Please note that this episode contains discussions of sexual assault that some people may find
disturbing. Listen with caution. If you didn't catch the last four episodes,
go listen and start the story from the beginning. We left off last week
with me moving out of the sorority house mid semester due to a series of
unfortunate events snapped. I move into my new house and on the first day,
I'm just unpacking and during my first shower in my new bathroom, I
cry tears of relief for the first time in my life. As the water
pours down on my face, my hairy legs. I feel it slowly begin
to wash away, to self doubt, the belief that I was somehow wrong
and being raped, the insecurity of having hairy legs around those who I live
with. It was slowly, slowly beginning to wash away. On my second
night, I give my new roommates a rundown of everything that I was going
through. A long story, short but going over the major events. So
what happened over the summer living in the house, being raped? And as
I'm talking to them, I'm realizing how freeing it feels to talk to people
about this who aren't at all affiliated with Greek Life. Like I was finally
being honest about what went down. I was no longer saying, oh,
Greek life isn't for me, like I couldn't live in the house because of
my mental health. I was starting to say, Greek Life is the problem.
This ship is fucked up, and this was in no way my fault.
And I'm feeling more of a sisterhood feeling right now than anything close to
what I felt at the sorority house. I'm realizing I want social change,
I want justice, I want an apology, and I want them to promise
that they're never going to slutch hame someone like that again. And so I
set up a meeting with the exec of the sorority because that's where I know
where to start, and I know that I want to talk to them about
everything that went down. The next morning, I wake up and for the
first time in a long time, I get up instead of pressing snooze a
bunch. I have a lot of schoolwork to catch up on, so thank
god I'm actually getting up. I notice myself singing again, and I text
my mom saying I'm so happy that I moved, and I get started on
my schoolwork. During these next few days, I also get started on creating
a Google doc of any proof of the inchaices that went down in my time
in the sorority. I wanted to come to that meeting with exec fully prepared
and confident in defending myself, so I gather screenshots that show proof of any
injustice that occurred. I start with going all the way up in my camera
role, start from the beginning of the slut shaming, and I found the
screenshots of when my pledge of mom made me take pictures down from Instagram right
when I joined the sorority. I don't know if you guys remember from episode
two. I also, of course added the screenshots of the mass email and
texts that were sent out over the summer. I take an extra screenshot of
the email just in case I'm not losing these screenshots. I also go through
our social media contract and our hazing contract to see if there is anything there
that I can use to defend my case. So their definition of hazing is
defined as any activity that endangers the physical safety of an individual, produces mental
or physical discomfort, causes embarrassment, fright, humiliation, or ridicule, or
degrades an individual. All members of Blah Blah Blah are to be treated with
dignity and respect. This policy states that members should refrain from posts that demean
any group, including, but not limited to, other Greek organizations, minorities,
ethnicities, cultural segments, men or women. And I'm seeing that definition
and I'm like, these people fucking hazed me, like they broke the contract
with me. Why should I not be able to break the housing contract with
them? Why should my parents have to be paying assent to this organization that
sludge hamed me and ostracized me and contributed to the unsafe living environment after being
raped, And I could not grieve in that environment. You guys broke a
contract. Now I want to break a contract. I also have to send
an email to the president of the sorority which includes my official disaffiliating statement,
and I believe she is then supposed to pass it on to nationals or I
don't know, someone higher up, and so I write, I am disaffiliating
from the chapter because of a combination of reasons and how they play out on
each other. These reasons are my mental health, being hazed over the summer,
how being hazed over the summer contributed to being raped the semester, cognitive
dissonance with the values of the organization and cognitive dissonance with the Greek life system.
I don't think I use the term cognitive dissonance correctly there, so don't
fucking judge me. If you're a psych major. Thank you. But from
this message, they could tell now that I was going to come into that
meeting with exact saying I was hazed and I hit sent. The next day,
I go to the place on campus that helps survivors of any type of
assault, abuse, etc. I have my meeting, I feel something out
and then I am in a room with two people from that office I believe,
and I give them a rundown and a description I guess of what happened.
They validate me and say, you know, that's that's rape. And
at this point I knew that, but it was still nice to be validated
because there were a lot of times that I wasn't. I'd tell them also
about my whole living situation. I just moved out mid semester, and I
tell them about my experience in the sorority, being slut shamed, ostracized,
etc. I talk about how unsafe I felt in that living environment and how
I had to move out if I want a chance to heal, And I
tell them I worry about the fact that my parents are still paying for both
living environments now, and it's really bothering me that they're still they still have
to pay for it. And I don't know, I feel guilty too,
because you know, I don't want my parents to have to spend all this
money because of me. They give me the option to report the rape,
and they explain what that could look like. I don't really know if I
want to report it right now. I'm kind of feeling nope, because it
just it feels too much for me right now. It was everything else that's
going on, I just don't think I could handle that. And they also
tell me that I could still go to Title nine, which is the Office
of Civil Rights and Student Misconduct, to tell them about my living environment and
everything that happened to me and see if they could break the housing contract,
because apparently they had the power to break housing contracts. And I thought,
okay, that's a good idea. So with their help and support, I
made an appointment with Title nine, But in the meantime, I am loving
the real world. It feels like my roommates care about me as a person
and not just if I'm going a happy hour or not. One of them
is a hula hoop dancer. They all wear different types of clothing. It
feels like there their true selves and not conforming to be everyone else around them.
It was a breath of fresh air. We called it the Hippie House
because we were all such free spirits. And I also now have the space
to be alone again and be creative. I'm a theater major and I need
space to practice my monologue. Now I have that space, and I feel
like myself again, which is a really reassuring feeling considering I hadn't felt like
myself in a long time. I wake up and I hop out of bed
because today is my meeting with exact and I am amped up for this meeting
was with three of the sorority members who had positions in the sorority, and
I'm getting ready. I put on some fancy pains and in my head,
I'm just practicing what I'm gonna say. I'm already foreshadowing in my head that
this is going to be pretty uncomfortable, because see the members of EXAC are
the same age as the rest of us. I mean like maybe one year
older, two years older. One of them was the same age as me.
And they're supposed to be also your friends that you party with. If
you've ever gotten in trouble in your sorority, you know how uncomfortable this dynamic
is. One minute you're taking shots together, and the next minute you're getting
reprimanded by them for getting too drunk at the tailgate. And even though I
was technically now out of the sorority, the power distance still lingered. I
meet them at a fast food pasta restaurant. We say hi, and we're
in line together, just small talking. It's pretty uncomfortable, especially because I
know I'm about to pull out my computer with a Google dog that has thoughts
of evidence of why I was wronged by the organization that they're representing. So
we had our pasta and we sit down at a table, and I pull
out my computer and the first issue that I bring up is that my parents
shouldn't be paying for anything because I was hazed. They immediately tell me that
they met with someone to see if what happened to me was considered hazing,
and they told me that it technically couldn't be considered hazing because it wasn't before
new member initiation. Next, I bring up the point that so many women
in the sorority post pictures with alcohol and that directly violates the social media contract.
But while I was both publicly ashamed and personally reprimanded for posting a picture
of me at the beach with a close friend where yes, we happened to
be wearing bikinis, but that's nowhere to be found in the social media contract,
and one of them said, yeah, because we're not going to put
that on paper. I am speechless, but the little Lizzie McGuire cartoon character
in my head is saying, if you can't put something on paper, then
you're doing something shady. Same goes for the chance, same goes for any
sorority or fraternity hazing its members, and same goes for what goes on behind
the scenes at sorority Rush. The president also didn't seem to understand why all
those texts and emails and you know, that whole incident hurt me so much.
I tried to explain again that it's my body and no one has a
say in it, and how slut shaming enables victim blaming, because instead of
saying why did he rape her, society says why was she wearing that?
And the president responded to me with something along the lines of, like,
I get that it's twenty seventeen, but just like the way that I was
raised, that would be inappropriate, and like I'm telling her, like I
don't think you're a bad person, like I truly think this is what you
believe, but you completely ignoring my cry for help really made me feel so
alone and hopeless in this situation. And she tells me that she was on
vacation as well and she had to focus on herself, and she apologizes for
not checking in with me after I also mentioned that another reason why my parents
should not be paying is because living in the house was not a suitable living
environment for me. How can I comfortably tell you guys that I was raped
when I already feel unsafe. I felt like you are the same type of
people that are going to tell me that I deserved it, or side with
the guy, or just focus on the sorority stake in it all, or
the fraternity stake in all. And I mentioned that they didn't really ever talk
about sexual assault or about what to do if something ever happens. And one
of them said that we have the president of Preventing Sexual Assault Club in our
chapter. She had a horrible rape experience and she tells you guys all the
time to join PSA Preventing Sexual Assault Club. And this makes me feel shut
down, and I feel like I'm screaming to be heard, to be validated
in some way. But in the same way that I was here to defend
myself, it was clear that my peers were here to defend their organization and
themselves. I start crying during the meeting and saying like how I just feel
so alone with all of this, And one of them says, we're here
with you now, like we care, and you know, I was listening
to you throughout all of this, and she was someone in my pledge class
and she was very supportive, like whenever I reached out, she would empathize
and be there for me. In this moment, I really realize, no
matter how good intentioned or even woke someone is, at the end of the
day, they're representing that organization and they really don't have much power to get
me the justice that I deserve. These organizations are pros at using wealth and
power to systemically abuse, demean and take advantage of young women without consequence,
and they put their nineteen twenty year old exec members at the forefront as protection.
I keep telling them that I want social change so that other girls don't
have to suffer the way I did, and they said that I am getting
social change because they would adjust the snap system. But what that looked like,
I soon learned, was them being harsher on girls for posting photos with
alcohol and snapping girls individually rather than publicly. It's now the end of the
meeting and they asked me to resend my message about why I was disaffiliating,
to make it more general. They said the organization didn't need to know the
details, they just needed to have a general statement. They tell me to
get some rest and take care of myself, and I leave that restaurant with
my head down, not looking any of them in the eye. I'm walking
home from the meeting and I'm feeling like I still have no control over this
situation, but I should keep fighting, Like I don't know. I felt
like I needed to tell more people about what happened. I felt like the
organization should know. I mean, the exact members of the sorority clearly weren't
gonna tell them based on the fact that they just asked me to change my
disaffiliating statement. So I'm going to make a meeting and I'm going to tell
them I wanted to talk to the actual adults that represented this sorority. When
I get home, I resend my statement, and I changed being hazed over
the summer to being disrespected by the chapter over the summer, and I change
being raped to another horrible incident that occurred this year. It pains me to
sugarcoat this, and I know that they're silencing me by doing this, but
in this moment, it unfortunately still felt easier to play their little game.
But also knowing that I was planning on making a meeting with hopefully those people
that were receiving that email and I would be able to tell them myself what
went down. At this point, I feel like I need to tell my
chapter that that I've disaffiliated because I feel like I need to just get the
fuck out. I need to get out of the group chat. It was
already on mute, but I need to get out of it. I need
to get out of the Facebook page, and I just need my pledge class
to know and I need to disaffiliate in the most lighthearted way possible so that
there wouldn't be any drama. And I decided that the best way to do
this would be to disaffiliate through a song. And I know you guys are
like, what, but hear me out. I had been thinking about this
for a while, Guys, like, I'm the type of person that on
my way to class or whatnot, it's very likely that I'll be listening to
a song where I feel like the lyrics relate, you know, like I
like to think that I'm in a music video and I'm one of those kids.
I would be listening to these songs that I felt really related to my
situation, and I just started making a parody of them inside my head to
fit my situation precisely. And these songs were Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson, Defying
Gravity from Wicked, How Far I'll Go from a Wanna Gotta Go my Own
Way from High School Musical. I decided that the best way to go about
this would be sing this acapella to my pledge class on photo booth. Simple
sent it in the group chat, leave the group chat. After that meeting,
I sat on my porch of the new house and sang my ballad.
I then send it in my pledge class group chat. I didn't feel it
was necessary to send anything to my older sisters or ex sisters. I should
say, so here is a bit of the song, just to give you
an idea. So here is a bit of the song, just to give
you an idea. I just don't belong here. I hope you understand.
We might find our place in this world Sunday, But at least four Now,
I spend my wings and I'll learn how to fly. I'll do what
it takes to I touch the sky, become a cheat, do my thing,
go my pace and disaffiitly the social send into the bars, but I
see you all. A happy hour, kmaed, do my thing, go
my pace, and just a fitly. Also, if you didn't know,
jed is a term that people in Greek life used to describe someone who isn't
in Greek life, and it also stands for goddamn independent GEDI. Here's an
example of a way that I've heard it be used. How's happy hour at
that bar? Oh? It's full of jeeds. I'll eventually put the full
song on at snap the podcast on Instagram. It's pretty funny, like I,
this is the most me thing that I had done in a while.
The song was on YouTube for a bit. I was proud of it.
I thought it was funny, so I was like, Okay, I'll entertain
this, and it had like four thousand views, like it was kind of
getting there. The Greek life community loved it, like I was told that
the frat guys sang it at their pregames. You can't find the video on
YouTube now because I deleted it because in the beginning of the video, I
say the sorority's name, and as you guys know from this podcast, I
don't mentioned the sorority's name because I wanted to make it clear to my listeners
that this isn't just about my sorority. This is a national problem. And
so once I knew that I was doing this podcast, I privated the video.
But don't worry, it will be re released anyway. Back to the
fucking story, you guys, you're like, Lucy, please shut the fuck
up, get back to the story. All right, we're going back.
We're going back. So I sent the video in the Pledge Class group chat.
I write hashtag mic drop and people like the message on group me and
they were like, you'll be my sister forever. And some people and the
pledge class messaged me and we're just like love you like to stay in touch,
like you're still my sister no matter what. And it just felt it
felt really good to just end on a good note. How it'd be something
silly and you know, I just like could not deal with any more drama
right now. However, just because I don't want any more drama doesn't mean
I don't want any spice. AKA, I'm a little bit back on my
bullshit. I'm talking to guys again, a bit like I felt kind of
weird using like dating apps when I was living in thebority. I mean,
I remember once one of my sorority sisters made fun of me for it,
and I just remember. It felt good to be on my bullshit a little
again, like swiping a bit, meeting up with some guys, getting to
know them. It also felt beautiful to not have thoughts like oh, what
frat is the inn? Or what tears that is that going to be good
enough for my sisters, Like am I going to be embarrassed telling them?
And it was just so fucking freank to not have these ridiculous thoughts come to
mind. It took me a bit of time to like do anything sexual with
these guys, because I felt like I needed some time, and I definitely
did feel more vulnerable stepping into sex again. So I'm happy that the guy
that I first did have sex with after all of this knew that and I
knew that you respected me as a person. We connected first on a friend's
level, you know, as humans. There wasn't this pressure to have sex
right away like I had felt in Greek life. Around this time, my
birthday came around as well. I'm a Halloween baby scorpio, just in case
anyone cares, but I had a really meaningful birthday party in the basement of
my new house. My roommates helped me set up, and I invited my
friends that I had from the sorority, the ones that I was close with,
and my friends outside the sorority, and my new roommates, and I
was Lizie McGuire as my costume. I took a great book pick that night
and proudly posted it with the caption every day's my birthday because bitches love cake.
No one could snap me for that. Knapfuckers. I just really feel
the love tonight, and I was really felt assured that it is possible to
disaffiliate and still maintain the chips that I did have After this party, though,
I need to get my head back in the game and work on what
I want to say in my meeting with Title nine and in my meeting with
adults that represented the sorority, because these meetings were now both coming up.
So with the help of my mentor, we added information and spruced up the
Google doc that I had already started creating before of all the evidence and just
adding more and making it easier to understand. At the top in bold underlined
in the middle of the page is meeting with Title nine regarding hazing, sexual
assault, slut shaming and disaffiliation. Full version Wednesday, November fifteenth, twenty
seventeen, one fifteen pm. Former member of Blah Blah Blah Sorority at Blah
Blah Blah University, Lucy Taylor, class of twenty twenty and then under that
we have a table of contents. Guys, I was not here to play
around So first we've got explanation of slut shaming pages two to five, First
encounter with slut shaming, page six. Being ostracized over the summer pages seven
to ten, A cry for help pages eleven to fourteen. Coming back to
school, excerpt from sorority contract living in the house, another abuse of power.
How I felt fight or flight? Where I am now? Why I
need your help. At the end of this document, I list actions that
I want to take place. Actions are taken to prevent sexual assault. Actions
are taken to educate preeklect members on the definitions of slut shaming and rules are
put in place to prevent it from happening in the future. Actions are taken
to prevent the power dynamic between the older members of the sorority and the younger
members of the sorority. I embraced the sister who so passionately claimed to foster.
The usage of snap is no longer used as a way to hold members
accountable, as it calls an individual out in a very public way, causing
humiliation, a decrease in oneself esteem, and an increase in gossip targeted towards
one person. Mental illness is added to the housing contract as a reason not
to be forced to live in the sorority house. My rent for living in
the sorority house this semester is pro rated from the time I moved out on
October eighteenth, twenty seventeen, as it was a toxic environment that I was
forced to live in. I'm exempt from paying the rent for living in the
house next semester as I've already vacated the premises. I'm exempt from paying the
sorority fees for next semester since I disaffiliated under such traumatic circumstances, and I'm
given a sincere apology from the sorority for the trauma that they caused me.
The day before my meeting with Title nine, I am hanging out with one
of my old sorority sisters and we decided we're going to the Performing Arts building
at school, and she's used one of the studios to dance. And before
this, I go to the Performing Arts library because I have to use the
printer since my meeting with Title nine is tomorrow. I need to print out
the document and I want to make a few copies just in case I need
to hand it over and they need and more than one person needs to look
at it. While I am printing, my friend asks me, what are
you printing? And I tell her that I'm basically printing the evidence of all
the ship that went down in the sorority for my meeting tomorrow with Title nine.
And she says, oh, I don't want to talk about that,
and I say okay, and we don't talk about it. We then go
to rehearsal room and make up a dance and it's all fun, you know,
there's no tension. It seems to be fine. And after this she
drops me off. Actually at a vigil. I didn't know the guy who
passed away, but two of my close friends were extremely close with him,
and I was going to support them and you know, show my respect and
condolences. But while I'm walking home from the vigil, I get a text
from my friend in the sorority who I just hung out with, saying,
Hi, I know that it's not my place to say this, but I'm
really nervous about how the Title nine meeting is going to affect the sorority.
I didn't realize this, but blah, blah blah. My other good friend
in the sobrity, I didn't realize this, but blah Blah and I were
talking about the whole Instagram issue we had with the sorority last week, and
we realized that the whole chapter got punished for one person's actions. I'm just
nervous because it's possible and likely that we would be kicked off so in that
she's talking about, I'm pretty sure they got in trouble for like now,
they were being harsher about posting pictures with alcohol, and I'm assuming they got
reprimanded or something. I don't fucking know, but like, yeah, And
I said, it's kind of inconsiderate to send this, especially when it's the
first thing I see after where I was I'm going to reply to this later.
She said, I'm sorry. I totally forgot. I was just speaking
my mind. It also seemed urgent as a realization because it's a large deal.
I'm not exaggerating when I say my heart feels like it's about to blow
up. Tears are streaming down my face because I'm now afraid that they're going
to be kicked off campus and I'm going to be the one to take the
blame for it. And when I get back to my house, I throw
my backpack on the ground and luckily my roommates are all in the living room
and I literally just start like wailing in their arms, like I was not
okay, Like the level of not okay where you can't even reply, like
your friend has to take the phone and write out a reply for you to
then approve, like I was adding I was. I was telling my friend
what to write, like the things I wanted to say, but my friend
was writing the text because I was so unwell, I was too shaky to
hold the phone, and so with my roommate's help, I reply saying I
don't think you understand how much would happen to me affected me. The small
backlash that the sorority might get, like being stricter on snap and not posting
ALK is only a small price to pay compared to what I've been through.
No part of me is going in there and being like kicked them off.
I'm not trying to take the sorority down by any means, and I shouldn't
be made out as that. I shouldn't be demonized for standing up for myself.
I sense that you guys are uncomfortable when I talk to you guys about
this stuff, so we don't much. But if I'm going to title nine,
it's clear that I've really been hurting and I've not gotten help from the
sorority. I was the one in the situation that was affected, and it
is my right to stand up for myself. This is for me to get
justice and closure. I wouldn't be doing this if I wasn't deeply hurting.
Please try not to jump to conclusions. I would rather try to talk to
me about it. I feel like you guys should be prioritizing my emotional well
being. And she said, I wasn't making conclusions on your part. You're
getting very defensive. But I was only making conclusions about the people you're talking
to because more than likely that we would be kicked off due to the way
those people operate. I wasn't demoting you. I was demonizing the people who
make conclusions about sororities based on a few people and not thinking about the whole
group. The adults in the situation. We don't need to talk about it
anymore. I was referring to the adults, though we will all be punished,
and that was my point. When you say blah blah blah, the
name of the sorority that also refers to a number of your good friends.
And my point is that this is going to affect us as well. This
is anxiety also being put on me. Something I care about could be taken
away from me. I'm entitled to how I feel. I'm going to focus
on myself too, and that means being entitled to how I feel. I'm
proud of you for doing the same, but I'm allowed to speak my mind
out of fear for something that I care about too. I won't reply anymore.
Don't worry. I will give you space because I think you're seeing this
as me not understanding you, and I do. But I also know that
going to Nationals versus going to Title nine yields different outcomes, and there's a
likelihood the bad things could happen. And I apologize for those feelings. But
anxiety exists in my head. I asked it in the future. I don't
hear about this stuff because it hurts me. After this text encounter, I'm
now so worried about my meeting tamorrow with Title nine. I'm thinking, like
fuck, like why am I doing this? I'm just gonna get myself into
more shit. They're gonna get kicked off I'm going to be the one to
take the backlash for it, and I'm just gonna be fucking bullied again.
Like I can't. I can't fucking do this, Like I don't. I
don't know if how much I should hold back in my title nine meeting,
And as I'm going to bed, I'm thinking, what the fuck is gonna
happen with all of this? And am I ever gonna even fucking heal from
all of this? I mean, I moved out of the house, I
disaffiliated, and I still couldn't escape sorority world. The little Lizie McGuire cartoon
inside of me was screaming, yeh me snapped thank you so much for listening
to this episode. To show your support for this work, please rate,
review, scribe, and share this episode with everyone and their sister. For
all the updates, you can follow snapped on Instagram and TikTok at snapped the
podcast. Thank you so much again for all of your support. I see
all of your messages, I feel you, and I'll talk to you next
episode. It's a big one.