WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.640 --> 00:00:04.120 This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI AM six forty, the 2 00:00:04.160 --> 00:00:09.080 Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app KFI AM six forty. 3 00:00:09.119 --> 00:00:11.919 You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. The sea is the Doctor Wendy Walsh 4 00:00:11.919 --> 00:00:15.199 Show. I'd like to welcome now my Instagram audience. Love to have you 5 00:00:15.279 --> 00:00:18.480 guys on IG. If you would like to come into the studio visually and 6 00:00:18.559 --> 00:00:21.559 see what we're doing here, you're welcome to go onto Instagram and search doctor 7 00:00:21.559 --> 00:00:24.960 Wendy Walsh. Follow me in there you can see us live. I have 8 00:00:25.199 --> 00:00:28.440 If you're new to me, I have a PhD in clinical psychology. I'm 9 00:00:28.440 --> 00:00:32.520 a psychology professor, not a therapist, but I've written three books on relationships. 10 00:00:32.560 --> 00:00:36.039 I did my dissertation on attachment theory and well I'm old and wise, 11 00:00:36.520 --> 00:00:40.960 so allow me to weigh in on your relationships. If you'd like to give 12 00:00:41.039 --> 00:00:45.000 us a call, the number is one eight hundred five two zero one five 13 00:00:45.119 --> 00:00:50.000 three four. That's one eight hundred five two zero one KFI. Okay, 14 00:00:50.039 --> 00:00:53.359 Producer, Kayla, who do we got? We have Robin with the question 15 00:00:53.520 --> 00:00:57.560 Robin, Hi, Robin, It's doctor Wendy. Hi, doctor Wendy, 16 00:00:57.600 --> 00:01:00.560 How are you good? What's your question? Love? Okay, So I 17 00:01:00.679 --> 00:01:04.159 just started hanging out with this guy. You know, he likes me. 18 00:01:04.319 --> 00:01:07.159 I like him. We've really been vibing. I know I love him. 19 00:01:07.680 --> 00:01:11.359 My friends tell me I'm crazy because we haven't been dating that long and they 20 00:01:11.359 --> 00:01:15.280 don't really think he's bat into me. And I'm too into him and it 21 00:01:15.319 --> 00:01:19.640 hasn't been that long. How long has it been. It's been about three 22 00:01:19.680 --> 00:01:23.920 weeks. Three weeks, But I like, I know he's the one, 23 00:01:23.000 --> 00:01:26.920 like my heart spoke when I saw him, and like, I really love 24 00:01:27.040 --> 00:01:32.040 him. Okay, what's a question? Am I crazy? Like? Is 25 00:01:32.040 --> 00:01:37.519 this something I should pursue? Or are not crazy? But you're also not 26 00:01:37.760 --> 00:01:42.280 in love. You are in lust. In the first three weeks of a 27 00:01:42.359 --> 00:01:46.560 relationship. Your brain is being assaulted with a cocktail of neural hormones that make 28 00:01:46.599 --> 00:01:49.599 that person look so perfect. That's why your friends are like, he's not 29 00:01:49.640 --> 00:01:53.159 that perfect, but he is to you. So my advice to you is 30 00:01:53.519 --> 00:01:59.959 enjoy it. This is the best natural drug that we have. And don't 31 00:02:00.159 --> 00:02:02.000 or don't tell him you love him and all that. You're just in lust 32 00:02:02.040 --> 00:02:06.879 at this stage. Let it play out. Let it pass some time. 33 00:02:07.280 --> 00:02:12.159 There's research to show that men actually fall in love faster than women do. 34 00:02:12.560 --> 00:02:15.360 Women are more likely to say the words before men do. So I, 35 00:02:15.520 --> 00:02:21.159 you know, I think just let time pass. Let's see if these neuro 36 00:02:21.240 --> 00:02:24.879 hormones sustain themselves. Let's see what his behavior is, not his words, 37 00:02:25.000 --> 00:02:30.879 see what his behavior is, and whether this could be a real relationship for 38 00:02:30.919 --> 00:02:34.879 the future. So, Robin, you are not crazy, You're absolutely normal. 39 00:02:35.080 --> 00:02:38.240 But I would not call this love. Love is an action word, 40 00:02:38.560 --> 00:02:44.120 it's a verb. It's what comes later where your brain kind of does a 41 00:02:44.159 --> 00:02:46.400 cost benefit analysis. The hormones die down and you're like, Okay, now 42 00:02:46.439 --> 00:02:50.120 I see them. They're a human being. Do I want to stay there? 43 00:02:50.520 --> 00:02:53.280 So give it some time and enjoy it. Enjoy it, Robin. 44 00:02:53.400 --> 00:02:58.000 It's a beautiful drug. Thank you so much for calling. All right, 45 00:02:58.039 --> 00:03:00.479 Producer, Kayla, who do we have next? We have Christie with the 46 00:03:00.599 --> 00:03:05.919 question Christy, Hi, Christy, it's doctor Wendy. Hi Wendy. Oh 47 00:03:06.039 --> 00:03:08.000 guys, well, I'm thrilled to talk to you. Oh, thank you. 48 00:03:08.280 --> 00:03:15.280 I told her that I have had a person whom he's a very reputable 49 00:03:15.319 --> 00:03:17.280 person in town, in the community, but I dated him for like ten 50 00:03:17.400 --> 00:03:22.000 years and it didn't go anywhere, right, he was stringing me along, 51 00:03:22.039 --> 00:03:27.360 and come to find out over time there was there was another person involved as 52 00:03:27.400 --> 00:03:30.840 well. You know what, they don't feel bad ended it don't feel bad 53 00:03:30.840 --> 00:03:32.800 because listen, I knew a woman who dated a guy for ten years on 54 00:03:32.879 --> 00:03:36.680 and off and on and off, and he was never really making a commitment. 55 00:03:36.840 --> 00:03:39.439 And then come to find out he was actually dating, living with another 56 00:03:39.479 --> 00:03:43.599 woman and having babies with her during that time. I mean, they can 57 00:03:43.639 --> 00:03:47.080 be very, very sneaky, these guys. So what's your question, Well, 58 00:03:47.120 --> 00:03:51.439 so he is not living with anyone, but what's been happening. I've 59 00:03:52.439 --> 00:03:54.680 I've tried to remain friends, in other words, just because of who he 60 00:03:54.759 --> 00:03:59.280 is in the community. I don't want to be mean, right, But 61 00:03:59.639 --> 00:04:04.120 so occasionally, like maybe once every six months, he texts her once a 62 00:04:04.159 --> 00:04:08.240 month, you know, little things, just kind of checking in. And 63 00:04:08.280 --> 00:04:11.639 I've not seen him at all. But at the beginning of this year, 64 00:04:12.000 --> 00:04:15.240 he stopped by my house one Friday evening and it just happened again this last 65 00:04:15.279 --> 00:04:18.399 Friday evening. And when he leaves and we have a nice visit, but 66 00:04:18.439 --> 00:04:23.360 when he leaves, he tries the kiss. That's a little bit too much, 67 00:04:23.480 --> 00:04:26.439 right, right, And I'm like, stop, we're friends, this 68 00:04:26.519 --> 00:04:28.879 is good. You know you need to go home, right, Yeah, 69 00:04:29.199 --> 00:04:31.879 but it happens and I don't. It's like he wants to keep you in 70 00:04:31.920 --> 00:04:36.000 your back him, right, So he's keeping you as a backup mate, 71 00:04:36.480 --> 00:04:42.000 you're keeping him as an important social and business contact, and so it's up 72 00:04:42.040 --> 00:04:45.839 to you to continue to do exactly what you're doing, which is reassert the 73 00:04:45.879 --> 00:04:47.759 boundaries. You know. I used to go out with this playboy for years, 74 00:04:47.800 --> 00:04:51.279 on again, off again, whatever, and then he would show up 75 00:04:51.319 --> 00:04:54.759 at my place at different times and he would always try and I'm like, 76 00:04:54.800 --> 00:04:57.959 no, it's not happening now. And it took like three or four times 77 00:04:57.959 --> 00:05:00.639 for him to really understand, like, no, it's not happening. I 78 00:05:00.720 --> 00:05:06.360 always say that a rule is not a rule until it's been tested. So 79 00:05:06.399 --> 00:05:12.639 he's testing your boundaries to see if they're real, and you're doing absolutely the 80 00:05:12.759 --> 00:05:16.639 right thing. Have very clear boundaries. Thanks for calling, Christy, I 81 00:05:16.639 --> 00:05:19.360 appreciate it. If you'd like to call in the numbers one eight hundred five 82 00:05:19.439 --> 00:05:25.160 two zero one five three four, I'm happy to weigh in with my drive 83 00:05:25.199 --> 00:05:28.680 by makeshift relationship advice. But I also want to go to social because a 84 00:05:28.720 --> 00:05:31.759 lot of you are shy. So I want to answer your questions that you're 85 00:05:31.759 --> 00:05:39.519 sending on social media. All right, dear doctor Wendy, I've been single 86 00:05:39.560 --> 00:05:44.680 for twenty five years and it's how I'm comfortable. Okay. I heard that 87 00:05:44.759 --> 00:05:48.399 being alone is equivalent to smoking cigarettes and is physically unhealthy. I don't feel 88 00:05:48.439 --> 00:05:54.680 unhealthy. Am I making myself sick by being alone? Not necessarily. Here's 89 00:05:54.720 --> 00:05:59.920 the thing about research and statistics. Just because research says, and it does 90 00:06:00.120 --> 00:06:10.040 say that loneliness and social isolation can be the same detrimental to your health as 91 00:06:10.439 --> 00:06:15.480 smoking, obesity, drinking too much, etc. Not for everybody, you 92 00:06:15.519 --> 00:06:19.279 know. We all have our own individual attachment style. We all have a 93 00:06:19.319 --> 00:06:24.879 different way of needing to connect to others or not. What you didn't say 94 00:06:24.959 --> 00:06:29.759 in your question is how much other social support you have. I know single 95 00:06:29.800 --> 00:06:32.600 people who have so many friends, who hang out with so much family, 96 00:06:32.839 --> 00:06:40.079 who are literally barely ever alone that they're getting the same benefit as if they're 97 00:06:40.120 --> 00:06:45.639 having a relationship. So I you know, if you feel fine and comfortable 98 00:06:45.680 --> 00:06:47.800 and you're taking care of your health in other ways, I think you're just 99 00:06:48.040 --> 00:06:54.480 fine, all right, Dear doctor Wendy, I am very scared for my 100 00:06:54.600 --> 00:06:59.319 marriage. All my friends are filing for divorce from their husbands. Is this 101 00:06:59.439 --> 00:07:03.639 contagious? Five of my friends filed in the last three months. Oh do 102 00:07:03.680 --> 00:07:10.160 I need to distance myself to save my marriage? Maybe let me just explain 103 00:07:10.639 --> 00:07:16.639 that divorce is so contagious around social circles, just as marriage is contagious, 104 00:07:16.680 --> 00:07:19.079 right, young people in their twenties, One gets married, then the next 105 00:07:19.120 --> 00:07:23.720 does, and the next does, etc. So yes, it's divorce is 106 00:07:23.720 --> 00:07:28.000 contagious within families. It's contagious. But why let's talk about what's happening. 107 00:07:28.240 --> 00:07:31.759 And so your friends who are getting divorced are going to tell you maybe truthful, 108 00:07:31.879 --> 00:07:34.759 maybe not. Oh, I'm loving it. This is so great. 109 00:07:34.800 --> 00:07:38.079 I should have done this years ago. I'm having so much fun. They 110 00:07:38.079 --> 00:07:41.879 could be lying it doesn't matter, and you start feeling envious or else. 111 00:07:41.959 --> 00:07:44.519 What you do, because you want to be a good supportive friend and they 112 00:07:44.560 --> 00:07:46.639 need somebody to go out with, is you start going out with them. 113 00:07:46.920 --> 00:07:50.399 I mean, I actually know people where this has happened. The married wife 114 00:07:50.759 --> 00:07:54.839 goes out with a couple of single friends who have recently divorced just to support 115 00:07:54.879 --> 00:07:57.959 them, and then before you know it, she's essentially out in the mating 116 00:07:58.000 --> 00:08:01.800 marketplace and she's comparing her to spend to the new guys who are false advertising 117 00:08:01.839 --> 00:08:05.240 by the way, she's compared them to the new guys that she's meeting out 118 00:08:05.240 --> 00:08:11.439 there. So yeah, I would have boundaried careful relationships with those people who 119 00:08:11.480 --> 00:08:15.480 are divorcing. But also I would use this time, knowing that this is 120 00:08:15.480 --> 00:08:22.000 a potential threat. I would use this time to really connect with your husband, 121 00:08:22.360 --> 00:08:26.920 do some good stuff together, spend time reinvesting in your relationship. I 122 00:08:26.959 --> 00:08:31.840 think that's really important. All right, So the number is one eight hundred 123 00:08:31.879 --> 00:08:37.120 five two zero one five three four. That's one eight hundred five two zero 124 00:08:37.279 --> 00:08:39.960 one KFI. If you'd like to give me a call, please do, 125 00:08:41.200 --> 00:08:43.919 or you can send a DM on any of my social media and producer Caleb 126 00:08:43.960 --> 00:08:48.000 will be checking. I'll be continuing to answer your relationship questions when we come 127 00:08:48.039 --> 00:08:52.639 back. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on kf I Am 128 00:08:52.720 --> 00:08:58.320 six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor 129 00:08:58.360 --> 00:09:03.480 Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI am six forty. Hi, Hi, am 130 00:09:03.519 --> 00:09:07.480 six forty. You have doctor Wendy Welsh with you. This is the Doctor 131 00:09:07.480 --> 00:09:11.559 Wendy Welsh Show, and I am taking your relationship calls. Reminder, I'm 132 00:09:11.600 --> 00:09:13.759 not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor, but boy do I love to 133 00:09:13.759 --> 00:09:18.039 weigh in with my opinions. Okay, Lynette is our first call? Hi, 134 00:09:18.120 --> 00:09:22.879 Lynette, it's doctor Wendy. Hi, doctor Wendy Walsh. Nice to 135 00:09:24.000 --> 00:09:28.000 hear from you. What's your question? Yeah, So I've been taking a 136 00:09:28.039 --> 00:09:33.080 guy for about four or five months and it's a long distance relationship one hour 137 00:09:33.080 --> 00:09:37.840 away, so that's easy way. Yeah, it's you know, I'm not 138 00:09:37.879 --> 00:09:41.799 that far m and r less. He's going through the school time in his 139 00:09:41.840 --> 00:09:46.639 life right now. He tends to shut down. But I love this man, 140 00:09:46.720 --> 00:09:48.320 I really do. I love him so much and I want to be 141 00:09:48.360 --> 00:09:54.759 there for him throughout this whole process what he's going through. So I'm ready 142 00:09:54.799 --> 00:09:58.720 for the next step. And so here's the thing. For people who you 143 00:09:58.759 --> 00:10:05.360 know, want to be alone when they're processing heart difficult things, it's important 144 00:10:05.360 --> 00:10:09.320 that we don't get intrusive with them because that'll make him push you away. 145 00:10:09.600 --> 00:10:13.159 I think what you should do are regular check ins and say things like I 146 00:10:13.200 --> 00:10:16.759 want you to know I'm here for you. You can also ask questions like 147 00:10:16.879 --> 00:10:22.840 how best can I support you during this time? Rights ask what their needs 148 00:10:22.840 --> 00:10:26.080 are, and then let them know that you're there. That way, it 149 00:10:26.120 --> 00:10:28.039 doesn't feel like, oh, well, you know, I'm gonna come up 150 00:10:28.039 --> 00:10:30.120 next week because you're going a hard time and I need to be with you 151 00:10:30.120 --> 00:10:33.720 because you shouldn't be alone at it. That's you telling them how they should 152 00:10:33.720 --> 00:10:37.440 behave right, Instead, let it play out. Let him know that you're 153 00:10:37.480 --> 00:10:41.360 there, you're available. You could even make small suggestions, you know, 154 00:10:41.440 --> 00:10:46.120 would you like me to drive there next weekend or would you prefer to be 155 00:10:46.120 --> 00:10:48.600 alone? And you know, don't feel all abandoned and rejected if they want 156 00:10:48.639 --> 00:10:52.639 to be alone, because everybody has their own way of processing stuff. And 157 00:10:52.720 --> 00:10:56.440 it only has been four or five months, and it sounds like you really 158 00:10:56.480 --> 00:10:58.039 really care about him, So this is going to be easy for you to 159 00:10:58.080 --> 00:11:05.519 do. Yes, yeah, I love them, but I love them. 160 00:11:05.559 --> 00:11:07.320 I'm so happy to hear this, Lynette, that's wonderful. Thank you so 161 00:11:07.399 --> 00:11:11.679 much for calling. Okay, producer, Kayla, who do we have next? 162 00:11:11.840 --> 00:11:15.639 Oh, Carl, that's not producer Kayla, that's Rual. How are 163 00:11:15.679 --> 00:11:20.480 you hi, Carl, it's doctor Wendy. Yeah, Hi, doctor Wendy. 164 00:11:20.600 --> 00:11:26.600 How are you good? What's your question? The question is if you 165 00:11:26.720 --> 00:11:33.879 have a partner and they always accuse you off either cheating or they don't have 166 00:11:33.200 --> 00:11:39.000 there they're very um, they have a lot of trust issues, how do 167 00:11:39.080 --> 00:11:43.600 you deal with that? Well, okay, it's not the true Okay, 168 00:11:43.639 --> 00:11:48.360 So the two things is um. If you want to ask yourself and ask 169 00:11:48.440 --> 00:11:52.159 them, are there things it seems like you have a lot of anxiety and 170 00:11:52.399 --> 00:11:56.600 about cheating. I'm not the kind of person to cheat, But are there 171 00:11:56.639 --> 00:12:01.120 some things that I could say or do that would help you feel safer or 172 00:12:01.159 --> 00:12:05.000 that would help you feel more secure? So just ask them, right, 173 00:12:05.039 --> 00:12:07.600 like, what can I say or do that would help you feel more secure? 174 00:12:07.960 --> 00:12:11.840 Because what ends up happening is when someone gets accused of cheating a lot 175 00:12:11.879 --> 00:12:16.200 and that person has trust issues, they actually kind of move away from the 176 00:12:16.200 --> 00:12:18.440 person because it's so uncomfortable. It's like oh, or they get angry they 177 00:12:18.440 --> 00:12:22.440 go really, are we going through this again? Right? You have to 178 00:12:22.440 --> 00:12:24.000 bring this up every time? This is all your issue, you know, 179 00:12:24.159 --> 00:12:28.440 and then it turns into a fight. So instead staying calm and understanding that 180 00:12:28.480 --> 00:12:33.200 their anxiety is real but it has nothing to do with you, and saying 181 00:12:33.240 --> 00:12:37.399 things like, you know, I must be very hard for you to live 182 00:12:37.399 --> 00:12:41.480 with this kind of anxiety. I'm here for you. What can I do 183 00:12:41.559 --> 00:12:45.080 to say and help you not have these feelings? I think that's how you 184 00:12:45.080 --> 00:12:48.039 should deal with it. Thank you for calling, Carl, I appreciate it. 185 00:12:48.399 --> 00:12:50.440 Okay, Producer, Kayla, who do we have next? We have? 186 00:12:50.840 --> 00:12:54.879 We have Jacob with the question Jacob. Hi, Jacob, It's doctor 187 00:12:54.919 --> 00:13:00.600 Wendy. Hello. It's actually me and my partner Martha. Both of you. 188 00:13:00.679 --> 00:13:03.559 Hi, Martha, how are you hi? There? I'm good good? 189 00:13:03.639 --> 00:13:07.960 What's your question? Guys? So, our question is we have our 190 00:13:09.000 --> 00:13:11.480 way of doing it. We're kind of curious what you think, but we've 191 00:13:11.480 --> 00:13:18.039 both been cheated on and past past relationships, and we kind of decided moving 192 00:13:18.039 --> 00:13:22.480 forward in our relationship that our friends of opposite genders like me with female friends 193 00:13:22.480 --> 00:13:26.519 and her with male friends, will maintain that friendship, but we will not 194 00:13:26.559 --> 00:13:31.120 acquire new friendships of other genders in our relationship. What's your thoughts on that? 195 00:13:31.240 --> 00:13:35.399 Do you think that's a bad idea? Agree with it? I like 196 00:13:35.519 --> 00:13:39.799 it, except I would add one more thing, unless you socialize with them 197 00:13:39.840 --> 00:13:41.799 together as a couple, Like, you know, you running out with some 198 00:13:41.919 --> 00:13:46.360 new woman you met at the office is weird? Okay, that's that's like 199 00:13:46.559 --> 00:13:50.159 picking a backup mate, and that could destabilize the relationship. And also, 200 00:13:50.399 --> 00:13:54.240 who is this person that wants to be friends with a married man or a 201 00:13:54.240 --> 00:13:56.600 married woman? Right, So it's another thing. You know, you'll find 202 00:13:56.600 --> 00:14:01.080 that when you have a good, healthy, secure relationship, who do you 203 00:14:01.120 --> 00:14:05.000 like to hang out with the most, usually good healthy couples, other couples. 204 00:14:05.320 --> 00:14:07.799 So I actually kind of like your rule, and I would just add 205 00:14:07.840 --> 00:14:11.440 the unless we both decide we like this person and we want to socialize together. 206 00:14:13.679 --> 00:14:18.960 I think it's a good idea I could add on to it. Um, 207 00:14:18.919 --> 00:14:22.320 what do you think about one to say, I have a female co 208 00:14:22.519 --> 00:14:28.399 worker that's in a relationship and she's texting me outside of work, not talking 209 00:14:28.399 --> 00:14:31.600 about work, but wanting to hang out and be friends. And it's kind 210 00:14:31.639 --> 00:14:35.879 of it's mentioned that it's both of us like both couples, but kind of 211 00:14:35.960 --> 00:14:39.399 vague. What do you think I would make sure you steer that to be 212 00:14:39.519 --> 00:14:43.759 both couples? I would say, Yeah, my my my girlfriend Martha, 213 00:14:43.759 --> 00:14:48.279 and I would love to get together with you and your guy. That's all 214 00:14:48.320 --> 00:14:52.000 you do. You pretend that that's what the invitation is about. Steer it 215 00:14:52.000 --> 00:14:54.919 into a couple thing, because why what are you gonna do with this personal 216 00:14:54.919 --> 00:14:58.559 relationship with a colleague which could be misconstrued? And now we're talking about workplace 217 00:14:58.639 --> 00:15:01.879 weird stuff. And if they go to HR so, I yeah, I 218 00:15:01.879 --> 00:15:05.519 would socialize as a couple. And if they don't want to get together as 219 00:15:05.519 --> 00:15:09.039 a couple, then you know that there's somebody who could be a threat to 220 00:15:09.120 --> 00:15:13.039 your relationship. You don't need those people around. We got we got, 221 00:15:13.120 --> 00:15:18.200 uh, Lisa? Now okay, question Hi Lisa, Hi Lisa, it's 222 00:15:18.279 --> 00:15:22.440 doctor Wendy. Thank you for taking my calls. My pleasure. Mary. 223 00:15:24.559 --> 00:15:28.320 I've been married for twenty one years. Huh. I have two boys, 224 00:15:28.000 --> 00:15:31.360 a ten year old and a thirteen year old. Both my husband and I 225 00:15:31.480 --> 00:15:35.600 we worked full time. We're very busy, but I go above him beyond 226 00:15:35.639 --> 00:15:41.200 to make sure meals are cooked, laundry is done, the house is taken 227 00:15:41.279 --> 00:15:46.000 care of. Wow, But he doesn't. He's a taker and he's selfish. 228 00:15:46.320 --> 00:15:48.879 But then I become the bad guy because I asked him for help. 229 00:15:50.519 --> 00:15:54.600 So I'm kind of frustrated and annoyed, and he thinks, oh, well, 230 00:15:54.600 --> 00:16:00.519 that's how it is, okay, So here's how you do this. 231 00:16:00.159 --> 00:16:04.759 You don't nag, you don't whine, you don't complain, and you know, 232 00:16:04.879 --> 00:16:11.000 don't call him names. Right instead, you just quietly go on strike. 233 00:16:11.600 --> 00:16:18.120 You just stop doing right. So, if you know, one time 234 00:16:18.840 --> 00:16:22.320 I was trying to get my teenage daughter to do her laundry and she wasn't 235 00:16:22.320 --> 00:16:25.639 doing it because I was doing it for her and nagging her for help wasn't 236 00:16:25.679 --> 00:16:30.039 working until I literally stopped, and the pile of laundry in her room got 237 00:16:30.080 --> 00:16:33.399 bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger, until eventually she just started doing it. 238 00:16:33.960 --> 00:16:37.840 So you have to be brave enough to be happy and busy and live 239 00:16:37.840 --> 00:16:41.240 with a messy house and see what happens. And then if he complains about 240 00:16:41.240 --> 00:16:44.720 something, you simply say, oh, I guess it's something you want to 241 00:16:44.720 --> 00:16:48.679 take care of them, and you smile. I just think. And also 242 00:16:48.000 --> 00:16:51.399 you got to reward them for being good. Remember this. If they do 243 00:16:51.480 --> 00:16:53.639 the slightest little thing, you can't go, oh, I see you know 244 00:16:53.679 --> 00:16:57.200 how to put something in the dishwasher. That's not going to help the relationship. 245 00:16:57.320 --> 00:17:00.320 If you see them doing anything good, go give them a kiss or 246 00:17:00.360 --> 00:17:06.079 a hug. Find ways to shape their behavior with positive rewards. I know 247 00:17:06.079 --> 00:17:07.680 you're frustrated, Lisa. I know you were like, oh, I shouldn't 248 00:17:07.680 --> 00:17:10.759 have to train him, I should be able to just tell him. But 249 00:17:10.839 --> 00:17:12.480 you know what, for twenty one years you've trained him the other way. 250 00:17:12.720 --> 00:17:17.480 You've trained him into a life of luxury where he's got a full time made 251 00:17:17.519 --> 00:17:18.960 and that's you. So I think you've got to quit, all right? 252 00:17:18.960 --> 00:17:22.960 Producer Kayla, who do we have next? We have Z with the question 253 00:17:22.200 --> 00:17:29.839 ze hi z It's doctor Wendy. Hi there. So I like, um, 254 00:17:30.599 --> 00:17:36.039 I have an obsession of my wife. You want to go to therapy 255 00:17:36.160 --> 00:17:41.720 with your wife? No obsession? Obsession, not a session? Obsession? 256 00:17:42.759 --> 00:17:49.599 Yeah, what does that mean? Describe that for me? Like I, 257 00:17:47.880 --> 00:17:52.839 UM, it's not controlling, it's not anything like that. I just have 258 00:17:52.960 --> 00:17:57.240 an obsession of her. But I need you to tell me what obsession means 259 00:17:57.279 --> 00:18:00.039 your thoughts. You're thinking about her all the time, or you want to 260 00:18:00.079 --> 00:18:03.880 be with her all the time. Tell me exactly how that plays out? 261 00:18:03.240 --> 00:18:08.079 Your word? What is your description? Of obsession kind of both like I 262 00:18:08.200 --> 00:18:14.359 needed to know, but it's you know, I'm not controlling, And it's 263 00:18:14.359 --> 00:18:18.960 just like, does this worry you that you think about your wife a lot 264 00:18:19.000 --> 00:18:23.279 and you enjoy spending as much time as you can with her? Yes? 265 00:18:23.920 --> 00:18:37.559 Why does it worry you because of is it upsetting to her? No? 266 00:18:37.559 --> 00:18:41.119 No? No, But it's like, well, what women go through? 267 00:18:41.480 --> 00:18:48.480 You know? So it's like kind of concerning to me. What do you 268 00:18:48.480 --> 00:18:52.400 mean what do women go through? Uh? You know, traffic ting? 269 00:18:56.240 --> 00:19:00.319 I'm confused. So your your wife is involved in sex trafficking? Are you're 270 00:19:00.359 --> 00:19:06.720 worried she's going to be bull like you know? Uh yeah yeah. So 271 00:19:06.839 --> 00:19:14.839 like I feel like every woman is in a sense of I'm going to make 272 00:19:14.880 --> 00:19:19.279 a suggestion to you. I think you should go see a licensed therapist so 273 00:19:19.319 --> 00:19:26.920 that you can learn to explore your feelings and your fears about women. And 274 00:19:26.559 --> 00:19:30.920 this is something that clearly worries you, and I want you to have relief 275 00:19:30.920 --> 00:19:37.519 from that feeling of worry and spending time with a licensed therapist to explore everything 276 00:19:37.559 --> 00:19:42.839 you're feeling could be really beneficial to Uze and I appreciate you calling and sharing 277 00:19:42.839 --> 00:19:47.160 this with me. It's very very nice of you, Thank you for calling. 278 00:19:48.160 --> 00:19:49.519 Okay, Producer Kayla, are we do we have to go to Bridge? 279 00:19:49.640 --> 00:19:53.640 Definitely all right? But when we come back, can we talk about 280 00:19:55.599 --> 00:20:00.359 what Jonah Hill's ex girlfriend Sarah Brady posted on Instagram about him? Please? 281 00:20:00.759 --> 00:20:03.519 There are some rules about posting ladies that you all need to listen up. 282 00:20:03.559 --> 00:20:07.480 Okay, I've got strong opinions on this one. You are listening to the 283 00:20:07.519 --> 00:20:11.119 Doctor Wendy Walsh Show and kf I Am six forty with Live Everywhere on the 284 00:20:11.160 --> 00:20:17.319 iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from kf I Am 285 00:20:17.359 --> 00:20:22.039 sixty KIM six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is 286 00:20:22.039 --> 00:20:26.640 the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show where I like to talk about love and you know, 287 00:20:26.160 --> 00:20:33.000 love has two sides. Love can turn to a cold heart very quickly, 288 00:20:33.559 --> 00:20:37.920 and how people get back at their exis as it gets more and more 289 00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:45.240 creative as time goes on. I am not pleased when I see people use 290 00:20:45.599 --> 00:20:55.640 social media to say something publicly about an intimate relationship, even if that intimate 291 00:20:55.680 --> 00:21:00.519 relationship is in the past. I just think that love needs privacy to grow. 292 00:21:02.359 --> 00:21:07.880 Love needs privacy to be sustained, and breakups should happen in private. 293 00:21:07.599 --> 00:21:11.960 You don't need to put all your dirty laundry out there. Last week we 294 00:21:11.960 --> 00:21:18.359 were talking about actress Kiki Palmer and her partner. She was on stage with 295 00:21:18.519 --> 00:21:23.200 was it Usher? Yeah? And she was in a gorgeous dress that revealed 296 00:21:23.240 --> 00:21:27.240 her fabulous body. And she has a baby, and the father of that 297 00:21:27.359 --> 00:21:33.480 baby basically tweeted something like, but you're a mother though, meaning you shouldn't 298 00:21:33.480 --> 00:21:37.880 be dressing this way. You know what? Tell your first of all, 299 00:21:37.240 --> 00:21:41.480 none of his business once she wears, but secondly, tell her privately if 300 00:21:41.480 --> 00:21:47.200 you have certain feelings about things. The social media thing it bothers me. 301 00:21:47.480 --> 00:21:52.960 So now we have another case. Actor Jonah Hill was dating a girl named 302 00:21:53.160 --> 00:21:57.799 Sarah Brady. Reportedly they dated back in twenty twenty one and they broke up 303 00:21:57.839 --> 00:22:03.920 in twenty twenty two. Recently, she wrote she puts some texts where she 304 00:22:03.000 --> 00:22:07.160 accused Jonah Hill. If you don't know who, do you remember who Jonah 305 00:22:07.200 --> 00:22:10.359 Hill is? He was an actor in Super Bad twenty one, Jump Street 306 00:22:10.480 --> 00:22:15.960 Forgetting Sarah Marshall. He also has a really interesting documentary film right now on 307 00:22:17.519 --> 00:22:22.839 I think it's on Netflix. Called stuts Stutz, where he's actually interviewing his 308 00:22:22.880 --> 00:22:30.279 own therapist about his own therapy. It's interesting anyway. So she posts a 309 00:22:30.319 --> 00:22:37.759 series of texts where she accuses him of being a misogynist, a narcissist, 310 00:22:37.400 --> 00:22:44.279 and emotionally abusive. Well, this looks worse on her than him. Basically, 311 00:22:44.440 --> 00:22:48.839 she's a surfer and she took text mess screenshots of text mess That's the 312 00:22:48.839 --> 00:22:55.240 other thing. When someone sends you a text that's for private, it's not 313 00:22:55.359 --> 00:23:00.119 meant to be screenshot and post it publicly. Okay. So she posted text 314 00:23:00.160 --> 00:23:06.680 messages from him where it hears that Jonah Hill asked her to take down photos 315 00:23:06.759 --> 00:23:11.720 of her surfing. And in one of the message, he's outlining what he 316 00:23:11.799 --> 00:23:18.680 calls his boundaries, and he says that they include surfing with men, boundaryless 317 00:23:18.759 --> 00:23:22.839 inappropriate friendships with men, to model, to post pictures of yourself in a 318 00:23:22.839 --> 00:23:29.519 bathing suit, to post sexual pictures, friendships with women who are in unstable 319 00:23:29.559 --> 00:23:34.200 places. I'm just reading the quote and from your wild recent past. Okay, 320 00:23:34.400 --> 00:23:41.240 So he has he's calling this his boundaries. So I want to take 321 00:23:41.240 --> 00:23:44.079 a minute to say a few things here. First of all, name calling, 322 00:23:44.160 --> 00:23:48.400 even if it's an x is not okay online. Secondly, taking those 323 00:23:48.480 --> 00:23:53.559 conversations and screenshotting them out of context and sending them to the world is a 324 00:23:53.680 --> 00:23:59.960 deep invasion of privacy. But now, of course, these messages went viral 325 00:24:00.359 --> 00:24:04.000 on Twitter and TikTok because everybody and Instagram because everybody loves the dirt, right. 326 00:24:06.119 --> 00:24:11.119 But the real issue here is how often people try to use I call 327 00:24:11.160 --> 00:24:15.400 it therapy speak, because they have these new fangled words. He's a narcissist, 328 00:24:15.519 --> 00:24:22.799 he's emotionally abusive. Okay. First of all, a narcissistic personality disorder 329 00:24:22.440 --> 00:24:30.400 is a major diagnosis, Ladies. Just because a man is showing less empathy 330 00:24:30.480 --> 00:24:33.519 towards you, or just because a man wants a little bit of attention, 331 00:24:34.000 --> 00:24:38.640 he may just be a Kendall. It doesn't mean that he's a full blown 332 00:24:38.960 --> 00:24:45.759 narcissistic personality disorder. So narcissists make up about one percent of the population, 333 00:24:45.160 --> 00:24:48.519 but if you read women's comments on social media, they make up about ninety 334 00:24:48.519 --> 00:24:53.400 percent of the male population. They just throw this word around. I also 335 00:24:53.440 --> 00:25:00.119 want to talk a little bit about boundaries. He's calling supposedly these rules for 336 00:25:00.160 --> 00:25:03.880 the relationship. He doesn't want her surfing with men. He doesn't want her 337 00:25:03.880 --> 00:25:10.119 to have boundaryless inappropriate friendships with men. Now this is him, if all 338 00:25:10.119 --> 00:25:18.480 this is true, basically stating that he feels threatened by potential mate poachers, 339 00:25:18.880 --> 00:25:22.359 men who she's hanging out with, who might be a problem and threatening their 340 00:25:22.440 --> 00:25:27.359 relationship. They're not boundaries. Okay, here's what a boundary is. A 341 00:25:27.400 --> 00:25:32.079 boundary is not a rule for somebody else telling them how they should behave even 342 00:25:32.119 --> 00:25:34.480 though you'll hear they cross my boundary. Well, you know what, then 343 00:25:34.519 --> 00:25:40.039 it's up to you. A boundary is a messenger to you, a little 344 00:25:40.039 --> 00:25:42.880 gate around you that says this is the behavior I will tolerate, and if 345 00:25:42.960 --> 00:25:48.039 it happens, this is what my reaction will be. Right. So, 346 00:25:48.079 --> 00:25:52.079 if he says I'm not the right person for you, if these things bring 347 00:25:52.160 --> 00:25:56.359 you to a place of happiness, and there will be no hard feelings, 348 00:25:56.599 --> 00:26:00.519 but these are my boundaries. Right for a romantic relationship, that's an ultimatum 349 00:26:00.599 --> 00:26:03.240 if you want to stay in her. She's basically saying, if you want 350 00:26:03.240 --> 00:26:06.079 to stay in a relationship with me, you need to do these things. 351 00:26:06.440 --> 00:26:10.960 Ultimatums never work, never, never work. A boundary might be if he 352 00:26:11.039 --> 00:26:15.960 said something like, you know, I really support that, you really love 353 00:26:17.000 --> 00:26:19.720 to surf and you like to see your friends have fun. I'm gonna sit 354 00:26:19.799 --> 00:26:23.599 this one out. In other words, if you're going surf and don't put 355 00:26:23.599 --> 00:26:26.640 it in my face, but you don't controlling the other person, you're turning 356 00:26:26.640 --> 00:26:29.559 your back on it. You're saying, I'm not going to look at that. 357 00:26:29.839 --> 00:26:34.480 It doesn't matter. Right. If your overall idea is to try to 358 00:26:34.559 --> 00:26:41.039 control or manipulate somebody else, that's not a boundary. A boundary is a 359 00:26:41.039 --> 00:26:44.000 little set of rules inside your head that says this is how much I can 360 00:26:44.039 --> 00:26:47.720 tolerate. And if the behavior happens, I'm not going to try to get 361 00:26:47.759 --> 00:26:49.839 them to change. I'm going to change my reaction to them. Now. 362 00:26:51.039 --> 00:26:53.039 The reaction maybe I'm going to break up with them, right, that's you're 363 00:26:53.039 --> 00:26:57.039 a prerogative. That's a reaction. The reaction might be I'm gonna, you 364 00:26:57.079 --> 00:27:00.759 know, take a week off, I'm gonna not go out with them, 365 00:27:00.799 --> 00:27:07.519 or whatever. So I think we need to instead get back to if we're 366 00:27:07.519 --> 00:27:15.240 going to use therapy language, instead of labeling others, we should simply talk 367 00:27:15.279 --> 00:27:18.680 about our feelings, stay on our feelings. I would have more sympathy for 368 00:27:18.720 --> 00:27:26.200 this ex girlfriend if she wrote, I was really hurt when my boyfriend asked 369 00:27:26.200 --> 00:27:30.720 me not to serve with men. I felt it was innocent, but obviously 370 00:27:30.759 --> 00:27:34.599 he didn't like it. That's fine, that's legal, and that's the truth. 371 00:27:36.079 --> 00:27:40.240 Stick on our feelings. I don't like that. It feels hurtful. 372 00:27:40.599 --> 00:27:44.519 Not don't do that. See there's a subtle difference. Instead, one is 373 00:27:44.559 --> 00:27:48.440 about your own feelings. And again, ladies, calm down with the nars. 374 00:27:48.440 --> 00:27:52.559 There's lots of research to show that most men, not all men, 375 00:27:52.000 --> 00:27:57.079 lots of really empathetic, compassionate, sympathetic, really fabulous man out there. 376 00:27:57.440 --> 00:28:02.720 But in general, men have less empathy than women. You know why they 377 00:28:02.759 --> 00:28:04.759 were hunters. They had to look in the eyes of a wild animal, 378 00:28:06.119 --> 00:28:08.519 look into its eyes and kill it. Okay, you can't have empathy at 379 00:28:08.559 --> 00:28:11.960 that moment. They go to war. Those guys over there on the war, 380 00:28:12.079 --> 00:28:15.920 they're not having empathy at that moment. Now, there are some men 381 00:28:15.960 --> 00:28:19.240 who have deep empathy, I want to say that, but in general, 382 00:28:19.640 --> 00:28:23.960 as a gender, men have less empathy than women do. Don't call them 383 00:28:23.960 --> 00:28:27.640 a narcissist, just call them a ken, just call them a man. 384 00:28:27.680 --> 00:28:30.000 They're just a mand Hey, when we come back, I want to talk 385 00:28:30.039 --> 00:28:34.759 about something. So I love fun facts about people and psychology, and I 386 00:28:34.839 --> 00:28:41.039 pulled up ten really interesting facts that you might not know about psychology. When 387 00:28:41.039 --> 00:28:45.200 we come back. You're listening to The Doctor Anddy Walls Show on KFI AM 388 00:28:45.240 --> 00:28:49.160 six forty Alive everywhere on the iHeartRadio abue. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh 389 00:28:49.480 --> 00:28:55.319 on demand from KFI AM six forty kf I AM six forty. You have 390 00:28:55.359 --> 00:28:56.960 Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the home stretch of the Doctor Wendy 391 00:28:56.960 --> 00:29:00.400 Walls Show. Reminder, I'm here every Sunday from seven to nine pm. 392 00:29:00.920 --> 00:29:06.400 You know, when I'm hanging out with my sweet boyfriend Julio. You know, 393 00:29:07.000 --> 00:29:11.680 he's not swiping through Instagram, is not swiping through TikTok. He's swiping 394 00:29:11.759 --> 00:29:17.160 through Porscheous. He's like obsessed with Porscheous. He just loves them. He 395 00:29:17.240 --> 00:29:21.039 will say, you see that part, you know that little Winchell wiper thing 396 00:29:21.119 --> 00:29:23.559 or the way they did that little I mean, he's obsessed. You know 397 00:29:23.599 --> 00:29:29.680 what. I'm obsessed with reading research on psychology and human behavior. I have 398 00:29:29.759 --> 00:29:32.640 my favorite geeky sites that I go to all the time, and I'm pulling 399 00:29:32.720 --> 00:29:36.039 up new stuff, and so sometimes I'll read about a study and I'm like, 400 00:29:36.039 --> 00:29:38.039 well, that's not enough for a whole seven minute segment, but that's 401 00:29:38.039 --> 00:29:44.000 a fun fact. So I decided to put together a fun little segment tonight 402 00:29:44.440 --> 00:29:48.000 to close up the show. That are fun facts about people in psychology that 403 00:29:48.039 --> 00:29:52.200 I pulled from the research today, because that's the geeky stuff I read. 404 00:29:52.359 --> 00:30:00.000 Okay, first, intergenerational trauma is actually physical, and now there's some evidence 405 00:30:00.319 --> 00:30:04.079 intergenerational trauma. I've always said we are meant to finish the emotional work of 406 00:30:04.119 --> 00:30:10.039 our parents and grandparents. We know that it can change our DNA. Well, 407 00:30:10.359 --> 00:30:15.880 a new study has shown that hardship experienced by mothers during their own childhood 408 00:30:15.279 --> 00:30:22.079 or during pregnancy is reflected in the composition of their two year old children's gut 409 00:30:22.519 --> 00:30:30.759 microbiome microbiome, microbiome, the bugs. This can actually affect a child's social 410 00:30:30.839 --> 00:30:37.799 emotional development. Psychologists often call the stomach the second brain, right and say 411 00:30:37.839 --> 00:30:41.599 they actually found in two year olds who had mothers with trauma that their gut 412 00:30:41.920 --> 00:30:47.839 microbot you know, ninety percent of our serotonin. That wonderful antidepressant is manufactured 413 00:30:47.880 --> 00:30:52.880 in our gut. So that's interesting. We now seem physical evidence of emotional 414 00:30:52.920 --> 00:30:57.000 stuff. All right, here's another study. Older folks who volunteers stay sharper. 415 00:30:57.519 --> 00:31:04.119 Volunteer activities lie educational, religious, health related charitable organizations. Actually, 416 00:31:04.400 --> 00:31:11.359 I think allow older adults to be well, more active, increase their social 417 00:31:11.400 --> 00:31:15.960 interaction, and it also provides important cognitive stimulation that may protect the brain. 418 00:31:17.000 --> 00:31:22.640 So this new findings out of UC Davis presented at the Alzheimer's Association. They 419 00:31:22.680 --> 00:31:27.920 said that people who older, people who volunteered regularly had better executive function that's 420 00:31:27.920 --> 00:31:33.759 planning, organization, getting stuff done, and episodic memory, better memory of 421 00:31:33.799 --> 00:31:38.400 their episodes of their life. All right, here's one good sleepers are resilient. 422 00:31:38.519 --> 00:31:41.599 Well, we've always known that, you know, if a couple wants 423 00:31:41.640 --> 00:31:45.079 to be happy sometimes and stop fighting, they both need to sleep longer and 424 00:31:45.200 --> 00:31:48.200 better. This was led by researchers at the University of York in the UK. 425 00:31:49.279 --> 00:31:52.400 It's you know, obviously, we know that chronic stress is a major 426 00:31:52.440 --> 00:31:57.640 factor for a number of mental health disorders, including depression, anxiety, but 427 00:31:57.880 --> 00:32:05.440 high qualities leap can be a coping strategy. It gives us the ability to 428 00:32:05.799 --> 00:32:10.759 reframe a situation see the positive side. And so when you have stressful experiences, 429 00:32:12.119 --> 00:32:15.720 getting a good night's sleep is often the best thing we can do. 430 00:32:15.640 --> 00:32:22.160 Oh, here's more bad news for those who are isolated socially and alone. 431 00:32:22.279 --> 00:32:27.039 It's now linked to smaller brain volume. Older people who have little social contact 432 00:32:27.079 --> 00:32:30.960 with others are more likely to have a loss of overall brain volume in areas 433 00:32:30.960 --> 00:32:35.680 that are often affected by dementia. You guys need to get out there. 434 00:32:35.880 --> 00:32:37.839 You need to be making friends, You need to be seeing people. You 435 00:32:37.880 --> 00:32:43.160 need to be social. Oh I love this one. I love the study. 436 00:32:43.759 --> 00:32:46.720 A case for flossing regularly. You know, my cardiologist actually told me 437 00:32:47.000 --> 00:32:53.359 that dental flossing your teeth is really good for plaque prevention in your arteries. 438 00:32:53.400 --> 00:33:00.400 It's good for it to print heart disease, heart disease. So there's new 439 00:33:00.400 --> 00:33:05.279 evidence though that shows that oral bacteria also plays a significant role in systemic diseases 440 00:33:05.279 --> 00:33:09.680 like colon cancer and heart disease, and also the formation of a kind of 441 00:33:09.799 --> 00:33:15.759 plaque that is the hallmark of Alzheimer's. We can prevent Alzheimer's by flossing our 442 00:33:15.759 --> 00:33:19.839 teeth more often. Oh, that's good news. I love this one because 443 00:33:19.839 --> 00:33:22.119 you know I have high glucose and I'm always trying to keep the carbs and 444 00:33:22.160 --> 00:33:27.319 the sugar down. Deep sleep can regulate your blood sugar. Researchers have uncovered 445 00:33:27.319 --> 00:33:30.880 a potential mechanism in humans that explains how and why deep sleep brain waves at 446 00:33:31.000 --> 00:33:36.559 night are able to regulate the body's sensitivity to insulin. Did you know that 447 00:33:36.640 --> 00:33:40.960 nearly forty percent of Americans have pre diabetes and eighty percent of them are completely 448 00:33:42.039 --> 00:33:45.720 unaware of it. So again, another case for better sleep. One of 449 00:33:45.720 --> 00:33:49.799 my favorites. It's an old bit of goodie, not that old couple of 450 00:33:49.839 --> 00:33:55.200 years. Relationships improve your odds of survival by fifty percent. This research came 451 00:33:55.240 --> 00:34:00.680 out of Brigham Young University. So these social connections, whether it's friends, 452 00:34:00.720 --> 00:34:04.759 family, neighbors, colleagues, improve your odds of survival by fifty percent. 453 00:34:05.319 --> 00:34:07.800 Low social interaction, on the other hand, member we had a social media 454 00:34:07.840 --> 00:34:14.239 person or a caller asked us about this compares to well known risk factors like 455 00:34:15.039 --> 00:34:20.320 low social life equivalent to smoking fifteen cigarettes a day, equivalent to being an 456 00:34:20.360 --> 00:34:25.400 alcoholic, more harmful than a sedentary life, not exercising twice as harmful as 457 00:34:25.400 --> 00:34:30.800 obesity. So you see why I talk about relationships really good for your health. 458 00:34:32.679 --> 00:34:37.000 What is the biggest reason that people stay in bad relationships? If you 459 00:34:37.039 --> 00:34:39.320 had to guess, Kayala, what would it be. I would have said 460 00:34:39.360 --> 00:34:43.960 money. I would say they don't they don't want to be alone. Oh, 461 00:34:44.320 --> 00:34:45.880 A fear of abandonment. Yeah, they just need somebody there, whether 462 00:34:45.960 --> 00:34:50.320 it's batter So. Actually, a male front of mine told me the other 463 00:34:50.400 --> 00:34:52.679 day, he said, you know, I'd actually rather have my toxic situation 464 00:34:53.199 --> 00:34:58.039 that I was in than have to come home to an apartment alone every night. 465 00:34:58.079 --> 00:35:00.480 It's better to be an a toxic situation than be alone. That fear 466 00:35:00.519 --> 00:35:05.119 of being alone, where do we think it's linked to the biggest reason that 467 00:35:05.199 --> 00:35:09.760 people stay in bad relationships low self esteem. They're afraid of the mating marketplace. 468 00:35:09.760 --> 00:35:14.880 So when he says I'd rather have a bad relationship than be alone, 469 00:35:15.159 --> 00:35:19.400 he's also saying I won't be able to find someone else. Right, people 470 00:35:19.400 --> 00:35:22.840 with high self esteem go, eh, this doesn't work out off on another 471 00:35:22.880 --> 00:35:27.679 one unlikable. Wow, And it's hidden because he comes all so confident. 472 00:35:27.719 --> 00:35:30.480 That's very insightful. Yes, people stay when they have low self esteem. 473 00:35:31.119 --> 00:35:37.199 Okay, dad's out there. Are you listening in praise of the pink bassinet? 474 00:35:37.960 --> 00:35:43.800 Okay? I love this study. These researchers found that the number of 475 00:35:44.039 --> 00:35:52.000 daughters a man has was positively related to a longer lifespan of their fathers. 476 00:35:52.880 --> 00:35:55.719 Believe it or not, If you have just one daughter, you're going to 477 00:35:55.800 --> 00:36:01.400 live seventy four weeks longer than somebody with only sons. If you have two 478 00:36:01.480 --> 00:36:06.400 daughters, double that, three daughters double that. Let's break this down, 479 00:36:06.480 --> 00:36:08.920 Kayla, why do you think this is? Girls make the world go around. 480 00:36:09.079 --> 00:36:14.480 They're all barbies in a barbie world. Know what it is is. 481 00:36:14.519 --> 00:36:17.119 Girls are more caring and compassionate. They're going to be making sure that Dad 482 00:36:17.159 --> 00:36:22.239 gets to his doctor's appointments, making sure that Dad takes his medication, make 483 00:36:22.280 --> 00:36:27.039 sure dad's living environment is okay. If you're just living with sons, there's 484 00:36:27.159 --> 00:36:30.440 less chance that they're going to be as nurturing. And again, I want 485 00:36:30.440 --> 00:36:34.440 to remind everybody there is a group of amazing men who are super nurturing and 486 00:36:34.519 --> 00:36:38.079 loving. I have one is my boyfriend. But for the most part, 487 00:36:38.559 --> 00:36:44.199 sons aren't doing the job with the elderly, especially with their fathers the daughters. 488 00:36:44.239 --> 00:36:47.840 Are you ever been in a room and somebody yawns, Kayla, and 489 00:36:47.880 --> 00:36:52.639 then oh yeah, you catch it right and you yawn back. Here's some 490 00:36:52.719 --> 00:37:00.320 good news for you. If you catch yawns easily, it shows you have 491 00:37:00.760 --> 00:37:06.760 more empathy. See A, that's a good thing. Empathy is good, 492 00:37:07.000 --> 00:37:10.360 right, even if you don't feel tired or sleepy. If you find yourself 493 00:37:10.400 --> 00:37:15.320 yawning because somebody else is yawning, it's a contagious thing. It means that 494 00:37:15.519 --> 00:37:21.000 you're showing more empathy. There's research to show that people on the autism spectrum 495 00:37:21.480 --> 00:37:27.000 and young toddlers who haven't grown enough empathy yet are less likely to yawn back. 496 00:37:27.719 --> 00:37:36.239 Isn't that cool? Yeah? Okay, so you know, how how 497 00:37:36.239 --> 00:37:38.679 do I say this without sounding self aggrandizing because it's really good. Okay. 498 00:37:38.719 --> 00:37:42.039 You know, on my show all the time, I'm always telling you all 499 00:37:42.079 --> 00:37:45.519 the big mistakes I've made in relationships in my life, all the big things 500 00:37:45.519 --> 00:37:49.039 that I've done wrong. Well, then it made me really happy to see 501 00:37:49.079 --> 00:37:54.920 this study. It says smart people tend to deprecate themselves. On the other 502 00:37:54.960 --> 00:38:02.599 hand, less intelligent people think they're excellent. So if you hear people making 503 00:38:02.760 --> 00:38:08.239 self deprecating jokes and putting themselves down a little bit. It doesn't mean necessarily 504 00:38:08.280 --> 00:38:12.920 that they have low self esteem. It just means that they can take a 505 00:38:13.000 --> 00:38:15.519 joke and have a joke on themselves, and they can make light of the 506 00:38:15.559 --> 00:38:22.360 basic human frailties that we all have because nobody's perfect. I love. I'm 507 00:38:22.360 --> 00:38:24.719 going to read more research. I'm going to do this every week, find 508 00:38:24.840 --> 00:38:30.840 interesting little facts that we can use. Hey, you can always find me 509 00:38:30.039 --> 00:38:36.079 on everywhere social media TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, I'm everywhere at 510 00:38:36.119 --> 00:38:38.119 Doctor Wendy Walsh is the handle. If you miss any part of this show 511 00:38:38.199 --> 00:38:43.199 or any future show, make sure you download the iHeartRadio app search Doctor Wendy 512 00:38:43.280 --> 00:38:47.239 Walsh and listen to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand any time. Kayla, the 513 00:38:47.239 --> 00:38:52.159 two hours goes by so fast? How did it do that? And I 514 00:38:52.239 --> 00:38:54.559 know for my pre diabetes, I shouldn't be eating late at night. I 515 00:38:54.559 --> 00:38:59.679 should be intermittent fasting. But I'm hungry, so I'm gonna go get something 516 00:38:59.679 --> 00:39:02.360 to eat. It's terrible. I'll see you next week. You've been listening 517 00:39:02.400 --> 00:39:07.440 to the Doctor Wendy Walls showing KF I am six forty We're live everywhere on 518 00:39:07.559 --> 00:39:12.920 the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always 519 00:39:12.920 --> 00:39:15.760 hear us live on KFI Am six forty from seven to nine pm on Sunday 520 00:39:15.960 --> 00:39:20.000 and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app