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Comedy Central Podcast, what' s
up? Good night, how are you?

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You' re having a good time, this morning I was at the

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gym by mistake and I was recognized
by a guy. He told me fuck,

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you' re squeaking at the mantle, comedian this Comedy Central, tell

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yourself a few jokes, then nothing. I threw the heavy on him He

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broke his chest. Why am I
counting this? Why am I counting this?

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Because this thing that I and my
colleagues are doing, this is a

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job. We charge with your laughs, then pay, we pay in tears.

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No, but it' s a
job I still have to put up

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with some friend or family member saying
good, Richard, but you, other

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than this, will do something else, Uncle, because look the same and

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you, when you' re not
working things and so not long ago,

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a friend was out of work,
had to pay the mortgage. Then he

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placed himself at night in a dark, discreet alley, but crowded. He

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put himself there at night to masturbate
people, mainly men. He told us

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he worked in a fur shop.
Yeah, but the thing is, one

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night I finished acting and I walked
by and I saw him as a listener.

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I' m your quiet uncle friend. It' s okay. I

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' m not gonna tell anyone anything, but never be ashamed of your job.

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If this makes people happy, now
don' t charge me. A

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week ago I was acting in a
place a little smaller than this one in

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Gerona, and I got to the
owner of the room and I asked him

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hey, gentleman, how is the
gentile here in Gerona and tell me people

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come down to see how I explain
to this guy now that he has to

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invoice me. No, but good. Eye, eye, eye. I

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' m not messing with cataluña or
anything. I don' t care if

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cataluñas independencia, I don' t
care. I' d be annoyed if

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you were to become independent, because
I go every summer you' ve come,

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not and fuck me across a country
to go to the beach. No.

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But good. I think that'
s good, because people should vote

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for more things better. We'
re used to voting. I see people

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on the street that go like this. We' re used to it.

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It would eliminate the day of reflection, because the day of reflection is useless.

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The last times we voted was the
next day there was all the shit

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we' ve done. So nothing. As we are already used to throwing

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away, voting everyone, voting animals, voting children, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

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no, no, no, no
No, but recently, I was looking

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at a poll that related to people' s cinematographic tastes based on their intention

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to vote. I mean, that' s what you like, because this

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is what you vote for. People
who vote, citizens are fans of Star

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Wars. So Tan Tan? Tan? Tan? Tan? Tan? Tan?

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Tan? Tan? Tan? Not
especially because of the awakening of force,

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although they have finally been the phantom
threat. No. People who vote

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for the EPP prefer dinosaur movies.
Tino Ninoni' s still alive. The

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people who vote are more Titanic.
You don' t have to explain anything

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here. Those who vote for us
are fans of Tarantino' s cinema.

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You know a lot of talk,
and in the end, it' s

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safe violence, not Upei' s, if he didn' t say anything.

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But I already say which one in
the movie of Upid Manolete if you

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don' t know how to fight
for what you' re getting into.

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You' ve seen the movie,
you' ve seen it all doesn'

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t fit, because the mannel film
tells you the story. It' s

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an American movie. It tells the
story of this popular bullfighter, the Francoist

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Spain and the host on empotrator.
He hasn' t brushed everything that moved.

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He fell in love with a woman
and did not reciprocate. Then he

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sat on the cocaine and got caught
by a bull about the cocaine. If

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Franco had had pharlopa. But you
can tell the hand of American screenwriters clearly

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know that the pharlopa goes very well
to kill. They' re bullfighters,

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too They' re not gonna get
out of Mdman' s shoes. Come

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here, come here, come here? Come here? Come here? Handsome,

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handsome? Come here, come here? Come here? See here?

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All right, all right, all
right here? Come here? Come here?

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Come here? U I have it, we have it, and these

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eggs and this today I smell what
a fain or, what a black,

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what a horn, what a cool
people and these villages and these pits.

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But the full banchan lifts you up
there already seems to be Spanish. But,

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hey, I' m talking about
this. But I have no fucking

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idea about bulls. I have no
idea. I' ve asked people who

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understand what' s cool about hearing. The spectacle of this says it cool,

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for it is a spectacle in which
the presence of death hovers and this

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makes it attractive. So if this
is why you can go to a park

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to watch a game of petanga,
not just and at any time by death

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can also appear. Can' t
the truth, the truth is that I

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don' t know if if you
know that both artists and bullfighters share the

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same quote regime, yes, yes, for every day worked are two listed

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and now I' m working and
contributing. Tomorrow I' ll be just

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making a quote and drunk. I
can afford it. But if recently they

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criticized a mogollón to fran Rivera because
he came out, he went out torturing

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with his son in arms you agree, not people on social networks and put

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him back and a half, I
mean the flip people get a comparison even

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with Michael Jackson, when he taught
his daughter for lamenting in a hotel.

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And this has nothing to do with
it. He didn' t say Michael

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Jackson when he was hanging on a
fifth floor is much safer. There in

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the room. No sasus Hedia,
it would be fran Rivera, because he

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was contributing. No. But,
objectively, if the bullfighters did not exist,

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there would be no proof of paternity, which was before the paternity test

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or the bullfighter, for the truth
is not known. But we' ve

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come to this point. If I' d like to talk about one thing,

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I think it' s important.
You know they' ve banned the

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bull from the vega. You know
it, you know it' s been

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proven. No bull of the vega
is that he will release the bull in

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the field and go to people armed
with spears, pinchos, pencils pending,

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anything that will pinch and have to
kill him. Okay. The prohibition is

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that they cannot kill the bull in
public. There' s the torsillas trying

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to put doors on the field That' s fine. We agree. No,

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cruelty should not be a cause for
celebration in a civilized society. Well,

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it' s not worth it.
But what about the buñol tomatina?

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The animals do, but the plants
grow by the ass, that is,

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every summer, millions of innocent tomatoes, very spattered among the mules of sweaty

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drunks and nobody says anything that is
going to be August to ask for a

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gapacho and it is noticed that it
is much clearer. It' s not

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true. The same way we feel
when we see the bull in the vega.

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The vegans feel them, when they
see the bony tomatine. Let'

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s empathize with the vegans who are
going to starve to death, let'

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s empathize with them to crush the
vegetables. It' s not art or

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culture. It' s not the
mooring, it' s not the debuñol,

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the bonnets defend themselves and say no. But if the tomato doesn'

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t suffer, it' s fine, but the tomato gives us fantastic things.

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Tomato is antioxidant. Prevents cancer.
It is present in all diets,

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better the taste of semmedi and vaginal
discharge. You didn' t know this,

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because yes, it' s antioxidant. But good are traditions. We

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have traditions here in Spain, and
traditions all over the world. In India

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they venerate alabata looks like in Germany, it is not in the United States.

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In the United States, they celebrate
Vale Marmot Day in the United States.

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It' s this country that'
s some sewer smoke. It'

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s the only place they let you
smoke. If so, for the Nindia

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turtles. They don' t smoke. They don' t smoke because they

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have three fingers, because every time
they give a draught, they cover their

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faces and they can kill them.
No. No, they can' t

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smoke. On the day of the
marmot, their States are all placed around

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the burrow. If the marmot comes
out that good doesn' t end.

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If the speck doesn' t come
out the winter will last a little longer.

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This is what my whole life here
in Spain has known how my knee

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hurts. This is gonna change the
time. But clear to the Americans is

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not the joints, because they have
private exit. That' s where you

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get more. You have to pay
for it. It' s a luxury,

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an appendicitis operation, which is this
here costing thirty- six zero bucks,

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the same as a porch shuts down
how you stay that' s less

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bad than us. They don'
t give us the choice. No,

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because if we weren' t all
going to get a five- hundred-

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dollar flu, get a ten-
dollar bonus. I don' t know

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three zero a day flu dollar if
we make you twenty percent of the story

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in your next candidiasis. I don' t know something like that. I

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think this country and now I get
serious. I think this country will go

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to hell for the day we have
to pay for a rectal touch. Now

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we tolerate it because it' s
free, but the day we have to

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00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:20,320
pay for it, people don'
t like to get things in their eyes.

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No. No. No, no, people don' t tolerate it?

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No, he can' t stand
it for love. There are some

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who are empathizing with me. Well, I don' t get sick.

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I get sick because I' m
autonomous. The self- employed don'

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t get sick. The last autonomous
who followed down the times of the CID

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champion, who was the CID,
because he was killed by the CID was

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the first autonomous in history. In
fact, he went to work until he

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was dead. I mean, that' s right. This City death thing

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is in the hemerotecas. According to
the country, it was a brawl with

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two Mozarabics, because according to reason, it was three shit monkeys. No,

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but that meant mine. No.
But, well, I think betrayals

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serve to reaffirm the identity of a
broad social group. Traditions have to please

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us all, like the nap,
to which yes I propose right now,

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here today, in this room establish, as Spanish tradition, the obligatory daily

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masturbation every morning when you rise from
bed to touch, even as the i

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a teacher three times a day and
with a full stomach. If you masturbate

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00:11:31,519 --> 00:11:35,440
a lot, your eyes shine,
your skin is much smoother. It'

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00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:37,440
s true that you' re going
a little looser for life. No,

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00:11:37,559 --> 00:11:39,440
but if we all go the same, it' s okay. No.

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00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:46,600
No one' s died from masturbating
too much or we' ve all got

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00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:48,399
people for masturbating weird. If you
put a bag on the furo cart on

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your head, I know how to
put it on the market that doesn'

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t have grute, no, no, but it' s true to the

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00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,519
masturation nothing more than I find it. Virtues, no one recommends it.

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You go to the doctor doctor who
couldn' t, because take these pills

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00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:05,320
already, but I don' t
want pills, because take a drink ah

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00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:07,799
came before bed, man, I
miss the doctor tell me look boy you

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00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:18,000
before you put the bed. Stab
it in English. Good as it is.

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00:12:18,039 --> 00:12:22,480
This speech may seem frivolous. Okay, no. Masturbation is like talking

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00:12:22,519 --> 00:12:26,720
about time with yourself. Okay,
I buy it for you, but when

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you masturbate, it allows you to
see your life in perspective, because when

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00:12:28,919 --> 00:12:31,840
you' re doing there are people
who are remembering the past. Others are

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00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:37,840
imagining the future. Others prefer to
settle in the present in front of a

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00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:41,639
computer pant. The present does not
fail, unless you run out of WiFi

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00:12:41,759 --> 00:12:45,919
does not fail past. The future
is more dangerous, because they belong to

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00:12:45,919 --> 00:12:48,440
the field of imagination. I don' t know about you, but mine

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00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:52,240
has no borders. I was recently
peeling her hard, hard, thinking,

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00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:58,159
thinking about Tenlu and the world.
At the height of the moment my grandmother

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00:13:00,639 --> 00:13:05,840
appeared to you you also like the
program less bad that there is wall not,

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but if not in masturbasm, we
would all relate to people in a

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much more selfless way. There'
s no more sexual interest, you'

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re no longer with a person you' re thinking look. I want to

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buzz me. I want her to
buzz me. I want no buzzing.

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You think well, I' ll
listen to that yes, but let'

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s do a test. Everyone in
the room, you' re enough people.

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Let' s do a test.
I would like you to applaud all

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those who agree that we should establish, as a Spanish tradition, compulsory daily

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masturbation. And I say obligatory because
I don' t know anyone who,

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after touching this bad mood that'
s here, you dare shut up that

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doesn' t exist. Okay.
You' re prepared for an epic moment

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on television. You' re ready. Applaud all those who agree. Let

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' s be clear. Okay.
An anti- masturbator forum can always emerge.

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We won' t be called clean
hands, but this would make my

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00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:31,559
life much more enjoyable. Call me
an asshole, but I' m cool.

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To live a mathematical question. There
are more dead than alive. Me

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living. I feel special to myself
to feel like the Iberian lynx. Sounds

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like enough reason to touch me.
Recently there' s a tradition we'

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ve given him a gill. We' ve done the update, which is

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the Dead Day. Now it'
s called Halloween. It looks like a

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Nazi Halloween greeting, a dictation called
wen findo, instead, the Day of

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the Dead. The Day of the
Dead. The name is no longer so

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cool that it is no more,
because it reminds us all that we are

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going to die. And that'
s what happens now. You didn'

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t think you were immortal. There' s someone out there who thinks.

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No. Me? Don' t
you? Me? Me? Me?

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Don' t you? Don'
t you? Me? Don' t

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you? Me? I have every
season to know how to live. We

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' re going to put on a
wooden pajamite. Everybody' s fucking dying

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lately. Mogollón of musicians recently put
Leonard co in David Powie Prints and one

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that played the triangle. They shouldn' t be riding a macro festival in

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the afterlife rock No, but well
he died. Nelson Mandela died, Nelson

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00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:50,240
died for friends, Mandela died for
others. Nelson Mandela' s last words

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were as follows. A lot of
people have paid a price before me and

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a lot of people will keep paying
a price after me. I think he

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00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:07,200
' s talking about the serious toll
problem. But of course, as Mandela

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is, everything he says has to
do with racism that he didn' t

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do so much and spent his whole
life in jail. It was that interesting

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pictures. This is not the way
to be faithful in solidarity. Why I

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count this. Because I count this, because now I' m going to

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open my little heart. Okay.
That' s where it happens with the

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immigrants. I don' t know
if there' ll be any here.

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Statistically, there have to be some. Okay, it happens to me with

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the immigrants. I understand they'
re people. I don' t see

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them inferior. I don' t, but I feel a little bit superior

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because I' m in my country. It' s not patriotism. No.

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No, no, no. No, it' s a very Spanish

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concept that we have here, very
rooted, which is ancient. The last

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one to get here and eat the
shit. Lin was the one who started

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00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:03,799
the cod in school Who was the
one who kicked it the repeater, of

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00:17:03,799 --> 00:17:06,920
course as the one in which it
took the longest, for we accepted a

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fucking illiterate as our leader, antiquity, very dangerous, eye, age wins

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lessons process For this reason, the
immigrants who come to our country are going

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to have the worst jobs, the
worst salaries, and you have a very

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bad move with them. You have
to do it to get the police to

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agree. I usually get self-
esteem in immigrants. I live in Ulsera

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' s neighborhood. It' s
got Latins on it. I feel a

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little taller there. Yes, for
the same reason that Maria Teresa Campos the

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00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:59,359
Telecinco feels much more journalist. It' s the same thing I' ve

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00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:00,519
looked at in the dictionary. Cash, you' re a little bit racist.

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I' m not a low-
cost racism, it' s a

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low- cost racism. I don' t have to bill for my prejudices.

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Don' t look at me bad. It' s not right.

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You don' t know there'
s no such thing as a racist.

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Otherwise, it doesn' t exist, it doesn' t exist. Must

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be the same. The dictionary was
not prepared for such solidarity. Yeah,

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it can be tolerant, no,
because it' s not the same thing

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to be intolerant as being racist.
I can be lactose intolerant, but I

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don' t care about insurance I
mean, I don' t see a

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00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:36,319
yogun and tell him to get back
to your fucking cow. Of course,

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00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:40,400
it' s just dictionary flaws.
They are faults that have as well as

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00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:42,359
the male of nymphomaniac, nymphoma.
He doesn' t show up anywhere.

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It must be that nymphomania is a
subject that only affects you girls It'

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00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:52,319
s a subject that you have low
defenses or something I don' t know.

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00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:55,680
I' m sorry to exempt everything
that was thought that the masculinion or

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infomana was champion. But, well, I' m racist, but I

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00:19:04,839 --> 00:19:07,440
' m calm because we live in
a country that' s racist. Spain

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00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,720
is a racist country. What are
you going to deny me? Or will

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00:19:10,759 --> 00:19:14,480
you deny it? During the first
six months of the conflict with refugees in

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00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:18,599
Spain have we only admitted eighteen refugees? People who are joining together, who

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are moving away in a war,
Eighteen refugees in six months, because it

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00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:25,200
was that they read this news and
live in another country, they must think

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00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:29,759
that here, in Spain, we
are at full capacity that every time I

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00:19:29,799 --> 00:19:41,079
have a refugee for France, a
Galician falls down Cape Finisterey. No improvement.

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Eighteen in six months is an average
of three a month, which must

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be the minimum so that we don' t realize it the same. A

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00:19:48,279 --> 00:19:49,799
month they put four in and my
uncle said uh that I' ve seen

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00:19:49,799 --> 00:19:55,359
one more. Uh, from respect. But, I don' t know,

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00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:56,359
we' re going out, we' re going out. I believe

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that racism, because it comes out
depends, it arises apart from fear,

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racism we have not invented by the
white race, because if we would not

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have extinguished the woman. It always
tends to breed with the smarter, stronger

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00:20:08,079 --> 00:20:15,680
males. Forgotten from Borkatis, in
stronger, smarter males. You think that

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00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:18,359
if we go out, we go
out on equal terms with the other ethnicities,

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00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:26,720
we would have some chance of success. Really think about it. Let

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00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:30,559
' s split it up. African- American people, people of color,

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00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:33,000
are ten percent taller, the pit
in the hole gets much wider, not

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00:20:33,039 --> 00:20:37,519
allowing them to breathe much more oxygen. Black hair is carpeted, pure,

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00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:41,279
don' t fuck with me.
It is believed that the Belcro invented there

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00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:52,039
a photo that two were taken and
what you are all thinking the abs are

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00:20:52,160 --> 00:21:02,799
even in the dick. No,
but come on, let' s go

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00:21:02,839 --> 00:21:06,519
with the Latinos and see how fast
they move the hips of Latinos don'

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00:21:06,519 --> 00:21:07,319
t fuck with me. It'
s the best spoiler they are in bed.

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00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:11,039
I can' t move the chain
that speed. I have a cilobatiente

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00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:15,000
movement, continuous and careful, because
I fall anyway, I no longer recover.

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But what speed faster than the human
eye is the speed of light and

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00:21:18,519 --> 00:21:23,440
the Latin beating. And then,
because the Bolivian lament, down here,

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00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:27,599
they move at a speed. Now
don' t ask them for coffee in

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00:21:27,599 --> 00:21:37,079
a coffee shop, eh pussy,
put it on me, dancing and what

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00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,000
and what language proficiency Latinos have.
They' re staring you in the face.

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00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:44,119
They tell you they have a sad
mommy look. That' s why

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00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:48,160
you' re missing lime If you' ve seen milk fill you up,

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00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:53,160
you' re bilingual. Let'
s go to all the Chinese. We

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00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:56,039
can run the bull that the Chinese
have it small, but a woman when

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00:21:56,079 --> 00:21:59,480
I note it head- on,
she' ll go well, she'

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00:21:59,599 --> 00:22:00,319
s got it small, but at
least she' s got it so low.

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00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:14,000
If racism did not exist, we
would have extinguished them all. Thank

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00:22:14,079 --> 00:22:15,640
you very much. It has been
a pleasure for you thanks to the boss, our