Hello, Hey, I never had the play tickets. You listening to the
show right now? No? Did he hang up? I'm okay, okay.
So therein lies another just freakish ability of Captain Lee. This doesn't go
out to the masses live what somehow he's he's hearing us. It's like he's
omni president omition, like God. Welcome aboard another brand spanking new season of
another Below Deck podcast. My name is Dylan. I'm setting up next to
one Patrick Hicky mission to come aboard. Granted, how are you, buddy?
I'm great, new season, fresh start, new people. You know,
it's are we starting a new season or what? Yeah? And this
is uh, well, it's sailing favorite. No, I think this one's
my favorite. And plus we got our friend to the show, Frasier,
So yeah, sailing is still my favorite, though because of all the knives
that fly. Hmmm, yeah, this show does not have knives flying.
But we haven't seen the whole season. I can't tell you how excited I
am to start a new voyage. I think everybody was a little fatigued big
time by the end of Mediterranean, what with all of the Anne and Luca
drama and Luca drama, Kyle drama, Natalia drama, I mean Frenchman drama,
right, right, right. But my only thing was, like,
you know, we were crescendoing towards the end of the season, Like the
main storyline was like, are Anne and Luca gonna be a thing? And
it's like, no, Luca is Luca is an incubus? He's he's a
sex demon. No, can we be done? Yeah, we're done.
We're starting the new season. It looks so good before we get into it,
public service announcements, Patrick take it away. Sure, Okay, So
we have another feed called bad TV Bad TV podcast. There, Ruby Dylan
and I recap v underbump rules. We recap Single Life, ninety day Fiance.
Yeah, we will give a couple episodes of Love Is Blind season five,
which drops next week yep. And then it will be behind a paywall
called Patreon dot com slash another podcast network. You know. I have been
maybe we'll do it on another podcast show. It's a show, we do
it Patreon. I have been feuding with Patreon. This support email, this
support thread. Oh my gosh, is it yummy? Good? Is that
you're gonna read on another podcast? Well? I might, I mean you
know. You know how much I relish a good back and forth with customer
service. You know, love what you did with Southwest. That was great.
Yeah, that was great. They won, as they always do.
But Mari, it's also one against me. Yeah no, no, no
no. Uber eats never wins. I always get a dollar and eighty seven
cents in credit. You know what I mean. It's the small wins.
No, I've taken that Uber eats Listen. I dude, when I go
up against the corporate evil, I always come out on top, except against
task grab it. I don't want to get into this stuff. Okay,
talk about the show, all right, Dylan. Can I give my thoughts
and knots first? Absolutely? Okay, for any new we call you baby
Barnacles. For listeners of this podcast, welcome and share the show. You're
gonna love it. No one does it better than us. Okay. I
loved this first episode, but I didn't realize until hindsight. I looked back
at my notes after I watched the show. It was mainly character development because
in the first episode nothing happened. No, nothing happened, nothing happened.
But this is the can I really quickly had something. Of course, what
can make nothing happened even more. Nothing on below Deck are nice charter guests.
What we had tonight was a gas lighting mama of an hour and a
half between courses and nothing said about it. Well, I'll get into it
later. It's one of the most unbelievable things I've ever seen Chef Anthony since
pouring corn on top of nine. Now, to be fair Dylan to these
charter guests, they were polite about that hour and a half between I believe
the appetizer and the entree. Right, they're spray painting the fucking cabin walls
with sex juice. God damn it, right right, you know what you
gotta get You ever try and clean up sex juice off walls. It's like
a fucking spider web. You need a blowtorch to clean it off your hands,
right right right? So okay, yeah that or gasoline? All right?
Back to my thoughts and knots. Yeah, okay. Any season Below
Deck, the best episode is kind of the first episode because you're meeting new
people and you're like, who's gonna hook up with who, Who's gonna hook
up with who? And guess what this season, anybody can hook up with
anybody because after eleven seasons of production for Bravo, they finally fucking realize no
one wants to see rats who are have a significant other. No, finally,
every person on the boat except Captain Carry, he doesn't count, is
single. Anything can happen, thank you. It's like that Ellie Goldie song.
What is that? I think it's Ellie Goldie. Anything coming up on
sounds great? Can anything coming up? Can I find that on Spotify?
You can find it on spotify dot com. Okay, okay, okay.
A couple of other thoughts here and then I'll move on. This show always
innovates itself, Dylan, It's all he's innovating. Did you see the new
camera shots like Apple? Yeah, I was gonna say, the transitions are
so high death oh man. And not only that, they got like the
hidden cameras tucked in appliances. I like one thing. At one point I
thought I had a camera angle from a toaster. Yeah. I just wanted
to know what that angle look like. You know what on someone's nose hairs.
It's so funny that they cut to like so you know how sea rats
have like little kind of like claws that they use to like make all the
drinks and stuff. When you see that and high def like sloppily cutting a
wedge of lemon for a drink that's overly sweet, it's really actually kind of
nuts. It's innovating. Yeah, okay, just a couple of notes and
then I'll move on. Jared. He is a new archetype. He seems
like a nice guy, very overwhelmed by the pressure. I know that we've
seen that before, but there's something more, there's something under this. I
don't think he's gonna last. And that that was of fun. I wish
that we could just go ahead and say it. Oh right, yeah,
because we talked to Fraser and he told us everything, No, you're not
catching my drift. But let's just say I think that Jared's he's hot.
He's a stoner. He's high as like, yeah, yeah, he's got
the stoner laugh and the cough. Right, and I think he has an
unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Oh okay, but I don't know yet. So
look, dude, I don't know. Yeah, I'll have to get to
know you. Yeah. Anyway, amazing first first entry into season eleven of
Below Deck. I'm gonna give it ninety knots dude. Nope, Dylan's lighting
up. You're sparking up. Look at you. Sorry, that was not
good timing. Listen, I loved so ninety nine is way too high and
you know that. And that's a bad way to start the season starting to
high. The bar is too high. And just you know that almost everyone
on this boat is concerningly incompetent, and that is perfect. That is what
we want on this show. If you're not incompetent, we want you damaged.
And we have that. I mean, we have a vampire. I'm
gonna call her Vampira, okay, And by the way, I do want
to point out okay, she says almost at the out of the gate.
She doesn't like people. She doesn't like to be around people, she doesn't
like to talk to people. Great choice in occupation. I love her so
much. She is my spirit animal and I can't wait to meet vampire.
More and more is the episodes going along, But I'm really looking forward to
the season. It looks like it's going to shape up pretty good. Let's
get into it, Okay, now, Dyl, how are we going to
do this? Because we have when everyone shows up to the boat, and
if you don't mind I'd like to just kind of do it chronolog I would
love to do that too, but first I think we should probably and this
is a little impromptu, and I apologize if this is a little stumbly,
but we have uh something that we did last season. I don't know if
you're going to be upset by this, but we have a new captain.
Oh man, that's right, we do, don't we? Yeah, new
captain man Captain Carrey from Below Deck Adventure. Yeah, Below Deck Adventure.
And it's listen. I know that we've already eulogized Lee, and Lee has
started a podcast about like the Real Housewives or something, so he isn't enemy
now, but I think we would be remiss if we didn't just say hold
on, hello. Ah oh he sounds sick. Hey, I got some
insite information that Captain carry guy he killed people their rest. Don't once?
All right, I gotta go, yeah Lee Lee Lee is Lee is being
so caddy, defaming, defaming Carrie, calling him serial killer like that one.
It's pathetic, and he's getting him confused with Captain Glenn very clearly.
But we kick off with the James Cameron trailer intro of this was insane Okay,
it's quite an epic opening season protagonist the secret agent Captain Carry. Okay,
yeah, this is wonderful, all right, very grand in nature.
We spend some time getting to know Captain Carry. You know, he describes
his occupation less like a dude that drives a boat around for a bunch of
rich assholes for an overpriced occasion yea, and more like someone who kills bond
victims. Yeah. Yeah. You always have to look around the corner right
right right? Why? Yeah, yeah, it's like sitting down with like
Smedley Butler or somebody you like, just just look at the screens and the
buttons on the boat. I'm sorry, have you seen like a lot of
theater or or or do you just drive a boat? Got to watch out
for night shot. Now, I'm not saying that driving a boat of this
size isn't impressive. It is, but cool it with the secret agent stuff
a little bit. Fraser ah wants to fist fuck a season? Does he
really? That's what he said? Good laugh there. I want to remind
Fraser friend of the show, by the way, love you dude. TV
shows don't have assholes. Okay, not literally, Ah, I see what
you did. There because they're not really I don't know, like it's interesting,
like what kind of play on words there, what kind of fauna would
you put it to? You show in you know, interesting to think about.
Fraser is a therapist and a garbage disposal. He is also the King
and Queen of the show, a friend of the show. One of the
things that I'm so excited about is just having fresh back. I just think
it's fucking awesome. No, no, no, I just mean as a
chief Stu. I think he's a great chief stew even when he's doing categorically
poorly, it's great, you know. And and again it's it's difficult to
judge somebody on their alleviation of a blood feud and their crew, like sometimes
you very rarely are going to fix that, you know. All right.
So Jill's Aeron will not be a stew, but she will be on the
show. I think she should be a stew. I think that Bravo should
probably work on that because it would be amazing. Jill Jills Aaron as the
chef. Oh my god, did we get that first? Or we have
Barbie first? Barbie is our next person, self described Argentinian daddy's girl,
her tits and drawn eyes eyebrows might not might be fake, but she's real.
Okay, So I'm so happy that you said that gross thing that you
said, because I want to talk about Barbie. Obviously. The woman seems
spoiled and dumb, right, but sometimes, and very rarely, sea rats
prove to have more depth. Oh, yes, you know, and she's
got quite the work ethic, quite the work ethic. You know, sell
her short? No, absolutely, but you know she I only say that
because she seems mean and overly proud of being wealthy, and she's also a
sea rat. Like. I don't know how you fall from Ferraris and Argentina
to being a sea rat. I think it's mistake after mistake after mistake.
But listen, we'll get to know Barbie. We will. Ben is up
next. Didn't work out with Camille. Who would have seen that coming.
I didn't see it coming. I thought they were perfect for one another.
She cheated on. Yeah, yeah, it looks like he's going to be
the player again this season. Yep, absolutely plump nips. We know him
very well. Zandy is up next. She is my favorite person already.
She is a witch. She is a vampire at night She also seems to
have a serious drinking problem, which is I mean, I can't tell you
how important that it's gotta be fun. Yeah, yeah, Jared, I
don't know the man yet, but as you pointed out, he likes the
weed. He's got the stoner laugh. He might also be a drunk.
He has the stoner posture, the stoner stature, the stoner vibes, the
stoner everything. The man is spanked Sonny up next her crutch. She likes
emotionally unavailable jerks. I'm sure her srs Scale will be off the charts,
that is. Oh yeah, rats, sad Scale. Don't know. The
people from Quebec are pretty, you know, although Quebec might be like this,
like the more like newir part of Canada. Are you not do at
any place that's cold and you can't go outside three months of the year.
You got a problem with alcohol? Oh no, no, no. But
Canadians seem so happy, you think so? Yeah. I actually played golf
with a nice Canadian couple this weekend. That's nice Peter and Kathy. She
skullfucked a lot of balls over the green and because of that we had to
leave early, and I hated her for a brief moment, but no one
wants to hear about this. Kathy, what are you doing? All right?
I was gonna say, Sonny, her dad is probably a drunk.
Okay, speaking of drunks, Kyle, Yeah, of course we have Kyle.
His establishing shot is drinking whiskey from a bottle. I understand he's Scottish,
but not like drinking orange juice. But be responsible, don't whip out
your balls to every stranger you walk. I'm very, very happy that you
brought up that it was like drinking orange juice, because when we talk about
sea rat drinkers, you know, there are obviously different species. You know,
there's not just one kind of rat. There are multiple kinds of sea
rats. And he is not going to get as fucked up. I don't
think as some of some others will. Time will tell, Time will tell.
But Scott's are professional drinkers. You know. I can suck down,
you know, two handles of whiskey and then he starts punching horses in the
face. Kat. The California girls up next. What is her dream job?
Is the question? She has no but she'll come up with it.
While removing toilet a urine from a toilet. Yeah. The the the question
was a VEO from her, and that is asked as they show her cleaning
a toilet, which is, you know, if people think we're mean,
Like, what we're doing is we're picking up on what this show is trying
to tell us that the working class are pathetic and that we should all strive
to not be them and blame Bravo for that. That's not us, that's
not us. They're trying to tell you that there is no pride in this
and that's all we're seeing. You know what, nothing. I think we
have a chef Anthony last. He claims to work well under pressure. I
guess we'll see about that and then it's time to I guess get into the
show. Yeah see, I could totally tell that you're a distractive Jesus Christ.
My fucking phone? Hello, who is it? It's a secret message?
Is this Lee? No captain carry? He's got a telemarketing scam?
Where? Yeah? Can I talk to him? Real quick? I talked
to him, Lee? Is this you let me? Let me? Let
me talk to him? Now? We got it? And that's the improv
that was that? Was it? A taty garry? He runs a telemarketing
scheme. He's whipping off old people. I gotta go all right, there
we go. See. I listen, we had that improv class many years
ago at nine to fifteen at night by a couple of cool like cars,
you know, and that night didn't go well for you. I don't think
that you like improv. No, I hate improv mhm. But you know
what I do like Granada. No, that's gonna be the color of the
uniform. Yeah, I listen. I'm a fan of teal mhm. You
know, you know you you know what you see a lot of to heal?
What a lot of teal on cahungahungas Tonga, you know? Yeah?
Because what is that stone? What's that stone? Oh, it's a beautiful
stone. It's a beautiful stone. You can't think of the name. All
right, go ahead forgive me. All right, Well we're in Grenada.
Uh, Fraser and Captain carry catch up. Fraser learns that his staff has
four and a half minutes of experience in total. Yeah, and Carrie has
some advice. One watch the turquoise. That's right, turquoise. But that's
the color too, so it's not quite too uh yeah, no, no,
one has experienced on this boat. Fraser arrives and says that he's not
going to allow anybody to bite his tits this season, and he is disgusted
by the color of this. Yeah, he doesn't need as much as I
do. Jared strikes me as and I wrote this before I had seen the
rest of the episode, so it makes it rather obvious. But right the
first time you see him, you're like, Okay, so this is the
sacrificial lamb. This is the person who is going to get absolutely bludgeoned in
a in a kosher it's kosher animal processing. What's going to happen to this
guy? I hope he gets his ship together and finishes out the season,
but not a good start. Yeah, you know, Dylan, our first
season that we ever covered of this, Uh, this actual version of the
show where there was a Bosa named Chandler. Yeah, three episodes and they
really realized he wasn't up for the job pretty quickly. Yeah, it's unlikable.
People cannot lead others, They just can't. Anthony is next. He
is identical to Fraser's X and also fraudulent, but we'll get to him later.
A little sea rat sat history here Jared does mention that how we ended
up being a sea rat. He was hanging drywall in Connecticut and he said,
I don't want this for the rest of my life. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. They cut to a really cool picture of I think that they
were installing a jacuzzi or maybe it was a countertop or something like that.
But yeah, I'm glad he's here. We get to his usurper Ben.
He's been working as a boson. He knows this boat like the back of
his hand, and he's a little agret. I mean, what do we
doing it? Yeah? I mean we can see this coming from a mile.
You can imagine hiring somebody just to slay them. That's exactly what they've
done with Jared. They have done that. But you know, if you
really think about it, Ben, he's okay with it because he's going to
get more time to sleep with half the boat, right. Yeah. Hina
anchor, Watch Vagina Anchor, Watch Vagina, and Barbie is up next.
I continue to really dislike this person, un ironically failing to acknowledge a safety
net the likes of which few people ever get to experience while talking about wasting
your hard earned money on jewelry is enraging. Now, Dylan, you and
I we're gonna disagree on this, agree to disagree. What uh what what
would you do with your c rat tip money? Yeah, put it in
an investment like diamonds, or fucking flushing it down the toilet at a fucking
bar on a night out. Well interesting that diamond was the first investment that
popped up. But yeah, no, I mean to say, I don't
think that she necessarily has to pay for a lot of life expenses. Well
that's why she said she's investing in all these expensive handbags. Oh you think
it's an investment. That's it isn't It is an investment, attack Dylan in
those comments. It is an investment. So we get to Zandy, then
Sonny boards the boat. Then we get back to Jared, who is freaking
He's freaking the fuck out. Kyle Scotland Highlands is up next, and then
Cat and then we get to our first crew meeting. Yeah. Now we
first kind of un roll Carrie's CV. We cut through all the places that
Carri's been and what this is is this these are the editors just really honing
in their adderall milligrams and they're just like let's hey, let's just show everybody
what we can do this season with this font and these high definition licensed pieces
of footage of places like Norway. And then we get back to Norway and
I'm reminded of that franchise and how much we hate it. Nerds, Nerds.
They cast a whole group of nerds to run a boat. It sucked.
Well. Uh Kara, racist cowboy whose mother slays horses. I forgot
about that, dude. That was That was one of the wildest stories.
His mom was accused I think of killing or stealing livestocks. It was killing.
She killed a neighbor's horse because they were in a dispute, because a
little lie. He was like, people told a lie about my mama.
She's been running. She killed a horse man. It's an awful thing to
do. If I was micro do saying I would never do that, You
know what I mean? And that's why we take micro dos. Micro does
can help you put the world on your shoulders literally, mm hmmmmm. What's
been going on with you and talk about how you've been incorporating micro does into
your life? Oh well, I use it every single day, Dylan,
because it calms me. It makes me a more relaxed person. You know,
I get a lot going on in my life. I have a four
year old and I have a five month old. The house is nuts.
Yeah. The only way and get through my day is with a little micro
dose. Yeah. And when you take micro dose, can you turn into
a little kind of tornado and clean up all the toys really fast in a
cartoonish way? Dylan, that's funny you mentioned that, because no, life
isn't a cartoon. Life is life, Dylan. What I can do on
micro dose is I can calmly tell my daughter in a responsible parenting way,
Elliott, why don't you clean up your toys right now? And she says
okay, Daddy. Yes. And micro dose is available nationwide. To learn
more about micro dosing THHG, go to micro does dot com and use code
bad TV to get free shipping in thirty percent off for first order lanes can
be found in the show description. But again that's micro dose en code bad
TV. All right, All right, By the way, at some point,
Ben, who is clearly the cocksman on the boat, he walks by
like his bunk or somebody goes, I know this boat so well. If
the walls could talk, they tell stories, and I was like yeah,
and the first thing they'd say is what a womanizing jerk. I don't like
Ben? Oh you I don't like him. Wow, you know what.
We'll get to it later. But he traffics in a in a kind of
shadow aggression that we've seen in Malia and bugs to a certain decree. You
know, it's all fun and pepperoni nips on the outside, but there is
a there is a war being a little Yeah, absolutely, Hey, can
we I was referring to Ben's nipples. I was not referring to bugs or
Malia. Oh yeah, not that Pepperoni tits. Hey, so Carrie,
we wrap up this first crew meeting. There's a couple of unique things.
And I'm not saying anything bad about I'm saying his nipples are plump. I
think he has plump nipples. I like b I don't want to talk about
this anymore. Okay, Okay, Well Carrie tells everybody, Hey, look,
every day is not going to be rainbows and unicorns. You know,
every once in a while you're gonna need to cry. And when you need
to do that, you come my way. Now that's quite the contrast from
a certain former captain that had a plane pocket full of plane tickets. Yeah,
with the exact date and time of the future firing. And it's like
shocking. If you can do that kind of suit saying, then you have
to use it for good. You can't just be a grumpy Jesus Christ.
Your phone on, do not disturb? Hello, Hey, I never had
the play tickets listening to the show right now? No did he hang up?
Okay? Okay? So therein lies another just freakish ability of Captain Lee.
This doesn't go out. The mass is live what somehow he's he's hearing
us. It's like he's omni president ominition, like God, he's like a
He's like a petty god. So interior meeting happens. Fraser gives his team
a little chat because of the Alyssa and Millie illicit drama last season. He's
pretty harsh. He's like, listen, if you don't get along here,
go just go. I don't want to keep anybody. But I feel like
as Fraser grows into the profession, and I know that he's been a chief
stew for some time, but he's in a new profession, a new position
less chief stew much more managing sea rats. Oh yes, and yeah,
go ahead. Well there's a couple things. It's a completely different job.
He's got to watch that line between friendship and being a manager. And then
also he's learned that, look, I'm not going to just hand out these
epaulets saying your first, second or third, let's see how you work.
Prove yourself to me. He's learned a lot from that. When Sandy was
throwing him out like a oh that's him as a twink that she idea.
Yeah, Captain Sandy was brutal on Fraser, and Fraser has learned a couple
of things. One, turn it into hunger games. Immediately, make it
hunger games as quick as you possibly can. Maybe give them weapons he opts
not to this time, but definitely make them earn the title of prime.
But also I would say to phrase, you can't just you can't just tell
people who are having, you know, downtrodden times that they can they can
go. That's Frasee not really having mastered the art of managing sea rats,
but where he is right now, that's what he needs. Okay, he
needs to focus and if a sea rat needs to go, a sea ratt
needs to go, but I think Barbie and Cat are going to be feuding
quite a bit. We'll see about that. It's a little bit like that
Entourage episode where the two the Sclar brothers, one slept with the other person's
wife and that one, that bad guy, was very very good for the
agency, but they fired the one who was betrayed by his brother because he
was aware. I can see that Sklar brothers go way back to entreg the
Scar brothers. The Scar Brothers have been around making people chuckle for a good
long while. You know what, no one ever mocks him. They always
say things at the same time. Yeah, what a bunch of asshole.
I see what you're doing that you both think on the same break. Fraser
goes around examines the boat. There's a ship stand on the pillow. I'm
not sure if you wanted to talk about that. I didn't see that.
But by the way, we spend about the next ten minutes like doing cleaning
montages of the boat. We have a device called a dildo that sprays I
guess water down, yeah or whatever wonder And then we learned that the Scotsman
Yeah, yeah, what's his name again, Kyle, Kyle, Yeah,
yeah, apparently he nearly lost his asshole in a tragic coat hanger accident.
Or yeah, yeah, Now, as impossible as it seems to lose your
asshole, we need to clarify that Pat is talking about the actual butt cheek
when the question would rise again, how is it possible to lose a butt
cheek? It's such a massive flash. It would be like, you know,
the only way it could be removed is by something akin to butchery,
or maybe some kind of really like thick like Grandfather clock kind of swinging scythe
But I'm in, like, you know, I'm in like that. Those
don't really exist here. So I'm confused. I got that wrong. No,
no, no, you got it right. I'm confused about why a
coat hanger branding you could cause you to lose your entire asshole, you know,
but he did almost lose it. I'm just not sure what have we
ever talked to him? We'll figure out what went down that evening. Hey
doll, can we get to the preference she have been broad daylight? Yeah.
Oh, before we get to the preference sheet meeting, we have to
build up the fan fair a little bit because you'll find out what's back in
two seconds, it's time for the preference sheet. Mideagg. Okay, so
Taylor is old as time. I don't the note ends there. I don't
know. I'll give it to you. Okay, so fun. I really
like them. They're also very super harny. They're also people that like put
together gang bang parties that you show up and you're like, yah, I'm
gonna leave early. You know, I don't want to judge people I hate.
I hate when you get to those and because you build up the evening.
This isn't going to the recital. We're going to a gang bang party.
It's twice a year, and and you show up and you're like,
this thinks that we shouldn't have built this up this month. Well let me
tell you why, man, because whenever you show up to one of these
gang bang parties, there's never Ford models there. You know, it's a
bunch of people that join nudist camps. Yeah. Well that's what's so odd
about this group of heavyweights. They are really like overtly sexual, but they're
overtly sexual in monogamy. They're not like they're not these like well, I
know they organize gang bang parties, but like here on this show and not
in our made up universe. They're extremely horny, but they're horny with their
partners, right, like a couple of slutty penguins flopping on you know.
Yeah, yeah, especially those kind of penguins that admit And this was in
the preference Sheetbrian and Rebecca the primaries. They say in the primary preference sheet
there they spend every second with each other. First off, whoever admits to
that a bunch of weirdos see something going on behind the scenes. No couple
wants to spend every second with each other. Yeah, unless they're running like
an underground syndicate of king being parties and they have to be with each other.
We were picking up what I'm throwing down. There's a lot of work
to be done, and then it's a little bit like the two people that
have the coke recipe. Nope, it's not like that at all, because
they have to be away from each other less both of them die. So
we're going to do eco tours. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, hiyaking
through the Mangro Carrie lets us know he loves eco tourism. Yeah, you
know, who doesn't. Everyone who watched Below Deck Adventure, which is why
it's canceled. Well, I was also gonna say, listen, people are
probably into what's it called ectoplasm, but not in mangroves. I don't want
to go into a bunch of fucking mangroves and check out the fucking vicious demon
turtles. Hey Bill, was this at the point where Captain Carey did a
little Sea rat history of himself? Was he the one that was a fat
kid red backwards? Uh spelled? No? That was who was that?
Kyle? Someone? Normally, when you say you were a fat kid that
smelled the red backwards, you're good looking out, you know, you're like
Jerry O'Connell. Sure that might have been Captain Carey. Anyway, I'll say
that's the two on the Sea rat sad scale. Yeah, did your grandmother
get run over by a train while you watched? Because that's what we're looking
for. Yeah, okay, did your grandmother get run over a train while
you watched? Because you knocked her out because you wanted to play pretend like
all of the things that you'd seen on television with the damsel on the track?
That is a ten that is so fucked up. Sandy is up next.
Vampire likes making beds. She would rather put her hand in a blender
than have small talk with primaries. And she means it because if she puts
her hand in a blender, she can turn it on in her hat will
her hand will just turn into a bunch of bats. She won't get hurt
it all. No, No, she's a vampire. You know what.
I'll say this though, on a serious note, bad occupy, bad occupation
choice. Vampire, go get your long hald long haul truck her license.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a show right there,
vampire chick long hauler. She could kind of infiltrate some seedy pockets of the
United States of America. And who knows, maybe even your up directed by
J. J. Abrams. I cannot find my notes, all right,
cats up next. So it's nighttime. She's very green, she admits that,
and she's very Californian. How do I know that, Narley, I
don't know how I feel about that word, gar Yeah, how do you
feel about agro? It's another Californian word. Yeah, dude's getting agro manh
wow. Yeah, I know. It is a very very real stereotype of
people that are more from Southern California. It's not so much a Los Angeles
thing as it is like a San Diego San Diego, but also meets Lake
Tahoe snowboarder. Sure, yeah, exactly exactly. So we eat some sandwiches,
all right, So Jill, there's a lot here. Yeah, Ben
crosses the line I think here he asks captain carry some personal questions about himself.
Yeah, it turns out he painted houses. Did you catch that houses
for a little while? Yeah, saw the irishman. Oh you know what
pay any houses is? Yes, slaughtering people, that's cold word for the
for a mob hit man. Yeah, and it's so crazy to just brazenly
say that you did it so that you could be closer to your daughters while
you're going through a dark period. I mean, Carrie, we know that
you want to, before the great day comes, confess to your crimes.
But let's not do it so tongue in cheek, raizenly. Also, you
know, he killed people. But it's okay though, because you know,
in the mob, when they killed each other, you know, horrifically.
Yeah, it's because they had it coming. Yeah, or it's just business,
that's right. Yeah, they never involved anybody outside the mob. You
know, yeah, right, and got a coming across the line. He
fucked the organizational. Yeah, but they would absolutely kill people outside of the
organization. But it wasn't personal. It was just business business. Uh sorry,
grandmother the bag had died. She stole a bunch of fucking smack from
us, so we had to wipe her around. They said that wipe him
out. Okay, So we see Kyle's ass and we wake for a new
day. Do you know who Frasier puts on things? I do? Okay,
Barbie will do dinners because she's polished. Kat will be a floater because
she's got a good attitude, and Sandy will move into laundry, the maundry
because she's a vampire and she hates people. I think that word. I
think that works perfectly. Barbie's front of house. Vampire is housekeeping, and
Kat is just smoking pot. Somewhere, Anthony is freaking the fuck out out.
He says that at the restaurant he had eighteen employees. Here he has
no one. Um, let's withhold as much judgment as we can, as
we've been doing all episode. I I feel that the guy might be a
ruin kind of guy. Yeah, yeah, I feel that he could be
maybe not that big of a fraud, but I think that there was a
little yeah with the resume thing. Yeah, they do that all the time,
you see rats, because because I saw the way he cut cabbage,
and there's just no way that he could have eighteen people underneath him knife skills.
Yeah. Also, there is no chef in the world worth his or
her weight and salt that destroys a kitchen when they cook. It's just not
done by people who are very good at cooking, you know, Dell,
you generally, I'll give the chefs on this show a first charter, yeah,
to kind of figure shit out because you don't know where anything is.
Yeah, totally. Yeah. Well, Barbie presents our first complication. She
seems to be really really good at her job, and she talks about that
while she SIPs mate, and then moves on to a topic of all the
hotels that she stayed at. Yeah, he's one of those. She might
be making an Instagram influencer or play here, I think, Yeah, I
think so too. So Carrie Eagle, I goes around the boat, I
I captain. I mean, oh, we haven't seen this before, Okay,
so I kind of like this. So Before the charter, Captain Carry
says, I'm gonna do a fucking inspection. I mean a really good one.
I've never seen this, and I've been covering the show for six years
to go around and look at hey. I think at some point, boy,
he was very micro managing. He saw that in the bathrooms. Do
you keep the what do you call it, the Bethspickett whatever plug down?
The plug up? He's like, keep it consistent. He's on top of
it. I mean people fall off, because that's what happens with fame you
that was a Jason Bourne kind of thing that he saw there. Yeah,
you have to, I mean think about that. You're gonna notice the little
things you have to commit to a direct of sync plug. We can't just
have things be all fucking willy wonk up in here. I mean, that's
an unbelievable thing to pick out and then to know why it's wrong, you
know, quite the spectrum. I could also see rain Man doing that.
Yeah. Absolutely, So we suck in and we get to the first charter.
I think someone says that she has a barreling vagina. I'm not sure.
Fraser gives them a tour. He asks how they know each other,
they say best friends. I don't know why I got hung up on this.
That's not a great answer. I think it's like a it's an a
normal answer. We're all best friends, but that really does not give you
any insight into how they met. Well, let me get into your head
for a second. Yeah, someone who's going to service you for two days
ask you a very intimate question. Yeah, how do you know about Well?
We could spend two hours explain, right, yeah, or I could
just give you the short answer. We're best friends. Yeah, yeah,
no, you're because we know you're not listening anyway. So this is not
going to be a pleasure cruise. And that's how I like it. I'm
so sorry about that. I mean, I don't know if I have long
COVID your long haul. Yeah, I think I might be a long hauler.
My daughter painted my face with sparkles yesterday, and I have a fucking
gold thing. Yeah. I can see it. You can see it.
I can see it trying to get it off my eye. Yeah, my
god, things you do when you're a parent, you know. I had
to flush my nose this morning with what water and saline solution? How you
doing well? I'm doing good. But I went to the E and T.
They said you might have a deviated septum. But before we stick a
camera up your nose, we're gonna have to see if you have little inflamed
you know, nodules in there. So what we need you to do is
rinch your nose out every morning, spray something in your nose every morning,
and spray something else at night. I did my my solution this morning.
I'll never do that again. I'll never do that again. And for a
doctor to ask me to do that is absolutely ridiculous. I mean, are
you aware of what that is and why you cannot start your day off like
that? Do you see the gold thing on my head? You knock it
off? It is driving me nice. See there's something like right there.
Thank you, I feel thank you. I see better. It's not gonna
be a pleasure cruise. And that's how I like Jared just I mean,
I'd like him by the way he gives me a little Jesse pink pink.
Oh, absolutely a lot of Jesse pinkmen there less math, more weed.
We forgot to mention that we have a conversation about far away dads at the
torture me, no judgment, no judgment, judgment, No, we don't
drive. Jared is though, just not doing great. He does two and
a half shots into the water line or above the water line. I don't
know what the fuck they say, but it was meant to be one shot,
and this is when he evidently throws Ben under the bus. Now I'll
break down the game for you, Okay, So Jared drops two and a
half shots. Kerry wanted one. Ben was supposed to like walk down there
and communicate this to him, but he never had time to do it.
Jared just did it on his own then by getting on the walkie talkie and
telling him that Ben told him to do it. The good news here,
at least initially, is that Ben and Jared are able to kind of squash
the potential drama. Yeah yeah, yeah. And then we get to our
first lunch. Who doesn't love a bow? I hate them? Yeah,
I wasn't. I was going to answer the question, oh, do you
remember take a bow? Yes, loved that place. Now it's mister mister
Oh's, mister O's. So I am not sold on this guy. This
is where I saw his knife skills. He constructed pat tie well, the
food was okay, but the knife skills are sus and he seems to have
being a soft panic attack the entire time. I get it. It's day
one, but he does not have a cool meter, and if he does,
it's broken and it's hot. This woman sits down, she keeps saying
that she's moist. And Carrie arrives at the table and he says, I
from the soath, the deep soath. He was a fan of Big Little
Nikky and Adam Sandler jointed from two thousand and one. Does anybody know what
he's talking about Australia. I think he's looked at as the little ugly little
stepchild in the south of the Equator. What's it called like? The this
is it something? Is it like known to be a Southern thing? I
don't know. Hey, let us know, yeah, because these Southerners don't
know what he's talking about, all right. So lobster is up next,
deconstructed pat tie on top of the carcass of a sea bug. It's actually
a great dish, but good chefs are organized. This kitchen looks like a
cartoon tornado flew through it. There is no fucking way if this guy had
really had the career that he had in the types of kitchens that he's talking
about, would he do this to a kitchen. I just don't see it
ever happen. I hear that, But I have to question the dinner,
Dylan. Oh yeah, pat tie? The component of are you talking about
the lunch? Oh yeah, lunch? Peanut butter is a major component of
pat tie? Yes or no? Peanuts? Peanuts? Okay, so peanuts
and fucking sea bucks. That's a Reese's cop flavor. I'd not be a
fan of. Oh oh, peanuts could be very complimentary to lots of different
flavors. They can balanced a lot of tingliness from you know, the Loos
and Thailand and stuff like that. But you know how I feel about lobster
sea bucks sea bucks. It's it's one of those weird Master of the Universe
flexus where we we boil them alive and it breaks my heart. And I
was thinking about the other day. You make a chicken tender. You take
the chicken breast, you put it in egg, washed and then you put
it in flour and bread crumbs, and you fly it cried up. So
you're taking the flesh of the animal and then you're bathing it in it's it's
unborn children, and then you're putting it in flour and then frying it.
I can't even think of a more like we run this shit kind of move.
It's absolutely brutal and one hundred ears our grandchildren will think we were monsters.
Dylan, Holy same. Okay, so Cat is being used and abused
a bit now, and we've got the beginnings of a blood feud Barbie verse.
Cat Cat starts to cry and Fraser says that she's not going to last
as he walks off under his breath. I thought that was interested. I
disagree with him, and I kind of love her. I think that she's
emotional for a good reason. She's very competent, and she has to see
route with interesting eyebrows kind of bossing her all over the place. You know,
she's stressed. Sonny loves ass. She loves balls. Correction, ass
loves balls and also likes squirrels. So quite the conundrum. Yeah, I
mean, listen, this euphoria generation. They'll take any you know, No,
it's cool. I mean everybody's by That is how we get to the
top of Olympus. Okay, we all start fucking each other and we stop
bathing chicken in their unborn youth. I mean, that's fucking insane that we
do that, if you think about it. Yeah, So this is a
very sexual group of people, like we talked about, and I think that
that's what makes them really good friends, because if you're this open about your
fluids in front of people who aren't insane, they're going to think that you're
insane. Right. I agree. Ben feels dumber when he's around Jared.
And this is where Ben, I think, has that Malia bugs thing that
I was talking about. It's all puffy nipples and smiles on the outside,
but we've seen it with Malia and bugs. They do this kind of manipulation
where little old me didn't do nothing wrong. I just rose to power very
quickly, except for planning seeds, Dylan, I've talked about this. All
you need to do is start telling people something the same thing three times and
you can kind of ingrain it in their minds, in their opinions. You're
talking about like conditioning, that's the word. Yeah, Yeah, you're talking
about kind of psychological warfare one hundred. But I do want to say that
Ben, some of his you don't like Ben. You know, I'll get
to know Ben, we'll be friends, we'll interview. We've had him for
a season already. Pat, you should know if you like him. Well,
I called him boring Ben initially, but you know whatever, he's playing
a chess game here. But he is kind of right because Jared says at
some point he sits down in the gallery and he's like, I want to
just want to watch TV, Sir. They don't allow that on Reality Team.
We've literally never seen that one time. Ever, it did happen because
I looked it up. The first reality show to ban cast members from watching
TV with season two of Real World. They had a dude on there,
country music singer. He watched TV all day the entire season. He drank
tang. He got really chubby, and then they banned TVs and reality TV
as a genre said, yeah, no more TVs. Darren, it's our
first day of work, y'all. TV, y'all go ahead. I'm gonna
watch Judge Judy and drink some tang. That's what he did, Darren.
He wasn't even on the show. Darn, that's your fourth cup of tang
today. I know it's good for you, Darren, your own fat.
Now would you get out of here? All right? So we have to
get to dinner. Ah, yes, forty five minutes late before it even
starts. Forty five minutes late before it even starts. But perfection is important
to shoot him when you're French. It's like going down on a check.
Take your time. Okay, that's what he said. Oh that's what he
said. Yeah, okay, God I think so. And perfection is as
important to him as it is. And he would not serve things that look
like that. So we can't have kind of long long enough to strands of
purple onion, kind of whatever dead on top of a thing of arugula,
right, because that doesn't look good. That's not perfection. That actually looks
like I don't know, homec. And also we can't have we can't have
be messy, and we can't have be forty five minutes late and then an
hour and twenty minutes on the next one. I could have been a quarterway
through, Oppenheimer. No, no, no, you would be more than
a quarter of the way through. Sorry, I mean I know that what
you were trying to say is that that's a long movie. But this,
this dinner has been over two hours and we've had a flap of rob beef
with arugola and one oblong onion, and an hour and twenty minutes later,
we're going to get something else, but we don't know yet. I don't
like I said, this was one of the most insane things I've seen since
the Russian spy made those nachos or Keiko made those brownies. I mean,
I'm hoping we have real incompetence here on our hands. I don't think so.
I think you're just nervous. So we'll see what happens next week.
Until then, join us at patreon dot com for ad free episodes for lots
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iTunes ready to reviews, five stars, kind words. We gotta read a
couple Next week we shall. We will join us on the Socials, another
below deck podcast. We are so excited for this season two set sail and
that hath it done? And so be done. We are. My name
is Stone, saying goodbye. Pass sake a pot later, dudes,