This is Pod Popular Podcast for the People, the Great Love Debate. It's
the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's a Great Love Debase.
Hi again, Everyone's Brian Howie. Welcome to the Great Love Debate,
the world's number one dating and a relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. I am
back here in the very fine studios of Pod Popular Podcasts for the People.
I am at the one in Scottsdale, Arizona. Is absolutely lovely in Scottsdale,
Arizona. Somebody email me otherday like, they said that you like recording
in Scottsdale better than all the other places you record, And I said,
I think because I like Scottsdale better than all the other places you record.
Although it's a very fine studio, I am very very hesitant to ever use
the words relationship expert on this show because I think it's the one thing that
no but He's mastered. But I am going to push that envelope as close
as I can that I have somebody who probably if we graded everything on the
curve, you remember what grading on the curve is, So whether there was
a scale of who knows the least and who knows the most, I believe
I have the person who knows the most, or at least has had more
conversations with more people and more forums about more subjects than anybody else. She's
written a whole bunch of books on it. She's been on just about every
possible television network about it. I don't want to age her too much,
but she's been doing this a long long time. She knows where all the
love bodies are buried. The Lovely Doctor, Gilda Carl, how are you
fine? Thank you for having me here? What did MTV call you the
love Goddess? Thanks so much for upping that. Oh but the love Doc
the love Doc and I couldn't get rid of the title here. I was
teaching at a university and everybody said, get the love doc to weigh in
on this looking about business subject. No, you have been the go to
person on just about every media outlet for a long long time. I want
to get you in here. Why did you become interested in this subject matter?
I wrote my doctoral dissertation many many years ago on interpersonal relationships and self
concept, and that all washed into how people relate, and I was finding
that there were so many problems with interpersonal relationships and nobody was really delving deep
enough into them. So I thought, this is something that fascinates me.
And why do you think it was that we don't dive deep into them because
of what I said earlier, nobody's really mastered it, or because it hits
too close to home for a lot of people. So somebody told me once
there's no there's a lot of shows about lawyers, but there's very few even
episodes about divorce lawyers because somebody's like even the people create them, it hits
too close to home. It's the fear factor once again. People are terrified
of getting too close to what really is making them tick. If something is
touching them all that much, then they got to run away from it.
And then you see, and this challenged me. So if they have to
run away from it, well I want to run where they're going. Yeah,
I think that's true. You're the moth to the flame. They if
somebody asked me this the other day, they go, Hi, are you
ever gonna I've done four hundred and I don't know fifty episodes of this podcast
and five hundred live shows. They go, You're ever gonna run on?
A things to talk about? And I go no, because it's the one
thing that everybody has experience with, good or bad. Everybody has an opinion
on, everybody has anecdotes from everybody, has pain from everybody. It's the
one thing that unites us all is this constant quest, struggle, hope for
a fulfilling relationship. Even those who do not want to admit it. People
have told me, oh, I'm not after a relationship. Now, we
say that all the time the way man, we know I say that all
the time in my show that no, I know, I hear it all
the time. Okay, Either they don't trust that it's possible or they don't
know how to find it. Because if you gave the ones who're like I
just want to have fun, if you gave them, if you had a
notary in here and gave them a document and said, if you sign this,
I can give you a happy, loving, sharing, fulfilling, honest
relationship with one other person, would you sign for that? They would if
they could trust it. They don't trust that that it's possible, or they
don't trust the notary. I don't know, but they do want it.
The ones are like, I just want a fun. I'm good, I
want I'm happy being alone. No you're not. No you're not. That
is such bs. We know better than that. Everybody is meant to interact
right, and you're most fulfilling, most beautiful, and most wonderful relationship is
the one that you have with yourself. And if they cannot have relationships with
other people, it's only because they have not established themselves as grounded people who
can connect with themselves first. In order to say I love you, it
has to come with a capital I. I think it does. We are
wired to be in relationship. We are wired to couple mate, whatever the
unattractive term you want to say, have sex. Yeah, we're wired to
be together. We're wired to want another person, and so to deny our
fundamental wiring or to lock it off or to shut it off or I mean,
you need to go see a therapist, probably before you go on a
date. But you have to deal with the why on that. You can't
just spend like, I don't know, I'm just happy being alone. I
think you have to understand why. I don't really think they're really happy of
being alone. And you don't know what happens under their roof when the doors
are close. You don't know how much they're crying, how much they're watching
the whole Mark channel. Apologies to Hallmark, but you don't know what's really
happening. And when girlfriends get together, I'll let you in on this little
secret pride. When girlfriends get together, we always talk about men. Oh
yeah, and this goes across the board with CEOs that I have counseled with,
people who are on lower levels of the corporate echelon, who I have
worked with, everybody is interested in talking about men. The women. Yes,
oh, there's bars, restaurants within fifty feet of here filled with women
talking about men, complaining about men, wanting men wear. Now, I'm
not saying the men won't talk about the women, but they won't talk about
it as openly as honestly with a group of women. They might talk about
how she looked or what she did, or that's all the superficial study.
Right, They're walled off. So I'm not saying it's unhealthy for the women
to it out and do that. They process it a little bit better than
men. Some girl at sixteen years old might have rejected them or paid no
attention to them. They might that might manifest itself when they're fifty two years
old in a relationship because they don't process it. You said to me,
like, I think you go to therapy like me, you like sensed my
wounds. Come on, I've been in this business for quite a while,
and I have a pretty good third eye. I'm able to scope out people
who are sensitive and people who are walled off. Yeah, I mean that's
that's pretty obvious to me. It's not obvious to a lot of people,
but I have very not be walled off. It's an easier way to go
through with the blinders on and the walls up and emotionally unavailable. It is.
It has a ceiling on it, but it also as a higher floor.
And when does this ceiling get met? The ceiling gets met when you
realize that life is not as fulfilling as you probably hope it could be,
or hurt it could be, and you're like, I'm going through this life
in this sort of middle emotional bandwidth, and at some point you feel confident
enough or comfortable enough that you're willing to be vulnerable enough to put more chips
on the table and go for it. Right. Ah, I think there's
something more to that. I think that it reaches its peak when they recognize
that something is missing and they don't want to deal with anything beyond the something
is missing, but they know that they're miserable. They on some level,
I can't believe that they can't imagine that they are not narcissistic, and it's
gotten to them that they can't give. And the beautiful thing about relationships is
the giving and receiving. I just turned to a guy recently and said,
you have a problem with receiving, don't you? And he was just taken
aback. He said, yeah, because they don't feel worthy worthy. It
all comes down to trust, the concept and worthy and that could go back
to childhood. You didn't receive the love that your parents, grandparents' family gave
to you. You didn't learn how to properly and I'm one of these people.
You didn't learn how to properly absorb it, and so getting it from
new people is scary. Or maybe the kind of love that they were getting
was not healthy right, or it wasn't something that sort of matched their wiring.
So you've been doing this a long time again not to age you.
How have things changed since shared doing this? And how's the dialogue at least
changed. Well, now there's more hiding, more hiding than I have ever
seen before, the ghosting and the bread crumbing and the gas lighting and all
the other things that we have these beautiful, fancy words for. In essence,
it's all hiding. It's running from right. And because of that,
the people that they leave in their midst are pissed off. They are furious,
and they don't know what to do and how to correct it. And
of course, if they're kind of if they have a shabby self esteem,
they'll say, well, what did I do wrong? If I could only
have if I could only have been more beautiful, thinner, richer, right,
I mean, whatever, whatever it is, if only I could have
been. And the truth is they were putting out the best they could,
right, And for everybody out there who's listening, please understand, you did
the best you could with all the information you had at that moment. And
now it's up to the other person because it has to be a give and
take. It has to be a give and take, and some people don't
necessarily give and take as overtly. Maybe how we communicate with each other,
maybe she did feel that way or he felt that way, and they just
didn't communicate it in a way that the other person could hear and accept.
And God forbid, we should share our feelings. Oh, I know.
I heard from a lot of women all the time. I'm like, she's
like, yeah, I thought we had a good time and he didn't ask
me out again. And I go, well, maybe he couldn't tell that
you had a good time, And she's like, he could tell. No,
he probably couldn't tell. It's a level only dogs can hear. These
women say, well, I put out all the signals that we want.
I did no idea we have Sometimes the men have no idea because a lot
of the time the dialogue is coming from the man, you look beautiful,
would you like to go out? This was great? And she's probably at
best saying thank you. That's not the same as him hearing the words back.
And a lot of women are like, I shouldn't have to spell it
out for him. You have to spell it out for him sometimes. Sorry,
age, you're right, I don't want to I don't want to be
right. But a lot of times this you know, Yin and Yang,
Mars and venus, you know, whatever we want to say, we know
that we do not communicate to each other in the same way, in the
same decibels and the same anything. Yet we don't take the steps to try
and understand either ourselves or our partners or the relationship enough to properly work through
the muck to get to the other side and be a good relationship. I
want to put a footnote on something that you said. You said, even
dogs no that that only dogs can hear. I think even dogs cannot hear.
It's so bad, it's so it's so obscure. This woman came to
one of our live shows in Chicago and she goes, this is what I
do when I when I like a guy, to let him know that I
like him. She was a statue like, I'm like, what did you
just do? She's like it's very subtle. I'm like, it's subtle.
What did you do? She like, I move my eyebrows. I go,
nobody ever would see that. And she's like, the ones who I'm
interested will see that. I go, nobody will see that. And I
asked her. We had a big crowd. I asked the audience, and
people are like, what are you talking about? And she was so stubborn
and so basically putting it out there that only the man who would pick up
on my signal as a man worthy enough for me. But she is subconsciously
or consciously making that signal so obscure that then she's like, oh, I
just haven't found a man to pick it up instead of taking a responsibility.
Oh god, I wrote a book called one of my many books, I
wrote a book called I'm Worth Loving. Here's why the book sold and continues
to sell so well, because people don't understand that they are worth loving.
They are, and they don't understand why if you can't put it out there
that you are, you walk into that room and you take that room over,
well, then you better see somebody to work on that. Well,
how do you do that? Then that's a good question. That's my next
point. Somebody who does not feel worth loving, worthy of love, how
do you get them to flip the switch? How do you convince them that
where everybody is in some way worth loving? Well, if I said,
if I said on this podcast, how about seeing a therapist? Yeah,
I know, and then a lot of people are like, I can't afford
a therapist, Okay, I can't afford it. Then read my book.
I mean there are millions of self help out there, and it's easier than
ever. There's more information out there. You can watch YouTube videos. You
can, yes, if you don't want to read a book, if you're
not a reader, watch YouTube videos to do whatever it takes for you to
get out of what you consider yourself in your comfort zone. Because a lot
of people are scared of the answers. Of course, they're scared to discover
why either they are unlovable or they feel unlovable. That's too scary for them.
Not everybody wants to pick up the rock and see all the bugs that
have crawled beneath it like that is a scary proposition. You have to be
ready for the answers, good or bad. When I first started going to
therapy, I was looking for a therapist that would tell me I was awesome
and when there was nothing wrong with me, stop coming to me. I
should pay you to hear me. I was looking for that in the therapist,
tough to find. Every time I walked onto a talk show. I
did all the talk shows, especially Sally Jesse Rauffayel for years and years.
Every time I would walk on somebody in who's sitting on the stage would say
oh oh she's here today. Oh my god. Because with me, you
get the truth. Yeah, no bullshit, no bill, Yeah, I
know what's the sense otherwise? And I do this in my life. I
walk my talk. I have to be my own authentic person. I spent
years in therapy too. I did everything you've done. I've done that and
more years crying on the couch, years going through all of this, and
I came out of the dark tunnel into the light, and I realized that
I can help other people, and they've got to be open to be helped.
And that's number one. All right, we are gonna cry on the
couch some more. In a minute, I gotta take a quick break because
we don't pay for things like couches and therapy. Around here, I'm with
doctor Gildacarl. We're diving into all sorts of boy and girl things. But
we will be back right after this. And we are back. And you
gave me a book a couple of weeks ago. What's the prince? Give
me the sorry? The book's around here? What's the title? Don't bet
on the Prince? What does that mean? How to have the man you
want for betting on yourself? And the interesting thing about that book, and
it became a cult, a cult book. It's interesting because I based it
on business principles. Now I'm very heavily into Sun Sue The Art of War,
and I write everything with that in mind because the true objective I need
to read the Art of War to have better relationships. Yes, absolutely,
because m detective. Oh, the true objective of war is peace right and
people don't realize that. And that's what I want to get across to everybody,
to understand that you are not put on this earth to be fighting and
arguing and everything. I met this guy who had a mentality like a fifteen
year old teenage boy. Everything anybody said to him was no, and he
dug his heels into the sand with each statement, and everybody else made his
default it was always no, and he didn't even realize that. And I
said, my god, you're like my fifteen year old, my former fifteen
year old stepson, who would say no automatically. And think about that.
You have to hear your own words. That is very very important. Leave
a tape recorder on as you talk to people on the telephone. Here,
the way you react here, the way you emote or not emote. That's
very that's a really good point. And I know that in the studio.
A lot of people, you know, do podcasts and they haven't quite heard
their voice for the first time, and the like is that how I sound?
Or they'll listen to it and let's say, oh I say almelot I
say like a lot like people don't know their tone in regular conversation. They
certainly don't know their tone or their words when emotion is involved, and they
don't know how things might be getting across, and they don't know how they're
They sometimes imagine that they said certain things or said certain things in a certain
way, and the other person is like, that is not what I got
out of that at all. Well, one of the tricks in order to
be sure that you're that the other person is hearing that what you are saying
is to ask the person to reiterate what you said, tod, did I
say that right? Put it? Put yourself out there as somebody who needs
correcting, and say, did I say that right? Did that come out
right? What did you hear me say? And let that person feed it
back to you. That could have been I know you're right, and in
a perfect world that works, but that could lead to a fight when they're
repeating it back and I'm like, oh my god, that's not what you're
not listening to me. Yeah, I understand. I've had girlfriends say to
me one time, I only kind of half listen to everything from anybody.
I go, that's really frustrating. When that's going to be frustrating in business
or personal that you're kind of hearing every third word, Like there's important matters
that you have to be present for and you have to absorb, and you
do have to hit back the ping pong ball to the other person to let
them know that you're at least you don't have to agree with it, but
you do have to receive it right. Listening is the nicest thing you can
do for somebody, and we don't. We are not a good listening culture.
We're horrible. As a matter of fact, I've done a lot of
corporate training. I've done I do a lot. I continue to do a
lot of media training, and it has to do with listening to the other
side before you respond. But in this crazy culture, until you get your
chance to speak, you're not happy. I know. So it's a matter
of okay when will this person shut up so I can get my two says?
I tell them it's not right. I tell them men all the time.
She doesn't need to be right, but she does need to be heard
bingo, And that is sometimes hard for people to understand. It's like you
have to let her. There could be reasons why she feels or thinks or
says certain things a certain way that have absolutely nothing to do with you.
It probably don't, Probably don't. You just have to hear her. That
is really important to her, a lot more than it is to men.
The men do want to be right. I don't want you to hear me
unless you think I'm right. You know, it's a waste. That's a
problem. I know that's another problem. Ye, that's chapter three. What
is the first Take therapy out of it for a second, but the first
I think the big picture answers always lie out your comfort zone. I think
you have to take chances and another that's hard. As a first step.
The first step is what getting comfortable having conversations with other people without romantic intent?
No, no, what is it? First step is to know yourself,
know what you're comfortable with, know what makes you uncomfortable, and be
able to accept all of that. The list of what makes people uncomfortable or
they don't like, they've thought about much more than what makes them comfortable.
And culture people don't take the time to think about what they like because halfway
through that meditative exercise they're like, accept that one guy who did this,
and then it turns into the negative. So you have to think positively,
well, what do I want to get out of my day? What do
I want to get out of this encounter? What do I want to get
this relationship? And sort of start slow, set some achievable goals right the
old you know, you got to make the bed, get something accomplished.
I think the best thing that everybody can do before they go to sleep every
single night is think what one thing was the best thing that happened today?
What are the three best things that happened today? What I learned today?
Yeah, what did I learn today? You know, we would be better
writing these things down. We would so that we are not angry when we
wake up. You know, people tell me all the time, watching the
news at night makes me crazy. I can't I get angry. I got
so upset. Right, Well, don't watch the news. That's all negative
stuff. I've been in the media for years and years and so have you,
and you know, when it bleeds, it leads, right, and
that's all they care about. They're interested in selling shock. Leave your day
with some positivity. Yeah. I know someone who before she goes to bed,
she has to swipe on twenty people online to get twenty matches. And
I'm like, why, First of all, you're stim laying your brain online.
But I'm goa go, I go, do you need to go to
bed with validation? Is that what you need to know that you're still attractive
at the end of the day. And she's like, yeah, I just
need to know that, like it helps me understand that somebody might like me.
I go, they don't. They just think you're attracted. I don't
know about that. And I'm like, this is there's a got to be
a better way, and there's a book for that. I'm worth loving.
Here's why. Okay, but you said something on your one of your podcasts
that was fascinating to me, and it was so insightful and for a man
with therapy obviously who knew what he was talking about. You said, have
your bad paraphrase, have your man stand in front of you for protection,
on the side of you for love, behind you for belief. Yes,
that was a pretty good paraphrase. Yeah, that was right. And I
tell three things that he can do. Okay, Yeah, in front of
her for protection, beside her for love, love, and behind her to
believe. What how does the belief come into play. It means that I
think you're good enough in whatever you're doing. A lot of times your partner,
man, woman, whatever that is, needs to know. I think
it's easier to find somebody to love you than to believe in you. And
that is the rarest thing, you know. I think I have probably had
a I don't know, on a good day, a dozen people probably love
me. I think I've had two people in my whole life, career,
whatever that I can say without any equivocation. They believed in me, and
they changed my life, and they made me feel better about myself, and
they did more for me than anybody. I think people are desperately looking for
that outside of their nuclear family. They are looking for somebody to really believe
that they are good enough, positive enough, talented enough, whatever is you
need. And so she's like, I'm going to go start this business.
I am going to go run this half marathon? You letting her know that
I believe in you and I stand behind you in every all of your endeavors,
rather than saying why are you doing that? That's a waste of time.
What do you need to do that for? Aren't you busy bringing people
down? And a lot of partners that are We're in been in a relationship
a long time. I can say this to somebody because we've been married for
fifteen years. None. No, no, no, no, no no.
They need to know that if they have imagination or a whim or a
passion or a curiosity to do something, that you need to support that.
And that is really important to me because I've been in this business a very
long time. I've changed my advice to people over the years, and I
had a nonprofit for homeless female veterans. They taught me a lot. They
taught me what they say in battle is I have your six got you six
and six meaning twelve six, I got your back. Oh. And now
my whole thing with people who I advise is does he have your back?
Does she have your back? This is essential And I even wrote a book
by fall Will You Catch Me? That is so important. I wrote this
book called Don't Lie on your Back for a guy who doesn't have yours?
Crappy English, but man, that book is selling like crazy. I know
it's because it's a good thing, because yeah, if if don't lie on
your back for somebody who doesn't have your back, and that's whether your male
or female. And I originally created a book for young women because as the
love doc on MTV, I was hearing again and again and again, well
he did this, and he did this, and then he dumped me,
and I said, well, what did you give him? Well he's left
together. I said, whoa, what did you get back? And what's
wrong with anybody saying with them? What's in it for me? Right?
Oh, well I can't do that. Oh yes you can, Yes you
can. You should do that. I do that in business situations and he
kind of wants to know what you want in return, like set bars,
you know, set the bar here you boundaries? Yeah, I agree with
you. There are no boundaries. And that's one of the changes that has
occurred right now. No boundaries. Oh, I'll do whatever he wants.
And I hear from women who are getting divorced again and again, but I
gave him everything he wanted. I said, Bingo, that's what you did
wrong. I know. I talk a lot on the show about the blurring
of traditional gender roles when it comes to dating and how much that screwed things
up. Nobody's leading. We don't ask each other out. I can't pick
you up. The chivalry's dead. We make the same amount of money on
that kind of thing. Who pays it. It's so screwed because biologically,
I think we still are wired a certain way. Societally we may have changed,
but you know, on a date, I still think we're boys and
girls, and I still think he wants to be the man, and you
have to allow him to. You have to dial back that masculine energy sometimes,
even though it's hard for you because you want to protect yourself and you
have to allow him to be what he's wiring. What are you protecting yourself
from? I don't want to be weak. You know, if I go
hold the door for ten women, five will been like, I don't need
you to do that. Oh my god, somebody held the door for me.
It was very luxurious. I walked right through. It was awesome.
I'm like, why would the women not like this? You don't have to
touch anything super No. I think, well, society, whatever society is
today, maybe dictating certain mores that don't work with the wiring that we have.
I think that people have got to catch up with that. Take,
for example, the millennial cop the millennial couple of the year of the century,
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey. Take that couple. Now they would know
how woke works. He pursued her and in a woke culture that would not
happen. Yeah, he did it, and he tried again and again,
and he tried to get give her his number through many different sources. And
if not for Jason Sudeikis, who what played matchmaker, that may never have
happened. So but he and he let it be known. And he's not
afraid of letting it be known, and she was not afraid of letting him
take the lead. And if you see them out together, he is and
he's a big guy. It does help, but he's every bit the protect
her. He physically is playing that role. She's traditionally dated a lot of
these sort of emo poet boys and actors and musicians and props to them,
but they were in the same energy as her. And I I think that's
part of why there's ultimately probably some disappointment in that because you're just expecting something
that they're not giving. This is probably outside of her comfort zone. I'm
not saying it's gonna work out. I'm not saying it is, but at
least it has a shot to shake up her snow globe a little bit and
see if anything's different. You know, I think it's wonderful. I think
it's wonderful to watch. I hope they do well, and I hope they
walk into the sunset happily ever after they do. Give me one thing that
if you had a five hundred women here and you had to tell the women,
this is what you need to change or do better, and the I'm
gonna ask you the same thing for the men. If you had a room
full of women and you had to just been like, listen, collectively,
you need to do this. What take a chance? That's a good answer.
That's the comfort zone thing, Dad, chair certainly is get outside that
comfort zone, because the comfort zone is a myth. You know how to
spell that? My? Yeah, my. One of the famous things I
always say is that you need to get rid of the words not my type.
If you're over thirty, that's a whole other thing. You're ever thirty
and you're still single, you have no type. Type's not working out for
you. That's it, Okay, it has your This is what when when
people say to me, well, that's not my type, Well, how
has that worked? Oh? All those ex boyfriends, they weren't your type
either. You know. There's this matchmaking company and I won't name names,
but they ask their clients to bring in pictures of their exes so they know
what they liked. I'm like, that is the opposite of what you should
be doing. That is everything that didn't work out. I agree, all
right, same exercise for the for the men. One of my guildagrams for
men, you will never be loved if you can't risk being disliked. Oh
that's pretty good. I never saw you so silent. That's very profound.
I had to absorb that. That's really good. Feels like something I would
say, but I didn't say. That could be something. It feels like
fruit of my tree. That's good though. I like that. Thank you.
People don't want to rip. That's the risk on that side. You
don't want that. A man told me that he feels very comfortable texting because
it's safe. Yeah, safe from what we all. And that's a problem.
That's the biggest problem in twenty twenty four. We hide behind our electronics.
We need some we're so afree to approach each other face to face anymore.
Wait, I don't know you. Why you're talking to me? What
do you want from me? It's such a weird energy. Men back in
the fifties used to have to get up, walk across the floor, introduce
themselves, and then ask her to dance, and then dance with her.
You think it's hard now, that was hard. I was living in New
York standing looking into some beautiful window on Madison Avenue, not even turning around.
I was really enthralled with this window. Guy comes up behind me.
And in New York you wouldn't let that out now, But okay, guy
comes behind me. He says, see anything you like without even turning around.
I said, are you buying? And I turned around. He was
cute and he was a nice lawyer and went around. And I was a
teacher in the South Bronx during those days, and it was great. It
was great fun, and I felt safe enough to respond to him. But
he felt safe enough to take the risk with some unknown woman who's just standing
there. Yeah, did you grow up in New York? Yes, that
isn't a little bit of advantage because New Yorkers are not afraid to show personality.
Sometimes. Well, I don't know what it is today anymore. I
don't know what it is today anymore, but back then, I I have
that I had a wonderful life in New York. All Right, we're gonna
let you plug all your books and stuff in a second. But I know
you don't like to get too personal. But one thing we play with our
guests on this podcast is we play something called worst date or first date.
So you have to think back to either the worst date you've ever had in
your life or the best first date you've ever had in your life, your
choice. That's so hard for me because I make everything into a good date.
Okay, you know, is there a date that you turned around?
Then well if I turn it around, then I'm his therapist, and I
don't want to do that, so I don't. I mean, if something
is objectionable to me, I will hold on to that and see if there's
a pattern too that, and then I will decide what I'm going to do,
so I need to go out with him a few times. That's very
good advice. Somebody might just make a mistake or they be nervous and they
spilled that wine on you. I think if it was something flammable, it
probably of the road. But something like I think that's good advice, Like
give it a chance to work through the ick and get into a rhythm.
You know, well, listen, I too have my barriers. We all
have our barriers. Let's accept that and say put that aside and give this
guy an opportunity. Is it intimidating to date you knowing what you do?
Well, you just hit that nail on the head pretty well, all right,
it's gotta be right every time. Every time I say it to somebody,
well, I'm a relationship expert. Oh or they probably said like,
well, how does it working out for you? They always want to put
that card on Oh please, Well, I've had many really, I've been
marry, divorced, living with people. I mean, you know, it
takes a lot of relationship talent to get out of a bad relationship as to
get and a good one. People underestimate that just because you've been with the
same person for fifty years doesn't mean that that's the right move. You maybe
should have pulled the shoot at at thirty and got into a better relationship.
Doesn't mean that that was the right relationship for me today. It might have
been. It is, you grow together and whatever. But some people are
together out of habit comfort, yeah, and or fear. A lot of
people stay together out of fear. Most people these days, they're terrified.
They think it's a game of musical chairs and they won't get a seat ever
again. Again, this is fine, this is good, that's good.
All right, that's where all we've around. Loving yourself, capital lie all
the way. How many books do you have? Is it like naming nineteen
children? It'll be hard. They're all very different. I give three books
that they should pick up of yours. It depends upon where their head is
at. Don't bet on the princes is I mean that was the first and
then then it became a cult. Especially now. Don't lie on your back
for a guy who doesn't have yours. And I also wrote a couple of
business books, one up Strategies. Business schools don't teach because I teach at
a business school. Well, there you go. There are crossovers in business
and level everybody we have life lessons Like I always tell people you want to
get good at business, or you want to get good at dating, Take
and improv class. Oh I agree, because life is improv Yes, and
in a moment being able to be something else or reveal something else, or
try something else. This is such a valuable skill. Oh, you're so
right. I know this was fun. This wasn't too painful? Was it
painful? No? You're a pleasure. Okay, see hear that. Great
Love listeners. They can follow you where doctor Gilda dot com. Yep,
doctor Gilda dot com. See that wasn't so hard as far as us like
share, follow Please review this podcast. After ten years of doing this,
your reviews still mean a lot in the podcasting ecosystem. Shoot us an email
Great Love Debate at gmail dot com. If you've got questions, thoughts,
comments for me, Doctor Gilda will pass them along. We're gonna have her
back. Obviously, she's got a lot more. There's a lot more to
bite off this apple. She's got a lot more things to say. Go
to Great Lovedebate dot com are live tour schedule. I can't promise how many
shows I'm doing. But I definitely have some of the books because people are
calling and they're saying, oh, you're doing more shows. You got to
come to New York and do a show. And I just might because,
as always at the Great Love Debate, we never stopped making love. See
you next time, the Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate,
the Great Love Debate, It's the Great love to be