1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:05,120 Please note that this episode contains discussions of sexual assault that some people may find 2 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:15,240 disturbing. Listen with caution. If you didn't catch the last four episodes, 3 00:00:16,399 --> 00:00:21,600 go listen and start the story from the beginning. We left off last week 4 00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:27,280 with me moving out of the sorority house mid semester due to a series of 5 00:00:28,039 --> 00:00:42,320 unfortunate events snapped. I move into my new house and on the first day, 6 00:00:42,719 --> 00:00:48,039 I'm just unpacking and during my first shower in my new bathroom, I 7 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:53,039 cry tears of relief for the first time in my life. As the water 8 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:59,320 pours down on my face, my hairy legs. I feel it slowly begin 9 00:00:59,399 --> 00:01:03,560 to wash away, to self doubt, the belief that I was somehow wrong 10 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:08,879 and being raped, the insecurity of having hairy legs around those who I live 11 00:01:08,959 --> 00:01:17,640 with. It was slowly, slowly beginning to wash away. On my second 12 00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:22,200 night, I give my new roommates a rundown of everything that I was going 13 00:01:22,239 --> 00:01:25,840 through. A long story, short but going over the major events. So 14 00:01:25,959 --> 00:01:30,439 what happened over the summer living in the house, being raped? And as 15 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:36,000 I'm talking to them, I'm realizing how freeing it feels to talk to people 16 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:40,120 about this who aren't at all affiliated with Greek Life. Like I was finally 17 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:45,200 being honest about what went down. I was no longer saying, oh, 18 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:49,120 Greek life isn't for me, like I couldn't live in the house because of 19 00:01:49,159 --> 00:01:53,079 my mental health. I was starting to say, Greek Life is the problem. 20 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:59,640 This ship is fucked up, and this was in no way my fault. 21 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:05,079 And I'm feeling more of a sisterhood feeling right now than anything close to 22 00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:08,479 what I felt at the sorority house. I'm realizing I want social change, 23 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:13,240 I want justice, I want an apology, and I want them to promise 24 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:16,120 that they're never going to slutch hame someone like that again. And so I 25 00:02:16,199 --> 00:02:22,159 set up a meeting with the exec of the sorority because that's where I know 26 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:24,840 where to start, and I know that I want to talk to them about 27 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:30,439 everything that went down. The next morning, I wake up and for the 28 00:02:30,479 --> 00:02:36,759 first time in a long time, I get up instead of pressing snooze a 29 00:02:36,759 --> 00:02:39,680 bunch. I have a lot of schoolwork to catch up on, so thank 30 00:02:39,719 --> 00:02:46,560 god I'm actually getting up. I notice myself singing again, and I text 31 00:02:46,599 --> 00:02:51,199 my mom saying I'm so happy that I moved, and I get started on 32 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:55,360 my schoolwork. During these next few days, I also get started on creating 33 00:02:55,479 --> 00:03:01,280 a Google doc of any proof of the inchaices that went down in my time 34 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:06,759 in the sorority. I wanted to come to that meeting with exec fully prepared 35 00:03:06,879 --> 00:03:12,960 and confident in defending myself, so I gather screenshots that show proof of any 36 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:16,680 injustice that occurred. I start with going all the way up in my camera 37 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:22,280 role, start from the beginning of the slut shaming, and I found the 38 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:27,680 screenshots of when my pledge of mom made me take pictures down from Instagram right 39 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:30,479 when I joined the sorority. I don't know if you guys remember from episode 40 00:03:30,479 --> 00:03:34,439 two. I also, of course added the screenshots of the mass email and 41 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:38,639 texts that were sent out over the summer. I take an extra screenshot of 42 00:03:38,639 --> 00:03:42,639 the email just in case I'm not losing these screenshots. I also go through 43 00:03:42,759 --> 00:03:47,280 our social media contract and our hazing contract to see if there is anything there 44 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:53,319 that I can use to defend my case. So their definition of hazing is 45 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:59,360 defined as any activity that endangers the physical safety of an individual, produces mental 46 00:03:59,479 --> 00:04:04,199 or physical discomfort, causes embarrassment, fright, humiliation, or ridicule, or 47 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:09,159 degrades an individual. All members of Blah Blah Blah are to be treated with 48 00:04:09,199 --> 00:04:14,240 dignity and respect. This policy states that members should refrain from posts that demean 49 00:04:14,319 --> 00:04:17,839 any group, including, but not limited to, other Greek organizations, minorities, 50 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:24,079 ethnicities, cultural segments, men or women. And I'm seeing that definition 51 00:04:24,079 --> 00:04:28,040 and I'm like, these people fucking hazed me, like they broke the contract 52 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:30,240 with me. Why should I not be able to break the housing contract with 53 00:04:30,279 --> 00:04:36,279 them? Why should my parents have to be paying assent to this organization that 54 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:43,839 sludge hamed me and ostracized me and contributed to the unsafe living environment after being 55 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:46,680 raped, And I could not grieve in that environment. You guys broke a 56 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:50,560 contract. Now I want to break a contract. I also have to send 57 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:57,680 an email to the president of the sorority which includes my official disaffiliating statement, 58 00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:01,800 and I believe she is then supposed to pass it on to nationals or I 59 00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:05,920 don't know, someone higher up, and so I write, I am disaffiliating 60 00:05:05,959 --> 00:05:10,639 from the chapter because of a combination of reasons and how they play out on 61 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:14,639 each other. These reasons are my mental health, being hazed over the summer, 62 00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:18,000 how being hazed over the summer contributed to being raped the semester, cognitive 63 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:24,519 dissonance with the values of the organization and cognitive dissonance with the Greek life system. 64 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:30,879 I don't think I use the term cognitive dissonance correctly there, so don't 65 00:05:30,959 --> 00:05:33,560 fucking judge me. If you're a psych major. Thank you. But from 66 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:38,720 this message, they could tell now that I was going to come into that 67 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:45,959 meeting with exact saying I was hazed and I hit sent. The next day, 68 00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:50,360 I go to the place on campus that helps survivors of any type of 69 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:57,759 assault, abuse, etc. I have my meeting, I feel something out 70 00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:01,560 and then I am in a room with two people from that office I believe, 71 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:09,199 and I give them a rundown and a description I guess of what happened. 72 00:06:09,519 --> 00:06:13,480 They validate me and say, you know, that's that's rape. And 73 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:16,680 at this point I knew that, but it was still nice to be validated 74 00:06:16,839 --> 00:06:21,439 because there were a lot of times that I wasn't. I'd tell them also 75 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:27,040 about my whole living situation. I just moved out mid semester, and I 76 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:31,439 tell them about my experience in the sorority, being slut shamed, ostracized, 77 00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:38,319 etc. I talk about how unsafe I felt in that living environment and how 78 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:42,800 I had to move out if I want a chance to heal, And I 79 00:06:42,879 --> 00:06:46,160 tell them I worry about the fact that my parents are still paying for both 80 00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:51,279 living environments now, and it's really bothering me that they're still they still have 81 00:06:51,319 --> 00:06:54,600 to pay for it. And I don't know, I feel guilty too, 82 00:06:54,639 --> 00:06:57,000 because you know, I don't want my parents to have to spend all this 83 00:06:57,079 --> 00:07:00,360 money because of me. They give me the option to report the rape, 84 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:05,160 and they explain what that could look like. I don't really know if I 85 00:07:05,199 --> 00:07:09,279 want to report it right now. I'm kind of feeling nope, because it 86 00:07:09,399 --> 00:07:13,600 just it feels too much for me right now. It was everything else that's 87 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:16,720 going on, I just don't think I could handle that. And they also 88 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:21,240 tell me that I could still go to Title nine, which is the Office 89 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:28,439 of Civil Rights and Student Misconduct, to tell them about my living environment and 90 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:31,680 everything that happened to me and see if they could break the housing contract, 91 00:07:31,759 --> 00:07:36,680 because apparently they had the power to break housing contracts. And I thought, 92 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:43,000 okay, that's a good idea. So with their help and support, I 93 00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:47,759 made an appointment with Title nine, But in the meantime, I am loving 94 00:07:48,279 --> 00:07:53,959 the real world. It feels like my roommates care about me as a person 95 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:58,240 and not just if I'm going a happy hour or not. One of them 96 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:03,959 is a hula hoop dancer. They all wear different types of clothing. It 97 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:09,920 feels like there their true selves and not conforming to be everyone else around them. 98 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:16,600 It was a breath of fresh air. We called it the Hippie House 99 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:20,639 because we were all such free spirits. And I also now have the space 100 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:26,720 to be alone again and be creative. I'm a theater major and I need 101 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:30,439 space to practice my monologue. Now I have that space, and I feel 102 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:35,600 like myself again, which is a really reassuring feeling considering I hadn't felt like 103 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:43,639 myself in a long time. I wake up and I hop out of bed 104 00:08:43,879 --> 00:08:50,639 because today is my meeting with exact and I am amped up for this meeting 105 00:08:50,879 --> 00:08:56,840 was with three of the sorority members who had positions in the sorority, and 106 00:08:56,039 --> 00:09:01,240 I'm getting ready. I put on some fancy pains and in my head, 107 00:09:01,279 --> 00:09:05,120 I'm just practicing what I'm gonna say. I'm already foreshadowing in my head that 108 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:09,960 this is going to be pretty uncomfortable, because see the members of EXAC are 109 00:09:11,159 --> 00:09:13,399 the same age as the rest of us. I mean like maybe one year 110 00:09:13,399 --> 00:09:16,399 older, two years older. One of them was the same age as me. 111 00:09:16,759 --> 00:09:22,240 And they're supposed to be also your friends that you party with. If 112 00:09:22,279 --> 00:09:26,360 you've ever gotten in trouble in your sorority, you know how uncomfortable this dynamic 113 00:09:26,519 --> 00:09:30,960 is. One minute you're taking shots together, and the next minute you're getting 114 00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:35,360 reprimanded by them for getting too drunk at the tailgate. And even though I 115 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:41,279 was technically now out of the sorority, the power distance still lingered. I 116 00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:46,399 meet them at a fast food pasta restaurant. We say hi, and we're 117 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:52,000 in line together, just small talking. It's pretty uncomfortable, especially because I 118 00:09:52,039 --> 00:09:56,120 know I'm about to pull out my computer with a Google dog that has thoughts 119 00:09:56,120 --> 00:10:03,399 of evidence of why I was wronged by the organization that they're representing. So 120 00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:07,120 we had our pasta and we sit down at a table, and I pull 121 00:10:07,159 --> 00:10:11,960 out my computer and the first issue that I bring up is that my parents 122 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:18,399 shouldn't be paying for anything because I was hazed. They immediately tell me that 123 00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:22,679 they met with someone to see if what happened to me was considered hazing, 124 00:10:22,759 --> 00:10:28,120 and they told me that it technically couldn't be considered hazing because it wasn't before 125 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:35,240 new member initiation. Next, I bring up the point that so many women 126 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:39,960 in the sorority post pictures with alcohol and that directly violates the social media contract. 127 00:10:41,159 --> 00:10:46,840 But while I was both publicly ashamed and personally reprimanded for posting a picture 128 00:10:46,879 --> 00:10:50,320 of me at the beach with a close friend where yes, we happened to 129 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:54,919 be wearing bikinis, but that's nowhere to be found in the social media contract, 130 00:10:54,159 --> 00:10:58,360 and one of them said, yeah, because we're not going to put 131 00:10:58,399 --> 00:11:05,360 that on paper. I am speechless, but the little Lizzie McGuire cartoon character 132 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:09,559 in my head is saying, if you can't put something on paper, then 133 00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:15,759 you're doing something shady. Same goes for the chance, same goes for any 134 00:11:16,039 --> 00:11:20,840 sorority or fraternity hazing its members, and same goes for what goes on behind 135 00:11:20,879 --> 00:11:26,639 the scenes at sorority Rush. The president also didn't seem to understand why all 136 00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:31,120 those texts and emails and you know, that whole incident hurt me so much. 137 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:35,159 I tried to explain again that it's my body and no one has a 138 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:39,399 say in it, and how slut shaming enables victim blaming, because instead of 139 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:43,440 saying why did he rape her, society says why was she wearing that? 140 00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:48,240 And the president responded to me with something along the lines of, like, 141 00:11:48,279 --> 00:11:52,399 I get that it's twenty seventeen, but just like the way that I was 142 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,919 raised, that would be inappropriate, and like I'm telling her, like I 143 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:58,399 don't think you're a bad person, like I truly think this is what you 144 00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:05,639 believe, but you completely ignoring my cry for help really made me feel so 145 00:12:05,879 --> 00:12:11,039 alone and hopeless in this situation. And she tells me that she was on 146 00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:16,080 vacation as well and she had to focus on herself, and she apologizes for 147 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:22,559 not checking in with me after I also mentioned that another reason why my parents 148 00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:26,720 should not be paying is because living in the house was not a suitable living 149 00:12:26,799 --> 00:12:31,399 environment for me. How can I comfortably tell you guys that I was raped 150 00:12:31,559 --> 00:12:35,360 when I already feel unsafe. I felt like you are the same type of 151 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:37,600 people that are going to tell me that I deserved it, or side with 152 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,799 the guy, or just focus on the sorority stake in it all, or 153 00:12:41,799 --> 00:12:46,240 the fraternity stake in all. And I mentioned that they didn't really ever talk 154 00:12:46,279 --> 00:12:52,960 about sexual assault or about what to do if something ever happens. And one 155 00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:58,120 of them said that we have the president of Preventing Sexual Assault Club in our 156 00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:01,679 chapter. She had a horrible rape experience and she tells you guys all the 157 00:13:01,759 --> 00:13:07,360 time to join PSA Preventing Sexual Assault Club. And this makes me feel shut 158 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:13,759 down, and I feel like I'm screaming to be heard, to be validated 159 00:13:13,879 --> 00:13:18,000 in some way. But in the same way that I was here to defend 160 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:24,639 myself, it was clear that my peers were here to defend their organization and 161 00:13:24,799 --> 00:13:28,639 themselves. I start crying during the meeting and saying like how I just feel 162 00:13:28,679 --> 00:13:33,759 so alone with all of this, And one of them says, we're here 163 00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:37,240 with you now, like we care, and you know, I was listening 164 00:13:37,279 --> 00:13:41,080 to you throughout all of this, and she was someone in my pledge class 165 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:45,600 and she was very supportive, like whenever I reached out, she would empathize 166 00:13:45,679 --> 00:13:50,039 and be there for me. In this moment, I really realize, no 167 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:56,879 matter how good intentioned or even woke someone is, at the end of the 168 00:13:56,960 --> 00:14:03,080 day, they're representing that organization and they really don't have much power to get 169 00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:09,559 me the justice that I deserve. These organizations are pros at using wealth and 170 00:14:09,759 --> 00:14:16,000 power to systemically abuse, demean and take advantage of young women without consequence, 171 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:24,519 and they put their nineteen twenty year old exec members at the forefront as protection. 172 00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:28,080 I keep telling them that I want social change so that other girls don't 173 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:31,799 have to suffer the way I did, and they said that I am getting 174 00:14:31,919 --> 00:14:35,960 social change because they would adjust the snap system. But what that looked like, 175 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:41,120 I soon learned, was them being harsher on girls for posting photos with 176 00:14:41,159 --> 00:14:46,519 alcohol and snapping girls individually rather than publicly. It's now the end of the 177 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:52,960 meeting and they asked me to resend my message about why I was disaffiliating, 178 00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:56,960 to make it more general. They said the organization didn't need to know the 179 00:14:58,039 --> 00:15:01,200 details, they just needed to have a general statement. They tell me to 180 00:15:01,279 --> 00:15:05,919 get some rest and take care of myself, and I leave that restaurant with 181 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:11,360 my head down, not looking any of them in the eye. I'm walking 182 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:16,679 home from the meeting and I'm feeling like I still have no control over this 183 00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:22,360 situation, but I should keep fighting, Like I don't know. I felt 184 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:26,240 like I needed to tell more people about what happened. I felt like the 185 00:15:26,399 --> 00:15:31,799 organization should know. I mean, the exact members of the sorority clearly weren't 186 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:35,559 gonna tell them based on the fact that they just asked me to change my 187 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:41,000 disaffiliating statement. So I'm going to make a meeting and I'm going to tell 188 00:15:41,039 --> 00:15:48,480 them I wanted to talk to the actual adults that represented this sorority. When 189 00:15:48,519 --> 00:15:54,000 I get home, I resend my statement, and I changed being hazed over 190 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:58,679 the summer to being disrespected by the chapter over the summer, and I change 191 00:15:58,759 --> 00:16:06,639 being raped to another horrible incident that occurred this year. It pains me to 192 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:11,600 sugarcoat this, and I know that they're silencing me by doing this, but 193 00:16:11,759 --> 00:16:15,200 in this moment, it unfortunately still felt easier to play their little game. 194 00:16:15,559 --> 00:16:22,159 But also knowing that I was planning on making a meeting with hopefully those people 195 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:26,279 that were receiving that email and I would be able to tell them myself what 196 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,320 went down. At this point, I feel like I need to tell my 197 00:16:29,399 --> 00:16:33,279 chapter that that I've disaffiliated because I feel like I need to just get the 198 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:34,919 fuck out. I need to get out of the group chat. It was 199 00:16:34,919 --> 00:16:37,360 already on mute, but I need to get out of it. I need 200 00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:41,279 to get out of the Facebook page, and I just need my pledge class 201 00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:48,559 to know and I need to disaffiliate in the most lighthearted way possible so that 202 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:52,320 there wouldn't be any drama. And I decided that the best way to do 203 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:57,039 this would be to disaffiliate through a song. And I know you guys are 204 00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:02,360 like, what, but hear me out. I had been thinking about this 205 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:04,680 for a while, Guys, like, I'm the type of person that on 206 00:17:04,799 --> 00:17:10,839 my way to class or whatnot, it's very likely that I'll be listening to 207 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,839 a song where I feel like the lyrics relate, you know, like I 208 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:17,640 like to think that I'm in a music video and I'm one of those kids. 209 00:17:17,759 --> 00:17:21,680 I would be listening to these songs that I felt really related to my 210 00:17:21,759 --> 00:17:26,079 situation, and I just started making a parody of them inside my head to 211 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:33,400 fit my situation precisely. And these songs were Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson, Defying 212 00:17:33,559 --> 00:17:40,000 Gravity from Wicked, How Far I'll Go from a Wanna Gotta Go my Own 213 00:17:40,039 --> 00:17:44,640 Way from High School Musical. I decided that the best way to go about 214 00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:51,160 this would be sing this acapella to my pledge class on photo booth. Simple 215 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:55,079 sent it in the group chat, leave the group chat. After that meeting, 216 00:17:55,119 --> 00:17:59,319 I sat on my porch of the new house and sang my ballad. 217 00:17:59,599 --> 00:18:02,640 I then send it in my pledge class group chat. I didn't feel it 218 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:08,200 was necessary to send anything to my older sisters or ex sisters. I should 219 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:12,319 say, so here is a bit of the song, just to give you 220 00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:21,440 an idea. So here is a bit of the song, just to give 221 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:26,599 you an idea. I just don't belong here. I hope you understand. 222 00:18:26,319 --> 00:18:33,880 We might find our place in this world Sunday, But at least four Now, 223 00:18:33,559 --> 00:18:38,400 I spend my wings and I'll learn how to fly. I'll do what 224 00:18:38,559 --> 00:18:45,079 it takes to I touch the sky, become a cheat, do my thing, 225 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:55,599 go my pace and disaffiitly the social send into the bars, but I 226 00:18:55,799 --> 00:19:02,079 see you all. A happy hour, kmaed, do my thing, go 227 00:19:02,279 --> 00:19:07,160 my pace, and just a fitly. Also, if you didn't know, 228 00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:12,519 jed is a term that people in Greek life used to describe someone who isn't 229 00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:18,599 in Greek life, and it also stands for goddamn independent GEDI. Here's an 230 00:19:18,599 --> 00:19:22,559 example of a way that I've heard it be used. How's happy hour at 231 00:19:22,599 --> 00:19:27,359 that bar? Oh? It's full of jeeds. I'll eventually put the full 232 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:33,319 song on at snap the podcast on Instagram. It's pretty funny, like I, 233 00:19:33,519 --> 00:19:37,440 this is the most me thing that I had done in a while. 234 00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:40,519 The song was on YouTube for a bit. I was proud of it. 235 00:19:40,559 --> 00:19:41,920 I thought it was funny, so I was like, Okay, I'll entertain 236 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:45,160 this, and it had like four thousand views, like it was kind of 237 00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:48,119 getting there. The Greek life community loved it, like I was told that 238 00:19:48,319 --> 00:19:52,319 the frat guys sang it at their pregames. You can't find the video on 239 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:56,519 YouTube now because I deleted it because in the beginning of the video, I 240 00:19:56,559 --> 00:19:59,440 say the sorority's name, and as you guys know from this podcast, I 241 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:03,079 don't mentioned the sorority's name because I wanted to make it clear to my listeners 242 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:08,000 that this isn't just about my sorority. This is a national problem. And 243 00:20:08,039 --> 00:20:11,480 so once I knew that I was doing this podcast, I privated the video. 244 00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:15,519 But don't worry, it will be re released anyway. Back to the 245 00:20:15,519 --> 00:20:18,079 fucking story, you guys, you're like, Lucy, please shut the fuck 246 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:21,039 up, get back to the story. All right, we're going back. 247 00:20:21,039 --> 00:20:23,920 We're going back. So I sent the video in the Pledge Class group chat. 248 00:20:25,079 --> 00:20:30,000 I write hashtag mic drop and people like the message on group me and 249 00:20:30,039 --> 00:20:33,759 they were like, you'll be my sister forever. And some people and the 250 00:20:33,799 --> 00:20:38,519 pledge class messaged me and we're just like love you like to stay in touch, 251 00:20:38,599 --> 00:20:44,559 like you're still my sister no matter what. And it just felt it 252 00:20:44,599 --> 00:20:47,519 felt really good to just end on a good note. How it'd be something 253 00:20:47,599 --> 00:20:51,720 silly and you know, I just like could not deal with any more drama 254 00:20:51,839 --> 00:20:56,519 right now. However, just because I don't want any more drama doesn't mean 255 00:20:56,720 --> 00:21:00,079 I don't want any spice. AKA, I'm a little bit back on my 256 00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:04,160 bullshit. I'm talking to guys again, a bit like I felt kind of 257 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:07,079 weird using like dating apps when I was living in thebority. I mean, 258 00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:10,920 I remember once one of my sorority sisters made fun of me for it, 259 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:14,680 and I just remember. It felt good to be on my bullshit a little 260 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:18,960 again, like swiping a bit, meeting up with some guys, getting to 261 00:21:18,039 --> 00:21:23,680 know them. It also felt beautiful to not have thoughts like oh, what 262 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,880 frat is the inn? Or what tears that is that going to be good 263 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:30,960 enough for my sisters, Like am I going to be embarrassed telling them? 264 00:21:30,079 --> 00:21:34,119 And it was just so fucking freank to not have these ridiculous thoughts come to 265 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:40,319 mind. It took me a bit of time to like do anything sexual with 266 00:21:40,359 --> 00:21:45,599 these guys, because I felt like I needed some time, and I definitely 267 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:49,799 did feel more vulnerable stepping into sex again. So I'm happy that the guy 268 00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:55,400 that I first did have sex with after all of this knew that and I 269 00:21:55,480 --> 00:22:00,440 knew that you respected me as a person. We connected first on a friend's 270 00:22:00,519 --> 00:22:04,119 level, you know, as humans. There wasn't this pressure to have sex 271 00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:08,079 right away like I had felt in Greek life. Around this time, my 272 00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:14,319 birthday came around as well. I'm a Halloween baby scorpio, just in case 273 00:22:14,359 --> 00:22:21,680 anyone cares, but I had a really meaningful birthday party in the basement of 274 00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:26,680 my new house. My roommates helped me set up, and I invited my 275 00:22:26,759 --> 00:22:30,680 friends that I had from the sorority, the ones that I was close with, 276 00:22:30,079 --> 00:22:33,759 and my friends outside the sorority, and my new roommates, and I 277 00:22:33,799 --> 00:22:38,480 was Lizie McGuire as my costume. I took a great book pick that night 278 00:22:38,599 --> 00:22:45,480 and proudly posted it with the caption every day's my birthday because bitches love cake. 279 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:51,400 No one could snap me for that. Knapfuckers. I just really feel 280 00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:56,160 the love tonight, and I was really felt assured that it is possible to 281 00:22:56,279 --> 00:23:03,759 disaffiliate and still maintain the chips that I did have After this party, though, 282 00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:07,039 I need to get my head back in the game and work on what 283 00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:12,279 I want to say in my meeting with Title nine and in my meeting with 284 00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:18,400 adults that represented the sorority, because these meetings were now both coming up. 285 00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:25,440 So with the help of my mentor, we added information and spruced up the 286 00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:30,599 Google doc that I had already started creating before of all the evidence and just 287 00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:37,279 adding more and making it easier to understand. At the top in bold underlined 288 00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:41,599 in the middle of the page is meeting with Title nine regarding hazing, sexual 289 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:49,200 assault, slut shaming and disaffiliation. Full version Wednesday, November fifteenth, twenty 290 00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:56,839 seventeen, one fifteen pm. Former member of Blah Blah Blah Sorority at Blah 291 00:23:56,880 --> 00:24:02,920 Blah Blah University, Lucy Taylor, class of twenty twenty and then under that 292 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:07,599 we have a table of contents. Guys, I was not here to play 293 00:24:07,599 --> 00:24:14,119 around So first we've got explanation of slut shaming pages two to five, First 294 00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:18,960 encounter with slut shaming, page six. Being ostracized over the summer pages seven 295 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:22,559 to ten, A cry for help pages eleven to fourteen. Coming back to 296 00:24:22,599 --> 00:24:26,839 school, excerpt from sorority contract living in the house, another abuse of power. 297 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:32,559 How I felt fight or flight? Where I am now? Why I 298 00:24:32,599 --> 00:24:38,599 need your help. At the end of this document, I list actions that 299 00:24:38,759 --> 00:24:45,160 I want to take place. Actions are taken to prevent sexual assault. Actions 300 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:48,319 are taken to educate preeklect members on the definitions of slut shaming and rules are 301 00:24:48,319 --> 00:24:52,000 put in place to prevent it from happening in the future. Actions are taken 302 00:24:52,039 --> 00:24:56,839 to prevent the power dynamic between the older members of the sorority and the younger 303 00:24:56,839 --> 00:25:00,920 members of the sorority. I embraced the sister who so passionately claimed to foster. 304 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:04,559 The usage of snap is no longer used as a way to hold members 305 00:25:04,599 --> 00:25:08,039 accountable, as it calls an individual out in a very public way, causing 306 00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:14,240 humiliation, a decrease in oneself esteem, and an increase in gossip targeted towards 307 00:25:14,279 --> 00:25:18,319 one person. Mental illness is added to the housing contract as a reason not 308 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:22,920 to be forced to live in the sorority house. My rent for living in 309 00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:26,359 the sorority house this semester is pro rated from the time I moved out on 310 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:30,799 October eighteenth, twenty seventeen, as it was a toxic environment that I was 311 00:25:30,839 --> 00:25:34,279 forced to live in. I'm exempt from paying the rent for living in the 312 00:25:34,319 --> 00:25:40,039 house next semester as I've already vacated the premises. I'm exempt from paying the 313 00:25:40,079 --> 00:25:45,640 sorority fees for next semester since I disaffiliated under such traumatic circumstances, and I'm 314 00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:49,960 given a sincere apology from the sorority for the trauma that they caused me. 315 00:25:52,319 --> 00:25:56,640 The day before my meeting with Title nine, I am hanging out with one 316 00:25:56,680 --> 00:26:00,559 of my old sorority sisters and we decided we're going to the Performing Arts building 317 00:26:00,599 --> 00:26:04,359 at school, and she's used one of the studios to dance. And before 318 00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:08,559 this, I go to the Performing Arts library because I have to use the 319 00:26:08,599 --> 00:26:14,440 printer since my meeting with Title nine is tomorrow. I need to print out 320 00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:18,119 the document and I want to make a few copies just in case I need 321 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:22,519 to hand it over and they need and more than one person needs to look 322 00:26:22,559 --> 00:26:26,839 at it. While I am printing, my friend asks me, what are 323 00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:33,039 you printing? And I tell her that I'm basically printing the evidence of all 324 00:26:33,039 --> 00:26:36,599 the ship that went down in the sorority for my meeting tomorrow with Title nine. 325 00:26:36,839 --> 00:26:38,680 And she says, oh, I don't want to talk about that, 326 00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:44,640 and I say okay, and we don't talk about it. We then go 327 00:26:45,039 --> 00:26:48,119 to rehearsal room and make up a dance and it's all fun, you know, 328 00:26:48,319 --> 00:26:52,240 there's no tension. It seems to be fine. And after this she 329 00:26:52,519 --> 00:26:56,759 drops me off. Actually at a vigil. I didn't know the guy who 330 00:26:56,799 --> 00:27:02,440 passed away, but two of my close friends were extremely close with him, 331 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:06,799 and I was going to support them and you know, show my respect and 332 00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:11,960 condolences. But while I'm walking home from the vigil, I get a text 333 00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:15,599 from my friend in the sorority who I just hung out with, saying, 334 00:27:15,079 --> 00:27:18,079 Hi, I know that it's not my place to say this, but I'm 335 00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:22,960 really nervous about how the Title nine meeting is going to affect the sorority. 336 00:27:22,079 --> 00:27:26,359 I didn't realize this, but blah, blah blah. My other good friend 337 00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:29,160 in the sobrity, I didn't realize this, but blah Blah and I were 338 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:33,160 talking about the whole Instagram issue we had with the sorority last week, and 339 00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:37,240 we realized that the whole chapter got punished for one person's actions. I'm just 340 00:27:37,319 --> 00:27:41,480 nervous because it's possible and likely that we would be kicked off so in that 341 00:27:41,599 --> 00:27:44,960 she's talking about, I'm pretty sure they got in trouble for like now, 342 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:48,799 they were being harsher about posting pictures with alcohol, and I'm assuming they got 343 00:27:48,839 --> 00:27:52,640 reprimanded or something. I don't fucking know, but like, yeah, And 344 00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:56,119 I said, it's kind of inconsiderate to send this, especially when it's the 345 00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:59,400 first thing I see after where I was I'm going to reply to this later. 346 00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:02,079 She said, I'm sorry. I totally forgot. I was just speaking 347 00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:06,200 my mind. It also seemed urgent as a realization because it's a large deal. 348 00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:14,759 I'm not exaggerating when I say my heart feels like it's about to blow 349 00:28:15,319 --> 00:28:19,240 up. Tears are streaming down my face because I'm now afraid that they're going 350 00:28:19,279 --> 00:28:23,240 to be kicked off campus and I'm going to be the one to take the 351 00:28:23,319 --> 00:28:27,200 blame for it. And when I get back to my house, I throw 352 00:28:27,279 --> 00:28:32,480 my backpack on the ground and luckily my roommates are all in the living room 353 00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:36,759 and I literally just start like wailing in their arms, like I was not 354 00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:40,440 okay, Like the level of not okay where you can't even reply, like 355 00:28:40,519 --> 00:28:45,440 your friend has to take the phone and write out a reply for you to 356 00:28:45,559 --> 00:28:48,920 then approve, like I was adding I was. I was telling my friend 357 00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:51,799 what to write, like the things I wanted to say, but my friend 358 00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:55,839 was writing the text because I was so unwell, I was too shaky to 359 00:28:55,920 --> 00:29:00,759 hold the phone, and so with my roommate's help, I reply saying I 360 00:29:00,799 --> 00:29:04,440 don't think you understand how much would happen to me affected me. The small 361 00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:08,880 backlash that the sorority might get, like being stricter on snap and not posting 362 00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:12,240 ALK is only a small price to pay compared to what I've been through. 363 00:29:12,839 --> 00:29:15,599 No part of me is going in there and being like kicked them off. 364 00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:18,960 I'm not trying to take the sorority down by any means, and I shouldn't 365 00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:22,559 be made out as that. I shouldn't be demonized for standing up for myself. 366 00:29:22,599 --> 00:29:26,480 I sense that you guys are uncomfortable when I talk to you guys about 367 00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:30,480 this stuff, so we don't much. But if I'm going to title nine, 368 00:29:30,519 --> 00:29:33,720 it's clear that I've really been hurting and I've not gotten help from the 369 00:29:33,759 --> 00:29:37,119 sorority. I was the one in the situation that was affected, and it 370 00:29:37,279 --> 00:29:40,319 is my right to stand up for myself. This is for me to get 371 00:29:40,359 --> 00:29:42,920 justice and closure. I wouldn't be doing this if I wasn't deeply hurting. 372 00:29:44,079 --> 00:29:47,480 Please try not to jump to conclusions. I would rather try to talk to 373 00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:49,960 me about it. I feel like you guys should be prioritizing my emotional well 374 00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:55,119 being. And she said, I wasn't making conclusions on your part. You're 375 00:29:55,119 --> 00:29:59,319 getting very defensive. But I was only making conclusions about the people you're talking 376 00:29:59,359 --> 00:30:02,640 to because more than likely that we would be kicked off due to the way 377 00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:07,079 those people operate. I wasn't demoting you. I was demonizing the people who 378 00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:11,039 make conclusions about sororities based on a few people and not thinking about the whole 379 00:30:11,079 --> 00:30:14,359 group. The adults in the situation. We don't need to talk about it 380 00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:17,880 anymore. I was referring to the adults, though we will all be punished, 381 00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:19,720 and that was my point. When you say blah blah blah, the 382 00:30:19,799 --> 00:30:23,759 name of the sorority that also refers to a number of your good friends. 383 00:30:23,799 --> 00:30:26,880 And my point is that this is going to affect us as well. This 384 00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:30,400 is anxiety also being put on me. Something I care about could be taken 385 00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:33,920 away from me. I'm entitled to how I feel. I'm going to focus 386 00:30:33,960 --> 00:30:37,519 on myself too, and that means being entitled to how I feel. I'm 387 00:30:37,559 --> 00:30:41,319 proud of you for doing the same, but I'm allowed to speak my mind 388 00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:45,359 out of fear for something that I care about too. I won't reply anymore. 389 00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:48,640 Don't worry. I will give you space because I think you're seeing this 390 00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:51,960 as me not understanding you, and I do. But I also know that 391 00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:55,960 going to Nationals versus going to Title nine yields different outcomes, and there's a 392 00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:59,480 likelihood the bad things could happen. And I apologize for those feelings. But 393 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:03,119 anxiety exists in my head. I asked it in the future. I don't 394 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:07,279 hear about this stuff because it hurts me. After this text encounter, I'm 395 00:31:07,279 --> 00:31:11,000 now so worried about my meeting tamorrow with Title nine. I'm thinking, like 396 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:15,160 fuck, like why am I doing this? I'm just gonna get myself into 397 00:31:15,319 --> 00:31:18,480 more shit. They're gonna get kicked off I'm going to be the one to 398 00:31:18,559 --> 00:31:21,839 take the backlash for it, and I'm just gonna be fucking bullied again. 399 00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:23,319 Like I can't. I can't fucking do this, Like I don't. I 400 00:31:23,319 --> 00:31:27,119 don't know if how much I should hold back in my title nine meeting, 401 00:31:27,319 --> 00:31:30,960 And as I'm going to bed, I'm thinking, what the fuck is gonna 402 00:31:32,039 --> 00:31:36,200 happen with all of this? And am I ever gonna even fucking heal from 403 00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:38,240 all of this? I mean, I moved out of the house, I 404 00:31:38,359 --> 00:31:45,079 disaffiliated, and I still couldn't escape sorority world. The little Lizie McGuire cartoon 405 00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:53,440 inside of me was screaming, yeh me snapped thank you so much for listening 406 00:31:53,519 --> 00:31:57,319 to this episode. To show your support for this work, please rate, 407 00:31:57,759 --> 00:32:04,480 review, scribe, and share this episode with everyone and their sister. For 408 00:32:04,559 --> 00:32:08,599 all the updates, you can follow snapped on Instagram and TikTok at snapped the 409 00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:13,720 podcast. Thank you so much again for all of your support. I see 410 00:32:13,759 --> 00:32:19,119 all of your messages, I feel you, and I'll talk to you next 411 00:32:19,119 --> 00:32:27,519 episode. It's a big one.