Hi again everyone. Michael Deangel is here on behalf of Mission Rejected. We
are still deep in the depths of planning our next season. There have been
fights, there's been hugs, more fights, more hugs, a little bit
cuddling, but that's just the normal way the Portroom operates. So while we
continue to work on that, we wanted to introduce you to yet another great
show. What did We just Watch? Is a new movie trivia game show
about movies that perhaps you'd rather not watch or maybe feel a little guilty about.
Enjoying a normal episode, you would probably hear the Admiral himself, Bob
Killian as one of the regular panelists. But in this special Mission Rejected crossover,
Pete John and myself serve as the guest contestants, and we are mercilessly
drilled on nineteen ninety seven's The Saint starring Val Kilmer. So if you love
bad movies as much as we do, then we think you'll enjoy us talking
about this not so classic film. It's got all the elements that make Mission
Rejected fantastic disguises, cold fusion of outrageous Russian accents, but somehow Val Kilmer
just drags the whole thing down. Well that's my opinion. Anyway, let's
see what yours is as we will share with you the first round of what
did we just watch? The Saint? I can't believe I'm doing this.
So they said to meet me here at the Philadelphia train station. They didn't
really explain who they were. They said that I would know them when I
see them. Let me just pull up my PDA Goldilocks here, still waiting
on the three bears. I've tried the porridge, and I've climbed into bed,
just waiting for you. Excuse excuse me? Oh, oh please after
you? Oh no, my gravelly voiced friend, how magnificent? Can I
help you? Guys? I had a question I needed to ask you.
Do you know how many potatoes you can fit into a pillowcase? What kind
of pillowcase? Like a throw or like a bedroom pillow? Or what is
that what he was supposed to say? Wait, I'm confused. I thought
this was an audition for an oatmeal commercial? Is that the past phrase that
you were supposed to use that oatmeal commercial? I didn't get that. I'm
sorry. Is there is there a script change about? Is there copy for
potatoes or pillowcases. Uh, excuse me, Linda Ronstatt, can you point
me towards the Philadelphia train station. We're in the Philadelphia train station, sir,
My god, Now wonder the rent check bounced? I've been subletting platform
seven. Well, I am just waiting for the three guys who are supposed
to help me record my podcast. My normal panelists were not interested at all
in watching nineteen ninety seven's The Staint starring Val Kilmer, and so I'm waiting
for three weirdos who I've heard from on the internet who said they would talk
to me about it for three hours. Did you say, oh you got
hold on, hold on, hold on, I'll get your turn. Did
you say Val Kilmer, Yes, Val Kilmer? Did you I've never heard?
Did you say nineteen ninety seven's This Saint? Yes, that was the
answer to the question the password. Okay, it is you. It's the
boy we're supposed to meet here. Oh, well, I would not have
guessed that based on that pass code. Is maybe my encryptor on my PDF
is broken. I all I've been receiving are goldilocks like puns. Goldie looks
like puns? Is that? Oh? Wait a minute, who wrote these
passphrases? Was it the EMF Were those people the ones who wrote these ridiculous
passphrases? If it was them, I will take them apart. I the
greatest criminal mastermind the world has alone. And who who is this man living
in the train station? Who is this man looking to become the What are
you dressed as? My fine script reading thread? Excuse me there, al
Pacino. My name is doctor Biff Studebaker, Professor Emeritus of Psychopharmacology at the
University of Phoenix. But that I remember, that's deep down in the muscle
memory. Yeah. Hi, Larry Hastings, bas baritone, I am dressed
as Goldilocks, for I was told this would be a porridge audition. You're
looking, you're looking disturbingly like the last five minutes of The Shining There my
friend. Oh yeah, let's not even talk about that movie. I thought
we were talking about this saint. All right. Well, I guess you
guys are the three guys. So we'll get on the subway and go down
to South Philly, and I guess we'll record this thing. Well, I
think this is the guy Fellas. Perhaps we should unmask. Ah. Hi,
I'm Pete Barry I'm John Dawgan and I'm Larry Hasty. Oh get it
all. I'm Michael DeAngelis, the three creators of Mission Rejected. Oh don't
hang that on. Well, you guys would be great for like talking about
the Saint. Let's get into it, somebody, we were born to do
this. Let's go sounds good. Welcome to What did We just watch?
The Movie? Trivia Quiz Show podcast. Today's episode is about the nineteen ninety
seven American thriller film The Saint, directed by Philip Noise and starring Val Kilmer.
In this movie, Simon the Saint Templar is a thief for hire whose
latest job to steal the secret process for cold fusion puts him at odds with
a trader bent on top of the Russian government, as well as a woman
who holds the secrets. I am your host, Mark Nessel, and our
contestants this week are Pete Barry, Hi, Mark, Michael DeAngelis, Hey,
pleasure to be here, and John Dowgan. Good evening, Mark,
Good evening, everyone, or good morning if you're listening in the morning,
And of course, as always, our contestants are playing for this week's mystery
prize, which will be revealed at the end of the show. So the
Saints initial initial thoughts. I know at least one of you guys were there
at the theater when this came out, if I'm correct. I saw The
Saint in its initial theatrical run with my then college girlfriend. I recall being
in trouble with her afterwards. Wow. As well as John, I feel
like I feel like many of your movie date choices may have ended with you
in trouble with you are You are not wrong about that? But yes,
I am a spy movie nut died in the wool and also a huge Bell
Kilmer fan, and I was I was passingly familiar with the TV series The
Saints, so I was all in for it. Might have even been opening
weekend, God help me, but I was there and it was. It
was something then and it's something now. Yeah, you were not alone.
This movie was heavily heavily advertised by the I can't remember who distributed it,
but it's it's a paramount movie. Yeah, everything about this movie the Screams
Paramount nineteen ninety seven. Yeah, definitely, I can't It's hard to qualify
that, but there is something about it that is absolutely Paramount in the nineties,
so they did this and Mission Impossible. Yeah yeah, yeah, they
were competing against the competing against themselves. Yeah, this was well when was
mission That was right ninety the year before they were getting Yes, already I
feel right at home. You guys are like bringing in these specifics. This
is great. So, yeah, they were competing with themselves, but they
had the IP And a big backer of this movie was Roger Moore, the
original Saint from the TV show and the radio voice at the end of this
movie. Correct. Yeah, Roger Moore loved this movie The Saint, and
after he was in the TV he was hell bent on making this a movie
and continued that for literally the rest of his life. He even more than
Bond, really loved being Simon Templar and he really loved the Saint. And
I know he yeah, supported this movie and then spent the rest of his
life trying to revive the Saint again. And his last on screen credit is
a failed pilot of trying to bring the Saint back in the late two thousands
or early twenty tens. Wow. That yeah, so, but I think
I think what happened was Roger Moore died and they were like, oh,
we've got this sitting around because it had been passed and they they just put
it out as a direct DVD direct DVD movie. So God, God bless
you, Roger Moore. But I mean, how so, how much does
anybody how much does anybody know about the Saint IP prior to this movie,
because I don't think this like the opposite of John. I thought I had
seen this movie. I had not, Like it was a fever dream.
I did not know there was a TV show before this. I didn't know
anything. First book right, then an audio like radio drama like we're talking,
this is play? What's that? Yeah? A spy audio play?
Who Then there were a television show, this movie, and then like some
of the other stuff, and then finally this podcast completing the arc of exactly
this is It is the end of the Saint in history. You guys,
can we can stop? Yeah? Hopefully after this people are like, you
know what, let's put this IP to bed. Right. It's crazy to
me. I just I just wanted to say to compliment with Michael said,
it's crazy. Roger Moore got two bites of the Apple for two iconic spy
eyeps, and he didn't get transfixed on James Pond because it's like The Saint
is for me, That's right. He's like, yeah, that's the better
one. Well. The funny thing is, so once I saw this on
stream, I can't remember what service we were watching it on, It's like,
would you like to see the original Saint? And I'm like, I
do. So I watched like ten minutes of the first episode of The Saint
with Roger Moore. I'm like, that is certainly Roger Moore, and I
am not watching any more of this. I've got enough of this in my
life. So yeah, So I don't actually have a lot of questions about
it because I didn't like quantify it. But there are really only two things
other than the actual like character, time and Temple are himself and some of
his proclivities that make this like The Saint. The first is the pin at
the end that she gives that was sort of the insignia of like the books
and the movies and audio play I guess if they had album art back then.
The other one is the Volvo card that he drives for some of the
movie, like Bond had, Aston Martin, I believe, yes, The
Saint had a Volvo and that's he was a safety safety conscious continental European cars
that are safe to drive. What I've seen of the Roger Moore show,
I've never read a I've never read a Saint book, and I've never heard
a radio episode. But I've seen a couple episodes of Roger Moore in the
Saint and yeah, this is pretty different. And I actually said to Pete
after we had both watched it, I said, if this movie was supposed
to launch a franchise, is this like an origin story? Because in the
TV show, the Saint is very altruistic, right, He's sort of a
Robin Hood figure, which Val Kilmer sort of becomes at the end, though
it's very unclear if he gave all the money away or kept some from himself,
but like Simon Templar, sort of an independently wealthy guy who intervenes where
standard justice cannot. Like you, yes, and you described Val Kilmer as
a as a thief for hire at the start of this movie, and I
went, oh, is that what he was, because I mean, I'm
not entirely sure how he got his hands on the guy's money at the end,
Like I'm like, what skill set did you like he's going to prison,
He's going to Siberia. That's yeah, that is actually a single problem.
It was a minor problem. To answer your question, Pete. The
superpower he had was this movie was a complete disaster behind the scenes, and
so there was an entirely different movie filmed. It was really poorly received.
It was months and months of reshoots, thousands of thousands of dollars and people
flying like to and from all these different locales because they really did shoot in
Russia. It was like the small window of time after the Cold War in
Russia. They shot on location in England and there were a couple of other
locations. So this was not a cheap movie to make. So it was
directed by like Philip Noyce, who I said, Philips of the Harrison Ford
Present, Danger and Patriot Games, as well as a bunch of including like
movies that deliver, like I didn't care for Salt that was like Angelina and
Jolie, but it made money. Like this kind of go back late eighties.
I think it might even be Nicole Kidman's first film. Philip Noise made
a movie called Dead Calm with with Nicole right, yeah, Sam right,
Uh. Actually, like Neil and and and Billy's yeah, and of course
we we haven't done it yet, but it's eventually going to happen. He'd
also directed nineteen eighty nine's Blind Fury, another wee where Rucker Howard plays a
blot. Yeah, he plays a blind Vietnam vet who, using his mastery
of sword plays, saves the child, the kidnapped child of another. So
it's very much it's very much a lone wolf and cub then Yeah, but
yeah, but it's Rucker Howard pretending to be blind in like sort of a
comedy action movie. I can only assume. But yeah, so Philip Nois
knew what he was doing. And also Val Kilmer was super marketable at this
time, probably a standard of power from a market and right after Batman and
Tombstone. Yes, he hated it was actually like I think filming Order.
It was right after Batman from what I understand, but Tombstone had also just
came out, and he was at an emotional low point in his career.
According to I think there was a recent documentary about Valkimer. I think they
talk about this where he really hated filming Batman. I don't know if it
was any one person personally, but it was just a real dark time for
him. So yeah, this was a pretty low point on valk In Val
Kilmer's like career personally, and so from what I understand, Philip Noys sort
of just gave him free rein to just do whatever he wants. And so,
oh you can tell, according according to him, in the most,
yeah, Val Kilmer was in the most like I forget what the interview is.
But Philip Nous said, like, I loved working with him. He's
a professional. All of the disguises were kind of his I scans, so
he gives Kilmer full credit for better or worse for this because the disguises is
also not a thing in the Saint. No. I there's a reason I
didn't list that in the things that the Saint has. I was I,
like I said, I didn't think my list was enough to warrant a question,
but I did think I did my research. Those two things are the
same, the Volvo and the pin. You take that away, it could
be Val Kilmer in Mission Impossible another one. I'm wondering if it was the
success of Mission Impossible that led them to try to copy some of that.
My guess would be no. And the only reason is because I think this
movie took more than a year to film. That's so the idea that if
they were if it came out in ninety seven and mission it might have been
the only thing I can think of is they were looking at the dailies of
this mission impossible movie and they're, well, it was. It's to Palma
and and like Cruz, two guys who almost always deliver, especially at that
point, neither of them had kind of like hit their like the bumps in
their career. Cruise would be doing that, I guess, like in about
ten years, and Di Palma had either just bounced back from like the Blowout
or no, yeah, it would just bounce back after Pulp Fiction and everything
like that. It was Bonfire or the Vanities that really, yeah, I
recall that was DePalma's big Yeah. That and Blowout, another Philadelphia movie.
That's why I know a ton about Blowout, and people were pretty unhappy with
that. But I just remember when Tarantino was doing press for Pulp Fiction,
he talked about how much he loved to Palma, and he talked about how
much he loved Travolta, and in that movie Blowout both of them, and
it really caused a lot of studios to give him a second look. But
you're right, he had a couple of flops between then and like when he
started to resurge again in ninety six. The Saint is a real weird movie
that cost a lot of money and did a bad like did bad at the
box office and is kind of like an oddity today, which makes it perfect
fodder for this podcast. So I'm very excited to talk about this movie with
you guys. Was there anything else that you wanted to talk about? Well,
so as you as you mentioned, I didn't realize, though it makes
sutal sense that this went through a lot of reshoots. So now I wonder
because when you look at her filmography, this is the movie Elizabeth Shoe does
after she wins her oscar. But did she maybe not have that oscar when
this starts? W did she win in ninety six? I'm trying to remember,
because if it is, I'm almost certainly she at least signed this before
signed the in context, before she would have had that oscar. Almost certainly,
I don't think she did. She just think she was just nominated.
I'm on it, I'm on it. Elizabeth Shoe is a very perplexing character
in this movie. She was initially in the original movie killed off poisoned by
our main bad guy. Audiences hated that, and I can see why because
she despite like making a choice to play kind of an unhinged character who every
time the camera cuts back to her is doing a different like emotion. She's
probably my favorite character in this movie, obviously, sans a couple of the
saints themselves the disguises, and they have weirdly they have they do have good
chemistry. She Okay, so she was nominated for she was nominated for everything
for Leaving Las Vegas, but she didn't win the Oscar. Yeah, but
even still, that performance and that movie, you'd think that she would never
touch a movie like this. But I'm sure the ink was dry on it
before that happened, and I'm sure she got compensated. Well yeah, page
she does. Yeah, And I think she comes out smelling fine in this
Like this is a stinker of a movie, but none of it gets on
her. I think the problem. I think the problem with her character is
Elizabeth Shoe just radiates intelligence hmm, and emotional maturity and she's playing a woman
who's just wandering with like an et level of naivete about how human relationships were,
Like she just like she literally just hatched out of an air the day
before and it's never seen a man she's keeping. She's keeping world changing secrets
in her raw. She's got eight equations and she can't figure out the order
they go in. That's yeah, the all things will definitely get into.
But the one thing I did want to say is some scene she is that
naivete, and then other scenes she seems to have some crazy emotional intelligence that
doesn't even make sense based off of what we've seen before. So we're based
based on what this Like other characters say it's like, oh, she's so
cagey and she's so like eccentric. I'm like, I don't know. She's
a super attractive, super intelligent, like super articulate person who seems easily likable.
So I'm very confused by that. Like the script doctor in me was
going crazy this whole time, because honestly, in the early scenes between Val
Kilmer and Elizabeth sche I agree they have they have chemistry, and I'm like,
there is a germ of a really good idea here, Like I could
get on board with there's a really broken guy and a really awkward scientist who
he's catfishing her, and like he halfway, he gets halfway through it and
is like, I can't go through with it, and then he does anyway,
and then the guy who he works for comes after them, and I'm
like, and they and she needs him to survive, and I'm like if
she if her reaction was I hate you so much because you took everything I
you know, this is everything. You completely scammed me, right, but
then grows to understand why he does what he does what a broken person is
like, there's something that could work there, but like he's thrown off so
many red flags that I'm like, lady, run, like what is happening
here? Like just he's a North Korean parade in that scene is right,
like my favorite moment in this entire movie. And I'm like, and this,
you know, like what I wanted to see because the movie was already
so far downhill and underwater at this point when she sees the statue of Shelley,
the like naked Greek statue, and then she turns around and he's there
in the same position, and I'm like, if he's naked, lying behind
her ten for ten, like this movie wins everything forever. If he's naked,
he's not damn it all right, forget it. Well he's almost,
but we'll get to that at that scene. Here's the other way, my
my script, doctor brainwent, and I know Pete was feeling the same way
because we were We were chatting with each other over discord as we watched it,
and we were like, Okay, this is where this movie is going,
and it's gonna escalate it to another level insanity. So yeah, so
I was hoping for this ending all the way up, like through her giving
him the pin, She's gonna turn out to be the little girl who falls
off the balcony from the start of the Oh wow, who somehow survived and
he has spent his whole life thinking he got her killed but no m and
they'd be reunited. That would have been so so But my my script doctor
brain thought nothing, nothing quite so dramatic. But I thought, there there's
like a really interesting movie where like the rest of the characters are even halfway
as intelligent as the sun, as you know, euro trash Kokuttevic. And
because my favorite, my favorite scene is where her in the train station,
the sun clocks him immediately. You mean he clocks him seven times? Yeah,
it's him, Dad, it's him, it's him. It's him.
Like there's a there's a there's a there's a much better movie where he where
he puts on bad dist guys, and nobody cares. That would have been
great. Yeah, then everyone sort of tolerates him. Yes, yeah,
Well I don't have a script doctor mine like you guys do. But what
I do have is the time to go over this movie a couple of times
and to write a bunch of trivia questions about it. So how about we
get started on that. To start off this movie, we're going to go
over some of our favorite saints. So I'm going to give you the name
of one of the saints, and you guys can buzz in and tell me
the two things, and if you only get the one or the other,
somebody else can steal. The first thing is tell me the first time we
meet this saint. And the second thing is tell me the sort of factoid
that Val Kilmer says about the saint, because he is never without a quip
or a one sentence Wikipedia like factoid about these saints that he likes to personify.
So the first one that I have who is August Christopher is August Christopher
who he is when he's doing his Doc Holiday voice and he shows up at
the airport at the end. Yeah, the embassy at the end. It's
like an embassy airport. So that is the August Christopher character. Can you
remember the factoid he gives about him? I cannot. I zoned out when
I realized he was just doing his Doc Holiday voice again. Yeah, no
worries. Uh, that was, in fact August Christopher's thing. He was
Doc Holliday, so that's yeah. No, he had another thing to say.
Michael, Is it that Saint Christopher is the patron say to the lost?
Uh No, it's actually not that, Pete. Did you have a
guest? Uh? Now I've got the patron saint of the lost. Let's
see here. Uh, I don't know, let me guess he Uh he
was burned alive but but came back. It's just a wild guest. That
sounds like something some saint must have done some point. So, Michael,
you were on the right track. It is about He's not named after Saint
Christopher. He's named after Saint Augustine. So his factoid, he says,
is named after Saint Augustine, who coined my favorite phrase, give me chastity
and constancy, but don't give it yet. Saint Augustine, the one whose
brothers tied him up and sold him to a brothel or something like that.
That's totally possible. I didn't look up the Saints before this, believe it
or not. I had a heart enough time getting all of Val Kilmer's Saints
straight. But yeah, I did look up that phrase, and there's like
a whole like explanation of it. And the explanation is not that great.
It's not a particularly interesting story. Saint Augustine is like a famous scholar.
I think I'm confused why they chose that particular factoid about him. So ninety
seven the Internet in its infancy, so someone on set had like Sister Mary
Sue's Big Book of Saints, right, yeah, definitely. Well the only
site you could go to was that like site about like exotic pets and like
Argentina or whatever that was. That was the Internet back then, the landing
page. So that's one point for John, I believe. So we got
the first part. So we'll go to the next Saint Mark. Is this
a bad time for us to confess that we were all raised Catholic? So
every single one of these things is a strike against our mortal souls that we
can't name what these who these saints were. Much like some of the normal
panelists, everybody here was also raised Catholic. But as somebody who went to
twelve years of Catholic school, I would say, they don't really talk about
a ton of the saints too too often. I survived six years, but
not not twelve. Yeah, And I was thinking to myself, like I've
definitely heard of like Saint Augustine. There's one or two other ones that I've
heard of. But it's like for the I think there's like six or seven
names that he gives, and most of them they're picking pretty obscure saints.
And and if I did know the factoids about them, they've chosen pretty strange
facts that don't really explain a lot of them. It's like it's like I
was confirmed into the church as Saint Francis of a CC, the patron Saint
of animals, but it would be like giving like it's like, oh,
I'm Saint Francis I'm named after a saint who talked to a dog that one
time or something, right that exactly. Yeah, yeah, it's like,
no, there's more to it than that. There's like a whole like it's
just very strange. I am truly confused about how they came up with their
factoids about the saints. For instance, this next scene which so you have
to tell me where and what the factoid was for Bruno Hassen fat So John
buzzed in, I'm I'm sure, I'm certain it was. That's the name
he takes when he's in the German train station trying to deceive Trediak and his
son Euro tresh Koquettovich. That's that. Just Kilmer's delivery of the name has
burned into my psyche forever and may never and may never leave. Oh you
better believe that I went online and check the spelling on that, because I
did not trust his pronunciation. So absolutely. I actually cannot remember the factoid,
because once again I was just stunned in his belief. Yeah do you
either, you guys remember the fact toity gives this one is a bit like
memorable. Mm hmm, no, mhmm. Yeah. I think I was
also stunned into submission, like John, all right, Well, unfortunately then
you guys have to hear my Bruno impression here at a saint was a very
wealthy man, had the wine, had the women, the song, and
then inexplicably took a vow of poverty and became a hermit and went off and
live in the forest. In the nude. If you had said in the
nude, I would have taken it, because I'm pretty sure that's the only
Yeah, that's the only scene. He was a real girly man, you
know. Oh yeah, very very nineties yourro like coded there is the time
on Sprockets when we dance. This fits right into my rewrite of where she
Elizabeth Shoot turns around and Val Kilmer is just lying there neked. He's like,
what did you not hear of Saint Bruno? Well, she met a
hornier saint apparently right that so it might be this next saint. Do any
guys remember where we first met John Baptiste Rosie. Okay, I believe that's
the name. They try to give him the orphanage. Yep. The first
time we hear that name is in a flashback, and I included it because
there is a pithy factoid about the saint. Do you remember the factoid that
the evil priest says, this is the only one I'm gonna get, Like
the I'm not sure I'm gonna be able, but yeah, the evil priest
is like your John Rossie, say your name. Uh, I'm gonna go
for a wild guess it'd be was he was he? Uh? Was he
tortured? Was it was? Was he was someone trying to get something out
of him? Uh? No, I'm saying, does somebody else want to
give that a try? Yeah, I'm not gonna get it exactly right.
But it had something to do with his with his wealth. Did he give
away his wealth? He's like, that's exactly right again, because this movie
wants to be the origin to a Robin hood as franchise that will never materialize.
No, so he says, you're named after John Baptist Rosie, a
Capuchin priest who gave away all his possessions, and that it's like and I'm
surprised every time he stops talking, like lightning bolts don't like shoot out from
behind him or something. He's like a true evil Catholic priest in this Like,
so we've got a couple more. Is it weird that capuchin? The
only thing I the word Cain with is monkeys, And I'm like, he
was a he's like a monkey. Pries like he just yeah, he gave
away all of it. He was a monkey. That's what I should have
said. Oh yeah, the thing about John Baptist ROSSI he was a monkey.
He gave his life, he loved he loved strong coffee. He gave
his life serving medical science. That capuchin monkey. That's what and that and
that's why we've canonized him. So the next saint that we have is who
is Vincent Ferrer? Is that his persona when he's on the plane. No,
I'm afraid that's not Do one of you guys have a guess it's Vincent?
I think because I can't remember, that seems most likely to be the
catfishing Elizabeth Shoe persona. But I don't think where was that he's wait and
when he's the the you know, the the horny Yah, Yeah, no,
that's not him. Now okay, Nah, do you have a guest
John or no? So Vincent Ferrer is the name that he uses when he's
returned to Moscow. In the Moscow hotel when Elizabeth's shoe confronts him. It's
Vincent Ferrer, named after a s who betrayed his best friend. Which they're
not best friends. They they don't know each other if anything, like she
doesn't know anything about him really, so no one gets points for that one.
But this next one, you knew it was coming, so ready or
buzzers? Who is Thomas Moore? John? All right? So Thomas Moore
was the name he was under when he catfished her at the Shelley statue as
Shelley mind remember was his fact weight? Just that he was martyred for his
faith? Yeah, a saint who died for his faith? Like, which
gets her so hot? Let me tell you there is one way into this
girl's pants and martyrdom. Yeah, so believe it or not. There are
couple of disguises that Val Kilmer dawns in this movie that are not saint based,
so to buzz in for this, can somebody name the three non saint
disguises that Kilmer utilizes in this movie? Michael, all right, I'm going
to take a wild guess. His old man scientist character that he uses twice
in the movie, The euro Trash Russian guy on the plane when he's well
no, okay, so somehow I didn't include that. I remember, oh,
I remember that one. So the reason is Martin de Poris was on
here and I accidentally scrolled past it. So okay, I'm going because I
didn't include Martin de Pores, a Peruvian saint who could cure the sick and
injured by the laying of hands, I'm going to give you another shot at
okay, because I should have included that, and my apologies to Martin de
Pores stands out there who were waiting with baited breath for him to be included,
and somehow Mark made a mistake, So you got one of the three.
So far. There are two other disguises, the Russian at the top
of the movie. The Russian at the top of the movie, his first
disguise, he's like the security guy. Yeah, there are a couple of
Russians ones. Those ones all count kind of as one, And so can
you name one more, because there's actually four, because I actually did conclude
the Russian one, But you're absolutely right. The many Russian disguises that he
wears nondescript Russians, and actually there's two clearly I didn't think of all there's
there's there's three more. There's three. Yeah, there's three more. Yeah.
Yeah, So actually, if if you can get one more, I'll
give you the points and then either of you guys can come in with the
other ones. Okay, so you got two. Let's see, there's three
more that I can think of. So we've already said the nerd character,
we've already said the the various Russian disguises that he put on. But I
can think of three more that he comes on. I think John is the
next one buzzed in. Oh oh oh god. I just thought, well,
we'll see how its. Yeah, I might be overthinking. After he
jumps off the roof with the at the beginning with the microchip, he becomes
the drunk Russian guy in the street, and then immediately and immediately ditches that
for the the photographer ghotographer. I was kind of considering that one. So
yeah, you definitely got we're considering. We're considering when he actually dresses up
as Treddiek, as the rod Aser Beggie character. Yeah, yep. And
then there's one more that it's it's hard for me to not like, like
try to get you guys on because it's a it's an important scene in my
opinion. It may only be a couple of seconds long. Oh it's it's
the missus doubtfire moment when he's the yes a missus doutfire moment. Oh my
god, get away from us, which imagine the goal. I mean,
he also, like, as you pointed out, he also wears a bunch
of like kind of the same Russian disguise. But the three that I had
written down where the nerd character tret tretchiak and then the Russian made a lot
of like nondescript one. I think I've got one more, and it's a
it's a unique one because he does not go in disguise. It's just he's
on the phone. Oh but he plays like a stock brow or he's an
art it's part. It's early in the film. He has the the he
has a voice, has a voice funny. He's talking to him trying to
he's trying to get to his fifty million for whatever reason. And yeah,
he's got like this, you know, like he's in Wall Street. He's
got this very Stockbroie kind of thing going. He's like, oh, you
won't regret it. You know, like and he's like doing this deal with
some unknown person and his his money tally, you know, rolls up again,
and I think it's at that point he goes, just can't get fifty
million. Yeah, I was looking for when he actually like puts on the
fake mustache and like the the dress and stuff like that. But yeah,
he does a lot of voices and discuss He really leaned on his Juilliard training
in this movie. Really classical. So yeah, I think each of you
guys earned a point for that. Sorry Pete, but that we've got.
So I wanted to introduce some of the characters because obviously we'll be talking about
them, so let's actually get into the movie. So I've got a couple
of questions right off the bat. We open up, Does anybody remember what
opening like card things? Oh, it's unforgettable? Okay, And well we're
gonna have to go with Pete because he buzzed in first. This was one
of my favorite things. It is, Uh, it takes place. Do
I have to say an order? It tells you where and when it tells
you yeah whatever. Yeah, it took place yesterday and it took place in
the Far East. Uh, it's the producers really wanted to let you know
that it took place within this very specific twenty four hour period and somewhere on
the largest land mass on the planet. Yeah, I guess. And again
they don't sound English, so I was like, oh, the far east
of no, right, the US, like in New England or something like
that. There's like, I think, I think like two Asian kids in
that orphanage. I don't know what is going on. There's colonial I don't
know what it is. I don't know if it's supposed to be Nepal or
Vietnam or something. And I believe this is actually another part that's accurate to
the Saint mythology that he was raised in the East. Right, I don't
think the stuff about the Catholic school. There's a bunch of Asian boys students,
but I don't I don't think there are any Asian girl students. But
it's clearly a mix, and clearly right, it's the The impression is that
it's their orphans, right, Yeah, well they're definitely orphans. So my
next question is, does anybody remember the name of the orphanage. It's like
Saint like Saint Bastards of the Well that whatever you're coming up with is a
better title for a movie than this one, So, John, that would
have been the title if the priest had his brothers. We haven't really introduced
him yet. But no, it's got a more additional Catholic orphanage name.
The name of the orphanage is Saint Ignatius. And then but yeah, as
you were saying, like, this was the beginning of my confusion about this
movie, because it's if it takes place in the Far East, anywhere other
than the United States. A lot of people in the Far East apparently speak
English. People in Russia speak English, people in this flashback speak English.
In fact, it's pretty rare when we hear a language that's not English in
this movie. That's kind of a globe. So not to be a Saint
apologist, but I would venture to say that, you know, yesterday in
the Far East, a colonial Catholic institution probably did literally beat English into their
right that I'm like now, the fluency in which these children spoke English,
and why these two blonde haired British children ended up in a Far East orphanage
I do not have an answer for. But yeah, I think that English
was the language of the day if not Latin. Yeah, it's I didn't
want to. I didn't want to ruin it. But are you were you
going to ask about the second title card? I was going I wasn't going
to ask about it, but I was not. I was going to ask
about it, but I was going to bring it up. I promise.
But because we got but we're still yesterday, Pete, we haven't gotten to
tomorrow. Yeah, trust me, I've got a long script. I don't
I don't. I don't miss a lot except Martin de pore Is unfortunately.
But the what But to your point, my Michael, they do speak a
lot of English, and in fact, they even use old timey like insults,
like English insults. Does anybody remember the old timey insult that the priest
used on the kids, which I was looking it up a little bit.
It seems like a thing that you shouldn't be saying if you're a Catholic priest.
Yeah, did anybody clock this? Or is this just me? After
reviewing this? Or so he calls the I forget if he calls the group
or just simon templar a kur, which is an old timey means like a
mutt or a mongrel, which I do think is very specifically remember that like
English. So again, not only is this guy speaking yeah, it's shakesperience.
Yeah. Yeah, these guys, this priest hates kids. Like this
guy doesn't just like is not a tough love guy. He's like nothing would
bring him more joy is just to murk these kids. It's like truly again,
I didn't go to Catholic school, and like my dad was when and
my mom was when, like there was corporal punishment. But I even the
old nuns and the old priests who were like kind of a vestige of yesterday,
who were like still teaching, seemed to at least kind of like kids.
Like on some level, this this guy hates kids. You think you
can get a transfer or something like that. He I think this probably is
his transfer. This yeah, this is like get this guy out of here.
We gotta gotta send him to the Far East. Uh he wasn't the
East, but they like sent him even further. I was impressed. Something
that struck me is, uh, you know, he sends all the girls
to bed and then he puts all the boys in the cafeteria and locks the
food in a cage. And it is the most luscious looking meal. Yeah,
oh, any Catholic or orphanage has ever served? Like was that like
an entire week's worth of food that he put in that cage? And why
would you store food in a cage where humans can't get to it but mice
and any other vermin can get to it? Like I think he was hoping
for that. He was like, that's part of the punishments, Like you're
gonna watch the mice eat it, kid. I actually thought the logic there
was to let them smell it, I guess, but that, Yeah,
it really came across in this movie. I'll say that the plan that was
being that was hatched by this priest is the why the food was in that
cage. Yeah. Well, anyway, we start to get in this like
scene of glimpse at our buddy or Simon Templar, who were going to be
following around. He won't acknowledge his name. He instead takes the name of
I guess, like a magician in like Catholic lore. He does some quick
sleight of hand pickpocketing and he's able to free all the food from the cage.
Then he puts on a cape which is some like iconography that he never
utilizes later or anything like that. It's great. Like as he's coming up,
all the all the boys are like going like food food, food,
food, food, food, like as if they had rehearsed it or something
like that. It's such a bizarre. It is such a bizarre moment because
he hasn't done anything yet, and they're like, do they know he's gonna
do it? Or are they? Are they like begging him to say,
I'm John Rossy or it doesn't make any sense now. The cape thing which
made me howl with laughter. Right, he's wearing a cape as if he
is Simon Magus, the Magician, but it has the red cross of the
Templar Knights. The book that he is reading shoved into his into his Bible,
and I love that. The priest is angry. How dare you read
this other piece of Catholic literature and not your little, big little boys big
book of saints. Uh yeah, So it's very weird. I mean,
they he took a moment, right, he freed the food, and everyone's
like, let's go save the girls, and he's like, yeah, one
second, I'm just gonna get the sheet. I'm gonna paint a night of
the templar cross on it, and then we're gonna go to this caged area.
There's so many cages in this orphanage. This orphanage is like built like
a zoo. There's so many like except what part is not cage? The
part you could easily plummet off of. Well, you don't need a cage
where there's a railing. Yeah, the only things that are in the cage
are the dogs or presumably there's a kennel somewhere else. So they they go
up to rescue the girls, and I actually don't have this written down.
Do they ever remember the name of the girl that he like? Is it
Agnes? Oh? Yes, Agnes? Yes, Sniss again a character who
seems to have a bigger impact on him than Elizabeth Shoe for most of this
movie. And that's why Elizabeth Shoe should have turned out to have been Agnes.
Maybe she has amnesia, she doesn't remember what happened to her. That's
in the sequel they were planning. Yeah maybe, or maybe it's a situation
where she doesn't recognize him. And but then when he shows his like tool,
the like tool that he used, like it would have been a reveal
or something like that somebody gets full noise on the phone. We fixed this
movie thirty years later. Yeah, we're too may The only thing we could
do is rant about it for a few hours. Like I know, I'm
thick sometimes when I'm watching movies, But this was the part that confused me
the most. Is he like, is he caught at the end of this
scene? Like it's kind of just like she falls to her death in the
middle of the escape, and then it's like, okay, and then that
scene's done, and you're like, so are we led to believe that he
then escaped or that they keep telling him and he says it to her later
on and later he's recovering from uh from almost freezing. I think he doesn't
realize what he's saying. He says, now, right, he says,
she died and then I escaped. Now he doesn't, he doesn't necessary he
doesn't. Okay, I didn't catch but I believe you it was the same
night like at some point, right. Yeah, that again was information we
would see brought out in the sequel. Mm hmm, yeah, I have
I have written down here somebody's going to jail for murdering that girl. Right,
First of all, I mean, who who really killed her? Right,
it's the dog, right, the priest lets the dog that dog,
Like you're really you're really like arguing for this guy. I do think that
it was the priest fault, or at least the movie makes like leads us.
I believe that, and so nobody like that child had no family.
I'm sure you're right. They probably beat young Val Kilmer. I'm sure they
blamed him, beat him senseless, and then, uh, you know,
for all I know, they threw him out into the wilds of the far
East, and he raised his batman begins, and then he left, and
then he had to go even further east until eventually, eventually, so eventually
he was in the west. Yeah, and well eventually he kept walking east
until we make it to Moscow tomorrow. But actually that's the end of the
first round. So at the end of the first round, we've got John
in the lead with four points, followed by Pete and Mike, who are
both tied at two points. So I can't believe I have that many.
I didn't either. I think he gave me a little boost from Agnes maybe.
Well, there it is the first round of what did we just watch
the Saint. If you want to find out if I make an amazing come
from behind and take total victory, then you need to listen to the entire
episode. You can listen to what did We just Watch wherever you get your
podcasts. Other movies that they have recently tackled include Demolition Man, The Masters
of the Universe, and Return to Oz Nightmare Fuel for any child of the
eighties. Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed this little dalliance into the world of
Val Kilmer. We'll be back again next month with who Knows What a little
holiday cheer, and twenty twenty four is just around the corner with all new
season of Mission Rejected. While I have your attention, I want to make
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will see you again real soon