WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:03.319 The topics and opinions expressed on the following show are solely those of the hosts 2 00:00:03.399 --> 00:00:06.639 and their guests, and not those of W four WN Radio It's employees or 3 00:00:06.639 --> 00:00:10.880 affiliates. We make no recommendations or endorsements for radio show programs, services, 4 00:00:10.960 --> 00:00:14.800 or products mentioned on air or on our web. No liability, explicit or 5 00:00:14.839 --> 00:00:19.120 implied shall be extended to W four WN Radio It's employees or affiliates. Any 6 00:00:19.160 --> 00:00:22.359 questions or comment should be directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing 7 00:00:22.480 --> 00:00:46.600 W four WN Radio. Hello and welcome to Fearless Fabulous. You. I 8 00:00:46.640 --> 00:00:51.000 am your host, Melanie Young, and thank you for joining me today. 9 00:00:51.799 --> 00:00:56.240 My message to women of all ages, especially those fifty five and older like 10 00:00:56.439 --> 00:00:59.799 moi, is that you have the right to choose life on your terms, 11 00:01:00.079 --> 00:01:03.280 live it healthy and with pleasure, at any age, at any stage. 12 00:01:03.000 --> 00:01:07.079 And that's my message. You can follow me on Melanie Fabulous, and of 13 00:01:07.079 --> 00:01:10.000 course here are all my shows on your favorite podcast channel. I think we're 14 00:01:10.000 --> 00:01:12.480 on over forty right now, you're listening live on the Women for Women Network. 15 00:01:14.280 --> 00:01:18.599 Today we're going to talk about a topic that I think is important for 16 00:01:18.640 --> 00:01:25.040 a variety of reasons. It's about a number of things that all kind of 17 00:01:25.319 --> 00:01:27.079 boil into one. It's that we don't we as women, we don't need 18 00:01:27.120 --> 00:01:32.079 to seek approval for anything. We don't need approval to live our lives on 19 00:01:32.120 --> 00:01:34.519 our terms. We need to just give ourselves permission to do it. We 20 00:01:34.560 --> 00:01:40.040 don't need to ask permission from anyone, our spouse, our parents, our 21 00:01:40.120 --> 00:01:45.280 kids, period. It's about living life on your terms. And one of 22 00:01:45.319 --> 00:01:51.560 the things that I noticed recently as we've been driving from our former home in 23 00:01:51.599 --> 00:01:55.640 Tennessee to our new home in New Orleans. I like to eat. I 24 00:01:55.719 --> 00:02:00.239 enjoy eating. I come from a family that has always enjoyed food. We're 25 00:02:00.280 --> 00:02:05.840 Southern and Jewish, which means Southern food and Jewish food. There's a great 26 00:02:05.840 --> 00:02:08.000 book called matsubl Gumbo. As a matter of fact, it celebrates the beauty 27 00:02:08.000 --> 00:02:13.199 of Southern Jewish food, and I work in the industry. I enjoy a 28 00:02:13.240 --> 00:02:16.439 good meal. I enjoy it, albeit I am a picky eater. I 29 00:02:16.479 --> 00:02:22.319 prefood, food that is fresh, well prepared, and when possibly a locally 30 00:02:22.360 --> 00:02:24.919 sourced. I also enjoy sitting down to enjoy a meal and not standing up 31 00:02:24.960 --> 00:02:29.919 grabbing a bike or walking or eating in a car or doing anything that frankly 32 00:02:30.280 --> 00:02:36.120 gives me indigestion. I like the beauty and the ritual of eating around a 33 00:02:36.159 --> 00:02:39.080 table, having conversation, eating good food. I also like to eat in 34 00:02:39.159 --> 00:02:43.759 peace, which is where I'm going with this. I like to eating peace 35 00:02:43.840 --> 00:02:46.879 without people looking over at my plate and commenting on either when I'm eating or 36 00:02:46.919 --> 00:02:50.840 how much I'm eating, or did you order that? Or why did you 37 00:02:50.960 --> 00:02:54.280 order that? Or I wouldn't order that. I really don't like people commenting 38 00:02:54.319 --> 00:02:58.919 on what I eat or how I eat. And I confess I have done 39 00:02:59.000 --> 00:03:02.360 that, and I confess that I need to do better at not commenting as 40 00:03:02.360 --> 00:03:07.479 well. And there's a lot of reasons for that. And the reason I 41 00:03:07.560 --> 00:03:10.520 brought this up is I've observed it a few times, and I think women 42 00:03:12.719 --> 00:03:15.919 tend to receive more comments about what they eat and how much they eat than 43 00:03:15.960 --> 00:03:21.199 men. I truly believe this. So here are three examples. A friend 44 00:03:21.599 --> 00:03:24.159 said looked at me and said, wow, you cleaned your plate, Like, 45 00:03:24.199 --> 00:03:27.800 what a surprise? I ate all my food? Well, I was 46 00:03:27.879 --> 00:03:30.960 hungry, right, But then there's people who will say to you, what's 47 00:03:31.000 --> 00:03:34.479 wrong, don't you like your food you're not eating or such a picky eater? 48 00:03:34.560 --> 00:03:37.879 You eat like a bird again, offering judgment that used to happen to 49 00:03:37.879 --> 00:03:40.840 me a lot growing up. Or someone will say, wow, she hoovered 50 00:03:40.879 --> 00:03:44.800 that meal down. She really did eat a lot, did you notice how 51 00:03:44.879 --> 00:03:50.000 much she ate? Or recently, at a restaurant, I ordered food. 52 00:03:50.039 --> 00:03:53.120 I wasn't very hungry. I ordered the entree. Entrees tend to be bigger 53 00:03:53.159 --> 00:03:54.800 than I usually like to eat. I'm more of an appetizer person, So 54 00:03:54.840 --> 00:03:58.560 I ate half the food, right. I ate half the food and asked 55 00:03:58.560 --> 00:04:01.120 for a takeout container, and the said, oh, I didn't think you'd 56 00:04:01.159 --> 00:04:03.560 finish everything. It looked like it would be too much for you. Like 57 00:04:03.639 --> 00:04:08.759 worry judging me on like the size of my portions. It's like judging me 58 00:04:08.800 --> 00:04:12.599 on the size of my breast or the size of my butt. So maybe 59 00:04:12.639 --> 00:04:16.240 I'm being sensitive, but maybe I'm not. But I've noticed my fellow women's 60 00:04:16.680 --> 00:04:24.079 eyes roll. The women eye roll when the men therewith make the comments. 61 00:04:24.480 --> 00:04:28.360 For example, recently, at a restaurant, the man looked over at his 62 00:04:28.399 --> 00:04:32.800 female spouse and said, well, you really cleaned your plate. And I 63 00:04:32.839 --> 00:04:35.160 wanted to say, you're gonna pat her on her head like a good girl, 64 00:04:35.920 --> 00:04:41.920 And she said irresponsible. I was hungry, like she didn't need to 65 00:04:41.959 --> 00:04:46.560 explain herself. But the comment was so rude, I thought, maybe I'm 66 00:04:46.600 --> 00:04:49.199 being sensitive, But the eye roll was there. We had the mutual eye 67 00:04:49.240 --> 00:04:55.279 roll, and that happened with another friend where the spouse commented on how much 68 00:04:55.319 --> 00:04:59.399 she was eating and then how to eat the food and maybe she should try 69 00:04:59.399 --> 00:05:01.160 it a different way, and there was the eye roll. Mind you, 70 00:05:01.240 --> 00:05:04.360 my friend is a food writer and a beautiful cook, so she knew exactly 71 00:05:04.360 --> 00:05:10.240 what she was doing. But the point is we don't need to be food 72 00:05:10.279 --> 00:05:13.839 police. Well, actually food shaming. I'll get the food police at the 73 00:05:13.920 --> 00:05:18.240 table. Food shaming is when you're commenting on how much someone eats, how 74 00:05:18.279 --> 00:05:23.680 little someone eats, what they're eating, Why did you order that, Why 75 00:05:24.680 --> 00:05:28.360 are you doing that? Why are you so picky? You're eating too much? 76 00:05:28.680 --> 00:05:30.439 You cleaned your plate, man, you hoovered that down. It's like 77 00:05:30.600 --> 00:05:34.800 food shaming. Now again, I may be sensitive, but I am sensitive 78 00:05:34.839 --> 00:05:42.600 when I see the look on women's faces when the comets come. And frankly, 79 00:05:43.680 --> 00:05:46.759 men or other women should never assume or insinuate that women should watch how 80 00:05:46.839 --> 00:05:53.319 much they eat or what they eat. Period. Body shaming is already a 81 00:05:53.360 --> 00:05:57.519 problem among women and girls. Why exacerbate the problem by food shaming? And 82 00:05:57.560 --> 00:06:00.160 That's where I'm going with this. A lot of people when they were young 83 00:06:01.959 --> 00:06:06.920 were food shamed, which resulted in body shaming. Okay, the two go 84 00:06:08.000 --> 00:06:11.959 hand in hand, and unfortunately the seeds of both can be planting very young 85 00:06:12.040 --> 00:06:15.639 girls and boys. It is an equal opportunity, all sex, all gender, 86 00:06:15.800 --> 00:06:21.519 all background situation. And it happened to me personally, which is why 87 00:06:21.560 --> 00:06:27.759 I'm probably more sensitive to it than many. When I was young, there 88 00:06:27.800 --> 00:06:32.759 was a distinct hierarchy in the food chain at the dinner table. The men 89 00:06:32.839 --> 00:06:38.480 got the larger portions, and they got the prime portions. The men got 90 00:06:38.519 --> 00:06:42.920 to have dessert, they got to have the cake a la mode, the 91 00:06:43.000 --> 00:06:49.079 pie a la mode. The women were served smaller portions, lesser portions, 92 00:06:49.160 --> 00:06:55.120 less quality portions, and we were served jello and fruit cocktail like. We 93 00:06:55.120 --> 00:07:00.040 were not given permission or allowed or even offered the ca ala mode or the 94 00:07:00.079 --> 00:07:04.480 pie alo mode. And if we were, we had to decline because it 95 00:07:04.519 --> 00:07:11.040 was considered to look piggy and overly voracious. If we ate too much, 96 00:07:11.120 --> 00:07:14.240 we were told I was told to leave food on the plate don't clean your 97 00:07:14.279 --> 00:07:19.079 plate. I was told to eat smaller portions. I was ingrained, as 98 00:07:19.120 --> 00:07:23.399 I said, to eat jello and fruit cocktail and avoid sticky, ouhy, 99 00:07:23.439 --> 00:07:30.439 gouey desserts. We spent time exercising. My mother would take me to her 100 00:07:30.480 --> 00:07:32.399 fitness salon. There was a fitness salon back then where we would have to 101 00:07:32.439 --> 00:07:39.560 exercise to maintain our girlish figures. It's like we were not allowed or permitted 102 00:07:40.279 --> 00:07:44.399 to indulge in food in any way. We always had to eat half portions. 103 00:07:45.000 --> 00:07:51.480 And that is where eating disorders begin. And that is why food shaming 104 00:07:51.519 --> 00:07:56.879 people as adults is not healthy, because you don't know where that person's background, 105 00:07:56.959 --> 00:08:00.839 where their head is in terms of their relationship with food. And saying 106 00:08:00.920 --> 00:08:03.240 something that's an inadvertive comment, even if you think it's pleasant, like oh, 107 00:08:03.240 --> 00:08:05.839 I say you want your food and clean your plate, it could trigger 108 00:08:07.000 --> 00:08:11.360 something that is less than healthy in that person's brain. I know for me, 109 00:08:11.519 --> 00:08:15.959 when somebody comments about I see you ate your plate or are you're gonna 110 00:08:15.959 --> 00:08:18.959 eat all that, I immediately push all the food away and say I don't 111 00:08:18.959 --> 00:08:22.240 want it anymore because it brings me back to when I was a little girl 112 00:08:22.279 --> 00:08:26.480 and I was told that cleaning your plate was not healthy for you or not 113 00:08:26.639 --> 00:08:33.200 good for you. It was not ladylike, it's something that you should think 114 00:08:33.200 --> 00:08:37.320 about. But more importantly, it's considered rude to food chain people at a 115 00:08:37.320 --> 00:08:39.840 table. I was having a conversation before the show with a girlfriend who said, 116 00:08:41.200 --> 00:08:43.240 yeah, that happened to me once. I was at a restaurant with 117 00:08:43.279 --> 00:08:46.279 some people and the other woman at the table looked at me. I ordered 118 00:08:46.440 --> 00:08:52.519 a side of pasta and the woman said, you ordered pasta, And my 119 00:08:52.559 --> 00:08:54.360 girlfriend said, yeah, I ordered pasta. What's wrong with that? I 120 00:08:54.480 --> 00:08:58.039 like pasta? And she's like, well, no one would I would you 121 00:08:58.159 --> 00:09:01.240 order pasta like Pasta's like you know, a germ or something that you put 122 00:09:01.279 --> 00:09:03.919 on the plate. Pasta is wonderful, you know, it's part of the 123 00:09:03.960 --> 00:09:07.879 Mediterranean's ayet. I have many friends that cook beautiful pasta. It should not 124 00:09:07.919 --> 00:09:16.360 be part of the food shaming process. And unfortunately many of us, including 125 00:09:16.399 --> 00:09:22.720 me, have food shamed and didn't know we were even doing it. We 126 00:09:22.879 --> 00:09:26.840 just make a comment that comes out kind of stupid, and you know, 127 00:09:26.879 --> 00:09:30.759 maybe it's taking Maybe the person's made to feel uncomfortable at the table, and 128 00:09:30.799 --> 00:09:33.120 you never want people to feel uncomfortable at the dinner table. The dinner tables 129 00:09:33.320 --> 00:09:37.799 should all come together and feel comfortable, enjoy eating and then sharing food and 130 00:09:37.799 --> 00:09:43.480 sharing conversation, not feeling shamed about what we're eating or not eating. So 131 00:09:45.320 --> 00:09:48.200 that is something that we should think about when we're with people. Is not 132 00:09:48.440 --> 00:09:52.240 making comments about how much they're eating, how little they're eating, what they're 133 00:09:52.240 --> 00:09:56.679 eating, what they're not eating, Why aren't they eating? I think you 134 00:09:56.720 --> 00:10:01.000 get the drift. No food shaming, no body shaming, no commentary. 135 00:10:03.399 --> 00:10:05.919 So if somebody the other one is food policing. Now, the difference between 136 00:10:05.919 --> 00:10:11.399 food shaming food policing isn't is this food policing is more like, well you 137 00:10:11.399 --> 00:10:18.120 should be eating organic, or why are you eating junk? Or you know, 138 00:10:18.279 --> 00:10:22.320 maybe we should be eating you know, wild cought salmon and not American 139 00:10:22.360 --> 00:10:26.360 cotton. And that's a good example because I made a comment once on Facebook 140 00:10:26.360 --> 00:10:31.320 about how I was recreating a very old recipe I found in a binder that 141 00:10:31.440 --> 00:10:33.799 was part of my grandmother's recipe book, and it was a very special recipe 142 00:10:33.840 --> 00:10:39.600 book because it was my grandmother's and I decided to prepare some of the recipes 143 00:10:39.600 --> 00:10:41.840 in it. So one of them was a salmon loaf. So I talked 144 00:10:41.840 --> 00:10:48.720 about online finding some salmon and deciding that I would just do the farm salmon 145 00:10:48.720 --> 00:10:52.799 that was available at my local publics versus the canned salmon because I personally don't 146 00:10:52.840 --> 00:10:58.799 like can salmon. So I did the farm and someone online said, would 147 00:10:58.080 --> 00:11:03.279 I would rather dog that eat farm salmon. I would rather eat nothing. 148 00:11:03.360 --> 00:11:05.639 If I had to eat farm salmon, you could only eat wild salmon. 149 00:11:05.919 --> 00:11:11.360 Well, that's a combination of food shaming and food policing. Like she was 150 00:11:11.600 --> 00:11:16.559 letting me, you know, she was commenting about my food choices, like 151 00:11:16.600 --> 00:11:20.240 it was really none of her business. And I said back to her, 152 00:11:20.480 --> 00:11:24.320 well, frankly, where I live, that was the best salmon we could 153 00:11:24.320 --> 00:11:28.840 get. Because not everybody lives in, you know, cities where you have 154 00:11:28.879 --> 00:11:33.039 access to every kind of fish. This woman does. She lives in coastal 155 00:11:33.039 --> 00:11:35.240 city where there's lots of fish. You know, some people don't have access 156 00:11:35.360 --> 00:11:41.320 to the quality and diversity of foods others have, and they have to make 157 00:11:41.360 --> 00:11:45.879 do with the best they have, whether it's you know, enjoying canned peas 158 00:11:46.039 --> 00:11:50.200 versus fresh peas, farm salmon versus canned salmon versus wild salmon, frozen fish 159 00:11:50.279 --> 00:11:56.519 versus fresh fish, not necessarily the best parts of a meat, but whatever 160 00:11:56.559 --> 00:12:01.240 they can afford. The point is nobody should be shamed or police based on 161 00:12:01.320 --> 00:12:09.519 the choices they make. They can do that themselves. So again, I 162 00:12:09.600 --> 00:12:13.399 do admit me a copa in this area because I have rudely and unfairly common 163 00:12:13.440 --> 00:12:18.559 on foods my husband enjoys eating, and that's really wrong of me. I 164 00:12:18.559 --> 00:12:20.559 don't like the smell of meat. I don't like the smell of charcreaiery and 165 00:12:20.600 --> 00:12:24.320 stinky sausages, and he loves to eat them. And I have to learn 166 00:12:24.399 --> 00:12:28.720 to zip my lip and shew my words carefully before it's spinning them out because 167 00:12:28.720 --> 00:12:31.799 I want to say the stuff stinks, get it away from me. But 168 00:12:31.919 --> 00:12:35.639 really, it's his choice and it's his body, and it's not my place 169 00:12:35.720 --> 00:12:39.399 to tell him how to eat or what to eat unless he asks my opinion, 170 00:12:39.440 --> 00:12:43.480 and he doesn't. He has a pinchit for peanuts, you know, 171 00:12:43.519 --> 00:12:48.360 those dried peanuts that smell bad, pretzels and pringles. I don't want him 172 00:12:48.360 --> 00:12:50.840 to eat those because I wanted to be healthy. But it's his business and 173 00:12:50.879 --> 00:12:52.879 not mine. He's an adult. He can make his adult choices, and 174 00:12:52.919 --> 00:12:56.960 I'm an adult and I can make my adult choices much of the same way. 175 00:12:56.600 --> 00:13:03.879 If I only want to eat salad let us for dinner, don't tell 176 00:13:03.919 --> 00:13:07.879 me I must have a protein. I don't have to have a protein meat 177 00:13:07.919 --> 00:13:09.960 when I eat. I can just have vegetables and I'll be perfectly happy. 178 00:13:11.519 --> 00:13:16.600 Again. The point is, keep your comments to yourself about how and what 179 00:13:16.720 --> 00:13:20.120 a person eats. Let people eat and peace, and don't give them a 180 00:13:20.159 --> 00:13:24.559 piece of your mind. Give them a piece of great food and share it 181 00:13:24.600 --> 00:13:28.879 and enjoy together, because really you may end up eating your words. So 182 00:13:28.919 --> 00:13:33.000 how do you handle comments when people make crazy rude comments at the dinner table? 183 00:13:33.080 --> 00:13:37.159 And it's amazing how many crazy rude comments can be made at the dinner 184 00:13:37.159 --> 00:13:39.440 table. And it's not just about what you're eating. It could be something 185 00:13:39.480 --> 00:13:43.559 about what's going on in the world today. And politics is a big off 186 00:13:43.600 --> 00:13:46.480 topic, you know. Try to keep politics off the dinner table, Try 187 00:13:46.480 --> 00:13:48.519 to keep religion off the dinner table. Try to keep personal manners out of 188 00:13:48.559 --> 00:13:54.200 the dinner table. Keep it light. So if somebody comments to you on 189 00:13:54.600 --> 00:13:58.480 how much you're eating or wow you cleaned your plate, just say, yeah, 190 00:13:58.720 --> 00:14:03.320 I have really great appetite, and this is delicious food. I'm so 191 00:14:03.480 --> 00:14:07.080 lucky that I can enjoy whatever I want. Some people don't have that privilege. 192 00:14:07.720 --> 00:14:11.679 Another way is practice gratitudes. I'm really grateful to have such a delicious 193 00:14:11.679 --> 00:14:15.159 meal in front of me. A lot of people don't have this opportunity. 194 00:14:15.200 --> 00:14:20.360 Would you like to share a bite of it? Offer the sharing process. 195 00:14:20.480 --> 00:14:22.519 This dish is so good and plentable. Say to the waiter who comments, 196 00:14:22.720 --> 00:14:26.279 I'd like to take some home to enjoy it tomorrow. You don't really need 197 00:14:26.279 --> 00:14:28.840 that explanation. You could just say kind and have a doggy bag. But 198 00:14:30.399 --> 00:14:31.799 that's a nice way to say. I love the food. It was just 199 00:14:31.840 --> 00:14:35.720 a little bit more for tonight. I'd like to take it home and enjoy 200 00:14:35.759 --> 00:14:39.240 it tomorrow. Or just ignore the comments and change the topic. You don't 201 00:14:39.279 --> 00:14:43.960 need to explain yourself and your eating habits and preferences. You don't need to 202 00:14:43.000 --> 00:14:48.480 be apologetic about what you choose. You also should not complain about what food 203 00:14:48.519 --> 00:14:52.519 is served to you. I've been on trips where press trips where we've been 204 00:14:52.559 --> 00:14:54.360 served in an abundance of food. It's like, you know, we're part 205 00:14:54.399 --> 00:14:58.559 of the lucky journalists club. We go on trips, we're served a lot 206 00:14:58.559 --> 00:15:01.960 of food. Lucky, yes, so I complain that it's too much food. 207 00:15:01.960 --> 00:15:05.519 You should never complain that you're being served too much food. You should 208 00:15:05.519 --> 00:15:07.320 never complain because a lot of people don't have any food to eat at all. 209 00:15:09.559 --> 00:15:11.279 If you feel you're being served too much food, then just eat less 210 00:15:11.279 --> 00:15:16.320 of it and shut the frickin frick up. Just enjoy the food, don't 211 00:15:16.320 --> 00:15:22.120 complain, say thank you. If someone is having a dinner party and they 212 00:15:22.159 --> 00:15:26.960 ask you if you have food preferences, do be honest and say I don't 213 00:15:26.000 --> 00:15:30.720 eat meat. I eat vegetables, or say I tend to eat more fish 214 00:15:30.759 --> 00:15:33.639 and vegetables than meat. Would you like me to bring something along that line 215 00:15:33.679 --> 00:15:37.480 to add to the dinner party. I tend to bring my own. I 216 00:15:37.480 --> 00:15:41.720 always tend to offer a dish that I know everyone will enjoy and that I 217 00:15:41.759 --> 00:15:46.639 can also eat, because I never want people to alter their menu, alter 218 00:15:46.799 --> 00:15:52.519 their entire menu, just because I'm like the odd man out who doesn't eat 219 00:15:52.559 --> 00:15:58.039 meat. Recently, a friend cooked a beautiful dinner of smoked slow smoked meat. 220 00:16:00.080 --> 00:16:02.759 Beautiful try tip I think was the meat. It was beautiful. I 221 00:16:02.799 --> 00:16:04.559 even gave it a taste I didn't like it, but I did give it 222 00:16:04.600 --> 00:16:08.759 a try. I brought my own tuna. I bought it at the store 223 00:16:08.799 --> 00:16:11.720 and brought it and cooked it and didn't say anything and just enjoyed it. 224 00:16:11.960 --> 00:16:15.639 That's the easiest way to do it. If you're going to a dinner party 225 00:16:15.639 --> 00:16:18.639 and you know the food's going to be at steak, either don't go, 226 00:16:19.279 --> 00:16:23.120 or go and be prepared to eat other food, or quietly ask if there's 227 00:16:23.360 --> 00:16:26.960 vegetarian options, but don't make a big to do about it, and don't 228 00:16:27.000 --> 00:16:33.399 expect the entire menu to change just because you have very specific preferences. It 229 00:16:33.559 --> 00:16:36.360 just goes the same with people that are starch averse. There's a lot of 230 00:16:36.360 --> 00:16:41.080 people that for some reason think gluten is the Gluten is the enemy, and 231 00:16:41.120 --> 00:16:42.440 you've got the gluten guard, and they make a big deal. I'm not 232 00:16:42.480 --> 00:16:45.879 eating gluten, I'm not eating gluten, I'm not eating sugar, I'm not 233 00:16:45.919 --> 00:16:48.559 eating dairy. And suddenly the whole tone of the meal changes and the whole 234 00:16:48.840 --> 00:16:53.679 dynamics change, and everybody's somewhat on unease because you're so worried about what somebody 235 00:16:55.000 --> 00:17:00.519 can or can I eat. There is an exception to that, if you 236 00:17:00.639 --> 00:17:07.720 have a severe food allergy, if you have a peanut allergy, or you're 237 00:17:07.880 --> 00:17:15.759 severely allergic to shellfish, make that point clear from the beginning, because that 238 00:17:15.920 --> 00:17:22.039 is a health risk to you and it is a risk to the person making 239 00:17:22.079 --> 00:17:26.519 the food. So obviously there are exceptions to every situation, and the big 240 00:17:26.559 --> 00:17:30.839 one is if you have a severe food allergy, you should always speak up, 241 00:17:30.880 --> 00:17:36.759 and frankly, you should always carry like a little business card or a 242 00:17:36.799 --> 00:17:41.920 notepath listing your food analergies and be prepared to present it when you go out 243 00:17:41.559 --> 00:17:45.880 or if somebody is hosting a meal, because nobody wants to serve you something 244 00:17:45.920 --> 00:17:51.359 that could potentially kill you. I've read recent articles about this or stories about 245 00:17:51.400 --> 00:17:56.119 people that have dined from eating something that was made in the area where peanuts 246 00:17:56.119 --> 00:18:00.000 were used. That is really important, and it's also important if you're preparing 247 00:18:00.039 --> 00:18:06.359 a meal or hosting a meal to ask your guess if anyone has food allergies 248 00:18:06.400 --> 00:18:12.319 which are different from intolerances. So a food allergy where you could be anaphylactic 249 00:18:12.359 --> 00:18:15.599 potentially kill you. That's very severe, and you would to make sure that 250 00:18:15.599 --> 00:18:21.279 you ask about that. Then there are people who are simply intolerant. I 251 00:18:21.319 --> 00:18:25.839 love dairy, love, love, love it, but I do get gastro 252 00:18:25.960 --> 00:18:30.400 intestinal issues if I eat too much dairy. So I'm not intolerant. I 253 00:18:30.480 --> 00:18:40.160 have sensitivity. So hear me out. Food allergies severe potentially anaphylactic, could 254 00:18:40.160 --> 00:18:48.319 cause lethal reactions. Ask food intolerances. That means someone is does not digest 255 00:18:48.359 --> 00:18:53.640 the food. Well, maybe they break out in nives, maybe they get 256 00:18:53.960 --> 00:19:00.319 gastro intestinal issues they can't tolerate that, Maybe they throw up. I know 257 00:19:00.400 --> 00:19:04.119 people that actually throw up by eating certain foods. That's a problem you need 258 00:19:04.200 --> 00:19:08.920 to ask. In sensitivities. Food sensitivities are food you can eat, but 259 00:19:08.960 --> 00:19:14.400 you don't always have the best result afterward, usually because you eat too much 260 00:19:14.440 --> 00:19:15.039 of it. I mean, I'll be honest with that. You have a 261 00:19:15.039 --> 00:19:18.400 little bit of diry, I'm okay, I've eaten a lot of diiry. 262 00:19:18.519 --> 00:19:22.359 Not so good, not so good. But you should always ask and be 263 00:19:22.480 --> 00:19:26.359 discreet about it. You don't need to make a big announcement at the table 264 00:19:26.480 --> 00:19:29.839 that so and so has this. You as the person who has a condition, 265 00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:33.799 don't need a big announcement. Just keep it on the table, but 266 00:19:33.920 --> 00:19:37.559 under the table. If you know what I mean keep it on the table 267 00:19:37.680 --> 00:19:41.359 with your hosts in the restaurant, but under the table when you're having dinner. 268 00:19:41.880 --> 00:19:48.039 So food shaming, body shaming, these are all things that we need 269 00:19:48.079 --> 00:19:53.200 to stop doing because it's not healthy to anyone. And Wani is this important? 270 00:19:53.319 --> 00:19:57.720 Well, I, you know, looked up some statistics on eating disorders 271 00:19:57.759 --> 00:20:06.160 from the National Association of Anarexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders. A lot of these 272 00:20:06.200 --> 00:20:11.519 issues start because someone is made to feel uncomfortable about food, and their relationship 273 00:20:11.599 --> 00:20:18.559 with food changes and in not a healthy way. So eating disorders effect as 274 00:20:18.599 --> 00:20:22.640 I said, people about ages, races, sizes, ginger identity, sexual 275 00:20:22.680 --> 00:20:30.960 orientation, and background. They While many people think that more women have eating 276 00:20:32.000 --> 00:20:37.000 disorders, in fact, hear the stats from a NAD the Association of Anarexia 277 00:20:37.039 --> 00:20:42.640 Nervosa and Associated Disorders, an estimated nine percent of the US population, or 278 00:20:42.680 --> 00:20:47.799 twenty eight point eight million Americans, will have an eating disorder in their lifetime. 279 00:20:48.599 --> 00:20:52.920 I have had an eating disorder. My mother had an eating disorder. 280 00:20:52.759 --> 00:20:56.799 Is that I mean it's genetic? I don't think so. I think it's 281 00:20:56.559 --> 00:21:00.000 you know, I learned from my mother and grandmother. As I say, 282 00:21:00.039 --> 00:21:03.839 said when I was little I was taught I could only eat certain foods. 283 00:21:03.039 --> 00:21:06.279 I was taught never to eat chocolate. It was going to make me get 284 00:21:06.319 --> 00:21:08.880 at me. I mean, this day, they've ingrained me not to eat 285 00:21:08.880 --> 00:21:14.759 too many sweets. Irony is my mother, who hated being fat when she 286 00:21:14.799 --> 00:21:17.839 was a little girl and did not want to be around people who were fat. 287 00:21:17.880 --> 00:21:21.640 When she was an adult, battled her weight all her life, and 288 00:21:21.680 --> 00:21:23.599 as an elderly woman in her eighties, when I tried to feed it, 289 00:21:23.680 --> 00:21:27.279 refused to eat all starch. She was one of the starch squads. She 290 00:21:27.319 --> 00:21:30.000 was afraid that starch was going to make her fat, so she wrote she 291 00:21:30.039 --> 00:21:33.720 would not eat potatoes, she would not eat rice, she would not eat 292 00:21:33.759 --> 00:21:37.519 pasta. She not anat bread unless it was hollow bread. She was very 293 00:21:37.559 --> 00:21:40.720 particular. But she ate a lot of sugar. So I never could understand 294 00:21:40.799 --> 00:21:42.279 that, because you could eat a lot of starch and it could convert to 295 00:21:42.279 --> 00:21:45.039 sugar, or you could just eat sugar and you got sugar. So I 296 00:21:45.079 --> 00:21:48.319 don't understand where her eating disorder came from. But she at the end of 297 00:21:48.319 --> 00:21:52.880 her life she only wanted to eat sugar. At that point, I didn't 298 00:21:52.880 --> 00:21:56.119 care anymore because I just wanted her to eat because she had an eating disorder. 299 00:21:56.319 --> 00:22:00.839 Back to the reality. That is interesting. Fifteen percent one five of 300 00:22:00.920 --> 00:22:07.079 women will suffer from an eating disorder by their forties or fifties, but only 301 00:22:07.119 --> 00:22:12.400 twenty seven percent receive any treatment for it. Interesting fifteen percent. That's a 302 00:22:12.400 --> 00:22:19.839 fairly large percentage, with anorexia being having the highest mortality case. Anorexia blim 303 00:22:19.880 --> 00:22:23.400 you are the two most common forms of eating. One is you know, 304 00:22:23.440 --> 00:22:27.240 you don't eat, one is you eat a lot and then you purge. 305 00:22:29.119 --> 00:22:32.839 This is a situation that, as I noted, can develop in your youth 306 00:22:32.920 --> 00:22:37.839 as it did with me. My relationship with food started very early on and 307 00:22:37.920 --> 00:22:42.880 mimicked what my mother and grandmother did or did not eat. At age six 308 00:22:42.960 --> 00:22:48.400 to ten, girls start to worry about their weight, and by age fourteen, 309 00:22:48.720 --> 00:22:55.440 sixty to seventy percent of all young girls are trying to lose weight. 310 00:22:55.480 --> 00:23:02.640 Now, that is a large percentage. Again from the same organization I quoted 311 00:23:02.680 --> 00:23:08.519 before, found that seventy percent of children and adolescents as young as twelve dislike 312 00:23:08.599 --> 00:23:14.759 their bodies, and forty five percent say they are regularly bullied about how they 313 00:23:14.799 --> 00:23:19.160 look, which includes their weight. That is the number one reason kids are 314 00:23:19.240 --> 00:23:26.240 tease because they weigh a lot. Now what's sad about that is that girls 315 00:23:26.240 --> 00:23:30.079 who were teased about their weight were two times more likely to be overweight, 316 00:23:30.319 --> 00:23:34.119 quote unquote, one point five times more likely to binge, eat, and 317 00:23:34.200 --> 00:23:38.519 one point five times more likely to use extreme methods of weight control five years 318 00:23:38.599 --> 00:23:44.720 later. Weight control extreme usually means you take laxatives, you fast, you 319 00:23:45.160 --> 00:23:49.559 binge, and purge a lot of unhealthy things, and unfortunately this leads to 320 00:23:49.599 --> 00:23:56.000 an ongoing uh eating disorder, an unhealthy relationship with food, usually for the 321 00:23:56.079 --> 00:24:00.759 rest of your life. It takes a long time to undo the since sometimes 322 00:24:00.759 --> 00:24:04.559 you never do. A study sound that eight percent of fifteen year old girl's 323 00:24:04.640 --> 00:24:08.319 diet at a severe level, and their risk of developing a permanent eating disorder 324 00:24:08.400 --> 00:24:14.640 is eighteen times greater. About twelve percent of adolescent girls has some form of 325 00:24:14.680 --> 00:24:18.599 an eating disorder, and very few seek treatment. And it's not just young 326 00:24:18.640 --> 00:24:23.880 girls. As I noticed, my mother was an elderly woman with eating disorders. 327 00:24:25.960 --> 00:24:30.480 A lot of women who hit menopause develop eating disorders or eating disorders that 328 00:24:30.519 --> 00:24:34.680 they once had as a young girl come back into their lives because they're gaining 329 00:24:34.720 --> 00:24:38.680 weight and they don't want to have that menopause weight, and the next thing 330 00:24:38.720 --> 00:24:45.440 you know, they're doing extreme dieting. Extreme dieting could be anything from withdrawal 331 00:24:45.480 --> 00:24:48.160 to refusal to eat, to reducing what you eat to unhealthy portions, to 332 00:24:48.519 --> 00:24:52.960 unhealthy fasting versus what people say are healthy fasting. I'm not a big faster, 333 00:24:53.119 --> 00:24:57.400 so I'm not big on fasting, to binging and purging to only eat 334 00:24:57.400 --> 00:25:03.200 in certain types of foods, which makes you have an unbalanced diet versus a 335 00:25:03.240 --> 00:25:08.319 balanced diet. It's particularly bad when you get older, because the elderly become 336 00:25:08.400 --> 00:25:15.000 weak. And I saw this happen first hand with my mother, who developed 337 00:25:15.000 --> 00:25:18.920 an eating disorder or I think she had an eating disorder all her life, 338 00:25:18.960 --> 00:25:23.119 but it recurred and reserved. It's not recurred, but resurged as she got 339 00:25:23.119 --> 00:25:27.480 older and became fearful of being fat. Now her definition of fat had also 340 00:25:27.640 --> 00:25:33.839 changed after my father died and she who had gained weight while she was caring 341 00:25:33.839 --> 00:25:37.880 for him, she had gained weight, and that tends to happen. I 342 00:25:37.920 --> 00:25:41.759 was caring for my mother and probably put on fifteen pounds because you have a 343 00:25:41.759 --> 00:25:44.400 lot of stress, you stress eat, you eat with their night eating, 344 00:25:44.880 --> 00:25:48.519 you do tend to gain weight many people some lose weight, but there is 345 00:25:48.599 --> 00:25:52.759 usually some unhealthy eating pattern. When you're caregiving people, it is a very 346 00:25:52.880 --> 00:25:56.359 challenging time and if you are caregiving a loved one, I do encourage you 347 00:25:56.400 --> 00:26:02.599 to talk to people that can help you through it. I don't caregive alone. 348 00:26:02.799 --> 00:26:07.200 But like adolescents, which is an awkward stage, growing older and going 349 00:26:07.200 --> 00:26:12.680 into menopausis like the opposite end of adolescence. Your body is changing, your 350 00:26:12.720 --> 00:26:18.519 hormones are changing, life is changing, and you're trying to get a hold 351 00:26:18.519 --> 00:26:23.400 of yourself, and that's when other eating disorders can appear. Unfortunately, right 352 00:26:23.440 --> 00:26:29.400 now, there are a lot of drug commercials, as we all know on 353 00:26:29.440 --> 00:26:34.400 television promoting weight loss and osam beck and other types of drugs, and even 354 00:26:34.480 --> 00:26:41.640 Oprah Winfrey went on national television to talk about her constant yo yo body, 355 00:26:41.720 --> 00:26:47.880 her relationship with food and dieting, which is dog ter Dog is probably not 356 00:26:47.920 --> 00:26:49.839 the right word. Dog is a negative term there, but has been a 357 00:26:49.880 --> 00:26:53.759 part of her life for all of her life. She's been very open about 358 00:26:53.759 --> 00:26:59.799 her relationship with her weight and her body and food. Applaud her for doing 359 00:26:59.799 --> 00:27:02.839 it. I don't necessarily know promoting ozepic was the way I would go, 360 00:27:03.000 --> 00:27:07.079 but that's what she did. But you don't need to resort to diet. 361 00:27:07.599 --> 00:27:11.400 I mean, you don't need to resort to diet drugs to lose weight. 362 00:27:11.519 --> 00:27:15.759 You need to start with first having a healthy relationship with food. So I'm 363 00:27:15.759 --> 00:27:22.319 going to underscore that the reason I started this entire show was that I had 364 00:27:22.400 --> 00:27:29.960 experienced and or witnessed situations at the dinner table where people were put made to 365 00:27:29.960 --> 00:27:36.440 feel uncomfortable about the size, type, and quantity of foods they were eating. 366 00:27:36.759 --> 00:27:40.319 So that is what this show started with comments about how much you eat, 367 00:27:40.359 --> 00:27:41.759 how littlely eat, you ate so much, you didn't need so much, 368 00:27:42.319 --> 00:27:49.079 And those are the types of things that plant the seeds to unhealthy relationships 369 00:27:49.119 --> 00:27:55.200 with food and experiencing the joy of eating. Eating should be a joy. 370 00:27:55.240 --> 00:28:00.319 It's for many, it should be a natural, it's nourishment. For some 371 00:28:00.400 --> 00:28:04.240 it's a privilege because they are doing without. But it should never be disparaged. 372 00:28:06.240 --> 00:28:10.000 People should not be shamed about their eating. They should not made to 373 00:28:10.000 --> 00:28:15.240 feel uncomfortable. There are unhealthy eating patterns, we all know what they are, 374 00:28:15.400 --> 00:28:19.200 and obesity, as much as eating disorders obesity is a result of an 375 00:28:19.200 --> 00:28:26.000 eating disorder. The results in somebody becoming overweight in an unhealthy way, and 376 00:28:26.200 --> 00:28:32.000 many people do need help managing their obesity. But it all starts with a 377 00:28:32.039 --> 00:28:37.440 healthy relationship or unhealthy relationship with eating and food. So if we can plant 378 00:28:37.480 --> 00:28:44.079 the seeds early on with young people, if we can teach ourselves to enjoy 379 00:28:44.160 --> 00:28:48.680 food, give ourselves permission to eat food with joy and not feel criticized for 380 00:28:48.759 --> 00:28:52.599 what we eat or don't eat, and not criticize others. If we can 381 00:28:52.720 --> 00:28:56.920 learn to all enjoy it and mindful not mindful moderation and not on the go. 382 00:28:57.559 --> 00:29:03.119 If we can all have access to better foods at more affordable prices, 383 00:29:03.480 --> 00:29:10.559 that would help. Recently drove across the Florida Panhandle and throughout the Mid South 384 00:29:10.599 --> 00:29:15.200 with my husband, and access to healthy food was few of barbenteene. The 385 00:29:15.240 --> 00:29:19.799 dishes tend to be at the convenience stores, tend to be fat fried, 386 00:29:22.240 --> 00:29:26.519 sweet sugar. Be nice to see more fruits and vegetables and other healthy alternatives 387 00:29:26.599 --> 00:29:33.160 available, but you know, people buy what is affordable to them, and 388 00:29:33.200 --> 00:29:37.480 that's another issue which really doesn't fit into the show. But access to good 389 00:29:37.519 --> 00:29:44.640 food should be a privilege to all and not to few. But what can 390 00:29:44.680 --> 00:29:48.440 we all do better in the process to help people have healthy relationships with food 391 00:29:48.480 --> 00:29:53.200 and have healthy relationships with each other. Well, I'm going to wrap this 392 00:29:53.319 --> 00:30:03.039 up with the following. One. Food should be enjoyed with people or alone. 393 00:30:03.039 --> 00:30:07.759 It should be savored. It shouldn't be grab and go, oh quickie, 394 00:30:07.880 --> 00:30:11.440 get it over with. It should be your nourishment. It nourishes your 395 00:30:11.440 --> 00:30:17.440 body, it nourishes your soul. You should enjoy it. And remember that 396 00:30:17.480 --> 00:30:21.160 many people don't have the privilege of food. They're starving. So if you 397 00:30:21.200 --> 00:30:26.079 have access to food, consider yourself lucky. Two. Food should be affordable 398 00:30:27.920 --> 00:30:33.039 and plentiful. And I'm hoping that all the things that are wrong in the 399 00:30:33.079 --> 00:30:37.079 world will get better for the people who don't have access to good food. 400 00:30:37.480 --> 00:30:41.000 And I'd like to see more affordable food at restaurants and the grocery stores. 401 00:30:41.039 --> 00:30:42.480 Food costs are going up and up and up, and that means people are 402 00:30:42.480 --> 00:30:45.920 looking for less expensive choices, and it's tough right now for some people on 403 00:30:47.000 --> 00:30:55.480 a budget. Food should be appreciated and when possible, prepared at home to 404 00:30:55.519 --> 00:31:00.400 create the joy of creating food together. It's a communal activity. When people 405 00:31:00.400 --> 00:31:03.720 are at a dinner table, it should be about enjoying the food together and 406 00:31:03.759 --> 00:31:07.599 not criticizing someone for eating too little or not enough, or eating one thing 407 00:31:07.799 --> 00:31:14.200 or another. Food policing and shaming should not have a seat at the dinner 408 00:31:14.240 --> 00:31:18.640 table. People should be made to beat comfortable at every age of stage about 409 00:31:18.640 --> 00:31:26.519 what they eat. And also except that while one person's preference for something may 410 00:31:26.519 --> 00:31:33.480 not be yours, it's their choice and not yours. So chew your words 411 00:31:33.480 --> 00:31:40.839 carefully when you're at the table. Think about not saying something that may make 412 00:31:40.920 --> 00:31:45.880 someone uncomfortable. And I'm selling that to myself as well. Let people enjoy 413 00:31:45.920 --> 00:31:48.640 their food. Don't judge them for how much they eat, how little they 414 00:31:48.680 --> 00:31:51.920 eat, how much they spend, how little they spend. Just let people 415 00:31:52.240 --> 00:31:57.799 enjoy the pleasure of eating because at the end of the day, you are 416 00:31:57.799 --> 00:32:01.920 what you eat. And we all want to be healthy, we want to 417 00:32:01.960 --> 00:32:06.400 be happy, and we want to give joy and share food with each other, 418 00:32:07.240 --> 00:32:12.920 and that's all we need to do to have piece at the table and 419 00:32:13.000 --> 00:32:15.839 peace of mind. So don't give people a piece of your mind about what 420 00:32:15.880 --> 00:32:20.440 they should and should eat. Just enjoy piece of the table and enjoy another 421 00:32:20.440 --> 00:32:22.839 piece of that pie, and yes, have it all a mode if you 422 00:32:22.880 --> 00:32:25.160 want. Don't let people tell you you can't. You give your self permission 423 00:32:25.160 --> 00:32:29.039 to have whatever you want, enjoy it the way you want, and savor 424 00:32:29.079 --> 00:32:35.000 every moment. I'm Melanie Young. This is fearless, fabulous you, as 425 00:32:35.039 --> 00:32:37.960 I like to say, take the trip, enjoy the sip and eat the 426 00:32:38.039 --> 00:32:43.680 cake, Enjoy every minute of it, and save your life to the fullest. 427 00:32:44.000 --> 00:33:00.759 Thank you, Ka