WEBVTT 1 00:00:05.679 --> 00:00:15.640 Seven, Lamb Productions Presents Cough Doctors, Episode twenty nine, Make a Witch. 2 00:00:25.960 --> 00:00:29.000 Now listen here, Timmy, not only do you have to take your 3 00:00:29.000 --> 00:00:33.799 pills, but you also have to stop unplugging the monitor. Why don't you 4 00:00:33.920 --> 00:00:38.159 just leave me alone because I'm your doctor. A lot of good that does. 5 00:00:38.399 --> 00:00:41.840 You can't even keep me healthy. You suck one time, and only 6 00:00:41.880 --> 00:00:45.200 for money. See. Hey, we're trying our hardest here. Don't be 7 00:00:45.240 --> 00:00:48.560 a little brat. I'll be whatever I want to be. I keep getting 8 00:00:48.560 --> 00:00:53.200 sicker anyway, even if I take the pills. Case, let me handle 9 00:00:53.280 --> 00:00:57.960 this to make your way to talk. Man the man, he just called 10 00:00:57.960 --> 00:01:00.560 me a brat. Well, in all fairness, you are a brad. 11 00:01:00.799 --> 00:01:03.079 You've been one ever since you arrived. But I'm trying to level with you. 12 00:01:03.239 --> 00:01:07.359 We're trying to take care of you. Your family's worried about you. 13 00:01:07.359 --> 00:01:08.920 You need to eat, you need to take your pills. You need to 14 00:01:08.920 --> 00:01:12.040 stop getting up and hiding and scaring the nurses. You need to stop on 15 00:01:12.120 --> 00:01:15.519 plugging everything, and you need to stop with the spit balls. That wasn't 16 00:01:15.560 --> 00:01:19.120 me. Listen, I know this is hard for you, do you do 17 00:01:19.200 --> 00:01:23.400 you know? Because I'm dying and no one could do anything about it, 18 00:01:23.480 --> 00:01:26.040 and I've been stuck in my bed all day every day. You guys want 19 00:01:26.040 --> 00:01:29.599 to stop the only fun I get to have. You scared one of the 20 00:01:29.680 --> 00:01:32.400 nurses so bad she shit herself. No, my fault, she didn't go 21 00:01:32.400 --> 00:01:34.599 potty before she got here. Okay, you know what, kid, enough's 22 00:01:34.680 --> 00:01:38.439 enough. You need to start behaving. You need to start behaving now. 23 00:01:38.640 --> 00:01:42.359 I don't have to do anything well your little case, Relax, Relax, 24 00:01:42.760 --> 00:01:46.560 he's doing this on purpose. Time and Case had been spending a lot of 25 00:01:46.640 --> 00:01:51.120 time with the youngest patient today, little Timmy. Timmy was seventeen, not 26 00:01:51.200 --> 00:01:55.359 so young, but young enough. If he was seventeen where I come from, 27 00:01:55.400 --> 00:01:59.719 he would have already chosen three wives and had fourteen children and they're good. 28 00:02:00.120 --> 00:02:02.400 Whatever. What do I know? In American Land? He was a 29 00:02:02.519 --> 00:02:07.360 child. What am I gonna do about him? Time? I don't know. 30 00:02:07.439 --> 00:02:12.120 I think he knows he still needs to take his medicine, But does 31 00:02:12.159 --> 00:02:16.080 he really see? Little Timmy was terminally ill, but the coup doctor were 32 00:02:16.120 --> 00:02:21.280 trying the damn this to make him better. Excuse me, doctor, so 33 00:02:21.280 --> 00:02:23.319 are you doctor? Time? In doctor case, we are? I'm Harvey 34 00:02:23.360 --> 00:02:27.240 Gleco from the Make a Wish Foundation. I'm here on the account of poor 35 00:02:27.240 --> 00:02:30.560 little Timmy. He's seventeen. Okay, well we gret wishes for kids still 36 00:02:30.639 --> 00:02:34.400 er eighteen, he's still a little boy in our eyes. Fine, well 37 00:02:34.599 --> 00:02:37.560 he's inside. May I see him? Sure, but watch out. He 38 00:02:37.680 --> 00:02:42.560 loves his pranks, especially spit boss and scaring people. He's a bit rambunctious, 39 00:02:42.639 --> 00:02:44.960 mister Gleco. Don't worry. I won't be along. Just gonna make 40 00:02:45.000 --> 00:02:51.879 a little man's dream come true. Ha told you you did. They did 41 00:02:51.919 --> 00:02:54.280 tell me you're a rambuncious little fell hot. Now, please, doctors, 42 00:02:54.280 --> 00:02:59.439 I'd like a little time with poor dying Timmy here, okay, time end 43 00:02:59.560 --> 00:03:02.080 case waited in the hallway. What do you think he'll wish for? Rob 44 00:03:02.159 --> 00:03:07.479 let us say some celebrity or some shit like Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow or 45 00:03:07.560 --> 00:03:10.639 Amber heard as a giant turd. Or maybe he'll just wish for some more 46 00:03:10.680 --> 00:03:15.800 paper to make spitballs. One minute later, mister Gleco, come out, 47 00:03:15.400 --> 00:03:19.120 Everything go all right in there. You didn't try to tip you with the 48 00:03:19.120 --> 00:03:22.800 monitor cable, did he? No? He was very cordial and his wish 49 00:03:22.879 --> 00:03:24.919 is one of the easiest we've ever had to work with. What did he 50 00:03:24.960 --> 00:03:30.800 ask for? Well, he wants you to to kiss? What? Timmy, 51 00:03:31.000 --> 00:03:34.759 what the hell are you doing, your little bastard? Guys? Please, 52 00:03:35.520 --> 00:03:38.000 mister Gleco, what's going on? Why are my doctors so mad? 53 00:03:38.560 --> 00:03:43.439 Does this mean they're not going to kiss? Of course they'll kiss, the 54 00:03:43.439 --> 00:03:46.400 hell they will. You're doing this just to be a jerk. No, 55 00:03:46.800 --> 00:03:50.120 I really want to see you kiss each other. Guys, he just wants 56 00:03:50.159 --> 00:03:53.520 to see you kiss. What kind of wishes? That an easy one? 57 00:03:53.680 --> 00:03:55.840 Now do it? No, actually, it is really easy. We don't 58 00:03:55.840 --> 00:04:00.199 need to prepper or make any calls you too, Just do it right now, 59 00:04:00.280 --> 00:04:02.000 like, turn to face each other and go on in French, French 60 00:04:02.240 --> 00:04:05.599 or regular, whatever you want to do. No French, I want them 61 00:04:05.639 --> 00:04:10.039 to French hard. He wants you a French hardfellas we heard him, We 62 00:04:10.080 --> 00:04:13.639 are not kissing. Why not wish for something different, something more normal? 63 00:04:14.719 --> 00:04:17.639 I'm not normal, of course you're normal. Tell him he's normal, doctors. 64 00:04:17.879 --> 00:04:21.480 No, why not wish to meet a celebrity like Chris Evans or Daniel 65 00:04:21.519 --> 00:04:27.040 Craig, or Johnny Depp or Johnny depp sex girlfriend? Amber heard No, 66 00:04:27.360 --> 00:04:30.480 I heard her career has really shit the bed. That was pretty good. 67 00:04:30.560 --> 00:04:33.920 Why not dress this Batman for a day and stop a villain? No, 68 00:04:34.480 --> 00:04:38.920 I don't even like Batman. If I was to be a superhero, I 69 00:04:38.959 --> 00:04:44.120 would be Megatron. It's not even a superhero. Should I know? You're 70 00:04:44.160 --> 00:04:47.800 just playing dumb? No? I really am dumb, and I can't play 71 00:04:47.839 --> 00:04:54.279 because I'm permanently ill terminally. What's the difference, I mean, it really 72 00:04:54.360 --> 00:04:57.959 isn't one. Guys, leave him alone, mister Gleco. All I wanted 73 00:04:58.120 --> 00:05:00.800 was for my two doctors to kiss. That's all. That was my one 74 00:05:00.800 --> 00:05:04.800 and only wish. Please, mister Gleco, make it come true. Make 75 00:05:04.839 --> 00:05:10.120 me a happy boy. Gentlemen, it's his final wish. Are you going 76 00:05:10.199 --> 00:05:12.959 to take that from him? Do you want to see this young man happy? 77 00:05:13.279 --> 00:05:17.000 We are not kissing. It doesn't even have to last long. No, 78 00:05:17.600 --> 00:05:20.040 I want it to last at least ten seconds. Oh okay, he 79 00:05:20.079 --> 00:05:24.199 wants it to last at least ten seconds. We can hear him. That's 80 00:05:24.240 --> 00:05:27.199 a long ass kiss. But it'll go buy fast, get it over with, 81 00:05:27.399 --> 00:05:30.160 get a quick back. No, I want tongue. Oh okay, 82 00:05:30.199 --> 00:05:32.759 he wants tongue, Just French hard for ten seconds, what the hell is 83 00:05:32.800 --> 00:05:36.360 wrong with you? What are you guys? Homophobes? Just do it? 84 00:05:36.480 --> 00:05:41.360 Yeah, don't be homophobes. It's just you know, we aren't gay. 85 00:05:41.519 --> 00:05:44.800 You don't have to be gay. We're not kissing. Fine one second, 86 00:05:44.920 --> 00:05:47.639 let me talk to my constituent, real quick. Constituent, Mister Gleco g 87 00:05:47.800 --> 00:05:53.000 lapped over to Timmy's bedside. They whisper back end forth a few times. 88 00:05:56.240 --> 00:06:00.319 Okay, doctors, Timmy has a new wish. He wants I guess me 89 00:06:00.639 --> 00:06:03.560 to tap doctor times little bud. He wants you to what. He wants 90 00:06:03.600 --> 00:06:06.199 me to tap your little booty. Just a playful little tap tap on the 91 00:06:06.199 --> 00:06:10.639 back side will make him very happy. No way, actually, time, 92 00:06:10.720 --> 00:06:14.079 Maybe that's not such a big deal. We don't have to French hard now. 93 00:06:14.279 --> 00:06:16.199 No, I don't want mister Gleco tapping my little booty. How long 94 00:06:16.279 --> 00:06:19.560 is the tap? I don't know, at least ten seconds. That is 95 00:06:19.600 --> 00:06:24.839 not a tap. You guys are being totally unreasonable. We are This whole 96 00:06:24.879 --> 00:06:29.759 thing seems ridiculous. Something's not right here. No, no, let me 97 00:06:29.800 --> 00:06:33.959 see some I d mister Harvey Gleco id ID I don't have to show you 98 00:06:34.000 --> 00:06:39.519 any stinking id are you who you say you really are? Yes, I 99 00:06:39.639 --> 00:06:45.199 say who I really am. Wait a second, those shoes that belt, 100 00:06:46.040 --> 00:06:49.800 those eyelashes? Yes, Oh my god, you're not Harvey Gleco. You're 101 00:06:50.160 --> 00:06:57.439 just then time pulled off Gleco's mustache, Our captain. Well, damn it 102 00:06:57.480 --> 00:07:00.040 all that Hell's looks like it caught me, you, sexy captain? What 103 00:07:00.079 --> 00:07:03.439 are you doing here? Isn't it obvious? I dressed up as Harvey Gleck 104 00:07:03.439 --> 00:07:06.319 Oh so I could coerce this fine young gentleman to convince you to be the 105 00:07:06.360 --> 00:07:10.759 sweet little spark lug that you are. I internally jumped with glee when you 106 00:07:10.759 --> 00:07:13.839 turned down his first wish because the second one was so much better. I 107 00:07:13.879 --> 00:07:15.959 just want to touch you a little butt time. It's all I want to 108 00:07:15.000 --> 00:07:17.319 do, touch a little butt. But it's all I've ever wanted. But 109 00:07:17.399 --> 00:07:21.240 you are not touching my butt. Well you relax, It's not like I 110 00:07:21.279 --> 00:07:26.000 want to touch the hole, just the outside butt. No. How'd you 111 00:07:26.040 --> 00:07:29.560 convince Timmy to go along with all this? Yeah? Well he's a brat 112 00:07:29.560 --> 00:07:31.360 and I gave him twenty bucks. I'm gonna buy a fire truck with all 113 00:07:31.399 --> 00:07:35.439 that money. You're seventeen. Fuck you? No, fuck you. Fuck 114 00:07:35.519 --> 00:07:41.519 you guys. Stop Captain. You understand that this is all very inappropriate and 115 00:07:41.639 --> 00:07:45.079 sends the wrong message. I don't think I follow. I'm not into you, 116 00:07:45.199 --> 00:07:48.439 Captain. I love Nurse Betty Ah, and I find this all to 117 00:07:48.480 --> 00:07:53.480 be very worrisome. I really don't see why. I just I just want 118 00:07:53.480 --> 00:07:56.800 to place my hand on your butt for I don't know, like ten seconds. 119 00:07:56.839 --> 00:08:00.000 Just two things, my hand and your butt meeting for ten second. 120 00:08:00.560 --> 00:08:03.639 That's all I ask of you. Yes, but you're married. I'm not 121 00:08:03.720 --> 00:08:05.839 gay or bye, and even if I were, I think I could do 122 00:08:05.879 --> 00:08:09.720 better than you. There I said it. Oh, well, we all 123 00:08:09.759 --> 00:08:11.319 know that isn't true. I'm a captain, a captain of the police, 124 00:08:11.600 --> 00:08:16.360 so so you couldn't do any better than me. There's no way I think 125 00:08:16.399 --> 00:08:20.079 that's actually accurate. Time, Yeah, it's accurate. He gave me twenty 126 00:08:20.079 --> 00:08:22.560 dollars. Do you get the fire shock I can buy? Timmy, you're 127 00:08:22.600 --> 00:08:26.680 seventeen. Stop saying oh old I am. I know already and that's your 128 00:08:26.720 --> 00:08:30.759 age of damn twat. I hate you, guys. I don't care what 129 00:08:30.839 --> 00:08:33.159 anyone says. I know I could do better, but it doesn't even matter. 130 00:08:33.399 --> 00:08:37.519 I'm not interested. So no, captain, you don't get to slap 131 00:08:37.600 --> 00:08:41.120 my little butt. Who said anything about slapping? I just said tapping, 132 00:08:41.519 --> 00:08:45.600 tapping, little tap tap either way, No, fine, destroy this child's 133 00:08:45.600 --> 00:08:48.000 wish. It wasn't his wish, it was yours. Sure, yeah, 134 00:08:48.039 --> 00:08:52.879 that made me true, But you know what isn't true that my hand won't 135 00:08:52.879 --> 00:08:56.519 be on your little booty at some point. What you heard me? Now, 136 00:08:56.960 --> 00:09:01.120 I'm gonna go. I'll see you dick wits tomorrow. Peace. Well, 137 00:09:01.200 --> 00:09:05.240 that whole thing was annoying. I agree to, even though I did 138 00:09:05.240 --> 00:09:09.360 get some awesome firetruck money. Jesus Christ, Timmy, You're seventeen. Stop 139 00:09:09.399 --> 00:09:13.120 buying toys. I'm dying. Fuck you, fuck you. I hope what 140 00:09:13.200 --> 00:09:16.440 I have is contagious. It's do I want another? Make a wish? 141 00:09:16.519 --> 00:09:24.679 Did call someone? Fuck you? Fuck you? Cop Doctor, Cop Doctors 142 00:09:24.679 --> 00:09:30.960 Written and edited by Robert M. Lamb, starring Jack Austin as justin Case 143 00:09:31.679 --> 00:09:37.879 and Robert M. Lamb as justin Time, co starring Kim s and Jack 144 00:09:37.919 --> 00:09:43.320 Austin as a bunch of other characters. Music provided by Kevin McLeod of incompetech 145 00:09:43.440 --> 00:09:46.240 dot Com. If you enjoy this podcast, don't forget to rate and review, 146 00:09:48.039 --> 00:09:52.240 and visit www dot seven lamb dot com for more podcasts such as this 147 00:09:52.440 --> 00:10:05.840 one. This has been a seven lam production.