WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.680 --> 00:00:04.040 This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to kf I Am six forty, 2 00:00:04.080 --> 00:00:09.960 the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app KFI AM six forty. 3 00:00:10.000 --> 00:00:13.160 You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh 4 00:00:13.199 --> 00:00:15.720 Show. If you're new to my show, I have a PhD in clinical 5 00:00:15.759 --> 00:00:20.399 psychology. I'm a psychology professor, not a therapist, but I've written three 6 00:00:20.399 --> 00:00:25.000 books on relationships and I'm obsessed with the science of love. Coming up on 7 00:00:25.039 --> 00:00:30.199 today's show, it is Easter. It is a time of new beginnings for 8 00:00:30.320 --> 00:00:35.520 everybody. It's spring. We're blooming, our insides are blooming. So let's 9 00:00:35.560 --> 00:00:38.880 talk about ways that we can create meaning in our lives and get a fresh 10 00:00:39.119 --> 00:00:45.960 start. However, new research out is showing that young people are particularly unhappy 11 00:00:46.039 --> 00:00:49.560 in America, so let's talk about what we can be doing for them. 12 00:00:50.159 --> 00:00:56.719 Also, in the line of relationships, are you a robosexual? That's going 13 00:00:56.759 --> 00:01:00.600 to be a new sexual orientation soon you watch the robots are out there, 14 00:01:00.039 --> 00:01:04.719 so there is research and what does it say about your psychology if you happen 15 00:01:04.799 --> 00:01:11.519 to like having sex with robots? Before we get going, reducer Kayla. 16 00:01:11.760 --> 00:01:17.079 On the break, we were talking about probably the biggest kind of relationship news 17 00:01:17.239 --> 00:01:22.439 in the country right now, the raids on Rapper P Ditty's houses in LA 18 00:01:22.599 --> 00:01:26.959 and Miami. And then I was in New York this week and as you 19 00:01:26.040 --> 00:01:30.760 know, the flight is particularly long on the way back, and I opened 20 00:01:30.840 --> 00:01:34.719 up my TikTok and I went down the P Diddy rabbits hole killed six hours 21 00:01:34.760 --> 00:01:38.319 like that, Oh it was gone. I know more about this particular case. 22 00:01:38.359 --> 00:01:42.879 I know the gossip. I knew the non gossip, and so so 23 00:01:44.079 --> 00:01:47.840 if you're just coming on to the story. A former girlfriend of his who's 24 00:01:47.840 --> 00:01:49.920 a singer who goes by the name of Cassie, correct me if I say 25 00:01:49.920 --> 00:01:53.799 anything wrong. That's right. She filed a civil suit against him, something 26 00:01:53.840 --> 00:01:57.599 to do with sexual assault and forcing her to have sex with prostitutes or something. 27 00:01:59.120 --> 00:02:01.159 He declined, none of this is true. None of this is true. 28 00:02:01.280 --> 00:02:06.319 So he shut that one down in one day, twenty four hours. 29 00:02:06.560 --> 00:02:08.599 He paid her a check. Well, it didn't go away, because apparently 30 00:02:08.599 --> 00:02:12.960 three more people came forward and found civil suits against him for similar charges. 31 00:02:13.400 --> 00:02:15.360 And I mean, I don't know if we have another r Kelly thing unfolding. 32 00:02:15.400 --> 00:02:19.840 We don't know what the details is. I will say that, and 33 00:02:19.879 --> 00:02:22.599 these are civil cases. Anybody can say anything in a civil case and try 34 00:02:22.639 --> 00:02:24.400 to get money. So that's what P Diddy is saying. You know, 35 00:02:24.639 --> 00:02:29.240 P Diddy has a lot of names. Sean Puffy Combs is one of them. 36 00:02:29.560 --> 00:02:30.759 Top Daddy is another one. He did, how am I doing? 37 00:02:31.280 --> 00:02:36.840 Even as recently named himself brother Love and it's just you want to be called 38 00:02:36.840 --> 00:02:38.800 love and you're out here if the allegation you're true. We don't know about 39 00:02:38.840 --> 00:02:42.919 all these allegations far from love. But if you do turn to the old 40 00:02:42.919 --> 00:02:47.159 TikTok, you will see that his former bodyguards are talking that another rapper named 41 00:02:47.199 --> 00:02:51.840 fifty Cent, who is somehow has it out for him, is saying all 42 00:02:51.919 --> 00:02:55.439 kinds of things. So there was enough smoke around this with potentially four civil 43 00:02:55.479 --> 00:03:00.759 suits that the FEDS got involved and said, maybe we should invest to see 44 00:03:00.759 --> 00:03:04.840 if there's anything criminal here. So they raided his home in Miami on Star 45 00:03:04.960 --> 00:03:08.360 Island. They raided his home here in Los Angeles. They caught up with 46 00:03:08.439 --> 00:03:12.479 him on the tarmac in a little private airport. Who actually, I've been 47 00:03:12.479 --> 00:03:15.039 to this little private airport once before. And he was about to get on 48 00:03:15.080 --> 00:03:17.960 a private plane because it was spring break, and he has two teenage daughters 49 00:03:19.240 --> 00:03:23.560 and they were headed over to the Bahamas, and so the cops stopped them. 50 00:03:23.599 --> 00:03:25.240 They first they couldn't see that they were doing anything wrong. They didn't 51 00:03:25.240 --> 00:03:29.319 really detain them, but they found that one guy on the plane had a 52 00:03:29.360 --> 00:03:32.599 whole bunch of drugs on him, so they rested that guy. And then 53 00:03:32.639 --> 00:03:37.560 you asked TikTok, well where did he go? Then they saw him at 54 00:03:37.599 --> 00:03:39.400 a top golf. There's video of him and his daughters coming out of a 55 00:03:39.400 --> 00:03:42.479 top golf. I guess they never made of the Bahamas. They just went 56 00:03:42.479 --> 00:03:44.960 to like it's like kind of an indoor mini golf or something. I don't 57 00:03:44.960 --> 00:03:46.919 know, so they went there. I don't know if he's sleeping at his 58 00:03:46.960 --> 00:03:50.680 houses or did he go to a hotel. We don't know. So that 59 00:03:50.879 --> 00:03:54.520 was towards the end of last week and now Monday. So what did they 60 00:03:54.520 --> 00:04:00.599 take? The Feds took computers, they took phones, they took pick and 61 00:04:00.639 --> 00:04:03.879 stuff. So you know, the the agents are spent probably all of Easter 62 00:04:04.000 --> 00:04:10.639 weekend listening to phone conversations and reading emails and trying to find out. Apparently 63 00:04:11.240 --> 00:04:15.360 the charge that's not a good one for him might have to do with some 64 00:04:15.439 --> 00:04:20.600 of these sexual partners being underage. That's something they're looking for. Allegations. 65 00:04:20.600 --> 00:04:25.839 We don't know no truth yet. And also if you believe some of these 66 00:04:25.920 --> 00:04:29.759 ex girlfriends saying that they were forced to have sex with male prostitutes in front 67 00:04:29.759 --> 00:04:33.319 of him, that apparently I'm just quoting TikTok Okay, this is not anything 68 00:04:33.399 --> 00:04:38.759 I know about. So this is just allegations. But apparently he would go 69 00:04:38.839 --> 00:04:43.319 online and choose these prostitutes and then they would fly them across state lines, 70 00:04:43.360 --> 00:04:47.480 and that that think that's you can't pass stolen goods across state lines, and 71 00:04:47.519 --> 00:04:51.160 you can't pass prostitutes across state lines for the procurement of I don't think you're 72 00:04:51.160 --> 00:04:56.759 supposed to pay for prostitutes anyway, are you. I think I know. 73 00:04:56.920 --> 00:04:59.519 I think everyone should be able to sell their body as long as there are 74 00:05:00.600 --> 00:05:03.160 they should be able here, I'm just saying, that's my opinion. If 75 00:05:03.199 --> 00:05:06.920 men have more muscles than they can do construction, then women should be able 76 00:05:06.959 --> 00:05:11.959 to, with their particular physical endowments, be able to work by the hour 77 00:05:12.040 --> 00:05:14.560 if they want to, if they want to. I don't think men should 78 00:05:14.560 --> 00:05:18.560 be involved managing women prostitutes. We don't need John's just saying and happy Easter 79 00:05:18.759 --> 00:05:28.639 everybody. So today is Easter Sunday. It is a deeply religious holiday, 80 00:05:29.000 --> 00:05:32.160 particularly in the Christian religion. I like to think. You know, most 81 00:05:32.279 --> 00:05:38.759 religious holidays are correlated with something going on in nature. Do you know why 82 00:05:38.839 --> 00:05:43.079 Easter moves around every year? Producer Kayla No, I don't know, because 83 00:05:43.519 --> 00:05:48.040 it is the first Sunday that occurs after the first full moon in the spring. 84 00:05:48.360 --> 00:05:50.920 You see that full moon last week. It was gorgeous, beautiful. 85 00:05:51.040 --> 00:05:55.680 Yes, And that's why we know Easter game. That's how they chart it 86 00:05:55.800 --> 00:05:59.800 and believe it or not. Easter itself has pagan roots, and of course 87 00:05:59.839 --> 00:06:06.040 it honors a female goddess named Estre, pagan goddess associated with spring and fertility. 88 00:06:06.480 --> 00:06:10.000 Think about it. I was hiking today in the Santa Monica Mountains. 89 00:06:10.680 --> 00:06:15.560 Gorgeous, the nature, the green, the flowers blooming, the birds singing. 90 00:06:15.319 --> 00:06:18.759 If you're going to celebrate Easter, that's the way to do it. 91 00:06:19.040 --> 00:06:25.480 Now. There's also a connection. The Christians connect Easter with Passover a little 92 00:06:25.480 --> 00:06:29.839 bit because Easter happens to be closely linked to the Jewish festival of Passover. 93 00:06:30.360 --> 00:06:32.000 There is you know, if think of the Bible as a history book, 94 00:06:32.319 --> 00:06:38.879 supposedly the last supper is Passover dinner or whatever. What do they have haater 95 00:06:39.000 --> 00:06:42.360 dinner? I'm sorry, I should be up on all my religions. So 96 00:06:42.439 --> 00:06:46.120 here's what I know as a professor of health psychology that religiosity is highly correlated 97 00:06:46.160 --> 00:06:50.360 with good health and long life. And I wish that. I don't think 98 00:06:50.360 --> 00:06:54.160 the Catholic Church would take me back. Actually, I think I've been such 99 00:06:54.160 --> 00:06:58.040 a sinner in my life in their eyes. If you're listening and you're like 100 00:06:58.120 --> 00:07:01.000 a somebody who signs the docs, that would be higher than a priest. 101 00:07:01.079 --> 00:07:03.879 Right there would be an archbishop, a bishop, I don't know, maybe 102 00:07:03.920 --> 00:07:10.399 deca whatever, and you would take me back after divorce and my you know, 103 00:07:10.399 --> 00:07:14.120 one hundred sexual partners in my life. If the Catholics want me, 104 00:07:14.199 --> 00:07:16.040 I'd be happy to come back. Well, you'd be Jesus people, if 105 00:07:16.040 --> 00:07:18.079 you read the book, he hung around with the people like that. So 106 00:07:18.920 --> 00:07:21.839 I always want to be that woman on the horse. Don't stone her if 107 00:07:21.839 --> 00:07:26.879 you haven't seen. Also, you're just loved and forgives, you know, 108 00:07:26.920 --> 00:07:28.759 when I was young, I used to be the reader at church. That's 109 00:07:28.759 --> 00:07:31.240 where my broadcast career started. They liked me. Up there, you're an 110 00:07:31.240 --> 00:07:33.800 altar today. But one time I got in trouble. I'm not reading, 111 00:07:33.800 --> 00:07:36.680 I'm just talking. One time I got in trouble for wearing pants on the 112 00:07:36.720 --> 00:07:41.720 altar. I got a call later from some female parishioner saying women are not 113 00:07:41.879 --> 00:07:44.920 live. I'm like, Okay, this church is not for me. Okay, 114 00:07:45.000 --> 00:07:47.040 catch up, catch up, hey, when we come back. The 115 00:07:47.079 --> 00:07:54.759 World Happiness Report was released on Wednesday. Los Angeles isn't in it. It's 116 00:07:54.800 --> 00:07:58.759 done by country, the United States fell I'll tell you what our number is 117 00:07:58.800 --> 00:08:01.360 when we come back, and who the most unhappy population is and what we 118 00:08:01.439 --> 00:08:05.639 need to be doing about this. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh 119 00:08:05.680 --> 00:08:09.600 Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the Iheartread Radio app. 120 00:08:11.720 --> 00:08:16.040 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM six forty. 121 00:08:18.920 --> 00:08:22.959 KFI AM six forty, you have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is 122 00:08:22.079 --> 00:08:28.480 the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. Why are we so unhappy? Okay? We 123 00:08:28.680 --> 00:08:33.919 just came out of a big pandemic. We got social media dominating our lives. 124 00:08:35.440 --> 00:08:41.720 Many people have lost their connection to extended family. More people are living 125 00:08:41.759 --> 00:08:48.399 alone than ever before, more adults are unmarried than married, and not having 126 00:08:48.440 --> 00:08:54.039 the connection of relationships. I get it. We're unhappy. Now we have 127 00:08:54.159 --> 00:08:58.639 data to support what we've always felt. The World Happiness Report was released on 128 00:08:58.679 --> 00:09:03.360 Wednesday Day. It showed, now, this is self reported data for it 129 00:09:03.440 --> 00:09:09.440 showed that we finally fell out of the top twenty happiest countries for the first 130 00:09:09.440 --> 00:09:15.320 time. We may be the wealthiest country, we may be the freest country. 131 00:09:15.720 --> 00:09:22.200 We may love everything about America, except we're not really happy. And 132 00:09:22.279 --> 00:09:30.679 the most unhappy group people aged eighteen to thirty young Americans. Now, this 133 00:09:30.759 --> 00:09:35.559 research was done by Gallop and it was in coordination with the United Nations and 134 00:09:35.639 --> 00:09:41.759 other groups. And they asked people, these young people who rapidly declined in 135 00:09:41.799 --> 00:09:48.240 their happiness, what was it that made them feel so unhappy. Here's what 136 00:09:48.279 --> 00:09:54.039 they told the researchers. First of all, they weren't satisfied with their support 137 00:09:54.120 --> 00:10:03.360 system. Let's think about that, jobs, family, friends, social support. 138 00:10:03.879 --> 00:10:09.320 Not happy with our support system. Also, they reported they were not 139 00:10:09.399 --> 00:10:16.159 happy with their living situation. We are seeing a huge amount of young adults. 140 00:10:16.559 --> 00:10:20.720 I don't like to use the word failing to launch, but launching more 141 00:10:20.759 --> 00:10:26.279 slowly and in a different way. Often college graduates can't afford to pay rent, 142 00:10:26.320 --> 00:10:28.639 so they move home to their parents' house, and that can't always be 143 00:10:28.720 --> 00:10:37.799 fun. They also said they have lost confidence in their government and also a 144 00:10:37.840 --> 00:10:45.320 feeling that they have less freedom to make life choices. The country that's all 145 00:10:45.320 --> 00:10:50.120 about individual rights and freedoms, young people feel less freedom to make their own 146 00:10:50.200 --> 00:10:56.759 choices in their life. So USA Today newspaper did another poll of young Americans 147 00:10:56.799 --> 00:11:01.639 trying to get a little deeper into this for their unhappiness and their disillusionment, 148 00:11:03.279 --> 00:11:07.879 and the people in this survey reported things like they were unhappy about the economy. 149 00:11:07.480 --> 00:11:11.039 They were unhappy about the cost of housing, they were unhappy about the 150 00:11:11.080 --> 00:11:18.320 burden of student loan debt. They were really unhappy about the political polarization that's 151 00:11:18.360 --> 00:11:24.519 happening in this country. They're super unhappy about social media. Literally, I've 152 00:11:24.559 --> 00:11:28.159 read research that's to ask people if you would if you wanted social media to 153 00:11:28.200 --> 00:11:33.039 go away and have nobody be on it, would you be okay with that? 154 00:11:33.080 --> 00:11:35.279 And most young people would say yes, but they can't get off it 155 00:11:35.360 --> 00:11:41.240 because everyone else is on it. They're also unhappy about climate change, and 156 00:11:41.279 --> 00:11:43.879 they're unhappy about the wars in Ukraine and Gaza. Now I should tell you 157 00:11:43.879 --> 00:11:48.480 that wars were taking place around the world at a fast clip at all different 158 00:11:48.519 --> 00:11:52.759 times, but we have a saturated media now that it's right in everybody's face 159 00:11:52.120 --> 00:11:58.080 in their iPhones. Right. I do have to mention this that in recent 160 00:11:58.159 --> 00:12:03.240 years suicide rates have climbed and surged among young people in the United States. 161 00:12:03.919 --> 00:12:11.919 Experts are sounding the alarm about the loneliness epidemic among teenagers and young adults. 162 00:12:11.279 --> 00:12:15.840 Look. I see it as a university professor. In fact, I make 163 00:12:15.919 --> 00:12:18.519 my students get into small discussion groups just so they can open their mouths and 164 00:12:18.600 --> 00:12:22.600 talk to another person instead of just sitting in a class watching me drone on 165 00:12:24.240 --> 00:12:26.600 and even yet, I will look over and see them all looking at their 166 00:12:26.639 --> 00:12:28.000 phones. I'm like, you guys need to be talking, okay, you 167 00:12:28.039 --> 00:12:33.159 need to be discussing this, right. So here's what I want to tell 168 00:12:33.159 --> 00:12:35.840 you about happiness. We're not supposed to be happy all the time, Okay, 169 00:12:37.039 --> 00:12:39.639 this idea of pursuit of happiness, you know what you would not know 170 00:12:39.679 --> 00:12:41.600 you were happy. If you were happy all the time, you got to 171 00:12:41.600 --> 00:12:46.080 have something to compare it to. Right, We are supposed to have a 172 00:12:46.200 --> 00:12:52.559 rainbow of emotions, but also have good coping strategies for managing the negative emotions 173 00:12:52.600 --> 00:12:58.799 when they come along. Research shows that people who are mostly unhappy, it's 174 00:12:58.879 --> 00:13:03.399 not what that worst bad things happen to them, it's that they have more 175 00:13:03.480 --> 00:13:09.639 They have poor emotional regulation strategies. Right, and the strategies that people practice 176 00:13:09.679 --> 00:13:13.399 when they're feeling unhappy are not good ones. Distraction, sex, drugs, 177 00:13:13.399 --> 00:13:16.240 and rock and roll. Let's get on social media, let's go out, 178 00:13:16.320 --> 00:13:20.000 let's laugh, let's drink some tequila, let's just have fun. Let's make 179 00:13:20.000 --> 00:13:24.440 ourselves feel happy. It's not going to do it or the other. Rumination, 180 00:13:24.960 --> 00:13:28.679 rumination are rumination is a funny trick. It actually your brain thinks it's 181 00:13:28.720 --> 00:13:33.120 solving problems by thinking about your problems all the time, but it just spins 182 00:13:33.159 --> 00:13:37.639 around the same problems over and over and over. There's new research from the 183 00:13:37.720 --> 00:13:43.840 Journal of Psychopathology and Clinical Science, and it said that even though people who 184 00:13:43.919 --> 00:13:50.600 experience depression are capable of coping with their intense emotions, they often use emotion 185 00:13:50.720 --> 00:13:58.559 regulation strategies that decrease good feelings and increase bad feelings. So I mentioned they 186 00:13:58.559 --> 00:14:03.600 distract themselves. That's not they ruminate. That's not good. But here's something 187 00:14:03.600 --> 00:14:11.960 else. They actually use poor emotional regulation strategies for a certain reason, and 188 00:14:13.000 --> 00:14:16.399 many of them have I'm gonna tell you something. I've never even heard this 189 00:14:16.440 --> 00:14:18.159 word before. I had to look it up and do a lot of reading 190 00:14:18.200 --> 00:14:26.120 on it. Cheero phobia, cheerophobia c H E r oh phobia p h 191 00:14:26.200 --> 00:14:33.120 O b I A cheerophobia. It is exactly what it sounds like, a 192 00:14:33.320 --> 00:14:39.960 fear of happiness. When we come back, do you have a fear of 193 00:14:39.960 --> 00:14:45.679 happiness? And is it possible that there's one simple thing that you could be 194 00:14:45.679 --> 00:14:48.440 doing to get over your fear of happiness. I'll explain what the research says 195 00:14:48.559 --> 00:14:52.519 when we come back. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on 196 00:14:52.600 --> 00:14:56.279 kf I Am six forty re live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening 197 00:14:56.320 --> 00:15:03.480 to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM sixty I AM six forty. 198 00:15:03.480 --> 00:15:05.240 You have doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show, 199 00:15:05.279 --> 00:15:07.399 Kayla, I love that song. That's a good one. It makes 200 00:15:07.399 --> 00:15:11.240 you happy. It makes me happy just thinking about it. Okay, we're 201 00:15:11.279 --> 00:15:16.159 talking about how unhappy young people are in America. A new research from the 202 00:15:16.279 --> 00:15:22.559 Journal of Psychopathology and Clinical Science indicates that people who suffer from depression are capable 203 00:15:22.960 --> 00:15:31.600 capable of tolerating intense negative emotions, but they tend to use poor coping strategies 204 00:15:31.879 --> 00:15:37.879 for three reasons. One, many people who are feeling sad chronically believe that 205 00:15:37.879 --> 00:15:43.039 they don't deserve happiness. Two, many of these people are just real familiar 206 00:15:43.039 --> 00:15:48.720 with negative moods. That's their go to place, that's what they know. 207 00:15:48.600 --> 00:15:54.919 And three playing them suffer from cheerophobia. No, not a fear of cheerleaders 208 00:15:54.960 --> 00:16:00.759 heather, a fear of happiness, happiness, an irrational fear happiness. Okay, 209 00:16:00.799 --> 00:16:03.240 it's not actually recognized as a true diagnosis in the DSM. But just 210 00:16:03.240 --> 00:16:08.240 because something isn't a diagnosis doesn't mean it's, you know, probably part of 211 00:16:08.279 --> 00:16:12.399 a greater anxiety disorder. So let's talk about Actually, when I read this 212 00:16:12.440 --> 00:16:18.600 study this morning, it was a little like eye opening for me because when 213 00:16:18.639 --> 00:16:25.120 I go through negative stress oars, I get down. Julio's witnessed a few 214 00:16:25.120 --> 00:16:29.279 of them, and he's like, he is so naturally happy. I always 215 00:16:29.279 --> 00:16:32.519 say, like, how can you be so light when these things are happening? 216 00:16:32.600 --> 00:16:33.519 And he goes, what else are you going to do? Like, 217 00:16:33.559 --> 00:16:37.840 there's nothing you can do but find humor in it or lightness in it. 218 00:16:37.960 --> 00:16:41.360 Right, And I finally gets me down, And then I took some time, 219 00:16:41.559 --> 00:16:45.960 did a little reflection, went back to my childhood this morning, swam 220 00:16:45.000 --> 00:16:51.759 around there my dark closet with a little glow in the dark Martian figure I 221 00:16:51.840 --> 00:16:55.000 used to play with alone, crying in my closet, and I thought to 222 00:16:55.039 --> 00:17:00.000 myself, Oh, I don't think I deserve happiness. That's what happens when 223 00:17:00.039 --> 00:17:06.200 the stress stores come. I don't say, like a healthy person, oh 224 00:17:06.759 --> 00:17:08.240 this is a big problem. Let's see how I can fix this. Let 225 00:17:08.240 --> 00:17:11.200 me see if I can solve this. Oh, this is going to be 226 00:17:11.240 --> 00:17:14.920 a fun little puzzle to solve. That's what healthy people think. They think. 227 00:17:15.200 --> 00:17:18.640 This isn't fun, But this is temporary, and I'm going to get 228 00:17:18.640 --> 00:17:22.359 through it and get right back to happy. So then, of course, 229 00:17:22.519 --> 00:17:26.480 after reading about this and having a little bit of an awakening, I found 230 00:17:29.000 --> 00:17:32.640 this week In fact, when I was feeling down, I said to Julio, 231 00:17:32.880 --> 00:17:34.480 I am going to sit and right. I've been working on this book, 232 00:17:34.519 --> 00:17:40.720 tinkering away at it while the story is happening. You should know that 233 00:17:40.839 --> 00:17:45.039 all my three books, The Boyfriend Test, how to something like how do 234 00:17:45.079 --> 00:17:49.480 we evaluate him before you lose your heart? The Girlfriend Test? How Datable 235 00:17:49.519 --> 00:17:55.279 Are You Really? And the Thirty Day Love Detox How to Survive in a 236 00:17:55.359 --> 00:17:59.599 high supply sexual Economy. These books, although they are self helped to the 237 00:17:59.599 --> 00:18:03.880 world, are very autobiographical. They're filled with lots of stories of my dating 238 00:18:03.920 --> 00:18:06.839 life, on my way to finding a secure attachment, and me learning about 239 00:18:06.880 --> 00:18:11.160 attachment theory. So the book I've been working on now is called how to 240 00:18:11.240 --> 00:18:15.799 Shrink the Kids and blow Up Your Life. Okay that you loved? I 241 00:18:15.839 --> 00:18:19.440 love that because that's where I am in my life right. How to launch 242 00:18:19.480 --> 00:18:23.480 those young adult kids, how to get financially secure, how to keep yourself 243 00:18:23.519 --> 00:18:26.200 healthy. As I say in the first line of the book, this is 244 00:18:26.319 --> 00:18:30.759 not your eat prey love. Although it might be your keto gay love, 245 00:18:30.920 --> 00:18:33.440 I don't know. It's about finding you. So I've been tinkering with this 246 00:18:33.480 --> 00:18:36.640 book. I got the layout when you do the whole layout, like the 247 00:18:36.680 --> 00:18:38.400 chapter layout. Then it's about, you know, coloring in the blanks, 248 00:18:38.880 --> 00:18:42.079 filling in those blanks, coloring in between the lines. And this week I 249 00:18:42.119 --> 00:18:45.720 sat down and I wrote a bunch of pages because I was feeling down. 250 00:18:48.079 --> 00:18:53.400 So then I start reading this article today about journaling and writing and how writing 251 00:18:53.599 --> 00:19:00.799 is so good for our mental health. Some people keep diaries. People journal 252 00:19:00.880 --> 00:19:04.119 only when they're feeling down. Sometimes they only turn to writing in major life 253 00:19:04.119 --> 00:19:11.559 transitions. That would be me right, And so researchers have found though, 254 00:19:11.920 --> 00:19:18.400 that expressive writing can actually improve people's mental health. Now, the researcher who 255 00:19:18.400 --> 00:19:22.039 found this is doctor James penna Baker. Kayla, write down that name, 256 00:19:22.160 --> 00:19:26.160 doctor James Penabaker's the cutest name, isn't it? Like, Yeah, I 257 00:19:26.240 --> 00:19:30.440 love that name, Doctor James Pennabaker. He is a former professor professor retired 258 00:19:30.559 --> 00:19:34.799 from the University of Texas Austin. So back in the nineteen eighties, he 259 00:19:36.000 --> 00:19:38.640 was like every other psychology professor who was doing a lot of research, asking 260 00:19:38.680 --> 00:19:41.440 his psychology students, hey, can you think of some questions I want to 261 00:19:41.480 --> 00:19:45.440 find out about what's correlated with health? Because you know, I'm a professor 262 00:19:45.480 --> 00:19:49.079 of health psychology. So this stuff really is interesting to me. And he's 263 00:19:49.119 --> 00:19:52.000 like, what kind of questions should we ask? And by the way, 264 00:19:52.000 --> 00:19:55.799 he's also the author of three hundred articles twelve books. He's a big deal. 265 00:19:55.839 --> 00:20:00.119 Let's get him on the show. And so one other students said, 266 00:20:00.640 --> 00:20:07.000 why don't we ask people this question prior to the age of seventeen? Did 267 00:20:07.000 --> 00:20:12.400 you ever have a traumatic sexual experience? And he thought to himself, Oh, 268 00:20:14.160 --> 00:20:17.319 that's a good question. Nobody's ever asked that question. Back in the 269 00:20:17.400 --> 00:20:22.480 nineteen eighties. That one question turned out to be one of the most powerful 270 00:20:22.559 --> 00:20:29.240 predictors of physical symptoms in health. This study has been replicated nationally. They 271 00:20:29.240 --> 00:20:32.519 have found that anybody who answered yes to that question is more likely to have 272 00:20:32.599 --> 00:20:37.119 been hospitalized for any cause. In the last year. It was related to 273 00:20:37.200 --> 00:20:41.400 cold's flus, high blood pressure, heart disease, and cancer. But then 274 00:20:41.720 --> 00:20:47.519 he continued to do research and he found out it wasn't just sexual trauma. 275 00:20:48.079 --> 00:20:52.119 He found that having any kind of trauma in your childhood, but the most 276 00:20:52.119 --> 00:20:57.039 important thing that it was kept a secret, was bad for your physical health. 277 00:20:57.640 --> 00:21:04.359 Secrets bad for your health. So this made him think, well, 278 00:21:04.359 --> 00:21:07.799 wait, a secon if secrets are bad for your health. What if he 279 00:21:07.880 --> 00:21:11.039 had people tell their secrets. What if he had people start to journal and 280 00:21:11.039 --> 00:21:15.119 write. Well, it has now been decades since his research has been replicated 281 00:21:15.200 --> 00:21:18.079 around the world. And guess what, It doesn't matter how often you write, 282 00:21:18.160 --> 00:21:22.599 how much you write. But you've got to write what happened to you 283 00:21:23.319 --> 00:21:27.480 because it gets it outside of your body, right, he says, the 284 00:21:27.480 --> 00:21:34.680 real healer is translating your emotional experience into words, and this changes how your 285 00:21:34.720 --> 00:21:41.160 brain organizes the experience. It slows down the whole thinking process, so you're 286 00:21:41.160 --> 00:21:45.079 not racing and ruminating. The other thing is it forces you to create a 287 00:21:45.160 --> 00:21:48.880 story around it, so you now become the observer, the watcher, instead 288 00:21:48.960 --> 00:21:55.400 of the star of the story. This is why journaling works. So it 289 00:21:55.440 --> 00:21:59.079 also makes you write complete sentences that are related to the next sentence, and 290 00:21:59.119 --> 00:22:03.480 it puts it together in your brain in a narrative. A narrative is easy 291 00:22:03.519 --> 00:22:10.359 to solve compared to ruminating fear, ruminating shame, ruminating pain. I actually 292 00:22:10.400 --> 00:22:12.920 find that I don't really understand exactly how I feel about a situation until I 293 00:22:14.000 --> 00:22:15.519 journal and reread it back to myself, and yeah, like that's very telling. 294 00:22:15.599 --> 00:22:18.720 That's how it makes sense, makes so much sense now. Also, 295 00:22:18.720 --> 00:22:19.960 people ask the question, well, how much like you have to write twenty 296 00:22:21.000 --> 00:22:22.880 minutes? Say they've done studies where they have people write twenty minutes every day, 297 00:22:23.200 --> 00:22:26.680 five minutes everything. It doesn't matter. What it matters is that you 298 00:22:26.720 --> 00:22:33.759 write that story around that trauma. That is so important. So that's why 299 00:22:33.799 --> 00:22:37.960 I'm busy working on Shrink the Kids and blop your life. There. I 300 00:22:38.000 --> 00:22:41.279 am in another life transition. Hey, when we come back, let's get 301 00:22:41.279 --> 00:22:45.960 into our personal relationships and our technology. You know, the robots are here, 302 00:22:47.039 --> 00:22:51.160 right. I have seen videos of robot sex factories. Sex robot factories. 303 00:22:51.319 --> 00:22:53.640 They're so real, They're shockingly real. They feel like real skin, 304 00:22:53.720 --> 00:22:56.960 they're warm. Oh no, it's crazy. They look like you can order 305 00:22:57.000 --> 00:23:02.880 them in whatever kind of skin tone, hair, eyes, height, anything 306 00:23:02.960 --> 00:23:07.440 you want. So the question is are you a robo sexual? Would you 307 00:23:07.559 --> 00:23:11.319 like to have a relationship with a robot? Well, there's research to say 308 00:23:11.319 --> 00:23:15.359 if you have certain kind of personality traits, you might be a robosexual. 309 00:23:15.640 --> 00:23:18.400 Let's talk about it when we come back. You are listening to the Doctor 310 00:23:18.400 --> 00:23:22.119 Wendy Waalsh Show on KFI AM six forty We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. 311 00:23:22.440 --> 00:23:27.799 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM six forty. 312 00:23:29.400 --> 00:23:33.400 KFI AM six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is 313 00:23:33.599 --> 00:23:36.920 the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. I would like to welcome my Instagram audience. 314 00:23:37.000 --> 00:23:40.680 Hi everybody. If you want to come in and see our iHeartRadio studio here 315 00:23:40.759 --> 00:23:44.400 KFI in Burbank, California, just go on to my Instagram right now. 316 00:23:44.480 --> 00:23:48.640 The handle is at doctor Wendy Walsh. That's at Dr Wendy Walsh. After 317 00:23:48.680 --> 00:23:55.200 this segment telling my KFI listeners and my Instagram watchers, I am going to 318 00:23:55.240 --> 00:23:59.079 be taking your calls live. The phone number is one eight hundred and five 319 00:23:59.200 --> 00:24:03.319 two zero one five three four. Reminder, I'm a psychology professor, not 320 00:24:03.440 --> 00:24:07.240 a therapist. However, I've written three books on relationships, did a dissertation 321 00:24:07.359 --> 00:24:11.240 on attachment theory. I'm obsessed with the science of love, so I'm really 322 00:24:11.279 --> 00:24:17.559 happy to weigh in. So after I talk about whether you're a robo sexual 323 00:24:17.759 --> 00:24:21.279 or not what the research says, then I'll be taking your calls. All 324 00:24:21.359 --> 00:24:25.000 right, So there is new research now we know that robots are not just 325 00:24:25.119 --> 00:24:29.000 on the horizon. They're actually there. If you want to go on YouTube 326 00:24:29.279 --> 00:24:34.440 and you can see videos of robots being manufactured that look like real women. 327 00:24:34.519 --> 00:24:40.200 I say women because there aren't many male robots, and there are there are 328 00:24:40.279 --> 00:24:45.759 less women interested in having sex with male robots, but there are real robots 329 00:24:45.839 --> 00:24:48.480 out there. You can order them in whichever size and style you like. 330 00:24:49.160 --> 00:24:52.759 They're warm and they feel like skin texture and I don't know, it's just 331 00:24:52.759 --> 00:24:59.400 so weird to me, but you know, better off to have young men 332 00:25:00.160 --> 00:25:03.920 sex with a robot than out, you know, procuring sex in the form 333 00:25:04.000 --> 00:25:08.559 of sexual assaults. Right, men get angry when they don't have enough mates, 334 00:25:08.680 --> 00:25:14.559 so maybe it's a good thing. So anyway, some researchers from a 335 00:25:14.720 --> 00:25:21.240 university in Canada basically wanted to better understand robosexuality. Oh yeah, it's going 336 00:25:21.279 --> 00:25:26.359 to be sexual identity soon, robo sexuality and attitudes towards having sexual relationships with 337 00:25:26.480 --> 00:25:30.839 robots. So they basically ask participants in a study, imagine you've just want 338 00:25:30.920 --> 00:25:36.640 to raffle with a robot manufacturer and it allows you to try out a robot 339 00:25:37.359 --> 00:25:42.640 from their entire brand of sex robots, what do you do Now, before 340 00:25:42.680 --> 00:25:48.880 they asked them this question, they gave them three other surveys to look at 341 00:25:48.200 --> 00:25:56.079 whether they had hostile sexism. That means, if you score high on hostile 342 00:25:56.279 --> 00:26:03.599 sexism, you view gender relationship as competitive, full of conflict, and you 343 00:26:03.720 --> 00:26:08.480 see women as trying to control men. The other thing they tested participants on 344 00:26:08.599 --> 00:26:17.079 was something called social dominance orientation. These are people who are very competitive socially 345 00:26:17.400 --> 00:26:19.880 right, and they care about the ranking in different groups. They're trying to 346 00:26:19.960 --> 00:26:25.759 keep up with the Joneses, if you will. And then they also gave 347 00:26:25.759 --> 00:26:32.440 them a questionnaire that scored them on socio sexual orientation, and that measures people's 348 00:26:32.519 --> 00:26:37.759 attitudes towards monogamy or open sexual relationships. So if you score high on this, 349 00:26:38.880 --> 00:26:45.279 you tend to be more interested in casual sex and you believe that sex 350 00:26:45.319 --> 00:26:49.240 without love is okay, just open free sex people. That's the sex socio 351 00:26:49.359 --> 00:26:53.799 sexual orientation. Okay, here's what the researchers found. First of all, 352 00:26:55.319 --> 00:27:00.000 I'm not surprised by this first one. People score who scored high on hostile 353 00:27:00.039 --> 00:27:07.920 style sexism were much more likely to be interested in sex with robots. So 354 00:27:08.680 --> 00:27:12.119 this made the researchers ask a couple more questions of themselves. Well, first 355 00:27:12.160 --> 00:27:17.960 of all, they found that more men scored higher in hostile sexism than women 356 00:27:18.039 --> 00:27:23.920 did, and it showed that men who wanted sex with robots tended to be 357 00:27:25.039 --> 00:27:29.400 high in anger and tended to distrust women. So there you go. Robot 358 00:27:29.480 --> 00:27:32.799 is a nice little surguate. She keeps the mouth shut unless she's programmed to 359 00:27:32.799 --> 00:27:36.440 have it open. I don't know how they it's a thing, Kayla, 360 00:27:37.119 --> 00:27:38.400 it's a thing. I just never know when you're going to glean. You 361 00:27:38.599 --> 00:27:45.359 never know you're wild. Well, okay. People who scored higher in social 362 00:27:45.400 --> 00:27:51.720 dominance orientation the desire to maintain status differences between groups, keeping up with the 363 00:27:51.839 --> 00:27:55.480 joneses, thinking that some people are below them and some people are above them. 364 00:27:55.759 --> 00:27:59.839 I personally believe everybody's equal. By the way, they were also more 365 00:27:59.839 --> 00:28:06.240 interested in sex robots, and the researchers hypothesized that maybe these people already see 366 00:28:06.319 --> 00:28:11.799 others as objects to be used. Why not just use an object to be 367 00:28:11.960 --> 00:28:17.119 used now Here was the most fascinating part of the study. People who were 368 00:28:17.119 --> 00:28:23.640 more open in their sexual attitudes were less likely to be interested in sex with 369 00:28:23.839 --> 00:28:29.400 robots. It's not interesting, you think if someone's interested in casual sex and 370 00:28:29.920 --> 00:28:33.920 free and don't care about monogamy, then why not have sex with robot? 371 00:28:33.440 --> 00:28:37.079 But the researchers thought about it and they said, you know, people who 372 00:28:37.119 --> 00:28:42.000 are open to more casual sex probably get their sexual needs met all over the 373 00:28:42.000 --> 00:28:47.519 place with other people who are open and into casual sex, So why would 374 00:28:47.519 --> 00:28:51.839 they need a robot? Just saying why would they need a robot? All 375 00:28:51.960 --> 00:28:56.079 right, when we come back, I am going to be answering your relationship 376 00:28:56.200 --> 00:28:57.960 questions. Give me a call. If you're watching on Instagram, you can 377 00:28:59.000 --> 00:29:02.720 see that the phone number is there. It's one eight hundred five two zero 378 00:29:02.839 --> 00:29:07.920 one five three four. That's one eight hundred five two zero one KFI reminder. 379 00:29:07.960 --> 00:29:10.400 I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor. But I have written 380 00:29:10.400 --> 00:29:14.400 three books on relationships, and I did my dissertation on attachment theory, and 381 00:29:14.480 --> 00:29:17.759 oh, I have been through so much heartbreak in my own life. I 382 00:29:17.920 --> 00:29:21.640 have some doctor Wendy wisdom that I would love to lay on you. So 383 00:29:21.680 --> 00:29:25.680 pick up the phone. The numbers one eight hundred five two zero one five 384 00:29:25.960 --> 00:29:30.200 three four. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM 385 00:29:30.240 --> 00:29:33.799 six forty were live everywhere on the iHeart Radio app. You've been listening to 386 00:29:33.839 --> 00:29:37.359 Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always hear us live on KFI Am six forty 387 00:29:37.359 --> 00:29:42.359 from seven to nine pm on Sunday and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app