Comedy Central Podcast Hi Hi Hostia. You applaud me as if you knew me
or something and in fact you don' t know many people. This is
the first thing I record in Comedy Central as a stand- up and I
' ve been performing in Palma de Mallorca for about five years and from time
to time they call me from a local newspaper, always the same to always
do the same interview. Every six months you see that you stay a blank
page and pull the agenda and they come up to the Greek and that I
am they reach to the fucking gre don' t wait, wait and I
realized that they are not interviews to an emerging comedian, but they are interviews
to a Moor who does something already is a Moor who does something we are
going to call him and tell us what you do and in fact, even
the nuance is different because it is interviews to a Moor who does something good,
you know and fuck that up. He' s fucking with me,
man, he' s fucking with me. And once they asked me yunez
you, what do you think of terrorism. I mean, maybe my answer
will get to you as I tell you, no, because you might.
You expect me to tell you, because I think it' s wrong.
No, but because those things don' t ask, man, you,
what do you think of terrorism? Imagine what I' m saying, well,
look, I was so clear about it so far, but your question
has clicked on my head. Your question clicked, Uncle, and now for
your thing like that. And if he ever told you, then look,
I think that neither terrorism nor pacifism know how to roll, roll an intermediate
point. Terrorism is wrong, but pacifism. Uncle man, neither one thing
nor the other didn' t hit last year or last year' s favorite
Twitter moment. Well, you know that from time to time someone tweets saying
I' ve finally overcome an illness or I' ve finally found a job.
And like, since it' s a social network with a lot of
hate, that' s like a lot of love all of a sudden and
everybody turns cool. I' m happy for you, even if I don
' t know you, I love you so much as my favorite moment last
year was a kid who uploads a video, walking like that in rehab,
learning to walk and writing. I had a brain tumor. I was in
a coma for 12 months. The doctors said he wouldn' t survive and
if he did, he' d never walk again. And here I am
walking. Thank you very much to Itana. Your music helped me. It
' s nice, not because your Italian music helped a guy in rehab,
because this phone got into his head. All that and fuck the pretty one
because it went well. And sixteen thousand re twits, sixteen thousand people like
that. You' re a hero example to follow. That' s how
we want millions of comments. You' re a fucking master is crack.
I don' t know what. Suddenly, an aunt shares a screenshot saying
uh, this guy harassed me for instagram and suddenly another aunt, uh,
harassed me too. This guy' s me, too. And the uncle
his only fourth was not me. I was in a coma. I was
in a coma and suddenly a lot of people start going down on their Twitter
and they start watching fuck. He' s got a lot of super-
machista tweets. I' m super racist this guy in the shit and like
sixteen thousand retuitches in your favor are against you and the guy' s like
the tsunami of the impossible coming on him collecting his old twists so that no
one sees them. And just like people you' re shit, you'
re gonna mulberry, you go back to the hospital. People a guy and
he says I' ve never removed a like that fast. Suddenly, Aitana,
who only sees the first tweet of all, who is beautiful and who
hasn' t lifted a carpet that is full of shit, gives the retweet
of the year to that and comments oh how pretty and people don' t
ha. There it is complicated, it complicates UFFF that what I think of
this, since the author has to be separated from the patient. In these
cases it is necessary to know how to separate the perpetrator from the patient.
Ufff Hostia. That' s my favorite Twitter moment last year, my favorite
moment from a few years ago in real life was that I went to my
grandparents' camp, which is in northern Morocco. And whenever I go,
like I leave every two years, or that and I always find new cousins
that I didn' t know and that I don' t want to love
them either, because it' s like an emotional attachment of people from another
culture that in the end clashes with me, because I' m western,
you know, and these people that I see, see, I' m
western, my grandparents, no, my parents are there and I' m
already there and I' ve already assimilated that I' m not going to
have an emotional attachment to people that are my cousins. But I don'
t do it, but about two years ago I met a cousin who was
a charmer, that is, she stole my heart and we were, like,
three months playing at Plan Guau, like she felt like a cousin'
s sister' s love to fuck. I feel an emotional attachment. I
like her so much, and after summer my grandmother comes to me and she
tells me to see and I don' t understand the fucking language. So
what I just did is super racist, because I speak four languages. My
grandmother only talks one and they don' t match. And besides, she,
she just talks. She, uh, only speaks speaking because wrighting didn
' t have it. He only speaks half a language and we don'
t understand each other. And I tell her, I tell her, Mom,
that my grandmother wanted to say on this and my mother tells me,
there' s something like a arranged wedding between you and your cousin and me
that I like mom, no, no, no to my mom, I
' m western, I don' t do these things. I don'
t know what' s going on, tell me how it' s said
in Arabs, just folk friends. It gives me my commitment, I'
m afraid of commitment. I' m fucking from the West, I'
m scared of engagement. I don' t commit to anyone. But we
have to commit to hell, we have to commit to the family, to
the friends, to the couple, like I need to learn to commit.
And every Sunday I say come I go to my parents' house and eat
with them and I realized that we are waiting in the living room for the
food to be made, because it is baked and such we are talking there.
My mother tells me my mother, she tells me to go to the
lord throw spices and throw fennel at her. For some reason, my mother
separates fennel from spices. And my only theory is that he' s been
eating racism for 20 years in Mallorca, eating racism every fucking day and he
said this, I have to get him out somewhere. Dude, fucking fennel
fennel coming in here, dude with the fucking fennel, he pays for it
with the fennel and I seas are his stuff, we' re lives,
his. And in time I tell Mom, I have such a problem in
class. I don' t know what and he tells me to throw fennel
at that, throw fennel at him. And there he kind of clicked me
in the pussy brain, my mom confuses fennel with eyeballing him? Ha ha
ha ha ha ha EEAEEEA no, my mother has been confusing fennel with her
all her life? And from there you flash backs to my past like,
make him angry at the traffic light because maybe in his head the Spanish saying
goes hand in hand with spices. You know, sir' s cumin is
inscrutable, Mr Uncle Ufff' s cumin. I' m look, I
' ve got, I' m racist, like good Western, I'
m like good Western, I' m pretty racist. And there' s
one thing, that there' s an issue that' s kind of worth
this right now I' ve got super normalized, and there are people that
today among us there are people who are called Matamoros. I' ve got
it super normalized. Hey, I can be your friend. If they call
you Matamoros, we can be roommates quietly that I' m not really going
to worry about, but I remember the first time I heard that last name
in my fucking life, uncle with seven years in class, it comes to
a guy named Javier Matamoros. That Javier Matamoros, and I, with my
logic of seven years in plan, okay, yes, blacksmith is that you
people worked in a blacksmith' s shop. What the fuck did this guy
' s grandfather do, what the fuck did I go to that guy'
s footprint is like I think it' s okay, yeah, if I
have a girlfriend who' s from Matamoros' s country, I don'
t want to go to that Christmas dinner. I' m really sorry,
but I don' t want to get into it. Okay, I don
' t want to get into that. And with my logic of twenty-
six years, I think it' s okay if Christopher Columbus went to South
America and did what he did, because nowadays there' s no last name
kills Sudacas No. No, moment, silly, moment, moment, because
Matamoro del Guay but kills Sudacas. There should be a lot more Sweat Killer
than Sweater Killer. Between us they are more. Fuck, no, no,
moment, moment, moment, moment, moment, because I don'
t want to. I don' t want a world where I have the
privileges of a white guy and there isn' t a matamoro there. I
don' t want that. I want the South Americans to be just as
fucked up as I am as a minority, and there' s a Sweat
Killer, Fuck, Fuck for every Sweepy Killer, a Sweepy Killer. It
looks like a hell of a lot to me for every slayer or a scoundrel,
some Serbian scoundrel just in case for what might happen in the future.
But wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a
minute. It also happens that nowadays they do not kill Moors? Don'
t you kill Moors these days? It' s a phrase you can say
quietly. Today no Moors are killed, so that last name is like obsolete.
You can' t go around saying you' re called moths when you
don' t kill Moors. But maybe it would have to change, it
would have to evolve badly looking moros. Thank you so much for two everything.