WEBVTT 1 00:00:02.120 --> 00:00:25.640 Comedy Central Podcast. Thank you? Thank you? Thank you? Thank you? 2 00:00:26.320 --> 00:00:29.760 What' s that? What? What? What? What? What? 3 00:00:31.120 --> 00:00:38.359 What? What? What? What? What? What? What? 4 00:00:38.840 --> 00:00:48.000 What? What? What? What? We' re going to die, 5 00:00:48.560 --> 00:00:54.119 are we going to die? Let' s go samorir? Now we' 6 00:00:55.240 --> 00:01:02.159 re going to die, we' re going to samos and come as if 7 00:01:02.159 --> 00:01:07.920 there' s no pussy tomorrow. I did? What? What? What? 8 00:01:08.120 --> 00:01:11.519 What? What? What? What? How are you going to die? 9 00:01:12.079 --> 00:01:18.480 We' re going to die, are we going to die? Come 10 00:01:19.599 --> 00:01:23.159 on, what are you doing now, what' s the first lesson? 11 00:01:23.519 --> 00:01:27.519 Don' t ever let yourself be manipulated by an asshole. Let' s 12 00:01:27.519 --> 00:01:33.079 learn. We' re gonna learn a lot tonight, folks. In the 13 00:01:33.159 --> 00:01:37.480 end this thing about one doing something and the rest following him and rationally looks 14 00:01:37.599 --> 00:01:40.959 a lot. Lately, for example, I' m sure you' ve 15 00:01:41.079 --> 00:01:42.920 seen him in the last few months. Not because things are happening. This 16 00:01:44.000 --> 00:01:49.599 is about people who are going to buy rare items compulsively from supermarkets this non 17 00:01:49.159 --> 00:01:53.959 - people buying touring oil only in huge amounts for fear of war, that 18 00:01:55.120 --> 00:02:07.159 of course, better against fear than sunflower oil. Right, last night, 19 00:02:07.280 --> 00:02:08.639 my daughter had a field shift at 3: 00 in the morning. Ah 20 00:02:09.120 --> 00:02:13.439 gets up oh what happens honey, oh that there is a monster that wants 21 00:02:13.479 --> 00:02:25.840 to eat me calmed her down with oil of fira alone and fixing clear took 22 00:02:25.960 --> 00:02:30.840 away the fear, obviously, and now surely that monster won' t want 23 00:02:30.840 --> 00:02:34.639 to eat that shit for the afe and I tell you, my daughter is 24 00:02:34.639 --> 00:02:38.840 to eat it. Well, you know what I mean, I don' 25 00:02:38.960 --> 00:02:42.719 t mean what you' re doing in your house with 30 liters of sunflower 26 00:02:42.719 --> 00:02:46.479 oil. Because remember that there was also a crazy move to buy tons of 27 00:02:46.560 --> 00:02:51.919 toilet paper, which since 1 847 is what we used to wipe our asses. 28 00:02:52.879 --> 00:02:58.199 I don' t know if you knew that fact, but not seriously 29 00:02:58.520 --> 00:03:01.639 what you' re doing with thirty hygenic aper cells, so man, inside 30 00:03:01.800 --> 00:03:08.599 how crazy he is with time and Kiwis gives him a way out, no, 31 00:03:08.599 --> 00:03:10.800 but sunflower oil. It' s not like I' m packing up. 32 00:03:12.879 --> 00:03:16.000 If there is a possible and more than likely nuclear holocaute. You say, 33 00:03:16.319 --> 00:03:20.159 but you want to put on a bunker or a churrería asshole. What 34 00:03:20.199 --> 00:03:28.319 are you doing? What are you doing, that you doubt this thing about 35 00:03:28.400 --> 00:03:31.680 buying things as very concrete, because they are also very concrete things, not 36 00:03:31.759 --> 00:03:35.319 concrete things, buying them as if there was no tomorrow. It' s 37 00:03:35.800 --> 00:03:40.840 a sociological, psychological phenomenon called the gregarious compulsive feeling. We were going to 38 00:03:40.919 --> 00:03:47.560 learn a lot tonight. It' s about human beings doing things by imitating 39 00:03:47.919 --> 00:03:52.400 what we see in others, without asking why. And I want to believe 40 00:03:52.520 --> 00:03:57.240 that all this is always started by someone joking, that is, there is 41 00:03:57.319 --> 00:03:59.479 someone at home who is seeing, for example, the Living Red. If 42 00:03:59.560 --> 00:04:01.479 you don' t know, the Vivo Red is a more current program that 43 00:04:01.520 --> 00:04:08.520 they do in the mornings on a television and is taken today with a lot 44 00:04:08.639 --> 00:04:12.240 of intensity. Maybe. If you want and there' s a gentleman named 45 00:04:12.280 --> 00:04:15.560 Ferreras who asks you for a headline every twenty seconds or so with the background 46 00:04:15.639 --> 00:04:18.800 music of the avengers all the fuck that happens to me and I go there 47 00:04:18.879 --> 00:04:20.600 he tells me to give me a headline and I say a headline. I 48 00:04:20.639 --> 00:04:25.519 ' m not going to give you a shit, because you' re generating 49 00:04:25.560 --> 00:04:28.639 me with this music aggressiveness, because I think there' s someone who' 50 00:04:28.680 --> 00:04:30.680 s in his house seeing that in the bright red something kind is twisting. 51 00:04:31.639 --> 00:04:35.680 Inflation has gone up zero two, a putin has mounted a horse and I 52 00:04:36.160 --> 00:04:40.800 see a disturbance by the force of the joker and he goes to a supermarket 53 00:04:40.879 --> 00:04:45.439 and he says you will see the mess and then he gets there picks a 54 00:04:45.560 --> 00:04:48.199 random thing and fills his car with that thing randomly and then goes to the 55 00:04:48.199 --> 00:04:50.800 tail. And then he' s in line with his car and the lady 56 00:04:50.800 --> 00:04:56.959 who' s next door suddenly looks at him and says uy paco who takes 57 00:04:57.000 --> 00:05:02.399 the car full of colonies of Bustamante eye and the lady says fuck, because 58 00:05:02.399 --> 00:05:06.920 I' m going to take ten boats also in case that goes in, 59 00:05:08.040 --> 00:05:11.680 in fact, waterfall and it' s the first and only time that Bustamante 60 00:05:11.759 --> 00:05:16.360 has managed to be bestsellers in his fucking life. You don' t understand 61 00:05:16.680 --> 00:05:21.639 no pregary compulsive feeling. I also tell you it is healthier to cook with 62 00:05:21.639 --> 00:05:26.079 the colony of Bustamante and with sunflower oil. Hey. What I do, 63 00:05:26.120 --> 00:05:31.199 which is that I' m watching a lot of audiovisual content in Russian just 64 00:05:31.279 --> 00:05:35.079 in case you basically juport in Russian. Hey, we freaked out that I 65 00:05:35.120 --> 00:05:38.439 saw him before, too, but he used to take out my cuckoo and 66 00:05:38.560 --> 00:05:40.920 now he took out a notebook. I take notes. It' s different. 67 00:05:41.120 --> 00:05:45.240 It' s the other way. It' s passive. It' 68 00:05:45.240 --> 00:05:47.879 s passive. It' s thanks against all odds, because for what I 69 00:05:47.879 --> 00:05:51.639 see in the videos I thought it was something else, but it' s 70 00:05:51.639 --> 00:05:55.319 not passive. It' s thanks. She' s active. Thank you 71 00:05:55.399 --> 00:05:58.480 very much, I guess, I don' t know, it' s 72 00:05:58.480 --> 00:05:59.480 all going very fast. It' s going so fast. It' s 73 00:05:59.519 --> 00:06:00.519 hard for me, it' s hard for me to think about the pandemic. 74 00:06:00.759 --> 00:06:04.800 You remember the pandemic, that is, the pandemic. Nobody remembers the 75 00:06:04.839 --> 00:06:10.439 pandemic. We hear it happened, it was serious, but no one remembers 76 00:06:10.480 --> 00:06:15.160 the pandemic anymore. It' s how baby I told her. You know, 77 00:06:15.439 --> 00:06:17.680 with a small difference, it' s that the pandemic killed millions of 78 00:06:17.759 --> 00:06:25.879 people, and I didn' t tell almost anyone. I also say that 79 00:06:26.000 --> 00:06:29.720 I believe that in these difficult times, because we are living in difficult times, 80 00:06:30.079 --> 00:06:33.079 we recognize it. You' re not seeing ferrets. Not in these 81 00:06:33.160 --> 00:06:38.519 difficult times, we must all contribute and do a little bit with each daily 82 00:06:39.240 --> 00:06:43.439 gesture, as a small thing to make the world a better place. I 83 00:06:43.439 --> 00:06:46.600 mean, I' m telling you if you want to do it, I 84 00:06:46.680 --> 00:06:48.800 think it' s super cool. I say what I do. I' 85 00:06:48.959 --> 00:06:57.519 ve been, like, two weeks since when I park the car, just 86 00:06:57.560 --> 00:06:59.879 parking without even getting out of the car. If another car puts me in 87 00:07:00.120 --> 00:07:04.199 parallel and makes me the gesture of leaving, I leave, makes me easy. 88 00:07:11.879 --> 00:07:17.439 They' re such an asshole, but they' re a very good 89 00:07:17.439 --> 00:07:18.480 person, and then I go out there. Lord gives him the joy of 90 00:07:18.759 --> 00:07:23.839 his life, because that gives a lot of joy when you find a thebes 91 00:07:23.879 --> 00:07:30.079 hears, for see if I leave and I spend another half hour wandering around, 92 00:07:30.560 --> 00:07:35.079 waiting for another asshole like me to do the same. This is a 93 00:07:35.120 --> 00:07:39.120 little gesture. Then we can also fight for a little bigger causes. For 94 00:07:39.199 --> 00:07:42.360 example, we must fight for important things, for example equality, equality between 95 00:07:42.360 --> 00:07:46.480 men and women, equality between the rafas, but above all for equality that 96 00:07:46.560 --> 00:07:51.800 is not talked about. But I think it' s very important that we 97 00:07:51.800 --> 00:07:59.240 fight around. We have to fight for equality between yawning and fart. There 98 00:07:59.319 --> 00:08:03.800 ' s a lot of yawn. We live in a patriarchal yawning society. 99 00:08:05.519 --> 00:08:09.279 Don' t look at me like that. The yawn is allowed everything and 100 00:08:11.240 --> 00:08:13.600 let' s say it clearly. We' ve gotten used to it. 101 00:08:13.680 --> 00:08:16.199 But yawning is the most fucking disgusting thing you can do with the body is 102 00:08:16.920 --> 00:08:22.720 open up to everything that gives The Hole. Bigger than we have there is 103 00:08:22.839 --> 00:08:26.879 no one bigger than the mouth, it is to open it to everything it 104 00:08:28.000 --> 00:08:31.720 gives and expel our worst air that has been going through it for days. 105 00:08:31.480 --> 00:08:37.840 On the other hand, the fart that has been mistreated is very unfair. 106 00:08:39.720 --> 00:08:43.120 Farts aren' t, they' re not worse, they' re just 107 00:08:43.120 --> 00:08:45.799 yawns. What' s more, they' re more discreet. Surely you 108 00:08:45.799 --> 00:08:50.159 have never seen anyone open his anus to everything he gives to fart that he 109 00:08:50.320 --> 00:08:56.320 does not, for the yawn is an anus with very unpleasant teeth. No, 110 00:08:56.480 --> 00:09:00.720 and now some will be thinking, because there is always one who says 111 00:09:00.879 --> 00:09:03.519 neither bostecism nor pessimism look. You didn' t understand anything. I do 112 00:09:03.600 --> 00:09:09.960 not intend to rest until in the world of work yawning and fart are treated 113 00:09:09.120 --> 00:09:13.399 the same and if you, in a meeting, come a yawn, you 114 00:09:13.519 --> 00:09:18.240 put your hand and nothing happens. In a meeting, you can do it 115 00:09:18.360 --> 00:09:22.600 with your hand up your ass and nothing happens. What' s more, 116 00:09:24.679 --> 00:09:30.000 I won' t rest and you' re my fight today that I transferred 117 00:09:30.080 --> 00:09:39.679 you until in a meeting the fart is contagious too and we go into some 118 00:09:39.720 --> 00:09:41.879 kind of woo and break the glass ceiling with our ass. Thanks anyway, 119 00:09:43.120 --> 00:09:56.720 the important things. That said, there shouldn' t be an obvious sign 120 00:09:56.759 --> 00:10:00.759 that sounded in our brain when we' re saying something you' ve been 121 00:10:00.759 --> 00:10:05.679 able to cancel us for. You know on the roads, when you drive 122 00:10:05.799 --> 00:10:09.200 and you get a little out of the lane there' s a line on 123 00:10:09.519 --> 00:10:09.240 the ground that sounds ta. Ta Ta? Ta? Ta? Ta? 124 00:10:09.320 --> 00:10:13.600 Ta? TA? PPP then just like you' re not talking and suddenly 125 00:10:13.679 --> 00:10:18.360 you say for equality. Must we fight between fart and yawning For Pa, 126 00:10:18.559 --> 00:10:22.759 Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa? As you know it' 127 00:10:22.879 --> 00:10:26.159 s a you know it' s a way you' re in a conversation, 128 00:10:26.480 --> 00:10:28.799 so man, I don' t care, but I think the transsexuals 129 00:10:28.799 --> 00:10:30.879 potato ta ta? Ta? Ta? Ta? Ta? Ta, I 130 00:10:30.919 --> 00:10:33.039 kind of tipped you off, it' s like you' re gonna get 131 00:10:33.080 --> 00:10:35.000 off the road and you' re gonna get up your ass. Potato tata, 132 00:10:35.440 --> 00:10:39.480 no. No. I have a lot of gay friends potato tata, 133 00:10:39.960 --> 00:10:41.960 so in the head of vertinos erares it sounded all the time. Pa. 134 00:10:43.080 --> 00:10:43.919 Pa? Pa? Pa? Pa? Pa? Pa? Pa? Pa? 135 00:10:43.000 --> 00:10:46.360 Pa? Pa? Pa? Pa? Pa? Pa? This would 136 00:10:46.399 --> 00:10:54.840 be the thing. He doesn' t hear. I' m thinking you 137 00:10:54.879 --> 00:10:56.919 guys know my name. My name is Pereasnar, but I don' t 138 00:10:56.919 --> 00:11:00.559 know what you call yourselves. And this is very important to communicate to the 139 00:11:00.639 --> 00:11:03.240 three of us. I' d like you all to shout your name at 140 00:11:03.240 --> 00:11:07.519 once. Don' t worry, because I' m super capable of ignoring 141 00:11:07.559 --> 00:11:11.840 you all at the same time it' s worth three and your name is 142 00:11:11.000 --> 00:11:18.039 worth a two three. Okay, and now I' m asking you who 143 00:11:18.840 --> 00:11:22.360 invented the names, no fucking idea. You' re clear who makes you 144 00:11:22.399 --> 00:11:24.559 call, I don' t know, man I didn' t stay. 145 00:11:24.320 --> 00:11:26.759 Who makes you call, Antonio, you call, Lucia, you call, 146 00:11:26.919 --> 00:11:30.440 Mari Carmen and I call me Perez, because you don' t know. 147 00:11:31.440 --> 00:11:35.120 What we do know is what we called ourselves. At first we called ourselves 148 00:11:37.159 --> 00:11:39.759 what we called ourselves in the caverns. Humans have been here for a while, 149 00:11:41.000 --> 00:11:43.799 and the truth is getting noticed. But in the beginning our name was 150 00:11:43.879 --> 00:11:46.840 neither Pere, nor Lucia, nor Maricarmen, nor José Antonio. Our name 151 00:11:46.919 --> 00:11:54.000 was clear, that is, you came to the cavern, which is not 152 00:11:54.080 --> 00:11:58.799 a bar but a house. It' s called a bar, but you 153 00:11:58.879 --> 00:12:05.679 didn' t take you to a friend' s cavern and you said how 154 00:12:05.720 --> 00:12:09.399 nice, man, that you came. I' m here with m is 155 00:12:09.440 --> 00:12:15.240 also coming after no, and then we' ll meet B. And then 156 00:12:15.320 --> 00:12:18.159 there was a problem, because if there were two that were called B, 157 00:12:18.320 --> 00:12:20.360 you had to put a second sound. No, no, no, but 158 00:12:20.399 --> 00:12:26.200 it' s not B that' s the last name that gave birth to 159 00:12:26.200 --> 00:12:28.519 the last names. You like it better than aznar, which is mine the 160 00:12:28.600 --> 00:12:33.519 truth and this, which seems silly is forgive me, but we' re 161 00:12:33.559 --> 00:12:37.080 learning a lot tonight. This is what makes us connect to our first sho, 162 00:12:39.320 --> 00:12:41.000 because if any of you go down the street, joice eh, you 163 00:12:41.399 --> 00:12:48.000 turn to it, because thousands of years ago you called yourself eh. He 164 00:12:48.679 --> 00:12:54.200 uh. What? What? Anyway, what else, oh yeah I' 165 00:12:54.240 --> 00:13:09.360 m an alcoholic. Uh, let' s see, I' ve been 166 00:13:09.600 --> 00:13:13.320 drinking for a year, two months and thirteen days and seven hours, but 167 00:13:13.320 --> 00:13:16.879 who' s counting. I don' t get it wrong, I mean, 168 00:13:18.240 --> 00:13:18.519 I usually get it right. But today I' ve been brought to 169 00:13:18.600 --> 00:13:22.399 a bar by the sons of Bitch and I' ve got fifty- seven 170 00:13:22.399 --> 00:13:24.720 bottles behind me. Yeah, I counted them on the corner of my eye. 171 00:13:24.799 --> 00:13:28.519 I can tell you what' s left. Each one now I don 172 00:13:28.639 --> 00:13:31.759 ' t drink, uh, now I' ve changed alcohol for walking every 173 00:13:31.799 --> 00:13:33.759 time I feel like drinking ando. And because of you today, I' 174 00:13:33.799 --> 00:13:39.399 ll make my way to Santiago tonight. True I explain because I believe that 175 00:13:39.879 --> 00:13:43.200 I firmly believe that everything that happens to us as children affects us as adults. 176 00:13:43.279 --> 00:13:45.600 I mean, I think if you' re a kid that you study 177 00:13:45.639 --> 00:13:48.720 in the maristas and there' s a marista brother that when you' re 178 00:13:48.720 --> 00:13:52.720 sitting in your desk, he always comes in the back and puts his penis 179 00:13:54.639 --> 00:13:56.600 here on your shoulder, like your shoulder is an ashtray and your penis is 180 00:13:56.600 --> 00:14:01.000 a cigarette. If that happens very often, I think over the years, 181 00:14:01.320 --> 00:14:03.759 because the most normal thing is that you in the end, because you' 182 00:14:03.799 --> 00:14:11.519 re a smoker. Not that I was there for you, but I' 183 00:14:11.559 --> 00:14:16.080 m an alcoholic of my fucking child It turns out I was in the hospital 184 00:14:16.919 --> 00:14:22.559 when I was seven, because suddenly, for no reason, I was giving 185 00:14:22.720 --> 00:14:24.919 blood to sixty- five degrees that I think of now. When they tell 186 00:14:24.919 --> 00:14:30.360 me, I say how they knew the exact temperature. There was a nurse 187 00:14:30.440 --> 00:14:33.679 in the lake, a thermometer of m or maybe the doctor was like a 188 00:14:33.759 --> 00:14:37.440 teacher for it. I used to say this one' s hot. Well, 189 00:14:37.639 --> 00:14:39.559 the thing is, I had blood coming out of my genitals and I 190 00:14:39.600 --> 00:14:43.399 had a really bad lumbar area that I thought about when I was seven. 191 00:14:43.039 --> 00:14:50.120 Well, finally, it was a pretty fucked- up kidney infection and when 192 00:14:50.200 --> 00:14:54.480 it was over, I got cured and when I was discharged, I was 193 00:14:54.519 --> 00:14:56.600 told two very important things that have marked the rest of my life. First, 194 00:14:58.000 --> 00:15:00.600 I had to remove from my diet the cheese that looks like it' 195 00:15:00.639 --> 00:15:03.960 s his non- marital kidney. We' re going to learn a lot 196 00:15:05.080 --> 00:15:07.559 tonight and the other one told me for the rest of your days you have 197 00:15:07.559 --> 00:15:13.279 to drink a lot of liquid. And I' m an alcoholic because they 198 00:15:13.399 --> 00:15:16.039 didn' t specify the fucking doctors. I don' t know about you, 199 00:15:16.200 --> 00:15:16.960 but I didn' t applaud you. I didn' t applaud, 200 00:15:16.960 --> 00:15:24.840 eh. I have a grudge. That' s where I' ve applauded 201 00:15:24.039 --> 00:15:30.279 more of Baby Ponte than the total doctors I' ve been an alcoholic, 202 00:15:30.360 --> 00:15:31.919 but now I' m not, although now that I think about it, 203 00:15:33.120 --> 00:15:33.480 Auntie if we' re going to die, because I eat your ass for 204 00:15:33.480 --> 00:15:35.559 a shot of jager. Right now, uh, it' s no joke. 205 00:15:35.600 --> 00:15:39.519 I' m holding on super well. I' m holding on very 206 00:15:39.600 --> 00:15:43.200 well, and that world is making it very difficult for us. I think 207 00:15:43.200 --> 00:15:45.240 I watch TV and all that, and I' m saying that this is 208 00:15:45.279 --> 00:15:48.639 doing everything to get me back to drinking eh he' s more selfish. 209 00:15:48.720 --> 00:15:52.799 But, well, there are also economic interests there that I was moving many 210 00:15:52.919 --> 00:15:56.039 sectors, uh the world of col la dope, then junk food. I 211 00:15:56.080 --> 00:15:58.679 mean, I moved a lot of things you imagine that suddenly I send all 212 00:15:58.720 --> 00:16:03.559 the shit to you and I get home drunk today with a turulo and I 213 00:16:03.600 --> 00:16:07.759 find my daughter, Dad what happens me, fuck me what I know takes 214 00:16:07.799 --> 00:16:12.519 feite of touring will you and sleeps fucking girl for what you earn with absthemia. 215 00:16:12.840 --> 00:16:17.759 After this time I haven' t had a drink, the main thing 216 00:16:17.840 --> 00:16:19.799 and what I' ve been most excited about is that since I don' 217 00:16:21.120 --> 00:16:22.759 t drink, I' ve gained in lucidity. You know, it' 218 00:16:23.000 --> 00:16:26.000 s for the best, the best thing about quitting alcohol. It' s 219 00:16:26.279 --> 00:16:30.279 lucidity and then don' t throw up on my daughter while she opens the 220 00:16:30.279 --> 00:16:32.480 Christmas presents. That' s cool, too. But above all lucidity, 221 00:16:33.000 --> 00:16:37.039 because lucidity, above all it gives you is that it allows you to ask 222 00:16:37.559 --> 00:16:45.120 the right questions. And the right question to ask is whether there really would 223 00:16:45.200 --> 00:16:52.159 be a real danger that we would die, if there really was a real 224 00:16:52.320 --> 00:17:00.240 danger that a nuclear war would fall on our heads. If that was true, 225 00:17:00.559 --> 00:17:06.720 if we had to get out of our homes quickly and you could only 226 00:17:06.839 --> 00:17:12.079 take one thing, what would it be that it wouldn' t be sunflower 227 00:17:12.200 --> 00:17:15.079 oil kids, then no, then that friends. Thank you very much. 228 00:17:15.160 --> 00:17:18.400 You' re a fantastic audience. My name is Aznar.