Seven, Lamb Productions Presents Cough Doctors, Episode twenty nine, Make a Witch.
Now listen here, Timmy, not only do you have to take your
pills, but you also have to stop unplugging the monitor. Why don't you
just leave me alone because I'm your doctor. A lot of good that does.
You can't even keep me healthy. You suck one time, and only
for money. See. Hey, we're trying our hardest here. Don't be
a little brat. I'll be whatever I want to be. I keep getting
sicker anyway, even if I take the pills. Case, let me handle
this to make your way to talk. Man the man, he just called
me a brat. Well, in all fairness, you are a brad.
You've been one ever since you arrived. But I'm trying to level with you.
We're trying to take care of you. Your family's worried about you.
You need to eat, you need to take your pills. You need to
stop getting up and hiding and scaring the nurses. You need to stop on
plugging everything, and you need to stop with the spit balls. That wasn't
me. Listen, I know this is hard for you, do you do
you know? Because I'm dying and no one could do anything about it,
and I've been stuck in my bed all day every day. You guys want
to stop the only fun I get to have. You scared one of the
nurses so bad she shit herself. No, my fault, she didn't go
potty before she got here. Okay, you know what, kid, enough's
enough. You need to start behaving. You need to start behaving now.
I don't have to do anything well your little case, Relax, Relax,
he's doing this on purpose. Time and Case had been spending a lot of
time with the youngest patient today, little Timmy. Timmy was seventeen, not
so young, but young enough. If he was seventeen where I come from,
he would have already chosen three wives and had fourteen children and they're good.
Whatever. What do I know? In American Land? He was a
child. What am I gonna do about him? Time? I don't know.
I think he knows he still needs to take his medicine, But does
he really see? Little Timmy was terminally ill, but the coup doctor were
trying the damn this to make him better. Excuse me, doctor, so
are you doctor? Time? In doctor case, we are? I'm Harvey
Gleco from the Make a Wish Foundation. I'm here on the account of poor
little Timmy. He's seventeen. Okay, well we gret wishes for kids still
er eighteen, he's still a little boy in our eyes. Fine, well
he's inside. May I see him? Sure, but watch out. He
loves his pranks, especially spit boss and scaring people. He's a bit rambunctious,
mister Gleco. Don't worry. I won't be along. Just gonna make
a little man's dream come true. Ha told you you did. They did
tell me you're a rambuncious little fell hot. Now, please, doctors,
I'd like a little time with poor dying Timmy here, okay, time end
case waited in the hallway. What do you think he'll wish for? Rob
let us say some celebrity or some shit like Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow or
Amber heard as a giant turd. Or maybe he'll just wish for some more
paper to make spitballs. One minute later, mister Gleco, come out,
Everything go all right in there. You didn't try to tip you with the
monitor cable, did he? No? He was very cordial and his wish
is one of the easiest we've ever had to work with. What did he
ask for? Well, he wants you to to kiss? What? Timmy,
what the hell are you doing, your little bastard? Guys? Please,
mister Gleco, what's going on? Why are my doctors so mad?
Does this mean they're not going to kiss? Of course they'll kiss, the
hell they will. You're doing this just to be a jerk. No,
I really want to see you kiss each other. Guys, he just wants
to see you kiss. What kind of wishes? That an easy one?
Now do it? No, actually, it is really easy. We don't
need to prepper or make any calls you too, Just do it right now,
like, turn to face each other and go on in French, French
or regular, whatever you want to do. No French, I want them
to French hard. He wants you a French hardfellas we heard him, We
are not kissing. Why not wish for something different, something more normal?
I'm not normal, of course you're normal. Tell him he's normal, doctors.
No, why not wish to meet a celebrity like Chris Evans or Daniel
Craig, or Johnny Depp or Johnny depp sex girlfriend? Amber heard No,
I heard her career has really shit the bed. That was pretty good.
Why not dress this Batman for a day and stop a villain? No,
I don't even like Batman. If I was to be a superhero, I
would be Megatron. It's not even a superhero. Should I know? You're
just playing dumb? No? I really am dumb, and I can't play
because I'm permanently ill terminally. What's the difference, I mean, it really
isn't one. Guys, leave him alone, mister Gleco. All I wanted
was for my two doctors to kiss. That's all. That was my one
and only wish. Please, mister Gleco, make it come true. Make
me a happy boy. Gentlemen, it's his final wish. Are you going
to take that from him? Do you want to see this young man happy?
We are not kissing. It doesn't even have to last long. No,
I want it to last at least ten seconds. Oh okay, he
wants it to last at least ten seconds. We can hear him. That's
a long ass kiss. But it'll go buy fast, get it over with,
get a quick back. No, I want tongue. Oh okay,
he wants tongue, Just French hard for ten seconds, what the hell is
wrong with you? What are you guys? Homophobes? Just do it?
Yeah, don't be homophobes. It's just you know, we aren't gay.
You don't have to be gay. We're not kissing. Fine one second,
let me talk to my constituent, real quick. Constituent, Mister Gleco g
lapped over to Timmy's bedside. They whisper back end forth a few times.
Okay, doctors, Timmy has a new wish. He wants I guess me
to tap doctor times little bud. He wants you to what. He wants
me to tap your little booty. Just a playful little tap tap on the
back side will make him very happy. No way, actually, time,
Maybe that's not such a big deal. We don't have to French hard now.
No, I don't want mister Gleco tapping my little booty. How long
is the tap? I don't know, at least ten seconds. That is
not a tap. You guys are being totally unreasonable. We are This whole
thing seems ridiculous. Something's not right here. No, no, let me
see some I d mister Harvey Gleco id ID I don't have to show you
any stinking id are you who you say you really are? Yes, I
say who I really am. Wait a second, those shoes that belt,
those eyelashes? Yes, Oh my god, you're not Harvey Gleco. You're
just then time pulled off Gleco's mustache, Our captain. Well, damn it
all that Hell's looks like it caught me, you, sexy captain? What
are you doing here? Isn't it obvious? I dressed up as Harvey Gleck
Oh so I could coerce this fine young gentleman to convince you to be the
sweet little spark lug that you are. I internally jumped with glee when you
turned down his first wish because the second one was so much better. I
just want to touch you a little butt time. It's all I want to
do, touch a little butt. But it's all I've ever wanted. But
you are not touching my butt. Well you relax, It's not like I
want to touch the hole, just the outside butt. No. How'd you
convince Timmy to go along with all this? Yeah? Well he's a brat
and I gave him twenty bucks. I'm gonna buy a fire truck with all
that money. You're seventeen. Fuck you? No, fuck you. Fuck
you guys. Stop Captain. You understand that this is all very inappropriate and
sends the wrong message. I don't think I follow. I'm not into you,
Captain. I love Nurse Betty Ah, and I find this all to
be very worrisome. I really don't see why. I just I just want
to place my hand on your butt for I don't know, like ten seconds.
Just two things, my hand and your butt meeting for ten second.
That's all I ask of you. Yes, but you're married. I'm not
gay or bye, and even if I were, I think I could do
better than you. There I said it. Oh, well, we all
know that isn't true. I'm a captain, a captain of the police,
so so you couldn't do any better than me. There's no way I think
that's actually accurate. Time, Yeah, it's accurate. He gave me twenty
dollars. Do you get the fire shock I can buy? Timmy, you're
seventeen. Stop saying oh old I am. I know already and that's your
age of damn twat. I hate you, guys. I don't care what
anyone says. I know I could do better, but it doesn't even matter.
I'm not interested. So no, captain, you don't get to slap
my little butt. Who said anything about slapping? I just said tapping,
tapping, little tap tap either way, No, fine, destroy this child's
wish. It wasn't his wish, it was yours. Sure, yeah,
that made me true, But you know what isn't true that my hand won't
be on your little booty at some point. What you heard me? Now,
I'm gonna go. I'll see you dick wits tomorrow. Peace. Well,
that whole thing was annoying. I agree to, even though I did
get some awesome firetruck money. Jesus Christ, Timmy, You're seventeen. Stop
buying toys. I'm dying. Fuck you, fuck you. I hope what
I have is contagious. It's do I want another? Make a wish?
Did call someone? Fuck you? Fuck you? Cop Doctor, Cop Doctors
Written and edited by Robert M. Lamb, starring Jack Austin as justin Case
and Robert M. Lamb as justin Time, co starring Kim s and Jack
Austin as a bunch of other characters. Music provided by Kevin McLeod of incompetech
dot Com. If you enjoy this podcast, don't forget to rate and review,
and visit www dot seven lamb dot com for more podcasts such as this
one. This has been a seven lam production.