1 00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:25,640 Comedy Central Podcast. Thank you? Thank you? Thank you? Thank you? 2 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:29,760 What' s that? What? What? What? What? What? 3 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:38,359 What? What? What? What? What? What? What? 4 00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:48,000 What? What? What? What? We' re going to die, 5 00:00:48,560 --> 00:00:54,119 are we going to die? Let' s go samorir? Now we' 6 00:00:55,240 --> 00:01:02,159 re going to die, we' re going to samos and come as if 7 00:01:02,159 --> 00:01:07,920 there' s no pussy tomorrow. I did? What? What? What? 8 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:11,519 What? What? What? What? How are you going to die? 9 00:01:12,079 --> 00:01:18,480 We' re going to die, are we going to die? Come 10 00:01:19,599 --> 00:01:23,159 on, what are you doing now, what' s the first lesson? 11 00:01:23,519 --> 00:01:27,519 Don' t ever let yourself be manipulated by an asshole. Let' s 12 00:01:27,519 --> 00:01:33,079 learn. We' re gonna learn a lot tonight, folks. In the 13 00:01:33,159 --> 00:01:37,480 end this thing about one doing something and the rest following him and rationally looks 14 00:01:37,599 --> 00:01:40,959 a lot. Lately, for example, I' m sure you' ve 15 00:01:41,079 --> 00:01:42,920 seen him in the last few months. Not because things are happening. This 16 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:49,599 is about people who are going to buy rare items compulsively from supermarkets this non 17 00:01:49,159 --> 00:01:53,959 - people buying touring oil only in huge amounts for fear of war, that 18 00:01:55,120 --> 00:02:07,159 of course, better against fear than sunflower oil. Right, last night, 19 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:08,639 my daughter had a field shift at 3: 00 in the morning. Ah 20 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:13,439 gets up oh what happens honey, oh that there is a monster that wants 21 00:02:13,479 --> 00:02:25,840 to eat me calmed her down with oil of fira alone and fixing clear took 22 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:30,840 away the fear, obviously, and now surely that monster won' t want 23 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:34,639 to eat that shit for the afe and I tell you, my daughter is 24 00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:38,840 to eat it. Well, you know what I mean, I don' 25 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:42,719 t mean what you' re doing in your house with 30 liters of sunflower 26 00:02:42,719 --> 00:02:46,479 oil. Because remember that there was also a crazy move to buy tons of 27 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:51,919 toilet paper, which since 1 847 is what we used to wipe our asses. 28 00:02:52,879 --> 00:02:58,199 I don' t know if you knew that fact, but not seriously 29 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:01,639 what you' re doing with thirty hygenic aper cells, so man, inside 30 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:08,599 how crazy he is with time and Kiwis gives him a way out, no, 31 00:03:08,599 --> 00:03:10,800 but sunflower oil. It' s not like I' m packing up. 32 00:03:12,879 --> 00:03:16,000 If there is a possible and more than likely nuclear holocaute. You say, 33 00:03:16,319 --> 00:03:20,159 but you want to put on a bunker or a churrería asshole. What 34 00:03:20,199 --> 00:03:28,319 are you doing? What are you doing, that you doubt this thing about 35 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:31,680 buying things as very concrete, because they are also very concrete things, not 36 00:03:31,759 --> 00:03:35,319 concrete things, buying them as if there was no tomorrow. It' s 37 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:40,840 a sociological, psychological phenomenon called the gregarious compulsive feeling. We were going to 38 00:03:40,919 --> 00:03:47,560 learn a lot tonight. It' s about human beings doing things by imitating 39 00:03:47,919 --> 00:03:52,400 what we see in others, without asking why. And I want to believe 40 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:57,240 that all this is always started by someone joking, that is, there is 41 00:03:57,319 --> 00:03:59,479 someone at home who is seeing, for example, the Living Red. If 42 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,479 you don' t know, the Vivo Red is a more current program that 43 00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:08,520 they do in the mornings on a television and is taken today with a lot 44 00:04:08,639 --> 00:04:12,240 of intensity. Maybe. If you want and there' s a gentleman named 45 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:15,560 Ferreras who asks you for a headline every twenty seconds or so with the background 46 00:04:15,639 --> 00:04:18,800 music of the avengers all the fuck that happens to me and I go there 47 00:04:18,879 --> 00:04:20,600 he tells me to give me a headline and I say a headline. I 48 00:04:20,639 --> 00:04:25,519 ' m not going to give you a shit, because you' re generating 49 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:28,639 me with this music aggressiveness, because I think there' s someone who' 50 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:30,680 s in his house seeing that in the bright red something kind is twisting. 51 00:04:31,639 --> 00:04:35,680 Inflation has gone up zero two, a putin has mounted a horse and I 52 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:40,800 see a disturbance by the force of the joker and he goes to a supermarket 53 00:04:40,879 --> 00:04:45,439 and he says you will see the mess and then he gets there picks a 54 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,199 random thing and fills his car with that thing randomly and then goes to the 55 00:04:48,199 --> 00:04:50,800 tail. And then he' s in line with his car and the lady 56 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:56,959 who' s next door suddenly looks at him and says uy paco who takes 57 00:04:57,000 --> 00:05:02,399 the car full of colonies of Bustamante eye and the lady says fuck, because 58 00:05:02,399 --> 00:05:06,920 I' m going to take ten boats also in case that goes in, 59 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:11,680 in fact, waterfall and it' s the first and only time that Bustamante 60 00:05:11,759 --> 00:05:16,360 has managed to be bestsellers in his fucking life. You don' t understand 61 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:21,639 no pregary compulsive feeling. I also tell you it is healthier to cook with 62 00:05:21,639 --> 00:05:26,079 the colony of Bustamante and with sunflower oil. Hey. What I do, 63 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:31,199 which is that I' m watching a lot of audiovisual content in Russian just 64 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:35,079 in case you basically juport in Russian. Hey, we freaked out that I 65 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:38,439 saw him before, too, but he used to take out my cuckoo and 66 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,920 now he took out a notebook. I take notes. It' s different. 67 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:45,240 It' s the other way. It' s passive. It' 68 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:47,879 s passive. It' s thanks against all odds, because for what I 69 00:05:47,879 --> 00:05:51,639 see in the videos I thought it was something else, but it' s 70 00:05:51,639 --> 00:05:55,319 not passive. It' s thanks. She' s active. Thank you 71 00:05:55,399 --> 00:05:58,480 very much, I guess, I don' t know, it' s 72 00:05:58,480 --> 00:05:59,480 all going very fast. It' s going so fast. It' s 73 00:05:59,519 --> 00:06:00,519 hard for me, it' s hard for me to think about the pandemic. 74 00:06:00,759 --> 00:06:04,800 You remember the pandemic, that is, the pandemic. Nobody remembers the 75 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:10,439 pandemic. We hear it happened, it was serious, but no one remembers 76 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:15,160 the pandemic anymore. It' s how baby I told her. You know, 77 00:06:15,439 --> 00:06:17,680 with a small difference, it' s that the pandemic killed millions of 78 00:06:17,759 --> 00:06:25,879 people, and I didn' t tell almost anyone. I also say that 79 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:29,720 I believe that in these difficult times, because we are living in difficult times, 80 00:06:30,079 --> 00:06:33,079 we recognize it. You' re not seeing ferrets. Not in these 81 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:38,519 difficult times, we must all contribute and do a little bit with each daily 82 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:43,439 gesture, as a small thing to make the world a better place. I 83 00:06:43,439 --> 00:06:46,600 mean, I' m telling you if you want to do it, I 84 00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:48,800 think it' s super cool. I say what I do. I' 85 00:06:48,959 --> 00:06:57,519 ve been, like, two weeks since when I park the car, just 86 00:06:57,560 --> 00:06:59,879 parking without even getting out of the car. If another car puts me in 87 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:04,199 parallel and makes me the gesture of leaving, I leave, makes me easy. 88 00:07:11,879 --> 00:07:17,439 They' re such an asshole, but they' re a very good 89 00:07:17,439 --> 00:07:18,480 person, and then I go out there. Lord gives him the joy of 90 00:07:18,759 --> 00:07:23,839 his life, because that gives a lot of joy when you find a thebes 91 00:07:23,879 --> 00:07:30,079 hears, for see if I leave and I spend another half hour wandering around, 92 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:35,079 waiting for another asshole like me to do the same. This is a 93 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:39,120 little gesture. Then we can also fight for a little bigger causes. For 94 00:07:39,199 --> 00:07:42,360 example, we must fight for important things, for example equality, equality between 95 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:46,480 men and women, equality between the rafas, but above all for equality that 96 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:51,800 is not talked about. But I think it' s very important that we 97 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:59,240 fight around. We have to fight for equality between yawning and fart. There 98 00:07:59,319 --> 00:08:03,800 ' s a lot of yawn. We live in a patriarchal yawning society. 99 00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:09,279 Don' t look at me like that. The yawn is allowed everything and 100 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,600 let' s say it clearly. We' ve gotten used to it. 101 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:16,199 But yawning is the most fucking disgusting thing you can do with the body is 102 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:22,720 open up to everything that gives The Hole. Bigger than we have there is 103 00:08:22,839 --> 00:08:26,879 no one bigger than the mouth, it is to open it to everything it 104 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:31,720 gives and expel our worst air that has been going through it for days. 105 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:37,840 On the other hand, the fart that has been mistreated is very unfair. 106 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:43,120 Farts aren' t, they' re not worse, they' re just 107 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:45,799 yawns. What' s more, they' re more discreet. Surely you 108 00:08:45,799 --> 00:08:50,159 have never seen anyone open his anus to everything he gives to fart that he 109 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:56,320 does not, for the yawn is an anus with very unpleasant teeth. No, 110 00:08:56,480 --> 00:09:00,720 and now some will be thinking, because there is always one who says 111 00:09:00,879 --> 00:09:03,519 neither bostecism nor pessimism look. You didn' t understand anything. I do 112 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:09,960 not intend to rest until in the world of work yawning and fart are treated 113 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:13,399 the same and if you, in a meeting, come a yawn, you 114 00:09:13,519 --> 00:09:18,240 put your hand and nothing happens. In a meeting, you can do it 115 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:22,600 with your hand up your ass and nothing happens. What' s more, 116 00:09:24,679 --> 00:09:30,000 I won' t rest and you' re my fight today that I transferred 117 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:39,679 you until in a meeting the fart is contagious too and we go into some 118 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:41,879 kind of woo and break the glass ceiling with our ass. Thanks anyway, 119 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:56,720 the important things. That said, there shouldn' t be an obvious sign 120 00:09:56,759 --> 00:10:00,759 that sounded in our brain when we' re saying something you' ve been 121 00:10:00,759 --> 00:10:05,679 able to cancel us for. You know on the roads, when you drive 122 00:10:05,799 --> 00:10:09,200 and you get a little out of the lane there' s a line on 123 00:10:09,519 --> 00:10:09,240 the ground that sounds ta. Ta Ta? Ta? Ta? Ta? 124 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:13,600 Ta? TA? PPP then just like you' re not talking and suddenly 125 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:18,360 you say for equality. Must we fight between fart and yawning For Pa, 126 00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:22,759 Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa? As you know it' 127 00:10:22,879 --> 00:10:26,159 s a you know it' s a way you' re in a conversation, 128 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,799 so man, I don' t care, but I think the transsexuals 129 00:10:28,799 --> 00:10:30,879 potato ta ta? Ta? Ta? Ta? Ta? Ta, I 130 00:10:30,919 --> 00:10:33,039 kind of tipped you off, it' s like you' re gonna get 131 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:35,000 off the road and you' re gonna get up your ass. Potato tata, 132 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:39,480 no. No. I have a lot of gay friends potato tata, 133 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,960 so in the head of vertinos erares it sounded all the time. Pa. 134 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:43,919 Pa? Pa? Pa? Pa? Pa? Pa? Pa? Pa? 135 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:46,360 Pa? Pa? Pa? Pa? Pa? Pa? This would 136 00:10:46,399 --> 00:10:54,840 be the thing. He doesn' t hear. I' m thinking you 137 00:10:54,879 --> 00:10:56,919 guys know my name. My name is Pereasnar, but I don' t 138 00:10:56,919 --> 00:11:00,559 know what you call yourselves. And this is very important to communicate to the 139 00:11:00,639 --> 00:11:03,240 three of us. I' d like you all to shout your name at 140 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:07,519 once. Don' t worry, because I' m super capable of ignoring 141 00:11:07,559 --> 00:11:11,840 you all at the same time it' s worth three and your name is 142 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:18,039 worth a two three. Okay, and now I' m asking you who 143 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:22,360 invented the names, no fucking idea. You' re clear who makes you 144 00:11:22,399 --> 00:11:24,559 call, I don' t know, man I didn' t stay. 145 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:26,759 Who makes you call, Antonio, you call, Lucia, you call, 146 00:11:26,919 --> 00:11:30,440 Mari Carmen and I call me Perez, because you don' t know. 147 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:35,120 What we do know is what we called ourselves. At first we called ourselves 148 00:11:37,159 --> 00:11:39,759 what we called ourselves in the caverns. Humans have been here for a while, 149 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,799 and the truth is getting noticed. But in the beginning our name was 150 00:11:43,879 --> 00:11:46,840 neither Pere, nor Lucia, nor Maricarmen, nor José Antonio. Our name 151 00:11:46,919 --> 00:11:54,000 was clear, that is, you came to the cavern, which is not 152 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:58,799 a bar but a house. It' s called a bar, but you 153 00:11:58,879 --> 00:12:05,679 didn' t take you to a friend' s cavern and you said how 154 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:09,399 nice, man, that you came. I' m here with m is 155 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:15,240 also coming after no, and then we' ll meet B. And then 156 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:18,159 there was a problem, because if there were two that were called B, 157 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,360 you had to put a second sound. No, no, no, but 158 00:12:20,399 --> 00:12:26,200 it' s not B that' s the last name that gave birth to 159 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,519 the last names. You like it better than aznar, which is mine the 160 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:33,519 truth and this, which seems silly is forgive me, but we' re 161 00:12:33,559 --> 00:12:37,080 learning a lot tonight. This is what makes us connect to our first sho, 162 00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:41,000 because if any of you go down the street, joice eh, you 163 00:12:41,399 --> 00:12:48,000 turn to it, because thousands of years ago you called yourself eh. He 164 00:12:48,679 --> 00:12:54,200 uh. What? What? Anyway, what else, oh yeah I' 165 00:12:54,240 --> 00:13:09,360 m an alcoholic. Uh, let' s see, I' ve been 166 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:13,320 drinking for a year, two months and thirteen days and seven hours, but 167 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:16,879 who' s counting. I don' t get it wrong, I mean, 168 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:18,519 I usually get it right. But today I' ve been brought to 169 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:22,399 a bar by the sons of Bitch and I' ve got fifty- seven 170 00:13:22,399 --> 00:13:24,720 bottles behind me. Yeah, I counted them on the corner of my eye. 171 00:13:24,799 --> 00:13:28,519 I can tell you what' s left. Each one now I don 172 00:13:28,639 --> 00:13:31,759 ' t drink, uh, now I' ve changed alcohol for walking every 173 00:13:31,799 --> 00:13:33,759 time I feel like drinking ando. And because of you today, I' 174 00:13:33,799 --> 00:13:39,399 ll make my way to Santiago tonight. True I explain because I believe that 175 00:13:39,879 --> 00:13:43,200 I firmly believe that everything that happens to us as children affects us as adults. 176 00:13:43,279 --> 00:13:45,600 I mean, I think if you' re a kid that you study 177 00:13:45,639 --> 00:13:48,720 in the maristas and there' s a marista brother that when you' re 178 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:52,720 sitting in your desk, he always comes in the back and puts his penis 179 00:13:54,639 --> 00:13:56,600 here on your shoulder, like your shoulder is an ashtray and your penis is 180 00:13:56,600 --> 00:14:01,000 a cigarette. If that happens very often, I think over the years, 181 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:03,759 because the most normal thing is that you in the end, because you' 182 00:14:03,799 --> 00:14:11,519 re a smoker. Not that I was there for you, but I' 183 00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:16,080 m an alcoholic of my fucking child It turns out I was in the hospital 184 00:14:16,919 --> 00:14:22,559 when I was seven, because suddenly, for no reason, I was giving 185 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:24,919 blood to sixty- five degrees that I think of now. When they tell 186 00:14:24,919 --> 00:14:30,360 me, I say how they knew the exact temperature. There was a nurse 187 00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:33,679 in the lake, a thermometer of m or maybe the doctor was like a 188 00:14:33,759 --> 00:14:37,440 teacher for it. I used to say this one' s hot. Well, 189 00:14:37,639 --> 00:14:39,559 the thing is, I had blood coming out of my genitals and I 190 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:43,399 had a really bad lumbar area that I thought about when I was seven. 191 00:14:43,039 --> 00:14:50,120 Well, finally, it was a pretty fucked- up kidney infection and when 192 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:54,480 it was over, I got cured and when I was discharged, I was 193 00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:56,600 told two very important things that have marked the rest of my life. First, 194 00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,600 I had to remove from my diet the cheese that looks like it' 195 00:15:00,639 --> 00:15:03,960 s his non- marital kidney. We' re going to learn a lot 196 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:07,559 tonight and the other one told me for the rest of your days you have 197 00:15:07,559 --> 00:15:13,279 to drink a lot of liquid. And I' m an alcoholic because they 198 00:15:13,399 --> 00:15:16,039 didn' t specify the fucking doctors. I don' t know about you, 199 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:16,960 but I didn' t applaud you. I didn' t applaud, 200 00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:24,840 eh. I have a grudge. That' s where I' ve applauded 201 00:15:24,039 --> 00:15:30,279 more of Baby Ponte than the total doctors I' ve been an alcoholic, 202 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:31,919 but now I' m not, although now that I think about it, 203 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:33,480 Auntie if we' re going to die, because I eat your ass for 204 00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:35,559 a shot of jager. Right now, uh, it' s no joke. 205 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:39,519 I' m holding on super well. I' m holding on very 206 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:43,200 well, and that world is making it very difficult for us. I think 207 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:45,240 I watch TV and all that, and I' m saying that this is 208 00:15:45,279 --> 00:15:48,639 doing everything to get me back to drinking eh he' s more selfish. 209 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:52,799 But, well, there are also economic interests there that I was moving many 210 00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:56,039 sectors, uh the world of col la dope, then junk food. I 211 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:58,679 mean, I moved a lot of things you imagine that suddenly I send all 212 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:03,559 the shit to you and I get home drunk today with a turulo and I 213 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:07,759 find my daughter, Dad what happens me, fuck me what I know takes 214 00:16:07,799 --> 00:16:12,519 feite of touring will you and sleeps fucking girl for what you earn with absthemia. 215 00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:17,759 After this time I haven' t had a drink, the main thing 216 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:19,799 and what I' ve been most excited about is that since I don' 217 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:22,759 t drink, I' ve gained in lucidity. You know, it' 218 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:26,000 s for the best, the best thing about quitting alcohol. It' s 219 00:16:26,279 --> 00:16:30,279 lucidity and then don' t throw up on my daughter while she opens the 220 00:16:30,279 --> 00:16:32,480 Christmas presents. That' s cool, too. But above all lucidity, 221 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:37,039 because lucidity, above all it gives you is that it allows you to ask 222 00:16:37,559 --> 00:16:45,120 the right questions. And the right question to ask is whether there really would 223 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:52,159 be a real danger that we would die, if there really was a real 224 00:16:52,320 --> 00:17:00,240 danger that a nuclear war would fall on our heads. If that was true, 225 00:17:00,559 --> 00:17:06,720 if we had to get out of our homes quickly and you could only 226 00:17:06,839 --> 00:17:12,079 take one thing, what would it be that it wouldn' t be sunflower 227 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:15,079 oil kids, then no, then that friends. Thank you very much. 228 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:18,400 You' re a fantastic audience. My name is Aznar.