WEBVTT 1 00:00:03.160 --> 00:00:05.919 So I was trying to figure out where did I want to share this. 2 00:00:08.960 --> 00:00:15.800 So this is kind of a crossover events. It's a Really I'm a Grandparent 3 00:00:16.480 --> 00:00:22.120 slash fifty plus episode. Hi, I'm James Eugenius is jail Ja Media. 4 00:00:23.280 --> 00:00:26.960 Fifty plus is one of my other shows that I do about being over fifty 5 00:00:27.320 --> 00:00:30.120 and things that come up. So I think this this kind of works for 6 00:00:30.199 --> 00:00:31.679 both. It was like, I was kind of I'm like, I was 7 00:00:31.679 --> 00:00:33.359 gonna use one. I was like, no, this works for both. 8 00:00:34.000 --> 00:00:37.840 So and of course if you're new to this other series, Really Am a 9 00:00:37.840 --> 00:00:44.679 Grandparents about grandparenthood, specifically young grandparenthood and how that works in your life. 10 00:00:46.399 --> 00:00:49.200 So these are two separate shows. Hopefully if you're a fan of one, 11 00:00:49.240 --> 00:00:53.000 you'll check out the other. So I wanted to talk to you guys. 12 00:00:53.039 --> 00:00:58.159 I wanna continue my my last grandparent died. My grandmother, uh died last 13 00:00:58.159 --> 00:01:03.119 week. And so for some of you guys have reached out to me when 14 00:01:03.159 --> 00:01:06.920 you shout to the Cool Grandpa and check out his podcast, The Cool Grandpa 15 00:01:06.959 --> 00:01:12.400 Podcast out there on all streaming services. My buddy Greg, he pat he 16 00:01:12.480 --> 00:01:19.599 sent me in an email and I was I was very nice and I feel 17 00:01:19.640 --> 00:01:23.879 people reached out to me for my last so I talked about how complicate relationship 18 00:01:23.959 --> 00:01:26.879 was with my grandmother and stuff, and I and I wanted to continue to 19 00:01:26.879 --> 00:01:29.799 give you a little it's like almost like a part two, kind of give 20 00:01:29.799 --> 00:01:36.480 you an update, and also about something something weird that happened. So I, 21 00:01:36.519 --> 00:01:38.239 you know, I made the decision. By girlther By grandmother passed away. 22 00:01:38.359 --> 00:01:42.280 She was ninety eight. We had a very complicate relationship. We were 23 00:01:42.319 --> 00:01:48.519 not close at towards the end, but four years ago she was dying, 24 00:01:48.640 --> 00:01:52.560 but she didn't she didn't die. I went to her and I sat with 25 00:01:52.599 --> 00:01:56.920 her for three and a half hours and talked to her and kind of reconciled 26 00:01:56.920 --> 00:02:01.319 my feelings for her, and and I did it as a remembrance of when 27 00:02:01.359 --> 00:02:05.959 we were close when I was a kid that I wanted to honor that history. 28 00:02:06.760 --> 00:02:10.240 So and there's there's just and there was things in my life traditions from 29 00:02:10.280 --> 00:02:15.439 her that I practice to this day. So I thought that's something I want 30 00:02:15.479 --> 00:02:19.759 to honor too, So I did that. Well. They announced after I 31 00:02:19.759 --> 00:02:23.840 recorded the funeral as when this airs, the funeral will have happened a few 32 00:02:23.919 --> 00:02:29.360 days ago. The funeral was happening. They had a date for it the 33 00:02:29.360 --> 00:02:30.639 tim blocks of my house or whatever the church we went to growing up, 34 00:02:32.599 --> 00:02:37.879 and I made a decision not to go, so I did not go to 35 00:02:37.919 --> 00:02:40.000 the funeral. I'm not close to my family anymore, that side of the 36 00:02:40.039 --> 00:02:45.080 family anymore, So there's nobody there I want to see, including my father. 37 00:02:45.159 --> 00:02:47.759 We're not close at all. We don't talk gmoriationship or anything. So 38 00:02:47.800 --> 00:02:53.520 I have no desire to see them. And my thing for going to funerals 39 00:02:53.560 --> 00:03:00.240 is either to pay my respects and say goodbye and closure for myself, because 40 00:03:00.240 --> 00:03:04.159 funerals are for us, not for them. They're gone already, for their 41 00:03:04.199 --> 00:03:09.520 bodies just there, or to go for somebody who needs my assistance there to 42 00:03:09.599 --> 00:03:13.719 kind of, like, you know, be their support. Everybody else going 43 00:03:13.800 --> 00:03:15.199 has a as a spouse or a partner or whatever. They're fine. They 44 00:03:15.199 --> 00:03:20.560 don't need me for anything. And again, we're not close. I thought, 45 00:03:20.599 --> 00:03:23.560 I said goodbye four years ago, and I stick to that. I 46 00:03:23.599 --> 00:03:28.560 have no residual fads. I said, we have a company of relationship, 47 00:03:28.960 --> 00:03:32.759 but I have no I'm very proud of my stance and that I have forgiven 48 00:03:32.800 --> 00:03:38.240 her for the things she did and didn't do and forgiven myself and need the 49 00:03:38.240 --> 00:03:39.560 whole thing. I mean, I just like to let it go. That's 50 00:03:39.560 --> 00:03:44.240 not a family. I have kind of just let go to the point where 51 00:03:44.280 --> 00:03:46.800 if I run into on the street that's like hi, or if they message 52 00:03:46.840 --> 00:03:51.080 me, depends, I may say HI, I may not depends. There 53 00:03:51.120 --> 00:03:53.840 are a couple people in my family who've done nothing wrong to me at all, 54 00:03:53.000 --> 00:04:00.080 just that we're not as lives. So anyway, my father and my 55 00:04:00.120 --> 00:04:02.199 grant and my grandmother had five sons. My father is one of them. 56 00:04:02.240 --> 00:04:05.840 He's one of the younger ones. But so I have four uncles that I 57 00:04:05.879 --> 00:04:11.919 have zero leadership with zero. I've never mentioned them in thirty years. They 58 00:04:12.000 --> 00:04:14.960 don't call or check on me or see how I'm doing, or check on 59 00:04:15.000 --> 00:04:19.120 anything or anything. I'm doing a show, So some of you guys maymorry. 60 00:04:19.160 --> 00:04:21.040 I know. I do a live show in the morning. It's called 61 00:04:21.120 --> 00:04:25.600 JLJ This Morning Live. Check it out. Who's between nine, eleven, 62 00:04:25.720 --> 00:04:28.279 nine and twelve whatever. I do it the more, and I do it 63 00:04:28.319 --> 00:04:30.040 during the week or so that's on the weekends. But so do my live 64 00:04:30.079 --> 00:04:33.720 show and my doorbell rings. I'm like, everybody, please hold for a 65 00:04:33.759 --> 00:04:35.959 second. We see it with my door. I'm thinking somebody maybe drinking a 66 00:04:36.000 --> 00:04:42.319 package or whatever. And I go to the door and I have a door 67 00:04:42.360 --> 00:04:46.240 that opens on the inside, and I have a security gate door and it's 68 00:04:46.279 --> 00:04:48.639 painted white, and I have some stuff on the door, so like my 69 00:04:48.680 --> 00:04:51.680 friend Powart signed stuff, so I can't I can kind of see outside. 70 00:04:51.720 --> 00:04:55.720 It's a little muted. Plus there was also a foggy day to day in 71 00:04:55.720 --> 00:04:58.480 Los Angeles. We had rain, so it was a little dark outside, 72 00:04:58.480 --> 00:05:02.199 and I see a man sitting out there looking down a piece of paper and 73 00:05:02.240 --> 00:05:10.079 I go hello, and this person asks for Jamie or John Robbin, which 74 00:05:10.199 --> 00:05:14.360 is I'm not Jamie. I'm Papa Jamie. Yes for the grandparents stuff, 75 00:05:14.360 --> 00:05:17.199 but I'm James, and that's my brother. John Robin is my brother's old 76 00:05:17.360 --> 00:05:20.199 name. He hasn't been that name in thirty years. So I'm like, 77 00:05:20.839 --> 00:05:24.920 who's asking because I couldn't see it. And then that person looks up and 78 00:05:25.000 --> 00:05:28.079 goes Joe. And it took me a second. I'm like, Joe, 79 00:05:28.160 --> 00:05:30.519 whose Joe. Then he goes, I'm their uncle Joe. I'm like, 80 00:05:30.759 --> 00:05:36.000 oh my god. So my father's oldest brother shows up my house during the 81 00:05:36.160 --> 00:05:41.720 day. I go home, please, I'm doing a live show. Let 82 00:05:41.759 --> 00:05:45.079 me end it. Stay right here, and I run the back. I 83 00:05:45.120 --> 00:05:47.600 tell my people my uncle chose's to her. I have to go, and 84 00:05:47.639 --> 00:05:54.360 I get off and and all that. So I'm dying. So I get 85 00:05:54.360 --> 00:05:56.519 off and I go back out front. I invited. I invite a man. 86 00:05:56.519 --> 00:05:59.199 I trumped the alarm, invite him in. We just were standing in 87 00:05:59.279 --> 00:06:02.839 the living room and I go, I'm really sorry to hear about grandmother your 88 00:06:02.839 --> 00:06:05.480 mother. He's like, yeah, I can't wait, you know whatever. 89 00:06:05.519 --> 00:06:10.000 He just But the point is I have not been in front of my uncle 90 00:06:10.199 --> 00:06:15.480 in like twenty years, and he's obviously he's in his eighties, much older. 91 00:06:15.040 --> 00:06:16.800 Whatever. You piece of paper and each other, and we just get 92 00:06:16.879 --> 00:06:19.959 so I'm not going to details we talked about, but just it was very 93 00:06:20.000 --> 00:06:24.240 awkward. I don't think it was awkward. And he asked if I was 94 00:06:24.319 --> 00:06:30.800 coming and I was like no, and he goes and that's my brother's coming. 95 00:06:30.839 --> 00:06:33.759 I said, yes. So you're trying to find pallbearers. Now, 96 00:06:33.759 --> 00:06:38.560 if you know what a pallbearer is, it's somebody who carries the casket insto 97 00:06:38.600 --> 00:06:41.160 the church, carries it out to the church, carries it to the cemetery. 98 00:06:41.160 --> 00:06:46.240 It's a whole process. And so I was like, oh, that's 99 00:06:46.279 --> 00:06:51.600 interesting, long story short, awkward, like give me a hug. It 100 00:06:51.720 --> 00:06:59.680 was like a weird hug bye and left and I'm standing there and this this 101 00:06:59.720 --> 00:07:01.120 is what fifty plus thing comes in, because I mean, I'm fifty four 102 00:07:01.240 --> 00:07:05.480 years old. I have my mother's side. I have one uncle, he's 103 00:07:05.519 --> 00:07:10.279 my age, ironically, but I have no uncles or aunts, myand faith. 104 00:07:10.279 --> 00:07:12.160 It's only one. But I have no notice and answer in that side 105 00:07:12.160 --> 00:07:15.279 of family, no grandparents. This side of family, I actually have four 106 00:07:15.399 --> 00:07:18.839 uncles and I have zero relationship with any of them. And there were times, 107 00:07:19.319 --> 00:07:23.879 just so you guys know, there were times over the years I tried. 108 00:07:24.879 --> 00:07:28.600 I had one uncle, it was in the same city and we saw 109 00:07:28.639 --> 00:07:30.920 each other on occasion, and we see each other out and about and it 110 00:07:30.959 --> 00:07:34.680 was fine. My uncle Tommy, I see him and he was fine. 111 00:07:34.839 --> 00:07:40.480 But my other uncle's just there's never anything. ANSWER's funny me. There's these 112 00:07:40.560 --> 00:07:44.040 lot men my last name and look kind of like me, and I have 113 00:07:44.160 --> 00:07:46.920 noitionship with them, and that's what's funning me. And to this day, 114 00:07:46.959 --> 00:07:50.160 as an adult, I go and that's when I go as you get older, 115 00:07:50.560 --> 00:07:57.560 you start to look at everything and go, okay, my grandmother was 116 00:07:57.639 --> 00:08:03.399 my grandmother tells about thirteen or fourteen, they had all changed. My uncles 117 00:08:03.480 --> 00:08:07.360 were around. I was a kid, and that changed. This particular uncle, 118 00:08:07.439 --> 00:08:11.360 Joe took me to see Avida with pay La pone in. I eighty 119 00:08:11.399 --> 00:08:15.480 one to see a Vida and I was twelve. That's the last time we 120 00:08:15.480 --> 00:08:18.600 ever did anything together. Like there was. They focused on other family members, 121 00:08:18.680 --> 00:08:24.160 my cousin, my cousins, but never us, and our family stopped 122 00:08:24.160 --> 00:08:30.160 getting together. And as no thing as you get older, unless you are 123 00:08:30.720 --> 00:08:35.759 producing stuff, all the older ones started just start just started just not doing 124 00:08:35.759 --> 00:08:39.240 it. And it was funny is I tried with some of my cousins to 125 00:08:39.399 --> 00:08:43.639 keep traditions going, which is like maybe fifteen years ago before I came to 126 00:08:43.720 --> 00:08:48.120 La, And also when I first came back, I was trying, like, 127 00:08:48.320 --> 00:08:50.159 let's try to get together, and it just it just didn't work. 128 00:08:52.240 --> 00:08:56.159 People were just not Some people came around. We had one things giving It 129 00:08:56.200 --> 00:08:58.960 was kind of fun with a few of us cousins, but like it just 130 00:08:58.000 --> 00:09:01.720 doesn't happen in her own orbits and people just don't want to bother or whatever. 131 00:09:01.840 --> 00:09:05.799 So it just didn't. So I saw anybody, No, I did 132 00:09:05.919 --> 00:09:09.799 try to have a family. I try, I tried, and the ways 133 00:09:09.879 --> 00:09:13.440 I did it just didn't. It didn't work, and so I let it 134 00:09:13.480 --> 00:09:18.600 go. Is there something about being over fifty. I was like, I 135 00:09:18.600 --> 00:09:22.600 don't want to hold on this stuff from when I was a kid, A 136 00:09:22.600 --> 00:09:24.399 whole on of stuff from when I was in my twenties, Like that's that's 137 00:09:24.440 --> 00:09:28.679 a long time ago. I want to let that shit go. And so 138 00:09:28.799 --> 00:09:31.399 I did for the most parts. And that's the thing for all of us 139 00:09:31.399 --> 00:09:33.840 whore fifty. I'm like, so we got think about I said, we 140 00:09:33.879 --> 00:09:41.360 got? We got almost like unload the luggage, unload the gas, dumped 141 00:09:41.399 --> 00:09:43.159 the fuel, trim the fat. Where were all the sayings you want to 142 00:09:43.159 --> 00:09:48.080 say? It's like, that's what's important because by the time we get to 143 00:09:48.120 --> 00:09:52.960 this age more I'm more focused on the family I have. I have at 144 00:09:52.960 --> 00:09:56.639 this point, I mean, I'm over fifty, I have and as a 145 00:09:56.679 --> 00:10:01.159 grandparent, part comes in. I have two daughters, I have five grandchildren. 146 00:10:03.200 --> 00:10:05.519 I do have nieces and nephews and grand nieces and nephews that are part 147 00:10:05.559 --> 00:10:11.320 of my life. So I'm focusing on them. It's time to you know, 148 00:10:11.399 --> 00:10:13.639 we have our own little traditions here and there and stuff. And it's 149 00:10:13.679 --> 00:10:18.200 like I so it's almost fin. It's kind of like I traded one family 150 00:10:18.320 --> 00:10:22.320 for another. That's a trip. And here comes the part of the young 151 00:10:22.360 --> 00:10:26.039 grandparent. Part of this whole component is that, yes, a lot I 152 00:10:26.080 --> 00:10:28.600 became a grandparent young, I came up, I was became a parent young 153 00:10:28.600 --> 00:10:33.600 and a grandparent young. So now in now in my fifties, I'm be 154 00:10:33.600 --> 00:10:37.919 able to enjoy because you know, my kids are grown, and I'm able 155 00:10:37.919 --> 00:10:41.200 to enjoy my grandchildren. And some of them are getting grown and some of 156 00:10:41.240 --> 00:10:46.039 them are just news. So it's like it's my world is as much different, 157 00:10:48.360 --> 00:10:52.279 and I'm so busy trying to meet examples for them that I just that 158 00:10:52.440 --> 00:10:56.519 I had. I almost I'm almost basically leaving my my grown up family, 159 00:10:56.960 --> 00:11:03.000 my growing up to be growing up family behind. Now that the matriarch is 160 00:11:03.080 --> 00:11:07.600 gone and my uncles to my knowledge aren't close to each other, we're gonna 161 00:11:07.600 --> 00:11:11.559 scatter. But people gonna go to the funeral. Well they by now, 162 00:11:11.600 --> 00:11:15.639 I said, are went to the funeral. They're gonna kiki ha ha whatever. 163 00:11:15.759 --> 00:11:16.720 Good to see you, Good to see we should get together sometimes and 164 00:11:16.720 --> 00:11:22.000 then it it's gonna separate and it won't happen into the next funeral. And 165 00:11:22.039 --> 00:11:26.159 that's and I think once my uncle start to go, it's the only time 166 00:11:26.159 --> 00:11:28.919 they're gonna get together. I don't know. I have no plans to go 167 00:11:28.960 --> 00:11:31.720 into any mo uncle's funerals, or my father's or anybody. I have no 168 00:11:31.720 --> 00:11:33.799 plans to go. I mean, we'll see how it goes. I never 169 00:11:33.799 --> 00:11:37.039 you never say never, and they just I was not gonna say anything. 170 00:11:37.600 --> 00:11:41.080 I just had no plans to. But I basically have kind of divorced my 171 00:11:41.200 --> 00:11:46.639 family and I have my own and that's and I do feel freedom in that. 172 00:11:48.000 --> 00:11:52.120 And I had no problem saying to my uncle my coming and and it 173 00:11:52.120 --> 00:11:54.679 was but it was weird seeing him. I'd just say it was a weird. 174 00:11:54.919 --> 00:12:00.000 It wasn't weird like I wish we were together, and it's kind of 175 00:12:00.279 --> 00:12:03.080 It didn't break me down, just it was just like, wow, he's 176 00:12:03.080 --> 00:12:09.559 old and kind of frail looking. He knows me. He didn't even ask 177 00:12:09.639 --> 00:12:13.720 me how I was doing or what's going on in my life. There was 178 00:12:13.799 --> 00:12:18.600 no conversation. It was I have a duty to I'm planning my mother's you 179 00:12:18.639 --> 00:12:20.159 know, which I know it. Trust me. I know it's hard, 180 00:12:20.159 --> 00:12:22.559 and I just went through this last year with my stepdad also, I know 181 00:12:22.600 --> 00:12:28.120 it's hard, but there's still it's just like there's no like, how are 182 00:12:28.159 --> 00:12:30.960 you feeling because your grandmother died? Like there's nothing. It was like he 183 00:12:31.039 --> 00:12:35.519 was on a mission and that was it. And I was like, okay, 184 00:12:37.000 --> 00:12:39.759 Scott, that that's and I'd have to let that go. So it 185 00:12:39.799 --> 00:12:41.879 was a little weird. I went out and saw a friend of mine and 186 00:12:43.000 --> 00:12:45.879 hung out with him for a while and had some laughs and some i'mthing okay 187 00:12:45.879 --> 00:12:52.000 now and yeah, So the decisions I'm making for myself now in my fifties, 188 00:12:52.240 --> 00:12:56.840 I stand by completely. They're well thought out, well thought through. 189 00:12:58.919 --> 00:13:01.879 At this point, I'm not in pulsive person anymore. I wasn't when you're 190 00:13:01.919 --> 00:13:07.639 younger, you're PULTI online pulsive anymore. So we're good. So I'm to 191 00:13:07.679 --> 00:13:11.399 share that with you. Is the place to share it. Check out either 192 00:13:11.559 --> 00:13:16.000 or both podcasts really I'm a Grandparent or fifty plus both where you get all 193 00:13:16.039 --> 00:13:22.440 your podcasts at past your podcast is that I love hearing your stories. I 194 00:13:22.480 --> 00:13:24.440 love when you reach out, Rate, comment, subscribe, share, all 195 00:13:24.519 --> 00:13:26.799 that talk to you next time.