The mindset that you have to be with people that elevate you. It's not
about like what's in somebody's bank account, It's like, how did that does
that person make you better? When he left, I remember vividly being I
mean, obviously I was devastated, and but I remember vividly having a conversation
with my sister where my first thought was, am I ever going to get
kissed again? Welcome to another deep dive edition of the Chicks on the Right
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off today's show on like a sad note, and some people who listen to
our daily show will already know the story. But when you and I were
together in Nashville last week, I got the news after one of our live
streams, like right after one of our live streams on the Wednesday morning,
that my son's lacrosse coach had been killed in a car accident the night before.
And it was a really rough several days because he was, I mean,
just such a force in all the kids lives. He's been there coach,
not just at high school, but like since they were itty biddies,
you know, teaching club lacrosse or coaching club lacrosse. So they've known him
and have worked with him and have been inspired by him for years for they're
all of their formative years, and he was such an inspirational figure in the
community. I mean, he was that guy. He was like the he
was like that perfect, beautiful, wonderful guy, right. I mean I
didn't know. I obviously didn't get to you know, I didn't know anything
about him until except for the things that you told me. You know,
because I live when I lived in India, I lived fifty two miles away
from me, right, you know, so it wasn't but I put man
the step that you told me about him. And like he had just gotten
his master's degree, and he had won all these awards, and he was
just an unbelievable guy from a career perspective. But he was also an amazing
husband, well and a recent one. So he had just gotten married.
Well in fact, so they he took my son's high school team to the
state championship, which they won back in early June of this past summer.
And of that was like a super emotional day for everybody, and it was
a fantastic day. My son actually was MVP of that state championship game,
which was an extra super exciting thing, and I just remember everybody celebrating with
coach Jack on the field. It was just such this great moment. And
the following weekend he got married. So that happened just a couple months ago.
Like you said, he finished his masters just a couple of weeks before
he passed away, and so he had he was just thirty one years old.
His whole life was just unfolding in front of him, and he had
everything going for him, this beautiful wife, this fantastic family, just a
great team. Everything was perfect, you know, and then tragedy struck and
it's just senseless and awful and all of that to say, it's I've just
been thinking about his wife a lot. After going to the service this past
weekend. His mom spoke and she spoke, and both of those I mean
a lot of people spoke, but those two in particular were, oh my
gosh, just like excruciating to listen to. Both of them were so courageous
to get up and say the things and hold it together. His mom was
just amazing, just such an incredible, strong, just amazing woman. And
then when Bethany, his wife, got up to speak, I mean,
she was just a puddle of tears the entire time. And one of the
things I remember her saying is how much they had both been looking forward to
having a little boy, like they always talked about having a little boy together.
And it's just heartbreaking, so heartbreaking, and so she's been on my
mind a lot. I never met her, I didn't know her. I'm
going to see her on Friday, because the team is going to be celebrated
during the home football game this weekend, so I know she's going to be
participating in that, and so I'll see her there. But I've just been
thinking about her a lot. And then when I was scrolling on TikTok the
other day, I saw this video. And this is a totally different circumstance,
but I saw this video of a woman sobbing in her car, and
you and I are like consult making fun of people on TikTok who are like
crying and think I need a video on myself crying. But when you show
you showed Yeah, you're her case. You showed this to me, and
I was like, this is different. Yeah, this is totally different.
And I was affected by it too. And I'm usually not I'm usually like
will you quit crying? You know, but this was but I found myself
emotionally like, I this one kind of broke me. Yeah, because yeah,
because I felt for this girl, and especially in light of what happened
last week. But I felt for her because I felt like if I were
put in her shoes, I would feel the exact same way. And I,
yeah, there was just something about this that was different. Yeah,
and I'm glad it's gotten a huge reaction. So this girl is talking in
her car after a date and she comes from divorce. I don't know the
background, I don't know the circumstances around her divorce, but she's young and
she had had, as she describes it, a whole ass marriage, and
so dating after having had a whole ass marriage is really really difficult. And
so the way that she described what it was like to be on the state
was so relatable, and I think that's why it's gone so viral and why
people have reacted the way they have. Let's share that, have you guys,
they were like tried to date after having make a whole ass marriage,
don't you know? Exhausting it is to like explain yourself, like who you
are, even just like the basic things like what's your favorite color, or
where are you from? Or what are your parents do? It just feels
so exhausting. When you've had somebody who knew you for all the basic things,
all the really hard things, all the part of you, like every
part of you that you've hidden from everybody else, and you have somebody that
knows you like that, and you didn't think you were ever gonna have to
do that again. Didn't know, like re explaining yourself. It's so exhausting.
It's they don't want to answer your stupid questions. It's already like one
person that knows me everything about me. Oh, I know, I just
feel for her. It totally sucks. So whether it was divorced or whether
you know she's a widow, it's like you could just feel the pain in
her voice. And you know, we've had friends who they lost their husband
or you know, significant other, and you know, they find themselves single
and there our age, they're in their fifties or in their sixties, and
you and I have talked about that and it's like, okay, well what
would we do if we were in that position? And we have talked about
that, and it's like I know that my personal I'm like, I probably
would not ever get married again. And part of me is like, well,
it's it's because of the same reasons that she's talking about from a younger
woman's perspective, where it's just exhausting. I would be exhausted. I would
not be able to get out into the day. I just could not imagine
dating at this age. Oh my god, at this age, I would
just be like I can't. I cannot deal and dating guys our age,
it's like he just don't know where some of these guys have been, Like,
well they have a whole Nobody doesn't have baggage at our age, right,
I mean, there's just like when we're talking about history, like they
are book full of history. It's like bigass book full of history. And
so you're right, and like the baggage is you're talking about like trunks and
trunks full of baggage. So yeah, I just that would be exhausting and
I would just you know what it's as an older person, I would I
would probably just be like, you know, I'll visit my best friend and
all I have my kids and I'm going to have a grandkid, and I
just I would find other things that I would do with my life that are
fulfilling rather than I would just and if I did find somebody that I may
be enjoyed, I probably wouldn't get married again, you know, And then
there would be a part of me. I think I told you this.
I would I would feel so weird like being intimate with somebody because I'd be
like my husband is watching me, like he's watching like you know what I
mean, I know, I like, it's just this weird feeling. I
would just be so weird it out, like, oh my god, Greg
is watching me, like from somewhere and he is haunting, you know,
and he's haunting. Yeah, he's gonna haunt my ass from afar. So
yeah, that's the thing. So I would be. But when you're but
younger, If I were thirty, I would be, you know, I
think I would be okay with moving on. It would be so freaking hard,
but I would do it. And that's why I think about the sweet
you know, the sweet, sweet young lady who lost you know, that
precious man, and I think I wish her so much happiness. I hope
she finds another wonderful man. I hope she finds love again. I hope
that she has all those sweet little boys that she wants to have, you
know, I hoped. I have wished that for her. My heart aches
for her because I want that for her, and I, you know,
it just it makes me weepy just thinking about it, because when you're young,
there's so much ahead of you, and they don't even agether for so
much of their lives because they'd I can't remember if they've been together for like
seven or eight years, but it's somewhere around that. And so they've spent
their their formative twenties together and now just like that, in the blink of
an eye, her entire world is different. And it's just excruciating. I
mean, it's just it's excruciating. It's excruciating too because so many young people
now don't feel that way about marriage, you know. I mean, they
don't feel that way about relationships. They don't have that that sense of,
oh my gosh, I want to be with this person forever, and I
want it for the right reasons, you know what I mean. And I
want to have tons of babies and I you know, and I want to
have this wonderful build this family. And it's because it's built on a foundation
of love and respect and all the right things, you know, all the
right things. We see so much garbage out there, yeah the world.
That's like, when I see couples like that, I'm like, oh,
my heart just breaks when stuff like this happens. Because they were they are
such good people, yeah, and you know, and one of the best
parts of marriage is getting to enjoy experiencing my pillow products together. We enjoy
a lot of my pillow products in this house. Well there, that's the
problem is that there's not a single product that they don't make perfectly. And
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my slippers. I'm good. And then they'll go and introduce a whole another
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what's interesting is because we when we had the conversation this morning about what what
would we do if something happened to our husband's right now, and we both
agreed, like it's just impossible to imagine wanting to get back in the dating
world at our age. However, I remember being what was I twenty nine
when my first husband said I can't deal with the fact that we have a
disabled son buy and when he left, I remember vividly being I mean,
obviously I was devastated, but I remember vividly having a conversation with my sister
where my first thought was am I ever going to get kissed again? And
I remember saying that to her and thinking who's gonna want me when I have
a disabled child? Like who's going to want to deal with that level of
baggage and it was the it was like one of my immediate thoughts at being
left for you know, when he left. And now it's like that would
not occur to me. Like if if my husband now were to leave,
or if something were to happen to him and I found myself alone, I
would never be worried. It's just amazing. Yeah, I would not care
about that. And so it's amazing the shift in perspective as you age,
totally totally. And I remember after I got divorced the first time, thinking
I will never get married again. Really, I thought I would never ever
get married because you didn't want to, or because you worried that you wouldn't.
I just didn't think I would. I just thought to myself, I'm
because I got divorced and I was thirty. I mean I was thirty one,
thirty one. I think I was thirty one, and I thought that
was old. Really, I thought at the time, I thought thirty one
was old, because when you're at that age, you just have a different
you do have a different mindset. I thought when I was thirty one,
at thirty one, that somebody would look at me and think, where you're
already thirty thirty one? It's kind of it's a little bit older, and
everybody else was already established in their marriages, and they were already having kids,
and at least the people that I knew, and I didn't have kids.
In my first marriage, I was very you know, I was really
into my career and all that kind of stuff, and so I just I
thought, well, you know, everybody else is already established, and I'll
just I guess I'm going to be like this spinster lady. You know.
I just thought I'd just be single, you know. And then and then
I you know, when I met my now husband, he already had two
children and it was just one of them, and I never dreamed I would
be you know, people's stepmother, and I never dreamed it. It's just
interesting how you think you have, you go in with like this. I
think I'll be this way, and then God has different plans, you know,
for how the things I mean, and then look at you. It's
like you ended up with this amazing guy. It's you just never know what's
going to happen, right, Yeah, and you obviously were kissed again,
right, I was kissed and well, you know, I mean obviously,
yeah, So you just you never know, I just dating is so different
now than it used to be. It's really different. Yeah, And I
mean, like speaking of careers, like there was just I saw a video
a couple of days ago of this this girl who she she was demanding that
she see the bank accounts of the guys that she dates. And this is
probably a girl I'm presumably she is also in her she's probably in her thirties.
I'd imagine she's in her thirties. And so I think I would have
never I definitely wouldn't have done that when I was in my thirties. I
have done it. So it also shows a shift of you know, the
way things were when I was in my thirties to the way things are now.
And I just look at this and I think, this is just it's
so different. It's different than than how I think now. I would never
even do this now, Like if I were in the dating pool, even
if I were thirty, even I were her age, I would never think
this way. But just the way that some of these girls approach dating now,
And it's like, who put this crap in their head? We should
play the video or just she's awful. Like trigger warning for people who cannot
stand vocal fry. Just prepare your ears. Oh my god, I'm not
joking. I have asked the last three dudes i've dated for their bank account
info on the first date. I don't judge people's actions. I look at
the intention behind that, So like, why do you ask for that because
I only want to date a wealthy guy that has money. Well, that's
you're getting straight to the point. I think you know, I have a
job, I'm very successful, so I think I have every right to be
like, Hi, are we on the same level or am I wasting my
time? Oh my god, I just look yeah, gross right, I
mean I just automatically I'm grossed out by that. Now, there are some
people you'd be surprised in. The comments are like, she has every right
to ask that, she's every right and she has every right to stay single,
like endlessly, because I'm guessing there's a reason that she's still single and
it has a lot to do with that. Yeah. And the funny thing
is is the people who were saying she's every right to ask that, or
women. It's the women who are saying she's every right to ask all right,
right, I mean, while those are the women those are the women
who are you know that that probably are looking for the exact same thing,
which is a sugar daddy. Yeah, and then then the men are like
gross, like that that is a red flag, keep her a million miles
away from me. Gross. And I just I don't understand that mentality.
I just don't, Because what happens when crap gets tough? What happens when
somebody gets cancer? What happens when you know, like just crap hits the
fan and life is it just turns on a dime and it's unpredictable and you
don't know what's going to happen, Like it's in sickness and in health.
Well, she would say it'd be a lot better to have somebody rich.
I mean, this is that? Is that what it's all about? Is
this? It's like is that like is it a generational that? Maybe I
probably shouldn't say it's a generational thing, because I'm sure that there were a
lot of women in our generation that would probably feel the same way as that
they just wanted security. But I just I just find that to be repulsive.
It is repulsive. I mean it's absolutely violent. You know, it's
funny. I remember when I got over the fact that my first husband left,
which was pretty quickly, I must say, because I mean the circumstances
of him leaving were showed his true colors in many ways, and so it
was obviously a blessing in disguise. But I remember thinking when I got to
the point where I was interested in dating again, I like, I never
wrote it down, but I had like in my mind sort of a mental
ticklist. Well, this time around, I want a guy who understands not
my job specifically, but understands like the corporate world, who understand like I
thought, I wanted all of these things, and then I met my now
husband, who was none of those things. And I imagine if I had
put like a restriction, or if I had put on my ticklist he's got
to have a certain level in his bank account, we would have never gotten
together, especially because that was so early on in both of our careers.
And if I would have been like, he has to make a certain amount
of money, then we would not be together today. And so thank god
I didn't have such a shallow just I mean, as soon as I met
him, I was like, Wow, he's an amazing storyteller. I love
the way that he pulls out a chair for this girl at a party.
Like those were the things that immediately stood out to me, and not like
I wasn't thinking is he driving the right car? Does he have the right
bank account? I just think that's so vile. And I've always been of
the mindset that you have to be with people that elevate you. It's not
about like what's in somebody's bank account. It's like that does that person make
you better? I tell that to my daughter too. It's not even just
about boyfriends. It's about girlfriends too, Like who show me who is in
your friends circle and I'll show you who you are. Yeah, And it's
like show me who you're married to, and I'll show you who you are.
I mean, like that isn't it's I mean you and I are best
friends. I mean I wouldn't be best friends with you if you didn't make
me a better person. Same and it's like you we have elevated each other.
I think over the years it's it wouldn't work unless that was the case,
right, And so the same way about marriage, It's like you have
to be you have to elevate one another, you have to make each other
better. You have to fill in the blanks for one another. It's not
about freaking money, right, I mean, money's nice, money is great.
I'm not gonna listen. I'm a capitalist. I'm the first one to
tell you I'm a cap I love money. Money's fantastic. But at the
end of the day, it's like, if you're not filling in the blanks
for one another, because I suck at a lot of things, he fills
in the blanks and those places where I am not good at some things,
and he fills in those spaces, which is great for me. And then
you know when I there, people don't realize that about him, because you
know they there are certain things about your husband. I'm sure that you're the
same way I know you are because I know your husband. But there are
so many things about your husband that you know that other people don't know,
right, And so it's like there are days where I'm having a really bad
day and he knows exactly what to say to me to make sure that that
day gets better, just like you do with me, just like there's a
small handful of people do with me. And those are the people that you
surround yourself with. And if you are not surrounding yourself with those people.
You need to find better people exactly, and don't ask for their checking information,
right, God's this is the thing. It's like, the last thing
I care about is how much money those people have in their bank account.
It's what are you? What are you doing to elevate one another? I
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com slash chicks and then use code Okay I have one more question for you
before we like tie this all up with a bow. Okay, So there
was a note from one of our chicks insiders, which you can join on
Facebook if you guys want to join. Those are your people Facebook Insiders or
locals groups. Fantastic group of people. One of our insiders, I won't
say her name, but she was venting and she was asking about her son
and his fiance and they were getting married. They are getting married in September,
and yesterday her son told her husband, listen, you're not going to
like this, but I am thinking about taking my fiance's the girl's last name.
I'm seeing their family. Yeah, so their family, her family is
large, and there are lots of them with that name. Her family,
this this woman her their family is not that big. It's small. And
their son is the only one that's going to carry on the last name.
And so he still wants to take the wife's name. He's gonna take the
wife's name. And this is happening a lot. I see this a lot
in this generation. Like what do you think, like, what would happen
if Jackson, your boy came home. He's like from college, He's like,
Mom, I love this chick so much. We're gonna get married.
I'm gonna take her name. What would like, how would you feel about
how would you feel about it? Because like in our family, he would
be the only one to carry on that. Yeah, and that just wouldn't
make me really sad, right, And I don't understand, Like, listen,
it's one thing because our oldest when she got married, she's the one
that's having the baby here in the next like any day now, and she
kept her last name. She kept our name, and her husband kept his
name. And she said it was, you know, because a career whatever,
so they kept their last names. Now, I still like, when
I sent out invitations for the baby shower, I used his last name because
because I'm really weird like that, I'm like nan or nan and so I
did so I did that because I'm traditional. Now she hasn't disowned me or
anything. She didn't get pissed off, but she but I mean, I
just kind of do that because I'm like, you know, it's your husband.
I feel like at a respect, I just put his last name on
the invitations. Nobody got mad at me for it, but it is what
it is, and you know, they just kept their last names and they
but she didn't force him to take you know, her name, our name.
I'm just curious. I just thought that was really interesting. But a
lot more people are doing that. I just find it interesting. That's another
thing that is happening. Just something to put out there the people comment,
like, especially like on the Apple podcast platform. Comment if you're somebody that
has experienced that or has reasons for it that you'd like to share. I
would love to learn more about the reasons that people are doing that these days.
Very curious too, because I don't understand it. Because here's the thing
is that I don't know if it's a feminist thing. If it's a feminist
thing, something she needs to understand is that that is her grandfather's name.
Yeah, so it doesn't make any sense, right, I mean it came
from it came from a dude. Came from a dude anyways, all right,
So that's that. I just wanted to pose that. But yes,
comment if you can, we'd love to hear from you, and good talk,
good talk to everybody. We're gonna do it next week. You guys
have a wonderful week. Until next time, check us out and make sure
you subscribed,