Comedy Central Podcast, what' s up? Good night, how are you?
You' re having a good time, this morning I was at the
gym by mistake and I was recognized by a guy. He told me fuck,
you' re squeaking at the mantle, comedian this Comedy Central, tell
yourself a few jokes, then nothing. I threw the heavy on him He
broke his chest. Why am I counting this? Why am I counting this?
Because this thing that I and my colleagues are doing, this is a
job. We charge with your laughs, then pay, we pay in tears.
No, but it' s a job I still have to put up
with some friend or family member saying good, Richard, but you, other
than this, will do something else, Uncle, because look the same and
you, when you' re not working things and so not long ago,
a friend was out of work, had to pay the mortgage. Then he
placed himself at night in a dark, discreet alley, but crowded. He
put himself there at night to masturbate people, mainly men. He told us
he worked in a fur shop. Yeah, but the thing is, one
night I finished acting and I walked by and I saw him as a listener.
I' m your quiet uncle friend. It' s okay. I
' m not gonna tell anyone anything, but never be ashamed of your job.
If this makes people happy, now don' t charge me. A
week ago I was acting in a place a little smaller than this one in
Gerona, and I got to the owner of the room and I asked him
hey, gentleman, how is the gentile here in Gerona and tell me people
come down to see how I explain to this guy now that he has to
invoice me. No, but good. Eye, eye, eye. I
' m not messing with cataluña or anything. I don' t care if
cataluñas independencia, I don' t care. I' d be annoyed if
you were to become independent, because I go every summer you' ve come,
not and fuck me across a country to go to the beach. No.
But good. I think that' s good, because people should vote
for more things better. We' re used to voting. I see people
on the street that go like this. We' re used to it.
It would eliminate the day of reflection, because the day of reflection is useless.
The last times we voted was the next day there was all the shit
we' ve done. So nothing. As we are already used to throwing
away, voting everyone, voting animals, voting children, no, no,
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no, no, no, no No, but recently, I was looking
at a poll that related to people' s cinematographic tastes based on their intention
to vote. I mean, that' s what you like, because this
is what you vote for. People who vote, citizens are fans of Star
Wars. So Tan Tan? Tan? Tan? Tan? Tan? Tan?
Tan? Tan? Tan? Not especially because of the awakening of force,
although they have finally been the phantom threat. No. People who vote
for the EPP prefer dinosaur movies. Tino Ninoni' s still alive. The
people who vote are more Titanic. You don' t have to explain anything
here. Those who vote for us are fans of Tarantino' s cinema.
You know a lot of talk, and in the end, it' s
safe violence, not Upei' s, if he didn' t say anything.
But I already say which one in the movie of Upid Manolete if you
don' t know how to fight for what you' re getting into.
You' ve seen the movie, you' ve seen it all doesn'
t fit, because the mannel film tells you the story. It' s
an American movie. It tells the story of this popular bullfighter, the Francoist
Spain and the host on empotrator. He hasn' t brushed everything that moved.
He fell in love with a woman and did not reciprocate. Then he
sat on the cocaine and got caught by a bull about the cocaine. If
Franco had had pharlopa. But you can tell the hand of American screenwriters clearly
know that the pharlopa goes very well to kill. They' re bullfighters,
too They' re not gonna get out of Mdman' s shoes. Come
here, come here, come here? Come here? Come here? Handsome,
handsome? Come here, come here? Come here? See here?
All right, all right, all right here? Come here? Come here?
Come here? U I have it, we have it, and these
eggs and this today I smell what a fain or, what a black,
what a horn, what a cool people and these villages and these pits.
But the full banchan lifts you up there already seems to be Spanish. But,
hey, I' m talking about this. But I have no fucking
idea about bulls. I have no idea. I' ve asked people who
understand what' s cool about hearing. The spectacle of this says it cool,
for it is a spectacle in which the presence of death hovers and this
makes it attractive. So if this is why you can go to a park
to watch a game of petanga, not just and at any time by death
can also appear. Can' t the truth, the truth is that I
don' t know if if you know that both artists and bullfighters share the
same quote regime, yes, yes, for every day worked are two listed
and now I' m working and contributing. Tomorrow I' ll be just
making a quote and drunk. I can afford it. But if recently they
criticized a mogollón to fran Rivera because he came out, he went out torturing
with his son in arms you agree, not people on social networks and put
him back and a half, I mean the flip people get a comparison even
with Michael Jackson, when he taught his daughter for lamenting in a hotel.
And this has nothing to do with it. He didn' t say Michael
Jackson when he was hanging on a fifth floor is much safer. There in
the room. No sasus Hedia, it would be fran Rivera, because he
was contributing. No. But, objectively, if the bullfighters did not exist,
there would be no proof of paternity, which was before the paternity test
or the bullfighter, for the truth is not known. But we' ve
come to this point. If I' d like to talk about one thing,
I think it' s important. You know they' ve banned the
bull from the vega. You know it, you know it' s been
proven. No bull of the vega is that he will release the bull in
the field and go to people armed with spears, pinchos, pencils pending,
anything that will pinch and have to kill him. Okay. The prohibition is
that they cannot kill the bull in public. There' s the torsillas trying
to put doors on the field That' s fine. We agree. No,
cruelty should not be a cause for celebration in a civilized society. Well,
it' s not worth it. But what about the buñol tomatina?
The animals do, but the plants grow by the ass, that is,
every summer, millions of innocent tomatoes, very spattered among the mules of sweaty
drunks and nobody says anything that is going to be August to ask for a
gapacho and it is noticed that it is much clearer. It' s not
true. The same way we feel when we see the bull in the vega.
The vegans feel them, when they see the bony tomatine. Let'
s empathize with the vegans who are going to starve to death, let'
s empathize with them to crush the vegetables. It' s not art or
culture. It' s not the mooring, it' s not the debuñol,
the bonnets defend themselves and say no. But if the tomato doesn'
t suffer, it' s fine, but the tomato gives us fantastic things.
Tomato is antioxidant. Prevents cancer. It is present in all diets,
better the taste of semmedi and vaginal discharge. You didn' t know this,
because yes, it' s antioxidant. But good are traditions. We
have traditions here in Spain, and traditions all over the world. In India
they venerate alabata looks like in Germany, it is not in the United States.
In the United States, they celebrate Vale Marmot Day in the United States.
It' s this country that' s some sewer smoke. It'
s the only place they let you smoke. If so, for the Nindia
turtles. They don' t smoke. They don' t smoke because they
have three fingers, because every time they give a draught, they cover their
faces and they can kill them. No. No, they can' t
smoke. On the day of the marmot, their States are all placed around
the burrow. If the marmot comes out that good doesn' t end.
If the speck doesn' t come out the winter will last a little longer.
This is what my whole life here in Spain has known how my knee
hurts. This is gonna change the time. But clear to the Americans is
not the joints, because they have private exit. That' s where you
get more. You have to pay for it. It' s a luxury,
an appendicitis operation, which is this here costing thirty- six zero bucks,
the same as a porch shuts down how you stay that' s less
bad than us. They don' t give us the choice. No,
because if we weren' t all going to get a five- hundred-
dollar flu, get a ten- dollar bonus. I don' t know
three zero a day flu dollar if we make you twenty percent of the story
in your next candidiasis. I don' t know something like that. I
think this country and now I get serious. I think this country will go
to hell for the day we have to pay for a rectal touch. Now
we tolerate it because it' s free, but the day we have to
pay for it, people don' t like to get things in their eyes.
No. No. No, no, people don' t tolerate it?
No, he can' t stand it for love. There are some
who are empathizing with me. Well, I don' t get sick.
I get sick because I' m autonomous. The self- employed don'
t get sick. The last autonomous who followed down the times of the CID
champion, who was the CID, because he was killed by the CID was
the first autonomous in history. In fact, he went to work until he
was dead. I mean, that' s right. This City death thing
is in the hemerotecas. According to the country, it was a brawl with
two Mozarabics, because according to reason, it was three shit monkeys. No,
but that meant mine. No. But, well, I think betrayals
serve to reaffirm the identity of a broad social group. Traditions have to please
us all, like the nap, to which yes I propose right now,
here today, in this room establish, as Spanish tradition, the obligatory daily
masturbation every morning when you rise from bed to touch, even as the i
a teacher three times a day and with a full stomach. If you masturbate
a lot, your eyes shine, your skin is much smoother. It'
s true that you' re going a little looser for life. No,
but if we all go the same, it' s okay. No.
No one' s died from masturbating too much or we' ve all got
people for masturbating weird. If you put a bag on the furo cart on
your head, I know how to put it on the market that doesn'
t have grute, no, no, but it' s true to the
masturation nothing more than I find it. Virtues, no one recommends it.
You go to the doctor doctor who couldn' t, because take these pills
already, but I don' t want pills, because take a drink ah
came before bed, man, I miss the doctor tell me look boy you
before you put the bed. Stab it in English. Good as it is.
This speech may seem frivolous. Okay, no. Masturbation is like talking
about time with yourself. Okay, I buy it for you, but when
you masturbate, it allows you to see your life in perspective, because when
you' re doing there are people who are remembering the past. Others are
imagining the future. Others prefer to settle in the present in front of a
computer pant. The present does not fail, unless you run out of WiFi
does not fail past. The future is more dangerous, because they belong to
the field of imagination. I don' t know about you, but mine
has no borders. I was recently peeling her hard, hard, thinking,
thinking about Tenlu and the world. At the height of the moment my grandmother
appeared to you you also like the program less bad that there is wall not,
but if not in masturbasm, we would all relate to people in a
much more selfless way. There' s no more sexual interest, you'
re no longer with a person you' re thinking look. I want to
buzz me. I want her to buzz me. I want no buzzing.
You think well, I' ll listen to that yes, but let'
s do a test. Everyone in the room, you' re enough people.
Let' s do a test. I would like you to applaud all
those who agree that we should establish, as a Spanish tradition, compulsory daily
masturbation. And I say obligatory because I don' t know anyone who,
after touching this bad mood that' s here, you dare shut up that
doesn' t exist. Okay. You' re prepared for an epic moment
on television. You' re ready. Applaud all those who agree. Let
' s be clear. Okay. An anti- masturbator forum can always emerge.
We won' t be called clean hands, but this would make my
life much more enjoyable. Call me an asshole, but I' m cool.
To live a mathematical question. There are more dead than alive. Me
living. I feel special to myself to feel like the Iberian lynx. Sounds
like enough reason to touch me. Recently there' s a tradition we'
ve given him a gill. We' ve done the update, which is
the Dead Day. Now it' s called Halloween. It looks like a
Nazi Halloween greeting, a dictation called wen findo, instead, the Day of
the Dead. The Day of the Dead. The name is no longer so
cool that it is no more, because it reminds us all that we are
going to die. And that' s what happens now. You didn'
t think you were immortal. There' s someone out there who thinks.
No. Me? Don' t you? Me? Me? Me?
Don' t you? Don' t you? Me? Don' t
you? Me? I have every season to know how to live. We
' re going to put on a wooden pajamite. Everybody' s fucking dying
lately. Mogollón of musicians recently put Leonard co in David Powie Prints and one
that played the triangle. They shouldn' t be riding a macro festival in
the afterlife rock No, but well he died. Nelson Mandela died, Nelson
died for friends, Mandela died for others. Nelson Mandela' s last words
were as follows. A lot of people have paid a price before me and
a lot of people will keep paying a price after me. I think he
' s talking about the serious toll problem. But of course, as Mandela
is, everything he says has to do with racism that he didn' t
do so much and spent his whole life in jail. It was that interesting
pictures. This is not the way to be faithful in solidarity. Why I
count this. Because I count this, because now I' m going to
open my little heart. Okay. That' s where it happens with the
immigrants. I don' t know if there' ll be any here.
Statistically, there have to be some. Okay, it happens to me with
the immigrants. I understand they' re people. I don' t see
them inferior. I don' t, but I feel a little bit superior
because I' m in my country. It' s not patriotism. No.
No, no, no. No, it' s a very Spanish
concept that we have here, very rooted, which is ancient. The last
one to get here and eat the shit. Lin was the one who started
the cod in school Who was the one who kicked it the repeater, of
course as the one in which it took the longest, for we accepted a
fucking illiterate as our leader, antiquity, very dangerous, eye, age wins
lessons process For this reason, the immigrants who come to our country are going
to have the worst jobs, the worst salaries, and you have a very
bad move with them. You have to do it to get the police to
agree. I usually get self- esteem in immigrants. I live in Ulsera
' s neighborhood. It' s got Latins on it. I feel a
little taller there. Yes, for the same reason that Maria Teresa Campos the
Telecinco feels much more journalist. It' s the same thing I' ve
looked at in the dictionary. Cash, you' re a little bit racist.
I' m not a low- cost racism, it' s a
low- cost racism. I don' t have to bill for my prejudices.
Don' t look at me bad. It' s not right.
You don' t know there' s no such thing as a racist.
Otherwise, it doesn' t exist, it doesn' t exist. Must
be the same. The dictionary was not prepared for such solidarity. Yeah,
it can be tolerant, no, because it' s not the same thing
to be intolerant as being racist. I can be lactose intolerant, but I
don' t care about insurance I mean, I don' t see a
yogun and tell him to get back to your fucking cow. Of course,
it' s just dictionary flaws. They are faults that have as well as
the male of nymphomaniac, nymphoma. He doesn' t show up anywhere.
It must be that nymphomania is a subject that only affects you girls It'
s a subject that you have low defenses or something I don' t know.
I' m sorry to exempt everything that was thought that the masculinion or
infomana was champion. But, well, I' m racist, but I
' m calm because we live in a country that' s racist. Spain
is a racist country. What are you going to deny me? Or will
you deny it? During the first six months of the conflict with refugees in
Spain have we only admitted eighteen refugees? People who are joining together, who
are moving away in a war, Eighteen refugees in six months, because it
was that they read this news and live in another country, they must think
that here, in Spain, we are at full capacity that every time I
have a refugee for France, a Galician falls down Cape Finisterey. No improvement.
Eighteen in six months is an average of three a month, which must
be the minimum so that we don' t realize it the same. A
month they put four in and my uncle said uh that I' ve seen
one more. Uh, from respect. But, I don' t know,
we' re going out, we' re going out. I believe
that racism, because it comes out depends, it arises apart from fear,
racism we have not invented by the white race, because if we would not
have extinguished the woman. It always tends to breed with the smarter, stronger
males. Forgotten from Borkatis, in stronger, smarter males. You think that
if we go out, we go out on equal terms with the other ethnicities,
we would have some chance of success. Really think about it. Let
' s split it up. African- American people, people of color,
are ten percent taller, the pit in the hole gets much wider, not
allowing them to breathe much more oxygen. Black hair is carpeted, pure,
don' t fuck with me. It is believed that the Belcro invented there
a photo that two were taken and what you are all thinking the abs are
even in the dick. No, but come on, let' s go
with the Latinos and see how fast they move the hips of Latinos don'
t fuck with me. It' s the best spoiler they are in bed.
I can' t move the chain that speed. I have a cilobatiente
movement, continuous and careful, because I fall anyway, I no longer recover.
But what speed faster than the human eye is the speed of light and
the Latin beating. And then, because the Bolivian lament, down here,
they move at a speed. Now don' t ask them for coffee in
a coffee shop, eh pussy, put it on me, dancing and what
and what language proficiency Latinos have. They' re staring you in the face.
They tell you they have a sad mommy look. That' s why
you' re missing lime If you' ve seen milk fill you up,
you' re bilingual. Let' s go to all the Chinese. We
can run the bull that the Chinese have it small, but a woman when
I note it head- on, she' ll go well, she'
s got it small, but at least she' s got it so low.
If racism did not exist, we would have extinguished them all. Thank
you very much. It has been a pleasure for you thanks to the boss, our