The opinions expressed by Chayo Busquets are supported by his extensive experience as a family
therapist and in the previous analysis of the cases presented here. Welcome, this
is Chayo Contigo, in jewel, we begin very good afternoon to everyone as
I am Chayo Busquets, this is Chayo with you and we are ready to
start today' s program, hoping that it is flowing very well this week
Holy Week Major, as it is known, who are working, well,
I hope that they give them Thursday and Friday and therefore today they already have
that spirit of ay now hears already for those who have been able to take
the full week of vacation. Well, welcome to Chayo Contigo and notice that
one of the topics that undoubtedly puts them and I speak puts them thinking specifically
about the young kids who are on vacation and who, therefore, may be
listening to the program, although this also happens to the big ones in many
times, is the scenic panic, this anxiety, this nerve that feels to
speak in public and that often makes us good with all the symptoms of anxiety
at its maximum proportion. Those who have not experienced anxiety crises, good panic
attacks and are afraid to speak in public and get super nervous and sweaty and
sweat cold and beat their heart and begin to feel that something is going to
fail and that the voice does not come out and that they do not breathe
normally. And so on, well, they already have a little taste,
but they already have a taste of what panic attacks are. And overcoming stage
panic is very important. First, because in different ways, starting with school,
you have to make team presentations, jobs that have to be presented,
projects that have to be presented. The day of the professional exam will come
and you will have to speak in public. Sometimes they even have doubts about
what happens, what happens in class, what they don' t understand.
They stop even expressing their opinion on some topic they consider significant because they cannot
speak in public and something we all have to learn for life. But this
is especially addressed to you, teenage kids, college kids, something that is
very important. Then never let because something gives you anxiety you better avoid it.
We have to face it. And for that there is a clear pattern
that I always give, and that is that speaking in public is learned by
speaking in public. You can do simulations in front of the mirror of your
home, you can rehearse it in your mind, you can learn the content
from memory. But the reality is that the experience of speaking in public is
acquired by speaking in public. Yes, it' s good that you suddenly
feel your friends, your family members and tell them to let me introduce you
to what I' m going to present at school tomorrow so they can tell
me, so that they can see what I hesitate so that they can point
me out in the end, but the truth is that you learn how to
do it. Some situations that lead us not to want to speak in public
must be made aware. And before that, I want to make a difference.
One thing is that I feel sorry for myself because I am more introverted
and therefore I feel sorry to speak in public. I don' t like
it. And another thing is to develop anxiety and anguish in front of speaking
in public where, when we overcome, anxiety and anguish may not be your
favorite activity, but not that limiting and it is very important to learn to
face and overcome when something is related to anxiety and anguish. Making this difference.
Yeah, you' re probably the kind of guy who' s never
gonna like to talk in public, you' re gonna prefer another kind of
interaction and learning scheme, and it' s okay, but you' re
gonna have a lot of fun if you get over the anxiety that that triggers,
and it just stays like an activity that you don' t like what
it usually gives us. When there is anxiety, there is usually a lot
of fear and, in general, there is a fear of disappointing others,
a fear of ridicule or not being accepted by others. It is important for
you to detect which of these fears are present in IT when the situation is
generated in such a specific, so intense, so particular way, because,
once you become aware of this, the truth is that we have all grown
up in a city, in a competitive society that is seeking perfection and acceptance
of others. At any cost and just thinking about failing in front of a
group of people who can criticize us, fail our attitude, or make fun
of us. It certainly makes us tremble. But one of the things you
' d have to think about is that the concept of perfection that we have
is totally unreal. No one' s perfect, no one' s doing
things totally right. We all make mistakes and even mistakes are necessary, because
from there we learn. And if what scares you is that you won'
t be able to face the joke or the mockery or the criticism, then
there we are talking about another skill to develop. For I especially thank you,
Pedro, for coming, because we are in the middle of Holy Week
and I don' t know if you were going to take vacations. Chayo
I am delighted to be here this one and I will tell you what I
say to my patients. Unfortunately, this disease has no holidays, no holidays
or this truth. Then he didn' t love it. Nice to meet
you. I thank you for the effort to come to Peter. Hey,
we discussed this topic of functional alcoholism last week. No and you said good,
since we used the word alcoholic, because we' re already talking about
a problem and I was saying good. Some say my way of relating to
alcohol is functional. What' s the line that would tell us that the
way you relate to alcohol has already crossed because maybe I have endurance. I
do not take it with a frequency that I consider relative. I take the
week, I take the weekend. I can' t just get drunk.
I' m not raw often, but how do I know I' m
in danger, because, well, I never get drunk, but I do
consume what with a certain frequency. I trust him, no, I think
I' ll see him here. The first thing I think has to be
done is that out there they say that when there is doubt, there is
no doubt. I don' t mean when I start asking myself, because
I think the most important thing is to recognize if I' m already beginning
to ask myself, that I can have a problem, and that maybe it
' s important, at least, that I get an assessment to know if
I have this disease or I don' t have it. Okay, because
if there are times that the person might not meet the criteria, but maybe
sometimes the family does on their own background, so sometimes it is heard on
the radio, on television, etcetera, etcetera. You may think that because
the person already got drunk, maybe he' s already an alcoholic and when
maybe he doesn' t meet the critters yet to be able to do it.
So yes, it is important that both the person who is consuming the
substance and his relative may advise and seek an evaluation from a specialist. When
it starts to affect you, when in some area of your life, to
see addictions are not likely to impact you in all areas of your life.
At the same time, it' s going to be little by little,
it' s going to have an impact. Maybe for some people it can
be in the family. For other people? Maybe it can be physically for
other people It can be legal because I' ve already had an alutorito,
et cetera, et cetera. So, when there is already an impact in
the areas, I think it is important now if the person, as you
say, you drink a lot, this how much he endures, because that
too is not synonymous with us being calm. What the person may have is
this to. It' s already developing a tolerance to alcohol and that can
be one of those that no one can be. It is one of the
criteria, along with others, of course, that can lead us to give
a diagnosis of substance addiction, when the only area is that of interpersonal relationship
with the significant figure. I don' t know the daddy boy and his
dads, the couple who don' t like the way they take it.
Not beyond not being drunk because he endures a lot, because he physically tolerates,
but he doesn' t like that whenever he goes to the party,
he had to drink alcohol, that whenever they went with friends, he has
to drink alcohol, that whenever they go to dinner outside the house, he
has to order a drink of alcohol at the event that he can' t
go to the wedding without having to drink alcohol. What, but it'
s only in one person the complaint. But that person is very significant in
your life. No yes, because that' s why it causes you a
lot of trouble. That would no longer have to be considered meaningfully again or
the problem may be in the person the problem. That' s why I
said it' s important for the two of you to go for the best,
you get close to an assessment, because maybe and I say it with
all due respect, with some of your listeners, it might be that the
other person also has a codependency and is seeing things where they' re probably
not paying present. I don' t mean to see, and I think
one thing that' s also important is that we mention that we' re
not demonizing alcohol here, let alone. That is, there are many people,
fortunately who can enjoy drinking alcohol without developing the disease. Not then this
Sometimes there are people who just don' t tolerate someone seeing alcohol when they
might have a control over the drink. Not that it is also one of
the criteria for talking about alcoholism or dependence is that the person who loses control
during the substance any sectud. Peter so many thanks to your command Chayo.
I hope that at least they will let you rest Thursday Friday so that you
make four days possible to take, because finally, today we have the possibility
to have our children on vacation and, therefore, the possibility to approach topics
of this nature that, because of the time, they cannot always listen.
Before the segment with Peter we were talking about this which is so important to
develop, which has to do with how we speak in public and, well,
in general, all human beings at some point, in less or more,
we will be exposed to this. But I have addressed these segments a
lot to the children and teenagers, because I take advantage that they are at
home, that they are on vacation and that they have the possibility to listen
to chayo with you that for school reasons, they cannot do it. Normally
and a little while ago I would talk to them sometimes things we have to
do. It stops us from fear, criticism or mockery. And one thing
that we always need to get into the head is that our life has to
always expand in the repertoire of behaviors that we need to develop, because we
don' t know what kind of future life is going to touch us or
what situations we' re going to have to face. So, from that
context and from that vision, it' s very important to understand that anything
that makes you become someone that avoids situations because of fear the discomfort that involves
facing them, rather than expanding the repertoire of behaviors and abilities, diminishes and
limits them and when that limits you. In that context, it is very
important to understand that part of that that gives rise and that is generated,
is going to leave you impoverished, impoverished with respect to your abilities to face
life. Criticized we will always be thinking of criticism as this behavior presented by
other human beings that you have presented also where you give your opinion regarding the
acting of other people. That' s a criticism. There are respectful criticisms.
There are disrespectful criticisms. Of course, we are very afraid of him,
much more afraid of disrespectful criticisms that are accompanied by mockery. And there
of the skills that must also be developed is the ability to relate to the
joke and to the mockery, even if it comes with bad milk and with
saneness on the part of the other. From a place where we learn to
defend ourselves. And defending ourselves does not imply attacking or striking, simply putting
a limit on the other person. And there it becomes important that whenever there
is a joke, there is a mockery, you are able to turn around
and see in the eyes who is being mocked and you can hold your gaze.
You' re going to realize that the one who mocks the low,
keeps laughing and keeps talking nonsense, but he' s going to look down
because it takes a lot of courage to keep his eyes up to see the
other and hold it unless he' s using the aggression. The person who
is making fun of you or who is criticizing you, because then, with
an ironic look, is going to keep saying what he has to say and
sometimes you have to learn to generate some ideas or some say that it is
logans or phrases that help you to engage. One wouldn' t say conversation,
because you can' t talk like that. But one answer is often
mocked by others, and it also happens in adult life. Don' t
think that' s over with the school stage. It happens in adult life.
The theme is how I can turn my eyes, look at those who
are making an unfortunate comment, a criticism, a mockery, an imitation.
You have to take into consideration that you can say things like always looking in
your eyes and taking care of your body posture to be right, right looking
in your eyes and saying something very brief, things like that that you say
talk worse about you than about me things like I might have been wrong and
I may seem worthy of mockery and imitation, but at least I dare to
try to learn and make things phrases. As one of the reasons I'
m not interested in your friendship is just how you treat others when there are
laughter from those who accompany the person. It is also important that you can
make a comment as you feel very brave and able to do this because you
have all these surrounding you and approving what you do, but what sadness it
must feel when you are left alone with how you feel about the kind of
person you are becoming. If this is too long, you can answer things
like may Yes, you' re right, I look funny or funny with
that imitation that the person is doing. No, yeah, I look funny,
and I did. I have no problem accepting it and you turn around
and leave. You have to keep ignoring the comments that are going to continue
behind this, but you always have to think that when there is a joke,
when there is a mockery, when the other presents in unfortunate attitudes,
in reality, what is there is a great insecurity, a lack of self
- esteem that requires the temporary pleasure and the recognition of those around it to
be able to act. So don' t go away with the fake insurance
that may seem or sure that people who make fun of you may seem,
because you actually only give what you bring in your heart. Or I would
end the program by telling you, Telling you to IT college teen boy,
you don' t necessarily go to college, but you' re college age
and you suffer some kind of joke joke about this it' s very important
that you take into consideration that they' re all growing up and that the
fact that you' re a kid, that you' re a teenager,
that you' re almost an adult, always gives you the chance to think
about what kind of person you want to become, what you want to do
forward, how you want to function in the day to day and what you
' re ashamed of and what you like about yourself, because we' re
building ourselves on the way. Many times you think that adults are done.
We are already very clear, we already know that when you reach adult life,
there is nothing more to mobilize from us. And the reality is that
yes, yes, there are things that we can mobilize from us. Yes,
there are things we can do different around who we are and how we
are. And that capacity you don' t have to lose. It'
s true that today you have people in your life who tell you, authorities
who tell you. That' s wrong. This is why you' re
scolded. That' s why you' re grounded. This can' t
get your attention, that you get big rolls around the educational process. But
the truth is that these people are only a guide. At the end of
the day, the decisions of who you become and how you decide to accommodate
your life experiences are yours. It was a pleasure to be with you this
day, to have you as you listen to the mail for which you can
write, send doubts and so on. It is chayo Arroba Radio Centro com
or you can also do it by following me through the networks where what you
manage wonderfully, which are social networks. They can do it through the private
part of the networks and write to me. He does not find on Facebook
as Rosario Busquets, in what was Twitter today X as Arroba chayo BN and
on Instagram and on Tiktok as Chayo buskets. I hope you have an extraordinary
afternoon and don' t miss the programs that we have for you this Thursday
and Friday, because they are programs that you asked, that we generated again,
that we passed again, because you didn' t have the opportunity to
listen to them and that had a particular impact on the audience. One of
them is a couple. We' ll have our specialist Tariytron' s program
again. So I' m expecting you here in Chayo tomorrow. With you Audio Center