WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.200 --> 00:00:03.200 Hi, everyone, Welcome back to their podcast episode. My name is Alicia 2 00:00:03.200 --> 00:00:06.360 Gogin, the host of the Globe Secrets podcast, where I help you expand 3 00:00:06.400 --> 00:00:09.359 your mind and become more self aware so that you can glow up into the 4 00:00:09.359 --> 00:00:13.599 best version of yourself. Hello, how are we doing? Happy Thursday? 5 00:00:13.599 --> 00:00:18.280 If you're listening to this on a Thursday, it is another snowy day in 6 00:00:18.440 --> 00:00:21.120 Toronto, of course, but I'm happy to be on the podcast. At 7 00:00:21.160 --> 00:00:24.800 least I have something to do, something to talk about. I was not 8 00:00:25.480 --> 00:00:31.000 particularly in the best mood today and I just recorded a TikTok actually just saying 9 00:00:31.039 --> 00:00:33.920 like, you know what, guys, this is a mental health check in. 10 00:00:34.439 --> 00:00:37.880 If you are feeling low today, if the weather is not good where 11 00:00:37.920 --> 00:00:41.439 you're at, just know you can still have a good day. Things don't 12 00:00:41.479 --> 00:00:44.560 have to be flawless. You don't have to do everything perfect, but you 13 00:00:44.880 --> 00:00:48.600 can do it. And I said that because that's basically what I told myself 14 00:00:48.600 --> 00:00:51.159 today. And now I'm here on the podcast and I'm feeling pretty good. 15 00:00:51.280 --> 00:00:56.920 So I have a very important topic to talk about today, and that is 16 00:00:57.359 --> 00:01:02.479 how to stop seeking male validation. But I want to first talk about what 17 00:01:02.759 --> 00:01:08.280 sparked my curiosity. My idea to talk about this. I've actually made a 18 00:01:08.439 --> 00:01:15.439 main Channel video a long time ago regarding why we seek male validation and what 19 00:01:15.560 --> 00:01:19.000 I've done in my life to stop doing that, because I used to be 20 00:01:19.120 --> 00:01:26.640 somebody who essentially only seekd male validation genuinely when it came to Instagram social media, 21 00:01:27.439 --> 00:01:34.480 what I looked like very much so, always entertaining someone, always just 22 00:01:34.519 --> 00:01:37.879 feeling good about myself, depending on if a guy like sent me a text 23 00:01:37.879 --> 00:01:41.359 that day, like all of that stuff. So I want to give you, 24 00:01:41.400 --> 00:01:44.920 guys some of my tips that have really helped me stop seeking male validation. 25 00:01:45.359 --> 00:01:48.439 But I want to quickly talk about something that sparked it, which was 26 00:01:48.719 --> 00:01:53.040 I was watching a video on YouTube from a creator her name is Brett Cooper. 27 00:01:53.439 --> 00:02:00.799 She was doing a video regarding toxic femininity, and she was reviewing a 28 00:02:00.840 --> 00:02:05.959 few girls tiktoks that were clearly very toxic. And so I want to like 29 00:02:06.040 --> 00:02:08.919 read out a few things that she had shown and she was doing commentary on, 30 00:02:09.120 --> 00:02:12.960 and then I want to give you my thoughts and how this leads into 31 00:02:13.000 --> 00:02:15.840 what I'm going to talk about when it comes to seeking male validation. And 32 00:02:15.879 --> 00:02:17.919 if you guys don't know what toxic femininity is. It's essentially, well, 33 00:02:17.960 --> 00:02:22.560 there's a lot of ways in wish it. You could say, like girls 34 00:02:22.560 --> 00:02:27.680 can be toxic depending on what they're talking about, women who tear other women 35 00:02:27.719 --> 00:02:31.800 down, but also women like this. So there was this girl making a 36 00:02:31.840 --> 00:02:35.919 TikTok and she's like this blonde girl and she's pretty, and she's just like 37 00:02:35.960 --> 00:02:38.719 doing this dance or whatever, and the caption on the video says, I 38 00:02:38.840 --> 00:02:42.639 may not be the girl you marry, but I'll be the girl you're thinking 39 00:02:42.639 --> 00:02:46.919 about twenty years from now when you engage in polite sex with your boring wife 40 00:02:46.080 --> 00:02:52.039 who fakes her orgasms to make you feel better about your receiving hairline. Okay, 41 00:02:52.080 --> 00:02:55.520 So like that type of toxic femininity is what I'm talking about. And 42 00:02:55.560 --> 00:03:01.159 I've seen a lot of videos on TikTok of women doing such things. There 43 00:03:01.199 --> 00:03:04.759 was one more. Actually I'm just going to quickly read again. This girl. 44 00:03:05.000 --> 00:03:09.039 She's beautiful and she just has like a video of her with her like 45 00:03:09.560 --> 00:03:14.439 you know, like dark feminine energy, like stare into the camera, and 46 00:03:14.599 --> 00:03:16.120 the text over top of it says, I might not be the one you 47 00:03:16.159 --> 00:03:20.439 marry, but I'll be the one you're thinking about while driving home to your 48 00:03:20.479 --> 00:03:25.960 high maintenance vanilla wife, And I just want to break down what I think 49 00:03:27.039 --> 00:03:30.719 is happening here now. Obviously, the first thing is just the fact that 50 00:03:30.759 --> 00:03:36.120 this is just toxic femininity in terms of just women seeming to tear other women 51 00:03:36.199 --> 00:03:40.759 down for being somebody. Maybe they're not like, oh, you're going to 52 00:03:40.759 --> 00:03:46.439 think about me while you're with your vanilla wife, as if let's say the 53 00:03:46.479 --> 00:03:51.719 wife is vanilla, Like why is that a big deal? Like why does 54 00:03:51.960 --> 00:03:54.520 a girl have to like why is it bad for a girl to be basic? 55 00:03:54.680 --> 00:03:59.199 Essentially, so there's like that component of like judging others. But I 56 00:03:59.240 --> 00:04:03.159 think obviously, deep down with these women are projecting online is that they're actually 57 00:04:03.159 --> 00:04:06.719 deeply insecure, and like, how does that make you feel good about yourself? 58 00:04:06.759 --> 00:04:12.400 Just telling yourself or the internet that, yeah, well, like you 59 00:04:12.479 --> 00:04:14.919 might not be with me, but I know you're gonna be thinking about me 60 00:04:15.159 --> 00:04:19.319 while you're with your wife. Like those type of quotes and those type of 61 00:04:19.360 --> 00:04:26.560 things clearly make these women feel good about themselves, which is obviously not good 62 00:04:27.040 --> 00:04:30.360 for you to feel good about yourself telling yourself like, oh, well he 63 00:04:30.480 --> 00:04:33.560 actually chooses me based off of let's say my looks are based off of like 64 00:04:33.639 --> 00:04:41.879 whatever, Like why are we basing our worth and feeling good about ourselves in 65 00:04:41.920 --> 00:04:46.600 those type of situations? I think is so toxic. And I've definitely known 66 00:04:46.680 --> 00:04:50.199 people who have thought like that. I personally can say I've never been that 67 00:04:50.279 --> 00:04:55.600 type of girl, where like I always like I would obviously never post these 68 00:04:55.639 --> 00:04:59.680 videos, but even in my head thinking like, oh, well you're with 69 00:04:59.759 --> 00:05:01.319 her, but I know you're gonna be thinking about me and like whatever, 70 00:05:01.639 --> 00:05:05.439 Like I never felt good about myself by saying those things. Ever. I 71 00:05:05.480 --> 00:05:10.360 never did, but like, I just don't see how that would actually make 72 00:05:10.399 --> 00:05:13.879 me feel good. I think that that actually low key makes you feel like 73 00:05:14.680 --> 00:05:18.639 not good. But the reason why I'm bringing this up is because these women 74 00:05:18.920 --> 00:05:25.399 feel good about themselves when males validate them. If they tell themselves a story 75 00:05:25.399 --> 00:05:27.839 of well, I know I'm actually the chosen one, even if he's not 76 00:05:27.879 --> 00:05:31.120 with me, or like well he stalks my Instagram and he likes my photos 77 00:05:31.120 --> 00:05:36.240 while you're laying beside him in bed, or he's talking to me behind your 78 00:05:36.319 --> 00:05:42.639 back, like these things make them feel good about themselves, and it's essentially 79 00:05:42.720 --> 00:05:45.399 it is validation. Now, there's a lot of other things as to why 80 00:05:45.439 --> 00:05:47.680 that makes them feel good and like whatever, But I really started to think, 81 00:05:47.720 --> 00:05:55.160 like why is it that some women are operating like this? And obviously 82 00:05:55.279 --> 00:05:59.240 like this is like a daddy issue thing probably, or maybe a mommy issue 83 00:05:59.279 --> 00:06:01.720 thing. Maybe just a full on insecurity thing, which insecurities can come from 84 00:06:01.720 --> 00:06:05.360 all different sides of like the coin. We're not really gonna get too deep 85 00:06:05.360 --> 00:06:08.600 into that, but I know you guys, a lot of you guys who 86 00:06:08.680 --> 00:06:12.800 listen to the podcast aren't like that. But like, even if we can 87 00:06:12.920 --> 00:06:15.680 bring it down to like not being that toxic, I don't want us to 88 00:06:15.879 --> 00:06:21.240 have our validation only ever come from men, and we only feel good about 89 00:06:21.240 --> 00:06:26.360 ourselves if men validate us. So like, let's like put that example aside 90 00:06:26.399 --> 00:06:29.879 because that's very extreme. Like those girls I actually think really need help, 91 00:06:29.959 --> 00:06:31.279 And I'm so sorry if you listen to this podcast and you're one of those 92 00:06:31.319 --> 00:06:35.920 girls, but like, please, like you can't possibly feel good about yourself 93 00:06:35.920 --> 00:06:39.399 by doing those things, like why would you want to operate in the world 94 00:06:39.439 --> 00:06:43.920 like that? But like bringing it down to something as simple, and I 95 00:06:43.959 --> 00:06:46.240 know a lot of you guys can agree because I have absolutely been there of 96 00:06:46.279 --> 00:06:53.160 like liking yourself more, or liking your photo on Instagram more once the guy 97 00:06:53.199 --> 00:06:57.560 you really like likes your photo, or you only having a good day when 98 00:06:57.560 --> 00:07:00.079 he responds back to you, or if he doesn't respond back to you, 99 00:07:00.079 --> 00:07:06.240 you have the shittiest day, like very much so waiting for a man to 100 00:07:06.319 --> 00:07:13.439 make you feel good and especially having men validate you, and that's the only 101 00:07:13.480 --> 00:07:16.160 way that you're going to feel good about yourself. Like, we can't move 102 00:07:16.199 --> 00:07:18.959 through life like that, but a lot of women do. And I think 103 00:07:19.000 --> 00:07:27.240 when I was late teens, early twenties and I definitely was in the cycle 104 00:07:27.279 --> 00:07:31.040 of seeking male validation, I started to realize the validation that I did get 105 00:07:31.399 --> 00:07:35.160 on social media based off of the type of photos that I was posting, 106 00:07:35.360 --> 00:07:41.759 like a little bit more scandalous photos, more body photos. Again witnessing myself 107 00:07:41.800 --> 00:07:44.560 waiting for a guy to like my photo or text me back, and if 108 00:07:44.560 --> 00:07:46.759 we didn't, I would like have the worst day, like that type of 109 00:07:46.759 --> 00:07:49.759 stuff. I just started to realize, like how fleeting that was. Like 110 00:07:50.000 --> 00:07:54.519 in the moment, it made me feel really good, but then like that 111 00:07:54.560 --> 00:07:58.240 feeling went away, and I really hated feeling like that. And then I 112 00:07:58.279 --> 00:08:01.680 started to realize a pattern that would happen when I would, let's say, 113 00:08:01.160 --> 00:08:07.199 post Instagram photos for the sole purpose of getting a man to like or give 114 00:08:07.199 --> 00:08:11.120 me some sort of validation and get a like. I started to realize that 115 00:08:11.160 --> 00:08:15.720 the conversations or the attention that I was getting was not actually the right attention. 116 00:08:16.279 --> 00:08:20.000 And I started to realize that what I really wanted, which I wasn't 117 00:08:20.000 --> 00:08:22.120 being honest with myself about, which I feel like a lot of women do 118 00:08:22.199 --> 00:08:26.680 not be honest with themselves about, is I really honestly I wanted love. 119 00:08:26.759 --> 00:08:31.279 I wanted attention. I wanted affection, but I wanted the right kind of 120 00:08:31.360 --> 00:08:35.120 love attention affection, and I wanted it to be sustainable. I wanted a 121 00:08:35.240 --> 00:08:39.480 relationship. I wanted somebody to value me. But the problem that I was 122 00:08:39.679 --> 00:08:45.480 having was my actions weren't in alignment with what I deeply wanted because I one 123 00:08:45.919 --> 00:08:50.759 wasn't being honest with myself. I also wasn't actually speaking my needs and saying 124 00:08:50.799 --> 00:08:54.600 what it was that I really wanted. I was accepting the bare minimum because 125 00:08:54.639 --> 00:08:56.000 that's what I was taught in my life. Like there was a lot of 126 00:08:56.039 --> 00:08:58.840 reasons why, but at the end of the day, it's like my action 127 00:09:00.639 --> 00:09:05.840 we're not lining up to what I deep down really wanted. And I think 128 00:09:05.879 --> 00:09:11.240 the first step with trying to like stop the seeking mail validation cycle is to 129 00:09:11.360 --> 00:09:16.039 really get real with yourself about what it is that you are looking for. 130 00:09:16.240 --> 00:09:22.120 And I'm gonna just say a blanket statement, but obviously I get not some 131 00:09:22.240 --> 00:09:24.600 girls like they don't want this, whatever, I'm talking to the girls who 132 00:09:24.639 --> 00:09:31.360 really do want this. You want most likely a relationship. You want most 133 00:09:31.480 --> 00:09:35.279 likely your man to yes, maybe physically like you and like your photos and 134 00:09:35.320 --> 00:09:39.440 give you attention, but like to also stay and like also like value other 135 00:09:39.480 --> 00:09:45.679 things about yourself. Like obviously we want those type of things in a relationship, 136 00:09:45.919 --> 00:09:52.960 but if we are posting photos or entertaining half assed conversations, we're not 137 00:09:54.080 --> 00:09:56.480 going to get what we deeply want, and we need to be real about 138 00:09:56.480 --> 00:10:03.480 that. But one thing I think we need to tap into is this allowance 139 00:10:03.960 --> 00:10:11.080 that it's okay that we want validation and we want attention and love, because 140 00:10:11.080 --> 00:10:15.200 that's really like what it is when we are trying to post and we're trying 141 00:10:15.240 --> 00:10:18.480 to entertain a guy who's like clearly like not taking the action steps that we 142 00:10:18.559 --> 00:10:22.519 deep down really want, Like we just we want somebody to want us. 143 00:10:22.559 --> 00:10:24.639 We want love, and I don't think that's a bad thing. And I 144 00:10:24.679 --> 00:10:30.320 think that sometimes like when we we don't even want to acknowledge that we're doing 145 00:10:30.320 --> 00:10:33.440 these behaviors because it's like, well, what's the opposite for me to not 146 00:10:33.840 --> 00:10:37.559 have a drive to want to have any sort of attention, Like no, 147 00:10:37.080 --> 00:10:41.799 which is not something that we need to like completely rid of. It's totally 148 00:10:41.840 --> 00:10:45.759 fine that you want a little bit of validation. You want your boyfriend to 149 00:10:45.759 --> 00:10:48.159 freaking tell you that you're pretty, or you want a guy that you really 150 00:10:48.240 --> 00:10:50.559 like to text you back, like that's okay, But it's just you have 151 00:10:50.600 --> 00:10:54.879 to see how sometimes your actions and the things that you're saying or not saying, 152 00:10:54.000 --> 00:10:58.600 or the things that you're posting or not posting, won't get you the 153 00:10:58.639 --> 00:11:01.360 result that you deep down want it like want. And I think for me, 154 00:11:01.519 --> 00:11:05.360 when I was in my twenties I'm still in my twenties, but early 155 00:11:05.360 --> 00:11:09.879 twenties, I started to realize the type of attention that I was getting was 156 00:11:09.919 --> 00:11:11.639 not actually the thing that was feeding my heart and my soul. And I 157 00:11:11.639 --> 00:11:16.480 had to be real about that with myself first so that I could change my 158 00:11:16.639 --> 00:11:22.039 actions and change my mindset and value myself more. And once I did that, 159 00:11:22.039 --> 00:11:26.519 that's when I started attracting men who didn't only care about my looks, 160 00:11:26.639 --> 00:11:30.519 didn't talk to me just to like be living in my phone. So I 161 00:11:30.559 --> 00:11:35.000 think a practice that you can do for yourself when you realize that you have 162 00:11:35.080 --> 00:11:37.360 been seeking male validation and it's just not even hitting, you know, it's 163 00:11:37.360 --> 00:11:41.399 not hitting, like you get the like and then all of a sudden you 164 00:11:41.399 --> 00:11:43.720 feel good for a second and then it's like back to normal, or like 165 00:11:45.519 --> 00:11:50.200 you respond back to a text and then he reads it and doesn't respond, 166 00:11:50.279 --> 00:11:52.799 and now you don't feel good, like, you know, like this emotional 167 00:11:52.840 --> 00:11:58.200 rollercoaster is thinking about the type of relationship, the type of man, the 168 00:11:58.279 --> 00:12:03.159 type of attention, the type of everything when it comes to your romantic relationships 169 00:12:03.159 --> 00:12:05.720 towards men. And you can use this towards women if you date women like 170 00:12:05.799 --> 00:12:11.200 all that, But I'm just saying, men get so incredibly clear on the 171 00:12:11.240 --> 00:12:16.399 treatment and the relationship and everything that you want, and you need to be 172 00:12:16.519 --> 00:12:22.360 very very clear about this because you need to say no to anything outside of 173 00:12:22.399 --> 00:12:26.360 that. And I think for me, I really wasn't being clear with what 174 00:12:26.440 --> 00:12:31.080 I truly wanted. When I was in my early twenties, I played down 175 00:12:31.000 --> 00:12:35.039 what it is that I really wanted. I was like kind of like telling 176 00:12:35.080 --> 00:12:37.120 myself, it's okay if a guy doesn't want to like fully commit to me 177 00:12:37.240 --> 00:12:41.759 yet, like it's fine, like blah blah blah. No, let's be 178 00:12:41.840 --> 00:12:45.799 real. We all, for the most part, the girls who are aligned 179 00:12:45.840 --> 00:12:48.840 with what I'm aligned with, we want like marriage and we want to we 180 00:12:48.879 --> 00:12:52.840 want children. So if that's what we want, why are we playing? 181 00:12:52.879 --> 00:12:56.000 Why are we like? Why are we playing these games? And I honestly 182 00:12:56.000 --> 00:12:58.639 see some of my friends still do that now, like entertaining guys who like 183 00:12:58.759 --> 00:13:03.960 clear really are not going to be the guys that are gonna take them seriously. 184 00:13:03.000 --> 00:13:07.200 And it's like, why are you doing these things when deep down this 185 00:13:07.240 --> 00:13:11.159 is what you want. Be real with yourself and don't be afraid. And 186 00:13:11.679 --> 00:13:16.519 I think we're afraid to let go of the validation because it can be lonely 187 00:13:16.600 --> 00:13:22.000 sometimes, but you have to realize like it's actually lonely getting the male validation 188 00:13:22.120 --> 00:13:26.480 that we that's half assed anyways. And that's what I came to realize is 189 00:13:26.919 --> 00:13:30.799 you know what this feels like? So much shit that I'd rather just have 190 00:13:31.639 --> 00:13:37.200 no validation than to have a guy who literally is only just gonna respond to 191 00:13:37.320 --> 00:13:41.279 my Instagram story and like give me hard eyes, but like nothing else is 192 00:13:41.320 --> 00:13:43.279 going to come out of that, Like I'm not I'm not gonna base my 193 00:13:43.399 --> 00:13:48.320 value and base my happiness off of that message because it's just very, very 194 00:13:48.360 --> 00:13:52.120 fleeting. So get clear with what it is that you actually deep down want 195 00:13:52.159 --> 00:13:58.840 in your relationships moving forward, and don't entertain anything but that. And you 196 00:13:58.840 --> 00:14:03.279 know, I think about out when I'm in a relationship. I want to 197 00:14:03.360 --> 00:14:07.639 feel confident knowing that. I mean, I don't really think like this, 198 00:14:07.720 --> 00:14:11.360 but like, if I were to think about this, that my boyfriend is 199 00:14:11.360 --> 00:14:15.080 gonna like every single one of my pictures because obviously because he likes me and 200 00:14:15.120 --> 00:14:18.559 likes he's gonna think that I'm beautiful and amazing and attractive and he's gonna love 201 00:14:18.600 --> 00:14:22.200 me for more than just my looks all the time. So if that's what 202 00:14:22.240 --> 00:14:26.559 I want, then why am I waking up every day checking to see if 203 00:14:26.600 --> 00:14:30.480 a guy that I am like talking to is liking my photos. That should 204 00:14:30.519 --> 00:14:33.240 be a non negotiable, That should be a duh, That should be a 205 00:14:33.240 --> 00:14:37.039 assumed thing, right, Like I'm in this identity of being chosen and liked 206 00:14:37.039 --> 00:14:43.039 and wanted every single day. So if I'm checking and I'm up and down 207 00:14:43.039 --> 00:14:48.519 on this emotional rollercoaster, goes to show me that I actually don't believe these 208 00:14:48.519 --> 00:14:50.919 things about myself. I don't believe these things about my relationship. I'm not 209 00:14:52.080 --> 00:14:54.080 in alignment. And of course, kind of like what I just said, 210 00:14:54.600 --> 00:14:58.039 you want your actions to align to what it is that you say that you 211 00:14:58.120 --> 00:15:05.120 actually want relationship or in any sort of treatment with a man. So you 212 00:15:05.120 --> 00:15:11.480 know you can't freaking say and I know I might. I'm not going to 213 00:15:11.559 --> 00:15:16.919 offend people whatever, I'm just gonna say it. You can't. My personal 214 00:15:16.919 --> 00:15:24.399 opinion, this is just my opinion. You can't be on Instagram posting your 215 00:15:24.480 --> 00:15:28.440 body for every man to see. And I mean like when I mean your 216 00:15:28.480 --> 00:15:33.759 body, I mean like the excess of every single photo is every inch of 217 00:15:33.799 --> 00:15:41.039 your body very much so displaying an energy of like you're like an only fans 218 00:15:41.120 --> 00:15:43.200 girl. Okay, like let's just like imagine what that would look like. 219 00:15:45.039 --> 00:15:50.000 You can't put all that on social media and cry when men are dming you 220 00:15:50.600 --> 00:15:56.200 and only wanting to, you know what, like sleep with you or aren't 221 00:15:56.200 --> 00:16:02.759 taking you serious like that obviously, Like we have to be real with that. 222 00:16:02.840 --> 00:16:06.000 And I'm not saying that we can't love ourselves and we can't like show 223 00:16:06.080 --> 00:16:08.919 off our features and this that whatever. That's fine, But it's just like 224 00:16:10.480 --> 00:16:14.480 something I realized was, Yeah, like it's no wonder that I'm getting these 225 00:16:14.519 --> 00:16:17.879 type of men when I'm posting these type of photos, or even when it 226 00:16:17.919 --> 00:16:23.080 comes to entertaining men who clearly are not moving the conversation forward. Stop entertaining 227 00:16:23.159 --> 00:16:29.519 and stop engaging with men who aren't being direct and aren't being clear and aren't 228 00:16:29.600 --> 00:16:33.159 making plans and moving things forward. It's very simple, like, yes, 229 00:16:33.279 --> 00:16:37.799 there is a moment in time where we can like go have the back and 230 00:16:37.840 --> 00:16:41.679 forth type of conversation with the man. But like if he's only talking about 231 00:16:41.679 --> 00:16:45.519 your physical attributes and he's only kind of like you know, like love bombing 232 00:16:45.519 --> 00:16:49.159 you, and you're not like there's no plan date, there's no like action 233 00:16:49.320 --> 00:16:53.440 moving forward, I would honestly put him in the category of like not serious, 234 00:16:53.559 --> 00:16:57.679 and I wouldn't be basing my happiness off of him, right Like I 235 00:16:57.720 --> 00:17:02.480 wouldn't be waiting for him message me and then I get happy and then when 236 00:17:02.480 --> 00:17:06.039 he doesn't, Like I get sad, Like you can't base your happiness off 237 00:17:06.079 --> 00:17:08.440 of somebody who is like literally not even somebody that you want or you say 238 00:17:08.519 --> 00:17:15.400 that you want. And also dropping checking behaviors, dropping the thoughts that you 239 00:17:15.599 --> 00:17:21.839 have before you post a photo, thinking oh will he like it, or 240 00:17:21.960 --> 00:17:25.440 oh I should post this type of photo to get this type of attention, 241 00:17:25.680 --> 00:17:29.960 Like stop those type of behaviors. If you find yourself about to post something, 242 00:17:30.079 --> 00:17:32.720 ask yourself, why am I posting it? Who am I posting it 243 00:17:32.759 --> 00:17:37.519 for? And if it's simply for the mere fact of like hoping that you're 244 00:17:37.559 --> 00:17:40.480 going to have somebody like validate you in that way, and I mean like 245 00:17:40.519 --> 00:17:44.519 a male specifically this one guy you're probably obsessed with, I would just not 246 00:17:44.559 --> 00:17:47.319 do it, like honestly, like take a break from doing that kind of 247 00:17:47.319 --> 00:17:52.599 stuff, because that will help you not base your value and your worth off 248 00:17:52.640 --> 00:17:56.160 of what someone else is doing. Like I just think that is something that 249 00:17:56.240 --> 00:18:00.759 I did for a period of time, Like I stopped posting the highly like 250 00:18:02.400 --> 00:18:06.079 you know, showing everything off all the time and being very aware of when 251 00:18:06.119 --> 00:18:10.400 it was I was posting things and why I was posting them, and I 252 00:18:10.440 --> 00:18:14.799 stopped entertaining men who it was very clear that they were love bombing me or 253 00:18:15.000 --> 00:18:18.920 just only having conversations with me based off of my physical appearance. Like, 254 00:18:18.039 --> 00:18:22.759 you seriously have to stop playing into those type of conversations. Be very aware 255 00:18:22.799 --> 00:18:26.839 of what it is if a man is simply only talking to you for that. 256 00:18:26.920 --> 00:18:30.839 It's not to say that he can't compliment you and say that you're beautiful 257 00:18:30.880 --> 00:18:33.880 and say that you're attractive, like you guys know, but like, if 258 00:18:33.960 --> 00:18:37.880 that's all you're getting, don't even engage why because that's not aligned to what 259 00:18:37.960 --> 00:18:42.759 it is that you want in your relationships moving forward. You're very clear on 260 00:18:42.799 --> 00:18:48.480 what it is that you want. And if you're entertaining a man who's bombing 261 00:18:48.519 --> 00:18:52.160 you only liking your photos when you're like half naked, only like commenting on 262 00:18:52.519 --> 00:18:59.000 your body, commenting on like whatever shit that's not important. Do not engage 263 00:18:59.039 --> 00:19:03.799 in that type of of conversation with a man. Now here's a few other 264 00:19:03.880 --> 00:19:11.039 things that helped me stop seeking male validation. And this is just a hard 265 00:19:11.599 --> 00:19:17.279 truth slash belief, and this is my truth in my belief, But I 266 00:19:17.319 --> 00:19:19.759 do think most people will resonate with what I'm about to say. You have 267 00:19:19.839 --> 00:19:26.480 to understand that looks are not everything, especially when it comes to men. 268 00:19:26.920 --> 00:19:30.119 And I know there might be like comments being like, oh, well, 269 00:19:30.119 --> 00:19:33.319 we shouldn't be thinking about like looks at all for men. Whatever. This 270 00:19:34.200 --> 00:19:38.960 episode is about seeking male validation, so we're talking about in relation to men, 271 00:19:40.480 --> 00:19:44.480 So that's where I'm coming from with this. But genuinely, if you 272 00:19:44.559 --> 00:19:48.400 think about the healthiest men, and maybe you've never been around a lot of 273 00:19:48.440 --> 00:19:51.960 them, I know, like especially when I was like younger, like just 274 00:19:52.000 --> 00:19:56.519 boys are stupid sometimes, you know, and a lot of guys just play 275 00:19:56.559 --> 00:19:57.720 around and play games. But you know, as I got older, I 276 00:19:57.759 --> 00:20:02.839 realized the health men, the men that I actually want, the men that 277 00:20:02.880 --> 00:20:06.559 I would want to marry, they don't only care about looks. And what 278 00:20:06.640 --> 00:20:10.920 I'm not gonna say is that men don't care about looks at all, because 279 00:20:10.960 --> 00:20:14.519 I really do think that they are like those physical creatures, they like to 280 00:20:14.559 --> 00:20:18.160 be attracted to their women. Although men have so many different types, so 281 00:20:18.200 --> 00:20:19.599 you don't have to be the most flawless pitch a perfect girl. Like, 282 00:20:19.680 --> 00:20:25.559 genuinely, I've met so many men who just men have the way different tastes 283 00:20:25.640 --> 00:20:27.880 honestly than women even have, Like we look at ourselves so different than men. 284 00:20:27.920 --> 00:20:32.799 But whatever, that's another topic. But it's so much more important in 285 00:20:32.839 --> 00:20:37.119 a relationship that we have things. And again this is not just about what 286 00:20:37.160 --> 00:20:42.480 we give to men, but that there is things more important than just looks, 287 00:20:42.599 --> 00:20:45.559 Like looks are only going to get you so far in a relationship. 288 00:20:45.640 --> 00:20:51.400 So why is it that we are even seeking this male validation in terms of 289 00:20:51.519 --> 00:20:56.960 like physical attraction or thinking that we're just going to act a certain way or 290 00:20:56.119 --> 00:21:00.240 dress a certain way, or post an instagram a certain way, like that's 291 00:21:00.279 --> 00:21:02.359 going to get you to think, like that's going to get you what you 292 00:21:02.359 --> 00:21:03.359 want, which is like marriage at the end of the day, if you're 293 00:21:03.359 --> 00:21:07.519 being real with yourself, because it's absolutely not. There are things outside of 294 00:21:07.759 --> 00:21:12.759 physical appearance that are so much more important in relationships. And when I realized 295 00:21:12.839 --> 00:21:19.200 that looks are just the smallest piece of the puzzle when it comes to let's 296 00:21:19.240 --> 00:21:23.799 say, getting in a relationship or validation, which again I know this is 297 00:21:23.839 --> 00:21:27.119 not something we should have a huge focus on, and I will talk about 298 00:21:27.119 --> 00:21:30.039 that, but like if we are going to think about that, I started 299 00:21:30.079 --> 00:21:34.440 to be able to focus on other things outside of physical appearance, which was 300 00:21:34.880 --> 00:21:40.240 my personality what I'm doing for my career, what I'm doing with my life, 301 00:21:40.359 --> 00:21:45.200 what I'm doing with my hobbies, friendships, these things which move me 302 00:21:45.279 --> 00:21:51.640 away from seeking male validation because I find we don't tend to look for males 303 00:21:51.680 --> 00:21:56.119 to validate those things in our lives. We're usually looking for men to validate 304 00:21:56.200 --> 00:22:00.759 us when it comes to physical appearance or just attention. So when I realized, 305 00:22:00.759 --> 00:22:03.680 okay, looks are not even the most important thing, I was able 306 00:22:03.720 --> 00:22:07.319 to then focus on like things that did matter in my own life. But 307 00:22:07.480 --> 00:22:11.119 like simultaneously that allowed me to like detach from men because realistically, like when 308 00:22:11.160 --> 00:22:14.599 you work on those type of areas of your life, you tend to like 309 00:22:14.680 --> 00:22:18.200 not need to, like you just don't look for men to validate those things. 310 00:22:18.200 --> 00:22:21.039 And you know, obviously everyone is different and maybe you do. But 311 00:22:21.119 --> 00:22:25.839 personally, for me, like it was really easy for me to kind of 312 00:22:25.880 --> 00:22:32.559 detox this attachment to men when I did focus on things like my own life, 313 00:22:32.599 --> 00:22:33.559 like building up my own life, and honestly, like when I was 314 00:22:33.559 --> 00:22:37.279 in my early twenties, I kind of like had to stop being I wasn't 315 00:22:37.319 --> 00:22:41.559 like boy crazy, but I had to stop being obsessed in that way when 316 00:22:41.599 --> 00:22:45.960 it came to like physical appearents or validation from men, because I had to 317 00:22:45.000 --> 00:22:48.880 like get my ass up and work, like I had things to work on 318 00:22:48.359 --> 00:22:52.839 and goals to hit. And the more I worked on myself, the less 319 00:22:52.880 --> 00:22:56.519 I gave an f about my freaking Instagram photos, the less I the less 320 00:22:56.559 --> 00:23:00.480 I gave an f about, you know, entertaining a guy who wasn't gonna 321 00:23:00.599 --> 00:23:03.519 like do anything with me, because like I was busy, I didn't really 322 00:23:03.599 --> 00:23:08.319 have time to entertain a guy. And focusing on myself and my life allowed 323 00:23:08.359 --> 00:23:12.799 me to also value things outside of a man just giving me simple attention, 324 00:23:14.000 --> 00:23:18.720 realizing, okay, you telling me I'm pretty doesn't really hit the same, 325 00:23:18.839 --> 00:23:21.799 Like that doesn't really do much for me, Like that's not gonna cut it. 326 00:23:21.920 --> 00:23:23.960 Like I need you to have a personality. I need you. Are 327 00:23:25.000 --> 00:23:27.759 you kind? Do you take care of me? Like are you a nice 328 00:23:27.799 --> 00:23:32.400 person? Like all that kind of stuff. So really focusing on the areas 329 00:23:32.400 --> 00:23:36.240 of your life outside of physical appearance, outside of things that just don't obviously 330 00:23:36.279 --> 00:23:41.680 matter, like social media and things of that nature, or even thinking about, 331 00:23:41.759 --> 00:23:44.359 oh well, am I prettier than the other girl, or like he's 332 00:23:44.359 --> 00:23:47.119 going to choose me over her like that type of energy, like we don't 333 00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:48.680 need it. We're too old for that, even if you're really young, 334 00:23:48.799 --> 00:23:53.279 Like, let's not do that. Another thing that helped me not seek validation 335 00:23:55.039 --> 00:23:59.240 is to take inventory of the people that I was hanging around and the men 336 00:23:59.279 --> 00:24:03.319 that I was interested in, but mainly the people that I was hanging around, 337 00:24:03.680 --> 00:24:06.359 the conversations that we were having, and the places that we were moving 338 00:24:06.400 --> 00:24:10.400 in. And I give this example a lot, And obviously this is just 339 00:24:10.400 --> 00:24:12.559 a blanket statement because I can go out into the club now and like not 340 00:24:12.680 --> 00:24:18.880 have this mindset based off of detoxing in a way from all these tips, 341 00:24:18.920 --> 00:24:22.519 like using these tips. But when I didn't have a lot of self worth 342 00:24:22.519 --> 00:24:26.359 and I was seeking male validation a lot, the worst thing for me to 343 00:24:26.440 --> 00:24:32.240 do was to go to a lot of clubs where physical appearance is like the 344 00:24:32.240 --> 00:24:36.519 most important thing, or hang out with girls who were also highly insecure and 345 00:24:36.640 --> 00:24:41.160 only cared about guys, or just hanging out and talking and focusing on physical 346 00:24:41.200 --> 00:24:45.640 things that just didn't matter, right, like hanging out with girls where like 347 00:24:45.720 --> 00:24:49.519 I already just said, like clubs and talking about guys and stuff, instead 348 00:24:49.559 --> 00:24:56.519 of like hanging out with people who cared about their careers or healthy behaviors or 349 00:24:56.400 --> 00:25:03.200 you know, not being obsessed with inte Like I heavily moved away from those 350 00:25:03.359 --> 00:25:07.799 people, places, and things, and that really allowed me to stop chasing 351 00:25:07.000 --> 00:25:11.319 the validation because I think like sometimes like you know, like when you're in 352 00:25:11.359 --> 00:25:17.039 those types of group settings, in those environments, it's kind of hard for 353 00:25:17.079 --> 00:25:19.039 you to not care about your looks. Like it's hard to not care about 354 00:25:19.039 --> 00:25:22.799 your looks when you go to a club, like obviously, right, So 355 00:25:22.920 --> 00:25:26.359 I think like when you're trying to like rebuild your confidence, or you're trying 356 00:25:26.400 --> 00:25:27.720 to feel better about yourself, or you're trying to like distance yourself, like 357 00:25:27.759 --> 00:25:33.079 you really do have to like consider who you're moving around, the conversations that 358 00:25:33.119 --> 00:25:36.079 you're having and remove yourself for a bit. It doesn't mean that you can't 359 00:25:36.079 --> 00:25:38.119 like ex out these friends or you can't go to a club, but again, 360 00:25:40.079 --> 00:25:42.400 like the people from the majority of the time, like let's say when 361 00:25:42.400 --> 00:25:48.559 you're going to clubs, like these men care about looks. These men don't 362 00:25:48.039 --> 00:25:52.440 a lot of the times like respect women, and like that's not what we 363 00:25:52.480 --> 00:25:56.119 want, So why are we putting ourselves in these places? And then you 364 00:25:56.119 --> 00:25:59.680 know, talking to these men who clearly don't care about us, and then 365 00:25:59.720 --> 00:26:03.000 we're going upset when they don't text us back, or we're getting upset when 366 00:26:03.000 --> 00:26:06.720 they don't and invite us out to go to a dinner or marry us. 367 00:26:07.039 --> 00:26:10.039 These are most likely not going to be the men that are gonna do that, 368 00:26:11.200 --> 00:26:15.359 because realistically, those men aren't moving in freaking clubs and staying up till 369 00:26:15.359 --> 00:26:19.880 four am and spending all their fraud money at the club downtown like I'm sorry, 370 00:26:19.920 --> 00:26:23.680 that's not usually where they're moving. And the last thing that I think 371 00:26:23.920 --> 00:26:32.279 is important when it comes to not seeking male validation, obviously, is genuinely 372 00:26:32.599 --> 00:26:37.839 learning to tap into self love and accepting yourself and pouring into yourself, Because 373 00:26:37.880 --> 00:26:41.000 the more you pour into yourself and the more that you like yourself, the 374 00:26:42.079 --> 00:26:48.559 less you tend to chase, the less you like tend to care about whether 375 00:26:48.799 --> 00:26:55.160 like somebody's gonna like your photo or not. The more you trust that you're 376 00:26:55.799 --> 00:27:00.480 really your ability to attract men is like higher because you just know that you're 377 00:27:00.480 --> 00:27:03.640 inherently worthy, and you like yourself and you love yourself, and you've been 378 00:27:03.640 --> 00:27:08.000 pouring into yourself, so you know you're not really worried about like when a 379 00:27:08.039 --> 00:27:12.799 guy's gonna come, or you know, like entertaining this stupidness because you know 380 00:27:12.880 --> 00:27:19.559 that you're this feminine, attractive being that a man will come to you because 381 00:27:19.759 --> 00:27:22.839 you're inherently worthy and you're amazing. Of course, I think a lot of 382 00:27:22.839 --> 00:27:27.039 women struggle with this because a lot of us don't love ourselves. A lot 383 00:27:27.039 --> 00:27:30.880 of us don't think that we're attractive, a lot of us don't think that 384 00:27:30.920 --> 00:27:37.240 we're worthy of anything other than the bare minimum. And what I'll say to 385 00:27:37.319 --> 00:27:42.160 that is it's a healing journey realistically, Like this comes down to childhood things. 386 00:27:42.200 --> 00:27:47.319 This comes down to not knowing what it even looks like to have consistent, 387 00:27:47.359 --> 00:27:51.160 healthy love in your life, moving through life, not feeling like you're 388 00:27:51.200 --> 00:27:56.759 worthy of anything other than whatever it is that you got handed you, moving 389 00:27:56.799 --> 00:28:00.000 through life thinking that you know, you're not as pretty as the other girl 390 00:28:00.400 --> 00:28:03.359 you thinking and being taught by other people around you that this is how you 391 00:28:03.400 --> 00:28:07.839 get love and attention, which is very skewed meaning especially online, like oh, 392 00:28:07.960 --> 00:28:11.440 if you post this half naked photo of yourself, you're going to get 393 00:28:11.440 --> 00:28:15.480 a bunch of likes, and like that's going to get you attention when realistically 394 00:28:15.480 --> 00:28:18.680 the type of attention you're getting is not the right attention. But you don't 395 00:28:18.680 --> 00:28:21.599 necessarily know that. You just see on the outskirts like, oh, this 396 00:28:21.680 --> 00:28:23.759 girl has attention from this guy, but you don't understand that this guy actually 397 00:28:23.799 --> 00:28:26.319 is like not going to be the one that's going to marry her type of 398 00:28:26.400 --> 00:28:33.119 energy. Things like that, Like, you have to understand your core wounds 399 00:28:33.160 --> 00:28:36.920 and the things that you are operating out of. And I mean, I 400 00:28:36.920 --> 00:28:41.480 do talk about this a lot in my book when it comes to rebuilding confidence 401 00:28:41.519 --> 00:28:45.319 within yourself and understanding where a lot of your insecurities come from, and really 402 00:28:45.319 --> 00:28:51.160 working on that self love piece. So I would actually suggest purchasing my book 403 00:28:51.200 --> 00:28:56.640 if you want to dive more deep into learning your root causes of a lot 404 00:28:56.680 --> 00:29:00.759 of honestly like parts of you that you've denied and you've rejected and you don't 405 00:29:00.839 --> 00:29:07.319 like anymore because you know you really, if you want to stop seeking validation, 406 00:29:07.519 --> 00:29:11.559 you have to essentially validate yourself. And how do you validate yourself? 407 00:29:11.880 --> 00:29:14.640 You look in your mirror, You look in the mirror sorry, and you 408 00:29:14.680 --> 00:29:17.640 say, oh my God, like I'm worthy, I'm good enough, I'm 409 00:29:17.759 --> 00:29:21.119 beautiful, I'm X, Y and Z. But it's hard for you to 410 00:29:21.240 --> 00:29:23.680 look at yourself like that if you have these beliefs of what well, I 411 00:29:23.720 --> 00:29:26.880 don't fit this box or this standard. So getting to the root as to 412 00:29:26.920 --> 00:29:30.759 why you even believe that about yourself can help you actually look in the mirror 413 00:29:30.799 --> 00:29:33.039 and say, oh my god, I'm amazing, I'm a lovable, I'm 414 00:29:33.079 --> 00:29:37.079 actually unique, and I'm chosen, I'm wanted. But also on top of 415 00:29:37.079 --> 00:29:41.240 that is to pour into yourself is to stop focusing on the things that aren't 416 00:29:41.240 --> 00:29:44.000 going to get you what you want in your life, like spending so much 417 00:29:44.000 --> 00:29:47.720 time on social media and looking for those likes and entertaining men who literally are 418 00:29:47.839 --> 00:29:51.759 half asking your conversations, Like, that's not the things that are important. 419 00:29:51.960 --> 00:29:55.000 The things that are important in your life is for you to pour into yourself, 420 00:29:55.119 --> 00:29:57.519 yes, focusing on your career, your finances, your friendships, your 421 00:29:57.559 --> 00:30:03.039 womanhood, like just really pouring into yourself. And when you do that, 422 00:30:03.319 --> 00:30:07.440 you're gonna be looking for healthier men as well, who are not just focused 423 00:30:07.480 --> 00:30:11.960 on your physical appearance and love bombing you and like focusing on that type of 424 00:30:12.000 --> 00:30:15.640 valuation and giving that to you as well. And I and I'll say this, 425 00:30:15.759 --> 00:30:19.440 like you know it, actually, I'm really not attracted, And it 426 00:30:19.480 --> 00:30:26.039 like puts me off when men dm me that talk to me about something to 427 00:30:26.079 --> 00:30:30.400 do physically with my looks or they compliment to me on my looks like right 428 00:30:30.400 --> 00:30:32.960 away off the bat, Like for me, that's like kind of a red 429 00:30:32.960 --> 00:30:34.319 flag. And obviously I have to be careful with what I say because I'm 430 00:30:34.359 --> 00:30:38.079 totally here for like a nice compliment. I get it, men are gonna 431 00:30:38.079 --> 00:30:41.039 think that I'm good looking if they're like reaching out to me, Like, 432 00:30:41.119 --> 00:30:45.640 obviously, that's totally fine. You don't have to like say it's a complete 433 00:30:45.640 --> 00:30:49.400 red flag. But it's just like because I don't prioritize that, I'm not 434 00:30:49.599 --> 00:30:52.599 looking for that in a message. So when I get that in a message 435 00:30:52.640 --> 00:30:56.319 to me, I'm just like, mm, that's not a line to what 436 00:30:56.519 --> 00:31:00.519 I want, because what I want is a man to look at me for 437 00:31:00.640 --> 00:31:03.160 more than just that, and it's just not the most important thing. And 438 00:31:03.200 --> 00:31:07.920 that's also like I'm not going to give you a response that's going to confirm 439 00:31:08.000 --> 00:31:11.319 to you that, like that's what I care about as well. And I 440 00:31:11.319 --> 00:31:15.400 think that's what a lot of us do is we respond to those messages being 441 00:31:15.400 --> 00:31:17.519 like oh my god, like thank you so much, and then we start 442 00:31:17.680 --> 00:31:21.400 entertaining it, and then you're just training him how to treat you. Like 443 00:31:22.039 --> 00:31:25.079 I'm not saying he's putting you in a box, but you're he's kind of 444 00:31:25.079 --> 00:31:29.200 putting you in a box depending on how you're responding in a way, and 445 00:31:29.279 --> 00:31:33.319 also like what you're posting online, what you value, what you're having a 446 00:31:33.359 --> 00:31:40.519 conversation about, Like these are all things realistically that people are responding based off 447 00:31:40.519 --> 00:31:44.319 of what you put out online, but also in person as well, So 448 00:31:44.640 --> 00:31:48.000 just being aware of that and even when it comes to like the club example, 449 00:31:48.599 --> 00:31:52.119 for the most part, like men who are at the club, they're 450 00:31:52.160 --> 00:31:56.599 looking at these women as a certain type of women as well, right, 451 00:31:56.640 --> 00:32:00.599 so like, don't be walking into a club hoping that like a guy's gonna 452 00:32:00.599 --> 00:32:06.839 see you're worth and your value and like know that you're the wifey when realistically 453 00:32:06.920 --> 00:32:09.480 his mindset for the most part, not everyone, of course, for the 454 00:32:09.480 --> 00:32:15.519 most part, he's thinking, well, my wife wouldn't probably be at the 455 00:32:15.559 --> 00:32:17.799 club getting blackout, wasted, twerking, you know what I mean. And 456 00:32:17.839 --> 00:32:21.640 again I want to be like very careful with what I'm saying here, like 457 00:32:21.880 --> 00:32:24.079 you can totally do that. You can have fun, and you could totally 458 00:32:24.119 --> 00:32:28.000 find your man of your dreams at a freaking random club like who knows, 459 00:32:28.119 --> 00:32:31.960 right, But I just mean like generally, like when when you go out 460 00:32:32.000 --> 00:32:37.720 and put yourself in these places, you're kind of like showing to men or 461 00:32:37.799 --> 00:32:40.359 to whoever, like this is what I value and this is what I care 462 00:32:40.400 --> 00:32:44.519 about. And it's also not to say that you can't, like I just 463 00:32:44.559 --> 00:32:46.920 said, do these type of things and care about these things, because life 464 00:32:47.000 --> 00:32:52.799 is not always about showing men, you know, when I value or whatever, 465 00:32:52.880 --> 00:32:54.000 Like when I go if I ever go to a club, I don't 466 00:32:54.000 --> 00:32:58.680 care what men think about me because I'm not there for the man. But 467 00:32:58.759 --> 00:33:01.000 I know that, right. But the problem that I had when I was 468 00:33:01.000 --> 00:33:05.400 twenty was I would be going to the clubs like hoping that I was going 469 00:33:05.440 --> 00:33:08.640 to like find that man and not understanding like, Okay, well I'm probably 470 00:33:08.680 --> 00:33:13.599 not gonna find him here because his values are not really aligned. But also 471 00:33:13.680 --> 00:33:16.519 like my values are not really aligned, So what do I even expect, 472 00:33:16.960 --> 00:33:20.599 you know? And even when it came to Instagram as well, it's like 473 00:33:20.680 --> 00:33:22.559 I thought, well, like posting on Instagram, like I'm going to get 474 00:33:22.559 --> 00:33:28.559 this attention, which makes me feel good, but also like I'm expecting him 475 00:33:28.599 --> 00:33:32.000 to want a wife me, but realistically, like these actions are not really 476 00:33:32.000 --> 00:33:36.319 lining up. So you just have to be aware of what you're entertaining, 477 00:33:36.359 --> 00:33:43.279 the conversations that you're having, and be real with yourself. Okay, you 478 00:33:43.359 --> 00:33:49.079 most likely want something that's more than what you're getting from half ass attention online 479 00:33:50.400 --> 00:33:53.480 and seeking them out. Male validation in terms of like feeling good for a 480 00:33:53.519 --> 00:33:57.200 second and then dropping down like don't you want to feel good all the time. 481 00:33:58.079 --> 00:34:00.160 Don't you want to like decide that you or hot, you were amazing, 482 00:34:00.200 --> 00:34:04.160 you're worthy, you're beautiful, you're whatever in post and if he likes 483 00:34:04.160 --> 00:34:08.119 your photo or if he compliments you, or if he like whatever, that's 484 00:34:08.159 --> 00:34:10.519 just the cherry on top. And this is I said this in one of 485 00:34:10.519 --> 00:34:14.400 my main channel videos as well. It's like the way that I move through 486 00:34:14.440 --> 00:34:20.679 life is basically this. I look at myself like I am a like solid, 487 00:34:20.920 --> 00:34:25.199 three layered cake, meaning like physically I think that I'm really attractive and 488 00:34:25.239 --> 00:34:28.920 I like fit my box of like what I think, and like I love 489 00:34:28.960 --> 00:34:35.360 that about me. Mentally, I think I'm on point and financially career wise, 490 00:34:35.480 --> 00:34:38.239 like my life in terms of responsibilities are like on par Like i feel 491 00:34:38.239 --> 00:34:44.400 like I'm a solid like cake and I'm amazing, and I'm looking for somebody 492 00:34:44.440 --> 00:34:49.280 who matches that energy. But I'm just looking for somebody who matches that energy. 493 00:34:50.159 --> 00:34:53.280 But also when that person, let's say, says, oh my god, 494 00:34:53.840 --> 00:34:58.559 your mental, your physical, your life, your whatever is amazing, 495 00:34:58.679 --> 00:35:01.199 it's simply just a cherry on top of the cake. But like even if 496 00:35:01.199 --> 00:35:06.320 that cherry is like not there, I'm still solid and I'm not going on 497 00:35:06.360 --> 00:35:10.039 this like emotional roller coaster. So when I'm posting a photo of myself, 498 00:35:10.280 --> 00:35:15.039 I've already decided that I have these three layers and I'm amazing and I'm great, 499 00:35:15.079 --> 00:35:17.920 and I love this photo and amazing, and if he likes it, 500 00:35:19.679 --> 00:35:23.239 amazing, I'm also like not looking for a guy to like specifically like a 501 00:35:23.239 --> 00:35:27.639 photo, but like you know, like if I do see somebody who I'm 502 00:35:27.719 --> 00:35:29.920 like, oh, I know he's a cutie, and like whatever he's following 503 00:35:30.000 --> 00:35:31.320 me, I'm like, that's really great. But like also I already knew 504 00:35:31.320 --> 00:35:35.719 that he was gonna like it, because obviously because I look at myself that 505 00:35:35.760 --> 00:35:38.360 way, and I think that we just need to move through life like that 506 00:35:38.480 --> 00:35:42.440 because you know when a guy, let's say, doesn't like your photo, 507 00:35:42.480 --> 00:35:45.480 well you're not gonna be pressed because you still have that in neat self worth 508 00:35:45.519 --> 00:35:49.639 within you. But also if he does, it's kind of like okay, 509 00:35:49.679 --> 00:35:52.239 cool, like that's a little treat and like whatever. But you can also 510 00:35:52.320 --> 00:35:54.320 like go to sleep not being on this emotional roller coaster, Like, let's 511 00:35:54.400 --> 00:35:59.760 not be on this emotional roller coaster. It's wild to me, and you 512 00:35:59.800 --> 00:36:02.239 have to think about, like what are we gonna live our lives like constantly 513 00:36:02.280 --> 00:36:07.400 being under the shackles of what a man is gonna say to us, whether 514 00:36:07.400 --> 00:36:08.920 he's gonna respond to our text messages or not, and you're gonna have like 515 00:36:08.960 --> 00:36:12.599 a good day or not. Like I used to do that all the time. 516 00:36:12.920 --> 00:36:17.320 It's so sickening to me, like in terms of wasting my time and 517 00:36:17.360 --> 00:36:21.239 my energy in my day, like not having a good day because he didn't 518 00:36:21.280 --> 00:36:22.960 text back. You didn't text back, Okay, great, I don't really 519 00:36:23.039 --> 00:36:27.039 care. It's irrelevant to me because I'm still great and I'm still gonna have 520 00:36:27.039 --> 00:36:30.559 a great day and I still think that I'm amazing. And if you don't 521 00:36:30.800 --> 00:36:35.760 like if you are on that moment rollercoaster, then obviously the foundation of you 522 00:36:35.920 --> 00:36:37.719 is a little bit weak because maybe you haven't been pouring into yourself, which 523 00:36:37.760 --> 00:36:40.920 is totally fine. Then that is when you need to take that attention away 524 00:36:40.960 --> 00:36:45.440 from the man, because the man is irrelevant. It's really fucking irrelevant. 525 00:36:45.880 --> 00:36:51.639 Sorry for swearing, and put your focus into yourself. So building yourself up. 526 00:36:51.679 --> 00:36:52.760 I'm not saying your confidence is just gonna come out of thin air. 527 00:36:52.800 --> 00:36:55.719 Okay, I get it. Like I've worked on myself. Okay. I 528 00:36:55.920 --> 00:36:59.400 wake up in the morning and I take care of myself. I go to 529 00:36:59.440 --> 00:37:02.320 the gym, I eat right, I move my body, I educate myself. 530 00:37:02.480 --> 00:37:07.320 I've created a life in which I feel safe in and I feel happy 531 00:37:07.360 --> 00:37:09.599 in, and I'm not relying on somebody else to make me feel happy or 532 00:37:09.679 --> 00:37:14.119 paying my bills type of energy like any of that, which is totally fine, 533 00:37:14.159 --> 00:37:15.000 by the way, if you want to get help from somebody, I'm 534 00:37:15.000 --> 00:37:19.320 not saying that, but you know what I'm saying. All of that has 535 00:37:19.559 --> 00:37:23.880 really allowed me to stand in my worth and just know my worth when it 536 00:37:23.920 --> 00:37:28.639 comes to being in any sort of relation with a man. And so the 537 00:37:28.719 --> 00:37:31.760 days that he doesn't text me, or the days that he doesn't say that 538 00:37:31.800 --> 00:37:36.039 I'm pretty, or the days that he doesn't like my Instagram photo, like, 539 00:37:36.079 --> 00:37:38.159 it's very irrelevant to me. It doesn't throw me off. I'm also 540 00:37:38.280 --> 00:37:42.800 not even searching for those things because my mind is focused on the things that 541 00:37:43.239 --> 00:37:45.639 I personally care about, which is not a physical thing, which is not 542 00:37:45.719 --> 00:37:50.000 you liking my Instagram, which is whatever. Because I also know, like 543 00:37:50.079 --> 00:37:52.239 I said, that that's not the only thing that matters. I'm not looking 544 00:37:52.239 --> 00:37:57.000 for a man who only cares about whether I'm pretty or not. Quite frankly, 545 00:37:57.079 --> 00:37:59.800 like, that's not going to help me in times of hardship. Is 546 00:38:00.079 --> 00:38:02.239 like the fact that you think that I'm pretty, Like we have like more 547 00:38:02.119 --> 00:38:07.159 pressing issues, like and I think about my future and and the fact that 548 00:38:07.199 --> 00:38:08.719 I want children, the fact that I want family, the fact that I 549 00:38:08.719 --> 00:38:14.239 want friendship. I want so many beautiful, important things in my life that 550 00:38:14.239 --> 00:38:19.719 that don't require me to look like a hot Instagram girl or like for me 551 00:38:19.800 --> 00:38:22.800 to get attention, you know what I mean. So, so that was 552 00:38:22.840 --> 00:38:28.039 a rants, but I hope this episode helped in any capacity. Please don't 553 00:38:28.039 --> 00:38:32.639 be like those toxic girls on TikTok and as much as they want to convince 554 00:38:32.719 --> 00:38:37.519 themselves that they feel so amazing about themselves and they have confidence, and like 555 00:38:37.559 --> 00:38:42.039 whatever, I'm winning, they're not winning. You're not winning by having that 556 00:38:42.079 --> 00:38:45.280 mindset. You're not winning by tearing other women down. You're not winning by 557 00:38:45.639 --> 00:38:50.880 like feeling good about yourself by tearing other women down. But also like we're 558 00:38:50.880 --> 00:38:54.800 not winning when we're constantly just seeking validation And that's totally fine because we all 559 00:38:54.840 --> 00:39:00.679 like have that phase. And also like it's totally fine that you like you're 560 00:39:00.719 --> 00:39:04.519 anticipating like a text if you like really are talking to a new guy, 561 00:39:04.639 --> 00:39:07.199 or like it feels good to like have a guy like your photo. I'm 562 00:39:07.239 --> 00:39:10.760 not saying like rid every single thing, but like I'm talking to the ones 563 00:39:10.760 --> 00:39:15.800 who are like always on the emotional roller coaster. If you're on that emotional 564 00:39:15.840 --> 00:39:19.119 roller coaster, give yourself a little bit of a period of time where you're 565 00:39:19.119 --> 00:39:22.159 doing this like little detox of like, okay, being very intentional with the 566 00:39:22.159 --> 00:39:25.000 type of photos that I'm posting on Instagram or the things that I'm putting out 567 00:39:25.039 --> 00:39:29.519 online. Who is it for? Let me be real with myself. Also, 568 00:39:29.599 --> 00:39:30.840 let me be real with what it is that I actually want in my 569 00:39:30.880 --> 00:39:35.800 life in terms of relationships and the treatment from men and the conversations that I 570 00:39:35.840 --> 00:39:38.079 want to have. And I'm going to say no to everything that is not 571 00:39:38.159 --> 00:39:40.880 in alignment in that, Like let's just be dead ass with that, Like, 572 00:39:42.000 --> 00:39:45.960 let's be real, We basically all want the same thing on this channel. 573 00:39:46.000 --> 00:39:49.440 I mean, not everyone, so I'm not gonna say basically, but 574 00:39:49.440 --> 00:39:52.320 you know what i mean. Stop also moving around people who just trigger you 575 00:39:52.599 --> 00:39:59.599 into, you know, having low self esteem and moving in places where, 576 00:40:00.119 --> 00:40:05.559 again they don't align to what you're wanting people to see you as, but 577 00:40:05.679 --> 00:40:08.400 also like what you're looking for in people. And this even goes to like 578 00:40:08.440 --> 00:40:15.559 friendships too, and know that it's a journey. But honestly, the main 579 00:40:15.639 --> 00:40:19.559 thing is, though, is the more you pour into yourself, you will 580 00:40:19.559 --> 00:40:23.360 start to see you seek validation less and less. The more you care about 581 00:40:23.400 --> 00:40:29.000 your finances, your career, your life path, your friendships, your like 582 00:40:29.119 --> 00:40:34.039 day to day habits, and you stop putting the focus on men and you 583 00:40:34.079 --> 00:40:37.159 put it on yourself, Like girl, You're gonna feel so much better about 584 00:40:37.159 --> 00:40:38.159 yourself at the end of the day. Like men, Oh my god, 585 00:40:38.239 --> 00:40:42.719 listen, last thing I'll say about men and I know that there's some men 586 00:40:42.719 --> 00:40:45.760 who watch and listen to this podcast, and I love you guys, but 587 00:40:45.920 --> 00:40:49.480 like, in relation to what we're talking about right now, they are like 588 00:40:49.559 --> 00:40:53.239 the least important thing. Like there are like a thousand million things more important 589 00:40:53.239 --> 00:40:59.079 than men and their attention. Okay, I promise you that. And I 590 00:40:59.119 --> 00:41:01.719 know sometimes it feels like it's like that's like the most important thing, but 591 00:41:01.760 --> 00:41:06.559 I promise you it's just really not. And it doesn't mean that you can't 592 00:41:06.599 --> 00:41:12.119 have that cherry on top, but I promise you the validation and the acknowledgment 593 00:41:12.159 --> 00:41:15.920 that you're gonna get from men. Feel it feels so much better when you 594 00:41:16.679 --> 00:41:22.559 move through life like that three layered cake instead of like a shell of nothing, 595 00:41:22.639 --> 00:41:23.320 and then you're just like waiting for that cherry, you know what I 596 00:41:23.320 --> 00:41:28.039 mean? All Right, that's gonna be everything. I hope you guys enjoyed 597 00:41:28.039 --> 00:41:30.719 this episode. By the way, if you're watching on YouTube, don't forget 598 00:41:30.719 --> 00:41:37.760 to subscribe, because I checked my analytics and around forty two percent of you 599 00:41:37.079 --> 00:41:40.559 are not subscribed. It's fine, all you have to do is subscribe. 600 00:41:40.639 --> 00:41:44.280 Not gonna be mad. And if you want to check out my book, 601 00:41:44.320 --> 00:41:45.199 I feel like I went on a rant about my book and then I just 602 00:41:45.199 --> 00:41:47.920 like stopped talking about it. If you want my book, it's called The 603 00:41:49.000 --> 00:41:52.280 Ultimate Globe Guide. It is going to be released January thirtieth, and if 604 00:41:52.320 --> 00:41:57.079 you pre order you will get a journal prompt guide. All the links down 605 00:41:57.119 --> 00:42:00.440 below. You can get on Amazon in Togo wherever you get your books, 606 00:42:00.559 --> 00:42:05.400 that'll be down below. But it was so crazy because I went on Instagram 607 00:42:05.400 --> 00:42:10.639 today and a girl posted a photo of my physical book at the I don't 608 00:42:10.639 --> 00:42:15.679 know actually where she was, but she's obviously at a bookstore and they already 609 00:42:15.679 --> 00:42:20.239 had it. And if you guys don't know, my release date got pushed 610 00:42:20.280 --> 00:42:24.239 back to January thirtieth, but my publishing house did say that sometimes they push 611 00:42:24.239 --> 00:42:28.679 it back and then they still have them in stock, like earlier at the 612 00:42:29.000 --> 00:42:32.519 original release date, which was originally January ninth, So some of you might 613 00:42:32.519 --> 00:42:37.760 be receiving your books before that time, or maybe if you go into a 614 00:42:37.800 --> 00:42:43.000 bookstore you might see it. So definitely tag me on the podcast and my 615 00:42:43.360 --> 00:42:46.960 personal Instagram Alicia Gogan, and the podcast is The Globe Secrets. Everything will 616 00:42:47.000 --> 00:42:51.039 be down below The Globe Secrets Podcast, I should say, but I'm really 617 00:42:51.039 --> 00:42:53.679 excited for you to get you guys stick at the book. But yeah, 618 00:42:53.960 --> 00:42:58.119 that'll be it for today's episode and i'll see you the next one. Bye.