By transcription. I've changed my mind. I'm not going on give nineteen fifty
credit. The old boy will we tried, but his boy fifty one will
be brighter because he knows about wonderful tide he did Wow Hollywood Rocking Gamble's Tide.
The Washtay Miracle of Kids were a better washing job than any soap on
Her proudly presents The Red Skelton Show. What's Red Skelton? David wrote his
arcis Loraine Tuttles Decline Back Again and John Holbrook will be me Ron O'Connell problem,
The skeleton scrap look of satire historian titled The New Year's Puzzle and It's
stars Red Skelvins, Fred, how are you standing up under the holiday stream?
Well, smister Calton, Now I've been so busy I forgot to ask.
Tell me. Did you have a nice Christmas? Yes? I want
to thank you for your gift to it just what I wanted. A bicycle
come. It'll come in handy if I ever want to fix any flats.
Fact, I think I'll do a little work on your chest. Now did
you like the shorts I gave you? Were those shorts? I thought they
were slaxing my warm bowling to tell me, how are you going to How
are you going to bring in the new year. I'll have nothing to do
with it. I'll go to bed, wake up in the morning, and
there it'll be this thing. Nineteen fifty one will soon come in everywhere,
But right shout you know, I hear it still nineteen forty six over there,
nineteen forty seven, forty eight, forty nine, and fifty refuse to
come in. Hey, hey, I got what did you hear? Bud
Stalen? He called in a doctor and he says, I want some serum
that'll make me younger. And this doctor says, well, I'm sorry,
we don't have any serum that'll make you younger, Joe. But you'll give
the people half a chance. We will see that you don't get any older.
Hey, how are you going to celebrate the arrival of nineteen fifty one?
Oh? I don't drink and smoke or I have any lady friends,
so I shall just retire early. Oh really, well, shall I help
you turn down the lid on your box? Well? Well, then,
how will you bring in the new year? Oh? Just stay home and
rents out a few things. Oh, I see say that reminds me take
it easy on the stars and stuff. Yeah, why am I getting too
much stocks? And you're saying, yeah, last night I fell out of
bed and broke my beginnas, Hey lot, turn on the radio. Let's
be sporty about this. Then I guess, for old time sake, what
do you say? And now we give you an address by his honor who
will speak on plans for the new years. And here he is Sam Fernando
Red mort Ferns, and you are mart Frians. This is a farewell for
a year that has brought many changes. It was a good election year.
And before I go any further, I would like to thank all of you
who voted yes on Proposition No. Some in politics cut off their nose this
year justicepite their faces. But it's just as well. Things around Washington don't
smell too good anyhow. Some say that in nineteen fifty that I yielded to
crime, but I can prove that I've never done anything like that. In
fact, since I've been in office. Get this now, since I've been
in office, I ain't done anything and I don't intend to start now.
I am an honest man. I came from an honest family. I have
thousands of letters here to back up that statement. I'd like to read you
some of these letters praising me for my honesty, but my spelling is very
bad and I can't read my moon writing. Let's post a cont of futures.
There is a lovery coming, there is a lot in storm. All
the present situations will affect the price of lydia. Take them. Can't be
told you. I have a prediction now for nineteen fifty one, and perk
up your ears. I'm about to make a prediction. Don't get this straight.
I'll have my straight too. If you don't remember, when I predict
something, it usually comes through. So I am about to protect something ill.
Let's see when I was not going to predict. I'll almost forget it
and give a little tooth to nineteen fifty one. Of course, I don't
drink hard liquor myself. I'll never touch it, but I will touch my
tongue for tonight in good fellowship. Boy, what a long time that guy
got. Get another station will continue our celebration for the new year with a
number from Dave Blows and his Orchestra playing Tumbling Tumbleweeds A you know these days
some women use the new no rinse method of washing clothes. I do,
and it works wonderfully with tide. On the other hand, lots of women
still rinse tide plus rinsing. I'll stick to that. Yes, one woman
uses the no rinse method, the other doesn't. But did you notice they
both use tide Because whether you wash with rinsing or without, Tide does a
better washing job than any soap on earth. In short, you can wash
whichever way suits you best. Either way, Tide gets clothes dazzling clean.
Tide gets white shirts and sheets and table in them sparkling white. Tide makes
washable colors look bright and fresh, and tide washed clothes dry so soft and
fluffy, smell so sweet and clean, and ironing them is so smooth and
easy. Yes, Tide takes everything you wash, white things, colored things,
light things, heavy things. Tide gets them all miracle clean. You
see, Tide first gets the dirt out of clothes, then keeps that dirt
suspended in the wash water, so you wring out the water and the dirt
at the same time. Something else. Unlike soap, Tide never leaves dulling
soap film, so you get a wash that's bright, fresh and clean.
Try tithe and try it with whichever washing method you like best, with rinting
or without printing. Either way, Tide does a better washing job than any
soap on earth. Till leave it on. There may be some news on
Here is a recording of a meeting at the United Nations wishing everyone a happy
new year. I'm sorry, I'm very sorry that was the wrong record.
That was the Peace Conference, Thought and soul. That's the happy, happy
new year. Rod. How are you boy? Well? Are we already
to go out and paint the town blue? I'm glad you said. I
am getting so ashamed of the color. I'm going to change my name to
Whitey. Say one of these pictures on the wall. Oh, there are
a lot of pin up pictures. I've redecorated the room. Here, there's
here. I didn't know you could make so many different faces. Hey,
you don't look bad posted that phone there. That's the Esquire calendard. Here's
something that might interest you. A picture of mister skeleton and is a clown
with the hick him back a while, it's certain. Yeah, look at
those funny big false speed He's worries. Those aren't false feet. Those are
his own. I know I used to help him wash the part he couldn't
reach. Hey, what do you want to see me about O'Connor? Well,
look, Willie Lumplump has disappeared and his wife's hysterical. And I promised
her i'd look for him. Well, don't worry about Willy. He's all
right. No, I promised Willie's wife that i'd find him, so i'll
see you later. Look, he's wonder where I should look for Willie first?
Oh, here's Clem Cadittle, how first fix it shop? Maybe Cleming
seen him? A fare well? Here we happy new year? Boy.
I gotta get back to work here. I don't know what I'm hammering on
here, but I gotta fix it. Boy, it's here, looks like
it's in bad jake joy? What it is? Well, now I recognize
it. It's my thumb. Oh, I guess my HiT's hiking days are
over now? How they clam? Howdy? How are you? Can I
be of any service to you? Sir? If you're smart, you'll say,
no, clam? What kind of repair work do you do here?
Don't you read the sign on my door? Yes? I read it?
Would you read it to me? How stupid can you gets? What can't?
I said? How stupid? Can you guess? Well, that's pretty
hard to tell, fully developed? Yes, that you fan for him?
He didn't get that one at all. How's business, clam? How's business?
He's removed your hat and have a little respect for the dead when he
took the way it's doing. I'm gonna have to hire another man to help
take care of the customer. Who be the customer? But it's better than
the job I used to have. You know what job was that? I
used to be a door to door stay opened. I sold doors to dopers,
let's claim. I stopped in to ask if you've seen Willie Lumplump.
He's just a pair. No, I haven't seen Willie. Send to use
my bathtub to whip up some concoction for New Year's celebration. You let the
whole big jug of it back there. He makes his own stuff. Sure,
he makes it himself, and he drinks it himself. That way he
cuts out the middle man. Or look who's coming in the door too much?
Have had a nasty accident? Hell, clam, well, how are
you of a girl? Well, clam, I was hoping you'd take me
out of some classy night cloud to bring in the new year. No,
I don't care to go to them snooty restrooms. They always make me wear
a necktie, and I look silly and a necktie, thanktually without a shirt.
Plam, Where did you get the new pot belly stove? That ain't
a pot belly stove, that's rot old cultner co about Daisy Jane. Oh
hello, mister O'Connor. How chumming to see you again. Oh why don't
you stop that stuff? Every time you meet a good looking man you start
putting on airs, which reminds me I out opened the window a little.
Would you care to kiss my hair? Miss jawcon Oh daisy dude, I'll
dare you to let another and kiss you on the hands. But now there,
don't be jealous, Clams. You're the only one I that kissed me
on the left. Let's just it. I want the same break to the
rest of the guy. And as for you, you overstuff, Hollywood coyote.
Don't get mad, Clam, and I mean nothing to want to right,
Clam. You're the only man in my life. Oh you dead too
well? I happen to know that by accident the other night, I was
sneaking by your house, and I happen to peek in. You see,
I'm a peeping tom. It's hard. Or sometimes I peep when I should
have come and I happen to see another man. I happen to see another
man sitting at my place, at your table, eating peas with my knife
and drinking coffee out of my saucers. Now our engagement is true. I'll
have back my cigar band if you don't mind like that. I want to
marry you. I want to be the mother of your children. Well this
is Chilia. I don't have any children. Now, look you just kids.
Go out and have a good time. Don't bring the New year in
fighting. That's a good idea. DJ. I'm sorry we had a little
argument. Hey, there's a bottle of Willie lump wump nerve tony back here.
Shall we celebrate? Well, justin because it's New Year's okay, you're
a little girl. It's just like water. No kick to it at all,
practically nothing. Well, happy new Year, New year, here goes
she flew right out the window. How are you gonna get her down?
We'll do something. Don't get excited. I know what to do oh operator,
give me the fort MacArthur any aircraft battery when I'll see you later.
If you see Willie Lumpup asking to call his wife, happened exact? Say,
oh, did you wing to well Color Fire McPike the battling bird boy?
How come you're driving a cab Color Power boy, I'm driving a cab
from my grandmother. It's her cab. You gee, it's not like he's
he's skating the roller going to be denied your grandmother roller skates. Yeah,
he used to be a rattler, but you had to give it up to
start here in Belgian goods. Boy, when that happened, you'd better give
up the fight game. When you don't answer that phone, I know who
it is. Well tell me Califower. You've been fighting again, Curts.
You heard all my fights are being televike. Now, how about that?
I'm being spunted by a mortuary At the end of everybout I get lay there
while I read the comorcial, I thought you giving up fighting? You know
I couldn't do that to kee fighting in my blood? What's left down with
you? I can hear about my fighting, Saint Louis At the end of
the first minute and a half, I was still on my feet, so
they stopped the fight and gave me a so high. But there they thought
I would dope. You know, I wanted to win that fight. Dude,
from my kid that was born the day before. You and your wife
have a new baby. Well you don't think we gotta take a hand with
you? Why are you? Oh? You think us from the mainspring?
You want to keep them rattler down at that, jim Nigga. You know
what they did this year? They all hum they're stuck and jump on the
mantels and then one digrets like Danny drugged Killie bum and playing a night down
the chimney. What's wrong with that? You're no fireplaying that, jim n
I know I carry out the answers everybody. Did you hear about Willie Lumpump
disappearing? Yeah, but nothing to worry about it. I happened to know
he Okay, Oh do you know a little bug doing me back there?
You're blabbing off. He's moke again. Hey look, bird Brings, can
you drive me over to Junior's house? Oh? Don you think maybe he
didn't happened? You sure? You know how to this. You're knew it.
I wanted you pull over to the curb and stop. Well, then
you hear that we're doing. You're probably gonna give me a ticket for not
stopping at that railroad crossing. I heard the bell ringing when I don't have
to make it a railroad crossing. You can't hear it ringing that bell man,
damn thing? You know they might hide, damn thing. I always
stopped for the green when I heard the bell ringing. But when I look
a room, he never knew. I give up. I'm going out and
for a walk. Okay, your home. That poor guy sure must be
tough walking around conscious like, oh, here go Danny Claude, back to
the north Port. Why Danny Cloud? I think ingle bell. The more
I hang around with that mcpug, the more I think I'm beginning to hear
things I could swear. I hear Dave Rose in his orchestra playing the Habanero
from Carmen with Raphael Mendez, the world's greatest trumpet players. A new deal
in the dishpan. That's Tide. Yes, Tide has really done things for
dishwashing that greas problem. For instance, Tide's death on grease not only cuts
it amazingly, but actually seems to make it disappear completely. You work in
water that feels fresh and clean, and you get such pleasant results. Why
dishes and glasses rinse and dry, clear and bright. That's because tide,
unlike soap, leaves no dulling film. Dishes come out sparkling clean, Yes,
cleaner than any soap will get them, and say, if hard water's
your problem, forget it. Even in hardest water, tide works amazingly,
gives oceans of SuDS that come fast and last long, really stay on the
job, and are kind to your hands in the bargain, So try Tide
for dishes. Get a new giant economy size package for more convenience, more
economy, fewer shopping trips. Yes, buy the giant package tomorrow and try
tied in your dishpans. Boy me, because you're can go fashion. I
make a hot one. I got your riding your classical in the house.
Now what did you break? You know that base which wishlers money on it?
Yeah? You old gown gets any it? Wake down? Oh for
two cents, I'd make you stay home and I'll let you ride down the
store. Are you going to drive the car. Yeah, oh good,
Jay Pop must have done pretty well last night with those park cars. And
that's shipening hood huh you your father doesn't sighten gangs. Oh, don't kill
me. He got those hollow cheeks from shipping spaghettes. Can I drive the
car? How many times do I have to tell you you're too little?
You wouldn't know what to do if you had to stop real quick? Yes
I would. I would do the same as you and your cadger your drive,
pick out something, keep and running to you. You know, didn't
like the way you bought that car. He Oh, no, he's doing
well. At least I park better than he does, don't I well,
don't I okay, Joe. If you want to smack me, go ahead
and smack me, but don't trick me into you. Come on, let's
go okay o my stomach? Hey you look fat? Sho. Why don't
you ring your doorbell? Let us know you hear something? What were you
doing keeping when you should have? Tom? Well, I was just about
to ring the doorbell. What's wrong? I've been looking for Willie Lumpluff and
I just wondered if you'd seen him. We never could choose him. Technically,
yes, it hasn't been booked for two days. Well you like that
with your goodies? That with your goodies? No play good? But that
hey, you is in luck. You know I just happened, you know,
a real good disinfective detective. Well, don't laugh, but all me
buddies call me Sam Bulldozers Collars says, I'm much better than Sam. Says
you know, wait time put on me this SI now, sure you want
to do that's humans Rod. We don't want to hurt his little cheese.
I'll go along with a gag, but I wish I could gag him.
Here he comes now act impressed. Well you I is back. You know
me? You're useful? Oh Junior, what a wonderful dictum? I how
do you recognize you? How did you do it? I shaved what?
I shaved your four coat? Now they're starting to detective for it. Blight
that get me magnifying glass. Now, as we say in the Sun's patrol,
I have picked up a shin. Okay, now where are we going
to find? Everybody in your car? Everybody give you okay, old State
Theater and there I'll be Tempaner's a woman rible in front of me. He's
going to turn into that supermarket. I'll blow the horse. Boy, he
was a hurried You didn't even get out of the car. If you ever
touch that horn again, don't you hit me. How do you know Willie
love a low State theater? Well he's working for Wedge Kelton. Yes,
well there's the theater. Look up when the Marquee Wedge Calton features he watched
the Birdie. That's funny. They have hundreds of pictures of Anne Miller,
Pamela Britton and Arlan Doll, but but none of that skelts as will if
you had a jewelry store, would you put shits on me in the window.
Let's take a look inside the theater. Maybe Willy is in there.
That's the theater doesn't noted for a couple of hours. Yet, let's look
in anyway. Say Junior was right, there's Willie sitting in the front row
of the theater asleep. Hey Willie, h shut up? Oh fat boy?
Where you been? Where have I been? Where have you been?
We've been looking all before. You've been gone for two days? Whose days?
When you see I came in? You see Skelton picture and after the
twelve time I fell asleep, I'm gonna quick. This copy gave me,
you know, it wears me out, starting me applause every time he comes
on the screen. This is Ron O'Connor reminding you that whether you wash with
rensing or without tie, does a better wash their job than any soap on
earth. Tied ladies and gentlemen, Red Skelton, ladies and gentlemen, in
the half of our sponsors, Focor and Gamble, and my entire cast,
May we say be New Year, and we know that it will be because
God is on our side. Join us again next Sunday for the Red Skeleton
Show, Red Skelton's Heart. This programmer because it's the metric all the mayor.
This is a copy writed feature The Red Skelton Show came to you,
transcribed over CBS. The stars address the Columbia Broadcasting System