WEBVTT

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We welcome to round to three of
the Parenting Round to Buy podcast for the

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week of April seventeenth. I'm Terry
Morrow and I'm here with Katherine Heleco Hello

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and Nicole heretics By. There were
moms of teens and young adults and adult

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adults and when it comes to parenting, we've been there, done that,

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bought the T shirt. But we're
still waiting for that day when we'll reach

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the finish line and have no further
need to lay down in a dark room

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with wet rag over our eyes worrying
about something or other. Wednesday is complaining

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day here on Parenting round About,
and today we are complaining about kids having

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their own timetable. Catherine, how's
it going with your with your son Enys

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timetable? My kid who doesn't drive, just turned thirty and he's still looking

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at the book and thinking about taking
a test. Are you having better luck?

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Yes, yes we are. We
have some good news on this front.

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So, way back in the dark
days of twenty twenty, in the

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summer of twenty twenty, my son
was fifteen and so he was at the

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age when he could be starting drivers
d and he it was twenty twenty So

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I signed him up to do it
online because I thought that that was my

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only option. And he did some
of it, and then he found out

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he heard from a friend that the
friend was doing it in person. Oh

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and that was the end of him
doing it online because he already was,

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you know, really hating anything having
to do with online learning because of COVID.

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So so yeah, I mean I
got his access extended. I made

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him pay, you know, they
like they charged me like fifty dollars.

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I charged him fifty dollars to you
know, expand access to the thing.

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He still wouldn't do it, you
know, so we let it go for

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a while, you know, we
kept on Basically it seemed like if he

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if he went back to it at
some point, he could do it.

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So that went on for like a
year, I want to say. And

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then and also he just didn't have
a lot of time in his schedule to

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do it in person once they finally
started offering it in earnest in person.

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So then finally in I think the
like January of twenty twenty two, maybe

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I signed him up to do it
in person after school he had to miss

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one because of a school like an
academic commitment. Then he had to miss

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a second one because he was not
feeling well. I took him out of

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school and I took him to get
a COVID test. This was like January

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twenty twenty two. There was like
a delta or one of those spikes was

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happening, right, So I pulled
it. I took him home from school

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and I took him. I'm like, okay, we'll get him a rapid

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test and you know, we'll find
out it's not COVID and then he can

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go back to school. Took the
test. After the test, find out

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it's not a rapid test, it's
a three day oh no. So then

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he couldn't go back to school,
and so he had to miss his driver's

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head and his teacher was like,
well, don't come back because you can't

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you can't pass. And man,
I sent a sternly worded email to the

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Department of Motor Vehicles and said like
this is ridiculous, Like this is a

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pandemic. I cannot send a sick
child to school to class. But no,

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they were like that that's the rule. Meanwhile, at the same time,

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you could get your kid a driver's
license without them taking a road test

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because of COVID, but yet if
he misses one day of the class,

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then he's out anyway. Then at
some point we finally were like decided,

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well, when he turns eighteen,
he can take the test without having taken

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the class. And by this time
he's already taken the half the class like

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three times. Yeah, so we
just let it drop. And then quite

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soon after he turned eighteen, I
didn't say anything. I was like,

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I'm not saying a word. I'm
not saying a word. I'm not saying

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a word. And so finally he
did. He came, he came to

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me, if you days after and
he said, okay, um, you

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know, like tomorrow, can we
go to the d V And I'm like,

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are you ready? And he said, yep, I'm ready, And

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we got him an appointment. He
took the test, he passed the test,

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Wow, and he like he wanted
to drive home from the dast My

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Husband's like, uh, we're not
going on the highway, but we can

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drive in this parking lot for a
little while and then we can I'll do

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the highway part and then I'll let
you do some more in the in town

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part. And ever since then,
every day he wants to drive, he

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wants to practice on it. So
but I mean three years it took.

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And yeah, the whole time my
husband was like, oh my god,

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when is he gonna drive? To
drive? He needs to like get himself

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his own rides because he's know inconveniencing
us. Um. So yeah, anyway,

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now he wants to drive all the
time. He also wants me to

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sign him out of class. He's
like, text me, I'm doing well

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in my math class. Can I
can you sign me out so we can

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practice driving? Like oh no,
no, no I can't. Can you

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sign me out? Conversations? Yeah, And also since he turned eighteen,

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he brought home a form from school
that was like, you can he can

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sign him he can sign himself out, but I have to I would have

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to agree to it. And I'm
like, you don't I don't think so

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no, wow, congratulation friends.
So yeah, it's exactly maybe go to

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class. Maybe go to class.
So but yeah, I mean it was

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so hard, like not pushing it. It was a lot harder for my

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husband than it was for me.
I was like, I'm not like because

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I could tell that it was not
going to work. Pushing him to do

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it was absolutely not working and would
never work, so we needed to just

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drop it and when we did,
it worked. So yeah, so that

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that is my lessonings. Yeah,
Like I feel there's things that would not

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work for though, but it's also
like, you know, you hear it

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for things like potty training or you
know, giving giving up the pacifier or

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whatever else I mean, And I
agree it's not for everything, and it's

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not for every kid, but for
certain kids there's just no way. Yeah,

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like it's not gonna happen. Yeah, I got so much grief with

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my son on potty training. You
know, he was it was he was

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late with it, and people were
telling me I was infantilizing him by not

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you know, forcing him in various
ways to do this. And it's like,

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when he's ready, he'll do it. And when he was ready,

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it took one day. And so
I know there's other things. You know.

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I keep saying it's going to be
that way with the driving that when

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he's ready, he will get it
done, and that the fact that he

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hasn't gotten it done means he's not
ready, and I certainly hope that's the

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case. Every now and then he
just gets it in his head, and

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he keeps he keeps asking about it, and he keeps asking about and he

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keeps asking about it, and it's
like, you have to show me you

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can take charge of this process before
I will feel like you can do it.

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This is not you know, why
don't you your dad get the book

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and come sit down with me and
tell me to look at it. It's

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like, no, no, no, no, you get the book,

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you come to one of us and
ask it to do with you. You

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have to be in charge. And
he's just not getting that transition and a

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difference. It's like, why won't
you help me? We're happy to help

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you. You need to be in
charge of the situation, right, And

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that's not happening yet. So I
keep saying he's just not ready, right.

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It's like, oh, it's such
a huge responsibility. Yeah, and

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you know, and then sometimes he
wants to do things and he said it,

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keeps asking about that because he wants
me to say no, and it's

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hard to know which things are right
and things are the other. Yea.

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So I enjoy driving him. It's
fine, We're fine, Everything is fine,

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right, Yeah, I mean I
quite honestly like when I and obviously

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I'm still driving him because he doesn't
have this. He has this, you

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know, learning learner's permit, but
he doesn't he can't drive himself anywhere at

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this time. Yeah, and you
then I know that he's going where he

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needs to go at the time he
needs to go with this, That's true.

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That part is, you know,
still helpful, even though it even

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though there are days when I make
many trips back to the high school.

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Yeah, it's like you relinquish control
in so many ways when they're able to

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drive, right, you know.
But I mean having my daughter able to

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drive has been just a blessing because
she does a lot of errands, and

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she does a lot of things.
It's more than just not having to take

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her places. She picks up some
of the family load, transporting her brother,

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sometimes driving me places if I don't
want to drive, picking up stuff

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at the store. You know,
she does a lot. Yeah, so

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I don't know what other time kind
of I mean, everything my kids have

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done have been on their own timetable, right, and I that has been

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my constant battle with people have a
schedule to keep no. I mean,

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like my son just had his confirmation
right on the Easter Saturday, at the

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age of thirty made it finally got
him there. Yeah, congrats, exciting

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and it was on the timetable that
worked for you and him and yep,

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everyone in the church, right,
So yeah, it's just hard waiting it

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out. Yeah, I mean,
like, in so many ways, I'm

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so glad that my son is almost
done with high school. Like, yes,

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indeed, but you know, at
the same time, it's like,

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you know, I feel like we
both kind of missed out on some stuff

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when we were just trying to get
through the days. And you know,

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and it was because there was a
timetable. You know, you have to

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take these classes at this time because
you need them to graduate, and you

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know, you have to do everything
in this order and in this way.

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And yeah, and it didn't necessarily
work for him, but there weren't there

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weren't really a lot of choices,
right, So I mean, luckily restoring

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his I would say, you know, the guidance counselor did did help in

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some ways by like, Okay,
well he took this class. He really

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probably should have been taking it his
senior year, but he took it his

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junior year. Won't make it work, you know, things like that.

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Um, but I don't know,
I feel like I feel like we both

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have regrets yes saying right, yeah, And some of that had to do

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with having to be on other people's
right right arguing arguing against the standard timetable,

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yeah, is really difficult, and
you get hit with why are you

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holding them back? Why you know
they'll never do anything and you don't challenge

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them. You know, this is
the way we do it, and they

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can't keep up, then maybe they
need to be on this you know,

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completely alternative track where we don't care
what they do, right, And so

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just like sometimes just a little more
time, right, just a little flexibility,

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maybe there's something else that they could
do early, Yeah, did you

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ever think of that? Right?
So it's just been an ongoing frustration,

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and I'm trying to be calm now
that it's mostly just me worrying about these

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things. I'm trying to be calm
about it, like I wish other people

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had been calm about it, but
but it is. It is sort of

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hard sometimes, and certainly with my
kid, it's it's his own timetable,

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and it's his own like just I
don't know how to it's not just time

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to be, you know, like
certain classes that he's I've been like,

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let's take the let's take the easy
one, like, you know, there's

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no need to take a psychology when
you could take regular psychology. And then

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he freaks out. It's like,
no, I'm taking a p and guess

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what he's doing great in it?
Like I don't know, yes, exactly.

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I was like that too. I
always had to do the hardest thing

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and the most advanced and the you
know, the most ahead of the timetable

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stuff. I was motivated when I
was a freshman in college. I took

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a class that was for like juniors
and seniors and I was a freshman just

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starting. It was like the first
first quarter, and they were like,

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that's not really for you, dear, and I'm like, oh, I

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can do it. I can do
anything. Coming fresh out of high school

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feeling pretty good about myself. And
I don't think I failed, but I

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think I got a mercy dum and
pat on the head right. Welcome to

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college, honey. We go back
to those freshman classes and they let you

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try. I know they let me
try. I think out of amusement to

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let's see how this goes. She
thanks you so hot. Oh well,

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you were on Terry's timetable. Yeah, it looked interesting. It looked more

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interesting than the freshman glasses. Yeah, I mean that's like I've definitely seen

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that with my kid too. And
like I said, he insisted on taking

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AP psychology again. He's doing well. He took they have to take Personal

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Financial Literacy, and we tried for
him to take it over the summer to

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get it over with because it was
one of those like he needs it to

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graduate, let's just let's just get
it over with. And he agreed to

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do that. Yeah, and then
he did not do it. So now

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he has so he has to take
it again, and he's taking the Heart

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of her he's taking the you know, the one that incorporates economics in addition

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to personal and of course he's doing
fine. So well maybe maybe he knows

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it's a time dame well better than
you do, I guess. So look

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for him that he's doing good.
I mean he says he is, like,

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oh, I think he's okay.
Yeah, I mean I think it's

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great that they're teaching that and that
they're making that a requirement because it's certainly

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a needed thing. Yes, But
I know when my son was taking that

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class, it was like this is
not being taught in a way that is

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accessible for all learns. So yeah, oh well, so anyway, that's

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the saga of the driving. And
also it turns out when you don't get

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your permit until you're already eighteen,
yeah, you don't have to wait six

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months to take the test. You
could take it into seven days. Wow.

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Ye, which is not going to
happen in our case. But I

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did think that was interesting because yeah, when he took the test, I

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thought, oh, gosh, six
months from now, he's already going to

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be in college, Like, yeah, is he going to have to wait

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and like come back and right?
But he can take it as soon as

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he is ready. We're still going
to get him some professional instruction. And

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you're going, oh, that's great, you can do it so quick,

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and they're like, oh my god, you could do that, so wad

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No, I'm not prepared. I'm
still I told him he has to have

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some some professional classes for I told
him it was for insurance reasons. It's

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mostly because I do not want to
be in the passenger seat the first time

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he goes on the highway. No, thank you. You need somebody who

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has the car with the brakes on. The passenger side. Yeah. Yeah,

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I found a place for my son
to take his driver's you know,

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00:18:08.119 --> 00:18:12.920
class drive, actual driving classes.
It's a place that works with kids with

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autism and so perfect for him.
But I need that for the written test

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also, and that I have not
been able to locate because the written test

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is a problem. And he tried
it once and he failed, and he

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keeps wanting to do it and wanting
to do it, but he doesn't.

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You know, he'll sit down and
look at the book for a little while.

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You know, he keeps asking us
to look at the book with him.

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But what he wants is to is
us to you know, flip up

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on the top of his head and
stuff all the facts in so he doesn't

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have to deal with it and so
blame him. Wouldn't that be fun if

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that was possible. Yeah, I
would like that too. I'd do some

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rewiring while I was in there.
But as it is, you know,

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there's just really nothing to it but
to study. Yeah, I'm sorry,

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00:18:56.319 --> 00:19:00.720
man, you got to study.
For a long time. I was putting

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them off by saying, hey,
you know what, when you turn thirty,

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that would be a good time.
How about if we say when you

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turn thirty. We'll do it,
and now he just turned out forty.

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Sound good, you know, Or
you could just continue to get rights from

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everybody else and that would be a
okay. You have not reached my timetable

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yet for driving. That's right,
we have reached the timetable for yes.

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The end of today's Round three,
Tune in tomorrow when we'll obsess about mother

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00:19:33.519 --> 00:19:36.640
daughter conversations, and then on Friday
to see what we've come up with for

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00:19:36.680 --> 00:19:40.519
a Roundabout round up picks for this
week. Find all our episodes at parenting

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00:19:40.599 --> 00:19:44.480
roundabout dot com and talk back in
the comments there, on our Facebook page

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00:19:44.559 --> 00:19:45.839
or on Twitter, where you will
find us a Roundabout chat