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Weird things happen, weird, weird. Welcome to a special episode of Bled.

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Sus said, so, yes,
we're gonna go ahead and start,

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but we can keep that conversation going
if you guys want. Tonight we have

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Molly with us. I can can
I pull with your podcast? Molly?

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Yeah, so we have the fabulous
host of Back from the Borderline and Night

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Night Bitch had Night Night Night Bitch, and that's the parent stuff Molly is.

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I'm just gonna go ahead and like
breeze past the intro of how we

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met, and then we're gonna get
more into it later. Molly reached out

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to me on an instant. Graham
sent me this incredibly profoundly kind message about

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like her recent research into public shaming
and things like that. It's all the

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documentary and I don't know, I
just felt something from the message and I

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was like, let's let's hop on
the phone this week. One thing led

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to another and it was like,
what two weeks later, you're at our

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house. Yeah, I moved fast. Yeah, no, it was it

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was definitely. It was quick and
here we are so we can get into

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that later. But Molly, so, like, how you feeling feeling good?

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I'm really excited. It's fun to
be in an atmosphere where I'm with

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more than one person. Usually it's
just like me on the mic, or

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I'm interviewing like a very serious academic. So it's like fun to just be

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with people that share my similar niche
interests and just be able to, you

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know, chat. So I'm very
excited and also so kind of like shooketh

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at the trajectory of this because I
was listening to you on Duncan Trussel,

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then I messaged you right then I
was at your house and now I'm on

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your podcast, and it's just crazy
how life connects you with people, you

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know. So I'm just kind of
chripping out about that as well. So

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it's cool. It's great to see
that law of attraction, I know,

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right crazy. I think we understand
that just as much as anyone too,

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because like we're doing the same exact
thing. Yep. Yeah, it's it's

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crazy you guys creating out to people
that that you feel called to reach out

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to right on the pod. Yeah
good, And you know, most people

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are taking the approach with podcasts.
It's like you see podcasts and they're just

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interviewing whoever the hot celebrity is at
the moment or the and it's just they're

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doing their rounds, you know.
And I just love when I see podcasts

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where the hosts are just going down
their niche path of interest and interviewing the

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guests that they find interesting because you
can tell, you know, like you

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can really tell when people are excited
about what they're talking about. Yeah,

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for sure, Yeah, totally.
It's not we're like we've we've been talking

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about possibly having like literally just fans
of the show who maybe have had experiences

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or something like on the show.
Like you know, it's it's it's not

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about trying to get like let's get
a guest in here to get some eyeballs

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or like, you know whatever.
It's just like those are cool when we

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get them, But that's not the
goal exactly, And that's it happens when

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it happens. But yeah, if
you're if that's what you're after, people

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can sniff that out, you know. Yeah, there's so much more value

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in a genuine conversation where everyone's interested
in the same thing and you're all on

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the same page. That's what I'm
after. That that's those conversations are like

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what I live for you. Well, yep. So when I met you,

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when I saw your message and I
had first you know, we hopped

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on the phone for a while.
I don't know how long we talked,

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an hour or two at least it
was like almost two hours. And also

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I'm so surprised that you're like,
let's hop on a call. I was

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like, whoa, okay, so
great. Yeah, that's my rule when

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people reach out to me or if
I'm like trying to get somebody on the

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show. Except for one guest,
which actually is the one that came out

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today, Jeff Harmon, Dad dad
vouched for him, so I was like,

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it's okay, I trust it's gonna
be all right. But like every

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guest we ever have on the show, I at least hop on one phone

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call. Anybody reaches out to me
anymore and they're like, let's let's do

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it. I'm like, let's hop
on a phone call because I've been burned

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so much or you know, been
I've got on shows. And then the

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vibe was weird and maybe they were
skeptical or something. So I always feel

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like I'm doing the groundwork first and
scouting. But with that being said,

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when I hopped on the phone with
you. It was like an overwhelming sensation

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of like this person's cool as hell, and you know it speaks for itself.

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I mean, you are cool as
hell. And like Dad has like,

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gosh, I don't know right now, he has like two or three

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thousand unopened messages that he has to
It's a backlog of like people he has

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to get through thousands of Come on
my podcast, Come on my podcast.

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And I talked to you, I
was like, no, no, no,

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no, let me call my dad. So I called Dad. I'm

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like, Dad, you got to
meet my friend Molly. She's my age.

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I'm telling him that to get in
his head. I'm building this picture

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of you. She's my age.
She's smart as hell, she's really into

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stuff. I think we need to
get her out skywatching. And you know,

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it just it just it just it
just happened. Yeah. I just

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knew I had to pull the trigger
on it. I was just like,

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okay, because I don't I'm not
really the queen of impulsive trips. I

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normally like am very planning about it. But I just thought, you know,

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like I just got to do this, you know, like it was

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a once in a lifetime thing,
and it was Zaza's birthday, so I

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was for your listeners, as is
my husband, and so I was like,

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this is like, what better gift
can I give him than to,

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you know, go experience something like
that. So and he it was just

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an amazing that's so cool. Yeah, it was profound, a lot of

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hugging, a lot of crying,
a lot of miles and laughs. I

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mean it was. It was a
cathartic so crying. I cried. Honestly.

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I love to see that because it
means a lot to me because it's

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you know, you're coming out here, you're being vulnerable, You're having this

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experience and like you're you're showing who
you really are, and it it's good

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for us. But before we jump
into that, I'd like to jump more

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into the groundwork of you and why
you were so interested in this. If

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are you comfortable talking about like,
oh, you're the do you know the

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experience of like the mystical experience kind
of situation that I had. Yeah,

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of course, I feel like I
couldn't even come on here and not talk

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about that because and it'll be interesting. I kind of teed this up with

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my listeners. I released a special
preview episode on my feed this week where

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I talked about the experience at your
house and It'll be is different for my

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listeners because they've never heard me talk
about any of this stuff before. And

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I've spent almost three years on this
podcast. They know me. They know

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that I'm not just going to come
at them with some you know, bullshit

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that I don't actually believe. So
for them to hear that this is something

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I went through after like like they
can hear it on TV, but hearing

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it from me, I've been in
your ear for three years, right,

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It's just there's a different level of
trust that you built with a podcaster,

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you know, Like great point.
I've rejected sponsorships many times. My listeners

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know that I'm not like bought and
paid for, Like I only say things

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that I actually believe in. And
but that's a bit of a digression.

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But about I'd say four and a
half years ago, Now I don't quote

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me on the timeframe, but I
was on five or six different psychiatric medications.

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I was not in the best place, just living out of alignment,

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you know what I mean, Like
I just was seeking validation outside myself.

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I was living in LA and LA
will chew you up and spit you the

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fuck out, that's for sure.
Also, is it okay for me to

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curse on Yeah? Okay, oh
yeah, okay, just making sure.

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And then because yeah, as I
said before we started recording, I have

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no filter filters need. I was
in LA, and I talk very openly

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about this on the podcast, like
I went to school, but then I

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found myself, you know, really
confused. I was working in tech and

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then I was pursuing, uh,
my career in the music industry. And

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it's the same same old story.
My manager tried to make a move on

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me sexually and I turned it down. And I'm a writer. So I

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was working on a project where I
was putting in so much time in the

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studio and I was so proud of
this work that I'd done. I wrote

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everything myself, like everything, and
I was working with this it was just

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a met and a producer and we
made the whole thing I recorded. I

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wrote everything myself, and I turned
my manager down. And after after I

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did that, like you know,
when I said no, it was like

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one night at Soho house like so
La and uh, and you know what

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I mean. And I was just
like the moment that he was giving me

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those vibes, and I knew it
was like a video game, you know

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where it's like what Pat like Assassin's
creed, Like, are you going to

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say that? I was? You're
playing Mirage, right, Yeah, it's

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good, right, it's it's okay. I like, I think I liked

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ab Or better. I miss avor
A or from Valhalla. Excuse me,

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I haven't didn't play Valhalla. The
last one I played was Odyssey, and

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I was like obligated to play that
one because of my blood. Yeah,

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I mean I remember, you're to
me. She knows. I say it

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every episode. There's no way that
anybody in proximity of this show. I

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make sure everyone knows. Okay,
Odyssey is great, but listen, you

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have to play Valhalla. That's on
my list. Spider Man two comes out

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two days, so Valhalla is going
to be after that. But it's so

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good. Mirage is fine. Like
I like, I think I'm watching Zaz

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play it more. I was taking
the lead more with avor but Zaz is

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playing Mirage. It's very Assassin based. Like yeah, it's like it's exactly

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like the old games, going in
a like with Valhalla, like you're going

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in I feel so bad for your
listeners. Okay, great, but yeah,

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I'm just like, it's hard to
get used to Sneaky Assassin when you

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were like falls to the Wall,
bikeing. It's just a big pivot,

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you know. I don't want to
play that one though, because didn't didn't

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they introduce like, isn't there like
Norse mythology stuff in it? Yeah,

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that's why you guys have to watch
it because it's so there's so many esoteric

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themes. And I was like schooling
zazz as we were like, I was

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like, do you know what that
means? Do you know? No,

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it's on my list because since Mirage
came, and then we'll get back to

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thee because I really want to hear
what happened next. But I just thought

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a whim bought Mirage last week.
I was like, you know what,

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it's my three year wedding anniversary today
myself, So yeah, myself, and

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so I bought it and I've been
playing it in my head. I've been

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like, dang, I've played Assassin's
Creed really in like ten years, Like

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it might be time to get back
into you. You must on my list,

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But is so good. There's a
quick little anecdote. Yeah, there

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was a time where Ryan and I, uh we were so how do I

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say this, We were so uh
indoctrinated into the the cool Christians club that

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like we were like, no Assassin's
Creed for a while. It's especially oh

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yeah, you're probably like killing Christians
in Valhalla. You know, it's funny

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because yeah, a lot of them, he said, it's funny because yeah,

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I'm not saying by the way,
I'm not You'll you'll hear that,

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I'm actually very into esoteric. Okay, So for the sake of like the

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serious stuff. So so what happened
next? So, so the reason why

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we brought up Assassin's Creed is because
I really did feel that moment of like,

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whatever decision I make right now is
going to be very pivotable, pivotable,

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pivotable for my for my career and
for my life, you know,

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because look, my manager was a
really hot guy, and uh, like

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it's not like he was some old
creep. I've you know, as every

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girl and you men know sometimes you
know, you do what you gotta do.

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It would have maybe paid off,
but I just couldn't do it,

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you know, Like I was just
like, no, this is not,

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because once I do this once,
then it's just going to be then I'm

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just and he managed a couple of
other female artists, and then in that

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moment, I went, oh,
so this is what you do, right,

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like, yeah, this is what
you do, and you had a

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wife and kids, and so I
was just like, no, I'm not

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doing this. And so what I
did, which is a lot of if

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you have girls in the audience,
they're going to know this vibe, which

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is literally like going ha huh no, you know, like no and I

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and the thing is all you want
to do is say fuck you. You

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know what I mean, like no, But I knew that I couldn't and

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I won't. I can't name who
this person is because when I say,

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this person is involved with some of
the biggest and scariest music players in the

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game, like I already was told
by someone like well, so long story

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short, I did the hun no
no things and I got out of there.

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The next morning, I sent an
email to my lawyer and I just

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said, very cordially, I just
said, so, what are my options,

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you know, with like my management
contract with Blank, I think that

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you know, I don't feel comfortable
anymore. I got nothing back from him.

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The next day, I get an
email, very formal from my lawyer

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saying he was dropping me, and
my manager was dropping me. They both

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just dropped me. I had a
major label deal that was waiting, and

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then I got contacted my producer and
he said, you're never seeing any of

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these masters again. They're gone.
So I lost my lawyer, my manager,

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and all of my masters. And
I was in LA. I had

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moved to LA to do this,
and I was all of a sudden without

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anything. There was a woman I'll
call her M because her name started with

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M, and she was really close
with him. She had become like a

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very motherly figure to me, and
so I call her hysterical of course,

206
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and I'm just like telling her what
happened, and she's just like, oh,

207
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you know, you shouldn't have done
that. You know, like you

208
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you really shouldn't have done that.
She had sympathy for me, but she

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goes, basically, the vibe was
this is just the way it is.

210
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And she said, and she said, if I have one piece of advice

211
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for you, she goes, don't
push this because they can make you disappear.

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00:14:16.039 --> 00:14:20.080
Don't push it. Oh, like
I'm talking about that dark like,

213
00:14:20.080 --> 00:14:24.879
like she said, they will make
you disappear, like you're not fucking around

214
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with just anyone. And I can't
tell you the musical artist that has been

215
00:14:28.440 --> 00:14:33.799
in the game since the late eighties
early nineties that is basically a tycoon that

216
00:14:33.840 --> 00:14:37.960
he is involved with, but let's
just say that he probably would make me

217
00:14:39.000 --> 00:14:45.799
disappear. And so I just let
it go and my mental health spiraled.

218
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My grandfather committed suicide later that year. Then my grandma died three months later.

219
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I was all by myself in LA
and I was on antipsychotics and just

220
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popping xanax, and I got into
the secon working industry for a while,

221
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like I became a sugar baby.
I was working underground poker rooms in LA

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for money because I couldn't afford anything, and I had worked so hard to

223
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shove myself into the hot girl box
at that point that I was like,

224
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Okay, I can do this,
and it just working in the sex industry

225
00:15:16.480 --> 00:15:22.279
just shows you the darkest, seediest
men, quite frankly, you know.

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And it also made me hate men, and that's really sad because there are

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so many good men out there.
And I realized that I was kind of

228
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attracting the level of consciousness I was
at at the same time. So it's

229
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like, I really understand when you're
playing around in that space, that's what

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you're going to see, you know. And so I got out of that

231
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and I just I decided to go
back to school because I was like,

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I need to stop doing this work. And so I went back to school

233
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to basically get student loans so that
I didn't have to do sex work anymore.

234
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And so I said, I'm just
gonna, you know, get my

235
00:16:00.080 --> 00:16:03.799
masters in psychology and do like a
therapy program because I do love I did

236
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love psychology, but the irony of
me the most fucked up mental health person

237
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like and then I saw all the
other people in my my therapist program and

238
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I was like, I literally had
people in my online program saying, you

239
00:16:15.440 --> 00:16:21.080
know, basically maybe really Christian people
that were saying like can I make a

240
00:16:21.159 --> 00:16:26.600
choice to not counsel gay people?
And I was like, who is this

241
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the industry I'm going into? So
I just started seeing dark stuff in this

242
00:16:30.000 --> 00:16:33.279
program that I was in, and
I was like, these are the people

243
00:16:33.360 --> 00:16:34.679
that are going to go out and
help people with their mental health. The

244
00:16:34.720 --> 00:16:41.600
irony of these saying that by the
way, Well, but then I just

245
00:16:41.720 --> 00:16:44.799
I continue doing that, and then
I just realized like I couldn't do it,

246
00:16:44.799 --> 00:16:47.919
so I dropped out have the student
loans eighteen grand of student loans to

247
00:16:47.960 --> 00:16:52.519
prove it for with an unfinished degree, I decided to basically go sellibate.

248
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Like I was like, I'm just
going to not date. I'm not gonna

249
00:16:55.320 --> 00:16:57.200
be with anyone right now, and
I'm just gonna like figure my shit out.

250
00:16:57.320 --> 00:17:03.319
And of course that's when I meet
bless him. On our very first

251
00:17:03.400 --> 00:17:07.559
date. We sat down and I
was just like, so, I'm bipolar

252
00:17:07.680 --> 00:17:12.920
and I'm celibate. Basically, I'm
not by polar like I thought I was

253
00:17:12.960 --> 00:17:18.160
at the time. I have a
completely different a fifteen minute psych appointment.

254
00:17:18.200 --> 00:17:21.279
Basically a guy told me that maybe
I was bipolar because you don't want to

255
00:17:21.880 --> 00:17:23.200
line, right. He's like,
you don't want to be borderline because that's

256
00:17:23.200 --> 00:17:26.880
incurable. Just the beginning the tip
of the iceberg of the bullshit you hear.

257
00:17:29.279 --> 00:17:33.480
So Zaz was like any other guy
in LA would probably like, what

258
00:17:33.519 --> 00:17:36.000
the fuck, I got a live
one. Let me just see if I

259
00:17:36.000 --> 00:17:37.920
can banger and get out of here, right. But Zaz was just like

260
00:17:38.240 --> 00:17:42.519
okay, that's okay, Like that's
the first He was like, honestly,

261
00:17:42.559 --> 00:17:45.759
that's very refreshingly honest, like why
why are you you know, why are

262
00:17:45.759 --> 00:17:51.119
you celibate? And like da da
da right right, And I was like,

263
00:17:52.079 --> 00:17:57.359
oh, okay, like and so
we just started talking and we just

264
00:17:57.720 --> 00:18:03.160
basically never spent a day apart after
that day, you know, like,

265
00:18:03.640 --> 00:18:07.039
I just he's such an amazing person. I tried to blow up our relationship

266
00:18:07.200 --> 00:18:11.200
very early on because I thought that
he was too nice, Like are you

267
00:18:11.279 --> 00:18:14.960
fucking kidding me? You know,
like, and so I sat down with

268
00:18:15.039 --> 00:18:18.200
him at the bar, like on
our third date because a good girlfriend of

269
00:18:18.240 --> 00:18:19.240
mine I told her. I was
like, I don't know, this guy's

270
00:18:19.319 --> 00:18:22.920
just maybe he's just too nice and
I don't know about his taste and memes.

271
00:18:22.960 --> 00:18:26.240
That's still a joke about this.
He sent me a questionable meme one

272
00:18:26.279 --> 00:18:30.319
time and I was like, oh, oh my god, and now we

273
00:18:30.880 --> 00:18:36.000
laughed about yeah, and really,
looking back, it wasn't like Zas is

274
00:18:36.079 --> 00:18:41.000
hilarious, he has an amazing It
was me trying anything exactly. Yeah,

275
00:18:41.039 --> 00:18:44.680
And my friend Sterling at the time
shout out Sterling. She was just like,

276
00:18:45.119 --> 00:18:48.240
go meet this guy. Face to
face and tell him like, don't

277
00:18:48.759 --> 00:18:52.720
don't be a bitch about it and
just ghost him. So I went and

278
00:18:52.759 --> 00:18:55.799
I sat with him and I just
said, you know, I don't know

279
00:18:56.680 --> 00:18:57.720
if this is working now. It
was like it was so hard because I

280
00:18:57.720 --> 00:19:02.799
had no good reason and I was
just like, I just don't know.

281
00:19:02.839 --> 00:19:04.799
And he goes, Okay, well, can I still be your friend?

282
00:19:06.200 --> 00:19:08.400
Because like, you're the coolest person
I've met in LA and if we don't

283
00:19:08.440 --> 00:19:11.960
want to date, like I still
want to hang out with you, And

284
00:19:11.960 --> 00:19:17.759
I'm like, who is this person? And so then I was just like,

285
00:19:18.519 --> 00:19:21.559
what, You're amazing And so immediately
in that moment, I'm like,

286
00:19:21.559 --> 00:19:25.359
Molly, are you really going to
push away? Like the a really good

287
00:19:25.400 --> 00:19:29.160
thing that's come across your path?
And so, long story short, this

288
00:19:29.240 --> 00:19:33.440
gets to my mystical experience, like
Zaz really helped me realize, like when

289
00:19:33.440 --> 00:19:36.079
we first started living together, which
was really soon because it was one of

290
00:19:36.119 --> 00:19:38.599
those things in LA we're both paying
on godly amounts for rent and we're just

291
00:19:38.640 --> 00:19:42.400
gonna have to you kind of have
to, and so and we were staying

292
00:19:42.400 --> 00:19:45.759
together at my place the whole time, so I'm just like, what's the

293
00:19:45.759 --> 00:19:49.920
point so we moved in together and
he saw in like my you know,

294
00:19:51.079 --> 00:19:55.039
orange pill bottle hell that I was
living with, and he said to me,

295
00:19:55.119 --> 00:19:56.960
he's like, not in a shamy
way, he was just like,

296
00:19:57.519 --> 00:20:00.559
you're I think how old was I
at the time, Like twenty seven twenty

297
00:20:00.599 --> 00:20:03.640
eight? He's like twenty seven years
old, and like, you have like

298
00:20:03.759 --> 00:20:08.720
six different prescriptions, like moly,
you're not crazy, Like you don't you

299
00:20:08.759 --> 00:20:15.960
don't need all this like and I
already was having second thoughts because I was

300
00:20:15.960 --> 00:20:18.440
having so many side effects from all
these medications, and every time I went,

301
00:20:18.519 --> 00:20:22.640
I was either told to up the
dose of something or change to something

302
00:20:22.640 --> 00:20:26.440
else, and I was just like, what's And so I made a really

303
00:20:26.759 --> 00:20:30.160
dumb decision. I lost my health
insurance, and so I found out how

304
00:20:30.200 --> 00:20:36.559
much my prescriptions would be without and
I couldn't afford it. So I had

305
00:20:36.559 --> 00:20:40.799
no choice. I went cold turkey
off of six different psyche beds, which

306
00:20:40.839 --> 00:20:45.279
will make you feel like you're dying, and I did. And so I

307
00:20:45.319 --> 00:20:48.759
went on a detox, like I
did it all. I got a colonoscopy

308
00:20:48.960 --> 00:20:55.319
or whatever, not a colonoscopy.
What's the thing like colonoscopy? I don't

309
00:20:55.359 --> 00:20:57.960
know how that whatever it was,
I knew my thing something that was.

310
00:20:59.279 --> 00:21:02.559
It was a butt thing, horrible
experience by the way, I like it

311
00:21:02.680 --> 00:21:04.319
was so sick after that, like
it didn't agree with me, so like,

312
00:21:04.359 --> 00:21:08.039
but I did that. I went
to like infrared saunas anything to like

313
00:21:08.319 --> 00:21:12.839
help me process this stuff. And
so I was in California at the time,

314
00:21:12.880 --> 00:21:17.880
so I was just like chainsmoking weed
because it was the only thing that

315
00:21:18.000 --> 00:21:22.160
was giving me some kind of calm, yeah, and some kind of something

316
00:21:22.240 --> 00:21:26.839
quite frankly. And so one night
I was I was kind of stoned and

317
00:21:26.880 --> 00:21:32.759
I was like laying in bed and
like it's hard. And again this is

318
00:21:33.160 --> 00:21:36.799
keeping in mind that it is almost
impossible to explain like a mystical experience in

319
00:21:36.880 --> 00:21:41.599
words. And I think, listen
and I know, yeah, So I

320
00:21:41.680 --> 00:21:47.920
was there and Chris is a description
of it in the Skinwalker Ranch. And

321
00:21:47.960 --> 00:21:49.680
you talk to me about this,
Ryan, because it's like the way that

322
00:21:49.680 --> 00:21:53.039
they described how Chris was saying that, like you don't hear a voice,

323
00:21:53.079 --> 00:21:56.480
you just have a knowing of the
words that are coming to you, right

324
00:21:57.079 --> 00:22:07.000
exactly. And my I'm not My
visual intuitive capacities aren't as online right now

325
00:22:07.000 --> 00:22:08.359
at this point in my life.
It's something I'm really like working on.

326
00:22:08.960 --> 00:22:15.240
But I have very strong, like
synchronistic connections. Like it's like how I

327
00:22:15.279 --> 00:22:21.000
come across all the information that I
do, and also things pop into my

328
00:22:21.079 --> 00:22:23.599
mind, you know, like that
I can't explain like words that I know.

329
00:22:23.680 --> 00:22:26.839
It's not a voice. It's just
like, oh, I know that

330
00:22:26.920 --> 00:22:29.960
this is the phrase that's coming into
my head. It's hard to explain.

331
00:22:30.559 --> 00:22:33.559
And so I was laying there and
all that came to me, and it

332
00:22:33.640 --> 00:22:37.240
was so strong. I was laying
there and I was so sad and depressed,

333
00:22:37.279 --> 00:22:40.039
Like I was just like, what
the fuck is this? I was

334
00:22:40.039 --> 00:22:45.160
trying to meditate and I had done
meditation, and I have some really bad

335
00:22:45.279 --> 00:22:52.960
mommy issues and so just my mom, like I've worked, We've come a

336
00:22:52.960 --> 00:23:00.359
long way, but my mom is
not the most like tactile person and like

337
00:23:00.680 --> 00:23:03.839
and I'm very cuddly and I need
a lot of reassurance and my mom was

338
00:23:03.880 --> 00:23:06.880
just like my mom didn't get that
growing up. So my mom just isn't

339
00:23:06.920 --> 00:23:10.559
wired that way. That's exactly the
same. I'm sorry to interact. No,

340
00:23:10.599 --> 00:23:15.200
don't worry. The same with my
wife, Casey, her mother and

341
00:23:15.279 --> 00:23:19.039
her mother's mother. It's it's it's
a generational thing. It is and it

342
00:23:19.279 --> 00:23:26.319
I mean, I've been there and
seeing firsthand just how completely heartbreaking that is.

343
00:23:26.519 --> 00:23:30.920
I'm sorry that that you It's okay, and you know, I'm not

344
00:23:30.960 --> 00:23:34.359
saying it's bad for like for like
a woman like to not have like as

345
00:23:34.640 --> 00:23:37.000
a mother. You know, then
it sets you up with all sorts of

346
00:23:37.039 --> 00:23:41.240
other fucked up stuff because I'm going
like, can I do that? Like

347
00:23:41.400 --> 00:23:44.759
meeting Ryan's mom, Like meeting Yvonne, I was just like I just wanted

348
00:23:44.759 --> 00:23:48.079
to like hug her and never leave
because I was like obsessed with how much

349
00:23:48.079 --> 00:23:51.279
you like love she just she was
spending so much time showing me like all

350
00:23:51.319 --> 00:23:56.160
of Emily's costumes from I Loved the
World. I love every second. Ryan

351
00:23:56.279 --> 00:24:00.079
was like, mom stop. I
was like, I love it. I

352
00:24:00.079 --> 00:24:04.799
love every single her babies. There's
nothing else in the world. Like she's

353
00:24:04.839 --> 00:24:10.119
one of those moms. She is
and she's so funny. She's just so

354
00:24:10.160 --> 00:24:14.359
funny to be around. Your mom
is the ship and my mom is I

355
00:24:14.359 --> 00:24:15.759
think I told you this after you
left and we were on the phone,

356
00:24:15.759 --> 00:24:19.200
I was like, when she's happy, when she's you know, good vibes,

357
00:24:19.240 --> 00:24:23.440
she is the life of the party. Absolutely, you can tell she

358
00:24:23.559 --> 00:24:27.960
really liked you a lot, and
and also shout out, Molly, shout

359
00:24:27.960 --> 00:24:33.039
out that they blew my mom the
fuck away. And they got in touch

360
00:24:33.079 --> 00:24:37.119
with me and dad secretly after they
flew back home to Texas and they were

361
00:24:37.160 --> 00:24:40.720
like, we're sending her flowers.
What's your house? Yeah, and they

362
00:24:40.720 --> 00:24:44.759
did. I just want I just
wanted her to get like, you know,

363
00:24:45.319 --> 00:24:48.759
your mom hosts everyone, and there's
so much hullabaloo around your dad,

364
00:24:48.839 --> 00:24:52.519
as there should be, but I
just imagine that sometimes, you know,

365
00:24:52.680 --> 00:24:55.319
she wants to feel special, and
so I was just like, let me

366
00:24:55.440 --> 00:24:59.079
make her feel special because she was
so hospitable to us, and so I

367
00:24:59.119 --> 00:25:02.160
wanted her to get a gift,
and so I'm glad that she liked.

368
00:25:02.480 --> 00:25:07.519
Yeah, She's always been that way. She shared a video today of literally

369
00:25:07.599 --> 00:25:11.200
like twenty of our friends. Did
you see it? She shared it today,

370
00:25:11.279 --> 00:25:12.799
Ryan, I saw it. I
didn't even watch it. Twenty of

371
00:25:12.839 --> 00:25:19.359
our friends just filling their house and
she's just happily walking around recording everybody and

372
00:25:19.400 --> 00:25:23.279
like making sure everybody's good, like
she's an angel. She's so sweet.

373
00:25:23.319 --> 00:25:29.160
I think the caption was like I
miss this, like h yeah, misses

374
00:25:29.200 --> 00:25:34.000
the ground. She's so sweet.
But yeah, like I I was listening

375
00:25:34.079 --> 00:25:38.440
to a meditation that basic because at
the time I was I hadn't gotten into

376
00:25:38.480 --> 00:25:41.240
anything right, Like to put it
in perspective, what was I listening to?

377
00:25:41.359 --> 00:25:45.400
I was listening to like Abraham Hicks
on YouTube, Like what's that?

378
00:25:45.440 --> 00:25:48.119
I've heard of that? Okay?
I don't want to shit on Abraham Hicks.

379
00:25:48.160 --> 00:25:53.599
It's basically just like imagine like the
moment that you start putting anything into

380
00:25:53.640 --> 00:25:56.799
spiritual YouTube, you're gonna see like
Abraham Hicks and Teal Swan. I got

381
00:25:57.039 --> 00:26:03.279
okay, and there's one more I
can't remember, Vanilla. And I'm not

382
00:26:03.319 --> 00:26:07.200
saying till Swan is Vanilla because like
here's alla watch Alan Watts. That's the

383
00:26:07.279 --> 00:26:11.640
other one. Alan Watts is great, Like I would say that he's a

384
00:26:11.680 --> 00:26:14.519
great, great person, but also
like if you listen to him when you've

385
00:26:14.519 --> 00:26:17.160
barely dipped your toe and you're like, what the fuck, it's like listening

386
00:26:17.200 --> 00:26:21.240
to the Chess or cat, You're
like, cool, you really have to

387
00:26:21.279 --> 00:26:25.160
have like an understanding of you know, Taoism and stuff like that to really

388
00:26:25.279 --> 00:26:29.559
get where he's coming from. But
he still will. I've read lectures by

389
00:26:29.599 --> 00:26:33.640
Alan Watts on my other podcast,
because like just listening to him can put

390
00:26:33.720 --> 00:26:38.279
you in. But like it was, I was a baby thing like I

391
00:26:38.519 --> 00:26:42.200
I didn't know much about esotericism.
I was just starting to go, Okay,

392
00:26:42.559 --> 00:26:48.920
something's gotta gotta give. So this
was before the vision thing happened.

393
00:26:48.000 --> 00:26:52.319
So like I had done this meditation
and it basically said that you should imagine

394
00:26:52.359 --> 00:26:57.720
yourself and your mother's womb, right
like, and I was doing that and

395
00:26:57.880 --> 00:27:03.240
I just felt so sad during that
meditation. It made me so sad.

396
00:27:03.440 --> 00:27:07.279
And I'm like I shouldn't feel sad, right like, you should feel warm

397
00:27:07.400 --> 00:27:11.960
and happy and and so that was
so fucking depressing and I went to bed

398
00:27:12.160 --> 00:27:15.960
like crying, and I was just
like I wasn't really praying because I was

399
00:27:17.039 --> 00:27:19.240
like I was not spiritual at this
point. Like I was just going like

400
00:27:19.759 --> 00:27:22.880
like what is this? Like what's
the point of this? I'm so sad,

401
00:27:23.039 --> 00:27:26.839
Like I can't exist without medication.
Something's wrong with me. I'm gonna

402
00:27:26.880 --> 00:27:30.799
ruin my relationship, you know,
Just like I was just why is aaz

403
00:27:30.000 --> 00:27:34.880
with me? I was just feeling
awful, down and out and stoned as

404
00:27:34.960 --> 00:27:40.559
fuck, and I was laying in
bed and I just I just closed my

405
00:27:40.640 --> 00:27:45.000
eyes and I just heard this voice. Well no, I was aware of

406
00:27:45.119 --> 00:27:51.839
words that basically, and it said
I am mother, you are mother,

407
00:27:52.920 --> 00:27:56.680
you like and you are connected to
the mother like that was that was what

408
00:27:57.400 --> 00:28:02.200
and and it was a feeling I
got. And it was such a flash,

409
00:28:02.240 --> 00:28:03.839
which is why, like now that
I know about Samadi and stuff like

410
00:28:03.920 --> 00:28:10.079
that, right like, I feel
like I had a flash of like unit

411
00:28:10.160 --> 00:28:12.559
of consciousness for just like the briefest
amount of time. But at this point

412
00:28:12.960 --> 00:28:15.279
I didn't even know what that was, right, so I was just like,

413
00:28:17.039 --> 00:28:19.319
what the fuck happened? Well was
that? Yeah? And I wrote

414
00:28:19.359 --> 00:28:22.680
it down in my journal at the
time, and ironically, a few months

415
00:28:22.759 --> 00:28:26.480
later, I ripped it up because
I thought you're crazy, which is so

416
00:28:26.680 --> 00:28:29.519
sad, you know, like we
all have that time moment, right Like,

417
00:28:29.599 --> 00:28:30.559
I was like, I was like, you're crazy. Stop. You

418
00:28:30.559 --> 00:28:36.319
don't want anyone to like see this
and think you're nuts. Like And then

419
00:28:37.240 --> 00:28:41.160
a couple of days later, I
had another vision where I was like laying

420
00:28:41.240 --> 00:28:47.039
in bed and I this is the
one time in my life ran that I've

421
00:28:47.119 --> 00:28:49.960
literally had. And why it was
so powerful is I saw like I could

422
00:28:51.039 --> 00:28:53.680
see the images, and I've never
had it since. I was walking in

423
00:28:53.799 --> 00:28:59.079
like a medieval castle and I was
going down like spiral staircase and like,

424
00:28:59.240 --> 00:29:02.319
you know, like tore like dungeon
style, like it was very damp,

425
00:29:02.759 --> 00:29:07.039
and there was like a man,
an old man that I knew in my

426
00:29:07.200 --> 00:29:10.839
mind was named Edward, I don't
know why. And he had a really

427
00:29:10.960 --> 00:29:14.920
long beard, and he had all
of these different instruments out on a table

428
00:29:15.519 --> 00:29:21.200
and and I couldn't see myself,
so I didn't know if I was me.

429
00:29:21.440 --> 00:29:26.440
I was just only seeing outwards.
And I was just there watching him

430
00:29:26.519 --> 00:29:30.400
working and writing down and like fucking
around with beakers and stuff. And I

431
00:29:30.559 --> 00:29:33.440
was like, hmm, and now
I did again I know that he was

432
00:29:33.519 --> 00:29:37.640
like an alchemist right like, but
again at the time, I didn't know

433
00:29:37.720 --> 00:29:41.599
any of that stuff. What if
that's you and Zaz in a past life

434
00:29:41.079 --> 00:29:47.519
that is see and that wouldn't surprise
me, you know? And so I

435
00:29:47.759 --> 00:29:49.880
was so and again I wrote this
down, and I wish I would still

436
00:29:49.880 --> 00:29:52.559
have it, because those through pages
in my journal, I ripped them out

437
00:29:52.599 --> 00:29:56.079
and I was like, you're insane. You can't tell anyone about this,

438
00:29:56.200 --> 00:30:00.440
like you're crazy. So and I
didn't even tell Zaz about that at the

439
00:30:00.519 --> 00:30:04.880
time. And then a couple of
days after that, I'm sitting in our

440
00:30:06.039 --> 00:30:10.160
tiny fucking studio apartment with Aas,
so we really spent all the time together.

441
00:30:10.240 --> 00:30:11.799
And then COVID was starting to hit
then, so like we were really

442
00:30:11.880 --> 00:30:15.720
spending all our time there, and
uh, I was laying there and I

443
00:30:15.839 --> 00:30:21.119
was reading on my phone about this
article about how some people don't have an

444
00:30:21.200 --> 00:30:23.839
internal monologue, like there are some
people that don't. That's really hard to

445
00:30:23.880 --> 00:30:29.319
believe, I know, right,
And so I got so when I find

446
00:30:29.400 --> 00:30:30.599
something, I'm like, I want
to learn every single thing about it.

447
00:30:30.680 --> 00:30:33.000
So I was like, what,
no, I want to what is this

448
00:30:33.240 --> 00:30:41.480
like? Because my internal monologue is
a bitch? Like your internal monologue as

449
00:30:41.599 --> 00:30:45.279
funny as fuck. It wasn't at
the time. It is funny, it's

450
00:30:45.319 --> 00:30:48.000
probably funny, but it was also
like, I am so self critical,

451
00:30:48.200 --> 00:30:53.079
you know, like so self critical, and so this is still a running

452
00:30:53.119 --> 00:30:56.160
joke. So fun fact, I
feel like at some point you guys should

453
00:30:56.160 --> 00:31:00.599
have Azas on because Zas has a
very why yes, good, well,

454
00:31:00.759 --> 00:31:04.640
he has a very unique upbringing like
his grandparents, like his grandmother had,

455
00:31:04.720 --> 00:31:11.200
like Gurdjieff books like Ospenski books,
as they had Tibetan monks staying at their

456
00:31:11.319 --> 00:31:17.240
house. His grandma was balls deep
in occultism. We have she she has

457
00:31:17.359 --> 00:31:21.559
Black Madonna stuff. We're about to
get like they had in their house in

458
00:31:21.680 --> 00:31:23.839
Montreal, because you know, in
the seventies you could like go to Egypt

459
00:31:23.920 --> 00:31:27.200
and get ship that was from like
the Pyramids. You could get like they

460
00:31:27.599 --> 00:31:33.079
they had in their house as grew
up around like ancient Egyptian arct like stuff

461
00:31:33.200 --> 00:31:36.759
inside their home. Like there's an
energy to that. I'm sure maybe that's

462
00:31:36.799 --> 00:31:40.880
why he's those zin br potentially.
And you know what's funny, Nick is

463
00:31:40.960 --> 00:31:45.799
like we haven't even like scratched the
surface yet. Zaz is the opposite of

464
00:31:45.880 --> 00:31:48.960
Mollie. Yeah she did say that, But what I'm if you don't mind

465
00:31:49.000 --> 00:31:53.240
me cutting a little bit like Mollie
where she is the kind of brain and

466
00:31:53.359 --> 00:31:57.079
dude, we haven't even like unleashed
her on her areas of focus. I'm

467
00:31:57.079 --> 00:32:00.079
telling you, dude, I had
one hour or two our conversation with her

468
00:32:00.400 --> 00:32:02.519
and I hung up. I'm like, Dad, we got to meet her.

469
00:32:05.119 --> 00:32:08.920
She's she's she's like us times like
ten How she just unleashes all this

470
00:32:09.160 --> 00:32:14.279
this knowledge, but her focus is
on like Grail traditions. Very scared of

471
00:32:14.440 --> 00:32:16.400
my tabs in my iPhone. Oh
no, no, no no. And

472
00:32:16.519 --> 00:32:21.720
she sent me some some some articles
that I'm like, damn, Like,

473
00:32:22.480 --> 00:32:23.960
I kept him open in my phone
for weeks and weeks and weeks and we'll

474
00:32:23.960 --> 00:32:28.680
go back and read him again,
like about the Tintamani Stone and the wishing

475
00:32:28.720 --> 00:32:31.640
Stone of Tibetan Buddhas. All just
crazy stuff. But anyway, Zazz is

476
00:32:31.680 --> 00:32:36.279
the opposite. Yeah, he doesn't
study any of it because it's born into

477
00:32:36.359 --> 00:32:39.839
him. Literally, he's just nature. Her husband's as he's naturally just like

478
00:32:40.720 --> 00:32:46.240
a mystic without he just is.
He We'll be talking and he'll say something,

479
00:32:46.400 --> 00:32:50.319
you know, like and I'll be
like, you do know that that

480
00:32:50.640 --> 00:32:54.039
is basically x y Z right.
I'll give him like the esoteric thing and

481
00:32:54.160 --> 00:32:57.880
he's like, oh well, I
mean it's obvious, right, And I'm

482
00:32:57.920 --> 00:33:01.279
like he's cool. Yeah, he
just he just he's intuitive. He just

483
00:33:01.640 --> 00:33:06.480
he just talks out. Yeah.
I feel I've been thinking about this specific

484
00:33:06.640 --> 00:33:09.359
thing lately. There was a while
where I felt like, man, am

485
00:33:09.440 --> 00:33:15.400
I not like doing this right?
Because I'm not always diving deep and digging

486
00:33:15.799 --> 00:33:21.720
and trying to find all this stuff
or whatever. But lately I've been thinking

487
00:33:21.759 --> 00:33:29.119
about it as like my intuition tells
me when it's time for me to go

488
00:33:29.279 --> 00:33:32.480
find that stuff. That's right,
you know, I don't need too much

489
00:33:32.519 --> 00:33:36.599
in your head about it, Like
take it from me. I sometimes need

490
00:33:36.680 --> 00:33:40.559
to like do a content detox because
I'm there's so much that I want to

491
00:33:40.599 --> 00:33:43.200
read, Like you know what I
mean. When you're just like, oh

492
00:33:43.279 --> 00:33:45.960
my god, I want to read
everything, it's just but you can't,

493
00:33:46.160 --> 00:33:51.000
you know, so like and also
you have your own experiences, oh yeah,

494
00:33:51.240 --> 00:33:53.880
big time, because that propels you
to go in and finding this stuff.

495
00:33:53.880 --> 00:33:59.319
But with me, it's it's more
like I'll hear one little tidbit or

496
00:33:59.400 --> 00:34:01.799
one little thing and I'll just be
like, Okay, I need to know

497
00:34:01.839 --> 00:34:05.279
a little bit more about that.
Like a couple of days ago, I

498
00:34:05.359 --> 00:34:08.039
literally, out of the blue text
Ryan like what's up with Metatron? Like

499
00:34:08.840 --> 00:34:12.000
I was like, I was like, we need to talk for a minute

500
00:34:12.000 --> 00:34:15.159
about Metatron because I need to piece
it together. And it was like a

501
00:34:15.280 --> 00:34:16.320
ten minute conversation and then I was
like, all right, I'm good.

502
00:34:16.960 --> 00:34:21.599
It's so funny that you just said
piece it together, because this is another

503
00:34:22.360 --> 00:34:27.159
like joke in our house as will
explain something like really complicated to me or

504
00:34:27.199 --> 00:34:30.719
something. And I'm going and he
sings this song whenever I'm thinking, he's

505
00:34:30.760 --> 00:34:36.679
like piecing it all together. Like
that's that's the narration that he gives when

506
00:34:36.679 --> 00:34:38.519
I'm like really thinking of like the
thinking symbol. I'm like, fuck,

507
00:34:38.639 --> 00:34:43.119
U's as yes, I am.
He sounds cool. He is. He's

508
00:34:43.119 --> 00:34:45.920
a very gentle small too, like
yeah, well, I haven't even really

509
00:34:45.960 --> 00:34:50.559
seen his He has a sassy side. Trust oh, I'm sure and to

510
00:34:50.639 --> 00:34:52.480
be fairy, you guys came out
to our house, and I'm sure for

511
00:34:52.599 --> 00:34:57.079
you guys in some way it was
something like a spiritual retreat very much.

512
00:34:57.159 --> 00:34:59.920
So, I mean that energy was
there, it was he had a rep

513
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.760
difference for that. Like we came
into that as if we were going to

514
00:35:04.800 --> 00:35:07.320
like like we were going to church
or something, you know what I mean.

515
00:35:07.559 --> 00:35:09.599
I had so I told him so
much before we got there, Like

516
00:35:10.360 --> 00:35:15.079
I just your dad is like,
what's the difference between your dad and some

517
00:35:15.280 --> 00:35:21.320
of the saints? Right? Like
age genuinely tell me right because it's the

518
00:35:21.400 --> 00:35:25.119
same, you know, Like I've
researched enough mystics at this point to like

519
00:35:25.360 --> 00:35:30.159
Teresa of Avalon and all these people
that have these mystical experiences that are very

520
00:35:30.239 --> 00:35:35.719
much revered across all mysticulture editions.
You know, Julian of Norwich or you

521
00:35:35.800 --> 00:35:42.119
know Roomy, someone who experiences something
and it has changed and is like evangelizing

522
00:35:42.199 --> 00:35:46.519
that. And so after reading his
book and then being wildly offended by listening

523
00:35:46.559 --> 00:35:50.920
to the last Podcast on the Left
episode, I was just like, I

524
00:35:51.000 --> 00:35:54.000
forgot about that. Our last Podcast
on the Left. It's one of the

525
00:35:54.039 --> 00:35:59.480
biggest podcasts in what they do.
They just completely ship on us. I

526
00:36:00.519 --> 00:36:05.360
also like, like absolutely just straight
up disrespected us, like it was pretty

527
00:36:05.519 --> 00:36:08.320
it didn't even sound like they fucking
read the book. Like that's me,

528
00:36:08.599 --> 00:36:12.880
Like I'm going like, and especially
it sucked for me because I have a

529
00:36:12.920 --> 00:36:15.159
lot of respect for Marcus, Like
Marcus on there, he does so much

530
00:36:15.239 --> 00:36:19.920
research, and so I was just
like, man, I'm like, Marcus,

531
00:36:19.960 --> 00:36:22.639
did you not even read the book? But then you saw there's a

532
00:36:22.679 --> 00:36:24.039
lot of drama going down on last
Podcast on the Left, And so I

533
00:36:24.159 --> 00:36:27.960
was kind of like, it's okay, because when you attack the light,

534
00:36:28.440 --> 00:36:30.880
you know, when am I saying
that you know, we are the light

535
00:36:31.119 --> 00:36:36.079
no no, but we're talking about
it. And also your dad the last

536
00:36:36.159 --> 00:36:39.199
thing that his experience needs is people
to shit on it right now, right

537
00:36:39.400 --> 00:36:45.599
like, because I witnessed it,
I want to hear. Yeah, by

538
00:36:45.639 --> 00:36:49.920
the way, is this the day
that I was literally there and had to

539
00:36:50.039 --> 00:36:57.159
like bounce And yes, she was
lost and that's why I was like,

540
00:36:57.199 --> 00:37:00.000
oh, sh I gotta go because
she was lost like a mile away around

541
00:37:00.000 --> 00:37:00.840
the corner. I had to drive
out and get her and bring her back.

542
00:37:01.719 --> 00:37:05.360
But I can't believe I missed it. I want to hear about it.

543
00:37:05.480 --> 00:37:07.119
I haven't heard the details. Well, let me tell you this first.

544
00:37:07.639 --> 00:37:13.079
So I was reading about the no
Inner monologue thing right right right,

545
00:37:13.599 --> 00:37:15.840
and so it's still just like we
talk about this all the time because Zas

546
00:37:15.960 --> 00:37:20.280
laughs. This just this is where
my level of consciousness was. That's why

547
00:37:20.320 --> 00:37:22.679
it's so important. This is why
I want people to know that, like

548
00:37:22.280 --> 00:37:25.199
you can go from what I'm about
to tell you to like where I am

549
00:37:25.360 --> 00:37:29.519
now if you go on your own
path, you know, like, because

550
00:37:29.559 --> 00:37:31.000
it's only been about three and a
half years, and I feel like I

551
00:37:31.039 --> 00:37:36.320
could sit down with any person and
like have a good conversation about you know,

552
00:37:36.840 --> 00:37:39.400
esoteric thought. But at this point, I was reading that article and

553
00:37:39.480 --> 00:37:43.519
I told Saz was like on the
bed, just like us in COVID.

554
00:37:43.559 --> 00:37:45.559
I was like, Zass, did
you know that some people don't have an

555
00:37:45.599 --> 00:37:50.360
inner monologue? And he goes yeah, And then I'm like, I'm thinking.

556
00:37:50.480 --> 00:37:53.320
And this is the point when Zaz
is like piecing it altogether. I'm

557
00:37:53.360 --> 00:37:58.199
literally piecing it. And I was
like, wait, so, and I'm

558
00:37:58.239 --> 00:38:00.119
really trying to understand. And I
said, well, do you have an

559
00:38:00.159 --> 00:38:02.760
inner monologue? And he was like, yeah, yeah, I do.

560
00:38:02.920 --> 00:38:07.480
I have like an inner narration.
And he goes, but that's not me,

561
00:38:07.159 --> 00:38:10.280
and I went what do you?
What do you mean that's not you?

562
00:38:13.400 --> 00:38:19.679
And I was like yeah, like
what And so I was like I

563
00:38:19.800 --> 00:38:22.440
had no conception. And little Zaz, who's been like raised with Buddhist monks

564
00:38:22.480 --> 00:38:25.280
and knows about Samsara since he was
like six years old, like he's like,

565
00:38:25.400 --> 00:38:30.119
yeah, He's like, that's not
you. You're not identified with that

566
00:38:30.280 --> 00:38:34.039
voice. You are the thing watching
that voice. And I'm like who exactly,

567
00:38:34.239 --> 00:38:37.599
And I'm going like yeah, and
I was just like what the fuck

568
00:38:37.880 --> 00:38:40.599
what are you talking about? But
I was intrigued and when he but when

569
00:38:40.679 --> 00:38:45.360
he said that, you know you
hear something and you know it's there's a

570
00:38:45.480 --> 00:38:49.800
truth, and I was like,
oh, I've been duped right, like

571
00:38:50.159 --> 00:38:52.599
why has no one told me about
this? And so that was it.

572
00:38:53.000 --> 00:38:57.159
That was the spark where I went, No, I'm gonna learn about this.

573
00:38:57.320 --> 00:39:00.480
I'm gonna learn everything there is to
know about this because I'm going to

574
00:39:00.519 --> 00:39:04.679
stop getting fucked by this inn narrator
that is not me. I know it's

575
00:39:04.719 --> 00:39:07.760
not me now, and she's fucking
with me. And so obviously I don't

576
00:39:07.840 --> 00:39:13.000
have a bad relationship with her.
I know that she's me. I've done

577
00:39:13.039 --> 00:39:17.400
my parts work. But but like, yeah, so that that's the beginning

578
00:39:17.480 --> 00:39:20.760
of it all. So I just
think that it's really important to like,

579
00:39:20.920 --> 00:39:24.199
it's not like I just interviewed a
girl. She has also an amazing meme

580
00:39:24.199 --> 00:39:29.719
account Carl Jung memes and her name
right now, Oh you got to Para

581
00:39:29.840 --> 00:39:35.039
is amazing and again another just straight
mes yep, and she was so she

582
00:39:35.199 --> 00:39:37.039
just talked about She's like when I
looked and there was no Carl Jung meme

583
00:39:37.119 --> 00:39:43.239
page, She's like, what I
And she's so gooda like one of her

584
00:39:43.280 --> 00:39:45.000
recent Memes was like, trauma is
stored in the balls, and I was

585
00:39:45.079 --> 00:39:51.159
like, in the borderlands of mental
health? Is that? Yeah, that's

586
00:39:51.199 --> 00:39:54.199
her. We just did an episode
together and we talked about like simulation theory

587
00:39:54.280 --> 00:40:00.920
and depression and all sorts of interesting
stuff. But you might have to slide

588
00:40:00.960 --> 00:40:04.079
me into the Oh, you guys
would love to talk to her. She

589
00:40:04.280 --> 00:40:07.599
would be an interesting interview. She
knows everything about Jung and that would be

590
00:40:07.639 --> 00:40:13.159
an interesting, like kind of sidebar
because Jung is a mystic. They say

591
00:40:13.280 --> 00:40:17.960
he's a mystic period. But anyway, we had a good She is someone

592
00:40:19.000 --> 00:40:22.360
who was raised since a baby her
mom, Like if she had a question

593
00:40:22.480 --> 00:40:25.159
about life, her mom would direct
her to Carl Jung, Like can you

594
00:40:25.239 --> 00:40:31.440
imagine, like what an amazing spiritual
guide. She just had shelves of Jung's

595
00:40:31.480 --> 00:40:36.280
books when she was little. Hopefully
she didn't open the Red Book when she

596
00:40:36.440 --> 00:40:37.960
was young. I'll take you for
a trip. You're not quite ready for

597
00:40:38.039 --> 00:40:43.119
that shit. But she that's a
difference, right. I grew up in

598
00:40:43.360 --> 00:40:46.559
Wyoming, Middle America. My parents, I think, had like a lot

599
00:40:46.599 --> 00:40:51.519
of religious trauma, so we kind
of sporadically went to church. I went

600
00:40:51.599 --> 00:40:54.280
to an evangelical church camp once where
they told me that my Jewish friends were

601
00:40:54.320 --> 00:40:59.119
going to Hell and I was like, ah, I'm not into this.

602
00:40:59.280 --> 00:41:01.280
And my parents sent us there just
like they thought we were going to canoe

603
00:41:01.360 --> 00:41:04.800
and shit. And I called my
mom and I was like, mom,

604
00:41:04.920 --> 00:41:07.960
they said, Tracy's going to Hell, and my mom We're coming to pick

605
00:41:07.039 --> 00:41:12.920
you up tomorrow. Like what the
fuck? Soracy? Yeah, I know

606
00:41:13.639 --> 00:41:16.519
crazy. I literally went to temple
with Tracy, like my mom let us

607
00:41:16.679 --> 00:41:20.440
just you know. My mom was
not They weren't dogmatic about it, but

608
00:41:20.880 --> 00:41:27.079
cool. But the drawback was that
when I had big I had big existential

609
00:41:27.199 --> 00:41:30.559
questions for my parents, like what
was I before I was born, like

610
00:41:30.719 --> 00:41:34.400
to my mom, And it tripped
my parents out, and the response I

611
00:41:34.519 --> 00:41:38.199
got was don't think about that,
you know. And so immediately I didn't

612
00:41:38.239 --> 00:41:40.639
have the you know what I have
now, which is like, Molly,

613
00:41:40.719 --> 00:41:45.760
you touched on something that they were
deeply afraid of. I just thought,

614
00:41:45.079 --> 00:41:49.400
something's wrong with you, Molly,
Like why are you thinking about these things?

615
00:41:49.920 --> 00:41:52.199
And so that was a major repression
point for me. And I was

616
00:41:52.239 --> 00:41:57.159
a weird kid like I when I
was six years old from the library,

617
00:41:57.360 --> 00:42:00.599
I just kept checking out this same
book on ancient Egypt, which now I

618
00:42:01.000 --> 00:42:05.599
know that I'm sure that I have
some kind of past life connection there.

619
00:42:06.440 --> 00:42:13.239
And my librarian literally made me stop
checking this book out because times. Yeah,

620
00:42:13.480 --> 00:42:16.119
because I kept checking it out.
And I remember being really little looking

621
00:42:16.199 --> 00:42:20.480
at this book and it's scary when
you're little to look at mummies, right,

622
00:42:20.599 --> 00:42:23.599
And so I was both horrified but
also knew that I needed to learn

623
00:42:23.719 --> 00:42:28.719
about this in some way, you
know. But then I was a millennial,

624
00:42:28.840 --> 00:42:30.840
like I'm thirty three, and so
very quickly I learned it was not

625
00:42:31.000 --> 00:42:38.679
cool to be interested in these things, and so it's so cool, and

626
00:42:38.840 --> 00:42:43.159
so that's where I came from.
So, like you know, Zaz and

627
00:42:43.280 --> 00:42:47.440
Sarah, while they kind of were
born in this soup of like amazing mystical

628
00:42:47.599 --> 00:42:52.400
and esoteric thought, which is so
cool. Yes, Sarah the way,

629
00:42:52.760 --> 00:42:54.880
No, Sarah is just the is
not just She's the Carl young memes.

630
00:42:55.159 --> 00:42:59.719
Oh gotcha. I just wanted to
for the listener because I'm confused to that

631
00:42:59.800 --> 00:43:02.559
is maybe I should go totally.
These are just two examples of people who

632
00:43:02.639 --> 00:43:07.639
maybe were raised in an environment where
they were exposed to these things, yet

633
00:43:07.719 --> 00:43:10.719
they still navigated some really hard mental
health times, right, But for it

634
00:43:10.840 --> 00:43:15.199
gives them a framework, you know, through which to understand things, and

635
00:43:15.360 --> 00:43:20.360
I just had no framework. And
that's why I really really have a lot

636
00:43:20.400 --> 00:43:22.679
of empathy for a lot of my
listeners of the podcast and stuff, because

637
00:43:22.760 --> 00:43:28.440
I know what it feels like to
basically be spiritually starved. That's what it

638
00:43:28.639 --> 00:43:32.239
is, you know, it's spiritual
starvation. M that's very interesting you say

639
00:43:32.239 --> 00:43:37.079
that, because I have the opposite
experience. It's like not spiritual starvation,

640
00:43:37.239 --> 00:43:40.960
but like spiritual suppression. Like I
mean, you know, like we don't

641
00:43:40.960 --> 00:43:44.519
have to focus on this, but
like my my my experience has been like

642
00:43:45.119 --> 00:43:49.320
experiencing something and then being told like, you know, shut up, don't

643
00:43:49.320 --> 00:43:51.239
talk about it, you're dealing with
the devil, this, that the other,

644
00:43:51.280 --> 00:43:52.800
blah blah blah. But so that's
funny that you say that. That's

645
00:43:52.920 --> 00:43:58.079
that's very fascinating. Yeah, And
that's how I connected with you, right,

646
00:43:58.199 --> 00:44:01.639
because on my podcast, I've been
circling around like I want to talk

647
00:44:01.679 --> 00:44:06.119
about what are the core wounds?
So I did this in depth two part

648
00:44:06.239 --> 00:44:08.760
episode on a mother wound, then
a two part episode on the father wound,

649
00:44:08.840 --> 00:44:13.639
and I went so deep and then
I realized, Oh, what's the

650
00:44:13.800 --> 00:44:16.480
core of this. It's toxic shame, right, Like we're all struggling with

651
00:44:16.599 --> 00:44:20.760
toxic shame and a lot of that. And a whole episode on it that

652
00:44:20.880 --> 00:44:23.000
I did was on like religious toxic
shame. How we think of like this

653
00:44:23.239 --> 00:44:30.280
punitive father God that's always watching and
for you to do bad things. This

654
00:44:30.480 --> 00:44:32.519
is like soaked into our psyche,
right, And this is why I know

655
00:44:32.639 --> 00:44:37.000
that I have like major authority issues, Like if I had like a male

656
00:44:37.119 --> 00:44:40.199
boss or something, it was an
automatic like don't fucking tell me what to

657
00:44:40.280 --> 00:44:45.119
do, you know, even if
they had my best interest at heart.

658
00:44:45.320 --> 00:44:49.480
And so then after my Toxic Shame
series, which was eight parts, like

659
00:44:49.599 --> 00:44:52.679
I talked about Toxic Shame for I
think like eleven hours in total, and

660
00:44:53.559 --> 00:44:58.679
because you can, I went into
every multifacetating aspect of it, and I'd

661
00:44:58.719 --> 00:45:01.639
never received more positive to feedback from
listeners, and quite frankly, I was

662
00:45:01.760 --> 00:45:05.559
just trying to heal myself, you
know, I'm trying to figure it out

663
00:45:05.599 --> 00:45:07.920
and share it with other people.
And so I was like, oh,

664
00:45:07.960 --> 00:45:10.519
I'm I'm onto something here. And
then the next episode the series that I

665
00:45:10.599 --> 00:45:15.400
did was scapegoating and like the impact
that public shaming and stuff can have.

666
00:45:16.199 --> 00:45:21.079
And I listened to Duncan Trussell Family
Hour because I just love Duncan Trussell the

667
00:45:21.199 --> 00:45:23.840
greatest. He is just incredible,
and he is also a modern mystic.

668
00:45:24.519 --> 00:45:30.119
Effects Yeah he is. I think
I even said that at one point on

669
00:45:30.199 --> 00:45:31.519
the show, like he is one
of those he's on that list. He

670
00:45:31.639 --> 00:45:34.960
is. He is, There's no
doubt about it. Yeah, And if

671
00:45:34.960 --> 00:45:37.039
he's not regarded that now, he
will be in the features. And that's

672
00:45:37.079 --> 00:45:40.320
what I mean. We're all living
in a time where no one is really

673
00:45:40.480 --> 00:45:46.079
seen this way. Like Marian Woodman
is one of my favorite depth psychologists.

674
00:45:46.119 --> 00:45:50.280
She's a youngie and analyst. But
I just met a guy that knows her

675
00:45:51.039 --> 00:45:53.920
and he and I was like,
I was totally fangirling, which is like

676
00:45:54.000 --> 00:45:57.480
my niche, geeky fangirl. I
tells Az and I'm like, no one

677
00:45:57.559 --> 00:46:00.159
knows this, but I'm so excited, And he was just like, you

678
00:46:00.239 --> 00:46:04.719
do know that, Like no one
took Mary and Woodman seriously basically when she

679
00:46:04.880 --> 00:46:07.599
was alive, Like it took her
almost till the very end of her career

680
00:46:07.679 --> 00:46:10.480
to start getting taken seriously. And
now she's an icon, right so it's

681
00:46:10.599 --> 00:46:15.960
just like and there's countless examples of
that. I think, Like I think

682
00:46:15.039 --> 00:46:20.119
Emily Dickinson was pretty much she died
penniless and alone, Edgar Allan Poe,

683
00:46:20.320 --> 00:46:24.199
same story, right, Yeah,
all of these people. I used to

684
00:46:24.239 --> 00:46:27.440
wonder a lot if that was going
to be the case with our story.

685
00:46:27.519 --> 00:46:30.199
But I thank god, yeah,
thank god not. But I did wonder

686
00:46:30.280 --> 00:46:34.199
that a lot, like, well, you've made sure that's not the case.

687
00:46:36.519 --> 00:46:39.400
Yeah, And it should also be
said, I feel like Chris Bledsoe

688
00:46:39.559 --> 00:46:45.519
is on that list, oh so
is hell Yeah wild to feel like we

689
00:46:45.679 --> 00:46:52.800
are living in a time of mystics
again, Yeah, in that time,

690
00:46:52.159 --> 00:46:55.559
right, because like dude, as
as a kid, it wasn't like,

691
00:46:55.719 --> 00:46:59.679
you know, ten years ago even
it wasn't it didn't feel like this,

692
00:47:00.119 --> 00:47:02.119
No, I mean yeah, I
was even you know, to tie in

693
00:47:02.239 --> 00:47:06.679
with what we were talking about earlier, like that that thing, that thing

694
00:47:06.760 --> 00:47:08.760
that your mom shared, Yeah,
it made me. It made me think

695
00:47:09.400 --> 00:47:16.119
about how you guys were treated at
that period that was around it was twenty

696
00:47:16.199 --> 00:47:22.119
thirteen, was when that video was
from, so ten years ago, and

697
00:47:22.760 --> 00:47:28.840
the difference is polar, it's completely
polar opposite. It must be so vindicating

698
00:47:29.000 --> 00:47:31.760
for you guys, because but do
you always do you have? I wondered

699
00:47:31.800 --> 00:47:36.119
this, like, do you ever
kind of are you kind of still traumatized?

700
00:47:36.199 --> 00:47:37.760
Like you're like, is it going
to change again, like where everybody

701
00:47:37.840 --> 00:47:42.119
turns on us, Like because surely
I know it won't be that. Yeah,

702
00:47:42.440 --> 00:47:45.280
I don't think that's it. I
think yeah, definitely traumatized, but

703
00:47:45.320 --> 00:47:52.559
also like I feel like I'm at
a point where that is going away whatever

704
00:47:52.599 --> 00:47:58.599
that means. Yeah, yeah,
because here's the thing. Take it away

705
00:47:58.639 --> 00:48:04.079
from you now, right you Well
they can't well beyond that, like also

706
00:48:04.239 --> 00:48:07.400
there's actual scientific proof, yeah,
antiquity. So it's like at this point

707
00:48:07.480 --> 00:48:10.039
if anyone says like you know,
ah, they're bs in or they're not

708
00:48:10.119 --> 00:48:15.320
telling the truth or this or that
or whatever, it's like, well until

709
00:48:15.440 --> 00:48:21.000
you have either or any combination of
two of these heard you know, episodes

710
00:48:21.039 --> 00:48:24.159
of the podcast and seeing them were
authentic. Ordinary people watched the documentary,

711
00:48:24.199 --> 00:48:27.800
which is forty minutes. If that's
too much of your time, if you're

712
00:48:27.800 --> 00:48:30.719
going to sit there and criticize us, you can't. Everyone has the attention

713
00:48:30.840 --> 00:48:34.039
span of a goal, yeh.
Or read the book if you haven't done

714
00:48:34.079 --> 00:48:37.800
any of those three things preach then
then close your fucking mouth exactly because you

715
00:48:37.840 --> 00:48:40.480
know it's like you don't have the
right, No, you don't have an

716
00:48:40.519 --> 00:48:44.960
opinion on us. I was on
Reddit firm like reading because you know me,

717
00:48:45.079 --> 00:48:47.320
I'll do my research. Like I
was, like, it was just

718
00:48:47.760 --> 00:48:52.440
making me so upset saying the things
that people were saying because they just don't

719
00:48:52.559 --> 00:48:53.800
know, you know what I mean, they just don't know. They're lost,

720
00:48:54.039 --> 00:48:58.199
No, and they refuse to find
it. They to go after it,

721
00:48:58.519 --> 00:49:00.159
you know, because like this is
what I told Zaz and I told

722
00:49:00.199 --> 00:49:05.119
you this Ryan and me and Zaz
talked about it the other day. When

723
00:49:05.199 --> 00:49:10.199
you meet Chris, like your dad
is like the definition of twinkle in his

724
00:49:10.360 --> 00:49:15.119
eye, Like yeah, his you
know what, someone other than you,

725
00:49:15.719 --> 00:49:22.519
Yeah, like in addition to you
day, Yeah, his eyes like he

726
00:49:22.800 --> 00:49:28.280
has magic in his eyes, like
you can see it's like sparkling, like

727
00:49:29.280 --> 00:49:34.360
and when he talks to you,
it's just it feels like you're talking to

728
00:49:34.480 --> 00:49:38.559
a soul. Yeah, it's it's
it's indescribable. There's no filters there anymore,

729
00:49:38.679 --> 00:49:43.840
like there's no veils there. He's
speaking directly to you. You know

730
00:49:44.000 --> 00:49:46.039
that he's And also when we were
and we'll talk more about the experience,

731
00:49:46.119 --> 00:49:50.840
you know. But he wanted to
get outside and SkyWatch so bad. You

732
00:49:50.920 --> 00:49:53.480
can tell it. And I relate
to that because you know, like when

733
00:49:53.519 --> 00:49:59.440
you're on the path of finding something, it's like me, I I'm driven,

734
00:49:59.559 --> 00:50:00.679
Like if I I have like a
text that I'm wanting to read,

735
00:50:00.800 --> 00:50:04.199
like I'm like, oh my god, I don't want to watch a show

736
00:50:04.320 --> 00:50:07.320
or anything, like I want to
read this, Like I have to go

737
00:50:07.519 --> 00:50:09.760
read it. And when I saw
that, your dad is like, come

738
00:50:09.800 --> 00:50:13.000
on, let's wrap up dinner,
like we gotta go. We got oh,

739
00:50:13.079 --> 00:50:15.159
that's right, that's right, right, Like he was like, we

740
00:50:15.320 --> 00:50:19.159
got to get Yeah, Samuo's was
delicious. Yeah, we were at Samo's

741
00:50:19.639 --> 00:50:22.079
Greeks. Let's say it. Okay, Yeah, it is a Greek joint.

742
00:50:22.159 --> 00:50:25.239
It's actually in Italian. I also
left my purse there, so I

743
00:50:25.280 --> 00:50:29.280
got to go there again the next
day. That's right, that's right.

744
00:50:29.400 --> 00:50:31.679
Yeah, we were there and Dad
was like, dude, like, we

745
00:50:32.239 --> 00:50:35.639
let's go, Like I don't want
to sit down and eat, and he

746
00:50:35.800 --> 00:50:37.400
was already He's like how long is
this going to take? But not like

747
00:50:37.480 --> 00:50:40.480
the annoyed way, just as in
he was well, he's my dad,

748
00:50:40.519 --> 00:50:43.960
so I can put him in place, and I'm kind of elbowing and I'm

749
00:50:44.039 --> 00:50:46.360
like, I'm like, Dad,
we have guests. He knows when they're

750
00:50:46.400 --> 00:50:49.599
going to show up. I know, I know, but I but I

751
00:50:49.719 --> 00:50:52.159
also have to beat down on the
human level and be like, let's have

752
00:50:52.239 --> 00:50:55.639
a good time at dinner. Yeah, we're also all very hungry. Yeah,

753
00:50:55.960 --> 00:50:59.679
it was really funny. So he
was like, let's get out of

754
00:50:59.719 --> 00:51:02.920
here, sarwak. But he's driven
by something, right, you know,

755
00:51:04.119 --> 00:51:10.239
Like that's it's just unmistakable when you
meet him, and that's why people can

756
00:51:10.280 --> 00:51:14.880
say everything that they want. But
exactly like you read that book, I

757
00:51:15.519 --> 00:51:19.159
the document, I was but like
hearing it and your I still say,

758
00:51:19.400 --> 00:51:22.519
your dad has to do an audible
version where he's reading it. He has

759
00:51:22.639 --> 00:51:27.079
to like yeah, it's just I
want to hear it in his voice,

760
00:51:27.320 --> 00:51:30.119
like, you know, like I
want because he also just has such a

761
00:51:30.199 --> 00:51:34.519
presence with the way he speaks.
But I was crying so many times listening

762
00:51:34.559 --> 00:51:37.039
to that book, like I just
couldn't believe the whole time. I was

763
00:51:37.079 --> 00:51:39.719
just going, I can't believe what
this family is going through, Like I

764
00:51:39.920 --> 00:51:45.119
cannot believe what they're going through health
Wise and everything. I was learning about

765
00:51:45.199 --> 00:51:50.639
toxic shaming, about how you know
when you have such negative emotions for so

766
00:51:50.840 --> 00:51:54.239
long, how disease you know,
disease turns into dizz ease. And then

767
00:51:54.440 --> 00:51:59.079
all the health problems that Chris was
having and Chris Junior were having. I

768
00:51:59.199 --> 00:52:01.599
was going like me, like,
I was just thinking of gab Ormante's book

769
00:52:01.639 --> 00:52:05.320
The Myth of Normal, and I
was going like, this is because this

770
00:52:05.480 --> 00:52:08.039
is the result of what these fucking
people have been through, Like they're getting

771
00:52:08.239 --> 00:52:15.639
sick because they are getting shamed,
toxically shamed. And so that's what really

772
00:52:15.760 --> 00:52:19.639
prompted me to reach out to Ryan, like I heard him on Duncan Trussele

773
00:52:19.800 --> 00:52:22.519
read the book, and then I
was just like, the synchronicities are popping.

774
00:52:22.559 --> 00:52:24.280
I'm just gonna. I didn't think
that I would get a response back,

775
00:52:24.280 --> 00:52:28.719
because you always have to know that
you might not, but I was

776
00:52:28.800 --> 00:52:34.079
so excited when I did. Okay, so I feel like it's time to

777
00:52:34.199 --> 00:52:37.760
talk about Yeah, let's talk about
what happened. Thank God, don't keep

778
00:52:37.840 --> 00:52:40.239
me waiting any long. Nick,
do you know nothing? I listen,

779
00:52:40.320 --> 00:52:45.679
I know nothing in general. That's
like a good descriptor for me in my

780
00:52:45.800 --> 00:52:49.280
life, so you know, Jon
Snow, Yeah, no, that's me.

781
00:52:49.599 --> 00:52:52.480
You also have to keep in mind
that, like there there have already

782
00:52:52.519 --> 00:52:55.639
been three or four skywatching things since
you've been out. It's constantly happening.

783
00:52:55.960 --> 00:53:00.039
So like my philosophy is like we
just cover it now here on the show

784
00:53:00.159 --> 00:53:02.119
and say it. You know,
so he doesn't know any of this stuff.

785
00:53:02.199 --> 00:53:07.440
Oh that's great. Okay. So
like we obviously got there and we

786
00:53:07.480 --> 00:53:08.840
went out to dinner, I feel
like, you know, and we sat

787
00:53:08.880 --> 00:53:14.320
around chatting and it was just so
great because I had so many questions that

788
00:53:14.400 --> 00:53:16.559
I wanted to ask Chris after reading
the book. So I was just we

789
00:53:16.679 --> 00:53:21.159
got such a nice chat and we
were chatting for like two hours before we

790
00:53:21.239 --> 00:53:23.719
went to dinner, then chatted at
dinner. But I guess we'll cut to

791
00:53:23.800 --> 00:53:27.199
the part that everyone wants to hear
about, which is like skywatching. So

792
00:53:27.280 --> 00:53:31.960
we finally got outside and it was
a new moon, and so it was

793
00:53:32.280 --> 00:53:37.599
Remember it was really bright outside.
And also wasn't it like the it was

794
00:53:37.679 --> 00:53:39.199
within days of the full moon.
I think, oh, yeah, you're

795
00:53:39.239 --> 00:53:42.280
right, you're right, new moon
it would be dark. Yeah, no

796
00:53:42.320 --> 00:53:45.239
it yeah, it was like almost
the full moon. The sky was very

797
00:53:45.320 --> 00:53:49.800
bright, and it was also really
cloudy, and so it had been raining

798
00:53:49.840 --> 00:53:52.519
a lot, and I just remember
Ryan was just like, hopefully the weather

799
00:53:52.599 --> 00:53:53.519
would be good, and this whole
time, I'm like, I fucking hope

800
00:53:53.559 --> 00:53:59.039
it will be because we blew your
brits. But also you can't control the

801
00:53:59.119 --> 00:54:05.079
weather, right, So it's just
like so we sat down outside in the

802
00:54:05.159 --> 00:54:07.840
lawn chairs that they had, and
all I remember thinking, and this is

803
00:54:07.920 --> 00:54:10.960
just so typical because I'm happy I
told you guys about my inner critic.

804
00:54:12.079 --> 00:54:15.679
That's a bitch. She was just
like saying the whole time, like watch,

805
00:54:15.039 --> 00:54:19.119
watch, You're going to be the
one person that doesn't see anything like

806
00:54:19.280 --> 00:54:22.760
and and what does that say about
you if you're And then and when me

807
00:54:22.840 --> 00:54:27.679
and Zaz talked, he was having
the same thoughts. He because because we

808
00:54:27.800 --> 00:54:30.480
kind of were sitting there for a
while, and I remember Ryan like,

809
00:54:30.920 --> 00:54:34.760
bless you, Ryan, because you're
like these people flew all the way here,

810
00:54:34.920 --> 00:54:37.199
like I really you wanted us to
be able to see something, you

811
00:54:37.280 --> 00:54:39.639
know, like but you also knew
you can't control it. But I just

812
00:54:39.760 --> 00:54:43.719
know you you were kind of Ryan
was doing the thing of like sometimes it

813
00:54:43.760 --> 00:54:46.400
takes a while don't worry. But
I was telling you the truth. Yeah,

814
00:54:46.519 --> 00:54:51.119
yeah, yeah, And it did
exactly, but as in you could

815
00:54:51.239 --> 00:54:55.559
sense I think my that you were
afraid exactly. And I'm going to talk

816
00:54:55.599 --> 00:55:00.239
more about that too, because I
am. And that's a thing that I

817
00:55:00.480 --> 00:55:07.320
think that that's probably why my like
my visual intuitive faculties aren't online as much,

818
00:55:07.400 --> 00:55:12.239
because I think that I still have
more time to release some of the

819
00:55:12.320 --> 00:55:15.840
fears that I have because I'm a
very jumpy person. I have a lot

820
00:55:15.880 --> 00:55:19.519
of trauma in my background and so
and there's a reason for that, right,

821
00:55:19.639 --> 00:55:22.719
Like I I'm like Helga and hair
Arnold, like you know what I

822
00:55:22.800 --> 00:55:25.639
mean. Like I'm like always ready
to just like backhand someone, like if

823
00:55:25.679 --> 00:55:30.320
you're close and if there's a sound, I'm like ready to go and go.

824
00:55:30.400 --> 00:55:35.559
And that's not good when you're trying
to have mystical experiences, you know.

825
00:55:35.719 --> 00:55:39.119
So I'm working in my own life
doing a lot of somatic experiencing therapy

826
00:55:39.199 --> 00:55:44.119
to try to release some of this
trauma because I am. I had some

827
00:55:44.559 --> 00:55:47.880
instances of sexual assault in my background, and so there's still a lot of

828
00:55:49.079 --> 00:55:54.840
that jumpyusness there. Yeah, but
but it's not very great for you know

829
00:55:55.039 --> 00:56:00.400
having these experiences because like right said, I think the phenomena knows it doesn't

830
00:56:00.400 --> 00:56:04.679
want to scare you. It doesn't
want to unless you're Christian. You're in

831
00:56:04.800 --> 00:56:08.119
Chris, I can oh you know
what I mean? Like because then that's

832
00:56:08.199 --> 00:56:13.159
hard, right, because some people
do have really jarring experiences where the phenomena

833
00:56:13.239 --> 00:56:15.800
clearly is just like, well,
we're just going to give you the full

834
00:56:15.000 --> 00:56:20.199
manty, you know, but it's
clearly being gentle with me. And I

835
00:56:20.280 --> 00:56:22.360
appreciate that. And I was telling
you that the whole time too, right,

836
00:56:22.679 --> 00:56:25.760
yeah he was, and you were
so reassuring. And so we were

837
00:56:25.800 --> 00:56:30.599
sitting there and Chris kept being like
okay, because we were we were all

838
00:56:30.679 --> 00:56:34.079
chatting, like we all get along
so well. So me, Ryan and

839
00:56:34.199 --> 00:56:36.920
that are just like chatting, having
a good time, and Chris kept kind

840
00:56:36.920 --> 00:56:37.960
of like directing us to say,
like, you know, we need to

841
00:56:39.159 --> 00:56:44.360
have like the football chat shut up
and like not that, but kind of

842
00:56:44.519 --> 00:56:46.639
a very kind Chris way, like
hey, guys, we need to bring

843
00:56:46.719 --> 00:56:52.199
our focus, bring our intentions.
Think about the Holy Spirit, because that's

844
00:56:52.239 --> 00:56:53.320
what he does, right, He's
like, think about the Holy Spirit,

845
00:56:53.440 --> 00:56:58.400
think about you know, just think
about the light and like really bring your

846
00:56:58.440 --> 00:57:00.800
intentions, like, let's let's get
into a more meditative state. So we

847
00:57:00.880 --> 00:57:07.199
all did. We quieted down,
and still not much was happening. And

848
00:57:07.360 --> 00:57:10.400
then I saw and we all saw
it. It was like one of the

849
00:57:10.559 --> 00:57:14.400
orbs that's like really small, you
know, like and it's just kind of

850
00:57:14.440 --> 00:57:15.880
doing its thing in the sky.
And I was just like, and it's

851
00:57:15.880 --> 00:57:20.079
one of those things where and I
have to admit when I saw that,

852
00:57:20.239 --> 00:57:22.119
I went, I've seen that in
the sky before, you know what I

853
00:57:22.199 --> 00:57:25.719
mean, just thinking about it exactly, but you want to know what it

854
00:57:25.880 --> 00:57:30.960
is. It's I just thought,
whatever, that's just that's just a plane,

855
00:57:30.159 --> 00:57:34.320
right, like my brain always does. And I was just listening to

856
00:57:35.199 --> 00:57:37.760
I think like Liminal Frames. You've
probably heard of that podcast maybe, Oh

857
00:57:38.079 --> 00:57:43.440
you guys, you guys, Ryan, you love it. This exo academian

858
00:57:43.559 --> 00:57:45.480
is his name. He always signs
off the podcast saying from the Blue Ridge

859
00:57:45.519 --> 00:57:50.079
Mountains in North Carolina. I was
like, you guys need to be he's

860
00:57:50.480 --> 00:57:54.800
you When I say this guy asked, yeah, oh is a bad?

861
00:57:55.679 --> 00:58:06.519
Oh? Oh no? All that? Well what happened next? He You're

862
00:58:06.639 --> 00:58:12.119
like, anyways, he but he
had someone on the podcast that was really

863
00:58:12.199 --> 00:58:15.280
reflective this guy and he basically had
an experience when he was younger. He

864
00:58:15.400 --> 00:58:19.719
grew up into working at like CERN, and shit, this guy went on

865
00:58:19.880 --> 00:58:24.679
to become that explains everything. Yeah
whoa, yeah that explaining but he had

866
00:58:24.719 --> 00:58:30.079
a very but he broke from CERN
and now he's more into mystical stuff,

867
00:58:30.280 --> 00:58:32.440
right, so like he he doesn't. He's a very unique, very very

868
00:58:32.480 --> 00:58:36.440
interesting person. He's into young now. And he basically said, like,

869
00:58:36.559 --> 00:58:40.239
we're asking the wrong questions, right. He he brought up the the Netflix

870
00:58:40.320 --> 00:58:45.280
documentary like that was that came out
that really highlighted those those children that had

871
00:58:45.320 --> 00:58:49.559
that experience in South Africa. I
think yeah, And he said one of

872
00:58:49.639 --> 00:58:53.239
those young men who'd grown up said, I think that we're asked. He

873
00:58:53.280 --> 00:58:58.480
said that he thought this was the
most profound comment about the of the phenomena

874
00:58:58.840 --> 00:59:02.400
that he heard, where he said, we're asking the wrong question. It's

875
00:59:02.480 --> 00:59:06.480
not who are they? I don't
quote me on this, but he said,

876
00:59:07.199 --> 00:59:09.960
this is more about what are we? Right, Like, what are

877
00:59:10.119 --> 00:59:14.320
what are we capable of? And
that's what we should be thinking of,

878
00:59:14.519 --> 00:59:19.960
is like are we saying that for
years? Exactly? But you want to

879
00:59:20.000 --> 00:59:22.920
know that's part of the beautiful part, Ryan, is that like that common

880
00:59:23.039 --> 00:59:27.960
thread that's part of the validation is
the fact that you know, the people

881
00:59:28.039 --> 00:59:32.039
that have had these genuine experiences are
having these same thoughts. But this actual

882
00:59:32.119 --> 00:59:37.760
physicist guy, he basically said he
was just like he had this experience when

883
00:59:37.760 --> 00:59:39.599
he was young, and he went, that's not real, right, he

884
00:59:39.679 --> 00:59:43.039
shut it out of his mind.
And that's what happened to me when I

885
00:59:43.119 --> 00:59:45.320
saw those tiny little orbs. But
then I saw them with you guys,

886
00:59:45.559 --> 00:59:50.800
and I went, oh my gosh, like maybe I've seen this before.

887
00:59:51.280 --> 00:59:55.400
And then then they became clearer,
and then the next thing that we saw

888
00:59:57.239 --> 01:00:00.519
was like it almost was like and
Ryan, I feel like I cut you

889
01:00:00.599 --> 01:00:02.599
off. Were you going to say
something I didn't. It's better that you

890
01:00:02.639 --> 01:00:07.800
did. I'll tell you after.
It's just better that you did. I

891
01:00:07.920 --> 01:00:15.039
gotta be nice, bad Ryan.
Well, I'm they today, right right

892
01:00:15.119 --> 01:00:22.679
right. Yeah, But we saw
through the trees. It was like a

893
01:00:22.760 --> 01:00:25.800
photographer's flash bowl, but like really
soft, you know, and it's like,

894
01:00:27.440 --> 01:00:30.800
you know, like it was like
really slow flash like when you like

895
01:00:30.880 --> 01:00:37.400
get your cheesy pictures done at sears. It's just like, yeah, I

896
01:00:37.480 --> 01:00:42.760
know exactly exactly. And I was
just like and even then I was like,

897
01:00:43.440 --> 01:00:46.039
oh my god, what the fuck? Oh my god. And then

898
01:00:46.159 --> 01:00:50.119
even then I was just like oh
and so then but then it stopped and

899
01:00:50.199 --> 01:00:53.199
I was like, oh, okay, like maybe that was it. And

900
01:00:53.280 --> 01:00:59.360
so we were quiet, and then
Ryan and Zaz are talking, and because

901
01:00:59.360 --> 01:01:07.079
it's Ryan and Zazz me Chris,
I'm next, I'm next to Chris.

902
01:01:07.440 --> 01:01:12.320
And I was talking to Chris about
you know, he was just asking me

903
01:01:12.360 --> 01:01:15.400
about my life and I was it
was I was telling him about my sexual

904
01:01:15.440 --> 01:01:17.360
assault and I was just telling him
because he's basically saying, like, is

905
01:01:17.400 --> 01:01:21.760
there anything that you're like wanting to
heal? And then I said, you

906
01:01:21.840 --> 01:01:25.320
know, I just want to I
just still have a really fucked up relationship

907
01:01:25.400 --> 01:01:29.360
with my sexuality after everything I've been
through. And I just told him,

908
01:01:29.400 --> 01:01:31.719
I was like, I really want
to heal from that and just overcome these

909
01:01:31.800 --> 01:01:37.400
wounds. And as he was just
saying, as Chris does just really beautiful

910
01:01:37.440 --> 01:01:44.679
things, and that conversation to me
and he just you know, your dad's

911
01:01:44.760 --> 01:01:46.480
just such an amazing person. It's
going to like make me cry because he

912
01:01:46.679 --> 01:01:52.360
was just really though, he was
just he's just like I actually can't even

913
01:01:52.440 --> 01:01:54.800
remember what he said, but it
was just your dad was so soothing to

914
01:01:54.880 --> 01:01:59.719
me in that moment and the moment
that we were taught. And the reason

915
01:01:59.719 --> 01:02:05.280
why I forgot is because what fucking
happened next. And then so I was

916
01:02:05.440 --> 01:02:07.800
so close to Chris, like our
heads were like imagine like two little school

917
01:02:07.800 --> 01:02:14.079
girls talking out a sleepover. We
had like our heads punched together as we

918
01:02:14.199 --> 01:02:22.079
were talking. And then literally at
the same time, a a an orb

919
01:02:22.320 --> 01:02:30.039
that was like a very golden,
golden flaming comes arcing, and me and

920
01:02:30.159 --> 01:02:35.960
Chris were like this, like a
like a movie. We're like both of

921
01:02:36.039 --> 01:02:38.679
our heads at the same time.
It was like this, and it just

922
01:02:38.800 --> 01:02:43.559
went because there's a tree like right
by your dad's WORKSHD, and then there's

923
01:02:43.599 --> 01:02:49.920
a tree right there and it just
went over and I was like a like

924
01:02:52.920 --> 01:02:55.079
and and your dad was like,
that's so great to see you so excited

925
01:02:55.079 --> 01:02:59.880
because I was overjoyed, and Zaz
caught like the tail end of it.

926
01:03:00.079 --> 01:03:02.519
So I caught the whole arc.
I missed the whole thing. It was

927
01:03:02.639 --> 01:03:06.599
for you. It was for you, you know what. Lately I find

928
01:03:06.639 --> 01:03:09.639
myself at these group skywatching settings with
Dad where I'm trying to like help him

929
01:03:09.679 --> 01:03:13.199
like coach people like I do with
you guys, like it's all right,

930
01:03:13.280 --> 01:03:15.800
you know, trying to dispel fear
now, and I'm like really paying attention

931
01:03:15.880 --> 01:03:17.920
to the people. And then there's
these brilliant spectacles in the sky and I

932
01:03:19.039 --> 01:03:23.159
keep missing them. Whatever. It's
okay, you know, I know,

933
01:03:23.320 --> 01:03:27.239
but like I'm so grateful to be
in that position. Yeah, you know

934
01:03:27.280 --> 01:03:30.840
what I mean. Phenomenon now.
Yeah, but the reason I missed you

935
01:03:30.920 --> 01:03:36.000
need to get him a little outfit, yeah, like paranormal camp count.

936
01:03:37.079 --> 01:03:40.559
But the reason I missed it is
because I was turned to the right and

937
01:03:40.679 --> 01:03:45.480
I was looking at Zazz and I
was trying to talk to him like I

938
01:03:45.639 --> 01:03:46.199
was, you know, just being
me. I'm like, dude, come

939
01:03:46.280 --> 01:03:49.159
on, man, like you know, I'm looking at him. I'm like,

940
01:03:49.440 --> 01:03:51.840
you saw that. That didn't scare
you, did it? Like do

941
01:03:51.880 --> 01:03:54.280
you feel anything scary about that?
Just just just fluffing them up on like

942
01:03:54.360 --> 01:03:58.639
how benevolent it is and how like
be afraid that kind of thing. And

943
01:03:58.760 --> 01:04:00.559
that thing popped right over as I'm
looking to the right and they're all looking

944
01:04:00.599 --> 01:04:03.880
to the left, and it was
so dark. Even though it was like

945
01:04:03.960 --> 01:04:05.920
the sky was bright, it was
so dark down, you know where in

946
01:04:05.960 --> 01:04:11.599
the woods there's not lights around.
Literally all I could see was the whites

947
01:04:11.599 --> 01:04:15.800
of their eyes and their white teeth, like ah, I just remember like,

948
01:04:16.400 --> 01:04:24.159
like, dude, it was close
right like you guys beamed me with

949
01:04:24.440 --> 01:04:29.159
just like eyes and teeth like ah. It was such an amazing sight.

950
01:04:29.400 --> 01:04:31.320
It was. And that's that's what
Chris said, because Chris was like,

951
01:04:31.400 --> 01:04:36.920
it's always so nice to see someone's
first initial. Oh yeah, because that's

952
01:04:38.000 --> 01:04:43.119
it, Like it's pure awe right, like like what I don't even know

953
01:04:43.239 --> 01:04:46.159
how to describe it, because and
that's when I recorded this episode for my

954
01:04:46.239 --> 01:04:49.159
listeners, I'm just going, how
do you even put that into words?

955
01:04:49.199 --> 01:04:56.840
What you described? Like I literally
saw it. It was a huge flaming

956
01:04:57.079 --> 01:05:03.079
golden ball, right like, and
it was so close, like it was

957
01:05:03.199 --> 01:05:09.440
literally fifteen feet away from from us. I was just going, like what

958
01:05:10.480 --> 01:05:15.760
that's close? And then then after
that happened, I mean, what more

959
01:05:15.880 --> 01:05:18.320
where can you ask for? Right? But we stayed out there because Ryan's

960
01:05:18.360 --> 01:05:21.760
like, well, let's stay like
there. Shit happens, it continues to

961
01:05:21.800 --> 01:05:28.440
happen, and so Zaz saw a
lot more like so after that, Zaz

962
01:05:28.599 --> 01:05:30.440
was seeing stuff. But here's the
thing. If it's going to appear to

963
01:05:30.480 --> 01:05:34.599
anyone, it's going to be to
Zaz, because Zaz is calm like he

964
01:05:34.800 --> 01:05:38.400
was, and he said that in
his mind, he took what Chris said

965
01:05:38.480 --> 01:05:42.639
very seriously. He was sitting there
and he I specifically didn't talk to Zaz

966
01:05:42.760 --> 01:05:45.559
because I didn't want to impact his
experience, like so I wanted him to

967
01:05:45.639 --> 01:05:49.760
have his own thing and I was
having my own thing. And so he

968
01:05:49.920 --> 01:05:54.400
told me later that he was just
staring into the woods and just taking what

969
01:05:54.559 --> 01:05:57.519
Chris said, which just like we
were seeing stuff in the woods. Yeah,

970
01:05:58.400 --> 01:06:00.320
yes, like you guys were saying, well what were Za said,

971
01:06:00.480 --> 01:06:04.960
it was like lights right, like
it was orbs in the woods. Yes,

972
01:06:05.599 --> 01:06:10.039
and Za said he was just thinking
like I'm ready to see you,

973
01:06:10.599 --> 01:06:15.360
like I'm I want to see like
just really, you know, just meditating

974
01:06:15.480 --> 01:06:18.480
on the fact that he wanted to
have more experiences. Later on, I

975
01:06:18.599 --> 01:06:21.400
went and walked, like you know
how you can kind of walk into that

976
01:06:21.519 --> 01:06:27.679
clearing more close towards the trees.
Yeah, And so I got a little

977
01:06:27.719 --> 01:06:31.519
ballsy and then then we all know
what happened. Ryan kind of started following

978
01:06:31.639 --> 01:06:44.559
me closer, and I heard I
literally screamed and like almost it was a

979
01:06:44.639 --> 01:06:47.639
jump. It was a full jump
scare. And then at that point Chris

980
01:06:47.920 --> 01:06:51.000
blessed him. Chris was like,
yeah, I don't know what your dad

981
01:06:51.079 --> 01:06:55.119
said, but he's like, yeah, they can probably sense that you're afraid.

982
01:06:55.199 --> 01:07:00.039
I was sorry, you know what. The the one that was significant

983
01:07:00.079 --> 01:07:05.440
to me was when I was telling
the two of you the story of the

984
01:07:05.599 --> 01:07:10.960
night that Nick and his whole family
was there and we were sitting on those

985
01:07:11.119 --> 01:07:13.960
chairs. This was back when was
that Nick June it was. It was

986
01:07:14.039 --> 01:07:15.880
in the summer, for sure.
I think it was Father's Day. No,

987
01:07:16.000 --> 01:07:18.280
I think it was Father's Day that
weekend, Yeah it was. It

988
01:07:18.360 --> 01:07:20.800
was yeah, yeah, it wasn't
Father's Day, but it was like the

989
01:07:20.880 --> 01:07:25.920
day before or the day before that. And Nick's entire family was out there

990
01:07:26.159 --> 01:07:30.599
minus No I think everybody was there. It was your dad, both your

991
01:07:30.639 --> 01:07:33.519
siblings, their kids, their kid. Yeah, everybody was there. Was

992
01:07:33.519 --> 01:07:39.360
a huge And keep in mind,
Ryan and I have been friends year sixteen,

993
01:07:39.480 --> 01:07:45.480
seventeen years maybe something like that,
and my family has never seen anything

994
01:07:45.119 --> 01:07:49.079
until literally a few months ago,
and it well, that was also the

995
01:07:49.119 --> 01:07:53.679
first night both of our families were
all together together too, So that's the

996
01:07:53.840 --> 01:07:58.400
whole family. Yeah, it really
was, and they've never seen anything like

997
01:07:58.519 --> 01:08:03.719
that. And I mean we got
of July like grand Finale, and then

998
01:08:03.920 --> 01:08:09.960
also leading up to that. For
many years, you can ask Ryan,

999
01:08:10.480 --> 01:08:14.480
I've always been like, I've see
them, I've seen them, but like,

1000
01:08:14.599 --> 01:08:16.640
I've never seen them up close.
They've never gotten close to me.

1001
01:08:16.720 --> 01:08:20.239
Why don't they ever get close to
me? All this for years, But

1002
01:08:20.439 --> 01:08:26.880
then that night it was like one
of them was in arm's reach of me.

1003
01:08:27.159 --> 01:08:31.840
And then I found out later on
both sides. Jack Emily's husband said

1004
01:08:32.000 --> 01:08:36.640
that when the one flashed in front
of me, simultaneously one flash behind me.

1005
01:08:38.119 --> 01:08:40.560
Yeah, I saw it. Yeah, you saw it too, that's

1006
01:08:40.600 --> 01:08:44.239
right, that's right. Yeah,
I've never seen anything like that. I

1007
01:08:44.439 --> 01:08:46.600
was. So this was mind blowing. This was truly mind blowing. So

1008
01:08:46.720 --> 01:08:51.560
that night that Molly and z As
were over, I was telling them the

1009
01:08:51.720 --> 01:08:56.359
story of that night, just you
know, because it's helpful. Obviously it

1010
01:08:56.479 --> 01:09:00.640
worked because it's it's it's it's opening
your mind about like possible how they interact.

1011
01:09:00.800 --> 01:09:02.680
And I was telling you, guys, Nick, do you remember when

1012
01:09:02.760 --> 01:09:06.359
Dad was like, all right,
everybody stand up and turn around right now,

1013
01:09:06.520 --> 01:09:10.159
And there was an orb in the
sky. Oh what he What he'd

1014
01:09:10.279 --> 01:09:14.079
said was he literally just started standing
up and he goes, look right there.

1015
01:09:14.319 --> 01:09:16.800
Before he even turned around, he
said, look right there. And

1016
01:09:16.920 --> 01:09:19.439
I was like, why are you
saying look right there if you haven't even

1017
01:09:19.680 --> 01:09:24.520
and turns around in points and literally
where he pointed there was one and we

1018
01:09:24.600 --> 01:09:27.640
were. I immediately turned around and
was like, how did he do that?

1019
01:09:28.520 --> 01:09:30.760
Yeah? I was not. I've
never seen that. That was my

1020
01:09:30.840 --> 01:09:33.840
first time seeing him do that.
So here's the funny thing. He could

1021
01:09:33.880 --> 01:09:36.760
just call right where it was going
to be. He was in advance the

1022
01:09:36.920 --> 01:09:41.479
opposite direction, and he started standing
up and it was just like this,

1023
01:09:41.920 --> 01:09:46.640
he went right over there and then
there it was. It was so okay,

1024
01:09:46.760 --> 01:09:49.279
so so follow me here. So
now we have that story in our

1025
01:09:49.319 --> 01:09:51.920
mind. So the night that Molly
and Zas are over, I'm telling them

1026
01:09:53.119 --> 01:09:59.159
that story. As I'm saying that
story, I get a flash. Do

1027
01:09:59.199 --> 01:10:01.960
you remember Molly? And I was
like, oh shit, that's that's hilarious,

1028
01:10:02.079 --> 01:10:05.840
right crazy. I was like,
whoa, that's wild. And that's

1029
01:10:05.880 --> 01:10:10.239
about eight thirty. We really had
just gotten out there. Yeah yeah,

1030
01:10:10.319 --> 01:10:14.199
and for you know, I stay
out there for a while until about eleven

1031
01:10:14.239 --> 01:10:16.680
thirty. Yeah, we stated for
yeah, about eleven thirty, and I

1032
01:10:17.079 --> 01:10:20.359
kind of probe Dad hours before in
private, I'm like, Dad, when

1033
01:10:20.359 --> 01:10:24.800
are you feeling? When's the sweet
spot? He gets this sense like at

1034
01:10:24.880 --> 01:10:28.399
this time they're gonna they're gonna really
show up. So I was probing him

1035
01:10:28.399 --> 01:10:30.479
like when you think, when you
think? He kept being like nine.

1036
01:10:30.960 --> 01:10:32.079
So then in front of Mollian's as, I was like, Dad, what's

1037
01:10:32.119 --> 01:10:35.479
your meter, what's your what's your
asking, what's what's your radar? Say

1038
01:10:35.520 --> 01:10:39.880
what's the time? And he just
kind of laughed. He'd be like,

1039
01:10:39.960 --> 01:10:44.359
well nine, he called it.
Oh, it gets better than calling it.

1040
01:10:45.560 --> 01:10:47.039
He's like nine, and I'm like, okay, cool. So then

1041
01:10:47.159 --> 01:10:50.600
about eight twenty five, eight thirty, you know, I tell them that

1042
01:10:50.760 --> 01:10:55.039
story where I'm like he did the
thing and it flashed and I'm like dang,

1043
01:10:55.920 --> 01:10:59.119
and Dad sets an alarm on his
phone for nine. He's like,

1044
01:10:59.640 --> 01:11:02.920
you know, nine. So we
see a few little flashes, but eventually

1045
01:11:03.319 --> 01:11:09.039
down the road we see a bright, huge fucking flash and we're all like

1046
01:11:09.239 --> 01:11:16.439
whoa, and then we hearing literally
nine o'clock alarm. It's like, come

1047
01:11:16.520 --> 01:11:20.000
on, it was insane that it
is too good. Bro, see he's

1048
01:11:20.039 --> 01:11:25.800
in the list of the mystics.
Man. That's mean, it's real.

1049
01:11:26.199 --> 01:11:30.079
If this ship was happening in medieval
England, for example, people would be

1050
01:11:30.319 --> 01:11:34.600
saying he would will either they'd be
burning him at the stake or they they

1051
01:11:34.640 --> 01:11:43.039
would be saying that he is a
saint or something like or anything. But

1052
01:11:43.399 --> 01:11:47.000
it would be huge. Oh you
know the so Donald Trump of me right

1053
01:11:47.039 --> 01:11:54.239
now, it would be it would
be huge. You do a great Trump

1054
01:11:54.640 --> 01:11:58.920
begs that was really good. I
don't know if I'm proud of it,

1055
01:11:59.000 --> 01:12:01.520
but oh, I mean I just
like it. I like anyone that can

1056
01:12:01.560 --> 01:12:06.239
do impressions like this with your hands. That's all you have to do.

1057
01:12:08.159 --> 01:12:15.479
You have to do. That's it. I'm sorry everyone that you even had

1058
01:12:15.560 --> 01:12:23.119
to hear. I'm sorry that this
story is blowing my mind like crazy right

1059
01:12:23.199 --> 01:12:26.359
now. It's just it's insane.
Yeah, sorry, Ryan, go ahead,

1060
01:12:26.479 --> 01:12:30.359
Well no, I mean no,
you go on. So after you

1061
01:12:30.560 --> 01:12:32.680
left? Yeah, well okay,
so help me remember this here, Molly,

1062
01:12:32.720 --> 01:12:36.840
because I've had a lot gone since
you. I can't even remember when

1063
01:12:36.840 --> 01:12:41.279
you were here. Was it three
weeks ago? I can remember. I

1064
01:12:41.359 --> 01:12:45.119
think it was three or four weeks. Okay, had my dad done that?

1065
01:12:45.279 --> 01:12:47.479
Festival that I had. He already
did it, yep. Okay,

1066
01:12:47.479 --> 01:12:51.800
And we saw the videos remember or
like you guys talk the one with Larry

1067
01:12:53.880 --> 01:12:56.680
Yeah yeah, okay, yeah,
okay, cool cool, Yeah, And

1068
01:12:56.800 --> 01:13:00.399
your dad told us about that story
of like everyone seeing it at once,

1069
01:13:00.479 --> 01:13:04.520
like with everyone's launch, right,
Okay. So since that, Dad and

1070
01:13:04.600 --> 01:13:10.359
I have been talking a lot,
like we really want to start showing people.

1071
01:13:10.640 --> 01:13:13.880
You know, it's not enough to
talk on camera anymore. It's like

1072
01:13:14.600 --> 01:13:16.119
it's it's there has to be a
next level to this. There has to

1073
01:13:16.199 --> 01:13:19.439
be a you know, inviting crowds
kind of thing. And we're like,

1074
01:13:19.560 --> 01:13:24.439
no, are the more people with
good intentions? I feel like the energy

1075
01:13:24.520 --> 01:13:26.720
is there. It's very like witchy, you know. But I but I

1076
01:13:26.840 --> 01:13:30.239
believe in that. I believe in
the ritualistic like energy of a bunch of

1077
01:13:30.560 --> 01:13:32.279
people. Have to have good vibes
though, well, I mean, Jesus

1078
01:13:32.319 --> 01:13:36.119
said, when two or three are
gathered in my name, like, that's

1079
01:13:36.239 --> 01:13:41.279
that's in reality, that's that's true, no matter what lens you look at,

1080
01:13:41.319 --> 01:13:45.039
it is when when doing them.
Oh, we already have That's what

1081
01:13:45.119 --> 01:13:47.920
I was going to tell you.
And so we started small. We started

1082
01:13:48.000 --> 01:13:51.880
with a group of eleven of us
and it was on the beach out here.

1083
01:13:53.199 --> 01:13:56.279
Oh yeah, the pictures on your
Instagram. Yeah, I'm not gonna

1084
01:13:56.399 --> 01:14:00.840
tell the full story yet because we're
actually about to do yeah yeah, yeah,

1085
01:14:00.920 --> 01:14:03.960
yeah, but it was it was
insane and it's like something's definitely happening,

1086
01:14:04.279 --> 01:14:08.079
and it was the first Now this
is this is historic to me.

1087
01:14:08.319 --> 01:14:12.079
Okay to the people out there who
have been listening for years. Some people

1088
01:14:12.119 --> 01:14:15.239
have been listening since literally two thousand
and eight, and they know this inside

1089
01:14:15.279 --> 01:14:15.920
and out, and they're like,
yeah, you know, they've had lots

1090
01:14:15.920 --> 01:14:19.720
of crowd see, ye, that's
fine, you know, seventy people since

1091
01:14:19.760 --> 01:14:24.039
two thousand and eight. No,
but that's when Dad's documentary first came out.

1092
01:14:25.039 --> 01:14:30.039
People have known about us since two
thousand and eight. But in all

1093
01:14:30.119 --> 01:14:33.520
this time, to me, one
of the very most mind blowing spectacles was

1094
01:14:34.439 --> 01:14:38.960
two weekends ago when we did it
on the beach for the first time with

1095
01:14:39.119 --> 01:14:43.199
a with a public crowd in a
public space. Even though it was a

1096
01:14:43.239 --> 01:14:45.520
small crowd, it's like, forget
the number. It's the very first time

1097
01:14:46.239 --> 01:14:53.560
that Dad and I said, okay, our actual intention is to gather a

1098
01:14:54.880 --> 01:14:59.880
subjective number of people meet at a
space that is not even our property,

1099
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.000
it's just a public space. Yeah, this is our first time that we're

1100
01:15:03.079 --> 01:15:08.479
like, we're going to meet here
because we want to show people. Anytime

1101
01:15:08.600 --> 01:15:12.840
anyone has ever been to our property
skywatching, it's exactly like you reach out.

1102
01:15:13.000 --> 01:15:15.319
Hey. It's like, you know, we get in touch and then

1103
01:15:15.439 --> 01:15:16.359
either we're like, well, come
on out, or you're like can I

1104
01:15:16.439 --> 01:15:18.560
come out? You didn't do that? Did I invited you? You know

1105
01:15:18.600 --> 01:15:21.199
what I mean? Yeah, that's
how it always is. It's people reaching

1106
01:15:21.239 --> 01:15:27.920
out again. I want to stress
this is the first time the dad and

1107
01:15:28.000 --> 01:15:30.760
I went out and said, all
right, meet us here, we'll show

1108
01:15:30.760 --> 01:15:34.079
you the orbs. You know,
we believe that they'll do it, and

1109
01:15:34.159 --> 01:15:40.359
they fucking did it so and it
was crazy. So something's happening. Like

1110
01:15:40.439 --> 01:15:46.039
something's happening. We want people to
see. It's in my opinion, it's

1111
01:15:46.079 --> 01:15:49.279
the Age of Aquarius is happening.
You know. I believe. I think

1112
01:15:49.359 --> 01:15:53.600
in time, people will look back
on all these episodes we recorded years ago

1113
01:15:53.640 --> 01:15:57.520
and be like, damn, they
were right. But the point is,

1114
01:15:57.760 --> 01:16:01.319
Molly, as you've witnessed you say
something like they're gonna show up at nine

1115
01:16:01.760 --> 01:16:04.319
Yeah, ding ding ding, ing
they show up at nine? What is

1116
01:16:04.359 --> 01:16:06.359
that? What does that mean?
In the deeper levels? What does that

1117
01:16:06.439 --> 01:16:12.560
mean that entity looked at us and
said, okay, lights on at nine,

1118
01:16:12.640 --> 01:16:15.199
it showtime here I am, And
they appear and they do their trick,

1119
01:16:15.399 --> 01:16:17.560
right. It's not that Dad has
command over them. It's that they

1120
01:16:18.039 --> 01:16:23.159
is your dad, that entity in
the future. And is there a connection

1121
01:16:23.279 --> 01:16:27.319
there, Well, that's a beautiful
possibility. But my point is they are

1122
01:16:27.399 --> 01:16:32.079
participating exactly. They are participating in
this little song and dance of okay,

1123
01:16:33.159 --> 01:16:39.439
nine's the time right poof a crowd
of people on the beach. They participated,

1124
01:16:39.640 --> 01:16:42.760
and they participated like it was the
stars shaken around in the sky.

1125
01:16:43.560 --> 01:16:47.000
It was insane, and orbs bright
orbs hovering over the ocean, some of

1126
01:16:47.039 --> 01:16:51.960
them shooting down into the ocean,
and it was it was insane. Something's

1127
01:16:53.000 --> 01:16:58.000
happening. And you were a part
of me and Dad having these these kind

1128
01:16:58.039 --> 01:17:01.600
of more intimate skywatching groups with like
influencers and people like that and being like,

1129
01:17:01.720 --> 01:17:05.560
let's take this more public. Hate
that word. I'm not an influencer.

1130
01:17:06.960 --> 01:17:10.159
I think it's a compliment, you
know, because it's like, I

1131
01:17:10.359 --> 01:17:13.840
believe that my role is to influence, the influencers. I'm a nerd.

1132
01:17:15.119 --> 01:17:19.720
I'm a professional nerd. Okay,
well, okay, you know what to

1133
01:17:19.760 --> 01:17:26.680
be known as you shall be.
And now I'm suddenly filled with a dread

1134
01:17:26.760 --> 01:17:33.359
so ancient in me. Such a
good call about a meme that I shared.

1135
01:17:33.520 --> 01:17:35.600
But you get my point, right, Yeah, I do. I

1136
01:17:35.680 --> 01:17:41.199
have played a pivotal point. And
yeah, and in this recent span of

1137
01:17:41.279 --> 01:17:45.800
events of me and dad being like
something's happening here, it's time to keep

1138
01:17:45.840 --> 01:17:48.640
you all on with this, so
and as you should, like, if

1139
01:17:48.680 --> 01:17:53.960
there's anything that he's your family is
here to do, it's that you know,

1140
01:17:54.359 --> 01:17:59.840
like what what is more important than
sharing this with people? Because I

1141
01:18:00.079 --> 01:18:03.399
told you that the day after Well, first we stayed on your property and

1142
01:18:03.479 --> 01:18:08.279
we stayed and the first thing we
did, like we were so quiet.

1143
01:18:08.439 --> 01:18:11.119
We came in. We're just like
doing our nighttime routine. You're like brushing

1144
01:18:11.159 --> 01:18:14.760
our teeth, washing our face and
like not really talking because we're just like

1145
01:18:15.880 --> 01:18:19.640
piecing it all together. And you're
sleeping like fifty feet from where it happened.

1146
01:18:21.840 --> 01:18:27.000
And your dad has like wind chimes
outside and so he made by hand.

1147
01:18:27.640 --> 01:18:30.640
They were tinkling, and me and
zas forgot about them, and I

1148
01:18:30.720 --> 01:18:36.600
was like, are they playing music
tripping out? An orbchestra? An orbchestra

1149
01:18:38.079 --> 01:18:42.840
if you will, But I like
that, I'm going to give you that

1150
01:18:42.920 --> 01:18:46.560
one. I want to see it, like seeing the increased activity. It's

1151
01:18:46.680 --> 01:18:51.199
just like I said earlier, it's
just such a crazy, stark contrast from

1152
01:18:51.239 --> 01:18:55.439
the way that things used to be. You know, I've always been ride

1153
01:18:55.560 --> 01:19:00.159
or die bled. So family they're
like my family, like they are and

1154
01:19:00.319 --> 01:19:03.239
back back in those you know,
a decade ago, there were times where

1155
01:19:03.319 --> 01:19:10.399
it felt like just really dark and
sad. I just felt so bad that

1156
01:19:11.520 --> 01:19:15.479
you know, the family was.
People wouldn't give it a second thought.

1157
01:19:15.600 --> 01:19:17.000
It was you know, we say
it all the time. We grew up

1158
01:19:17.000 --> 01:19:19.359
in the Bible belt, so people
would hear it and oh, that's the

1159
01:19:19.439 --> 01:19:24.680
devil and it it's like, I
feel like it's even healing a piece of

1160
01:19:24.920 --> 01:19:30.720
me, just seeing people come in
and being so excited and seeing the phenomenon

1161
01:19:30.960 --> 01:19:38.479
and like, you know, seeing
Ryan and the whole Bloodsoe family finally experienced

1162
01:19:38.560 --> 01:19:45.079
Catharsis, finally vindication, finally like
proof, the documentary, the book,

1163
01:19:45.159 --> 01:19:47.479
all of this stuff. It's like, you know, I'm not even I'm

1164
01:19:47.520 --> 01:19:51.439
not even like a member of the
family, and it's we're not done with

1165
01:19:51.520 --> 01:19:56.800
it yet, baby, Oh I
know, I know more. It just

1166
01:19:57.880 --> 01:20:01.960
it makes me unspeakably happy. I
appreciate that when you when you see people

1167
01:20:02.079 --> 01:20:09.159
that you love going through absolute hell, you know. And also Chris coming

1168
01:20:09.279 --> 01:20:16.000
from such a beautiful and genuine place
and then being labeled like demonic. It's

1169
01:20:16.239 --> 01:20:21.359
just so that was the first thing
other than drugs it was demonic. It's

1170
01:20:21.600 --> 01:20:26.159
just it's bullshit and you can't,
like I was gonna say, you have

1171
01:20:26.239 --> 01:20:30.600
to spend two seconds with Chris Bloodsoe
and like he is like the embodiment of

1172
01:20:31.239 --> 01:20:36.239
kindness and love. Like if you
sit down with that man for just five

1173
01:20:36.279 --> 01:20:42.439
minute conversation, you know that he's
the real deal, you know what I

1174
01:20:42.560 --> 01:20:45.680
mean, Like he's not he's so
coherent, like he knows. It's also

1175
01:20:45.800 --> 01:20:48.720
like he's not in England. I
lived in London for a while and one

1176
01:20:48.760 --> 01:20:51.640
of my favorite phrases that they say
is like when someone's like a little bit

1177
01:20:51.680 --> 01:20:55.560
like did see or like out there, they're like they're away with the fairies.

1178
01:20:55.720 --> 01:20:59.279
They say that. So if you
have like UK listeners, they're like,

1179
01:20:59.319 --> 01:21:01.439
oh, she's a little way with
the fairies, right, Like it's

1180
01:21:01.479 --> 01:21:05.640
great, right, and it has
probably like very mystical like I'm sure it's

1181
01:21:05.680 --> 01:21:12.199
a very old old saying. But
like he's not away with the fairies,

1182
01:21:12.319 --> 01:21:17.159
right, he's like he is so
grounded, you know, actually locked in.

1183
01:21:17.439 --> 01:21:23.079
Only he's most people don't know this, Molly. He actually has an

1184
01:21:23.119 --> 01:21:30.279
IQ of one hundred and sixty.
Wow, he's actually like yeah purposes,

1185
01:21:30.439 --> 01:21:32.800
you know, it's like he's not
what he seems. Well, it doesn't

1186
01:21:32.800 --> 01:21:36.039
surprise me that your dad is because
he was the way he was speaking about

1187
01:21:36.039 --> 01:21:42.560
all the different three letter agencies that
he's been you know, speaking with,

1188
01:21:42.720 --> 01:21:45.880
and all the different things that he's
been involved in. I mean, your

1189
01:21:45.960 --> 01:21:49.880
dad is speaking really coherently about really
high level subjects. And so it's just

1190
01:21:49.960 --> 01:21:54.239
like there's no world where your dad
is not intellig an intelligent person. And

1191
01:21:54.319 --> 01:21:59.399
it's like anyone who thinks that someone
is just automatically less intelligent because they have

1192
01:21:59.479 --> 01:22:03.399
a Southern now accent, it's just
coming that with the program. Regardless of

1193
01:22:03.479 --> 01:22:10.479
your like, some of the smartest
people I've ever met have had unfancy vocabulary,

1194
01:22:10.880 --> 01:22:13.720
have had some sort of thick accent. It's not about that. It's

1195
01:22:13.720 --> 01:22:17.359
about eloquence, right, and also
that inner knowing, you know, like

1196
01:22:17.880 --> 01:22:23.439
trusting in your intuition. That's another
thing, Like that's a whole other episode.

1197
01:22:23.520 --> 01:22:27.279
But as in, you know,
people aren't trusting academia as much anymore,

1198
01:22:27.399 --> 01:22:31.640
you know, because there's just anyone
can write a paper and anyone can

1199
01:22:31.680 --> 01:22:36.119
publish a study. Right. So
it's just we need to reframe what true

1200
01:22:38.800 --> 01:22:44.119
intelligence and consciousness is. We need
to be thinking more about consciousness than book

1201
01:22:44.159 --> 01:22:47.520
smarts. Yeah, for sure.
And I want to clarify, you know,

1202
01:22:47.560 --> 01:22:51.239
there's a lot of people that are
like you know that could be rubbed

1203
01:22:51.279 --> 01:22:56.399
the wrong way just by me merely
mentioning like positive attributes about my dad.

1204
01:22:56.520 --> 01:23:00.520
And also like I'm super defensive because
thousands of people to about the span of

1205
01:23:00.560 --> 01:23:03.720
my life have shamed me or my
family. So I have this like defensive

1206
01:23:03.800 --> 01:23:09.680
attitude sometimes, but like anyone wants, right And also like, as we

1207
01:23:09.760 --> 01:23:12.720
could all just kind of close our
eyes and imagine for a moment, it's

1208
01:23:12.800 --> 01:23:18.000
not normal to be born into a
life where thousands of people are simultaneously aware

1209
01:23:18.039 --> 01:23:21.039
of you and have an opinion about
you, and you know about it,

1210
01:23:21.359 --> 01:23:25.239
no or millions rather, you know, not that I you know, I

1211
01:23:25.279 --> 01:23:28.319
don't communicate with millions of people,
but millions of people know about us,

1212
01:23:28.880 --> 01:23:31.439
and it's like that's not normal.
Okay, now, like already my thought

1213
01:23:31.520 --> 01:23:35.279
process is not normal because I've been
thrust it into a position that is not

1214
01:23:35.520 --> 01:23:40.239
normal. You know. So you're
kind of taken on, Like it seems

1215
01:23:40.279 --> 01:23:42.920
like you're like the pit bull of
your family, you know what I mean,

1216
01:23:43.199 --> 01:23:47.000
like more like the lion it precisely, but you know, same energy,

1217
01:23:47.239 --> 01:23:51.039
like as in like you are going
to defend and you're going to find

1218
01:23:51.079 --> 01:23:54.600
the answers, and you're not going
to be intimidated, right, not that

1219
01:23:54.680 --> 01:23:57.319
the rest of your family has,
but it's just like you took it upon

1220
01:23:57.439 --> 01:24:00.560
yourself to really say, like don't
make that podcast. Buck, Yeah,

1221
01:24:00.560 --> 01:24:03.159
I'm making this podcast, you know
what I mean, Like I'm going to

1222
01:24:03.199 --> 01:24:08.399
talk about it. And that's such
an important role to be that kind of

1223
01:24:08.920 --> 01:24:16.840
agitator and uh standing up and speaking
your truth against all odds. Well,

1224
01:24:16.920 --> 01:24:20.760
it's like, I'm sorry, what
did you say, pitbull? Yeah,

1225
01:24:21.119 --> 01:24:26.359
that's on that side. That's it. You're you're the guard dog. You're

1226
01:24:26.439 --> 01:24:30.279
literally like the the sentinel, like
the Greek fail anx. Yeah, you

1227
01:24:30.359 --> 01:24:33.520
ain't getting through. Yeah, that's
you, bro. I think I think

1228
01:24:33.560 --> 01:24:36.720
about it in lion symbology only because
I'm a Leo. That's the only reason.

1229
01:24:38.279 --> 01:24:41.560
But you know, it's like I
remember being in elementary school and having

1230
01:24:41.560 --> 01:24:45.640
a shirt that said class clown.
I I never thought that I would grow

1231
01:24:45.760 --> 01:24:49.479
up and turn into like the archetype
of a trickster, just like you know,

1232
01:24:49.760 --> 01:24:56.279
just like meaning you know, meaning
this heavy esoteric stuff and like you

1233
01:24:56.359 --> 01:25:00.079
know, you know, on the
journey of awakening people and like, but

1234
01:25:00.159 --> 01:25:03.119
you kind of have to do you
have to though. That's why you have

1235
01:25:03.239 --> 01:25:06.279
to have an element of lightness because
the thing is is the moment that you

1236
01:25:06.359 --> 01:25:12.279
start taking all this stuff too seriously, then you're missing the point. Right.

1237
01:25:12.520 --> 01:25:15.399
It's like we circle back to Alan
Watts. He's a very trickster energy,

1238
01:25:15.640 --> 01:25:18.800
right, Like same thing with someone, yeah, or same one like

1239
01:25:18.960 --> 01:25:23.199
rom Doas or something, you know, Like these people are very Terrence McKenna.

1240
01:25:23.479 --> 01:25:29.119
These are all people that remind me
of like very trickster energy. And

1241
01:25:29.520 --> 01:25:33.640
it's good because or who is the
other guy? Yoda for sure? For

1242
01:25:33.800 --> 01:25:39.560
sure Yoda. Yeah, there's this
guy that wrote this book called Prometheus Rising.

1243
01:25:39.880 --> 01:25:42.439
His name is uh oh oh,
I know the book. I can't

1244
01:25:42.479 --> 01:25:46.960
think of the author's name either.
Let's look it up. Prometheus Rising and

1245
01:25:47.199 --> 01:25:53.800
bother me Robert Anton Wilson and people
people abbreviate his name like row they call

1246
01:25:53.840 --> 01:25:57.359
him. Yeah, but that talk
about trickster, right, like, oh

1247
01:25:57.479 --> 01:26:01.119
yeah, he purposefully writes things and
say with Alan Watts like because in order

1248
01:26:01.239 --> 01:26:06.159
to tap into these spaces, you
have to be in that maybe yes,

1249
01:26:06.399 --> 01:26:11.119
maybe no, like that you have
to be in that case. Yeah.

1250
01:26:11.399 --> 01:26:14.960
And it's the interview I just did
with Sarah Carl Jung Memes. The whole

1251
01:26:15.199 --> 01:26:18.279
end of it was us talking about
kind of laughing about guys that talk about

1252
01:26:18.279 --> 01:26:21.239
simulation theory because they think they've got
it all figured out. And I'm like,

1253
01:26:21.319 --> 01:26:25.920
whenever I hear about this, I'm
like, but I'm like, you're

1254
01:26:26.119 --> 01:26:30.680
so masculine in the way that you're
thinking about it, and you where's your

1255
01:26:30.800 --> 01:26:34.279
feeling? Right, where's the mystical? And if you actually married all this

1256
01:26:34.439 --> 01:26:41.720
intelligence with this mystical feeling intuitive,
you might actually get closer to because that's

1257
01:26:41.760 --> 01:26:46.880
what it actually is. But people
are not comfortable with not knowing that's that's

1258
01:26:47.119 --> 01:26:50.039
it. They want to pin it
down, They want to you know,

1259
01:26:50.239 --> 01:26:54.000
they want to have all the answers
they want to, but that's just not

1260
01:26:54.119 --> 01:26:57.119
possible. And also the moment that
you think that you've got it, it's

1261
01:26:57.159 --> 01:27:00.600
going to be something different. You
know. It's like chaos theory. Yeah,

1262
01:27:00.920 --> 01:27:05.439
exactly. It's also like kind of
a parallel to like an exercise of

1263
01:27:05.560 --> 01:27:12.720
faith. Yeah, you know.
I feel it's funny because when I identified

1264
01:27:12.960 --> 01:27:16.520
with like Christian faith, I felt
like I had way more quote unquote answers,

1265
01:27:17.479 --> 01:27:21.720
but I knew like nothing. Yeah, and now I have like no

1266
01:27:23.000 --> 01:27:30.279
answers, but I feel really resolved
in my current understanding of consciousness. Now

1267
01:27:30.560 --> 01:27:35.960
I feel like kind of also like
an eternal like perpetual baby in terms of

1268
01:27:36.279 --> 01:27:44.000
spiritualism, like I feel like I'm
constantly learning and I constantly only know this

1269
01:27:44.239 --> 01:27:48.199
much. But that's arguably a much
more spiritually mature position to be in.

1270
01:27:48.920 --> 01:27:54.399
Exactly, I feel more resolved now
than I ever did in some like you

1271
01:27:54.520 --> 01:27:59.119
said, pinned down the answers,
Like no, I feel so much more

1272
01:27:59.199 --> 01:28:01.359
comfortable now. And ironically, don't
you sorry, Ryan, go ahead,

1273
01:28:01.439 --> 01:28:04.479
Oh no, it's okay. I
was. It's very brief. I was

1274
01:28:04.560 --> 01:28:09.039
just gonna say, ironically, an
atheist or an agnostic is actually in the

1275
01:28:09.119 --> 01:28:14.479
same level of unconsciousness as like a
super dogmatic person of any mainstream religion,

1276
01:28:14.520 --> 01:28:17.920
because you were for sure that nothing
exists, or you're for sure that it's

1277
01:28:17.960 --> 01:28:23.279
sky Daddy. Like right, that's
a great point. You're still pretty blind,

1278
01:28:23.439 --> 01:28:26.560
right, because you have to have
a little bit of question. Or

1279
01:28:26.960 --> 01:28:30.079
I'm a star seed and I have
the light codes, it's like whoa,

1280
01:28:30.319 --> 01:28:35.840
honey, like, maybe go some
more Alan Watts. Yeah, this star

1281
01:28:35.960 --> 01:28:40.119
seed stuff, I don't want to
I don't want to be we have a

1282
01:28:40.359 --> 01:28:42.960
we have listeners that are into that. I'm sure, but like no,

1283
01:28:43.119 --> 01:28:46.640
but here's the thing. You know, you can absolutely I've read all of

1284
01:28:46.720 --> 01:28:50.399
that stuff and also there's there's so
much there's beautiful truth in it. But

1285
01:28:50.520 --> 01:28:56.439
the problem starts when you say,
I am a star seed and this is

1286
01:28:56.479 --> 01:29:00.920
the way that it is, and
it's and if if I encounter anything that

1287
01:29:01.159 --> 01:29:06.479
that that doesn't adhere to this belief
or that like your intuition might be sending

1288
01:29:06.520 --> 01:29:11.920
you more and you're going to be
blocking that out because you're so set.

1289
01:29:12.279 --> 01:29:15.680
Like for me, if I would
have just said, oh, I started

1290
01:29:15.840 --> 01:29:18.520
learning about the scenes or the you
know, the Rosicrucianism and all this stuff

1291
01:29:18.560 --> 01:29:21.479
that I kind of first started dipping
my toes into. If I would have

1292
01:29:21.479 --> 01:29:26.279
said, that's it, I only
want to learn about this, it wouldn't

1293
01:29:26.279 --> 01:29:30.359
allow me. Now that I've like
manically researched so much, it allows me

1294
01:29:30.439 --> 01:29:32.800
to connect all the threats together,
and I see the things that overlap,

1295
01:29:32.960 --> 01:29:36.960
and it allows me to see the
overarching mythos that's connecting it all together.

1296
01:29:38.319 --> 01:29:44.800
That's a real that's a real alchemist
or a real occult as has a dark

1297
01:29:44.840 --> 01:29:45.960
spin, but you know what I
mean, Yeah, like it's I think,

1298
01:29:46.039 --> 01:29:49.159
like I like to say, that's
the real botic, you know,

1299
01:29:49.880 --> 01:29:54.880
wisdom, right, because that's a
hidden wisdom, and I occult that's a

1300
01:29:54.960 --> 01:29:58.640
syop right because the very fact that
people think right cult equals to mondic occult

1301
01:29:58.800 --> 01:30:02.239
just means hidden exactly. And it
was hidden for a reason because people weren't

1302
01:30:02.319 --> 01:30:06.159
fucking ready, because they were doing
what people did to your dad, and

1303
01:30:06.279 --> 01:30:11.399
so these people had to hide in
the shadows because they knew they're not ready

1304
01:30:11.439 --> 01:30:14.119
for this yet. There's two.
There's two. There's another layer of that

1305
01:30:14.760 --> 01:30:17.239
also. You know, people weren't
ready because they were being controlled by the

1306
01:30:17.279 --> 01:30:19.199
power structure. That's like no,
no, no, it's only this way,

1307
01:30:19.239 --> 01:30:23.720
and you could get mrked, you
could get back exactly. It's it's

1308
01:30:23.920 --> 01:30:28.720
so deep it goes. I was
going to say, if you want to

1309
01:30:28.760 --> 01:30:33.720
see true bona fide clowns, it's
not out yet, but it'll be out

1310
01:30:33.840 --> 01:30:38.880
next week. You've got to take
a peep at our Halloween costumes on our

1311
01:30:38.960 --> 01:30:44.119
Halloween episode. Oh yeah, you
want to see some clowns. Did you

1312
01:30:44.159 --> 01:30:49.600
guys literally dress up as clowns.
We were clowns dressing up as Halloween costumes.

1313
01:30:49.680 --> 01:30:55.119
So what did you? Let's give
it a sneak peek. Come on,

1314
01:30:55.319 --> 01:30:58.680
just give it the audience, Give
the people what they want it because

1315
01:30:58.680 --> 01:31:04.359
when you yeah, yeah, yeah, I was Slippy from Star Fox,

1316
01:31:04.600 --> 01:31:13.479
the very popular I'm sure you're aware
of that character Slippy is. Slippy is

1317
01:31:13.640 --> 01:31:21.600
a frog who flies, who flies
a an R wing futuristic fighter jet thing.

1318
01:31:23.079 --> 01:31:27.319
So, uh, I really want
you to be a frog for Halloween

1319
01:31:27.680 --> 01:31:30.920
because you're like, babe, I'm
going to make your dreams come truck.

1320
01:31:30.000 --> 01:31:33.960
Yeah exactly. I think I have
a compromise where we can both win.

1321
01:31:34.279 --> 01:31:39.119
I love that you get and I
can be a cool character for my game.

1322
01:31:39.159 --> 01:31:42.560
I like amazing. I why a
frog. I love how she's just

1323
01:31:42.640 --> 01:31:45.840
like I got all the stuff.
I got all the stuff to make you

1324
01:31:45.880 --> 01:31:48.960
a frog. We can make you
a frog. That's incredible. I don't

1325
01:31:49.000 --> 01:31:51.960
have the photos with I was looking
for photos on my phone, but I

1326
01:31:53.159 --> 01:31:59.520
was a desperately needed new hero for
the New Age named Moodrumn mood drum Man.

1327
01:32:00.399 --> 01:32:05.239
Were you just like I? At
one point during the episode, I

1328
01:32:05.319 --> 01:32:08.880
looked at Ryan. You could probably
see it in the episode when it's out.

1329
01:32:09.199 --> 01:32:14.039
I looked at him and I had
to stop talking because there was like

1330
01:32:14.680 --> 01:32:18.119
forty crystal bracelets on his arm.
Look at that. Look at that.

1331
01:32:19.159 --> 01:32:21.720
Jenny heard me in the other room. She texted to me, Oh,

1332
01:32:23.000 --> 01:32:30.840
look at the Mexican. Yeah,
that is incredible. You guys, good

1333
01:32:30.880 --> 01:32:38.359
for you. You guys need to
make him have a theme song. Oh

1334
01:32:38.439 --> 01:32:41.680
I'm thinking. I'm thinking there has
to be a modern episode, right that

1335
01:32:41.800 --> 01:32:50.000
top one there back in the stew
punch me in. Dang well, I

1336
01:32:50.239 --> 01:32:56.239
uh, I feel like we didn't
get honestly, Yeah, what a pleasure.

1337
01:32:56.479 --> 01:32:59.199
I will be happy to come back
and shoot the ship with you guys

1338
01:32:59.239 --> 01:33:01.680
anytime. Pees I was just gonna
say, like we maybe, but maybe

1339
01:33:01.680 --> 01:33:06.000
your listeners are like, please never
have money. I was so scared to

1340
01:33:06.079 --> 01:33:11.520
come on. This is my first
podcast I've ever been on another podcast.

1341
01:33:11.920 --> 01:33:15.279
Really yeah, well that's a big
deal, y'all listening in the audience,

1342
01:33:15.520 --> 01:33:18.960
not only as you've just heard for
you know, an hour plus, how

1343
01:33:19.039 --> 01:33:23.920
cool she is. She has a
really dope podcast. Really don't let's go

1344
01:33:23.920 --> 01:33:27.680
ahead and plug that real quick.
You know, Night Night Bitch is definitely

1345
01:33:28.239 --> 01:33:30.199
ride up your listener's alley. I
think a lot of your listeners also would

1346
01:33:30.239 --> 01:33:34.159
like Back from the Borderline because now
you know me if you ever want,

1347
01:33:34.319 --> 01:33:39.000
like to really dive into some serious
stuff about because I think if you are

1348
01:33:39.079 --> 01:33:43.680
going to be diving into serious esoteric
stuff, you should also be integrating your

1349
01:33:44.039 --> 01:33:47.920
psychological trauma. I'm saying they're married, so I feel like back from the

1350
01:33:47.960 --> 01:33:54.359
Borderline and bloodsoe said, so are
like friends were like family? Yeah for

1351
01:33:54.479 --> 01:33:58.319
sure, as in like my my
episodes on that. But Night Night Bitch

1352
01:33:58.439 --> 01:34:00.159
is going to be like y'all will
love it because it's right up, it's

1353
01:34:00.239 --> 01:34:04.000
all this all of this stuff,
but it's more meditative. It's my creative

1354
01:34:04.039 --> 01:34:08.720
outlet. Really. I loved making
it so much. It's fantastic. Thank

1355
01:34:08.800 --> 01:34:11.680
well, I was just going to
say, listen to it. It's fantastic,

1356
01:34:11.840 --> 01:34:15.279
thank you. We didn't touch any
of the like esoteric stuff that you

1357
01:34:15.359 --> 01:34:18.159
know, so like next time we'll
have to. Oh yeah, there's a

1358
01:34:18.439 --> 01:34:21.079
lot there, you know. Ryan. What would be really cool is like

1359
01:34:21.359 --> 01:34:25.760
now listeners can go listen to Night
Night Bitch, but whenever you want to

1360
01:34:25.800 --> 01:34:29.520
have me back on, what you
could tell me is because I'm research queen,

1361
01:34:29.720 --> 01:34:32.319
So like if you tell me you
want to dive into, like we

1362
01:34:32.359 --> 01:34:35.399
could say, we can do like
the scenes and like or the Cathars,

1363
01:34:35.479 --> 01:34:39.680
like the Cathars are sick, Like
that would be a really fun episode.

1364
01:34:39.960 --> 01:34:43.119
You could tell me, and I
could come with some like really interesting little

1365
01:34:43.680 --> 01:34:45.439
excerpts that we could read and then
we can kind of react to them.

1366
01:34:46.159 --> 01:34:50.039
So that might be really fun.
That would be fun. That is a

1367
01:34:50.279 --> 01:34:53.880
fire idea. I love that.
Yeah, we can definitely do that.

1368
01:34:54.000 --> 01:34:56.800
Yeah. In the meantime, check
her out back from the Borderline. You'll

1369
01:34:56.840 --> 01:35:01.640
see her name Molly Adler, podcaster
seeker, just helping you find meaning in

1370
01:35:01.720 --> 01:35:06.960
the madness, babe. And then
it's a little nail emoji. Yeah,

1371
01:35:09.119 --> 01:35:12.439
yeah, I did. Yeah,
I was going to say earlier that we

1372
01:35:12.520 --> 01:35:15.960
were talking about like what archetype you
guys are, because you're both so like

1373
01:35:16.079 --> 01:35:18.880
digging into like the knowledge and stuff. I was gonna say, it's the

1374
01:35:19.000 --> 01:35:23.960
seeker. You guys are seeker archetypes
big time, both of you. Sure

1375
01:35:24.359 --> 01:35:27.840
that's perfect, but anyway, yes, everybody, I feel like Ryan and

1376
01:35:27.920 --> 01:35:31.680
I are very same energy because I
relate like I'm very also like pitple of

1377
01:35:31.800 --> 01:35:36.560
my family too, like I'm the
protective one. I will always Also Zaz

1378
01:35:36.600 --> 01:35:41.000
always says like you always have to
like chime in the peanut gallery, he

1379
01:35:41.119 --> 01:35:45.279
calls me, because I'm always I'm
always gonna say the thing my wife the

1380
01:35:45.319 --> 01:35:49.359
peanut gallery that is so good.
I will always pipe in like he's like,

1381
01:35:49.399 --> 01:35:54.880
oh, here's Molly punching in.
I'm like, yep, oh my

1382
01:35:54.960 --> 01:35:58.079
god, I just realized you never
even got to meet my wife yet I

1383
01:35:58.399 --> 01:36:01.359
have to. That's got to have. Yeah, she she is. I

1384
01:36:01.520 --> 01:36:04.800
fear that she's way funnier than I'll
ever fear, and like, yeah,

1385
01:36:04.880 --> 01:36:09.439
you you you've got to because Jenny
had to leave and she had to go

1386
01:36:09.560 --> 01:36:15.000
back to uh Nick or Jenny.
Well, that just means that our collective

1387
01:36:15.079 --> 01:36:18.640
future is very bright. Oh for
sure, we have a lot to look

1388
01:36:18.680 --> 01:36:24.079
forward to. This is only the
beginning of our our collaborations. But yeah,

1389
01:36:24.239 --> 01:36:28.920
I'm happy to come on anytime,
and I will prepare amazing little blurbs

1390
01:36:29.000 --> 01:36:33.039
for you all. We can even
share my screen with some things. I

1391
01:36:33.119 --> 01:36:39.119
got this okay. And then in
the meantime, Dad and I are already

1392
01:36:39.239 --> 01:36:43.840
scheduled early or is it mid you
know, no, early November. Early

1393
01:36:43.920 --> 01:36:46.079
November. Dad and I are going
on Molly's show and we're going to do

1394
01:36:46.239 --> 01:36:49.359
a collaborative podcast on her show,
so be sure to look for that.

1395
01:36:49.720 --> 01:36:53.239
We'll both be pushing it. Actually, by the time this comes out,

1396
01:36:53.359 --> 01:36:56.920
it'll probably be around the time that
we record that, and I'm going to

1397
01:36:56.960 --> 01:37:00.640
do an interview with them like has
not been done. Because the thing is,

1398
01:37:00.760 --> 01:37:04.840
we've all heard about the story,
right I want to talk about the

1399
01:37:04.960 --> 01:37:10.920
toxic shame, the impact of that, and so I'm hoping that if you

1400
01:37:11.000 --> 01:37:14.039
all tune in, it's going to
be a you'll be able to hear things

1401
01:37:14.079 --> 01:37:16.520
that maybe you haven't heard. I've
listened to so many interviews with Ryan and

1402
01:37:16.560 --> 01:37:19.399
Chris at this point, and I
want to ask different questions so that people

1403
01:37:19.479 --> 01:37:25.279
can get new information. I love
that I'm so hyped for that. Yeah,

1404
01:37:25.640 --> 01:37:29.079
so I'm very excited and honored because
I know how busy, especially your

1405
01:37:29.119 --> 01:37:36.680
dad's schedule is starting to blow up. I swear, I swear you are

1406
01:37:38.039 --> 01:37:44.880
like just the shining, spitting image
reincarnated of some medieval queen of some sort.

1407
01:37:44.920 --> 01:37:48.000
I'm not sure. I hope so
that would be sick. Yeah,

1408
01:37:48.119 --> 01:37:51.800
definitely with something you'd probably look back
and be like, m darling, please

1409
01:37:51.840 --> 01:37:59.800
don't wear that hoodie and leggings again. Literally, she's reading me for Bill.

1410
01:38:00.279 --> 01:38:02.800
Yeah, your higher self, the
royal version. Yeah, yeah,

1411
01:38:02.800 --> 01:38:06.399
we'd be at least I got internet, bitch. Literally, yeah, we're

1412
01:38:06.399 --> 01:38:10.880
just owning each other. Yeah,
at least I got I don't know.

1413
01:38:11.000 --> 01:38:14.920
I'm my Anne Bolin, She's my
homie. How can I do this?

1414
01:38:15.159 --> 01:38:16.680
I have my medieval queen here on
my arm. Wow, this was the

1415
01:38:16.760 --> 01:38:23.399
most awkward. I mean, trying
to show my tattoo that's you, that's

1416
01:38:23.439 --> 01:38:26.039
you from the past. I would
love it. I would love that if

1417
01:38:26.079 --> 01:38:29.439
that were me. Yeah, well, anyway, this was such an awkward

1418
01:38:29.520 --> 01:38:31.119
note to end on. Sorry that
I tried to shove my tattoo into the

1419
01:38:32.399 --> 01:38:38.119
no no no. Thank you guys
for having me, and also thank you

1420
01:38:38.239 --> 01:38:42.239
blood, Soe said, so listeners
for being here with me. It's nice

1421
01:38:42.319 --> 01:38:45.680
to virtually meet all of you,
and I welcome you into my podcast in

1422
01:38:45.840 --> 01:38:49.279
a universe too. Y'all please check
her out. Yeah, we have a

1423
01:38:49.520 --> 01:38:55.359
very I'm not even gonna explain it. I feel like I'm explaining it more

1424
01:38:55.399 --> 01:38:58.640
than ever lately. I'm gonna explain
it after so just repeat after us.

1425
01:38:58.800 --> 01:39:00.000
On three, we're going to say
bye, guys. It's okay, Oh

1426
01:39:00.079 --> 01:39:02.760
my god, all right, you
ready. Thank you so much for coming

1427
01:39:02.840 --> 01:39:06.319
on the show. You're bright,
you're awesome, You're amazing. One,

1428
01:39:06.399 --> 01:39:14.760
two, three, by Yes,
weird things happen in the backyard. Let's

1429
01:39:14.960 --> 01:39:28.239
house said, look up, it's
so weird. You're coming closer to us

1430
01:39:29.560 --> 01:39:38.840
here stays straight though, like smiring
on the inside of it. No one

1431
01:39:38.920 --> 01:40:03.079
knows. Man, Wow, just
come right over go Sorry. Being a

1432
01:40:03.399 --> 01:40:26.359
happy neighborhood happ