Remember me Elizabette. In real life, I'm Sue London and I'm writing regency
romance Were Women Love Weapons? You know, kind of like Jane Austen,
What was Swords? You can find me online at by Sue London dot com
and on Twitter as Commander Sue Cmdr Sue. Hello, I'm trying to reach
you about your podcasts extended Warranty. I'm Emily Kaplan and I play Claudia at
the Rogue, that person most likely to show up at the breakfast club.
In real life, I write under the name E. M. Kaplan,
including including the Josie Tucker mystery series and a forthcoming mystery series from Falstaff Books.
You can find me at just the mwords dot com. Hi, I'm
John Hartness. I'll be playing the role of Fen Dingo, the fantastical,
the multiverse dwelling bard of all trades and absolutely not an adventurer. In real
life. I'm the founder and publisher of Falstaff Books, and I write a
bunch of different things, which you can find all about at Falstaff Books dot
com. Hey everyone, it's Teresa Glover and I play Baroness Elatas Moonbrook,
who is doing research on this Dungeon SPA and if you're lucky or should I
say worthy and the dice are willing, I might notice you. In real
life, I'm slightly more observant, but way less naughty. I'm the author
of the Caitlin Kelly Monster Hunter series with Falstaff Books and also an editor with
Falstaff Books. The best place to find me online is at Falstaff Books dot
com. Hi. I'm Melissa MacArthur. I play Polly d Arton and she
is your favorite lovable, huggable, totally adorable country music bard. In real
life, I'm the associate publisher at Falstaff Books, and I'll repeat that email
or website address just one more time, Falstaff books dot com. That's where
you can find pretty much all the awesome people. Hi, y'all. I'm
Misty Massey. I play the cheerful, sun drenched cleric Malibu. In real
life, I write the Mad Kestral series of fantasy adventures on the High Seas,
and I'm thrilled to say that the pirates are off again. Kestrel's Dance
is going to be out this spring. As soon as there's a pre order
link. You know, I'll be flogging it here when I'm not writing.
I'm an acquisitions editor for Lord Seekers Press. If you want to keep up
with my OsO glamorous life, go to my website Misty Massey dot com or
follow me on Facebook or Twitter. And before we get started, Melissa and
I wanted to let you know that we've got an exciting project in the works.
It's called Nevermore, and it's an anthology of stories based on the work
of Edgar Allan Poe, featuring some authors you're sure to recognize, not least
of whom are Emily Kaplan and John Hartness. We're going to be running an
Indigo Go campaign for it, and we'd love to see you all join in
the fun, so keep an eye out for the link coming soon to a
Facebook page or Discord server near you. Oh, I feel so plugged.
I guess that just leaves me the admiral of this asshole Armada. Hi everyone,
it's our e car here sometimes the author of Urban Fantasy with none other
than Silas Kine otherwise known as Rick wal Terry. Currently I am working on
my first of a series for Falstaff Books, so I too, have been
added to the author Infinity Gauntlet that is run by John Thanosh. Sorry John,
hartness. Wow, when last we left our Adventurers, everything was fine.
I mean there were manicures, there was shark cucci boards, there were
actual sharks, well where sharks that is in hot tubs, and all manner
ocenanigans. And there happened to be one member of the party that got summoned
by hr So ELIZABETHA, how are you enjoying your two for one manicure coupon
and free facial in the side dungeon. Well, you know, it's not
really something a half worked usually into, but I have to say it'll probably
be great for all the bodybuilding competitions I'll be doing later this year. I
mean, they did also give you a blood of your Enemies hair mask,
so it's extra volume and you can still hear the screams. It's my favorite.
So while you're dealing with having the lovely compensation for filling out a ton
of paperwork, and Tim is currently getting a new unreamed for apparently treating the
office like it was his own personal tender, let's get back to the main
group. Who happened to have seen someone who looked a little out of place.
You've also been doing a crap ton of odd jobs for the mistress of
the spa. So what's y'all up to. Let's start with Polly. You're
playing patty Cake with a baby owl bear. Patty Cake, patty Cake,
Baker's man. Bake aycake as fast as you can. All right, your
turn, Landeta, Hansha, kick Kip, Pasa, you can do it.
Come one, slay adventurers. No, that'sn't going on a bear hunt.
We're doing Pattycake right now. Slay more ventures. Okay, fine,
find me a good one and we'll slay him. Oh, he starts looking
around the room. Meanwhile, the Hobgoblin is still lamenting that he will never
ever be able to impress a real woman due to certain attributes of his not
being quote unquote up to snuff. He's afraid that his Hobgoblin bride to be
may well want to run off with an ogre for reasons. Hey, Hobbilygobbily,
do you know what women really like? Death? Destruction, large amounts
of gold exactly. So, why don't you take this little albear? Why
don't you take him? Go find an adventure outside? Not in here,
but take him outside to slay and then bring its head back to me.
Outside play outside the adventurer, not the baby Albert either. One note Pollie
is willing to accept the death of a minor. All right, Caudia baron
lieb Power, what are you up to? You've got a baby bear that
you've been feeding, and the bears are pretty much happy because you're feeding them.
And the person that I called an adventurer? Are they still there?
No, they were enveloped by Jorge the gelatinous cube janitor and no longer exist
at least solid form. And where did Jorge go? Jorge went into the
janitorial closet to regurgitate any non acid dissolving items. Okay, cool, cool,
cool. I think I will just continue playing with a bear because I
mean, who wouldn't want to? They're so adorable. I don't even mind
that it has cuter ears than me. It just loves you because you fed
it, and it's no longer pooping on the floor or chewing at the table.
So the drow mistress of this manicure station looks quite pleased. She gives
you a big thumbs up. Is there anything else you'd like to do to
snap to the perception check to see if you notice something? Sure that would
be excellent. I won't hold my breath. Claudie Rules is sixteen. You
think for a second you did see someone slightly familiar from the time when you
had the strange white powder that made everything awesome running off to the stairs.
What the ever loving like donkey boy? No, not the donkey boy,
the potion girl that donkey boy was interested in. Wow. Then again,
donkey boy was fifteen and interested in anything that would give him the time of
day. All right, I'll say, hey, did you did you guys
see that? I think I saw some kids, I mean the girl from
the marketplace. Wait, you weren't even with us, were you? No?
I have no idea what you're talking about. The girl who sold the
drugs? Whoa where? Yeah? There, there we go, Malibu.
What are you up to while you've been consoling the guy who lost his family
to Silas bain well, um consoling him and uh and um commiserating on the
fact that that we both have a Silas in our lives that we want to
beat with a big stick. And possibly am I getting my hair done?
Yes? You got You're getting the facial with the fairy wings, right,
that's right? Okay, So so you know, relaxing into into the beauty
of it all, and commiserating on the the dislike of Silas's the general dislike
of Silas's that we share and uh yes, and occasionally patting his hand because
I completely I completely get where he's coming from. It's just wrong the way
he was he was treated. It's so sad. There's magic in words.
Perhaps perhaps I could work on a new spell instead of just the ones to
bind people to sleep. We could do the one that would just kill anyone
named Silas upon birth. I kind of hate to kill babies, though.
Did do you have our kana? No, not a very good one.
Do you want me to roll it? It's up to you, I mean,
if you want a little more. Oh gee whiz, what'd your roll
roll? In? Eighteen magic of words that could bind people? He just
said some words that might be pertinent to your current situation. The things you're
saying, I believe are pertinent to my current situation. Oh, it's just
a hobby, I dad believe my partners are up get some sort of cannabis
column to they're taking forever. They could do it, I bet you if
I could just convince them, you know, they have all the word magic
and stuff. They do it. Well, you know I occasionally participate in
word magic as well. Well, did you know there's a spell and it's
got these five Everything has five letters, so you just have to if you
guess the right five letters, the room changes color and then you just have
six guesses to figure out what this five letter word is or you explode.
I kind of hate you right now. Okay, that's a big invention.
If we can date this to take off. I think that board monsters and
dungeons everywhere gonna start using it. And think of the number of adventurers that
can kill if we pick words that have more than five options. If you
pick the letters, oh oh that's just that's evil and will make it to
the adventurers can tell their friends about it, and they will all want to
tell their friends, and we will send these tablets that they can share.
This is brilliant, This is brilliant. Oh, you're you're so smart.
What should we cursed wordle like curdle curdle? Yes, and we could give
away key lime pies if they win enough merchandising. Yes, you are a
genius. I will go and I will tell my friend. If you ever
need something, tell the sphinx that Larry sent you. Larry, it's it's
been so amazing to meet you. I wish you much success. Here have
the rest of my chucuity board, and if you'd like, I'll set up
a special curdle just for you and your friends, with maybe only explosive diarrhea
instead of head exploding if as consequences. Since you're a friend, that's really
nice of you. Thank you. Yes, and he uh runs off with
excited faith. Oh lord, it's another puzzle, Malibu. Would you like
to do anything else this turn besides cry at the at the horror that I've
unleashed unwittingly on the land. No, okay, No, I'm good,
all right, fan Dingo the fantastical? What's she up to? A Claudia
buddy pal? What up? Who had drugs? This girl that I saw
out of the corner of my eye? She ran across the room. She
definitely has had drugs. For Which way did she go? Yeah, good
question, Clyde's gonna point. I think it's toward the candy ping at the
bottom of the screen. All right, So do I need to roll perception
to see her standing there? Oh? Yeah, because there are some there
are two figures in the way, including the manager. You just see a
big poncy kitty guy in a monocle, and you know, well a tree.
Is that the tree that's supposed to be bringing me drugs? That is
the tree that will take you to drugs when your time, when your time
in the queue goes up. But there may be new information as to what's
holding up upstairs. So let's go talk to the weed tree. Okay,
Hey, guys up, I'm telling you we will call you when your room
is ready, Sir. These things take time, and we have other guests
to attend to. We do not want to give you a less an optimal
experience. For as you know, you can have things done right, you
can have things done cheap, or you can have things done quickly. But
I get to pick two, so I'll take right and quickly and fuck cheap.
Oh are you for this suggesting that you might want to pay a convenience
fee to get to your order more quickly. Yes? Do you see the
blonde lady behind me? She looks really nice and she was just talking to
some little lizardy guy. She's got she's got my tab, so whatever whatever
she needs to pay six more good. That might that might speed things up
considerably. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you just take me to the drugs,
go get your money from Malibu. It'll all work out. Well,
don't you want? All your companions don't really care. Well, then we'll
get right now, none of us are high. Me being high would be
much better than no one being high, and then we'll worry about them later.
Well, then, as soon as I have the money in hand,
set the elevatory to elevate you. Elevatory is that like a combination elevator?
Shitter might be in this because because I'm thinking a hard pass on that,
that's what you came up on the elevatory system. Did anybody shit in the
elevatory? Not yet, I don't think so. I don't remember any bad
smells. I think we're good all right. Well, I mean, Klous
isn't here, So the odds of someone taking a craft in a corner it
are dramatically reduced, but they're still not zero. I mean, there was
a really big stinky cloud a few minutes ago. I don't know where that
came from. Wasn't me, not in any matter, It's totally fandango.
He who smelt it dealt it. Well, I mean, I mean I
did. I mean I'm the one who cast the spell. But regardless,
so you have made arrangements to expedite your recreational activities with the manager. Yes,
well, and I suggested that Malibu should pay for it. Yes you
did. He's like, well, through, I shall go see about your
tab and getting the elevatory set up. And then once he moves, I
have direct line of sight to wear. Yes, there is a little teeth
fling girl running down the stairs. I'm gonna look at the tree guy and
say you wait right here for me. I'll be back to like smoke your
cousin, and I'm gonna go follow the tiefling girl because if I can get
the drugs I paid for and her drugs, then we got a party.
Okay, are you going to move close? Sir? Yes, you're not
supposed to see me. Well, there's a lot of things in my life
that I was not supposed to do, and that never stopped me. So
now that I've seen you, you hold him. What drugs? I have
some anti coagulants, I have some something for insomnia. I have oh dear
uh, I do have some anti diarrhels. What were that might be useful
later. And what happens if you snort an anti coagulant You might have a
nosebleed that kills you. Seems bad, might need to pass on that.
Have you? Have you administered these sleeping drafts to anyone? These insomnia occurs
to anyone? Lately? I had a paladin friend who was just out like
a light, putting figure out how to wake her up. You've seen her
blonde chick snores. Oh no, oh no, you need to go upstairs
right now and tell everyone to forget that they ever saw me, and I
will give you all the drugs you want. Hey, guys, we gotta
go upstairs. She hands you a bag of white powder. Bie, guys,
we gotta go upstairs and party. You receive a small leather pouch full
of a white powder that kind of smells like plastic bandages. I think I
think he got the elevatory. Lets go adding to inventory, sack of drugs.
Yes, it would be a sack of snow. It is not the
first time I have added drugs to inventory. Okay, Am I finished with
my facial or still? Do I still have goo on my face? Um?
There you have goo on your face? Oh dear, oh ella.
Yes, I've been lamenting um, you know, the need to be foul
noble's status by associating with uncultured barbarian commoners, with the mister Sharky here in
the pool, who completely commissaries like, I'm just so glad there's someone of
upbringing here, Tobby, what do you feel about shark Finn's soop? You
know, depends on who makes it, where it comes from, all that
stuff. Now do you just say that to a where shark? Of course
I did, because you know, I mean, I'm not the most observant
um person in the world, because I did see I'm assuming like Bendingo run
by and hear him yell. So at this point, I'm assuming I'm just
kind of talking out my assum and not really paying attention to the words that
are falling out. Can I have a spell save DC fifteen? Please?
Okay, so wisdoms are intelligence save for you. Let me just double check.
I need to roll first. No, it doesn't matter, Okay,
don't there's no point in resisting that. So I guess I would probably need
to roll perception to see what I heard Slash noticed of Bendingo's little commotion is
that correct. I mean you should have You should certainly be an advantage for
hearing anything I'm bellowing out because you ain't gonna miss that ship. Well,
I mean, my perception is a four, so I don't think I noticed
much of anything, but that seems to be pretty typical. So yeah,
I'll just keep talking out my ass with the shark and kind of half listening
to him and half trying to eavesdrop and really succeeding it neither. Um,
I just learned that my cat stepped on my mute button, so I need
a second. Yes, you, the shark is looking at you like you
are a true noble. You cannot what anyone think? Well, yeah,
I mean I have my certificate of fedigree here. Do you need to see
it? Oh? No, your attitude speaks for itself as it should.
You have helped me and you are noble. So what can I do for
you or to you? Wow? Um, Well, we are trying to
expedite matters here and we're looking for a paladin, a blonde one I think
it was, Oh, oh, the one with the horrible hair and the
very tight back side. Yes, yes, I seem to recall some of
those details. I don't remember a whole lot, because I mean it's not
like she was noble, right, Yeah, but she was taken upstairs.
Something about left at the Sphinxes left at the sphinx is okay, well I
guess I should. You know, Just tell the manager that Richard said you
could go upstairs. Oh, thank you, and do come down if you
want to share the hot tub later, I peckish, I will consider it.
Ta And then is the manager still around where I can see them?
They're up going approaching man Malibu. Okay, so I'll head over that way
and just tap him on the shoulder. Yes, um, yeah, my
friends and I are looking for someone, and Richard said that we should be
allowed to go upstairs. So I would appreciate it if you would take my
group upstairs to find our friend. Wait, Richard said you could go upstairs.
Yes, I mean he is the only high quality person in here.
He is the only one worthy of knowing his name. At this point.
Well, let me just collect the fee from mister Fendingoes tab from Malibu,
and I'll have you all sent upstairs. Delightful, Thank you, Polly.
Things are happening that they are did my hobgoblin friend, take my little Albert
friend out. They're starting, but you know it's slow. Okay. The
Owlbert is asking what everything is? What's this? Okay? Okay, okay,
okay okay, and pointing everything, and the Hobgoblin's patience is wearing thin,
but he is taking him towards the stairs. Okay, well I'm gonna
just kind of like follow him along toward the stairs and pat the little Albert
on the head and sit, good boy, good boy, and then um,
you know, pat the hobgoblin the on the butt. Let's say,
thanks, you got this. You can do it. And can I casp
like bartic inspiration or something on the hobgoblin? Yeah, you can do that.
You just have to perform. Oh um, make a performance. What
are you going to do the original kazoo of his people? Yeah? I
think so, Yeah, that would be great. Let's do that. So
just performance please, all right Polly rolls at twenty two. Every Hobgoblin in
the room is moved to tears. And you have given this hobgoblin inspiration,
told you you got this, buddy. You go, and I want to
blow on the kazoo one more time and take a bow. You can hear
some of the other hobgoblins, just like just like imber youth, very good,
very good. Clearly not an adventurer. Oh no, no, definitely
not. The adventures are outside. So I'm going to kind of skilip around
and see, um what everybody else is doing. All right? Uh,
Malibu and Elatas or with the manager. Fendingo is down at the stairs,
Claudie is playing with a bear, and still no sign of an Elizabette.
All right, Um, I'm going to kind of wander over to where Fendingo
is because that's the way the hop is that the way the hob hob Goblin
went. The hob goblins they're going up the other stairs. Okay, okay,
well, I'm gonna just kind of go over here to this staircase.
The guards I'm sorry, only people with authorized hall passes can pass. Oh
um, well, how do I get one of those? Are you a
hobgoblin? No, but I do know the song of their people. You'd
have to get a note from the Hobgoblin chieftain. Oh okay, he pays
our salary, gotcha? Okay, um, well, I'm just gonna just
kind of hang out here for a few minutes. See if he comes by,
and if not, I'll just go somewhere else. Okay, thank you
for your business. Thank you. And that's the enderpatter, Claudia. People
are gathering. Cool, we're gathering to go upstairs. Yeah, I have
bonded with this little bear and I'm calling him Kevin now, and I'm wondering
if his mom will let me bring him with me. Do you give Kevin's
mom food? Absolutely? She can animal handling please, fugate guel, Oh,
this will be fun and a little animal handling too. M okay,
fine, geez and clutches onto Kevin. Kevin, you're my best friend for
life. I'll miss you till my dying days. But um, I'm going
out by. Wait where are we going? We're right there, all right,
okay, cool, that's me all right, Malibu. And I just
like, do you have the six platinum pieces? The two servant Fendingo said
you had no. I don't even know why he would tell you that.
I don't have any money. I have one platinum if you can have it,
if it'll help. Yeah, let's see I have how much do I
have? I have fifteen gold? Hey boss, These guys they're on my
tab at. Actually they paid up front. I'll go ahead and take him
upstairs if you like, you don't have to worry about it. Okay,
the Drow says, very quickly. If everyone will follow me, I'll take
you upstairs and I have a surprise for you. Thank you. Is anyone
arguing with the nice Drow lady? Of course not. We don't argue with
people who give us things for free. To the elevatory. I'm too busy
thinking about the pinch I'm going to give Fandingo when he comes within range.
All right, so everyone is out of turn order for a second. Don't
pinch him. He'll like it, and he'll take it as encouragement. He
probably will. Everyone going upstairs, going on going twice, Yes, yes,
I said move upstairs. I hate rolled twenty sometime. Okay, please
everyone, let me know when you see a new map. Done done,
done garden. Look at that? I think I see cabbages? Are there
any children in them? They are a form of lettuce? Hey, look
at that? Where's the weed? It's growing everywhere? Wow, I'm gonna
start smoking these tree guys if we don't get something going pretty quick, like,
I can't thank you enough for dealing with all that crap, and make
sure to like smoke and eat and drink as much as possible, because I
just wrote all your expenses on the Wear Badger's tab, so please stick do
as much as you can financially to damage order the Lobster order five. I
don't care. We kind of left. The previous guys are still here,
so just be a teensy bit careful. Um, watch what you say bye
bye, get out of the really say that never ends? Well, really,
why is she running you here? Giggling he he he. Oh well,
but yes, Elizabetha, you were escorted out of your deluxe spa treatment
to go into a garden and there are people there that you know what happened
to you? Guys, We had to babysit people. And I got a
facial, I got a bag of drugs, and I need to wipe this
off. I'm getting I get a rag out and start wiping off my face.
Oh they did wipe your face before they took they did, Okay,
thank you everyone who out of treatment did get it finished before you got up,
Lulu. Okay. And and they let you finish your charcuterie board and
all that. Oh yeah, and we had snacks. Whenever I hear that
sound, all of my stuff in my pockets goes away. And I'm really
sure arriets that said, you have come. The elevatory opens to a small
staircase up and a like this whole area. The second floor seems to have
a bunch of skylights and glass walls. It's almost like a It's not so
much a garden as it is a greenhouse with magical orbs keeping all of these
lovely plants well lit. So were these doors open. The doors are open,
and you can see into the garden. You are currently out of turn
order and may explore as you see fit. All right, well, I'm
going in. Said, it's a beautiful, well tended garden. But most
of the plants, let's just say, there's several varieties of mushroom, several
five leaf varieties, several types of special khacti. It's a well kept garden.
So basically we know that Fan Dingo will never make it past this entryway,
so we know where to come back and find him. I think he's
inside already much. No, I'm right here looking at the nearest growth of
mushrooms. There are also the same vine demons that were downstairs patrolling the area,
and the first one approaches you Malibu. It has a menu, thank
you. It unscrolls, except like downstairs, it was all spa treatments and
stuff, although this one does have a sauna. There's several places for specialized
tea. There are all sorts of recreational pharmaceuticals, as well as fane meals.
Oh dinner, we haven't eaten I think since we started this than your
charcuterie boards, than the charcotere board yes, um ooh ah. Actually this
this is pretty extensive and I just have no idea, so I just sit
down on the pavement and the paving stones and read. There is something called
the fell lobster that you The price tag is more than some duchies make in
a year. Yeah, but fell usually means bad. I'm not sure I
want bad lobster. There's also dragon filet. I'll take that. I need
something meaty, okay, very good. So they're passing around the scroll of
all the things you can order food, drinks, drugs, and they have
a special said see Selena for the ladies and gentlemen and other things. I
don't know what that is. I feel like I definitely qualify as another thing.
But yeah, are you guys all ordering off the menu? I want
pastries? Are there pastries? There are multiple pastries. I want multiple pastries.
There are some pastries that there's one that's filled with some sort of cannabis
filling. Sure, why not? Okay, you want the special rule,
sure, and this one and this one st before ella order. She has
questions about the quality of the road that goes with the lobster, where the
lobster came from, how it was harvested, the size of the dragon cutlet
the part the actual cut of the meat, and you know, all the
snooty question is is this is this wine actually from the correct region or is
it just the you know, the slang term for this type of varietal?
Oh my god, Hey, so is there anything that's not on the menu,
like maybe blonde with armor, because I got a different kind of appetite
going, baby, you want Snodina and the door down by Polly opens?
Alrighty, then I want what is that like? Paladin Tartar. They don't
have Paladin Tartar. If you want, god, I have a very specific
paladin that I want to see, Tartard and hopefully he's not in this fort
dimension or wherever the hell we are. All right, I'll go down there.
Yep. The door in front of Polly opens and there is well up,
it slithers. It's kind of a giant pink snail with tentacles. Oh
hello, are you here for the special menu? Does the special menu include
blondes in armor? Oh? Yes, how would you like? Then?
Yes, on my lap. Unfortunately, the one we have is currently unavailable
because we do have a one hundred percent consent policy here at the SPA.
WHOA, what do we need to do to get that one hundred percent consent?
Well, you just have to wake her up. But it doesn't seem
to be happening. Curses and all that terrible business. Me lots of cocaine
right now. You do have it. You have a bag of it.
I have a bag of something that smells like bandages. Don't you know what
cocaine smells like? I mean, I know I like the smell, but
I do not actually know what cocaine smells like. It smells like kind of
band aids. Don't ask me how I know. All right, I'm gonna
need you to take me to the sleeping all of them Oh well, yes,
but I'm afraid of other guests are still here, and well they're not
normal guests. Just be careful what you say. All right, absolutely,
I am a paragon of fucking decorum. Oh that's not exactly what I mean.
I think you'll see if you notice them. Justum, oh dear,
why don't you We have a lovely cannabis column just preparing himself to be burned
by Well this way then, but please, I'll open the doors. Come
on, kids, I found the Paladin. We're gonna get her really fucking
high and then figure some stuff out. Sure you don't want to order the
lobster later, I want my lobster after the paladin. Oh but remember consent,
please, what else we will kill you? I consent. I approve
that sentiment allheartedly. Where's the Paladin up? But please buy me on the
guests, I'm just gonna go to the kitchen. Bye bye, oh dear,
good luck, bye bye. Has the skittish snail given me any indication?
Where the fucking she pointed? North? She pointed, And these doors
have opened? But can I have a perception check for everyone in the garden
that's through Polly's door? Sure, that's an at twenty sixteen twenty as well,
whoa you saw something worth noticing? Ello and Polly reverted to the norm
she translucent. Actually, I'm going to give you advantage because it involves a
kitty kitty, kitty kitty. Well, there's a giant leonine winged creature sitting
in the garden munching on some leaves. Oh my gosh, it's so fluffy.
I need to kill it. I need squishes until it's dead. Um.
So, pretty much to everyone but Elizabette, because Elizabette was a little
bit further. Although, wait, did you go up that way, Elizabette,
you would have seen there's a sphinx in the garden. Oh yeah,
I'm a ranger. I went off on the corner by myself. Yes,
there there is a sphinx in the garden sniffing flowers. I went by and
gave him finger bud guns and said, hey, buddy, And he's just
like sniffing the flowers. He's very intent on sniffing a certain bush. He
also has a chain on his leg. What well, I mean, we
don't need to judge him for sniffing bushes or anything like that. We can
just pass by very quietly, or his bondage? Is he sniffing? Who
change you up? Well? The old ball of chain? How there's somebody
else here? Oh I'm sorry, I am a guardian of this bush.
Face my riddles or face my wrath? Oh yeah, ignoring that shit,
I'm going north through the open door. You're gonna go up through the please
as another giant winged creature is in there, this one wearing a headdress and
a dress. Are you perchance a brave adventurer? Perhaps you can answer my
riddle? Nope, not an adventurer. Larry sent me gotta go. Oh
hay, he's quite the card shark. Oh please, I simply cannot let
you pass unless you wish to play a game. A game? Oh wait,
I very much wish to play a game. It's called Hide All the
Cocaine in My Nose. But I can't play here. I need to play
with a paladin. Are you a paladin? Oh? You mean like that
paladin I was paid to curse. That's the one. Oh, I'm terribly
sorry. They're waking her up. You could never possibly have the intellect outsmart
my mates and myself. You're probably right, But can I trade you a
sackful of drugs to wake her up. I have no interest in drugs.
The only drug I need is mental stimulation. How about physical stimulation? I'm
much better at that. You're a little small for me. Sorry, only
the parts you can currently see. Who is the smartest one among us?
Or if we all work together, can we pretend we have half a brain?
I think we're still Fendigo's intelligence is of fourteen, and he's got Arcana
trained. So if you can answer the riddles of my mates and of me,
perhaps I might give you the code to awaken a sleeping beauty. Richard
sent us up here and said to go left at the Sphinx. So I'm
assuming that you're the sphinx that he referred to. I am the queen of
the Sphinx. Well, obviously, I mean you're clearly one of high stature.
Yes, but first you must answer my mates questions. Now one is
off where steam fills the land, and the others stopped to smell the roses.
If you can survive, then I shall give you my riddles three oh,
here we go. If you survive those the code, you shall receive
forty two the letter e um um man like my avowal. What do you
mean? Survive all right? Five as in fight or survive as into as
in intellectually best. If you possibly intellectually best even those idiots, then you
have to get past me. We're headed into a war of the wits,
unarmed and unprepared. Let's go ahead and roll for initiative. Everyone. Don't
forget to click on your token. Roll for brains, because that's when elephants
are jumping out of trees. Five Claudia, role to fifteen, Polly,
roll to seven. Fdo rolls of twenty three. All right, sorry but
this I just had to add them in. Alrighty, let's sort and get
started. Fan Dingo the Fantastical. You have been tasked by a quest from
a sphinx. What do you do? She has said that she has two
mates. Very progressive. I bemoaned the fact that I leveled down for this
side podcast and no longer have Fireball. So I suppose I'll go out and
ask the fucking sphinx Sphinx slipping flowers about his riddle. Okay, yo,
flower boy need riddles? You want to you wish to engage in a battle
of width? You think you can? No, I'd rather stick, break
my foot off in your ass. But your your wife says, I have
to answer your riddles before I can answer her riddles before, which happens before
she'll wake up the paladin. So I can bang and then get back to
my normally, my regularly scheduled pattern of intense drug abuse. So hit me.
What's your riddle? Very well, riddle me this. What is orange
and sounds like a parrot? Oh? Oh, oh, oh, it's
a carrot? Said that a carrot? You know the ancient wisdom. Oh
but surely surely you don't know what up yet never comes down? We do
know that, and stop calling me Shirley. Hey, y'all, what's the
answer an escalator fending goes penis factual? Oh perhaps you do not know?
You aren't. So if you cannot answer the riddles three pretty dead, you
shall be my age. Oh oh my god. They are geniuses also my
penis, which really should have been the answer, an acceptable answer. But
the jeopardy judges you know how they are. But how much dirt is there
in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet and was
dug by a beholder? None? Up and down? None? Dumb?
All right? Well, that was easy. Oh man, no, I'm
never gonna get into sphink school. I thought that that's good. Well,
do you have any better riddles? No, But if you want to not
worry about getting into Sphinx school for a minute, here, just stick your
beak in the sack and take a big sniff. That'll be fine. And
I hold open the bag of drugs. He leans in and takes a sniff
just like he does of the flowers. Now you should probably sit down.
Who I can say, infinity, My name is Shivik. Congratulations, Shivic.
I have a riddle for you. You do, yes? Why do
you never go in the jungle between two and four in the afternoon? Why
because that's when the elephants are jumping out of trees. Whoa, this is
way better than the flowers. Man, I've got a riddle for you too,
Shivy. Okay, where's the other mate that we've got to Oh?
Yeah, he went to the sauna. It's up that way past the tea
house and uh, you know, got it. Let's roll you roll unckets.
Time to get a sweat, Time to get our sweat on. Yeah,
he points generally in like this direction, and off we go. Okay,
there is. There are a bunch of gold holding up menus, and
there's a tea room set up. We're headed into the sauna there, Kitty,
Oh, are my pastry there? Yes, there are pastries waiting.
M num num numb. They are the special rules if anyone wants to have
one. Okay, Elizabeth, that was John Smith's turn aka off ending of
the fantastic. So we're trying to race over here to get to the kitty.
But actually, do I need to go through this other room and through
here and over through here? Nope, there's this here is open this path.
There's either a tea room which has sliding doors that can go to the
sauna, or you can run through this deck. I will go relax on
the sauna. And there is indeed another large sphinx in the sauna. I'll
give them some finger guns sleeping finger guns at the sphinx. All right,
relax on the rocks. Is a very nice sauna. It's like a hot
spring. Before Ella goes in, she's going to make sure that she,
you know, pulls her hair together so that it doesn't frizze immediately upon walking
in, because who wants that? But yeah, the Sphinx is currently sleeping
in the in the sauna. Sphinx is sleeping in the sauna, dri saying
that five times fast, and Elizabeth Day is like, shit, that's right.
I have hair, don't. Yours has been recently masked so it has
no frizz or anything. Um. But yeah, he's not awake. I'm
not gonna wake him up, so I'm just kicking back to enjoy the sauna.
Okay, is anybody else coming in with us? Claudia, what are
you doing? Yeah, I'll come in and um Claudia has no fear of
waking him up. Hey, Hey, what are you doing? How's it
going? Riddles? It's dangerous to sleep in a sauna, dude, Oh
dude, thanks? Oh? Oh are you here to kill me? Um?
We're here to best you, oh or feed you? Because I still
have a tray of shumai in my bag. I could just get you really
high. I mean, we don't have to kill you. I don't want
to die. I'm just you know, I'm here on a job and trying
to impress this girl here. I got you. Wait, I think he
was married. I'll let him something wants to impress names Levin. Hey,
how's it going so so? Downe? What I did there? I think
I'm looking at him. Is that the upper part of his wing? Or
is he holding a giant baguette? Or is that something that I probably don't
want to question. He's leaning on his wing. He's leaning on his no
it he is indeed um unclosed since he's in a sauna, and well,
if you were male, you would probably feel inadequate. Not the case,
okay, but yeah, he's just like, hey, oh man, do
I have to do the riddle thing? I mean, you don't have to
know, let us let us go by. No, it's like Sphinx code,
Sphinx code. Man, we gotta tell you know riddles and stuff.
We can't tell riddles, you know what happens. No, you get really
stoned with us and let us walk on by. You got good shit,
dude? Here, I open up the sock of coke. Oh okay,
Rose, stick your beacon here. So what gets wetter the more that it
dries a towel? Yeah, sauna? Rock and roll? All right?
All right? No, what spins all its time on the floor but never
gets dirty? Uh huh. When you start at a certain level of filth,
you can't get dirtier than Klaus. So what's a klous man? Yeah
see, I'm gonna win. I'm gonna win, and I'm gonna get your
drugs and I feel great. I'll give you the drugs whether you win or
not. Hey, but oh oh, oh oh oh, it's a shadow.
Yeah see he knows what's that? You're awesome, I know, but
sometimes push shadows on the wall. Don't contradict them. Let's let's not make
this any harder than it needs to be. I have been cock I have
been cock blocked about this paladin ever since I got into this fucking mentioned Yeah,
bottom at the top? What has a bottom at the top? Bottle?
I mean, on a good Friday night about anybody? Come on,
man, you got this? What has a bottom? And he's looking at
all the ladies at the top? Is this a math thing? Is it
your length? Legre? So smart? Oh, you're so gonna how don't
you? Who's them? You're like all geniuses. You're totally gonna best the
lovely lady. Maybe he can say, oh, see, we're so smart.
That meant that. It wasn't that Levin was like dumb or something.
It's just you were so smart. Well, yeah, we are so smart.
I just hold out the bagger coke here, stick your beak back and
hear it all. Oh yeah, he goes in like an ant eater on
a termite amount. Good job, boy, good job. All right,
so we gotta go back in face m her right, Yes, all right,
nice cage you, liven. Let's look, we gotta bounce by Loven
go back to sleep. If you see that that civic asshole, man,
he's not good enough for her. I'm gonna be her main man. You'll
tell her right, yeah, sure, absolutely, that depends. Do you
know the answer to her riddles? Well, she has girl riddles. That's
really sexist. Just the way it is. Man, I don't make the
rules. I wanted to be like I wanted to have ottle tube. But
they look good. Hey, mister Levine, I have a suggestion for you.
You should try dad jokes. Oh I wanted to do. You know
how bad I wanted to say. I've just spent my dream, my whole
life. Put a duel, A duel to the death of Dad jokes.
Oh God, that's what she wanted. We shall take your advice, and
we shall find a way across time and space and we shall do battle with
puns, and the best times will win the heart. Oh the lovely lady
here, dude, just stick your stick your beak back in the back.
It'll be fine. Okay, Polly, what are you doing with all this?
Polly is still trying to figure out the riddles. There's big kitties.
Big kittie's telling jokes, I know, and it's like great and so funny
and they're so furry. Can I go pet it? Where are you going
to pet it? Wherever I can reach? Be careful, sweete. That
is not a baguette? Do you avoid the baguette? I just want to
pet you. Can I pet you? Mister kitty? He rolls like you
know how the cats roll over to show their belly. He does that for
you because he's high as a kite. Okay, I'm gonna rub his belly.
Do you avoid the baguette? I'm just gonna rub. Make a dexterity,
save rolled the ten. Okay you it's a big enough target. You
avoid it unless you were aiming for it. No, not aiming, just
going for the belly because it's not a trap. Never a trap. You
did though, rub a sphinx belly all right, everyone call high or low?
Hi, Hi, Hi, it does not It's not a trap.
Thank goodness. Hi was called first, so I took it. All right.
So, Paul, you have successfully rubbed a sphinx belly and avoided giving
an accidental hand drop. Awesome, congratulations. All right, now I'm just
gonna follow my buddies. Okay, Ella, what are you doing? They
did give you a full list of the provenance of every ingredient they could find
and offered to send the chef in if you don't like anything. I mean,
it's fine, and maybe later. But we still have this Queen Sphinx
to deal with, so I'll order after we handle what we need to handle,
when I can truly sit down and enjoy what's presented to me. Oh
hey, so let's head back to Sphinx the lady Okay, and Malibu?
Are you doing anything? I ran for my life when dad Jokes came up,
and so I'm standing out in front of the door that leads to the
Queen of the Sphinxes. Okay, So is everyone going to the Queen of
the Sphinx. I'll let everyone catch up, or is Polly still petting the
kitty okayy's go, so fending grow and crew. You are now faced with
the queen of the Sphinx? Have you faced my mates? Yes, and
answered the riddles three and bested both of them. You should really pick the
guy in the sauna. He's way better for you than the other guy.
Really, he is. I shall take it under advisement, but only if
you prove yourself worthy for defeating me. All right, then riddle me this.
What is a four letter word that ends in K and means the same
as intercourse. We all just look at fending go and say go ahead.
If you should answer wrong, I will attack you. Oh well, fuck?
What is your answer? She has her claws at the ready. Hang
on, hang on, wait a minute, I mean and that is the
answer. Fuck? How dare you insult me with such a volgarity? I
should? Do you think that's fucking vulgar? Lady? Gimme a second?
Oh what, talk? It's talk. Don't attack anybody. She lowers.
Her eyes were glowing flaming white for a second, and they pulled him.
Yes, it is talk, very well, answer again? Still fuck God
bless all day long. It's in and out. I discharge loads from my
shaft both men and women and all sorts of monster folk go down on me.
What am I? You're the elevatory? Oh? Oh, very well,
yeah, I get that right, I get that responsive lot. Okay,
my business is briefs. I'm a cunning linguist. I plead and plead
for it regularly. What am I say that again? My business is briefs.
I'm a cunning linguist. I plead and plead for it regularly. What
am I? You're a lawyer? Oh? Yeah, very well. You
have resisted the temptation to be vulgar and crass. You are worthy. What
is it you desire? We need you to break the curse on the paladin?
Wake up the paladin. Oh, unfortunately I cannot. The only way
to break the curse on the Paladin would be too overcome three sphynxes curse.
It would require saying the words that are impossible to mean, and mean them
to her as well. They are from an arcane and distant land. They
are words that are never spoken by wise men or women. Indeed, they
were spoken though earlier this episode. Whatever that might mean, but no one
says these words. Well, apparently someone says these words in a distant land.
Far away, perhaps another universe. This is because we didn't do the
homework, isn't it? Who knows you were clever enough to best my mates?
That that one didn't take a whole lot your mates are? Are you
not exuating that I like dumb men? Hey, there's nothing wrong with a
himbo. I am not insinuating it. I am flat out saying it.
Yeah, like am big and do pretty? I mean carefutty. It's a
sphinx thing. Everyone has a weakness. I like them stupid to do.
How hard it is to find a stupid sphinx. We're not judging your taste
in himbo's. It's fine. But if my mother found Dorte, well we
won't will tell her If you wake up the palette and I promise not to
tell your mother that you like dumb dudes. Do you know where my mother
is? Yes? Where is she? Then I'm not telling you. Get
a riddle? He wouldn't possibly order me the lobster? Would you? How
many lobsters would you like? And would you like a bag of cocaine to
go with it? Well, if you order me the lobster, I might
turn the other way and not point to the kitchen. Behind me where there
might be something that would help set up. Is that a plant guy right
behind her? It is, it's one of the waiters. Waiter. We're
gonna need two orders of lobster and a side of cocaine. Very good,
sir? Should I put it on your tab? Yes? And he writes
it off. So the Sphinx is going off to have dinner leaving that side
of cocaine comes here. The two lobsters are for her very good. There's
another waiter approaching, but the way is now clear leading up to another room.
All right, Polly, let's go wake up your There's also a aunt,
sister, whatever, all in the family. It doesn't really matter.
That's the most Alabama thing I've ever heard. You say, Did you say
a gong or a bong? A gong? I mean, I mean there's
a bong two bags of holding her for where right right here? Yes,
there is a gong. Malibu's gonna sit here with the Sphinx and talk to
her about how she should probably choose Lovin. And wasn't that his name?
Levin? There's Levin and Hivin. Okay, Levin that you know, Levin
is just the sweetest thing. And if you know, if she really likes
himbos, then he's the best one, and she's gonna kind of hang here
and make sure that the sphinx doesn't follow them to wherever they're going. Yes,
but she lets me tie them up. Oh god, that is a
good point, t M I lady, Hey, um, is there an
I'm sorry animal, either nature or I don't know it? Would it be
nature? Yeah? Probably that? What O me? Sorry, Elizabethe okay,
we're dealing with animals of the wild. What is it called? Survival?
Sorry? Survival? Yeah? All three? Please? I think it's
a mix of all three at ten because because you know, I'm only good
at it or whatnot? Nature eleven, survival eighteen? Oh my? So
yeah, these are definitely not normal sphinx They usually are more desert creatures,
but these all seem to be more I don't know, happy go lucky plainsy
type of critters, stem stoned. There's been some sort of breeding program going
on here. Yeah, definitely. But normally sphinxes are attracted to intelligence.
When she was not, Yes, that would make her a deviant. We
don't king shame here, just saying, but yeah, definitely not behaving as
a sphinx you would expect in an in any natural world. You've she's not
part of the natural order. Yeah, there's there's some sort of hinky inky
that's a good word. Is there a mallet with the gong? Yes,
there is a big old mallet next to the gong. Oh you know,
Claudie, it is gonna whack the thing out of that gong. You're gonna
bang the gong slowly, slowly, get it all, bang it a lot
bang. She is not going to be able to raise his temptation. What
do you do? Do you need some kind of strength check? No,
just you can just say I'm banging the gong. Yep, she's banging the
gong. Can I have a performance? Sure? Know if you have any
rhythm with it? She's gonna bang the gong. Oh god, it's the
worst gong banging ever. Give me that. I'm gonna follow it up with
the second worst but stronger bang gong banging ever. Oh God, nice once
more with feeling. Oh, the whole place vibrates. But the doors open
ahead of you, and you hear almost something that sounds like no no,
no, no, no, no no no no. Claudia, check your
pockets. Oh yeah, I have oars have opened and you all can see
a sleeping paladin barked in. Yes, as you come in you'll lose.
There is also a door open here leading to some sort of secret chamber,
not a secret chamber. I can't see it. What am I doing?
So? Yes, indeed you have opened the door, seen the sleeping paladin,
and Claudia you feel something in your pocket? What could it be?
June in next week to the calamity James, well next month? Who knows
how long it will be to find out have the sphinx been bribed into giving
them the clue to wake up the sleeping Paladin? Also, what's going to
happen when a ware badger sees his bill? Tune in and find out.
If you are here, don't forget to like and subscribe or comment if you
have anything to say. Thanks? Bye. Oh however, it's not really
over, is it? But wait, there's more. I believe we have
some questions? Do we have questions, lovely misty, I have so many?
Oh wait, other people's questions? Do they have questions for silly well?
Um? Yes, our nosygoat friends have a lot of questions, and
some of them were some of them were actually appropriate to be asked in public,
so and some were just thinking answer too. I'm sure. Yeah.
So were all of those out, and now we're on for the entertaining ones.
Well, there was actually one that could have started a bit of an
online riot, so we didn't ask that one. But anyway, so we
went to the discord first. Of course, everybody knows why we go to
the discord first, right, because they throw money at us to jump the
line. It's like fast passes used to be at Disney, but better because
this ride never shuts down and you don't have to get up at five in
the morning to score your spot. So all you have to do is join
the Patreon at patreon dot com. Slashed authors and dragons. So from the
Discord, Celdrianna says, it is Women's History Month. Do you have a
favorite woman who either inspires you or a favorite from history. I like the
pharaoh Hatchipst because I mean she was king. I think she's a mating.
They had to literally erase her from history by chipping her name off because she
had so many monuments and statues and they still couldn't get rid of her.
So that's my forever Queen. I totally love Sally Ride. I am going
say my mom. My mom has achieved a level of I don't give a
fuck in her life that I can only look up to in you know,
someday I'll be there hopefully. That's spectacular. I really liked this question because
for a long time I've been collecting stories. In fact, I looked a
little while ago and it's been over ten years now. I've been collecting like
women who have done amazing things that a lot of us don't know who they
are. And my dream is to one day right like novel like fictionalizations of
their childhoods to say what it's like to be, you know, a young
woman who would grow up and do something amazing. But one of my favorites
is actually Nully Bligh, who's a little more modern. So that's early turn
of the twentieth century. I don't know if you guys have heard of her,
but she Yeah, she was an investigative reporter and one of the things
she did was go undercover get committed to an insane asylum to report on the
horrible things were going on in insane asylums at the turn of that century.
Wow, that's brave. Yeah, there's there's was wasn't it bedlam that she
voluntarily went in. It's been a while since I've read that. I would
have to go look it up again. But um, yeah, she she
went to a famous one. She went to the Women's Lunatic Asylum on Blackwells
Island. So okay, yeah, it's like she was in America. Yeah,
she's American. She also, um tried to emulate Jules Verns around the
world trip, so she did a lot of cool stuff. Um, but
I mean there's so many like, um, one of the greatest pirates of
all time. I can't think of her name right now, but there was
a Chinese woman who had like, um, that's okay, just give me
a second, right, we have a pirate expert on the line, because
actually that was the one that I chose. Um. Her name is Jeanie
sal She's known as Madam Chang in Western parlance, but her actual name is
Jenisau and she took control of her late husband's pirate confederation in eighteen oh seven
and is described as history's most successful female pirate and one of the most successful
pirates of any gender in history and at the time of her surrender to Qing
authorities. She commanded twenty four ships in over fourteen hundred pirates. And she
was so powerful that her surrender she negotiated gave her and her son complete freedom,
basically, and she lived out her life in prosperity and comfort. And
I'm sorry, but every pirate wishes for that, so I wish for that,
right, Yeah, she was amazing. Oh my gosh, I love
this question. Does anyone else have a do we miss anyone? Teresa Kate
Kate Warne, the first female Pinkerton Oh yes, who is the lead character
in Jessica Nettle's debut novel The Children in Menlo Park, available now from where.
She's also a featured secondary character in RS. Belcher's novel The Ghostance Judgment,
also available from where Well Done. Kate Kate Kate Warren is a fascinating
figure who was part of foiling a plot to assassinate Abraham Lincoln prior to the
one that actually succeeded. And after that what really moved very high up in
the Pinkerton Agency back before they were back before they were union busting ass clowns.
Oh wow, yeah, yeah, we're not doing union busting ass clowns
at the time. The Pinkertons were pretty terrible at points, but Kate Warren
was pretty awesome. So Teresa, did you share one? Um? No,
because I think that you all gave such awesome answers that you know,
I don't know that I have anything of value to add. Okay, um
okay. Well, then the next question that uh we had, Ah,
where'd it go? Oh? Here it is right in front of me.
Jen wants to know have you seen anything absolutely squee worthy lately? And what
was it? Do you think this means shows or do you think like out
in the world, like I saw a really cute um boxer puppy that was
ten weeks old the other day and I literally squeed out loud. Oh I
think anything like that is squeworthy. Yeah, anything, Because, like I
said, my niece's birthdays next week and my parents sent me a picture of
what my parents bought for her. It's a full length, free standing mirror
that opens up to reveal a lighted makeup cabinet full length behind it. And
I want one. I didn't even know such a thing existed Now I want
one desperately. So for me, it's such a nerd thing I don't know
if you guys saw online, but Michelle Nichols actually had read for the roll
spock and they had a picture associated with it, and I was like,
oh my god. Like Nimoy's Spot was one of my favorite characters of all
time, but I think a Nichelle Nichols spot could have been one of my
favorite characters of all time. Wow, yeah, damn it, you stole
my squeak because I saw that on your feed. Sorry, yeah, that
would that made me squeek. Also the Obi Wan Kenobi trailer, Yeah,
that was my school. What can I say? As soon as I heard
Duel of the Fates, that's when it came out of my mouth. Religit
sweet. I watched the Adam it would be the opening credits for the opening
credits for Peacemaker. Pretty much always for me, my ultimate squee is always
my nephew because he's the cutest damn thing and he still calls me Tisa.
Oh I know when he was little, When he was little, he couldn't
say my name, so it came out as Tisa and he's called me that
ever since. And he's just the most precious thing ever. Oh, I
know, babies are the coolest. How about you, Melissa, do you
have a squee But it's not a kiddie. You can't say a kittie.
Oh um, okay, say a kidding. You can say a kitty.
I'm just kidding. I was gonna say I got to pick up um my
girlfriend's kitty. This is not a euphemism. Um and and uh, I
got to hold it. Doesn't want to be picked up. It didn't end
well and I got scratched, but I got to hold it. Okay.
I think sometimes Polly imitates you. I'm just saying it's a suspicion. Kind
of sounds like she was practicing for her encounter with the sphinx. I promise
you that Chadwick doesn't like to be held, but he would not be mean
about it, so you can pick him up anytime. We're all going to
keep squeeing if we don't change questions. Missy saying well, good, because
we have some questions from our Facebook friends who, even though they have not
thrown money at us, we still love and want to hear from. So
from Facebook, Crystal stephen NYOK wants to know do any of you garden?
And with spring coming, is there anything you're excited to grow, and I'll
answer first God, No, live in a third floor walk up without a
yard. I have a mint sprig growing in a jar in my window sill,
and that's about it. Although I might raise with my sons some uh
what is it pepper x seeds that somebody sourced for us. I'm sure that'll
end up on camera if they actually grow again. There is no way that
I garden. I can look at artificial plants at funny and they'll die.
Damn you maybe snort my tea A good for the second time to day,
Melissa, You're welcome. Yeah, I'm not. I'm not good with plants.
Sometimes stuff out in the yard looks really good and people be like,
oh, how what do you do with your roses? And I'm like,
I leave them alone. They seem to really appreciate that. Inside it's inside
my husband. Oh it's a weed. Never mind my husband. My husband's
really good with plants. So I just I just stay away from them.
That's my contribution. I think I'm in the minority here. Then at my
previous house, before I, before I moved into an apartment, UM,
I had two squares of garden plot and I had a space argus tomatoes,
mint, rosemary, basil a rain barrel, which was pretty awesome. And
my dog and I would sit, um, you know, go through the
garden and weed it out, and we would eat raw asparagus together. We
were like raw asparagus buds. It was good. It was quite. That's
hilarious. When my son was little, my husband tried to plant a garden
out back. We have a big lot we live on, like an acre
lot, and so my husband decided to plant a little vegetable garden one year,
and he was growing tomatoes and my son would go out back and pick
the just barely ripe tomatoes and eat them like an apple. Oh wow that
I was not impressed, but he loved them. So just the other day,
then the deer found the garden, so that was it. Just the
other day I planted an entire row of very brightly colored pinwheel flowers from the
Dollar Store in my front yard. And they are delightful, I love and
successful. Damn it. Oh my god, you're doing better than I am.
I would kill those two well, I mean technically, the windstorm that
we had the other day blew off a bunch of the pedals, so I
had to fix them this morning. But they survived and that's what matters.
Did Melissa look at them just out of curiosity? I think that I was
just whispering in their direction. Okay, and one last question, Melanie Stowe
wants to know if your characters were living in the real world, what kind
of job would they have. Retail clerk at a high end store. Retail
clerk at a high end store like Nordstom. I could see that. Yeah,
at the makeup counter, yes, yeah, Polly would totally work at
it, like cat shelter rescue or something. Oh yeah, as I say,
if you didn't say animal shelter, we were all going to correct you.
Yeah. And then at night she'd be playing in a bar like coyote
ugly style. Ah. Absolutely, do I want to know what Claudia would
be. Claudia would probably be the overnight clerk at a gas station or else,
like the projector person at a at a porn movie theater. It really
does. And Fendingo, unemployed rock star who lost his who lost his record
label due to drug abuse, seems seems legit malab Maybe he's playing bass for
the band Polly sings with. He probably was supposed to but got fired for
no showing because just backstage too high to walk. He forgot how to walk
to the stage. That that that tracks, even though I'm not sure how
much small town music you've been to, because usually they just go ahead and
push them out there for a time. Just take those basses, do you
just put them out there? You know, every now and then they hit
they hit a string, it'll be all right. That's why Fendingo would have
to be the lead guitarist, because yeah, they expect they expect work from
you. Yeah, one Fendingo is going to be the lead guitar and two
yeah that well, Malibu's totally a lifeguard on a California beach because duh.
But um, at night, she'd probably be a club DJ, you know,
in one of those clubs where all the rich kids go and there's lots
of blinky lights and the music isn't really music. It's just a beat that's
played over and over for six hours hours until they all go home to stone
to care. That kind of sounds like fun. What that does? Actually,
what is Elizabeta doing? I think that if Elizabete were here, she'd
either be a park ranger or a Wildland Firefighter that tracks. I think that
tracks. All my NPCs are just investing in bitcoins so they don't have to
do anything on that. Are building NFTs, Yep, they're just making NFTs
of all of y'all and selling them. There we go, Okay, but
I suppose I guess that's it for another exciting installment of the Calamity Janes.
Stay tuned. As I said, we got to find out what happens after
you bang the gong slowly quickly. And that note by Autos and Dragons brought
to you under Creative Commons license, meaning you were free to share this material
so long as credit is given to those who created it, which is us
people you just heard to play the game opening and closing themes performed by the
Gore Core four. Hey, hobbily, gobbily