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dot com for more information. Oh Hello, he rights with the mighty Triumph
over five and a corn cop pipe at a button that you guys made out
of. Wait a minute, hold on, we got sidetracks, not the
right woe? What's the daisy? You mixed it up? You mix it
up? And you know what I think? I think you've been listening to
that Lady Gaga. No way, I just love all of the Judeo Christian
holidays. Can I be faulted for loving the carols of all seasons and trying
to incorporate them into each other? Like two people that meet on the street
and you like the look at both of them see. You try to set
them up on a date, and you just keep pushing and pushing, even
though one of them is married and the other one doesn't speak your language.
But you can still dream. Now you can't. Well in that case,
I guess you'll have to settle for good old fashioned candy chat. Hey y'all,
Hello, I'm Betty ever Saw and we are just pleased, just punch
to be here. Punch please, punch, punchy, please, Welcome to
the Kings of holiday seasons for candy and especially discount. Day after candy,
piggla Dog looked like one of them zombie apocalypses after the apocalypse zombied. Well,
I don't watch those movies on account of you already know that I will
get all sorts of terrible dreams and nightmares. But it does look like the
shelves have been pick clean and a tornado went through there. I can watch
movies about tornadoes, even that one with sharks didn't bother me. But zombies,
no, thank you, I understand. But see, since Piggli Dog
was so pick clean, we had to go elsewhere to find this year's Easter
candy. That's right, Piggley Dog had nothing to offer that we hadn't seen
before, so we decided to venture further afield and guess what, it was
an easter miracle. On the third day we found something truly exciting. That's
right on the way home. There's that little strip mile and it's got the
dollar. Holler y'all, Oh my goodness, Dollar Holler is my new favorite
place. It has and not just for candy, if you can believe it.
If you can believe it, you can get a lot of kitchen stuff
there. You can buy boxes of cereal written in Spanish, rubber gloves written
in Spanish, steel wool written also in Spanish, and you know what else?
I also found windex was some language that what's the one where they have
the little tiny dots over the u oh arara make oh my goodness, from
the Middle East. I found wind Dex that's feeling one I know that uses
dots except for English. I don't know either. I didn't recognize it,
but well, Dollar Holler's got it. They sure do. And oh my
goodness, the candy selection. And I have to tell you, I've got
a sneaking suspicion in my little heart that thinks that the candy was always that
price. I don't think it mattered that it was the day after, you
know what, You're probably right, my goodness, I feel like I feel
like I even saved more than I would have two weeks after picked the dogs
exactly, and I kept saying, y'all, y'all got a Holler card,
and they didn't. They didn't. They said, ma'am, it's not necessary
here. I don't know what a como has been. Maybe they thought I
was asleep. Maybe they thought I was in a como. Could have been
with all the candy we could eat in there, I certainly wouldn't bet not
my body had picked through it. No, people seemed downright raticon to enter
its doors, which I will never understand. It is now one of my
new favorite places. The only strike against it is that it's in the next
town over, and if I don't feel like making the seven minute drive,
I could just go to Pigley Dog in two. That's that's true. And
my only strike against is that they don't have nacho cheese bugles. They've got
the playing bugles. Well, they did have dried shrimp powder bugles. And
it was again the riding on the bag I did not understand. I saw
a little cartoon shrimp. Maybe I don't know. How do you know the
names of these languages? Tab Well, it was in that zombie show.
That Okay, I'm glad it's educational, but I'm used, you know,
playing in the background while I'm sewing. I'm I'm the sewing machine. And
he's got a playing in the background, and I just sometimes I hear and
they're like, we need a squadron of five helicopters to come in far sea
language. Oh my goodness, it sounds like it's action act. It is.
You know, maybe that's the way to do it, where you just
kind of peek up and just see a little bit and then go right back
to something wholesome. It's a good idea. You're brilliant, tab Oh,
I wouldn't say that. Well, I certainly. I dollar holler, Oh
my goodness, it's pretty smart. Well, let's start telling the people.
Enough teasing, let's start pleasing. You always do it, and that's the
reason for this season. That's your genius. Thank you, tab. Well,
we just got so many things that I hope you're ready for a double
extra large edition of Candy Chat because we have one, two, three,
four, five, six, seven individual amazing candies, although one of them
is sort of a duplicate. But well, I don't want to ruin the
stand. You all sit tight and we'll get to it. But you know
what, but you know what all this cost? What seven dollars? Everything's
a dollar. I don't even have to ask anybody, how much is this
this this crazy windex from your crazy land. They just say, oh,
no dollar, that's right. I have no idea what un means, but
it comes out to one. It must mean one, all right. Well,
first off, in a festive, bright green package, there's a Lendoor
limited Edition Seasonal Easter Flavor Milk and white chocolate truffle. Truffle. That's the
dollar hollar, uh huh, who to thunk it? I know it seems
unreasonably wonderful and also decadent. Wow, oh my goodness, so we'll definitely
look forward to that. We also each got a mystery metal eggs You're the
best egg. It's it's well, I can tell you right now. It
is Christian themed, as it has a dove holding a branch in front of
a cross on it. So this is a this is this this whatever's in
this egg is okay by Jesus, which is okay by me. That's exactly
right. And you know what mine's different. Mine's got a cross with looks
like a little a little shawl draped over it, and then it says he
is risen. Oh that is so delightful. Mine has no text to speak
of, and it's purple with a very interesting pattern. You know what else,
It has a little tag on a tooth as inspiration eggs. Oh you're
right. Oh oh, it says what's inside of it? Well, we'll
leave it first the prize when the moment arrives. Oh my gosh. Well,
there's just so much fun stuff to get to moving on. How about
a bag of ear resistible double crisp bunny ears. Wow, irresistible. It's
just I mean, everybody says you just eat the ears off a chocolate bunny,
which makes no sense to me. The rest of it's made of chocolate
too. Yeah, but some people just eat the ears and then this is
for those people with that disorder. I'm just I'm disappointed in Nestlely for not
coming up with more huns in their candies. Well, I could tell you
right now. Um, the swell folks at Palmer they say it says right
here making candy fun. See, they're number two, so they try hard.
They're probably number seven because I've never heard of them before. The Yeah,
they're trying harder. I can tell you that. No, because if
they would never even the top three, I could tell you right now I
got these candies, Russell Stover, Nastily your Mars bars Cadbury. I mean,
there's so many different things that would come in ahead of these people because
they've all been focused on probably quality, but good jokes that these people said,
Hey, the joke is worth it. Just enjoy whatever candy we we
saw fit to put in there. To me, the joke, what we
like in taste, we make up for in humor. That's right. Laughter's
the best medicine. Okay, let's see what else we have here? What
else we got here? Oh, let's see here. How about mighty maltz
speckled malta milk eggs. That's a lot of ms, it sure is.
Oh these look interesting. They're they're large, They're like larger than a robin.
Mags. They're they're they're they're mighty milky malt megs. Look out with
all those ms. So those will be fun. We'll put those in our
mouths and chew them. Okay, up next, Now this one is well,
I don't think we've ever tried anything like it. No, really breaking
new ground. I mean, I will tell you once again that the Dollar
Holler is like the undiscovered country of interesting new candies from places that will never
want to visit. That's right. It's like the Walmart supercenter of stores.
How about powder candy and carrot bottles? What exactly? It raises more questions
than it answers. Remember last year when we had those carrots that were umbrellas.
Oh yeah, but those were made of like rich German chocolate. Yeah,
this is dangerous. Yeah, this is it. I don't It's a
plastic carrot with some powdering. I hope it's not anthrax. Wow, Oh
my goodness. Well, let me just there is a an alarming lack of
markings or information on the packaging. Usually the back of a rapper is just
so busy with information, but this one is like an information blackout. It's
like one of those Freedom of Information Act requests where they just redact everything.
I learned all that from watching the Discovery Channel. So see, you watch
stuff sometimes, but it has to be uplifting. I bet it's got I
bet it's got one ingredient sugar. Well you'd be wrong. Oh, he
would be tragically found information and slightly alarmingly wrong because the entirety of the ingredients
of this particular confection read as follows. Dried glucose syrup, maltadextrin, citric
acid, artificial flavors, and titanium dioxide. Huh, that's it. Wait
a minute. Titanium dioxide sounds like some sort of metal. Are we gonna
be? Is this is this going to turn us into robots? Oh?
My gosh, I have you know what? When Chuck's got that that TV
on, I hear them talking about trailers for movies like that, they turn
them into robots after they eat candy. Well, I suppose it. We'll
just get what we deserve them. We'll be candy eating robots from here on
out. But we're gonna find out what's in these things. Oh and furthermore,
I'm looking the service size is two packs, which means we gotta down
two carrots each. I'm going to ignore that, okay, yep, because
I'm to get through. We sure do so much to get through. And
finally, we have delicious milk chocolate candy crosses from two different manufacturers, the
first of which here comes your fun funny friends, that Palmer candy. I
don't like that this there's an implication that they're making fun of the cross because
it still says make candy fun. But maybe that's they can't help it because
that's what they've paid for, is their logo. So but they're taking the
candy cross seriously. If there's a if there's like if this is like Bazooka
Joe, If there's a joke on the back of this cross, I'm gonna
be pissed. I will is it has it got like a silly face or
googly eyes? Now it looks like it's got roses on it, which is
the sort of the mixed signal. I don't I don't know how that figures
in Thorns, Yeah, thorns, Crown of Thorns's right Thorns. And then
there are other chocolate cross Well, who do you think's joining us for Easter
service this year? Jesus? An excellent guess. But what I meant not
Chuck. He hates family cantherings. No he does, he does. I've
seen him. He gets real fussy. No, passing the collection plate to
you this year will be our constant companion. Russell's right old Russell Stover.
He's in the chocolate cross game too, says look out for me. I'm
also gonna try to make money off of the holidays. Brussel, you ought
to feel ashamed, and you ought to feel double's chain because that cross is
no less than half a size the other cross. Well, I can tell
you right now it's exactly one half ounce smaller. Although I can't identify the
type of flowers weirdly enough, that looks like thistles or poppy. See I
want to try. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know either.
So what we have is sort of a cross section of cross candies that we
can cross reference. So we'll save that for our grand finale. We sure
will. Well, let's kick it off in luxurious style. Tab with the
lend Or chocolate white chocolate Easter bucket candy. This is like going It's like
going over the hill in the roller coaster. This is exactly what I'd find
in my Easter bucket growing up. Is it? My family was never that
all off? Well, we certainly couldn't afford baskets. I can tell you
that it's got little flowers on it. M it looks it just looks like
a chocolate marble. Well, turn it over because that looks like a nipple
sticking out. Oh, it's that Italian candy all over again. Quiz tab
eat it before your thoughts wander. Oh, that's delightful. The inside is
like creamy goo, but stilled chocolate, not even too much goo. Mhm,
creamy. I thought when the white chocolate, the outside was gonna be
all wide or blah blah bam. No, nope, right outside is milk
chocolate. M And that's enough that we're gonna say about the outside. I
feel like I ate it just in time. The inside, though, yeah,
delightfolk, smooth m We thought it would be a rich, decadent treat.
And guess what we were right? We were right, all right,
truffles you can't go You can't go wrong with them, can't go wrong with
them. All right, we've held you in suspense long enough. Let's see
what's inside these metallic eggs? Mine? Now, mine has holes in it.
Do you think something's mine too? Oh? If there's something alive in
here, I'm going to be beyond upset. That'd be a little straight because
whatever comes out of here, I guarantee I won't speak the language. No,
please, no dead bunnies. All right, here we go. Oh,
it's hard to open, but I did it. Oh. Oh,
look at that. It's little candy crosses. Candy crosses. If you've ever
wanted to decorate a sheet cake like Arlington National Cemetery, this is the candy
for you. Of course, I'd have to immediately ask you why do as
you want to do that. I don't know to each the rhone, I
suppose. I just feel bad for our Jewish brothers and sisters who don't get
true may be buried in that Arlington National cake. Yeah they don't. They
don't, Nord, nor do the wickens who can't open these things. Use
your teeth, Betty M. I don't know. I don't know how I
feel eating the device that our Lord and Savior was killed upon. Yeah,
I feel like well, I mean, listen, I don't want to write
any checks that I'm gonna have to cash come chocolate cross time. But it
does seem strange, but maybe that's a part of the American experience. Now,
these crosses come in white, blue, red, yellow, and green.
Do you think it's different flavors? No? Um, you know what.
It's like they were swinging for bubblegum and missed and hit themselves in the
groin. It is. It reminds me of that those tablets he put in
the dishwasher. Yeah, but like you said, it's bubblegum that's just been
sitting in those those tops. Cards for that. You know, nobody guys,
they no kid wants them cards, so they but they don't want to
get rid of them because then they lose money and they feel bad. That's
a bubblegum got bubble gum goes in there, it just turns to powder.
I went to the fancy indoormall back at Christmas time and they had one of
those stores which I couldn't I'm not even allowed in by legally. I'm banned.
Which one the one where you get the mark, you know, the
Bolt candy store Candy crushed? Oh I know that one. I know that
was the picture of the person being buried in sugar. Huh Um. There's
always like that weird candy that's like like legos or something, and you always
know it's sad candy. This is sad candy, and which I suppose,
as it is a cross and meant to commemorate the crucifixion of the Lord our
God, it does its show, I suppose. I'm I can tell you
right now Palmer didn't make this because there's no fun in this candy. Oh
look, it's by bee like a letter or the bug brought to you by
the letter B. No, it's the bug by the stinging insect, by
the stinging insect, honeybee. Okay, all right, honeybee, but this
one is not lucky. There goes my rustles over Teddy bear. All right,
well, yeah, I'm just gonna put this seal it back into it
smetals. Cough. I guess why does it need to breathe with these holes?
And yeah, the holes are disconcerting. I feel like maybe these are
multi purpose eggs. Some people use them for candy and some people use them
to smuggle uh, poisoned dart frogs. Yeah, yeah, I put a
frog in there, put a terrible prank to your to your parents or someone
you love, and and put just a spider in there and say he and
you are See that's what happens when you watch the zombie shows, tab you
get spider ideas. I don't doubt you, I don't doubt you. That's
that's exactly where that came from. All right, moving on that time those
zombies had those spiders in the eggs. What I think you? I feel
like you made that up and it's terrifying me. All right, let's try
speckled milk megs Michel megs, Michael Michael Megs. Here we go. Oh
they are pungent. It's definitely an odor. Michel mags are pungent. Oh
yeah, Now these these you always got in the basket, and they used
to basket. You get them and they you know, they weren't topping the
list, but they surely weren't the bottom. Me We're always, to my
mind, one of those things that rattles around for a little while. Yeah,
you always have one left, right, jelly being here we go,
Right, are you getting a fish flavor? I'm yeah, like cardboard.
No, that's a sour. I was gonna do these and I'm thinking that
over I have to eat know one, figure out what the heck that flavor
was. M Well, if there was a way to encapsulate uh, rotten
egg, not in jelly bean form, thank you, Harry Potter very much,
but in in malted form with there was like what would Eastern intentions that
would be it? Yeah, there was there was like a layer of what
their lawyers will tell you it was chocolate. Really, I think that there
was a chocolate layer in the what's Who's it? Made by Well, that's
another good mystery. I think it is. The name brand is Mighty Maltz.
Sad, very sad when you when that's all you do and that's how
how much of a good job you do, which is not much? Yeah,
you hain't it up? Yea, you need to try harder because that
was that was like a punch in the teeth. And it says you're supposed
to eat six that's a serving. I'm not lying. There's a little part
of me that wants to tempt Tabitha, but I won't do it. I
won't do it. I think they're hard. There's something in here that'll that'll
that'll eat the lining of your stomach or something. I don't trust that canny
stomach maybe what it's made from. Oh trap candy. Oh moving off,
let's keep going oop all right, get back out. It's clawn, it's
way out of my stomach. That stomach is trying to get out of my
stomach. It's too much stody. It's stomach sepon stomach times. I hope
you're ready to laugh because we have another delicious treat from Palmer. I am
ear resistible double crisp Bunny Ears. Yeah, if they're wrapped in foil of
various colors. Well, now this is funny. It looks like two ears
in a butt. Yeah, what's the what's that? Why has it got
a butt? A bunny butt? Yeah, it's like a little little Peter
cotton tail by the ears. If that doesn't make any sense, Oh,
you know what made me funny. It's saying is that the rest of the
bunny got scrunched up inside them ears, and that's what's crunchy's them bone?
Oh no, no, no, okay, I'm looking at the packaging.
I'm looking at the packaging, and it looks like from the picture, looks
like one of the bunny ears it's sort of flopped over what you thought was
the bottom of the ears the top, and it's like an ear. One
ears sort of flopped over. But that would imply that one ear is like
thirty percent longer than the other. If it does, there's just where it
flops is where the other one and stops. Yeah, so that makes no
sense. I see it now, we had it upside down. Yeah all
right, Well, I guess I'll just unwrap the foil from this bad boy
and set see what it has to tell me, Well, got a soft
chocolate taste, Yeah, not quite the richness of a that's the crunch.
I'm instantly reading the ingredients because I don't think there's any real chocolate in this.
Well, there's cocoa processed with alkali. I mean, what is that?
I don't know. This did not taste good to me, and I
felt like the crespi was like aggressive. It was like like imagine a race
crispi that fell off the conveyor belt and it just got roasted over and over
and tell its own bitterness made it into a tiny little pill. And then
they said, hey, get inside this third rate chocolate. We'll say you
to idiots for a dollar. That's how I feel about it. Couldn't have
put it, Betty, Sorry, I just got wrapped up in the narrative.
You know what, I what I think it does have going for it.
When you unwrap it, it looks like ears. Yeah, that's true.
It looks like it does on the outside. Oh, Russell Stover,
are you listening? Everything's kind of kind of leaving a sour taste in my
man, it's a chemical aftertaste. I feel like I just like I just
walked through an automatic car wash, but not in a car and it got
in my mouth. You brush your teeth in an automatic car wash? Yeah,
I mean I know that doesn't make any stance to say it. Oh
it does me. Okay, thank you, tab. I thought that was
rendered me insense insensitible. That's a Jane Austen book. It's sherry, it's
tab See all right, it's time to try powder candy in carrot bottles,
cleverly titled You're so enthused, Benny, Well, now I'm scared of everything.
These are like candy zombies coming to get your brains. What about zombinative
zombie natos? That might be the gateway, That might be the knife ground
that I can handle. Now once again, it says that a serving size
is two. No, no, it's just one. Maybe not even that,
maybe not even that. Well, oh my gosh. Yeah, there
was some leakage. There's a lot of d there's some some powder on the
outside of these. These look like little little torpedoes. Yeah, and they're
filled with I guess you unscrew the yep there goes and it's just it could
be anthrax. It could be great, a Colombian bugger sugar. It could
be um, really a high, really well made meth amphetamine. Uh.
It could be dex a trim, Uh, could be could be baking soda,
could be baking powder, could be flower anything else ant poison. Yeah,
that's what I was thinking. Zamois, borax, toomat could be clabber
Girl, could be clabber Girl, could be Jack. Well, I guess
we just have to be other brand names. I guess we just have to
try it and find out. But we should eat it before we try snorting
it to make sure. Well. Yeah, well it's a tart. Tait's
killing me. I think it's sweeter than tart Betty. But I tell you
what, as soon as it touched my tongue, my eyes started flickering home.
They haven't stopped. I don't know if you can see me or not,
but I am not doing this on purpose. I'll tell you this,
I can. I think that we were right on accounts. I think it
is equal parts sugar, drugs, and cleaning supplies. Not as bad as
I thought, to tell you the truth, No, except for the eye
part. Yeah, I mean you, your eyes are just going buck wild.
I feel like I'm a young child in front of a Japanese cartoon right
now. Yeah, you're gonna have a seizure. Oh you're gonna hit it
again. Huh. I can't do that, and I'm not that strong.
It's the kind of thing a child would happily consume that an adult would punish
that child for consuming. You know what, I kind of like it?
Well, tab, do you have? I kind of like it. Give
me yours better? I feel like you might have give it to me,
feel like you might have a demon in you. Tab. Give me that
carrott, tab tab tab come back to me. No, I want you
to think about three hundred What would the Spartans do? Tab? Imagine chuck
your husband with a purple loring cloth and would back and you took me out
of it and out. Sorry I didn't know back. I'm all right,
thank you? What did I say? I don't know. Ye you were
talking in that language that has the little dots over the U or something.
Wow, you're just gonna keep hitting that, you know what? You know
what you do? You pour a little on your tongue and then you swish
around some saliva and it's like a little carrot kool aid. Oh no,
thank you. I thought this was going to be incredibly tart along the lines
of a pixie stick. It's not to me. It's got a muted,
soft sweetness. There's nothing muted or soft that's muted like a baseball bat to
your teeth. I think you're being unduly harsh. Maybe I am, but
I'm also not high cracked out on it the way you are. I mean,
I am not cracked out on it. Listen, I'm not going back
there. Listen to yourself, tab listen to yourself. This is that carrot
is like the key to a heart of darkness journey. You know what you
need? What salvation in the form of the cross? All right, I'll
take it. So here we have two chocolate crosses, one by Palmer and
the other one from Russell Stover who can't keep his big fat nose out of
the tomb that held Jesus. Yeah, did we get that from from Dollar
Holler? We sure dead he's a dollar holler too, Dollar Holler? Has
it aller? Oh? I'm telling you, Betty, you missed your call
as a marketing director. I know. But then, I mean, maybe
I should go back there and be like, hey, how about you buy
this for a dollar? What? What's this in that case, you know,
it would be scale me my ideas, Betty, Betty, don't sell
yourself more more than a dollar. It was like a colloquial dollar. I
mean I would I would ask for a thallary of maybe a lot of dollars.
But because it's a dollar store, just think they would understand, maybe
they have to buy each letter if you maybe that would make okay. There
would be a contract, Tabitha, and I would certainly read it and make
sure that I would sell myself to the dollar. Holler for a dollar.
Sounds like you were going to well fair enough. I mean you're you're congratulations,
you got the job. You're my lawyer. Oh yeah, you're my
legal representation. Well, all right, so I'm just gonna now have I
feel a little strange here because I'm just gonna break a piece off of this
cross. Is that okay? Is that sacrilegious? No? Is it sacrilicious?
I'd think it is all right? And Russell Stover weighing in it a
full half ounce less. Now we're each gonna try these. But tab you
may have noticed that I have not yet tempted thee Well, it was like
a little easter egg hidden and I figured you you were just gonna leave it
hid. On the third day, you rolled the stone away and there was
me saying, not so fast, Tabitha. Nobody was supposed to be in
there. So I'm gonna break a little piece off. But I'm gonna tempt
you to eat this entire Russell Stover cross as fast as you can. I
want to see you borderline hurt yourself. I don't know, well, you
know what, you know what, look at this If you look at it
from the side, and the packaging looks bigger than it is. It's about
an inch deep, and when you take it out half an inch or less,
Classic Stover, you got stovered. Tab you done got stovered, all
right over Stover. So first off, let's try the larger cross not yet
from our friends at Palmer. I'm just looking at the color comparison. I'm
seeing that the Palmer cross is lighter in color, which could indicate a larger
milk component to the milk chocolate. But I'm also noticing that the wood is
textured. It is it is wood is a faux wooden cross, and they've
really taken their time. The flowers are identifiable, so whoever they have working
over there in their design department and at Palmer is really doing a terrific job.
Yeah, commendable. The Russell Stover is more along the lines of a
cleverly shaped but standard chocolate bar with sort of a quick tip of the hat
to the idea of a flower without really ever holding its hand. But at
least there's a bow and some some semblance of flowers or plant on the like.
I said, it's like they knew there should be flowers, but they
don't know what they look like. It looks like you sliced an onion in
two and just put the bottom half on there and some leaves under it.
That that's so rustle, all right, rust show. I'm gonna try the
I'm gonna try the palm or one first. I was surprised, surprised.
It's the same chocolate that the ears are made from. It just doesn't taste
like chocolate, sir. It doesn't taste like fun. I can tell you
that it tastes like punishment. M hm. Remember that one time I freaked
out and went chocolate crazy in my house and tried to eat Baker's chocolate and
it I just kept eating it, and it kept disappointing. This is like
that all over again, except when you're not yelling at me to calm down.
I can't if you want me to tell no, I'm fine, I'm
fine. Okay, all right, Let's try Russell Stover because at least maybe
the chocolate's better. Now do I start my challenge now? Or do I
taste it with you? Well? I'm tasting that now. Will I see?
The quality of the chocolate with Russell Stover has never been the issue?
God, say, I'm kind of glad we're ending with this one. Wow,
well, it looks like Russell Stover has risen from the grave. Nope,
I think it's just that the bar has lowered itself further into the crypt
alrighty, all right, Tabitha. I want to see you just pulverize that
thing like a zombie tears through a baby. That would scare you. Let's
say it's like a tornado tearing through a zombie town. Okay, DOKEI town
of zombie here comes. You just got zombo zombie Nato. Now this is
more of performance art than like, um than professional sports. Wow. Two
three? Get my god, that was scary, tab what's going through your
heart? Right now? Hey? The whole crosses in my mouth. Oh,
I'm in you're you are in the chew phase. M. You sound
like you're in pain. Mm. Why do I wear a white blouse today?
It's a good question. Oh you're drooling, you're doing get it?
Oh you got it, you got it before it rolled off the chin.
Gross. M. The meltability is a little high, and this one,
which is good. Yeah, yeah, it's probably saving you right now.
It's like doing some of that chewing for you, because I can hear those
mouth sounds and you are just working furiously. Can I ask you a question?
Oh? Please? Do I stand like a turkey when I ate that
a little bit? It's kind of like an angry turkey that that thought that
either it was going to get to eat its way out of death or that
it finally had the ability to tell off the industrialized farming community. That's how
I felt. I'm done. Oh you did it? You ain't tab round
of applause for Tabitha Hutcheson, All right, Well that wasn't. Yeah,
fine, challenge pity well accomplishable and somewhat tasty. Well, then that's a
win for everyone. And it is truly an Eastern miracle. So let's look
back over everything that we've done and Sadden experienced. Tonight, I would say,
at the very bottom of this crazy, crazy easter. I mean,
this is like a psychedelic drug trip from all those movies from back in the
sixties that I refused to watch. I think the worst thing we had was
the Mighty Maltballs. The Mechel Mags were just terrible at bottom of the heat.
Everything about them was either a lie or a deliberate misdirection. It was
like an Ocean's eleven but from my tongue and there except for there wasn't any
of those handsome boys in it. It was like that Street Magic, but
in packaged form. Yeah, that horrible Chris Angel who yeah exactly, oh
yeah, meeting that reap magic, mikeled Megs coming in just a out of
those. I mean, it's a fight for last place, it really is.
Everybody just wants to be underneath the bar of acceptability. I would put
the ears next, okay, I mean, and I gotta tell you,
I'm averaging our experiences because I'd put the carrots in. But but I saw
the weird buzzy light in your eyes and you just kept hitting that carrot.
So I think it's gonna come in ahead of the eggs because at least you
enjoyed them. I was gonna put the miniature Arlington National crosses on. Oh
my goodness, how did I forget those? You're one hundred percent right.
The next worst thing where the tiny, dusty, nebulously flavored candy crosses that
came in a sealed metal egg with air holes. Everything about that makes me
wonder why we ate them? As I described it to you, there was
no shortage of warnings to what we experienced in retrospect. Why why did we
even go through with it? I mean, there were so many red flags.
It was it felt like the Communist had one. They were taking over
and making us make iPhones. Oh that's awful. I don't want to do
that. I don't want that many red flags, and honestly, I don't
want to make electronics. I thought about it, and I've decided it's just
too late for this old dog to learn those new tricks. I don't blame
you. I don't want to learn communism. So we're even perfect. Moving
on. Now, we got the ears. Yeah, now the ears.
Those were confusing in shape, But at least when you unwrapped, and they
looked just like they did when they were wrapped, So points for presentation,
all those points instantly burned in a giant campfire called my hopes and dreams of
a delicious crispy candy. That's how that turned out. It could have been
saved if you'd use real milk chocolate. It was like a silver tongue devil
that came into town told me that my hair was pretting. The next thing
I know, my credit cards are gone and all the wheels are off my
car. Patty, you don't have to tell that story again. We all
Well, I'm just saying it brought those feelings of betrayal by so excited.
Moving on, I put the carrots above the ears. The carrots frightened and
hurt me, but you seem to really take a shine to them. And
I thought the carrots pretty good, to a degree that I found alarming and
possibly I'm gonna have to talk to Chuck about it. Oh that that seems
threatening, Well, I mean it's it's up to you. If you can
be responsible, then we won't have a problem, will we. Tab I
haven't taken ears from you forcibly yet, you see, do you see it.
Did you hear what you just did there? Huh? Yeah. See,
there's there's little, little, tiny warnings what this is. You are
not unlike a metal egg right now with air holes. There's just enough warnings
that a smart person would see that maybe there's a problem on the horizon regarding
these white powder filled carrots. Excuse me, I am not communist, No,
no one, no one would ever accuse you with that, Tabitha.
I would destroy you before I let that happen. What now then? What
do we so? What's what's next? Good question? Oh? My good
crosses? Yeah, the cross says, I would say, and I will
stand by the old chocolate cross tear At last Russell Stover were laid down?
Is that? Is that how itppening? It is? If you say so.
I've never heard the Russell Stover him before, and I would imagine that
they are sung in the darkest of churches at the midnightest of evenings, only
when everyone's wearing like a pumpkin mask and someone's carrying a snake. At least,
that's the nightmare that I had where that seemed appropriate. That scares me,
even if you imagine that that's a little bit scary. But it's a
bad dream. Oh, it's just it's just a bad dream. I just
I just have bad dreams about people in masks. We're holding serpents in the
darkest of midnightest places. Well, it just seems like that's the place where
this sort of thing would fly free and easy, and there's probably like rock
music like the food. My goodness, don't even say they're fealthy. Fealthy
names. I'm sure that that's our reference to something having to do with intercourse.
But for this one, Palmer, oh my goodness, you're you're losing
to Russell Stover. Russell Stover's kind of in a league of his own here.
Yeah, Palmer, how are you going to wake up in the morning
look yourself in the mirror saying I got beat by a Russell Stover cross that
was even smaller. You got a smaller Russell Stover cross. The chocolate was
delicious, I mean, and maybe I'm just saying that because my mouth had
been betrayed so many times, but I felt the Russell Stover was the better
of the two crosses. Tab you got a little bit fuller flavor of it
than I did. Sure did. What do you think smooth, creamy,
multiple good. Yeah. And the Palmer Cross was no joke. It was
a weird chemical knockoff that made me regret that someone ever told Palmer about chocolate.
But finally crafted and I suspect, yeah, now that is a good
point. The one again, much like the Bunniers the folk wood carving,
the molds that they use are of highest quality, which I feel like maybe
takes the money out of that budget and put it into buying chocolate as opposed
to brown paint and then kil drying it so we think it's chocolate. Yeah.
I think they call it blaze. Yeah. I think what they do
is they collect hobo tiers and then render them down until they turn dark,
viscous brown because of all the nicotine in their blood and fluids. They make
a hobo ru. Yeah, it is a hobo ru and then they pour
that into a mold. But they've gotten like very very internationally esteemed candy sculptors
to make them mold, so it's like everyone's like, oh, well,
I guess this is performance art. And you know, no one ever tells
you're not supposed to eat it. Then they package it and then they goes
off to dollar Haller and you buy it because you're not a part of the
indie chocolate scene. You just think it's just chocolate and you eat it and
someone's like, oh, did you understand what the percentage of free trade cocaw
was in that? And I said no, it just tasted like an awful
cross And now I can't go to any gallery openings for high class candy efficionados.
It's exactly like that. Thank you. And finally I would say,
top of the list, thank you Lindora for knowing what you're doing and doing
it so well, even if you keep trying to slip a nipple into it,
even them nipple slips can't keep our tongues off of them. It's so
true, Tab, It's so true. And thank you to Dollar Holler for
carrying Lindor truffles. Absolutely, maybe it was a diverted shipment in the mafia
was involved. I don't care. As long as something brought it to my
doorstep for one dollar, I couldn't have been any happy. Oh my goodness,
So that that will do it for this amazing Easter episode. Now,
did you notice that at no point did we have a jelly bean or a
fruit flavored anything true. That's very interesting to me. Yeah, well,
you just never know what's going to happen at Easter. Sometimes you don't get
all of it, you get just it's impossible. It's impossible. But I
think what we saw was something so strange and interesting that our list can't help
but enjoy our journey, some kind of door to another candid dimension. We
went to candy Narnia and there was the tiny little half devil who said,
hey, eat all this, and it was anything but Turkish delightful. Mm
you ever had turkish to lat tab? No future episode, future episode from
fantasy movie. That's right, Fantasy Candy, all of your wildest candy fantasies
coming true. I'll just have me some Gerard Butler, I mean tab,
I will well, I mean hush, Betty Well. I guess that means
I can have some of those Ocean eleven boys, just wrapped up with a
ribbon. Sure to each their own. That's what we say here on candy
Chat, never each their own their own. Thank you so much for joining
us. Thank you. We'll be back so soon with more amazing delicious treats,
but we'll be far more skeptical of any entries. From Palmer and it's
always I'm sure Russell Stover will find a way to force his way in.
Yeah, I waste. It's like a home invader, a mouth invader.
He is a mouth invader. All right, Well have it, have y'all
a blessed Easter. Happy Easter, God Blast, God Blast, Bye bye
bye. He rose up. Can I can you just give me the give
me those carrots. Please just give me the key, get carrot carts,
give me the carrot, Give me those carrots. I want the carrots now.
I will give you the carrots after I speak to Chuck, and he
lives forever to he