WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:11.119 This is Pod Popular Podcast for the People, The Great Love Debate. It's 2 00:00:11.119 --> 00:00:17.559 the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate. 3 00:00:17.920 --> 00:00:22.120 Hi again everyone, It's Brian how We welcome to the Great Love Debate, 4 00:00:22.160 --> 00:00:25.879 the world's number one dating and relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. I am 5 00:00:25.920 --> 00:00:31.000 back here in the very fine studios of Pod Popular Podcasts for the People. 6 00:00:31.399 --> 00:00:35.079 I am at the one in Scottsdale, Arizona. It is the full Scott's 7 00:00:35.159 --> 00:00:39.520 Dazzle going on out here. Right. I always recommend hopping a plane and 8 00:00:39.520 --> 00:00:42.640 coming to the desert. It's very, very nice. So I've always been 9 00:00:42.640 --> 00:00:48.240 fascinated by people who are willing to share their experiences. They're willing to share 10 00:00:48.280 --> 00:00:51.880 their journey. They're willing to share their share their ups and downs, their 11 00:00:51.920 --> 00:00:56.200 pains and all of that. And I have somebody in here. He's going 12 00:00:56.240 --> 00:01:00.600 to join me today. She's very smart, not just in terms of her 13 00:01:00.640 --> 00:01:04.079 eloquence in talking about this, but in terms of being able to realize where 14 00:01:04.079 --> 00:01:08.120 she is in her journey in life and love, where she wants to go 15 00:01:08.359 --> 00:01:14.359 on her journey in life and love, and being able to talk about that 16 00:01:14.640 --> 00:01:18.159 almost a while. It's happening in real time now. She wrote a memoir 17 00:01:18.560 --> 00:01:23.400 and she's not that old. I guess autobiographies are for old people. And 18 00:01:23.519 --> 00:01:26.959 yeah, I talked about this and they were you know. I always say 19 00:01:27.000 --> 00:01:30.400 the difference between a memoir and an autobiography is a memoir is about experiences, 20 00:01:30.439 --> 00:01:34.519 and an autobiography it is about events, and the experiences are what make up 21 00:01:34.560 --> 00:01:38.599 a life. I think. Anyway, she wrote a book, it's called 22 00:01:38.640 --> 00:01:42.719 Piece of Work. She's a podcast called piece of Work. She is, 23 00:01:42.760 --> 00:01:46.079 in fact a piece of work. We're all a piece of work, Brian, 24 00:01:46.280 --> 00:01:49.400 as well as well as a work in progress. I would said my 25 00:01:49.400 --> 00:01:56.319 autobiography would be something like unfinished project, Danielle Tantone, how are you? 26 00:01:56.599 --> 00:01:59.280 I'm great, Thank you for having me. This is so fun. What 27 00:01:59.680 --> 00:02:04.879 and when did you decide I'm going to start chronicling my experiences. Well, 28 00:02:04.920 --> 00:02:08.439 I wouldn't really call it chronicling my experiences. Were you a diary keeper? 29 00:02:09.039 --> 00:02:12.439 Uh? Yeah? I journaled. I've always been a writer. I was 30 00:02:12.479 --> 00:02:17.560 a journalism major my first degree, and I've always been a writer. And 31 00:02:17.800 --> 00:02:23.879 I've always thought that real life is stranger than fiction and way more interesting. 32 00:02:24.639 --> 00:02:30.319 I remember watching friends in college and I would tell my roommates, you know, 33 00:02:30.479 --> 00:02:34.240 I'm going to write a book about like a real life, and they're 34 00:02:34.240 --> 00:02:38.319 like, what would be interesting about this? And I'm like, everything's interesting 35 00:02:38.360 --> 00:02:40.800 about this, just the interactions and the things that happen and the relationships. 36 00:02:40.960 --> 00:02:45.400 Yeah, I think everything's interesting. You know. I always say about a 37 00:02:45.400 --> 00:02:50.000 good podcast or good book that somebody needs to consume it and not just think 38 00:02:50.080 --> 00:02:53.000 that's you. They need to think that's me exactly, and they need to 39 00:02:53.039 --> 00:02:55.639 find a perspective that they can share. They need to see experiences they can 40 00:02:55.680 --> 00:03:00.000 share, and mostly the emotions that are like, oh, she's going through 41 00:03:00.120 --> 00:03:04.719 something similar to me, and there's a real solace in feeling I'm not the 42 00:03:04.759 --> 00:03:08.159 only one. And that right there, Brian, is what a memoir does. 43 00:03:08.560 --> 00:03:13.879 A memoir is a story from a life. An autobiography is a story 44 00:03:13.879 --> 00:03:16.280 of a life. And so you don't necessarily have to be famous. You 45 00:03:16.319 --> 00:03:21.840 have to be someone who who's experienced some things and who can process it and 46 00:03:23.400 --> 00:03:27.879 share it in a vulnerable way that people see themselves in you, even if 47 00:03:27.919 --> 00:03:31.319 your story is completely crazy and completely different than anything they've lived themselves. I 48 00:03:31.759 --> 00:03:35.639 can't tell you how many people have read my memoir and have come to me 49 00:03:35.759 --> 00:03:38.400 and said, oh my gosh, I feel so seen, like we have 50 00:03:38.479 --> 00:03:46.360 this in common. And we have. And some of the most popular memoirs 51 00:03:46.599 --> 00:03:52.400 are about women who feel trapped in a situation and whether that is about a 52 00:03:52.520 --> 00:03:57.919 job, life, health, a relationship, because a lot of women experience 53 00:03:57.960 --> 00:04:01.360 that and feel that, and you have uniquely. And I'm going to give 54 00:04:01.360 --> 00:04:04.719 away almost your birthday. You're approaching fifty. You have gone through the scenes. 55 00:04:04.840 --> 00:04:11.360 I just turned forty nine a few months ago. Don't approaching fishtay before 56 00:04:11.360 --> 00:04:17.199 listening to this, Like in twenty twenty four. You went through that we'll 57 00:04:17.199 --> 00:04:19.959 call it a metamorphosis in your twenties. You went through it in your thirties. 58 00:04:20.000 --> 00:04:23.839 You went through in your forties. And I'm not saying that's necessarily unique, 59 00:04:23.879 --> 00:04:28.439 but the uniqueness I think for you is I'm really going to examine where 60 00:04:28.480 --> 00:04:30.959 I am now and what I want for the next ten years ahead. You 61 00:04:30.079 --> 00:04:33.959 kind of divide your chapters up into decades. It just worked out that way, 62 00:04:34.000 --> 00:04:38.560 and I didn't really realize that it worked out that way until this. 63 00:04:38.759 --> 00:04:44.480 I'm going through a divorce currently. I left my marriage physically on October fourteenth, 64 00:04:44.800 --> 00:04:48.720 twenty twenty three, which was exactly twenty two years after the first time 65 00:04:48.759 --> 00:04:51.399 I got married. I got married on October thirteenth, two thousand and one, 66 00:04:53.480 --> 00:04:56.519 a month after September eleventh, Oh wow, two thousand and one. 67 00:04:57.240 --> 00:05:00.240 And anyway, so that was twenty two years ago. And you know, 68 00:05:00.240 --> 00:05:02.279 if I had stayed married to him, I would have been someone who had 69 00:05:02.319 --> 00:05:05.639 been married for twenty two years. You might be instead of who I am. 70 00:05:06.040 --> 00:05:11.120 Right, but you could probably say that about anything. Everything's about, 71 00:05:11.199 --> 00:05:15.240 you know, sliding doors and forks in the road and choices that we make. 72 00:05:15.279 --> 00:05:17.519 And totally, the best part, the best thing you can do is 73 00:05:17.560 --> 00:05:21.519 sort of move forward without regret. And the worst thing is, oh if 74 00:05:21.600 --> 00:05:25.439 only if I had only done this, said this, called them back or 75 00:05:25.480 --> 00:05:29.360 whatever. You have to move forward. But there's value in looking back, 76 00:05:29.600 --> 00:05:32.680 totally, And I've always kind of had a tension between those two things, 77 00:05:32.680 --> 00:05:39.600 Like I've love looking back. I love thinking about anniversaries of things that's meaningful 78 00:05:39.639 --> 00:05:43.560 to me, that those dates and stuff. But absolutely you can't go back. 79 00:05:43.600 --> 00:05:46.639 You can only go forward. And no, so but anyway, wait, 80 00:05:46.720 --> 00:05:47.680 let me go back. So what I was trying to say was, 81 00:05:47.720 --> 00:05:50.879 so I really I got divorced less than a year later. So right at 82 00:05:50.879 --> 00:05:54.720 the end of my twenties. The first time I got divorced, you know, 83 00:05:54.720 --> 00:05:58.439 I found myself divorced, dating like crazy, kind of using that to 84 00:05:58.480 --> 00:06:00.600 fill myself up and keep myself busy. So I didn't go back to him 85 00:06:00.600 --> 00:06:05.879 because I was lonely. And and then I met my second husband, who 86 00:06:05.959 --> 00:06:11.160 was a total departure from you know, very different, and I think I 87 00:06:11.199 --> 00:06:13.920 read he was a virgin. He was a virgin when we met, and 88 00:06:13.959 --> 00:06:16.439 he stayed that way until we got married, until our wedding night. Okay, 89 00:06:16.560 --> 00:06:20.040 and then he wasn't anymore. But you knew that, Oh yeah, 90 00:06:20.040 --> 00:06:23.959 I knew that he was. He was like a Christian. He was a 91 00:06:24.040 --> 00:06:27.040 Christian. He was saving himself for marriage. I don't think I was exactly 92 00:06:27.120 --> 00:06:30.079 what he had in mind when he we were divorced. I assume you weren't 93 00:06:30.079 --> 00:06:33.000 a virgin, So yeah, I was definitely not a virgin. And even 94 00:06:33.040 --> 00:06:38.040 if I hadn't been divorced, I wasn't raised with that right, with that 95 00:06:38.160 --> 00:06:41.439 value. Not that I was like taught to sleep around or anything, but 96 00:06:41.759 --> 00:06:45.160 it just wasn't I wasn't raised a Christian. I was raised jewish. I 97 00:06:45.279 --> 00:06:47.160 was not, you know, super he must have been so nervous that first 98 00:06:47.240 --> 00:06:50.680 night. No, you wait your whole life for this. How old was 99 00:06:50.720 --> 00:06:54.480 he? He was fine? Old was he? He was twenty six, 100 00:06:54.800 --> 00:06:57.600 that's not terrible. No, and he was fine. And like, you 101 00:06:57.600 --> 00:06:59.920 know, we kissed and stuff. I mean, it wasn't like him, 102 00:07:00.000 --> 00:07:05.519 okay, but anyway, the point is so he was a departure from all 103 00:07:05.560 --> 00:07:10.439 the guys who only wanted one thing, and he was refreshing. And I 104 00:07:10.480 --> 00:07:13.519 did like that. And I also became a Christian, and you know, 105 00:07:13.639 --> 00:07:16.639 tried to mold myself into this perfect Christian wife. And I you know, 106 00:07:16.680 --> 00:07:20.199 that's where I went wrong. You can't really I tried to be something I 107 00:07:20.319 --> 00:07:25.319 wasn't and that can only last so long. And I'm gonna defend the guys 108 00:07:25.319 --> 00:07:28.839 who are always accused of only wanting one thing. I say, we also 109 00:07:28.920 --> 00:07:30.040 want one thing. True, I don't think we all. And you know 110 00:07:30.079 --> 00:07:32.639 what, if girls are really honest, we like that one thing too. 111 00:07:32.800 --> 00:07:40.360 I agree. So you once you got divorced the first time, did you 112 00:07:40.360 --> 00:07:43.160 feel a need to quickly get back out, like erase it from your mind? 113 00:07:43.160 --> 00:07:44.560 That was a mistake. I need to do this right, and I 114 00:07:44.639 --> 00:07:47.959 do this again? What was that process for me? My personality, especially 115 00:07:48.000 --> 00:07:51.959 back then and even but even still I've noticed is that I'm a go getter. 116 00:07:53.160 --> 00:07:56.279 Like you know, if I'm feeling a little lonely, feeling a little 117 00:07:56.480 --> 00:07:59.560 a little depressed, I go out and do something. I so, Yes, 118 00:08:00.120 --> 00:08:03.439 online dating was sort of new. Then I went on match dot Com. 119 00:08:05.600 --> 00:08:07.120 I can't remember if there were any other. Oh there was jay Date, 120 00:08:07.240 --> 00:08:11.959 which was to find Jewish men, and I did. Actually, I 121 00:08:11.000 --> 00:08:15.120 have a couple of people that I met through jay Date that I'm still friends 122 00:08:15.120 --> 00:08:18.839 with. In this in this something we said like, it didn't it didn't 123 00:08:18.920 --> 00:08:20.360 create a love match, but I have I have a couple of people that 124 00:08:20.399 --> 00:08:24.480 I can think of that I'm still really close friends with. So back up 125 00:08:24.519 --> 00:08:28.199 one second. When did you know your this question? I always ask the 126 00:08:28.199 --> 00:08:31.759 divorced people, and I think I told you this. I don't ask why 127 00:08:31.800 --> 00:08:35.080 you got divorced. I asked, when did you know in your first marriage 128 00:08:35.200 --> 00:08:39.919 that this wasn't going to be happily ever after? Well, we were in 129 00:08:39.000 --> 00:08:46.720 Mexico with for in Rocky Point with a group of friends from work, and 130 00:08:46.759 --> 00:08:50.399 we were out having fun and and we just were we got in a fight, 131 00:08:50.080 --> 00:08:56.559 and he took off his wedding ring the next day and left it in 132 00:08:56.679 --> 00:09:00.759 a he he broke his nose first, well, he was the only one 133 00:09:00.799 --> 00:09:03.879 not drinking of the group. He ran it. He bumped into a sliding 134 00:09:03.879 --> 00:09:07.240 glass door like walking out to the patio while we were all out at the 135 00:09:07.279 --> 00:09:11.279 beach, broke his nose, and then he wanted to He didn't want to 136 00:09:11.279 --> 00:09:13.720 go to a Mexican hospital, so he decided to take a bus home. 137 00:09:13.960 --> 00:09:16.399 And I was like, that's the silliest thing. And he decided to take 138 00:09:16.399 --> 00:09:18.679 off his wedding ring, leave it there with a bloodstained note that said I 139 00:09:18.679 --> 00:09:22.759 won't be needing this anymore. I'm taking a bus home, and he broke 140 00:09:22.799 --> 00:09:26.600 his nose. It was it was a silly It was a silly dramatic It 141 00:09:26.639 --> 00:09:28.919 was one of those. It was like a cry for attention. He didn't 142 00:09:28.960 --> 00:09:33.360 mean it, but I'm like, seriously, he's gonna leave me in Mexico 143 00:09:33.519 --> 00:09:35.559 like the marriage. We were fighting. It was a silly fight. It 144 00:09:35.639 --> 00:09:41.159 was like Jesus, but really I should have examined whether he was well. 145 00:09:41.639 --> 00:09:43.919 This is the rest of my life. Our relationship is a lot about crisis 146 00:09:43.919 --> 00:09:46.759 resolution. And if that's the way they handle it, that is a sign 147 00:09:46.840 --> 00:09:50.200 that maybe not going to your thirties like that. Exactly. So by the 148 00:09:50.200 --> 00:09:54.879 time I came back home, you know, was with him as he was 149 00:09:54.919 --> 00:09:56.559 getting his nose fixed and everything. He begged me not to leave, and 150 00:09:56.600 --> 00:10:01.720 I'm like, you left me, He left me and Mexico like I it 151 00:10:01.799 --> 00:10:05.919 was already over for me. And that was really the icing, you know 152 00:10:05.039 --> 00:10:09.000 on the cake that was wasn't it before we get into your third marriage, 153 00:10:09.000 --> 00:10:11.080 your second marriage, how when did you know that wasn't going to be fifty 154 00:10:11.120 --> 00:10:15.559 years? That one was a little more complicated. We were married nine years. 155 00:10:16.519 --> 00:10:22.879 Unfortunately, I made some very poor life choices that had to do with 156 00:10:22.960 --> 00:10:28.639 a little bit of like my always seeking for love. I had a little 157 00:10:28.639 --> 00:10:31.120 bit of a for lack of a better term, love addiction when I was 158 00:10:31.200 --> 00:10:37.720 when I was younger, and that because I became a Christian and I married 159 00:10:37.720 --> 00:10:41.679 this pure, amazing guy, I thought we just wouldn't have any issues. 160 00:10:41.679 --> 00:10:46.919 I thought that wouldn't you know, rear its ugly ass in our marriage because 161 00:10:46.559 --> 00:10:50.960 I was a Christian, I was saved. I wasn't going to have struggles 162 00:10:50.000 --> 00:10:54.080 with that. And it came up, you know so, And anyway, 163 00:10:54.080 --> 00:10:56.799 long story short, I was unfaithful to him. I told him about it 164 00:10:56.799 --> 00:11:01.799 because I am brutal. I can't. I can't be anything other than honest, 165 00:11:01.840 --> 00:11:07.080 like I just I can't. I'm an honest person. I probably could 166 00:11:07.080 --> 00:11:09.440 have told them differently. There's so many things I could have done differently. 167 00:11:09.480 --> 00:11:13.960 But long story short, for three years we tried to make it work and 168 00:11:13.000 --> 00:11:16.600 it just kept unraveling more and more. And that's that's all in my memoir. 169 00:11:16.679 --> 00:11:24.159 The memoir is mostly about did you know that sex obviously was important to 170 00:11:24.200 --> 00:11:31.120 you going into a relationship with somebody who who obviously was either wasn't not wasn't 171 00:11:31.159 --> 00:11:37.720 important, but it was clearly secondary to their faith. That could be an 172 00:11:37.759 --> 00:11:39.000 issue going in. I'm not saying that's a good thing or a bad thing, 173 00:11:39.240 --> 00:11:43.440 but you know, that's not really That wasn't really the issue, and 174 00:11:43.480 --> 00:11:50.440 we had no issues with that. And for him putting that, you know, 175 00:11:50.639 --> 00:11:52.960 really it's really not my place to talk about that. But it wasn't 176 00:11:54.039 --> 00:12:00.000 that that sex was secondary at all. It was more putting Jesus before before 177 00:12:00.159 --> 00:12:03.559 I love Jesus and not budding said I love Danielle. You know, his 178 00:12:03.679 --> 00:12:07.759 values and saving that part of himself for his wife and not for anybody else. 179 00:12:09.159 --> 00:12:11.080 People need that. I mean people, A lot of times the reaction 180 00:12:13.039 --> 00:12:15.720 or the action that you get in a relationship is somehow you weren't getting what 181 00:12:15.759 --> 00:12:18.559 you need. But a lot of times we don't express what it is we 182 00:12:18.639 --> 00:12:20.919 need until it's too late, because a lot of times we don't even know. 183 00:12:20.320 --> 00:12:24.200 For me, it was I think a chase for this excitement. It 184 00:12:24.279 --> 00:12:30.840 was like a drug, just the excitement and the when someone you know, 185 00:12:31.039 --> 00:12:35.559 someone new tells you you're beautiful, and so like that was the drug for 186 00:12:35.600 --> 00:12:41.759 me. Was not necessarily sex. It was just I've been examining this for 187 00:12:41.799 --> 00:12:48.399 a while. A lot of women in their forties fifties are doing things that 188 00:12:48.480 --> 00:12:54.480 I can tell an overt cry for validation, attention, almost like seventeen year 189 00:12:54.519 --> 00:12:58.120 old girls with that, because they're not getting it from their partner, they're 190 00:12:58.120 --> 00:13:01.519 not getting it out of their relationship. And it kind of does make sense. 191 00:13:01.559 --> 00:13:05.559 And I'm like, oh, if her husband just told her that he 192 00:13:07.120 --> 00:13:09.360 found her beautiful, she probably wouldn't have to enter that beauty pageant at fifty 193 00:13:09.399 --> 00:13:15.360 six, you know. But honestly, in my case, in both in 194 00:13:16.039 --> 00:13:18.720 really all three of my marriages that wasn't the case. It wasn't that my 195 00:13:18.799 --> 00:13:22.200 husband wasn't giving it to me in either. It was it you weren't receiving 196 00:13:22.200 --> 00:13:26.679 it from them. I don't know, you know, it was definitely something 197 00:13:26.759 --> 00:13:30.679 in me. It was. But I think in my second marriage the main 198 00:13:30.799 --> 00:13:35.519 thing was that I had tried to mold myself into something different than what I 199 00:13:35.639 --> 00:13:37.720 was to please him. I had to try to make myself smaller, make 200 00:13:37.759 --> 00:13:43.320 myself less outgoing, less argumentative, less talkative, because he was a very 201 00:13:43.440 --> 00:13:48.279 quiet, subdued, gentle Christian man, a wonderful man, and I just 202 00:13:48.600 --> 00:13:56.360 tried to be this meek and you know, serious Christian wife and it's not 203 00:13:56.480 --> 00:13:58.759 me who I am. You're back out in the pool again at thirty nine, 204 00:14:00.440 --> 00:14:03.679 looking at forty. So were you like, this is going to be 205 00:14:03.720 --> 00:14:07.919 different to date in my forties or was that daunting? You know? I 206 00:14:07.919 --> 00:14:11.679 didn't really ever think of it in terms of dating after that marriage. You 207 00:14:11.720 --> 00:14:16.759 know, yes, I dated a little bit. What was different about that 208 00:14:16.840 --> 00:14:22.679 time was I found myself in a series of different relationships, kind of, 209 00:14:24.080 --> 00:14:28.519 for lack of a better word, relationships like flings, reaching out to people 210 00:14:28.559 --> 00:14:31.480 that I had known previously, Guys that I had dated in high school or 211 00:14:31.519 --> 00:14:35.559 college, like a few of them, not even just one, and the 212 00:14:35.600 --> 00:14:41.240 one that I ended up marrying. So I ended up marrying one of them. 213 00:14:41.600 --> 00:14:43.440 And a lot of people do that too. They reach out to the 214 00:14:43.480 --> 00:14:48.320 familiar, you know, through Facebook and social media really allows you to kind 215 00:14:48.320 --> 00:14:52.039 of reconnect with people in a way that's probably not natural. So you got 216 00:14:52.080 --> 00:14:54.840 married a third time? How many times had he been married? He had 217 00:14:54.879 --> 00:14:58.080 been married very briefly after high school when he was in the Navy, but 218 00:14:58.240 --> 00:15:03.960 other than that, for all intents and purposes, he never lived. When 219 00:15:03.960 --> 00:15:07.000 you go into your third marriage, is it third times a charm or three 220 00:15:07.039 --> 00:15:09.759 strikes and you're out? Or what it works? I used to use that 221 00:15:09.799 --> 00:15:13.480 phrase all the time. I used to say, well, it's either third 222 00:15:13.519 --> 00:15:15.679 times a charm or three strikes you're out. Yeah, I've heard it. 223 00:15:15.759 --> 00:15:18.559 Is that. I think that you don't know? Now there's two ways to 224 00:15:18.559 --> 00:15:20.559 look at some thing, you know. I go back and forth on this, 225 00:15:22.279 --> 00:15:26.559 say somebody's been married and divorced five times. Part of me likes it 226 00:15:26.799 --> 00:15:31.120 to their Like a skateboarder, he keeps falling off but keeps getting back on. 227 00:15:31.200 --> 00:15:33.159 And trying to get it right. There's something to be said that you 228 00:15:33.279 --> 00:15:39.360 still believe in the institution to do that. But then there's something that I 229 00:15:39.399 --> 00:15:41.080 think about, like, well, who are they marrying and why are they 230 00:15:41.080 --> 00:15:45.159 marrying? And are they thinking this through before you could see both sides of 231 00:15:45.159 --> 00:15:48.639 it and every circumstances different. Well, I rushed into it all three times 232 00:15:48.759 --> 00:15:54.879 for totally different reasons each time, and I won't do that again, that's 233 00:15:54.919 --> 00:15:58.120 for sure. I actually used to say three strikes you're out, or third 234 00:15:58.120 --> 00:16:00.720 times a charm. But their way, there won't be a fourth marriage. 235 00:16:02.320 --> 00:16:06.720 I'm why would you say that? Mostly just because I never saw myself as 236 00:16:06.759 --> 00:16:08.759 someone who would be married three times. I mean, you picture just this 237 00:16:10.519 --> 00:16:12.799 a different type of person than who I am. I've always been a romantic. 238 00:16:12.799 --> 00:16:17.240 I've always believed in like love forever, happily ever after, And just 239 00:16:17.679 --> 00:16:21.080 the fact that I've failed at it already three times. Failed is a wrong 240 00:16:21.120 --> 00:16:23.240 word. But we're going to get into all along with failure. Nothing's wrong. 241 00:16:23.399 --> 00:16:26.360 We learn from failure. I gotta take a quick break because we got 242 00:16:26.399 --> 00:16:30.159 to pay for not four or five marriages around here. I'm probably not doing 243 00:16:30.200 --> 00:16:34.559 that. I'm with Danielle Tantone. She is a piece of work, and 244 00:16:34.600 --> 00:16:37.960 she is the author of a piece of work. And we will be back 245 00:16:37.200 --> 00:16:45.440 right after this, and we are back nobody. I don't think anybody pictures 246 00:16:45.440 --> 00:16:48.559 themselves three marriages. I mean some people do, look at Oh, this 247 00:16:48.639 --> 00:16:52.559 is a starter marriage, and there's a lot of school of thought on that. 248 00:16:52.919 --> 00:16:56.840 Do you believe, though, that the love of your life is still 249 00:16:57.240 --> 00:17:03.879 ahead of you? You know what? I really didn't, but I've my 250 00:17:03.640 --> 00:17:07.000 I did. I thought I was too old. I thought, you know, 251 00:17:07.279 --> 00:17:10.000 I've had breast cancer. I don't even have nipples. I mean, 252 00:17:10.440 --> 00:17:12.640 I'm forty nine. I'm not nearly as fun or as cute as I have. 253 00:17:12.680 --> 00:17:15.279 You referred to them as the Barbie boobs. Yeah, I like to 254 00:17:15.359 --> 00:17:18.839 call them barbies. I don't think guys are as freaked out by that as 255 00:17:18.880 --> 00:17:22.319 you think. You know, They're surprisingly not. I think we're just happy 256 00:17:22.319 --> 00:17:27.000 to be there. Yeah, I'm it's interesting, It's it's been anyway. 257 00:17:27.680 --> 00:17:33.559 I'm I'm forever an optimist. I won't but I will be very careful and 258 00:17:33.640 --> 00:17:37.759 I'm going to take some more time to just grow and be with myself. 259 00:17:37.799 --> 00:17:44.799 I'm I actually like myself for the first time in my life and going through 260 00:17:44.839 --> 00:17:48.920 the process of thinking back and chronicling this and talking about it, has that 261 00:17:48.960 --> 00:17:52.240 made you examine and you're less hard on yourself. No, Oh, definitely, 262 00:17:52.400 --> 00:17:56.640 I you know, Oh, I used to believe in a life of 263 00:17:56.680 --> 00:18:00.160 no regrets. I can't say that. I mean, there are some things 264 00:18:00.160 --> 00:18:03.079 that I could. I would definitely like to go back and tell myself, 265 00:18:03.160 --> 00:18:08.160 don't do that, it is not worth it. But but yeah, you 266 00:18:08.200 --> 00:18:11.640 know, like you said, I think I just listened to one of your 267 00:18:11.640 --> 00:18:15.160 podcast episodes and one of the things you or your guests said was that you 268 00:18:15.200 --> 00:18:19.240 can't judge your your younger self based on what you know now. You know 269 00:18:19.480 --> 00:18:23.640 you made the best choices you could given where you were at that point, 270 00:18:23.799 --> 00:18:26.319 or you made the worst choices you could. I think, you know, 271 00:18:26.440 --> 00:18:30.880 And there's other It's about, you know, taking a glance to the past, 272 00:18:32.400 --> 00:18:36.160 try and absorb what you can, and then moving forward with passion and 273 00:18:36.279 --> 00:18:41.039 purpose. So if you believe the life you've always wanted, or maybe the 274 00:18:41.079 --> 00:18:44.839 life you now want, which could be two different things, are ahead of 275 00:18:44.880 --> 00:18:48.720 you, you can look at the the breast cancer as a metaphor for you 276 00:18:48.759 --> 00:18:52.839 have been a survivor and you survived. You survived mostly yourself, which I 277 00:18:52.839 --> 00:18:56.519 think we don't do that a lot. We were like, oh, I 278 00:18:56.519 --> 00:19:00.440 survive bad relationships. I survived myself and my life. And now I'm approaching 279 00:19:00.480 --> 00:19:06.240 fifty and you're probably halfway, and now you can redo all the things you 280 00:19:06.279 --> 00:19:10.920 want to do. And I think that's the difference really fundamentally between an optimist 281 00:19:10.920 --> 00:19:14.880 and pessimist is like, I've had bad things. I've had really shitty things 282 00:19:14.920 --> 00:19:18.240 happened to me last week, last month, last year, and over the 283 00:19:18.319 --> 00:19:23.160 last fifty years. But I do always see a silver lining. I always 284 00:19:23.160 --> 00:19:29.200 see something the light ahead. I've just always been able to see that. 285 00:19:29.799 --> 00:19:33.200 So you've gone back, You're back in the dating pool. Yeah, you 286 00:19:33.240 --> 00:19:37.079 know. Plus they're a little bit do you lead with I'm about to get 287 00:19:37.079 --> 00:19:38.880 divorced for you're not officially divorced, right, Yeah, I'm about to get 288 00:19:38.880 --> 00:19:41.839 divorced for the third time. Well, I'm not like, I'm not on 289 00:19:42.079 --> 00:19:47.559 like a million dating sites. I went on one dating site for about twenty 290 00:19:47.599 --> 00:19:51.680 four hours and I've already I'm not even Somebody bumps into you at at home 291 00:19:51.720 --> 00:19:55.200 depot and they ask you out and you're like, okay, I'm going through 292 00:19:55.240 --> 00:20:00.039 that has never happened? What might? And they're like, are you married? 293 00:20:00.119 --> 00:20:04.240 And You're like, I'm getting divorced and might probably. I usually tell 294 00:20:04.240 --> 00:20:07.640 people I'm in the middle of a divorce, but does the third time matter? 295 00:20:08.200 --> 00:20:11.079 It's kind of like we had somebody who come to one of our live 296 00:20:11.079 --> 00:20:14.759 shows, this woman, and she's like, I'm a widow for this for 297 00:20:14.839 --> 00:20:18.920 the sixth time, and I'm like, part of me right, and we're 298 00:20:18.960 --> 00:20:22.359 like, what's common denominated here here? Yeah? But she's like and I'm 299 00:20:22.359 --> 00:20:25.480 hoping for a seventh and I'm like, I don't want to be the seventh. 300 00:20:25.680 --> 00:20:29.640 Well, Brian, anyone who's spent more than ten minutes with me knows 301 00:20:29.680 --> 00:20:34.160 that I do tend to drop all the bombshells like pretty quickly, right, 302 00:20:34.440 --> 00:20:38.799 But I think I do that. I guess I don't want people to find 303 00:20:38.799 --> 00:20:42.359 out later like I'd rather just well, it's something to talk I'll tell you. 304 00:20:42.599 --> 00:20:45.480 I think that I think that, you know, I think I talked 305 00:20:45.480 --> 00:20:48.839 about this on a recent podcast. You know, there's always this adage that 306 00:20:48.880 --> 00:20:52.720 you shouldn't talk about past relationships on early dates or whatever. I think we 307 00:20:52.839 --> 00:20:56.559 learn. I want to know what, where, why, when why, 308 00:20:56.599 --> 00:20:59.799 Because I want to see if they've learned those things. If people are just 309 00:20:59.720 --> 00:21:03.400 just dismissive, like I dated a bunch of jerks or or just didn't work 310 00:21:03.440 --> 00:21:06.440 out or whatever, that doesn't give me anything in terms of growth. I 311 00:21:06.480 --> 00:21:08.559 want to know that the other person has has grown and that we're in a 312 00:21:08.599 --> 00:21:11.640 place where because I think you know, once you get over forty, we 313 00:21:11.720 --> 00:21:17.559 all have relationships. And as as my long time very wise producer of the 314 00:21:17.599 --> 00:21:22.319 show said, the only one that really needs to last is the last one 315 00:21:22.480 --> 00:21:26.279 totally. And so the last one. Do you believe that I really thought 316 00:21:26.279 --> 00:21:29.759 the second one was the last one, and then I really thought the third 317 00:21:29.799 --> 00:21:32.559 one was the last one. And it is hard to like let go of 318 00:21:32.559 --> 00:21:34.160 that dream. That's that's hard. I mean, why do you have to 319 00:21:34.240 --> 00:21:37.960 let go of that dream? And it's good in the moment that you think 320 00:21:37.960 --> 00:21:41.079 it's the last one, that it's not, Yeah, But your dream is 321 00:21:41.119 --> 00:21:45.039 that there will be a last one. Yeah. And so that's what I 322 00:21:45.079 --> 00:21:48.680 want to get back to. You said I will not get married because you're 323 00:21:48.720 --> 00:21:52.880 afraid that you would be a four time divorce. ID has said that in 324 00:21:52.920 --> 00:21:56.920 the past because I was not okay with the idea. I really felt some 325 00:21:57.079 --> 00:22:04.599 shame around the idea that I had been married three times, and I was 326 00:22:04.640 --> 00:22:07.640 like, if I ever, if we do get divorced, I'm certainly not 327 00:22:07.640 --> 00:22:11.680 going to do it again. Like obviously marriage isn't for me. What I 328 00:22:11.720 --> 00:22:18.839 will say is that since then, I have opened my mind again, not 329 00:22:18.079 --> 00:22:22.279 necessarily to the institution of marriage. I don't know that I would be legally 330 00:22:22.319 --> 00:22:26.279 married. I don't know that I would easily share my finances and my you 331 00:22:26.319 --> 00:22:30.160 know, everything with somebody again, but I hope to share my life with 332 00:22:30.240 --> 00:22:36.200 somebody again. There is something to be said though that I think that for 333 00:22:36.279 --> 00:22:37.880 that person. And if you got divorced at twenty nine, thirty nine, 334 00:22:37.920 --> 00:22:41.640 and forty nine, I probably wouldn't be comfortable married to you at fifty eight, 335 00:22:41.359 --> 00:22:45.720 you know. But if you're like, listen, I have, you 336 00:22:45.759 --> 00:22:49.839 know, touched this stove three times and I still trust this stove and I 337 00:22:49.880 --> 00:22:52.200 want to do that, there's something to be said, Like I know my 338 00:22:52.279 --> 00:22:56.039 mistakes and I know I've gotten divorced, I still want to try this with 339 00:22:56.079 --> 00:22:59.279 you. I think some people would be open to that. Not every guy 340 00:22:59.279 --> 00:23:03.440 would be open to that, just like you know, the virgin I've been 341 00:23:03.559 --> 00:23:06.400 shocked because, like I said, I've only I was twenty four hours on 342 00:23:07.000 --> 00:23:11.839 a dating app and I and I've met a couple a handful of people organically, 343 00:23:11.519 --> 00:23:17.839 and I am a very open book. Like this conversation is not really 344 00:23:17.880 --> 00:23:21.519 that unique. I've had conversations like this with friends, with all kinds of 345 00:23:21.519 --> 00:23:26.400 people, and most I've been impressed with the guys out there, honestly, 346 00:23:26.440 --> 00:23:30.720 Like I know, most people like just talk about how awful the dating scene 347 00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:33.799 is. I've been super impressed by the type of guys that have liked my 348 00:23:33.839 --> 00:23:38.519 profile and matched with me and connected with me. That what they see in 349 00:23:38.599 --> 00:23:42.880 me, like I'm like, and they're not judgmental, I know, you 350 00:23:42.920 --> 00:23:47.680 know, some of them they might not need nipples, you know, And 351 00:23:47.920 --> 00:23:51.640 that doesn't always come up immediately immediately comes up over the appetizer. No, 352 00:23:52.839 --> 00:23:56.880 it's come up a few times and it hasn't been an issue. But everybody's 353 00:23:56.880 --> 00:23:59.839 got scars, you know. Yeah, I think that I think that people 354 00:24:00.079 --> 00:24:03.400 see when what they see in me, I mean, I think I must 355 00:24:03.440 --> 00:24:07.000 be a little cute and they you know, I think some younger guys and 356 00:24:07.079 --> 00:24:11.160 some older guys are attracted to that. But what beyond that, I think 357 00:24:11.200 --> 00:24:15.039 they see somebody who loves life and who has fun, and who is an 358 00:24:15.039 --> 00:24:19.519 optimist and who, you know, what, finds the joy? What in 359 00:24:19.559 --> 00:24:22.599 your book? Not to be a spoiler about it. Is there anything in 360 00:24:22.680 --> 00:24:25.599 your book that you're like, I thought that at the time, and I 361 00:24:25.640 --> 00:24:26.960 got that wrong. I say there about my book all the time. I 362 00:24:26.960 --> 00:24:30.319 don't agree with like seventy percent of it looking back, which is why it 363 00:24:30.319 --> 00:24:36.440 scares me to write another book. I don't think that there's like wrong or 364 00:24:36.519 --> 00:24:38.519 right when we're talking about like when you're talking about memoir, Probably it is 365 00:24:38.640 --> 00:24:41.000 things that you think or things that you decide. I think, I mean 366 00:24:41.079 --> 00:24:45.960 your interpretation of what happened looking back, you're like, I might have misjudged 367 00:24:45.039 --> 00:24:51.559 that scene that way. You know, I took fifteen years to write that 368 00:24:51.599 --> 00:24:55.400 book, so I know, I'm really really happy with that book. I 369 00:24:55.400 --> 00:24:59.799 think that I go through it in present tense, so you're you're experiencing it 370 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.240 as I experienced it, and so yes, my interpretation looking back is different, 371 00:25:04.319 --> 00:25:08.200 but I tried to really be in that moment, and I think you 372 00:25:08.319 --> 00:25:12.680 learn everything that you've gone through brings you to exactly where you are right now. 373 00:25:12.680 --> 00:25:15.039 And exactly where you are right now is exactly where you're meant to be. 374 00:25:15.119 --> 00:25:22.519 And for the old Jackie O line that you marry the first time for 375 00:25:22.680 --> 00:25:25.279 love, the second time for money, and the third time for companionship, 376 00:25:25.519 --> 00:25:27.519 I have never married for money. I've never been good at that part. 377 00:25:27.640 --> 00:25:30.960 I don't know what my problem is now. Is nice to marry for me? 378 00:25:32.039 --> 00:25:37.440 But is there something now? You admitted that you needed your love attict, 379 00:25:37.440 --> 00:25:40.079 you needed validation, you needed approval, you need all those things. 380 00:25:40.160 --> 00:25:45.599 What do you believe you need now in marriage four? Honestly, right now 381 00:25:45.200 --> 00:25:49.319 I'm not even divorced yet. I do not need anything from anybody else right 382 00:25:49.400 --> 00:25:52.720 now. Honestly, I really it's tough to date that way I need to 383 00:25:53.200 --> 00:25:57.640 and I'm not looking to date like you're looking to date. I'm telling you, 384 00:25:57.680 --> 00:26:02.240 Brian, I'm not. I Actually, when you do look today, 385 00:26:02.599 --> 00:26:07.119 you have to The women who run to the biggest trouble are the ones who 386 00:26:07.279 --> 00:26:11.039 constantly either say out loud or say to this to themselves. I don't need 387 00:26:11.480 --> 00:26:17.079 anything from anybody, because we all need either a little or a lot of 388 00:26:17.119 --> 00:26:19.759 things, or different things from lots of people. That's what brings us together. 389 00:26:19.839 --> 00:26:23.920 So you have to decide moving in when then when I am ready for 390 00:26:23.960 --> 00:26:26.720 a relationship, which I'm not now, Which is what I was trying to 391 00:26:26.759 --> 00:26:30.799 say. I told you I would like to share my life with somebody. 392 00:26:30.799 --> 00:26:36.319 I'd like to do life with somebody. I enjoy having someone to come home 393 00:26:36.359 --> 00:26:41.039 to. I enjoy that companionship. I enjoy the connection. I enjoy having 394 00:26:41.119 --> 00:26:45.759 someone who lights up when they see me. I enjoy having somebody and just 395 00:26:45.759 --> 00:26:52.400 like a golden retriever. Yeah, but that does sound healthier. That's a 396 00:26:52.440 --> 00:26:56.000 healthy description of what But what I was trying to say is I'm not quite 397 00:26:56.039 --> 00:27:00.279 there yet. I really need some time alone. I really. I think 398 00:27:00.279 --> 00:27:07.119 it's important that I enjoy being alone. But to me, that doesn't that 399 00:27:07.160 --> 00:27:11.799 doesn't necessarily mean that I can't date, because dating isn't necessarily looking for a 400 00:27:11.839 --> 00:27:15.039 mate, a lifelong mate. I'm really not looking for that right now. 401 00:27:15.079 --> 00:27:18.039 I mean, if I find it, great, but I want to just 402 00:27:18.079 --> 00:27:21.599 I just like meeting people and connecting with people and having fun, and you 403 00:27:21.640 --> 00:27:26.279 do kind of what is need that connection? And that's the biggest difference between 404 00:27:26.319 --> 00:27:32.720 how you dated it twenty four or twenty eight or thirty five or whatever. 405 00:27:32.799 --> 00:27:36.200 What's the longest you've ever been a single. I mean, I was single 406 00:27:36.240 --> 00:27:40.680 the first twenty five six years of my life, but I don't count seven 407 00:27:40.759 --> 00:27:45.960 year old single is the same. So from twenty five to forty nine, 408 00:27:45.480 --> 00:27:48.920 what's the longest period that you have had That's actually a question I haven't really 409 00:27:48.920 --> 00:27:52.799 thought about, but we're going to do the math. When I was younger, 410 00:27:53.240 --> 00:27:56.359 I didn't have a lot of serious relationships, and that's one of the 411 00:27:56.359 --> 00:28:00.640 reasons why why I married one of the first guys that I had a serious 412 00:28:00.759 --> 00:28:07.000 relationship with. So I had I had a boyfriend in college. I had 413 00:28:07.000 --> 00:28:11.359 a lot of ones that didn't work out. Most of the time, I 414 00:28:11.400 --> 00:28:14.960 felt very frustrated. I felt like the guys that I liked didn't like me 415 00:28:15.039 --> 00:28:18.480 back, and the ones that liked me I didn't like. It was always 416 00:28:18.759 --> 00:28:22.920 I didn't have a great start, a great start. I didn't have a 417 00:28:22.920 --> 00:28:30.960 great start with the love and lust and like figuring all that out. But 418 00:28:30.960 --> 00:28:36.720 but so so I think I settled, or I latched onto the first serious 419 00:28:36.759 --> 00:28:37.920 relationship. He you know, he took care of me, he felt he 420 00:28:38.000 --> 00:28:44.720 felt, made me feel cared for, and I didn't have an opportunity because 421 00:28:44.759 --> 00:28:48.519 we were living in New York City. We moved in together. I was 422 00:28:48.559 --> 00:28:49.599 sick, I was in the hospital, and he moved all my stuff in 423 00:28:49.640 --> 00:28:53.359 and he we just we moved in together for financial reasons. And it just 424 00:28:55.200 --> 00:28:57.759 I never had an opportunity to sit back and examine whether that actually was the 425 00:28:57.759 --> 00:29:00.920 person I wanted to spend the rest of my life life with, And if 426 00:29:00.920 --> 00:29:03.319 I had, I would have realized, no, you know what, we 427 00:29:03.359 --> 00:29:06.400 had some things in common. He was, he was good in certain ways, 428 00:29:06.400 --> 00:29:11.440 but he wasn't my forever person. The second time, I latched onto 429 00:29:11.480 --> 00:29:15.440 this idea of like this perfect you know, all American boy, this Christian 430 00:29:15.759 --> 00:29:21.960 you know, it was a very homeless, very beautiful, wholesome, you 431 00:29:22.000 --> 00:29:25.759 know life that I that I thought I wanted. But that wasn't one hundred 432 00:29:25.759 --> 00:29:27.640 percent me either. Well, not too many people go from j D to 433 00:29:27.680 --> 00:29:33.079 a Christian marriage, exactly exactly. It's interesting that is. Wait, you 434 00:29:33.119 --> 00:29:36.759 got to read the book. You got to read the book. Yeah. 435 00:29:36.799 --> 00:29:40.000 And then the third time, I was latching onto somebody from my past, 436 00:29:40.160 --> 00:29:44.680 somebody from high school who you know, realized he made he should have made 437 00:29:44.720 --> 00:29:47.400 the better choice and gone and gone for me instead of my best friend in 438 00:29:47.440 --> 00:29:51.640 high school, right, and and that was exciting and cool, and there 439 00:29:51.680 --> 00:29:56.480 was a there was a shared history there and also an excitement and we're both 440 00:29:56.640 --> 00:30:00.559 very passionate and fiery. And there's all kinds of reasons why I marriage did 441 00:30:00.599 --> 00:30:03.799 not work right, But now, what is it like to be married, 442 00:30:03.319 --> 00:30:10.759 first married to and second divorcing somebody who is literally an open book. Well 443 00:30:10.799 --> 00:30:12.640 you'll have to ask him. Well, you must have asked him. Are 444 00:30:12.640 --> 00:30:17.319 you comfortable you wrote the book in the middle of your third marriage? Yeah? 445 00:30:17.559 --> 00:30:19.519 He was. He We just talked last night actually, and he told 446 00:30:19.559 --> 00:30:23.519 me he's like, yeah, I was so supportive and so good with because 447 00:30:23.559 --> 00:30:29.799 he's very outgoing and you know, like me, kind of likes likes the 448 00:30:29.839 --> 00:30:34.240 attention and you know, doesn't mind that unlike my ex. So anyway, 449 00:30:34.279 --> 00:30:37.799 he told me, he's like, it's funny. I was so supportive of 450 00:30:37.839 --> 00:30:40.720 it, but it's it's really hard. Now. I just wrote a piece 451 00:30:40.960 --> 00:30:45.039 for my on my website, Danielle tantone dot com called a Couch in the 452 00:30:45.119 --> 00:30:48.000 Kitchen and it's basically about now. It's about a little bit about the dating 453 00:30:48.079 --> 00:30:55.440 and the you know what, the divorce and everything. And he he gave 454 00:30:55.480 --> 00:30:57.559 it his blessing. I was hesitant to let him read it. He read 455 00:30:57.599 --> 00:31:00.960 it, it was very hard for him to read, and then he gave 456 00:31:00.960 --> 00:31:04.720 it his blessing. But then after I posted it and shared it, he 457 00:31:04.880 --> 00:31:08.960 said that was you know, it was very hard for him. He was 458 00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:12.359 with you during your cancer cancer battle. He was and he was a great 459 00:31:12.519 --> 00:31:18.960 supporter. He never made me feel anything less than beautiful, because there's something 460 00:31:18.000 --> 00:31:21.599 to be We had a woman on our podcast a couple of years ago, 461 00:31:22.200 --> 00:31:26.359 Romy Wrightman, who went through cancer battle and it made her two things. 462 00:31:26.359 --> 00:31:30.480 It made her incredibly grateful to have the spouse that she had and also incredibly 463 00:31:30.480 --> 00:31:33.400 aware that this is not the person she wanted to be with once she beat 464 00:31:33.400 --> 00:31:37.720 this cancer. That's interesting, and that is a hard thing to be both 465 00:31:37.759 --> 00:31:41.960 grateful and then thank you. I'm out of here. Yeah. One thing 466 00:31:41.000 --> 00:31:48.680 I said about about my soon to be X recently was that he he is 467 00:31:48.079 --> 00:31:52.720 an amazing person to have in the highs and lows of life, like he 468 00:31:52.839 --> 00:31:56.519 was recently with me at the deathbed of a friend who was dying, and 469 00:31:56.559 --> 00:32:00.799 he can be in those moments and he's he cries to you of joy when 470 00:32:00.799 --> 00:32:04.519 he sees me sing I sang to him at our wedding, he's he's amazing 471 00:32:04.680 --> 00:32:08.160 at those moments he can have such empathy and joy and like, you know, 472 00:32:08.279 --> 00:32:13.759 so much support. But our everyday interactions with each other were where we 473 00:32:14.119 --> 00:32:20.079 like we fought all the time, We couldn't resolve conflict, We couldn't we 474 00:32:20.240 --> 00:32:22.000 just lost our trust for each other, you know, it was it was 475 00:32:22.039 --> 00:32:25.039 a deeper thing. So it was like, so, but he was awesome 476 00:32:25.079 --> 00:32:31.160 with the breast cancer. Are you more after going through about to be three 477 00:32:31.200 --> 00:32:37.519 divorces? Are you more confident in your ability to be a good partner moving 478 00:32:37.559 --> 00:32:43.119 forward because you have examined this so carefully? I think so, And I 479 00:32:43.119 --> 00:32:45.480 think there's still some examination to do. I think, like I said, 480 00:32:45.519 --> 00:32:49.880 I listened to your your podcast episode and it kind of reminded me that, 481 00:32:50.400 --> 00:32:52.759 you know, even though I've done a lot of work, and even though 482 00:32:52.759 --> 00:32:54.720 I wrote a whole book about it, there's still some things that I that 483 00:32:54.759 --> 00:32:59.079 are coming up even in this time that I'm like, huh, that's interesting. 484 00:32:59.119 --> 00:33:01.440 I might want to talk to somebody about that. And there's nothing wrong 485 00:33:01.519 --> 00:33:04.720 with that. I think, Like it's so it's so easy to say, 486 00:33:04.720 --> 00:33:07.960 like, oh, I don't need that we are all works in progress. 487 00:33:07.000 --> 00:33:10.440 We are all special needs children. Yeah. Now wait, that is the 488 00:33:10.480 --> 00:33:14.759 subtitle. My book's called piece of Work. But the subtitle is We're all 489 00:33:14.799 --> 00:33:16.559 a piece of work, a work in progress, and a work of art, 490 00:33:17.200 --> 00:33:20.519 all at the same time. I like that. Well, because you 491 00:33:20.599 --> 00:33:23.519 have apparently listened to this podcast before, you know that, we play something 492 00:33:23.559 --> 00:33:28.599 called worst date or first date. So you have to ei either give our 493 00:33:28.640 --> 00:33:34.519 audience and me the worst date you've ever been on or the greatest first date 494 00:33:34.559 --> 00:33:38.240 you've been on, your choice. Oh my gosh, this is hard. 495 00:33:38.359 --> 00:33:43.000 I didn't get all the way to the end of the episode, so I'm 496 00:33:43.039 --> 00:33:49.319 not prepared for this worst date or first date. So terrible date or a 497 00:33:49.359 --> 00:33:53.480 really good first date. Oh, I wish I had prepared. I'm going 498 00:33:54.359 --> 00:34:00.279 you know what, I'll just have to stick with because we're talking about my 499 00:34:00.720 --> 00:34:06.839 soon to be ex Mike. We got to have a second first date because 500 00:34:06.839 --> 00:34:08.920 we went on our first date we went to a ketillion in high school, 501 00:34:09.159 --> 00:34:15.760 where a dance we mostly went as friends. So but twenty some years later 502 00:34:15.800 --> 00:34:19.760 we had reconnected on Facebook and I had flown out to Nashville to see him. 503 00:34:19.800 --> 00:34:22.320 He was living there at the time. We both grew up here in 504 00:34:22.320 --> 00:34:27.760 Arizona, went to high school. So twenty years later I flew out to 505 00:34:27.840 --> 00:34:30.920 Nashville. And so our second first date, we'll go with that as the 506 00:34:30.920 --> 00:34:34.519 most date we went. I mean, we went out to dinner. We 507 00:34:34.599 --> 00:34:38.119 I think we had sushi, and then we went to a local brew house 508 00:34:38.199 --> 00:34:44.559 and saw his friend's band play. And you know, there's a picture of 509 00:34:44.639 --> 00:34:47.119 us that's like the best picture we've ever taken, and it was just a 510 00:34:47.159 --> 00:34:52.119 great It was a great second first date. That's a good that's a nice 511 00:34:52.199 --> 00:34:55.800 see. Isn't that nice looking back? And that picture was in last week 512 00:34:55.840 --> 00:35:00.320 there was a Wall Street Journal article that where we were featured in a about 513 00:35:00.480 --> 00:35:04.400 divorcing couples staying living together because of the housing market, and they use that 514 00:35:04.480 --> 00:35:07.679 picture and it was like kind of like bittersweet. It wasn't so bad after 515 00:35:07.719 --> 00:35:09.960 all ten years ago. Yeah, that is sweet. And that's not as 516 00:35:09.960 --> 00:35:13.320 in common, I'm common as you think, is that when people go through 517 00:35:13.320 --> 00:35:15.119 this, they just let me call that guy from high school. Because a 518 00:35:15.159 --> 00:35:20.239 lot of people are coming back out of those second third marriages and that's the 519 00:35:20.280 --> 00:35:22.920 lot of the pool. All right, tell everybody how they can find you 520 00:35:22.039 --> 00:35:25.400 and your book and your podcast and all that. The book is called piece 521 00:35:25.440 --> 00:35:28.599 of Work, a memoir. We're all a piece of work, a work 522 00:35:28.599 --> 00:35:31.840 in progress and a work of art by Danielle Tantone. It's on Amazon, 523 00:35:32.480 --> 00:35:37.519 it's available in audible. There's a it's read by me. It's an ebook 524 00:35:37.920 --> 00:35:42.800 and softcover and hardcover. My website is Danielle Tantone dot com. That's d 525 00:35:42.880 --> 00:35:45.320 A n i E l l E t as in tom A n as in 526 00:35:45.440 --> 00:35:50.800 Nancy t O n e dot com. All my social medias are also at 527 00:35:50.880 --> 00:35:54.800 Danielle tantone. And my podcast, which is also hosted by pod Popular, 528 00:35:55.519 --> 00:36:00.559 is a Piece of Work with Danielle Tantone, so it's on all of the 529 00:36:00.639 --> 00:36:04.559 podcast platforms. See this wasn't so bad, right, Oh it's fun easier 530 00:36:04.559 --> 00:36:07.840 than marriage. Thank you As far as us like, share, follow, 531 00:36:07.920 --> 00:36:10.480 Please review, not just this podcast, but piece of Work. Your reviews 532 00:36:10.519 --> 00:36:14.559 mean a lot in the podcasting ecosystem. Shoot us an email, great Love 533 00:36:14.559 --> 00:36:19.440 debate at gmail dot com if you've got thoughts, questions, comments about your 534 00:36:19.440 --> 00:36:22.559 fourth or fifth marriage, or anything else. Also, we are about to 535 00:36:22.679 --> 00:36:27.840 close these submissions. We're letting you, guys, once again, give us 536 00:36:27.880 --> 00:36:30.639 the best and worst cities in America your candidates for which date. We're going 537 00:36:30.679 --> 00:36:34.719 to have those lists coming out very very soon. This is a second year 538 00:36:34.719 --> 00:36:37.320 in a row. I've done it. I've done the worst this way for 539 00:36:37.480 --> 00:36:40.840 first I don't know, nine years of this podcast I did. I did 540 00:36:40.880 --> 00:36:45.119 them all myself based on this is the list of that sperience. No, 541 00:36:45.239 --> 00:36:47.920 based on what I absorbed touring the country. I have not toured nearly as 542 00:36:49.000 --> 00:36:52.280 much in this year twenty twenty three as I did in the prior ten years. 543 00:36:52.559 --> 00:36:57.679 That being said, the eleventh season of The Great Love Debate World Tour 544 00:36:57.960 --> 00:37:00.239 Live kicks off with our tenth and of Grosery show, So the tenth year 545 00:37:00.280 --> 00:37:04.519 goes into eleven. Do the math on that. Our tenth anniversary show is 546 00:37:04.639 --> 00:37:08.360 February something I don't know, sixth I think. Go to Great Lovedebate dot 547 00:37:08.360 --> 00:37:12.719 com. It's at the Boca black Box Center for the Arts Live. We 548 00:37:12.800 --> 00:37:16.320 got a great lineup. Tickets are on sale Boca Blackbox dot com or Great 549 00:37:16.320 --> 00:37:21.639 Loovedebate dot com. And it's going to be really fun because, as always 550 00:37:21.800 --> 00:37:24.559 at The Great Love Debate, we never stopped making love. See you next 551 00:37:24.559 --> 00:37:37.480 time The Great Love Debate it's the great love debate. Degreat love debate. 552 00:37:37.400 --> 00:37:39.000 It's a great love debate.