Adair Junior Adventures. It's me Steven. I'm just gonna take a moment of
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mind rows to the part with those they don't go bland. What a looking
all Holly served The sea is run because don't need no cus opens and drug
doesn't try all those drug those and dry hearties and creep fantasy offers. Take
on a statistic keeps my scar will he says, Hi, everybody, I'm
John Hartness, and I will be playing the role of Alphont's light Bringer.
Be nice to him or he'll use your balls for a speedback. In real
life, I'm the founder and publisher of Falstaff Books, as well as the
author of multiple series, including the Black Knight Chronicles, Bubba the Monster Hunter,
and the Quincy Harker Demon Hunters series. So get out there and give
me your money's I have kittens to feed him. Joseph Brassy I played the
role of Calashwood Stone Paladin. I was another round the Mongol the Aad books.
My novel Skyfire and Dragon Road can be found everywhere from Anger Robot books.
And I am the author of such non existent titles as I have a
face, You have a face, The couch has a face? Why does
the couch have a face? What up? Meet Sacks? I am Drew
Hayes. I play the role of Metallica Zam, the electrical ethical Enforcer.
In real life, I write books such as Superpowers, Fred The Vampire Accountant
and NPC's The spell Swords and Self series, the latest of which Noble Roots,
is out in print and e book now and coming in audiobook in August.
Behold My Wonder. My name is Robert Bevan, and I play the
role of Joseru the Sorcerer, and I write books shit I frat the rest
of this. Hi, Yeah, I right. The Cavernson Creatures series of
comedy fantasy novels and short stories, starting with the first book, Critical Failures.
Behold Stand Dan Deliver Here the Road with more Lives than a born again
Cat. In real life, I'm Steve WEAVERL and I write books such as
The Dooms Jenny's with Foul Staff books. Hey everyone, my name is Rick
Qualtiri and I am the eaglemaniacal billionaire who is attempting to buy this failing social
network. But in real life I write several things, including the Toomobile Tales
of the Crypto Hunters, Hybrid of Hoymoon, and all sorts of other shit
which is neither here nor there. For where we are When last we left
our quote unquote interpred Adventurers, they had been sentenced to death for their for
their crimes against humanity. They were being led to the gallows to hang,
except for metallic Exam, who was going to be melted down and made into
fishhooks. But at the last second, a mysterious stranger, declaring itself the
Hooded Mask, road into town. He and his minions caused chaos, instituting
a daring jailbreak of our party. Said daring jailbreak went well up until the
point that the party was supposed to get on horses and uh and ride away
into the sunset, in which case they all fell off and were dragged unconscious.
That sounds great to me now, speaking of that right before we get
into our characters, wanting particularly well before we are dragged behind the horse to
an another location, how are we looking, piece of a hit points,
et cetera. Oh, glad, glad you glad you asked that while you
were unconscious. Apparently some kind of minor miracle happened. As you slowly begin
to regain regain consciousness, you realize that not only are you all back to
fall, but you feel stronger, you know, as if as if your
experience doing the horrific things you've done or heroic things you've done, depending on
one's point of view. I'm sure you see that that apparently that is paid
off. As you open your eyes, you all find yourselves in what appears
to be a rather simple crude hut. Oh you know, rough roughly about
twenty feet by fifteen feet. You're all lying on cots covered in grass and
other soft, soft greenery. I feel like I've just snorted a wolf.
I was about to say I've woke up in worse places, but then you
said something, and now you're just not sure anymore. Cal is going to
start inhaling the grass to try and figure out if any of it is smokable.
Metallica'sam is going to stiffly sit up, turn look at everyone, look
at the surroundings. Excellent, more trouble, give me a con save Cal
just immediately anvils falling from the sky at a boy, Cal, what do
you smell? Timmy fell down? Where that is a natty one? Oh?
Was having a palet and advantage shit due? Yeah, no, I
don't. I don't think it would matter even if he had to be one
to that one. Everybody makes fun of halflings until on that one comes around,
and that one is nothing graceful about what's about to happen? Yeah,
yeah, bullshit? All right, Well, not only does it not get
you high, but but you look down and you immediately notice your body breaking
out in multi ud hives, cool as a oh god, as you suddenly
don't feel so hot. It's not the betting man. It's not good,
and you temporarily lose four strength points from from having poisoned yourself on us rancid
swamp grass. Okay, everybody, I think we've learned a valuable lesson.
Let's not snow at the betting to wolves so sober and they hate it every
day is an education. I dearly wish I could say it was the first
time he had learned this lesson right about, and he's supposed to be his
brain. Why do you let these things happen? Don't be ridiculous. I
am is God and a cruel god. You are. I need a caffeinated
hot drink before I can process this bullshit? Yeah all right, Well,
everybody, while you're processing and or snorting or you know whatever, everybody,
give me a perception check. Okay. Cal perceives at nine, so the
boys still rather preoccupied. Al perceives at a seventeen Metallicasam sees at a ten
Stan dandeliver perceives a natural twenty. Well, most of you are taken back
by the fact that, well you're your knee wooden hut. Apparently this weird
you up considerably, except for Al and Stan. Al. You you can
see light coming through the slats of the of the hut. It tells you
it is daytime out, and you notice that there is a rather crude door
to your to the southern end that is closed. And with your twenty four
you see everything that Al does. But you also notice that there are voices
outside myriad voices. You can't understand them all. They don't all seem necessarily
human but to your ears, but you will definitely get the perception that you
are not alone. Now, well, we're all kind of alone. But
well, let's not get existential about this. I mean, we're not completely
human either, so well less than human, even less human than you speaking
as a giant robot man, let's not get into the politics of that statement.
Well, everybody at a piss that we uh somewhar beta and being hanged
in a public square. So go, what's well done? Team? I
need something to inebriate me quickly, all right, follow me, al hops
down, walks over to the door, tries to open it. All right.
It opens, letting in the sunlight. And you see you are an
abe what appears to be a village, and you were mostly surrounded by frog
people by this great my hell frog people frog, although it's not all frog
people less. You see a couple of horses, and directly across from you
you see the person who who rescued you, rather roguish looking fellow in a
hood and he looks at he sees and he sees you, and he's like,
ah, you're awake. Friends. If this is the air of the
gods, I'm gonna go be hanged. You were awake. It was touch
and go there for a bit. But I see here, mighty adventurers.
Nevertheless, come, my friends, you have you have nothing to fear here,
absolutely nothing to Ferretto entirely trust Webvy adventures. Now, buddies, I
think we can talk to there, to the to the mass man and the
lizard man. Try not to antagonize the frog man. I'm not sure how
much they know. As I say, metallicism walks on out. I guess,
because you know, that's truly what he would do. Uh, any
enemy of a slaver is a friend of mine. Also, you see,
it's my life, so double friend. Well, as he sees you metallicism,
you know, he nods and he reaches up to pull off his hood.
Rick, I don't know if you went silent or you're just really milking
this moment. No, no, I have to I have to change layers
there. Okay, I'm just making sure my internet's not going glitch. It's
drama. I'm leaving all this. And as he pulls off the hood,
he reveals he reveals a rather simple looking face there that is a truly unfortunate
haircut human and he raises a hand. He's like, oh, my friends,
sorry if I scared you there with my with me mask. It's totally
fine, man, totally fine. If we ask really nicely, will you
put it back on? Because you're pretty only what the fuck is wrong with
your axit? I know this accent. It's from the butter district, Biscuits
district. Oh just the way it just the way I was talk to talk
friend. But you you metal man. I have I owe you a great
debt. If it weren't for you, I'd be dead italic exam will simply
bow. It is only my regret that my companions failed to see more.
Yeah, you sank the fucking boat robot because I assumed you were evacuating the
higher levels. I should point out it. I was unconscious at the time.
I was trying too. I got my ass kicked. I tried.
Man, But Georgia the Sorcerer would like to cast light upon his hat before
he emerges from the hut, so that they can demonstrate his wonder. Okay,
he cast light upon your hat. Your hat is now a glow.
Good day. Well that's a neat trick anyway. The name's Crapple, and
it's my pleasure to meet you, Crapple crap hole. All right, that's
that's worse. It is all our pleasure as well. Yeah, I'm honored.
Man. There anything to eat around this place? A certainly? Certainly.
He turns to the frog to his uh. To his left, he
says, mine feeding a guess, Polywog, And the frog looks at him
and said, how many times must I tell you there is no one here
named Polywog. You don't understand. That's Jesus to the asshole frog. Dude
in town. Oh, dude, we had one thing not to bring up.
Wait, you met it. You met a frog in town speak.
I mean, as far as I know, he might have been a prince.
I didn't kiss him at that. The collective frogs all turn in your
direction and they let out a collective gasp. I would like to, very
pointedly just take a step away from mouth This one steps forward, This one
steps forward, and he bows to you. Alphunts. He's like, I
am Grimment, and I am Prime Minister of the of the bullywogs. Please,
my friend, tell me, tell me of Prince Mouthpiece. What you
know? Normally I had to suggest doing something diplomatic here, but I am
in trague to see how you hadn't the least altfhunds Okay, out of game
question, because I genuinely don't remember who did kill him? No one he
ran away. Cal oh no no, no, no, no, no
killed him. Okay, I'm pretty sure somebody killed him. Yeah, I
remember him dying. That was the only satisfaction we got. We were pretty
happy about that. Okay, in game, I'm going to suggest that this
is something we will huddle and confer. The full came back. Oh,
it's a little bit for that. About that, tell us, my friend
tell us of the prince the old name that wasn't the name we knew him
by. It might be a different frog the only one who can save us.
As for the prophecy, Now, did this prophecy have anything to do
with being impaled? Whatever? Workface? Hang on one second, I think
you might have been unconscious when this happened. I'm pretty sure I was.
Okay, so you might have plausible deniability here, Caldes. Not on the
other hand, but you're you're trying to get high in the shack. Guess
that's true. As now all of all of the frogmen are starting to chat
chat the prince. Tell us about the Prince. The Prince, I've got
an idea. I believe his name was Kermit. I thought this dude's name
was Kermit. Did I take a teleportation? Okay, I don't know anything
about this prophecy, but as a certified holy man, and I strike multiple
martial arts poses to prove that I am, in fact a holy person,
I am qualified to correctly interpret any prophecies that you may have. Also,
Prince was kind of a dick. What my friend means to say is the
languige. Dick is an honorific what's your friend? Also enslaved by the humans
and cooled by the name pink slip. That's the opposite of where I was
trying to go with this. Oh my god, I can't believe I said
that raw. He may have had a different name in Prognes. I don't
know, my bad. He actually did say Prince Pinksli. Oh yeah,
that's why we were I'm kept calling him out. He's like, hey,
frog, motherfucker. We have never met a prince mouthpiece, swear that truth.
Fucking circle. There it's been too it's been two months since we playing.
Give me a fucking break, I've been there. Oh wait, I
didn't actually mean. I didn't actually mean to stay in the shack. It's
okay, getting lost in a shack is kind of on brand. Actually,
I'm gonna take this moment to say, this is about when Cal wanders out.
Were we doing something? Nah, yes, we are aiding with a
prophecy before there is a prince currently knock around, and you know we have
holy men. I am a holy being. Clearly we can most prophecies have
what do you say, wiggle and I will say slightly louder and gather around,
and please do ignore my friends, my froggy new companions, as I
tell you a tale of woe about some people put on trial unjustly for frank
slaves as you know, and the brave lawyer who tried to defend him and
was unfortunately slain in the resulting cottage by somebody who definitely isn't any of us.
What does this have to do with the Prince as crap as crap as
crap Pole. It's like I told you, I told you poll wager.
I tried to save it, but it wasn't there. Yeah, he was
gone, Oh definitely slain. Very true. As as Grippet turns back to
you, he's like, he's a gone where we must have had Prince back,
Prince pink slip. But then the only recourse is to conquer the village
of slivers and put them all to the blade and find out the answer.
Yeah. I don't normally say this, but he's absolutely correct. Yeah,
I mean, I'm down with I'm down with liberating the village. You should
march in mass on that city of shipheads will wait right here and and help
hatch up any wounded when you get back, Really, Alphons, that is
preposterous. We shouldn't on March we sneak in the night and strike. You
are as stealthy as an avalanche. I actually think I might be fairly stealthy,
except for the screaming justice every time someone annoys you. That's not me.
As you are babbling amongst yourselves, you notice that the various fraud villagers
are are are getting closer, their curiosity piqued as they're all chatting the prince
tell us of the prince A right, I need to see this prophecy,
the one who can save us, the prophecied. You get your prophecy written
down anyway, I will whisper to my compatriots. Now might not be the
time to be babbling amongst us out like a bunch of fucking goonies. The
stolen Prince, stolen Prince? Well, who's stolen? I think we should
all be quie and let's stand explain all right, Holy were you did you
hit your head when you were dragged along that horse? I'm not complaining,
but yeah, the robot's right again, Gal will false island out? Holy
shit, did that work? I'm going I got the roll of persuasion to
see if I can fuck this up, because that will be hilarious. But
if it works well, my mate needed to work, Okay, a roll
A nineteen persuasion to explain to the frog people the brave Pink Slip, Prince
of these people and enslaved by the villagers, came to our defense, two
defenders from the unjust accusations brought about us by supposed proponents of the crown,
And how in the outrage that followed he was slain as he tried to defend
as the noble definitely victims of a miscarriage of justice, Adventurers, Pink Slip
was our dear friend and a proposed it for justice, and not at all
somebody who we despised and accidentally impaled somehow. That was definitely some other humans
whom we are just as angry about as you know, Tata weren't. Prince
is dead. This cannot be. We are doomed. It pains me to
say it. We all loved him daily. Yeah, kind of a dick
is a term of endearment among my people. Tell Us, tell us of
his last moments. Surely you have seen wrong. Prince must live. He
was a nobleman who had not at all and annoying voice like you. He
was attractive like you, and not irritating like you. I'm confused. Are
you saying that pink Slip and this guy are both not irritating? Or are
you saying that pink Slip was not irritating eating him this guy is irritating?
Yes? All right? Cool? So yeah, sorry, Prince's dad.
Prophecies fucked? Is there breakfast? As a mechanical friend will tell you,
we are instruments of justice me especially, and I am serious. There are
parameters within most prophecies that allow for certain substitutional invariances. Absolutely, you can
have jeorcerer for your prince. I have wonder. Oh god, let's not
fuck this up with doing quite well Yourien, No, no, no,
no, look look look what was the prophecy? Okay, stolen Prince will
return? He keeps saying stolen. What do you mean stolen? He was
stolen as a polywog. He did actually tell is the first time we met
him that he was in fact stolen, and it's late. Oh okay,
I don't remember he used compong the humans. But the stolen Prince will return
and lead us to victory against the darkness to come. All right, But
if the stolen the stolen Prince does not return, then all shall perish.
Yes, the prophecy is quite clear. The stolen Prince has fallen. Therefore
you must return. You must reclaim his body and conquer his killers, the
slavers, otherwise they will eventually come for you. It's all quite clear.
We might have some of them on us, So that technically account as him
returning what what my Fred meant to say, and teleporting. Now, that's
that's pretty good because him that by nature of his sacrifice, and we returned
in his absence due to that sacrifice. Perhaps are you saying, are they
going to roll the dice? Fellis? We shall retake the village, put
them to the blade, reclaim his body, and return him to his ancestral
burial grounds, purging the dark threat in the process and honoring his memory.
Absolutely, we are clearly the avatars and this prophecy. Now, for just
a small amount of seed capital, you could definitely make this shit happen.
Seed. Yeah, what do you said? You require seeds? Provides have
seed? Okay, okay, okay, okay, all right, does the
prophecy to take say, anything more about this darkness to calm or anything like
that, or is it all relief? Can stop it? Okay, yes,
I get that, but but what is it? Like? I mean,
I'm all for assuming that it's the slavers like my like my robot friend
does. Perhaps it is the darkness of the human soul they represent. Regardless,
killing the slavers is an excellent first step, and reclaiming the prince's body,
of course, maybe it's a hole in a damn that we're gonna stuff
his body into Craphole as your solution at your suggestion with alexand Craphole steps forward.
It's like, I'm all for that's ever since setting up shop here,
well I did. I couldn't do me old jobs, so I decided to
become a brigand and quite successful at it too. Look at me pants made
of human skin. Wow, excellent craftsmanship. Oh no, this guy descended
from Claus so that's great. Well, well, me old job was my
name. That's what the that's what the masters called me. I suspected and
feared as much. I dug crap, I dug crap holes, so they
called me Craphole. I thought they craped in your mouth. Oh, well,
it could be worse, my friend. It could always be worse.
See, excellent to tell you a perspective. All right, so we're talking
about retaking that village. Now, let's let's let's let's talk that. Yeah,
Now let's talk investa Yeah. Can we back up to the part where
we're talking about food, drugs and money, equipment, gold, and just
directions out of this village. I need to, I need to, I
need to do something hard so we can offer. What we can offer you
is better than food, drugs or money. Oh what's that, Chloe,
I'm not sure I'm into frog women. If you can bring the Prince back
to us, then we shall be forever grateful and in your debt, no
problem. Where's the part that's better than food, drugs and money within the
understanding that we will be retrieving his body because I don't believe any of us
have resurrection capabilities yet with specialists, and we get the job done no matter
how impossible it may. See, you're right, there exists the possibility to
resurrect the Prince. Oh boy, do this for us and you will be
honored. We do not have that magic to my knowledge. Do you have
access to that magic. No, I got no resurrection magic. That's not
my thing. As the chanting starts up. As as the chanting starts up,
resurrect the Prince resurrect, the Prince resurrect. The Prince can provide the
means, we will happily retrieve his body and implement them. Oh boy,
now, if you implied, if you imply the upfront investment, there's nothing
I can't guarantee. If you can provide us a scroll, the resurrection,
and the prerequisite materials, it will be my pleasure to utilize them. I
am certain. I am certain they have one somewhere in the town. There's
got to be a priest there. Of their he than God's. They are
more rare than you might expect, especially in scroll form. That's not what
you're saying when you accidentally killed those slaves. Are we taking this town or
not? Of course we are retaking the town. They are slavers and they
have the Prince's body. There are five of us, and they beat the
shit out of us. Last time we tried. Alfrance, my friend,
I think you're counting could use work. And I'm going to just gesture to
all the frogs. Well, obviously, the last wrong we encountered wasn't good
enough to handle us? What makes you think these frogs are good enough to
handle people who kicked our ass Our case was especially difficult, and the courts
a hardly fair proving ground. Regardless, I believe we can succeed through the
implementation of proper tactics. I mean, I'm all for tactics. I just
really don't like how clear my vision is right now. Proper tactics. Definitely,
we'll retrieve our good friend pink Slip, who nobly sacrificed himself or our
benefits. But we are going to need equipment, gold, a map that
shows the way to fuck away from here, and some other things food and
drugs. Cal is much more useful when he's high. If you have any
local dens of monsters that we could utilize to murder them and grow stronger,
that would also prove helpful. An excellent suggestion, my friends. Oh,
I was communely hoping for a more straightforward solution, like straight the fuck out
of here. I have just I have just the thing for you, my
friends. Let us take them too that pit of judgment. Not liking that,
I don't like the word. What's the pit? Of judgment can be
judgmental right here, I feel we would like more information about this before we
follow along. This sounds as if it might hinder our ability to retrieve the
prince if we were injured. For example, you must be tested. Oh
boy, my metallic friend, there's always a fucking pit of justice. This
is just how it goes. I'm judgmental enough right here. Yes, my
friend does volunteer for your judgment process. I have never been convicted. Another
fine warrior. The frogs. The frogs gather around just as pit. Just
if I'm going in the pit. The old guy comes, goes first,
right a night so as crap Poles looks and says, well, you heard
them, friends, I guess, sir, I guess you got to prove
yourselves to him. Oh boy, okay, so we're going to the judgment.
Pick right, another metallic another metallica dollar. All right, m question,
do we have any of our ship? Yes? All your stuff is
okay? Cool? They gave it our equipment back or did these people steal
the equipment? Oh they stole it. Okay, okay, cool. All
right, that's more somewhat more reassuring. Alright, alright, an actual sword
not a, it's beer, all right. You are led through the swamp.
I hate swamps. I'm about a piggyback ride metallic as I am.
I am a sorcerer. My strength is terrible. Cal is going to sniff
random plants. Give me a constitution check, like my terrain, like I
like my coffee dark and wet. That's another nat one. Alright, roll
a d six. Jesus Christ, I'm gonna have to learn lesser restoration just
for you. Five not a picking news sorcerer spells mark all right. You.
In addition to being poisoned in one way you lose, you temporarily lose
one point of charisma, cool as as boils erupt on your skin from from
once against snorting, snorting rants and plants. Oh god fuck oh my sorcerer
takes a step to the left. Yaw, you grossed out, sorcerer.
Ah man, this is this is bullshit. I just wanted to You are
led through the swamp until at last you come to a clearing, within which
there seems to be a large pit dug and you are led to two different
corners of that pit. Now, crap, all did you make this pit?
Because if you did, I'd rob and I'll get it. It doesn't
appear to be filled with crap. What it is filled with, though,
is multiple large beasts. Oh that's why I was actually Yeah, as you
stand at the edge looking down, and you see, uh, you see
multiple giant bore and a couple of rather hungry looking bear. H boy,
quick question. This middle section of the discoloration is that higher or lower elevation
than the rest of the pit. It's slightly higher, it's but it's only
about five So well, I judged these animals to be terrifying. I assume
we can go home now. Yes, if you survive, then you will
prove it yourselves worthy. I was afraid of that. I'm gonna cast made
armor. So what we got to fight all the animals in the pit.
You must fight and survive. Yes, you must fight till the animals in
the pit. I am not feeling my best right now. Two shall past
mage armor? Well, they let you take a few moments to prepare.
That's nice, iveness, at which point Gribbets cries out that the judgment begin
as the bully wog closest to you all shove you in. Oh God,
draw my sword, oh my curse your sudden an inevitable betrayal. I have
a rules question before we go into this. Sure and when creatures are invisible,
do they attack with advantage? I don't think they attack with advantage,
but I believe invisible invisible creatures attacking you have disadvantage, but invisibility goes away
once you make an attack, right, depending on the spell invisibility yeah,
regular invisibility yes, oh yeah, all right, attack roles against them have
disadvantage, and the creatures attack rolls have advantage for invisible. I'm gonna cast
invisibility on myself before well, you're gonna you're gonna do that immagition. That's
my prep. I just was looking to see what I'm goingting to do for
prep. All right, Metallica is am Nat wins his way into a three
on the initiative board, which if you've got to burn Anette one Jesus Christ,
Stan Dandeliver gets fourteen. I've got a plus fucking six on initiative.
I have yet to roll well on it. I mean, you beat all
of us. Doors of the Sorcerer rolls thirteen. Our rolls of twenty two
as your invisible self tumbles into the sides are sloped enough. They're too slippery
to climb easily, but they're sloped enough where you don't take any damage on
the way down. You're about twenty feet in and uh well, surrounded by
lots of things. As as Gribbett says that that judgment to begin as you
immediately immediately see bullywogs up there start exchanging money, as they start betting on
your odds or so bible. I don't say this in character, but so
so all the frogs are assholes, is the moral of the story. Yeah,
yeah, all right, that's rather judgment. But okay, it's the
pit of judgment. I'm allowed to do that. He ain't wrong, all
right, Butts had just points up till the frog you are assholes? All
right, this is a safe space for a judgment. Well, if you're
in the pit there, you have to earn it, all right. I'll
move toward the nearest bore and cast in flicked wounds, and then I'll make
an attack to hit his ass. Right, assume it's act. Yes,
it's it's a touch spell attack twenty one A right, that hits and that's
three D ten four sixteen damage. All right, it pints mightily, all
right at level five, I get a second attack around hey, so I
will I'll use my unarmed strike and I'll burn a key point to do Floria
blows. First one is a fourteen, second one is a nineteen for seven
and eight, so total of total of thirty one to that pig. All
right, and now I'm standing next to a giant bore and I'm out of
inflict wound spells. Yeay. Oh it is the boar's turn, and it
seems less than less than happy, is it? Oh wait, nope,
disadvantage since you're invisible, I'm not anymore. I'm in an attack. Okay,
never mind, it gets it gets a quit on you for for twenty
points of slashing. Fucking hell, that's gonna leave a mark. All right,
I'm at thirteen. All right, let's see. Yeah, the next
bore you're visible. Make it's safe to say we are all visible, yes,
whether we like it or not. It heads out here and then it
charges you. It's a ten acy, which I think misses you. Oh
yeah, that's all right, stand and deliver, as Borg would say,
pig noises. Wow, we all look pretty fucked. Um. We had
a little bit of time I guess to look over this arena. Did we
see any environmental factors that might be to our advantage? Oh? No,
there's a large pit. One end is filled with rubble. There is a
outcropping here, but it's only about five feet high, not enough that where
these creatures couldn't climb up with you. You were meant to survive by your
wits or strength. I think wits are going to come into this. So
the rebel doesn't like called back a convenient flow of pig destroying lava or anything
they might have just neglected to mention. If it was pig destroying lava,
chances are it would be you destroying lava as well. How high are the
sides of this stuff? You're about twenty ft okay, okay? And if
we do get up, obviously they are angry from people who are currently taking
bets on how quickly we die. So it doesn't seem to be a lot
of room for wit, which leaves my character something of a disadventage. As
a rogue, I can take a double movement as a free actions that right
believe I'm going to get as close to the healer as I possibly can,
which brings me right up close to a giant bear. Well, fuck it,
I guess and stand dandy Liver will engaged to bear with his a regular
that could arguably be flanking with. Well, it's all in material, really,
okay? Attacking a bear with a refia yes, yeah, you know
what I yep, you know what I can do rather than attack pointlessly at
this bear. When I leveled up, I took a level of bard I
can cast a Bardic inspiration. So I'm going to do that as a bonus
action. A creature oven yourself within sixty feet I can hear you gains an
inspiration die one D six for ten minutes, the creature get added to one
ability check attack roll of saving frow. So it looks like Jeorcerer Cal and
Metallica's hammer within a range of that. I am going to give it to
Cal alright, seeing as he said by Faye tank Anahala and he's currently not
being being alive by picks. So there you go, and that's my move.
I'm slightly closer to Heala, and I've given to healer an advantage.
All right. My component is verbal as well. I'm not playing an instrument.
I'm just gonna go well done, Cal, keep it up, all
right, I'm add a boy. Oh boy, with Georger's movement. He's
gonna move one, two and then start going down three, four or five
six. All right, if you're going there, you're well Okay, the
barrats and tactics will say it's not not threatening yet. Oh I was gonna
all right, I don't know if I was. No, No, it's
not threatening. You can you can move there, all right, And I
want to shout to everyone, try to gather as many as you can close
together, and to that effect, let me make sure the range is right.
Just taking a moment to point out that I am not be yourg and
if you set me on a fire it won't hurt. All Yeah, there's
plenty of room. All right. I am going to firebolt that bore way
over on the on the left. This one. Yes, that's got a
range of one hundred and twenty feet, all right, I just want to
get its attention. Yeah, firebolt is a beast of a range, all
right, seventeen to hit that hits and for six damage. All right,
send some some hand, all right, come and get me pig. Why
do I feel like that's not the first time that phrase? All right,
we're charges, but unfortunately it does not have enough movement to get to you
an attack Stan, Thanks fortunate the ba are follows you. Jorcer ouch ouch,
it bites you. It bites it in AC twenty four, and then
it slashes in acc sixteen. Jesus who all right? Those both those both
hit all right for twenty three damage. All right, Hopefully I'll have to
put my plan into action before I die. Nice knowing, I'm gonna I
gonna adjust my current hit points in the thing. All right, let's see
here, or Georger, what's good for you? We actually you know what
we're gonna do. We're gonna do your one, two, alfonds, your
three four? All right, war comes after you, great god, but
only hits in eleven. All right, mayage armor for the win. That
does not hit. Jorcer is still in the game, all right, random
bear. Let's see here, who does it like better? What's good for
you? Cal odds are evens? Say odds? All right? It turns
to stand. Oh well, natural one definitely misses. Let's see if it
hurts itself there. It just tends to stand and stumps vigorously scratching its bulls.
All right, So one attack, it bites you for seven stan but
then as it claws you, it misses, hits the ground, and it
shears off a couple of its nails, doing some damage to itself. Is
not a smart bear, San Daniel EVI just watches the bear attack itself.
Not smarter than the average bear. All right, keep doing that. We
can take them. Can I give bodic inspiration to the bad to keep them
fucking itself up? I'm getting the one that Jorcer blasted. Actually that actually
that is a that is a good point. Uh, yeah, you're right,
I'll say I'll say it is. It's kind of pissed off at Jorcer
and it's heading over there. Thank you for the reminder. All right,
Cal, it is your turn. All right, Cal is going to attack
at the bear too. If I reduced strength, that's you're gonna You're gonna
poke it. Actually, I'm flanking, so I think I'm I think I'm
flanking with it with based on the yes, okay, so I get advantage.
That's an eighteenth that hits all right, twenty one On the second attack,
that's another eight So that's sixteen damage total with alicas am okay, I
have been looking stuff up and figuring out my move here. Okay, So
gonna be breaking stuff up based on movement points here. Okay, So at
the twenty foot points. Uh, I think I should have enough? Yep,
perfect. I'm going to cast bless as my bonus action and mostly just
doing that to keep up with my totals. So I am blessing myself cal
and stand dandyliver. Excellent. That's four bonus yeah, one D four every
time you attack and save. Okay, cool, I doubled checked. So
if you use a bonus action spell, you can use a can trip in
the same round. And so I am going to I think I can do
it. Yes, I'm going to firebolt the bear that is harassing Jorcerer to
try and return the favor. All right, twenty four I guess I don't
need the D four Nope, eight fired damage and after that I will use
the remainder of my movement to get out of the way. That is every
action I have. All right, Alphonse, you have two borre on you.
One is a pretty beaten up. So the one that I did the
inflict wounds on pretty well, that hurt it. Yes, they're pigs and
not dragons. Yeah. My first attacks on on armed strike. So we'll
take a shot there and that's a twelve that hits. Oh well, then
since I hit with a melee weapon, I will use stunning strike and if
it fails a constitution save. If it fails a concert with a DC fourteen,
it's stunned until the beginning of my next turn. All right, well,
what kind of damage is it that strike? Doo? That unarmed strike
does seven unsaved, coming up fourteen? Fucker, I just get another attack
and then I can spend a key point for Floria blows. Yeah, Fluria'
is a bonus action, right, Okay, So I'll use my second attack
for another unarmed strike and that's a ten that misses. Yeah, all right,
now I'll spend a key point on Floria blows. First one is an
eight, second one is a sixteens and for four it had exactly four hit
points left as it collapses as the crowd goes wild judgment. All right,
we win, Right, we're done bacon for breakfast, fellas, if we
live, we'll eat well. The first blow has been struck, all right,
all right, the other bore is still there, but it only it
only hits a nine AC ah, that does not get me, all right,
Stan, Okay, Stan's gonna use his new bardic ability vicious mockery.
Anyone within sixty feet has a wisdom saving for a fourteen elsie, it will
take one D four of psychic damage and have disadvantage on its next at tank
role. Is there everybody within sixty feet or just one person within six just
one person? All right? So who are you doing to a creature?
I'm going to go for the bear nearest to jusrah all right, and I'm
going to say I've heard of the bare minimum, but I've never seen it.
You prick nice. That's pretty good. You said this is a wisdom
save. Yeah, wisdom said DC fourteen. It gets zero you hear you
hurt its feelings horribly, gonna eat your porridge, motherfuck uh? Alright,
damage it up. Okay, that's five, So I kick damage, all
right, Damage the bear's ego, That's what I got. Anything else,
I'm satisfied with that cutting insult towards that bad a kind of ans me back.
I'll feel smug until the ever animals impale meal waver alright, then your
swar all right? Am I going to understand a disengage uses up my action.
Yes, yes, okay, then uh, if I try to move,
I'm going to die. So I'm not going to try to make it.
But I think you had the same plan as I did. Uh,
And I was looking something up, So just a heads up. It's a
twenty foot radius, which means forty feet all the way across. What did
you think I was gonna do? Maybe we had very different plans. Yeah,
I'm thinking that you're not gonna summon the giant cocks. Yeah, they're
like vany They plow through the ground. They got a big thick radio.
Okay, never mind, we had different plans. I don't know that spell
sounds like you really should Yeah, that would be no though. The spell
I'm looking to do has a forty foot radius. Oh my god. Okay,
wow, we're we're we're looking at different So I was looking at fireball.
That's where I thought you were going even bigger vany cock um radius.
All right, what I can't do is move. So, guys, this
is my my last gift to you. If if these two fuckers decks to
be don't fall prone, I am going to cast sleet storm. See I
can get one, two, three, I can get that guy on the
rocks that's coming at me the Jorcers Swan song. It doesn't do any damage.
It just ideally it'll make a bunch of them fall prone and you guys
can beat on them easier. That would be very helpful. Yeah, yeah,
all right, that's what I'm gonna do right there on the top of
the on the middle of the rock sleet storm no fu Yeah, well it's
prone. Just keep in mind it's it looks like there's no no thing for
friendlies here, so you might be knocking your friends prone as well. Oh
I know, yeah, I'm knocking myself prone for sure. But it is
at the start of one's turn, so um yeah, I won't be prone
this time him and stand just thanks guy. And that's if we don't make
the same deck save constitutions, save deck save. Oh an old man might
fool down and break his hip, we'll see, all right, or bear
my gorment to death and break my concentration. So all right, well the
boor is that your turn? Yeah, like I said, if I move,
I'm gonna die. So all we'll not give them an attack of opportunity.
Why is the ground all white and slippy? The first boar false prone
which bore? Was that this bore? Mister Prowney, No shit, all
right, I mean since it's at the beginning of the turn, it doesn't
stop anything from getting it back up. Just cost movement, I guess.
Yeah, so, I mean basically it costs your function. No, that
doesn't burn at action. I mean it's five feet a movement to stand up.
Yeah, that applies to us too, though. What a what a
sucky spell? Oh wow that I'm really glad I'm not in that terrain.
That would have been bad. Anyway. The boar stands up again and since
you're there stand oh, it rules akrit and it gorge you for eighteen What
a waste of a spell. I thought I was gonna go a little bad,
like ha ha, the ice made to pull a four all over.
Then it just stood up and killed me. Anyway, Yeah, I'd like
to think you're like, ha, not so tough, now, aren't you.
Well to deduce wherever I'm going to fall over, pick pick three numbers
from from one to ten. These numbers are good for you, by the
way, all right, uh seven three eight roll a d ten seven three
eight one? Okay. The bear, the bear and looks at the boar
for a second as if it's possibly tasty, but continues attacking you at disadvantage
that it matters. Oh wait, it's in Oh wait, wait wait wait,
let's see if it let's see if it falls first. Yes, the
bear falls all right, then gets back up every obscured. What is the
point of that spell if it just does it? Literally just custom fi fate
of movement. Yeah, I'm trying to see. I mean, I mean,
I guess the obscured part. I mean, you guys can't see.
I thought this is awesome. I was gonna look up more on falling prone.
But the fact that it's difficult terrain cuts its movement, cut its movement,
so it'll be harder for other bares to come over and eat mine and
Josers corpses. You're right, difficult terrain means it should be it would move
at half speed. Yeah, for mobility that is. That's definitely a strong
control spell that the bit at the end is especially potent because it fucks with
spell casters strong. Yeah. I don't think any of these animals are magical,
No, but I can definitely like, I see, I see the
usefulness of this spell in the right situations. Yeah, this might not be
the right situation. All right. The bear bite you, so nineteen for
a bite and sixteen for a claw. Those both hit, all right,
So ten piercing and fourteen slashing, all right, that puts me well below
zero falls. And the spell and concentration, well, we're certainly kicking this
encounters ass. I wan't slip over after this boar takes a fucking chunk out
of me at least, oh, thank god, my footing is secure.
The boar, seeing you fall, attacks the bear. He natural enemies and
missus old as time, bears and boars hating each other. All right,
this boar say, it just wanders over here as the sleet storm dissipates,
still a bit a bit confused, and the bear stan, what's good for
you? Odds or evens? Ah, let's say odds? All right,
it's odd. It turns its direction to cal Yeah, bring it, bring
it BArch all right. One is an obvious, so you miss it,
just rolls and nine. The other does the seventeen hitchikal, yes, all
right, slashes you for thirteen. Stan, give me three numbers between one
and ten two seven nine, roll a d ten two the boar racists past
you to attempt to gore the bear. That's lucky. Not only that,
but it kills the bear as it drives its touss deep inside. Team Bore,
good job, Bore judgment. Oh when when you fell short, George
R. Judgment. All right, Cal, alright, uh, Cal is
gonna step in, step over the bear's corpse and attack this she. I'm
gonna move I'm gonna move down here. I'm gonna move over here so that
I'm flanking the boar with stan Okay, and because I gotta get as much
as I can out of that with my reduced Yeah, snorting things and then
getting two nat ones in a row, yeah, I would, I would.
I would just point out if you snort one more thing today and get
in that one, you probably will be doing irreparable brain damage. Fifteen that
hits high never okay, cool, that's two two damna, And then thirteen
is the high one that hits HiT's all right, they're they're bored, they're
not exactly, and that's five damage. And then I'm gonna drop a smite
on this one. All right. That's six. So total is seven regular
and six radiant. All right, all right, Mtelakasam, I think this
will be our last, our last volley for the evenings. Since we've been
going at this for a bit, I have been bending this freaking arrow every
way I can, trying to make it work. But I cannot get all
three boars in a way that doesn't just immolate stand dandy liver. So I
am going to cast immolate stand dandy lever. All right, good, I'm
not technically attacking any of the frogs, you might wonder a friend. All
right, I am putting a fireball down right in this square where I've got
my arrow moving round. It will get the boars, but Stan is just
out of range. All right. Wow, I didn't know you could do
that. I thought you just had to incinerate your allies. I mean it's
recommended in another world. Fending go just starts whistling really awkwrell h. All
right, So they both get a DC fifteen and if they fail, they
take twenty nine fire damage. All right, This is a it is a
deck save, all right, you see fifteen. The top four gets a
two, baby bottom bore gets a fifteen. All right, so full damage
to the first one, half to the second. The entire pit fills with
the with the smell of roast pig, and with my movement, I would
like to hide behind the corpse of the dead bear. All right, Well
that doesn't really give you a lot of hiding, but that brings it's a
large animal. I'm a medium. I'm just trying to like not be noticed.
Well, as long as it's killing your friends, I think you might
have a shot at that. Yeah, all right, that brings us to
the top round. But we've been going for an hour and twenty years,
so that is probably a good place for us to uh to call it an
evening. Um. I apologized everybody at home for calling Pink slip mouthpiece.
I don't know what getting the contact everybody. Let Rick know what you think.
This is not just I thought that was just engagement on our YouTube page.
I don't know why you'd say that. I thought it was his title.
Oh yeah, yeah, I honestly just thought he had like a different
name, that they had named him something when they stole him. You know
what, you know what it was. I was sitting here, I was
going through it ahead of the game, and my brain just fizzled once we
were on it happens. It truly does. All right, all right everyone,
thank you for joining in on Salty Bastards that no, it's been a
while, you know. We will continue this fight of judgment when next we
meet again on Salty Bastards until then, and we'll try to get at least
one more session in before you join us at Authors and Dragons Con in August
in Charlotte. So if you go to Authors and Dragons dot com and click
the button for con, you can buy your tickets and reserve your hotel room
today and see George Roars Wonder in person, assuming it doesn't die until next
time. Everyone, Bye boy. Authors and Dragons is brought to under Creative
Commons License, meaning you are free to share this conteriums along as credit is
given to those who created it, which is us for people you just started
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