Dad's on would like to draw your attention to the fact that the following content
is made up of humorous adult material and is intended for immature not easily triggered
audience. You have been warned. Hey guys, yeah, I said,
guys. What do you call a glossary of penis related words? A dictionary?
A dictionary that's correct. A dictionary is correct. I like it.
Like that's a weird voice. I haven't heard that voice a while. I'm
gonna call this a Stone safe house. Ladies and germs we have, we
have the Stone present with us this episode your favorite in person. Hey,
what the fuck is up? Dequal Nation? We started this almost three years
ago. Yeah, and this will be well. We've done one live in
person with a shitty device on Halloween. It actually came out good. Yeah.
Yeah, but this is the first time we've actually been able to legit
record like this in person where we have legit microphones. I have a soundboard.
I can, I can, I can, I can act only hit
the button twice I got too excited. Yeah, one of those buttons is
a porn hub one. I just can't remember which one I want to press.
Wrong, No, not yours? I think it's this one. Yeah,
yeah, there it is. So yeah, well Dad's on Dequel episode
one. I'm known, I'm Dome, I'm stone baby. I almost forgot
what to do, right, I missed that a little bit. I gotta
I can say that. I gotta get used to doing this now. Yeah,
I've been doing this the whole time. I'm not going to do this.
You need like a rotating swivel for those listening only, which is all
of you, right, yeah right, yeah, it's normally looking forward is
easy? Or staring off into space? Yeah yeah yeah, but yeah,
whatever, So I guess, uh, I mean, you have any any
retard talk or anything you want to get out of the way before we just
go go right in or what? Yeah you do? Okay, I do?
I do. So last night after we got home, uh, I
told the kids to go ahead and get their their space ready. I say
space because they like to sleep in the living room sometimes. So when we
do that, they have a blow up mattress. They plug it in,
they blow it up, right, I get this dead. It's not working.
From Grayson, I'm like, okay, great, they broke it.
Sweet. So I come out to I come out to living ear and He's
sitting on the floor just flicking the switch up and down, and I'm like,
did you plug it in? Bud? Well? No, Like,
don't you think you have to? Well? No, like why would you
not have to? How does electricity work? Bud? He's like, I
don't know. Like, so you think the cord that's attached to the air
mattress would do something right? No? Like, what did you think it
was for to pull it around? It's an He's like, no, Budy,
go ahead and plug it in. Plug it in. So he plugs
it in. It gets better, So he plugs it in and he flips
it down and it starts turns on and you hear it right well from experience,
I could hear that it was going the wrong direction. It was actually
sucking the airflow out correct. So I just decided to sit there and wait,
and he's like, it's not working still, it's broken. I'm like,
okay, wan't you go ahead and steek your mouth on it and try
and blow it up with your mouth? And I thought it was just going
to be a joke and he wasn't actually going to do it. Needless to
say, he stuck his mouth right where the air was blowing out, and
he goes it tastes like, shit, I'm not doing that again. I
was like, it tastes like what, it tastes like, pooh, I'm
not going to do that again. I was like, plug it in,
alright, flip the switch up one and it'll start to blow in and you'll
be fine. And I walked away. I hear him laughing a couple of
minutes later. Why because he flipped it back down and fucking stuck his mouth
on the whole again. I mean, this is the kid that retarded tart
comment came from. So for anybody that saw the happy Birthday post that we
made a couple a couple of days ago, now, well we weeks ago.
Now, Yeah, by the time this couple weeks a couple of weeks
that little t rex playing golf that was in homage to that. Yeah,
thank you, knew you to get it, but you uh well, uh,
I guess we could just get into dad week and with throw it to
the stone. Yeah, what what the fuck you been up to? Man?
A whole lot of fucking school and work and that's about it. Not
really too much to report on, uh except a report that I'm doing a
lot of reports in school. There's so much, but I'm making some great
progress and I just finished my freshman year and I still have two classes left
in freshman year, but credit's wise. I'm going into my sophomore year and
by September i'll be a junior and I'll have successfully eliminated a year of school
in like four months. Nice. And it's been a lot of like fucking
nose to the goddamn pavement and it sucks. Yeah, but instead of four
years, it'll be three, so in the end and it's worth it.
But honestly, I really do miss doing this podcast so much, especially when
I'm sitting there and I'm like, I got to do a six page paper
instead of having a blast doing this podcast. It was at this moment that
he knew he fucked up, like for real, like for real, that
is that is it. I'm sitting there going, oh, like, should
I kill Hitler not kill baby Hitler for this ethics paper? And I'm like,
we gotta, we gotta, we gotta bring that conversation up right now,
yeah, because I think this is a great conversation to have. And
then we'll get back to the dad week, Okay, tell us the questions
so we can answer it. So I had I'm in this ethics class and
I there was a discussion post this week where it was it's pretty much like
a Facebook formula kind of a thing. It's like our main professor is like,
Okay, this is what you're going to comment on. This a discussion
post. I want you to post interact with the people's comments, and shit,
right, that's like a giant chuck your grade to do weekly. The
discussion post was watch this twenty minute clip of do you guys remember when they
brought back the Twilight Zone the early two thousands? Yeah, and fors Whittaker
had hosted it. Yep. So it was a Catherine Heigel episode just before
she got on like up and she was doing where she went to go kill
baby Hitler right back in like nineteen hundred ersim schema I was born. So
she goes back in time and she is faced with the ethical dilemma of killing
a baby, but it's Hitler. So she's like, do I kill it?
Do I not kill it? I don't know, And she had a
really tough time struggling getting herself to kill Hitler. Finally Spoilerler in the end
she did. But what happens is this nanny that is watching this happen.
She goes and grabs a baby off the street and pace for it, and
then hey, here's your son, here's adof And then that ends up actually
being Hitler. And she actually caused us to be in what was she's her
own undoing, like it was crazy, but she was like okay, So
after seeing that, I want you to present your case on ethics. Would
you kill Hitler? Everybody in there was like yes, yes, yes,
I ses and I was like, fuck all of you against the grain no,
And I wrote a giant no discussion and I was like, this is
why we don't know what would happen if we did kill baby Hitler. The
butterfly efflect could really fuck everything up and we could be like destroyed by an
astroid or some shit because we decided to shoot or not shoot a bunch of
shit in the space because we didn't have the space race because Hitler wasn't here.
Look at all the shit that came out of World War two, and
I was like, we literally don't know what could happen. So it actually
works against the utilitarians point of view, which is a greatest amount of happiness
least amount of pain. Right, that makes sense. That's what we're looking
into. Is that utilitarian to kill Hitler or not? So I wrote this
giant post. If not, there's like it was pretty compelling. There's like
four point five million Jews that would contradict that whole great amount of pain,
amount of pain thing. Here's the thing though, and in the utilitarian view,
it's the greatest amount of happiness for at least amount of pain. And
my point was, do we want to make four point six million lives worth
more than trillions plus for the rest of time? Right? One life matters
AJF Marvel has taught me anything into that. But then hit matters, Yeah,
exactly, And that's that was another dilemma. It was like you're killing
a baby, like can you go through? But we know, we know
a lot of people like they aboord all the time. There's people that want
like third trimester abortions, so they have obviously no dilemma doing it. I
think me personally, we leave it as is because we we would have if
Hitler didn't exist, we would have one race and it'd be called Jew.
The whole world would be jew. By this point, yes, and we
would have the jokes. We wouldn't jokes. It be a bummer because we
wouldn't have jokes about a bunch of people dying. So no, we shouldn't
do it. There's a skit. There's a skit on the internet where this
guy, this, this whole scenario happens right where these two guys are like
trying to decide whether they want to kill Hitler or not. And they and
they don't write or they do they kill Hitler. They come back. I
think they like the time machine is like a fucking washing machine or something.
And they come back and then they walk out of their apartment building and there's
fucking Hebrew everywhere. There's people with dregs and like everywhere, and they're just
like, oh, we fucked up. Yeah I remember. I think you
sent that to him. Yeah. But I think here's the here's the more
a dilemma. The more of a dilemma is why would you pose the question
as as the baby? Yeah, why not go back and kill Hitler's mom
and dad, like when they're on a date, or why not go back
and kill Hitler when he's like nineteen years old? Yeah, when he's when
he's going crazy a baby? Yeah, like he there's documentation that he was
actually seen by a psychiatrist at the end of World War One and they said
he was unfit to lead because he's fucking crazy. They labeled him insane.
Yeah, and then after that he was like, Okay, well, I
don't give a shit about your shit. I'm gonna rise up. If you
killed him right then, right, that would be so much easier than killing
him as a baby. Right, Why does it have to be a baby?
Yeah? I think I think one thing that that falls short on this
argument all the time is Stalin and Marx and everybody else that was involved in
the whole scenario of everything, in situation of everything, like they play a
mass of part in all of this war and everything that happened. It wasn't
just Hitler, Like, yes, Hitler was fucking crazy, and yes Hitler
did a lot of bad things, but Hitler was also partly just a face.
Like he's kind of like the United States of America president, Like he's
just a face. It's all the congressman pieces of shit up there, right,
There's so many faces behind the decisions. That's all the ones that survive
and fleda those are the real problem, the additional problem that nobody talks about.
It's always just Hitler. It's like when you think of when you think
of Manson, Manson was such a terrible person. Manson never actually killed one
person. Mentally, Yes, he was a fucked up person. You talk
about serial killers, he wasn't a serial killer. He didn't kill a person.
He had other people kill people, correct, but he didn't kill people
himself. Granted that doesn't that doesn't discount him being an absolute psychopath. But
I think people look at Manson the wrong way and and they count him towards
a demographic that he's actually not part of. Yeah, you know, like
he wasn't a real man. He wasn't like Dahmer, He wasn't like Bundy.
He wasn't he didn't get his hands dirty like the real guys. You
know. No, he was a chump. It was all right. Anyway,
back to dad week. So how's how's dad life going? You know?
It was a struggle a little bit like with Avery d to take a
couple of weeks there and really spend some time with her and really kind of
drill in her head that hey, daddy's got to have a lot of homework
coming up, so we're gonna spend as much time as possible together, but
you do have to give daddy a little bit of space so he can do
his homework. And I've been instilling in her mind that, like, listen,
the reason daddy's going to school so we can get our house, so
we can get our dog, so we can get you a car when you
turn sixteen. All this stuff is gonna happen because of this little thing that
we have to do right now. And she's really come to understand that.
At first, she was like, I don't like it. I don't want
a house, I don't want this. But over time, she's like,
Okay, you go do your homework because I want my dog. My dog
is gonna be chased, and you're gonna get a dog too. It's gonna
be called Zuma because paw patrol. Yes. And I'm like, whatever,
kid, whatever you want to do, let's go for it. Just give
me my fucking space to do my goddamn homework so I'll fucking explode my goddamn
seventeen hour days. They're dude, yeah, but it's worth it. I've
actually been like, yeah, like pretty much my whole life has just been
right now Avery, School work, gym, that's it. And uh.
We actually had a moment at a day where I had gotten done with a
class and I was like, fuck, yeah, let's have like a Saturday
just to ourselves. Let's go. I got all this side stuff done,
I got my main class done. Let's go to Calabunga. So we went
to Calubunga and it was like one hundred and two outside at the end of
April. Some shit. It was like kind of the first one they opened.
It was that like little peaks y yeah, yeah, yeah. And
we went and we were just swimming around. We're having a good time,
and the weirdest, like most like peculiar thing happened. Avery was going through
the water and she just like looks at me at some point and goes,
Daddy, if you ever die, I'm going to be so sad because I
love you so much, and just whistles away into the fucking river and I
went She's like really getting into the zone of like getting philosophical, like I
was telling Jordan earlier yesterday, she hit me with this fucking question that like
threw me to my grave almost. She's like, Daddy, I need Can
you do me a favor If I ask you a question, can you answer
for me? And I was like, of course, sweetheart, Like what's
your question? She goes, why do people feel good and people feel bad?
Hmmm? Those aren't life savers avery. Get out of those. It's
a gummy bear. Yeah, that that. I didn't know what to say.
I was like, the best thing I could come up with was it
comes from the heart. Yeah, when people are mad, people are happy,
people are sad, people are glad. It comes from the heart.
People feel from their heart. And she was like, Okay, I'm sad
and I feel for my heart. It's weird. It's weird how you answer
that question. Different for your kid versus your friend. Yeah, Like,
if I asked that question, he's like anal. He's not saying that to
Avory. Right, Well, it's true, I mean that damn. That
might be. That might be what sounds we come from our humberto ships later.
That's true. You did not eat humbertos. We did. We saw
God h doum. How is your week? It was good. The barbecue
that we had yesterday was fun. It was nice. It was good to
have the kids kind of jump around the pool. Still working on that fucking
patio. Yeah, that thing is is the bane of my existence right now.
Might be in the next few weeks looking for a new producer. Oh
figure that out. Oh yeah yeah, speaking speaking of the devil. Really
you will not fire me, sever she got it's good. So other than
that, man, not much, you know, so yeah, same.
We just think the barbecue is great. Food was great. Uh doing this
sol shin dig We might have to make this like every couple of months,
have a j and Avery come down and I agree, record a special episode
of day Quill and keep him in the loop. Yeah, and you know,
maybe we'll get Chat back at some point for a little Uh. However,
I do have to say it makes me sad to say it because I'm
gonna miss those guys. But Meth, Mike and Chat April two zero you
can find them when you find Jimmy Hoffa essentially. Yeah. Yeah, but
uh but you know, I still kept the I still kept the safe house.
I just kind of have it under a temporary lease. You know,
it's a it's a spirit Halloween right now. I don't know why, but
you know, they keep calling me up with like weekly and they're like,
hey, we found another needle, and I'm like, shut the fuck up
and just enjoy the space. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure Spirit Halloween
and a mattress firm are just giant laundering, like money laundering, seems yes,
Okay, question where would you keep the money at a mattress firm?
In the mattresses and you never sell the mattresses on the floor, there's just
floor models. Everything comes out of a box, so it just stays right
there. Yeah, that's a great idea. We should open a mattress store.
Done. I mean, we have no money to launder, but it's
a start. It's a start. Well what I feel, so the way
I feel mattress firm works is the second somebody tries to open it, the
mafia then contacts you and they're like, hey, you're gonna do this,
but this is what's I owned down. Sign up, and then they just
take over and you literally just become the face and they pay you X amount
of money every month and that's how you make your money. Yeah, but
they immediately take over. I won't say no, no, God, no
mafia. If you're listening, hit us up, hit us up. You
can find us all our socials at link tree, our emails there just just
an email days on day at gmail dot com. You were in, Oh,
I did get some exciting news. I don't know if I if I
just happened. I was perusing golf things. We've been talking about this lately
that I've been doing a lot of golf research, right, and yeah,
like clothes, hats, all that stuff. Right. So I saw a
company called shank It Golf and they do opportunities for the and they claim right
there they don't care how big you are, how small you are, It's
about growth blah blah blah blah blah. And I was like, yeah,
okay, well whatever, I'll apply on behalf of the podcast. Whatever.
Well, we already now have a discount code that we can use for ten
percent off. And they just recommend that you do. I got to finish
getting everything set up, but they recommend you do posts like a couple times
a month. And I mean, obviously we could we could pump it every
single podcast episode, but we can stay tuned. If you're a golfer,
you're into golf equipment, you know, hats, you know, clothes whatever,
fun shit. Yeah, shank at Golf where he talks with for a
little uh, a little ten percent off promo coach? Sweet so hell,
yeah, yeah, I will make a flyer. Yeah all uh, we'll
get it done later and we'll start doing that. So yeah. Other than
that, yeah, what else? What else is up? I don't know
any jokes I do? Guys, want to do a joke off? I
do? Yeah, let's do it. Who wants to go first? Should
we let him go first? Yeah? Go first? Go first. This
is for you, Jordan. You're gonna love this. What do porn and
metal music have in common? Head banging? Butt plugs? There was a
lot more hair in the eighties, that's true. Nice. What do you
call an autistic kid with a gun? My friend? You said? My
friend? Would you say a good time? Special Forces? Why is it
so hard to break up with a Japanese girlfriend? You have to drop the
bomb twice before she gets it. That's sorry, I don't worry. There's
more Japanese girls in the sea. Oh okay, So how do you know
milk is fast? When it's running down a titties? It's past your eyes
before you can see it. You know what the best thing about killing a
hooker is not only do you get your money back the second hours free day.
Speaking of I don't know really where I stand on abortion. I like
killing babies, but I don't like giving women a choice. So why was
the four year old anti vaxxer crying? Why because he's in the middle of
a midlife crisis. Speaking of that, what is the essen cancer stand for
survival? I was just about to say it, and I was like,
Nope, you dip shit. A father walks into a pharmacy, goes to
the counter and asks a pharmacist about getting birth control for his eleven year old
daughter. My god, your eleven year old is actually active, the pharmacist
exclaims. The dad replies, not really. She just lies there and cries.
Oh for anybody wondering, all I'm doing is just reading what's on Reddit.
And this is the first time I'm hearing it too. Reddit love it.
What's stronger than family? Ben Diesel? Whatever? Fucking tree? Paul
Walker hit. I'll never understand why people are offended by orphan jokes. It's
not like you can say it hit too close to home. Oh, what's
the deal with the airline food? Said the Malaysian shark. What's the best
part about being a circumcision doctor. The cheese, Oh, I don't know,
I don't have The pay is good and you get to keep the tips.
I was gonna say leftovers. You know, every zodiac sign has their
own hairstyle except for cancer. Mm hm oh boy. What do nine out
of ten people enjoy killing the one gang rape? Eight? Her dad's having
second thoughts. Seven her brother is outright disgusted. Wow, so we put
six geese lay in? They just the comment thread. Why is God okay
with abortions? Because if he wasn't, he'd be a fucking hypocrite. Why
do people in Alabama love sandwiches Alabama Hotpocket because it's because it's her family reunion,
because they like to keep things in bread. What's the difference between a
terrorist training camp and an orphanage. I don't know. I just slide the
drone. I gotta follow up on that one, because my's a terrorist joke
kind of Whoever said white people can't jump hasn't seen nine eleven foot facts.
I like it that that was an in house job. That wasn't terrorists.
It well, it's domestic terrors, all right, fair enough? Still terrorism?
True? What's the difference between oral and anal sex. One makes your
day, the other makes your whole week. Go ahead down. A woman
brings eight year old Johnny home and tells his mother what that he was caught
playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight year old dog. Johnny's mother
says, let's not be too harsh on them. They are bound to be
curious about sex at that age. Curious about sex? Question, Mark replies
Mary's mother. He's taking her fucking appendix out. Hey, don't I got
one for you? How do you get a Jewish girl number? Uh?
Usually give her tip? You just roll up her sleeve. I think I
actually said that one, now that I heard the answer. What happens when
you cook with Irish butter? Great question? Your cholesterol be dublin? Oh?
Man, fuck you read it? How does a black woman fight crime?
She has an abortion? Wow? Wow? I take Oh that dark?
That joke was so dark. He tried to rob me. The comment
sections are almost worth of the actual shows, and it's ready, so they're
unfiltered. Yeah, what would you get if a dinosaur kicks you in the
rear end? Probably a fucking hernia, pretty sore ass. It was so
bad it went to the front straight through. My best friend was recently gunned
down in a dry by and died a virgin, but I made sure he
wasn't buried one. I like it, Okay, I feel like, Okay,
here we go. So it was. There was another joke about black
people having nightmares, but I feel like I didn't want to beat that down
too much, so I'm gonna skip that. Okay. What's the worst thing
about being a black? Juke? Jesus Christ, you're gonna go next to
the next one. I'm just sit at the back of the oven. JOm,
you might be able to answer this one. Who does the Italian chef
make a wish to ship? I don't know, Gie, Jesus, that
was terrible. Gay guys and bungee jumpers have in common. Mm hmmm.
If the rubber breaks, they're both in deep ship. This was a long
one. That was my last one. A guy was walking to a bar
and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks.
He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friend,
friend asks why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found
at all the different positions they fucked in. Friends give him props and asks
if he got head. Guy replies, I couldn't find it. Jesus.
My wife complained that I never bought her flowers. To be honest, I
never fucking knew she sold flowers. Jesus. Okay, I can't keep going.
Yeah, it's gonna get dark. Ironically, these are starting to get
bad because I've now gotten to the point where I should probably read some of
these. So you don't want you anymore? Yeah, when you decided to
skip another black joke, and then you went to a black Jude joke,
So try to cover your tracks with half your people. Okay, well the
three of us together, So I guess we should just play game. Yeah,
I think we should. All right, let's do it. Deal guy
the Nome going against the Dome who came with this game? Nobody because Age
is hosting, So we're doing dad feud everybody, Ladies and gentlemen. We
don't even have to tell you to cue the music anymore. We just got
it. We got it taken care of you. This is wonderful. It's
nice. Do you want to do it? Just to do it? So?
I have something very special for you too. When I was in Walmart,
I saw this and it was the family Feud board game, and I
was like, oh, let's get some ship that was concocted by those fucks.
No more fucking Pinterest. Let's go. You know what's amazing that our
answers are probably gonna be right now. So speaking of I don't know about
that. Speaking of that, we have to have a conversation because I brought
that exact point up and AJ said, the majority of the time he would
pull these lists from you know, like Pinterests or stuff like that. And
he said sometimes he would replace things on there because he's like, no,
nobody's gonna guess that, and then we would guess, and then that would
be like, how is that not as no idea fucking Pinterest. But I'll
say this, it was probably like maybe ten percent of answers. Like it
wasn't a large margin. It was a margin, but it wasn't a large
You have every chand episode if you ain't fairish your last it is what it
is. That's true. All right, let's go. Let's go, baby,
we got the first category. We have seven answers on the board.
When you were a kid, name something used to practice kissing on Who's going
first? That was just like you guys figured out are we going one,
two, three? And then you go okay, you go first, what
was question? That's okay? When you were a kid, What did you
used to practice kissing on my hand? That is the number six answer?
A pillow? Oh ship, that's the number one. It was pillow or
hand? And I went with him. I was gonna I was thinking you
were gonna go pillow. So I'm like, well, hand, yeah,
So how many of these are there? Seven on the board? Okay,
I'm my sister, God damn it. Yeah, that's the number five sibling.
That inbred joke is coming back. You does a cousin count is a
sibling? That's my answer. I'm still traumatized. Damn a dog. If
it's pet or animal, it counts. Okay, I'll just it to you.
Stuffed animal. Yeah that works. Yeah, it's the number four answer.
Mirror. Oh good call. Damn. You guys are getting these real
good. Yeah, that's because they're the real can answer. That's the number
three. Is there one more? Yeah? We need number seven and number
two? Right, yep? Seven? Number two? Dude? How is
mirror not number? How is mirror? Hand? And sister not? Like?
So? Number two is open, and what else is open? Number
seven, Blake, you're next door neighbor? Yeah? Does that count?
Well? I mean I guess that's not girlfriend, boyfriend? No, okay,
or friend? How about best friend? Holy ship? That was I'm
tagging in B word? So God, why I feel like number two we
should know this. Yeah it feels obvious your mom, dude, we are
way too alike. No, that's three for you, three for you?
Yeah, I think so it is? Okay, Yeah, so Josh got
this round. So the number two answer was a doll, which is weird
because number four was stuffed in right, Yeah, okay, I didn't I
actually thought a doll, but I was like, well, we gave it
to stuffed animals, so I kinda yeah. And number seven was a fruit
slash orange. Oh yeah, I didn't practice kissing on those. Candleope warmed
up. Candlope was my friend, Like, like, what was that movie
I just had? I just had epiphany. How are we going to do
the lighting? I guess the lock that we'll just meeting our mics. I'll
just take that phones off. I can't hear you in the same room,
all right. Category two we got seven answers on the board name something that
happens to you when you can't stop laughing. It's like, as a result
of you couldn't stop laughing, this happened. No, actually they had it
listed as blow air biscuits. Okay, all right, interesting like the dick
nuggets that I snounted out the other day. Yeah, somebody had their little
fucking dick nuggets running around the street. That was the word you said.
Okay, that is genius. That's what I said. That's exactly what I
said. I'm like, we're gonna start using that crotch goblin. I'm changing
that now. Okay, cry Yes, that's number one. That's what I
was gonna say. You know you can do about it and crack like bitch.
Uh. When you laugh too hard, something happens you stop breathing.
Yeah. Number three can breeze puke o good one, kind of like when
she goes down too far on someone else's cock. I was gonna say it
surprising what Yeah, puke or throw up or gag, that's all the same
thing. You give three answers. You're out up, damn it. Yes,
that is number two. That my next one. Okay, we're hm
because I can't say I can't say, well, there's cough on there,
but you just didn't say it was puke, because that's kind of cheating,
right, Actually, give it to you. That is number seven. It
was a cough choke. It's number seven. I'm pretty sure I used the
word choke. I don't know you said gag, throw up? Yeah,
all right, maybe I didn't say choke. Can't even blame me this stuff.
How many are left? Too? It's actually yeah, yeah, it's
still open. He's got two, you got three. There's two left on
the board. Number four, number five. Don't be looking at that phone.
I'm trying. Don't be looking at that suddenly just started getting it.
Stop getting the answers because he couldn't look at this anymore. Okay, what
happens to you? You pass out? Oh? Is it number four?
Number five? Nope? Okay, So we have what are the ones that
we have so far? We have all? So you got I cry,
slash eyewater, I pee myself, I can't breathe fart, which is blow
air biscuits, and then I cough slash joke. Oh Jesus, okay,
can I see where it happened? Shout out to Minnesota. There we go.
You're still trying to look over there. It's black. It's black,
Okay, Can I see colored motherfucker children instead of children? All it says
on here is answer one, two, four, five, six seven.
Everything's on the car, all right, So you can look at this all
you want. Yeah, see, all right, I'm gonna still look at
it because that'shere. My eyes want to fixate because I'm a cheater, all
right. Oh goodness, I don't know. Forget your fucking name, forget
where you are, some ship like that, forget something. I think that's
three for me, that is three for you. Yeah, right, So
Jordan got this one. Okay, So number four was belly ache or side
aches, and then number five was hiccups. You know, I was gonna
say hiccups earlier and I was like, that is no way that's gonna be
on that list. Yeah, but I guess there's really not a whole lot
of things that happened to you, right, Like, Yeah, I mean
that was a tough one. I like that question. Yeah, that's a
good one, all right. So the next one we only got five,
and the next one, all right, because we're number three. Name a
word rhyming with chimp that you hope doesn't describe you pamp, God, damn
it, it's gotta be on there. Yeah, there's number four. Limp.
Oh, that's a good one. Limp, motherfucker. Number three?
How old is this? Answer? This year? Simp? God damn it?
How do you do this? You know that's actually a good question.
That's not the answer. That is a good question to ask, because all
right, we got number three and four answers one, two and five is
still on the board. Chimp was the original chimp? What rhymes with it?
And you hope it isn't used to be described as you got one?
Probably number one? Crimp limp, that is number two? Damn uh,
that's all I got words rhyme, jim I, I really don't know.
Uh. I'm really surprised neither of you have guessed number one because both of
you, I'm pretty sure has called somebody this plenty of times. Cunt think
my wrong answer. Now, I was about to say, I'm pretty sure
I was gonna say rhymes right before you said that, I was gonna say,
I'm pretty sure you call lies this on occasion. It's not every day,
that's true. And no, I think I think we're all taking our
el's here and Joshuin's the category. So number one is whimph you more?
You called me that how many times when I was a kid? Fuck you
off? Number five time? Number five is what I call you now,
and that's shrimp. Oh, yes, yeah, we should have known both
those. We see we our minds too fucked up because I've replaced wimp with
pussy. Yes exactly, if I've replaced shrimp with fucking retard or midget,
it makes sense. Okay, last one for the categories, all right,
and then we go into the lightning round. Okay, we asked one hundred
women using the barter system, what could we give you in exchange for your
man? Jesus? Five answers on the board? Can we both agree?
If anything is on the board, we can just get it off, like
the word anything, We just get it off now. Well, I was
gonna say it, buildo toy, okay, right in exchange for your man.
No, that's stupid with my other gun names. Think go ahead,
okay, I'm gonna say anything. No, all right, that was weird
money yes, number one answer. I thought that would be one or two
money? Anything? Yeah, car no, wow, say the question one
more time. Uh. We asked one hundred women using the barter system,
what could we give you in exchange for your man? So? What would
your wife give you up for a new man? Yeah? Yes, number
three a better man slash zel zel house house, let's see. Nope,
not on there? Three for you and banged him out real quick, didn't
I just like that one, just like my axe. All right, you
didn't do that quick? That's okighteen years so no, I got you.
Yeah. We asked one hundred women using the butter system, what could we
give you an exchange for your man? Number one was money? Number two
was a maid. Number three was a better man slash Denzel. Number four
was nothing. When you said anything, I was like, oh go opposite.
Number four was nothing, and number five was a robot. A robot
goes to show you what women think of us. A robot is a dildo,
you know it was. It was hard not to like say, yes,
that is my bot, lobject, But I was the old AJ would
have given it to you. It's true, yeah, probably probably nice.
All right. So we're three to one, two to two, two to
two. He took the first and third. I took the second and fourth.
Uh, huh, we're tired. Oh hold, I wrote the wrong
one. Oh yeah, I did write the right one. I'm just dumb
ass. Ok yeah, we're two and two. Let's go for lightning row
because you're tired. Who was first? Actually here, pick a number between
one and fuck you Anal? You garry the one nine. The number was
sixty nine. It's you're close, so I get I'm going first. I
thought that's what it was. I thought sixty nine was antal whatever. Hate
real talk, real quick, white tongue while you're out there, because like
real talk and we can be like guys about this. I'm fucking stinking.
Do you have dealer and I can borrow I'm sticking bad and a paper towel.
Please to wipe my sweat because I'm sweating in here, Ladies and gentlemen.
Dad's on decold Nation. Come into you live from stink Fest. It's
a stunt. And he doesn't smell like skunk. He just smells like ass
tank dank. Thank he's there. Oh yeah, hold on one second.
We gotta do this first though. Lightning round. Okay, so lightning round,
lightning rounds, So Jordan, you know how this works? Declod nation
If you don't know how this works. I'm gonna ask him five questions really
quickly, and he's gonna name off the first answer that comes to his mind.
Jordan, are you ready? Dufe man? Yes? Did you like
that? I did? Just cute? Yeah, nobody else knows that,
but that's cute. Hello, Okay, I'm going to switch hands so this
would be faster. That's what she said. Number one, women, women
take forever to get dressed? What do men take forever to do? A
ship? Take a ship? Sorry? Number two, I started talking to
the fucking mike with the goddamn card because I'm an idiot. Number two,
name something that has an eye but cannot see an eyes in quotation as e
y e so an eyeball ray Charles, No, no, I got three
left, Just go away. I'll get you a handful of Oh, thank
you. Yay. I'm gonna smell delicious, smell like sunscreen. Ass right
now? Right? What this thing is? I should automatically win the lightning
rap for having to witness this, I know, and you know what,
I should have win the lightning round because I just like to as fuck is
so you can heard from that right there? Huh so much better. I
hope that's one of these about to throw out. Otherwise we just became a
part of each other in mursymbia. Now at least he is on his side.
Okay, so you said, Ray Charles, he said, has an
I E y E. He can't see right, Yeah, Ray Charles,
that's a good answer. Number three. Name a present that cats bring to
their owners bird. Number four. Name something specific in an aquarium that the
fish might be too stupid to realize is fake the glass. These are hard.
I feel like your normal lightning round are way easier. Oh my god,
fucked. Number five. What do you do when your dog poops and
you've run out of bags? You leave it there? All right? Fuck
stick, We're ready there he is over there. The next door neighbor kid's
over there and she just looks at me like all cross and Kelly's like her
names dack. My kids are getting a lot more free. That's good,
all right, so good luck. Number one. Women take forever to get
dressed? What do men take forever to do a mature? It's good?
Number one? Yeah, all right. Number two names something that has an
eye but cannot see an eye in quotations as E y e. Sorry,
my brain went so bad with that. Named something that has an eye but
cannot see blind person. I gave it a name, but it counts.
It's the same thing, Ray, Charles, it's exactly who fu fuck h
newspaper. Mm hmm. It's probably gonna be the right answer. Now we
both funked up on that one. Number three. Name a present that a
cat brings to its owner dead animal. At the end, I have to
be more specific. He already gets I gave an animal, so I guess
you giving an animal would be the same thing, right that, So I
have to give it. I either have to be a specific animal. No,
I guess something other dead animal other than a toy, a cat toy.
My brain was like, say mouse. I said bird mouse, But
just for the record, mouse would have been my answer, all right.
Name something specific in an aquarium that the fish might be too stupid to realize
is fake. My ex No, let's write it down, write it down.
Take a plant? Yeah, another fish? Another so Gary, that's
Gary. It would have been great in finding Nemo if when they were in
the tank in the in the dentist's office there was a fake fish and then
they all just said hi, to him constantly. You were watching the end
this is the end less night, say, jadare okay, what do you
do when your dog popes and you've run out of bags? M used paper
towels or leave it? All? Right? So five? Yeah sounds about
right. Okay, so that's all five, Jordan, if you please would
q the elevator music, it's only going for thirty seconds a day. I
got twenty seconds. Just let me know where to stop if you're ready.
Okay, I honestly should have you guys redo the second one, because yeah,
that's stupid. Both of you didn't get shipped for the second one.
That's fine, that's okay, I mean unless it forces us into a tie.
Yeah, then just give us the answer and I'll go first. You
still say you're original answer. I don't even remember what it was, God
damn it. Yeah, you guys got answer because you guys are tie.
What was the second question? Was the second question? Okay? Name something
think that has an eye but cannot see? Okay, you got it?
Some Josh a needle? Oh come on, all right, drum roll please,
I don't have a drum roll, Josh, and the winner is Josh.
Can we go through those answers so you can hear them all right,
yes, okay. So women take forever to get dressed. What do men
take forever to do? Number one answer is chores, then poop, propose,
shave, make decisions, ask, ask for directions, and then shower.
Number two. Name something that has an eye but cannot see. Number
one was needle. Number two is storm slash hurricane. Number three with potato.
Number four was bat. Number five was target slash bowls of Number six
was a statue. I still think Rachel should be the top of that.
He should have been. Number one was at number one answer, Yeah,
my mind went so dark. Reddit screwed me up because my mind went so
dark on that one and the number three. Name a present that cats bring
to their owners. Number one answer was a mouse slash animal. Number two
is toys slash ball three was hairball slash puke. Number four was a lick
slash eleven cute beautiful. Number four name something specific in an aquarium that the
fish might find too stupid, realize it's fake. Number one was plants,
two was coral. Number three was castle. Number four was rocks. Number
five was scuba diver. Number six was a treasure chest. What did you
say glass? Have you ever see like a fish like hit it? That'll
happen the first time you get They need to redo their fucking list. I
mean, the glasses isn't fake, but the fish that it's fake. To
the fish, more water exactly, that's my point exactly. I thought it
was a great answer. I think it's a great answer. You know,
I could have edited in there for you. But what do you do when
your dog poops and you've run out of bags? Number one answer was leave
it slash ruck. Yeah you know I knew in my brain, I knew
you said leave it, So I was like, one want to get the
X, So I just put the paper towels, just get a shot.
Number two was using pip towel slash nap. Number three was go get a
bag. Number four was fag. That would never be my answer million years,
that would be my answer, go get it at Number four was picking
up at a leaf A leaf? A leaf? Fuck that? Have you
ever tried to pick up a dog shit with a leaf? First off,
what size leaves do you have in your fucking country? Oh? I got
ship on my hand head poison at me? Fuck? Raise your handle a
ship? You wipe it off on your leg? Did you ship yourself or
you gonna rash snl skit right there? All right, well, I guess
Josh win so fucking sucks exactly one episode. You're already pissed. I scorg
anyway because I have no wife. Oh she was good. That was good.
I liked it. It was fun. We haven't heard sprinkles different winners
in a while. No, we haven't. That was good. It's been
a while while. It's been a while while. All right, well,
uh aj you want to do some outro pux fuck? Yeah, go over
to link tree, slash Dad's on day quel. First thing on there.
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I like it solid, all right, Well, folks, welcome back to
the original lineup of Dad's on Daquos. This is episode Catch you next week,
Piece out later, that's out. Hey, guys, what how do
you start an Ethiopian rave? Oh boy, tie a piece of bread to
a ceiling fan. I was totally go to. Guess ways, Dr Bat
expended her to expanded