Callaroga Shark Media. Happy birthday. Jerry Seinfeld is seventy today. We'll get
to that. It was the White House Correspondent's dinner. Jerry was not there.
Colin Jost was your host. Let's listen to some of his monologue.
His delivery was quite deliberate, so I have edited this for pacing. I
didn't know you were going to show up photos with me from high school.
Yes, yeah, it's not really fair. You can't do it for President
Biden because the technology wasn't invented when he was in high school. It's not
really fair. Good evening, everyone. I'm Colin Jost, and I'll be
delivering the Republican response. I'll be honest with you. I don't have a
lot of time. I need to get back to New York because i'm jur
number five on a big trial. Trump's lawyer took one look at me and
he's like, he's gotta be on our side. Thank you Kelly for that
very kind introduction. Mister President, doctor Biden, Vice President Harris Doug Doug.
As you can tell from all the comments about my wife, I'm also
used to being the second gentleman, and I am honored to be here hosting
what is, according to swing state polls, the final White House Correspondence dinner.
I hope that tonight will be a night to remember for most of us.
I was excited to be up here on stage with President Biden to night,
mostly to see if I could figure out where Obama was pulling the strings
from. I have to admit it's not easy following President Biden. I mean,
it's not always easy following what he's saying. Like Jost, also mark
the age of both candidates. This is a good one. I'm not saying
both candidates are old, but you know, Jimmy Carter's out there thinking I
could maybe win this thing. That's great, Jost again, can we acknowledge
how refreshing it is to see a president of the United States an event that
doesn't begin with a bailiff saying all rise, that's awesome. Trump ignored the
dinner for the most part on social media. After one am, he jumped
on truth social and wrote, the White House Correspondence dinner was really bad.
Colin Joe's bombed and Cricket Joe was an absolute disaster. Doesn't get much worse
than this, Oh, it does get much worse. Than this. Let's
listen to Matt Friend. Matt's been in the news lately. His Trump is
okay, but I can think of at least three people who do a better
Trump. They are Shane Gillis, James Adomian, and James Austin Johnson,
all much better. I'm gonna let Friend go a little bit here. Tough
for him, to be sure, but the material is not great. I'll
let this roll until he gets to the joke that's being picked up on the
news. I've also scoped this down for pacing and just pain. I mean,
this set is so rough. Jim Gaffigan is like, can I come
in and save this by hawking subourbon? All right, so third day in
a row. I'm gonna tell you you might want to hit thirty seconds skip
twice. Matt Friend bombed. Let's listen. I will tell you it is
really a tremendous opportunity to be at the most failed dinner anybody's ever seen.
Great to see you, losers. A lot of people say that, Hello
everybody, why is it so quiet? What's happening? It's quieter than sleepy
Joe? Hello Joe, how are you great? To see you? We're
going to debate, right, that's what they're saying. There's a lot of
stars here. There's a lot of great people. There's Scarlett Johannesburg. Scarlett
is here from Black Widow. I love the blacks, I really love the
blacks. It's true. You have a lot of people that could potentially be
a vice president. You have Lara Trump, who's a lot better than Rona
McDonald. Who does it? Love Rona McDonald? Right, I'm loving it.
You like a happy meal, right, you like that, Bob.
I will tell you this. You're so tight, it's so uptight. Right,
This dinner is sadder than Taylor Swift's new album, The Tortured President's Department.
Right, you look at him, the white tuxio. It doesn't like
me too much. Right, But I will tell you the Chinese apps are
being banned. It's horrible. We have to post our David Pecker's on Snapchat.
Now, that's what they're saying. Let's face it, folks, I'm
on fire right now, like the guy outside the courthouse. Right, not
soon enough, not soon enough. But I will tell you I am killing
this dinner harder than Christy Nome kills the puppies. Moving on place, the
President himself did some stand up. Here's Joe the twenty twenty four elections in
full, sweet and yes, age is an issue. I'm a grown man
running against a six year old. Joe had more. He said, I've
had a great stretch since the State of the Union, but Donald does that
a few rough days lately. You might call it stormy weather. I see
what you did there, Joe. You know who else was there, Joe
Koy. Yeah, it was weird. It was all of a sudden,
Joe KOI got up there and he told this just horrible, mean joke about
Skyrol Swift. It didn't make any sense at all in the middle of the
White House correspondents dinner. But here's Joe. We have fewer camera shots at
Taylor Swift. Jerry Sidfeld is seventy today. Happy birthday, Jerry. That
makes me feel a million years old. But I'm like a one hundred thousand
years old now, so I guess it makes sense. Jerry, when he
was on the Today Show recently, was asked about his birthday and he said,
I don't really have any interest in it now. What it is,
boy, I could really live a lot less stuff things people activities. I'm
not doing nothing anymore. In case you missed it, Jerry's out promoting pop
Tarts movie Unfrosted. I finally learned the title of it. He's directing it
or he did direct it directing. Yeah, somebody's got to tell these people
what to do. They asked him, do you want to do it?
Or should we get someone else to do it? And he said, I'll
tell them. Big article in Variety titled stand up comedian Tony hingecliff on defending
Matt Rife, the Killed Tony Podcast and never apologizing after using a racial slur
back in twenty twenty one, Hinchcliffe tells Variety, when you step into a
dark, dingy comedy club, what do you want to see? Think about
it like a strip club. Do you want to see girls in a dress?
Or do you want to see nasty things? You want ping pong balls
flying at your head? Thanks for that image from the Variety profile. Moving
to La in two thousand and seven, Hinchcliffe made a name for himself a
clubs for insulting both the audience and other comics and being willing to broach any
topic. He began opening for comics like Joe Rogan and Jeff Ross. In
twenty thirteen, he launched the wonderful podcast Kill Tony. If you've never checked
out Kill Tony, I like listening to it. There's a video version as
well. I kind of like listening to it. It's the theater of the
Mind of It. With co host Brian Redman. The podcast is fame for
its bucket of destiny, giving aspiring and season comedians a shot at performing a
stand up set for sixty seconds. Receiving feedback from the judges. It is
a wonderful podcast. In May twenty twenty one, Hingecliff got into a little
kerfluffle right. He says, a racial slur heroled that fellow comedian in Asian
American Pang Dang during a gig in Austin catapulted him into a world win of
backlash. The incident, caught on video and put on social media, resulted
in Hinchcliffe being dropped by his agency. Tony says number one rule is never
apologize. He's leaned into it even more. In October twenty twenty three,
he went on a podcast called Triggernometry and made some light comedic accusations, calling
Dang a Chinese spy, further describing the incident as an orchestrated attack by the
Chinese media. Dang has responded saying I thought most spuys gathered classified information related
to science, technology, or government affairs. Why would any country said a
spy to be a stand up comedian? What kind of intelligence would I get
from doing comedy? Asked him about Netflix is a joke. The big festival
that starts this week, Tony said, I'm looking forward to being the Netflix
outlier. We surprise the industry when we put our tickets on sale for the
YouTube theater and they sold out in a couple hours. Comedians are watching comedians
do comedy on Kill Tony, I'm using a pro wrestling model. Anything can
happen, and it's ridiculously exciting. You could watch someone's entire life change in
front of your eyes. Everybody that we pull out of that bucket has a
chance. Yeah. It is a fantastic podcast. Even me reading this to
you today is encouraging me to catch up on it. I'm so so way
behind them on podcast so a lot of times I'll listen to pods as I'm
drifting off to sleep, and I noticed it this week. I'm listening to
things like three minutes at a time. I've been enjoying Joe Rogan talking to
the guy that's trying to convince us that the moon landing wasn't real. As
I've explained before, I like listening to Rogan as I drift off because if
there's no yelling, there's no shouting, it's calm and concurrently to that,
I can believe in the moon landing. Variety reports that Bow and Yang will
start in a remake of The Wedding banquety nineteen ninety three rom com Ellen Degenerous
has complained that she's been kicked out of show business for being mean. This
part of her comedy tour. Ellen is a pretty good stand up for at
least was thirty years ago, so she's back. Ellen said, I became
this one dimensional character who gave stuff away and danced up steps. Do you
know how hard it is to dance up steps? What a mean person dance
up steps? Had I ended my show by saying, go f yourself,
people would have been presently surprised. She reminds people she's been kicked out of
entertainment before, when she came out as gay in the nineties and joked,
eventually it kicked me out for a third time because I mean old and gay.
Ellen says, I hated the way that the show ended. I love
that show so much, and I just hated that the last time people would
see me is in that way. Ellen's last stand Dot Dot Dot Up Tour
will eventually be a Netflix special. That's cool, She'll tape that in the
fall. Netflix is building excitement for Beverly Hills Cop four, which is what
we're all gonna call it, even if they call it Beverly Hills Cop Colon
axel F. There's a new promo. It features NFL quarterback Jared Golf sharing
insights he gained from the character axel Fully. That sounds so lame. Actually,
I tried to pull the clip. It actually was so lame. You
would kind of hope Jim Gaffigan would show up and start hawking bourbon. In
Beverly Hills Cop four aka Beverly Hills Cop Colon axel F, Eddie Murphy is
axel Fully, who returns to California after a long hiatus when his daughter fases
a threat. Fully is pulled back into the world of crime solving. Returning
to Beverly Hills to investigate the mysterious death of a close friend. The Sydney
Comedy Festival A little light early in the week. Tonight It's the Sydney Comedy
Festival Showcase, a secret lineup promising to bring the very finest comics from Australia
and beyond, boasting both household names and the next gen of comedy superstars.
Let me tell you about Taylor Swift. No, no, not her,
Taylor Jswift. This from people. This Taylor Swift first learned of the singer
when he was fifteen. He said, at first, I thought it was
no big deal. She's a singer with a hit song or two. This
won't impact me. But I was wrong. As time continued, I started
to find it frustrating. I was just a kid trying to live my life
and now is sharing a name with a big singer. Additionally, I just
moved back to Ohio with my dad, so as the new kid at school
with the name Taylor Swift. To top it off, I had ad Justin
Bieber haircut, eyed glasses, and I was on the debate team. It
was not a fun time. He contemplated going by TJ in abbreviation of his
first middle name. But this Taylor Swift eventually realized I was given this name
for a reason, and I'm gonna grow and become whom I meant to become
with it. Now, what's weird is Joe Coy made a joke about Taylor
J. Swift's I don't know why he did this. It's so random that
Joe Coy would make fun of some dude in Ohio. And it's a little
bit mean. Let's listen, big difference between the Golden Gloves and the NFL.
On the Golden Gloves, we have fewer camera shots of Taylor Swift.
Some of you are laughing right now, and some of you wanna throw pies
in my direction. It's fun. Come on, it's a fun joke,
Taylor J. Swift says. When I do interviews with the press, I
asked them to please quote me as Taylor J. Swift, so no one
confuses me with the pop singer. Don't worry about it. We can tell
the difference that way. No one wonders why Taylor Swift is speaking on congressional
modernization and oversight. I also include the JA on my business cards or when
applying to jobs to avoid confusion. Again here at Starbucks, we didn't think
Taylor Swift was applying to be a barista jay. For example, this past
weekend, I booked a reservation for two under the name Taylor Swift. I
could tel a. Hosts seemed a bit disappointed when I showed up like normal.
They joked about how it was in the real tailor Swift. So I
just laughed and said, I hear it all the time, but I just
shake it off. Taylor J. Swift is actually funnier than Jim gaffickan hawking
bourbon. We don't do that here at Father Time. And that is your
comedy news for today. Check out the Ballot podcast. A lot going on
White House Correspondence Dinner. There's this whole trial thing, so check that out.
We're putting that out every day. And if you want the episodes add
free click the subscriptions option. There has it been explaining The regular show goes
live at three h five am Eastern and then you get the ad free version
available in the feed. When I get up and load it, I can't
load it in advance. It's annoying. It's made of my existence. And
then everything heading backwards will be commercial free and the other show's on the network
commercial free. Like, if you want mid ballot commercial free, do the
subscription thing five dollars a month. It's like buying me a coffee, except
you had all these and free podcasts. Isn't that amazing? Yes it is. See tomorrow