This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to kf I AM six forty,
the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app KFI AM six forty.
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh
Show. And this is the time in my show where I answer your relationship
questions. If you've got a question, you give us a call. The
number is one eight hundred five two zero one KFI. That's one eight hundred
five two zero one five three four. Member. This isn't therapy. I'm
not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor. But I've written three books on
the science of love, so I'm fascinated to weigh in. Okay, Producer
Kyla, who do we have first? Or roll? Who do we got?
There's somebody there. Hi, It's doctor Wendy. Are you there,
Hi? Can you hear me? Yes? Who's this? Hi? My
name is Roquel, Hi, Raquel. What's your question? Love? Okay?
I have two kids under two, and it's a lot of work.
And you know, my mother in law she's really no help at all.
I feel like she really only cares about my husband and if anything ever happened
to him. I really feel like she wouldn't be there for me and my
children, and I just want to know how I could sprink in that relationship
with her. All right, well, let me ask you this first.
Where's your own mom and your own family in this Well, my mom actually
passed away a couple of years before the kids were born. Yeah, so
I feel like part of your longing for a grandmother in this situation also has
to do with coping with your loss right and feeling like your own mom is
not here for this. And here your children, of course, have a
biological connection to their living grandmother. You would like to have that. You
know, my mom died when I was thirty of breast cancer, and I
remember having little kids and wishing so much that she would be there and that
she could help. And yeah, I also had no mother in law coming
in. I think the person you've got to talk to about this isn't her,
it's him, and find out what her hesitancy is, why she's done,
you know, and maybe she raised him that way, Maybe she just
wasn't a super involved mom in some ways. So I would talk to him
so that the two of you can be a unified front when you go to
her and say the kids need you more and they love you, and do
it in a positive way, not like you're not helping enough, but more
like we love you, we want you in our lives. The kids,
your kids love you, your grandkids love you. But thank you, Raquel.
Look, these are the roughest years, I promise you, but you
will get through it. I just I have PTSD thinking about it. It's
really hard when the kids are a little but it's gonna this. Two will
pass and the days will get easier. And give those kids a hug for
me. Thanks for calling, Raquel. Okay, who do we have next?
We have Kimberly with an update. Oh, okay, Kimberly, what's
your update. It's doctor Wendy. Hi, doctor Wendy. You and Kayla
helps me so much. Two weeks ago, I'm the one that's suffering from
cancer, breath cancer, and I called you during one of my pity I
remember, I remember, Yeah, it was a hard time and I'm doing
really good. I wasn't going to cry. I'm doing really good. I'm
still sleeping about sixteen hours a day. Last week was my first full week
without radiation. And thank you God. But I went and got a haircut
and colored and kind of did a spa day and came home and swept for
three hours. But it's a different kind yeah, yeah, yeah, thank
you for putting up with my pity party that day because it was really horward.
Everybody deserves emotional care, Kimberly. It's knowing you were out there,
even though on cross country because I moved from California to Georgia. Just knowing
that you guys were out there willing the lot to me and I just wanted
to say thank you, and I really really appreciate what you both did well.
We are rooting for you, and just know that your journey ahead is
going to involve good days and bad days, both physically and mentally. And
when you have a day that you're feeling completely down, try to stay in
the space of this isn't going to be forever, this is this day.
I just have to get through this day. There's actually some research that if
people can sort of realize that this two will pass, it can help them
get through it. But we are rooting for you, Kimberly, and we
want you to get well soon. Thank you so much for calling with that
update, I appreciate it. Okay, who do we have next? We
have Andrew with a question. Hi Andrew, it's doctor Wendy. Hi doctor
Wendy. I guess my questions says, it's gotten forced and we're together for
ten years and marriage, five as a kid together. And how old is
your child? Ru he's four. Four. Had gotten addicted to setting all
oh a couple years ago, and so she helped me with everything recovering,
but the recovery has been really tough, and you know, she's gaving me
ultimatums and and so finally it's like it's over. And my question is,
sorry, it's okay. Should I still love her? Like? Should I
still try to like stick around or should I just well move on? You
need to stick around for your child. You have a four year old.
She's divorcing you, but your child is not divorcing you, So I would
focus on that relationship. I would say that there are two things you need
to think about right now. One is your sobriety. One is your ability
to just completely recover from addiction. And number two is to forge a healthy,
good relationship with your child, whether that involves also giving financial support emotional
support, physical support. You have got to think of your child and your
own health, and that's about it. And then we don't know what the
future is going to be with you and her. We don't know what will
happen if you know your child and you have such a good relationship that they
say, oh I want daddy back and that sort of influences things, or
if you stay straight for a very long period of time, whether that changes
you. Your brain is healing right now, and I want you to stay
in any addiction program that you've been in, and you've got a long battle
ahead of you. This is not an easy thing, but take care of
yourself and take care of your child, and I think you can get through
this. Andrew, don't worry about the relationship right now. Thanks so much
for calling. All right, let's go to social media. If you'd like
to call in. The number is one eight hundred five two zero one KFI.
That's one eight hundred five two zero one five three four. Okay.
Let me go into the DMS and see what I have on ig Hi,
Doctor Wendy. I told this new guy that I'm dating that I needed to
self medicate, as in get in nature and have a self care day.
He immediately thought I meant drugs and gave me a lecture about how dangerous drugs
are. Du He made me uneasy that he went there. He had a
very stern and series tone. Why did he think that I meant drugs?
Do you think maybe he has a drug issue or past drug issue? Well,
you're asking me questions like can I read his mind? Here's the thing.
First of all, if you use the word self medicate, that really
does imply that you're using psychopharmaceuticals in some manner, or some pharmaceuticals to pleasure
yourself. So it was your choice of language that was unfortunate. But what
I'm not clear on is why didn't you just interrupt him right away and go,
that's not what I meant. I'm sorry I was misunderstood. Or did
he go on such a tangent that you couldn't even get a word in where
that's a red flag right there. But then the fact that your brain immediately
goes to maybe he has past drug issues, like these are the conversations you
need to be having with him, not asking me to read his mind.
You need to have this conversation. I'm always amazed that people get into relationships
and they're afraid of just basic honesty about themselves. We're all human beings.
Nobody gets out alive, nobody gets out without pain, nobody gets out without
lessons learned, and growing emotional intimacy in a relationship is all about talking about
those tender subjects. Right, But it's very interesting that you didn't interrupt him.
All right, then let me do one more social media before we go
to break Dear doctor Wendy, I take my dating apps very seriously, but
I constantly come across people who just want to hook up. I know I
can find love online, but how can I weed out the people who just
want to waste my time? Well, I want to say this very clearly
because I met my boyfriend on the quote unquote dating apps, and I got
a technique down that was very helpful to me, which is my job wasn't
about finding someone. My job was about eliminating most early on. And so
therefore I would suggest to you that in your profile you're very clear that you're
looking for a long term relationship, and also in some of the early messages
just say you know, I know. Maybe this app has a reputation for
being a hook up app that's not who I am, blah blah blah,
and just see where they go from there. Right. Yes, it is
an endurance test. Yes, plenty of people will waste your time. That's
why I always advised to get on the phone very quickly, because you can
tell more on the phone than wasting weeks and months texting with a stranger.
Okay, so get on the phone, and yeah, it's an endurance test.
But in the end, there's gonna be one person standing and they're going
to be perfect for you. When we come back, I'll continue to answer
your questions on social media or on the phone. The numbers one eight hundred
five two zero one KFI. That's one eight hundred five two zero one five
three four. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Welsh Show on kf I
AM six forty eight live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor
Wendy Walsh on demand from kf I AM six forty. KFI AM six forty
You f Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Welsh Show
and I am answering your relationship questions. Reminder, I'm not a therapist.
I'm a woman with a lot of life experience. I'm a psychology professor,
but I've written three books on relationships. I'm obsessed with the science of love.
If you'd like to call in the numbers one eight hundred five two zero
one kfive. That's one eight hundred five two zero one five three four producer
Kayle. We had someone on the line, and what happened. Tony disappeared.
I don't know what happened, but he did have a question. He
said that his sister Jess got diagnosed with borderline personality to disorder and he wanted
to know if her children should be made aware of this new diagnosis. Well,
now I'm quoting the former director of my kids preschool who used to say
kids know everything anyway, you might as well give them a language and information
in simple terms that they can understand. Like, for instance, she taught
me to tell my kids all about sex at the age of four, but
in very simple terms. So I would say that her therapist should advise her.
It depends on the age of the kids, it depends how it's impacting
her parenting. But the more kids can make sense of what's going on,
I mean they know anyway, Right, they're sponges and they're soaking stuff up.
So I would definitely depend on professionals for advice. Of my instinct is
to say, yes, they should know in age appropriate terms what they need
to know. Okay, let me go to social media. Here's on Instagram.
Hey, doctor Wendy, my celibacy is scaring a lot of dates off.
When should I tell my date that I'm celibate? Well, what's really
interesting about the language here is you use the term I am celibate like it's
a whole identity for you, and not like I've decided to wait until marriage,
or I've decided to wait until you know I've dated somebody for a while,
or what have you to say to somebody, I'm celibate implies I'm not
having sex now or anytime in the future, and of course that's going to
scare somebody off. The thing is, the reasons for you choosing not to
enter in sexual relationships are would be of something I'd be interested in hearing.
If it's for religious reasons, then date people who follow your same religion so
they would respect that. I actually know a woman who's now married with three
kids who waited to have sex until her wedding night, because she chose to
do that, and she was thirty before she had sex, and they have
a great life and things are good now. And she said that she would
just tell men right away at the beginning, and she mostly dated men who
had the same religious beliefs. So I would want to explore why, whether
you're afraid of intimacy, whether you want to wait till a certain age,
or until you've dated for a certain period of time, or until your wedding,
And then I would you date the kind of men who would respect that
and honor that. And actually you didn't even put your gender in there.
You could be a guy who celibates, So I would date the kind of
women who would respect your reasoning. All right, Dear doctor Wendy, Is
it ever too soon to be in love? I've been dating this man for
two weeks and I just know he's my soul mate. My friends are saying
it is too soon. How do you know when you're the exception and not
the rule. You're not the exception, you are the rule. You are
literally drunk on those neuro hormones that happen in the first few weeks of dating.
Okay. Just the fact that you use the term soulmate tells me everything
I need to know about you. First of all, everybody, there's no
such thing as a soulmate. If you have good relationship skills, there are
many, many, many soulmates. But right now you should enjoy this feeling,
because this kind of early stage attraction and lust that feels like love is
the best drug we have. Enjoy it. It's wonderful. Now. Love
is something different. Love comes later when you make it, when you can
finally see the person for who they are and you can do a cost benefit
analysis, you realize, oh, they're not perfect, they have this problem
and that problem. But I am still going to choose to love them.
Love is not a spell that's cast on you. Love is a verb.
It is the verb to give. You're going to choose who to give to
later. Right now, you're drunk, unlust. Your friends are right.
Two weeks is too soon, okay, Dear, talk to Wendy. My
guy has been going through a tough time and I need to know how to
support him but not allow him to make me a punching bag. I hope
you don't mean literally. I hope you mean figuratively, how do I support
him? In this chapter, you have what are called boundaries. Boundaries are
I'm happy to offer an ear, but when you are being rude to me,
I'm going to have to hang up the phone, or I'm gonna have
to leave the room or whatever, and then you follow through with the behavior.
A boundary is not a boundary until it has a consequence, and every
boundary gets tested to make sure the consequence is actually there. Right If you
say to a two year old, you can't have a cookie before dinner and
they go in the cookie jar, it's because they're testing the boundary. They
want to make sure the rule is there, and you go and close the
cupboard and go, ah, we have a rule on this. Right.
So you figure out how you want to support him, whether it's about listening
to his problems, whether it's about actively engaging and helping to solve the problems.
But if you're feeling that he's abusing you emotionally, I hope not physically.
If it's physically, he shouldn't be there, move out. Then you
set up a boundary and you say if when you do this, then I'm
going to hang up the phone or I'm going to leave, and a boundary
is a behavior. It's you understanding how much you will accept, and then
a behavior that you have to do in response to how much you will accept.
Got it all right? I'm sorry. He's going through a tough time.
I hope it passes all right. I have time for one more,
not one more, Okay, I just want one more, Kayle. She's
like wrapping me up and wrapping up. Dear doctor Wendy, I've been hinting
that I want a surprise birthday party for seven years, and no one has
heard me. I want to get rid of my entire community. Is this
because they don't really love me? No, it's because you're too demanding.
I'm sorry. A surprise birthday party that you order up is not a surprise.
You're crazy. I don't mean that. I know you're not crazy,
Doctor Wendy. You can't demand it, Okay. If it's your birthday,
just be thankful for anything anybody gives you. All right, when we come
back. Are you in a parasocial relationship? Do you spend too much time
on social media following that celebrity or influencer or politician or whoever. I'm going
to tell you how to break this addiction When we come back. You're listening
to the Doctor Wendy Welsh Show and KFI amz S forty. We're live everywhere
on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from kf
I Am six forty. KFI Am six forty, you have Doctor Wendy Walsh
with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Welsh Show. Kayla, did we
just get an email? Or someone misunderstood what I've been saying all along?
That happens way too often, But yes, we got another one? What
say you read it to me? Kayla? Please forward this to doctor Wendy.
Doctor Wendy, apparently your idea of men quote unquote at acting to life
is castration. Did you actually handle a man that has confidence? It would
open a door for you, and would pay for dinner and has humor?
I have many stories. So apparently one day he was walking at the Labria
tar Pits. I met a girl offered to walk her dog for her.
Walked her dog for weeks it was a chuahua. Walked dog for months.
It was a chihuahua. And he said, is it wrong for me to
have confidence? Well, I'm confused because obviously humans of all genders care for
each other. They care for each other by opening doors, by offering to
pay for checks, by taking dogs for walks, whatever. I think that's
all good. I don't care what gender you are. If you do those
nice, kind things, I think that's attractive, it's wonderful. But it
sounds like you're trying to I don't know. There's something about the tone,
like it's saying women should allow me to do everything so that I can keep
control. It sounds like that. And then he goes into detail about how
he was nice to her and she and he called her an ebony woman,
which as a black woman, don't do that, but an ebony acting coach.
And he's a tall man, and even though she was standoffish at first,
she was yelling his name at the condos at her condo a few nice
later. So just a lot of detail in this email, yelling his name.
Yeah, And I don't really know what that has to do with But
I don't know what it has to do with confidence. But you you like
men that open doors? Were you gonna take because you said that? Of
course, I don't think traditional gender roles are all bad. They just need
to feel good to the people. I mean, I'll let me tell you
my man I call his name, Uh so No, I mean he also
opens doors, and he pays for checks, and he's very sweet and you
said condos. He does the dishes, he folds the clothes, right,
he's he's like the he's everything. Yeah, everything. And you've been with
him for like three years now almost we're having an anniversary come up? Yes?
Is it this week or next week? Three years? Wow? How
quickly it goes by. So he's all worried because I told him that I
had a bunch of four year relationships in my past, like three of them.
And he's like, so I have one year and I'm expiring. Is
that it's I've an expiry data one year. If he lasts another year,
then he'll get a ring. Oh maybe we'll say, we'll see, all
right. Can we talk about your obsession with people online? Look, even
myself, I've been on social media. I don't know if you've been following
me on social media. No, I haven't been hosting much this summer.
I've been having a glorious summer, spending a lot of time at a farm.
My own and with my chickens and goats, and dipping back into LA
to do my show, and just the thought of going to social media and
putting on makeup and talking to people, it just, you know, I
just wanted a break. I want to break, and I feel really great
about it. However, in order for social media to be successful, influencers
have become more and more open and more intimate I have been in the past.
Well, first of all, that's just who I am. Even years
ago, my girlfriends used to say, there are no rumors about Wendy Walsh
because she's told everybody already. You can't have a rumor about me. Because
I've always been an open book. It feels safer for me to be open
and honest and transparent about everything in my life. And also I've been learning
lessons. You know, there's a lot of things that I did in my
past or happened to me in my past, that I might have had feelings
of shame about, but then I researched it and I'm like, oh,
that happens to other people too, Wow, I might as well talk about
this thing, right. However, what happens when you're intimate, meaning sharing
personal stuff online is that some followers start to think you're the best friend,
right, and often the influencers who are It hasn't necessarily happened with me,
but I'm talking about other people. Those influencers don't even know that you exist,
but yet you become so engrossed in their stories. Because some influencers give
day to day events of what they're doing, they put it on their Instagram
story. Right, So psychologists would call these para social relationships. That's a
strong emotional connection to a celebrity, an influencer, or any other public figure.
But it's somebody that they don't know who you are, but you seem
to know everything about their life. So it's parasocial para beside the social Now,
a lot of people engage in like I would call it like mild forms
of parasocial bonding, but there are a few where it can escalate to really
onhealthy levels where you might lose touch with reality. You might develop unhealthy obsessions
with your so called fictional friend. Right. There's research on this and people
most vulnerable to getting addicted to a parasocial relationship. This was a study published
in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. Is about attachment style. Again,
it all goes back to attachment style. People with an avoidant or anxious
attachment style often seek emotional gratification from fictional characters. I mean, we're not
fictional, but you know, we don't know you, okay, So it's
like a halfway relationship, but one sided relationship. So what it allows people
who have insecure attachment styles to do is it allows them to have this sense
of intimacy like I'm close to this person. But guess what, they get
saved from any fear of rejection because if the person doesn't know who they are,
they can't really reject them, right, So it's this safe place.
So how do you know if you have a problem, Well, if you're
checking on somebody's feed every single day, and if your conversations with friends in
the real world include you sharing news if your parasocial friend, I mean people
do this all the time. You'll be at dinner tables and they'll be like,
did you see what Kim posted today? And like everybody in the world
should know who Kim is, right and what she posted on that day.
Also, if you've noticed that you're starting to replace your real intimate connections with
your social media friends. Then if you're replacing real friendships with social media people,
this is not healthy. Okay, So I have a little bit of
advice for you. I want you to wean yourself off. Literally, create
a schedule of when you can check somebody or not. So if you're checking
their feeds more than once a day, go down to once a day,
and then after a week go to every second day, and then after another
week go to every third day. Just wean yourself off. But the most
important thing I want you to do is get critical of their content instead of
just sitting there and just absorbing every detail like it's exciting gossip, Ask yourself,
why'd they say that? What information is presented? What are they trying
to sell me? Why are they trying to get me addicted? Because they
use a lot of clickbait, Right, you've seen, I've done it.
Look, I used to have I used to do like seven part series on
TikTok and follow me for the rest of the story, right, And it's
all designed to get more views and to get people clicking more. But start
to become critical of that, start to go, oh wait, this is
just a game. They're trying to provoke an emotional response in me, I'm
not going to fall for it. Right. Also, it might be time
for you to find some new interests. Right. You know, parasocial relationships
become stronger and they flourish because you get a false sense of familiarity and you
get a false sense of comfort. So it's time for you to break this
cycle by venturing out doing something different, going to uncharted territories. That means
read some books, see different movies, listen to different kinds of music,
explore art. Just capture your attention somewhere else. And here's a big one.
Foster some real world relationships, because parasocial relationships are not going to really
satisfy you in the long run. You need friends. You need to reach
out. You need to get out off the computer and the phone and look
around your world. Are there people at work you can say, let's go
grab lunch. Think about who you can hang out with. But you know
what my therapist always used to say to me whenever I had a feeling of
loss or some kind of conflicted feeling that was really uncomfortable, is she would
say, you know, this is really fertile ground. This is very useful.
She used to say, So use your feelings of loss to gain some
insight to yourself. See a therapist. Explore why you need this parasocial relationship,
Explore the feelings of laws. Where does it really come from? Is
it somewhere else in your life, from your childhood that you need to look
into? And then when you're ready, I take you a few weeks.
I want you to finally unfollowd friend and mute your parasocial friend. This is
not good for you, right. I've noticed a couple of times in the
past that if I liked someone's comment, they might comment back like, oh
my god, you read my comment. And if I commented back, and
this happened a number of times, and then I didn't comment back or I
didn't like then I saw the switch and suddenly they'd start writing angry comments,
Oh you don't even read my comments right, Like they're having this whole emotional
experience. And the truth is, no influencer with any huge amount of followers
can ever read everybody's comment. It's not possible or have the time to write
back to everyone, right, It's just a dip in. Every once in
a while, there's one or two things throw through a comment there. But
if it's causing you to have emotional reactions like this. You need to get
out of it all right when we come back. I told you I've been
obsessed with the science of love forever. I've got some scientific facts about love
that everyone needs to hear before their next date. You are listening to The
Doctor Wendy Walsh Show and kf I Am six forty and Live everywhere on the
iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from kf I Am
six forty. KFI AM six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. Wow, are we into the
home stretch? We say this every week, but like two hours shows,
he relies by I go so fast. I've been so obsessed with the science
of love. And I'll tell you why. It's because I didn't have a
good model for love. I had to learn it like skills. I always
say to people, you know, if you wanted to lose weight, would
you want that trainer at the gym who's lost fifty pounds and knows how to
keep it off, or that natural skinny ectomorph Barbie body who's like, yeah,
come work out with me who doesn't really know. Often people who have
been married happily for many, many many years don't even know how they do
it. They don't know their relationship skills. It's largely unconscious. I had
to learn it step by step by step by reading the science, and then
the more I read, the more like interesting things I learned about it.
Like you know, I'll just share with you the most important things that you
need to know are you got to add novelty into a long term relationship to
make it exciting. And novelty can mean simply going to different restaurants, going
to different museums, doing something, and putting your partner in new light,
in a new space. That's the most important because we all get into a
rut and you need to not do that. Anyway. I wanted to close
the show with some fun scientific facts about love that I have found over the
years, and little bit of vice with some of these facts. For instance,
did you know that being in love causes a couple's heart rate to synchronize.
When someone is deeply committed to another, they lie together and their heartbeats
actually hit the same rhythm, and this creates a deeper bond between the two
of you. My advice to you knowing this is that you should sleep together
for better sleep. Honestly, when my boyfriend Hulu and I are separate,
we both have lousy sleeps. When we're together, it's like we both go
into like heavy deep sleep together. So it must be our heart rates they're
synchronizing. Here's another thing you should know. Remember someone wrote in earlier and
said, how do you know if you're in love? It's only been two
weeks. My friends say it's too early. Yes, it's too early.
It's a bunch of love hormones. But I'll tell you this that those hormones
can make you feel extremely jealous. Jealousy is caused by oxytocin. The cuddle
hormone is one of the love hormones, and sometimes when you have too much
oxytocin in your system, you might do things that are toxic and bad for
a relationship. So I say, contain yourself, get more info before you
react to situations. For instance, a woman I know said to me last
week that her new boyfriend, who she's really into, she was at his
house and in his bathroom she found one eyelash strip. I know Kayla,
what does it mean to you if you find that there was a woman in
that bathroom and whose eyelash trip? Is it? Well? Exactly, but
she caused a big cause celeb and gotten a big fight over the eyelash when
he had had a party the week before and a lot of women were over,
and he has sisters that come over, and who knows, like,
get more information, wait and see, it's literally a question. I found
a bobbypin one time with a guy I was eating and it was just a
conversation. You know what. I was here when I suspected that I was
with a guy who was cheating or having multiple girls and whatever. I always
took a hair scrunchy when I was in the passenger seat of his car,
and I'd leave it over in the door where he couldn't see it. You
know, there's a little pocket underneath the door handle in most cars, and
since guys sit on the driver's side, he would never know it's there.
So the next woman who would get in, she would find my scrunchy.
That's also genius. Yees do that around the apartment. Took an obsession about
day all right. On the same note, love makes people do crazy things.
When you fall in love with someone, you may do things that you
normally wouldn't do in your everyday relationship. So it kind of turns off your
self awareness, your critical thinking, and your rationality. So just let me
say this, in the beginning stages of a relationship, knowing that your brain
is being hijacked, don't make any big decisions in the first six months of
a relationship. I've heard people so I met this great guy online and we've
seeing each other six months, so I'm thinking of moving to Chicago. No,
don't do crazy thing, Don't run off to Vegas and get married.
Don't do anything crazy in the first six months. Let those hormones calm down
a bit. Here's one of my favorite facts about love. It makes you
healthier. One study found that married people were less likely to develop certain cardiovascular
diseases, and married people were five percent less likely to have any kind of
vascular disease compared to singles. So, you know what, find somebody who's
healthy, because health habits are highly contagious. If you're with somebody who's living
in an unhealthy life, you're going to have an upward battle. It's going
to be very difficult not surprising. Love makes you happier when you're feeling down.
It's very helpful to think about the person you're in love with. There
was actually one study carried out by somebody who I'm a big fan of.
It's not a parasocial relationship. I've actually had around my podcast and on the
show, doctor Helen Fisher from the Kinsey Institute, and she found a study
that determined that love releases dopamine. Dopamine the neurotransmitter responsible for giving you that
happy feeling. So when you're feeling down, think about your lover. There's
other Oh, this is one of my favorite studies. Did you know that
you can take two complete strangers, have them do nothing but sit eye to
eye and stare at each other for a full four minutes. Yeah, they're
allowed to blink and they have reported feelings of love. It's an iconic study
done by psychology professor Arthur Aaron, and he found that you can get an
intense feeling of closeness. You know, the eyes are the window to the
soul. So my tip for you is, if you're beginning to date somebody,
don't be skittish with the eyes. Look them in the eyes in fact.
Okay, not four minutes straight. That's creepy. But you know,
hold the stair just a little bit, just hold the glance a little longer.
Yeah, eye contact is really intense tomote feelings of love, yes,
maam. Also, love can make you lose weight. Well, that's what's
happy relationship weight then, well that's you know, that's because you're sitting around,
you know, rolling around and eating. Yea. But love produces,
as I said, the cuddle hormone oxytocin that causes emotional happiness. And it
also oxytocin can suppress your appetite and also keep you up all night. That's
why you're you're up talking when you first meet somebody, you're at two in
the morning and you're still chatting away. You are most likely to fall in
love with somebody in your league. Attraction wise, there is somebody for everybody.
One study done in twenty eleven found that people tend to make the moves
on somebody who's approximately at the same level of attractiveness. So I ask you
this, if you are shooting out of your league all the time, taller,
rich, or more beautiful, whatever I mean, we all want to
value our partner and think that we've dated up just a little bit. But
if you're shooting way out of your league, are you trying to protect yourself
from intimacy? Like ask yourself? Are you trying to reconfirm that you're not
lovable? Because you are lovable? There's somebody for everybody, and you deserve
to be loved. And I'll close by saying, yes, you're really blinded
by love. We talked about this earlier. When you first meet somebody,
listen to your friends and family more than yourself because you cannot do proper critical
assessments, you can't see those red flags. Well, hey, if you
like to follow me on social media, you certainly may. The handle everywhere
is at Doctor Wendy Walsh and out. The summer's ending, I'm going to
get back to posting. I've been having a nice time just relaxing, but
I'm always here for you every Sunday from seven to nine pm on KFI Am
six forty. You've been listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. We are
live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh.
You can always hear us live on KFI Am six forty from seven to nine
pm on Sunday and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app.