WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.760 --> 00:00:05.240 In this episode, I am hiding under a blanket. My kids are home 2 00:00:05.240 --> 00:00:09.080 from school, and I'm realizing, Man, I need to talk about my 3 00:00:09.160 --> 00:00:13.759 freaking dad's funeral. It was some crazy shit. So that's what we're doing 4 00:00:13.759 --> 00:00:16.960 today. And I have a special guest and I will introduce her in just 5 00:00:17.120 --> 00:00:23.879 a moment. Be right back. Hey there, Welcome to the Latter Day 6 00:00:23.920 --> 00:00:28.079 Lesbian Podcast, the podcast about an ex Mormon, a gay girl just trying 7 00:00:28.120 --> 00:00:33.759 to figure out her life again, still always. I'm Shelley, and today 8 00:00:34.000 --> 00:00:39.439 my special guest is Jennifer Jennifer. Wait before you say anything, you were 9 00:00:39.479 --> 00:00:43.359 in my phone as Jennifer Lemon reeves. What's your name? What's your damn 10 00:00:43.439 --> 00:00:47.240 name? None of those right now? And we're in a we're in a 11 00:00:47.280 --> 00:00:54.200 status of change. So let's just say just Jennifer. Just, I mean, 12 00:00:54.880 --> 00:00:59.759 just Jennifer. I know you know all this name changing and whatever, 13 00:00:59.799 --> 00:01:03.719 it's just it is it really necessary? Yeah? No, okay, all 14 00:01:03.799 --> 00:01:07.760 right, So Jennifer Jennifer. So let me back up. I know Jennifer 15 00:01:08.280 --> 00:01:12.840 from Jennifer was one of the original podcast listeners. Yes, is this a 16 00:01:12.840 --> 00:01:18.120 lie? When did you start listening? Oh? I am horrible with date, 17 00:01:18.239 --> 00:01:23.439 so I would say sometime between the year two thousand and now. No, 18 00:01:23.599 --> 00:01:26.239 I mean like when you started listening, did you have to catch up? 19 00:01:26.280 --> 00:01:30.359 How about that? No? I didn't. No, ohfull there you 20 00:01:30.359 --> 00:01:34.519 go. So so what you're saying is you started on episode one, like 21 00:01:34.640 --> 00:01:38.680 most importantly, Yeah, I feel like I'm an OG member for sure. 22 00:01:38.239 --> 00:01:45.840 Mmmmm awesome. And I met you in person when you were coming through the 23 00:01:45.959 --> 00:01:49.640 area. You were out here, we had some ice cream. I just 24 00:01:49.719 --> 00:01:53.920 mostly remember take Nataro. I don't remember ice cream. That's right. We 25 00:01:55.040 --> 00:01:59.760 started with tag Nataro. And it makes me and me and Mary at the 26 00:01:59.760 --> 00:02:04.840 time and you and your girlfriend at the time correct, we are both no 27 00:02:04.920 --> 00:02:09.240 longer with those significant others because you know what, it's been some years. 28 00:02:09.400 --> 00:02:14.719 It's been some years. I feel like that was pre COVID. That was 29 00:02:14.759 --> 00:02:20.879 like forty nine years ago. So yeah, at least and boy if things 30 00:02:20.960 --> 00:02:23.800 changed. But you and I have kept in touch because A, you're freaking 31 00:02:23.879 --> 00:02:29.280 awesome and yeah, B so am I whatever I was gonna say. And 32 00:02:29.360 --> 00:02:31.520 it takes two to know. It takes one to know one. Whatever that 33 00:02:31.560 --> 00:02:35.960 thing is, it takes two to make a thing go right. And it's 34 00:02:35.960 --> 00:02:39.479 a song. Don't make me, don't make I think I'm sang that. 35 00:02:39.560 --> 00:02:44.319 If you like the last episode, I'm sorry, Yeah, I get to 36 00:02:44.360 --> 00:02:49.479 doing that. So when I was thinking about who do I want to do 37 00:02:49.599 --> 00:02:53.360 this episode with, unfortunately or fortunately, whatever you want to call it, 38 00:02:53.400 --> 00:02:58.680 I had already told Kirsten, my other co host, about the experience at 39 00:02:58.680 --> 00:03:04.520 my dad's funeral, and I'm like, you know what, this was such 40 00:03:04.520 --> 00:03:08.759 a wacky ass funeral that I need to have someone on the show who knows 41 00:03:08.919 --> 00:03:15.520 nothing so we can get like blind reaction. Yes, yes, which is 42 00:03:15.560 --> 00:03:19.719 another way, which is another reason I'm making you do video because I have 43 00:03:19.800 --> 00:03:23.439 to see this shit. It's like fucking swear. Okay, never mind, 44 00:03:23.439 --> 00:03:27.080 you just answered. I want to know what the squear protocol wants, but 45 00:03:27.360 --> 00:03:31.759 you just so. I'm gonna be myself now, yes you are. Well, 46 00:03:31.879 --> 00:03:36.680 just you know, we always put an E for explicit on the episode. 47 00:03:36.800 --> 00:03:40.000 Yep, yep. Before we jump in, take a few minutes and 48 00:03:40.039 --> 00:03:45.879 just give our listeners a little background. You are ex Mormon lesbian. Yeah, 49 00:03:46.159 --> 00:03:50.599 actually that's my handle on the TikTok is ex smell lesbo is it really 50 00:03:51.039 --> 00:03:54.800 Yeah, that shit hurts a little bit that you don't have it favorite but 51 00:03:54.800 --> 00:04:00.240 that's okay. I'm sorry. We can repent and move on. I came 52 00:04:00.280 --> 00:04:05.319 out when I was thirty six fish or seven, was married to a dude 53 00:04:05.319 --> 00:04:10.800 at the time, and I have four boys. I live in Utah and 54 00:04:11.639 --> 00:04:15.720 got divorced, left the cult, and have been with the ladies ever since. 55 00:04:15.839 --> 00:04:21.399 So that's kind of my no going back. Oh my god, No, 56 00:04:23.000 --> 00:04:26.399 I'm gonna have to have a lot of guests on because I like to 57 00:04:26.439 --> 00:04:30.079 hear all everyone's story. So that was a very short synopsis and it was 58 00:04:30.240 --> 00:04:31.480 good, but you know we're gonna have We're gonna have to do a deep 59 00:04:31.519 --> 00:04:38.959 dive. Remember there's like two episodes of me just incessantly talking. So that's 60 00:04:39.000 --> 00:04:42.600 right. There's been on. Oh my god, I forgot, this is 61 00:04:42.600 --> 00:04:47.399 my memory. You've been a past guest. Shit Christ, not for one, 62 00:04:47.439 --> 00:04:51.839 but two episodes. It's I'm sorry, which it meant, and it's 63 00:04:53.000 --> 00:04:56.839 just listen. I will we will end this episode and I will literally have 64 00:04:57.000 --> 00:05:00.560 zero recollection of what we just talked about. That's how I roll. So 65 00:05:00.079 --> 00:05:06.519 it's nothing personal at all all right, my dad sniffle, sniffle. So 66 00:05:06.680 --> 00:05:11.680 here's what's up, people. My dad died. If you didn't know, 67 00:05:11.759 --> 00:05:14.439 that A, you're not following me on social media, so what the fuck's 68 00:05:14.439 --> 00:05:19.319 wrong with you? Also, my mom died back in August. We are 69 00:05:19.319 --> 00:05:21.759 in what month? Are we in? March? Early March right now? 70 00:05:21.959 --> 00:05:27.800 Yeah? And what are we twenty twenty four? Yeah, So if you 71 00:05:27.839 --> 00:05:31.319 didn't know that my mom died, then you are not listening in order. 72 00:05:31.920 --> 00:05:35.560 And I'm a little bit of a hard ass on that. I will make 73 00:05:35.639 --> 00:05:40.720 exceptions, but just trust me that if you want the whole fucking story and 74 00:05:40.720 --> 00:05:43.240 you want to know all the jokes and all the everything, you're going to 75 00:05:43.279 --> 00:05:46.000 want to start a episode one. Those of you who are just finding me 76 00:05:46.360 --> 00:05:54.800 episode one through, like episode A lot is me and my ex girlfriend Mary. 77 00:05:54.879 --> 00:05:58.879 She was the co host that we had going as we started it, 78 00:05:59.560 --> 00:06:02.279 and this is where we are now, and I'm going solo because there's just 79 00:06:02.319 --> 00:06:05.160 I still have a lot more to say in things or life's moving, things 80 00:06:05.160 --> 00:06:09.399 are changing, and I want to hear other people's stories. So that's what's 81 00:06:09.480 --> 00:06:12.759 up. Well, and you're like the latter day lesbian, like you're it, 82 00:06:13.079 --> 00:06:15.360 So I mean I kind of am, I kind of am, just 83 00:06:15.439 --> 00:06:18.839 own it. That's a good point. That is, that's a good ass 84 00:06:18.879 --> 00:06:23.319 point. You know what's crazy. Also anyone who's just tuning in for the 85 00:06:23.360 --> 00:06:28.480 first time. Yeah, sticking on on topic, not my forte what just 86 00:06:28.480 --> 00:06:31.360 just you know, every little veer is it's good, it's good. We 87 00:06:31.399 --> 00:06:35.759 get back, Okay, thank you. So I don't know, Like two 88 00:06:35.759 --> 00:06:38.959 hours ago, I'm hanging out of my house and I get a phone call 89 00:06:39.000 --> 00:06:41.920 and I see it come up and it says lady that I used to go 90 00:06:42.199 --> 00:06:45.759 running with like eight years ago when I was Mormon, Like, what the 91 00:06:45.800 --> 00:06:48.639 what? So my answer I'm like, Candra, what's up? And she 92 00:06:48.680 --> 00:06:55.079 goes Shelley like hey, and she says, what Shelley is this you call 93 00:06:55.399 --> 00:06:59.879 life? What fuck? And she goes, well, I have I she 94 00:07:00.160 --> 00:07:01.120 like a yoga instructor or something. She goes, I have a lot of 95 00:07:01.120 --> 00:07:03.399 Shelley. So I was just going through all the Shelley's and trying to figure 96 00:07:03.399 --> 00:07:10.000 out who they were. That's why she called me. Anyways, so we 97 00:07:10.040 --> 00:07:15.040 had a good thirty minute catch up, Sesshon. She sends divorced, still 98 00:07:15.079 --> 00:07:23.360 Mormon, lives in Florida. Just interesting and it's kind of weird because none 99 00:07:23.360 --> 00:07:28.360 of the Mormons from my old Ward congregation. For those of you who aren't 100 00:07:28.360 --> 00:07:32.199 Mormon. We don't really stay in touch. I doubt that they even follow 101 00:07:32.240 --> 00:07:34.879 me on social anymore because when I first left the church, I left with 102 00:07:34.920 --> 00:07:42.720 a fucking bang, and so she knew nothing about the divorce, like in 103 00:07:42.759 --> 00:07:47.680 her mind Brent and I were great, super happy couple. I realized, 104 00:07:47.720 --> 00:07:50.480 I'm gay, got to get out of the marriage because I'm gay, and 105 00:07:50.519 --> 00:07:54.800 now there's a broken family. So I did need to mention a couple of 106 00:07:54.839 --> 00:07:59.519 things to about that, because just in the conversation we were having, I 107 00:07:59.519 --> 00:08:03.560 really got this sense that she did not know what the fuck. So anyway, 108 00:08:03.160 --> 00:08:07.040 that's uh, that's that's an episode for another day. But it was 109 00:08:07.040 --> 00:08:09.199 interesting, kind of threw me back. Well, yeah, and that happens 110 00:08:09.199 --> 00:08:13.240 a lot, especially living in Utah. If you leave the I refer to 111 00:08:13.319 --> 00:08:16.600 it, probably not correctly, a social suicide, Like you could live down 112 00:08:16.639 --> 00:08:20.160 the street from a hundred people that you've talked to a billion times and they 113 00:08:20.160 --> 00:08:24.920 suddenly have no idea who you are, m hm. And unless you show 114 00:08:24.959 --> 00:08:31.639 up at relief society and then they are your best friends. No, I 115 00:08:31.720 --> 00:08:33.799 co buy my own damn cookie. If I make back, No, I 116 00:08:33.799 --> 00:08:39.039 don't. I don't make him. No, stops. You were never good 117 00:08:39.080 --> 00:08:46.000 that way, right, No? Can you imagine that for me? Not? 118 00:08:46.000 --> 00:08:52.799 Not at all. So okay, that was my little sidebar. So 119 00:08:52.320 --> 00:09:00.559 after my mom died, my dad started really going downhill. And those of 120 00:09:00.559 --> 00:09:01.879 you who know me, you know the podcast, you kind of know the 121 00:09:01.919 --> 00:09:07.559 issues I've had with my dad, him being controlling, and it's still this 122 00:09:07.639 --> 00:09:11.639 thing that I sort of struggle with. And I was talking with shit, 123 00:09:11.679 --> 00:09:13.720 who was I talking with, I don't remember. I was talking with someone 124 00:09:13.759 --> 00:09:18.559 who was also an ex Mormon. It might have been Austin, and he 125 00:09:18.879 --> 00:09:24.440 was like, you know, a lot of people don't understand that when you 126 00:09:24.559 --> 00:09:28.679 leave the church, your family's still there, and there's anger, and there's 127 00:09:30.480 --> 00:09:33.919 everyone knows what happens when you leave the church. It fucking sucks. But 128 00:09:33.000 --> 00:09:37.879 over time you can kind of see why they are the way they are. 129 00:09:39.200 --> 00:09:41.639 And it's not like you excuse it because you still don't like it. But 130 00:09:41.679 --> 00:09:45.879 at the same time, you're like, did they really have a choice, 131 00:09:46.559 --> 00:09:50.039 Yeah, they didn't really know better, right, And so I look at 132 00:09:50.200 --> 00:09:54.159 my relationship between my mom and my dad, and my dad controlled every move 133 00:09:54.200 --> 00:10:00.960 she made and she allowed it. She That's just that was their generation and 134 00:10:01.039 --> 00:10:03.639 their cult that they it was like a like a twofer, And so I've 135 00:10:03.720 --> 00:10:11.720 had to really sort of let that anger go because again, like what was 136 00:10:11.840 --> 00:10:16.759 what was their choice? That was what they were born into. And my 137 00:10:16.879 --> 00:10:20.080 dad does have a very strong personality, and so he would take the reins 138 00:10:20.080 --> 00:10:24.600 and my mom would just follow along. Was she happy with that? I 139 00:10:24.320 --> 00:10:28.600 don't know. You know, she would say no, and then she would 140 00:10:28.600 --> 00:10:31.720 say yes. It's just it's hard to pick that all apart. Do you 141 00:10:31.799 --> 00:10:35.600 have like what's your dynamic? Where are your parents? Kind of that way? 142 00:10:35.080 --> 00:10:41.679 Well, no, they're a hot fucking mass. But I think that 143 00:10:41.799 --> 00:10:43.960 it's really hard when you've grown up in the church and it's multi generational to 144 00:10:45.000 --> 00:10:48.159 separate the cult from the person. And so like whether your mom was like 145 00:10:48.159 --> 00:10:50.919 that because that's how she would have been in any relationship, or because she 146 00:10:52.000 --> 00:10:56.320 was like that because she literally spent her entire life being brainwashed into what kind 147 00:10:56.320 --> 00:11:00.240 of person she was supposed to be the same for your dad, Like my 148 00:11:00.320 --> 00:11:05.440 parents are they're nothing. I mean, my parents are very young and wait 149 00:11:05.480 --> 00:11:07.919 how old are they? But the numbers again, I think my dad's like 150 00:11:07.960 --> 00:11:13.159 sixty twoish. Maybe God was this like a teen pregnancy oh yeah, yeah, 151 00:11:13.240 --> 00:11:16.200 not me. I have an older brother. So I'm forty seven and 152 00:11:16.240 --> 00:11:20.720 I have an older brother. My parents met in Provo at the high school 153 00:11:20.759 --> 00:11:26.279 there, got knocked up on their seventeenth birthday. Wow. Four kids by 154 00:11:26.279 --> 00:11:28.879 the age of twenty one, so yeah, okay, that's fucking nuts. 155 00:11:30.000 --> 00:11:33.559 Didn't know this about you, But my mom has been born again into the 156 00:11:33.559 --> 00:11:37.879 Mormon Church probably a good half a dozen times. Like, I didn't know 157 00:11:37.919 --> 00:11:39.519 you could get excommunicated and come back that many times, but you can. 158 00:11:39.679 --> 00:11:43.519 I have an uncle that did that, so all good. Yeah, So 159 00:11:43.559 --> 00:11:48.600 she's on number six and my dad is currently in number three. Don't know 160 00:11:48.639 --> 00:11:50.120 what that'll be like. So yeah, they don't have a really a lot 161 00:11:50.120 --> 00:11:54.440 of room to talk about my behavior and choices. But at least their choices 162 00:11:54.440 --> 00:11:58.679 are straight choices, so that makes it better. I'm and ironically, my 163 00:11:58.720 --> 00:12:01.679 dad's only one that stepped up. I went no contact with my mom when 164 00:12:01.679 --> 00:12:07.000 I got engaged so to a woman. Yeah right, yeah. They were 165 00:12:07.000 --> 00:12:09.320 fine with it till they didn't have to look at it, and then it 166 00:12:09.399 --> 00:12:13.519 got too real. So but my dad was not that way. He's one 167 00:12:13.600 --> 00:12:18.200 hundred percent supportive and good shoes up for everything. So and still sits in 168 00:12:18.200 --> 00:12:20.440 a pew on Sunday. I don't know how people do both, but it's 169 00:12:20.480 --> 00:12:26.519 bizarre and it that's where they're at. Yeah, and this this was a 170 00:12:26.559 --> 00:12:33.000 struggle a lot of the times that I've had with people. Is it being 171 00:12:33.039 --> 00:12:37.240 so close to home for me, my family, and as much as the 172 00:12:37.279 --> 00:12:39.879 things they've said and done have hurt me, again, it's like, well, 173 00:12:41.360 --> 00:12:45.360 they're fucked up. You know. They're saying these things because this is 174 00:12:45.399 --> 00:12:48.559 what they've been taught and this is what they believe, and so I kind 175 00:12:48.639 --> 00:12:54.159 of have to just be okay with ignoring it sometimes. Yeah, Well, 176 00:12:54.200 --> 00:12:56.720 and you get to choose who you do that with, like if you're willing 177 00:12:56.759 --> 00:13:00.679 to accept it or not absolutely. And there are people in my family that 178 00:13:00.919 --> 00:13:03.279 are away where no, sorry no, and I don't have this, No, 179 00:13:03.480 --> 00:13:07.799 ain't gonna happen. And then there are people where I'm like, in 180 00:13:07.840 --> 00:13:09.879 my mind, I just kind of laugh, like that was the dumbest thing 181 00:13:09.879 --> 00:13:13.480 I've ever heard. But whatever, we move on because ninety nine percent of 182 00:13:13.519 --> 00:13:18.399 the time they're fantastic. And so something that I've learned along this journey and 183 00:13:18.440 --> 00:13:24.879 looking back from where I started with this podcast is my level of understanding for 184 00:13:24.039 --> 00:13:31.720 others has I think deepened dramatically well, And that's like a perk of leaving 185 00:13:31.720 --> 00:13:35.679 Mormonism on its own, is you get to understand and experience variety instead of 186 00:13:35.720 --> 00:13:39.440 like nine hundred shades of vanilla life, Like you get to see that there's 187 00:13:39.919 --> 00:13:43.080 people are fucked up for a lot of different reasons. And how much anger 188 00:13:43.080 --> 00:13:46.720 you choose to place on the back that they're fucked up because they are Mormon 189 00:13:46.960 --> 00:13:50.120 is like up to you. Oh yeah, yes, yes, because I 190 00:13:50.360 --> 00:13:54.039 could easily tell all my family, Look, you're Mormon, you still support 191 00:13:54.039 --> 00:13:56.960 this religion, blah blah blah, don't talk to me until you leave. 192 00:13:56.200 --> 00:13:58.320 And some people do that and that's their right, and that's you know, 193 00:13:58.360 --> 00:14:01.080 if that works for you. I am not knocking that everyone has their own 194 00:14:01.080 --> 00:14:05.039 situation. But I came to the point where I'm like, I'm looking at 195 00:14:05.039 --> 00:14:11.120 each of my family members as an individual, and how do they treat me 196 00:14:11.840 --> 00:14:16.360 personally, their beliefs, whatever, how do they treat me? And so 197 00:14:16.639 --> 00:14:20.440 again, that was the way that I had to get with my dad was 198 00:14:20.519 --> 00:14:24.960 like him as a human being being so controlling and he knows everything, and 199 00:14:24.000 --> 00:14:28.960 he was judgmental. She gotta let that shit go, you know, especially 200 00:14:28.200 --> 00:14:33.360 since the time that he and my mom got sick, and that started in 201 00:14:33.440 --> 00:14:39.679 COVID, during COVID, but after my mom passed, like six or seven 202 00:14:39.720 --> 00:14:43.039 months ago, again, it was like he had nothing to live for. 203 00:14:43.519 --> 00:14:48.840 Now here's where this control thing comes in. He lived for my mom. 204 00:14:48.639 --> 00:14:54.440 And that sounds cute and kind and loving and romantic. But because of my 205 00:14:54.559 --> 00:14:58.519 experience with my dad that taking care of my mom, he wanted to take 206 00:14:58.559 --> 00:15:05.000 care of my mom control. He wanted her like she couldn't have an opinion. 207 00:15:05.159 --> 00:15:07.559 He would decide for her. If she started losing her mind, she 208 00:15:07.600 --> 00:15:09.000 would be more rebellious and say, Terry, I don't want to go there, 209 00:15:09.559 --> 00:15:15.240 and he would make her, you know, And so that was hard 210 00:15:15.759 --> 00:15:18.399 for me. Yeah, But again in my mind, I'm like, wait, 211 00:15:18.759 --> 00:15:24.519 but my dad literally thinks that he knows what's best for her, so 212 00:15:24.600 --> 00:15:28.000 he, honest to God, feels like he's doing right by her. It's 213 00:15:28.039 --> 00:15:31.799 twisted, right, I mean, I don't like it, but like he 214 00:15:33.039 --> 00:15:35.360 really thought he was doing what was best for her. It's such a crazy 215 00:15:35.399 --> 00:15:39.320 thing to have to come to when you see your parents as like nearly dead 216 00:15:39.480 --> 00:15:45.360 and you are coming to terms with all of it well, and like you 217 00:15:45.399 --> 00:15:50.639 watch them kind of deplete, like it wasn't incidental and rapid and not prepared 218 00:15:50.639 --> 00:15:54.279 for, Like you watched this like phasing out of both of them, and 219 00:15:54.320 --> 00:15:58.960 that would be insanely hard to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it 220 00:15:58.039 --> 00:16:04.919 was definitely surreal. I recorded an episode and it's already been released, and 221 00:16:04.960 --> 00:16:10.720 it was basically going over me watching my dad die. So and I record 222 00:16:10.720 --> 00:16:14.519 that with Kirsten, so I don't need to go over all of that again. 223 00:16:15.360 --> 00:16:19.440 Yeah, we're just thinking about the going forward. So my dad's dead, 224 00:16:21.440 --> 00:16:23.759 so many things are popping up in my mind. For example, when 225 00:16:23.799 --> 00:16:27.440 I was out there again, I have my oldest brother, David Worth with 226 00:16:27.440 --> 00:16:30.720 a piece of shit can't stand and brought in Hell. Lives near my parents 227 00:16:32.000 --> 00:16:37.399 of course, howtworks Mormon. Yeah, and then Mike and Mark also Mormon, 228 00:16:37.639 --> 00:16:41.080 don't live in the area. Mike's in Florida, Mark's in Washington State. 229 00:16:41.759 --> 00:16:47.559 Mormon wives are Mormon, but they're good guys, like they're good ass 230 00:16:47.639 --> 00:16:51.440 people. And so some of the conversations after my dad died, it was, 231 00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:53.720 you know, we go to the funeral home and the funeral directors is 232 00:16:53.759 --> 00:16:56.600 saying, you know, Mike and Mark, you are welcome to help dress 233 00:16:56.639 --> 00:17:03.759 the body. And they were like, uh, that's weird. And I 234 00:17:03.799 --> 00:17:07.599 had that experience that I talked about in previous episodes about how I was told 235 00:17:07.599 --> 00:17:11.759 I wasn't allowed to dress the body because dress the body in this case, 236 00:17:11.759 --> 00:17:12.480 by the way, when you go to dress the body, they already have 237 00:17:12.519 --> 00:17:15.880 their temple gown on. They're not like buck naked. That'd be weird for 238 00:17:17.000 --> 00:17:21.039 me. It was just putting their temple clothing on over top of the gown, 239 00:17:21.200 --> 00:17:22.759 right. Yeah. I was told I wasn't allowed to do that because 240 00:17:22.799 --> 00:17:26.680 I wasn't worthy. And of course I'm like, excuse me, you know, 241 00:17:27.680 --> 00:17:33.200 yeah, watch me. And so the experience that I had going there 242 00:17:33.279 --> 00:17:37.359 and dressing my mom and I was there with my two sister in laws and 243 00:17:37.759 --> 00:17:40.279 one of my aunts, two of my aunts, I guess, And it 244 00:17:40.400 --> 00:17:44.960 was a really actually a super cool experience that was full of like girl power 245 00:17:45.720 --> 00:17:51.759 because even though they were all Mormon, they deferred to me because I was 246 00:17:51.799 --> 00:17:56.799 the daughter. I felt so much love and respect in that moment because they 247 00:17:56.839 --> 00:18:00.200 all know I'm so not Mormon. They know, and they know I wasn't 248 00:18:00.200 --> 00:18:04.000 supposed to be there. They knew, but they were like it was almost 249 00:18:04.039 --> 00:18:07.960 like a like a fuck you patriarchy moment, not that anyone was going to 250 00:18:07.000 --> 00:18:11.240 say that out loud, but they knew this was against the rules and they 251 00:18:11.279 --> 00:18:14.799 were supporting it. And I don't know, it just felt it felt good, 252 00:18:14.920 --> 00:18:19.400 and it felt good to I don't know, to have that moment with 253 00:18:19.480 --> 00:18:22.200 my mom. Yeah, well, and think about it. It's the one 254 00:18:22.240 --> 00:18:26.839 time in Mormonism where you got like only women got to be in charge. 255 00:18:27.400 --> 00:18:30.599 Like there's not a dude telling you what steps to do. There wasn't a 256 00:18:30.680 --> 00:18:33.960 dude overseeing it or like giving you the thumbs up that you did it okay. 257 00:18:34.000 --> 00:18:37.559 It was literally just no, you're right, women taking care of women. 258 00:18:37.720 --> 00:18:41.519 That doesn't happen, especially in the what's the phrase? I forget most 259 00:18:41.519 --> 00:18:44.440 of the Mormon words, which I love ordinance, Like, there's not any 260 00:18:44.519 --> 00:18:47.640 ordinances that just women are in charge of. So I can imagine that that 261 00:18:47.920 --> 00:18:52.039 was a super bonding and powerful experience. It was. It really really was. 262 00:18:53.119 --> 00:18:56.440 So when my brothers were like, oh, I don't know if we 263 00:18:56.480 --> 00:18:57.799 want to do that, it's kind of weird. And then I was talking 264 00:18:57.839 --> 00:19:00.440 to my brothers when were driving away, and I was saying just you know, 265 00:19:00.480 --> 00:19:03.640 guys, I don't I don't think you should miss out on this, 266 00:19:03.839 --> 00:19:06.920 Like, it's not as weird as you think. Dad will already have clothes 267 00:19:06.960 --> 00:19:10.759 on. The funeral director could be there and kind of help you maneuver him 268 00:19:10.839 --> 00:19:14.759 and to get the I know it's weird sounding, but it was a really 269 00:19:14.759 --> 00:19:22.640 special experience that I had. So flash forward to the day after the day 270 00:19:22.680 --> 00:19:26.400 of, after they had gone to dress him, and they were traumatized by 271 00:19:26.440 --> 00:19:29.839 it. They it was they did go do it. Then they did and 272 00:19:29.880 --> 00:19:33.200 it was not good for them, And I was thinking about that, and 273 00:19:33.240 --> 00:19:37.759 I'm like, hmm, I wonder why because it was just the two of 274 00:19:37.799 --> 00:19:41.799 them, not the first brother. That's the no, not the Listen, 275 00:19:42.039 --> 00:19:48.720 we tell first brother nothing, okay, he ruins everything. Okay. So 276 00:19:48.839 --> 00:19:51.279 no, dude was not even invited. So the two that didn't want to 277 00:19:51.359 --> 00:19:52.880 ended up doing it. Yeah, Mike and Mark, Mike and Mark at 278 00:19:52.920 --> 00:19:56.839 the Cold Ones, Mike and markt my boys David raw in Hell. So 279 00:19:56.920 --> 00:20:00.519 Mike and Mark went ahead and did it, and and I'm like, so, 280 00:20:00.559 --> 00:20:03.720 how was it? And they were they were traumatized, And I felt 281 00:20:03.960 --> 00:20:07.640 kind of bad for sort of saying that they should, And then I was 282 00:20:07.680 --> 00:20:11.480 thinking, you know, the reason that it was so beautiful for me and 283 00:20:11.559 --> 00:20:15.359 these women was, yeah, it was it was powerful, it was women 284 00:20:15.519 --> 00:20:21.119 respecting a woman. Yeah, but my brothers just kind of saw it more 285 00:20:21.119 --> 00:20:22.640 as like, well, we got to put dad's clothes on he's dead. 286 00:20:23.119 --> 00:20:26.319 Oh. I don't know why I bring that up. I guess because it 287 00:20:26.359 --> 00:20:32.880 just kind of sat with me that it's interesting that I participated in an ordinance. 288 00:20:33.240 --> 00:20:34.559 I don't know if it's typically do they call an ordinance to do that? 289 00:20:34.680 --> 00:20:38.200 I don't know, but I participated in something Mormon that I wasn't allowed 290 00:20:38.200 --> 00:20:41.880 to and I did anyway, and it was beautiful for me. And my 291 00:20:41.960 --> 00:20:45.839 brothers participated in something that they were allowed to and they were supposed to do 292 00:20:45.880 --> 00:20:51.039 and they hated it so well. Also consider like just the male female emotional 293 00:20:51.079 --> 00:20:56.279 part of it, like you have connection, enclosure and like feminine energy and 294 00:20:56.559 --> 00:21:00.880 yeah, boys being tasky and they're like, Hugh, like why would we 295 00:21:00.920 --> 00:21:04.279 do this? Like they don't need that connection, So maybe it just wasn't 296 00:21:04.799 --> 00:21:07.400 meant to be that experience for them. And they get to do a thousand 297 00:21:07.480 --> 00:21:11.599 ordinances so who cares about what more? Yeah, that's true good point. 298 00:21:11.799 --> 00:21:15.000 Yeah, I just thought it was interesting, Like, huh so in typical 299 00:21:15.240 --> 00:21:18.000 me podcasting fashion, I'll be jumping around all over the place like that. 300 00:21:18.799 --> 00:21:22.440 I thought of that. So we did that. So next up is we 301 00:21:22.640 --> 00:21:26.720 had to start planning the funeral. And you know what sucks is when you 302 00:21:26.839 --> 00:21:29.720 were just sitting at the funeral home and you're like, just do just do 303 00:21:29.799 --> 00:21:32.720 the same one that's on the books from six months ago, Like that fucking 304 00:21:32.799 --> 00:21:37.640 sucks. It's it's bad, I know, just change the gender and keep 305 00:21:37.680 --> 00:21:41.000 everything else the same. Yeah, we'll send you a picture. It was 306 00:21:41.200 --> 00:21:44.759 uh god, it would have been bad if you had to ask for like 307 00:21:44.799 --> 00:21:47.519 a bogo or something like that, like you get a bounce back pass. 308 00:21:47.960 --> 00:21:49.640 Wait, you don't think we didn't make those jokes, because we did. 309 00:21:51.599 --> 00:21:57.519 We did. Yes. So my brother, my brother Mark and I were 310 00:21:57.640 --> 00:22:00.880 like the funny ones in the family, were super irreverent. And we go 311 00:22:00.960 --> 00:22:04.799 in there and we're like, what's up Logan because we remember him, Logan 312 00:22:04.920 --> 00:22:07.680 the blonde funeral director. I'm like, dude, we're back, what's up. 313 00:22:07.720 --> 00:22:11.519 I want to get one free? And he's shaking is He's trying to 314 00:22:11.559 --> 00:22:12.480 be like, I'm so sorry for your loss. We're like, yeah, 315 00:22:12.559 --> 00:22:21.039 yeah, yeah, it's because to remind people, I was actually going out 316 00:22:21.039 --> 00:22:25.319 to Utah that weekend for my uncle's funeral, who had died age sixty nine, 317 00:22:25.359 --> 00:22:29.559 passed away, but it turned out my dad got hell of bad and 318 00:22:29.640 --> 00:22:32.039 so I bump my flight up to get out there right away, and then 319 00:22:32.039 --> 00:22:34.119 my dad died and then we went to my uncle's shereet. I mean, 320 00:22:34.279 --> 00:22:37.880 it's just like death. Everything is death and dying, and to the point 321 00:22:37.880 --> 00:22:41.759 where it's almost I'm not gonna say comical, but like, how do you 322 00:22:41.799 --> 00:22:45.000 not say something about Fridly? Shit? Who's next? Right? I mean, 323 00:22:45.039 --> 00:22:49.480 it's it's it's one of those things. So planning the funeral, my 324 00:22:49.559 --> 00:22:52.920 brothers asked me if I wanted to speak, and I'm like sure, which 325 00:22:53.000 --> 00:22:56.920 was awesome. I spoke at my mom's funeral and my brother asked me, 326 00:22:56.960 --> 00:23:00.799 and I was very honored that he yeah, I'm having all these thoughts right 327 00:23:00.839 --> 00:23:03.400 now, and I'll tell you why. And I'm just going to say it. 328 00:23:03.400 --> 00:23:08.200 It was very hard for Mary to watch me sort of in her mind 329 00:23:08.279 --> 00:23:15.720 given to the patriarchy, meaning my brother asked me to speak, and that 330 00:23:15.799 --> 00:23:19.759 felt good to me, and she would have been like, why didn't you 331 00:23:19.839 --> 00:23:22.319 just tell him, Hey, I'm going to speak. You know, there's 332 00:23:23.039 --> 00:23:26.400 a dynamic there that we kind of butted heads on a lot, and this 333 00:23:26.519 --> 00:23:30.720 is not again. We all have our own experiences. Mary had all women 334 00:23:30.759 --> 00:23:33.599 in her family, and you know, I dealt with things in my own 335 00:23:33.640 --> 00:23:37.720 way. But I do want to say that in that dynamic, for my 336 00:23:37.920 --> 00:23:44.359 brother, who knows I freaking ripped the shit out of the church when I 337 00:23:44.559 --> 00:23:52.279 left, for him to trust that I'm going to honor my mom means a 338 00:23:52.319 --> 00:23:56.640 lot to me. And that's nothing to do with religion. That's to do 339 00:23:56.759 --> 00:24:00.279 with the fact that he trusts that I will honor her with the love that 340 00:24:00.359 --> 00:24:03.519 I have for her and not have a platform or in front of a bunch 341 00:24:03.519 --> 00:24:11.599 of Mormons, which could have been fun, but jos no, no, 342 00:24:11.559 --> 00:24:15.720 they wouldn't have. So when he asked if I wanted to speak, I'm 343 00:24:15.799 --> 00:24:18.960 like, yeah, yeah, absolutely, of course, I'll take a few 344 00:24:19.000 --> 00:24:22.000 minutes. And I also said, you know, Dad was really into music. 345 00:24:22.039 --> 00:24:26.359 I think that most of it should be music. Cool. So then 346 00:24:26.920 --> 00:24:33.079 was the part of what do I say about my dad? And I struggled 347 00:24:33.079 --> 00:24:40.200 with that, and because the way that my dad would want to be honored 348 00:24:40.599 --> 00:24:45.160 would be his church service, and I don't want to do that. Yeah, 349 00:24:45.200 --> 00:24:48.400 and they love a good like bibliography for a funeral, like just say 350 00:24:48.440 --> 00:24:52.240 their callings, talk about what they did, the service. They gave maybe 351 00:24:52.240 --> 00:24:56.440 a minute about the family, but it's not even really about the person. 352 00:24:56.480 --> 00:25:02.680 It's just about what how did they qualify in churchactly exactly. It was easy 353 00:25:02.720 --> 00:25:04.279 for me with my mom because my mom and I had a different kind of 354 00:25:04.279 --> 00:25:08.400 relationship. My mom and I, our relationship was based outside of religion. 355 00:25:10.400 --> 00:25:14.480 By the end, you know, if those of you who haven't listened to 356 00:25:15.599 --> 00:25:19.319 the episode where I play the recording of what I said about my mom, 357 00:25:19.359 --> 00:25:25.400 you'll see it wasn't about me honoring my mom for being Mormon, right. 358 00:25:25.559 --> 00:25:30.559 So I was trying to think, like what do I say? What do 359 00:25:30.599 --> 00:25:33.319 I say about my dad that I can be true about and not have it 360 00:25:33.440 --> 00:25:38.960 kind of not feel good for me. So I'm thinking, what did I 361 00:25:40.039 --> 00:25:45.359 learn from my dad? Uh? My dad is very gets things done. 362 00:25:47.079 --> 00:25:51.640 So I say that, and then instantly I remember, Oh, he made 363 00:25:51.720 --> 00:25:53.599 us do all this church shit that we didn't want to do. He made 364 00:25:53.599 --> 00:25:59.039 my mom blah blah blah. So everything that I was coming up with because 365 00:25:59.039 --> 00:26:00.440 I was thinking about I could talk about things I've learned from my dad. 366 00:26:02.200 --> 00:26:07.200 Everything I came up with, Jennifer gave me shudders, like I didn't. 367 00:26:07.759 --> 00:26:12.680 It was all related to this having to appear to be the perfect Mormon family 368 00:26:14.079 --> 00:26:17.920 or we follow the rules, because God said, you know, did you 369 00:26:18.000 --> 00:26:21.079 have any kind of dynamic with your dad outside of church or was like every 370 00:26:21.119 --> 00:26:26.119 part of your connection with him also connected to church? It was church? 371 00:26:26.200 --> 00:26:27.680 It was church, yeah, you know, sure there was like I played 372 00:26:27.720 --> 00:26:32.480 basketball, but he but it was church fall he was sure. Yeah, 373 00:26:32.519 --> 00:26:37.000 well it was even you know, making me think of things. So I 374 00:26:37.000 --> 00:26:38.640 don't know. I was like a senior in high school or whatever, and 375 00:26:38.680 --> 00:26:41.400 he was asking me, like, what's my most important goal or whatever? 376 00:26:41.440 --> 00:26:45.440 And I said, I want to play college of basketball. And he was 377 00:26:45.480 --> 00:26:48.799 disappointed in me because my goal wasn't to graduate seminary and get married, to 378 00:26:48.799 --> 00:26:52.880 make babies and do all that stuff. Right, that you had a path 379 00:26:52.880 --> 00:26:56.799 for yourself instead of for church, right, Right's super understandable. Yeah, 380 00:26:56.960 --> 00:27:00.720 I know, right. So I eventually decided I just wasn't going to talk 381 00:27:02.359 --> 00:27:06.559 because there were a few things I could come up with to say, but 382 00:27:06.680 --> 00:27:10.079 all it would be doing was telling kind of funny stories and it would be 383 00:27:10.319 --> 00:27:15.279 more like me entertaining and and not honoring. I don't know. It was 384 00:27:15.279 --> 00:27:18.559 such a it was such a brain fuck, Jennifer. It was like like 385 00:27:18.640 --> 00:27:23.440 no reflection that would be appropriate in that environment, Like there was nothing good 386 00:27:23.480 --> 00:27:29.240 to say that was like of substance and also truthful that wasn't going to like 387 00:27:29.279 --> 00:27:33.000 cause a problem, right right, And I and I don't mean that like 388 00:27:33.039 --> 00:27:37.319 in a disrespectful way toward my dad. He was who he was, He 389 00:27:37.440 --> 00:27:40.519 did what, you know, he lived his life. But but I just 390 00:27:40.519 --> 00:27:44.839 couldn't come up with something that that I wanted to share that didn't feel like, 391 00:27:45.400 --> 00:27:47.519 you know, I could. I couldn't get up and share about how 392 00:27:47.960 --> 00:27:52.240 you know, he would say that black athletes wear their hair and braids to 393 00:27:52.319 --> 00:28:00.480 get more TV time with ESPN. I'm not gonna it's hilarious, isn't It's 394 00:28:00.480 --> 00:28:03.839 a fun thing to tell your friends, Like I can't believe my dad fucking 395 00:28:03.079 --> 00:28:10.480 said that. But it's not funeral, no, yeah, and especially Mormon 396 00:28:10.640 --> 00:28:15.319 funeral, Like right, there's an expectation of tone and relay of information. 397 00:28:15.559 --> 00:28:22.160 And if my mother were to pass away silently crossing fingers. I wouldn't be 398 00:28:22.160 --> 00:28:25.759 able to say anything either. I would just I wouldn't go, but I 399 00:28:25.799 --> 00:28:29.160 wouldn't be able to There's nothing I can say about her that is honest, 400 00:28:29.160 --> 00:28:32.440 that would not cause a lot of hurt and wouldn't be damaging to a lot 401 00:28:32.480 --> 00:28:34.839 of other people, And it's not the appropriate form for that. So I 402 00:28:34.920 --> 00:28:38.599 totally understand where you're coming from. Like, it sounds like you have quite 403 00:28:38.599 --> 00:28:41.799 a bit more well not a bit more. It sounds like you have a 404 00:28:41.839 --> 00:28:47.079 little bit better connection because you were communicating with your dad, But like that 405 00:28:47.240 --> 00:28:51.680 damage runs deep, like the shit that happens for fifty years of your life. 406 00:28:51.759 --> 00:28:55.240 Like it doesn't stop because they're dying, It doesn't. I mean it 407 00:28:55.319 --> 00:28:57.759 softens a little bit, but when you reflect back on it, you can't 408 00:28:57.759 --> 00:29:03.200 really just likeate a fake positive memory. Yeah, you brought up a great 409 00:29:03.200 --> 00:29:07.480 point. You said it softens as they get older and weaker and die or 410 00:29:07.480 --> 00:29:12.240 whatever. And my feelings toward my dad had softened by the time he died, 411 00:29:12.319 --> 00:29:15.920 And when I started thinking of what I would say at the funeral, 412 00:29:15.480 --> 00:29:18.920 I could feel myself getting hard again, like, uh, like this isn't 413 00:29:18.920 --> 00:29:23.680 good for me, Yes, this is I don't I want to leave my 414 00:29:23.839 --> 00:29:30.079 dad as with the soft feelings that I have. Yeah, did it feel 415 00:29:30.079 --> 00:29:32.599 like a failure that you weren't able to come up with something to say? 416 00:29:32.680 --> 00:29:34.160 Or was like how did that work out for you? No? No, 417 00:29:34.480 --> 00:29:37.319 I mean I was stressed out about fifty seven thousand other things going on in 418 00:29:37.319 --> 00:29:42.480 my life anyway, So it was a bit of a relief, but no, 419 00:29:42.799 --> 00:29:47.240 not a failure because my brothers were going to speak and I knew that 420 00:29:47.319 --> 00:29:52.359 they would do right by my dad. My brother Mike, he was also 421 00:29:52.400 --> 00:29:53.319 in the Air Force. My dad was Air Force, so he was going 422 00:29:53.359 --> 00:29:56.599 to talk about that kind of thing, and my brother Mark talked about his 423 00:29:56.640 --> 00:30:00.359 mission and stuff. So the funeral was actually itself. The way it was 424 00:30:00.400 --> 00:30:07.279 put together was great. My friend Kirsten again, the other co host, 425 00:30:07.680 --> 00:30:11.319 her and her wife Anne are very musical, and I asked them if they 426 00:30:11.359 --> 00:30:18.920 would be the chorister and the pianist for the funeral. Check with my brothers 427 00:30:18.920 --> 00:30:22.440 first, because I was like, wait, pause, you had a lesbian 428 00:30:22.480 --> 00:30:26.880 couple. This is so fucking great, Jennifer. You just said that like 429 00:30:26.920 --> 00:30:32.400 that was the most casual thing you've ever come up with. Like I just 430 00:30:32.440 --> 00:30:33.920 listening to the names that I'm like, no, there's a lady names, 431 00:30:34.519 --> 00:30:41.039 lady name lesbians. Maybe that was my contribution. Oh my god, Okay, 432 00:30:41.440 --> 00:30:45.119 I love how you just said it like it was fucking nothing, like 433 00:30:45.200 --> 00:30:51.000 everyone does that, everyone does that slipped in some party bags. Hmm. 434 00:30:52.240 --> 00:30:56.599 The way that came about was when I had told my brothers Mike and Mark, 435 00:30:56.640 --> 00:31:00.519 I'm like, there should be a lot of music here, because that's 436 00:31:00.519 --> 00:31:03.519 into music. And I said, you know, I have these friends and 437 00:31:03.559 --> 00:31:07.160 they do music, and the Ones professional pianist and blah blah blah. You 438 00:31:07.200 --> 00:31:10.160 know, you can just get whatever sister Olsen from the War to play the 439 00:31:10.279 --> 00:31:12.720 organ, but if we really want like some kick ass music, we need 440 00:31:12.720 --> 00:31:17.319 to take it up a notch. And they're professionals and they knew they were 441 00:31:17.359 --> 00:31:25.880 married women didn't say that yet. Shit, Okay. I was like the 442 00:31:25.880 --> 00:31:30.039 way you're selling it. They're like, yeah, Jones can come on over. 443 00:31:30.680 --> 00:31:33.119 Yeah, they're sisters. And then you're like, jokes on you. 444 00:31:33.599 --> 00:31:42.799 They bone last night. Holy shit, the ball's on you right now. 445 00:31:42.920 --> 00:31:49.279 God, they're dropping. They're finally dropping. Okay, Okay, So the 446 00:31:49.279 --> 00:31:53.039 boys say yes, The brothers say yes, yes, because I am like, 447 00:31:53.240 --> 00:31:56.759 they can play anything on the piano. They're professionals. I think we 448 00:31:56.759 --> 00:32:00.880 should bring in like some Irish music so or Scottish music. So this is 449 00:32:00.880 --> 00:32:07.960 some funny shit. My dad has always thought and insisted that we are from 450 00:32:07.960 --> 00:32:15.720 like some noble Scottish heritage, right me too nice, which is so funny 451 00:32:15.759 --> 00:32:17.359 because he always used that, like when I left the church to use it 452 00:32:17.359 --> 00:32:22.240 as good like you're you're you're destroying your school. And he always says Scoltish 453 00:32:22.240 --> 00:32:25.400 Scoltish heritage like a god, Dad, it's a provo accent. You don't 454 00:32:25.480 --> 00:32:29.240 get it? Is that what it is? Well, he was Egle Mountain, 455 00:32:29.240 --> 00:32:34.640 but yeah, but he would say things like, you know when I 456 00:32:34.680 --> 00:32:37.920 when I hear those bagpipes of my country, you know, it just makes 457 00:32:37.920 --> 00:32:42.640 my blood role or whatever. A couple of years ago, I did an 458 00:32:42.640 --> 00:32:50.319 ancestry dot com test We're not fucking Scottish zero percent zero Oh my god. 459 00:32:50.799 --> 00:32:52.319 But I never told my dad because whatever. He was old by then, 460 00:32:52.319 --> 00:32:54.599 and I'm like, we'll just let it, We'll just let it think that. 461 00:32:55.200 --> 00:32:58.160 And so I told my brothers, I'm like, well, you know 462 00:32:58.200 --> 00:33:00.720 what, let's hear some great Scottish songs that I've heard. Dad, singing, 463 00:33:00.799 --> 00:33:05.559 you know, honoring the heritage. I told my brothers that I'll check 464 00:33:05.599 --> 00:33:09.680 with my friends and see do they know any of like this, the Scottish 465 00:33:09.759 --> 00:33:14.160 songs, and I look some stuff up and they got back to me, 466 00:33:14.240 --> 00:33:17.000 of course, are like, uh, one of them can sing oh Danny 467 00:33:17.039 --> 00:33:20.400 boy. My dad sing that all the time. That's not Scottish, I 468 00:33:20.400 --> 00:33:22.400 don't think. But my dad always would sing that. And he also would 469 00:33:22.480 --> 00:33:28.759 sing, shit, what's that song? Blah blah blah, that's something about 470 00:33:28.480 --> 00:33:31.119 my Bonnie, you'll take the high road. I'll do that one, which 471 00:33:31.240 --> 00:33:35.119 is a Scottish song. And so I got back with my brothers and I'm 472 00:33:35.160 --> 00:33:37.960 like, yeah, they could sing this one, the one could play this 473 00:33:37.119 --> 00:33:39.480 like. There's so many options, and they're cool, that sounds great. 474 00:33:40.079 --> 00:33:44.400 And then I said, well, let me get back to let me get 475 00:33:44.519 --> 00:33:47.200 let me get back to Kirston and Anne, their wives. And one of 476 00:33:47.319 --> 00:33:52.480 brothers was like, wait, and you know what's funny, is there anything 477 00:33:52.480 --> 00:33:55.200 to a plan that I wasn't like trying to sneak It just can't turned out 478 00:33:55.279 --> 00:34:00.559 because it's normal to you now, that's just relationship up. Yeah, I'm 479 00:34:00.599 --> 00:34:04.680 like a normal ass person, not not thinking about who did they sleep with 480 00:34:04.759 --> 00:34:09.000 last night? Should I let them play the piano? You're gonna get all 481 00:34:09.039 --> 00:34:13.559 the keys? Oh? No, I know. They were like, oh 482 00:34:13.719 --> 00:34:15.519 wife, and I'm like yeah, I said wives, and they just kind 483 00:34:15.559 --> 00:34:17.800 of didn't say anything. And I said, look, it's not like they're 484 00:34:17.800 --> 00:34:21.280 going to be making out. You won't even know they're together. Okay, 485 00:34:21.320 --> 00:34:24.400 they it's gonna it's fine. Uh. And I think one of my brothers 486 00:34:24.480 --> 00:34:28.280 was like, do they have any neck tattoos? Like, oh god, 487 00:34:29.159 --> 00:34:30.199 which one of them does, but it's in the back and she covered it 488 00:34:30.199 --> 00:34:35.039 with her hair. Uh. So that was that was just freaking hilarious. 489 00:34:35.159 --> 00:34:37.199 So well, because they've got to be concerned with like the physical, like 490 00:34:37.360 --> 00:34:43.639 what is going to be showing, Like there's the presentation, like everything has 491 00:34:43.639 --> 00:34:46.880 to look a certain way for a Mormon funeral and if you have sure you 492 00:34:46.880 --> 00:34:57.000 know, butch Cassidy like these are they are fem Okay, So I wasn't, 493 00:34:57.000 --> 00:35:07.079 you know, bringing some moulded pants wearing it did make me happy because 494 00:35:07.239 --> 00:35:10.239 I did want to respect what my dad would have wanted at his funeral, 495 00:35:10.280 --> 00:35:14.800 and he, you know, he was very conservative. And so I did 496 00:35:15.760 --> 00:35:19.480 talk to both of them and I'm like, listen, I know this is 497 00:35:19.519 --> 00:35:22.440 weird. Would you mind taking your nose ring out? She's like, no, 498 00:35:22.599 --> 00:35:25.320 not at all. I don't fucking care, you know. But and 499 00:35:25.400 --> 00:35:29.320 again some people probably would say, Shelley, they should be able to wear 500 00:35:29.320 --> 00:35:35.599 what they want. And I'm going to yes at and they exactly. And 501 00:35:37.159 --> 00:35:40.519 again, this this is fucking balance. It's such a balance. And I'm 502 00:35:40.519 --> 00:35:44.960 doing this for my dad. It's my dad's funeralalal, It's not like it 503 00:35:45.000 --> 00:35:47.400 was just some random word party, and I'm like, if you're going to 504 00:35:47.440 --> 00:35:51.280 come to the word party, you know, don't wear a black funeral. 505 00:35:51.559 --> 00:35:53.159 It was supposed to be respectful for my dad and he was very traditional. 506 00:35:53.320 --> 00:35:55.880 So yeah, let's be in said the music, which, by the way, 507 00:35:55.960 --> 00:36:00.360 and I will post this picture. There is a lovely picture of me 508 00:36:00.920 --> 00:36:05.440 and my girlfriend. Yes, people who were just turning in, I do 509 00:36:05.559 --> 00:36:13.360 have a new girlfriend. And h ann and Kirsten all up on the like 510 00:36:13.559 --> 00:36:16.679 by the podium what do we call it, lesbians and leadership? We did 511 00:36:16.679 --> 00:36:24.119 a selfie, yes, by the pulpit like in their yeah, like where 512 00:36:24.119 --> 00:36:28.239 the bishops sit. Yeah, yeah, I will post that. It was 513 00:36:28.760 --> 00:36:32.159 fantastic. Oh that's a T shirt right there. Oh my god, you're 514 00:36:32.239 --> 00:36:38.920 right, You're right, Okay, I know, continue, thank you. 515 00:36:39.559 --> 00:36:43.079 They're gonna then they better give me the water first when they go past it, 516 00:36:43.119 --> 00:36:45.880 because I'm up on the podium and I'm like, the this so weird, 517 00:36:45.519 --> 00:36:51.480 God whatever flashbacks. So m hm, it doesn't it seem like so 518 00:36:51.559 --> 00:36:52.719 long ago? When was the last time you were, like, went to 519 00:36:52.760 --> 00:37:00.400 a sacre meeting as a sort of Mormon seven years? Wow? I mean 520 00:37:00.400 --> 00:37:05.119 I've been to like mission farewells and stuff, but yeah, not as myself. 521 00:37:06.880 --> 00:37:08.039 But it's funny that you mentioned thinking about like how to show up, 522 00:37:08.280 --> 00:37:12.639 because even when I've gone, I have a sister that lives in the same 523 00:37:12.679 --> 00:37:15.360 town as me, and she's super Mormon, and all of her kids are 524 00:37:15.360 --> 00:37:17.280 going on missions and they all do the checklist stuff. They all do everything 525 00:37:17.320 --> 00:37:22.320 they're supposed to do. So every farewell, every homecoming. And when I 526 00:37:22.320 --> 00:37:27.679 first started going to those events, which took a lot, I covered myself. 527 00:37:27.840 --> 00:37:30.400 I made myself up here as if I was Mormon. I didn't want 528 00:37:30.400 --> 00:37:36.039 to cause disruption. I don't do that shit anymore. But so I'm like, 529 00:37:36.440 --> 00:37:39.599 I can't not be myself. But it's funny how long that takes to 530 00:37:39.639 --> 00:37:44.360 come out of your system when you're just so used to doing what's expected of 531 00:37:44.360 --> 00:37:46.880 you instead of what you want to do in your life. Right, Yeah, 532 00:37:46.920 --> 00:37:51.440 have you hit the point and I have where so you go to like 533 00:37:51.519 --> 00:37:54.800 trying to just be small and not ruffle you know, anyone as you're leaving, 534 00:37:55.400 --> 00:37:58.679 and then you get to the point where you're like, okay, it's 535 00:37:58.800 --> 00:38:01.519 fine, And then point where I am where I'm like, yeah, I'm 536 00:38:01.519 --> 00:38:05.480 wearing a sweater, but you better believe I'm hiking those sleeves up so people 537 00:38:05.480 --> 00:38:08.039 can see my tattoos, like you do it all a little bit, yes, 538 00:38:08.440 --> 00:38:10.800 And I don't do that as in your face. I do that as 539 00:38:10.840 --> 00:38:15.639 a like anyone else here. I'm safe, speacon of hope. You know. 540 00:38:15.519 --> 00:38:21.000 Yes, ye do that all the time. And when I see people 541 00:38:21.119 --> 00:38:24.679 in the church that have tattoos and they see mine and you visually see them, 542 00:38:24.719 --> 00:38:30.199 relax. Yeah, it's fucking beautiful, isn't it funny? I want 543 00:38:30.199 --> 00:38:31.519 to And you can cut this out later if you're like, I don't need 544 00:38:31.519 --> 00:38:36.599 your bullshit story. I was talking to because there's a fairly large ex Mormon 545 00:38:36.599 --> 00:38:39.719 community here in Cash Valley, like we get together for thirsty Thursdays. They 546 00:38:39.719 --> 00:38:44.199 have a faith transition support group at the Pride House every Sunday, Like it's 547 00:38:44.199 --> 00:38:47.360 a big part of the culture up here. And there's a really good and 548 00:38:47.400 --> 00:38:52.079 close queer community here too, which is ironic, but it's because we have 549 00:38:52.119 --> 00:38:55.719 a university, so we just have forced diversity. But we were talking about 550 00:38:55.760 --> 00:38:59.719 how the people we were always taught to stay away from, generationally, at 551 00:38:59.760 --> 00:39:02.519 least my age and maybe a little bit younger, for people with piercing's weird 552 00:39:02.519 --> 00:39:07.760 hair tattoos that had lived hard lives looked like they'd been through shit. You 553 00:39:07.760 --> 00:39:09.960 don't talk to those people because they're scary and bad. And now in my 554 00:39:10.039 --> 00:39:14.239 life so long after leaving the church, those are the people I would much 555 00:39:14.320 --> 00:39:16.559 rather spend any of my time with as somebody that does not look Mormon. 556 00:39:16.639 --> 00:39:20.119 If you look like you're Mormon, we probably should just not even be friends. 557 00:39:20.559 --> 00:39:23.000 And it's totally flipped like that. That like, that's why I started 558 00:39:23.000 --> 00:39:27.760 getting some tattoos. Was the beacon of hope thing like connecting it made. 559 00:39:27.760 --> 00:39:30.920 My first tattoo was gay looking, and so I was like just letting people 560 00:39:30.960 --> 00:39:35.360 know, well, mine was a coffee a coffee mug. So oh that 561 00:39:37.480 --> 00:39:40.800 center. But I think that that's a really big thing, like just finding 562 00:39:40.840 --> 00:39:45.119 those identifiers and like we talked about at the beginning, like experiencing the whole 563 00:39:45.119 --> 00:39:52.079 scope of humanity and not just Nick Chicken Lee and her seventeen children, like 564 00:39:52.159 --> 00:39:54.599 everybody just being the same. Everybody's the same, they all were the same. 565 00:39:54.679 --> 00:39:58.639 When you go to church, they all wear the same dresses. Like 566 00:39:58.679 --> 00:40:01.519 it's a pilgrim thing right now. And to just be like this fucking weirdo 567 00:40:01.599 --> 00:40:05.239 in the corner with the turquoise hair and I think something's on her nose, 568 00:40:05.280 --> 00:40:08.000 like this little like head tilt of like the fuck is that? Like that's 569 00:40:08.039 --> 00:40:10.679 what I live for. It's just like a little bit of curiosity. And 570 00:40:12.199 --> 00:40:15.400 if there's one kid in that congregation that thinks they might have the gay, 571 00:40:15.960 --> 00:40:19.599 there's one kid that like loves drawing tattoos, just be like, all right, 572 00:40:19.599 --> 00:40:21.599 I'm gonna survive this, Like I'm going to get through and this is 573 00:40:21.639 --> 00:40:23.519 not going to be what kills me in my life. Yes, yes, 574 00:40:23.679 --> 00:40:27.639 God, I love that. I love that. It's so true. Like 575 00:40:28.440 --> 00:40:35.840 there's also this so I know from who I am that people typically like me 576 00:40:36.960 --> 00:40:43.559 because at this point in my life, I'm always outgoing. I'm talkative, 577 00:40:44.119 --> 00:40:47.760 I say hi to people, I try my best to be kind and whatever. 578 00:40:49.320 --> 00:40:52.639 And so when I'm in the church and I'm seeing like my cousins and 579 00:40:52.679 --> 00:40:57.039 there, then they're kids who were, you know, youngish, and the 580 00:40:57.119 --> 00:40:59.400 kids are just drawn to me because I'm like, hey man, what's up? 581 00:40:59.480 --> 00:41:01.880 High five? Like that's how I am. I'm not going and I 582 00:41:02.079 --> 00:41:07.920 try to make people relax and have fun and whatever. And so there's this 583 00:41:07.000 --> 00:41:10.440 thing of yeah, so there's this thing of like, I don't know if 584 00:41:10.440 --> 00:41:15.280 this sounds weird, but it's almost like I'm showing that I am a good 585 00:41:15.360 --> 00:41:21.079 person, right, even though that you're not the bad person that you've been 586 00:41:21.119 --> 00:41:27.039 taught you are right right, and that I am actually pretty freaking likable. 587 00:41:27.880 --> 00:41:30.440 And so people who were probably like, oh, yeah that's Shelly. Gosh, 588 00:41:30.440 --> 00:41:32.480 she went astray, but gosh, she's just so fucking nice. Yeah, 589 00:41:32.519 --> 00:41:35.639 you know, it's this I don't know what that is in me, 590 00:41:35.760 --> 00:41:37.760 but it just, oh, it's like you're in your inside volume, like 591 00:41:37.800 --> 00:41:40.840 you weren't allowed to be that person when you were Mormon because it was subdued 592 00:41:40.920 --> 00:41:44.679 and you're supposed to be quiet and don't have opinions and I mean similar to 593 00:41:44.679 --> 00:41:47.960 how you talked about your dad's relationship with your mom, Like can you imagine 594 00:41:47.960 --> 00:41:52.000 if your mom was as mouthy as you where that would have gotten her in 595 00:41:52.039 --> 00:41:55.639 her life she had your SaaS level, that would have not not been good 596 00:41:55.679 --> 00:41:59.920 for her. And so like you being able to fully express all of your 597 00:42:00.079 --> 00:42:04.159 authenticity and like really step into yourself, that's that's what people are drawn to. 598 00:42:04.199 --> 00:42:07.159 I don't even think it's that you're outgoing. It's that they can see 599 00:42:07.159 --> 00:42:09.800 that you're being authentic and who you are. And there is a shell of 600 00:42:09.920 --> 00:42:14.519 humanity and a lot of Mormonism where it's just this even said it like you 601 00:42:14.559 --> 00:42:17.280 had to appear as if like you just get this like surface layer of people 602 00:42:17.800 --> 00:42:22.760 and nobody really knows that like once this family gets into the parking lot that 603 00:42:22.800 --> 00:42:24.880 the parents like rail on them and they get in trouble for whatever. You 604 00:42:24.960 --> 00:42:29.840 have no idea. But like when you are yourself, like your shit's just 605 00:42:29.880 --> 00:42:32.239 out there, you're like, here's all my fucking crazy I got these problems. 606 00:42:32.280 --> 00:42:37.119 This is my complex PTSD. Like everybody's just like putting their shit out 607 00:42:37.159 --> 00:42:40.000 there. And Mormonism you're like, no, everything's fine and we're doing wonderful 608 00:42:40.119 --> 00:42:45.480 and everybody is perfect and happy, and you're not allowed to be like sad 609 00:42:45.559 --> 00:42:49.920 or angry or have problems. God forbid you have like a disorder or a 610 00:42:49.960 --> 00:42:53.440 mental health crisis, Like that's none of that's allowed. So I think authenticity 611 00:42:53.599 --> 00:43:00.960 you just you just pray that mental health disorder right away. That's another podcast. 612 00:43:01.639 --> 00:43:07.280 We will go there. Not to worry. There's just this pride I 613 00:43:07.400 --> 00:43:15.400 have of being an ex Mormon and being a good person. Yep. Yeah, 614 00:43:15.440 --> 00:43:17.280 And I don't know. I guess that's my identity now, I don't. 615 00:43:17.360 --> 00:43:20.239 I don't. I love it, you know, I love it, 616 00:43:20.280 --> 00:43:22.760 and it's I huh, I just I don't know. I'm just thinking about 617 00:43:22.800 --> 00:43:24.920 that. Well, what's the worst they can say about you? This is 618 00:43:24.920 --> 00:43:28.559 how I feel about it, because I have one kid that's still in the 619 00:43:28.639 --> 00:43:32.760 church, and the worst thing Air quotes that he can say about me is 620 00:43:32.760 --> 00:43:36.599 that I'm gay and I'm not a Mormon. But he cannot he can't say 621 00:43:36.599 --> 00:43:39.280 anything about my personality and who I am as a human being or a mom. 622 00:43:39.719 --> 00:43:44.679 If the worst on my death day is she was gay and she wasn't 623 00:43:44.679 --> 00:43:49.840 a member of the Church's there's a lot of Funcker Mormons that are horrible people. 624 00:43:50.079 --> 00:43:52.760 And it doesn't matter that they're Mormons, and it doesn't matter that they're 625 00:43:52.760 --> 00:43:55.920 straight. They're terrible people. So I work on like my people side because 626 00:43:55.960 --> 00:43:59.760 I don't give a shit what you think about my sexuality. Oh I love 627 00:43:59.800 --> 00:44:04.159 that, freaking love that. Yeah. Do you think this kid? How 628 00:44:04.199 --> 00:44:08.440 old is this kid? He's sixteen. He's my baby. He's gonna I 629 00:44:08.519 --> 00:44:14.760 think he's gonna stay with it. I think he'll stay until his father passes 630 00:44:14.760 --> 00:44:19.920 away. So, because it's a people pleasing situation, he's he's the last 631 00:44:19.920 --> 00:44:22.079 one. All Ma and the kids have left the church. They all live 632 00:44:22.159 --> 00:44:27.119 with me except for him, So he's he gets a lot of reinforcement and 633 00:44:27.199 --> 00:44:30.719 positive accolades for being the one that stayed. It's not him at all, 634 00:44:30.800 --> 00:44:36.320 like and he's with me. He is a mouth mouthy little shit. He's 635 00:44:36.400 --> 00:44:40.119 me. He's exactly like me. He's an entertainer. He is sassy, 636 00:44:40.199 --> 00:44:45.519 and he has the worst potty mouth ever of all of my children. And 637 00:44:45.760 --> 00:44:47.280 but then he will sit in that peu and he'll bless the sacrament, and 638 00:44:47.280 --> 00:44:52.360 he'll go and do the things that the Lord has commanded him. And if 639 00:44:52.360 --> 00:44:58.280 you don't sing along, but like, I know that that's not really him. 640 00:44:58.400 --> 00:45:01.440 It's just not my journey to tell him to go. If you could 641 00:45:01.480 --> 00:45:04.800 just get out of it for like thirty days, he would never go back, 642 00:45:05.559 --> 00:45:08.199 right. But there's a lot of codependency of Mormonism. Oh yeah, 643 00:45:08.360 --> 00:45:12.559 oh yeah, man. I am so glad that none of my kids are 644 00:45:12.639 --> 00:45:16.239 interested in religion at all, period, end of story. That makes me 645 00:45:16.400 --> 00:45:21.159 so happy. Yeah, so happy. Well, and I only have to 646 00:45:21.159 --> 00:45:23.320 apologize a little bit for the mom that I was when I was marmon anymore. 647 00:45:24.199 --> 00:45:28.079 Oh I. As a matter of fact, I was apologizing to my 648 00:45:28.159 --> 00:45:30.800 daughter Genevieve, who's twenty eight now. I was going through some pictures and 649 00:45:30.840 --> 00:45:37.400 there's a picture for her when she had really bad poison ivy, and I 650 00:45:37.480 --> 00:45:40.880 remember I was so impatient with it because it was she was like this itches, 651 00:45:40.920 --> 00:45:44.400 I can't sleep, and I was like, well, put more ben 652 00:45:44.400 --> 00:45:45.480 and drool on and I don't want to hear it. And so I saw 653 00:45:45.480 --> 00:45:49.599 this picture and I called her. I'm like, I am so sorry that 654 00:45:49.679 --> 00:45:52.079 I didn't have any patience with you and you have the poison ivy. She's 655 00:45:52.119 --> 00:45:53.039 like, mom, it's fine, and I go, no, no, 656 00:45:53.039 --> 00:45:57.840 no, I was so overwhelmed with my life. Yeah. So she was 657 00:45:57.880 --> 00:46:00.679 probably eleven at the time, which means I would have had had a nine 658 00:46:00.760 --> 00:46:04.320 year old, a seven year old, like I might have had all of 659 00:46:04.320 --> 00:46:06.519 them at that point, and like infants, and I might have been pregnant 660 00:46:06.519 --> 00:46:10.119 like the knows. And so I wasn't patient with anybody, because how can 661 00:46:10.159 --> 00:46:15.199 you be when you're just constantly on this freaking mom wheel. Yeah that's funny. 662 00:46:15.239 --> 00:46:20.719 So yeah, today I apologize to her for that. Where did we 663 00:46:20.800 --> 00:46:23.519 leave off the lesbian saying, and you took a selfie? Yes, yes, 664 00:46:23.599 --> 00:46:27.920 yes, yes, that was the funeral and we're you know, we're 665 00:46:27.920 --> 00:46:30.800 probably gonnaed to split this into two episodes because we're almost an hour in and 666 00:46:30.840 --> 00:46:35.480 I love it. We haven't even gotten to the funeral yet. It was 667 00:46:35.519 --> 00:46:39.320 just preparation for the funeral. Yeah, so I think, I know, 668 00:46:39.440 --> 00:46:43.360 I know, there's so much to say. I haven't even started talking about 669 00:46:43.360 --> 00:46:46.679 the wacky, crazy shit from my brother David, but I'll get there. 670 00:46:46.679 --> 00:46:52.400 But what I wanted to point out now is the new relationship that I'm in. 671 00:46:52.199 --> 00:47:01.000 Her name is Donna. She has children. She understands the responsibilities of 672 00:47:01.199 --> 00:47:07.400 being a mom, which is something that I've really needed and it's been so 673 00:47:07.559 --> 00:47:12.599 good for me. When after my dad died and she said I would love 674 00:47:12.639 --> 00:47:17.480 to go to the funeral, and it was like wow, like that meant 675 00:47:19.079 --> 00:47:23.920 so much to me after having had to go to my mom's funeral by myself. 676 00:47:24.440 --> 00:47:30.159 That's a big contrast. Yeah, like offering to go instead of having 677 00:47:30.159 --> 00:47:34.079 to be asked, and also that maybe say no or just not even thinking 678 00:47:34.119 --> 00:47:37.079 that that was the right thing you should do for a partner. Yeah, 679 00:47:37.199 --> 00:47:39.599 Yeah, for sure, it was. It was almost like she just expected 680 00:47:39.639 --> 00:47:43.639 that she would go. You know, Donna is like, well, we're 681 00:47:43.719 --> 00:47:45.920 a couple, and you know, of course this is what she would do 682 00:47:45.960 --> 00:47:51.840 for you. Yeah, of course. Of course. Another funny thing is 683 00:47:51.960 --> 00:47:55.079 Donna trying to think how much detail I should go into here. I I 684 00:47:55.320 --> 00:47:59.679 don't have a lot of money, Okay, so when I fly with my 685 00:47:59.800 --> 00:48:02.760 kids, we fly on Spirit Airlines, which means we're in the air for 686 00:48:02.800 --> 00:48:07.159 like forty nine hours with a thousand layovers, so that we can afford it. 687 00:48:07.360 --> 00:48:13.760 Yeah, Donna can easily afford to buy a fucking NonStop flight on Delta. 688 00:48:14.519 --> 00:48:16.920 But she was like, no, I want I want to fly with 689 00:48:16.960 --> 00:48:22.599 you guys. You're fucking nuts, like you're fucking nuts to just trust No 690 00:48:22.679 --> 00:48:27.760 you don't. But she was like, well, yeah, of course, 691 00:48:27.840 --> 00:48:30.159 of course I do. And I go, well, you do understand that 692 00:48:30.239 --> 00:48:35.960 we have like a like a five hour layover in LA. But she just 693 00:48:36.960 --> 00:48:38.440 she just gets it and she wants to be part of it. And it's 694 00:48:38.480 --> 00:48:45.840 just beautiful to me to feel like this partner is so on board with my 695 00:48:46.239 --> 00:48:52.920 entire fucking shit show, because it is a fucking shit show I got going 696 00:48:52.960 --> 00:48:59.360 on. There's a lot of children's so yeah, we all met up at 697 00:49:00.159 --> 00:49:02.119 I think Donna's Okay, no, no, no. Donna came over and 698 00:49:02.159 --> 00:49:07.800 stayed with me the night before and like helped pack snacks because so you know, 699 00:49:07.840 --> 00:49:10.159 when you fly Spirit, they don't give you shit on the plane, 700 00:49:10.239 --> 00:49:15.119 like you're you're gonna starve, Yeah, they don't care. So she actually 701 00:49:15.320 --> 00:49:20.119 brought an empty suitcase so that we could shove it so full of snacks that 702 00:49:20.199 --> 00:49:25.840 I wouldn't have to buy any But it's so crazy, that's exactly what the 703 00:49:25.840 --> 00:49:30.920 fuck it was. And believe you me, the people on Spirit Airlines who 704 00:49:30.960 --> 00:49:34.679 didn't want to pay for the expensive snacks saw this and they were like, 705 00:49:34.760 --> 00:49:37.079 oh, what a great idea. I'm like that, damn right, damn 706 00:49:37.079 --> 00:49:40.719 fucking right. It's a great idea because you know, yes, granted I 707 00:49:40.760 --> 00:49:45.000 had to pay like thirty or no, Donna paid. She's like, oh, 708 00:49:45.000 --> 00:49:45.800 I'm going to bring an extra carry on. You have to pay for 709 00:49:45.800 --> 00:49:51.599 an extra for a carry on. But the amount that was spent to get 710 00:49:51.599 --> 00:49:57.440 permission to take the carry on was nothing compared to how much Yeah, yeah, 711 00:49:57.559 --> 00:50:06.519 totally right. So that thing was packed full of like grocery store submarine 712 00:50:06.559 --> 00:50:13.000 sandwiches. I love this. I wonder if I have pictures of it. 713 00:50:12.920 --> 00:50:15.599 It was so great. It was so great, like it almost was too 714 00:50:15.599 --> 00:50:19.320 heavy to be a carry on, like, oh, that's almost fifty pounds. 715 00:50:19.320 --> 00:50:21.480 Like, I shut up. I know there's a lot going on in 716 00:50:21.519 --> 00:50:27.079 there. I mean, okay, so there's me and there's Donna. There's 717 00:50:27.119 --> 00:50:31.880 seven children plus my oldest two sons. Girlfriends came. So I mean we 718 00:50:31.880 --> 00:50:37.920 were a fucking sight. Oh we we were squatting hard. So Donna is 719 00:50:38.039 --> 00:50:43.400 just checking with the kids. How's the packing going? You know, how 720 00:50:43.440 --> 00:50:49.119 can I help? She's just like cleaning up and she's packing these sandwiches, 721 00:50:49.239 --> 00:50:57.440 and I'm like, who is this woman? I I don't remember, well, 722 00:50:57.480 --> 00:51:00.559 I know I have never even in my marriage, I have never had 723 00:51:00.599 --> 00:51:06.440 a partner like her. I think maybe because the whole Mormon thing, you 724 00:51:06.599 --> 00:51:09.679 just you still expect to do everything on your own because as a Mormon woman, 725 00:51:10.000 --> 00:51:14.000 the kids are yours. Man, that's your fucking mess. I packed 726 00:51:14.000 --> 00:51:16.280 the ship. I make sure everyone brought their underwear. I like, I 727 00:51:16.360 --> 00:51:22.880 did all the shit. And then you know when with my past relationship, 728 00:51:22.199 --> 00:51:27.119 Mary wasn't super involved with the kids, so again that that was all on 729 00:51:27.159 --> 00:51:30.360 me. It was just continuously me doing all the kids shit, which is 730 00:51:30.400 --> 00:51:35.639 hard because there's fucking a lot of them. So so to have Donna who 731 00:51:35.719 --> 00:51:42.079 is like just fucking stepped up like nobody's business, and I kept pausing and 732 00:51:42.119 --> 00:51:45.400 giving your hug. I'm like, thank you, She's she's going, what 733 00:51:45.440 --> 00:51:49.679 are you talking about? Like they like think, thank you for packing the 734 00:51:49.800 --> 00:51:55.000 sandwiches? Did you literally just thank me for packing the sandwiches? This is 735 00:51:55.039 --> 00:51:59.360 the ship of Mormonism. And then being with partners who don't help, with 736 00:51:59.400 --> 00:52:02.880 people who are not partners like you thank them for basic human decency because you're 737 00:52:02.880 --> 00:52:06.480 not even used to that. Like, yes, of course she was going 738 00:52:06.519 --> 00:52:08.480 to fucking do that of course she was gonna come to the funeral with you, 739 00:52:08.599 --> 00:52:12.960 Like those are natural things, but especially as Mormon women, and then 740 00:52:12.960 --> 00:52:16.239 people in relationships that are not bucket filling, like you learn to be grateful 741 00:52:16.320 --> 00:52:21.960 for just the simplest shit that should just be how a person shows up for 742 00:52:22.039 --> 00:52:24.639 you. But because we were raised in a way that, like in the 743 00:52:24.719 --> 00:52:30.039 church culture, your spouse doesn't have to show up for you. You you're 744 00:52:30.119 --> 00:52:34.840 there for them, so yeah, to do fuck all for you. So 745 00:52:35.000 --> 00:52:38.239 even in some relationships outside of the church, you still end up like repeating 746 00:52:38.280 --> 00:52:42.239 that and being with people that can't show up for you, and then you're 747 00:52:42.280 --> 00:52:44.119 like, oh my god, thank you for doing this for me, and 748 00:52:44.119 --> 00:52:46.840 they're like are you are you serious? Like you said, her reaction was 749 00:52:47.119 --> 00:52:52.480 perfect, but you're like all humbled and grateful that she did this thing for 750 00:52:52.519 --> 00:52:54.519 you, which like if somebody thanked you for doing that, you'd be like, 751 00:52:54.519 --> 00:52:57.239 well, no, fucking should I do it? That's what I would 752 00:52:57.239 --> 00:53:00.559 do, But you're not used to being the recipient of any of it one 753 00:53:00.639 --> 00:53:06.800 hundred fucking percent. Donna has even told me she's like, your bar is 754 00:53:06.840 --> 00:53:09.400 so low. I can't just like walk. It's like trot poles on the 755 00:53:09.440 --> 00:53:13.719 ground. If anyone knows horses where they the poles are on the ground and 756 00:53:13.760 --> 00:53:15.199 the horse just trot over, I'm like to do before they learn how to 757 00:53:15.199 --> 00:53:20.880 go on the other one. Yay, look at what she did. Yeah, 758 00:53:21.360 --> 00:53:23.280 the other day, I think I thanked her for having a conversation with 759 00:53:23.360 --> 00:53:28.320 Philip. Oh my god, well, I might justify a thankfulness. I 760 00:53:28.320 --> 00:53:31.400 don't know that that's true. Philip adores her because he's a total dork and 761 00:53:31.400 --> 00:53:35.840 she's a total dork, and it's like a dork and I mean that with 762 00:53:35.880 --> 00:53:39.199 all the love. And they were talking about some kind of mechanical engineering thing. 763 00:53:39.599 --> 00:53:45.199 Nerds. Yeah, I know, I'm like ohing nerds. And later 764 00:53:45.239 --> 00:53:47.760 I'm like, wow, Donna, you like literally sat there for thirty minutes 765 00:53:47.840 --> 00:53:52.400 just chatting with Philip. And Simon was there too. My kid doesn't talk. 766 00:53:52.719 --> 00:53:54.199 You were just sat there and talked to them for like thirty minutes. 767 00:53:54.719 --> 00:53:58.679 And she looked at me like like yeah. She looked at me like waiting 768 00:53:58.679 --> 00:54:00.559 like okay, so now what are you gonna say? And I just was 769 00:54:00.599 --> 00:54:04.800 saying, thank you, she goes for having a fun conversation with your kids. 770 00:54:05.039 --> 00:54:07.760 Yes, thank you, she goes. But you're welcome, but what 771 00:54:07.840 --> 00:54:12.119 the fuck? Look at where we've sold ourselves. God damn it. I 772 00:54:12.199 --> 00:54:15.480 know, I know, I know. Anyway, she packs up all this 773 00:54:15.559 --> 00:54:22.440 shit. We take three cars. She already called ahead and reserved because I 774 00:54:22.719 --> 00:54:25.559 couldn't get the minivan or the the twelve passenger van from Brent because she was 775 00:54:25.599 --> 00:54:30.039 helping someone move that weekend. There's a whole fucking thing, you know. 776 00:54:30.079 --> 00:54:31.719 And I will just say this, and if any of Brent's spies want to 777 00:54:31.760 --> 00:54:36.119 go back to him with it, whatever. Brent was not a fan of 778 00:54:36.159 --> 00:54:39.280 me taking the kids to Utah for that many days for the funeral because they 779 00:54:39.280 --> 00:54:42.480 were going to miss school, and we kind of went rounds on that, 780 00:54:42.639 --> 00:54:49.079 and I am just like, listeners, listen up. If your children's parent 781 00:54:50.480 --> 00:54:58.360 has their parent die, do not try to tell said parent how they can 782 00:54:58.480 --> 00:55:04.079 and can't do what ever with this dead grandparents' grandkids, Like, just shut 783 00:55:04.079 --> 00:55:09.440 the fuck up. Okay, Yeah, so that was stressful anyway, So 784 00:55:09.519 --> 00:55:15.039 we all drove up to Baltimore, the Baltimore Airport, and Donna had already 785 00:55:15.440 --> 00:55:20.239 like reserved some park and ride place so it could be easy to get She's 786 00:55:20.320 --> 00:55:24.960 just she's just she just thinks she thinks of how can I make people's lives 787 00:55:25.079 --> 00:55:30.960 easier? But she does it in a way that's that because so okay, 788 00:55:30.599 --> 00:55:34.519 as Mormon women, we just have to do that shit, yep, right, 789 00:55:34.719 --> 00:55:37.719 like we just we just we serve. But not because we want to. 790 00:55:37.840 --> 00:55:40.119 It's because, like, well, we we just have to. But 791 00:55:40.239 --> 00:55:45.840 with Donna, when it's people that she loves and cares for, she will 792 00:55:45.159 --> 00:55:51.079 drop anything to help. Yeah, and it's and it's not at the expense 793 00:55:51.119 --> 00:55:53.400 of her sanity or the expense of her time or her energy whatever. It's 794 00:55:53.400 --> 00:55:58.440 because she wants to. And it is most it is the most amazing feeling 795 00:55:58.559 --> 00:56:01.199 to be the recipient of that, It's fucking awesome. Well it's new. 796 00:56:01.360 --> 00:56:07.039 You're literally a few months into that feeling. You've never had a person do 797 00:56:07.159 --> 00:56:14.000 that for you, and you're a little over forty So I'm forty nine, 798 00:56:14.119 --> 00:56:16.800 you bitch, So yeah, a little over. I'm trying to help you 799 00:56:16.800 --> 00:56:20.880 out, damn it. But like to be forty nine years old and be 800 00:56:20.960 --> 00:56:23.239 like, oh, this is what someone showing up for your looks like. 801 00:56:23.280 --> 00:56:28.079 Because you show up for people like you have that expectation through church and to 802 00:56:28.199 --> 00:56:31.320 have it not even be obligatory, but it's just like innate for her to 803 00:56:31.360 --> 00:56:36.400 be like that, like mind blowing. It's fucking normal everywhere else. It's 804 00:56:36.519 --> 00:56:42.679 just not normal for us, which is yeah, I know, And again 805 00:56:43.000 --> 00:56:46.199 like this isn't in any way to rip on Mary, just our relationship was 806 00:56:46.320 --> 00:56:50.079 very different. You know, Mary had the way she liked to do things, 807 00:56:50.119 --> 00:56:52.320 and it did didn't line up a lot of the time. And one 808 00:56:52.360 --> 00:56:57.320 of them, you know, was that she didn't enjoy or want to really 809 00:56:57.320 --> 00:57:00.280 have anything to do with the kids. And that's you know, this is 810 00:57:00.280 --> 00:57:01.639 not a big secret. She said that on the podcast before. It's not 811 00:57:01.719 --> 00:57:05.360 like I'm throwing trash out because I'm not. But it's just the truth of 812 00:57:05.360 --> 00:57:13.199 it. And so to be with someone now who actually tells me like it 813 00:57:13.320 --> 00:57:17.000 is so sexy that you're a mom, that you fucking have these humans like 814 00:57:17.840 --> 00:57:24.119 you grew these humans in you is just amazing and I don't know, just 815 00:57:24.159 --> 00:57:30.000 the love and respect for being a mom, yeah, feels so good. 816 00:57:30.159 --> 00:57:32.679 Well to have like a big part of your identity be confirmed by somebody else 817 00:57:32.719 --> 00:57:37.719 and like have a positive affirmation about it instead of like, oh, these 818 00:57:37.719 --> 00:57:42.159 are the fourteen things that ruined your life and your vagina, Like right, 819 00:57:42.440 --> 00:57:45.920 you're just being I remember one time Don and I were hanging out and I 820 00:57:45.920 --> 00:57:49.480 don't know, I was talking about my stretch marks or something that's something. 821 00:57:49.480 --> 00:57:52.360 I was like, oh my god, my stretch marks. And she's like, 822 00:57:53.400 --> 00:57:58.880 your stretch marks are beautiful. It's like the story of what you've done 823 00:57:58.920 --> 00:58:04.360 in your life. You literally brought life to seven humans and the fact that 824 00:58:04.400 --> 00:58:08.800 your body was able to stretch and go back and like multiple times, and 825 00:58:09.800 --> 00:58:14.719 like she sees it for like the awesome thing that it is. I'm not 826 00:58:14.800 --> 00:58:22.719 the man. Those kids really fucked up your badge. Leave it in, 827 00:58:22.800 --> 00:58:32.199 Dad, leave it in. Oh shit, good times. Okay, So 828 00:58:32.960 --> 00:58:37.960 back to park parking ride. So we get there. We all make it 829 00:58:37.960 --> 00:58:40.599 to the airport. And again there's something again about having done around, is 830 00:58:40.599 --> 00:58:45.840 I actually feel like I have help. And I haven't felt like I've had 831 00:58:45.920 --> 00:58:47.719 help. I have felt I mean, I am still a single mom technically, 832 00:58:47.719 --> 00:58:53.559 but I have felt like a single ass mom for six going on seven 833 00:58:53.639 --> 00:58:59.800 years now, and it is hard and to feel like I have an adult 834 00:58:59.840 --> 00:59:05.440 that wants to help, that actually thinks my kids are hilarious. That is 835 00:59:05.599 --> 00:59:07.199 like cracks up. And she's like, I wonder if Phillip's ever gonna tie 836 00:59:07.199 --> 00:59:09.440 his shoes? Like, probably not, she laughs, because she has a 837 00:59:09.480 --> 00:59:13.400 kid that doesn't tie her shoes, Like it's just this thing that we share. 838 00:59:13.840 --> 00:59:15.000 So I was so much more at ease knowing there were that many more 839 00:59:15.039 --> 00:59:19.440 eyeballs, just making sure that no one was gonna die. Oh, and 840 00:59:19.440 --> 00:59:22.360 it sounds like she takes the initiative, like you don't have to ask her 841 00:59:22.360 --> 00:59:23.960 to do the shit. She just knows to do the shit. And that 842 00:59:24.079 --> 00:59:29.119 is a huge weight to take off of a mom because if you have to 843 00:59:29.159 --> 00:59:31.719 ask, you're still doing the fucking work anyway, So thank you. And 844 00:59:31.800 --> 00:59:35.480 if you have to ask and they roll their eyes and it's like you know 845 00:59:35.480 --> 00:59:37.000 what, fuck it, don't do it. Just don't know. No, 846 00:59:37.159 --> 00:59:44.079 I'll do it. Mm hmmmm mmm. Uh So going through the security and 847 00:59:44.360 --> 00:59:47.039 the the suitcase that she got to put the food, it was like a 848 00:59:47.079 --> 00:59:51.960 big ass silver hard shell with like a lock on it, right, and 849 00:59:52.000 --> 00:59:55.079 it goes through the security scanner and it like goes through backs out, goes 850 00:59:55.079 --> 01:00:00.639 through the backs out ot and so of course she gets flu and I'm like, 851 01:00:00.679 --> 01:00:04.679 oh god. And then the guy was like, what's the TSA guy? 852 01:00:04.719 --> 01:00:07.039 What is in here? And she goes, it's sandwiches. He goes 853 01:00:07.119 --> 01:00:15.920 cause it looks like a bunch of missiles. She's like, I promise it's 854 01:00:15.960 --> 01:00:16.920 sandwiches. And he goes, well, I kind of need to take a 855 01:00:16.920 --> 01:00:21.679 look. Can you unlock it? And she's not locked. I don't need 856 01:00:21.719 --> 01:00:25.079 to lock up sandwiches. He opens it. Yes, true, it's sandwiches 857 01:00:25.119 --> 01:00:30.920 and like a billion chips and a bunch of stuff. So we get there, 858 01:00:30.639 --> 01:00:36.000 We get on the plane and again she's just she just talks to my 859 01:00:36.159 --> 01:00:38.239 kids, you know, she talks. She talks to my fucking kids, 860 01:00:38.239 --> 01:00:45.679 and they like her, and they they ask her questions back, and the 861 01:00:45.719 --> 01:00:52.039 interaction could be so sexy. Oh girl, it's like wow. Yeah, 862 01:00:52.760 --> 01:00:54.840 And anyone out there who's listening, who has been in a similar situation, 863 01:00:55.199 --> 01:00:59.840 they get it. They get it. We so we take the first leg 864 01:00:59.840 --> 01:01:02.239 of the flight, we're up in the air, and then of course it's 865 01:01:02.280 --> 01:01:05.920 time to pass out sandwiches. And by the way, on Spirit Airlines, 866 01:01:05.960 --> 01:01:08.840 you have to pay extra to pick your seats, so we didn't. The 867 01:01:09.159 --> 01:01:14.599 yeah, the only seat I did pick was mine. Well, Donna got 868 01:01:14.599 --> 01:01:15.880 her own ticket, but she made sure she was next to me and cassidy 869 01:01:15.920 --> 01:01:19.000 the little ones, so make sure at least the ten year old is buy 870 01:01:19.039 --> 01:01:22.480 someone she knows, and everyone else is scattered. And so for this long 871 01:01:22.480 --> 01:01:27.440 ass flight, we were just wandering up and down the cabin with this big 872 01:01:27.480 --> 01:01:30.079 ass suit case full of sandwiches. You like the people at the baseball games 873 01:01:30.119 --> 01:01:34.800 are like getting your fresh peanuts. That's what I felt. I bet you 874 01:01:34.800 --> 01:01:37.920 I could have sold some of those sandwiches, like for real. People kept 875 01:01:37.920 --> 01:01:39.960 looking in like what do oh hell yeah, because it would have been thirty 876 01:01:39.960 --> 01:01:44.079 bucks if you bought it from Spirit and not as good. So then our 877 01:01:44.320 --> 01:01:49.760 first layover was in Las Vegas. Our only layover was in Las Vegas. 878 01:01:49.840 --> 01:01:53.360 And it was so hilarious because the kids, my older kids, somehow got 879 01:01:53.440 --> 01:01:55.280 lucky. They were near the front of the plane and they just took off. 880 01:01:55.519 --> 01:01:58.719 By the time I got off the plane, they had already lost like 881 01:01:58.800 --> 01:02:04.920 thirty bucksambling. I'm like, stop right off the top. I know, 882 01:02:05.360 --> 01:02:07.440 I go Gavin. Gavin's twenty one now, so of course he's like, 883 01:02:07.480 --> 01:02:08.960 I'm gonna try gambling. Maybe he's twenty two, I don't know. He 884 01:02:08.960 --> 01:02:12.679 goes, well, yeah, I just lost twenty bucks, like in three 885 01:02:12.719 --> 01:02:15.000 minutes. I go. Yeah, that's that's gambling, buddy, That's that's 886 01:02:15.000 --> 01:02:20.760 how get. It's how the devil get. Yeah, that's true. There 887 01:02:20.800 --> 01:02:23.199 was just like a shortly over there, and then we got back on the 888 01:02:23.199 --> 01:02:28.199 plane and made it all the way into Utah and my brothers picked us up. 889 01:02:28.880 --> 01:02:30.280 Mike and Mark picked us up, which was awesome because they've already met 890 01:02:30.360 --> 01:02:34.320 Donna and so it was great. Everyone's hugging. It was awesome. And 891 01:02:34.480 --> 01:02:38.400 we got to the Airbnb where we stayed, and I think I'm gonna I 892 01:02:38.440 --> 01:02:43.239 think I'm gonna stop this episode here. I'm thinking, like we're over an 893 01:02:43.280 --> 01:02:49.679 hour we're in and we haven't even talked about the near fist fight that Donna 894 01:02:50.199 --> 01:02:57.599 got to break up between two of my brothers at the church. Jesus Christ, 895 01:02:59.880 --> 01:03:07.840 there's your cliffhanger bitchess. Oh my god, I'm sweating and I don't 896 01:03:07.840 --> 01:03:13.679 even know why, yo, Because David the oldest, the oldest child, 897 01:03:13.840 --> 01:03:19.000 David the the asshole brother. That's the one brother that you know would he's 898 01:03:19.039 --> 01:03:23.440 always the one that's that there's mm hmmm mm hmm. So yeah, we're 899 01:03:23.440 --> 01:03:27.360 gonna. I love how I started this this episode and I was thinking, 900 01:03:27.400 --> 01:03:30.199 man, I hope I can fill enough time. I haven't even gotten to 901 01:03:30.199 --> 01:03:36.000 the actual funeral yet. It's fine. I'll be fine. I'm fine, 902 01:03:36.000 --> 01:03:38.199 I'll be fine. I'll be fine. Uh. Anyway, so listeners, 903 01:03:38.280 --> 01:03:42.639 yeah, we're this. That's we're gonna stop here with that. Sorry about 904 01:03:42.639 --> 01:03:45.719 the cliffhanger. I will try really hard to get the next episode out like 905 01:03:45.880 --> 01:03:47.960 soon after this episode, so you're not like waiting around and being angry. 906 01:03:51.199 --> 01:03:54.599 I also have to thank you Dan from Extension Audio. Thank you for leaving 907 01:03:54.639 --> 01:04:00.920 it in Dan, those of you who are currently not paid. I know 908 01:04:00.239 --> 01:04:04.159 here I am passing the fucking money plate at the church. But there is 909 01:04:04.480 --> 01:04:10.800 a cool thing that we have called Patreon, and it's patreon dot com slash 910 01:04:11.000 --> 01:04:14.000 latter day Lesbian. Maybe I could be wrong. I'll put in the show 911 01:04:14.039 --> 01:04:17.280 notes, but I have bonus material in there, and you have access to 912 01:04:17.360 --> 01:04:21.559 all the past bonus material. It's five dollars a month and it definitely helps 913 01:04:21.559 --> 01:04:26.079 me like pay for the ship that it costs to you know, do editing. 914 01:04:26.159 --> 01:04:29.760 And you should put your pulpit picture up there. I will, You're 915 01:04:29.840 --> 01:04:32.519 right, I will. People want to know, yes, they want to 916 01:04:32.519 --> 01:04:36.280 see the pulpit lesbians. Hell yeah, hell yeah. Anyway, I'm gonna 917 01:04:36.280 --> 01:04:40.920 wrap this up. We will talk again soon, but until then, this 918 01:04:41.000 --> 01:04:44.480 has been Shelley and Jennifer, not Jennifer Lemon Reeves. We know that's not 919 01:04:44.559 --> 01:04:49.079 it anymore. But Shelley and Jennifer saying steer clear of cults because they are 920 01:04:49.239 --> 01:04:54.000 no joke. Now you say no joke at all, no joke at all. 921 01:04:54.079 --> 01:04:56.440 There we go, There we go,