The opinions expressed by Chayo Busquets are supported by his extensive experience as a family
therapist and in the previous analysis of the cases presented here welcome. This is
Chayo with you. We begin very good afternoon to everyone how they are notice
that not all teenagers are rebels to an exaggerated degree. Many times here on
the program we talk about the teenage rebel, the complicated issues with them and
so on. Suddenly it would seem like we' re putting all the teenagers
in a very complicated, complex, very difficult place. And it' s
not like that. It is true that there are teenagers who enter but with
force to the adolescent stage and absolutely all the issues, at least the important
ones in a family becomes a subject of conflict, But there are many teenagers
who enter this stage in a much softer way, with some other characteristic,
but without greater subject, without convulsing the family. And this I clarify because
many times they write to me telling me listen, is that my son does
not present all the problems that you talk about in the program. I have
to worry. No, you don' t have to worry, you have
to take into consideration that we talk about what causes trouble or can cause it
in adolescence to give you management strategies for this. But if in your life,
the adolescence of your children, of one of your children, of your
only child, flows in a comfortable way, man, enjoy it very much.
Note that one of the elements that we have to deal with most adults
is how we relate to the discomfort that occurs in our children when we give
an order, when we make a comment, when we do not agree to
what they ask. And in that context, they' re certainly not going
to like it. They get angry, maybe they cry, maybe they say
they feel sad. Anyway, there can be all kinds of answers, depending
on the style your child has and how you' ve been educating him.
But the truth is that that' s going to bounce into discomfort in me
and sometimes we have to ask ourselves what makes me say yes to my son
that I don' t want him to go through the discomfort of no or
what happens is that I don' t want to go through him discomfort that
causes me the discomfort of my son, because what motivates me. The yes
you tell your child are very important and will have a big impact on their
education. So make sure that when you say yes, you actually mean yes
to hear how they feel about this. A few months ago, my husband
cheated on me. I asked him what he was doing with that person,
but he said no, he paid him to be with her and today I
can' t be well alive thinking about what he did. Even again I
found evidence that you can still do the same thing. I did not claim
them, but I am sad how particular not this circumstance. It would seem
that, by the answer of this man who has nothing to do with walking
with someone other than having paid to have sex. For you, that makes
some difference, because clearly, for this woman the feeling is, because I
don' t care or is the basic principle. It would seem like you
were with someone else and that' s enough given the marriage agreement we'
re in. What surprises me is this part. Not so much because you
have to claim him. There' d be someone who' d say no
man beat her, but the point I want to go to is I don
' t think there' s a claim to be made. I think we
need to talk, we need to talk about what' s going on,
why this is necessary. And if you consider that this is something that can
be part of your marriage or not, and from there you have to define
that it goes on. And well, clearly, clearly this as everything that
involves a participation, a contest, an entry to try to be part of
something and so on, as it is not accepted, generates frustration. Frustration
is nothing but that something is not happening, as I would like it to
happen. Therefore, there are small frustrations, there are bigoted frustrations. And
the question is how do you accompany your child in the process of experiencing,
of experiences where things didn' t go completely as he wanted. How you
train that tolerance of frustration, because it' s a daily subject. Even
the most pleasant moments do not cease to have any situation. That is why
we are uncomfortable that we would have preferred it to be different, that we
would have chosen to do otherwise. So educating tolerance to frustration makes us live
the discomforts of everyday life with the best possible attitude. So, if you
' re seeing little tolerance for frustration in your kids, it' s time
to pay attention and have them practice a little bit every day. One of
the most complicated things to do for parents is to make it worth the redundancy,
for children to do what they are being asked to do. That part
becomes always complicated and the eternal question is how I ask you not to repeat
twenty times the same instruction. Well, the middle challenge is quite clear,
not so simple to do why it makes us complex everyday. But you have
to break the bad habit and then what we need is to give the order.
Pick up the towel. Please, if it doesn' t move and
you don' t show any sign of having or hearing you' re leaving
what you' re doing. You go stand next to your son and tell
him I told you to lift the towel you keep him from being what he
was doing, that he' s distracted from the instruction and at that time
you make him do it. Once he picks it up, you say thank
you. You turn around, you go back and do your thing, and
you let him go on with what he was doing. When this becomes a
habit, kids learn to obey the first dream of all covers. True,
yes, but it is possible then two minutes already by two in the afternoon
and notice that one of the situations that has increased more and more is the
fact that people ask themselves if they want to be a father, a mother
of a family, if they want to have children, and this is something
that has been increasing in a truly striking way of some years, already here,
where the idea of having children as a natural part of life, as
an unquestioned part of life, is something that, therefore, has gained relevance.
As I was saying, and I think the big question here is why
we would have to question ourselves, if we would have to be parents,
and I think about it more individually, no yes, you and I,
as a couple, want to be parents. Of course, that will have
to be asked in due course. But first, the question is completely personal.
I want to have children. It gives me identity in life, it
gives me reason to be having a child what and sometimes ask us why I
want to have a child for what I want to have a child, what
I learned about parenting, and motherhood is something that becomes very important, because
to some extent that will have influence on the way I end up relating to
those children and I have them not many times in the office they tell me
I love and love my children, but I would have liked to be one
of the people who wondered if I wanted to be a mom or if I
wanted to be a dad And this has moved You, what you think,
how you see it, you were automatic, even if you were happy and
fascinated or fascinated with them. Or you asked yourself and if you don'
t have them yet. It' s a question you' ve asked yourself
and how seriously you' ve answered it. These days we were asking here
if you are reliable and how reliable you are and notice that most of the
people who wrote me to answer this pointed to two elements. The first,
what they tell me, I do not repeat it, I keep confidentiality in
what they tell me and the second, which appeared as very constant I say
what I fulfill, I act in works As I think, these two elements
did to all those who took the time to write and tell what it is
that does them. Reliable were the elements that were being put there. And
an additional one, which is nothing more I say, the people I relate
to tell me not then how important it is that what I believe of me
others have confirmed to me that that is true.“ So you would think
that there is an additional element that would make a reliable person trust one of
the people who responded to this whether you are reliable or not,” he
replied in a very blunt and clear way. Trustable yes, confident no,
and for a moment I stayed a little bit like reading, saying ah what
this is and then I thought how much wisdom. They have those words,
because in life we have to learn to take care of ourselves and learn to
take care of ourselves it is just to be happy to let the circumstances,
people show us who they are who they are not, because from the outset,
we all seem adorable, true, but not necessarily. Reality is going
to confirm that circumstance. And you have to be careful. And this is
one of the elements that I thank very much to the one who wrote it,
because somehow it gives a very clear line. I am reliable, but
I know myself, I do, I know that I offer and what is
with me. But I leave carefully when it comes to the other, because
we don' t want to get hurt. And this is a great lesson,
a great life lesson that I thank you so much, to you that
you took the time to share. And well, it' s time to
say until tomorrow we meet here tomorrow Thursday, about one o' clock in
the afternoon, in more than chayo with you having an extraordinary afternoon. I
' m Chayo Buscats. This was chayo with you and we heard each other
here tomorrow at the point of an audio center