We have already started. Oh well, welcome back to the Black Girl Experience.
I'm your host, Jasmin dan Yelle. Today is a very special edition
of the podcast because I got a motherfucking guest in the building, Christine lay
lay A kaaa. This was so good. I was just telling her on
the elevator, like, I'm so happy here because I'll be tired of talking
to myself all the time. Like, it's given. This is the top
heavy episode. It's giving, it's giving all across the man. So look,
I didn't even know where this was gonna go today, but let's just
start from what what are you doing in Dallas? What are you doing in
Dallas? Friend? Dallas? Because I'm moving here. She we was in
the bathroom. I'm like, so are you Like like She's like, oh,
it's a done deal. I'm coming here. I'm like, damn,
it's it's official. I knew I wanted to move here, but being here
confirms it. Had a really good experience so far, and I think this
is where I need to be. What have you what have you done so
far? I went to a networking event. I was a networking event with
wires, So I'm gonna plug that my girl, Kailani. She has a
company called Women in Real Estate. But short wire she had an event.
It was a game night, was so fun. I wish she would have
been there. A lot of a lot of good people to know in the
house. So but yeah, she's making her presence down here. She's also
moving and so she is moving here. She's not here yet though, right,
Yeah, we're all So it's me, my sister and Kailani and Naomi,
and we're all moving here within the next year or so. Yeah,
damn, okay, it's gang gangs have a little community here. So tell
them about your Airbnb experience. Oh, girl, girl, it's awful.
I feel like Airbnb really fucked up the game. Like it's it's terrible.
It's a terrible experience. I feel like too many people are investing in it
but not really investing in their guest experience. They just yeah, yeah,
you know what I mean, and it's sucking up everything. To me,
Well, next time come to the hotel. Well that's times. She's gonna
probably be living here. So that's no. I have some time before I
move. So you trying to move, We ain't trying to move ideally,
like, so I can have the money say that I want maybe like this
time next year, any February, okay, an ready February. But I
don't know the way I feel right now, I'm ready to like it.
She's ready to turn up and find the Dallas daddy's here, which I don't
know nothing about that. And then she was sending me all the ones off
TikTok and I'm like, that ain't really my type? What do I think?
He was just sending me some dudes from I don't know in Dallas on
TikTok and I'm like, I mean that was cute, but it wouldn't like.
So, what's your type? Let's talk about I ain't got no type.
You don't mm hmm? What's my type? I don't know? What?
What do you this? This this is a good friend episode. What
do you think my type is? You know? What? Who was that?
Oh? That's so funny. I might have a type. I might
have a type. Okay, but go ahead, what do you think?
What do you think my type is? I don't. I don't know,
because to be honest, I haven't seen you date since my baby daddy.
You can say you could say it. I mean, we ain't got to
drop no name. Yeah, I wasn't gonna drop a name. But I
haven't seen you really date since him, you know what I mean? Like
because I live in Ohio, well I don't. I live in Virginia,
but i've been you know, we don't live in the same state, so
it's sometimes it's hard to keep up with everything. But what do you Okay,
what do you think my type is? And then if you had to
set me up on a blind day, what would you send me up?
Okay? So I think you need a dude. That's like, how can
I say this? There's nothing about Detroit niggas that like you need you need
somebody with that kind of vibe, but maybe not, like the energy has
to be different, you know what I mean. I can't be Detroit,
but it still got to just be that at the core. Just yeah,
cool, last nigga, because because I feel like you always like the dudes
that like, what's the word for it, I don't know, because the
first get it real, it real, right, nasty, It's fine.
I should have just said that. Okay, wow, weep it out.
We're not bleeping nothing now. But no, you think that's my type?
No? No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, I don't think that's your type. But it's like,
how can I how can I put it? I don't want to say
like he had just like a certain like confidence about him, you know,
and I can and I can see how that was like alluring to you.
You know what I mean? I do like a confident yeah, like yeah,
yeah, I don't know. He he gives main character energy. I
like main character energy for sure. Uh. But he was also very,
very immature, very we were young, though we were he was. That
was the oldest dude that I had ever talked to. I was eighteen.
He was probably twenty four, but he was. He acted like he was.
He acted like he was eighteen. And I was very mature then.
But you know, they say that men mature much slower than women. Say
that, but I feel like that's kind of an excuse for men to Yeah,
but they do mature slow as though. But okay, so you would
what type you said? Okay, what were you saying about? What type
of main character energy? I feel like I also don't know how to describe
Detroit energy. Oh my god, they played geeked up and nobody was dancing.
I was like, what the fuck is going on. I'm like,
Yo, this could not this would never it would never be like this.
Maybe I don't know, I don't know. Maybe what I say, you
know, people feel like that's old now geeked up? Might be. I
mean, I don't know. The crowd. It was at the real estate
event, so the crowd was a little older. It wasn't like young.
But I just thought that was crazy. They want to hear sexy red.
I don't think anybody wanted to hear at that event. No, whatever,
Okay, So main character energy? What type? You said that you felt
like it's a certain type of dude that I like. I mean, so
what I what I think now? I think you need someone that's a little
more tapped into the spiritual like I feel left then, baby, and that's
a little more like introspective and self aware. So yeah, I'm on the
same way and not yeah, respect, Yeah for sure. Mm hmm.
And then what was the other question that I asked you? I said,
what type? Or okay, so what what would you set me up with
if you had to put me on a blind date? Where would you take
her? Here? What? I don't I don't know because I don't know
Dallas yet. I mean, you don't have to just in general, just
what type of thing would you be? Like? Oh, oh see,
I don't know, Jays, because I don't know if like, are you
like would you? Are you a paint and sick kind of girl? Would
you do that on a date? I would do it, but I don't
know for a date a date, you wouldn't. I mean I would,
but I don't know if I would want to do that for a first date.
But that's something that I would do. I would do anything that would
provoke conversation. Mm hmm. Okay, she's putting me on a paint and
sit. I mean, I don't know if I would say that. I
would do that. I guess my first date, Like if someone planned that
for me, I thought I would think that's cute. Okay, I'm trying
to think about you. Now, let's see what is Christina's type? Now,
I really don't have a type. You said I don't have a TA
I'm trying. She don't. She don't. And now I'm thinking of the
mental illness flow of her chart right now. Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry.
What I'll talk about the dude, I mean, but still, I
mean, I'm talking about you too, I guess, but no, but
I'm not judging because I look at my dudes too, and I'd be like,
yeah, can you break that down from me? Then? What what
you mean? Mental illnesspos give me? When I think about the dudes that
you've dated, it's only two in my head right now. Okay, but
for them, we don't my most recent act. But I feel like you
need a conversationalist, somebody that you can really have deep conversation with. You
want somebody that's not the norm, some somebody that's different, like that's unique.
Like she's not gonna pop out with a dude that got all the geared.
Do you know what I'm saying, She's gonna pop out with somebody different,
Like, Okay, her man is gonna be a statement piece. I
like that. Yeah, yes, he's gonna be a statement energy. What
else just I don't know, just somebody that just do and devils and everything
like into different stuff. Yeah, just very out of the box. I've
received that, And I think where you are in your life now, like
you're ready for something serious something? Yeah, Like do you think like you're
ready for something serious? Absolutely? I feel like I've been waiting for something
serious this whole time, for a very long time. But I think I
need to focus on myself as with the issue is. But my thing is,
I always felt like I wanted to find my person before I become super
successful, because you know, niggas be opportunists out here. And I'm like,
but I mean that don't mean that a nigga can't be opportunist now,
But I just want to be locked in before everything takes off, because you
know what, though, I really think it's less about where you are in
life and more about having discernment. It's more about like knowing yourself, knowing
which will to put up with, and being able to have the tools to
discern, you know, if that person is right for you or not.
You know what I'm saying, Like the signs are always there. If somebody
is an opportunist, it's gonna be clear, probably more like sooner than you
think. So I don't know, Like, I don't think you should say,
like, oh, I want to find someone before success, because that's
what I've always seen. But what if you meet someone just as successful as
you that doesn't need to use it? Hello where you at? You know?
So I'm just saying, like I wouldn't limit myself with that. I
would really work on developing the discernment that you need to like filter out those
people that aren't for you. What is your worst relationship taught you? That
I needed to love myself period, say say, and I did not.
I'm still working on that every day for me. Yeah, I mean,
yeah, I think that's a lifelong journey, you know, so, But
yeah, I think that's what I learned. And I didn't love myself,
and that's what I'm realizing now that I'm doing the work. What did your
best relationship teach you? Do you have a best relationship? I mean,
like, if we're thinking about our best relationship, I mean I don't have
like a best like this is the best thing I've ever experienced, but like
the relationship that I feel like I have the most positive experience with, I
would say it taught me that there is a person out there that gets you
m hm. You know, like that's like your vibe, you know hm.
Because I feel like we're still like friends and we can talk and laugh
and like we have jokes that nobody ELSEO get, you know, And I
think that that's what's important in a relationship, you know, what type of
person do you want to be with? That's I mean, it's very broad.
You can answer it in the you know, in a broad answer.
I'm just I mean, I want to be with someone who is my friend
and who sees me for me, who has patience. I definitely need someone
with patience, someone who is kind, somebody who is considerate. Yes,
that's very important to me, you know. And if you have money,
that doesn't hurt. Please have money, pa have money? Who want to
be a step yet It's like no, but no, yeah, that's important.
No, I'm not saying money. I was joking with the money thing,
but no, no, no, but but no, I mean like
I want someone on my level. But if he is financially on my level,
but if he's beyond that, I'm great. But like I don't need
that, but I do need you to be at my level for sure.
And I don't even mean you have to make as much money as me,
but like you can have make good financial decisions, you're in a good space,
you're responsible. Like that's important to me. Okay, Okay, I
had something else that I was about to ask, but I just look,
what about you? Like, I'm answering what type of man do I want.
I want to be with a creative. I got to be with somebody
that understands my life, my entrepreneurial life. I got to be with somebody
that is super well, not super spiritual, but like you said, tapped
in, I gotta be with a person that's funny as fucked. I do
want a person that's my friend as well. Like I said, consider it,
I want to be with I want to be with a man. I
want to be with somebody that takes the lead, a protector, yes,
the provision. Yeah. So like I want to be with a man like
I don't want you to have to ask me the questions and all like lead
the way I want to be able to. You know, men feel like
women don't submit it, but they do when they when they're around true masculine
energy. You just okay, you just like you know what I'm saying,
you whatever, but yeah, yeah, and then up and you know,
he gotta be he gotta be a freak. You know, you gotta have
that. I'm not gonna lie. You know, it's crazy. I didn't
even think about sex because I'm so like disconnected from that part of myself right
now, Like I am I'm gonna say celibate. I'm gonna say that.
I haven't like officially said, oh I'm so a bit I'm not having sex,
but like I'm definitely in a space because I have a life coach and
her and I have been working together, and I just you know, it's
it's more about like inviting someone into your energy, And I don't know if
I want to invite someone into my energy that doesn't deserve to be there,
period. And that's not even on those sex tips. That's just across the
board for me, Like if you disturb my peace, bro, I don't
because as I do really desire companionship, but I also am like I might
just be cool being by myself. A lot of people get on my nerves.
A lot of ship gets on my nerves. Like it's people really think,
like I like to live in my bubble for real. I don't like
to go outside of it at all. But we get too comfortable in that
bubble, we do. I'm I'm a little too comfortable. Yeah, that's
why you're coming out after this. She wants me to go this ain't she
wants your coming It's lit. It's late, okay, So let's let's take
it back to eight to oh eight. How how we met and all of
that. Let's let's give them the backstory. What is the backstory? Girl?
It's been a long time. Well let's start with it. You for
you're originally from Ohio, Columbus, Ohio. I'm Clumbus, Ohio and so
yeah, so how did you how did you decide to go to Eastern Michigan
University? As I don't even know if I want to talk about it,
I mean, you could make it short and sweet, but I'm just saying,
like, how did you get to Eastern? You know what I'm saying?
You already know a j Yes, Oh we're using names. I'm sorry,
I mean you know it's yeah, so my boyfriend, my high school
boyfriend, went there, and you know what, when I look back,
I'm like, that was a very stupid fucking decision. And I'm low key
mad at my mom for like allowing it. You know, she's mad at
you, Shank, I'm not I excor her my, but no, I'm
not mad at her. But it's just like, you know, sometimes like,
hell, no, you're not going for a boy. But she was
just like, if that's where you want to go. I'm not going to
stop you. But but yeah, my high school boyfriend I went there and
how many years older than you will see two two years So he was at
Eastern for two years already. No, he too right state in Ohio.
First I was like in Dayton, and then he went there for his friends.
Yeah, I mean it's cool, it's whatever, it's whatever. So
his you know, friends in there. So but you know, all the
time, I think about if I didn't go, she would have never met
me. Exactly. We wouldn't be here right now doing this. We wouldn't.
So and I and I've met some amazing people, Like I still talk
to all my friends from bess mm hmm, you know boom shout out to
selling off ways. It's so funny because all of the people that I'm friends
with on Instagram right now that went to Eastern, that lived on the fourth
floor cellars, like I probably talked to them more on Instagram and stuff now,
Like I didn't really talk to those girls when we was there, but
shout out to them. But okay, Sellers was where it was that it
wasn't but where was the stupid in front of We was always in front of
Sellers where I wasn't. I wasn't. It's okay, it's I had a
different experience. It's so funny, like all the time she's like, do
you remember, and I'm like, no, I don't remember anyone. I
only really it's just y'all. You know. Eastern for me was just you
know, I had a great time. I love you guys, and I
feel like, had it not been for our group, I probably would have
I wouldn't have gone back sophomore year. But freshman year was wild crazy.
It's the cabinet shout out to be Jackie and t Field. We have so
many gangs, so many gangs. Okay, so you went because of a
j So what okay? So you was Camille the first person that you met?
Mm hm yeah. How did that happen? Till the stuff? She
was so initially I sayed across the hall from her because I stay with that
girl. Rachel. Damn? Oh was my girl named Rachel? Rachel?
Rachel? No? What was your girl? Oh, Jennifer? Her name
was Jennifer Rachel, Jennifer Dobranski. Today, So you was in beast?
Rachel was comales were made? Okay? We all had white rooms. Why
did they do that. We were the only people though, Like I kid
you not. When I saw her picture, I started crying. I was
like, what why would they do this to me? Everybody else in my
uh, in my dorm and sellers, everybody else was clicked up with all
the black people, and they gave me a white roommate. I was like,
Oh, this is gonna be interesting. Nothing against white people, You're
right, but it was just weird. Yeah, it was a cultural thing
that like, I don't think any of us were prepared for, you know,
because I just remembered Camille, like She's like, this was just cooking
carrots in America. And my roommate was cheating on her her boyfriend. I
feel bad for chat And I'm like, your hair her out. You got
the naz and everything, Jennifer, that's an area shut out. But no,
my roommate was having sex with her boyfriend often. He did not go
to Eastern and it used to smell really bad after yeah, oh wow.
And they used to have hair all on the walls in the bathroom. My
roommates hair used to was in my panty drawer. She had red hair.
I'm like, why is your hair my panty red? Hair. It's like,
oh my god, it was bad after the two weeks because you know,
you couldn't like change rooms the first two weeks. After the two weeks,
I'm like, I'm like, I got to get the fuck out of
hair. And then night they put me with the volleyball girl. I can't
remember her name. I lived down the hall. She was water Black's white,
and but she was hardly there because she always had volleyball games. Embarrassing
story, but she she took a ship and she sprayed like so much air
freshener. I almost threw. But now, like every time I smell that
air freshener, it just like makes me sick and think about that, and
I was just like, I don't want to be in this. So me
and Camille, as we got closer, we just decided like it made more
sense for us to swap. And Rachel was the volleyball girls. Not for
you, for those of you that don't know, me and Camille actually went
to high school together. We went to girls together, but we wasn't that
close or that cool in high school. I mean, it wasn't no beefer
it we just wasn't cool like that for real. I mean we spoke and
shit, but what was on cheerleading team, but we just wasn't cool like
that. And then we got to college. I don't know, I guess
since that was like one of the only people that I knew for in Ivory.
I was very close to Ivory back then, and like now, it's
just I think Ivy just created some distance with all of us, because I
mean, I think we still talks to Dory, but I haven't heard from
him in like a year at least. I feel like definitely in high school
and it was a lot of times just even after Eastern, like I felt
like I was cool Ivory. Yeah, but anyway, me and Camille was
high school, so okay, yeah, to get found on how we met,
So okay, do you remember the first day we met? No,
but I'll tell you how. I'll tell you what I remember. So it
was the very first day. My mom and my great grandmother were dropping me
off and we were about to go to the convo and Camille, her parents
had already left, and I don't know, she was locking her door at
the same time, like we were locking our like I was locking my door,
and she said something. We're like, oh, do you want to
write with us and she was like sure, and we became friends after that.
Somber. I remember that, and then I have pictures. Well they're
on Facebook, you know, we had all the pictures on. But I
think like y'all had connected through knowing each other from high school. And we
went to alex in AJ's house and I remember that when we was making us,
making them get us the liquor, not when we got pulled over,
and I was mad because they wouldn't. Really, they were being real petty
with the liquor, like bro, like I don't know, and I think
they probably got some great goose or something, but I'm just they were just
being real petty with them. I'm like, bro, stop saying that y'all
want to buy the liquor, and y'all don't. I don't remember that.
I just remember we went to the house. It was like not early in
the year, and we went there and because you remember Nikki and Amber,
yeah, okay, we were all there with them, because they're from Columbus
too. And because I have the pictures, I wish I still have Facebook
because I wish. Yeah, yeah, she has so many that that was
bad. Oh eight was like when people had photo albums for days on album
and we had so many photo albums on there. Bro from Eastern was a
good fucking time. Bro, it was a good time. So yeah,
we I don't know, we like just got super cool through Camill. Yeah,
through Camille and then we had the the gang. We had the guys.
We had Joe I was a ra. Joe was an r A.
Joe was the ra bestball. I didn't first of all, I didn't spend
a lot of time in my dorm, and I didn't spend a lot of
time at Eastern, not not freshman year. Yeah, and that's the thing.
I never talked to nobody at Easter, not for real, like I
think, not seriously talked to her dated nobody like me neither. Well,
you know where my hair was? And we're not saying his name on are
you saying the group name? No, Okay, we'll leave it at that.
Uh So we got really cool through coming in, we said Joe.
So the gang was like Joe Dory Ivory Seal Camille. Yeah, Joe L's
tease raving. Yep, Yep. It was the gang that was the gang.
I'm trying to what was Eastern was so fucking crazy? Bro, and
then it branched off into another group. It was me and you, Camille
and the mirror, and that was crazy. So I'm trying to think when
did we Did we start going to watch immediately or was that like it was
so okay? So I think the first thing was we got our tattoos.
It was like very shout out to Wayne, all of my tests, he's
gotten a lot better because I'm gonna be honest, don't do him like that.
My first tattoo is my I would if he you know what, I
should go back to Detroit and see if he can redo it. Just the
carpet deal. Yes, I mean, what's wrong with it? Bro?
Look at this ship she talking bad about? No, no, no,
no, this was a million years ago. Oh yeah, okay, but
my daddy dad still look good. It looks straight. Yeah, or maybe
I got I get the VIP treatment. So I don't know, but that
was a long time ago. I mean, clearly he's better. Yeah,
I'll give him grace. I'm trying to think so that time and that that
was the whole Facebook album too, when we first got our tattoos. When
you got that tattoo, did Camille get a tattoo that day too, got
her cancer on her time. That was a separate time. That was because
we went on Valentine. Remember it was Valentine's That's yeah. So we went
on Valentine's Day and I no, I didn't get this, did we?
But I remember it being Valentine's Day? And I remember we had left and
then I turned around and went back, and then I got my dad's name
on my wrist. I don't think you got a tattoo the first time,
That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I think it's just me and Camille.
And then but on Valentine's Day, I don't know. I think I came
up on some money. All of a sudden, I'm like, well,
I want to get tattooed. And I went back and I didn't know what
to get. Got my dad's name. Cool. You know. The reason
why I remember is Valentine's because that's when So Far Gone came out. Wow,
well it was like the day after the fifty we went and got our
tattoos. But yeah, yeah, and then so we got the start.
Was the first time I smoked weed? Wow? Wow, it was y'all.
And I want to say who it was? Who brought the shout out
to Dionte like I followed him on something. That's what Deontay. Deontay was
like. Deonce was two years older than me and like I never talked to
him or nothing like that. But I ain't gonna lie. Deontay was that
nigga like it? I was like, why the hell are we smoking?
I don't know, I don't know. That wasn't the first time I had
smoked. But yeah, that's my deal. Why the poor memory? Okay?
But I was saying, did we go to Watts right away? Was
that a thing? I don't remember? But I remember being early because I
was spending my graduation money in the strip club. Let me tell you something
first of all. First of all, Watts was like a whole initiation process.
If you're from Detroit, you know that wats Mozonbique and Henry's were two
mail strip clubs that used to go crazy. So it was like an initiation
process for us. Because Kamani who Camille is also super cool with Kamani.
So KAMMANI graduated six, she was the first one to go to Watts.
Then Megan graduated, oh seven, she started going to WATS. Then I
graduated Ohaight and me and committ like it was like I don't know, we
and we stayed in the strip club, bro in the mail strip club bro
spending money. I did not have no money than then and I okay,
so when she said drake nasty earlier, Yeah, that's like, bro,
oh my, do you remember when we stopped and she uh got the money
out of the We was so thirsty. It's giving crackhead. Wait no,
no, because that is that's not no crackcashit that's that is dope that she
had the ability to do that. But I'm saying she took the money so
we could do what go to the strip club. I mean that's what I'm
saying. Like we never was at Eastern. We was at fucking Watts and
my g p A was like at one point seven. The first was the
only one who had a car come on. I mean she had a car,
but they wouldn't let her bring it on campus. So we was d
We was in Ensilanti, but we was driving to the tu We were driving
off Finkle. Okay, best one of my best memory broke Thursdays was the
night that's what that's what we used to call it. Broke Thursdays. Best
memory when Obama got elected. This night, bro bro we were on a
freeway niggas was taking out the day we got a black brother. We brought
that to the liquor car like we got a black president, which went to
drink that night. Oh my god, I swear I remember Cameil being on
the ground the next day throwing up wow, yes, wow, I would
never drink aten. Oh sidebar. That's what I was gonna say about the
star tattoo. I don't know. I don't know why. I was about
to incorporate that into the car accident. Like with my car, we was
driving on the ice or the snow. I thought we just spun out.
Did you hit your car? I don't know. I don't know, But
whatever, did your car have a name? No, but to the avaline
right, the Toyota aveline. It was that that boy held on for long.
And that's what my That is one thing that my dad taught me,
was like, Jaz, when you need to get you a good car,
Toyota is a good car. It's gonna last. Okay, Yeah, it
was a good car. But is that why we got the star tattoos?
Because we had survive that traumatic event. They had a traumatic little spin out
on the freeway. Where are we going? Where are we going to Michigan
State? Were we Yeah, you're dropping somebody off there? No, that
was a different Oh was that the time? I think so my best friend
Chelsea, I feel like, no, no, no, no, because
I remember one time she begged me to take her boyfriend back to school and
he went to school. Was it that. I don't think that. I
think that was a different time. But my car, I oh, it
might have been. It might have been I think Doron was in the car
to rest in peace, Steve. But yeah, she wanted me to take
her boyfriend back to school. I think it was Steve and Doryan. It
might have been Mark too. I don't know. They don't have many people,
but I don't know. I remember taking niggas back to school and I'm
like, wow, not I yeah, fucked my car up, but yeah,
back to why stuff because we're not done with that? Like that was
no, because that was the whole thing. That was a whole thing.
Like I feel like you guys are a little more invested in the always Oh
really, yeah, I mean I think so too, But I was there
you little strip. No, not really, not for real, not how
me and Commune didn't. Yeah, but yeah, that was a crazy that
could have been a crazy time in life because mind you, like I said,
I was eighteen, he was twenty four, had five kids, four
baby mamas. Like that's how you know you just be doing shit when you're
young, Because what was I even doing in that situation. I always look
back like, thank god I ain't had no baby or like, yeah,
five kids out twenty four, it's crazy, crazy, crazy that nigga don't
even know the word condom. He did, he didn't, he didn't.
Yeah, that was that was a wild time and life. But no,
like I said, I I feel like we never spend time at Eastern.
Yeah, I didn't really go to any parties. We didn't go to no
parties. We was always at Watts. That's crazy. What else did we
used to be doing? That was just like a classic little dry. We
used to always get White Castle at the end of the night when you on
campus, we order Jimmy John's, like every day Jimmy John. I only
remember going to one party at Eastern Studio four it might have been Studio for
I think that was only but that was it, but we didn't used to
just kick it in a lounge that was really played club games. And I'm
trying to think what else. A lot happened at Eastern, but dang,
then we all like conspiracy theorists. Yeah, we went through our little illuminati
face. I think everybody did that. Second year, you ended up where
did you stay? What was the name of it? Hell, you stayed
in Hill And I was in an apartment with two roommates, and that went
that went south. I don't know, I ain't gonna lie. I just
felt like I felt like people started hating on me because I had got a
boyfriend, which was crazy because other people, when you say hating on you
with I mean, people just got weird, like wasn't inviting me. Y'all
just started acting very weird. You know what I'm saying, The whole energy
in the crib chain, Like I don't know, but it don't that doesn't
necessarily have to be because I got a boyfriend, because it was other shit
with that too, Like that had came up when people was like, oh
you you you hanging with her, da da da, but you like you
was talking shit about her before y'all even got cool, like it was a
whole little thing, and I'm like, what it was crazy, But is
that what happened? No, I mean that was just something that came up,
like cause you know, she was always switching all the time, so
we talking about b so okay. I mean it's weird because when we're that
young, like when I reflect back on my high school self and like think
about things that happened in friendships, I can totally see how insecure I was
and how I was just immature. And I mean, obviously we're young,
like you know, but I didn't know myself and I can look back at
certain situations and say, like I was not a great friend, you know.
So I wonder if it was just some of that like I think you
guys had you and her had strong energy, like just a strong presence in
general, and I felt like there was always like some level of competition,
yeah, to some extent, and I feel like I didn't feel like it
was on my part, So I always just thought it was weird, like
there is something about it wasn't ever just like I feel like between the three
of us, like me, you and Camille, there was just like a
balance of energy, like we all had our own distinct personalities and like,
you know, like we were just different, and I think that you and
her had, if maybe not necessarily similar personalities, but and maybe to some
degree that's why y'all got cool. But like I feel like y'all like some
of the same niggas might have tried to fuck with y'all or it was that
kind of energy, like you know what I mean. And I feel like
when we're that young and we don't really we may not understand what it means
to be a good friend, or maybe we're doing something out of insecurity,
but we're not realizing we could do better, you know what I'm saying.
We kind of blame it on the other person or oh, she's jealous,
and it's really it could be that, but it also could be other things
that we're doing we're not realizing. I think that I don't know that when
I reflect back on that time, that's kind of what it feels like.
It probably was. Yeah, it was very wild. The second year was
lit to though, especially in the beginning. The beginning, I just like
y'all had y'all's apartment, so it's just like, yeah, yeah, you
know, it wasn't like the dorms. Yeah, it has some freedom.
It was lit. Niggas almost died. And Ship remember Mirror he was there.
We was like smoking and ship and a Mirror's homeboy. I don't know.
He like started tweaking out. Maybe he fell out the chair or some
ship. They was like, wake him up, put some water on the
pace, somebody to put a rag on his face. She's like, that
was my pussy. Rag was like, oh my god, it was wild.
It was wild. That reminds me of when I freaked out too,
though, what the hell are we smoking? That must have been some strong
ass. When did you freak out? Okay, we're at your ear apartment.
I needed some air, so I opened the window and I stuck my
face out the It was a big ass spider web. Okay, you know,
I'm I told Spiderder, I'm definitely afraid of spiders. Okay. As
soon as I felt that shit on my face, I immediately started throwing up,
like I just my body could not take it. No, no,
you don't remember that part. I went to the bathroom, you know,
and then I started freaking out and y'all had to drive me back to the
dorm right and then there was a cop had somebody pulled over on whatever that
street was, you know that like streaked that curve or the train tracks were
you know talking about. I don't know if that's streets called, but y'all
taking me back to him, and I'm freaking out, like, oh my
god, we're gonna get pulled over. Oh my god, like he's gonna
find home. And then I get into bed. I'm like, please save
me to the hospital, and You're like, go asleep, like we're not
taking it. You don't remember that, No, bro, that I was
like, oh, yeah, we might not be for me. I still
smoke though, but oh you do still smell. No, No, I
still smoked after Oh, I about say, because Chrsini used to get high.
I mean, I'll hit it here and there. I realized I can't
see it. I'm talking about me, but I realized I can't smoke to
the Teva though. Yeah, I don't like I'm in I say. I
was about to say my baby name. Whenever I have a daughter, I'm
gonna name her Indigo. I was about to say, but India, Yeah
that's cute, and Indigo like that, I feel like you could go I
mean, yeah, just noise. No, I just I feel like I
don't want to fuck up the video. I mean, if you really gotta
go, you can go. Try to hold it. But we still got
some time. Don't getting no ut? I fucking around with me? I
know my bladder? Wow? What else? Yeah? I mean I left
Eastern after the first semester sophomore year, after the first Yeah, I is
not doing well. Yeah, I had a lot of ship going on.
I needed to go back home. I guess she doesn't want to elaborate.
My grandfather died. I was sick, like I had the swine flu or
whatever the fuck was going on. I thought I was. I was getting
sick a lot up there, like I don't know, I don't swine flu
throwback as fucked. I didn't have swine food, but they were just like,
oh, if you're sick, don't come in class. And I was
sick for a minute because remember I was sick at the end of freshman year
too, because we have a picture. I was laying on the bed.
We were about to go out, and I still went out even though I
was sick. Wow, I don't remember that either. Life is a blur.
I see a blur, and I thought my memory, my memory is
bad. But yeah, so you said that was the second year I left.
I went the second year. Did you finish like second semester? I
finished the last semester. I remember. I found out that I was pregnant
in June twenty ten. Yep, and I was still going to school and
shit whatever. Yeah, so that's why ya know out y'all know that story.
But yeah, Eastern was cool. So after all of that, we
still stayed in contact. We still stay cool. I just I remember you
were my first friend that got pregnant, and I just fe was like,
yeah, best. Then he got pregnant in twenty eleven, twelve years okay,
the first friend that got pregnant, and she came through. Tell the
story about when you came to say, I just that's what I was about
to talk about, Like, no, yeah, she came through. Now
mind you, like she lives in another state and all that, and I
don't even remember what happened, Like what that made you? Just like I
was like, oh my baby shop was like this this weekends today, and
she just came and just cashed out with the target, bought everything. Yeah,
because that's what I'm saying. You're my first friend that got pregnant.
So I'm just like, I'm about to show up for my friend like we
got a baby coming, real friend style that a like, oh this is
the first one. I gotta I gotta do something. And that's what I'll
say. I feel like we've seen each other in so many different phases of
our life and of our womanhood, like she's seen it every step of the
way, even if we, you know, go times like you know,
where we don't talk or whatever, because people have lives. I hate when
people be on that like, oh my god, I don't talk to you
every day, like we're way too go for that. Yeah, but no,
we've definitely seen each other in very many different iterations of ourselves and of
our growth and journey. Yeah, setbacks, yeah all that. So yeah,
do you believe that people like really change or do you believe like people
are who they are at the core. I definitely believe that people are who
they are at their core. But I think that I think people can evolve.
I think I think that there are hurt versions of people and healed versions
of people, and I and and that's not even all encompassing, right,
Like you can be healed in one aspect of your life and still hurt in
another. And I think that killed in one aspect or how one another.
Okay I say that, but okay, that's true. I'm it's real.
That's real. Same, That's that's some real shit, because I mean,
I'm here with Nao, me Kaylanie. We've been friends since middle school,
and I believe, like Naomi is still the same girl I met in middle
school, but she has changed so much. She's evolved, you know,
the same thing with Kaylannie. Like they're still the same at their core,
and that's why we're still able to be friends because we connect on that level.
But they're they're different people. They're adults, you know, and they're
they're evolved versions of themselves. I wrote something down yesterday friends, and I
think that's us too, you know, hmm. Where we have grown,
we have a and luckily we've been able to grow together. Because that's that's
what I wrote down yesterday about outgrowing your friends. How many of your friends
have you outgrown? That's that's tough for me. So I mean, obviously
I have friends I'm not friends with anymore. And there are some people that
I'll say this, I have a really hard time letting go of people.
I am a person that really values friendship and connection, and I think that's
why I'm able to have friends from middle school, from college, from all
these different eraas of my life, like Taco team, and you know what
I mean, Like just all these different groups of friends that I have,
I'm still friends with them ten fifteen, now twenty years later. But I
do think that we are different. I think I think I'm able to connect
with people at their like essence. But I don't know if everybody is on
the journey with me, Like you know what I mean. Like I have
a friend, I love her dearly, but every time I talk to her,
energy is so chaotic, and I feel like when I was in my
chaotic energy, we were like best dage trauma bonded. Yeah, no seriously,
like she used to say, we were like twin flames. And and
I don't now when I talk to her, I'm just I feel drained,
like I don't really want to talk to her anymore. And I love her,
but it's more of like I have to love you from a distance,
and if I see you, it's love always. But I'm not friend like
a sandbox friend or no, not like day one, but we we really
we went through some stuff together, and I don't know, like I feel
like when I make connections with people, I make deep connections. But yeah,
she was someone that I care about and I still care about her.
But any day one friends that you're not friends with anymore, or like somebody
that you want to that. We was in kindergarten together, and not kindergarten
because I moved a lot in elementary school, like I went to like five
different elementary schools or four, But so I didn't start really making my friendship
connections until middle school. But I'm still friends with almost all my middle school
friends now. Obviously there are some times I'm not. But and we grew
apart, like around college because I was smoking and drinking it fucking you know
wow, and some of them were just not on that. So it's just
like, you know, but yeah, wow, a lot of us still
are friends, and I really value that. What do you do when your
life becomes completely different than your friends, like so for example, with me,
I became a mom at twenty one, but that didn't stop us from
being friends. You know what I'm saying. Are there any friends in your
life where it's like, dang, were just not on the same stuff.
Or again, I feel like it's like I'm able to meet people where they
are right and not to say like and I hope that doesn't come across as
like above or below. It's not that. It's like, if what you
want to do is hang out and go to in and Out and get a
burger, then cool, I'm down for that. I'm only saying that because
I really want some in there. I had in it out today and out.
I need it before I go. But that's cool, Like I'm down
for that. If I have a friend I wants to go to Bali,
I'm done for that too. So like whatever it is, I'm I'll meet
you where you are if I still feel like the connection is there. But
if we're in a space where like conversation is stale and I'm trying to talk
about something and you're just like girl, it's like negative energy and yeah whatever,
you know, then it's like like I said, oh, with my
chaotic friend, you know, she she's in a space where she's not really
open to and I'm not trying to tell anybody how to live there A lives
like I don't I'm not perfect, but like when I ask like probing questions
about like, oh, well, why did you make that decision? You
know what I mean, it's defensive and like there's no real reason behind it
that you can explain. And that's okay, but that's just not where I
am. And if you're in this space where you're just like making all these
decisions, I don't really align with my core values, then I just don't
know if we can continue to like there's always love, but there's just not
real connection anymore. What about like do you have Okay, so do you
have like certain groups or sets of friends, Like this is my turn up
friends, this is my chill friends, this is my It's hard to say
now because I live in a state where none of my friends live, so
like right now, I'm just in the house most of the time. But
like even being here, I don't know. I don't know. Do you
got a homegirl that you can call when you want to be on bullshit?
That's yeah, what home girl is that? That's my girl? Frankie Okay,
Frankie on the bullshit? Okay, but no, but she's not though
I'm also like I could go and just chill if you know, like put
my feet up on her couch like a nap if I want to, you
know, like we just She's definitely one of my closest friends. Okay,
and we connected through work. We only met a couple of years ago.
What job, I'm okay, I ain't gonna name it. I ain't giving
him no because because I ain't gonna lie. I feel like every job that
I've worked at, I've met like a lifelong friend, even if we're not
super close like that, My little work friends like don't really be my friends
for real. So yeah, shout out to Tako to you because that was
a work group. Shout out to my little work friends. Yeah, yeah,
I have same. I have some lifelong friends, but Taco Team for
sure is like a core group. Mike, you know he he's here in
Dallas and I've known him since we worked together at Chase. He was on
the Taco team. Yes, oh you ain't not that like I was support
of the Taco team. But no, I didn't know. I mean,
I know he was your work friend. But okay, Taco Team. I
don't want some tacos. I'm hungry. But what else was I about to
just say about friends. Damn it was good. Damn mmm, it'll come
back. Damn my lost d friends. You know, I will say,
though, because I have moved around, sometimes it's hard to maintain friendships the
way that that I would like to. Like Camille invited me to her wedding,
but I just couldn't make it, and I actually I think it was
too short notice or it was on a weekend where it's like I already had
something going. But I don't get to talk to Kamille often, like I've
never met her, her baby, or her or her husband. He went
to Eastern, Now, well, maybe I feel like maybe maybe I feel
like he might have been around at a time. I don't. I don't
think they were dating. I feel like we might have. I don't know,
maybe I was. I don't. Yeah, I mean he went to
Eastern so yeah, but but yeah, like I mean again, that's one
of those situations where we are not close, but I love her. And
if she called me right now, I was like she needed something or she
just wanted to What makes you want to be somebody's friend? Like you just
meet somebody like, oh, I want to be her friend? Like what
would make you want to be Somebody's friend, the vibes, the VI.
I'm gonna tell you Frankie is a great example. He's white, and I'm
not again I'm not saying I love white people. They're great, but you
know, you just some some things you connect, like you have you can
relate, and something you can't. Frankie listens to the Read? Are you
familiar with the Read? The podcast? Yeah? And I was planning or
something and she was like, she said something and I was like, you
listen to the Read and she was like yeah, girl. I'm like because
they low key, they'll be going, you know, like I haven't that
shit in so long. Yeah, but she I'm like, damn, you
have a lot of like self awareness to be able to listen to this and
not get offended, you know, yeah, because not that they shouldn't white
people, but you know, they just whatever. But that was like,
oh, oh we're gonna be friends. We're gonna be That was kind of
the energy from that. But yeah, I don't know if I meet anyone
and just like oh I want to be their friend, it's just like if
it happens, it happens. But I'm also a very social person, like
I can sit next to someone and I will strike a conversation. I'm not
very shy. What kind of friend do you think I am? I think
that you are. It's interesting because I feel like you have like knowing you.
You're not introverted, but in the world you are. It's so weird
because, like I would I like knowing you, I wouldn't say you're an
introverted person, but I really you are an introverted person, you know,
And I think that you are someone who like cares deeply about people. I
also though, like, on some real shape, I really feel like you've
like a lot of people have disappointed you, and I feel like that has
shaped your view on like relationships in general. And I don't know, like
I don't know how to explain it. I wish I could better articulate.
I wish I could have prepared for this question. You know, I think
you're an amazing person, an amazing friends, but I think sometimes you're guarded
because of what you've experienced. And yeah, okay, let's get into some
some questions, some little whatever, Okay, conversations with your inner self.
Oh I love that. Let's see, Oh, okay, hit himself.
What parts of yourself do you feel like you have to hide from your family.
John Clayton's gonna watch this. I'm sending it to her. I don't
think there's much that she doesn't know. I don't think right now, I
really don't have much that I hide. To be honest, I feel like
I'm an open book, and I don't. I think sometimes that's to my
detriment because I share too much, and I think that people perceive me a
certain way because I am so open. Yeah, I mean obviously I don't
like I'm not very open with my family about like sex and stuff like that.
But even that, I'll tell my mom. You'll tell her, tell
her what whatever did you got your back blo out last night? No,
I'm not like they think I had the biggest stick, Like, no,
I'm not gonna do that. But if I if, I you know,
like I had a situation recently by stating someone kind of and we kind of
had texts, we kind of sex. Well, it was it was a
little early. It was pretty mature. What that's another thing. You're a
comedian and you are really first of all. That's one thing that I will
say about it. I feel like any dude that I ever talked to.
I feel like they always trying to downplay me, like I'm not a commuter.
I'm not the funniest bitch a lot. Like Bro, you have a
fucking blast with me. Girl, I'm trying to think you. There was
a song and you remixed the song and it was so fucking funny. I
wish I was rap. It wasn't. It was just like the chorus to
the song. But I can't. Oh my god, if it comes to
me I started got it, I will text you because I don't think i'm
remember it right now. But that should have me weak. I was not
for me for this question to what parts of your sold do you feel like
you have to hire from your fans? I don't. My family already knows.
I didn't heard the podcast. Everybody that my my parents were listening to
Freaky Friday. So it's like there's no not anymore but that you. When
I first started the podcast, they was listening to Freaky Friday every episode,
Like, okay, I love that the support or you think they were just
listening to be nosy. I think it was to be nosy, but I
don't know. Okay, less what do you need less of? I know
what I need more of what money? Time, money, time, and
no, no, no, no no, not not just dick, But
I mean I don't know I need I need more of a lot of stuff,
but less. What do I need less of? Less laziness less.
I'm not saying I'm just throwing something lazy. I was thinking that. But
I hate to call myself lazy because I really think that there is a balance.
Like I have friends that work so hard and they don't ever really take
time for themselves. Like I truly value having time and space to do nothing.
I think it's so important, and I see people neglect themselves. My
grandmother, she works so hard, and I'm just like, can you sit
down somewhere. So I'm not gonna I'm not gonna say lazy because I know
the outside the capacity to work hard. But in a way I need to
be more disciplined, so less non less lazy? What do I need less
of? I don't know? Less negative self talk or like that's real.
I just I'd be real hard on myself. Okay, dreams, Are there
any recurring patterns or themes in your dreams that could represent your shadow self?
Have you had any dreams recently? I have really weird fucking dreams, and
there's always celebrities in them. I love my celebrity dreams. I've had a
few. I actually just how while I've been in Dallas. I don't know
if I want to share it on what did you What did you have a
dream about? No, I don't want to say it was a celebrity.
Yeah, okay, it's weird. I don't know. It's a dream.
I don't want to put out to the world. It's a dream. This
is a no judgment. It's let me talk about my reoccurring dream though it's
scary as I am definitely afraid of spiders. Yes, and oh my god,
mass shooters. I've had like a mass shooting dream twice and I remember
them vividly, actually three times, because one was like the same dream again.
It was a kind of dream. I don't know. I don't even
know what that represents. I always look my dreams up as soon as I
wake up in the morning. I googled the significance or the symbolism of what
it means. I looked it up, but I didn't get anything valuable from
it. I don't think people were having mass shooter dreams twenty years ago too.
Wow, but that really fucking scares me every time I have one,
and I don't even know what provokes it. The most recent dream I had,
I was in a car. I don't know if it went off a
bridge, but it started submerging underwater. That was my most recent dream.
Yeah, we're probably watching that fucking bridge. That was before it was before
the bridge happened. Okay, So in tune my niggas in tune life Decisions,
how has your shadow self influenced your life life decisions? M M So,
I think my shadow self was like mad, insecure, and like I
think what I've realized through some of my shadow work is that my inner child
really needed some healing because I had a lot of like anger towards my dad,
and in one aspect, like I forgave him and was able to move
on. But then there was like little things that would trigger me, and
when I really put thought to it, it's like, oh, it's because
of the little girl that needs to heal, you know. But what I
was able to reflect on is that a lot of my insecurities and even like
connected to my dad and my both my parents honestly was rooted in like the
need for validation, and and I did a lot. I did a lot
for validation. Same, do you feel like there's any type of correlation between
the men that you've dated and your dad, any secularities, Not in the
sense of like, oh, you're dating your dad, but in a way,
yeah, I think. I think that there's a few men that I've
dated that I looked at like you are the opposite of my dad in a
way, and that's what intrigued me. And then there are some that I
dated that were like, you're almost you have some very similar qualities of my
dad. All the niggas I dated are my daddy, Like yeah, and
he hates that, Like, you know, he gets a bad rep for
me now because I'm an adult woman and I fall shit out. But it's
what it is. So wait, let me ask you that though, Like
what, because you guys were close, where what caused the changing your relationship
with him? Like I said, just growing up and becoming an adult woman
and really understanding and realizing the things that happened. It's like realizing what type
of man here? Yeah, what type of man he is? How he
treated women? Everything that I saw as a child, like damn. And
so then now I look at myself and I look at all the men that
I've dated. I look at the mental illness flow of my chart with men,
and I'm like, damn, y'all are just like my dad. But
I mean that's all not so. I think it's a subconscious thing, you
know what I'm saying, Like, subconsciously, I'm choosing these people because this
is all that I know, this is what I've seen, this is the
example that was set. I think there's some of that. But I also,
because I'm speaking for myself as well, I think sometimes with us women,
we are looking to resolve our daddy issues in our relationship, like what
we didn't get from our fathers, we want that from our partners, and
we choose these men that are like our our fathers so that we can resolve
it. Do you see what I'm saying? And they resolve and a motherfucking
not at all, not at all, not at all. Acting out Recall
a time when you act it out of character? What happened? That's funny.
I don't feel like I've ever seen you act out of chars. Not
the little eye she just looked at her face. I've never I feel like
i've never seen you act out of character. I think. I think the
what I can recall is being well being in a relationship with mm hmm,
there was I'm not a violent person, like I don't fight. I don't
either, And with him, I remember us arguing and it would get so
bad that I would feel like rage, Like I would feel my body get
warm, I felt rage, and I would just like go crazy, like
I would be throwing shit and you know, trying to hit him, you
know what I mean, Like that's not me. Yeah, and that's your
cue to leave. I don't ever want to anybody that brings the worst out
of me. Bro, I don't want to be with you. I don't
want to be with you. Yes, And the only so I guess maybe
in a way I wasn't my dad because the only other time I ever felt
that level of rage was having an argument with my dad. Like just like
I feel it in my body and I'm just like, I don't. I
don't even remember when I first got to either. I didn't even cuss,
right, yeah, exactly. So for me to get to the point where
I'm like telling my dad, fuck you, my dad, Like I where
are y'all today? We're in a good spot where I'll say this. I
think that I know what triggers me with my dad, So when I feel
it coming, I just like distanced myself, you know, I'll just say,
like, okay, Dad, love you. I'm about to go,
you know, or talk to you later. I do think that there is
there's something missing right now, like we're not connected in the way we used
to be. I really don't know what that is. I don't know if
it's the distance, like the physical distance or something else. But I definitely
like called him when I again, I've been doing some inner work over the
past couple of years, and I called him to tell him, like,
you know, I think I'm actually in a space of forgiveness and I wanted
to tell you like what I've been experiencing and how I've been feeling and now
how I feel. And his reaction wasn't what I expected. I think I
was a smitch disappointed by his reaction. I think I thought I might get
like an apology or some type of self awareness or something. But what I
realized is that he can only give me what he asked. I can't expect
more from him. That was the biggest lesson I can't expect him to give
me something he doesn't have, you know. Yeah, wow, if your
dad's not a millionaire, you can't expect millions. Okay, damn, that's
just wait, wait, you gotta answer the question. The only time that's
popping in my head first of all, because I'm a very cool, calm,
collective type of person, Like, it's gonna take a lot to really
pisce me. The last time that I acted out of character was when I
quit my job that day when I got into with the racist white lady,
and I still have brought it back down, like Jazmine, you got to
be professional, but I don't. Yeah, that was kind of surprising to
hear because I've never seen you real leave. That's what I'm saying. I
don't, I don't, I don't let I don't let it happen. Yeah
oooh failed relationships. What is a common thread in your failed relationships? I
stay too long? Stay too long? How long should you stay? When
should you leave? In the past on the podcast, I said no reason
to stay is a reason to go or something like that, But how okay,
staying too long? When should you leave at the first red flag?
I think it depends on what the red flag is. She's still fucking with
no, no, no, no no, because I think, well,
I guess, okay, red flag is like a hard no, so then
yes, I agree with that. I'm thinking, like, first thing,
that's like, eh, but that could be a yellow flag. It might
not be red red flag. Yes, yeah, I agree with that.
I think that, baby, because the flags just keep getting redder and redder
and d Yeah, I think I do think we need to give people grace,
but I don't think that again, it is if it's a yellow flag
something that like, Okay, let me just scratch all that my mom told
me when I was in my last relationship. If he never changed, if
he was this person for the rest of y'all's life together, would you be
okay with that? And if the answer is yes, cool say But if
the answer is no, what are you doing wasting your motherfucking time exactly?
So I'm trying to think what's the coming thread in my field relationships? I
will say not put myself first. I can agree with that too for me,
but yeah, I see that you want to you want to elaborate on
that. I'm a very selfless person just period. I always put everybody else's
needs above my own. I'm such a giving person. I'm that partner though,
Like I want to be everything. I want to give you all the
love, you know what I'm saying. And I let motherfuckers overstep my boundaries.
I let people do whatever they want, you know what I'm saying,
Like, I'm just not putting myself first, holding on What are you holding
on to that still hurts you deeply? That P you gotta go? No,
no, no, I'm thinking, but no holding on to the P.
I okay, I'm not holding on too. I honestly, I think
I like relationship wise, or just in general general or whatever it is.
I think there's a couple of things right, Like I think there's some things
that will always just be a part of you once you experience it, like
losing my baby. So I yeah, I don't think that's something i'll ever
like let go of. And by losing my baby, I'll be clear so
people don't think. So I had a child and it got taken from me.
But I was pregnant and at thirty weeks I she was still born.
So I had to give birth to her that she was not born, and
that was hard and Honestly, when I reflect on it, it feels like
a out of body experience, Like it doesn't even really feel like it happened
to me. Like when I explained it to people, it's like, yeah,
I actually experienced that, but it doesn't feel like it was me,
you know, right. So that's one I think another that is the first
thing that came to mind. But I'm I'm telling myself I'm over it,
but clearly since it popped up, I'm not. Is my dad telling me
that he didn't choose to become a father and that he told my mom to
abort me? Wow? Yeah, so, and that's just something you never
want to hear from a parent, you know, especially when you've always felt
like you weren't good enough. And that really hurt me. And I think
that was like a turning point in our relationship. Did y'all ever have a
conversation about him saying that? If so, I can't remember, But if
so, I don't know if we were if I was in a space where
it was a productive conversation, Like I think I wasn't helled enough to like
say, is that the conversation when you said fuck you did? Because no,
oh, that wasn't even no, it wasn't that that one. It
just I mean, and I understand his perspective. He was eighteen nineteen years
old when my when you know, they had me, And I get that
you like, like my mom could have easily had an abortion and their lives
would be very different. I wouldn't have a life. But I feel like,
you know, you when you start having sex, unless it's without your
consent or if you're too young to understand, like you know the consequences of
what happens, right, Like you made your decision when you decided to have
sex with my mom protected and that's what I told them. And I think
a lot of men don't think about it from that perspective, like you make
that decision. Yeah, you know, you can't be mad, I heard,
so. It just it was a lot of like lack of accountability that
really pissed me off. And I think that's that was it for me.
And it's like, so that's why you just showed up as a terrible,
terrible but like, yeah, you know what I'm saying, Like you did
not think about your children when you made decisions. Wow, So yeah,
anyway, sorry, what am I holding on to that still hurts deeply.
I feel I just hold on to when people do me dirty, like I'll
never get over that, Like why would you great that? Why are you
a fucked up art that's fucked that? Like, yeah, I won't let
that shit go. Hmm. So it's like when it done, not necessarily
one and done, because there have been situations where I still was fucking with
somebody, but you know what I'm saying, But like it's just like repeated
behavior, It's just something. I mean, I don't know, Like for
example, even with the situation with me and my baby daddy, like I
don't want to I don't want to say that because I feel like I'm past
that, but you know what I'm saying, it's always still like to me
even to this day, it's just certain shit. It's like I feel like
you do shit just to fuck with me, you know what I'm saying,
or make my life hard or whatever, and it's just like I don't know.
I just I don't know. I hang on to it in a weird
way, like I don't know, let's see, mmmm, what are you
skipping over? I'm just looking through these, but I wanna get some good
ones. Well, the next one's not good. I don't know. I
just want to put you on the spot and ax something crazy. Also,
well, okay, let's go through the white ones real quick, and then
I do wanna tap, I do wanna touch on one topic. Let's see.
I bet I can guess with that topic case now you know what it
is. Mm, okay, we're gonna We're gonna move on. How do
you feel about everything that's going on with mister Sean Combs. I gotta I
gotta talk about this, like, I gotta talk about it. What it
can they say on power whatever whatever they say, bro, because it's it's
it's it's crazy to see. It's very crazy to see. But I feel
like in a way it is, but it's also not just because I feel
like everybody always knew what type of person did He was? You know?
I think the bigger problem is that our culture, let it's like for so
long, like and not just black, A lot of stuff slide. Yeah,
it's almost like bigger than did he like even R Kelly. That's what
I'm saying. That's what I mean by a lot of stuff. Yeah,
like yeah, crazy. I feel like it's almost like do what you do
until we can't like cover for you anymore. You know what I'm saying,
Like we'll cover for you, but if it taps into something, we can't
cover you on your own, Nigga. That's what it feels like, you
know. And it just maybe he just didn't renew his Illuminati membership. I
don't know what happened, but there's speculation that you know, you know,
he part of ways with like Sirak and Delion and all that, and there
may be he pissed off the wrong person that has more money than him,
you know. I think that's what people think, and you know he's and
then there's other people that think he's the fall guy for shit. I don't
know, but honestly, I'm not surprised. My heart goes out to anyone
that was victimized by him, But honestly, I'm I've I don't I'm not
like super huge into astrology, not enough to know like whatever, but I
heard the we're in this age of Aquarius or whatever the information all of that.
Yep, everything's gonna be revealed, yep. But did he Like I
said, we've all known for years with like people will always talk about Diddy
parties like I'm forever. That was always a thing. So for all of
that shit to come out as crazy. I definitely hated how he did all
of his artists. Yeah, no respect on that. And I used to
fuck with Iddy. I used to like his music and book. I never
respected the fact that he did his artists like that. Yeah, I mean,
you gotta be weary of man with God complexes because they're they're just men.
Day twenty six Danity k. We were just listening to them. I
was listening today twenty six yesterday, that's my opinia the band Mace. Everybody
you kill Biggie, you killed kim Porter, like allegedly allegedly, but that
like, and this is kind of what I be preaching on, like to
people. Well now I don't even stay preaching on but this is why,
like I go so hard about like just being a good person, you know
what I'm saying, Like, and people be feeling like, oh, you
up whatever, you know people that live whatever type of crazy life you live,
Like, yeah, he was doing good for a long time, but
that karma is gonna spend the block, like I hope. So I feel
like there's a lot of people that deserve I'm waiting on. I'm like,
no, I have sold so many magnificent seeds I can and I've like I've
been the bigger person all the fucking time, all the fucking time. So
like my good karma, gotta go crazy, It gotta go crazy, sidbar,
What color is on your else? This is called Dirty Dancer eight eight
one? What's the brand? D and D? That is so cute?
Thank you? Ah, you guys haven't seen this. This is my new
tattoo. Shout out to tattoo Wayne. Yeah it was. I told you
earlier. It was the worst manicure and peticure ever. It does look good,
but I won't be going back. I won't be going back. It'd
be like that. Yeah, is there anything that you want to touch on?
Let I want to know how your experience here in Dallas has been,
and I want it to be greater. I it's been great, it's been
great. It's been no but one day, it was maybe about a week
or so ago, like I was in a lyft coming home and right now,
guys, I'm in the process of looking for my place and all of
that. So you know, it's just been crazy with that and a lot
of times I really get down on myself just about like I feel like I'm
not doing h I'm not doing enough. I feel like I'm gonna get the
money to do this. And they're like, it's just so much stuff that
I'm trying to do, getting up, going on to work every day,
trying to make it, winging it, you know what I'm saying, Being
here by myself. My kid is in Detroit, you know what I'm saying.
All of that stuff takes a toll on me. And I was in
the lyft the other day and I was like, Bro, you really hopped
on a plane, came to Dallas, entered into a crazy situation that went
left. Still was making it, you know what I'm saying. Still,
whatever happened, just bounce back from it. Went through a whole custody battle,
made it through that, Like just all of these things, all of
these things, and it's like, Jazmine, You're still here, You're still
standing, You're still strong. You're like, you know, I don't know,
but no, it's been good so far. I can't wait till I
actually get myself settled and get into my place and all that and get to
go out and do all the stuff that I want to do. I'm going
out tonight though, but yeah, like I just feel like I've really been
trying to just you know, work on myself and work to get myself where
I need to be finally just independent for real on my own. But no,
it's been good. And one of my lift drivers today she said she
was from Kansas City and she was just saying, like she you know,
she had to move from home to or whatever, and she was like,
it's been a great experience. She definitely just that other people do it,
because I mean, I don't know, some people do want to live in
a hometown forever. But it's a whole world out here. It's a whole
nother life. It's so many other things to do. Yeah, so I'm
enjoying it. I love liting it. I think the best thing you can
ever do for yourself is move out of your hometown. Like even going to
Eastern was different for me. Like she won a couple of different places.
Yeah, I went to school, inc say, Michigan it was, but
I did. That's where it was. That's not what you say, though,
I went to school. I'm just saying if anybody watching this that don't
know, like she went to school in EPs, like just say you went
to school in Michigan. I went to school, and then I moved back
home. I moved to Chicago, lived there for a couple of years,
and then I moved back home, and now I live in Virginia. I
ain't going back home, though, she's coming to alley. Let's go to
Ohio and get some Donados stuff. I want some food. I'm actually getting
a little hungry too. But I have so much food at home. I
mean remember that at the airb I just watch all got there. I mean
like stuff we've been going out and like I take a box home, like
like you have. She is like the Queen of leftovers, like and I
feel like Christina eat all her food cold? Do you still you know your
phone? Sometimes? Bro? She was always good for eating, eating a
Chipotle bowl, Coldpotle bowl though, like you can't and oh my god,
you so funny when you eat. Like I could just picture Christy. She'd
be all like like when she she what she eats, who she eats?
Like that sonny? But yeah, yeah, but else? Should we get
into the cards? Sure? Do you want to run to the How much
time to have? Twenty six minutes? Like yeah, we could end it
early though. In early I just I do have to be but it's on
you lit some cards for the collective. Okay, how's twenty twenty four been
going for you? You know? I started this year not really knowing what
was in story because I feel like last year was so transformative for me.
Like I last year is probably one of the best years I've ever had,
just as far as like growth, and I kind of went into this year
thinking like what next, like what's next for me? Because I knew I
was probably trying to move here in twenty twenty five. So but this year
has been like I think this year is going to be. It's like I
have to do a lot of groundwork, you know, Like there's because last
year we're so transformative. Now that I'm in this new space, I have
to like do the groundwork to get to where I want to be, like
to really up level, you know. So I'm seeing that through like work
and relationships, like just evaluable life going Girlsha, it's dead right now.
No apps, no, nothing, Like I did meet a couple of people
while I was here, But if you like the dating apps, you fuck
with hinge plenty of fish. Christian mingle girl, I'm backpage. It's like
he don't know. No, Nah, I don't really. I'm I was
never really a fan of like online dating or the apps per se, just
because I don't know, I feel like the dudes on there are just I
mean, not that all dudes don't just be about sex, but it's like
the apps. It's just like, Okay, I'm on here looking for somebody
that's apps or no app that's but I don't know, it's just a different
level of like creepy vibes to me, Like, no, I don't.
I'm gonna be honest. I feel like that's just what niggas do. A
lot of them that are like, for instance, I've been here since Wednesday.
I mess some one Thursday night right at an event and you know,
exchange numbers or whatever. Last night, I'm like, oh, what are
you getting into tonight? He said, you, sir, what's today?
Saturday? That was Friday, sir, sir. That wasn't on an app.
I'm a him in person. So like niggas be on the same shit
no matter what. And I was like, oh, did I give that
vibe? Sir? Did I give that vibe? No, it ain't even
about the vibe because niggas just they're gonna throw it out there and if you
want it, then they on it. If they throw it as you go
catch it exactly. Yeah. I said that's a little presumptuous, and he
was like, you got the keys and I just deleted and never responded.
What okay, So all right, just pulling some cards for the collective because
you guys love this Queen of Cups. You do? I do. I
was gonna say, though, I'm I don't necessarily love when people everybody.
I won't just like let anybody pull for me though, because I feel like
energy is real, and if you got negative energy, I don't want you
pull on my cards. Queen of Cups. The love is in the air.
Oh this is for the collective? Yeah, okay, love is in
the air. Tapping into your heart space is very important. Tapping into your
intuition doing what you love. Is the vibes that is coming off here,
whipped over the two swords, having to make a decision about whatever is in
your heart at this moment. Okay, again, tapping into your intuition and
your emotions for real. But I always get so much flack for being such
an emotional person, and they're like, I don't I don't care. I'll
lead with my heart and I goes two of wines. Let's see. Okay,
what's okay? Okay, it's giving. Okay. So we had the
Queen of Cups, the two swords, two of wins, four of swords,
the King of Pinnacles, and the four of wines. It's given that
somebody is walking into a new season in their life. Love, finances,
just again, happiness, whatever, you're choosing with your heart for a sores,
but you want to again and to a sores and for a swords,
So it's given. Sleep on the energy, whatever choice that you gotta make
if you I don't know. It could be a job. It could be
a job. It could be a relationship, it could be whatever. Take
some time to sleep on it, though, but go with how you feel.
Are you a follow your heart type person? Yes, but not blindly
like I am gonna think through certain decisions for sure. But if it's something
I want, I'm I'm actually one of those people that like, if I
want something, I'm just gonna figure out a way to get it. Mm
hmm. So I'm following what I my heart, what I want, but
I have to, like logically make it make sense for me? Does that
make does that make sense? Whatever I want, I'm going after two period.
Like even if I feel like it's not the best thing, y'all.
Y, I always say, like I like, I be in it for
the thrill and all, like I just but whatever I feel in my heart
or whatever, like, I'm gonna do it every time. So it's looking
up for the back. It's looking up for love. See we got too
a cups, too two a cups. King a cup. Okay, first
of all, this is somebody's husband here, King. Oh, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, y'all. It's not the King of Cups.
I lie. It's the Night of ups. So it's given. He
working on it. He working on it. It's the little dog. It
ain't little dog energy. But but it also is it's kind of like a
young man, you know, it's given fresh out of college. It's given.
I'm just saying to me, Not of cups is like a young man
energy. It's it's a lot, it's still a lot of growing to do.
But I mean he's there with the full cup though, so Queen and
Knight, But no and then too a cups baby, it's given a relationship,
it's given new relationship on the horizon. It doesn't necessarily have to be
a relationship. It doesn't have to be romantic. But yes, okay,
I claim that I'll take that same new season right because what what did you
say? Single ready to mingle? I did have you seen any I mean,
we'll have you. Well, you just said that you did meet somebody
in exchange, but that ain't you know? No, I met a couple
guys, Steven, and it was it was good energy. But again like
I'm not gonna be here anytime soon. But I'm not lying. It's really
a relationship, and we go, I'm in this with this. It's the
star Car, the Lovers, and the Empress. All major are kind of
energy, the old people. But no, bro, this is like somebody.
First of all, somebody's coming into the relationship healed. Period. So
if you're working on yourself, keep doing that, amen, you are what
you attract. The star Car, the Lovers, and the Empress. It's
just, bro, who is who is this? Who is this? I
receive it too? Oh my gosh, baby, I'm about to meet my
man tonight. That's why you need to come out. I'm about to meet
my man tonight. That's crazy. Okay, we go in that right there.
Damn any closing, any closing statements, anything you want to share,
you're trying to wrap up. I mean anything I want to share anything,
Any advice on friends, life, whatever, womanhood anything. Oh I can
speak on that for a long time, to be honest, well, womanhood,
just all of all of the both. What's your best piece of life
advice? I'm actually I'm a shout out Naomi, my friend last night we
had a conversation and at dinner and it was it's kind of back to know
when to leave, whether it's a job, your hometown, romantic situation,
friendships. Know your value and know when you're not receiving your your value,
Know when you're not being treated the way you know you deserve to be treated.
In exist stage lia, get the fuck out and and and go where
you are are valued. Period. Yeah, that's what I'll say. I
agree. I'm trying to think, do I want to change? Can you
change your best life advice? Because I my old life advice was always walking
your purpose. I mean, I guess I don't have to chang. I
just feel like it's old now, but no, that is walking your purpose
for sure, Like because I'm just reminded of that shit every day that I
go to a motherfucking job, Like, because I man, it happens every
time. Every time I get a new job, I'm like, oh,
I'm so excited, and I'll just get back to it just comes back to
the reality. Like, girl, you know what you're supposed to be doing,
you know where you want to be, Like, but it's so hard
trying to find the balance of being a creative or an entrepreneur and having to
I really think you should come out because we're gonna be around a lot of
people that are entrepreneurs that I think the biggest thing from that is like bet
on yourself, whether it's through a job or being an entrepreneur. Sometimes you
just got to take that leap of faith, even if nobody believes in you,
even if you don't have the support you need, even if the money's
not rolling in the way that you wanted to. Sometimes you really have to
bet on yourself. And I think this weekend has shown me that I'm around
I have friends that are actually like that took that bet on themselves and it's
it's it's paying off. And it took time and hard work and dedication and
haters and people that doubted them. But now the vision is clear and now
everybody's like, oh my god, Like, you know, sometimes you really
have to like bet on yourself. I agree. Also, also, I'm
sorry and shout out to my girl CCP. You know who that is?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I love her.
I love, love, love love her her podcasts and not sheally talking about
another bitch podcast. No, I'm just kidding. But one thing she always
says that really stuck with me is the life that you want wants you.
And that is like I put that on my wall because I really believe that
and I believe in manifesting. But another thing that she always says is basically,
you have to do the work, like absolutely, you know, like
you have to put yourself in the position to get the things that you want.
Needs to Chess needs to chant for real. But yeah, what was
it? I was gonna ask one more thing about friendship. I don't know
what has true friendship taught you? Hm hm hm hmm. What has true
friendship taught me that we are hmm? Like I want to say something around
like connectedness, like m hm, that's no, not that like because I
have so many friends that I've been friends with for decades at this point.
We all go through seasons, we all go through life experiences, things that
could potentially separate us from each other. But real friendships like we we are
connected, you know, and we have to stay connected. And I don't
know, when you truly love someone, there's nothing that can really but really
break that. Mm hmm, you know, I don't know. I mean,
because friendships you end, people change. That's a tough question. What
did I ask? What is true friendship taught you? I was good to
say something else. I just want to say something about friends, but I'm
trying to think about what I want to say. This is what I want
to say. I think it's very important. It's very very important to be
a great friend, but I think it's more important to be a great friend
to yourself because it's gonna be days where your friend's not gonna be there.
Not to say that, you know or whatever, but it's gonna be days
when your friend's not gonna be there and you're gonna have to be a friend
to yourself. And I feel like I don't know. I look at a
lot of different relationships and just people in my life and just the people that
they are are the person that they are, and I just feel like I
feel like I've always been a great friend to everyone. So be a great
friend to yourself as well. I told you I'm hard on myself. So
yes, that's that's my little piece. But that's it. I'm gonna let
you go to the bathroom. Girl. Okay, thank you for joining me.
This was this was lovely. I haven't had a guest on the podcast
and I don't know how long the first guest. I mean, well,
you're the first guests on the Well, I have had guests on YouTube,
but whatever, this is the brand new, revamped, reinvented platform, only
about four or five videos. You're gonna be the first guest, so thank
you for having me. This is Christina. No, uh no, you
know, okay, incognitos, what do you you on TikTok? Though I
don't post on TikTok. I'm just asking them, but you just be on
there watching the videos? Yeah, no face, no Facebook, no nothing,
no social media for me, just bumble. No, I'm not even
I deleted all that apps like damn, I mean, can you get into
that real quick. I let me tell you why I don't have it.
I really do not like people want business like that. But I'm an open
book. It's so weird, Like I like, there's a part of me
that would love to do like lifestyle influencing and stuff on TikTok, but I
really don't want people to be like talking about shit, I don't know,
talking about what my business like, what business is my life? Like,
I don't I don't know, my gosh, I don't know. Maybe it's
maybe there's a fear of being judged let it go, Yeah there's I can.
But but also like I just I don't like how social media makes me
feel, especially Instagram, like back in the day, Like I don't know
what Instagram's like now, but I just remember a couple of years ago Instagram,
maybe not even a couple like closer to ten years ago. I feel
really insecure, like being on Instagram, Like I feel like everybody only post
like the highlights, nobody behind the scene. It'd be going down behind the
scene. Yeah yeah, And it's almost like you have to keep up and
like portray yourself in certain ways, so you can get attention, and like,
I just never liked I never liked that ship. I would probably wouldn't
be on Instagram either, if like I just try to stay on there for
this. Yeah, yeah, the ship I got going on, but it
is it's it's nothing but high school talent show. I don't know, Like,
yeah, talk to the people that make money from social media, like
you really have to be dedicated today and they about are they really going to
ban TikTok? Is it over? No, it has to go through the
Senate first. I don't think that's happened. I've been waiting every day like
it's just gonna go away, My app gonna be go I hope not.
That would be crazy not to get political, but I feel like if if
the Democratic Party once youth and like millennials and gen Z to vote for them,
the worst thing they could do is get rid of Yeah yeah yeah that
makes absolutely no sense. So anyway, wow, yeah, I have not
to get political. But well, I hope you guys enjoyed this episode.
Make sure that you follow me on all platforms, say Healing my Homies,
subscribe to the podcast Ready five Stars. We were reviewing Why You Love the
Black Girl experience. Share this video with your homegirls. The Friends episode friend
Chet. I used to love Friends, Friends, Oh the show when I
was little It's school. I watched it a couple of times. I thought
you were some one about the song m you should have played it. But
when I like, when I post a little clips like I'll put Friends in the