This is not don't expect to be put on your life down time straight from
because you'll find be surmid side. Cost Hi there and welcome to side Quest,
the in between adventures podcasts we do where sometimes we interview fascinating guests.
Sometimes we play other games. Sometimes we have heart hitting discussions about current events.
Sometimes we don't have any inspiration of what we're going to do and we
make some ship up on the fly. Can you guess what we're doing this
week? Who's doing that this week? It's myself, Steve Weverll. We
have Emily Kaplan, we have MK Gibson Gibbey, and we have Robert Bevan
freshly back on Amazon. Hello, Yeah, you you fought the man in
you won? Yeah, of course or something. I don't throw to hit
the word hero around lightly, so I won't. That's a lie. I
throw around very lightly. Indeed, you marvelous hero. Well anyway, yeah,
we were just a son of a bitch before this thing started. It's
like you are listening to my table, well your son of a bitcher?
Yeah, well that is also my another term I throw around quite casually,
the heroic son of a bitch. All right, so we're gonna play a
game today. We're just we're just hanging out. This is going to be
a nice hangout podcast where all you people are out there who are doing a
shit job, or you're bored and you want to hang out with us while
we do so thing shitty and boring for an hour. No, the opposite
of that, the opposite of shitty and boring exciting and engaging internet content,
and also the opposite of hanging out with us is prerecorded. They can use
the theater of the mind. We've been training them to use the theater of
the mind for seven years to hang out that we're not doing. That's true.
It's like watching an old marry couple. It's fucking fantastic. If they
use their fucking imaginations, they can imagine their hair with us hanging out.
If they're watching us on YouTube, you know they can see our faces and
stuff. Is basically like being on a zoom call, except you're muted and
you have no way of interacting with us. Start back without a doubt.
Please start with the encourage it scream away, particularly if you're in a public
place. It's great advertising for the podcast. Please do. We could just
interject with like random reactions and responses. What do you mean talk to each
other? I can say every once in a while, just just go like,
oh zack of all trade, such a fucking mouth, you know,
like because you know he's we should yeah, like it. I believe I
was talking. Yeah, we'll just allude to chat now and then I guess.
But speaking of you know, not having a plan, Emily, what's
the plan? What are we doing today? I'm going to ask you a
bunch of would you rather questions? For not a bunch of them, but
one at a time. We'll see, we'll come up with Okay, we're
planing. Would you rather? All right? Would you Are we doing this
for a group thing or you're just picking a person? And would you rather?
Because you have to do you depth to target yourself as well, you
have to pick yourself a good one. I think I think we should ask
one question and then go around. Yeah, right, that way it's a
discussion. Yeah, yeah, okay, okay, we'll start out. We'll
start out with a softball. Would you rather buy ten things you don't need
every time you go shopping or always forget the one thing that you need when
you do go to the store. I did buy for those things I know
saying yeah I do. I mean I often buy ten things they don't need
and forget, so yeah, or my wife will send me, She'll go
to the grocery store and like fuck, I left the shot gun attacks,
I left the list, the list on the table. Did you send me
a picture of it? And I sent her picture of me holding the list
like this, you know says you can't read it. Yeah, so you're
saying you're kind of an asshole. No, not kind of bread. Actually,
this is a crafted asshole of many years of labor. So yeah,
Well, the spirit and the spirit of the game this would you rather?
So these are mutually exclusive choices. In that case, I would choose buying
to of the things I don't need, because that would mean but I did
not forget the thing I do need, which is more irritation. I got
ten more fucking things not target. I know how this works. Yeah,
I'm with Bob by the ten things I don't need. That's our whole marketing
scheme. Yeah, but that's one of the reasons why I've been why I
spend the extra money to do a like an instatcart order or you know,
one of those pickup things, because I'm an impulse buyer sometimes, and especially
if you go to the store hungry, then you come home with l Yeah,
I don't do that. Bad news. Bad news I did by.
I had an impulse by yesterday thought I saw a sun kissed but it was
mango orange flavor. I was still around. Where did you go shopping fucking
nineteen ninety eight? That's called the dollar store and go orange sewed up in
a thing for so long for some kissed. Oh this might be a British
thing. I have not seen that in about twenty years. Oh no,
it's still here. Okay, wait, wait, wait, Bevin, you
had like a mango drink that you were obsessed with for a while. Didn't
you like any slushiest Q Quick Trip? Did those still exist? Yeah?
That was last year. You haven't mentioned him in about five years. That's
true. No one has any sense of time anymore, Bevin. Anyway,
these uh, these mango orange drinks did taste a lot like the Quick Trip
slushies. Ah At, a little too sweet if I'm honest, but tasty.
Kids will drink the rest of them. So you got ten of those
and forgot America? Well could you could you use it as a mixed drink
because you has a base to add some like either vodka some whiskey to it
or something like that, or gross beer. But I don't. I don't
drink liquor. Okay, I prefer a liquor over beer, so do I
all right, So one of these options is good for the environment and bad
for capitalism. So I'm going to go with the ten things I don't need.
Just great for capitalism and bad for the environment. There you go.
You're helping the economy, helping the economy, fucking the planets. The ten
things you buy are biodegradable, you can feel good about it, and cap
you can let you know, yeah, well you throw it in the landfill.
Just gonna buy ten car batteries I don't need, chuck them in the
fucking ocean. It's like I recently got a hybrid car and I'm like,
yeah, my gas Mike also like, you know what it costs, like
strip mind the nickel to make this battery, and whatever happens to this thing,
we have to It's it's reaches prime. That's there is very few good
options for existing comfortably. It's even live like a hunk or fuck someone over.
I'm afraid that's just humanity. Ah, that won't got depressing? All
right, all right, right, well we'll move on then, right?
Did you choose someone I did? Why do you have some choose? Can
you make a choice in that scenario? Were you just playing quizmasterday? Yeah?
I was. I'd buy the extra things. I would be pissed off
at myself, but I would be pissed off at myself in a healthier way
than feeling like I have dementia. That's true. Yeah, okay, yeah,
okay, here we go. Would you rather be eleven feet tall or
nine inches tall? So basically, would you rather be Steve or me,
well, Drew's tall, or or like Emily eleven feet that's cool, you're
never being comfortable again, No, I understood. But it's like otherwise being
stepped on. It's like we exist in a world with tall privilege. I
mean, you, me and Bob are all are on the same height.
But then you meet someone like you know, Drew or some of the people
that who got like stupid tall, and it's like everyone just looked up to
them naturally, and like they get so they get so much more clout.
There's a tall thing. The tall privilege is a thing. At least if
you're tiny, you're adorable and you want to take care of you. That's
true. Yeah, if you're short enough, then as a special kind of
privilege as well, you can be a pass puppy and live a life and
then hud, you're walking side by side. You know, you just want
to like, oh, it's topics and smurfs and you this isn't short,
person short, this is nine inches tall? Yeah, even way eleven eleven
nine inches, you're going to be world famous. Yeah, but if you're
eleven feet tall, you'd be like world fight. You have come into a
restaurant and be I'd love to buy an eleven feet tool. They'd be like,
have a steak. I said, that's great. I need about ten
of those if you're nine inches to right. But you're also going to get
an immediate career, at least in triple A basketball. I mean you're gonna
like you might not go pro, but just stand there. You're going to
be in it extreme persistent agony. Oh, without a doubt. It's not.
Well, let's just say the health complications aside, because then it's less
depressing. This man, you can be eleven feet tool, and your bones
aren't gonna shit out of your asshow dude think about this though? Okay,
so imagine, Okay, let's let's argument sake. Let's say Bob Bob chose
the nine inch the nine inch d I am, yeah, okay, and
his liver fails due to like alcohol consumption, hypothetically, and you can't get
what kind of micro surgery you think you're gonna get done there? Like,
they don't, they don't, they can't get you a little bit need to
be delivered. No, you're dead. If you have a medical need,
you're fling. You need like eight livers sewn together. Listen, man,
at least I'm gonna go. I mean, yeah, I granted I'm the
size of a moose and that's fine, but you'll be the only the only
patient in the nick you with liver failure. From its side, Andre the
Giant had this problem. He is like, you neck about fifty beers,
and so I didn't have that kind of time. Whereas if I'm nine inches
tall, I'd be like, bring me a bathtub of ale, bring swimming
full of whiskey, and I'm fine, I'm already at that. I'm gonna
like I'm making an event out of it. It's like, bring me a
little paddling pool filled with dark Hell, I'd just swim around in it to
the delight of the crowds. And you know what, sex is also a
problem either way, isn't it. You're eleven feet tall, I mean proportionately,
you're just going to kill someone nine inches. You can't really get a
lot done. That isn't spelunking. But you know, never mind the fact
that that you are male. But I'm I'm female, and I would not
want to have a normal sized baby. No, that would Yeah, that's
a risk you had a battle of spur like with me. Oh that's that's
horrifying to think about. Yeah, a way to go, Emily, You've
made it even more depressing. You would explode in the first trimester. Yeah,
and which is which is why we have these discussions of the would you
rather do bring out true intellectual articulation? You'd have the Indian wrestle your own
fatus pretty quickly. I mean, but I would still pick the small version
because you would have you could have a lot of fun, Like you could
saddle up a a sheet su for a lots of opto and just what is
that that little guy and in the laborth writing the dog like yes, it's
just drawing the cat around. Well, I mean it's bob up a good
point. Like you would be in a constant pain because every time you see
one of those, like you know Ripley's Believe it or not or get his
book of World records. The guy's like, you know, foot eight.
You know he's always got canes because his joints stopped working. You know,
there's the reason, like you got to put a horse down after it falls,
because just because you're big, just mean you have denser bones. If
you fall in your masks, you're it's just shattered. It's why you're never
gonna heal right, you know. So well that's that's all. Because these
are magical improbable heights. Will say they come without their traditional disadvantages of me,
because if I should be eleven feet tall but built like I am,
that's great. But if I'm like one of those like the people you ever
made somebody who's like so skinny, you're like, you're they kind of creepy
out out yeah yeah, yeah, like like a real elfie kind of like
being eleven feet tall because like proportionately eleven feet tall, that'd be kind of
cool. We'll say proportionately, yeah, but proportionately nine inches like that's still
every evening would like the movie if you're non proportionately nine inches nine inches tall,
like you know, no, I mean, you don't have like any
kind of you know, you don't get a direction and pass out, you
know, drag it a normal size dick behind you. Nineties Japanese cartoon or
whatever. It's well, did they do that? The movie Downsizing and no
one watching because it's stupid. You know, there was a really boring movie.
It's like you're shrinking fucking Matt Damon, have him fight a cat or
something for fun. Rick Moranus got it right back in the eighties with kids
at least then they're battling in that Honey, I shrunk Matt Damon. But
it wasn't it was the It was a very poorly four out political commentry,
and no one once got carried away by a bird at all. It was
waste of time. But you know, like I once read this in a
comic book. That's where most of my education comes from as an old Fantastic
four and its evil dictator was like, in order to save the planet.
I'm going to shrink everyone down to like twelve inches tool. So that's where
that movie stole it from. Was a really shit comic book from the fifty
And if I thought, yeah, I mean, we'd have to get like
pretty tough again. We'd be fighting animals all the time. But you've got
been like everyone, yeah, yeah, a little on. But you know,
if you've got a steak, that's like meat for a week, just
delicious steaks, right, But at the same time, it's like that's that's
a diminishing resource because the tallies who made the food aren't there to keep growing
the food. So once it's gone, it's gone once, you know.
So otherwise you're just making tiny achieve the state of automation. First, we
used to fight mammoths. It's fine, you know, we just have to
learn again to bring down shit suits. Yeah, no, I'm talking about
it. I'm not about one hundred part. I'm talking about the gathering part.
Because once she's once we're all like nine inches tall and making crops.
We're not making big crops. It's like otherwise she's got a corn stalk.
It's like we can't physically bring it down. Yes, we can give lego
tract is we are destroying the rainforest right now, like we can we can
still did. I believe it is under this comic book logic, like if
tomorrow the evil Fano snapped and we're all foot tall, so like all our
cars are still huge, but we're not. We are just little people living
in a giant world. And all the ship So when all the nuclear reactors
go off because no one's they're manning them because they can't reach the guy damn
controls, when the hydra make up ladder, we'll figure it out. We've
already We've already made ladders. We've worked that out. We got drones the
ladder that goes up to the controls. Yeah, here, let me use
my phone. Hang on, Yeah, we don't love like, Yeah,
there will be a period of adjustment because of the battery to power ratio,
because we're much we'd all have Ironman suit. It's pretty quickly we'd be fighting
fucking condors and we will have to Yeah, but they'd be the antique ones.
We'd have to. We'd have to space and create a whole new industry
revolution for our not tiny size. But I believe we can do it.
Swimming book, Philip, You a mugful book, be much better than that
fucking mat Tiny Apocalypse. I'm gonna write Tiny Apocalypse, and I'm gonna have
it turned into a movie and get Matt Damon to starting it. He's the
guy that does the snap. Fuck everybody. It was a good movie.
Listen, We've got four weeks worth of steak in the fridge, but we
can't open it. Can't open the fridge door, too hard. Imagine it's
all that got rotten though, Like how would we I guess fire. Fire's
big. We're right before. Fire will solve all our problems one way or
another. I hope you get it. I hope you get eaten by your
roomba. That's what all I'm saying. What's happening. Life would be an
adventure again. You never you never feel guilty again. You wouldn't worry about
your carbon footprint. You wouldn't worry about shit. You'd be too busy fighting
crows. Your carbon footprint would be this big. And that's when the aliens
show up, like, oh damn it, now we're tiny size The aliens
are anyway, they were tiny, you might be tiny now. They wanted
to keep it fair are a good question. I'm like, we're done,
okay, okay, oh yeah, that's right with your rather all right,
I got a little got a little rabbit hole on that one. That's a
good one. Oh, let's see, here's when crawl. I could live
in a rabbit hole. You did live in a rabbit you'd have to kill
the rabbit. Kill the rabbit. That's food for weeks and a place to
live. And you never feel killy about it because really really soft blanket.
Oh you'd just be wearing these rabbit first. That'd be an horrible come at
me motherfucker, you know, just little ears. Yeah, I got my
lucky grabbit's foot. Okay, there's the next question. Here we go.
Would you rather be forced to sing along or dance to every single song that
you hear? I can't do either. Yeah, I'm not gonna eat,
but I already sing along in the car. So yeah, So we'd say,
like, every time you hear a song, you have to eat a
sing or dance? Yes, yeah, dancing? That would It doesn't say
anything about like mumbling under your breath or just like, let's let's assume full
out, full out the driver would be a problem. Yeah, that's true.
Oh yeah, that's true. Yeah, singing definitely, because that's yeah,
like Gibby said, I always sing in the car too, So my
life isn't gonna chance too much by making this decision. Yeah, I was
gonna pick dancing because I taught dance classes at the gym for about four years.
But you're you're like your knees break down and you're everything hurts after a
while. So well that's happening to me anyway. And I didn't do shit,
so this happened. I'd be forced to do exercise, and I unless
I could just like you know this generic you know, white guy over bike
Kaska that the whole time, you know that counts on fuck it. You
know, I could just like put a hat down in the middle of the
straight and go, this is my life now, just dancing. You can
still do that, Steve. I might. I might still do that.
Man, I believe you just break out the thigh master outfits, put the
hat down, jiggle. It sounds like a retirement plan. Really. I
think she remember, Steve that you're a big fan of like holiday parties and
just getting out there and dancing. Uh, well kind of, I mean
a part of me is it's a part that I can't remember much the next
day, so you'd be you'd be unleashing aside of me that is mostly buried
in twelve points a Guinness. But because that's drinking Steve, he has no
business in the real world. He's not a serious person. But no,
if I was dancing every time music played, I'd have to drink the compet
say, I guess again. It sounds like a viable over time and plan.
Would you rather have the ability to see ten minutes into the future or
one hundred and fifty years into the future. Some Yeah, ten minutes,
that's a no brainer. Mak a ship ton of money gambling? Yeah,
one hundred and fifty years. You're not even going to understand what I don't
even understand gen Z at a minute, they're just talking so much shit that
slang doesn't make any fucking sense. They're just making shit up. They've got
nothing. There's just yeah, my kids make big money. Is one hundred
and fifty years in the few, then invent all that shit early. But
I don't. Like I've seen aeroplanes, doesn't mean I can invent a like
ten minutes of the future. It is like oh man, Okay, maybe
I don't go down that street today, or maybe I don't go that direction,
or maybe I can't make made the wrong choice, or I win.
I'll run blocking for scissors every time. Fuck you. But like one hundred
fifty years of the future, Like, man, what if it's what if
it's really awesome knowing I'm never gonna see because I'll be dead. Oh,
it'd be indecipherable. I mean, imagine one hundred and fifty years in the
path past and you're looking at what we're doing now. It'd be fucking ludicrous.
Some Elizabeth look at look at the nineteen contents like they went from flight,
like they went from flight to like the being on the moon in sixty
years. Yeah, so yeah, that is super completely in a pocket.
Right. Well, what about that Nostre Damas guy. He's credited with having
foreseen a lot of stuff and he like famous now, I mean people still
remember him, and it was also dead well, he also said a lot
of shit that didn't come true, making up ship and the like, Yeah,
I could just say it one hundred and fifty years time, this will
happen. I'd be like, oh man, that Steve was full of shit.
Just as well he's dead, but you could write about it, create
worlds, sell a Brazilian books. No, I'm already I've tried that.
It's not working out so hard thanks to Amazon. I'm already not selling book.
I don't need to not sell fucking crazy books to no one understands.
Years from that, I'm filling with my own ideas. I don't need.
I don't need to his future. Yeah, I had this vision. I
was envisioning picking the one hundred and fifty years and then all used to use
this post apocalyptic wasteland with like a tumble bee. It's like every everybody's not
fighting fucking crows. What if you looked into the future and you saw this
this apocalyptic waistlin hunting thing, but then you kind of your mental camera pans
and it's you in a chair as you swool around, and you look back
at yourself knowing that you are there and you caused it. Well, that
would be worrying. I don't want to know that personally. If Yeah,
one of the few comforts I take for life, it's like, if anything
terrible happens in a world, not gonna be my fault. That's why helps
me sleep at night. It's two of the things off my bucket lift bucket
lists live forever and become like an evil tyrant. So I mean, that's
that's a twofer right there, and knowing I'm gonna make it, And I
mean, my bucket list is so much less complicated than yours. Okay,
so we've ruled out one hundred and fifty years. Yeah, let's go back
to the ten what is it ten minutes? What was what's the first thing
that you would do? Clean out vegas, risk track? Yeah, I
don't know, just yeah, yeah, roulette yeah, yeah, little exactly.
Okay, travel little world. I mean those could be big wins,
Steve, No, No, I don't want to get murdered by gangs.
Are you kidding me? I'm going to like I would use it to avoid
arguments. I mean, yes, of course, I'm gonna use it to
get rich naturally, to get so rich that I can start giving back to
people in better ways, of course. But three, I'm gonna start winning
arguments. Oh yeah, it's given time, you know it's it's gonna start
slow. But I'm also gonna in an arguments with my wife. I'm gonna
know how the argument ended or what what went right? What went wrong?
And I'm like or I'm like, oh, he forgot to pick up the
whatever. I'm so mad at him. Like then I show up with it,
ha ha, not today. Future. You're not winning this one,
you know, no way, you know. I don't lose arguments with my
wife because I'm wrong. Yeah's affect this at all. I put him See
this way, if you could see every pitfall that was coming and just go
around him. Oh no, no, no, just just tis you that
shit. I always win the argument. I just lose the war fair.
Yeah, but if he went to Vegas, you would know at least ten
minutes ahead whether or not mobsters are going to come and knee. I've got
ten minutes to get out. I can't even gow my house in ten minutes.
Heavily. I never see that. There's there's actually a Nick Cage movie
where he can do basically that. It's called knowing, and he does that
in Vegas. He can like literally look like five or ten minutes into the
future and he does exactly that. It's actually a decent movie. I'm taking
a Nicolas Cage round on this one. Who also started leaving Las Vegas,
which is very depressing. That's not the same movie, no, but in
my case it would be both movies works happened simultaneously. Not to go down
to nick cage hole, but leaving Las Vegas depressed me. After I watched
that movie, I couldn't do anything for half an hour. I was like,
geezus, I think that, Yeah, I think. Then I watched
Redfield. I'm like, ah, never mind, he's back. He's a
he's a versatile actor and I appreciate him. But yeah, if I could
see ten minutes into the future, I would win a lot of money immediately
develop a lot of social problems because ten minutes into the future sounds cool but
still quite shortsighted, which is, you know, a problem I already have.
So you're on it. Am I going to get clamydia on this blind
day? Like it's only ten minutes, alady with the woman you hired,
So yeah, eight minutes later, she's very disappointed, So it's okay,
hmm, I don't need that, Judge stare Eddie. I mean, if
I can see, like the healthy thing is to see ten years into the
future, I'm like, oh, I need to fucking start taking myself back
screen. I'm like damn it. Oh I'm dead all right? Okay,
well that might be good to know too. Yeah, let's go to Vegas
anyway. Okay, ready for another one. Yes, this one's pretty this
one's pretty standard. I hear this one a lot. Would you rather have?
Telekinesis the ability to move things with your mind, or telepathy the ability
to read minds? Thank you for explaining those. Yeah, do I really
want to know what other people think about me? No? Probably not,
No, it would be fine. I think I just want to do the
Jedi thing and move things with my mind because like I don't really want to
know what they're thinking or you know, you know, what are people thinking?
Like song lyrics or pictures and it's just annoying? So or how do
I shut it out of a middle restaurant? But moving ship with your minds?
Like? Man, how many times have I got you sat down the
couch? Like god, damn it, I forgot to get the thing over
there, lazy. So yeah, here's a thing that you put it like
that, Gibby. And it's true. I can move things with my mind
whenever I want, because I can just tell my hand to do something.
And you know what, I don't So if I suddenly had to ability to
move things with my mind, well, am I gonna do fucking nothing?
How powerful is this my moving thing? Because how many times I've been driving
in some really shitty traffic. I'm like, if I could just nudge his
car off the side of the oh shit, oh oops, just keep driving?
Just oh that's on fire? That's true? Is it powerful enough that
I can make terrible mistakes? Do I turn into that kid from Chronicle at
the end where I'm just like flying in the sky and smashing shit with my
brain? You know? So? Yeah, moving moving planets? Yeah,
I mean that's guy. I definitely shouldn't have that power, but I do
want it. Yeah, what do you think? What do you think?
Like a put a limit on it? Fifty pounds, one hundred pounds.
Well that's say you can only lift what you can physically lift. Oh damn
that stuff. Yeah again, this is not looking great for me. Yeah,
I'm about I'm about weak. I mean, I gotta work out.
I accept that. You know, Like, how about let's see double your
body weight. You could be really good at shoplifting. Yeah, m hm,
tripping children? You could push children into traffic whenever you want it.
I'm gonna go with the mind reading. I think I could probably monetize that
better. That's true, But I don't know. Can you turn it off
and on like when you're actually paying away from people? Yeah? Can you
use it through the internet? Can you use it through Skype? Well?
These are all matchic powers. I guess we can just give. We can
give ratio telekinesis. You can lift up or your body weight? Easy,
Ye, tell a telepathy. If you can see the person, you can
tell what they're thinking. Oh, for teleknnesis, like could I move brand
egg behind you? Yeah, if you can see it, you can move
it. Oh wow, So that clips like if you're seeing a live broadcast
on television, you can tell what they're thinking. World leaders. So yeah,
So next time Trump's giving a speeches, mentually flicking between the eyes,
like you can even tell what he's really thinking, which, let's be fair,
he's probably not got much of a mental filter. Or you can poke
him in the eye from a distance. Yeah, who is fucking flicking me?
I'm gonna say, I'm gonna make him ship his pants. But then
I was like, he probably already doing that. Yeah, it's fine.
I think we are at this age where most world leaders are probably shipping their
pants, they can deal with it now. It's yeah, yeah, yeah,
Mitch McConnell for sure. Yeah, I don't know how telekinesis. I
mean, you'd still you'd have to kind of really envision. Now the colon
is currently, I guess what's into their mind? Can you change someone's mind?
And would you? Can you project with telepathy? Can you? Can
they be you? Is it a one way receivers a two way receiver?
Can I put bots in their head? Because if you get like telepathy,
if you can like talk in someone's mind, they don't know it's telepathy.
They just think it's something they're thinking or schizophrenia. Yeah, yeah, you
could just be like when you're talking to them, it's like, yeah,
this is the voice of God. Steve. Steve's pretty cool. We like
Steve. Steve's a nice guy, and I think that was the voice of
God or their own insane brain. But either way, it's going to influence
behavior. Right, So telepathy, you don't just know what people are thinking.
You could tell them what they're thinking, buy me a drink exactly.
That's where this is going. That was always to the next man who walks
in and you will have eternal salvation. People wouldn't know what was going on
because telepathy, I could telekinesis. It wouldn't keep it secret very long.
They'd figure out in front of a car, yeau, in front of a
carp It'd be like, why did people just keep giving Steve five dollars?
Like that would ever do? It's just like they just like Steve, and
if they ever fought differently, I'd know about it. And they as soon
as they started to make the connections, I was like, Oh, Steve's
a nice guy and he deserves five dollars. I'm going to give him five
dollars right now. Oh the rest you can go to see the judge and
it's like not guilty, Yeah he's fine, clear, Yeah he's fine.
Here's five dollars. All I have to do is set up a Patreon and
it looks perfectly legal and normal. Yeah, but this is a thing.
There's nothing illegal about somebody giving me five dollars. If everybody I meet decides
to give me five dollars, no, no crime has been committed, and
five dollars for those of you're not in the patriar, it's just post an
expensive cup of coffee or funding a third of a starving orphan in Africa.
Yeah, it's like fine, I get incredibly rich by the power of suggestion.
Everybody who doesn't like me, I get to put a niggling voice in
the back of their mind that says, actually, Steve's pretty cool and I'd
like to give him five tellars. I mean, I'm rich and beloved,
whereas telekinesis all We've got so far as pushing children out into traffic, and
I can do that anyway. You know, we are shoplifting and shoplifting.
But if everybody I meet gives me five dollars, I don't need to shoplift.
Yeah, I mean I want to, but I'm only shoplifting the one
item I forgot to buy a call back. This is what he's uh.
Yeah, I was gonna say, like, Mma, like you punch somebody,
then you also punch with your mind and like so you know, with
double your double your strength the same time you look you look like you know,
I mean, yeah, saying givvy. I get into MMA and they're
like, what's this guy gonna do? And all my opponents go, you
know what you win? It's five dollars. There's five dollars. Yeah,
I saw that, codd. Yeah, I wasn't gonna say you could feed.
You could feed a third of a starving child on the other side of
the world, or three nine inch children exactly. That solves a lot of
problems. You could feed a third of a nine No, a third of
a starving child to a nine inch person could and that would be meat for
a week. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm still I'm still down with
the Matt Damon solution, as I've decided to call it. I think I'm
gonna go with mind reading. Personally, I feel like I'm pretty I'm much
closer to that than being able to Yeah, I don't know. I don't
know. I think there's certain things I don't want to hear and you can't
hear, you know, Like it's not just what somebody really thinks about you,
but like, man, what if you just get him on the wrong
day? You have you hear some dark thoughts and people I have fucking bizarre
InCred I don't want to be judged by my faults. Fucking hell, I'm
so glad people can't see my faults have problematic let alone what I've seen some
of you folks right let alone, Like here, now here's the faults that
didn't make it the Yeah, god, here's my stream of consciousness unfiltered.
Even I don't like it. I don't want to have people to know about
that. You got intrusive thoughts, Yeah, I'm I'm a benevolent deity.
I'd be okay with that. I won't judge you for your thoughts very much.
No, it just don't even having that ability. The next time you're
you can and you should. It's like if you're like if you were in
that, if you were in like a dating your age when you had this
power and you're like romantically involved with some of the things you're gonna hear during
the act of the sex. My god, you don't. You don't know
what's gonna come in back? So how often? How often do you think
of the Roman Empire? If you've seen that on TikTok oh? Yeah,
No, do you think of the Roman Empire? David? It's all colligulal,
Yeah, the Roddy mcdal Coligula. So yeah, I think about the
architecture a lot for some reason, but mostly and then the surprising answers have
been like daily to you know, weekly today. You know, it's very
frequent for many middle aged white males, which is why I'm asking you no
offense again, Curlicula, But we're talking about exclusively dream sex or at all
at all, at all government. Yeah, you're throwing me off with the
architecture there, No, no, that's me. Yeah, a lot of
sturdy fit columns in the Roman architecture, Devin. Yeah, all right.
If if telekinesis, if mind draining doesn't come with the power of suggestion,
bunk, it's all disadvantage. I mean, I can trick people, but
you know I'm not clever enough to do that. Telekinesis, I can push
them in front of a train and no one can say I did it,
So you know I've always got that option. Sorry, it's telekinesis, okay,
all right, no, Bob shaking his head. No, I don't
want to push people in front of trains unless there's a way to make money
off of that. Is, there's always a way to make money out of
making people disappear, all right, Yeah, like all your parents. Sure,
but where do you go from there? Well, I live in England,
so if I kill enough people, eventually I'm king, do you know
where you are in the line. No, I'm just gonna keep fucking pushing
people in front of trades. That's just not something you can look up on
the internet, no doubt, would leave a suspicious trail of activity. Then
whatever we have instead of the FBI are going to be all over there.
Here's a related question goes right into it. Would you rather have everyone you
know, everyone you know, be able to read your thoughts or for everyone
you know to have access to your Internet history? They're the same thing.
I mean it. I haven't acted on my thoughts. I mean I have
acted on my internet estoray. So yeah, it's gonna be thoughts, no
Internet history, because I had to think it before I typed it in.
That's true. Oh yeah, you don't care if everybody one is a subset
of the other. You're non porn. I think anybody's going to be surprised.
I think I've been on the podcast long enough, but nobody's going to
be surprised by my esty, which is a lot of shit about a Roman,
but not as much as my thoughts that I haven't looked up yet.
It's a good point. That's a good point. You haven't acted on your
thoughts. You can't be judged on him. That's not fair. Yeah,
how much glide does it take to preserve a body? Exactly? How many
people do I have to push in front of a train it till I'm King's
railways are clogged? The ship over there? When's the next flight to Vegas?
Mm hmm, let's see you want another one? Yes? Yeah,
okay? What would you rather swim in a pool full of nutella or a
pool full of maple syrup? I think you could survive in the Tellent more
than maple syrup. Yeah, that's a lot. That's very That's on top
of that, you're not really sinking in. Yeah, that's kind of thinking.
Or you're sinking slowly enough to where you could escape it. Maple syrups.
I don't know if that's got a non Newtonian fluid thing going on with
it. No, it probably hasn't. You just you, you'd sink and
die. You'd die of a sweet, sweet death, but you'd be dead.
Would be pretty thicker than water. But it's also like it's a lot
harder. Canadians say the the old Adian saying that maple syrup is thicken and
water would would you be preserved though, like us an amber somebody like brings
me back to life in a thousand years and it's just a theme park full
of Steve's. You'd be mummified, but you'd be still dead. I'd still
be dead, but they'd bring me back to life in a faint park in
a thousand years being dead. Yeah, would I'd be cloned? Obviously,
it wouldn't be me. It'd just be a bunch of genetic monsters killing whoever
Jeff Goldblum is in a thousand years from now. Ironically he's a dinosaur.
There you go. I didn't say that kind of did WHOA. There's a
bunch of lizard people and a massive Steve chasing them down a fucking jungle.
And if we could see one hundred and fifty years into the future, we
just see I'd still be encased in Europe at that time. This is because
its gonna take thousands of years. I could skip all that by picking the
teller. Whether I just basically walk across the pool of the teller, maybe
the occasional handful of it. It doesn't taste like my fate. Oh boy,
do you like bad? I enjoy it. We're big on I got
in Europe. Yeah, yeah, I've got one here. We've done some
of these in the past, and I did on this other thing. Pick
a number between one and seventy one, sixty four, sixty four, fifty
seven? Okay, who said sixty four? I did? Would you rather
be on top or underneath anything? Or are we talking about that's that's the
question underneath If we're talking about anything, the only viable option for not being
on top. It's like the eye on is fair or something. I don't
want to be on top of that. I want to be underneath it.
I'm gonna say top. Yeah, okay, Steve, what was yours?
Sixty eight? Would you rather be caught cheating? Or catch or catch your
spouse cheating? Oh? The latter. It gives me moral authority, ye
Bob, especially if I've been cheating. Fifty seven fifty seven? Would you
rather tell you dirty with a person sitting to your left or to your right?
On my screen? Your left would be Emily, to the right,
I guess would be Steve. He's above you, so we always oh,
all right, So I'm choosing between Steve and Emily. Basically, all right,
choose Emily. I'm a little bit. Well, I talked dirty enough
with you already, time to move on someone basically basically cheating on me.
Wait, wait, wait, you gotta do yourself, give me, I
said, if someone pick a number for me between one of seven, I'm
gonna wait until after this is over to do myself. Forty Fair enough?
Did you say, Steve? Forty two? Forty two? All right?
Let's see here would I rather have? Would I rather my sexual partner talk
dirty or completely silent during sex? Ok? I think I'd rather just a
little dirty, honestly, like just just yeah that one, just accusatory silence.
Yeah, no, she doesn't blink. That's awkward. Well well let's
let's put a twist on that. But let's say that the dirty talk is
rule uncomfortable. Oh yeah, it's got to go really to like it was
a point where it's just like, shut up, dear God, just enjoy
the ride. For Fox says, there comes a point where someone's like,
you've got to everyone's got that one friend that talks too much to begin with.
I know because I am that guy let alone liked during ah see,
Yeah, you're the alpaca farmer and I'm the sexy alpaca. Okay, silence
please. There's a running joke in the show Scrubs where like Elliott, she's
like she had his fantasy about being in an apple orchard where someone's she's catching
the apple thief. She's always making all her sexual partners like role play this
whole thing over and over when they say he kept coming back in the show's
seasons after season to be there somewhere like, yeah, I think that's yeah,
I can see how to get a little bit weird. I guess I'm
all for people doing that thing, but eventually I just be like, I'll
take the accusatory silence, please, Emily pick a new number. Eighteen eighteen.
Let's see here, if you were a man, would you rather be
great at sex and have a bad body figure or bad at sex and an
amazing body. I'm already optioned one. Taking this one if you were a
man hurts. Yeah, it's because it literally the question begins with men,
would you rather so about? Okay, so this in this situation, I
just tailored it. So, if you were a man, would you rather
be great at sex with a bad body or be bad at sex and just
have an amazing body? Ah, there's so many options here. I think,
like, if you were I'll give you here, I'll give you a
hint as if you were a man, Like, if you're a hot guy,
you could be bad at sex. All you want, I'll be someone
else who will like willing to take that ride. If you like Channy Tatum,
don't have to be good at sex. He's gonna have a lot of
it, so right, Plus the whole monetizing thing, you could if you
were really good looking, you could like that. That's the thing about men.
See, you could be the best lover in the world and be ugly.
Shit, you ain't gonna make money. If you're a good looking dude
and you're a free pump jump, you can make money out of it.
Yeah, yeah, oh man, I'm gonna I'm gonna be superficial here.
I'm curious, Bevin, what is your choice? Yeah, I don't want
to make the money. You're tired of living the opposite. Its taste something
different. You wake up tomorrow like this glorious had a hair and abs and
just like a thrust bucket down here and like just you gotta you got it.
You've got a penis. I could do chin ups, but it's like
you're just like you said a three pump jumps old. Ye, think of
the time I say it as well. I'm just going. It's like now
for the it's like the Olympics. You's just go for your best time,
you know, and now for the dismount. I mean failing and looking good
doing it is. I don't know, I get my forte Yeah, just
you just have a drawer full of like vibrators. Here you go afterwards,
like there I go. I'm just gonna stand here and be glorious. You
suit yourself. I'm gonna watch Sports Center, you know. Yeah, all
right, Steve pick a new number. Uh twenty one, twenty one?
Oh wow, oh wow? Oh dear hang on, would you would you
rather have an origin with complete strangers or all of your exes at once?
Oh? Man, I mean one of them has got such a sweet revenge
angle. No strangers chose the strangers? No, No, I don't want
to choose the strangers. I do having sex with strangers. It is fucking
brilliant. I mean if it's like if they're just randomly picked in a Walmart,
that's not brilliant. No, it is. It's fine. If I'm
like if I'm the best looking guy at the heat stranger orgy, better,
great, fantastic we do. We just learned the last one. I give
you good looking and bad it doesn't matter. No, in this case,
it doesn't Mary either, because it's gonna be fucking carnage. But you know
it doesn't matter. I ain't gonna see him again. Everyone's gonna learn some
lessons. They're gonna have an exciting time. I'm gonna go back to my
real life, like I'm fucking Bruce Wayne, because I don't need all my
exes there at once, because that man don't start talking, and yeah,
myself seems bad enough to begin with. I don't need like room full of
them. They can make it fun of me or like I've already disappointed my
exes. That's wider exactly. I don't. I think they've all aged better
than me. And uh, if they're all willing to have sex with me
right now as I am at the same time, then yeah, I'm not
taking the risk on you know, the random stranger options, because until I
know that these strangers are people that I actually want to have sex with,
yeah, I'm going with the people that I it's I have a track record
of having wanted to have sex with very unadvanted as long as the ten the
ten strangers bring the ten items that I a strangers give me five, like
because it's like I'm assuming in a hetero relationship. It's like, you know,
like you're with all the Steve for example, all his ex with all
his ex girlfriends or wives or whatever, and like, yeah, but it's
like the orgy says such as a stranger's plural. That's what I'm not some
kind of fucking Turkish sultan. What what expo? I don't know your past
a litany of Oh okay, well that's the thing. I am a straight
guy. It might be a surprise to some podcast listeners, but I am
a straight guy. Yeah. When you say strangers, are we talking like
at least ninety percent women? I think it's it's a standard orgy. So
there's gonna be monkey bar of dicks in there. It's got to be.
So there's gotta be you know, so not interesting. I know I should
be modern and a gallitarians like this. You know, being modern is being
okay with other people. Why did you do that? It doesn't mean you
have to suck a bunch of dicks. Well, I've been paying a lot
of attention to gen Z and it does seem like that's the way it goes.
But no, I mean, you just be dumbing rub one. Just
just just give them like there you go. I think I've just gotta be
like, it's gotta be eighty percent vagina. I think. Sorry, I
hate to sound like a prude, but if I'm fucking strangers, I want
most of them to be women. About how do you feel about sixty I'll
still make the short list sixty four? I think I think it or not
that I've been at one, but I think it orges. I watched all
known training videos. I'm a work right, there's still an element of consent,
you know, pick the people that you want to orge you with.
What would be madam? Would you you know, parts of your flaps?
Would that would be so kind as to bendelver? I don't know. I
don't want to the machismo of other dudes involved. That's I don't get something.
We had a deep topic here, like I don't even like that in
porn personally tell you what, as soon as the guy speaks in porn,
I'm like, I'll fuck off. It's like, do your job and shut
the fuck up. Emily, where would you where are you staying on this
question? I am not going to the past, so I him, yeah,
great, all the strangers? Yeah, what the heck? I mean,
it's not a time travel travel China. Right. So that was Bob's
question, Emily, do you have one? Pick a number? Was Mark?
It wasn't my question, was it? No? Who oh? That
was Steve. That's right, okay, Bob, pick a number? Oh,
seventeen. All right, if you were a lady, would you have
the right to have a perfect set of boobs or the perfect butt booms?
One? I can see boobs in the mirror. I can, Yeah,
I immediately said as well. But yeah, this is a very male perspective,
Emily. Yeah, I don't know, butts are very in vogue right
now, but boots things like as as a god, I mean, I
appreciate the booze, but I actually look for hips, hips and buds like
my number one, Like what that's what draws my eyes and immediately big me
in with and then they you know, if we're just being completely superficial about
it, you know, like that which it's a nature of that question.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I'm gonna go with but because I'm
Asian and we typically are not gifted with with nice booties unless we work in
the gym a lot and well and and uh, working out in the gym
it's hard work. Who likes that? I don't. Yeah, you want
to pick the butt? Okay, that's fair. Can I can I also
choose to be Asian? Yes, yes you can? All right. I
don't see why not the affective decision at all? Over it it's not a
choice. Well, he's getting to pick his his bust size or his h
his his butt size, So sure why he wants to know? Okay,
Emily, pick a number, a lucky number six that no one's ever said
that ever. Okay, that's not a thing of our favorite number. This
is this is kind of like it's like one one way is very sweet and
one is just kind of like, you know, apropos, Would you rather
have sex with a new person every year or one person for the rest of
your lifewamp swamp. So it's basically asking me if I like monogamy. Yeah,
basically, m uh, I don't know. I think that's pretty fifty
fifty for me to me, this sounds like an easy way out because I've
made a decision and it's like a sex with a new person every year,
and if I meet someone ready to settle down, I was just like,
I really like you, but I've got this weird curse where I have to
have a sex person. This is no reflection on you or the relationship.
I'm just going to disappear for a weekend, come back very relaxed, and
appreciate the relationship anew and if you kind of get behind it. I was
like, well, if you're not willing to put up with this weird,
magical curse I have, then you don't love me. Ye gas, you
don't love me, then who's really shallow here? It's what you? What
are your friends like? Could you bring them around? Or is it more
like, hey, I met Ronda at Walmart? Yeah, we'll be back.
Sorry, but I'm going to get this out away for the year and
then we can just have another eleven months of uninterrupted marriage. But don't worry.
Thanks to the evil Genie, I'm also really ripped and it won't take
very long, so I barely felt anything. I've made a series of odd
decisions. I get to disappoint one new woman a year, but I look
fucking great doing it. I think my wife might go for this. Oh
really, yeah if I was. If I was ripped and no disappointing these
other women, there's a yeah, yeah those, I'll choose that option.
These two choices would have to go in. It's the honorable thing today,
it really is. All right, someone pick a number for me, thirty
six, thirty six. Let's see here, it's growing down all right?
Oh? Oh? Would I rather smell like body over body odor for a
year or have terrible acne for six months? I mean I've done bothe of
those things. Yeah, I was a teenager? Yes, which which do
I want to go back to? Fifteen or sixteen? Uh? Okay,
fucking six months. I've had terrible acnees for about twenty years. It's a
fucking reprieve. Because I live with my wife and kid. I'll go with
the acne for six months. It's a shorter period of time. I'm ugly,
but I like, I'm a fuck beast. But I at least I
work from home, so I don't have to see the real world that much.
They can, you know, deal with me. But if I stink,
then I'm at home with that you know, then like, I'm just
that's a year of me falling up everything. So I'll go with the acne
and they're gonna get used to it. In a month. It'll just be
what home smells like. I'm gonna go with the stink. I've got so
much writing done, no one will come to the garage I was. I
was kind of thinking to stink because then you could pick a job or a
career that just smelled really bad and not feel, you know, like fody
owner smells great by comparison, like, man, how are you? Your
co workers would be like, how do you smell so good in this ship
shoveling plant? Well, I mean ill, you just felt like he smelled
like regular bad human. I don't think they have them in the UK,
but I worked along John Silvers. It's a it's a fast food seafood place
for four years, two years of high school, in the firstwo years of
college, so like, yeah, every night's stank of just grease and fish
and grows. So yeah, you could smell like whatever you want there.
So as an Englishman, I find that intensely erotic that I made more fish
and shifts you've ever even your life yeah, ah, this has been surprisingly
educational. We've learned a lot about each other today. I think I hope
the listeners at home are suitably enlightened. And please do chime in with your
own answers to these questions on our Facebook, or on our YouTube channel,
or even in our patron if you feeling fancy five dollars a month the same
price as one third of a starving orphan or a decent cup of coffee,
and you can harasses directly with bullshit questions. But in the meantime, I
guess we'll see you for the next adventure or next ridiculous side quest. This
has been myself, Steve weverll, Emily Kaplan, MK Gibson, Robert Bevan.
Check out her stuff online on Amazon. I should say and good night
to you, Bye bye bye, goodbye friends. Ausis and Dragons brought to
you under Creative Commons License, meaning you were free to share this material so
long as credit is given to those who created, which is us. People.
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