WEBVTT

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Molly who you come out to play. Your smile takes the day and this

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is Molly me a bad pasad another
nice stuff with me, Molly me take

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me, Yeah, hat, it's
Molly Me. I'm here with my buddy

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or Samtala and we're gonna do motherfucking
rapid fire. You know it's not.

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It never ends up being rapid fire. It's more just like random conversations with

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a friend. Okay, no holds
barred, fucking anything goes. My first

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question to you is he's already not
rapid fire. I know, I'm kidding

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me. Random conversations with the friend. Um, it's a bit of a

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tradition, and I guess kind of
at this point, it's like a science

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experiment that I'm conducting some research.
And if it's over the line, dude,

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fucking don't answer it. Skip to
the next one. I don't want

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to pressure you into anything weird.
Oh I'm excited now. Okay. When

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you are wiping, yes, do
you crinkle or fold your toilet paper?

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Always fold? You're such a folder, I should have guessed. I also

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fold it in half so it's along
the sem so it's like a neat fold.

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Who crinkles Oh god, I crinkle. That just sounds painful. I'm

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such a crinkler, But like,
like I need the texture. I'm tried

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folding. Yes, And this is
a conversation that I think I will have

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until I'm dead because it's fascinating to
me. But yeah, I like to

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have the texture of the crinkles to
help me, hey, get the height

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that I need to get to my
butthole and and be bes. It's just

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it's like a textured clean I'm more
of a folder. Sorry, I can't

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say, but how did you try
it? You know, the next time

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I have to wipe back there,
I'm gonna crinkle and I'll okay, I'll

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circle back on me with that one. Yeah. I mean you're gonna be

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like, this is gonna get a
random text from me in the bathroom.

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Yeah. It's one of those things
that like when you learn it a certain

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way, it is just wild to
try it the other way and you're like,

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what the who the fuck folds?
My Thursday just got crazy. I'm

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trying different wiping techniques and my COVID
quarantine. What are you? Oh my

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god, that's gonna be my first
TikTok ever, Yes, just tell you

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garte. If you're listening to this, please add this. Youre TikTok master

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class. Yeah, they love you. There's a TikTok master class. Yeah,

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you should take it. Should fucking
take it? All right? Hit

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me? I did you hit me? Oh? Okay, all right,

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I oops, it feels like Monday. Okay, you're ready this one?

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Yeah? Throw you. I'm scared
kind of like you where it's like a

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social experiment. Okay, is cereal
really just soup? Okay? Okay,

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okay, you have to know this. I have been asked this question.

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What Oh damn it. No,
that's god, damn it. It's fair

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fascinating. It is so fascinating because
cereal is cereal. Then you put milk

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in it, I know, and
it's I don't. I can't, I

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can't. I don't know if it's
because you eat it with a spoon.

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And at first I was like making
excuses about temperature, but then like no,

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there's fucking cold soups, fucking gaspacho. And then I'm like, well,

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it comes from a box and then
you put milk in it, so

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it's like different. But then,
are you really when you're making your cereal?

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Are you when you're pouring in your
cereal? Are you just making breakfast

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soup? Pretty much? It's breakfast
soup? Is that what you think?

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You think it's SUPs? Cereal is
pretty much the stuff that come out of

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the contents that come out of the
box and then you throw milk in it

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or in my case one time,
coffee and it becomes breakfast soup. I

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wanted to try it, yeah,
to combat this. Okay, they're cereal,

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and then if there were like an
actual breakfast soup, So like,

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okay, hang in this two parter, what is oatmeal stew? Oh?

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Wow, I'm dry Quaker now took
over? Okay, so this is the

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kind of shit that like, Okay, so I'm a user experienced designer by

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day, and there is such a
thing called information architecture where you're planning out

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where all the content will go on
a website and I'm currently doing this right

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now, doing a huge overhaul for
our site at work. And then it's

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just like, okay, so would
we put cereal under soups in the navigation

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or because we just have one cereal? Does it get its own? So

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you have soups and then cereals,
and it's just like it's this practice of

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putting things in buckets that make sense. It's yeah wow, Well not to

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throw you, but one time I
did take tomato soup and I threw in

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regular corn flakes for a crunch.
So did I just make my soup cereal?

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Okay? Anyway, so next question, we can fucking I was gonna

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ask you what you would put what
you would put in breakfast soup? Well,

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I think that would be a good
one, right, because it actually

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tastes pretty good, because not like
the sweet like corn flakes, like the

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regular one, you know, the
white box with the rooster on its,

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Yes, but like there's like the
there's like cinnamon flavored womanes, and then

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there's one with like berries and just
like the regular original current flakes. Throws

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that in some tomato soup. You
got yourself a great meal. Really,

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I mean, I don't know.
I have a very easy palette. I

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love this. You try crinkling your
toilet paper and all, try crink flakes

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and tomato soup. Yeah. Um, if you had to only wear one

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color black the rest of your life, ah, besides black, oh you

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know that's clutch. What would you
wear and why? Um? Probably like

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a nude shade um, one because
it's like my next go to. And

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two, I always think it's really
funny when I'm standing like in the distance

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and people see me and they assume
that I'm naked until I come up clothes.

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That's that's ray. So so she's
naked. No, no, no,

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no, she's just she's just wearing
a nude not romper. I do

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tan a lot more in summer,
though, so it kind of gives it

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away. But in winter it's like, no one knows. I like that.

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I love that fun illusion for you. I like to mess with people

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sometimes, little joys. Yeah.
My um my skin is um. I

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have the German farmer constant wind blown
skin. So my tone is very blush,

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very pink. And I learned that
I can't wear pink clothes or like

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a certain shade because I do look
so naked from a distance and it doesn't

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like. There was one time I
was really excited, um I ordered a

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pink jumpsuit and when it came I
just I looked naked and thank God for

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full length mirrors. But I was
just like, this fucking sucks. Ye

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God damn it. We all have
those colors. Yeah, all right,

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what is the weirdest thing you have
ever smelled, The weirdest thing I've ever

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smelled. Okay, I have such
a thing with smells, and being nose

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blind is a actual fear of mine. I will say there is an interesting

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crossover in the smell of a It's
either someone who has halitosis or who needs

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a root canal and dirty belly button. They are the same smell, and

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when you realize it, you're just
like, so, is that mouth smell?

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Is it technically like smegma? Which
is such a terrible word, but

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like really really descriptive of what smegma
smells like? Smells like smegma? Okay,

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a pea mine is not that interesting. It's a turtle's butt. Oh

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that's pretty fucking interesting. What a
turtles butt smell like? And how did

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you get one? It was but
fish smell. I used to have four

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baby turtles in One of them got
pneumonia and it's a real thing. And

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when they sneeze, he had little
tiny snot bubbles come out. It was

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kind of cute. You had to
give him like medicine through a little baby

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two feet The vet was like,
is he pooping weird or differently? And

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Marisa was like, is he pooping
word or differently, and decided to smell

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his poop in his butt to see
if that and the doctor's like, no,

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I'm in consistency, not doctor bad, I'm in consistency not does it

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smelled? And I was like,
well that would make sense because I didn't

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know what I smelt like before,
And yeah, he's pooping weird. I

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love that so much. It was
just fishy. I didn't make sense.

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They don't want to. I don't
know. I mean, I know why

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that. That triggered this memory that
I have, but I'm compelled to share

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it with you because you make me
feel so safe. I remember very vividly.

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I was probably like four or five. Oh my fucking god, I

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am. I'm so excited. I
wanted to know what it looks like when

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poop came out, and so I've
been I bent over in the mirror and

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I meant to stop it, but
a little like turtlet came out, fell

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on the floor and I got a
clean X and I picked it up.

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I was like so hot. I'm
like, oh my god, I just

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shit on the floor. But like
I'm a little tiny baby child, and

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uh, I didn't. I was
afraid to like carry this turret upstairs and

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like throw it in the toilet.
So I threw my turret and the carbegek.

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I'm sure that wasn't. Someone in
my house was like, the fuck

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is going on? And I just
feed a little. I just really wanted

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to know how my body worked.
And yeah, a memory on that such

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of my family that's listening, I
llegitately have to go peet out a turtles,

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but and the babies. But okay, you know, discovering gas.

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We're going together. We're pulling it
together here. Okay, okay, all

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of your teeth fall out and you
have to replace them. Dentists don't exist.

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What are your teeth made out of? Oh my god? What's really

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scary is that that's like today because
dentists can open because of the rona,

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So like literally dentists don't exist.
This might be reality. I would probably

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Oh, well, that's so easy. I mean I would just replace it

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with that little chopper thing from Toy
Story. Cute. Yeah, like the

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little wind up guy with the feet. Oh my god, that'd be great

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for pictures. Okay, good answer, Just use teeth. An art exists

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smart And I'm like, oh,
a chick lit that's actually probably a better

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idea that seems more realistic. I
don't need a second pair of gums.

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I mean I when I wrote that
question, I completely forgot about dentures.

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So you basically just invented dentures.
Yes, well done, Thank you,

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hang out on thank you. Um. If life was a video game,

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what would some of your cheat codes
be? Like a short cut? No,

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like you know, did you even
play like Xbox or PlayStation, and

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like certain games had cheek codes so
you can get through levels faster or I

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um would go over to my friend
Megan's house to play Mario Kart. I'm

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so good at that on the sixty
four Yeah fuck yeah? And who was

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this kid that I used to babysit? Um? It was right when gold

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and I came out, and I
can't let him stay up late and teach

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me how to play Golden Eye until
we saw the headlights. Not a good

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babysitter, I mean I was fine, but like this kid, it was

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cool. Um a cheat code,
but yeah, we didn't. I didn't.

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I never had like a console.
My brother bought one his senior year.

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Uh, like an original Nintendo.
So that was the first time that

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I could like play it in my
house. So my che like upright left?

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Is that? Give me an example? So like, if my life

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was a video game, my cheat
code would be like basically getting out of

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like meetings I didn't want to be
in, Like I would have a cheap

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code to skip out on really bad
meetings or like meetings I knew I didn't

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want to sit through or like and
I went through my fucking history of video

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gaming. I'm so you're like,
um up a star like x y x

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y xi. I'm like, no, we're not talking moral combat here.

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We're talking like what if you had
just like a cheeicoat to get to the

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00:16:07.440 --> 00:16:18.039
next level of the game. Okay, uh, dishes, laundry cooking so

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adult thing. Yeah yeah, all
right, shaving of the bikini area.

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I just I don't save anything.
I've just the Rona's really I'm just gonna

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have it. You know, we
all do. She's a bushey maiden were

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you know it's it's we're a pandemic. I heard shaving cream was like a

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non necessity. They were a little
m hmm yeah, yeah, I would

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need to go through all pack of
razors at this point, What is this

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seems like this is like a precious
question compared to the ship we've been talking

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about. I almost was like,
maybe I should come up with one on

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00:17:08.920 --> 00:17:14.039
the spot, but I want to
know this, Um, what is your

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00:17:14.079 --> 00:17:19.000
favorite quality about yourself? About myself? Yeah? Okay, Um, well

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I have so many great qualities besides
being an ace in the hole with Excel

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00:17:29.200 --> 00:17:33.920
spreadsheets. Yes, okay, dang
it, Okay, outside of like what

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I would consider just you know,
a fantastic you know, career and stand

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up. Um, I think I
I think I'm pretty tenacious. I think

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I'm pretty tenacious. You know.
Yeah, you fucking arted. Yeah,

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that's a really gorgeous word to describe. Sh on a hat. I will.

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I can do that for you.
Ye do that, I will.

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I will wear that proudly. It
will be a badge of honor. Yep,

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done. Okay, you're ready?
Yeah, pineapple on your pizza?

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Yes? Or no? Nope?
No, no, Molly, you were

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supposed to be my forever. I
mean I thought you were breaking basically breaking

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00:18:26.079 --> 00:18:30.319
the news to Johnny tonight. Okay, let me back up before I give

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00:18:30.680 --> 00:18:34.039
that hard I gave you a really
hard and fast no. If we're talking

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like no, please don't um let
me mend it. If we're going to

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like, okay, I'm thinking like
Casey's Pizza, like Casey's General store,

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fucking bodega pizza hut type shit,
and you're just like doing Canadian bacon the

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and then you put pineapple on it, that's a hard fucking no for me.

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But if we're going somewhere that's like
bougie fucking wood fired pizza and your

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guy your ruguila and you're presciutto and
then it's like, oh, with shavings

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of pineapple, I'd probably be like, yeah, that palette sounds lovely.

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I'd be down for that. But
if you're just like pineapple with like cheese

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and like and on a Jack's pizza, I'm just throwing that out there.

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Oh so you're like bougeeing it up
at home. Oh yeah, I'll put

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some hot sauce on top of that. I'd call it a day. I

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feel like we just need to move
on before like I start crying. No,

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I'll good, you know what,
when this and then when the pandy

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pants the core kar is over,
let's have a pineapple done pizza party.

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I so I will revisit this and
Okay, I'll try many I will try

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different brands and flavor of concoctions because
they can't. Yeah, I did,

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I just I made that hard festivation. I'll lay out, I'll put a

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blindfold on you and we'll just kind
of things go. I love that it

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might get a little crazy. Who
knows fu Yeah, all right, hit

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me. What's the best TV show
of all time? Oh my god,

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everyone hates me for seeing this,
but I love friends. I do.

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I don't know why. I don't
know if it's because like I kind of

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grew up, sort of grew up
with it. It was just fun,

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you know, and the second best
TV show of all time, honestly,

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not counting like the many hours of
documentaries. But I like to watch or

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murder, serial killer stuff, Big
Bang theory. I never said that.

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Pineapple and this fucking hell Molly,
don't forget about like what's a cheat code?

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Sorry, I have to be somewhere. I just realized that I need

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to go. I have a thing
and suddenly I just crap it. I

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gotta I gotta chake this. I've
never seen a big bank theory. Do

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I need to get in on it? So? I love Sheldon. I

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just think everyone is just like,
Sheldon's the most annoying thing on this planet,

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and I just I just think he's
so enduring. Yeah, okay,

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all right, I'm here for that. Okay, I'll try it. I

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have one more for you. Okay. If you were arrested and your family

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and friends were given no context or
explanation, what would they assume you've done?

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If I'm arrested, yes, and
people did not know why, well

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would they say you've done? It's
a thinker. Okay, So see you

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when part two? Um, I
mean there are My brain is like going

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a mile a fucking minute. I
probably I'm too of afraidy cat to steal.

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I do have a fear of going
to jail though, so based on

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that, it would probably be like
a mistaken identity. But that's not even

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a thing that they wan. That's
not a thing. Oh yeah, I

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probably peed somewhere or showed my butt
cheeks or my boobs. That's definitely what

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I did. I don't know took
so long to get there, that's definitely

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what I did. You probably like
went to like this really backcountry liquor store

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and flashed your boobs and ran out
with a case of like bud. Yeah,

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it was bush light after having as
light and I just like, there

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you go, you needed more,
showed my boobs for payment. It was

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just love like yeah, take it
all in. Yeah, that's yeah,

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like pee on my pant like yeah, Rasa, I love you so much.

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Thank you for joining me for random
conversations with a friend. I can't

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believe you made me pee a little
seriously so embarrassing. Thank god this is

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audio in that video. Yeah,
yeah, little crinkled tonight. I'll let

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you know I love you. Sorry, that's Okayquez you smooching by it,

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And if you got this far in
the pod, I'm impressed as book and

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really grateful to have you listening.
If you want to know more information about

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me or the show, check out
the show page on Matriarch dm dot com,

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00:24:19.599 --> 00:24:22.559
where we host all of the what
I Can't take off, our progressive

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00:24:22.599 --> 00:24:27.519
Spotify playlist from the songs of the
week, and obviously the reminder of who

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00:24:27.519 --> 00:24:32.559
to follow for the week, all
in a nice little fucking Matriarch Digital Media

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00:24:32.599 --> 00:24:37.000
bow. Theme song is Molly May
by Ben Karen Like I'll never get over

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00:24:37.079 --> 00:24:41.559
saying that it's so good, right, Thanks for listening. You're so cute,