WEBVTT

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Callaroga Shark Media. Happy birthday.
Jerry Seinfeld is seventy today. We'll get

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to that. It was the White
House Correspondent's dinner. Jerry was not there.

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Colin Jost was your host. Let's
listen to some of his monologue.

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His delivery was quite deliberate, so
I have edited this for pacing. I

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didn't know you were going to show
up photos with me from high school.

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Yes, yeah, it's not really
fair. You can't do it for President

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Biden because the technology wasn't invented when
he was in high school. It's not

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really fair. Good evening, everyone. I'm Colin Jost, and I'll be

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delivering the Republican response. I'll be
honest with you. I don't have a

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lot of time. I need to
get back to New York because i'm jur

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number five on a big trial.
Trump's lawyer took one look at me and

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he's like, he's gotta be on
our side. Thank you Kelly for that

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very kind introduction. Mister President,
doctor Biden, Vice President Harris Doug Doug.

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As you can tell from all the
comments about my wife, I'm also

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used to being the second gentleman,
and I am honored to be here hosting

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what is, according to swing state
polls, the final White House Correspondence dinner.

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I hope that tonight will be a
night to remember for most of us.

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I was excited to be up here
on stage with President Biden to night,

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mostly to see if I could figure
out where Obama was pulling the strings

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from. I have to admit it's
not easy following President Biden. I mean,

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it's not always easy following what he's
saying. Like Jost, also mark

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the age of both candidates. This
is a good one. I'm not saying

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both candidates are old, but you
know, Jimmy Carter's out there thinking I

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could maybe win this thing. That's
great, Jost again, can we acknowledge

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how refreshing it is to see a
president of the United States an event that

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doesn't begin with a bailiff saying all
rise, that's awesome. Trump ignored the

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dinner for the most part on social
media. After one am, he jumped

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on truth social and wrote, the
White House Correspondence dinner was really bad.

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Colin Joe's bombed and Cricket Joe was
an absolute disaster. Doesn't get much worse

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than this, Oh, it does
get much worse. Than this. Let's

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listen to Matt Friend. Matt's been
in the news lately. His Trump is

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okay, but I can think of
at least three people who do a better

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Trump. They are Shane Gillis,
James Adomian, and James Austin Johnson,

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all much better. I'm gonna let
Friend go a little bit here. Tough

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for him, to be sure,
but the material is not great. I'll

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let this roll until he gets to
the joke that's being picked up on the

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news. I've also scoped this down
for pacing and just pain. I mean,

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this set is so rough. Jim
Gaffigan is like, can I come

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in and save this by hawking subourbon? All right, so third day in

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a row. I'm gonna tell you
you might want to hit thirty seconds skip

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twice. Matt Friend bombed. Let's
listen. I will tell you it is

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really a tremendous opportunity to be at
the most failed dinner anybody's ever seen.

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Great to see you, losers.
A lot of people say that, Hello

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everybody, why is it so quiet? What's happening? It's quieter than sleepy

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Joe? Hello Joe, how are
you great? To see you? We're

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going to debate, right, that's
what they're saying. There's a lot of

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stars here. There's a lot of
great people. There's Scarlett Johannesburg. Scarlett

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is here from Black Widow. I
love the blacks, I really love the

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blacks. It's true. You have
a lot of people that could potentially be

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a vice president. You have Lara
Trump, who's a lot better than Rona

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McDonald. Who does it? Love
Rona McDonald? Right, I'm loving it.

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You like a happy meal, right, you like that, Bob.

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I will tell you this. You're
so tight, it's so uptight. Right,

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This dinner is sadder than Taylor Swift's
new album, The Tortured President's Department.

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Right, you look at him,
the white tuxio. It doesn't like

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me too much. Right, But
I will tell you the Chinese apps are

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being banned. It's horrible. We
have to post our David Pecker's on Snapchat.

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Now, that's what they're saying.
Let's face it, folks, I'm

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on fire right now, like the
guy outside the courthouse. Right, not

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soon enough, not soon enough.
But I will tell you I am killing

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this dinner harder than Christy Nome kills
the puppies. Moving on place, the

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President himself did some stand up.
Here's Joe the twenty twenty four elections in

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full, sweet and yes, age
is an issue. I'm a grown man

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running against a six year old.
Joe had more. He said, I've

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had a great stretch since the State
of the Union, but Donald does that

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a few rough days lately. You
might call it stormy weather. I see

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what you did there, Joe.
You know who else was there, Joe

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Koy. Yeah, it was weird. It was all of a sudden,

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Joe KOI got up there and he
told this just horrible, mean joke about

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Skyrol Swift. It didn't make any
sense at all in the middle of the

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White House correspondents dinner. But here's
Joe. We have fewer camera shots at

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Taylor Swift. Jerry Sidfeld is seventy
today. Happy birthday, Jerry. That

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makes me feel a million years old. But I'm like a one hundred thousand

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years old now, so I guess
it makes sense. Jerry, when he

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was on the Today Show recently,
was asked about his birthday and he said,

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I don't really have any interest in
it now. What it is,

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boy, I could really live a
lot less stuff things people activities. I'm

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not doing nothing anymore. In case
you missed it, Jerry's out promoting pop

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Tarts movie Unfrosted. I finally learned
the title of it. He's directing it

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or he did direct it directing.
Yeah, somebody's got to tell these people

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what to do. They asked him, do you want to do it?

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Or should we get someone else to
do it? And he said, I'll

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tell them. Big article in Variety
titled stand up comedian Tony hingecliff on defending

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Matt Rife, the Killed Tony Podcast
and never apologizing after using a racial slur

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back in twenty twenty one, Hinchcliffe
tells Variety, when you step into a

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dark, dingy comedy club, what
do you want to see? Think about

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it like a strip club. Do
you want to see girls in a dress?

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Or do you want to see nasty
things? You want ping pong balls

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flying at your head? Thanks for
that image from the Variety profile. Moving

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to La in two thousand and seven, Hinchcliffe made a name for himself a

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clubs for insulting both the audience and
other comics and being willing to broach any

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topic. He began opening for comics
like Joe Rogan and Jeff Ross. In

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twenty thirteen, he launched the wonderful
podcast Kill Tony. If you've never checked

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out Kill Tony, I like listening
to it. There's a video version as

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well. I kind of like listening
to it. It's the theater of the

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Mind of It. With co host
Brian Redman. The podcast is fame for

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its bucket of destiny, giving aspiring
and season comedians a shot at performing a

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stand up set for sixty seconds.
Receiving feedback from the judges. It is

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a wonderful podcast. In May twenty
twenty one, Hingecliff got into a little

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kerfluffle right. He says, a
racial slur heroled that fellow comedian in Asian

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American Pang Dang during a gig in
Austin catapulted him into a world win of

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backlash. The incident, caught on
video and put on social media, resulted

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in Hinchcliffe being dropped by his agency. Tony says number one rule is never

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apologize. He's leaned into it even
more. In October twenty twenty three,

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he went on a podcast called Triggernometry
and made some light comedic accusations, calling

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Dang a Chinese spy, further describing
the incident as an orchestrated attack by the

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Chinese media. Dang has responded saying
I thought most spuys gathered classified information related

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to science, technology, or government
affairs. Why would any country said a

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spy to be a stand up comedian? What kind of intelligence would I get

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from doing comedy? Asked him about
Netflix is a joke. The big festival

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that starts this week, Tony said, I'm looking forward to being the Netflix

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outlier. We surprise the industry when
we put our tickets on sale for the

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YouTube theater and they sold out in
a couple hours. Comedians are watching comedians

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do comedy on Kill Tony, I'm
using a pro wrestling model. Anything can

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happen, and it's ridiculously exciting.
You could watch someone's entire life change in

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front of your eyes. Everybody that
we pull out of that bucket has a

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chance. Yeah. It is a
fantastic podcast. Even me reading this to

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you today is encouraging me to catch
up on it. I'm so so way

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behind them on podcast so a lot
of times I'll listen to pods as I'm

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drifting off to sleep, and I
noticed it this week. I'm listening to

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things like three minutes at a time. I've been enjoying Joe Rogan talking to

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the guy that's trying to convince us
that the moon landing wasn't real. As

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I've explained before, I like listening
to Rogan as I drift off because if

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there's no yelling, there's no shouting, it's calm and concurrently to that,

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I can believe in the moon landing. Variety reports that Bow and Yang will

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start in a remake of The Wedding
banquety nineteen ninety three rom com Ellen Degenerous

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has complained that she's been kicked out
of show business for being mean. This

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part of her comedy tour. Ellen
is a pretty good stand up for at

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least was thirty years ago, so
she's back. Ellen said, I became

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this one dimensional character who gave stuff
away and danced up steps. Do you

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know how hard it is to dance
up steps? What a mean person dance

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up steps? Had I ended my
show by saying, go f yourself,

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people would have been presently surprised.
She reminds people she's been kicked out of

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entertainment before, when she came out
as gay in the nineties and joked,

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eventually it kicked me out for a
third time because I mean old and gay.

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Ellen says, I hated the way
that the show ended. I love

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that show so much, and I
just hated that the last time people would

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see me is in that way.
Ellen's last stand Dot Dot Dot Up Tour

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will eventually be a Netflix special.
That's cool, She'll tape that in the

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fall. Netflix is building excitement for
Beverly Hills Cop four, which is what

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we're all gonna call it, even
if they call it Beverly Hills Cop Colon

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axel F. There's a new promo. It features NFL quarterback Jared Golf sharing

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insights he gained from the character axel
Fully. That sounds so lame. Actually,

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I tried to pull the clip.
It actually was so lame. You

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would kind of hope Jim Gaffigan would
show up and start hawking bourbon. In

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Beverly Hills Cop four aka Beverly Hills
Cop Colon axel F, Eddie Murphy is

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axel Fully, who returns to California
after a long hiatus when his daughter fases

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a threat. Fully is pulled back
into the world of crime solving. Returning

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to Beverly Hills to investigate the mysterious
death of a close friend. The Sydney

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Comedy Festival A little light early in
the week. Tonight It's the Sydney Comedy

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Festival Showcase, a secret lineup promising
to bring the very finest comics from Australia

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and beyond, boasting both household names
and the next gen of comedy superstars.

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Let me tell you about Taylor Swift. No, no, not her,

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Taylor Jswift. This from people.
This Taylor Swift first learned of the singer

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when he was fifteen. He said, at first, I thought it was

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no big deal. She's a singer
with a hit song or two. This

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won't impact me. But I was
wrong. As time continued, I started

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to find it frustrating. I was
just a kid trying to live my life

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and now is sharing a name with
a big singer. Additionally, I just

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moved back to Ohio with my dad, so as the new kid at school

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with the name Taylor Swift. To
top it off, I had ad Justin

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Bieber haircut, eyed glasses, and
I was on the debate team. It

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was not a fun time. He
contemplated going by TJ in abbreviation of his

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first middle name. But this Taylor
Swift eventually realized I was given this name

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for a reason, and I'm gonna
grow and become whom I meant to become

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with it. Now, what's weird
is Joe Coy made a joke about Taylor

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J. Swift's I don't know why
he did this. It's so random that

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Joe Coy would make fun of some
dude in Ohio. And it's a little

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bit mean. Let's listen, big
difference between the Golden Gloves and the NFL.

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On the Golden Gloves, we have
fewer camera shots of Taylor Swift.

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Some of you are laughing right now, and some of you wanna throw pies

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in my direction. It's fun.
Come on, it's a fun joke,

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Taylor J. Swift says. When
I do interviews with the press, I

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asked them to please quote me as
Taylor J. Swift, so no one

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confuses me with the pop singer.
Don't worry about it. We can tell

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the difference that way. No one
wonders why Taylor Swift is speaking on congressional

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modernization and oversight. I also include
the JA on my business cards or when

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applying to jobs to avoid confusion.
Again here at Starbucks, we didn't think

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Taylor Swift was applying to be a
barista jay. For example, this past

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weekend, I booked a reservation for
two under the name Taylor Swift. I

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could tel a. Hosts seemed a
bit disappointed when I showed up like normal.

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They joked about how it was in
the real tailor Swift. So I

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just laughed and said, I hear
it all the time, but I just

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shake it off. Taylor J.
Swift is actually funnier than Jim gaffickan hawking

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bourbon. We don't do that here
at Father Time. And that is your

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comedy news for today. Check out
the Ballot podcast. A lot going on

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White House Correspondence Dinner. There's this
whole trial thing, so check that out.

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We're putting that out every day.
And if you want the episodes add

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free click the subscriptions option. There
has it been explaining The regular show goes

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live at three h five am Eastern
and then you get the ad free version

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available in the feed. When I
get up and load it, I can't

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load it in advance. It's annoying. It's made of my existence. And

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then everything heading backwards will be commercial
free and the other show's on the network

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commercial free. Like, if you
want mid ballot commercial free, do the

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subscription thing five dollars a month.
It's like buying me a coffee, except

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you had all these and free podcasts. Isn't that amazing? Yes it is. See tomorrow