This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to kf I Am six forty the
Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app. This is the Doctor
Wendy Walls Show. I'd like to welcome my Instagram audience. If you would
like to come on into the studio and see what we're doing, just log
onto Instagram. The handle is at doctor Wendy Walsh at Dr Wendy Welsh.
Also, I put the phone number up there because after this segment, I'm
going to be taking your relationship questions for my drive by Makeshift Relationship Advice.
So, but first I have to talk about this show, the idol.
Okay, so hang on their Stefan Stefan. I'm going to tell you when
to throw to this sound. But first I want to tell you the story.
So, my daughter was really into this show, Euphoria. I didn't
know how you said. I love Euphoria, Kayla, Okay. It's every
parents' worst nightmare. It's a story of a group of teenagers, each doing
their own excess version of drugs, drink, and sex. It's full of
unbridled party scenes and very very poor choices for teenagers. Okay, Well,
it was so successful that the director Sam Levinson became the hot, Hot,
Hot director producer, and so HBO then got him to do The Idol.
Stephan, let's listen to a bit of the Idol. Fast, truly nasty,
nasty, bad pop girl had the best job in the world. She'd
be having way more fun. I like you. It's really like unlocked something.
In the end. She's had a tough year. The press has been
brutal. It was Sophie. She took a talk about angle. I mean
it's it's kind of it's like a she was on her knees. Hot music
is like the ultimate trojan horse. You get people to dance, to get
people to see along. Come on, give me more. I'm want to
be the biggest touring act ever more. He's brainwaster, I promise you there's
a new Joseph all right, Okay, So if you didn't figure it out,
this is about a music idol called the Idol, and she's like the
top star everywhere. And she meets a guy in la who's a nightclub owner
and he is nasty, sexy, manipulative, dominating, gets very cult like,
becomes Bengali of her She has very few choices in her own life.
Um So it just came out. It's on HBO. It's called The Idol.
I'm not promoting it. I'm telling you don't watch it if you're a
woman. I'm just saying, why are you rolling your eyes? Kayla?
You make me want to watch every Okay, So I'm it just came out.
But back on March first, Rolling Stone magazine published online headline that said
this production hell The Idol. How HBO's next euphoria became twisted torture porn.
Uh huh. And now they're saying that it has gone disgustingly off the rails
by the way it stars. And I think he's one of the executive producers
The Weekend. What's the Weekend's real name, Abel Abel something able. He's
probably him another Toronto guy, like a Drake, right Toronto guy. Anyway,
Rolling Stone called it the sleaziest love story in all of Hollywood. Now,
I do have to say Johnny Depp's daughter, Lily Depp, I have
never seen such incredible acting. I mean, she is super, super,
super talented. But I don't know if she's going to okay. So here's
what Rolling Stone said on March first, she gotta listen to this. They
basically said that there was a female director and that the director Amy Simetz.
I say her name right from the Girlfriend Experience, and she dies tomorrow.
And then before it was even finished being shot, she left the production.
We don't know all the circumt dances of that. But then the Idol was
set to have a major creative overhaul, according to Rolling Stone, and would
be adjusting their cash and crew. There was very little explanation for the shake
up. However, the Weekend felt the show was heading too much into the
female perspective. That's a quote from rolling Stone, the female perspective. Okay,
Now it didn't come out till June. This was on March first,
so the same day. How did the Idol producers respond? They dropped this
sneak peak of the Idol on the very same day. So Rolling Stone came
back to us about a cover, and I think it's worth pursuing rolling Stone.
They little irrelevant. It's a cover, it's a heritage brand. I
think it's fail safe. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like it
might be kind of passed its prime, you know what I mean. Nobody
cares well, I know a few writers over there that I think would handle
whatever we want to do them in a really careful way, which I think
is important. At this point, Rolling Stone has six million followers on Instagram,
half of them probably boughts Well, I don't know about it, and
Jocelyn has seventy eight million followers. I am aware of her follower I'd assume.
So she does a photo shoot, she tags them, They get her
followers, more money for Rolling Stone, nothing for Jocelyn. That was an
online swat back right from the producers the guide. Oh okay, let me
tell you. I only saw the first episode, so I'll be honest.
Does it get anybody in the first three minutes this young actress master bates herself.
Well maybe the first episode. Maybe not the first three minutes, masterbates
while choking herself. Okay, can we just say we were been talking about
female orgasm. We've been talking about the research. The research shows that aggression
is more likely to be co morbid combined mind with male sexuality. Then it
is female sexuality, right, because in order to achieve a male orgasm,
they have to have heightened testosterone. You will hear men say, oh,
she was so hot. I didn't know whether to fight her or f her
right, because they're having the surge of testosterone that brings this feeling of aggression
as well. This choking phenomenon in our culture right now, I'm sorry,
I'm getting on a soapbox has come from the porn industry, of which men
have consumed, and then men have taught it to women, just like in
our last segment when we had the researcher on from the Kinsey Institute and she
was saying that men are telling women they should be having orgasms when now we
know eighty five percent of women at least can't have a vaginal orgasm, and
maybe as much as ten percent never have an orgasm in their whole life.
There's nothing wrong with them. It's anatomy. It's physiology, that's all it
is, right, And so in the same sense, men are saying,
well, ushould like this, right, that's what you like now. The
other thing I hate about this first episode of the Idol, and again they're
trying to be satirical. They're trying to be critical of the industry, the
music industry that you know, praise on young things and is highly sexual,
but they actually do a deep dive into it, exploiting women. They make
it worse than ever. So there's a conversation between like a publicist and an
agent, you know, some of the entourage, and of course they get
a woman to say this, an older woman to say this. Okay,
this line was written by a man. She says mental health, poor mental
health can be very sexy, and they're like, what, poor mental health
can't be sexy? And then she says, and I'm not quoting for betam
On paraphrasing here, something like yeah, because a girl like that wouldn't have
sex with you unless she had poor mental health, So that's sexy. Like
in other words, if you have poor mental health, you have weak boundaries
and potentially you're re injuring yourself or you're medicating yourself. Excuse me, you're
medicating yourself with the frequent multiple partners that you really don't want. Okay,
that bothered me about it, the choking stuff, the porn. It was
just a way to bring porn to the masses. And remember the group that
followed, the audience that followed were teenage girls who came off euphoria. Because
the way my daughter presented to me as mom, will you watch this new
show with me. It's written, it's written and produced by the guy from
Euphoria. It's going to be like Euphoria. It was a parent's nightmare all
on its own with teenagers, okay, and so all those teenage girls followed
into this show. This is a show of a deep abuse of a woman.
And I know they say they're trying to comment on it as a negative
thing, but they're doing it. They're exploiting it, and they're not.
And if it is true, if Rolling Stone was correct that they got rid
of a female director and got rid of female writers and they thought it was
making too much of a female perspective, why are we watching this? Why
did this get made? I'm sorry, I'm ranting. It's very important,
very very important that we talk about this, all right. When we come
back, I am going to be taking your calls, So give us a
call. One eight hundred five two zero one kf I. That's one eight
hundred five two zero one five three four. If you have a comment about
the Weekend and the Idol, you're welcome to challenge me on that. It's
a terrible show. It's doing more harm than good. This is not entertainment.
And art. This is porn disguised as something okay for teenagers. Just
saying that. But if you have a relationship question, I'll give you my
drive by and makeshift relationship advice. One eight hundred five two zero one KFI
talked to producer Kalish will screen the call. That's one eight hundred and five
two zero one five three four. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show
and KF I am six forty. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand
from KF. I am six forty. This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show,
and I am taking your calls. I'd like to well my TikTok audience,
if you'd like to come on into the studio and see what we're doing
here. Just come on to TikTok. My handle is at doctor Wendy Walsh
at Dr Wendy Wealsh. Okay, disclaimer here. I'm not a therapist.
I'm a psychology professor. However, I myself am personally obsessed with the science
of love. I've written three books on relationships. I did a dissertation on
attachment theory. I'm a survivor of no A beneficiary of many, many years
of therapy. Myself, I've been therapized for a long time and I'm happy
to share my personal wisdom with you. Think of me as an old auntie.
Okay, producer Kayla. Oh, if people want to call in the
numbers one eight hundred five two zero one KFI. That's one eight hundred five
two zero one five three four And if you're watching online, download the iHeartRadio
app and then you can hear both sides of the conversation The Doctor Wendy Welsh
Show. Okay, producer, Kayla. Who do we have no producer,
Kayla, Mike so sorry. We have Kevin with a comment. Okay,
Kevin with a comment. I bet it's about what I said about the idol.
Hey Kevin, Hey doctor, what's going on? How are you?
I'm great? UM. I just want to say firsthand, I've been around
a lot of these women in the industry, and I completely disagree with the
character in the show. A lot of these women are powerful women. They
own their career, they own their power, and they do not act like
that. UM. I think some of it's a little far fetched. UM.
I do think they overdo it sometimes. I mean, you look at
somebody like Pater Swift, she owns your career, she's a boss. Beyonce
he's a boss. Our yannas a boss. So I kind of see,
I see that kind of risk, kind of a slap in the face some
of those some of those women. I just think some of this overdone.
As a guy I was watching, it was like too much, just kind
of cringeworthy. And you know what, I don't think, actually, Kevin,
that it's reality that anybody who would achieve that level would have that manipulating
that right, would that have that degree of dysfunction. What I'm worried about
is all the up and comers, all the wannabes, all the ones who
are working hard, they're the ones who are often manipulated and hurt. And
as you know, you know, for somebody to gain fame in Hollywood or
in the music industry, it's like one in a million, and everybody's talented.
Everybody's talented, And so that's what disturbs me is that. And also
I just young girls watching the show, like, you don't you don't let
yourself get manipulated by that, and you don't choke yourself when you're masturbating.
I don't. I don't like the idol. I'm not a big fan,
but you're right, not a good example. Yeah, definitely, And I'm
all for female empowerment. Um. You know, these women, their their
role models, and I think we're at a place in music where women are
owning their rights, They're owning their their their their catalog and I just think
you look at some of like Tatums Solder Catalog made almost billion dollars off of
that. I mean, this is this is this is a time when we
should be celebrating women for the bosses that they are. And I just think
the shows a little bit too much of the sexual side. And I just
don't think a woman like that would get manipulated by somebody like that. She
would be too powerful and strong. Thank you for calling Kevin good comments.
Absolutely, I totally agree with that. Okay, Producer, Kayla, who
do we have next? We have Josette with the question. Josette, Hi,
Josette with a question. It's doctor Wendy. Hi not do a Neil,
my guy. I love your show. I just like I'm addicted.
I listened to it all day at work. So thank you. I'm learning
so much from you. Oh my gosh. But anyways, my question is,
so, I've been separated from my husband for three years. For the
first two years, well actually it would be like two years of the ending
of the marriage of our separation, and two years into it, I kept
telling him, let's work under this accounting. How can we fix this fully
separated right emotionally exactly? So I finally did my work. I've been in
therapy for like six years already, So I did my work and I realized,
okay, fine, if you don't want that, I can make him
want to be married or whatever. But now now that he knows that I'm
dating, he's coming around and saying, oh, let's work on it.
I'm you know, I realize what I have. You know what I lost,
and I didn't appreciate you or how you I took you for granted.
So I met him for lunch today because I haven't seen him for like two
years. You want to need for lunch to talk to fine or whatever.
So we wouldn't talk. So I don't know, like to believe him.
Okay, So, Josette, I'm your old auntie here talking with lots of
life experience. I want to teach you how to say two words to him.
Those two words are too late. You missed your moment, too late
exactly because listen, even if he changes, he could is not going to
last for long. Because what happens with relationships is there a little like a
drug. You think, okay, I'm fine, now I'm over that drug,
and then you take one taste of it and you're fully into addiction again.
Right. A relationship is a way of being for you, for your
rain. And unless the two of you go to like couples therapy together from
the beginning and learn new ways of interacting, you're going to fall into the
old patterns pretty quickly. And that's how I told him, Like, we
need to go to marriage counseling or somebody. If yeah, you want to
try to run from the beginning, you need a wingman, a licensed therapist.
But otherwise you need to say too late, dude, move on.
That's what I would say, Josette, thank you so much for calling.
All right, if you'd like to call in the numbers one eight hundred five
two zero one kfive. That's one eight hundred five two zero one five three
four. Okay, producer, Kayla, who do we have next? We
have Josh with question Josh, Hi, Josh is doctor Wendy. Hi there
doctor, So obviously I've been listening to you forever. Oh, thank you
so pretty much. I've been married now for two years? How many year?
Two years? Did you say? Yeah? Two years? Okay?
Got it? And uh, it comes to a point in my, uh,
in our sexual life with my my wife that she doesn't not like to
explore, she doesn't like to try new things. And I don't know if
it's me being and if it's me just she's she always it's always like you
need more time, even more time, or let's let's take it slowly.
But I don't I don't know if it's me. I don't know. Okay,
So I've got some answers for you, Josh. Do you remember earlier
in the show when I talked about how the research shows that men want more
sex than women and most heterosexual couples end up compromising. So let's talk about
frequency. First. You got to have a sexual contract, kind of a
deal, a loving deal that says, honey, I want it every day,
you want it once a week, how about twice a week? And
you find your compromise. The next thing you do is uh and This is
one of my favorite tricks that I learned from a couple that we're married third
years. Whenever they thought of a new fun thing to do in the bedroom,
they would write it down on a piece of paper and they would put
it in a bowl, and then on Friday nights they would pull something out
of that bowl and they would agree to do it. To do it,
write something different again. It's okay to have sexual boundaries. If she there's
certain things she doesn't want. Every guy wants seems to be lately a third
partner not going to happen. All right, she can say no, so
she can have boundaries. But you've got to talk together about your sex life
as an investment. It's an investment in the future, and both of you
can pay into that investment. All right, we have to go to break.
Thanks for calling, Josh. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand
from kf I am sixty Do you have the Doctor Wendy Walls show Reminder.
I am a psychology professor and a huge fan and journalist when it comes to
the science of love. I've written three books on relationships. I did my
dissertation on attachment theory and I'm happy you personally weigh in on your love life.
But I'm not a therapist. Okay, So if you have a question,
give us a call. The numbers one eight hundred five two zero one
KFI. That's one eight hundred five two zero one five three four okay,
Producer Kayla. Who do we have next? We have Chris with a comment.
Chris with a comment. Hi, Chris, it's doctor Wendy. God.
I'm so glad you had the lady on before. That was a researcher
because when I'm seventy one, you're seventy one years old. You sound like
you're twenty five. Chris. Wow, well I have a voice like that,
But I used to. I remember in college I would ask the girls,
you know I've in the gymnastics team side, say well, what about
zach imax thing? And they'd all go, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
They wouldn't tell me anything. They would lie to each other about it
because they all thought they were supposed to be having orgasms. Yeah yes.
And I couldn't understand would somebody tell me something? Because I don't understand why
I can't do that? And so pornography taught me things about sex that's the
way interesting. You're one of the rare women who had a positive experience with
pornography, but it taught you how to orgasm or something. Yeah, yeah,
well using your own hand or manipulation to have a climax, because otherwise
I didn't know how to figure it out. Because the thinking was back then
that you were supposed if females were supposed to have an orgasm during an intercourse.
And now we know somewhere between four and the fourteen percent of women can
have an orgasm during intercourse, but it has to do just with their anatomy
and where the clitoris is, the clitterus is in comparison to their vagina.
I mean, it's amazing that we've kept this a secret, that as many
as fifteen percent of women will never have an orgasm in their life and there's
nothing wrong with them, And yet we diagnosed women for decades and decades and
decades as non orgasmic, as a psychological disorder, that there was something wrong
with the way they were thinking. Chris, I'm glad you called. I'm
glad you found your orgasm through pornography. Okay, Producer, Kayla, who
do we have next? We have Tim with a question. Tim. Hello,
Tim, It's doctor Wendy hi Rctor William Big Fans been listened for a
long time. Oh, thank you. My question is you're awesome. My
question is how do you think that social which is the most misnomer social media
is affecting young girls and young men today. Oh well, I read the
research on this all the time, Tim. It is the highest contributor to
depression in teenage girls. The research that's coming out is continued and continued.
It is contributing to eating disorders, to body dysmorphia ideas, to poor body
image, to difficulty having healthy relationships. Look, I teach on a college
campus. I have been teaching for eight years. In the first few years,
my freshman right out of high school could talk to each other. There.
Now I see this level of social anxiety. I put them into discussion
groups to solve a problem and talk to and they're staring at their phones.
I mean, they can't even talk to each other. I am very concerned
about social media. I do feel like we've reached some kind of like peak.
You know, It's like I went tobacco came on the market and doctors
were prescribing it saying it was good for your lungs and breathing, and then
you know, everyone got lung cancer and heart disease, and they went,
oh, maybe tobacco is the problem. And I think that that's where we
are now in social media. The research is coming out and I think even
some young people are starting to understand that it's not good for them. But
excellent question, Tim, go ahead, what a quick fall up the mind,
real quick. So what do you think about the litigation coming about?
What litigation? Who's suing who they're sing? I think Twitter and Facebook and
what have you about social media? Who's suing them? Acting children? Who's
suing them? Private? Somebody in the private sector of the government. I
think the government is. I have to do some reading on that. I'm
not sure what litigation we're talking about was specific litigation, but you know what
if they can prove causality, I mean, I you know, one of
my other many jobs is I do lawyer ads, television ads for law firms,
and I have done ads saying, you know, has your child,
you know, attempted suicide as your child suffer from depression or an eating disorder
after chronic use of social media? So you can hire a lawyer and go
after them. I don't know if you can win, but you can go.
I mean, they wouldn't be doing commercials if they weren't winning, That's
what I'm saying. So yeah, I think the one way that America works.
And I learned this a long time ago when I moved to America.
I used to think that lawyers had that reputation for, you know, just
going after the money, et cetera, et cetera. But then I learned
that the way the system works is, you know, America and governments make
the law, but they often rely on lawyers to enforce the law. And
then it isn't the court that things start to take place. But yes,
social media not good. Thanks for calling Tim. All right, speaking of
social media, let's go to some of the dms you guys have sent to
me. How many minutes do I have left? How do I wait?
Two minutes? Great? Okay, So let me get to this a couple
things. One is I just noticed on TikTok someone named Sammy sent the question
saying, how does a therapist use a dating app in their own city?
Now, I want you to understand what's behind the question. What's really important?
For therapists is that they never have any overlap in their personal life and
the other. And you know, if your therapist sees you in public,
they're not being rude when they don't say hello. The ethical rule is to
not acknowledge a patient in public unless they acknowledge you first. And the reason
why is because some people still have stigma about mental health services. I don't
know why. I don't have stigma. I talk about it all day long,
but some people do. The other thing is you're not supposed to be
socializing with your patients. You're not supposed to be socializing with the friends of
your patients or family members your page, because that can be a conflict of
interest. Right. They need to feel safe and protected and have complete confidentiality.
So Sammy's question is how does a therapist go on a dating app because
all their patients are going to see them. Well, I'll say this.
When I was on Bumble and that's where I met my beautiful Julio. That's
where I met my boyfriend. I saw a lot of celebrities on there,
and then I found out this is a funny little aside. You know how
the algorithm on all these apps figures out like who you are, what you
kind of look like, what your age group is, and they present you
to people in clumps. Right, So I went out on two or three
or four coffee get dates with different guys and they told me that they had
just gone, you know, had a conversation or texted with or gone on
a coffee date with Sharon Stone. So apparently the algorithm thinks Sharon Stone and
I are the same time hype. I mean, we have blonde hair,
and we're contemporaries pure wise, so age wise. So maybe that's why I
thought that was very funny. So this is what you should know, Sammy.
Don't match with your patients. Don't put too much personal information in your
profile. You can say I'm a psychotherapist living in DA whatever. Don't get
into your chat with them, and they'll just pass on by. Like I
was on dating apps and I would see friends and even relatives, and you
just pass on by, just pass on by, just swipe away, just
keep going. I think you'll be fine, all right when we come back.
I am going to continue to take your calls, and if you want
to send me a DM on social media, I'll be answering some of your
social media questions. A reminder, I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology
professor. I do have a PhD in clinical psychology. I've written three books
on relationships and my dissertation was on attachment theory. You're listening to doctor Wendy
Walsh on demand from KF. I am six forty. This is the Doctor
Wendy Walls Show. I'm taking your calls one eight hundred and five to zero
one KFI. That's one eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
Okay, producer Kayla, who we got? We have Nick with a question?
Nick? Hello, Nick, it's doctor Wendy. Hi dogor Wendy.
That was fast. So I'm in a relationship for three years, one of
those COVID relationships. You know it was different that it was different back then.
You know, we started in the hidek. In fact, that's how
I met her through my sister, who's a therapist. I've dated one of
her clients, so, oh dear, but I gave her COVID before we
started dating. Oh my, that's the gift that keeps on given. Look
at that. Well, you know what it did for my sister. She
got longhaulers. But I gave her too. But my girlfriend didn't get sick
like I didn't. We got a cold, but she got to get away
from people and she liked it. So now three years later and I don't
spend the night. I don't like I've had trouble since nineteen ninety falling to
sleep next to somebody. Well a woman inventing interesting, So yeah, it's
the age now, it's a long time ago. I'm at the age now
where I don't want to change. Separate bedroom. Okay, So you don't
live together? Is that what you're saying at this point, Nick, You're
not living together. Beautiful place, okay. And so you go over,
you spend the evening with her, you have intimate time, and then you
go home. Is that right? Yes? And how does she feel about
that? She's good and until she's not right? Right? So the problems
So relationships are about compromise, right, there's no one right way to be
a human. And there are some people that you know just can't sleep well
beside somebody, or they have sensory issues they don't want to touch or whatever.
I will just share with you that I am a terrible snorer, as
both my parents were and my sweet Julio tells me since he's a New Yorker,
is just like background noise for him. He's used to a noisy room,
so he gets through it. But I know that twenty five percent of
marriages in America they sleep in separate rooms or separate beds, so it's not
abnormal. The problem is trying to find the compromise that will work for both
of you, and that means it might mean you, you know, saying
over once in a while to help her feel secure in the relationship because you
don't want her feeling so skin lonely that she steps out on you or something
right, So you have to figure out what's going to work to feed the
relationship. Relationships are an investment for both of you and you constantly have to
put into it. Now, if you say to me, I don't ever
want to change and too bad for her, then that says I don't really
care about this relationship. And if she leaves me, she leaves me,
and that's for you to figure out. But I think the two of you
should find a compromise if you can. Nick, thanks for calling. Okay,
who do we have next? I'm still screening? Oh, she's still
talking Okay, let me go to social media because I heard a really good
question. I just read here. Dear doctor Wendy. Last week, this
is from Instagram. Last week, you talked about parental alienation. That's when
often the ex wife will turn children against the dad, the divorce dad.
I wanted to know about child alienation. I'm curious, not criticizing your show,
which I love. Oh thank you. I'm fifty seven. My parents
divorced when I was eleven. My dad remarried and inherited two step daughters.
He died three years ago and I'm still waiting for his love. Oh breaks
my heart. He basically told me he'd found a new family and he gave
them priority. Understandable to a degree. No, it's not understandable. No,
especially since he could have so many wise, but he's my only father.
It's just isn't it? Just if not more damaging? Absolutely? So,
I want to be clear. The parental alienation that I was talking about
that X is often due to each other, damages the kids, right,
That's what it's about the kids. And in the same way, a parent
rejecting or abandoning their child damages the kid. I am so sorry you went
through this. I do believe that if you go to therapy and work with
a licensed therapist to help yourself work through these feelings of loss, these feelings
of longing, and to raise your self esteem, because this is what happens
when a parent abandons a child. The child feels like they're unlovable or that
somehow it's their fault, and you've got to find a way to get over
that, and working with a therapist is one way to do it. I'm
sorry this happened to you, all right? Are you ready for me?
It's no. She's still in the phone. Chat Yeah, chatting. I
see you're chatting. She's hearing somebody's story. All right, Dear doctor Wendy,
I feel like every time I'm in a new relationship, I lose myself
more and more. I feel like I have nothing left to give. Can
a person be completely done with dating and relationships? Know? What you're done
with is being a doormat. What you're done with is having no boundaries.
What you're done with is losing yourself to somebody else's wants and needs. And
when you hit that point, then you can finally say no. And that
doesn't mean no to all relationships. It means no to being taken advantage of.
That means no to people that will walk all over you. I want
you to find your voice. I want you to be stronger in your next
relationship. Every relationship we grow, we get better and better. It's all
about practice, all right. Who do we have next, producer? You
have Bob with a question? Okay, Hi, Bob, it's doctor Wendy
h. That's whether we UM, I have a mobility one problem. I
have Huginson's AH. And my my correct my care taker. There's my wife
and she's been doing this caretaking for UM probably sixteen years now. She says
that she will make love with me if I'm her husband and not the person
that she's taking care of. UM be married for appreciate for two years,
and I want to tell um about how I reasoned with her having sex.
Okay, So she's saying, because you're her patient, she has trouble in
her brain, turning you into her husband. Is every saying, yeah,
UM, this would be a great thing for the two of you to work
together in couples therapy. What I will tell you from my own personal experience,
and I've said this over and over, is that we all have sexual
needs, no matter what our mobility or health issues are, because sex isn't
just about an orgasm, as we learned earlier in the show For women,
it's not, It is rarely about that. It's about an exchange of care,
and that care can be physical care, it can be the care of
touch. When we touch each other, our bodies emit a host of neural
hormones oxytocin, dopamine, neurope and nephrons, serotonin, all these feel good
hormones that can help the relationship thrive if she can understand that you both are
allowed to have your needs and that part of love is an exchange of care.
Of course, she's probably suffering from caregiver exhaustion, which is a real
thing, and this is the stuff that you want to talk about in therapy.
If there's another way for you to find another caregiver for sometimes so that
she can have a break, then maybe she might be You know, it's
very common for men to say, I come home from work and my wife's
too tired after taking care of the house all day and the kids and doing
all that, and then she doesn't want to have a sex. Yeah,
get her a babysitter or a housekeeper and then see how things will change.
I mean, we all can only go so far before we get depleted.
But thank you for sharing that, Bob. I hope you do enter couples
therapy with your wife. Okay, when we come back, let's talk about
if you're in a relationship, what you can do today to make it better.
Six love hacks to do with your partner today. You're listening to the
Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty or live everywhere on the iHeartRadio
app. You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walls. You can always hear us
live on k f I AM six forty from seven to nine pm on Sunday
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