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Hello, everyone, Welcome back to
another episode of Let's Talk to Things,

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where we discuss personal growth, travel, music, and wellness while encouraging you

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to live fearlessly and fabulously. I
am your host, Ash and this week

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we are talking the Things with one
of your favorite guests from season one,

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entrepreneur and alumni vice president of Alpha
Phi Alpha fraternity from Tokofa and Guenya.

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Hi Muto, how are you?
How are you? I'm good? Thanks.

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I feel like you need a special
like you know, welcome back song?

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Don't you think welcome back? We
gotta, we gotta, Yes,

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yeah, you know what popped into
my head. Let me see, Okay,

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let me see if you're good.
Because last time, if I remember

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correctly, you told me that you
know of jay Z songs, but you're

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not like a die hard fan,
right, all right, so let me

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see if I can if I can
do this, This might be a little

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bit embarrassing. Hopefully I don't have
to cut it out, but let me

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just try, all right? What
does it? What does the music go?

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Now? Oh, dude, du
dude, it's featuring jay Z.

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Dude. The first line, dude, you're coming back? Yes? Hell?

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No, man is impressed. We
need to go on family feud.

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We need to go on family feud. I think that's that's right. We

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got this luck. That's that's that's
I think that's Beanie single featuring jay Z,

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g Z g Z featuring j Z. Oh okay, Yes, that

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song was released in January two thousand
and five. Isn't that crazy? Yeah?

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Yeah, it's good time, like
I mean, that's when g Z

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was hot. Yes, he was
hot. Rockefeller was still a thing,

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you know. I think Rockefeller and
Juvenile cash Money, they had just done

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a concert like two thousand and two
to two thousand and three. Yes,

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very that was the big shirt,
big pants days. Everybody's wearing Air Force.

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Yeah, people were wearing suit and
tie in the clubs. Yeah,

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you remember those days, suit and
tie in clubs. Business casual. Businessman

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is crazy, exactly exactly. Oh
my gosh. You know when you bring

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up Juvenile, I mean, this
man really thought that they were only going

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to be taking over for the nine, nine, and two thousands. And

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you know, you play that today
and there's still the same reaction. Oh,

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you know, that's a classic.
It's that's twenty five years in crazy.

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Oh my gosh, that is insane. That is crazy time. Oh,

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time really flies. We're having fun
though, absolutely that's dull. That's

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like the only way come on is
the one because life, God give us

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you know someone exactly. This is
the one that we know of, you

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know exactly exactly last time you were
on the show. I opened up with

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song lyrics, and I guess we
kind of did today, which was not

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really planned. But after receiving so
many messages and emails that people love the

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Datna Sons segment, they asked that
I move it earlier in the show.

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So I decided for season two that
I would start opening with it right.

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So, as you know, for
this segment, I'm going to read messages

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or social media posts that listeners sent
in, and if you think it sounds

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crazy or concerning, you respond that
no, sounds safe and explain why.

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And if you agree, you say
you agree and explain why it sounds good,

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perfect, perfect, So the first
one ghosting does not work on me.

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I actually don't care if we don't
talk. That's perfect, perfect,

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That's my type of party. Safe
to say that sounds safe, perfect,

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perfectly safe, safe, safe on
first space, even a home run.

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You know, I just feel like
at this big age. The ghosting thing

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is for harassers maybe you know,
like people that it's just like, you

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know, I can't even have a
conversation with you because it won't matter.

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I think what this person might be
saying, and I'm making an assumption.

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But you know, sometimes there are
people that don't want to deal with the

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how do I say the Maybe ramifications
is too strong of a word, but

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you know what I mean, like
the ramific the repercussions. There we go,

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the repercussions of their actions. Right, So instead of just taking accountability

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and say, you know, Muto, I'm messed up. I was supposed

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to show up for you, I
let you don't. There are some people

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that will literally stop talking to you, thinking that you know, well if

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I don't say anything for a time, maybe eventually, you know, they'll

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reach out to me. But see, like you and I, that just

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doesn't work because I'll just never speak
to you again. Like mm hmm,

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very true. It doesn't work everybody. So I do agree with that too.

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Do we have do we have time
for story time? Of course?

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Story time, story time, story
story story time. So I've been in

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my previous life, uh, you
know, my previous life many many many

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years ago. I was I was
actually ghosted once. Really it was.

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It was the best decision that woman
could have made. And some of some

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of the listeners will know exactly what's
happening. Some people it'll just be like

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another random story. But you know, this individual was you know, we

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were communicating for weeks, months at
a time, and you know, so

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I didn't realize what ghosting felt like. As a receiver of the ghost,

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I was always uh, I was
the ghosty, I was the ghost.

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So but this time I was,
I was the go Yeah, I was

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receiving Casper. You know. You
know, it was one of those you

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send it a text, you know, you know how it is if you

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have a normal cadence, you know, six times a day, then it

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drops the three times, then it's
once a week. And I said,

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I looked on my phone and I
said, maybe my text ain't going through.

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I said, let me, let
me just double check. But then

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then I looked back and I looked
up at the text, and I was

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like, as I send three texts
in a row now. But the redeeming

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quality was one of my best friends. We were celebrating his birthday and this

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same individual came out for the birthday
and she acted like a full on mad

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woman, like so so much so
that everybody in the party was like,

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this person is unsafe, unwell,
and it's best you know. So it's

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one of those situations. Ash when
I tell you, if I told you

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this story, you would be like, oh, okay, maybe, but

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like people saw this in real life
action, and you know, they were

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in fear for my safety as well
as their own safety. So when I'd

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say, it was the best version
that I got. So it was like,

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you know, you know sometimes people
say, you know, one of

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my best friends told me he doesn't
ever ask God why he didn't open the

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door, because sometimes those doors get
closed because you're not ready for whatever is

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behind that door, so he'll just
close it. Should you pry something open

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that isn't for you? Yeah,
top thing that was that was that was

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in the before times. I think
that had to be twenty eighteen twenty,

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So that was the That was the
first time I had experienced. I had

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no idea what ghosting was. Literally, when I tell you what the next

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one is, you're going to be
like, people are going to think that

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we plan this, And I keep
telling people I do not tell anybody what

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I'm going to talk to them about
the next one muto is defending someone and

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then experiencing why nobody likes them is
so humbling. No, and how perfect

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is that? It's literally the next
one crazy? And you know a lot

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of times, a lot of times, people that we love respect and the

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door, whether they're are friends,
our our mentors. A lot of us

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cover up our brokenness with our degrees, with our experience, with our world,

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with our world travels, with our
ability to know what's a cramont,

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you know what's a savion blanc,
what's whiskey, what's a rum? What's

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ray? And nephew, we we
we put all of these things as armor.

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But we're all just really broken and
people are just people. Don't let

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you in. They let you see
a version. Everybody sees a version of

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people, of course, of course, and I've told people like, if

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you if you've seen me operate in
my workspace, if you've seen me operate

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in my business and my fraternity,
whatever the situation is, you're going to

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get the same guy. I don't. I don't code switch, and I

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think I posted that on social media. The a couple of weeks ago that

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I don't code switch. Well,
I can I speak in my dialects,

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yes, but but in Guyana they
will say, you don't round up your

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mouth, you know. You know, it's just you know, I remember

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the the you know, in my
professional setting, we were in a board

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meeting and I told the president of
the firm when everybody was trying to push

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forward, you know, they were
trying to push against the deal. I

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told. I told the president.
I said, I said, hey,

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let's get it. Oh no,
I said, let's get it, big

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guy. And everybody was like,
what what do you mean, Let's get

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it? And he understood exactly what
was happening, and we closed the deal.

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You know. So it's like sometimes
you got to put a little bit

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of sauce. You gotta put a
little bit of vernacular, you gotta put

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a little bit of maybe I don't
know if it's lack of brought upsy,

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but you just gotta you just gotta
talk. Man. You know, all

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this English, all this English English
thing ain't ain't always the way, you

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know. So you know, that's
so interesting that you say that, and

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I agree with everything that you said. I actually had us, as you

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know, on the podcast and my
guys. Yes, yes, one of

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my favorite persons, and we were
talking about how you know, it's really

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such a great thing to be able
to show up as yourself, right,

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absolutely. You see, the thing
that I think some people don't understand,

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is you mentioned degrees and hiding things
with certain accolades, is that you can't

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hide who you are who, right, because you see in all of those

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different rooms, like you said,
you're different in your fraternity, you're different

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in a boardroom, you're different at
home, you're different with your mom and

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your sister, you still have the
same character as a baseline, right,

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And that's what I think people that
are so focused on what other people think

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about them or fooling other people that
they don't realize you can't do that for

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long. Eventually your character is going
to show in some way, right.

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So the goal is to have a
solid character, but to know how to

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show up in certain rooms, at
least to me, Yeah, yeah,

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now, and I think that's exactly
right. And you know, as a

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kid, as a teenager, being
an offspring of African Caribbean parents, you're

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taught to show up in a certain
way. You know what. One day

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we'll talk about the lasting impact of
colonialism, British colonialism on African folks and

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Caribbean people, right we talk about
you know, I actually believe Africans and

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Caribbean people speak the Queens or the
Kings English more clearly than British people.

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Right, because if you hear,
if you hear a Scottish person who is

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not well to do, he gonna
sound like he from deep deep in yard.

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You know, it's it's the twang
is very similar, same thing with

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the same thing with the with the
Guyanese and the Trinidadians. It's actually,

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in my opinion and from my own
I'm not a linguist, but I'm sure

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some of your friends are linguists.
Of some of the listeners, there's a

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there's a connection with the sing songiness
of Ireland, Scotland, Jamaica, Trinidad,

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Guyana and Yeah, and if you
listen to Indians from India like New

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Delhi and all of those places,
they also have a cadence very similar to

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Guyanese, Trinidadians, Jamaicans. You
know, the pronunciation is different, but

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the cadence is very similar. So
I would love to I would love for

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someone to do a deep dive there
and again they were infiltrated and colonized by

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the brit So it's very clear,
very true. Yeah, the bridge have

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made an impact. I think I
read somewhere that England colonized somewhere between like

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eighty and eighty five percent of the
world. Like, that's that's wild.

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Like a little little itybity country colonized
eighty percent of the world something like that.

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Somebody will, oh my goodness,
that's I mean, if it's not

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that's exact number, I mean,
I'm sure it's pretty close. It's high.

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It's very high. Wow. I
can only name three, three or

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four countries that don't celebrate an independence
day. England, Spain, Portugal,

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that's those those are the ones I
can start with. Maybe maybe Germany and

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Russia. I don't know, but
there are only a few countries that don't

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have an independence day. Wow.
That's crazy when you think about it.

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That's wow. That's mind bottling.
Yeah, but I took you off track.

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Let's let's go back to that the
game. Yes, yes, so

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the next one is your airport outfit
is very important and don't let anyone tell

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you differently. Definitely, Yeah,
I agree, Yeah, yeah, yeah,

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that you know I have a lot
of thoughts about this, but me

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too, I prefer really not to
not to speak. If I speak,

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I am in big trouble. When
you have traveled in the eighties and the

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nineties, when traveling was like when
your parents are wearing a full suit and

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when they're wearing heels. I have
never traveled in shorts on a plate or

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a jersey or a wife beater or
slippers, and no disrespect to anyone that

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does. But I also know I'm
navigating international spaces as an African man,

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right and I don't need any other
distractions because you know, we can all

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say oh yeah, we're black,
we're this, you know, we pay

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the same amount of money. But
people see you first. They don't they

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don't see your character first. So
if you look clean, if you look

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put together, you get a different
level of respect. Let's let's just be

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clear, let's not dance around there. No, definitely, because although that's

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not something that people really want to
talk about, because you're supposed to like

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and love people for who they are, and absolutely, but the reality is

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we all have eyes. As a
matter of fact, we have two of

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them, right, So you're going
to see somebody to get that first impression

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right. And look, if I'm
on a long haul flight, if I'm

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flying from South Africa to DC or
to Atlanta, I'll definitely wear ath leisure,

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right, but it'll be it will
still be quality, you know.

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And again sure we're not saying that
you need to be in a suit,

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but be clean, be presented.
Mean I like that clean, you know,

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and whatever clean means to you.
I won't comment further because I put

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something very similar on my Facebook and
it was you know, it lit up.

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So let me just any of you
any other people that know me.

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You guys know, my social media
is just my name. You can google

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me. You'll find it. So
yeah, yes, yes, and we'll

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give some time at the end.
So let you guys know again because I

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know you said it on the last
one, but just in case we have

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some listeners that didn't hear that one. Okay, no problem. This person

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said. Someone once said water has
no effect on fake flowers, and that

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changed my entire mindset regarding relationships.
Perfect. Yeah, yeah, no,

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I agree. I think that's safe. Yeah, And so it's so like

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thought provoking, right, because I
think a lot of times, at some

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point in our life, whether it's
a job or a friendship or a romantic

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relationship. We think that the more
we watter someone, the more we pour

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into them, the more we love
them, that you know, it will

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get them to change who they are, or you know, it will get

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them to be a different person than
they showed us that they are. And

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you you realize, in whatever aspect
you experience that in that that never works.

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If anything, that person begins to
resent you, right because they're now

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thinking, wait, first of all, I'm jealous that you even have the

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ability to be like this. But
why do you even care about me or

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like me, or you know,
why do you want this job? Or

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you know, why do you want
to be my friend? I'm so horrible

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to you. So now they start
to look at you as so you're less,

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you know, because it's kind of
like, don't you see how I'm

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treating you? So I just thought
that was so it's such a thought provoking

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way of saying you can't change someone, and you should believe people when they

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show you who oh, absolutely absolutely, and people I'm a big believer that

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people don't change, you know,
they adjust. Yeah, So you know,

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it's if you're rotten to your core, you know, like you know,

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yes, with with time and therapy
and all of those things, but

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you know, oftentimes we still revert
to who we really are until we correct

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the issue. You know, of
course, address and correct the issue,

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of course, of course, And
in order to do that, you have

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to identify that you have a problem, right, And that's not easy for

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a lot of people to be exactly, especially if people are in circles where

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they are not held accountable, you
know, and they don't have to really

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own anything that they do. Then
it's kind of like there's really a slim

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chance that they're going to take responsibility. Yes, yes, definitely, definitely,

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yeah, for sure. Okay,
And the final one sometimes as an

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adult, you have to decide this
time is the last time this person is

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going to make me feel this way
and stand on it. Whether it's family,

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a relationship, or a friendship.
One hundred percent. Anyone that knows

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me knows that if your family,
blood, kin, god, whoever,

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Like, if I cut you off, your cut off. It's very simple.

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Yeah, and there's oftentimes no turning
back if you are if you are

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a detriment to me, my family, my personal beliefs, Like it's I

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can love you from a distance.
You know, I'm not I'm not.

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I don't believe in just cutting people
off just to cut them off. But

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if you're right, I'm healthy,
and it's it's it's it's showing that you

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are truly impacting my livelihood, then
I can love you from afar even if

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you're family. It's okay. We
have to be okay with that, absolutely,

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because at the end of the day, I mean, our families are

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also human beings. I think that
people forget that sometimes, you know,

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like blood relation makes us family,
but everybody is a human and so they're

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going to have human traits. Now, obviously you hope that your family is

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going to do anything to harm you
or hurt you or put you in any

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bad situation. But I'm sure we
can wrangle up several people that will have

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a different take on what that is. You know, they might have got

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relationships with their friends. You know, it's really all subjective. But I

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think what you said is important and
is actually a great segue for us to

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really talk the things. Because June
is, as I'm sure you already know,

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Caribbean American Heritage Month, and it's
also Men's Mental Health Awareness Month,

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so I love to get your thoughts
on why you think men's mental health awareness

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is so important. Men's mental health
is important because men can be a danger

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to themselves and also to women.
Right. An unwell man is like,

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it's almost like a rabbit animal.
It'll bite the hand that feeds you.

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It'll bite its mother, right,
it'll bite its caretaker. And you know,

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there's that whole old adage. Hurt
people, hurt people. In my

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immediate circle of close friends, one
hundred percent of the men in my close

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circle, and even the women are
currently in therapy, are seeing a therapist.

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I've been seeing a therapist for the
better part of fourteen years. It's

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not something I'm ashamed of. It's
actually something that I encourage my male friends

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once I see, oh, there's
a problem in their in their marriage is

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a problem. If you have if
you have a problem with everybody, or

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if everybody is the problem, it's
you. You know, if you can't

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control your temper, if you have
road rage, if you have dysfunctional relationships

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with your siblings, seek therapy.
We all come from trauma household. And

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I had this conversation actually with my
mother the other day, and I told

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her, I said, the way
she raised the family, the way dad

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raised the family. It's very different
when you're coming from uh a mentality of

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potentially losing your finances in stable find
instability in your finances, or if you

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00:24:49.160 --> 00:24:55.319
were like our grandparents, our great
grandparents, everybody wasn't necessarily born rich,

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right, So it's like if if
you're trying to pay the bills, if

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you if you have to go to
work. And this is not necessarily my

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family, but I've seen families whereas
like the parents are working two or three

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jobs. They're just trying to make
sure that their kids can eat and and

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but it's like they can't nurture and
love their children the way that you know

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a lot of children need. So
I say this to say, I think

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it's important for men to talk to
other men about being in therapy. And

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if you have, if you live
in America or if you live in the

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UK, I know a lot of
those times you can have you know,

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your healthcare provider take care of it, your your insurance, but if you

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can budget for it, it's it's
it's the best investment that you can make.

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Besides having a fantastic tailor, you
need a you need a good mental

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health person. It'll it'll keep it'll
keep you out of jail, and it'll

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keep you surviving and thriving in all
of the relationships that you hold in.

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Chair Absolutely, I think it's just
it's so important to I would say,

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at a base level, just have
someone I'll start there, that you can

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talk to about your emotions. And
like you said, that could prevent you

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from going to jail or just something
really bad. But it also will have

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you fumbling people that you will never
get back again. And I don't mean

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esthetically. I don't mean that,
you know, beautiful woman or that really

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handsome. I don't mean that I'm
talking about. It will have you messing

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up relationships, partnerships with people that
you know really care about you or want

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the best for you, because you
don't like yourself, you know, and

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because you're not able to deal with
whatever you have is like going on in

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your head. You don't know how
to receive that, and it's so it's

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00:27:10.160 --> 00:27:14.920
so to me, it's kind of
sad because I always feel like those people

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later on end up realizing, but
then it's too late, and then every

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other person they get they're going to
compare to you. Oh yeah, oh,

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yeah, oh yeah. And also
when you're in therapy. I didn't

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00:27:26.599 --> 00:27:30.359
realize that people were still lying to
their therapists. It's just like you're doing

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yourself a disservice, you know,
And bepist doesn't mean that you're weak,

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you know. It's just like going
to get your teeth checked, like going

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00:27:41.279 --> 00:27:45.720
to get a physical. But we
also know that we probably know some people

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that don't get their teeth checked because
there's white coat syndrome, you know,

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or they're just afraid, or maybe
you can't afford it, because the US

325
00:27:55.319 --> 00:27:59.839
healthcare system is is a very difficult
system. It's one of the only systems

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I've believe where your healthcare is tied
to the job that you have. Yeah,

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00:28:04.160 --> 00:28:10.200
so there are a lot of people
who are under under I don't know

328
00:28:10.240 --> 00:28:11.680
what the word is, but the
phrase what I'm saying is like they're not

329
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able to see their practitioners regularly.
Yeah. Yeah, I don't mean to

330
00:28:18.119 --> 00:28:22.319
add a little funny in here,
but they know how I feel about dental

331
00:28:22.359 --> 00:28:26.240
care. We had doctor a on
here and we talked about flossing. People.

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Listen to me and listen to if
it's one thing you must do if

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00:28:30.759 --> 00:28:34.200
you don't really want to pay for
the doctor and the dentist and the vision,

334
00:28:34.240 --> 00:28:37.279
and you don't want the payment coming
out to your check on all these

335
00:28:37.319 --> 00:28:42.880
things. Pay for the dentist.
We do not want to see coco bread,

336
00:28:42.960 --> 00:28:52.799
nor hard or bread between your sorry
loss cost maximum five dollars and that's

337
00:28:52.799 --> 00:28:56.759
the good Flass, that's the good
Crest upgrade. Okay, Floss says at

338
00:28:56.839 --> 00:29:02.359
Dollar Tree. Okay, Oh yeah, Like you should be going to the

339
00:29:02.440 --> 00:29:06.920
dentist every six months minimum, because
I think that's what most insurance are.

340
00:29:06.920 --> 00:29:11.559
If you can go more than that, go because what doctor A told us

341
00:29:11.599 --> 00:29:15.880
on this podcast is people don't realize
and I was one of the people.

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00:29:15.920 --> 00:29:18.319
I didn't know about all these other
things that it can lead to. But

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00:29:18.759 --> 00:29:22.920
it can lead to heart disease.
It can lead to death, you know,

344
00:29:22.039 --> 00:29:25.720
because certain stuff goes on in your
mouth and if it's not checked,

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00:29:25.720 --> 00:29:30.759
it can lead to worse problems.
So, yes, hygiene, it's very

346
00:29:30.799 --> 00:29:32.920
important. I'm sorry, I just
had to add that there since you brought

347
00:29:33.000 --> 00:29:37.319
it up. It's very important,
right, But like you said, back

348
00:29:37.319 --> 00:29:41.039
to what you were saying, taking
care of your mental health is important,

349
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and I love that you said it
doesn't make you weak right, because the

350
00:29:45.759 --> 00:29:51.079
audience for this obviously my audience is
very heavily female, but there's a lots

351
00:29:51.079 --> 00:29:53.440
of men that listen to this podcast, particularly when I have male guests.

352
00:29:53.559 --> 00:29:57.440
You know. So the fact that
you said that, I think is very

353
00:29:57.480 --> 00:30:02.839
important because you do have some men
that were raised by a generation of men

354
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that think that that is weak.
Oh yeah, oh yeah, you know,

355
00:30:06.799 --> 00:30:10.720
so that's definitely something to highlight.
And I want to add to what

356
00:30:10.759 --> 00:30:15.079
you said regarding you know, having
a tailored suit and having the physical appearance

357
00:30:15.079 --> 00:30:18.799
even what we were talking about in
dat noasun safe, like presenting yourself well

358
00:30:18.839 --> 00:30:23.839
and how you're treated. Right,
in my observation, most men are very

359
00:30:23.839 --> 00:30:30.079
disciplined when it comes to two things
I think having a haircut and working out

360
00:30:30.759 --> 00:30:36.519
right basically their physical appearance. And
don't get me wrong, like I said

361
00:30:36.519 --> 00:30:41.359
earlier, physical appearance absolutely matters,
right, like exercise, being well groomed.

362
00:30:41.680 --> 00:30:51.880
Absolutely. To me, that's not
really the that's not really what's important

363
00:30:52.400 --> 00:30:56.160
in a man or what makes someone
a man or a good man at that,

364
00:30:56.359 --> 00:31:00.079
right, Like, what I think
is important is how do you react

365
00:31:00.119 --> 00:31:03.799
when someone tells you no? How
do you react when people disagree with you?

366
00:31:04.200 --> 00:31:07.039
When your food order is wrong.
You know, like how do you

367
00:31:07.240 --> 00:31:12.640
speak to people? Like to me
that that is what matters. But I

368
00:31:12.640 --> 00:31:15.920
would love to get your thoughts,
like, you know, do you think

369
00:31:15.960 --> 00:31:21.839
that there should be more focus on
that rather than like, oh, you

370
00:31:21.880 --> 00:31:25.000
know, my haircuts nice and I'm
going to the gym and I'm you know,

371
00:31:25.240 --> 00:31:30.480
posting gym videos or whatever the case
may be. Yeah, so yes,

372
00:31:33.920 --> 00:31:38.920
I think they call those guys Jim
bros. Right. So yeah,

373
00:31:38.960 --> 00:31:42.039
So I think it's like in any
it's just like in any fine, It's

374
00:31:42.039 --> 00:31:47.799
like it's in any company or any
any genre of man. If it's a

375
00:31:47.839 --> 00:31:52.279
man who spends thirty hours a week
on his car, you know, if

376
00:31:52.279 --> 00:31:57.480
it's a man that spends he's going
to Turkey to get hair plugs, that's

377
00:31:57.559 --> 00:32:01.960
fine. If that's if that's going
to boost your your confidence, do what

378
00:32:02.000 --> 00:32:06.799
you need to do. If it's
going to the gym. But it's like,

379
00:32:06.920 --> 00:32:10.359
are you happy on the inside,
Like that's what what's that's what matters?

380
00:32:10.400 --> 00:32:15.799
Are you doing these things as a
vanity thing or are you doing them

381
00:32:15.880 --> 00:32:22.119
because it's part of your DNA?
Because I say, I have consistently said

382
00:32:22.200 --> 00:32:30.720
that kindness is the great equalizer a
man, woman, child, appreciate kind

383
00:32:30.880 --> 00:32:34.200
human beings. No one's going to
say you have a you have a full

384
00:32:34.240 --> 00:32:37.599
head of hair, that makes you
a more trustworthy person. You have a

385
00:32:37.680 --> 00:32:42.079
six pack. You know I'm going
to give you this job. People will

386
00:32:42.079 --> 00:32:45.079
always remember how you meet them feel, not how you look. Right.

387
00:32:45.119 --> 00:32:47.680
I mean, if you're a movie
star, if you're Tom Brady and you

388
00:32:47.720 --> 00:32:52.119
want to get you know, your
cheeks chiseled, and you want to get

389
00:32:52.119 --> 00:32:53.799
botox, do what you want to
do. No one cares about that.

390
00:32:54.839 --> 00:32:59.480
But when you are when you are
a teammate, when you are a champion

391
00:32:59.599 --> 00:33:02.880
like Tom Brady, Yes he wins, But do people say that he's a

392
00:33:02.960 --> 00:33:07.200
kind person? Do people want to
continue to work with him? Do people,

393
00:33:07.039 --> 00:33:09.759
you know, do children love him? I don't know, Like that's

394
00:33:09.799 --> 00:33:15.920
not for me to judge, but
I'm I'm a firm believer in you know,

395
00:33:16.279 --> 00:33:20.160
and people always say, how do
you treat weight staff? It's also

396
00:33:20.240 --> 00:33:25.480
like, how do you treat your
mother? Forget the weight staff, how

397
00:33:25.480 --> 00:33:30.640
do you treat your kids? When
I'm around your kids, do your kids

398
00:33:30.720 --> 00:33:36.279
respect you? Or do they want
to get away from you? You know?

399
00:33:36.480 --> 00:33:39.920
So like that to me is is
what matters that's the core of who

400
00:33:39.960 --> 00:33:44.359
you are. It's how you treat
those who are closest to you, you

401
00:33:44.400 --> 00:33:45.960
know, because we can all pretend
it work. You know, we can

402
00:33:46.000 --> 00:33:50.720
all pretend at work because we want
that coin. But how do we talk

403
00:33:50.839 --> 00:33:53.640
How do we talk to our parents
who are aging? You know, I'm

404
00:33:53.680 --> 00:33:57.599
in the generation where my parents,
you know, my parents are aging,

405
00:33:57.680 --> 00:34:02.599
Our aunties and uncles are sixty seven. Like, yeah, they are different

406
00:34:02.640 --> 00:34:06.640
than when they were in there.
It was the eighties and they were in

407
00:34:06.680 --> 00:34:09.880
their twenties and thirties and forties.
You know, it's very different. It's

408
00:34:10.039 --> 00:34:16.000
very different. So like, how
patient are you with your with your parents

409
00:34:16.000 --> 00:34:21.400
and your siblings? You know,
that's that's what I look for. Many

410
00:34:21.480 --> 00:34:25.840
of us are afraid to ask the
questions when we're in love, you know,

411
00:34:27.800 --> 00:34:31.400
we're all I think we're in a
generation now where it's like the man

412
00:34:31.519 --> 00:34:37.679
has to do one hundred percent.
You know, I hate relationship podcasts and

413
00:34:37.760 --> 00:34:42.519
I know this is not what this
is turning into, right, the concept

414
00:34:42.559 --> 00:34:45.440
where it's like, you know,
if you're doing fifty to fifty, he's

415
00:34:45.480 --> 00:34:51.320
not a real man. If he's
paying for everything, you should be able

416
00:34:51.360 --> 00:34:57.039
to live your lifestyle do your business
and he handles all the bills. I

417
00:34:57.039 --> 00:35:00.039
think you have to figure out what
makes sense for you. That's number one.

418
00:35:00.519 --> 00:35:06.239
But it's also like asking those tough
questions. Have you ever abused a

419
00:35:06.360 --> 00:35:12.599
woman? Have you ever abused your
mother, Whether it's verbal, emotional,

420
00:35:13.639 --> 00:35:20.880
physical, whatever the situation is,
right. What women need to realize is

421
00:35:21.039 --> 00:35:24.719
if you ask a real man a
question, a real question, he'll give

422
00:35:24.760 --> 00:35:30.239
you an answer and let him speak, right. You have to be able

423
00:35:30.239 --> 00:35:36.079
to let the man speak, because
most honest men will give you the truth.

424
00:35:36.719 --> 00:35:40.280
He'll may say I had a situation
that got taken care of, I

425
00:35:40.320 --> 00:35:45.519
have a hot temper, whatever.
But you have to ask those questions because

426
00:35:45.559 --> 00:35:54.000
people will play house with their children. People mothers will protect their sons in

427
00:35:54.039 --> 00:35:58.599
front of strangers. So it's like
you really just have to dig deep.

428
00:36:00.280 --> 00:36:04.800
And obviously, if you if you
hit a nerve, you know you don't

429
00:36:04.840 --> 00:36:07.119
want to keep prodding at that nerve, a plucking at that nerve. But

430
00:36:07.239 --> 00:36:10.559
now you know that you've hit a
nerve and you address it on another day.

431
00:36:12.119 --> 00:36:15.239
But you have to start with the
real questions. We don't ask questions

432
00:36:15.280 --> 00:36:19.760
like I ask. I ask those
kinds of questions. Have you. What

433
00:36:19.840 --> 00:36:22.760
kind of relationship do you have with
your father? What kind of relationship do

434
00:36:22.800 --> 00:36:24.320
you have with your mother? Oh? You don't like your mother? Why?

435
00:36:24.960 --> 00:36:28.599
Oh? Is it? Oh?
It's because when you know, from

436
00:36:28.719 --> 00:36:31.639
six years old to eighteen years old, she was strung out on drugs.

437
00:36:31.719 --> 00:36:37.840
Okay, that's understandable, right,
you know she left you while you were

438
00:36:37.880 --> 00:36:44.719
in your formative years, and now
you have a very strained relationship. I

439
00:36:44.800 --> 00:36:49.079
get it. I get it,
but I'm not going to make that assumption.

440
00:36:49.519 --> 00:36:52.400
You need to tell me, and
I need to ask, And I'm

441
00:36:52.480 --> 00:36:57.880
okay with asking because that's going to
manifest itself in your relationship and it's going

442
00:36:57.920 --> 00:37:01.800
to manifest itself in your children.
Right, that makes sense. That's so,

443
00:37:02.239 --> 00:37:07.239
that's great advice. Yeah. And
I don't want to bring children into

444
00:37:07.280 --> 00:37:10.639
this world. We shouldn't want to
bring children into this world with the downloaded

445
00:37:10.840 --> 00:37:15.599
foolishness that we're going to give them. Those kids are a reflection of us,

446
00:37:15.440 --> 00:37:21.440
absolutely absolutely. I always say,
you know, children pick up what

447
00:37:21.480 --> 00:37:24.639
you do and who you are,
and not what you say exactly exactly.

448
00:37:25.239 --> 00:37:30.679
You know, so you can say
all the great things and quote all the

449
00:37:30.679 --> 00:37:35.679
Bible verses and take them to church
every Sunday. But you could still have

450
00:37:35.800 --> 00:37:38.280
a monster in your house if you
act in a certain way, you know,

451
00:37:38.519 --> 00:37:44.960
or if they hear you, maybe
talking behind people's back or calling people

452
00:37:44.960 --> 00:37:47.519
out their name. If they're hearing
that, you can't turn around and quote

453
00:37:47.519 --> 00:37:51.360
a Bible verse and think they're going
to be a saint. You know,

454
00:37:51.599 --> 00:38:00.000
like children pick up what their their
family life is like yeah, definitely know

455
00:38:00.039 --> 00:38:04.599
what they mean, like definite.
They really those are the things that they

456
00:38:04.639 --> 00:38:09.679
remember and that's their reference point if
you really think about it. Always always

457
00:38:13.480 --> 00:38:17.280
okay. So kind of related to
that, we talked about friends and family

458
00:38:17.360 --> 00:38:23.960
and basically loved ones. Right,
have you ever had maybe I don't know

459
00:38:24.000 --> 00:38:28.320
if difficulty is the right word,
but yeah, well let's say difficulty.

460
00:38:28.320 --> 00:38:32.679
Have you ever had difficulty navigating how
to support a male friend or family member

461
00:38:32.719 --> 00:38:37.079
with their mental health? Just because, like you said, especially in our

462
00:38:37.079 --> 00:38:38.679
culture, it can be seen as
like, what do you mean, I

463
00:38:38.760 --> 00:38:43.719
need to see a therapist? Or
it can be taken as offensive. No,

464
00:38:44.599 --> 00:38:50.519
So I think the beauty of the
relationships that I have with my brothers,

465
00:38:50.679 --> 00:38:59.039
my cousins, my male friends is
I'm usually a place where people can

466
00:38:59.079 --> 00:39:02.280
come in, you know, lay
down their sorrows, lay down their burdens.

467
00:39:04.320 --> 00:39:07.880
It's a safe space. Like anyone
that has gone out with me,

468
00:39:08.239 --> 00:39:13.280
visited with me knows that, Like
my place is always a sanctuary. So

469
00:39:13.360 --> 00:39:15.679
you come in their plants, there's
gonna be a drink, there's gonna be

470
00:39:15.760 --> 00:39:19.840
food, and if you decide to
talk, we can talk. If you

471
00:39:19.880 --> 00:39:28.239
don't, it's also fine. But
I advocate I lead with empathy, right,

472
00:39:28.320 --> 00:39:32.280
And that's actually something that I learned
as as I approached you know,

473
00:39:32.519 --> 00:39:37.719
middle middle to late thirties. It
wasn't something that was top of mind,

474
00:39:37.119 --> 00:39:45.480
and I realized that most great leaders
have empathy or at least can channel that

475
00:39:45.599 --> 00:39:50.079
empathy even if they don't mean it, right. Yeah, And so yeah,

476
00:39:50.360 --> 00:39:54.840
I don't have I've never had a
difficult time, okay, someone navigate

477
00:39:54.880 --> 00:40:00.000
their mental health because I've told them. All of my boys, my family

478
00:40:00.320 --> 00:40:07.199
know that. I've been seeing a
therapist for fifteen years plus. So you

479
00:40:07.239 --> 00:40:12.000
know, I've seen a couple therapists. I've seen an individual therapist. You

480
00:40:12.000 --> 00:40:15.519
know, I've seen a therapist with
family. So for me, it's just

481
00:40:15.559 --> 00:40:20.760
like if you can't the issues rarely
us there's usually something that you're looking at,

482
00:40:21.000 --> 00:40:22.360
right, there's an object. Let's
say it's you and I are having

483
00:40:22.400 --> 00:40:27.280
an argument. We're arguing about something
not necessarily about me and you, so

484
00:40:27.320 --> 00:40:30.719
we have to look at that something
and figure out like it's me and you

485
00:40:30.920 --> 00:40:36.960
versus that something, it's not it's
not me and you versus each other.

486
00:40:37.199 --> 00:40:40.320
Got too Yeah yeah, oh yeah. So to answer your question, I

487
00:40:40.360 --> 00:40:44.000
don't have an issue and I haven't
had one, and I think it's just

488
00:40:44.039 --> 00:40:49.559
because I'm transparent and I'm honest when
it comes to my own mental health.

489
00:40:50.480 --> 00:40:52.800
Yeah. No, And I think
just in saying that you gave really great

490
00:40:52.840 --> 00:40:58.719
advice about leading with empathy, I
think it's very important. I think it's

491
00:40:58.760 --> 00:41:01.599
a word that gets thrown a a
lot, so sometimes people claim to have

492
00:41:01.639 --> 00:41:06.480
it but really don't have it.
And again this goes to action, right,

493
00:41:06.559 --> 00:41:10.880
because let's just say you were just
saying that you feel like you're empathetic,

494
00:41:12.039 --> 00:41:15.400
right, but you had no action
to back it up. Somebody could

495
00:41:15.400 --> 00:41:17.039
be listening and say, like,
he's not empathetic. I went to him

496
00:41:17.039 --> 00:41:20.800
the other day my problem and he
said, just shut up and do what

497
00:41:20.840 --> 00:41:24.159
you have to do. Right,
but described ways in which you show empathy,

498
00:41:24.199 --> 00:41:27.800
which is listen, if you don't
want to talk. We don't have

499
00:41:27.840 --> 00:41:30.400
to talk. I'm not going to
say, man, you know, like

500
00:41:30.519 --> 00:41:35.159
tell me something like don't just sit
here. That's like forcing somebody to say

501
00:41:35.159 --> 00:41:38.360
something. You know, like you're
you're basically saying you create a space for

502
00:41:38.559 --> 00:41:43.920
people to feel safe, whether that's
safe in just sitting there in silence or

503
00:41:44.000 --> 00:41:47.519
safe expressing themselves. That's a form
of empathy. So I think it's important

504
00:41:47.519 --> 00:41:51.599
in you telling that story that people
hear that and say, Okay, you

505
00:41:51.599 --> 00:41:53.519
know what if I want to be
there for one of my male friends,

506
00:41:53.519 --> 00:41:59.119
one of my guy friends, you
know, I just need to tell him

507
00:41:59.239 --> 00:42:04.440
that I'm here and then just wait. Absolutely that's a strategy. Absolutely sure,

508
00:42:04.519 --> 00:42:07.400
man, like tell me let's get
drinks and like maybe he doesn't want

509
00:42:07.400 --> 00:42:12.639
to do that, right, No, you know, men will talk as

510
00:42:12.679 --> 00:42:15.760
long as you know what question to
ask. And sometimes you just have to

511
00:42:15.800 --> 00:42:20.039
ask an open ended question. You
can't ask them, oh what did you

512
00:42:20.079 --> 00:42:22.159
do for lunch today? You have
to say how was your week? How

513
00:42:22.239 --> 00:42:27.599
was your family? Right? Right? What did you enjoy most? What

514
00:42:27.679 --> 00:42:30.519
was the most challenging time? Oh? Yeah, tell me more, like

515
00:42:30.639 --> 00:42:35.519
just let them talk. But you
can't, you can't ever men don't want

516
00:42:35.519 --> 00:42:39.039
to feel like they're being interrogated.
Yeah, like that, like that fIF

517
00:42:39.679 --> 00:42:45.119
twenty one questions, Like men don't
like twenty one questions, but they do

518
00:42:45.239 --> 00:42:50.719
like to feel hurt. I mean, I'm a woman and I don't like

519
00:42:50.760 --> 00:42:57.960
twenty one questions. I'm sure.
Yeah. Yeah. I've had some of

520
00:42:58.000 --> 00:43:04.199
your fraternity brothers on and they spoke
about how Alpha, particularly the brotherhood that

521
00:43:04.239 --> 00:43:08.920
they experience, has had a significantly
positive impact on their mental health, you

522
00:43:08.960 --> 00:43:15.480
know. And what they mentioned is
like just knowing that they always have someone

523
00:43:15.559 --> 00:43:20.360
to go to and someone who checks
in with them, which I think is

524
00:43:20.400 --> 00:43:24.000
so beautiful and so needed. You
know, I just wondered, how would

525
00:43:24.079 --> 00:43:29.679
you say that Alpha has helped you
navigate your mental health, whether it was

526
00:43:29.800 --> 00:43:34.920
no or in your formative years,
And can you share a brother that has

527
00:43:35.320 --> 00:43:39.199
been there to support you through ups
and downs of adulthood? Oh yeah.

528
00:43:39.800 --> 00:43:49.119
So Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Incorporated
is a Greek lettered organization intercollegiate first black

529
00:43:49.159 --> 00:43:58.480
Greek letter intercollegiate organization in the United
States of America. You know, it's

530
00:43:57.119 --> 00:44:05.199
it's it's it's a fraternity or college
educated men, right, which is a

531
00:44:06.639 --> 00:44:15.400
subset of men already. What I
will say, is it joining the fraternity

532
00:44:15.360 --> 00:44:23.000
help me understand what it means to
be mentally tough? You know, there

533
00:44:23.119 --> 00:44:29.719
is, there is, there are
steps that you need to achieve before you

534
00:44:29.800 --> 00:44:35.199
are able to get your membership right, and there are things that you just

535
00:44:35.239 --> 00:44:38.599
have to learn. There are things
that you have to do, and being

536
00:44:38.639 --> 00:44:45.800
out of your comfort zone, being
pushed beyond what you're normally used to allows

537
00:44:46.000 --> 00:44:50.360
for you to grow it in a
different way. Right. So, and

538
00:44:51.119 --> 00:44:53.800
I want to make sure that I'm
not sounding KOI or anything like that.

539
00:44:53.840 --> 00:44:59.519
But it's like if you are used
to being, you know, getting four

540
00:44:59.519 --> 00:45:05.000
point zero all a's or a's and
b's okay, But can you do that

541
00:45:05.199 --> 00:45:08.280
while while riding a bicycle? Can
you do that while juggling? So it

542
00:45:08.440 --> 00:45:15.519
teaches you how to prioritize or how
to excel while doing something that's of lesser

543
00:45:15.719 --> 00:45:22.559
value, or while doing something that
may be as mundane as gardening. Right,

544
00:45:22.880 --> 00:45:30.199
So that's number one. Number two, It also helps you navigate men,

545
00:45:30.280 --> 00:45:38.079
right, men, and the dynamics
between men and women are very different,

546
00:45:38.800 --> 00:45:44.800
or is the dynamics are different from
man to man, Because if I

547
00:45:44.800 --> 00:45:49.079
have an altercation with a man,
it's ego, ego, ego, bravado,

548
00:45:49.119 --> 00:45:52.280
bravado, bravado. But if I
have an altercation with a woman,

549
00:45:52.679 --> 00:45:57.679
it's gonna it should look very different. Right, And the way women navigate

550
00:45:57.719 --> 00:46:01.559
each other is very different from how
women navigate men. Right. Maybe if

551
00:46:01.559 --> 00:46:05.800
I, if I can paint it
at broad strokes, maybe there's more cattiness.

552
00:46:05.800 --> 00:46:08.400
There's more pettiness with men. It's
like, big up your chest.

553
00:46:09.440 --> 00:46:13.639
My chest is bigger than yours,
So can I cuff you down or not?

554
00:46:14.239 --> 00:46:17.760
Right? But it also puts you
in a space where everybody has done

555
00:46:17.920 --> 00:46:23.519
what you have done. Everybody is
educated, everybody is intelligent, right,

556
00:46:23.639 --> 00:46:29.440
So it puts you in a space
where you can talk to these men who

557
00:46:29.480 --> 00:46:37.599
have gone through trying situations and have
persevered. So there is a brother I

558
00:46:37.639 --> 00:46:43.119
won't use his name, but he
and I have literally known each other since

559
00:46:43.320 --> 00:46:49.920
two thousand and two, and we
were fraternity brothers. But now we're friends,

560
00:46:50.199 --> 00:46:57.159
right, so we often forget that
we're fraternity brothers. But when there

561
00:46:57.159 --> 00:47:01.880
were times when he was at his
lowest, I've been at my lowest and

562
00:47:01.960 --> 00:47:07.000
he was the first person that I
called because I needed to make sure that

563
00:47:07.800 --> 00:47:13.719
I could be talked off a ledge, right, same thing with him.

564
00:47:13.760 --> 00:47:19.760
There are times even like even now, like job search is family drama,

565
00:47:20.480 --> 00:47:28.360
personal life drama, me forwarding forwarding
my therapist's information to him, making sure

566
00:47:28.400 --> 00:47:35.360
that he follows up with that therapist. Like men will listen to men before

567
00:47:35.760 --> 00:47:40.079
they listen to people who aren't man. That's number one. And this is

568
00:47:40.119 --> 00:47:44.960
me speaking about me. I don't
want to. I will often listen to

569
00:47:45.880 --> 00:47:49.039
advice from a man that I respect, whether it's my father, my uncle,

570
00:47:49.079 --> 00:47:52.360
my godfather, my big brother,
before some random individual, before some

571
00:47:53.000 --> 00:47:58.079
women. Right. Obviously, if
you're married, you should have a healthy

572
00:47:58.480 --> 00:48:02.639
relationship with your spouse and you be
able to bounce information off. But to

573
00:48:02.639 --> 00:48:08.920
put a bow on this, I
learned from my fraternity brothers. From my

574
00:48:09.000 --> 00:48:15.280
fraternity, I learned how it looks
like to be accountable to men in a

575
00:48:15.360 --> 00:48:22.199
platonic scenario, in a professional in
a professional scenario, because we have programs,

576
00:48:22.239 --> 00:48:24.400
we have money, we have things, So it truly pushes you to

577
00:48:24.440 --> 00:48:29.400
be a better professional, It pishes
you to be a better human being,

578
00:48:30.079 --> 00:48:32.639
and then it also pushes you to
be a better friend. Right, So,

579
00:48:32.719 --> 00:48:37.400
like, those are the things that
I have learned and I have navigated

580
00:48:37.559 --> 00:48:44.000
since I've joined my nice and you
talked about programs, and I was actually

581
00:48:44.000 --> 00:48:50.280
going to ask, do you have
programs that help, especially with the persons

582
00:48:50.559 --> 00:48:53.280
like us that are still in college, Like, are there programs that you

583
00:48:53.400 --> 00:48:58.440
have at even the alumni level that
can assist them? You know, outside

584
00:48:58.480 --> 00:49:00.760
of like you said, them being
able to come to you or call on

585
00:49:00.800 --> 00:49:04.239
you, or like he said,
you know persons he can call on.

586
00:49:04.320 --> 00:49:07.920
Are there programs as well that they
can be a part of. Yeah,

587
00:49:07.960 --> 00:49:12.599
definitely. So we have things like
so, for example, there's a seminar

588
00:49:12.679 --> 00:49:16.320
that I do. I call it
the Psychology of Dress, right, you

589
00:49:16.360 --> 00:49:19.880
know, people used to call it
dress for Success. I think that's a

590
00:49:19.960 --> 00:49:24.800
silly and cheesy name and no disrespect
to anyone who's that. So who uses

591
00:49:24.840 --> 00:49:30.559
that, Moniker? But I use
the Psychology of dress because I've realized and

592
00:49:30.599 --> 00:49:35.880
I've seen that a lot of men
women don't know how to wear a suit.

593
00:49:35.920 --> 00:49:37.400
They don't know how to wear a
tucceedo, they don't know how to

594
00:49:37.440 --> 00:49:42.840
wear a goal, they don't know
how to sit at a dinner table.

595
00:49:43.079 --> 00:49:45.840
They don't know what's a water glass, what's a wine glass, what's a

596
00:49:45.840 --> 00:49:51.840
tumbler? Right, So, there's
that. We also have financial seminars.

597
00:49:52.800 --> 00:49:55.880
We also have also you know,
mental health seminars if you're trying to buy

598
00:49:55.880 --> 00:50:00.920
a home. We have some groups
where people are doing we're in investment clubs,

599
00:50:01.199 --> 00:50:06.199
you know, because everybody just because
you go to college doesn't mean that

600
00:50:06.280 --> 00:50:07.880
you know how to navigate money.
That doesn't mean you know how to buy

601
00:50:07.920 --> 00:50:12.559
a house. It doesn't mean you
know how to travel, It doesn't mean

602
00:50:13.280 --> 00:50:16.719
you know there. So the beautiful
thing about the fraternity is that everybody went

603
00:50:16.760 --> 00:50:22.760
to college, but everybody has a
different skill, everybody has a different specialty,

604
00:50:23.519 --> 00:50:29.519
you know. So we have billionaires
and we have people who are you

605
00:50:29.559 --> 00:50:34.079
know, average blue collar workers.
They're blue collar workers that are that are

606
00:50:34.079 --> 00:50:37.840
in the organization, but they're just
but it's just like we you can cultivate

607
00:50:37.880 --> 00:50:42.840
different relationships and pick and choose from
what you want, but you know,

608
00:50:42.960 --> 00:50:46.239
it's the fraternity. You only get
what you put in, honestly, which

609
00:50:46.280 --> 00:50:54.519
is with everything right, essentially absolutely
absolutely. Okay, So for our second

610
00:50:54.519 --> 00:51:00.719
to last section, last time,
I'm sure you'll remember, we spoke about

611
00:51:00.639 --> 00:51:05.320
generation or we don't really speak about
it, but we briefly touched on it.

612
00:51:05.840 --> 00:51:10.679
Generational courage, versus generational trauma,
right, And I wanted to really

613
00:51:10.760 --> 00:51:15.679
expound upon that thought that I had
in our conversation. I don't remember the

614
00:51:15.719 --> 00:51:19.159
exact context it was around, but
I remember when I said it. We

615
00:51:19.239 --> 00:51:22.920
both were like, oh, that's
another episode. And a lot of people

616
00:51:23.000 --> 00:51:27.239
messaged me about that, like,
you guys have to do that other episode

617
00:51:27.280 --> 00:51:29.920
because I would love to hear you
know, they would love to hear our

618
00:51:30.000 --> 00:51:35.840
take on it. So, how
do you think generational courage, or the

619
00:51:35.920 --> 00:51:43.400
generational courage demonstrated by your ancestors or
your parents, grandparents, influences your resilience

620
00:51:43.440 --> 00:51:46.320
and approach to the challenges that you
face today, right, because a man,

621
00:51:46.880 --> 00:51:54.880
especially in the context of overcoming the
generational trauma. Yeah, so that's

622
00:51:54.920 --> 00:52:01.000
a good question. And I always
tell people if I could do UNI again,

623
00:52:01.239 --> 00:52:08.679
I would do engineering, or I
would do anthropology. It's the building

624
00:52:08.719 --> 00:52:15.000
blocks of you know, infrastructure and
the building blocks of human beings. Yeah.

625
00:52:14.480 --> 00:52:19.719
Yeah, So I've done a ton
of research about my own ancestors,

626
00:52:20.079 --> 00:52:25.880
and you know, on my my
maternal side, you know, we're Guyanese.

627
00:52:28.400 --> 00:52:30.920
We and then you know, if
we pushed back further, we're actually

628
00:52:30.960 --> 00:52:36.920
Beijing as well. So if that
means for Beijing. That also means that

629
00:52:37.000 --> 00:52:46.079
we from Diasporically we are West African
probably right, but there's also on my

630
00:52:46.719 --> 00:52:53.039
African side. You know, historically
we're Southern African always. But it's like

631
00:52:53.960 --> 00:53:00.400
there were movements by my great grandfathers, by my great great grandfathers, like

632
00:53:00.480 --> 00:53:02.719
moving north. So we were still
in the south, but we moved from

633
00:53:02.880 --> 00:53:10.800
different parts of South Africa to different
parts of Southern Africa. So we moved

634
00:53:10.920 --> 00:53:16.840
for education, and we moved for
farmland, we moved for opportunities. And

635
00:53:16.880 --> 00:53:21.559
I if I can just look back
at my parents or even my grandparents,

636
00:53:21.920 --> 00:53:25.639
everybody traveled. You know, nobody, none of those none of even two

637
00:53:25.719 --> 00:53:30.840
generations back. Nobody lives in their
hometown. Nobody lives even in their home

638
00:53:31.000 --> 00:53:36.519
state. Most of them, most
of those people didn't live, don't even

639
00:53:37.119 --> 00:53:42.800
end up living in their home country
as adults. So it's like travel has

640
00:53:43.119 --> 00:53:47.679
been something that I can trace back, you know, five generations, six

641
00:53:47.800 --> 00:53:52.159
generations that I can see that it's
the same thing. My grandmother, my

642
00:53:52.280 --> 00:53:59.960
maternal grandmother, wasn't rich, but
anybody that was walking down her her road

643
00:54:00.159 --> 00:54:04.840
could come any time of day for
a hot pot of soup. Some curry,

644
00:54:04.920 --> 00:54:10.800
some bread, some whatever the situation
is because of exactly because her mother

645
00:54:10.920 --> 00:54:16.079
did the same thing. You know. Now, all of my aunties,

646
00:54:16.159 --> 00:54:20.719
you can go to their home,
there's somebody living with them, there's somebody

647
00:54:20.719 --> 00:54:22.960
that's stopping by because they just wanted
a hot cup of tea. So it's

648
00:54:23.000 --> 00:54:25.679
like you don't even Again, it
goes back to what we were saying about

649
00:54:25.760 --> 00:54:30.360
children. Children look with their eyes
and they also look with their hearts,

650
00:54:30.719 --> 00:54:36.880
right, So that generational Sometimes it's
a generational curse, but it's really strength.

651
00:54:36.960 --> 00:54:39.280
So it's like, you want to
be better than your parents, you

652
00:54:39.320 --> 00:54:44.559
want to be better than your ancestors, But at the same time, it's

653
00:54:44.800 --> 00:54:49.079
that's who you are, your core, you know. Yeah, same thing

654
00:54:49.119 --> 00:54:52.199
that you're telling me. And I
feel like every Caribbean person I talk to,

655
00:54:52.360 --> 00:54:54.679
they say the same thing about their
grandparents or great grandparents, you know,

656
00:54:55.199 --> 00:55:01.119
yeah, which to me shows a
lot of warm and empathy and even

657
00:55:01.239 --> 00:55:06.519
courage, right, because it's like
that took courage. But you also have

658
00:55:06.599 --> 00:55:10.320
to think of what trauma that caused, right, Meaning for her, maybe

659
00:55:10.360 --> 00:55:15.159
she wanted to travel and see the
world, but she couldn't do that because

660
00:55:15.199 --> 00:55:19.079
she had to She felt like she
had to take care of everybody. Mm

661
00:55:19.199 --> 00:55:22.440
hmmm hm. I guess I would
ask you, do you ever think that

662
00:55:22.800 --> 00:55:25.920
your aunt's, for example, or
even your mom, But I would just

663
00:55:25.960 --> 00:55:30.679
say your aunts and you know,
maybe your grandparents, like from that time,

664
00:55:30.239 --> 00:55:35.679
do you ever wonder like if they
had dreams that they weren't able to

665
00:55:35.679 --> 00:55:40.199
fulfill because it was expected that they
took care of everybody and didn't really take

666
00:55:40.239 --> 00:55:45.960
care of themselves and what they wanted. I hear them saying it now,

667
00:55:46.239 --> 00:55:49.960
you know, I've heard my mother
say, you know, my mother is

668
00:55:50.000 --> 00:55:57.480
the firstborn, oldest daughter. She's
not the firstborn, but she she's been

669
00:55:57.519 --> 00:56:02.079
saying like she had been taking care
of the family since she was like or

670
00:56:02.079 --> 00:56:06.960
at least contributing since she was in
her I think she said nineteen or twenty.

671
00:56:07.039 --> 00:56:09.719
I think my mother said when she
was twenty or twenty one years old,

672
00:56:09.760 --> 00:56:15.440
she was making more money than her
parents, you know, So like

673
00:56:15.519 --> 00:56:20.920
that's that's a different level of stress, you know. So it's like,

674
00:56:22.199 --> 00:56:27.599
you know, your siblings, her
older brothers made sacrifices so that she could

675
00:56:27.599 --> 00:56:31.440
advance and she could advance her education. So it's like it's I think it's

676
00:56:31.480 --> 00:56:37.199
that that's like psychological term of I
don't know the exact term, but it's

677
00:56:37.239 --> 00:56:40.440
like a survivor's guilt. You know, she's the one, she's the one

678
00:56:40.480 --> 00:56:45.800
that made it so like everybody,
so now she wants to pour into everybody

679
00:56:45.800 --> 00:56:49.920
else. But then everybody else isn't
built like you. You know, just

680
00:56:49.920 --> 00:56:53.039
because you have seven siblings, all
seven are not going to be at the

681
00:56:53.079 --> 00:56:57.920
same level. You know, we
can even we can talk about the Jackson

682
00:56:58.000 --> 00:57:02.400
five, like everybody wasn't Michael.
Yeah, I look at how they treated

683
00:57:02.440 --> 00:57:08.280
him because he was a special one. Yeah, and that's okay. But

684
00:57:08.400 --> 00:57:13.960
yeah, so they absolutely feel like
they should have and could have done more,

685
00:57:14.039 --> 00:57:20.719
but they felt handicapped because they were
providing and protecting others instead of themselves.

686
00:57:21.119 --> 00:57:22.239
You know, all of what we're
discussing, I mean to me,

687
00:57:22.679 --> 00:57:29.360
all I hear and see is strength
and courage. Absolutely absolutely. It's funny.

688
00:57:29.360 --> 00:57:35.480
It's interesting that I didn't specify for
you to give a response of whether

689
00:57:35.519 --> 00:57:38.320
you were going to talk about the
males or the women or the men in

690
00:57:38.360 --> 00:57:43.119
your family, but you chose the
women. And I think that's very telling

691
00:57:43.320 --> 00:57:47.960
because I often say I do not
tell people these conversation on topics or these

692
00:57:49.039 --> 00:57:57.800
questions. And I find it so
heartwarming and interesting and just lovely that every

693
00:57:57.880 --> 00:58:02.079
time I have a man on here, it somehow goes back to the mom,

694
00:58:02.599 --> 00:58:07.840
the grandmother, and you know,
the courage or the respect for them.

695
00:58:07.920 --> 00:58:12.159
And I think that says a lot
about well, I was going to

696
00:58:12.199 --> 00:58:14.559
say the men that I choose to
have on here, but I wouldn't have

697
00:58:14.599 --> 00:58:19.440
anyone on here that I didn't respect
or thought respected women. So I guess

698
00:58:19.440 --> 00:58:22.280
it's to kind of be expected.
But again, you could have named you

699
00:58:22.280 --> 00:58:25.679
know, your uncles, you know
what I mean. And I think that's

700
00:58:27.079 --> 00:58:32.800
that's really telling because a lot of
those generational courage and even trauma stories,

701
00:58:32.840 --> 00:58:36.760
but a lot of the courage stories
come from the women in our family.

702
00:58:37.679 --> 00:58:45.800
Absolutely. I mean, even in
patriarchal families, the mother has a strong

703
00:58:45.920 --> 00:58:53.800
support system, the mother is still
the nurturer. So even the queens like

704
00:58:54.000 --> 00:58:59.880
it doesn't matter what the situation is, of women will always be the bedrock

705
00:59:00.079 --> 00:59:02.480
of the family. Even if the
man is the lead, the woman is

706
00:59:02.519 --> 00:59:07.840
who takes care of home. And
I mean, obviously this is this is

707
00:59:07.880 --> 00:59:14.079
me painting broad strokes. Are their
fathers that step into through absolutely areas that

708
00:59:14.199 --> 00:59:19.480
don't apply to the don't conforms to
societal norms. Absolutely, but of course

709
00:59:19.599 --> 00:59:22.559
there's a there's a you know,
people, even people's even women, I

710
00:59:22.559 --> 00:59:27.559
think there are tender spaces for their
mothers. It's just it's just just the

711
00:59:27.559 --> 00:59:32.360
way that we that we're built.
And it's okay. One of the ways

712
00:59:32.480 --> 00:59:37.400
that I'm certain, speaking of your
ancestors, that you're making your family and

713
00:59:37.440 --> 00:59:44.079
your ancestors prode is through your philanthropic
work in Southern Africa. And so before

714
00:59:44.079 --> 00:59:47.199
we get to our last segment,
I wondered if you could share your recent

715
00:59:47.360 --> 00:59:53.039
trip to Zambia in your quest to
support children, more specifically on a mission

716
00:59:53.079 --> 01:00:01.280
to end menstrual poverty in Zambia.
Yeah, that's that's something that's actually now

717
01:00:01.480 --> 01:00:06.639
near and dear, I don't want
to pretend or pontificate like this is something

718
01:00:06.639 --> 01:00:12.639
that I did a ton of research
on. I was literally planning a trip

719
01:00:12.920 --> 01:00:17.679
that I planned annually semi annually,
and you know, I wanted to do

720
01:00:17.760 --> 01:00:22.239
something different. I wanted to do
something that that would that would be bigger

721
01:00:22.280 --> 01:00:25.719
than me, that would be bigger
than the group. And you know,

722
01:00:25.800 --> 01:00:30.480
I asked my team, I said, look, what what's needed? And

723
01:00:30.360 --> 01:00:36.360
you know there, you know,
there was a need for minstrual pads,

724
01:00:36.519 --> 01:00:43.679
tampons, you know, panty liners, and there was literally a shortage in

725
01:00:43.840 --> 01:00:50.400
Zambia and Zimbabwe. And what people
take for granted in the West in Europe

726
01:00:50.760 --> 01:00:52.719
where you could just go in and
get you know, go in and get

727
01:00:52.760 --> 01:00:57.480
them. It's like these stores weren't
having them. So it wasn't even like

728
01:00:59.000 --> 01:01:02.000
we were in some rural development.
We were in the tourist we were in

729
01:01:02.079 --> 01:01:07.000
the tourist capital, and you couldn't
find these things, right. Wow.

730
01:01:07.400 --> 01:01:13.519
So I literally put together a flyer
with my team and I said, hey,

731
01:01:14.280 --> 01:01:16.960
I put it on social media,
said look, I'm traveling in two

732
01:01:16.960 --> 01:01:23.119
weeks, would love anybody to support. Please send me your you know,

733
01:01:23.159 --> 01:01:28.679
please send me some tampons. People
were asking if they could send me money.

734
01:01:28.719 --> 01:01:30.920
I said, I don't want your
money. Send it to me via,

735
01:01:31.079 --> 01:01:34.079
you know, send it to me
in the mail and I'll pick it

736
01:01:34.159 --> 01:01:37.239
up, because you know, I
don't want to be in a situation where

737
01:01:37.239 --> 01:01:39.199
people feel like, oh I sent
him one hundred dollars and he only bought

738
01:01:39.239 --> 01:01:45.119
two tampons. You buy them,
I'll distribute them right and you know,

739
01:01:45.920 --> 01:01:52.039
and you know, I put it
out once on social media and you know

740
01:01:52.159 --> 01:01:55.880
it was it reached hundreds of people. And there was a time when I

741
01:01:55.960 --> 01:02:00.440
walk I walked to the distribution the
place where I was picking up all the

742
01:02:00.440 --> 01:02:05.400
items. The distribution center. We
were able to distribute I think like three

743
01:02:05.559 --> 01:02:14.719
or four thousand tampons right and I
still have another two thousand, three thousand

744
01:02:14.920 --> 01:02:21.559
that I wasn't able to travel with. So I've partnered with not an NGO

745
01:02:21.800 --> 01:02:27.800
in Zambia. I'm looking to partner
with Johnson and Johnson if you're listening,

746
01:02:28.480 --> 01:02:30.519
Tampax. If you're listening, you
know, we'll take all of those.

747
01:02:31.280 --> 01:02:36.880
But it's literally, you know,
I don't want to pay attacks to bring

748
01:02:36.880 --> 01:02:39.280
in free items and give these things
away for free. I'm not making any

749
01:02:39.320 --> 01:02:45.000
money on them. I'm literally and
so anyway, I'm looking for more sponsors.

750
01:02:45.039 --> 01:02:46.760
I'm looking for people to make more
donations. If you look at social

751
01:02:46.800 --> 01:02:52.000
media, you'll see we were able
to meet with the Mayor of Livingston,

752
01:02:52.480 --> 01:02:57.239
Zambia, which is the tourist capital. You know, We've met with the

753
01:02:58.159 --> 01:03:00.440
health, the Ministers of Health,
the Minute stir of tourism, so we're

754
01:03:00.480 --> 01:03:07.119
on the radar of the country.
We went to a school, a second

755
01:03:07.440 --> 01:03:12.039
elementary school, and then a secondary
school. So these are young ladies who

756
01:03:12.159 --> 01:03:15.159
just at starting puberty, just they're
starting their periods. And then we also

757
01:03:15.199 --> 01:03:22.159
distributed to girls in secondary school who
would otherwise be missing seven days of school

758
01:03:22.239 --> 01:03:27.519
per month, you know, because
they they're ashamed. They don't have the

759
01:03:27.559 --> 01:03:30.119
proper tools to take care of this
thing, so they're missing school. So

760
01:03:30.119 --> 01:03:37.000
they're not being podcast hosts, they're
not being doctors, they're not being lawyers,

761
01:03:37.000 --> 01:03:42.239
they're not being you know, whatever
it is. So they're losing their

762
01:03:42.400 --> 01:03:49.760
education because of something that is human
based. So I'm trying to solve that.

763
01:03:51.000 --> 01:03:54.440
And if one thing your listeners can
do is literally send it to me,

764
01:03:54.519 --> 01:03:58.800
you send it to me, it'll
get to them. Yeah, and

765
01:03:59.039 --> 01:04:03.119
we want we want to have a
repository, and we are not charging these

766
01:04:03.159 --> 01:04:08.960
young women. We're targeting schools that
are you know, in lower income areas,

767
01:04:09.400 --> 01:04:15.239
right, We're targeting schools where they're
really struggling. So you know,

768
01:04:15.280 --> 01:04:16.960
these kids are are healthy, they're
well, you know, they're healthy,

769
01:04:17.000 --> 01:04:21.400
they eat food, you know,
but they are struggling because listenings are expensive,

770
01:04:21.400 --> 01:04:26.760
and then they're also just not available. That's really they're just not available.

771
01:04:27.440 --> 01:04:30.920
And it's so interesting because it's something
that as a woman, I think,

772
01:04:30.320 --> 01:04:34.760
you know, any woman listening in
first world country, we take for

773
01:04:34.840 --> 01:04:39.239
granted that we can just go to
CBS or go to you know, the

774
01:04:39.280 --> 01:04:42.159
supermarkets and just pick them up,
like yeah, we might say, oh

775
01:04:42.199 --> 01:04:45.840
my gosh, it's expensive here or
something like that. But the fact that

776
01:04:45.840 --> 01:04:48.920
they're not even available, and like
you said, it's a human problem,

777
01:04:49.880 --> 01:04:54.280
right like that, it's a problem
that they're not available, But the actual

778
01:04:54.360 --> 01:04:57.360
mental cycle is not a problem.
It's a part of being a woman.

779
01:04:57.880 --> 01:05:01.119
So it's not something that can be
stopped or it's not something that only women

780
01:05:01.239 --> 01:05:05.559
in first world countries have. Women
have them, period, no matter where

781
01:05:05.559 --> 01:05:10.960
you are. I know that some
of my classmates from HBS they work in

782
01:05:11.000 --> 01:05:14.519
certain companies. If they're listening,
maybe they can get in touch with somebody.

783
01:05:14.559 --> 01:05:16.599
And certainly if you reach out to
me, I will send that to

784
01:05:16.719 --> 01:05:20.079
MUTO and you guys can link that
up for sure. Wait wait, wait,

785
01:05:20.119 --> 01:05:23.800
wait, wait wait wait wait,
let's let's not ladies and gentlemen,

786
01:05:23.880 --> 01:05:27.719
let's not gloss over with it.
What does HBS stand for? Put put

787
01:05:27.840 --> 01:05:31.519
put some respect on HBS or let
them put the respect on you. So

788
01:05:32.719 --> 01:05:38.480
what's HBS? Please? I want
to write, moto, why are you

789
01:05:38.519 --> 01:05:43.079
doing this to me? And don't
edit it out because I'll just keep talking.

790
01:05:45.320 --> 01:05:53.760
Oh my gosh, So I can't. And you know, this is

791
01:05:53.760 --> 01:05:57.119
how you see how little sisters get
treated. This is not right, but

792
01:05:57.159 --> 01:06:00.719
it's fine, it's fine. I'm
gonna leave it. So HBS stands for

793
01:06:00.000 --> 01:06:11.480
Harvard Business School. Hear that?
Hear that? No, But but in

794
01:06:11.559 --> 01:06:15.239
all honesty, I think it's you
know, and you know there I think

795
01:06:15.280 --> 01:06:19.280
a topic we should cover. And
by we, I mean your podcast is

796
01:06:21.119 --> 01:06:25.159
we need to figure out a way
about not being humble. We don't always

797
01:06:25.159 --> 01:06:30.880
have to be humble or modest like
other people say. I went to this,

798
01:06:30.079 --> 01:06:34.320
I'm number one, I'm the best. What's wrong with us saying that?

799
01:06:34.360 --> 01:06:38.440
You know, we've always been taught
to mind your business, mind your

800
01:06:38.440 --> 01:06:43.559
place, act like you've been here
before. But in twenty twenty four,

801
01:06:43.920 --> 01:06:47.960
we are still going to see black
kids in Europe, black kids in America,

802
01:06:48.119 --> 01:06:54.559
black kids back home who will be
first generation college students. Very true,

803
01:06:55.320 --> 01:06:59.639
you know, which is why people
still get very excited over prom and

804
01:06:59.679 --> 01:07:02.760
this thing wrong with prom. But
a lot of times prom maybe the biggest

805
01:07:02.800 --> 01:07:09.440
achievement until you have a baby or
until you get married. So I do

806
01:07:09.519 --> 01:07:12.880
think there needs to be a study
as to why. You know, when

807
01:07:12.920 --> 01:07:16.440
we're walking across the stage, we
have to be quiet, but you know,

808
01:07:17.119 --> 01:07:20.440
anybody else can be loud, you
know. So anyway, yeah,

809
01:07:20.679 --> 01:07:25.599
anyway, grau and you know me, I will talk up you know when

810
01:07:25.639 --> 01:07:29.519
I'm ready. But because we're talking
about philanthropy, I want to take away

811
01:07:30.119 --> 01:07:32.079
yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,
but no, you do bring up a

812
01:07:32.079 --> 01:07:35.480
good point about being you know,
just the idea of being humble, and

813
01:07:35.519 --> 01:07:40.320
like you said, that could be
a whole episode in and of itself for

814
01:07:40.360 --> 01:07:45.760
sure. So yeah, for all
all the HBS folks, anybody that works

815
01:07:45.760 --> 01:07:51.760
in tech, anybody that works in
healthcare, hit up me, head up,

816
01:07:51.760 --> 01:07:56.280
actually hit me up, Like I
will answer your calls, I'll answer

817
01:07:56.360 --> 01:08:01.519
your messages. Like we're going late
this year and I want to take five

818
01:08:01.599 --> 01:08:05.719
to six thousand more paths. Right, you can do the math. You

819
01:08:05.719 --> 01:08:10.719
know, most women will know how
many they use per day? Time seven?

820
01:08:10.880 --> 01:08:14.000
Yeah, you knoweah, because it
also depends on your cycle for sure,

821
01:08:14.039 --> 01:08:16.840
exactly. You know time seven times
twelve you know, times twelve months.

822
01:08:17.119 --> 01:08:20.239
Yeah, you know, so it's
just it's not a lot, but

823
01:08:20.279 --> 01:08:25.760
it's it's making a dent. But
if we can work on a way to

824
01:08:28.159 --> 01:08:30.600
partner, if we can do habitat
for humanity, we can do, we

825
01:08:30.640 --> 01:08:35.439
can imper your poperty pretty absolutely absolutely, And as we say in Jamaica,

826
01:08:35.560 --> 01:08:42.560
every mechamchal exactly, even if it's
the one set up you can send because

827
01:08:42.600 --> 01:08:47.239
it's worth it. It's worth it
for sure. For our final segments,

828
01:08:47.319 --> 01:08:53.119
okay, you know the drill,
I'm going to ask you rapid fire questions,

829
01:08:53.239 --> 01:08:57.600
okay, and I would like you
to answer with one word or one

830
01:08:57.640 --> 01:09:00.960
sentence, and if you have to
go over because some of them you could

831
01:09:00.960 --> 01:09:02.760
probably go over a sentence. It's
fine. But I just like to tell

832
01:09:02.760 --> 01:09:06.000
people that they don't feel like they
have to give these long drawn out answers.

833
01:09:08.199 --> 01:09:14.439
All right, So who is your
hero? My father? Hm?

834
01:09:14.479 --> 01:09:17.479
I love that. What did you
want to be when you were small?

835
01:09:19.079 --> 01:09:27.960
An attorney? M wall Street attorney
to be exact specifically? You know what?

836
01:09:28.079 --> 01:09:30.520
I also notice we tend not to
say when you were little? We

837
01:09:30.600 --> 01:09:36.960
say when you were small? Yeah
I thought that when you said little little,

838
01:09:38.760 --> 01:09:41.920
No, I said small. But
I'm just saying like, yeah,

839
01:09:42.000 --> 01:09:45.319
I'm noticing, Like you know,
I don't think a lots of people say

840
01:09:45.319 --> 01:09:46.600
when you were small. Like after
I said it, I was like,

841
01:09:46.760 --> 01:09:50.680
hmmm, even small days. You
know, there's a whole song small days,

842
01:09:51.199 --> 01:09:58.600
right right? Okay, next one, what are two of your biggest

843
01:09:58.640 --> 01:10:11.359
pet peeves? Being late and being
inconsiderate? Now I have to ask a

844
01:10:11.359 --> 01:10:15.520
little question. I don't do this
often when you say being late, because

845
01:10:15.520 --> 01:10:18.239
some people I know have a little
bit of a problem. I'm not calling

846
01:10:18.239 --> 01:10:24.800
it a game. When you say
being late, do you mean like five

847
01:10:24.880 --> 01:10:30.119
minutes late or do you mean like
an hour late? It's just obnoxious.

848
01:10:30.159 --> 01:10:33.840
If you're perpetually late, it's okay, like you know, it's just it's

849
01:10:33.920 --> 01:10:40.239
just because the problem with being late
is you get on the road and then

850
01:10:40.239 --> 01:10:45.800
everybody's a fool, you know,
because now you're rushing. So and I'm

851
01:10:45.800 --> 01:10:49.319
not saying you need to show up
to places fifteen minutes early. But I

852
01:10:49.439 --> 01:10:54.119
if I go to my doctor and
I have a nine thirty year appointment,

853
01:10:54.199 --> 01:10:57.399
I don't want to be seen at
tenth if I have to do paperwork.

854
01:10:58.000 --> 01:11:00.479
If I have to do paperwork,
tell me to come in at nine fifteen

855
01:11:00.520 --> 01:11:03.359
so that I can be seen by
nine thirty. No, for sure,

856
01:11:03.439 --> 01:11:06.119
I agree with that one. As
you said, doctor's office, I agree

857
01:11:06.159 --> 01:11:10.560
with that one for sure. No, no, no. My last question,

858
01:11:10.640 --> 01:11:12.479
I know I'm not really supposed to
do this, but I have to

859
01:11:12.520 --> 01:11:17.359
ask how does one navigate that being
both Caribbean and African, Because you know

860
01:11:17.720 --> 01:11:23.079
it's in our DNA to be late, So how does that exactly work for

861
01:11:23.119 --> 01:11:29.520
you? Friends? So it's I
have to massage a lot of my relationships

862
01:11:29.560 --> 01:11:32.279
because sometimes I'll run late. But
this is what I do, right.

863
01:11:32.920 --> 01:11:38.560
I'm not saying that you should never
run late. You should communicate when you're

864
01:11:38.640 --> 01:11:43.159
running late. You should be oh, okay, that's fair. You can't

865
01:11:43.199 --> 01:11:47.079
say I'm down the road, but
you're jumping in the shower. Oh my

866
01:11:47.119 --> 01:11:51.279
gosh, Moto, you're dripping a
lot of people right now. No,

867
01:11:51.279 --> 01:11:57.920
no, the entire Caribbean guys.
I'm so sorry he's dropping all of us.

868
01:11:58.119 --> 01:12:00.119
But you know it is right.
He's right. But it's just a

869
01:12:01.000 --> 01:12:04.760
yeah. But people's relationships would be
so much better if you just said,

870
01:12:04.800 --> 01:12:08.720
you know what, I can't do
dinner at seven thirty, but I can

871
01:12:08.760 --> 01:12:13.079
be there by eight. No one's
feelings are going to be hurt, then,

872
01:12:13.119 --> 01:12:15.079
they could just adjust there because now
you know, there are a lot

873
01:12:15.079 --> 01:12:19.000
of these restaurants that won't see you
until everybody is there, which I hate.

874
01:12:19.159 --> 01:12:24.520
Yes, I'm like, I want
to eat now, and I want

875
01:12:24.520 --> 01:12:29.159
to I want to spend my money. Now. You know, there was

876
01:12:29.199 --> 01:12:32.319
a time where I actually actually,
uh it was I think it was a

877
01:12:32.319 --> 01:12:35.199
reservation for six and the other person
wasn't showing up. I said, just

878
01:12:35.239 --> 01:12:40.960
making five them and they sat us. Oh you know then you know they

879
01:12:40.960 --> 01:12:44.560
sat as still at a similar table
than the person was able to add on.

880
01:12:44.640 --> 01:12:48.720
But just communicate man, people.
Yeah, that's fair. That's definitely

881
01:12:48.760 --> 01:12:56.520
fair. Definitely, definitely that's fair. So I had another question I have.

882
01:12:56.560 --> 01:13:00.000
I have two more actually, but
I just I just something. I

883
01:13:00.039 --> 01:13:03.479
don't know if I'm going to regret
this, but I've never done this before.

884
01:13:06.000 --> 01:13:11.800
You can ask me any question you
want to ask me, and I

885
01:13:11.840 --> 01:13:19.119
will answer. What's your biggest fear
about this podcast? My biggest fear hmm.

886
01:13:20.239 --> 01:13:30.720
I wouldn't call it a fear,
but I would not want I would

887
01:13:30.720 --> 01:13:39.560
be very bothered. And as we
say, feel away, I feel away

888
01:13:43.560 --> 01:13:48.600
if you know person's out there,
like particularly women, because that's a majority

889
01:13:48.640 --> 01:13:51.640
of my audience, and obviously I'm
a woman, but anybody out there,

890
01:13:53.239 --> 01:13:58.720
you know, wasn't able to hear
certain episodes, right, or maybe heard

891
01:13:58.720 --> 01:14:03.239
an episode like after something happened,
you know, like I have a solo

892
01:14:03.319 --> 01:14:10.640
episode called emotional Intelligence. Is a
real generational wealth. And although it was

893
01:14:10.680 --> 01:14:15.640
from early on in season one,
that's probably the episode I get the most

894
01:14:15.760 --> 01:14:19.239
like messages and emails vote wow,
you know, because it's just me and

895
01:14:19.279 --> 01:14:24.279
it's just me talking. But I
think a lots of and it's from men

896
01:14:24.279 --> 01:14:28.640
and women. I think a lots
of people resonate with it. Because my

897
01:14:28.760 --> 01:14:33.399
analogy for that is that a lot
of people take pride, and you talked

898
01:14:33.479 --> 01:14:39.479
a little bit about it earlier.
Coincidentally, take pride in saying that you

899
01:14:39.520 --> 01:14:45.279
know their parents have trust funds for
them, or you know their grandparents left

900
01:14:45.319 --> 01:14:49.760
them this extravagant home or jewelry or
cars or things like that, right,

901
01:14:51.000 --> 01:14:58.359
but that will eventually run out.
What have your parents or your family members

902
01:14:58.800 --> 01:15:02.000
poured into you that you can then
give to the next generation. So we

903
01:15:02.119 --> 01:15:12.159
have more generational courage than generational trauma. And so if I had to use

904
01:15:12.159 --> 01:15:15.760
a word fear, I guess maybe
I would say my biggest fear is that

905
01:15:16.880 --> 01:15:21.720
doing this and having these conversations goes
in vain in the sense of it doesn't

906
01:15:21.840 --> 01:15:26.279
reach the people that it needs to
reach. But again, the reason I

907
01:15:26.279 --> 01:15:30.640
wouldn't say fear is because I know
why I started this podcast, and I

908
01:15:30.720 --> 01:15:33.800
know that it's rooted in God,
and I know that from the conversations that

909
01:15:33.920 --> 01:15:36.840
I have with people, some of
whom I'm not friends with, like you

910
01:15:36.920 --> 01:15:42.279
and I don't know, They've all, whether it's on the podcast or when

911
01:15:42.319 --> 01:15:45.079
we stop recording, they've all said
to me the same thing, like you

912
01:15:45.199 --> 01:15:49.319
make me feel so comfortable, Like
I didn't even realize I was talking about

913
01:15:49.359 --> 01:15:54.079
all these things, and you know, I really just enjoy speaking to you.

914
01:15:54.479 --> 01:15:59.079
And that's just such the biggest compliment
because to me, like for people

915
01:15:59.119 --> 01:16:02.479
to come on here not know what
I'm going to ask them and trust me

916
01:16:02.800 --> 01:16:09.359
and especially I don't know, to
me is the biggest compliment because it's a

917
01:16:09.399 --> 01:16:13.199
reflection that I am who I say
I am, and you know, people

918
01:16:13.279 --> 01:16:17.520
have to be able to understand and
realize that, but people don't. People

919
01:16:17.600 --> 01:16:20.680
don't. People don't. But yeah, but you have to be yourself.

920
01:16:20.680 --> 01:16:26.560
But I do think listening I wish
people would be able to listen to things

921
01:16:27.159 --> 01:16:30.239
prior to as well, instead of
having to say, damn, you know,

922
01:16:30.560 --> 01:16:33.720
this is really good information. It's
better to be armed with the with

923
01:16:33.880 --> 01:16:39.199
the information than have to, you
know, fight back, because now you're

924
01:16:39.479 --> 01:16:44.640
you know, you're learning it after
you have the trauma. Yeah, but

925
01:16:44.720 --> 01:16:46.640
that was a great question, Thank
you very much. I've never done that

926
01:16:46.680 --> 01:16:53.840
before. Yeah, I was nervous. I'm like, oh my gosh,

927
01:16:54.359 --> 01:16:59.039
I'm I going to have regrets.
But that was a good question. Okay,

928
01:16:59.119 --> 01:17:03.439
So the final question, if you
could say one thing to eighteen year

929
01:17:03.479 --> 01:17:14.119
old Mutokofa and Gwenya, what would
you say one thing? There's more?

930
01:17:15.920 --> 01:17:19.880
M Can you expound upon that a
little bit? That's very deep? Yeah.

931
01:17:20.840 --> 01:17:29.960
I think I think we often only
see as far as what our family

932
01:17:30.760 --> 01:17:38.279
has done, often what our parents
have done, often what our peers have

933
01:17:38.439 --> 01:17:45.960
done, and you can sort to
higher heights. You know, you can

934
01:17:46.039 --> 01:17:53.800
do more in less time. You
don't have to follow the blueprint. You

935
01:17:53.840 --> 01:17:58.880
can go on the road that's less
traveled. But just know there's more that

936
01:17:58.920 --> 01:18:03.319
you can do, you know.
I think I think our Caribbean parents,

937
01:18:03.359 --> 01:18:08.079
our African parents who are always like
go to high school, go to college,

938
01:18:08.479 --> 01:18:12.039
you know, work a job,
because that's what they may have done,

939
01:18:12.159 --> 01:18:14.680
that's what they may have seen a
stable. But it's like you could

940
01:18:14.680 --> 01:18:18.600
do that plus plus be creative,
you know, absolutely, Yeah, you

941
01:18:18.680 --> 01:18:24.119
come from a family of creatives,
but a lot of other people don't.

942
01:18:24.199 --> 01:18:28.279
It's because it's like being an actor
doesn't make you know, you don't.

943
01:18:28.520 --> 01:18:31.840
There's this whole concept of being a
starving, starving artist. But you can.

944
01:18:32.720 --> 01:18:35.560
You can be a lawyer and still
do art. You know. I

945
01:18:35.600 --> 01:18:41.239
know a lot of people now who
their side hustle is making a good coin,

946
01:18:41.479 --> 01:18:45.720
but they're still in corporate America because
they want healthcare, you know.

947
01:18:45.800 --> 01:18:49.319
So you could do both, you
know, And so I guess maybe it's

948
01:18:49.399 --> 01:18:54.159
less that it's maybe it's less that
that there's more. But you can do

949
01:18:54.239 --> 01:18:58.640
both. You know, you can
be artistic and you can be in corporate

950
01:18:58.640 --> 01:19:01.640
America. You could be creative and
you can be mechanical. So you can

951
01:19:01.680 --> 01:19:05.920
do both, you know, because
I think we just I think our parents

952
01:19:05.960 --> 01:19:13.800
just wanted us to be functioning human
beings. And you know, sometimes like

953
01:19:13.880 --> 01:19:17.680
you know, I've seen this new
generation of kids who were doctors. They're

954
01:19:18.439 --> 01:19:21.600
you know, they look regular,
you know, they look they look like

955
01:19:21.760 --> 01:19:27.239
us, you know, you know, not like when we were kids.

956
01:19:27.359 --> 01:19:30.560
Doctors looked away, you know,
shirt and tie and hard bottom shoes.

957
01:19:30.600 --> 01:19:35.000
These you know, these kids are
going to you know, Jordan's tattoos,

958
01:19:35.039 --> 01:19:40.840
and I love it. You know, they're expressing themselves but still showing that

959
01:19:41.439 --> 01:19:44.760
you can wear natty, but you
can also be intelligent, you know,

960
01:19:44.920 --> 01:19:48.359
because you know, we've all been
in a situation where you know, you

961
01:19:48.439 --> 01:19:51.760
have to bust your locks to go
to get a job, you know,

962
01:19:51.960 --> 01:19:57.159
so it's like there's more, there's
more. So yeah, that's what I

963
01:19:57.199 --> 01:20:04.000
would tell That's what I really want
to thank you for coming back to talk

964
01:20:04.039 --> 01:20:09.199
the things with me. And as
usual, there were so many gems dropped

965
01:20:09.239 --> 01:20:15.840
and laughs had. I know people
are tired of hearing me laugh because but

966
01:20:15.119 --> 01:20:19.079
I can't help it. You know, my friends, especially that come on

967
01:20:19.159 --> 01:20:24.840
here, they really bring me joy. And there are people that I respect,

968
01:20:25.319 --> 01:20:29.520
and there are people that I know
that others can learn from and need

969
01:20:29.560 --> 01:20:33.000
to learn from. Yeah, definitely
right, So I definitely really appreciate you

970
01:20:33.079 --> 01:20:36.640
coming on. And before we go, I want to know if you could

971
01:20:36.680 --> 01:20:42.800
share just anything you want to share
with the listeners. No, just thank

972
01:20:42.840 --> 01:20:50.359
you for having me again. I
think it's important that voices that don't normally

973
01:20:50.399 --> 01:20:57.119
have a platform get a platform.
And you know, your podcast is podcast

974
01:20:57.640 --> 01:21:00.319
is one of my favorites. You
know, there's so many people all out

975
01:21:00.359 --> 01:21:05.319
here with Michael Holmes, and it's
clear and evident that not only from your

976
01:21:05.359 --> 01:21:09.800
listeners that you are cherished, but
from the people that you have on it's

977
01:21:09.840 --> 01:21:17.079
authentic. Authenticity wins. So I'm
looking I'm looking forward to season twenty.

978
01:21:17.399 --> 01:21:23.079
I know this is too, so
we'll keep pushing it for you. So

979
01:21:23.159 --> 01:21:26.520
thank you for having me. Honestly, yeah, definitely, thank you so

980
01:21:26.640 --> 01:21:32.680
much, you know, because good
y'all don't cry exactly. Thank no,

981
01:21:32.800 --> 01:21:36.600
thank you. I appreciate it so
much, and I look forward to having

982
01:21:36.640 --> 01:21:41.960
you back every season. I'm saying
it right now. Yeah, come back

983
01:21:42.039 --> 01:21:43.680
for every season. Absolutely,