Molly who you come out to play. Your smile takes the day and this
is Molly me a bad pasad another nice stuff with me, Molly me take
me, Yeah, hat, it's Molly Me. I'm here with my buddy
or Samtala and we're gonna do motherfucking rapid fire. You know it's not.
It never ends up being rapid fire. It's more just like random conversations with
a friend. Okay, no holds barred, fucking anything goes. My first
question to you is he's already not rapid fire. I know, I'm kidding
me. Random conversations with the friend. Um, it's a bit of a
tradition, and I guess kind of at this point, it's like a science
experiment that I'm conducting some research. And if it's over the line, dude,
fucking don't answer it. Skip to the next one. I don't want
to pressure you into anything weird. Oh I'm excited now. Okay. When
you are wiping, yes, do you crinkle or fold your toilet paper?
Always fold? You're such a folder, I should have guessed. I also
fold it in half so it's along the sem so it's like a neat fold.
Who crinkles Oh god, I crinkle. That just sounds painful. I'm
such a crinkler, But like, like I need the texture. I'm tried
folding. Yes, And this is a conversation that I think I will have
until I'm dead because it's fascinating to me. But yeah, I like to
have the texture of the crinkles to help me, hey, get the height
that I need to get to my butthole and and be bes. It's just
it's like a textured clean I'm more of a folder. Sorry, I can't
say, but how did you try it? You know, the next time
I have to wipe back there, I'm gonna crinkle and I'll okay, I'll
circle back on me with that one. Yeah. I mean you're gonna be
like, this is gonna get a random text from me in the bathroom.
Yeah. It's one of those things that like when you learn it a certain
way, it is just wild to try it the other way and you're like,
what the who the fuck folds? My Thursday just got crazy. I'm
trying different wiping techniques and my COVID quarantine. What are you? Oh my
god, that's gonna be my first TikTok ever, Yes, just tell you
garte. If you're listening to this, please add this. Youre TikTok master
class. Yeah, they love you. There's a TikTok master class. Yeah,
you should take it. Should fucking take it? All right? Hit
me? I did you hit me? Oh? Okay, all right,
I oops, it feels like Monday. Okay, you're ready this one?
Yeah? Throw you. I'm scared kind of like you where it's like a
social experiment. Okay, is cereal really just soup? Okay? Okay,
okay, you have to know this. I have been asked this question.
What Oh damn it. No, that's god, damn it. It's fair
fascinating. It is so fascinating because cereal is cereal. Then you put milk
in it, I know, and it's I don't. I can't, I
can't. I don't know if it's because you eat it with a spoon.
And at first I was like making excuses about temperature, but then like no,
there's fucking cold soups, fucking gaspacho. And then I'm like, well,
it comes from a box and then you put milk in it, so
it's like different. But then, are you really when you're making your cereal?
Are you when you're pouring in your cereal? Are you just making breakfast
soup? Pretty much? It's breakfast soup? Is that what you think?
You think it's SUPs? Cereal is pretty much the stuff that come out of
the contents that come out of the box and then you throw milk in it
or in my case one time, coffee and it becomes breakfast soup. I
wanted to try it, yeah, to combat this. Okay, they're cereal,
and then if there were like an actual breakfast soup, So like,
okay, hang in this two parter, what is oatmeal stew? Oh?
Wow, I'm dry Quaker now took over? Okay, so this is the
kind of shit that like, Okay, so I'm a user experienced designer by
day, and there is such a thing called information architecture where you're planning out
where all the content will go on a website and I'm currently doing this right
now, doing a huge overhaul for our site at work. And then it's
just like, okay, so would we put cereal under soups in the navigation
or because we just have one cereal? Does it get its own? So
you have soups and then cereals, and it's just like it's this practice of
putting things in buckets that make sense. It's yeah wow, Well not to
throw you, but one time I did take tomato soup and I threw in
regular corn flakes for a crunch. So did I just make my soup cereal?
Okay? Anyway, so next question, we can fucking I was gonna
ask you what you would put what you would put in breakfast soup? Well,
I think that would be a good one, right, because it actually
tastes pretty good, because not like the sweet like corn flakes, like the
regular one, you know, the white box with the rooster on its,
Yes, but like there's like the there's like cinnamon flavored womanes, and then
there's one with like berries and just like the regular original current flakes. Throws
that in some tomato soup. You got yourself a great meal. Really,
I mean, I don't know. I have a very easy palette. I
love this. You try crinkling your toilet paper and all, try crink flakes
and tomato soup. Yeah. Um, if you had to only wear one
color black the rest of your life, ah, besides black, oh you
know that's clutch. What would you wear and why? Um? Probably like
a nude shade um, one because it's like my next go to. And
two, I always think it's really funny when I'm standing like in the distance
and people see me and they assume that I'm naked until I come up clothes.
That's that's ray. So so she's naked. No, no, no,
no, she's just she's just wearing a nude not romper. I do
tan a lot more in summer, though, so it kind of gives it
away. But in winter it's like, no one knows. I like that.
I love that fun illusion for you. I like to mess with people
sometimes, little joys. Yeah. My um my skin is um. I
have the German farmer constant wind blown skin. So my tone is very blush,
very pink. And I learned that I can't wear pink clothes or like
a certain shade because I do look so naked from a distance and it doesn't
like. There was one time I was really excited, um I ordered a
pink jumpsuit and when it came I just I looked naked and thank God for
full length mirrors. But I was just like, this fucking sucks. Ye
God damn it. We all have those colors. Yeah, all right,
what is the weirdest thing you have ever smelled, The weirdest thing I've ever
smelled. Okay, I have such a thing with smells, and being nose
blind is a actual fear of mine. I will say there is an interesting
crossover in the smell of a It's either someone who has halitosis or who needs
a root canal and dirty belly button. They are the same smell, and
when you realize it, you're just like, so, is that mouth smell?
Is it technically like smegma? Which is such a terrible word, but
like really really descriptive of what smegma smells like? Smells like smegma? Okay,
a pea mine is not that interesting. It's a turtle's butt. Oh
that's pretty fucking interesting. What a turtles butt smell like? And how did
you get one? It was but fish smell. I used to have four
baby turtles in One of them got pneumonia and it's a real thing. And
when they sneeze, he had little tiny snot bubbles come out. It was
kind of cute. You had to give him like medicine through a little baby
two feet The vet was like, is he pooping weird or differently? And
Marisa was like, is he pooping word or differently, and decided to smell
his poop in his butt to see if that and the doctor's like, no,
I'm in consistency, not doctor bad, I'm in consistency not does it
smelled? And I was like, well that would make sense because I didn't
know what I smelt like before, And yeah, he's pooping weird. I
love that so much. It was just fishy. I didn't make sense.
They don't want to. I don't know. I mean, I know why
that. That triggered this memory that I have, but I'm compelled to share
it with you because you make me feel so safe. I remember very vividly.
I was probably like four or five. Oh my fucking god, I
am. I'm so excited. I wanted to know what it looks like when
poop came out, and so I've been I bent over in the mirror and
I meant to stop it, but a little like turtlet came out, fell
on the floor and I got a clean X and I picked it up.
I was like so hot. I'm like, oh my god, I just
shit on the floor. But like I'm a little tiny baby child, and
uh, I didn't. I was afraid to like carry this turret upstairs and
like throw it in the toilet. So I threw my turret and the carbegek.
I'm sure that wasn't. Someone in my house was like, the fuck
is going on? And I just feed a little. I just really wanted
to know how my body worked. And yeah, a memory on that such
of my family that's listening, I llegitately have to go peet out a turtles,
but and the babies. But okay, you know, discovering gas.
We're going together. We're pulling it together here. Okay, okay, all
of your teeth fall out and you have to replace them. Dentists don't exist.
What are your teeth made out of? Oh my god? What's really
scary is that that's like today because dentists can open because of the rona,
So like literally dentists don't exist. This might be reality. I would probably
Oh, well, that's so easy. I mean I would just replace it
with that little chopper thing from Toy Story. Cute. Yeah, like the
little wind up guy with the feet. Oh my god, that'd be great
for pictures. Okay, good answer, Just use teeth. An art exists
smart And I'm like, oh, a chick lit that's actually probably a better
idea that seems more realistic. I don't need a second pair of gums.
I mean I when I wrote that question, I completely forgot about dentures.
So you basically just invented dentures. Yes, well done, Thank you,
hang out on thank you. Um. If life was a video game,
what would some of your cheat codes be? Like a short cut? No,
like you know, did you even play like Xbox or PlayStation, and
like certain games had cheek codes so you can get through levels faster or I
um would go over to my friend Megan's house to play Mario Kart. I'm
so good at that on the sixty four Yeah fuck yeah? And who was
this kid that I used to babysit? Um? It was right when gold
and I came out, and I can't let him stay up late and teach
me how to play Golden Eye until we saw the headlights. Not a good
babysitter, I mean I was fine, but like this kid, it was
cool. Um a cheat code, but yeah, we didn't. I didn't.
I never had like a console. My brother bought one his senior year.
Uh, like an original Nintendo. So that was the first time that
I could like play it in my house. So my che like upright left?
Is that? Give me an example? So like, if my life
was a video game, my cheat code would be like basically getting out of
like meetings I didn't want to be in, Like I would have a cheap
code to skip out on really bad meetings or like meetings I knew I didn't
want to sit through or like and I went through my fucking history of video
gaming. I'm so you're like, um up a star like x y x
y xi. I'm like, no, we're not talking moral combat here.
We're talking like what if you had just like a cheeicoat to get to the
next level of the game. Okay, uh, dishes, laundry cooking so
adult thing. Yeah yeah, all right, shaving of the bikini area.
I just I don't save anything. I've just the Rona's really I'm just gonna
have it. You know, we all do. She's a bushey maiden were
you know it's it's we're a pandemic. I heard shaving cream was like a
non necessity. They were a little m hmm yeah, yeah, I would
need to go through all pack of razors at this point, What is this
seems like this is like a precious question compared to the ship we've been talking
about. I almost was like, maybe I should come up with one on
the spot, but I want to know this, Um, what is your
favorite quality about yourself? About myself? Yeah? Okay, Um, well
I have so many great qualities besides being an ace in the hole with Excel
spreadsheets. Yes, okay, dang it, Okay, outside of like what
I would consider just you know, a fantastic you know, career and stand
up. Um, I think I I think I'm pretty tenacious. I think
I'm pretty tenacious. You know. Yeah, you fucking arted. Yeah,
that's a really gorgeous word to describe. Sh on a hat. I will.
I can do that for you. Ye do that, I will.
I will wear that proudly. It will be a badge of honor. Yep,
done. Okay, you're ready? Yeah, pineapple on your pizza?
Yes? Or no? Nope? No, no, Molly, you were
supposed to be my forever. I mean I thought you were breaking basically breaking
the news to Johnny tonight. Okay, let me back up before I give
that hard I gave you a really hard and fast no. If we're talking
like no, please don't um let me mend it. If we're going to
like, okay, I'm thinking like Casey's Pizza, like Casey's General store,
fucking bodega pizza hut type shit, and you're just like doing Canadian bacon the
and then you put pineapple on it, that's a hard fucking no for me.
But if we're going somewhere that's like bougie fucking wood fired pizza and your
guy your ruguila and you're presciutto and then it's like, oh, with shavings
of pineapple, I'd probably be like, yeah, that palette sounds lovely.
I'd be down for that. But if you're just like pineapple with like cheese
and like and on a Jack's pizza, I'm just throwing that out there.
Oh so you're like bougeeing it up at home. Oh yeah, I'll put
some hot sauce on top of that. I'd call it a day. I
feel like we just need to move on before like I start crying. No,
I'll good, you know what, when this and then when the pandy
pants the core kar is over, let's have a pineapple done pizza party.
I so I will revisit this and Okay, I'll try many I will try
different brands and flavor of concoctions because they can't. Yeah, I did,
I just I made that hard festivation. I'll lay out, I'll put a
blindfold on you and we'll just kind of things go. I love that it
might get a little crazy. Who knows fu Yeah, all right, hit
me. What's the best TV show of all time? Oh my god,
everyone hates me for seeing this, but I love friends. I do.
I don't know why. I don't know if it's because like I kind of
grew up, sort of grew up with it. It was just fun,
you know, and the second best TV show of all time, honestly,
not counting like the many hours of documentaries. But I like to watch or
murder, serial killer stuff, Big Bang theory. I never said that.
Pineapple and this fucking hell Molly, don't forget about like what's a cheat code?
Sorry, I have to be somewhere. I just realized that I need
to go. I have a thing and suddenly I just crap it. I
gotta I gotta chake this. I've never seen a big bank theory. Do
I need to get in on it? So? I love Sheldon. I
just think everyone is just like, Sheldon's the most annoying thing on this planet,
and I just I just think he's so enduring. Yeah, okay,
all right, I'm here for that. Okay, I'll try it. I
have one more for you. Okay. If you were arrested and your family
and friends were given no context or explanation, what would they assume you've done?
If I'm arrested, yes, and people did not know why, well
would they say you've done? It's a thinker. Okay, So see you
when part two? Um, I mean there are My brain is like going
a mile a fucking minute. I probably I'm too of afraidy cat to steal.
I do have a fear of going to jail though, so based on
that, it would probably be like a mistaken identity. But that's not even
a thing that they wan. That's not a thing. Oh yeah, I
probably peed somewhere or showed my butt cheeks or my boobs. That's definitely what
I did. I don't know took so long to get there, that's definitely
what I did. You probably like went to like this really backcountry liquor store
and flashed your boobs and ran out with a case of like bud. Yeah,
it was bush light after having as light and I just like, there
you go, you needed more, showed my boobs for payment. It was
just love like yeah, take it all in. Yeah, that's yeah,
like pee on my pant like yeah, Rasa, I love you so much.
Thank you for joining me for random conversations with a friend. I can't
believe you made me pee a little seriously so embarrassing. Thank god this is
audio in that video. Yeah, yeah, little crinkled tonight. I'll let
you know I love you. Sorry, that's Okayquez you smooching by it,
And if you got this far in the pod, I'm impressed as book and
really grateful to have you listening. If you want to know more information about
me or the show, check out the show page on Matriarch dm dot com,
where we host all of the what I Can't take off, our progressive
Spotify playlist from the songs of the week, and obviously the reminder of who
to follow for the week, all in a nice little fucking Matriarch Digital Media
bow. Theme song is Molly May by Ben Karen Like I'll never get over
saying that it's so good, right, Thanks for listening. You're so cute,