So I was trying to figure out where did I want to share this.
So this is kind of a crossover events. It's a Really I'm a Grandparent
slash fifty plus episode. Hi, I'm James Eugenius is jail Ja Media.
Fifty plus is one of my other shows that I do about being over fifty
and things that come up. So I think this this kind of works for
both. It was like, I was kind of I'm like, I was
gonna use one. I was like, no, this works for both.
So and of course if you're new to this other series, Really Am a
Grandparents about grandparenthood, specifically young grandparenthood and how that works in your life.
So these are two separate shows. Hopefully if you're a fan of one,
you'll check out the other. So I wanted to talk to you guys.
I wanna continue my my last grandparent died. My grandmother, uh died last
week. And so for some of you guys have reached out to me when
you shout to the Cool Grandpa and check out his podcast, The Cool Grandpa
Podcast out there on all streaming services. My buddy Greg, he pat he
sent me in an email and I was I was very nice and I feel
people reached out to me for my last so I talked about how complicate relationship
was with my grandmother and stuff, and I and I wanted to continue to
give you a little it's like almost like a part two, kind of give
you an update, and also about something something weird that happened. So I,
you know, I made the decision. By girlther By grandmother passed away.
She was ninety eight. We had a very complicate relationship. We were
not close at towards the end, but four years ago she was dying,
but she didn't she didn't die. I went to her and I sat with
her for three and a half hours and talked to her and kind of reconciled
my feelings for her, and and I did it as a remembrance of when
we were close when I was a kid that I wanted to honor that history.
So and there's there's just and there was things in my life traditions from
her that I practice to this day. So I thought that's something I want
to honor too, So I did that. Well. They announced after I
recorded the funeral as when this airs, the funeral will have happened a few
days ago. The funeral was happening. They had a date for it the
tim blocks of my house or whatever the church we went to growing up,
and I made a decision not to go, so I did not go to
the funeral. I'm not close to my family anymore, that side of the
family anymore, So there's nobody there I want to see, including my father.
We're not close at all. We don't talk gmoriationship or anything. So
I have no desire to see them. And my thing for going to funerals
is either to pay my respects and say goodbye and closure for myself, because
funerals are for us, not for them. They're gone already, for their
bodies just there, or to go for somebody who needs my assistance there to
kind of, like, you know, be their support. Everybody else going
has a as a spouse or a partner or whatever. They're fine. They
don't need me for anything. And again, we're not close. I thought,
I said goodbye four years ago, and I stick to that. I
have no residual fads. I said, we have a company of relationship,
but I have no I'm very proud of my stance and that I have forgiven
her for the things she did and didn't do and forgiven myself and need the
whole thing. I mean, I just like to let it go. That's
not a family. I have kind of just let go to the point where
if I run into on the street that's like hi, or if they message
me, depends, I may say HI, I may not depends. There
are a couple people in my family who've done nothing wrong to me at all,
just that we're not as lives. So anyway, my father and my
grant and my grandmother had five sons. My father is one of them.
He's one of the younger ones. But so I have four uncles that I
have zero leadership with zero. I've never mentioned them in thirty years. They
don't call or check on me or see how I'm doing, or check on
anything or anything. I'm doing a show, So some of you guys maymorry.
I know. I do a live show in the morning. It's called
JLJ This Morning Live. Check it out. Who's between nine, eleven,
nine and twelve whatever. I do it the more, and I do it
during the week or so that's on the weekends. But so do my live
show and my doorbell rings. I'm like, everybody, please hold for a
second. We see it with my door. I'm thinking somebody maybe drinking a
package or whatever. And I go to the door and I have a door
that opens on the inside, and I have a security gate door and it's
painted white, and I have some stuff on the door, so like my
friend Powart signed stuff, so I can't I can kind of see outside.
It's a little muted. Plus there was also a foggy day to day in
Los Angeles. We had rain, so it was a little dark outside,
and I see a man sitting out there looking down a piece of paper and
I go hello, and this person asks for Jamie or John Robbin, which
is I'm not Jamie. I'm Papa Jamie. Yes for the grandparents stuff,
but I'm James, and that's my brother. John Robin is my brother's old
name. He hasn't been that name in thirty years. So I'm like,
who's asking because I couldn't see it. And then that person looks up and
goes Joe. And it took me a second. I'm like, Joe,
whose Joe. Then he goes, I'm their uncle Joe. I'm like,
oh my god. So my father's oldest brother shows up my house during the
day. I go home, please, I'm doing a live show. Let
me end it. Stay right here, and I run the back. I
tell my people my uncle chose's to her. I have to go, and
I get off and and all that. So I'm dying. So I get
off and I go back out front. I invited. I invite a man.
I trumped the alarm, invite him in. We just were standing in
the living room and I go, I'm really sorry to hear about grandmother your
mother. He's like, yeah, I can't wait, you know whatever.
He just But the point is I have not been in front of my uncle
in like twenty years, and he's obviously he's in his eighties, much older.
Whatever. You piece of paper and each other, and we just get
so I'm not going to details we talked about, but just it was very
awkward. I don't think it was awkward. And he asked if I was
coming and I was like no, and he goes and that's my brother's coming.
I said, yes. So you're trying to find pallbearers. Now,
if you know what a pallbearer is, it's somebody who carries the casket insto
the church, carries it out to the church, carries it to the cemetery.
It's a whole process. And so I was like, oh, that's
interesting, long story short, awkward, like give me a hug. It
was like a weird hug bye and left and I'm standing there and this this
is what fifty plus thing comes in, because I mean, I'm fifty four
years old. I have my mother's side. I have one uncle, he's
my age, ironically, but I have no uncles or aunts, myand faith.
It's only one. But I have no notice and answer in that side
of family, no grandparents. This side of family, I actually have four
uncles and I have zero relationship with any of them. And there were times,
just so you guys know, there were times over the years I tried.
I had one uncle, it was in the same city and we saw
each other on occasion, and we see each other out and about and it
was fine. My uncle Tommy, I see him and he was fine.
But my other uncle's just there's never anything. ANSWER's funny me. There's these
lot men my last name and look kind of like me, and I have
noitionship with them, and that's what's funning me. And to this day,
as an adult, I go and that's when I go as you get older,
you start to look at everything and go, okay, my grandmother was
my grandmother tells about thirteen or fourteen, they had all changed. My uncles
were around. I was a kid, and that changed. This particular uncle,
Joe took me to see Avida with pay La pone in. I eighty
one to see a Vida and I was twelve. That's the last time we
ever did anything together. Like there was. They focused on other family members,
my cousin, my cousins, but never us, and our family stopped
getting together. And as no thing as you get older, unless you are
producing stuff, all the older ones started just start just started just not doing
it. And it was funny is I tried with some of my cousins to
keep traditions going, which is like maybe fifteen years ago before I came to
La, And also when I first came back, I was trying, like,
let's try to get together, and it just it just didn't work.
People were just not Some people came around. We had one things giving It
was kind of fun with a few of us cousins, but like it just
doesn't happen in her own orbits and people just don't want to bother or whatever.
So it just didn't. So I saw anybody, No, I did
try to have a family. I try, I tried, and the ways
I did it just didn't. It didn't work, and so I let it
go. Is there something about being over fifty. I was like, I
don't want to hold on this stuff from when I was a kid, A
whole on of stuff from when I was in my twenties, Like that's that's
a long time ago. I want to let that shit go. And so
I did for the most parts. And that's the thing for all of us
whore fifty. I'm like, so we got think about I said, we
got? We got almost like unload the luggage, unload the gas, dumped
the fuel, trim the fat. Where were all the sayings you want to
say? It's like, that's what's important because by the time we get to
this age more I'm more focused on the family I have. I have at
this point, I mean, I'm over fifty, I have and as a
grandparent, part comes in. I have two daughters, I have five grandchildren.
I do have nieces and nephews and grand nieces and nephews that are part
of my life. So I'm focusing on them. It's time to you know,
we have our own little traditions here and there and stuff. And it's
like I so it's almost fin. It's kind of like I traded one family
for another. That's a trip. And here comes the part of the young
grandparent. Part of this whole component is that, yes, a lot I
became a grandparent young, I came up, I was became a parent young
and a grandparent young. So now in now in my fifties, I'm be
able to enjoy because you know, my kids are grown, and I'm able
to enjoy my grandchildren. And some of them are getting grown and some of
them are just news. So it's like it's my world is as much different,
and I'm so busy trying to meet examples for them that I just that
I had. I almost I'm almost basically leaving my my grown up family,
my growing up to be growing up family behind. Now that the matriarch is
gone and my uncles to my knowledge aren't close to each other, we're gonna
scatter. But people gonna go to the funeral. Well they by now,
I said, are went to the funeral. They're gonna kiki ha ha whatever.
Good to see you, Good to see we should get together sometimes and
then it it's gonna separate and it won't happen into the next funeral. And
that's and I think once my uncle start to go, it's the only time
they're gonna get together. I don't know. I have no plans to go
into any mo uncle's funerals, or my father's or anybody. I have no
plans to go. I mean, we'll see how it goes. I never
you never say never, and they just I was not gonna say anything.
I just had no plans to. But I basically have kind of divorced my
family and I have my own and that's and I do feel freedom in that.
And I had no problem saying to my uncle my coming and and it
was but it was weird seeing him. I'd just say it was a weird.
It wasn't weird like I wish we were together, and it's kind of
It didn't break me down, just it was just like, wow, he's
old and kind of frail looking. He knows me. He didn't even ask
me how I was doing or what's going on in my life. There was
no conversation. It was I have a duty to I'm planning my mother's you
know, which I know it. Trust me. I know it's hard,
and I just went through this last year with my stepdad also, I know
it's hard, but there's still it's just like there's no like, how are
you feeling because your grandmother died? Like there's nothing. It was like he
was on a mission and that was it. And I was like, okay,
Scott, that that's and I'd have to let that go. So it
was a little weird. I went out and saw a friend of mine and
hung out with him for a while and had some laughs and some i'mthing okay
now and yeah, So the decisions I'm making for myself now in my fifties,
I stand by completely. They're well thought out, well thought through.
At this point, I'm not in pulsive person anymore. I wasn't when you're
younger, you're PULTI online pulsive anymore. So we're good. So I'm to
share that with you. Is the place to share it. Check out either
or both podcasts really I'm a Grandparent or fifty plus both where you get all
your podcasts at past your podcast is that I love hearing your stories. I
love when you reach out, Rate, comment, subscribe, share, all
that talk to you next time.