WEBVTT

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Ahoy, there a yard flag and
fergan, do you mind if we come

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up alongside? Maybe? Shall we
pull up alongside and borg you. I'd

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like to tell you some sea shanties
about the unexplained. This soul vessel be

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called blurry photos. All right,
the seas an unknown are into the maelstrom

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of understanding the sea. She asks
more questions than she provides answers. Lash

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to the master of skepticism Morrowed and
the slashy trough of fun truth. This

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is us. That's we were gonna
do a whole podcast, but we're just

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gonna do this now for an hour. That's it. Maritime laden metaphors unknown.

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Well, I'm David Flora, and
I do declare myself to be David

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Stecco. Uh and this is this
is blurry Photos. You found it.

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You you you are a master me. We have a we have a fun

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show for you this week. I
think, yeah, this is this is

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You're gonna have a lot of fun. We've got a heartwarming Christmas episode.

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That's right. I do want to
take this time to apologize to you,

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dear listener, because our equipment has
been a little bit dodgy lately, and

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there may be parts of this episode
that are a little bit suspect to listen

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to, But I encourage you to
keep with us, as we have tried

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to fix it and we will fix
it in the future. So here's a

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preemptive thanks for you. But anyways, if you're listening to this, hooray

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no apocalypse. If you're not listening
to this, and good luck proving the

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negative. We've all perished in any
of the number of ways we already discussed.

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That's right. We are either waiting
to be judged or waiting to be

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resurrected, or being chased by demons, or impregnated by reptiles, or thrown

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into the void of our own self
conscienceness. I don't know if if nothing

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happened, then that's too bad,
because I was really looking forward to a

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conscious awareness for all of us.
If I seem a little tense, it's

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because I bought so many things for
Christmas on credit, thinking that there's no

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way in hell I'll ever have to
pay this back. I wonder how many

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people actually did do that. I
think, well, yeah, I think

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that I think that that's gonna be
a pretty good Do you think it was

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more people than what happened when the
rapture guy predicted it. What was his

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name, Camping? Harold Camping?
I think so, I think, but

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not a lot more. I mean, you have to be a pretty unique

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brand of lunatic. Is the word
I was looking for to be, like,

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Nope, world's gonna end. Not
only is the world gonna end,

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but I need to act irresponsible in
response to it. Yeah. So,

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yeah, I mean people will do
it. People are gonna do dump things

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because that's what that's what we as
a society do. But I don't I

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don't think it's going to be like
crazy Town. I don't think it'll be

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a huge number of people. Yeah. Well, and honestly, of those

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people that do it, three quarters
of them are just bad fiscal planners,

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and they're gonna blame the apocalypse rather
than just say no, I'm just bad

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with my money. They'll be like, oh, I thought the world was

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gonna end. Really thought I found
a loophole there. Yeah, and it

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might not put them too much out
of the social norm, you know,

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because they they already not have had
too much to begin with. They already

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yeah, well, they spent so
much money just on travel alone to the

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cetacean transformation with April and but and
bhaw. I don't know why, but

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I always imagine we'll our Net just
showing up with a bad gotee and saying

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hello, I'm bashaw and the final
countdown still plays. Yeah. Oh man,

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I was proven catastrophically wrong about one
of my apocalyptic I guess I mean,

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since no one really knows when we're
gonna all die, I guess I

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would be considered to have been making
my own prognostication about when we're going to

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die or not, okay um.
And I was all like, oh,

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well, you know, we have
a pretty good idea of all the near

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Earth asteroids. You know, we
have an awarding system. It's we're pretty

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safe from that. Oh no,
we're not. In order to prove me

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fantastically wrong, the universe was able
to slide in an asteroid that gave us

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a whopping forty eight hours notice before
coming close enough to be between the Earth

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and the Moon. For going on
about it's a dirty, sinful business.

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Now, I don't think this was
like an extinction event. This was not

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the end of the world, but
it was definitely a mess up. A

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good sized portion of real estate well, wasn't it like three miles long or

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something. I have no idea how
big it was. I could be making

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that totally up. I've got so
much apocalyptic stuff in my head right now

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from that from that episode, I
just know how close it got to us

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and that and that I was like, Oh, Wow, didn't you just

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get done saying how fantastically ridiculous it
is to think that could happen. So

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Mac, and I really hope that
by now, before this moment, it

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had crossed your mind maybe that Dave's
teco might be full of shit. I

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hope. I hope that at some
point that thought has trickled through, because

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it's entirely accurate. Let's get let's
get this this, You'll tipe sleigh ride

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on on the on the trail,
all right, on the rails, on

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the sleigh trail. Yeah, and
I've already I've already kicked us off.

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That's right. We're gonna focus this
episode on You'll, you'll tide, you'll

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time whatever you want to call you
a log, I mean, not to

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save a log. I mean I
don't have a log, not in the

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way you think I'm saying. I'm
just I'm just trying to say it's like

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Christmas, Timonds, it is it
hot in here? I'm sorry, but

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I just love Christmas Vacations so much. I can not do that. It

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is such a great movie. That
one, and one that I think doesn't

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get played enough is Ernest Saves Christmas? What David Flores from Kentucky? All

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right, Look that's all I'm saying, rip too, Jim Varney. Jim

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Varney a great commune et talent.
Yeah, I'll give you that. You

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know what I mean? Vern right
now? Wait, so there's an Earnest

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says Christmas. Oh yeah, there's
an Earnest does everything I know. He

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goes to jail in one of them, which I thought was a bold move.

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Does he ever join the army?
He sure did? Oh god.

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And that's a heartwarming Christmas movie.
Yeah, that one I think is the

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best Earnest movie. Just just quality
one, you know. I mean,

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I trust your judgment and I will
watch it them if it's on Netflix,

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and I don't know where else i'd
find it. If it's not on Netflix,

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I'll never see it. Sorry,
I could let you borrow the VHS

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tape. Did you also let me
borrow a VHS player? Yes, but

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anyways, tales of the explained.
We'll get to it someday. The ule

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if if you're not familiar, everybody
you know, here's you'll tide. You'll

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tie him around chriss around the holiday
season, stuff like that. It's a

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time of the greatest darkness and the
longest night of the year. It occurs

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around the winter solstice, which is
the shortest day of the year and longest

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night. Yep, that's the moment
when the Earth is at a point in

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its orbit where one hemisphere is most
inclined away from the Sun. I think

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that it's a good thing that we
should This is this is a good psa

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right here that I don't think it
never happens. I never hear anybody say

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this. And this is my personal
idea that why isn't why isn't that some

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kind of sexy holiday? Just the
solstice? Yeah, it's the longest night.

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Oh take advantage of it, like
make that into like the Valentine's Day.

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It could be if you're wiccan Ah, because they celebrate the hell out

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of it, but they don't make
it into a sexy um holiday. And

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it could be we could make cards, we could do a lot of stuff.

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No, don't pretend the Wiccans are
having some awesome sex orgy because they're

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not. I don't know if they
would have awesome sex orgies. All I'm

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saying a lot of wickens are hot. No, No, they're not.

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That is a lie. That is
an abject lie. Do you no,

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No, what you're thinking of right
now is the Wren Fair where there's like

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a whole bunch of women wearing no
midriff outfits. And those are not wickens.

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Those two old ladies in the corner
wipe in the grease on their own

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shirts from their chick their turkey legs. Those were the Wiccans. Dude,

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dude, bros, saving those bones
for rituals later. Yeah, for casting

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later, to determine if they'll go
to Taco bell or chilies due. No,

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alright, you're not ever going to
capitulate on the subway. You know,

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this is a great opportunity here.
If you're listening and you are a

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hot Wicken, it's you know what, I don't envy your position because it's

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hard to not seem self serving on
this, but you are also trying to

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defend the honor of the Wiccans.
Oh look, man, I got an

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open mind. Yeah, well I
don't. And when you don't send any

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pictures in I win by default.
Great. But I'm just saying, Solstice,

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it's a long night. Why not
enjoy it? Why not make it

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a special evening? And you know
what, since no one else does it,

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you get hipster points, oh man, and and save those up because

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those will be worth something, you
know what I mean. It was observed

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as a religious festival by early Germanic
people's It was done as a celebration of

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a good harvest, sort of like
how saw Yes, Now, Slwin and

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Yule are both on this wheel of
holidays and times of the year that people

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like Wickens pay attention to. And
they also celebrated the short work days because

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you know who wants to work?
Right? That's that is a celebration of

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itself. Yeah. Yeah, Now, the Yule Tide celebration period lasted from

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around what is now mid November through
early January, so it's a pretty good

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chunk of time to be celebrated.
That's awesome, And it's also a nice

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historical underpinning towards when the Christmas decorations
come out. Yeah, and like I

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said, the winter Solstice which generally
happens somewhere between the nineteenth and the twenty

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second of December. That's when they
really buckled down and we're like, this

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is what we're celebrating. Yeah,
and then around this time is when you

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get your twelve Days of Christmas starting
up, although it could start a little

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after that because the twelve days goes
into January. Twelfth Night is actually in

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January twelfth Night like the Shakespeare play. Generally people celebrated the first day of

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the twelve days and the last day
twelfth night, you know, just so

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everybody, just so they could be
like, I know when this is,

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I know calendars, well, I
mean everyone knows that the twelve Days of

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Christmas is the most honorous of Christmas
carols. So imagine having an actual twelve

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days at Christmas. I one hundred
percent support a first and last day approach

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to that. Yeah, even Jewish
people are like, it's eight days.

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So some of the things that are
common with some of the traditions that have

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grown out of this are the Yule
log, which we mentioned, which we

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have customed Chevy Chase, but that
was a large, extremely hard log burned

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in a hearth. It didn't even
have to put that in there. What

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she did? Ye, It's true. It provided many superstitious benefits, including

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being a lightning charm in Germany and
prosperity and protection in Great Britain. A

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lightning charm, a lightning charm to
keep it away or attract it, I

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think, to keep it away,
to keep your place from being struck by

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lightning. There are a ton of
superstitious beliefs for the yule log, and

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they're all based on the region you
come from. And it mattered like how

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you burnt it, what part of
it you saved, where you put it,

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things like that. There were all
kinds of rules. Yeah. Well,

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and it's yeah, not only where
you put the ul logue. I

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mean, do you just jam it
in there? I'm done, just honestly,

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don't even just lay it in soft
on the longest night of the year.

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I'm sorry everyone, I am just
a giant baby. The yule goat

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is another tradition I have not heard
of. Yeah. Originally it was sacrificed

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allah Thor's goats because Thor rode in
a chariot pulled by two goats, and

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that morphed over the years into an
ugly creature that scared children and demanded gifts.

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And then it morphed to an invisible
creature that showed up to make sure

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that Yule preparations were done correctly,
and that turned into a creature that gave

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gifts, and then that sort of
evolved into Father Christmas. And that is

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how Santa is related to the goat
man. Well, in some countries they

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still call him the Yule Goat,
the old Yule Goat, Yule Goat,

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the old Goat. I like that, though. That's I didn't know that

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Santa. Santa. Yes, go
this one not created in a lab unfortunately,

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as far as you know, as
far as I know, doesn't attack

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cars. Then we got a yule
bore, which is similar. It was

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a sacrificial animal, but people swore
oaths over it when they killed it,

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and then they cooked it and ate. I swear by the scorpse of this

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yule bore. Now, this is
why some people say we have ham at

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Christmas. I mean, yeah,
whatever, that's good enough for me.

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Yeah. Sure. Then you get
Yule singing, which is how sailing.

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Yes, and that's going door to
door singing wishing goodwill and blessings in exchange

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for food and drink sounds a very
souls night ish. Yeah right, Yeah,

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I was gonna say that. A
lot of people went out door to

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door basically begging I'm already. It
sounds like everyone had such a fun time

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with sawin that they were like,
you know what, let's just do this

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again in a couple of minutes.
Yeah, there's a lot of similarities.

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Now there's a lot of questioning out
there about the old Christmas song the most

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wonderful time of the year. Yeah, there's a lyric that goes there will

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be scary ghost stories and tales of
the glories of Christmas is long long ago.

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So people are like, wait a
minute, I actually listened to this

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lyric and there are scary ghost stories
that don't make no sense. Ants.

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This is the town of giving and
living false false. There's no time in

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which you are not just mere ethereal
inches from the other plane, and you

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must be reminded. A lot of
people wonder where does that come from?

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Yeah, why ghost stories at Christmas? Well, the short answer is nobody

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really knows. A lot of people
hearken it back to eighteen hundreds Victorian England.

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00:16:25.919 --> 00:16:30.240
This is around the time that you
get Charles Dickens writing a Christmas carol.

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You get people gather around the fire
and telling stories to each other,

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you know, for entertainment. Yeah, I mean it's you you know,

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there's there's the Dickens as the gold
standard. But there's this, uh.

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All the research I did points to
it being a very British thing. Yeah,

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00:16:47.679 --> 00:16:52.600
that they just especially the late eighteen
hundreds, mid to late eighteen people

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just got around on Christmas even just
told stories, told ghost stories, and

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you know, and it's it's a
long night, it's dark, it's you

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00:17:00.600 --> 00:17:03.200
know, I can see it.
You know. We keep in mind that

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there's no blinking lights, there's no
you know, garlands and red ribbons everywhere.

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It was just another you know,
it was a cold night, but

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a good time for it. Yeah. So that's one belief of where it

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00:17:15.319 --> 00:17:21.119
came from. I was able to
find something a little bit older too that

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00:17:21.240 --> 00:17:25.359
I like, it goes all the
way back to pre Christian Scandinavian countries,

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And to me, this one makes
a little bit more sense. That is,

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00:17:29.079 --> 00:17:33.240
if there are indeed ghost story traditions
that are passed around, they've already

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00:17:33.319 --> 00:17:38.519
got the Christmas goat going for him. So the Yule goat. The Scandinavian

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00:17:38.559 --> 00:17:44.440
folks I mentioned around this time of
year, they had a phenomenon called the

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00:17:44.640 --> 00:17:51.240
wild Hunt. This was an ancient
folk myth about a group of phantasmal hunters

220
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with horses and hounds that blazed across
the sky at night or just above the

221
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ground. Now, it was very
bad luck if you saw this, and

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I'm talking bad luck up until the
point of death in some cases. So

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00:18:07.119 --> 00:18:14.400
finding a bunch of undead huntsmen going
on a hunt is bad luck. Right.

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00:18:14.759 --> 00:18:18.400
Turns out that seeing a bunch of
ghosts hell bent on the death of

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00:18:18.519 --> 00:18:23.799
something not a good thing. Yeah, And around this time supernatural activity was

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00:18:23.920 --> 00:18:30.680
increased and dragger or ghosts were more
active. And it makes sense. You

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00:18:30.799 --> 00:18:34.440
know, this being the longest night
of the year, you're probably going to

228
00:18:34.519 --> 00:18:40.559
get that veil between earth and the
afterlife is going to be thin, just

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00:18:40.759 --> 00:18:44.400
like it saw one. Yeah.
In a lot of the myths, again

230
00:18:44.480 --> 00:18:49.720
they vary depending on region. You
get the Norse god Odin leading the hunt

231
00:18:49.960 --> 00:18:56.200
and he would do this riding his
eight legged horse slate near And some people

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think that this may be one of
the very very really roots of Santa Clause

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00:19:02.799 --> 00:19:06.880
with his eight reindeer writing in a
sleigh across the sky. He could have

234
00:19:06.960 --> 00:19:10.720
been so much more efficient if he
had eight legged reindeer. Yeah, but

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the wild hunt was definitely a scary
thing that people were worried about, you

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00:19:17.400 --> 00:19:22.039
know, at the beginning of winter. Don't get wild hunted. Don't do

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00:19:22.200 --> 00:19:27.440
it now, that to me is
a pretty plausible origin to having ghost stories

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00:19:27.519 --> 00:19:32.799
as a tradition or being scared,
you know, around the Yule tide season.

239
00:19:33.000 --> 00:19:36.000
Yeah, exactly. I think,
you know, there's there's I think

240
00:19:36.039 --> 00:19:38.200
that it's just a kind of an
organic thing. I don't you know,

241
00:19:38.319 --> 00:19:41.279
it makes sense. Yeah, kind
of all fits together, and a lot

242
00:19:41.319 --> 00:19:47.559
of stuff from that time period has
survived. Two for instance, the Yule

243
00:19:47.759 --> 00:19:52.759
Log. You know, now,
the Yule Goat hasn't did not stand the

244
00:19:52.880 --> 00:19:56.160
test of history, at least not
in the not in the States. Everybody,

245
00:19:56.200 --> 00:20:00.519
and in the Yule Log shows up
all CONSI word places. In France,

246
00:20:00.559 --> 00:20:03.599
there's the boost to Noell, which
is the log shaped cake. That's

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00:20:03.720 --> 00:20:10.000
right. So we thought it might
be fun on this episode to tell some

248
00:20:10.079 --> 00:20:15.920
more ghost stories. Thundersound, that's
right, it's about to get real,

249
00:20:15.200 --> 00:20:18.680
it's yeah, So get ready,
we're about to throw a couple at you

250
00:20:18.799 --> 00:20:22.839
here. Yeah, I know this
is a curveball. You're probably with your

251
00:20:22.880 --> 00:20:26.799
family right now, sipp and noog
and going. This is gonna this is

252
00:20:26.839 --> 00:20:29.519
gonna be really heartwarming. I want
you to hear this podcast. Yeah,

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00:20:29.559 --> 00:20:33.960
oh my god, what you're gonna
terrify me with tales of ghosts? Yes,

254
00:20:33.359 --> 00:20:37.799
that's right, that's exactly, That's
exactly how this ball is gonna bounce.

255
00:20:37.119 --> 00:20:40.799
Yeah, we've got we've got some
candles going here. We got a

256
00:20:40.920 --> 00:20:45.680
nice spooky vibe and some Christmas lights
so that we're not too terrified. And

257
00:20:45.839 --> 00:20:51.559
this is where I hand the reins
of this yule slay, this goat pulled

258
00:20:51.680 --> 00:20:55.640
eight legged yule slay over to you, David. All right, I'm gonna

259
00:20:55.680 --> 00:21:06.359
start us out with a story called
ski Vacation Terror. Sound right now,

260
00:21:14.720 --> 00:21:19.799
Horse of terror? Remember him?
Two men from Colorado went on a skiing

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00:21:19.920 --> 00:21:25.160
vacation in the mountains. They brought
cameras in a camcorder with them so they

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00:21:25.200 --> 00:21:29.519
could take pictures and shoot video.
They were staying in a remote log cabin

263
00:21:29.720 --> 00:21:33.720
miles away from anyone else. After
they had spent a few days there,

264
00:21:33.960 --> 00:21:37.599
the weather turned bad and they realized
they were going to get stuck on the

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00:21:37.680 --> 00:21:41.759
mountain until the weather cleared. To
make matters worse, one of the men

266
00:21:41.920 --> 00:21:47.279
had an accident while skiing and was
very badly injured. The other man tried

267
00:21:47.319 --> 00:21:51.920
to radio for help, that there
was no reception, and within hours his

268
00:21:52.119 --> 00:21:56.799
friend was dead. The man was
stranded alone on the mountain, unable to

269
00:21:56.880 --> 00:22:00.319
contact anyone and unable to leave because
of the bad weather conditions. He took

270
00:22:00.359 --> 00:22:04.599
his friend's body outside and buried it
under the snow. That night, he

271
00:22:04.720 --> 00:22:08.359
went to bed, hoping that someone
would notice that he was missing and call

272
00:22:08.440 --> 00:22:12.720
the authorities. He was worried he
would starve to death before he was rescued.

273
00:22:14.519 --> 00:22:18.640
The following morning, when the photographer
awoke, he was horrified to find

274
00:22:18.720 --> 00:22:23.000
that his friend's dead body was lying
beside him in the bed, its cold,

275
00:22:23.200 --> 00:22:27.640
dead arms wrapped tightly around him.
The man couldn't figure out what had

276
00:22:27.680 --> 00:22:33.039
happened. Terrified, he carried the
body of his friend outside and buried it

277
00:22:33.160 --> 00:22:38.319
again in the snow. But the
following morning, the same thing happened again,

278
00:22:40.039 --> 00:22:44.160
and the morning after that. By
this time, the poor man was

279
00:22:44.279 --> 00:22:48.039
almost out of his mind with fright. He decided to set up his camcorder

280
00:22:48.119 --> 00:22:53.039
on a tripod and videotape himself sleeping
at night. That way he would finally

281
00:22:53.119 --> 00:22:57.559
find out what was going on during
the night. The next morning, he

282
00:22:57.720 --> 00:23:03.000
awoke again to find the frozen corpse
clutching him. He got out of bed,

283
00:23:03.200 --> 00:23:07.480
shivering and shaking, and started to
watch the video that had been recorded.

284
00:23:08.359 --> 00:23:12.240
What he saw in that video still
haunts him to this day. The

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00:23:12.359 --> 00:23:18.839
man watched with mounting terror as a
dark figure left the cabin. Minutes later,

286
00:23:18.960 --> 00:23:23.559
the figure returned, carrying the corpse. The figure got into the bed

287
00:23:23.720 --> 00:23:30.359
and wrapped the arms of the corpse
around itself. He couldn't believe what he

288
00:23:30.519 --> 00:23:42.960
was seeing. The dark figure was
none other than the man himself. Okay,

289
00:23:44.480 --> 00:23:48.519
that's more creepy, less ghostie,
very creepy. He kept going after

290
00:23:48.680 --> 00:23:53.480
his buddy's corpse. Ye, I
mean, what is that? I don't

291
00:23:53.519 --> 00:23:57.880
know. That is super creepy.
So I would have set the camp quarter

292
00:23:59.039 --> 00:24:04.240
up after the first time. Yeah, whenever I favor got him, didn't

293
00:24:04.279 --> 00:24:07.599
say yeah, don't doesn't say.
There's a lot of a lot of questions

294
00:24:07.640 --> 00:24:11.480
in this one, a lot of
you know what, blurry photos essay contest.

295
00:24:12.279 --> 00:24:19.400
Let us know what happened right up
the following chapter, that that terrifying

296
00:24:19.480 --> 00:24:23.680
tale of two guys skiing in Colorado. So you you've been skiing in Colorado?

297
00:24:23.759 --> 00:24:26.559
Or yes, I have? Has
that ever happened to you? I

298
00:24:26.680 --> 00:24:32.200
didn't like it. I mean no, no, no, I wouldn't.

299
00:24:33.319 --> 00:24:37.400
He was already dead. Didn't matter. I didn't. This podcast is over,

300
00:24:41.559 --> 00:24:44.920
okay, all right, so you
you you got one for us?

301
00:24:45.079 --> 00:24:55.039
Of course I do, of course
I do. This one is called The

302
00:24:55.200 --> 00:24:59.599
soft thud of following footsteps echoed behind
him as he hurried through the snow flakes

303
00:24:59.640 --> 00:25:03.240
toward home. They kept pace with
him, quickening when he quickened, slowing

304
00:25:03.319 --> 00:25:08.039
when he slowed. It was creepy. His flesh crawled at the sound,

305
00:25:08.119 --> 00:25:12.279
and he sped up, cursing himself
for walking home alone from the midnight Christmas

306
00:25:12.400 --> 00:25:23.599
Mass. What Mass? No,
it's just like I knew I was putting

307
00:25:23.640 --> 00:25:27.160
myself at risk for going to church. Why would I go home alone?

308
00:25:27.839 --> 00:25:37.079
Damn it? I knew it?
Okay, normally not a pious man,

309
00:25:37.240 --> 00:25:41.440
the middle aged bachelor had suddenly been
struck by a wish to hear the old

310
00:25:41.519 --> 00:25:45.799
Christmas songs, some once again by
a choir. Why why do we need

311
00:25:45.839 --> 00:25:48.119
to know that he's a bachelor.
I don't know. Maybe I guess maybe

312
00:25:48.119 --> 00:25:52.519
it's gonna be oh, you know
what, my guess that he we have

313
00:25:52.599 --> 00:25:57.319
to know that he's all by himself, that there's that he's all for sake,

314
00:25:57.440 --> 00:26:00.799
just say he's vibe right. I'm
sorry, keep going. He's got

315
00:26:00.920 --> 00:26:06.960
to be lonely too. I mean, oh, that's true. I'm sure

316
00:26:07.559 --> 00:26:10.359
that in this ghost story all of
the loose lines will be tied up.

317
00:26:11.440 --> 00:26:14.839
I have full faith and confidence.
And he had walked across town to attend

318
00:26:14.880 --> 00:26:18.839
the service. Now he regretted his
choice again. Why did I go to

319
00:26:19.039 --> 00:26:26.119
church? Damn it? Now he
regretted his choice as he passed dark house

320
00:26:26.240 --> 00:26:32.160
after dark house on the snowy night, and the footsteps ever followed. He

321
00:26:32.359 --> 00:26:36.480
sped up until he was nearly running
and skidded into his street. A few

322
00:26:36.519 --> 00:26:38.079
more paces brought him to the bottom
of his front steps, and as he

323
00:26:38.200 --> 00:26:42.920
dashed up them, he suddenly realized
that the following footsteps had ceased. Abruptly,

324
00:26:44.640 --> 00:26:48.039
he glanced behind him at the cross
street from which he had just turned

325
00:26:48.119 --> 00:26:52.559
and saw only one pair of footprints
in the snow covered street where there should

326
00:26:52.599 --> 00:26:59.720
have been two, Jesus, is
that you again having a hard time walking

327
00:26:59.759 --> 00:27:07.000
home? Those were the times when
I was scaring you. He frowned in

328
00:27:07.119 --> 00:27:11.920
puzzlement, and then he shuddered as
a cold breeze struck him, driving snow

329
00:27:11.960 --> 00:27:15.240
against his collar and slamming him against
the door. Almost it seemed to pass

330
00:27:15.319 --> 00:27:22.200
through the door. But that was
superstitious nonsense, idiot domy his hands,

331
00:27:22.519 --> 00:27:26.519
His hand was shaking his He unlocked
the front door and hurried inside. He

332
00:27:26.680 --> 00:27:30.960
expected darkness, but was delighted to
see the yellow glow of firelight coming from

333
00:27:32.000 --> 00:27:36.400
his study doorway upstairs. Must have
been the Yule log? Does anyone ever

334
00:27:36.480 --> 00:27:41.279
come home and are delighted to see
the yellow light of fire? His old

335
00:27:41.359 --> 00:27:45.759
housekeeper, whom he thought firmly asleep
in her attic bedroom, must have lit

336
00:27:45.839 --> 00:27:49.640
the fire pending his return. He
shrugged out of his coat and paused for

337
00:27:49.720 --> 00:27:53.279
a moment, amazed to find it
still warm and dry. Though he had

338
00:27:53.319 --> 00:27:57.200
walked more than a mile through a
snowstorm. It was almost as if he'd

339
00:27:57.200 --> 00:28:03.160
been walking in a bubble of calm. N Although what it was, Jesus,

340
00:28:03.480 --> 00:28:06.559
he was Jesus, those are the
times when he scared him. Maybe

341
00:28:06.599 --> 00:28:08.720
it was like one of those really
like like super sweet pens, you know,

342
00:28:08.799 --> 00:28:14.759
like those pencil sketches that like recovering
people do of like Jesus taking the

343
00:28:14.880 --> 00:28:18.440
needle in the arm. This one's
like Jesus holding the umbrella. I don't

344
00:28:18.480 --> 00:28:26.079
know, and I think we're just
us. Yeah, exact, let's see

345
00:28:26.119 --> 00:28:32.160
where were were bubble of calm air, though he remembered the soft snowflakes hitting

346
00:28:32.279 --> 00:28:36.799
his face when he first stepped out
of the church before the mysterious footsteps began.

347
00:28:37.119 --> 00:28:41.960
His shutter was interrupted by a shout
of greeting as his old friend Andy

348
00:28:41.079 --> 00:28:45.720
came hurrying out of the study.
His whole face lit up in a grin

349
00:28:45.799 --> 00:28:49.200
at the unexpected surprise. The two
men shook hands heartily and retreated back to

350
00:28:49.279 --> 00:28:53.480
the warmth of the firelight, talking
so fast they stumbled over each other's words.

351
00:28:55.000 --> 00:28:59.960
Fools, good friends, I broke
into your home and lit a fire

352
00:29:00.559 --> 00:29:04.400
welcome. Andy had left town two
years ago to take a government job in

353
00:29:04.559 --> 00:29:08.599
DC, and they hadn't seen each
other since. Nessie, I liked these

354
00:29:08.680 --> 00:29:12.480
details on a story because up till
this moment, this story could have been

355
00:29:12.519 --> 00:29:17.799
in sixteen ten or the year thirty
thousand. Yep, so it's a government

356
00:29:17.880 --> 00:29:21.880
job in DC sometime in the last
two hundred years. That explains how he

357
00:29:21.920 --> 00:29:25.880
got in the house. Yep.
Nearly an hour passed before it occurred to

358
00:29:26.000 --> 00:29:29.799
him that his guest might be hungry. His offer of a meal was instantly

359
00:29:29.880 --> 00:29:33.359
accepted, but Andy was unwilling to
leave the comfort of the fire to eat

360
00:29:33.400 --> 00:29:37.440
in the kitchen, so he jogged
downstairs alone to fetch some food. He

361
00:29:37.559 --> 00:29:41.440
didn't wonder at his friend's reluctance to
join him in the kitchen. Why would

362
00:29:41.519 --> 00:29:47.279
he had only broken into his home
and started lighting things on fire. Andy

363
00:29:47.359 --> 00:29:51.400
looked very pale and kept shivering with
cold as they talked. He hoped his

364
00:29:51.519 --> 00:29:56.319
friend wasn't ailing for anything, so
we're he's a phrase. A few moments

365
00:29:56.400 --> 00:29:59.640
later, he was back with warmed
up meat and potatoes and a couple of

366
00:29:59.680 --> 00:30:04.119
glass a beer, apologizing profusely as
he handed Andy a plate for the mismatched

367
00:30:04.160 --> 00:30:07.920
dinnerware. Oh man, do you
know, yeah, I remember when I

368
00:30:08.000 --> 00:30:12.559
had a fire already lit. His
one thing yep, miss match dinnerware.

369
00:30:12.960 --> 00:30:15.440
Oh I learned that lesson. I
tried to give that to you once and

370
00:30:15.519 --> 00:30:19.039
you smacked the plate of food out
of my hand, and I stormed out

371
00:30:19.160 --> 00:30:22.079
to you through salt after me and
I didn't come back for a long time.

372
00:30:26.039 --> 00:30:29.960
Okay, we're gonna get through this
terror somehow. We're good at this.

373
00:30:30.480 --> 00:30:34.680
Yah, absolutely get Andy just laughed
and hunkered down to eat. When

374
00:30:34.720 --> 00:30:38.039
they were both finished, he showed
his friend to a guest room and then

375
00:30:38.119 --> 00:30:44.039
tumbled into his own bed to sleep. All his apprehension caused by mysterious footsteps

376
00:30:44.160 --> 00:30:48.319
forgotten in the visit of his friend. He jumped out of bed Christmas morning

377
00:30:48.359 --> 00:30:52.039
and dashed immediately downstairs to his guest
room to rouse his friend. But Andy

378
00:30:52.160 --> 00:30:56.920
wasn't there, and the bed had
not been slept in. Lood was odd.

379
00:30:57.799 --> 00:31:02.400
He ran down to the stuff,
but Andy wasn't there either, and

380
00:31:02.599 --> 00:31:06.279
one plate of food was sitting on
the end table beside his old friend's chair.

381
00:31:07.079 --> 00:31:11.160
It was completely untouched, though he'd
seen Andy eating from it the night

382
00:31:11.240 --> 00:31:15.759
before. Skin creeping at the thought, he ran to the kitchen and asked

383
00:31:15.759 --> 00:31:19.640
his housekeeper if she'd seen Andy,
but the housekeeper had seen no one either

384
00:31:19.680 --> 00:31:23.720
the previous night or this morning.
He flopped down on the bottom step of

385
00:31:23.799 --> 00:31:30.880
the staircase, completely baffled. Where
had Andy gone, and where was his

386
00:31:30.039 --> 00:31:37.559
wallet? He had made that part
up. It was a mystery that plagued

387
00:31:37.640 --> 00:31:41.759
him all Christmas Day, and he
did not enjoy his holiday dinner at all,

388
00:31:41.160 --> 00:31:45.680
a fact that annoyed his housekeeper.
Well, she worked really hard on

389
00:31:45.759 --> 00:31:48.720
it previously. She lives in the
attic. Yeah, come on, man.

390
00:31:49.480 --> 00:31:52.680
He was awakened the next morning from
a restless sleep by the sound of

391
00:31:52.720 --> 00:31:56.640
the front doorbell. He stumbled out
of bed, and with splashing water from

392
00:31:56.680 --> 00:32:01.079
the bedside pitcher on his sleepy eyes, came at the bedroom door. When

393
00:32:01.119 --> 00:32:06.079
he answered, his housekeeper handed him
a telegram that had just arrived as she

394
00:32:06.200 --> 00:32:13.079
hurried back downstairs to the singing telegram. A sexy Christmas Telegram, special delivery

395
00:32:14.039 --> 00:32:23.319
from your friend Andy. I have
the singing telegram. As she hurried back

396
00:32:23.400 --> 00:32:29.440
downstairs to prepare his breakfast, he
opened it curiously, not knowing who would

397
00:32:29.440 --> 00:32:32.920
be telegraphing him so urgently. When
he read the telegram, he started to

398
00:32:34.000 --> 00:32:38.359
tremble. The message was short and
to the point Andy's family regretted to inform

399
00:32:38.480 --> 00:32:42.799
him that his old friend Andy had
passed away on Christmas Eve in his home

400
00:32:42.920 --> 00:32:45.559
in Washington, d C. He
sat down hard on the bed, the

401
00:32:45.720 --> 00:32:51.839
telegram fluttering away from his hand.
It must have been Andy who followed him

402
00:32:51.880 --> 00:32:55.119
home on Christmas Eve. That would
explain the eerie footsteps and the dry coat

403
00:32:55.160 --> 00:33:01.400
in the middle of the snowstorm.
He'd spent Christmas Eve eve with a ghost.

404
00:33:05.799 --> 00:33:09.759
How does that explain the dry coat? Um, everybody knows walk with

405
00:33:09.880 --> 00:33:16.920
a ghost coats like toast. That's
not you never heard that before we part.

406
00:33:20.400 --> 00:33:28.599
Everybody knows that. But I'm pretty
impressed that you came up like toast,

407
00:33:30.759 --> 00:33:36.519
walk with a ghost like toast.
Yeah, old people mutter it all

408
00:33:36.559 --> 00:33:44.240
the time. So that that's a
that's a spooky, haunted Christmas. Yeah,

409
00:33:44.359 --> 00:33:47.440
not bad, not bad? Yeah, and and and not entirely terrifying.

410
00:33:47.599 --> 00:33:52.599
You know, it's almost heartwarming.
Yeah, I find it. Uh

411
00:33:53.160 --> 00:33:58.759
that the first topic of conversation wasn't
I'm so glad you're here because this creepy

412
00:33:58.839 --> 00:34:01.519
mofa was following me all the way
home from the church. Yeah? Also,

413
00:34:01.640 --> 00:34:07.519
why am I afraid to go to
church? So dumb I didn't arrange

414
00:34:07.559 --> 00:34:13.440
a security escort? Andy? Your
sisters still single? Yeah? Yeah,

415
00:34:13.519 --> 00:34:17.480
and that's another thing. Like it's
midnight mass, Like everyone goes to that

416
00:34:17.760 --> 00:34:22.320
it's not like he exits the church
and it's ghost Townsville. Yeah, if

417
00:34:24.159 --> 00:34:28.480
if you died on Christmas Eve with
your family, would you would you come

418
00:34:28.519 --> 00:34:32.719
do one more podcast with me?
Absolutely? And you had better. I

419
00:34:34.000 --> 00:34:37.519
swear to God, I will haunt
your miserable existence. If you bring me

420
00:34:37.679 --> 00:34:44.039
mismatched dinner wear, I will lose
my shit. I've got Christmas themed dinner

421
00:34:44.079 --> 00:34:47.280
wear, so you'll be getting la
la. I know where I'm spending my

422
00:34:47.440 --> 00:34:52.239
last evening on this mortal plane.
YEA, though I might serve your drink

423
00:34:52.360 --> 00:34:57.760
in an Avenger's cup, that's even
better. I consider that to be forrmal

424
00:34:57.840 --> 00:35:01.760
dinner wear. So yeah, that's
that's one of my that's that's a haunted

425
00:35:01.840 --> 00:35:06.599
Christmas story. Great, let's let's
switch gears for a second here, because

426
00:35:06.639 --> 00:35:09.159
I'm getting the heebi gebs. And
I used to have a warm, cozy

427
00:35:09.199 --> 00:35:13.079
feeling about Christmas, but now I
just think it's just an orgy of the

428
00:35:13.199 --> 00:35:17.119
damned crawling out of their graves to
harass me on Christmas Eve. It's it's

429
00:35:17.159 --> 00:35:22.639
all of that and more. Because
this break is not gonna give you what

430
00:35:22.800 --> 00:35:28.840
you want. I'm gonna tell you
about a guy that a lot of people

431
00:35:29.039 --> 00:35:32.000
may not have heard of. But
he's a pretty big deal in Europe right

432
00:35:32.079 --> 00:35:36.800
now, and I think he's he's
getting to be known more here in the

433
00:35:36.920 --> 00:35:42.239
States. Fellow by the name of
Crumpas. Would that be unterslat Crumpas the

434
00:35:42.480 --> 00:35:47.360
German finance minister. No, but
but he is Germanic. The Crumpass is

435
00:35:47.519 --> 00:35:52.360
a beast like. Oh, it's
the Crumpas, not Trumpas. Oh,

436
00:35:52.519 --> 00:35:58.920
I love this is a beast like
enforcer of Saint Nicholas from Alpine folklore.

437
00:35:59.320 --> 00:36:05.960
He's a fur covered, cloven hooved
creature with goat horns and a long pointed

438
00:36:06.119 --> 00:36:10.840
tongue that lolls out. He carries
chains and bells of various sizes, and

439
00:36:12.199 --> 00:36:16.760
often carries rooting, which is a
bundle of birch switches. And he has

440
00:36:16.800 --> 00:36:22.840
a washtub or sack strapped to his
back. So wait, so in Germany,

441
00:36:22.360 --> 00:36:28.599
Santa Claus has a beast enforcer,
well, Saint Nicholas at least,

442
00:36:29.119 --> 00:36:32.280
but yeah, for all intents and
purposes, the Crumpass. This guy is

443
00:36:32.440 --> 00:36:40.159
like the counterpart to Saint Nicholas.
So you know Saint Nicholas rewards nice children,

444
00:36:40.840 --> 00:36:45.119
Well, he has the Crumpass to
punish naughty ones. Oh I love

445
00:36:45.280 --> 00:36:51.679
that. Crumpas is a derivation of
an old German word for claw, and

446
00:36:52.480 --> 00:36:58.119
he would place coal in naughty kids
stockings, or if they're a little a

447
00:36:58.320 --> 00:37:01.280
little bit worse than naught, he
would take a few presents from them.

448
00:37:01.599 --> 00:37:06.880
If they're even more naughty than that, How can you get more naughty than

449
00:37:06.960 --> 00:37:12.440
that? If they were, if
they were particularly bad kids, he'd swap

450
00:37:12.480 --> 00:37:15.800
them with the rooting and throw them
in his sack to take them away to

451
00:37:16.559 --> 00:37:22.880
drown or eat or to live with
him in hell. He just gets to

452
00:37:22.960 --> 00:37:25.840
do what he wants. I mean, they have to be naughty kids,

453
00:37:27.119 --> 00:37:30.239
like really bad kids. But what
does he like? Just take a good

454
00:37:30.320 --> 00:37:32.960
long look at him ago with you're
an eater. Yeah, I don't know.

455
00:37:34.039 --> 00:37:36.599
I don't know what he did,
how he decides. Are you saying

456
00:37:36.599 --> 00:37:39.440
that those are three different versions?
Or like he each kid like he spends

457
00:37:39.480 --> 00:37:45.360
the triper at wheel depending on depending
on the region, I think people have

458
00:37:45.519 --> 00:37:50.239
different outcomes of what he does to
children. Oh my god, the crumpus

459
00:37:50.760 --> 00:37:55.639
and probably depending on how much the
parent wants to scare the kid is what

460
00:37:55.840 --> 00:38:00.599
he'll do to the kid, you
know, if they're bad The thing about

461
00:38:00.639 --> 00:38:06.159
this guy is he's he's all over
the place in folklore over there, and

462
00:38:06.239 --> 00:38:08.280
he's got all kinds of different names
and stuff, and you know, each

463
00:38:08.320 --> 00:38:12.719
one's kind of like like I was
saying with the superstitions with the Yule logue.

464
00:38:14.039 --> 00:38:17.159
He's got a lot of variations on
either you know, what he looks

465
00:38:17.199 --> 00:38:23.880
like or what he does. And
Crumpus Knocked falls on December fifth, which

466
00:38:24.119 --> 00:38:30.440
is the night before the Feast of
Saint Nicholas, and that's when Crumpas came

467
00:38:30.800 --> 00:38:35.000
to dole out punishment. Oh my
god, that first of all, I'm

468
00:38:35.079 --> 00:38:37.119
pissed that I missed Crumpus knocked.
Yeah, yeah, I be kissed.

469
00:38:37.599 --> 00:38:45.880
Because today the popular thing is to
do a crumpaslaughing, which is all the

470
00:38:45.039 --> 00:38:55.360
kids a steffun joke. Crumpas laughing
is Chicago's hottest new thing. But that

471
00:38:55.519 --> 00:38:59.880
but people will dress up as Crumpass
and go around scaring the shot a kid.

472
00:39:00.480 --> 00:39:02.760
Oh my god, I want that
here. Yeah. It's it's a

473
00:39:02.840 --> 00:39:07.519
thing to to get drunk and be
silly too. Crump it up, cump

474
00:39:07.599 --> 00:39:12.559
it up. Yeah. So,
And and they make cards like greeting cards

475
00:39:12.639 --> 00:39:15.639
that are you know, kind of
funny just saying greetings from Crumpas. And

476
00:39:15.760 --> 00:39:20.880
it's got like a the Crumpas meeting
runnings to bad people. Or is it

477
00:39:20.960 --> 00:39:22.880
just as good as a Christmas card? It's it's just as good as a

478
00:39:22.960 --> 00:39:27.760
Christmas card. It's it's just like
saying happy holidays. People are like,

479
00:39:27.920 --> 00:39:30.960
oh, I got a Crumpas card. Har har harror. Okay, so

480
00:39:30.039 --> 00:39:36.239
it's like I hear the Dickens,
I got you. Yeah, But like,

481
00:39:36.440 --> 00:39:38.480
there's so much to learn about Crumpas. I want this to be incorporated

482
00:39:38.559 --> 00:39:44.079
into our Christmas as fast as possible. Yeah, crumbs Crumpus is uh is

483
00:39:44.199 --> 00:39:49.320
silly. There's uh. The artist
Brahm a really really cool artist. He

484
00:39:49.400 --> 00:39:52.320
does stuff for like Wizards of the
Coast. He just, I think,

485
00:39:52.400 --> 00:39:57.599
wrote a book based on Crumpas called
The Yule Lord and and he did the

486
00:39:57.679 --> 00:40:00.559
illustrations for it too and stuff,
and it looks really cool. I'm gonna

487
00:40:00.559 --> 00:40:04.519
look into getting that. Oh my
gosh, we'll have to write Crumpass carrols,

488
00:40:06.639 --> 00:40:09.880
Oh my gosh, holiday songs about
punishing and drowning children. I'm you

489
00:40:09.960 --> 00:40:13.320
know what, I take it back. I'm glad I missed it because I

490
00:40:13.360 --> 00:40:15.079
would have tried to just get everything
fit in there in time. Yeah,

491
00:40:15.079 --> 00:40:17.880
I wouldn't have done as good a
job. Now I's a full rich year

492
00:40:19.400 --> 00:40:23.800
to prepare for Crumpus knocked. Yeah, Crumpass is hilarious, I think,

493
00:40:24.079 --> 00:40:28.119
And we're going to sing Crumpass Carrols
next year. Well, I'll tell you

494
00:40:28.280 --> 00:40:35.159
what. I have a version of
the Night before Christmas that an author by

495
00:40:35.159 --> 00:40:39.840
the name of Clement Gore has adapted
to be the Crumpus Night before Christmas,

496
00:40:40.800 --> 00:40:49.960
which I will now regal you with. Please do it. Twas the night

497
00:40:50.039 --> 00:40:53.760
before Christmas, the town covered an
ice. The cat was out hunting for

498
00:40:53.880 --> 00:41:00.719
plump harvest mice. The stockings were
hung by the chimney with fright. Crompus

499
00:41:00.119 --> 00:41:06.239
would soon be there that night.
The children were scared and awakened their beds,

500
00:41:06.679 --> 00:41:10.960
while nightmarish visions loomed o'er their heads. We were like prey caught in

501
00:41:12.039 --> 00:41:15.719
a trap, and could not settle
down for a long winter's nap. When

502
00:41:15.760 --> 00:41:21.400
out on the lawn there arose such
a splat. I sprang to the floor

503
00:41:21.519 --> 00:41:24.719
to see what was the matter.
Away to the window, I crept very

504
00:41:24.800 --> 00:41:30.079
slow, slid open the drapes,
spied a murder of crows. The crimson

505
00:41:30.159 --> 00:41:35.440
red moon on the breast of the
snow gave a stain of dried blood to

506
00:41:35.519 --> 00:41:40.280
the objects below. When what to
my watering eyes should appear but a jet

507
00:41:40.400 --> 00:41:51.800
black sleigh and ate sinful reindeer with
a grizzly old driver, with sharp horns

508
00:41:51.840 --> 00:41:57.239
and long claws. There's no way
that this beast could be Santa Claus,

509
00:41:58.159 --> 00:42:01.480
more rapid than owls that die on
their prey. He howled and he roared,

510
00:42:01.599 --> 00:42:06.960
and I heard him say, now
slasher, now wrathful. Now Gordon

511
00:42:07.079 --> 00:42:13.679
and put on radies on Gonner and
blitz creek to the top of the porch,

512
00:42:13.880 --> 00:42:16.039
to the top of the wall.
Now swoop away, creep away,

513
00:42:16.360 --> 00:42:22.519
slither and crawl as dry leaves from
torn trees. The wild cyclone's spin,

514
00:42:23.119 --> 00:42:29.159
ripping up shingles, flying in sin
so down to the housetop. The cursors

515
00:42:29.239 --> 00:42:34.599
they flew with a sleigh full of
booty and crumpus too. And then in

516
00:42:34.679 --> 00:42:38.800
a dimming I heard on the roof
the scraping and pawing of each bony hoof

517
00:42:39.639 --> 00:42:45.360
each of his nails, scratched brick
and made sand in a pile full of

518
00:42:45.519 --> 00:42:49.679
dust. With a thud, he
did land. His claws were long,

519
00:42:49.840 --> 00:42:53.719
and the tips touched the floor.
The wood that they scraped splintered and tore.

520
00:42:54.599 --> 00:43:00.519
Mortar and ash clung to his nails. His fingers were swollen, frostbit

521
00:43:00.719 --> 00:43:04.679
and pale. The teeth in his
mouth were as sharp as a pin.

522
00:43:05.360 --> 00:43:10.079
His cheeks skin and bone, his
nose long and thin, His devilish horns

523
00:43:10.199 --> 00:43:15.039
were drawn up like a bow,
and the beard on his face was as

524
00:43:15.159 --> 00:43:20.559
black as charcoal. He was dressed
in roadkill from his head to his toes,

525
00:43:20.920 --> 00:43:25.440
and his clothes were stained red from
skinned bucks. And does Jesus.

526
00:43:27.159 --> 00:43:30.679
An empty birch basket was flung o'er
his back, and he was a peddler

527
00:43:30.920 --> 00:43:36.880
opening his sack. The stump of
his pipe was made from a mouse,

528
00:43:37.360 --> 00:43:42.519
and the smoke it encircled his head
like a noose. He had puss colored

529
00:43:42.559 --> 00:43:46.800
eyes, and we dared not to
look. We terribly feared this soot covered

530
00:43:46.880 --> 00:43:52.079
crook. He was brawny and cruel, a wrong, evil, old elf.

531
00:43:52.559 --> 00:43:55.119
And I screamed when I saw him, in spite of myself. No

532
00:43:55.360 --> 00:44:00.199
wink from his eye, scratching lice
from his head gave me to know I

533
00:44:00.360 --> 00:44:06.440
had something to dread. He wrecked
our halls and filled up his sack with

534
00:44:06.679 --> 00:44:10.079
bad girls and boys and other knickknacks. He spoke not a word as his

535
00:44:10.239 --> 00:44:15.960
beast did his work. He put
coal in our stockings. Then he turned

536
00:44:15.079 --> 00:44:20.960
with a jerk, his serpent like
tongue hung out of his jaw and giving

537
00:44:21.000 --> 00:44:24.679
a cackle up the chimney, he
crawled. He stomped onto his sleigh to

538
00:44:24.880 --> 00:44:29.920
his team, gave a slur,
and ripped up the roof like removing a

539
00:44:30.079 --> 00:44:34.719
burr. And I heard him exclaim
as he drove out of sight, a

540
00:44:34.920 --> 00:44:42.920
bad Christmas to all, and to
all a dark night. Cropus is pretty

541
00:44:43.000 --> 00:44:47.039
metal, he really is. I
think there's a metal band called Crompus too.

542
00:44:47.199 --> 00:44:53.559
And if there isn't there is now
wasn't that great? That's awesome?

543
00:44:53.840 --> 00:44:58.920
Great adaptation I found out there.
I like, like, what what does

544
00:44:58.960 --> 00:45:02.199
a raindeer do to be sinful?
Be called putred? What is it?

545
00:45:02.440 --> 00:45:07.920
Was a sinful life to a reindeer? Oh man? That was I was

546
00:45:07.000 --> 00:45:10.760
really into that. Yeah. Yeah, so Crumpus, you guys, uh

547
00:45:12.800 --> 00:45:15.039
beware of him. Yeah, watch
out, don't don't get you. Yeah,

548
00:45:15.159 --> 00:45:20.920
don't be don't be naughty. Crumpus
is coming for you. Um I

549
00:45:21.079 --> 00:45:24.559
have. I also have an alternative
Christmas version. Now this you will never

550
00:45:24.639 --> 00:45:30.760
hear about anywhere anywhere, because it's
just some people that we grew up with.

551
00:45:30.239 --> 00:45:36.519
Friends of my sisters mostly had an
alternative Santa Claus that showed up in

552
00:45:36.840 --> 00:45:42.000
July. He was like Auntie Santa
and Antie Annie Sandy. He was a

553
00:45:42.079 --> 00:45:47.639
skinny man named Ugan Spa who would
sneak into the house at night and if

554
00:45:47.679 --> 00:45:51.400
you were good, he would leave
you candy, and if you were bad,

555
00:45:51.440 --> 00:45:54.159
he would take your favorite toy.
Oh yea and yeah, and and

556
00:45:54.360 --> 00:45:58.840
Ugan Spa was a very real deal
to these kids. And I don't I

557
00:45:58.920 --> 00:46:01.400
don't know that's something that the parents
made up or just the because they had

558
00:46:01.480 --> 00:46:06.199
like six kids this family. I
don't know if the older kids made it

559
00:46:06.280 --> 00:46:08.519
up just to fuck with the younger
kids. Yeah, but it was a

560
00:46:08.920 --> 00:46:14.480
life like as long as we knew
him, like in July, Ugan spot

561
00:46:14.559 --> 00:46:19.239
time Like it was a real thing, and they genuinely would like worry about

562
00:46:19.400 --> 00:46:23.679
Ugan Spat. That's great. Wow, that's a good way to make sure

563
00:46:24.239 --> 00:46:30.679
that the niceness of your children keeps
going through the whole year. Oh yeah,

564
00:46:30.719 --> 00:46:34.800
because I mean, dude, I
mean December twenty six. I'm gonna

565
00:46:34.840 --> 00:46:37.440
go gut a cat because I got
what I needed out of this, right.

566
00:46:37.800 --> 00:46:39.440
But you know what, though,
I know that like the cramps knocked

567
00:46:39.880 --> 00:46:45.039
being on the fifth, that's that's
twenty days. There's a twenty day window

568
00:46:45.280 --> 00:46:47.920
from when the threat of punishment is
gone to when the gifts arrived. I'll

569
00:46:47.920 --> 00:46:52.039
tell you what I did see something
that that said he would also take kids

570
00:46:52.800 --> 00:47:00.639
down to the South Pole to his
ice caves to work and make toys for

571
00:47:00.840 --> 00:47:07.400
the good kids and then bring them
back on before Christmas Day work rotation.

572
00:47:07.599 --> 00:47:10.599
Yeah, but the thing is it
was elf time. So to the kids,

573
00:47:10.679 --> 00:47:15.519
they've been there for years and years
and then they come back and it's

574
00:47:15.559 --> 00:47:20.880
just been the twenty days. Ah, that's particularly insidious. Well played,

575
00:47:21.119 --> 00:47:28.159
Crumpus, Oh Crumpus, you old
goat. Oh man, I like that.

576
00:47:28.320 --> 00:47:30.840
I like I like that was a
lot of holiday cheer. Yeah,

577
00:47:31.400 --> 00:47:37.639
silly stuff. Well, uh,
I think let's let's call that. Let's

578
00:47:37.679 --> 00:47:39.519
call that an episode. And yeah, I mean, you can't beat a

579
00:47:39.559 --> 00:47:46.599
crumpus. Don't Russia. Crumpus beat
you with Luton. Let's let's get some

580
00:47:46.679 --> 00:47:49.599
ponds in here. Yeah, it's
just some pons. Why don't you lead

581
00:47:49.639 --> 00:47:53.079
it off, mister Flora. Well, I have a winter folk dance called

582
00:47:53.119 --> 00:47:58.800
the Yule Clog. That's terrible.
That is you know what I let off

583
00:47:58.840 --> 00:48:05.400
with that one, so I didn't
have you'll clog. I've got I've got

584
00:48:05.440 --> 00:48:12.920
a product I've marketed towards kids in
late November. It's Uncle Scratchy's crampas Bait.

585
00:48:13.840 --> 00:48:17.480
It is actually a life sized doll
so that the crampas you can be

586
00:48:17.519 --> 00:48:21.480
as bad as you want. The
crumpas will seize the doll. It's crampas

587
00:48:21.519 --> 00:48:23.719
bait. Yep, it's not a
pun, but it's an important product,

588
00:48:24.119 --> 00:48:30.559
because I enjoy important products. Uncle
Scratch's crampas Bait. Do whatever you want

589
00:48:30.599 --> 00:48:37.320
all year. Uncle scratch has your
cover. Oh that's great, just like

590
00:48:37.400 --> 00:48:42.519
the phrase crompus baits. It's the
scapegoat of the holidays. Oh see,

591
00:48:42.599 --> 00:48:46.159
you're better at whatever? All right, Um, So my next one is

592
00:48:46.599 --> 00:48:52.960
an escort service. Oh this is
gonna be so great, called hump Us.

593
00:48:55.039 --> 00:49:00.039
They all still have cloven hoofs and
long claws. Yeah yeah, hump

594
00:49:00.159 --> 00:49:07.760
us. All right, I terrible, Okay, I've got one. I

595
00:49:07.920 --> 00:49:12.480
think that people have seen the Nutcracker
for far too long. But there is

596
00:49:12.480 --> 00:49:17.119
a new holiday musical that you can
see and it's called It's it's very percussive.

597
00:49:17.400 --> 00:49:21.119
There's a lot of a lot of
beats in it, and it's called

598
00:49:21.280 --> 00:49:30.079
cromp I get it. Yeah,
yeah, I see what. I see

599
00:49:30.119 --> 00:49:35.199
what you were trying to get done. They take the the birch baskets off

600
00:49:35.239 --> 00:49:37.079
the back. Yeah, they tie
them to their feet and plays start going

601
00:49:37.159 --> 00:49:44.440
clump. Their sticks are are birch
switches. Awesome, and your admission is

602
00:49:44.599 --> 00:49:46.639
free. If you just they're having
a child drive, just bring a kid,

603
00:49:49.039 --> 00:49:51.559
put them in the bin, Yeah, perfectly can. But if you

604
00:49:52.719 --> 00:49:58.039
yeah, it all helps, It
all helps. So that's um, that's

605
00:49:58.119 --> 00:50:02.519
you'll the you'll tiede and in an
a scary nutshell. That's what Christmas means

606
00:50:02.599 --> 00:50:07.519
to us, A scary winter nutshell. That's awesome. And crumpus Yeah,

607
00:50:07.760 --> 00:50:12.920
everybody, everybody make that a make
that happen absolutely, Yeah, spread the

608
00:50:12.960 --> 00:50:17.400
crumpas and and most importantly, have
yourself a very terrific christ moss. Yeah,

609
00:50:17.880 --> 00:50:22.079
have it. Have a happy new
Yeah, and you can have you

610
00:50:22.199 --> 00:50:30.079
can also enjoy a rock in Hanukah. Yeah, um, crazy quanza.

611
00:50:30.599 --> 00:50:34.079
Um, and I don't know you
tell me, Flora, what are the

612
00:50:34.079 --> 00:50:37.400
Wickens up to? I want them
to have fun? Well, have a

613
00:50:37.559 --> 00:50:43.920
yeah, wickens have a cool ule? Oh nice? Yeah, I also

614
00:50:44.039 --> 00:50:47.760
want you to have a cool yule. I'm not against you Wickens. You're

615
00:50:47.840 --> 00:50:52.559
not hot. I think they can
prove you wrong. Don't let me down.

616
00:50:54.840 --> 00:50:59.639
Wi. I'm I am in a
great situation. I'm in a win

617
00:50:59.760 --> 00:51:08.519
win because either I'm right or we
meet some hot wickends. Uh. Well

618
00:51:08.599 --> 00:51:13.679
played. Yeah, so that's I'm
doing all right. My Christmas is off

619
00:51:13.719 --> 00:51:21.039
to a great start. Make make
the Yule tide happy by visiting blurry photos

620
00:51:21.079 --> 00:51:27.440
dot org and getting to our Facebook
page and liking that. All we want

621
00:51:27.519 --> 00:51:35.440
for Christmas is reviews and likes.
Yeah, review us on iTunes, Radius

622
00:51:35.519 --> 00:51:38.199
and all that good stuff. All
us on Twitter, Blurry Underscore Photos.

623
00:51:38.480 --> 00:51:45.320
Yep, we actually have some feedback. I love feedback. Thank thank god.

624
00:51:45.840 --> 00:51:50.840
We have some feedback from our Alister
Crowley episode whoa, Hey, welcome

625
00:51:50.920 --> 00:51:54.440
aboard. No. I love it
when people start over or just start or

626
00:51:54.559 --> 00:52:00.559
just start period. Yeah. So
the comment that that we were left comes

627
00:52:00.599 --> 00:52:06.000
from listener Oliver, and Oliver says, do what they'll wilt does not mean

628
00:52:06.159 --> 00:52:09.760
do what you want. It means
follow your true will in life, doing

629
00:52:09.800 --> 00:52:14.440
what you're truly meant to do in
life in order to attain happiness slash love.

630
00:52:14.880 --> 00:52:17.280
People that are not following their true
will are miserable, but don't know

631
00:52:17.440 --> 00:52:23.079
why that's cool. He also says
also the Barbara Bush connection is a myth,

632
00:52:24.239 --> 00:52:30.000
and tell Dave number two that ac
Astir Crowley's name is pronounced Crowley.

633
00:52:30.280 --> 00:52:34.000
I'm gonna take issue on two points
here. Well, first of all,

634
00:52:34.400 --> 00:52:37.480
I'll finish. I'm gonna let you
finish. Oliver also says that he blames

635
00:52:37.519 --> 00:52:43.079
Ozzie for that for oh the Ozzie
Osbourne song. Well, there's what I

636
00:52:43.159 --> 00:52:45.760
take issue with. First of all, since when do the secondary day?

637
00:52:46.039 --> 00:52:50.440
When did that happen? Oh no, I get that that actually makes perfect

638
00:52:50.519 --> 00:52:53.440
sense. Second of all, yeah, sorry, I said it wrong.

639
00:52:53.960 --> 00:52:58.199
That's just me being um. I
don't even I don't even listen to Ozzy

640
00:52:58.280 --> 00:53:00.400
Osbourne, so I don't even have
that crutch to fall onto. What's too

641
00:53:00.480 --> 00:53:07.000
bad is that those are two mistakes
in one episode that you one you called

642
00:53:07.000 --> 00:53:09.960
yourself out on one that one of
our dear listeners has called you out.

643
00:53:10.039 --> 00:53:15.000
Well, I imagine that I could
make two mistakes in an episode without anything

644
00:53:15.079 --> 00:53:17.800
happening and whatsoever. I imagine there's
probably no negative consequence of that, right,

645
00:53:19.079 --> 00:53:23.800
but there is. Oh no,
we are instituting something called the penalty

646
00:53:23.840 --> 00:53:32.400
box. Oh no. Where have
we put the headphones on the offending podcaster?

647
00:53:32.880 --> 00:53:37.960
Yea? And the offending podcaster has
to listen through the headphones as we

648
00:53:38.119 --> 00:53:43.639
record. And because we're such a
ghetto set up, this does not bode

649
00:53:43.679 --> 00:53:47.599
well for said podcaster because there's such
a delay in what comes through the mic

650
00:53:47.719 --> 00:53:52.119
and goes to the headphones. It
is the most crippling thing. We mess

651
00:53:52.159 --> 00:53:57.639
with this every single time we're setting
up to record, because this part of

652
00:53:57.679 --> 00:54:00.719
your brain says, no, I
can overcome this. We your fractional second

653
00:54:00.760 --> 00:54:05.679
delay, but it doesn't. It
makes you incapable of speaking clearly. Side

654
00:54:05.719 --> 00:54:12.119
effects include prolonged vowel sounds and slurred
speech. Not joking. So, all

655
00:54:12.199 --> 00:54:16.760
right, I'm going in the penalty
box. Headphones are on. Okay,

656
00:54:17.159 --> 00:54:23.039
there there's a little bit yep.
Okay, I have placed the headphones on.

657
00:54:23.800 --> 00:54:30.119
I am in the penalty box.
You can't speak. David Flora is

658
00:54:30.679 --> 00:54:37.480
selecting your monologue from monologues for the
young actor. They just said, yeah,

659
00:54:37.519 --> 00:54:44.119
young actor, or the delay is
pretty good, it's pretty good.

660
00:54:44.400 --> 00:54:46.719
Yeah good. Let me find a
let me find a good one here.

661
00:54:46.960 --> 00:54:52.360
Oh man. But you know this
just encourages people to point out when we

662
00:54:52.440 --> 00:54:59.679
make mistakes. I'm fine with that, all right. Here's a monologue from

663
00:54:59.679 --> 00:55:05.360
The Glass Menagerie. Stecca will be
performing the role of Tom in this.

664
00:55:07.519 --> 00:55:15.599
What are you thinking, I'm at
honest, supposed to have any patients to

665
00:55:15.719 --> 00:55:20.280
reach the end of Mother. I
know, I don't know. It seems

666
00:55:20.280 --> 00:55:30.280
sounds important to you what I'm doing, what I want to do, having

667
00:55:30.360 --> 00:55:37.880
a little difference between them. You
don't think that. Listen. You think

668
00:55:37.920 --> 00:55:43.280
I'm crazy about the warehouse. You
think I'm in love with the condimentals shouldn't

669
00:55:43.320 --> 00:55:47.760
make is I sound drunk? That's
right, all right, you can come

670
00:55:47.760 --> 00:55:52.840
out of Thank god. Oh man, that is so hard to do.

671
00:55:53.199 --> 00:55:58.000
It makes you sound like you're completely
trash. It's it's true, that's but

672
00:55:58.239 --> 00:56:02.679
that's what happens now on that's the
horror of the penalty box. If I'm

673
00:56:02.719 --> 00:56:06.519
trying to stop too much. I'm
trying to speak now because I thought,

674
00:56:06.599 --> 00:56:08.400
like, what if somebody thinks no, they just got me drunk and then

675
00:56:08.400 --> 00:56:13.360
I had to record or something.
No, no, that's just having headphones

676
00:56:13.400 --> 00:56:17.599
on and that's the penalty box.
Thanks and send us, send us some

677
00:56:17.679 --> 00:56:21.519
feedback, send us something, get
us, get it. Keep the puns

678
00:56:21.559 --> 00:56:24.360
coming. Thank you, punters.
Yeah, keep puns coming. And if

679
00:56:24.440 --> 00:56:28.639
you if you have any suggestions for
anything you'd like us to cover in the

680
00:56:28.880 --> 00:56:30.400
in the near future, in the
new year, We've got a whole year

681
00:56:30.440 --> 00:56:34.719
of this stuff. Keep people.
So yeah, we're gonna we're gonna keep

682
00:56:34.760 --> 00:56:38.400
plugging along here like we do.
So for this episode of Blurry Photos,

683
00:56:38.840 --> 00:56:45.920
I have been the wicking loving David
Flora, and I shall remain the wicked

684
00:56:45.079 --> 00:57:00.079
skeptical David Stack up the