Welcome to Softcore History. Hello, and welcome back to Softcore History. My
name's Jake Goldman. I'll be your host for this week. I'm joined as
always by my two co hosts, Dandrid Chester and Rob Fox. What's up
boys? Hello, Hey guys. Hey, we got a really sporty looking
Dan Rechester today. Guys, I don't know if you can see him.
If you're not watching on YouTube, you should be check us out on YouTube,
check out our channel, subscribe to that shit. Blondes just have more
fun. Yeah, Danny blond again should absolutely stay away from any protest about
Israel and Palestine right now. It doesn't even matter which side it is,
those people will be fucking terrified of you. It's like, maybe you should
go. I think I'm more racially ambiguous. You kinda are because I have
the beard bag. But the blonde hair makes a blonde blonde hair and the
beard. Yeah, so I'm like a gay Palestinian or a fucking like dude
who has like knockoff SS uniforms in his or just Portuguese. Yeah, I'm
just embracing my roots. Yeah, but that should just be you're literally bleaching
your roots. What are you talking about? I know, whitewashing away classic.
That's our show, guys. I mean that's Portugal though, that is
Portugal. That's very port and through. I'm going back to the Homeland in
December. So it's I'm jealous of all those countries that get off the hook
for their imperialism and colonialism because they just ain't shit now like Prtugal, Belgiumgium,
Belgium, like sorry, my people controlled the seas, right, Yeah,
we had we had a good, like two hundred year run, uh,
stunning two hundred year run. Really good one, one of the best,
one of the best. You know what I did this weekend? You
know I did today? Actually your episode that you're about to do, I
did that. Yeah, I did do that. But I'll tell you in
a minute. But first you should check out our patreon. Go to patreon
dot com slash softcore History. You get two extra episodes a week, two
episodes every week. Yeah, so we do this episode for the masses,
then we do two and we try to ring you in for our special boys
and girl. Boys and girl, there's two, there's at least two.
Well you could probably use the plural. Yeah, yeah, they're ladies.
A couple of ladies. The catalog's fucking huge because all our stuff's evergreen.
So it's not just that that too a week. It's just yeah, massive
hours and hours, hundreds of hours. But you're right, our demographics like
ninety four percent. Dudes, it's you know, I'm cool with it.
Ladies. Why do you hate history? Yeah? This is on you.
I'm gonna blame you. Yeah, I mean that's our spinoff show. Right.
We eventually just like catalog out, like like contract out, like Gabby
and Courtney or something, and it's soft core history. No, it's hardcore
her story. Yeah. Okay, we're going to the opposite way. I
thought you're gonna be like fully red Pill. Oh no, okay, that
seems to work though, but I will very successful podcast just being misogyny.
We can have a red Pill one too. Look, I i'm I'm I
want to be loose on the red I want to be like Disney here,
all right, I don't know everything, right, I want to spectrum podcast,
a black pilled podcast, a fucking clear pill, yeah, a fucking
all the pills pill, yeah, every pill. I want a pharmaceutical's cabinet
of all the history podcasts. Yeah. Yeah, but it's weird. I
don't think we fall under any umbrella of those. No, we pissed off
red hats, we pissed off, we pissed off everybody really confederates, uh,
libs, libs, everyone really fucking Normalso I really am just like when
someone like if you told me, if you came up to me and you're
like, dude, someone got pissed off about something you guys said on the
podcast, I'd be like, where who which one? Which which? Yeah?
What corner was it? Because we were we were factually an accurator.
We said something mean, which one was it? So so different, there's
so many points of failure for us. I am only upset if we pissed
somebody off because we're not funny. Yeah, that's the only thing I can
It's like, if this is not entertaining, if we don't, you know,
get you through that hour, mute, then I apologize. That's that's
the only time I will apologize. Yeah. But what I did today,
I actually did a foraging class today. What I went foraging in the woods?
Why do you have to take a class? Why are you LARPing as
a truffle pig? I won? I was not foraging for fun. Guy,
So I was not LARPing. You're a squirrel, Yes, I was
LARPing as a squirrel, a squirrel boy, that's right. In the rain,
I spent two hours just picking plants and eating them, not just that
somebody had to teach you how to do so. Yeah. Yeah, you
know why because when people self teach that ship they die in a bus like
an asshole. They die in a bus like an asshole. Rule Number one
of forging is lets someone that's written a book about it teach you how to
do it. Like well, except for that guy on the bus. He
was right now, I want you to refer to me as Supertramp now,
not dragon anymore, just super Tramp. Why in his honor? Oh right,
right right? Yeah? Yeah, the boy, our boy from memory.
I mean, I'm of the belief that anyone who calls himself an auto
di deck deserves to die. But if you believe you're an auto did act
up specifically about mushrooms? Yeah, then no. We asked the guy that
was teaching, were like, oh, we're gonna learn about mushroom shoes.
Like, dude, that's just a whole different ballgame, Like do you think
as he was dying on that aisle of road, that that that row of
bus seats like a fucking mile away from a road. He was tripping a
little bit. Yeah, was there like a silver lining? Yeah, I
mean you you get the d MT hit from death and then b oh,
dude, the ultimate release the fucking whatever that that death. Oh, we're
getting really close to topicle right now in this conversation. The death trip's gonna
be sick because it's just the afterlife. Yeah, it's just all the d
MD in your brain gets released. The problem is you have no concept of
time when you dream, and that is the after life, so can theoretically
last forever. Yeah. The problem is if your state of mind is shit,
you gotta have a positive mind. You really gotta be positively. You
only go to hell if you're just a pessimist. If you think you're going,
you're going. And we've addressed this pessimism. It's just covering up for
a lack of intelligence. Yeah. Basically, hey, I'm again, most
positive dude here. He is. He's more positive than anyone. He can
shirt I'm wearing right now. You know, you're just a tennis ball of
a person today. Okay, pretty much Yeah, it's the schizophrenia. Oh,
that's we're leaning into that bit. Well, I changed my looks like
every two weeks. That's I mean, if you walk up to someone right
now and they're like, hey, I'm a schizophrenic, they would believe you
because people that aren't don't say that. It's also the one disorder that nobody
really claims yet. No one's got that one. No one's like a bipolar
and stuff. Yeah, I'm like self diagnosed bipolar. I'm an autodij act.
In psychology, there's influencers that are like, they have tourets and they've
convinced like a decent size of the population that they have tourets. Yeah,
and obviously everyone stole my valor a long time ago. ADHD. Yeah,
Oh, ADHD was like the nineties. Uh on the spectrum, I don't
want to There's a big part of me that's like, Okay, maybe you
do have AAG and you just weren't diagnosed as a kid or whatever. But
look, if you didn't get told you had ADHD when you were in grade
school and genuinely believe you were mentally retarded, because that's how people thought about
ADHD back then. If you didn't know anything about it or anything. Then
you didn't really wouldn't know anything about it, Rob, because they would separate
me from my classmates and take me to the trailer out back trailer kid reading
comprehension. Yeah, I became a professional writer, that's right. I had
to. I had to take special reading classes when I was in first grade
because I was behind. I got put into so this was like fourteenth grade.
Okay, yeah, fourth what college. That's like halfway through college too.
It's right behind the math and physics building. Had to go to this
like little trailer. That's great. Yeah. I didn't have f GAT scores,
so I went into public school. So they thought I was stupid.
They thought I'd just had zeros in my standardized tests, so they put me
into remedial. Just get that. Just get that fucking GPA, bro.
Standardized testing is probably the downfall of education. All the school funding is through
the schools is too well, well, you're talking about no Child Left Behind.
Yeah, that's like a relatively new well twenty years at this point.
But it pissed It always pissed me off because my best subject, the topic
of this show, history never covered, not on any standardized test. You
know why, because no one gives a fuck if a factory worker knows about
the Roman Empire. Dude, guess so, man, Yeah, no,
it's your curriculum is based around industrialization. It has been for way too long.
But we're not talking about all that. I'm saying now that we're in
a consumer economy, let's consider shoving history in there, yeah for sure,
and taking out man. Science should not be reading or it should be content.
It should be the content industrial complex. Yeah. Yeah, take out
science like you don't because it's like there's a chemistry and biology question that you
just don't even But also, what are you gonna do with that? What
do you do with a photon? What are you gonna do? We were
moving away from the society of doctors and electric electrical engineers and all that,
and I just kind of lean into it. Guys, let's just all be
Internet creator. We are part of that. I would probably prefer that before
I die at some point, a robot takes over the prostate exams I have
to have for the rest of my life starting in three years. Why don't
you just shove that microphone up your ass? Same thing. We do it
every fucking Sunday, don't we Oh yeah, okay, all right, So
today I was reading kind of I wanted to get into like mushroom trips and
stuff like that, and I was like, that's a little playing out.
Started diving around into different historical topics and one came up that I read about
a long time ago I wanted to get reacquainted with, and then it just
went down a really big rabbit hole. Today we're talking about mystery cults from
antiquity. Mystery cults are religious schools that were primarily based on secret knowledge that
have been around different parts of the world for thousands and thousands of years.
They had mystery cults in Egypt, Greece, Rome. Some of them were
just like sort of like inner circle religious stuff, right. Oh no,
these were like prominent religions in uh like but where they're like religions within religions
is what I mean. Yeah, there were. We're gonna like the most
famous one, we'll talk about a little bit later is the Elucinian mystery school
or mystery cult that was pretty much the most prominent religious group from like sixteen
hundred BC until like four hundred A d what a run, dude, it's
like a two thousand year run. That doesn't get talked about a lot,
dude, But it's actually one of the most interesting things we'll talk about today.
Meanwhile, we talked about is Heaven's Gate. Those guys lasted like twenty
years. They hadn't they still around? There's one guy he was one guy
hung back and wrote to tell everyone about how to tell their tale. Yeah,
he manages like the website. They can they interview that guy like regularly.
What a gig? He's like, yeah, I didn't do the thing.
He's the spartan that left. Didn't They all castrate themselves? A lot
of them did a lot of them castrated themselves. We can do it,
you know, old fashioned. Hold on, you know what I'm not going
to tell you. I'll do that episode for the Patreon in a few weeks.
Technically, castrating yourself with a nice knife is chemical castration. You have
to bind those metals, fold the steel and everything's organic. Everything's chemistry.
If it's carbon based, it's organic, right, Ones and zeros. Really,
hey, maybe we shouldn't get rid of chemistry guys. But uh yeah.
They were most known for their influence in the Greco Roman world during the
transition into the Christian era, and they did last for about two thousand years
in prominence. So the most commonly motel now Christian or like into like,
so the transition from pre Christian era to Christian era, that was like the
prominent thing. Like I said, the Lucinian mystery school lasted from about sixteen
hundred BC to the fourth century a d. While the mystery cults are not
completely understood because of their nature and name they are centered around mystery, we
do know a little bit about their influence on the culture of the time,
as well as their influence on Christianity itself too. See. One of the
things we've talked about a lot, I think is pagan continuity in Christianity.
Yeah, so you know, hey, you gotta you gotta get these people
in. You gotta get them in the full Germans being like, oh,
well, we don't celebrate the solstice with you, o Jesus, we hang
a tree in a you a home. What if you're giving them too much
credit? What if they're just on original assholes the Christians? Yeah, that's
my entire episode. So you're on the right track. Christianity is a meme
age. Actually, it's it's it's Christianity is just like everything cool you've ever
seen on Fuck Jerry someone else made. But you're like, oh man,
I'm glad fuck Jerry poor roll together. At the end of the day,
we're content aggregators. We're literally doing that, rehashing stories that other people told.
I would actually argue that what coucked life. I watched sports all weekend,
watch better men than me, and then I come here and we have
money watching better men than me. That's how you beat the system. That's
like, that's how you that's how you get out of the tricks. It's
only I'm not the red pill. I'm not a cook. I make them
pay pay me to fuck my wife. That's right. Wait what anyway,
Early christian is a profit. Yeah, they that's a take home at the
end of the day. They always died and dash though in Courtney's like,
don't worry about it, and I'm like you just never you always say don't
worry about it, and you got to multiply your revenue streams, like you're
just a business. We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out, you
know, we'll figure it out. Cool, Yeah, it all out in
the wash, you know, in what the money? Yeah, yeah,
but you're washing money now. Hey man, what do you think this podcast
is? Haha? I knew you're holding back, not holding back anything.
We're actually way more successful than we tell Rob. Yeah, Rob things like
twelve people listening there and I have a jet pack. Yeah, we share
it. We're not that successful. Don't get your hopes up. It's all
fun, please please, But yeah, early Christianity was developing in a really
vast swath of diverse religions, and the reason for this was that people of
that period saw religion as a stabilizing societal force. It was really important to
them. It was also, like Hella localized. It was super localized.
Like it was like the same as like religion was like cuisine. Yeah,
it very much was. You also have to think about what the Roman empires
doing in this time period. They are getting everybody. Yeah, they're going
out and getting all the people. Yeah. Right, so the Roman empires,
like biggest expanse was about one hundred years after Jesus' death. Yeah,
so you see a lot of I mean that's definitely the biggest part. But
they're still growing. Oh and resurrection, shit, are you saying that Jesus
Christ was preventing the Roman Empire from colonialism. No, he wasn't anti colonial
He actually wasn't. Even he was like, dude, just let him give
Caesar what he wants. It's beside the point. Yeah. But in order
for the Roman Empire to become this juggernaut, Jesus had to go. Well,
he was in opposition of some things that I think people in the higher
ups of Rome probably weren't so cool with him being opposed to got to go.
Yeah, but yeah, no, I mean he was an imposing force
for sure, and then the Roman Empire was like, oh, we could
totally parlay this. Can you imagine what a headache if you're a Roman emperor,
Like imagine now, like someone goes to you know, the president,
and they're like, sir, we have a problem. There's this new religion.
People are weird, uh, and and it's spreading like fucking crazy.
It started in Alabama. He's really hurting our fishing economy. Yeah, No
of the fishermen work anymore. They just keep like it's he's like weird to
start to see in the absolute butthole of the country is where it's starting.
No, it's the Mississippi Delta. Yeah, and uh, everyone's converting and
they're weird. Yeah, they're weird as shit. Well it's only a Mississippi,
right, No, no, no, in Alabama, it's it's kinda
Louisiana. It's actually all the way up to Maryland. So wait what ye
what they brought somebody back from the dead. Weird We said about National Guard
and we killed everyone in Mississippi. But it just keeps spreading. Yeah,
it's really weird. They're all nice, strange, but yeah. Religion could
serve as a way to codify societal norms and a constantly shifting power structure of
like you know, these people rule me, now these people rule me like
so that was an easy way to, like in a local sense, just
like hey, we're all gonna agree to your baseline. Yeah, this is
the thing we do. Yeah. It was also being used to answer questions
that all humans have had about life and death. Of course that's not anything
new, And it was also a tool for how we could think in philosophical
terms, like there's like a platonic religion right of philosophy, and it's more
about it's not about like you know, God and all that stuff. It's
more about how we doesn't really deal with the supernatural. Yeah, it's more
of a philosophy, but also a religion in a way too. Yeah,
the time, while Christianity would kind of take care of all these things with
one doctrine and you know, get all that shit under one umbrella. That
took a lot of time to develop and it was a really laborious process of
getting all that to work right. So today's episode, we're gonna be taking
a look at some of the more prominent mysteries of the mystery schools and how
they shape the culture then as well as now. And we're also going to
talk about the connections and myth across mystery schools and Christianity. Whether you find
the comparisons like interesting or sacrilegious. I think the Three Life well, let
me just stop you there. Yeah, I assume it's sacrilegious. I'm sure
it's sacrilegious. Now it's gonna infuriate me. Yeah, no, it don't
make me angry. I know. I'm waiting for you to just say no,
no, that's not right. No, actually that didn't happen. No,
so I'm waiting for it. Well, Jake, I have a special
guest. Actually, Jesus Christ. It's Georgio. He's coming in to teach
you about everything you have wrong in your podcast. Just the one time we
had him all that a respute an episode and he's like, oh, can
you remember when he did? That's like I didn't read I didn't read that
party. He came with more knowledge. Georgio just knew everything about resputing.
He actually is resputing. He might be, he could be. But yeah,
so, like I said, you might find the comparison sacrilegious, but
I think the three lines in the comparison of myth to Christian law speak to
how Christianity is just a powerhouse when it comes to marketing and adaptability. Like
Christianity doesn't exist because it was just like, yep, that makes sense.
What do you think built the Vatican hugs No, it's the most adaptable religion
of all time. They're like, no, whatever works, get in,
get in the car, bring it in. Yeah, you know, the
Pope went around and he's like silver lad, Yeah, he's the Pope was
really like Pablo for a while. No one knows that there's kind of like
a new funny rift. I don't think it will ever happen, but I
read something the other day that like American bishops in particular have become kind of
like some of the more conservative in the Catholic Francis just had to get rid
of a guy really in the States, not for diddling, not for diddling.
I think he was just going against the being a dick hole. Yeah,
asshole. Yeah, because Francis will be Pope France will say sha,
like transgender people go the hell, but we should be nice to them.
That's up bishops like no, no, imagine that though, right, what
a take that would infuriate almost everyone else, but like that's pretty good for
Catholicism. Of like, hey, you gotta be googe. You're working at
like a home depot and you're in I don't know, like the paint department,
and all of a sudden, the CEO of home depot fires you because
it was like listen, you little fucking shit, just because they don't know
the difference between Bear and Sherwan Williams and they're confused about it. That's notes.
I mean, you can yell at them in the store and you have
that in your back pocket, that card I got fired by the Pope.
Yeah, it's like that one girl that was a TFM girl back in the
day. I believe the Pope's account liked her photo. She's a thoughtie and
at Pontifix, Yeah, she gotta like from aix from Francis. That's the
Pope. That's the papal account at It's like at Potus, that's just in
her bio. Now it's just the Pope's favorite. That's that's I would take
that glorious look. Man, when you're a bouncer at an argenty nightclub,
you're gonna like thoughts. This just happens Argent a nightclub in Buenos Aires.
Yeah, and this girl was right up his alley. This is the first
pope we've had that. It hasn't been a virgin from women in a long
time, at least eighty year. Even them were virgins. I think there
was probably a run. You think Benedict, Yeah, hondo p not to
youth. I also think Pope John Paul probably was too. Yeah, could
he could get it? And John Paul smoked some dude he got smoked.
Yeah, but then he finished it off. It's tree. He's like,
you didn't get me. He turned the other cheek and then pulled the trigger.
Pulled the trigger yeah, so yeah, back to the episode though,
a stroke for stroke. I don't think Christianity was even that radical for the
time when you start comparing theologies here. But it was just really fucking good
at assimilation on both sides of the street. Well, I don't think anyone
else was really trying to assimilate. No, that's the thing it was.
Everything is based on secrecy for the most part. We're gonna talk about it
well. And also again it was like localized. It's like, yeah,
you know, I'm a Roman, so I worship Jupiter, which I was
sold from the Greece. I'm a Greek I worship or whatever. But then
it's like, oh, but you're you are you know, uh, I
can't even think of that. You're a Carthaginian. So you worship whoever you
worship, you know what I mean. Like, and that's just how it
is, like you worship. It is honestly very similar like Jews being ethnic
and a religion like that's kind of how everyone was. Like every religion was
tied to like a region or an ethnicity. There was no there was no
goal to convert. That is a Christian and Muslim thing. For the most
part, I think maybe Buddhists were doing that too. I don't know.
I think Catholics are in some way, especially in the Northeast. That's a
culture. Oh yeah, well no, now Catholic is yeah, Irish Catholic,
Italian Catholic from but yeah. Much like Roman monoculture was the result of
Rome assimilating cultural aspect from lance conquered to its own culture in order to assimilate
newly conquered people, It's not surprising that a religious movement birth in that same
environment would be so adaptable in order to accommodate its own growth and evangelist stage
evangelization. God, that word, why'd you write that? I don't know
I wrote it. Actually, when I was writing that, I was like,
you wanted to sound what what do you want to say in spreading it,
spreading it, spreading it up, talk out? They spread it good
and yeah, yeah, but you know, like Robers just say a horrible
note to get from a teacher. Hey, you write like you talk.
Don't don't do that. Don't talk dumb, you talk like an idiot preaching
in the choir. My man a man like Rough said. Romans were being
influenced by the Greeks and the Egyptians and the Persians pretty much all the time.
The most important thing to remember about all of this, like I said
earlier, though, is that religion was all over the damn place during humanity's
turn into this Christian era, and people were pining for it. They wanted
it like they wanted it again, not just for like societal norms. But
everyone's like, man, I'm gonna die, and what's the deal with that?
What's going on? Uh? And there's a lot of religions that early
didn't sell themselves well. They're like, you have to be this because you
live here, and yes, there is an afterlife, but it's only hell.
Yeah, pretty much the mystery enjoy your this nightmare on earth. It
only gets worse after it's much worse. This is the best part. Yeah,
No, the mysteries actually did a good job of quelling people's fears about
dying. And we'll get to that soon. But yeah, the thing that
I found most of the like, but make shit, but don't kill yourself.
Don't do it. I think that's in that's a joke in the invention
of lying. That movie kind of sucks, but kind of. I never
saw it, but I read the script when you're younger and you watch it
for the first time. I'm sure it held up it when we were in
college, when you're first testing this like thought in your head, it's like
it's like low tier satire. Yeah, pretty much. But yeah. I
think the most interesting thing though, too, is because there's so much widespread
religion, there's multiple religions that people have at the same time. So mystery
religions were just one type of three types of Hellenistic religion in the era,
the others being there was an imperial cult of course. Yeah, You've been
doing a lot of these kind of you know, off the beaten trail religions
recently, and I just need, like I'm wondering everything good at home?
Are you just kind of like in the midst of a midlife crisis you don't
really know your purpose? Like are you do you know what I'm trying to
do, like in the future, have your own cult? Yeah, dog,
okay, just homework, but you don't have the confidence for that.
Oh do you think I'm Do you think I'm the mouthpiece of the cult?
Are you kidding? You're the puppet masters? Back bro? You don't want
you don't want to be the David koresh Okay, I always forget you weren't
at his wedding, but at the ceremony he's been doing this sort of black
magic for a while. That he him and Katie join hands slit Wheeler's throat,
and then they had just dragged the dog away and they sort of like,
you know, did it in their blood, like you know, like
want made the bond and the blood. And then we get to the reception
and Wheelers just running around. It works that dog was dead. They made
everyone in the wedding party put a finger in the in the neck. There
was a dead dog. And then guess what, Then a dove popped out.
Then he was alive. All I'm saying is I didn't ask questions,
and I was pretty drunk, nor should you just tell the tale? I
was just like this, this is Florida, forget it. Jake's a magician.
What is a prophet to a magician? You know? Anyway? Uh
So, Yeah, during this time, a person could easily observe the rights
of the state religion. They could be an initiate and one or more mysteries.
You could be an initiated into multiple mystery schools as well, and at
the same time adhere to certain philosophical schools or your ethnic religion as well.
I mean that kind of exists in like Catholicism today and in other religions too,
Like there's sex within and I'm not talking about like Methodist, Baptist whatever,
like within Catholicism, Like we don't acknowledge those anyway. No, they're
protates are worthless. You wear genes to fucking church. Yeah. I actually
my wife always gets to rry me when I say that. And they were
told I told my wife about Saint Blaize last night because her mom was here
and they were talking about Catholicism and I was explaining the Hail Mary to them.
She didn't even know what a Hail Mary was. It's like, you
didn't know you're hail Mary. Yeah. I was like, hey, she's
like, you pray to Mary's it gives me pray to marry. So anyway,
she's the main Eventually, I was just like, I was like,
well, maybe she's like I just don't understand it. And I was like,
well, maybe you'd be more into it if the priests put on a
denim frock. We also just have the best architecture, like Gothic churches.
This is the this is the peaked. I can't walk into a strip mall
and think God's there. I can't. I need a gods not next to
t J Max. You know that is rock hard that I think can come
to life at any moment like a terrify O. And then like Michael with
the sword, like at it. That's religion, baby, that is it's
it's fear, it's the slight maybe yeah of oh no way. I like
uh, Jewish and Islamic architecture too. I'm a big fan of religious architecture.
Yeah, but a Methodism, baptisms and that giant fucking yeah dome.
Yeah it sick cube you walk around. Hell yeah, I would do anything
to go inside that cube. Oh dude, there's an Islam there's a meteorite
in there. I'll do that in prison. Yeah. Well. There are
actually a ton of different mystery religions. They very wildly in tradition and ritual
from mystery to mystery, but they all have the following four things in common.
So one all held that initiates shared in symbolic fashion, the experience of
the God. What that means, more or less is there is a certain
level of divinity to you and you are learning about. Typically, these these
mystery schools, there is a myth at the center of their teachings and you
would be kind of demonstrated through ritual what that myth was really about. What
I think is really fascinating as we go forward to is these mystery school rights
and rituals and things like that are one thousand percent the basis for every Greek
letter organ I was about to say this sounds like my first pledge pledge ed
mating. Yep, it is. It is one thousand percent. How'd you
guys react when you saw the robes for the first time? Oh, like
when you you're going rich robes. Yeah, I was like, fucking hey,
I'm almost done. I know how long it was gonna be. But
I was like, I know the robes that color with a row. We
had different colors. We had like black, purple, and yellow, I
think depending on what we had purple, I think we had read and then
we had one white. Oh really that was the first person you see?
Oh so not a great impression. Not a great firstpression. Probably not.
Uh it's a guy to white hood. No, not your favorite site.
No, weird? What did I join, but yeah, number two all
had secret rights for the initiated. Three, all offered some sort of mystical
cleansing from sin or rebirth from a prior state, and for all promised a
happy future life for the faithful that we're initiated into. It is frats.
It's frats. It's frats. But like, there's a time with mushrooms,
right, Oh, we'll get there. Okay, we'll get there. It
makes more sense though, when you are on mushrooms because you think you are
God. Yeah. Yeah, Now when we get to the mushroom talk,
you know, we don't know. I don't fully understand how you can have
a negative reaction or experience on mushrooms, a bad trip, Like your ego
is so inflated. What if you just hate yourself? I guess yeah I
do. But I'm still I think. I think the people that have a
bad trip are integrating things that they aren't happy about, and that takes a
lot of personal work. Dog. Yeah, do you know how much is
wrong in my life right now? Yeah? But I mean, like I
still think I am the creator when I'm on mushrooms. I don't know if
you're using them right or you're using them exactly right. What are the other
Yeah, the people always talk about ego death, no ego growth. Yeah,
Dan's egos so big now. But yeah, there's also a very clear
theme that will be in apparent a lot of these mystery cult teachings. See
if you can spot it as they go through them. But I just want
to make a real quick note too. When I was doing this research,
I found a paper that was written at Stanford that kind of kind of went
deep in all of these and how they influenced Christianity. It's like, oh,
man, this is like Room is written in nineteen between nineteen forty nine
and nineteen fifty. I trust that then and like modern day Stanford. I
was like, man, these guys like a really good writer. This kid
like I didn't realize what the paper was from, and so I scrolled back
up to the top. It was Martin Luther King Junior that wrote it.
Oh, so he has like an entire like thesis on these mystery schools and
Stanford. No, he wrote this after graduating from Howard in his time at
Seminary School and the University of Pennsylvania. But the King Institute is at Stanford.
I was gonna say, would they let him in Stanford in the forties
if anywhere? Yeah, Jackie Robinson was playing at ECLA in the forties.
Yeah, but I mean MLK isn't hitting dangers well and he Jackie was a
two sport athlete. There's video of Jackie playing in the Rose Bowl. That's
crazy. I love that for him. But yeah. The first mystery school
we're gonna get to is the cult of Sibley and Attis. I'm sure all
MLK had to do was throw a ball over forty yards and they're like,
all right, you can come in. Holy shit, they barely want a
black guy to play quarterback. Now, who said anything about quarterback? Where's
he still talking about baseball? Oh? I think well he said forty yards.
Yeah, that's how little I think of the athlete. Uh yeah,
So we'll keep going. The cult of sibyly and Addis, it's a cult
centered around a myth. The cult of Sibylian Addis could have easily influenced the
thought of early Christians. We can trace its origins till likely around the sixth
century BC UH and having a pretty prominent influence on religion in general into the
second century AD. The Mystery religion is anchored around the myth of Addis and
Sibley. Addis was a shepherd, the son of Sibylly, who is considered
the Great Mother, who gave birth to him without union with mortal man.
Virgin birth to a shepherd, a shepherd born of virgin birth. Okay,
we I mean Jesus wasn't a shepherd, but yeah, virginal, but are
still a shepherd for origin? Birth is just like such a layup, low
effort miracle. Oh baby, no even fucked her. Yeah we are all
people were using that excuse throughout time. Yeah yeah, so it's like,
oh yeah, town had its eighth miracle this month, another pregnant Jack and
no one fucked He's crazy man Saturday. Now, yeah, we get all
these miracles babies every time. But yeah. According to the myth, Addis
died either he was slain by another man or he killed himself, and at
the death of Addis, Sibilly mourned until he rose to life again in the
springtime. The central theme of the myth was the triumph of Addis over death,
and the participant in the rights of the cult undoubtedly believed that his attachment
to the victorious deity would ensure a similar triumph in his life over obstacles and
ultimately the fear of death. So a lot of these are going to be
centered around getting over the fear of death too, in order to live a
better life, because death is inevitable. I like to like, so,
oh, you're about your cult about a guy who beat death, So that
if I'm in it and I'm gonna beat death, is like, no,
we'll care about it anymore. Oh, you'll beat it, but we'll get
more into that nag death, the Elucinian mystery, will get way more into
why it's like that all right? If it's offered, would you upload your
consciousness? No? Zero percent chance. Uh, it would just depend on
what was going on in my life. Yeah, if I was like really
sad, maybe it depends. You know, how successful your kids are.
Yeah, Like, if they're giant pieces of shit, just kill me.
But if they succeed, if they actually, you know, overcome all the
obstacles, all these things that are set in front of them because you're their
dad and they somehow become successful, I think you should. No, I
would upload, I would see what I would see. It's up. I
just don't know if you it's really you, like you're not experiencing, well,
then you're deadway, I wouldn't do it like right now, I wouldn't
do it tomorrow. Yeah, but like terminal cancer dying seventies. Yeah,
there's gonna be a thing though whenever that that I think that is inevitable,
that concept. But it's gonna become selfish of you to not do it if
you like, they're gonna be like what do you mean, like you know
how, it's gonna be like why do you want to drive down car?
Dad was such a psycho, like he fucking just died. He just died
and didn't like leave any fragment of himself behin and for kids to interact with
at least leave like one of those Harry Potter paintings where if you die,
you just like fucking hang out there. And they'll definitely do it in a
way that it's just not for any like uh reason to have you around.
It's more just for convenience, like oh shit, Dad knew about this.
Conscious you're the Internet for your like your family history. Now yeah, well
yeah, Uncle Greg was kind of racist. I mean I think that that's
what we thought. But at that point, what you're in the middle of,
Like you've been you're now alive for like one hundred and you're like one
hundred and sixty hundred and seventy years old. You've been in the simulation almost
as long as you've been alive, and god knows how time moves or whatever
in the simulation. So they just like call you but you're in the middle
of a digital pan sexual orgy because nothing matters anymore. Yeah, just constant.
You're just putting your fucking doug. You're in a storage innit. Yeah,
and then just rip you out of it, Like, yeah, I
thought you were thinking it was saying it was like what was that upload,
black mirror upload or Ogah. Originally that's what I thought, but then I'm
like, no, this at the end of the day would eventually just be
for a convenience of others, the poor people and upload Oh yeah, where
they get frozen. Yeah, out of minutes for this month. Yeah that's
a nightmare. But back to sybil Y. Yeah, So this was such
a prominent story and myth that in Rome there was a festival actually every year
celebrating the death and resurrection of Attis. The celebration was held annually from March
twenty second to twenty fifth. Is that what the sex thing is named after?
A sibylists, I don't know. Actually, what do you mean the
little thing you ride? Oh, Sybyan Sibyan, Sorry Sibby, I don't.
I don't think it's spelled the same, Okay, yeah, damn.
On the first day of the festival, an effigy of Addis is fastened to
the trunk of a pine tree to signify him being slanged and hang on a
tree. Don't act all coy. You know what a Sybyan is? Uh?
You knew the name? I fuck up the name? I don't.
I do know what it is? The little like hump thing you sit on,
the little half Uh? Yeah, you're familiar with its work? Yeah?
If not? You know I saw burn after reading all right, that's
why you know it? That's why? Or Howard Stern or we have to
do Adam and Eve fucking ads on the main show now here though they don't
play that's two three. Yeah, not on our show. But yeah.
So. This effigy was later buried in a tomb a couple of days later,
two days later to be exact on March twenty fourth, known as the
Day of Blood, the high priest of the town would impersonate Adis. He
would draw a blood from his arm and offer it up in place of the
blood of a human sacrifice, sacrificing himself at the sword of well. Okay,
donating blood it's symbolic to the ground of Addis's sacrifice for man. That
night, the priest would go back to the tomb and proclaim it empty.
The God having risen on the third day from the dead, and on the
twenty fifth, the resurrection was celebrated with great rejoicing. During this great celebration,
a sacramental meal of some kind was taken, and initiates were baptized with
blood, whereby their sins were washed away time they were said to be born
again. Baptized with water. No thank you, but yeah, blood,
that's that's so HARDCOURTI it's pretty cool. Yeah it was. I always go
up when I was a kid. I would go up to communion and be
like, drink it, oh, drink, and like this is wine.
Oh no alcohol. Do you know what it's like when you're given wine and
you're told it's blood. I wantn't blood, bitch, It's just here respondible
to give me alcohol. Uh but yeah. In Gaul, Italy and other
countries where Atis worship was really powerful, the early Christians adapted the actual date
March twenty fifth, as the anniversary of the Lord's passion. We have a
springtime that's Easter. Yep, it's very much in line with like the early
celebration of Easter. Yeah, the Addis resurrection things. So also springs just
crucifying season. Everybody knows that. Yeah, you got out good lumber,
you know, not too hot, you can throw that cross up. Really,
the nailors and the lifters, it's you know, everyone's re energized.
Yeah, July and Jerusalem is just it's not the time. Great, it's
great for the hanging of them because you know, fuck fuck the criminals.
Yeah, but you just got through a brutal winner. Yeah. Spring and
sprung. Yeah it's nice weather, chopping down a tree, you getting to
tailgate a couple. Yeah, but yeah. The merging of the worship of
Addis into that of Jesus was pretty much combined without interruption. They were like,
no, we're doing this one. Oh, what a coincidence, that's
our guy. Yeah. But of note, the original ceremonies of the Attis
Resurrection were enacted in a sanctuary on the Vatican Hill, which the Christians would
take over eventually. And you know what they built there, I forget,
Saint Peter's Basilica is built on the Vatican on that rock. So the very
place where they co opted this ritual they built. I figured the Vatican was
built on the Vatican Hill. Yeah, it's a good guess. Yeah,
yeah, but specifically Saint Peter's Basilica. Super unstable foundation though, putting it
on a rock. Mm hmmm, it's fine, it'll be there for a
while. I think, you know, I just think it's an oversized boulder
that they just try to balance on. It's like a it's like a rock,
Karen, like the stacking stones you see on trails. There's just a
you know, beautiful basilica on top of it. No, it's an Easter
Island statue. It's just ahead, it's on one point, rolling around.
Okay. But yeah, so, uh, Doctor King. At the time,
I believe that, you know, that was very obviously the pine tree
that they would put the figeon was very similar to the cross process. And
you know the tomb. I think we all see the similarities there. The
next group of the three coincidences. Yeah, uh, this was happening way
before the Christian Yeah, I'd be kind of pissed off. If I was
nailed to a pine tree, I would not see this is no, you
didn't even make it into a shape like I'm not christ Like, I'm just
dying on a tree. The Lucinian mysteries, the ones I was referring to
earlier, This is the one I'm gonna dive really deep on. It's one
of the more fascinating things that we don't know a lot about, but no
enough to make it even more fascinating, especially considering it's a run of two
thousand years of revalence. Yeah, in the Greco romanet era, But the
basis for the mysteries can be found in the myth of the kidnapping of Persephone.
She of course was the daughter of Demeter, the goddess of agricultural Of
course, of course everyone knows this. Uh, and Persephone. I don't
even know why I need to say it. Yeah, yeah, you added
unnecessary. If this is a script and I was making edits, i'd be
like cut. Obviously, that's recondent. We all know who po Stephanie is.
Do you we all know who she was kidnapped by? No, I'm
just lying. I don't know anything about seven. Oh you don't. This
is like the classic uh oh, this is the classic Greek myth of the
seasons. So, uh yeah, Persephone's captured by Hades, the god of
the underworld. If you don't remember the story, which I guess you don't,
to meet her cost famine and drought across Greece, killing many and depriving
gods of proper sacrifice and worship. Oh, it's the gods who are really
hurt. And yeah, once the big guys started hurting, you know,
they're like, hey, Zeus, yeah, Zeus, can you make Hades
give Persephone back? Let's a trickle up famine, I believe. Yeah,
it was very trickle up. I didn't get a single goddamn lamb slaughtered in
my name? Can you can you chill about your daughter being in the underworld,
lady? So that was actually kind of the plot. Did you guys
ever read the original script to Gladiator too? Oh? Again, No,
I don't even really know how they're gonna make Gladiator two. Yeah, Well,
so the original script for Gladiator two featured Maximus. He had to go
back to Earth. Yeah, he was in the he was dead and in
the end of the world and the Christianity was like booming. That's pretty sick.
And the old is he there with the son though, because remember his
son got he does his son to Chris, his son or something some family
member is a character that he has to go back to Earth and deal with.
And but like he the in in the movie or whatever, it starts
with these in the afterlife and the old gods like Zeus and other people but
like Horus or whatever are like dying because no one worships them anymore. Yeah,
and he has to go back and like fuck up Christians or something.
I low key hope Gladiator Too is just the nephew of Joaquin Phoenix. The
little child grows up to be an emperor and is just a giant piece of
shit. He is in it. I think. I don't know if he
goes up championship, but I'm pretty sure that actor is like worse than his
uncle. Yeah, you gotta you gotta get a bigger bad his uncle dad
maybe thing, whatever that relationship was. I don't know. I think he
was trying to fuck his sister. Yeah, I definitely wanted to. Yeah,
it was very stated, but uh yeah. Basically, uh, Persephone
is allowed to come like Zeus like, haities, you gotta give Persephone back.
All the gods are hungry. And he's like, yeah, all right,
whatever, and he's like, hey, Persephone, before you go,
here's this fruit, this pomegranate fruit. Why don't you have a couple of
seeds from it? And she has, depending on the myth four to six
seeds, and the fates had decreed that if anyone eats in the underworld,
they have to spend a corresponding amount of time in the underworld for the rest
of their life. So basically Persephone for the four to six seeds had every
year had to go to the underworld for half the time and during that time
to meet her her mother mourns her her return to the underworld, and it's
basically the that's winner. It's winter, right. So it's a big myth
about the birth and death cycle of plants and animals, as well as how
that kind of trickles up into humanity, the life cycle of I like how
they need like allegory to explain it, like why does it get cold and
the plants don't grow anymore. It just does. It just does. Because
it's January. Get inside, it is so cold. Yeah, you want
to tell you a story, this is why. Yeah. But what's interesting
is that this is like, obviously that's a myth that I think everyone that's
you know, studied Greek mythology a little bit, is very aware of.
But it's the basis and like the foundational basis for the Elucinian mysteries. But
it's not like that's kind of the secret but not really. Yeah. So
the Elucinian mysteries were so prominent that for two thousand years on, there were
two kind of festivals they did. They did one it the beginning of spring
to celebrate you know, oh shit. Yeah, it's probably like a local
harvesting celebration where people just planted crops together and like got drunken stuff. But
it's September to signify the beginning of winter. This is when like the big
thing they did every year was so they had a giant meeting in Athens where
like up to three thousand people at a time would show up to be initiated
into the cult of or into the Lucinian cult. And it was like politicians
were in this, people of nobility were in this. It was the most
important religious group for that period. And basically what they would do, you
could only go to this thing one time in your life too, so like
they would have thousands of people show up every year, slaves, women,
men, free men, like, it didn't matter if anyone could go,
and they would never deny you even if you were a slave. They'd be
like, yeah, you can go to that. And they would basically go
to this spot I guess the Agora of Athens, and they would bring their
own sacrificial animals and kind of get ready for the festival to start. The
next day, they would go down to the sea with their animals, they
would purify them. Then three days of rest would happen until a certain date,
and then they would fill it up with even more initiates as people were
coming in. There's a process of there's just thousands of people cleaning their sacrificial
animals in Athens and getting ready for this. Then once everyone was ready to
Eleusian Eleucinian priestesses were kind of put into a procession. They'd lead them fifteen
miles to Eleusis, where the myth took place. And the reason why it's
eleusis is because that's where Demeter was like wreaking havoc. I guess in the
myth. But anyway, they get to this place called I'm trying to remember
the Telestarian, which is like the sanctum for this religion, and they'd make
everybody fast, and they'd teach them first the story of the Demeter persephone thing
that was like the lesser mystery, so you weren't really supposed to talk about
that, but if you no one really gave a shit, then common knowledge
is like, but they'd make them do this this other part. I think
the fastest solely because of the famine. Well, no, the fastest to
actually, uh it's to trigger a I'm not saying for this religion specifically,
but I think in general a lot of religions kind of had fast because there
was a lack of food. Oh, I mean, I I definitely could
see like a fast being like as a way to remember too that like,
hey, food's not guaranteed either, you know, it's symbolic of like we
know that. Sometimes I don't even think it's symbolism. I think it's straight
up, hey, we don't have enough food. To get through the winner.
If everyone eats every day, I mean, yeah, it could be
like you know, I think it's just logistic. It's like maybe it could
be representative to of like, hey, we're all giving up this one day,
so we have another day in the winter too. So stay woke because
all this intermittent fast and all these forty eight hour fast trends. Hm hmm.
I wonder why the feast trends we should bring that They want you to
eat bugs into the limelight. Yeah, they want you to eat bugs.
They want you to fast. Amen. Bugs are fine. Crickets are good
crickets, that's right, shall see eli. But yeah, so this like
explaining of the mysteries the first group and the charge of two hundred fifty bucks
for that reading. It is funny though that people are like, I'm never
reading a fucking bug. And then it's like, crack open a lobster.
It's a set delicious. Yeah, eat a fucking octopus. Yeah, which
I'm starting to get away from that. I don't eat octopus anymore. It
was good, But man, they're so smart. They're aliens. They are
so smart. I don't want their eating an alien. I don't want their
space ancestors coming down soon and be like, hey, where's all our octopus?
Oh shit, we went to Central Market. We saw what you did.
Well, they're just gonna rip Italy out of Europe and toss it into
space. Dude. Yeah, Italy, Spain pretty much the entire Iberian impendence.
That's why they gave up. Actually, Italy and Spain they're like,
our days are numbered? Do you see what we did to these things?
I don't think we eat enough smart animals because he the protein and octopus is
incredible. Oh dude, you think I don't need enough pig? Yeah,
pig, I'm sure you plenty of pig. But I think we need to
go even further. Dolphin, elephant. I want to some elephant right now.
Yeah, I want to eat. What do you eat first though?
In the elephant? Just some ass meat? Yeah, that's probably like for
the steak and stuff. But I think maybe you could make some great tacos
out of the trunk, you know, like you put the you you smoke
the whole trunk and then you just scoop out the meat. Then you can
make like ivory utensils out of the tusks. Well, use every part.
Yeah, yeah, you guys want to poach later hell yeah, always be
put. Apparently, when I was working at the hunting company I was at,
someone was telling me there's like an Austin poaching bucket list for like what
it's like, kill a like stuff like kill a dove within Austin city limits,
like just like during dumb season that's not really or like yeah, just
like random shit like oh, if you get a deer like on off BKA
Road or something like that. You know, so there's like a bucket list
for that, which I found like horrifying and hilarious at the same time because
it's like, eh, I mean, our friend Matt he would he told
me about how like the Rednecks and his fraternity would literally go to behind Miszoo's
basketball areno because there's like a woods right behind it and shoot deer guys that
is in the city limits. How do you think they solved the homeless crisis
here? That was a different bucket list. No, it's still poaching.
It's poaching. Actually poaching is illegal hunting, Yeah, yeah, this is
clandestinely legal. So the crag Abbott Mystery School, you're gonna drink a bunch
of loan start I'm gonna give you a rifle seven hours. What happens happens?
Yeah, uh, real quick, before we get back to proving why
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important note though, between the two mysteries, the lesser mystery, which was
the myth, and the greater mystery, which is so fucking fraddy, it's
ridiculous. They were given what is called a drink out of what was called
a kikion. Now this kikion is a sacramental vase. A lot of the
different like you'll see like the myths portrayed on these vases too, So like
you know when you see like the scenes on vases, they were drinking something
out of it in a fastested state before the second round. And the recipe
is so empty stomach, empty stomach, and the recipes water, honey,
barley. There's one other thing. I forget what it was. I didn't
write it down for some reason. But these or things, it's like,
oh, maybe there's some sort of like ergot things happening because it's water,
grain, honey, you're creating the fermentation process. They have found Ergo traces
in these vases as well, so they think it might have been hallucinatory,
like on an LSD level. But also someone had done some research and when
you switched the ingredients, like they were like, why is water listed in
a drink recipe? Of course water's in it. Yeah, you wouldn't list
that unless there's a reason for it. And someone figured out that the ingredients.
If you wrote them in ancient Greek, the first letter of each one
spelled out a word that was the hidden secret ingredient, which was a type
of mushroom. Oh yeah, so either they were tripping off of an acid
type trip or a mushroom type trip, is what the or both or or
both they were on LSD and mushrooms. Yeah, I mean, I don't
even know. They just leave that room and you're like, yeah, God
was there, and there's many gods. So one of the people that was
an initiate in this group was Plutarch, who was I believe a I want
to say he was a student of Plato, but I can't remember off the
top of it he was. He was very proud of the forgotten guys.
He was Plutarch, Plutarch Roman, but I'm trying to remember. Oh yeah,
yeah, sorry, Yeah he's a philosopher. But yeah, so Plutarch
talks about we should do an episode about the forgotten philosophers. Plutarch, there's
the Big Three. Plutark's B tier for sure. Oh yeah, I don't
even want be tire. I want like Z tier. You want philosophers.
I want dudes that were just hanging out in like one hundred he was taking
to sixth Street and find some Z tier philosophers. He was during He was
during when Rome ran Greece, but he was Greek. He was definitely not
a direct student of Plato. They were like about one hundred years apart,
was it. Aristotle was after Plato, and Aristotle taught Alexander the Great?
But was Aristotle like the total psychopath? No, that's the first one.
He was like the loo hobo Socrates. Yeah, yeah, Socrates. He
was like, well Socrates. Uh. They also think was an initiative.
This okay, and he they think one of the reasons he was like,
hey, you can either fuck. Like. The impiety thing that he got
charged with was because not only was he like teaching students shit that just wasn't
going with societal norms, but also he was giving up mysteries. Like he
was telling people like, oh good, this is what we do, and
like, hey, you never talk about ritual dog. It's just funny me
that the first of the three philosophers was like a man wearing a barrel.
He was just stinky. Yeah, there was another one. It was just
like a guy with the end is near and someone was like I must learn
from you. And then then they just kept going and it became school.
He's like the first person ever contemplate death. Yeah, that would drive you
insane. Probably, Yeah, I mean he was barrel guy. Right.
So there was also one of the z tier philosophers that died because he had
a really shiny bald head. I guess like eagles would drop turtles on rocks
to kill him. And so an eagle dropped a turtle on his head?
Was he the first person to like get conscious? He's just a wo Socrates.
No, I I think someone murdered that guy and was like, oh,
no, turtle, the turtle, the eagle did it. No,
he was murdered, right, He's put to death. Socraties put to death.
He could choose to either renounce his teachings or he had to poison himself
with a hemlock, which I learned how to identify today. So I don't
eat it because it looks just like fucking cares feed me the poison. Yeah,
he's like, I'll take the I'll take the hell. But yeah,
so these people, Plutarch talked about the actual initiation and basically he's like,
yeah, it was complete darkness. I'm losing my mind. I'm going through
hell basically, and then I see a divine light and it's fields of people
dancing and like partying and having a great time. So they basically, I
think what they did was they'd hold wink them, they'd basically just cover them
up, fuck with them, kind of like the Kyo Coffin thing. It's
like, you're dead. You're fucking dead. You're dead now, you piece
of shit. And they're tripping balls and they haven't eaten, and they've gone
through like a fifteen mile hike and they've done all this shit to yeah,
and then at the end they're like, and now you're initiated. You're a
brother now in this in this great world, and you've you've dealt with the
pains and the fear of death. You no longer have that as a barrier
for your life to be what you want it to be. And it was
so important that everyone fucking did this shit, like almost everyone did this shit
in Greece, so like it was a way to conquer the fear of death
in order to live a better life. But again the concept of being born
again was very important and it it kind of assimilates into Christianity a little bit
too, because there's this whole cleansing period. But the difference is it's secret,
right, and it's based on secret knowledge. I know there's a part
of Christianity too in its earlier years where it was also very secretive. Yeah,
and you know a lot of people believe that early Christianity was just another
form of a mystery school until it gained statewide prominence, like and became the
power, right that is. But another funny story about this specific thing.
The secret of the Lucinian mystery was definitely the drugs because one guy apparently had
dinner parties and like authorities busted it down. I think this is in like
three hundred eighties or something like that. They're busting parties for drugs and three
hundred a d. Not just drugs, the Elucinian drugs. Because he was
given out you were only allowed to do this once in your life, so
he was just like, that's the best start about life. He's like,
I gotta do this all the time. So he's having trip parties and people
are like, you're propagating the mystery and you're giving it out to whoever.
I believe they killed him. He was a noble in Athens at the time,
and that's a a go to playbook. Like last last week, I
was talking about the assassins. Yeah, Saba getting everybody high on opium.
Oh yeah, fucking in a garden. Yeah. My next note here was
literally, Yeah, it turns out giving people drugs is a really good way
of getting your message across. It's the best. Great assassins. Tell a
friend about this podcast and give the mushrooms before they listen. Yeah, absolutely,
or watch it on YouTube. We all know you're on them. We
all know you're on them. Okay, cool, Yeah, got them there.
But yeah, either way. Again, the story features the demeter.
Story is a story of descent and then you relive it as well as an
initiate. It's all about descending, dying on the cross, whatever you want
to call it, and being reborn with a sense of divinity and that you're
in touch with God in the afterlife. I mean, I think Catholicism has
a version of that, because if you've ever attended in entire stations of the
Cross, it was like being crucified. Not only was I there, rob
I participated. I was a Roman soldier. I have been an aultar boy,
in many decisions of the cross, which is actually I was not good
enough to be Jesus. Oh my buddy, got it not ripped enough.
He did die though unrelated Oh did he come back? He did not come
back? Yeah, unrelated totally. The last mystery school IM going to talk
about this is give me a longer episode is the influence of Osyrus and isis
So we're getting a couple of different spots. Yeah, Cyrus is one that
is like a big one that they always mentioned, like Judus the first But
that's the same thing, like like are we ted? Like I joked earlier,
it's like like it's such an easy, lazy miracle to be like,
oh it's a baby did did nobody? Fucker pussy? Like it's the same
thing with like, oh, hey but he died, but yeah he did
it. Why didn't Abel come back? He was a bitch? Yeah he
had it coming. Little probably little farmer boy bitch got the ship kicks.
Figured out the logistics of how the family grew. Seth. Well, yeah
there was Seth. There's an entire religion, right, there's no dude said
that I have DIBs on Seth. Okay, yeah, but it's really in
the gnosticism, So how many daughters do they have? Because are they just
fucking their mom? Like what are they doing? They explain that in canon,
don't they. I don't recall, but yeah, it's very explained,
like there's more than just canaan Able and Seth, and there's probably more than
Adam and Eve. I'd imagine, well there's Lilith and you know. Yeah,
but don't worry about that. Yeah, we won't. That's a whole
other episode. You should do that episode though, but yeah, you know.
The Egyptian mysteries of Isis and Osiris were revered not only in Rome but
in many other places where Christian communities were starting to get big. The legend
basically was that they were brother and sister and husband and wife. O cyrus
Is murdered, his coffin body is thrown into the Nile, and shortly afterward,
the widowed, exiled Isis gives birth to their son Horace. So Horace
is not depending on who you ask, like in this mystery school, it's
he's not of virgin birth. It's just the birth of a god. Right.
Meanwhile, the coffin washes up on the Syrian coast and becomes miraculously lodged
in the trunk of a tree. So he's again stuck in wood or affixed
to some sort of upright wooden thing. Right, it gets cut down and
made into a pillar in the Palace of Biblos, and uh Isis finds it,
so she scrapes up all of his dismembered body from the coffin and restores
him to life and installs him as king of the Underworld or the nether World,
whatever you want to call. It's kind of like a zombie Osiris,
Like he's kind of like depicted as like a dead guy. Yeah, he
is the he is the ethereal god. Yeah, at this point, and
then Horace meanwhile is a man now he just he becomes the rain on Earth,
like the ruler on Earth, becoming the third person. And we talked
about this last week on Patreon. Him and set go back and forth.
That's true. Yeah, they're a little tricksters. Yeah, trying to trick
each other and who can win with anal sex and breath holding contests five sex?
Yeah. Well well yeah, you said the right, but he was
just hitting thigh. Yeah, uh, but idiot, shouldn't you if you
can't tell the difference between a buttthole and thigh. And if you're a man
and you have come on your hands, you gotta cut him off. Got
cut off. That's that was that was realistic. But well, no,
you got to show your mom she cut him off. Yeah, I mean,
well you can cut How are you supposed to cut your own hands off?
You're holding all go to your mom and you said, bomb, my
hands are covered in jis if you think any of this is just us being
stupid, by the way, it's very much it's real story. Yeah,
it's it is Egyptian lore. But yeah, so the Egyptians really were the
first people to like kind of kick off the Holy Trinity concept of o Cyrus
isis Horus. Okay, but yeah, records show that there was a festival
celebrating this each year in Egypt, and it celebrated the resurrection of Osyrus and
also all of the dead. But also, if you think about it,
right, like you're starting a religion, do you really want to develop more
than three characters? That's a lot. I don't know how the Greeks did.
It's bad movie. It's just too many. Well, that's why the
Greeks, like the Greek gods and the Roman gods and everything. There's a
lot of like like Betier that you forget about because it's like they're all like
Marvel, right, they're all trash. It's it's the same thing like they're
like comic book superheroes. You have a lot of like lower level ones.
And that's why whatever stage they're in now for Marvel is awful. Yeah,
because you're you're really scraping the fucking bin. So it's the same thing with
Catholicism too, Right, You've got you got Jesus and God, then you've
got the big saints like Saint Patrick, Mary, Saint Patrick. Then you
start getting in lesser saints. I also told Corny last night our conversation about
Saint Blaize. So I just lie to her a lot, just for fun,
okay, and just to just to funk. We do that to us
too, so on this very podcast. Yeah, yeah, and uh but
but it I do that because then but I like to tell her insane things
that are true just to throw her off, just throw in a ranch.
Yeah. So I told her about Saint Blaze and I was like, I
was like, yeah, we have a patron saint of choking and she was
like, no, you don't, that's made up. And I was like,
google it, same place, Patron Saint of Choking, same place,
and she was like, I'm not googling it. It's fake. You're not
gonna trick me. It's the Ladies call Me in the Bedroom, same play,
just the patron Saint of Choking, same play as actually strengths as Wiener,
so they don't joke. That's sosaccurate. Yeah, but she googled it
and was furious because now she doesn't know, she's going to waste her time
on the front. But yeah, they celebrate this, this Osiris thing basically
at the exact same It was co opted into All Saints Day Are All Souls
Day basically remembering the dead was there ship on November first, and second it
was on the eighth, but yeah, it was beginning of November based Okay.
Yeah, there's also, uh, something that's kind of interesting about isis
this isn't dead ass months, so it yeah, it is. Isis is
likely to have a direct bearing on the elevation of Mary as a figure in
Catholicism as well. Isis had two capacities which her worshippers uh worshiped her for
the images they saw of her and represented her in one of sorrow for the
death of Osiris. So the weeping Virgin Mary is a pretty direct parallel,
right, and then the other of her nurturing her son Horace, which is
very similar to the Madonna yeah imagery, right, And it was so similar
the way those things were depicted that like archaeologists searching things in that time would
often have a hard time figuring out if they were looking at a depiction of
Isis or the Virgin Mary. That's wild. That's a little bit surprising though,
because well, people don't know when they I don't know when they split
off for what the how they became different. But prior to I think I
could be tilly wrong on this, but prior to is probably conquering Egypt.
Yeah, probably, Uh, Christianity was booming in Egypt. They so the
Coptic Christians in Egypt or whatever. I don't know when Coptics became their own
thing or anything like that, but Christianity latched on I think pretty prey what
happened before the Catholic Crusades, Yeah, all the mother fucking crusades. Yeah,
they're like but the but with Islam and it's like, oh, what
are you trying to conquer everything? Oh, you're not trying to like retake
no everything, all all. It's a lot easier of a mission. Yeah,
dude, just like this is ours. I mean, if you want
to call the beginning of Islam, I kind of think the the ancient they
say anent the ancient period ended at the end of Rome, but I kind
of really and I kind of think there was a that's fine, but I
kind of think there was like a middle like not a middle period, a
little odd awkward transitional period between the ancient times fall Rome to the Middle Ages.
And I think the beginning of the Middle Ages is basically the Muslim conquests
beginning, so like four hundred to six hundred I think is like an awkward
transition phase. I wouldn't necessarily call like five hundred AD, you know,
the medieval period and the Crusades are the Catholic strikes back. Yeah, right,
exactly. But I think the first I think the first non ancient colonial
endeavor was Islam. Yeah, post Rome, absolutely, I would have a
hard time. I mean, I'm sure you could refute that, and honestly,
they were probably you gotta speak to like successful too. I think,
like I'm sure people were trying to do some shit, well, right,
I mean, but there was a little bit before that, like the Byzantines,
the Eastern Roman Empire. They at one point reconquered quite a bit of
the Roman Empire, but they were still the Roman Empire. They were just
kind of trying to politically retaking the lands ahead. And you could definitely call
the Roman Empire up for the time a semi global empire, as big as
any empire could be. There was Chinese, yeah, I mean stuff about
the same size. But in terms of like the first like it's not modern,
but the first like non ancient global or like super regional colonial power was
the Umiya. However you say it calif Yeah, no, I mean that's
totally fair. Yeah, I mean because you know you're that designation of after
antiquity, right, That's why that's that. Yeah, but yeah, no,
totally I think all in although, like I found it pretty interesting how
like all these different things were very prevalent in their locale, so like Greece
or Persia or Egypt, and like Christians were just so good at like no,
no, that's us too. Yeah, And I don't think that's a
I don't think I think it's brilliant. And that's why Christianity is the largest
religion world. I mean, like it makes total sense, right, Like
Rome is trying to do this on like a governance form with their government and
new places. And do you know how many Catholics there are? It's like
half of Christians, right, there's a billion Catholics. Yeah, and there's
like two billion Christians or something. I think there's three billion Christians and two
billion Muslims. Yeah, it's insane. I didn't realize after Christianity and Islam,
you know what the next biggest one is Jay? How many Jews are
It's it's like tenth, it's point one. How many Jews are there?
It's I think it's like fourteen to sixteen million. Lest Why is that day?
What happened? What's your bit bit happened? What happened? We didn't
do much conquering that's why. Okay, yeah, we didn't conquer? Is
that? Why? What? Dude? Say it loud? Say what you're
trying to say, be a fucking cot You've been slaughtered countless times. Yeah
we're still here, motherfucker. I know you guys, are you're doing it?
Yeah, we're doing it. But the graph is really just like ded
deep deep deep bear deep deep bear. Jake, what the fuck do you
think I was saying? I just wanted you to say it. You guys
get slaughtered a lot. Yeah, dude, we're still here, not because
of anything you did. No, we're just out here making movies. Bro
in the words in the words of p Diddy in the song Welcome to Atlanta
remix, we still hear and we building fomo new towers. That's fucking sick.
Yeah, we did build the first two, and we collected the insurance
on that. We got that payment. Baby, it's all coming up us.
No man, but I found it really fascinating. I think the Lucinian
mysteries are by far the most interesting ones. I wish we knew more about
them. There's a lot of really interesting other There's like an entire mystery school
based around sailors. I have to see a Scooby Scooby Doo based on this
Scooby do you in the run row Undrak from the Kiki Yak. Your face
it's melting. I can't. I'm no, I think I'm banging when I'm
trying to Scooby do Hey, scoop Man, I can see my bones.
Yeah, I can't clearly adopted the dog, Scooby. So dumb Baine walks
in. You know who did the voice for Shaggy, Casey Caseum. What?
Yeah, I would think he would do Freddy over anybody. Casey Caseum
did the voice of Shaggy. I can do it, Casey Kaseum, do
it now, we're coming. God damn it. It takes a second.
I can't do it on the spot. But up, that's fine, that's
fair. So some of them you need to get your getting them right mental,
mental and dedication. You have to, like Casey case We'll try again
next episode. Thank you. I've done it before. I'll do it again
one day. I have to hear his voice too. But yeah, no,
I just wanted to get into all the things you guys co opted into
your own religion. I'm actually very proud of it as a marketer. I
think it's very fascinating how you guys just were like, we're doing the thing,
We're getting everybody in the tent were riding. What did we learn today?
Humanity loves recycling, We love a good story, we love like I
mean this is the hero's journey through and through, right, it's the descent
and the return. It is that is one of the ultimate thing about that.
The other day with just like creation in general, and you know,
because you were telling me something about how it was off mic, but it
was just like they found something that maybe more proved we were in a simulation
because creation was like lazy or something. Oh, when you're not paying attention
to this experiment, it acts in a pattern, right, but when you
start to pay attention to it, it acts how you expect it to act.
But it is just like the double slit experiment. Yeah, that's what
it is. That that has to do with light particle behavior. Yeah,
so like in light is both a wave and a particle. Yeah, so
like when you're observing it, it's going to always act like a certain predictable
way. But like when it's not, they can like use quantum mechanics now
to unobserve the experiment but still observe it. And like the light behaves differently,
and it behaves as a particle, but under observation it behaves as a
wave. And it's I I'm not going to try and get like into the
quantum mechanics of it. But yeah, it's it is a mind fuck our
understanding of So like in my mind, Jake, he goes home, he
just goes in the closet. I just hang out there. But when he's
not turns off. But if he looks, I'm just walking around doing home
stuff. That's a great one of my favorite thirdy Roc lines from Tracy Jordan.
He's like, I'm Tracy Jordan. Would I go to sleep? Nothing
in the world happens. But it's just like we're both humanity is both like
obscenely creative and ingenuous or ingenious or whatever the enuity. Yeah, but at
the same time so lazy and unoriginal. So it makes sense to me,
And if we're the universe experiencing itself, it makes sense to me that the
universe would be both this inexplicable and original and incredible thing, but also really
like retold yeah, five people down the line, I would. I would
honestly argue that if we are the universe is experiencing itself, we're all resting
on our laurels at the end of the day, right, Like, that's
that's just such a natural dance. Well I did I did that remember that
one hit. I'm just gonna rewrite that a bunch. Yeah, and we're
incredibly narcissistic and yeah we think with the center of everything that's right, that's
absolutely right. But uh yeah, what'd you guys learn today? Jesus is
Lord? Yeah, I mean that's that's a fair lesson cart and aggregation,
recycling. That's what I said earlier. Yeah, Christianity is the fuck Jerry
of all really dope secret right religions. Can I tell you this as a
as a as a Catholic to a Jew, No, No you can't.
I don't want to hear it. And with that said, adapt or die,
Yeah pretty much. Yeah, Yeah, that false witness commandment, that
one's kind of lucy goosey these days for us. But yeah, I think
the thing that I learned that was so funny is like all of these ancient
ritual schools or just what frats are based off of. Oh, get him
fucked up, throw him around in the dark room, then you bring him
to the party. You did it. You gonna live forever. What do
you gotta be scared of? We hate you for nine months, you're good
or nine weeks or whatever it is. Yeah, upload that consciousness. Yeah,
who's Hitler? Honestly? Religion? Just in general, I would say
the guy that most of our issues are all dated back to this made up
thing. Yeah, I think it would totally if there was a Hitler.
It's probably the people that narked on the dude that was just trying to party
on the Lucinian magic religions at whatever you want it to be. All right,
fine, it's not religion. Then it's people's sense of purpose. That's
Hitler, trying to find that you mean something to this world, needing meaning,
need and meaning man Hitler, man in search of his soul is Hitler.
Yes, look who who was trying to find more meaning than Hitler did?
He was trying to find all the meaning? Did I just like crack
the universe? Uh, your search for humanity is actually the thing that's making
you less human every day, and just race it, you know, just
kind of get in on the suck. Yeah, just be a little piggy
anyway. Yeah, there's no great thing you're gonna do that's better than just
like having a nice day. Oh No, that's the best thing you can
do. Joy the people you're around, Be pleasant, try not to hurt
anyone. And for Danner, Jester and Rob Fox, I'm Jake Goldman.
You just got all served.