing good? Um? All right,
so let's get into the episode. But well, yeah, let's go Oh,
thank you for doing plugs. Oyeah, it's a messy, messy job.
Yes, um, all right, let's let's get into the episode.
Let's get into thoughts and knots. Yeah, you think of the episode,
gonna say, hey, Micro, you ever done plugs at the top of
a podcast? Do you want to get into this crazy episode that happened.
Um. I thought it was a great episode. I think the casting is
magnificent. Um, you've got a beautiful bouquet of broken on this show.
Um, Asia and Captain King and Queen of this live aquatic type vessel.
I'm still not convinced that they're brother and sister. I mean he's actively flirting
with the girl. Yeah, actively peeks in. Yeah. I want to
say this, how you doing? I want to say this to people on
our Facebook win and I want to say this, you are, of course
okay to talk about our Facebook page. In the fucking middle of my pots,
someone made a joke about the Captain hot pants and Asia banging. Someone
in the Facebook was a bald by that statement. You know what? Whoever
said that get out of here. Yeah, it's a comedy podcast. We
joke around and there's always truth in comedy. Huh. They're definitely fucking all
right. I feel uncomfortable. Um, so we've got those two and there,
what did you say? Definitely fucking okay? Um, but we've got
a lovely you know, rest of the schmir with the sea rats. Uh
cannot stand Luke, I cannot stand Luke, it's great television. Um,
I cannot stand Adam. I think Adam needs to be goofy motherfucker. No,
no, no, that's Harry. Oh sorry, yeah yeah yeah,
you're right. Yeah, oh yeah, totally. And he's not like black
behind the eyes violet like Adam, you know. Um, so maybe let's
think about putting him in some kind of psychiatric oversight and then he can get
back out onto the ocean. But um, the the women are fantastic.
Um. I can never remember her name unless I'm looking at the notes.
Um. Treninia is a magnificent She's just that enough to be entertaining. And
Laura, I think is evil. Um, people from that part of the
world are cold, you know. Lapia m h um. And Margot what
a lovely edition, What a lovely edition. I'm not sure if she she
does she come on this episode? Yeah, well, well lovely to have
her quickly comes the front runner. Yeah, we we had a we had
a nasty guest. I mean, this episode had it all tits, balls
and claws. You know, I smell episode title, all right, deal,
so let me just uh, that's not the episode title, Okay,
I'm Mark, all right, So uh and I'm not going to spend too
much time on this, but just five minutes Bro decided to drop two episodes
a week on us. Now, I've already had my issues with that,
okay, but that's fine. Dylan and I make a lot of money talking
about this stupid show. Yeah, what I do take issue with I wouldn't
say a lot, but it's a good amount of love. Yeah, I
think a lot of people would take it's a lot. Yeah. Uh,
okay, So you subjects pores, no regular working jokes, you know,
all right, two episodes back to back, once a week, and then
Bravo now adds if you noticed in this episode an additional eight minutes at the
tail end of this episode, why are you doing tom micas? I'm not
doing to because you call people bitch? Now, all right, So I
get that the Sea Rats had just wrapped up a charter, and of course
we can't just leave with a cliffhanger of Laura spending three hours doing our makeup.
We have to show some footage of them out. So Old Patty just
turns the TV off at our you know, minute fifty nine, and I
start, you know, watching the second episode, and they're deep into hanging
out being sea rats at the club, and I'm like, god, damn
it, Andy and I had to go back and rewatch the last shocking.
That's shocking because I'm a peacock boy. Oh, different at it sometimes,
Well, it's just the episode. You know, there's no um fcc NSA,
you know, firearms and whatever regulations on the you know, TV guide,
They're on the interwebs. But anyways, what did you think of the
episode? Thought it was great. It was disappointing that it went down just
how how I thought it was. The first minute of the of the episode,
I was hoping that Crystal would be fall into the ocean be eaten by
sharks um, but she wasn't. Yeah, they just went to went to
bed. Yeah, what's the movie where a little coal jist ups Mako shark
in the eye. I mean, she's mind right, Hi, Ali,
look at this. She's treating us like a Twilight Zone exhibit. She's like,
oh, look, it's like a fucking alien were exhibit at the zoo
podcasting Ellie get out of here. Hey, honey, daddy's working. Hey
Ellie, Hi, Hi, Okay, you know, cute kid, but
we're working, understand, you know, what I mean, Yes, Calen,
what'd you think of the episode? Pretty good? Forty pots? That
was good, better than mine. That was good, better than mine.
I was good. I give that eighty four. All right, all right,
let's get into it. Okay, of course we start out with below
deck horse shit, I'm the captain now and no, no, no,
no, no karma bitch pause fuck off. Yeah now our guest Carmen.
She alleges that there was some editing in her best friend Brandon wasn't in fact,
for uh, that wasn't towards Captain hot pants. Yeah, somehow they
had edited he had said that to Christy he was yeah, or he was
talking to and I don't know if she. I don't believe Carmen with that
one. She said, gave us a lot of good tea, but that
one, I think that's a conspiracy theory. Oh. I thought he was
taught was like condemning the gods, you know, the queer god. Who's
the queerest god, Loki? Oh he's a god? Yeah, I think
so? Oh yeah, yeah. So anyways, they asked for another champagne,
another glass of champagne. And if that is any indication of how not
threatening hot Captain racle lamb Jason was in this moment. I don't know how
to finish the sentence, but it wasn't a big deal. Obviously they asked
for another fucking glass of champagne. They weren't intimidated. No, no,
here's what I would done. Go to bed. Yes, cigarette buzzards.
Oh wow, yes, sig buzzards. Go to bed. You almost killed
yourselves out there. Time for bed. I thought Captain Hotpants handed himself,
handled himself pretty well here, and look, I do want to I at
first I really despise Brandon for him thinking this, but then I kind of
thought out the you know, some of the characteristics of a sassy gay.
Yeah, I think if he was in fact talking to hot Captain Jason this
way, it's sassy gay always has to end no no no no no with
bitch because that's how you talk to your friends. It's a term of endearment,
right exactly. No no no no no is subsequently followed by bitch.
And also us as Americans. Um, if there is someone with that kind
of Lapian Eastern European tongue and they're like commanding you not to do something,
I think there's something in us. Maybe we're all like Manchurian candidates. We're
like no, no, no, no, no, I get it.
No no, no, no no, this was this ended in nineteen ninety.
Okay, you're not telling me what to do, all right? If
brand you get the fuck over there. If Brandon had known the only factory
in her country made dog bowls, yeah, he would have made a lot
of hay with that. Yeah yeah, yeah, and if only people knew
that. You know, people always ask what's the smallest country, and it's
the Vatican, but it's actually not. It's Lapia, which is a country
dedicated to exporting dog bowls. So um, we move on to a little
bit about adam origin story. Yeah, he's my favorite dumb ass on the
show. Now, I say he's a dumb ass, but he also does
kind of have this New York kind of moxie where I can see him making
a couple million dollars and living in Jersey in like a really nice house or
something like that. Financial it's likely not because he's just a dumbass. But
you know these these you know that city breeds, some some go getters.
Yeah, some interesting people there. I mean Adam a sea rat origin history
here. I had lived under a bridge in New York. Was a fan
of Kangaroo Jack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we find um as
we kind of grow up, you know, if you're lucky enough, you
find little portals to different places. Maybe it's David Attenborough, maybe it's um
kangaroo Jack. But Adam has learned a lot about Australia through that vehicle with
Anthony Anderson and a kangaroo. I mean he's just a dumbass. Yeah yeah,
yeah, yeah. You want to know the dumb plot of the movie.
I think I saw it once. Doesn't it rob them? And then
they have to chase it because it has yeah buddies work for the mob.
Yeah yeah, and then mob sends him in Australia with fifty k Yeah,
and the kangaroo like punches one on them and steals the money. Right,
clearly a person was on cocaine that wrote that. Do they make friends with
him in the end? I have no clue? All right, Our next
partners ag one, the daily foundational nutrition supplement that supports the whole body health.
I drink it every day, literally, And people misuse that word a
lot. They do all the time, like I'm literally dying I mean I
literally drink just stuff every day. Um. I gave ag one to try
because why, well, you want to optimize your daily health and you're you're
just going getting out on the day and feeling better. Yeah, And you
were like, it's because you're a grumpy pants. And I was like,
what do you mean I'm a grumpy pants that. You were like, well,
I think that your flare ups and your temper is because of the gut
biome being at a whack. You should try ag one And I was Ever
since then, pat has changed my life. Oh, you're welcome, But
it really wasn't you. It was Oh it was ag one. Yeah.
Yeah, So I drink AG one in the morning before I do anything.
Really, it's the first thing that just flushes you out. It's end in.
It's a cup of water, a packet of powder, and before you
know you have seventy vitamins and minerals in your body. Try seventy five on
per size. It makes me feel unstoppable. Um, it is hard for
me to keep up with all the supplements and stuff. You know, people
have these. You've seen this guy in the internet. He's like, I'm
seventy but I look like I'm twenty. You don't you look like a vampire.
You need AG one, m I. You don't need to take a
bunch of different things. You know, you got a sasparilla here, you
got saz iraq over here. You know you don't need to do that.
Well, no, not anymore, because you got a packet of powder.
You're just putting a cup of water in the morning, stirt around and before
you know you're it's all done. You don't need to add anything. You
don't need to be like one of those weird old vampires that Dylan was just
describing. With eighty nine bottles of various vitamins around your house. You can't
entertain like that. You can't have people a house like that. What's this
one for? Oh some kind of fish thing? Yeah, yeah, it's
a fish thing. And you know what the worst part about that is you
got to go out and get that and that's very difficult to harvest. With
ag one, they just send it to your door every single month. UM.
If you want to take ownership over your health, or if you want
to take ownership of your health, try AG one and get a free one
year supply of Vitamin D and five free ag one travel packs with your first
purchase, go to drink ag one dot com slash below deck. That's drink
ag one slash below deck. Check it out. Uh so we get um,
I think we got a Meanwhile, he well, cot hap hot hot
Pants. Yeah. He tells Kermit the third stew won't be arriving for a
few days, and then he says, just kidding, she'll be here this
morning. You know that kind of fun banter that you have when you wake
up in the part and the next morning after someone. It's just active flirtation.
It is active flirtation. Then you have sexual chemistry. Then he goes
down to Luke, and Luke gets a little shit early on in the charter.
He is, I'm taking a beat right now because I did that thing
where my note ends without any coherence where yeah yeah, yeah, okay.
So Luke did, in fact screw up the night before. He thought it
might be better for his entire team to sleep while it's dark. Little did
he know two drunkies, We're gonna go out and almost kill himself and be
stung by jellyfish. Yeah. Of course it was this turn of events that
had Captain hot Stuff come out and say hey, never do that again.
And Luke now understands that he may be on a two or three strike level
right now, Yeah, hopefully three m So he tells his entire team,
we will now do the directive of hot hot captain. So the gand the
galley is handling chef, not the other way around. And she does not
wish to be to have a handle on the galley as much as she does
a handle on that rack of lamb that raca ribs, that hotass Captain Jason.
She is obsessed with that man. But we move on, We get
a little meanwhile here, Laura standards are high. I don't give a shit.
Okay, Laura, you're on a converted fishing boat serving people on a
discount vacation for a fucking reality television show. Okay, we are not at
the four Seasons. We are not in the fucking Arab Emirates. Okay,
you need to chill out because you're coming off extremely unlikable. And I know
Lapia is a very difficult place to grow up. But my god, are
you awful right now? Oh man, you should have seen the scene she
had a like a horse driven carriage with all the dog bowls as she left
the country. That's how she made That's how she ate for like the first
six months. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and she had a rock and
they all fell out. Okay, well all right, I actually what do
they speak there? Lapian? Is it a romantic language? Very romantic?
Yeah, okay, anyway, this is when we get back to Crystal.
She lets the staff know when her glass is empty. That means it needs
to be refilled. Yeah. Hey, Crystal, we had your old buddy
Carmen on. Why don't you come on, you coward and defend your horrible
I would love to speak to you, your little gremlin. I'm kidding.
I'm kidding. I'm kidding. We would love to have you on. But
also, I'm not certain how people ever get to the point where they think
it's okay to speak to people like this. Now, if you are at
a certain level where you think people are disgusting internally, that's okay, that's
completely understandable. You know, you're a billionaire. Of course we're gross to
you, right, But you don't treat people this way. It's bad.
I think it's if I well, I don't know. I'm not gonna get
inside Crystal's head. Perhaps they're you're gonna yell at me for defending her.
Perhaps there was some comedy in here and we're not picking it up, don't
think. So let's get to Margo from Wisconsin beautiful, not Wisconsin. Wisconsin
is disgusting. Margo is very pretty. Um. I know that we've had
plenty of Americans on this show before, but they've all been kind of caricatures,
you know, like Culver's the CEO, which isn't that it's not it's
a Chief Entertainment Officer. We've we've had, you know, dumbasses from Brooklyn.
We've had you know, like cowboys and cowgirls. But I feel like
Margo is just a normal American. I feel like she's she's a good uh
flag bearer, a good representative of this nation of ours. We'll see,
it's true. It's far too early, far too early to ear. Rather
than give us a little origin story of Margo as she arrives, we get
an origin story of Luke because he's triggered by her appearance, you know,
because she's hot and he wants to have sex with her. Sure, yea,
yeah, So a little sea rat history with Luke. He was in
a relationship for four years, but he quote unquote fucked up because he didn't
want to change and I didn't want to push a lawnmower. Yeah, because
pushing a lawnmower isn't as fulfilling as providing service for an imbecile, Like what
are you dress? What are you doing? Are you having a stroke?
Na? I got caught in my thoughts. It's like I forgot what I
was gonna say me all the time, Biban, We're just gonna talk with
her so long. Um. But yeah, I know, Luke is uh
scum of the earth. I think maybe it's maybe I'll soften on him a
little bit. But I don't like the um. I don't like the full
court press. I think it's really really disgusting. I think that women are
most often very uncomfortable when it happens. Um Margot seems to be poorly commune
cating out of discomfort. Gary does it to people all the time. He's
a higher ranked person on the boat. He comes up to her. There's
this off dynamic where he can push a little harder than one should normally be
allowed to do, and they make good use of that. She walks on
the bessel and he says, are you single? Let's let's have a different
follow up question after what's your name? Okay, calm down. It's an
interesting experiment, and Baby Barnacle had pointed out, but it's right before our
eyes. The last three bow sins, they just proved themselves men in power
and then they just behave in a disgusting fashion. Yeah, they're like low
stakes version of versions of Bill Clinton, Arkansas's former governor, you know what
I mean, has a lot of them, you know. Yeah, So
we get a back to back sea rat origin story. Margo, what do
you say tastes great? Something like that? Oh, it tastes great.
A feel your pain? Yeah? Does it have to be lit? I
feel like it doesn't need to be lit. Well, he probably took it
from the astray who pulls out a brand new cigar and start using it as
a sex I mean depraved. Next presidents failure pame and Hillary's like, I
let you do anything to me. I'm the kinkiest person you've ever met in
your life. How dare you? We get back to back origin story.
So Margo apparently worked for the Amazon factory, you know yeah, and then
she's only been in yachting for six months, which triggered a thought of mine.
I think Bravo's running out of Sea Rats, and I think they should
probably start this application process for Sea Rats schools. Like you show up to
work in maritime or whatever, and there's as you're walking through that hallway to
I don't do your fire task or whatever, there is that big application.
Ever wanted to be on TV? I don't think you need anything associated with
maritime. I think that you need to go to Chili's and TGI Fridays and
metropolitan areas and just fucking talk to people. You can cast the entire show
like that Captain's Chief stews all of it. Hey, Barnacles, check out
how to get me in Sea Rat school. I want to see kangaroos,
like Adam. Yeah, well he wanted to see kangaroos. That's why I
wanted to be a sea rat. Oh really yeah, that's why you said
Kangaroo and Jack. Yeah, it's his favorite movie. There are no kangaroos
in the ocean. Yeah, but it's near Australia, you know. Oh,
okay, are there kangaroos in the ocean? No? No, no,
no, no, I've never seen one, so you know, all
right, So Luke I was gonna say, lots of meanwhiles coming up.
Yeah, but we get to Luke being incompetent. This is the pattern of
bosnry over the past three Bosons addicted to pussy rutting and distractedly so aka horrible
at their job. Yep, that you nailed it, so um. And
one of the things that causes so much friction as a result of this sex
addiction is this thing with the underlings. I feel like, when you're a
boson or a chief stew you might want to have a little bit of um
professional integrity and let your underlings all fucking suck each other. You know,
maybe not night one you assault somebody with a kiss. Maybe you you know,
give it a couple of charters and then see what happens. But what
these boson do and Gary would have done at night one, were it not
for that pillow that constantly had COVID but that he was sleeping on, he
would have stuck his tongue downe mads throw you know, the first night.
So what it does is this, It causes this friction because Harry can't say
anything to Luke. I mean, he does a little bit, but it's
just a very very myopic, scumbag, chauvinistic move. I can't stand this
fucking guy. But anyway, so his blindness led to not that's small of
an accident. Yeah, so fucking ladder ripped off the fucking boat. Let
me go through the meanwhiles here. Meanwhile, boat pulls up. Anchor Margot
does the rounds, introducing herself quickly becoming the star of the boat. A'll
dot. Chrystal and Carmen continue to not get along because Crystal's an idiot.
We anchor. The tender is launched and the ladder strapped that was strapped on
got ripped the fuck off because Luke didn't pull the ladder out before the boat
started. Yea, and hot Pants isn't sure if Luke will work out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Luke was too distracted the night
before thinking about what the person that was coming on board looked like, and
then he just completely figure out about the ladder. So Brandon apologizes to captain
and that's when Captain heads down. He goes up to Asia. He goes,
if I had to apologize every time I did something when I was drunk,
I'd be fucked, and she's like huh and he's like, and then
you're like, are these two fucking each other? Like, what's going on?
That was flirtation right there, active flirtation. Yeah. So any of
you guys question that's joking about. It's a little thing called speculation that really
got up under your wing. Well, just because I don't like people that
are in our group and they don't understand what we're throwing down here, It's
called speculation. And he actually didn't say every time he did that drunk.
He said every time he got drunk he'd be forced to bang a girl.
That sounds like a frog rib it. Hey cut it out, man,
And we don't spit speculation on this show. I think I like to call
it speculative facts. You know, they're speculative but unbelievably accurate. I mean,
our batting average on the predictions of the show is pretty goddamn I think
so. All Right, So we move on to Mulan rouge Um. Obviously,
being from Latvia that part of the world, Lusca or whatever, Laura
sorry, is into nutcracker dances and shit, I don't know what they do.
They get in cold theaters and fucking suckdown vodka. See, people do
like I don't know name a classical musician, Sebastian bach Sea Bass Boch.
They just fucking dance around to that ship. Yeah, you know Mulan Rouge
the movie when Nicole Kidman first half of that's pretty good, and I know
Mulan Rouge isn't like there was a lot of confusion over the dances. Is
the Mulan Rouge the can Can? I think? So? Is it the
can Can? Is that French? Also? Yeah, it's French. Okay.
I drove by the Mulan Ruge when I visited Paris. All right,
well may Kulpa, I went on that whole chorus dead end over there.
What is the Mulan Rouge. That's a thing. It's a thing? What
in Paris? Yeah? What is it? You sit down for dinner and
you see him do the fucking can can? Cost a ton of money at
the Mulan Rouge. Is the Mulan Rouge a real place? Yeah? Around?
For like two hundred years, I thought it was just boz Lerman as
a young gay man, thinking I wish there was a place like this.
No exists. I don't think he's gay either, all right, so text
comes through. I'm available, right, now take it easy. Whoever is
texting, and it makes so much sense that it was cold. I'll save
my thoughts for him. Culver. You're a nice guy. You're a nice
guy, dude, Yeah, real nice guy. But I have I had
enough of you? Oh wow, I have. He just comes on and
puts a show on. I don't care, very boring. It's like a
guy that, like at a party, you allow one dad joke to fly.
The next thing you know, he's five in and you're like Jesus fucking
Christ. Yeah, yeah, yeah, trying to think of a good dad
joke. I don't think this audience has heard you get his book a world
records joke? That was funny. Of course they get spoke of world records.
Show. Go ahead, keep going. I'll think of a dad joke.
Okay, all right, So anyway, let's see Luke moves in on
Margo pretty quickly. He's happy that she's differ between Jews and Canoes. Oh
no, canoe tip now, Dylan, dad joke, you must we also
a little racist, but you get away with it because you are in fact
Jewish. Chet chang. Okay, the can Can dresses show up, which
they actually don't show up. They only show up with one outfit, which
I think Asia Weares, and the other ones where like weird, ill fitting
body suits. Yeah. Anyway, Margot and Harry guess each other's names or
ages rather, and she guesses he's eighty because there are certain corners of his
teeth are yellow. But that's okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly,
But he's actually twenty three. He's a baby. And he lies about
his height. He's actually six to five, but he says six four because
that's like the perfect, the golden height. You know, that sounded really
silly, but I actually kind of understand where he's coming from. Six to
five. You're an oddity. Might a woman might not want to breed with
you because you'll have a child too tall? Yeah, exactly, freaks um.
Hey, what do you call it? Angry carrot? Ah? An
angry carrot. Let's see steamed veggie? A steamed veggie? Yeah? Yeah.
Is there any difference between a dad joke and a popsicle stick joke?
What's popsicle stick jokes? What do you mean? What is a popsicle stick
joke? Do you not know a popsicle stick? Joy? I do not
say, Kalen, do you know popsicle stick jokes. I have two young
children. Yeah, okay, man, you haven't lived all right, what
happens next? Uh? Dinner? Well they set up the party. Uh
and oh, here's another one. How do you make an egg roll?
Egg roll? Yeah, you push it and it starts rolling. These are
fucking horrible? Oh my god? Are these not awful? Dad joke?
You're looking up those what do you call what do you call a pile,
a cat, a mountain? Why do cows wear bells? Because they're horns
don't work? They don't have horns? All right? Sorry, all right,
so dinner. It's remarked not by any guests, but rather the people
that created the tablescape that the tablescape and decor are very quote unquote elegant.
All right, hang on, I'm sorry. This roman looks like the downstairs
of Uncle Jerry's basement. Uncle Jerry doesn't have any friends, and Uncle Jerry
does not like Vietnamese people. No, he's also an alcoholic, a big
fan of wood paneling, though, and he does not like Vietnamese people hate
him. I should I should say, I'm so, I'm not sure.
I think cows might have horns, right, Some cows have horns. I
don't know about that. The big ears. Yeah yeah. I'm so happy
that Carmen, the first guest of this charter season, or primary rather,
was able to be real with us and tell us her thoughts about what she
thought as she was walking up to this vessel, because it was the first
time she set her eyes on a gigantic, painted blue Japanese fishing vessel.
Oh my gosh. Well, um, you'll have to listen to the episode.
Yeah, yeah, yeah you will. And and that is just a
crazy episode. I'm sorry. I just got a text that, um,
two of the people I was hanging out with this weekend have COVID. Oh
boy, So what do you guys want to do? You want you want
me to just it's too late now do you think it's too late to apologize?
And now? I'm fine, I'm fine. Thanks for letting us know
though, Yeah, of course, of course appreciate that. Kellen. You
want to get out of here? No, I'm okay, all right?
Worried. I don't think I have it? Yeah, I don't think you
would do either. Do you know why I don't think I have it?
Why is that ash Canazzi? Oh? Yeah, yeah, URFK said they
targeted so we would live. Wow. Yeah, well I'm not I'm not
saying I agree. I'm just saying if it is true, that's a boon
for me and the Chinese. I mean, we're not saying anything controversial here.
Cool it, man, where are we in this fucking all right?
So Brandon dinner hot, captain is invited to sit at the dinner and join.
This is gonna be a trope, I think now we were not going
to look back where we don't allow captains sitting at the table anymore. Brandon
immediately starts sucking up to Jason about his scuba diving history and knowledge. That's
fine, Yeah, you should never judge a person on their worst day,
and certainly that was the night before when you called the captain of this vessel
a bitch. Um. Okay, so a couple of different things. Apologies.
I was in a bit of a panic and I was looking for dad
jokes and I shouldn't have Okay, Okay, So a couple of things that
I um was too distracted to utter. Um. Laura is she's she's this
very confusing one. Now what we already talked that she doesn't need to be
as high standard as she is. She is not Alfred Serving Batman, Yeah,
Prince Bruce Wayne or anything even remotely like five Star. But she's also
like I don't know if I buy it because she is she's kind of clueless,
you know what I mean, Like she has really shitty time management.
I'm not talking about her getting ready. I just think she asks like very
bizarre questions like the can can dress isn't there, And she's like, well,
I can't do the can can if I don't have the dress. Now
that I'm saying this, I think she was right. But it's also she
was talking about getting a fucking boat to get run the dress out in the
middle of the goddamn ocean. It's like, well, you're you have an
odd brain. I think I can clear some things out, Okay. I
think she has a very unrealistic goal or aspiration of becoming the chief still chief
stud. That's what I think she's she's going for. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, well she you know, that's that's what we need. Usually it's
it's second stud, third Stu Coo. This time we have second stud Chief
Stu Coo. Now what Laura doesn't know is that Asia and hot Captain racle
lamb asked Captain are definitely fucking now, I'm kidding and this is alleged okay,
and we're we're kidding about it, speculative fact. So we we get
that Royalty free dream pop, then we go scuba diving, and then we
get back to Luke speaking to Margo. I don't know, you were more
of a ladies man back in the day, so maybe Luke's behavior doesn't trigger
you as much as it doesn't. I'm not gonna use the word trigger,
yeah, but I won't use it either because it's like, way, yeah,
it's pretty gross. I mean, this didn't work in my day either.
You can't just tell a woman, you know, uh, would you
like suck my dick? Well? Yeah, that was fucking unbelievably discus gusting.
But also he keeps doing this thing where he's talking to Margo and he's
like, sy, what she drank? She's like tequila, and he's like
perfect, everything's lining up, isn't it. It's like, oh god,
dude, yeah, very quid pro quel kind of conversation though, because she
seems to be evaluating him as well, she seems to be playing the game
a little bit and when she is asked how old she is by young Harry,
she says, I'm fifty three. Do we have a little Sea rat
j Law? Here? She has Jay Law? Humor? Do we have
Sea ratt j Law in Margo? I absolutely adore Margo. Let's get to
dinner. The dresses arrive, we see a guest who hasn't been on the
show yet, a woman named Rhoda. Love that name. I used to
watch Rhoda when I was a kid. It was a spin off of the
Mary Tyler Moore Show. That's not Who's the drunk on Morning Television? Well
I'm drunk on morning television? You know what I'm talking about? Coda Oh,
Coda Copy? Huh is that that last name? Coda Copy? Isn't
that a last name? I don't know if she drinks wine? Yeah,
yeah, no, that's not wrote. Is it from a seventy sitcom?
Okay? Great? So um we Oh the reason you brought that up is
because Crystal pushes back, because Rhoda shushes her. Oh yeah, they're all
trying to get, you know, a little time with that, hie,
captain ask so um. The first course is a stuffed baked potato with caviar.
Um. It looks like something that you would get from an Omaha steak
ship and you could microwave it if you want, just put caviar on top.
Um. Then we get dark for a minute with cheffy core memory a
teacher dismissing her is not a perfectionist as a young girl, and ever since
then it has fueled her to not become a perfectionist. Uh no, I
mean these memories are sad. Then we get to dessert. Is that it
no protein? I didn't see any Oh no, no, no, of
course we got we got overcooked duck. Duval the duck was I mean it
was wall to wall gray. I mean, you just can't serve this stuff,
you have to. Her specialty is platters. She makes exquisite platter for
breakfast and lunch. For breakfast lunch snack, it looks like something that Napoleon
eats, like some kind of cherub like um. I don't know, little
people walk that in for him because that's what he wants. But it is
very very Versailles. The quality of these platters, the quality of the meals.
I mean that dessert looked like if I was on mushrooms and I got
a hankering for something sweet and I couldn't really see. That's what I would
make as long as you're doing kind of the out there. Yeah, imagine
duck. That's body. She did that too, got to Yeah, okay,
I got slaughtered and yeah he did me dirt right, you know,
I want people enjoy me, okay, son, if the duck was going
to be okay. So it's tricky when you anthropomorphize animals like that, because
do they automatically have an understanding of our cultural customs and stuff like that?
Like does the duck immediately have a mastery of how he should be cooked or
even that cooking is a thing or that fine dining is a thing. In
this one, he does, and he's rip shit pissed. Yeah, And
she's like, I'm so sorry, and he's like, you know what,
apology not accepted. Apology not accepted. That's ridiculous. And then he um,
is he a ghost? Yeah? Yeah, he's coming back? Man,
Okay, what are you looking for? Oh? No, I was.
I'm pretty sure we heard him on that show. What was it?
Oh? The videos over again? He really let her have it, though,
you know, sometimes brevity is the soul of wit. It's the soul
of quack. Hey, can I ask you something? Sure? Um?
What was that? That was the audio that we didn't see during the episode
where that duck coming back from death to let how do you say her fucking
name? Yea Serena? All right, so Laura is boss saying Asia around.
Um. I don't like that. I love Asia. I think Asia
is such a sweetheart. I don't think that she. Asia needs to be
in New Zealand or Australian news. She needs to be one of these people
who like throws to a fisherman and who makes like a dick pun and busts
the entire studio up. I get a kind of news person there where they
go out to all the like, Yeah, she's a remote news an.
He's like, HOLDI there, I'm here on people going crazy over crayfish.
They're all like fucking you know, it's like a thing. They're all in
the puddles. Yeah, she's got like three fourteen year olds behind her given
the camera vie. They're pretending to suck off a dick, you know.
Yeah. I don't do that. Yeah yeah yeah, And she like holds
up her sorry, why do you say shut up? Kermit? All the
fourteen year olds. Oh they call her kermit. Yeah, all right,
man, do you have an imagination? Hey, I feel like we're a
little loopy this episode. Let's get grounded. Okay, let's get grounded.
Okay, not you? Did you say? Not me? You put a
YouTube video of a quick twice? Hey, let's let's get let's keep this
grounded though. Okay, okay. Um, So chef had down to talk
to captain Captain of the food Serena. Oh you didn't mention that very very
wet, drippy dessert, by the way, Or did I miss that?
Maybe I was looking up the ducks out. Remember he was on mushrooms.
Oh right, that's how it all started. I feel like I'm on mushrooms
right now. So he goes down there. He says, um, hey,
listen, I know I'm hot, but also that dinner sucked. And
she was like, listen, the duck was overcooked. I mean it looked
like shit. I cut it. I was like, well, that's that
looks like shit. And then I served it and the molten the bullet cake
looks like somebody on shrooms. Put that together. Fifth Graders at an ice
green party would push that ball away and Captain Jason Man is this guy in
Optimists. He's like, it was amazing that she knew exactly what she did
wrong, you know, because now we have some room for growth. Yes,
and we also have a chef who specializes in platters and you can't have
that. But she does better next episode. So let's get to the next
day, next morning. Captain and Asia are brother and sister. Um,
we've done enough on this, right, not buying it? Not buying it?
Okay, So Crystal says, vuve is life, and I think you
and I can both agree that vouve is life. Good. She came off
like Johnny Depp on a Thursday. She looked like an idiot. She looked
like a drunk. I know you're on vacation, but yeah, it's not
a good look rolling around with the morning. She reminds me of this drunk
neighbor we used to have who saw me walking in short shorts one day and
called me the F word and chased me down. Were these are the same
people that didn't like that you put a doorbell ring on your door. No,
those are completely different. Those were two um lesbians who are academics who
were also out of their minds. Yeah, yeah, they thought you were.
I guess I'll tell it quick. And because we got to get back
to the show, but we installed a doorbell ring camera and it was pointing
down the hallway and they walked out of their door into said hallway and they
were not okay with that. So we arrived home from vacation to a manifesto
tape to a door. I mean it was almost three pages and it was
written in Lee Harvey Oswald type MK ultra panicked scribery um. And so we
had a lovely conversation. They were like, we need you to take it
down, and I was like, guys, you are so sweet. I
can't tell you how much we enjoy being your neighbors. Not taking the thing
down because we had already caught people trying to break into our heads. Oh
yeah. I used to watch their cats, and they didn't tell me that
they had a little robot that spit treats out that you could watch the cat.
They saw me try to fuck the cat. Oh, I mean,
it's like they didn't tell me on someone's you know, personally, thank you.
If you're gonna ask me to take care of it, I'll take care
of it. My own way. I would like a little privacy please.
They didn't even mention that though, because they knew I would. I would
have them all right, we gonna get grounded. Yeah, let's bring this
back. Yeah. And also I gotta get out of here. So um,
we have a very sweet breakfast as squail legs. Crystal says that she
is like Beyonce, and if she is like Beyonce, I am like Henry
cavill m. You're not likeon is one of the most beautiful, talented people
on planet Earth. You are a drunk in a mean one. We'd love
to talk to you. Yeah, you want to come on the show,
you coward? Okay, we'd love to talk to your sweet sea red story.
Adam his mom us that are humped to get him into Catholic school.
Um, who cares. Let's get to the docking while they are there.
Ending the vacation, Brandon says, you know what, Chrissy, you kicked
off the island. You're not on this vacation anymore. Brandon, the vacation's
over. That's like allowing a drunk to fight people all the way through service
until closing time and then being like, you know, you gotta go Scar.
Yeah, it's too late. Um, it's too late to apologize to
quote one republic. You know that I hate that band. Okay, So,
um, Harry doesn't know what a labia is. And we get to
the night out, but not before tip meeting, tip meeting. Yeah,
oh big time, seventeen five Yeah, totally. Remember this is just two
days people each Um, So they're gonna take that and they're gonna go straight
to the club. They're gonna buy seventy five shots, try to make out
with each other and pour those shots on the ground. But first high before
Luke asked Laura she wants to be the first person to suck his dick while
he wears that absurd disco. I don't think he asked her that. I
just think that he pronounced in front of people, including Laura, who is
a cold woman, but a woman nonetheless, that he was going to get
his cock sucked while wearing that helmet. Um, which would indicate or imply
two things. That he's gonna get his cock sucked tonight, or if he
fails to do that, his incompetency aboard this vessel will give him another shot
at getting his cock sucking. That I could also accelerate the incompetency because he's
focused all day long. Yeah. I can't stand this guy. So um,
we get a little Scott in Asia, fun face time together. They
love each other and he has no idea what's going on, but he's you
know, he's he's probably new wage kind of you. So Harry is trying
to play it cool. Um, he's gonna slow slow play this whole Margo
thing. And I think that's a good idea. I do think the necklace
is a little ridiculous. He's wearing one of those emblems that that house husband
wore. Do you remember braun Wyn's husband. Yeah, yeah, one of
those, Like it's like the um the clasp on the front of Never Ending
Story, but on your necklace. Yeah, it's just like very big and
there's like an emerald in it. Yeah. He might have read the book
the game. Yeah yeah, yeah. The game is like there's a specific
dueling dragon amulet that you can get on Amazon adorn that and there's a ton
of pussy. So um, we go out and the Luke views Harry as
um all over the place, someone he's not threatened by because Luke is subtle
now as dumb as that was to say, given his behavior, Margo does
ask if Harry is gay? So I think Luke is correct. Yeah yeah,
and I think I called her Laura, but I apologize. We've been
going for a while. Yeah, that's okay. So let's see what do
we do? Oh yeah, so we just head out to the club and
then we got like, what was the cliffhanger here? I guess Luke moves
on to create a second hr nightmare of the evening, of the first being
who'd like to suck my deck? Yeah? The second one is going in
for a kiss with Margo. Yeah before he kind of checked with her or
she'd actually been on the boat from twelve hours. Good move, but a
move that inherently has baked within it a lack of consent from one. So
if you're going to do this, you need to be fucking story shit that
this is okay. And you know what with Harvey Weinstein beating off in plants
and whatnot. I I don't think this is appropriate absolutely, But anyways,
jumping Kalen, how are you doing good? How are you? I'm doing
well? So jumping on it Tunes, ratings and reviews go to patreon dot
com. Slash another podcast at work, ad free fun episodes there pmc aps.
Join us on bad tv for Flavor of Love? What a Show?
What our favorite show? To recap? Honestly, Um and Tonight did Fiance
with Roubes is there as well. Join us on YouTube at bad tv podcast.
We Love you very much. I'm Dylan saying goodbye, Pat, say
goodbye later, Kylen, Bye bye.