WEBVTT 1 00:00:02.799 --> 00:00:06.280 Hey, what's up? And welcome back to another episode of the Straight Shooter 2 00:00:06.400 --> 00:00:10.279 Recruiter Podcast. It is your host, your girl, your bestie, Emily 3 00:00:10.359 --> 00:00:15.800 Durham aka Emily the Recruiter on social media, and this is the only show 4 00:00:15.919 --> 00:00:19.519 designed to help you thrive in your nine to five and beyond. You might 5 00:00:19.559 --> 00:00:22.600 be wondering, Emily, baby, what makes you qualified to do this? 6 00:00:22.719 --> 00:00:25.839 Will? Let me tell you. I've been a recruiter for over seven years, 7 00:00:25.839 --> 00:00:29.600 which is absolutely bananas. I feel like I just started yesterday. But 8 00:00:29.719 --> 00:00:33.920 I'm also a writer at Canadian Business. I've been featured in Forbes, BBC. 9 00:00:34.119 --> 00:00:38.240 We've got a community of just under Emilion across all of my social platforms, 10 00:00:38.240 --> 00:00:40.840 so it's kind of a big deal. I know what I'm talking about, 11 00:00:40.880 --> 00:00:44.640 and my passion is helping you unlock the next level of your life. 12 00:00:44.840 --> 00:00:49.240 And today's episode, Babe, I'm awfully passionate about. You want to know 13 00:00:49.320 --> 00:00:53.479 why. It's because it's a whole laundry list of things I wish somebody would 14 00:00:53.479 --> 00:00:57.159 have told me earlier in my life. And a lot of these things pertained 15 00:00:57.159 --> 00:01:00.679 to career, but a lot of them can also be applied basically in every 16 00:01:00.679 --> 00:01:03.159 other facet of your life. So if you are younger than me, even 17 00:01:03.239 --> 00:01:07.200 if you are older than me and there is still some learning, some growing 18 00:01:07.239 --> 00:01:10.519 to do, this is probably an episode you want to make a coffee for, 19 00:01:10.719 --> 00:01:12.200 perhaps some margharita. I'm not here to judge you. I don't care 20 00:01:12.200 --> 00:01:15.840 what time of date is, Bettie. You just need to sit down and 21 00:01:15.879 --> 00:01:18.879 listen, because this is some shit that is straight up going to change your 22 00:01:18.879 --> 00:01:21.680 life. So don't forget to leave a rating, don't forget to subscribe to 23 00:01:21.719 --> 00:01:23.120 the show. Let's get into it. And if you're looking at my off 24 00:01:23.120 --> 00:01:26.560 the clock T shirt, if you're watching this in video format on YouTube and 25 00:01:26.599 --> 00:01:30.280 you're thinking to yourself, damn, that's a sick T shirt, yes it 26 00:01:30.359 --> 00:01:33.280 is. It's also a part of my merch line because I really wanted to 27 00:01:33.319 --> 00:01:36.519 create merch that didn't feel like merch. It was just some like fun, 28 00:01:36.599 --> 00:01:40.079 cool stuff you could wear to the office after work with your friends, whatever 29 00:01:40.120 --> 00:01:42.439 you plan on doing. This is probably my favorite piece from the collection. 30 00:01:42.519 --> 00:01:47.120 I absolutely I'm obsessed with the black stitching. So anyways, if you're keen 31 00:01:47.159 --> 00:01:49.799 on shopping the merch, the link for that is in the description of both 32 00:01:49.799 --> 00:01:52.959 the pod and the YouTube video, and I had to mention it because this 33 00:01:53.000 --> 00:01:55.519 is a one woman show. This episode is sponsored by me Babe, so 34 00:01:55.760 --> 00:01:57.799 support a small business. The first thing I need you to do is probably 35 00:01:57.799 --> 00:02:00.920 going to be the hardest. I need you to accept that you are probably 36 00:02:00.959 --> 00:02:05.760 not the smartest person in any given room that you walk into. In fact, 37 00:02:05.799 --> 00:02:07.639 I would argue, if you think you're the smartest person in the room, 38 00:02:08.000 --> 00:02:12.080 you're probably not the smartest person in the room, because there is always 39 00:02:12.080 --> 00:02:15.840 something to learn from someone around you. But that's actually not even why I'm 40 00:02:15.879 --> 00:02:19.719 giving you this advice, because that's too corny. I think when we're younger, 41 00:02:19.840 --> 00:02:23.360 we're raised to be told that when you work hard and you're very intelligent, 42 00:02:23.439 --> 00:02:25.800 you are going to succeed in life. That it's always the smartest person 43 00:02:25.840 --> 00:02:30.560 who gets the job, it's the smartest person who becomes CEO. But it's 44 00:02:30.599 --> 00:02:34.879 actually not always the most intelligent person. It's often the most liked person. 45 00:02:35.159 --> 00:02:38.680 It's the most emotionally intelligent person, and in many ways, it's usually the 46 00:02:38.680 --> 00:02:43.360 most privileged person who tends to excel. And there's so many other things that 47 00:02:43.360 --> 00:02:46.759 we could dive into because of that. But the second that you let go 48 00:02:46.840 --> 00:02:49.759 of the mindset that you need to be the smartest in order to be the 49 00:02:49.759 --> 00:02:53.800 most successful. Is when you will become the most successful. Once you release 50 00:02:53.879 --> 00:02:58.240 the need to be the most intelligent and frankly like the know it all of 51 00:02:58.280 --> 00:03:00.960 the group or the know it all of the room you're in, You're going 52 00:03:00.960 --> 00:03:04.400 to focus your efforts and your energy on something else. So you cannot be 53 00:03:04.439 --> 00:03:07.520 the smartest, but be the most of something else. For me, personally, 54 00:03:07.599 --> 00:03:12.360 I always aim to be the most like, compassionate, the most outgoing. 55 00:03:12.639 --> 00:03:15.800 I always joke at work that I'm a personality higher, but I really 56 00:03:15.840 --> 00:03:17.800 mean that. I know I'm not the most intelligent person. In fact, 57 00:03:17.879 --> 00:03:22.080 I would argue, like academically, if you lined up my whole team and 58 00:03:22.120 --> 00:03:24.879 I, I am probably the least intelligent, like from a book smarts perspective, 59 00:03:24.919 --> 00:03:29.759 one thousand percent. But one thing I know I excel at is making 60 00:03:29.759 --> 00:03:34.400 people feel included, and it's also elements of creativity and communication, like those 61 00:03:34.400 --> 00:03:37.199 are the things I do really well. But when I was younger, I 62 00:03:37.240 --> 00:03:39.439 was convinced that I had to be the smartest, so I was fixated on 63 00:03:39.479 --> 00:03:44.199 getting perfect grades and like I wanted an NBA. There was just so many 64 00:03:44.240 --> 00:03:49.000 things that I thought were important that ultimately weren't in the cards for me. 65 00:03:49.080 --> 00:03:53.400 Like I was never going to be a one hundred percent GPA girly. That 66 00:03:53.479 --> 00:03:55.520 was never going to be me. And the second I let go of that, 67 00:03:55.599 --> 00:04:00.400 I started putting my energy into this stuff I was actually good at and 68 00:04:00.479 --> 00:04:03.800 that's what propelled my career. So give up on being the most academic or 69 00:04:03.879 --> 00:04:08.960 most intelligent person in the room and focus on what your actual skills are and 70 00:04:09.080 --> 00:04:12.080 invest in those, because those are the ones that are going to take your 71 00:04:12.080 --> 00:04:15.240 career and your personal life and your relationships to the next level. Also on 72 00:04:15.279 --> 00:04:18.560 the whole, like smarts and intelligent thing, there is nothing that's going to 73 00:04:18.600 --> 00:04:24.279 hold you back more than having no ability to recognize when you're wrong. Obviously, 74 00:04:24.560 --> 00:04:27.360 Obviously, what do I say like that? I always every episode, 75 00:04:27.399 --> 00:04:30.600 every single episode, I release something where I say a word that doesn't exist. 76 00:04:30.639 --> 00:04:33.759 Obviously, who is that? Who is she? Anyways? Obviously being 77 00:04:33.800 --> 00:04:38.439 able to admit when you are wrong is important at work. However, think 78 00:04:38.439 --> 00:04:42.519 of your personal life. I think back to my relationships when I was twenty 79 00:04:42.519 --> 00:04:45.639 one or twenty two, and the amount of times that the guys I would 80 00:04:45.720 --> 00:04:46.879 date at the time would say, hey, you're wrong, and I would 81 00:04:46.959 --> 00:04:50.560 be like, absolutely not, I'm never wrong. What are you talking about? 82 00:04:50.639 --> 00:04:55.120 It would turn into a big fight. It was something over absolutely nothing. 83 00:04:55.360 --> 00:04:59.279 The ability to introspect and adit when you're wrong is important, and that's 84 00:04:59.319 --> 00:05:02.199 also a skill that is going to help you get interviews and help you get 85 00:05:02.279 --> 00:05:06.240 hired in the future. One of the number one things I hear when I'm 86 00:05:06.240 --> 00:05:12.000 interviewing candidates is that they bullshit their answers. Like I can tell when you're 87 00:05:12.000 --> 00:05:15.839 making something up. It's literally my job. I would much rather you say, 88 00:05:15.920 --> 00:05:17.279 you know what. I don't know the answer to that, but here's 89 00:05:17.319 --> 00:05:20.199 how I'm going to get it. And the second you allow yourself to do 90 00:05:20.240 --> 00:05:24.439 that, people see you as more honest, they see you as having higher 91 00:05:24.480 --> 00:05:28.600 integrity. It makes them more likely to enjoy working with you, and therefore 92 00:05:28.759 --> 00:05:30.879 more likely to get you ahead. I don't care if that sounds manipulative. 93 00:05:30.920 --> 00:05:33.279 It's a game. Capitalism is a game, and I just want you to 94 00:05:33.319 --> 00:05:36.600 win. If I could go back in time and have somebody sit down with 95 00:05:36.639 --> 00:05:41.319 my nineteen year old self and tell her that if that person is not making 96 00:05:41.319 --> 00:05:44.839 me grow, they're actually holding me back in my life, I'm convinced I 97 00:05:44.839 --> 00:05:46.720 would be like a CEO a president. I think I would be on to 98 00:05:46.920 --> 00:05:51.839 some big and potentially even better things. And I didn't realize how detrimental it 99 00:05:51.879 --> 00:05:55.959 can be to keep people in your life just for the sake of convenience. 100 00:05:56.399 --> 00:06:00.600 Just because that person has been your friend for fifteen years does mean they should 101 00:06:00.639 --> 00:06:03.279 have been. If you are walking away from a certain hangout or from a 102 00:06:03.279 --> 00:06:08.600 certain relationship and you're constantly feeling like you have to shrink yourself, or like 103 00:06:08.639 --> 00:06:11.680 you have to dull your light, or like you really have to work, 104 00:06:11.800 --> 00:06:14.360 do you know what I'm saying? Like you know that feeling when you show 105 00:06:14.439 --> 00:06:16.839 up to hang out with a friend and you have to proactively think of topics 106 00:06:16.839 --> 00:06:23.160 of conversation. You need to almost like lower yourself to get on their level. 107 00:06:23.199 --> 00:06:26.120 And I don't mean that in a condescending way, but you almost need 108 00:06:26.160 --> 00:06:29.680 to hide your accomplishments or the things that are important to you in order to 109 00:06:29.720 --> 00:06:32.160 make them comfortable. I'm here to let you know that that's not normal, 110 00:06:32.240 --> 00:06:36.000 and just because that has been the norm doesn't mean that it should be. 111 00:06:36.319 --> 00:06:40.199 And I know, at least for me, it felt like you know, 112 00:06:40.240 --> 00:06:44.959 there's no harm in keeping that friendship or that relationship. And sometimes that's true. 113 00:06:45.199 --> 00:06:47.120 But I'm a big believer in if you have seven days in a week, 114 00:06:47.360 --> 00:06:49.680 five days of those are working. Let's pretend you go to the gym, 115 00:06:49.759 --> 00:06:51.800 you go home, you're not doing anything. So you have two three 116 00:06:51.839 --> 00:06:55.360 days a week. You're going to give one of those days, let's say 117 00:06:55.399 --> 00:06:59.839 your Sunday to this group of friends. That isn't making you feel smarter, 118 00:07:00.040 --> 00:07:03.000 it isn't making you feel more confident, it's not making you feel great about 119 00:07:03.040 --> 00:07:08.199 yourself, you're not feeling challenged. That's a big chunk of your free time 120 00:07:08.199 --> 00:07:12.399 that you're donating to a group of people or to a thing that isn't making 121 00:07:12.399 --> 00:07:15.319 you a better person. And once you eliminate that, it literally forces you 122 00:07:15.360 --> 00:07:19.480 to put yourself in new positions. Because I kind of straight up grew apart 123 00:07:19.560 --> 00:07:23.920 from a group of friends several years ago, and at first I was kind 124 00:07:23.920 --> 00:07:27.279 of thinking I was an idiot for letting that friendship go, because I was 125 00:07:27.319 --> 00:07:29.000 like, oh my god, who am I going to hang out with? 126 00:07:29.319 --> 00:07:32.040 But that actually forced me to put myself out there. More like that forced 127 00:07:32.079 --> 00:07:35.319 me to go to different events, to go meet different people, to ask 128 00:07:35.399 --> 00:07:39.319 someone to go out for a drink with me after work, and it helped 129 00:07:39.319 --> 00:07:43.160 me curate a group of friends that are aligned to my life and my goals. 130 00:07:43.600 --> 00:07:46.040 But if the people in your life aren't able to say yes, you 131 00:07:46.079 --> 00:07:49.759 are amazing and rally behind you, or alternatively tell you, hey, I 132 00:07:49.800 --> 00:07:53.839 know you thought you did something there. I think you need to reevaluate. 133 00:07:53.920 --> 00:07:56.959 I think you need to grow from this. Those aren't real friends and they 134 00:07:57.000 --> 00:07:59.879 are holding you back, and you are supposed to walk away from all of 135 00:07:59.879 --> 00:08:03.759 your friendships feeling excited. The same goes for work, the same goes for 136 00:08:03.839 --> 00:08:07.000 relationships. The second you stop growing is the second you need to start going. 137 00:08:07.279 --> 00:08:09.839 I should put that shit on a T shirt. I wish so badly 138 00:08:09.959 --> 00:08:15.160 I had the ability to detach from the outcome. I don't know why. 139 00:08:15.319 --> 00:08:18.879 I just tormented myself by being so obsessed with the outcomes of the things that 140 00:08:18.920 --> 00:08:22.199 I did. If I went to the gym, it was so I would 141 00:08:22.279 --> 00:08:26.240 leave being like twenty two pounds soaking wet with the fat ass. If I 142 00:08:26.279 --> 00:08:28.879 went on a date, it's because that man had to be my husband. 143 00:08:28.079 --> 00:08:31.639 If I applied to that job, it's because I had to get it. 144 00:08:31.879 --> 00:08:35.559 I put so much pressure on the outcome of the things that I did that 145 00:08:35.679 --> 00:08:39.960 I didn't even give myself a chance to learn from the experience. I don't 146 00:08:39.960 --> 00:08:41.600 even think that sounds corny. I know you might be thinking that's corny. 147 00:08:41.679 --> 00:08:46.240 But if you go into every single work experience saying, Okay, I need 148 00:08:46.279 --> 00:08:50.279 to execute this perfectly and I need to get promoted, chances are you're putting 149 00:08:50.279 --> 00:08:54.039 too much pressure on yourself and it's going to impact your performance. You're not 150 00:08:54.120 --> 00:08:56.279 going to get the outcome that you want, and you're so focused on the 151 00:08:56.399 --> 00:09:01.519 end goal you're not even learning in the journey. This like especially brain true 152 00:09:01.559 --> 00:09:05.600 for me early in my career because I was so obsessed with getting promoted, 153 00:09:05.679 --> 00:09:09.240 like it was a disease. I would wake up promotion, promotion, promotion. 154 00:09:09.440 --> 00:09:13.159 It's great to be proactive, it's great to know what you want, 155 00:09:13.360 --> 00:09:16.200 but I kind of stopped living in the moment, and that really actually held 156 00:09:16.200 --> 00:09:20.720 me back in a lot of ways because I didn't take on opportunities to learn 157 00:09:20.799 --> 00:09:24.000 on the spot. But even dating wise, oh my god, Like especially 158 00:09:24.080 --> 00:09:28.960 dating wise, I used to go on dates and I would categorize men in 159 00:09:28.000 --> 00:09:31.679 my head, like I'd go on a date and if that guy wasn't my 160 00:09:31.759 --> 00:09:33.639 husband out gone? I don't want to see him, I don't want to 161 00:09:33.639 --> 00:09:37.039 talk to him. What if that person could have been a great friend. 162 00:09:37.320 --> 00:09:41.200 What if that could have been a potential like networking, business connection. What 163 00:09:41.279 --> 00:09:43.639 if that person I don't know ended up being my neighbor one day. I 164 00:09:43.720 --> 00:09:48.000 just think it's so limiting to walk into things with expectations. It doesn't mean 165 00:09:48.039 --> 00:09:52.720 that we shouldn't work hard, because obviously that's super important, but you need 166 00:09:52.759 --> 00:09:56.840 to give yourself permission to just do the thing without the obsession about the outcome 167 00:09:56.919 --> 00:10:01.240 of the thing. Hi, bestie, I'm going to need you to let 168 00:10:01.279 --> 00:10:03.759 go of how you look, because I know how you look when you're twenty 169 00:10:03.759 --> 00:10:07.200 one matters a lot. It determines what person wants to ask you on a 170 00:10:07.279 --> 00:10:11.960 date. It determines what club is going to let you in. It determines 171 00:10:11.000 --> 00:10:16.120 whether or not you feel like an Instagram battie. Let me teach you something. 172 00:10:16.399 --> 00:10:18.600 Your looks are going to fade, babe. And I know you know 173 00:10:18.679 --> 00:10:22.240 that conceptually, but your looks will fade. You will no longer be twenty 174 00:10:22.240 --> 00:10:26.679 one, You will no longer have the metabolism you have. You will no 175 00:10:26.759 --> 00:10:30.480 longer have the energy you have in forty years, in fifty years, whatever 176 00:10:30.519 --> 00:10:33.639 it is. If your looks and your appearance are the most interesting thing about 177 00:10:33.679 --> 00:10:37.600 you right now, make yourself more interesting. Go find a hobby that makes 178 00:10:37.639 --> 00:10:41.960 you feel good about who you are. I would actually take this a step 179 00:10:41.000 --> 00:10:46.320 further and invest in your confidence coming from within. Like if you close your 180 00:10:46.320 --> 00:10:50.480 eyes and could never see yourself again, or never had a concept of what 181 00:10:50.519 --> 00:10:52.759 you looked like to other people or through the eyes of other people, would 182 00:10:52.799 --> 00:10:56.360 you still be confident? Like? Are you confident because you see yourself as 183 00:10:56.399 --> 00:11:01.799 conventionally attractive? Or are you confident because you love the person you are? 184 00:11:01.960 --> 00:11:05.879 Who you are, how you make other people feel your academics Like, there's 185 00:11:05.919 --> 00:11:09.000 so many things I would rather you invest in that aren't your looks, Because 186 00:11:09.200 --> 00:11:13.639 in thirty years, if your looks were the most interesting thing about you when 187 00:11:13.639 --> 00:11:16.440 you were nineteen, you are in for a very uneventful life. Was that 188 00:11:16.480 --> 00:11:20.720 harsh? I don't know if I care, because I love you. Tough 189 00:11:20.799 --> 00:11:24.000 love sometimes needs to happen. Okay, that's just that's what it is. 190 00:11:26.279 --> 00:11:28.200 Oh. I was just reading my notes of what this last one is, 191 00:11:28.360 --> 00:11:33.080 and I'm so passionate about this last one because I really think this is this 192 00:11:33.159 --> 00:11:37.240 is the point that changed my life. And if you're listening to the show, 193 00:11:37.240 --> 00:11:39.720 and maybe you don't follow me on other social media. When I first 194 00:11:39.759 --> 00:11:45.519 started this podcast three years ago, it was completely unintentional for it to grow. 195 00:11:46.080 --> 00:11:48.960 It was just not a part of my plan. I created the podcast 196 00:11:48.039 --> 00:11:52.840 because I was having students fail interviews, and I started recording interview tips. 197 00:11:52.879 --> 00:11:56.799 And I know, obviously the show has evolved quite a bit. That's the 198 00:11:56.840 --> 00:12:00.639 beauty of it and that's what I love about this show. But I would 199 00:12:00.639 --> 00:12:03.879 send the podcast to students in advance of interviews, and within a month it 200 00:12:03.919 --> 00:12:09.519 was the number one trending careers podcast in North America. And that's the moment 201 00:12:09.559 --> 00:12:11.799 I realized, dam should I start posting on Instagram, on TikTok? Like 202 00:12:11.799 --> 00:12:16.720 should I start doing YouTube? All of these things? And that really changed 203 00:12:16.799 --> 00:12:20.039 my life and changed my career. It's like it changed everything for me. 204 00:12:20.519 --> 00:12:26.360 But the reason I think that started to happen is I started envisioning who my 205 00:12:26.480 --> 00:12:28.679 ideal self was. This is going to sound a little hippie dippy, a 206 00:12:28.720 --> 00:12:33.399 little like MANIFESTI I don't care, just like stick with me. I want 207 00:12:33.480 --> 00:12:35.879 you to take out a piece of paper, your iPad, I don't know, 208 00:12:35.960 --> 00:12:39.440 whatever you like, to write down on and make a list with very 209 00:12:39.480 --> 00:12:43.039 specific details of how your ideal self shows up on a given day, on 210 00:12:43.039 --> 00:12:46.480 a Tuesday, on a Wednesday, I don't care what it is. And 211 00:12:46.559 --> 00:12:48.759 I remember when I first started the podcast, I was asking myself, like 212 00:12:50.120 --> 00:12:52.120 what do I want to get out of this, Like what is my end 213 00:12:52.120 --> 00:12:56.200 goal here? Because I was in such a state of flux, like I 214 00:12:56.279 --> 00:12:58.519 was just overwhelmed. I didn't know if I should invest in a show. 215 00:12:58.559 --> 00:13:03.039 I just I didn't have a concept of where this was going, if anywhere 216 00:13:03.080 --> 00:13:07.200 at all. So I tried to write down what does Emily's dream life look 217 00:13:07.240 --> 00:13:11.320 like? And I realized my dream life is where I'm self employed. I 218 00:13:11.320 --> 00:13:13.080 would love to be making content. I would love to be helping people. 219 00:13:13.360 --> 00:13:18.240 I'd love to show up every day like enthusiastic and empathetic and learning and all 220 00:13:18.279 --> 00:13:22.639 of these things. And I made a list of how I would behave what 221 00:13:22.679 --> 00:13:26.480 does my ideal version of myself show up as? And then I made a 222 00:13:26.519 --> 00:13:30.080 list of the tangible things I bet that girl does, like if I met 223 00:13:30.159 --> 00:13:33.440 future state Emily, Yeah, you better believe that girl's hit in the gym 224 00:13:33.480 --> 00:13:35.080 four or five days a week at a minimum. Yeah, that girl's probably 225 00:13:35.080 --> 00:13:37.480 got like a cute dog, a cute little apartment. You know, she 226 00:13:37.600 --> 00:13:41.360 probably is super nice and checks in on her friends. She's probably making dinner 227 00:13:41.399 --> 00:13:46.240 plans with her parents every couple of weekends. I made a list as granular 228 00:13:46.279 --> 00:13:48.399 as that, and then I just started doing them. Like in my head, 229 00:13:48.440 --> 00:13:52.840 I realized, Okay, if my ideal self creates content, she's probably 230 00:13:52.879 --> 00:13:56.240 posting every day. Like she's probably waking up kind of in a state of 231 00:13:56.279 --> 00:14:00.600 delusion believing that she is an influencer. Like I thought I was a creator 232 00:14:01.000 --> 00:14:03.879 before I even had ten thousand followers. I woke up and was like, 233 00:14:03.960 --> 00:14:07.480 no, I decide I have influence. And then suddenly things started coming. 234 00:14:07.679 --> 00:14:09.840 And I don't think it's because of manifestation. I mean, maybe it is, 235 00:14:09.879 --> 00:14:13.600 if you're a manifestation expert hit me off, like, let me know, 236 00:14:13.960 --> 00:14:16.639 But I genuinely believe it's because I created a to do list of the 237 00:14:16.679 --> 00:14:20.879 things that I know my future self or my ideal version of me would be 238 00:14:20.879 --> 00:14:24.759 doing, and then I just started showing up as that person. And if 239 00:14:24.799 --> 00:14:26.960 you're in school and you're like Oh my god, I'm stuck. I don't 240 00:14:28.000 --> 00:14:31.519 know what I want to do. Ask yourself, what would the ideal me 241 00:14:31.759 --> 00:14:33.519 do? Well, they're probably making their notes, they're studying, they're doing 242 00:14:33.519 --> 00:14:37.279 this, they're doing that. If you want your dream life, you honestly 243 00:14:37.320 --> 00:14:39.879 need to come to terms with the fact that you need to create your dream 244 00:14:39.919 --> 00:14:43.000 self. You're not just going to show up one day as that individual. 245 00:14:43.080 --> 00:14:48.360 Like It takes work, it takes dedication. People don't just wake up into 246 00:14:48.360 --> 00:14:50.600 the lives that they desire. They create them. And the best way to 247 00:14:50.639 --> 00:14:56.159 do that is to take an inventory if how your ideal self shows up and 248 00:14:56.279 --> 00:15:00.440 behaves, and bake that into who you are as a person. That's what 249 00:15:00.480 --> 00:15:01.320 I want you to do. Damn, I feel like I just dropped a 250 00:15:01.360 --> 00:15:05.519 lot of truth bombs. I'm going to need to hear if you agree or 251 00:15:05.519 --> 00:15:07.559 disagree with any of these. But as you know, it is time for 252 00:15:07.759 --> 00:15:11.120 Questions of the week. If you want your question answered, I always have 253 00:15:11.159 --> 00:15:16.200 a Google form linked in the description of my videos and the podcast episode where 254 00:15:16.200 --> 00:15:20.000 you can send it in. We have so many questions, like we've been 255 00:15:20.000 --> 00:15:24.080 getting hundreds and hundreds and hundreds. Please keep them coming because the show's not 256 00:15:24.120 --> 00:15:26.120 going anywhere, babe, so I'm going to be answering all of these. 257 00:15:26.159 --> 00:15:28.919 I've got a couple that I'm really excited about, so let's dive in. 258 00:15:30.000 --> 00:15:33.720 Dear Emily, I've been a stay at home parent for eighteen years. There 259 00:15:33.840 --> 00:15:37.360 is a huge gap on my resume. I am university educated and graduated in 260 00:15:37.440 --> 00:15:41.840 nineteen ninety four. My friends suggested that I omit the years on my resume 261 00:15:41.919 --> 00:15:46.039 to avoid agism. Is this correct? Do you have any advice for mothers 262 00:15:46.039 --> 00:15:50.919 returning to work after raising their families. Thank you, first of all, 263 00:15:50.960 --> 00:15:54.960 thank you for writing in. I love getting your questions and congratulations because having 264 00:15:56.039 --> 00:15:58.440 a family to raise is no joke. That is a full time job. 265 00:15:58.600 --> 00:16:03.559 So I hope no one in your life is discounting that amazing experience you have. 266 00:16:03.600 --> 00:16:06.480 It sounds like you have an awesome support system. And thank you for 267 00:16:06.600 --> 00:16:10.720 what you have done and what you do because being a mama is no joke. 268 00:16:11.240 --> 00:16:15.080 But I'm excited for you thinking about getting back into the workforce after your 269 00:16:15.159 --> 00:16:18.080 eighteen year I don't even want to call a gap because working at home is 270 00:16:18.159 --> 00:16:22.440 work. I wish it was paid labor, but it is most certainly labor. 271 00:16:22.519 --> 00:16:26.519 But anyways, let's tackle your resume question. Should you omit the years? 272 00:16:26.720 --> 00:16:30.000 My personal preference is no, do not omit the years. The reason 273 00:16:30.039 --> 00:16:33.360 for that is if you are going to work at a company that is comfortable 274 00:16:33.399 --> 00:16:37.320 discriminating based on your age or based on your experience, not only is that 275 00:16:37.360 --> 00:16:41.240 agist, but it's sexist. I don't want you to work there, like 276 00:16:41.320 --> 00:16:44.559 I don't want you to work at a company like that. Here's some advice 277 00:16:44.600 --> 00:16:47.879 though, on how you can break back in the first thing you need to 278 00:16:47.919 --> 00:16:51.759 do is understand what might have changed, Like eighteen years, even five years 279 00:16:51.799 --> 00:16:55.399 can be a lot, especially in the age of technology. It's time for 280 00:16:55.440 --> 00:16:59.240 you to think about what industry you want to break back into, and you 281 00:16:59.279 --> 00:17:02.279 need to get read about. You know, what are some of the skills 282 00:17:02.320 --> 00:17:03.680 that might be a gap. You know, do you need to beef up 283 00:17:03.759 --> 00:17:07.119 on. I don't know a new technology that's launched or a new tool, 284 00:17:07.519 --> 00:17:11.759 So take the time to invest in the skills to make sure you're showing up 285 00:17:11.880 --> 00:17:15.440 ready. Great place to do this that's free if you have a library card 286 00:17:15.640 --> 00:17:18.160 is Linda dot com. I'm not sponsored or don't work with them in any 287 00:17:18.200 --> 00:17:22.400 way, but that's basically LinkedIn's learning platform. So I would highly recommend closing 288 00:17:22.440 --> 00:17:26.920 the gap with free learning resources you do not need to pay, and then 289 00:17:26.960 --> 00:17:30.480 just put all of those courses on your resume to indicate that you have beefed 290 00:17:30.559 --> 00:17:34.359 up those skills. One of the other things I highly recommend, in addition 291 00:17:34.400 --> 00:17:38.519 to my classic pieces of advice, which is networking and getting referrals, and 292 00:17:38.559 --> 00:17:42.440 I have lots of content on that if you're interested, is actually find companies 293 00:17:42.480 --> 00:17:47.319 that have returned to work programs. So a lot of large, especially tech 294 00:17:47.359 --> 00:17:51.680 and finance companies, have programs in place both within the finance like, the 295 00:17:52.599 --> 00:17:56.799 marketing like, lots of different functions within the company that are returned to work 296 00:17:56.880 --> 00:18:03.039 programs that actually target mothers returning from maternity leave or from extended leaves to raise 297 00:18:03.079 --> 00:18:06.200 a family or take care of parents. So take a look at some of 298 00:18:06.240 --> 00:18:10.440 those companies in your area that have these programs because they are literally designed to 299 00:18:10.480 --> 00:18:12.599 do this, and more and more companies are really encouraging that. So I 300 00:18:12.599 --> 00:18:17.359 hope that helps. Dear Emily. I've got a great relationship with my manager, 301 00:18:17.599 --> 00:18:21.039 but I get nervous about being in meetings with her. I wonder why 302 00:18:21.079 --> 00:18:23.039 that happens. I'm good at my job, but I just get a little 303 00:18:23.119 --> 00:18:27.759 uneasy and I'm unable to present my ideas freely. Any advice. First of 304 00:18:27.759 --> 00:18:30.960 all, you are not alone. You can have the best relationship with your 305 00:18:32.000 --> 00:18:33.960 manager, and that shit is still terrifying. Like they're still your boss. 306 00:18:34.000 --> 00:18:37.279 They still control whether or not you have a job, They control your income. 307 00:18:37.480 --> 00:18:41.720 Even if they are nice and cool and chill, it's overwhelming, like 308 00:18:41.759 --> 00:18:45.359 it just is. And I have been there too, especially early in my 309 00:18:45.480 --> 00:18:48.359 career. One of the things that helped me, which you're going to hate 310 00:18:48.359 --> 00:18:52.200 this advice, is practice. Like it just takes practice. You need to 311 00:18:52.240 --> 00:18:56.079 go into every meeting and make the decision to present one of your ideas or 312 00:18:56.119 --> 00:19:02.400 ask a question every single time so you desensitize yourself to it. Because after 313 00:19:02.440 --> 00:19:04.640 a while, once you realize nothing bad is going to happen, everything is 314 00:19:04.640 --> 00:19:07.759 going to be okay, that you're a great communicator, everything is fine, 315 00:19:08.000 --> 00:19:12.440 the anxiety is slowly going to start diminish to diminish rather, One of the 316 00:19:12.480 --> 00:19:17.480 other things I would highly recommend that you do is before every single meeting, 317 00:19:17.599 --> 00:19:21.160 remind yourself of these two things. Number one, when you look good, 318 00:19:21.359 --> 00:19:25.359 your manager looks good. The last thing your manager wants is for you to 319 00:19:25.400 --> 00:19:27.400 fail because it makes them look bad. So and I'm not saying that to 320 00:19:27.440 --> 00:19:32.200 be scary. I'm saying that because your manager wants to see you succeed. 321 00:19:32.480 --> 00:19:34.880 So go into it with the mindset of they're there to support me, they 322 00:19:34.920 --> 00:19:38.119 see the best in me, they hired me because they think I'm fantastic, 323 00:19:38.319 --> 00:19:42.000 and let that kind of pour some confidence back into you as well. The 324 00:19:42.079 --> 00:19:47.240 other thing I want you to do is remind yourself literally everyone feels this way. 325 00:19:47.440 --> 00:19:52.039 Ultimately, what you're experiencing is imposter syndrome, which is unbelievably common. 326 00:19:52.119 --> 00:19:56.119 It is essentially that yucky feeling that is constantly telling us we are not good 327 00:19:56.200 --> 00:19:59.160 enough, we are not smart enough, we are not able to do certain 328 00:19:59.200 --> 00:20:03.799 things. There's a lot of different resources that I've actually written about. I'll 329 00:20:03.799 --> 00:20:07.000 put some links in the description to help out, and I've got some podcast 330 00:20:07.000 --> 00:20:10.599 episodes on this. But find a mentor. Find a mentor who's not at 331 00:20:10.599 --> 00:20:14.960 your company so that you can practice bouncing your ideas off of that individual, 332 00:20:15.200 --> 00:20:18.160 build your confidence. And the more you do that, the easier it's going 333 00:20:18.200 --> 00:20:22.519 to get. I promise there's nothing I love like answering your questions and trying 334 00:20:22.519 --> 00:20:26.000 to make your life just a little bit less painful than mine was, especially 335 00:20:26.000 --> 00:20:29.240 when I was like twenty one or twenty two or twenty three. How last 336 00:20:29.240 --> 00:20:32.519 week was even a little bit of a challenge. So anything I can do 337 00:20:32.599 --> 00:20:34.640 to make things a little bit more fun on your side, that's what I 338 00:20:34.680 --> 00:20:37.440 love to hear. And if you enjoyed this show, please make sure you 339 00:20:37.480 --> 00:20:41.079 are engaging with the show, whether it's on Spotify, Apple, YouTube, 340 00:20:41.079 --> 00:20:45.200 wherever you are listening. It means so much to me. I freaking love 341 00:20:45.279 --> 00:20:48.599 this show, Like y'all have no idea how much I love this show. 342 00:20:48.680 --> 00:20:52.920 So I really really hope that you enjoyed it. If there are topics things 343 00:20:52.920 --> 00:20:56.000 you want me to cover, please feel free to pop that into the Google 344 00:20:56.039 --> 00:21:00.480 form because I'm always up for it. A friendly reminder. The little cheemer 345 00:21:00.640 --> 00:21:03.839 yep, it's for sale. And the mugs. Oh actually used my other 346 00:21:03.920 --> 00:21:06.519 mug this morning, so you can't see it, but I have a mug 347 00:21:06.519 --> 00:21:10.640 that says Emily the recruiter says I deserve a raise. It kills me. 348 00:21:10.680 --> 00:21:12.359 I think it's so funny, But anyways, that's neither here nor there. 349 00:21:12.519 --> 00:21:15.000 Thank you so much for hanging out with me. I hope you enjoyed this 350 00:21:15.039 --> 00:21:18.240 episode and as always, i'll see you next Sunday.