WEBVTT 1 00:00:02.240 --> 00:00:10.240 How the day dawned upon them, how the day flowed. I hope everything 2 00:00:10.359 --> 00:00:14.759 ' s fine. Notice that on this theme of Father' s Day that 3 00:00:14.800 --> 00:00:24.519 we just passed, I was publishing that day a question and I thank everyone 4 00:00:24.559 --> 00:00:28.480 who participated. Why do you think that mothers' day is usually given more 5 00:00:28.559 --> 00:00:35.679 importance than father' s day. And although, clearly, there is an 6 00:00:35.799 --> 00:00:42.439 important bias in those who answered, because, because the question invited the sex 7 00:00:42.560 --> 00:00:48.320 to bias. There is something that is important to consider in this, and 8 00:00:50.399 --> 00:00:58.799 there is still a tendency in our country to consider that mothers are much more 9 00:00:58.880 --> 00:01:06.040 present in life as children than fathers, even though today women can also be 10 00:01:06.159 --> 00:01:15.760 much more involved in working life. The fact of emotional disposition. And this 11 00:01:15.760 --> 00:01:26.840 is where I emphasize the emotional disposition to be present in the lives of children 12 00:01:26.840 --> 00:01:37.159 remains a field to work on the part of man. To be willing to 13 00:01:37.920 --> 00:01:49.519 run and I say it figuratively towards the emotional life of the child is something 14 00:01:49.640 --> 00:01:55.879 that has yet to be stimulated. One part, because man is not educated 15 00:01:56.000 --> 00:02:07.920 from a young age to develop this instinct of bonding from emotion and another part, 16 00:02:07.439 --> 00:02:15.240 because sometimes because of the work subject, one does not learn to relate 17 00:02:15.639 --> 00:02:24.599 to children from this subject, from this aspect and one needs to continue working. 18 00:02:27.080 --> 00:02:31.159 We have to aspire to a society where the mother and father occupy the 19 00:02:34.400 --> 00:02:40.759 same place meaningfully speaking in the lives of the children, how and in what 20 00:02:40.800 --> 00:02:46.039 way. Well, I think that' s a personal challenge. You' 21 00:02:46.159 --> 00:02:54.840 re one of those who tends to think that when something goes wrong, the 22 00:02:55.240 --> 00:03:00.199 other or the others are the ones who were to blame. Either you start 23 00:03:00.319 --> 00:03:10.520 suddenly wondering what you' d have to do differently or what you' d 24 00:03:10.520 --> 00:03:15.400 have to do with yourself, because you' re part of the problem, 25 00:03:15.400 --> 00:03:24.759 too. What. Obviously, there are always situations, especially those that tend 26 00:03:24.840 --> 00:03:32.919 to be repetitive. Sometimes people say when it comes to, for example, 27 00:03:34.400 --> 00:03:40.000 finding a partner. It' s just that they always leave me alone or 28 00:03:40.039 --> 00:03:46.840 alone, because they always betray me, because they always end up cheating on 29 00:03:46.840 --> 00:03:52.120 me or with friends, for example. It' s not like they end 30 00:03:52.280 --> 00:04:03.479 up cheating on me, they end up lying to me, they end up 31 00:04:04.000 --> 00:04:06.759 letting me go, and we rarely stop to wonder what I' m doing 32 00:04:06.759 --> 00:04:14.479 wrong. I happen to us with our children Sometimes even and please don' 33 00:04:14.560 --> 00:04:20.360 t want to be misunderstood, we have our children in a school and they 34 00:04:20.519 --> 00:04:24.480 bullyed them and sometimes we think the easiest solution is to change the child from 35 00:04:24.480 --> 00:04:27.360 school. No, and then we go to another school and it turns out 36 00:04:27.399 --> 00:04:30.519 that in the new school they also bully him. And we go to another 37 00:04:30.519 --> 00:04:32.839 school and they bully him. And we changed it into a living room and 38 00:04:32.879 --> 00:04:38.920 they bullied it again and sometimes we would have to ask ourselves what behavior my 39 00:04:38.920 --> 00:04:46.680 son is presenting, which is leading to social rejection. Take a look at 40 00:04:46.800 --> 00:04:55.519 me. Taking a look at my child is something that can be painfully complex, 41 00:04:57.519 --> 00:05:03.720 but that' s where we often find the answer. Encourage yourself to 42 00:05:03.759 --> 00:05:16.360 do so, because sometimes there is the solution. Notice that there are times 43 00:05:16.439 --> 00:05:25.000 when, for some reason, you can have a child, regardless of age, 44 00:05:25.240 --> 00:05:30.399 but it usually happens with younger children who tend to be more attached, 45 00:05:31.079 --> 00:05:39.720 that is, they don' t leave you alone any time of the day 46 00:05:39.759 --> 00:05:45.959 until you go to the bathroom. They want to accompany you and suddenly among 47 00:05:46.079 --> 00:05:55.839 the fear of not wanting to make them feel rejected. We don' t 48 00:05:56.360 --> 00:05:59.360 know how to tell them my love. I need space, don' t 49 00:05:59.360 --> 00:06:01.879 make yourself there. Leave me alone and when we end up doing it, 50 00:06:02.920 --> 00:06:09.360 we do it in a very tired time and then we end up doing it 51 00:06:09.360 --> 00:06:17.360 very badly. It' s important to know that it' s valid for 52 00:06:17.439 --> 00:06:20.480 you, as a dad, as a mom, to be able to spend 53 00:06:20.480 --> 00:06:26.839 time. Your children learn that this does not imply abandonment, because suddenly, 54 00:06:27.079 --> 00:06:34.519 out there all these messages that circulate through networks seem to pass on to adults 55 00:06:34.839 --> 00:06:39.839 that they have to be so careful. And it' s not that we 56 00:06:39.920 --> 00:06:46.240 don' t have to have it, uh, but that children can be 57 00:06:46.800 --> 00:06:50.079 so fragile all of a sudden, that they have so much need for affection 58 00:06:50.199 --> 00:06:59.279 that they' re going to feel really bad if we side with them or 59 00:06:59.319 --> 00:07:00.959 if we easily hurt the susceptibility they have to the need for affection on the 60 00:07:00.959 --> 00:07:05.319 part of parents. So when we' re done telling him, please leave 61 00:07:05.319 --> 00:07:09.160 me alone, it' s because we' re fed up and we' 62 00:07:09.160 --> 00:07:15.560 re saturated. And it' s very important to tell her my love, 63 00:07:17.959 --> 00:07:25.560 Mommy, Daddy needs a little while just to do his stuff. Then there 64 00:07:25.639 --> 00:07:34.680 are times when I need space and nothing will happen to you. You can 65 00:07:34.680 --> 00:07:39.680 play, you can stay in a safe space. I' ll keep an 66 00:07:39.759 --> 00:07:49.040 eye on you if you require it, but here Mom goes alone. It 67 00:07:49.199 --> 00:07:54.680 ' s important that you take those times, but it' s very important 68 00:07:54.720 --> 00:08:03.519 that you can explain it to him, that you can tell him, and 69 00:08:03.560 --> 00:08:11.079 that you can tolerate that moment when your child, especially at first, can 70 00:08:11.759 --> 00:08:16.199 resent him by expressing that feeling with a little crying, nothing happens. And 71 00:08:16.319 --> 00:08:26.759 yes, it is important that you give the space to yourself how difficult it 72 00:08:26.839 --> 00:08:37.840 is to put limits truth and notice that I just shared them, because I 73 00:08:37.879 --> 00:08:48.600 found very interesting what this psychologist Celeste Blanco, in a very simple post, 74 00:08:48.480 --> 00:08:54.759 tells us examples of how limits can sound. No, and I share you 75 00:08:56.080 --> 00:09:01.080 here inviting you to think of ideas that we can even share them with each 76 00:09:01.080 --> 00:09:09.559 other. She gives some ideas, she says thank you for considering me. 77 00:09:09.679 --> 00:09:16.039 I hope I can join you another time. I understand your opinion, but 78 00:09:16.120 --> 00:09:20.679 I have mine today I can' t do you that favor. I understand 79 00:09:20.720 --> 00:09:24.600 your decision. On this occasion I do not agree and I will have a 80 00:09:24.600 --> 00:09:35.600 different one. If you keep yelling, I' ll have to hang up 81 00:09:35.720 --> 00:09:41.120 the call and someone here Yolanda Martínez Ramírez says another way, is to tell 82 00:09:41.120 --> 00:09:48.559 the person. Thank you for your advice. Sometimes we don' t get 83 00:09:48.679 --> 00:09:52.639 angry, we don' t know what to do. We get caught up 84 00:09:52.679 --> 00:10:03.639 in these situations and suddenly keep our sanity congruent, be polite and leave things 85 00:10:03.639 --> 00:10:13.240 there without having to be angry with each other, without being uncomfortable. But 86 00:10:13.320 --> 00:10:18.720 making the limit clear is a big challenge to you how it goes when you 87 00:10:18.759 --> 00:10:24.720 have to set limits. How many times our children don' t react in 88 00:10:24.720 --> 00:10:26.080 an impulsive way. Not in the face of something, I don' t 89 00:10:26.080 --> 00:10:31.440 know. A typical situation would be with the brother. They don' t 90 00:10:31.519 --> 00:10:33.919 take my homes anymore, I don' t know how much. Not today, 91 00:10:33.039 --> 00:10:37.240 and we already showed up. Why you already talk to your brother like 92 00:10:37.240 --> 00:10:43.960 that. That' s the question It' s day. It' s 93 00:10:43.039 --> 00:10:48.759 not right for your child to react that way, but it' s okay 94 00:10:48.799 --> 00:10:52.399 for you to react that way to correct your child' s inappropriate reaction. 95 00:10:54.480 --> 00:11:01.879 And it' s to see it' s human ok complete. However, 96 00:11:01.240 --> 00:11:11.600 we must not correct something by modeling the behavior we want, which is not 97 00:11:13.519 --> 00:11:18.120 done. It' s like when we hit a kid because he hit. 98 00:11:20.399 --> 00:11:33.600 We have to model the proper behavior through which they have to imitate how it 99 00:11:33.039 --> 00:11:43.679 takes place to deal with an inappropriate situation based on proper behavior. And, 100 00:11:43.679 --> 00:11:50.639 of course, that means that we have better control over our emotional reactions. 101 00:11:52.879 --> 00:12:00.320 And that implies, of course, a better handling of our emotions in the 102 00:12:00.360 --> 00:12:05.960 face of the frustrations of everyday life. So, without a doubt, the 103 00:12:05.960 --> 00:12:18.320 work on our emotional control has to be getting better and better. What invites 104 00:12:18.360 --> 00:12:24.720 us to practice it. Everyday life. My little nephew is seven years old 105 00:12:24.759 --> 00:12:31.039 or so and doesn' t speak well, so he always says h pronounces 106 00:12:31.159 --> 00:12:37.879 it a lot for chacracho and so he counts this, but he' s 107 00:12:37.879 --> 00:12:43.039 seven years old. If he doesn' t speak well, it' s 108 00:12:43.039 --> 00:12:50.679 obviously not right. However, given the example you use, I would get 109 00:12:50.759 --> 00:13:01.320 the impression that there is a part more related to a morning of feeling. 110 00:13:03.639 --> 00:13:07.559 I don' t know what' s going on. I' ll give 111 00:13:07.600 --> 00:13:13.279 you several alternatives here. Nothing more. You have to handle them carefully, 112 00:13:15.120 --> 00:13:20.840 because when you' re a niece, you' re in between relationships with 113 00:13:20.919 --> 00:13:30.919 me, I don' t know if you' re a brother, sister 114 00:13:30.919 --> 00:13:31.519 or political family, and you always have to take care of that. Okay. 115 00:13:33.960 --> 00:13:45.279 The point is if I tell you squeaky consent makes sense to your niece 116 00:13:45.320 --> 00:13:54.399 ' s other behaviors, but if it' s just a subject with language 117 00:13:54.679 --> 00:14:03.559 and specifically with h you would have to here s r s an evaluation with 118 00:14:03.600 --> 00:14:11.240 a language therapist. We here have had Rebecca Zarfati of the Center do to 119 00:14:11.559 --> 00:14:20.799 be that they find her on social networks, just like Center arroba, do 120 00:14:20.879 --> 00:14:26.960 with h to be. The telephones are fifty- five, fifty- two, 121 00:14:26.200 --> 00:14:31.080 ninety- four, forty- seven thirteen, fifty- five, fifty 122 00:14:31.240 --> 00:14:37.440 - two, ninety- four, forty- seven thirteen or the same beginning 123 00:14:37.480 --> 00:14:46.159 of the telephone with completion eighty- four fifteen. It would be worth making 124 00:14:46.320 --> 00:14:50.120 a full assessment to see exactly what' s going on here. In these 125 00:14:50.200 --> 00:14:56.480 cases you always have to open the context a little bit more and ask yourself 126 00:14:56.559 --> 00:15:01.200 questions at other levels, that is, how is your learning process, how 127 00:15:01.360 --> 00:15:09.360 is it going with reading writing, what about your listening topics. Listen well 128 00:15:11.720 --> 00:15:20.320 beyond how he talks. He' s got a good audition. Understand well, 129 00:15:20.399 --> 00:15:24.639 from the first time you are given an instruction, follow instructions properly. 130 00:15:26.320 --> 00:15:31.200 His academic performance is appropriate. Learn well. In short, everything that is 131 00:15:31.240 --> 00:15:39.279 around the understanding of language is appropriate. Well, this whole part would help 132 00:15:39.399 --> 00:15:46.080 you get an idea of where things are going. If you told me, 133 00:15:46.879 --> 00:15:56.000 not at the consent level, there seemed to be no situation now. You 134 00:15:56.039 --> 00:16:02.480 ' re the only one worried about her language. No one else jumps at 135 00:16:02.639 --> 00:16:07.799 her in this way in which she utters the words. What is said about 136 00:16:08.480 --> 00:16:15.120 the way he speaks, because already being seven years old, yes, he 137 00:16:15.120 --> 00:16:22.279 would draw attention. If you' re the only one who' s worried 138 00:16:22.759 --> 00:16:30.360 about this, what would confirm to me the possibility of what' s going 139 00:16:30.480 --> 00:16:36.799 on is that she' s spoiled and if she' s the only niece, 140 00:16:37.240 --> 00:16:41.720 the only girl in the middle of this family, because they still see 141 00:16:41.759 --> 00:16:42.480 her as a little girl and they' re not giving her the importance she 142 00:16:42.480 --> 00:16:45.840 already has for the seven years. There should no longer be any problems with 143 00:16:45.879 --> 00:16:56.240 the pronunciation of the words Chayo. I need a mega- counsel and a 144 00:16:56.320 --> 00:16:59.960 live jolt with my parents and brothers, who are already so big without another 145 00:17:00.080 --> 00:17:03.599 saz coming down. I' m the only one who works for home office, 146 00:17:03.799 --> 00:17:07.279 but I' ve already been assaulted by my brothers and now one of 147 00:17:07.279 --> 00:17:08.920 them has hit me in the eye. I don' t know what to 148 00:17:08.920 --> 00:17:12.039 do. I want to file a lawsuit, but my mom tells me they 149 00:17:12.079 --> 00:17:15.759 won' t listen to me and my dad says it' s my fault. 150 00:17:15.559 --> 00:17:18.680 My mom' s going to go with a traveling aunt and right now. 151 00:17:18.799 --> 00:17:21.599 What I' m thinking is to go with a friend when she comes 152 00:17:21.680 --> 00:17:27.599 back to my mom, but I don' t know what to do anymore 153 00:17:27.640 --> 00:17:33.400 it hurts me to live like this isn' t for less, it' 154 00:17:33.440 --> 00:17:33.240 s not for less that it hurts you to live like this, I don 155 00:17:33.240 --> 00:17:38.440 ' t know how old you are. And I' m most likely going 156 00:17:38.480 --> 00:17:45.720 to give you the jolt you' re asking for. Always pointing out I 157 00:17:45.839 --> 00:17:49.039 don' t know how old you are. But I think there are several 158 00:17:49.079 --> 00:18:00.000 elements here. First, the fact that you' re the one who works, 159 00:18:00.640 --> 00:18:06.960 that you' re being beaten up and your mom tells you that they 160 00:18:06.960 --> 00:18:12.920 won' t listen to you and that your dad tells you that you' 161 00:18:12.960 --> 00:18:18.839 re the one who' s to blame for taking the hit that, while 162 00:18:19.799 --> 00:18:26.519 your mom' s going on a trip, your alternative is to go away 163 00:18:26.559 --> 00:18:30.039 with a friend that your mom' s going on a trip, as if, 164 00:18:30.319 --> 00:18:33.279 having been your mom in the house, you were protected by your mom, 165 00:18:33.359 --> 00:18:37.559 when because of the answer she gave you, it seems that she doesn 166 00:18:37.559 --> 00:18:40.599 ' t protect you from anything that your mom is present. And I don 167 00:18:40.640 --> 00:18:44.200 ' t think it' s a bad option for you to go with a 168 00:18:44.200 --> 00:18:47.839 friend while your mom' s out. But what I do think is that 169 00:18:47.920 --> 00:18:53.400 you would have to start getting ready to get out and get independent and live 170 00:18:53.920 --> 00:19:02.880 outside your home and become someone who comes to see your family and not someone 171 00:19:02.920 --> 00:19:08.920 who already lives with your family. I think you have to turn around and 172 00:19:10.039 --> 00:19:17.000 prepare all your ground to be an independent woman. You can live in independent 173 00:19:17.039 --> 00:19:25.519 rooms of the family, when the way of living in family is this Note 174 00:19:25.599 --> 00:19:32.640 that the other day, talking with a couple in the office who is experiencing 175 00:19:33.920 --> 00:19:41.559 a crisis of infidelity, this concept came to mind when one is driving, 176 00:19:41.079 --> 00:19:49.240 using now the famous GPS with this idea when you are wrong because, then, 177 00:19:49.640 --> 00:20:00.960 you took the wrong path recalculating and thinking about how to pra in life, 178 00:20:00.599 --> 00:20:08.279 because we do see ourselves in the need to recalculate the way and how 179 00:20:08.279 --> 00:20:18.279 we could, through so many metaphors, go trying to find new ways, 180 00:20:18.359 --> 00:20:29.039 when the two people are willing to look for different alternatives to go, trying 181 00:20:29.200 --> 00:20:37.759 to readjust the way before a failed circumstance and one of the members of this 182 00:20:37.839 --> 00:20:51.119 relationship actually asked the infidelity as a specific moment of the relationship, represents the 183 00:20:51.200 --> 00:21:00.000 complete relationship. I represent years that this relationship has been together or or or 184 00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:04.119 from REPS. It presents a moment, in particular of the deviation of one 185 00:21:04.240 --> 00:21:14.240 of these people before a determination that he made and that leads to having to 186 00:21:14.279 --> 00:21:25.960 redirect the path in this process and how much of the last period in which 187 00:21:26.240 --> 00:21:37.680 he determined something different would have to be recalculated how many kilometers involved that bad 188 00:21:37.759 --> 00:21:42.160 decision that caused them to go elsewhere. Sometimes when we have to recalculate because 189 00:21:42.880 --> 00:21:48.759 we take the wrong path, we simply have to find a turn in or 190 00:21:48.839 --> 00:21:52.759 not and return. But sometimes it doesn' t, sometimes it really takes 191 00:21:52.799 --> 00:21:57.599 us on another sidewalk not and we' re going to do fifteen twenty minutes 192 00:21:57.720 --> 00:22:03.039 or even forty more. And the question we would have to ask ourselves is 193 00:22:03.200 --> 00:22:07.599 whether we want to do that or suddenly get out of the car and one 194 00:22:07.599 --> 00:22:11.720 of the parts is already going on one side and the other is going on 195 00:22:11.799 --> 00:22:17.720 the other and that question becomes individual that no longer becomes a couple question. 196 00:22:18.400 --> 00:22:25.359 And once each part of the relationship answers, then we can know if we 197 00:22:25.480 --> 00:22:36.079 continue recalculating together or not. Notice that today morning I was listening to a 198 00:22:36.359 --> 00:22:41.400 listener I was not reading a phrase that caught my attention and with this I 199 00:22:41.519 --> 00:22:53.200 want to finish the program. Sometimes losing a person in life. It' 200 00:22:53.279 --> 00:23:03.680 s actually winning, although it hurts for the time being, because in occasion 201 00:23:03.839 --> 00:23:08.960 it' s that loss from a separation is the loss of a toxic relationship, 202 00:23:10.440 --> 00:23:12.079 a relationship that was hurting us, a relationship that we' d stuck 203 00:23:12.079 --> 00:23:18.559 to. But in the long run we' re going to win. If 204 00:23:18.680 --> 00:23:26.319 you find yourself in a moment of such patience, because surely in time you 205 00:23:26.000 --> 00:23:33.319 will end up thanking him I am chayo buscats. This was chayo with you 206 00:23:33.359 --> 00:23:42.079 until then.